#and keep pushing through and at the end that’s what’s most important
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Radio Demon Demands Snuggles 1/2
Summary: It's your first rut month in Hell and you've caught the interest of the Radio Demon. The Radio Demon who's annual problem was a bit different than most others....
Notes: NO SMUT, Alastor x Reader, pre-relationship, OOC Alastor, he gets better, Snuggles, communication, suggestive themes because it's about rut
One day you woke up in Alastor’s room, nestled in his bed. You blinked, delirious and confused, and tried to sit up only to find you were pinned down on the mattress.
By Alastor.
Who wasn’t wearing his coat. Or his shoes. Or his monocle.
Who was clinging onto you, cheek pressed into your stomach, his tail wagging happily out in the open.
You were equal parts terrified, confused, and awe-struck. But first.
“Alastor…?”
“Mmmm yes?” He murmured, sleep making his voice come out in a drawl.
“…What are you doing?”
“Snuggling.” Alastor sighed, nuzzling his face against you as his wagging tail picked up speed. His sharp grin had been swapped out for a dopey looking smile, his fangs poked out under his lip.
“….Why?”
“Snuggle time.”
You blinked, confused “Alastor- I- what’s going on- why are you-“
“Shshshshhshshshhhhh.” He said, putting a hand over your face to stop your mumbling “Snuggles.”
He withdrew his hand, wrapping the arm around you and sighing contently.
“…Are you sick? Were you drugged?”
“Only drug here is an excessive amount of dopamine.” Alastor said, his eyes squinting in his smile. “So soft. So comfy.”
Not adjectives you’d use to describe yourself, but that wasn’t important. Your tried to pry Alastor off you only to stop abruptly when he whined. Like a dog. The sound was high-pitched and heartbreaking to hear and you couldn’t find it in you to continue pushing him away.
He snapped right back to you, his tail wagging again as he pressed his face flushed against you.
With no other choice, you ended up laying there, staring at the sky of Alastor’s strange pocket-dimension and feeling squished underneath him. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling by any means, but the strangeness of Alastor’s behavior was still upsetting you. After a bit, you tried again.
“Alastor can you tell me what’s going on now?” You said. His response was to nuzzle his face into your stomach and grip you harder. His ears pinned back slightly as he muttered his protest at being interrupted. This was wrong. Fingers curling into the sheets, you tried to steady yourself enough to breath evenly. It failed. You let out a quiet, shaky sob.
Alastor’s ears shot straight up.
“Alastor, please- I’m really worried, okay?” You said as you fought to keep your voice steady “This is really, really weird for you- and I-“
“Oh, darling….” Alastor sighed. He pushed himself away and off you, though it seemed it took a good deal of effort. His hands came to cradle either side of your face and he wiped your tears away gently “Always so considerate…”
You lightly gripped his wrists and pulled them off you “Alastor-“
“It’s rut month, my dear.”
You didn’t try hiding your confusion.
“…Ah. No one told you about it yet.” He muttered “Rut month….well. Most demons get it, it’s an annual punishment where a demon’s… physical interests, intensify to a point it’s near impossible to control.”
You stiffen. “Uh-“
Alastor pressed his forehead to yours, fingers carding gently through your hair. “it’s…humiliating. To say so, but even I’m not exempt from this.”
“UUUUUHHHH”
“….You seem distressed.”
“Alastor, I do NOT want to fuck.”
“I am not asking you to.” Alastor said, a slight growl to his voice. He pressed your head against his chest and wrapped his long limbs around you, keeping you still “For some demons, ruts are…different. Odd. Whatever. In my case,” he took a long, deep breath, nose buried in your hair “I simply…erk. Get.” He pressed you head firmer against him, as if trying to stop you from pulling away. His body felt very warm and you wondered if that was due to the rut or embarrassment. “…snuggly.”
“….That’s it?”
“Clingy. Snuggly. Perhaps…. A bit….silly. Overly affectionate. All those things I hate being.”
“….It feels wrong.” You sighed, trying to pull away “From what I’m gathering, you’re not exactly yourself. I don’t want to do this if you-“
He whined again, wrapping around you even tighter.
“Alastor.” You said.
It seemed he purposely ignored you, pressing his face against the back of your neck.
“Alastor.” You said again, putting more authority into your voice.
“Don’t do this to me, darling….” He said quietly. The tremble in his voice made your heart break but you meant what you said.
“You would not be okay with this during a normal time.” You said “This is something you’d regret once you’re coherent and I will NOT do that to you. Understand?”
“Darling-“
“No.” You hissed.
“….hold my hand?”
You furrowed your brows. “…. I don’t think you’d-“
“Arm around mine then. Hands on my ears. Something, dearest. Please.”
“…Sit up.”
He did. You pretended it didn’t bother you as much as it did. Gently you guided him so he was laying on his back with his head on the pillow. Then you settled next to him, allowing your arm to just barely brush his. Alastor tried to move closer and you pushed him away.
“No. this is as far you’d go normally.”
“Damn.” He murmured, ears pinning back as he glared intently at the ceiling.
“I think you’ll thank me, later.” You said with a roll of your eyes, flipping open a book you snagged from his bedside. It was a murder mystery, to no one’s surprise.
“Well right now, I am not.” He huffed.
“Whatever. Try to sleep it off.” You said, trying to ignore how badly you wanted to move closer. For whatever reason, Alastor had sought you out for this. That alone was enough the set your cheeks aflame and give you the warm and fuzzies. But he was being so cute too.
It didn’t matter, though. As innocent as snuggling was, you were sure Alastor wouldn’t do it while coherent, and you weren’t going to take advantage of it.
The month crawled by. Alastor seemed to accept the boundary you drew for him, but whenever you weren’t by his side he would start pacing irritably. If it was particularly bad day, he’d start to whine. The residents of the hotel seemed more worried about you than Alastor, asking where you’ve been and why you’ve been hard to reach.
You didn’t know how much Alastor would want to share so you kept it vague. Saying it wasn’t your situation to share. Charlie let up when you assured her you would ask for help if need be. Angel kept smirking whenever he saw you and offered to ‘help you out for rut month’. You supposed that was the natural conclusion to come to but you never said anything other than waving him off.
Turned out you were one of the lucky few who didn’t get the annual rut. Nifty had exclaimed she didn’t get it either. Though she sounded incredibly disappointed by it. Angel’s was so insignificant to him given his lifestyle, and Husk said he’d usual set something up before hand to ‘fuck it out’ as soon as possible. Charlie and Vaggie didn’t seem to get it, as it seemed to be a sinner thing. Lucifer seemed surprised it was a thing at all.
None of this helped you with Alastor. You sighed, feeling utterly drained as you trotted back to his room. Your muscles tense but no fierce tackle was thrown your way. First beat was confusion. Second was concern. Third (but faint) was disappointment.
“Alastor?” You said, taking off your shoes by the door and padding softly into his room.
“Hello, dear.” The Radio Demon grinned. He was sat at an armchair, legs crossed primly as he flipped through a book. His coat and monocle were back, his shoes on neatly.
“Oh! Is it over now?” You exclaimed, relief flooding over the slight (selfish) disappointment.
“It would seem so!” He hummed. He closed his book and placed It on the table next to him before strolling over to you. That sharp-toothed grin was back, no longer the dopey smile you had gotten used to.
“That’s such a relief.” You said with a smile “I can go back to living!”
“Nah-ah-ha.” Alastor hummed, wagging his finger “AFTER-living, darling.”
“Yeah, yeah, that.” You said with a roll of your eyes. “Well! I’ll grab my things I moved over here and get going.”
“Already taken care of!” Alastor grinned “I didn’t exactly want all those soulless stuffed animals staring at me with their void-filled eyes.”
“Dude.” You huffed “They’re just stuffed animals. Chill.”
“Kindly use words that make sense.”
“Skibidi.”
“……YOU don’t even know what that one means.”
“I know it annoys you.”
“HA.”
You laughed a bit. “Well, thanks for that. I’ll get out of your hair now.”
“Kindly do. I have a plethora of matters to attend to.” Alastor said, his grin straining ever-so-slightly “Damned rut season….”
“Well yeah it’s damned, we’re in hell.”
“HA HA.”
“I know, I’m hilarious.” You grinned “Well, see ya.”
“Ta-ta! Oh….One more thing, before you go?”
You stopped, turning to face him “Yeah?”
Alastor ears went back, his eyes darting to the side “…Thank you.”
Your smile softened “Of course.”
177 notes
·
View notes
Note
CAN WE HAVE DOEY BEING A PLATONIC YANDERE TO THE PLAYER?? I WONDER HOW HE WOULD ACT GIVEN HIS CONFLICTING PERSONALITIES AND EMOTIONS DUE TO BEING MADE OUT OF THREE KIDS
Yes, you absolutely can! This ended up being way longer than I first planed and I'm actually pretty proud of it :)
Platonic yandere Doey & Reader
★ When Doey first meets the Player, he is intrigued. It's not every day you meet someone who keeps cheating the grim reaper. As Doey spends more time with the Player, he realizes that they are different than most employes. You are nice and treat him kindly.
★ His conflicting personalities create a strange mix of curiosity and adoration inside of him. Especially after you stay to help the Safe Haven instead of working with Poppy. Plus, the Player has been through so much already. They really should really take a break.
★ He goes above and beyond to make them feel comfortable and secure in their new home. He introduces them to the other toys, making sure they feel included and part of their little community. Tries to help them relax after what they have been through, also.
★Doey becomes emotionally dependent on the Player, deriving a sense of purpose and stability from their presence. The thought of losing the Player or not being able to protect them fills him with fear and anxiety, fueling his yandere tendencies.
★ All three parts of him agree on one thing, protect the Player at all costs. That means not letting them leave the Safe Haven. At least not without him. It comes from a place of genuine care, having concern for the Player's well-being.
★ He prioritizes their needs, ensuring the Player feels safe and loved. If the player were to reciprocate his care by doing things to make him feel valued, it would mean the world to him. If it's not too much, could he pretty please hold your hand? (please say yes)
★ The player's consistent care builds trust between them. That trust is very important. Never break it or you might regret it. Doey is still unstable at times, and he could still lash out at you if the wrong button is pushed.
★ Yandere Doey is very possessive, he is aware of this and tries his best not to be. He really wants to give the Player the freedom they deserve but at the same time he fears losing you to others and may become anxious if you spend too much time with another toy.
★ Those thoughts are silly, he knows it, you would never abandon him for a new friend. However, that nagging voice in his head tells him differently. It may end up with him subtly manipulating the Player. It was for friendship though so it's okay!
★ He might use guilt or even fear to keep the Player close, making them feel responsible for his emotional well-being. The thought of the Player getting hurt when he's gone fills him with all sorts of bad feelings. Ones he doesn't even want to think about.
★ By this time it's too late to go back. He is too afraid of being abandoned, if you suggest going off to finish what you started and killing the prototype he would have a panic attack.
★ His conflicting personalities are unified in their fear of the Player facing danger and he becomes visibly distressed. It's too dangerous! If you leave and never come back, what will he do? Doey may even go as far as physically putting himself between the Player and the exit if it comes down to it.
#doey#doey x player#doey x reader#doey the doughman#doey ppt#poppy playtime doey#ppt x reader#ppt fanfiction#ppt hc#poppy playtime x reader#poppy playtime headcanon#poppy playtime x player#ppt player
157 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5a66e8f2655a5f7abb8cd917e9244ebf/24f709fc1c6f60ea-e1/s540x810/2d475e405eb2338dbd8fdcc55718dc11124b184f.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/220fe7aa30199101ec4c9061b86c26ab/24f709fc1c6f60ea-b2/s540x810/71ada116321b9c7152fddd0b50392de32b453e8b.jpg)
𝒷𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓎
𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰 𝐱 𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
➵ ℳ𝓔𝓝𝓤
- day 4 💌, wc- 2k
it didn’t happen all at once. falling for Shadow was like watching a candle burn, a slow realization that crept into your heart before you could do anything to stop it
at first it was enough just to be by his side. you were his friend one of the few he actually let in. and that had meant something. it still did. the long talks during quiet nights, the way he’d listen when no one else did, the rare smiles that softened his otherwise hardened expression
but at some point, just being friends stopped feeling like enough
maybe it was the way your heart quickened whenever he was near, or how his deep voice sent warmth in your chest. maybe it was the way his rare smiles lingered in your mind far longer than they should..
because how could you not fall for him?
Shadow wasn’t easy to understand, but you’d learned to understand him in your own way. he didn’t always say how he felt, but his actions spoke for him like the way he never let anyone else close the way he let you.
and that night, standing beside him beneath the stars it hit you all at once.
maybe it was only natural. maybe, deep down he also felt it too.
over time, the line of friendship became blurred.
it wasn’t a single moment that changed things, but a series of them the way his gaze softened when he thought you weren’t looking. the way he never quite pulled away when your shoulder brushed his.
at first, you told yourself you were imagining it. Shadow wasn’t the type to dwell on emotions. he was direct, rational. he saw the world for how it was or wasn’t and yet somehow you existed in the space in between.
you were certain
Shadow felt the same way about you.
it wasn’t just a hope or a foolish dream. it was in the way he looked at you, the way he spoke to you, the way he stayed. Shadow wasn’t someone who entertained relationships. he kept his circle small, walls high, but somehow you had slipped through the cracks. and he had let you.
you saw it in the way he noticed when something was wrong even when you hadn’t said a word. the way he said your name not just as a friend, but as something more.
but for all the certainty in your heart, Shadow hadn’t said the words. not yet
doubt creeping in when you least expected it.
it didn’t matter how many moments you’d shared with Shadow, how many times you caught him looking at you like you were something important. he had never said the words. never confirmed what you so desperately wanted to believe
and that was the problem wasn’t it?
Shadow had always been unreadable. his emotions were locked away, he wasn’t like other people he didn’t express things the way they did. and maybe… maybe you had been wrong. maybe you had been imagining all of it.
because at the end of the day, he had never said he felt anything for you
what if he only saw you as a friend?
the thought hit you harder than you wanted to admit, settling in your chest
you tried to push it away, to remind yourself of all the little moments that had convinced you otherwise but doubt had a way of twisting things, making you question everything.
maybe the way he looked at you was just how he looked at everyone he trusted. maybe his rare moments of gentleness weren’t what you thought they were. maybe you had misread everything.
after all
Shadow wasn’t the easiest person to keep close he often disappeared without a word sometimes, and didn’t always explain himself. you were used to that. you had learned to understand him in ways most people couldn’t.
but this was different.
lately, he had been avoiding you.
not in an obvious dramatic way Shadow wasn’t like that. no, it was subtle. something so small that if you hadn’t known him so well, you might not have noticed.
but you did
you noticed the way he always seemed to find a reason to leave before you could talk. the way his eyes, when they met yours now flickered away like he was afraid of something
and that hurt more than you wanted to admit.
had you done something wrong? had you misread everything between you?
you had told yourself over and over that you would be strong, that you wouldn’t let this consume you. that if Shadow wanted to push you away you wouldn’t chase after him. you wouldn’t let it hurt.
but that was a lie.
because it did hurt. it hurt more than you could stand
and now, sitting alone in the quiet of your room, the weight of it all came crashing down.
you buried your face in your hands as the first sob escaped once it started, you couldn’t stop. tears hot against your skin your chest tightening
why?
why had he suddenly started avoiding you? what had you done?
everything had been fine hadn’t it? the way he stayed close, the way he looked at you like you mattered it had all felt so real.
but then without warning he had shut you out.
no explanations. no words. just distance.
and it was driving you crazy.
your mind kept replaying every interaction, every conversation, searching for something anything that might explain it. had you said something wrong? had you only imagined that he cared at all?
the thought sent another wave of tears down your cheeks.
you weren’t naive. you knew Shadow wasn’t easy to read that he carried things he never spoke about. but this? this was different. this felt personal.
and the worst part?
you missed him.
even now, even after everything, all you wanted was to hear his voice to have him look at you like he used to, to prove that you hadn’t just been fooling yourself.
but he wasn’t here.
and you didn’t know if he ever would be again.
a broken sob escaped your lips, and you curled in on yourself, arms wrapping around yourself
“…What did I do wrong?”
Shadow never did anything without thinking it through. but now, standing just outside your door his heart raced in a way he couldn’t quite understand.
he had never been good at this. never been good at letting someone close at showing them too much.
but now, with everything between you and him, with the distance he had made between you, he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe just maybe you weren’t just a friend to him anymore.
and the thought terrified him.
he hadn’t meant to push you away. that had never been the plan. but what was the plan really? he had no idea how to be anything more than what he was. the thought of being vulnerable of letting someone in scared him more than anything else.
but as he stood there on the verge of knocking, something told him that maybe… maybe it was time to try. to take that risk no matter how much it made him nervous.
he knocked once. twice.
when you opened the door, tears stained the apples of your cheeks, you blinked in surprise. you had been expecting anyone but him. “Shadow?”
he stood there for a moment unsure of how to start. his eyes briefly flickered to the ground avoiding your gaze
“…We need to talk.” his voice was softer than usual
your brow furrowed and for a moment, you could see the worry flicker in his eyes something you rarely saw. “About what?”
he took a breath, trying to steady his nerves. “About us.”
your heart skipped a beat, and you didn’t know why.
you stepped back to let him in but he hesitated still standing in the doorway. something in him seemed torn, like he was battling himself over whatever he was about to say.
“I’ve been… thinking.” he paused, running a hand through his quills in frustration. “And I know I haven’t been clear with you. I haven’t been good at… this.”
his words made your chest tighten but you stayed silent waiting for him to continue.
Shadow shifted his weight from one foot to the other clearly uncomfortable. it was strange to see him like this
“I’ve never—” He cut himself off taking a breath, “I’ve never asked anyone this before. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to… how to say it.”
a knot formed in your stomach, and you frowned slightly unsure of where this conversation was going.
“Shadow…” you started, but he shook his head his gaze finally meeting yours.
“I…” he started, his voice a little rougher now “…I’ve been thinking about you. A lot.”
you blinked, surprised Shadow rarely talked about his feelings, let alone let them spill out so easily. his gaze dropped briefly, like he was gathering his thoughts but then he met your eyes again.
“It’s like I can’t stop” he continued, voice quieter now almost uncertain. “I’m always thinking about what you’re doing how you’re doing… what it would be like to be near you. to just—” his words faltered for a moment like he was hesitant to put this into words. his hands gripping the edges of his gloves “I wonder what it would be like to hold you. to have you close, to…”
his breath caught, his words trailing off and he seemed to struggle with how to explain it.
“Shadow…” you whispered, unsure if you should speak or just let him continue.
he took a small step forward, closing the distance between you, “I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never been so… sure of someone. I don’t know what it would be like, to have you with me, to hold you and… just have you be mine. to be close in a way that no one else can be. I keep imagining it wondering what it would feel like.”
Shadow, who had always been so careful so guarded, was speaking to you like this? it was like everything he had kept hidden inside, every thought, every feeling was finally rushing out.
“I don’t know how to explain it” he admitted, his gaze never leaving yours. “But I can’t stop thinking about it. About you.”
you didn’t know what to say at first, but you felt it too the desire to be close to him in a way you only allowed yourself to imagine until now.
you could see that he was no longer holding himself back. he was letting you in
“I never thought I’d let anyone this close” he murmured, his voice almost a breath. “But… you’re different.”
before you could say anything, he reached out carefully almost hesitantly, his hand took yours in his, his thumb brushing over your hand
“I never imagined how much I would want this. Want you.” he admitted
“Would you… would you be my girlfriend?”
the words were quiet
for a long moment, neither of you moved. you stared at him, unsure if you were dreaming or if this was real.
Shadow, the person who rarely let anyone in the one who always kept a wall up, was asking you to be his.
he looked so out of place, so vulnerable standing there waiting for your response as if your answer could make or break him.
and in that moment, you realized that he was just as afraid as you were
the reality of the moment hadn’t fully hit. then with a slow smile you nodded.
“I’d like that.”
relief washed over him, and for the first time in a long while, you saw him truly relax. his shoulders dropped his expression softened and he took a small step closer.
“Really?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper.
you smiled a little wider nodding again. “Really.”
day 5 💌 on tuesday !
𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 ⏦゚ᢉ𐭩 - 𓊆ྀི𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞𓊇ྀི
#୨ৎ#shadow x reader#shadow the hedgehog x reader#shadow oneshot#shadow imagine#shadow fanfic#shadow the hedgehog#sonic fanfiction#sonic movie#sonic#sonic movie 3#sonic fanart#sonic fandom#sonic the hedgehog#sonadow#sonic 3#oneshot#imagine#need him#who said that#fanfic
151 notes
·
View notes
Text
a ramble about the most doomed brothers ever ೃ༄*ੈ✩
“We grew up so very close / a parasite needs a host”
— Evelyn Evelyn
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Kageko and Ryuji Fukenaga can barely be considered brothers anymore.
They are the farthest thing from family, a pure hatred and resentment towards each other like no other; and yet still their relationship is described as purely family, their familial bonds being the only thing keeping the two together. They are twin brothers, tethered by the same fragmented soul, opposites at birth, yet the same person, co-existing inside a singular body.
Kageko and Ryuji's entire existence is ironic. Kage, the one who died, the one who gave up his life for Ryuji, is the one with a true ambition. He has an ever-consuming desire to be something more than he is, to escape from Ryuji's shadow — quite literally. He's obsessed with becoming a Noroi hunter, of working in the Division. He believes that somehow this will cure him, the ache inside of him, the longing for humanity, having his being stripped along with his autonomy.
Ryuji, the brother who lived, has no such desire. Ryuji is tormented by the voices of the ghosts of his past, haunted by the flickers of shadows throughout the day and night. He struggles to sleep, to make friends, to live. He is alive, breathing, healthy, yet it still does not matter. He's a husk, when considering what's important. He has no drive, no strong opinions and no will to live. He is driven around by Kage, who he doesn't have the strength to continue to ignore.
Kage is determined to live through his brother. If he had his entire life stolen from him protecting Ryuji, then Ryuji owes it to him to do this. Kageko deserves to be able to make all the big decisions for Ryuji. He is the older one, the one who actually has an impulse to be something other than what he already is. He, out of anyone, deserves to have an adventurous life, deserves to make it out of the constraints of his little brother's bedroom walls. It does not matter to him if he is pushing Ryuji into a position he does not want, does not matter if Ryuji is actively suffering due to his torment.
Ryuji was the one fated to die, so now he has to forever make it up to Kageko. It's the least he can do, after all the pain he has caused.
Ryuji would do anything to be in Kage's shoes. He wishes so badly to have been the one that died, the one that was saved. Death is a mercy, when compared to the hell he has to live in every day. Kage tells him that he made it out painlessly, that he didn't suffer half as much. But that's not true. Ryuji lives with the pain of what happened, of what he let happen, every single day. The scar on his face is a permanent reminder of it, not counting the voices of the damned that he has been cursed to always have pounding in his head.
In the end, they are two boys, stuck together by the ties of fate themselves, who'd do anything to be in the others position. If only they knew that the life they wish so badly for is not all what it's made up to be.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
taglist \\ @ohagi505 @seastarblue @vesanal @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @bioniclechronicles @lancedoncrimsonwings @blackboxwarrior-mkultra @whump-till-ya-jump @sharkblizzardblogs @sugaredparchment @corinneglass @cacophonyofwords
#a little ramble for tomorrows febuwhump I have planned!!#they’re so interesting to me#me when analogies for siblings with mental illness#oc: Ryuji#oc: Kage#writeblr#oc writing#writers on tumblr#writers of tumblr#original character#my ocs#whump#whumpblr#whump blog#whump community#sibling whump#ghost whump#necromancer oc#emotional whump#whump writing#whump fic#writer community#writing community
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i used to hate myself and life so much#i used to be isolated and lonely and always felt hopeless#and listen life is fucking hard and college is kicking my ass and some days my brain fucks me over#but i no longer hate myself#i no longer hate living#i have a sense of determination#and despite everything i have a sense of who i am#so many years of being afraid of being who i truly am but in the end i came to terms with it and i’m happy#so many things i’m passionate about#i’m no longer isolated and i’ve made such great friends#i have a fucking career i give a damn about and it’s something i actually fucking love#so many people that shown me how much they care about me and have supported me#and life is fucking worth living goddamnit#i just want to hug 13 year old me and tell her—tell /him/—it’ll get better#and i love him deeply and i love myself and i’m so fucking proud of myself because it’s been so goddamn hard but i pushed#and keep pushing through and at the end that’s what’s most important#logan.txt
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
i will forever think about my deconstructed damsel chapter 3 idea . god it could have been so good
#the idea of the chapter is obviously that you get there by deconstructing her#stubborn would be the added voice and thru the chapter your main goal would be to reconstruct her#to do so youd have to consistently push against the idea that she has to make you happy which ultimately results in you having to reject he#entirely. she would become more and more frustrated and upset that you wont just let her do this#and the chapter (in its most satisfying form of playing through it) would end with her fully reconstructed and fully angry at you#not necessarily a true anger moreso a one of the moment#but it still results in her storming out of the cabin and locking you in it#its a good arc for her i think. not only does she gain autonomy but also actively uses it *cough cough unlike a certain chapter*#but its also a good arc for smitten. hes still a lovesick fool but as she reconstructs he realizes that they cant be all the other cares ab#ut and that for the good of both of them he has to want something other than just making her happy just like she only wanted to make them#happy. stubborn is the one who pushes you to keep rejecting her even if it isnt what you truly want to do because its what Needs to be done#in order for her to be a real person. you have to be mean to her and you have to hurt her but it is for the greater goal of granting her he#own freedom. if you succeed in reconstructing her her perspective image in the shifty confrontation is the view of the woods outside#thats what was most important to her in the end. she didnt know it but that is ultimately what is true. she wanted to leave and she has#rattles the bars of my cage. if i could write id make fic of this or if i had the artistic stamina id make fake gameplay for this#unfortunately i do not#this chapter would be a very linear one but unlike most of the linear ones there Would still be an alternate ending! which is just if you#refuse to reconstruct her and she remains a ghost of your own creation
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I want to make a visual novel but don't know how"
visual novels are one of the most diverse and varied mediums out there and can be so much fun to make. if you've ever wanted to make one, it's pretty easy to get started!!
Overall Guide
this is a lengthy guide I made going over different parts of visual novels and how people make them! now let's go over some parts~
What Are Visual Novels?
Visual novels are a medium of video games focused on storytelling through the use of static or low-gameplay mechanics. Most can be considered a subsection of interactive fiction. A lot of visual novels have no gameplay or minigames, but some do feature light gameplay. The important aspect is that the gameplay in visual novels is never the focus, and instead the game focuses on a story delivered through dialogue & narration in textboxes on the screen.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4db4b83eb22d8b0f7ef80d67568ffd08/91f4d80fa5aedc10-93/s540x810/b378cb20ffc928244e1ff5d39efc01bed949fd43.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/90be11819acaa7286ef6ed477aa19cd7/91f4d80fa5aedc10-c2/s540x810/3aa2ce824dd4274db9c7e752b42a2f09dd966371.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a9c76ef152ece15dc9727d040f184237/91f4d80fa5aedc10-94/s540x810/43bc6dfede398d697f336dcfcf1ef7ce13591d9f.jpg)
Some visual novels are romance, some are fantasy, some are mystery, some are NSFW, some are cutesy, some are kiddie. Visual novels come in all shapes and sizes.
Visual Novel Misconceptions
Visual novels have been around for several decades now, but parts of them are still misunderstood by wider audiences. Here’s some frequent misconceptions about visual novels.
"Every visual novel has sexual content."
Visual novels come in all shapes and sizes, which includes content. Not every visual novel has sexual content, nor is it required to sell well. Visual novels are a medium for storytelling rather than a genre, so they can be anything you want them to be.
"Every visual novel is a dating sim."
Similar to the last one, some people think every visual novel is a romance game or a dating sim. Not every visual novel has romance in it, nor is it required to sell well.
"Every visual novel has choices and multiple endings."
Some of the most popular visual novels out there like Umineko When they Cry don’t have choices. Choices and multiple endings aren’t required to make a visual novel—completely linear experiences are fine.
"Visual novels need to be long."
Some of the top visual novels on itch.io right now are under 25k words, which puts them under 2 hours of playtime. Visual novels don’t have to be a certain length—they can be as long or as short as the story needs them to be. There’s even an annual visual novel jam, O2A2, that focuses on making a visual novel under 1k words with limited assets.
"Visual novels don’t sell well."
This is very much your mileage may vary. Some visual novels sell very, very well, such as how the recent Our Life: Now and Forever Kickstarter gained almost $300k. Marketing is an entire field just like art and writing and isn’t something you can skimp on or push to the end.
"Visual novel players hate reading."
A vast, vast majority of visual novel readers want a visual novel—they want a game that is light on gameplay and heavy on reading. You don’t have to add gameplay to a visual novel to keep people interested. Rather, minigames added at random can deter players. Visual novel players want an engaging story—if you’re worried of losing their attention, then focus on a tighter script or cinematography.
"Visual novels need to be anime style."
Visual novels originated in Japan and most do have an anime style, but visual novels do not need an anime style to sell well. The art style for a game will change the audience for the game—players who want something anime style probably won’t be interested in a semi-realistic style, but other people will be. It’s all about finding the right style for your story and finding the audience who responds well to it.
Visual Novel Terms
Here’s a list of terms you might encounter in visual novel and game dev communities.
EVN / OELVN – stands for English Visual Novel and Original English Language Visual Novel. Two terms used for describing Western VNs that are made in English, although EVN is used more frequently nowadays. An EVN/OELVN is specifically a visual novel made in English first, not a visual novel that has an English translation (and was made in a different language first). There are several variations of this, such as JVN meaning Japanese Visual Novel and RVN meaning Russian Visual Novel.
Kinetic novel – a visual novel that’s linear with few or no choices. Has only one ending. Also called a linear visual novel, linear game, etc.
Game jams – an event where developers have a set amount of time to make a game, ranging from a weekend to several months. Some jams have themes that the games must follow as well as other restrictions while others are more freeform. Nowadays, most jams are hosted on itchio. You can find a list of visual novel game jams here.
Game engine – a piece of software used for developing video games. The most popular ones for making indie VNs in English-speaking areas are Ren’Py and Unity, though Tyranobuilder is very popular in Japan for indies.
Text/code editor – when programming, you’ll need another piece of software to edit and write code that works with the game engine. Some popular text editors are Visual Studio Code, Sublime, Atom, Notepad, and more.
Character sprite – the individual character art that changes expressions and can move around the screen. Can include multiple outfits, pose changes, and more.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9cc464e267839c7221d25ba245802182/91f4d80fa5aedc10-23/s540x810/c352ae732303074fe932ed42bb5d604d10d7a162.jpg)
CGs – although it typically stands for Computer Generated, CGs in visual novels typically means the cut scene art where no sprites are shown (unless there's a side sprite on the textbox). CGs are usually reserved for special scenes and are the type of artwork you’d see in a CG Gallery or as promotional artwork.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/817805bd47585ccba7fdce3c1fd0b742/91f4d80fa5aedc10-0c/s540x810/a4eda56d821a8d7bfb883128ad0fedfd6e201207.jpg)
UI / GUI – the User Interface / Graphical User Interface. This is what the player interacts with such as the textbox, main menu, save / load screen, settings, and more.
ADV mode – the standard reading mode for visual novels, short for Adventure mode. The textbox is located at the bottom of the screen. Popular examples of this are Steins;Gate, AI: The Somnium Files, and Amnesia.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/afbf1938baa35efab5dd996a6d53ddbd/91f4d80fa5aedc10-fd/s540x810/d70be5be3e70530f40903348dc9d5798aefeea86.jpg)
NVL mode – a different reading mode for visual novels, short for Novel mode. The textbox covers most of the screen. Popular examples of this are Fate/stay night, Tsukihime, and Umineko When they Cry.
Dating simulator – dating sims are some of the oldest forms of visual novels and are essentially stat raisers where you spend time with various characters with the goal being to romance them by getting your stats high enough. In Western spheres dating sim has become synonymous with a romance game, where stat raising is not involved, but it’s important to note that dating sims refer to stat raisers a lot of the time. Unlike otome, a dating sim doesn’t refer to a specific sexual orientation.
Otome / Otoge – roughly translates to “maiden’s love” and is used to describe games with a female demographic, usually dating sims & romance games which feature male love interests and a female protagonist. Some otome games feature female and other gendered LIs, but male LIs are still the primary focus.
Eroge – an erotic game. If a game has sexual content in it, it’s an eroge. The original Fate/stay night (not the remastered version on Steam) is a popular example of an eroge.
Resources
And now, let's look at some tools and links for actually making visual novels.
Engines & Programming
Ren’Py – free visual novel engine
Twine – free text-based game engine (usually used for interactive fiction)
Naninovel – Unity-based tool for making Unity VNs
tiny tools – collection of various game dev tools
Ren’Edit Add-On – Ren’Py script editing & feedback tool
Ren’Py Accessibility Add-On
Feniks Ren’Py resources – various add-ons and tutorials by Feniks
Game Jam & Short Dev Advice
Game Jam Survival Guide - Essential Tips and Tricks
Releasing 8+ games (ft. game jams) and when to take a break
making game development backup plans
Advice for Leading VN Game Jam Teams
How to Make a Visual Novel Solo
How to Finish Your Visual Novel
Design
How to Make Visual Novels
Visual Novel Conference Talks
Visual Novel Cinematography & Design
Art Direction & Execution in Visual Novels
Making Impactful, Impressive Character Sprites
Post-production Techniques for VNs
Vimi’s Visual Novel Design
Writing
Writing Interactive – guides for narrative games writers
Visual Novel Conference Talks
Writing Mystery Visual Novels
How to Design Interesting Choices in VNs
The Intrigue of Ambiguity
Artwork
Clip Studio Paint
Krita
FireAlpaca
Medibang
GIMP
FastStone Photo Resizer – batch photo resizer and editor
FotoSketcher – various settings to apply artistic filters to photos
Marketing
How to Market Visual Novels
Marketing Visual Novels FAQ
Marketing Fundamentals for Indie Game Developers
Marketing your first indie game – What we learned from releasing the same game twice
The stairstep approach to indie game marketing
Marketing your Visual Novel for Kickstarter
Visual Novel Press-Kits
Audio
Eric Matyas music & SFX
Vita-chi SFX & graphics
Free Music Archive
Free Sound
dova-syndrome
Misc.
Lemmasoft Creative Commons Forum
itch.io visual novel resources
Google Fonts – free fonts
Uncle Mugen backgrounds
Canva – browser & desktop graphic design tool
Unsplash – free photos
Wrapping Up
all in all, visual novels are a fun medium to explore and play around with. if you want to make something short as a test run, try joining a game jam! if you want to see how varied visual novels can be, try playing some indies from itchio! at the end of the day there's no bad way to start making your own visual novel. hit the ground running and go for it!!
I've been developing visual novels for over 10 years now, blogging about them on my own blog and releasing visual novels through my studio Crystal Game Works. I hope this guide helped shed light on how to get into the medium!
— Arimia
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
anyway feeling very normal about this scene
the fact that after a long, unpleasant day of absolutely nothing going his way and constantly being reminded of how much everyone else dislikes him, he's too tired to keep his act up and seeks out a genuine conversation with the one person whom he hasn't interacted with through the entire adventure
Pomni about to answer sincerely before realizing it's Jax and changing her approach, either out of caution or uncertainty by him being so... casual
she braces for one of his usual remarks/jokes but is surprised when he answers with neither, simply letting her know how he's doing as well
finally, when he's called over for another task, he's still visibly annoyed but follows through without much protest and waves goodbye to Pomni, who is undoubtedly confused by what she just saw.
there have been a couple of instances where the series shows us that Jax is being affected by the circus more than he lets on, and they were really focused on during this episode.
this got me thinking about what Goose really meant by him "getting worse"; most people (myself included) interpreted it as his actions gradually escalating to a point where it could result in conflict with the rest of the cast, but after this scene and near the end where he leaves and gets in his car, it could be understood as his repressed emotions finally catching up to him and turning his mental well-being for the worst. It could also be a mix of the two
now this is the part where I put my delusional cap on, but there has been a significant build up to Jax and Pomni's relationship through the whole series, the most notorious one being:
his hand missing from Pomni's moment of realization that the other people she's been trapped with are trustworthy and care for her. You obviously can't blame her for coming to this conclusion, but I think that's exactly what made this small interaction a lot more important
Jax has been pushing others away and masking his emotions for who knows how long, and one of the primary focus and messages of TADC is connections with others and how important they are, so for them to show us Pomni seeing Jax have a brief moment of vulnerability, I do believe it's reasonable to think that they will eventually develop a relationship with some amount of significance, maybe even something close to a friendship
but yeah, feeling very normal
#text post#rambling#the amazing digital circus#jax#pomni#jax x pomni#funnybunny#I ordered the delusional burger that makes you delusional#anyway I want to talk about ep4 more because it's probably my favorite so far#really resonated with me during a lot of moments#but the jaxpom brainrot had to dig it's way through aswell#can't do nothin about it anymore
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
"(Name)."
"Yes, Rinnie?" You asked. Rin almost never interrupted you while you were doing your skincare, so you figured this was an important matter "Did something happen?"
"'Did something happen?'" He mocked your voice, frowning at you "Don't try to act like you did nothing wrong"
"Wow wow wow. Don't give me that attitude, young boy!" You said, frowning back and playfully pulling his nose, which made him let out a startled 'Yelp!' and push your hand away "But seriously, what did I do? I have no idea"
"Oh but you most definitely do" he grabbed your phone from the counter and began looking through it, frowning all the while and cursing the slow wifi.
You weren't really nervous about it because you both trusted each other, and you knew you hadn't done anything wrong.
So why? Why was Rin Itoshi frowning at your phone at almost 12 am. on a random wednesday?
You needed a sign, anything to help you understand him. Maybe you forgot something important. Maybe you didn't do the dishes yesterday, and it was your turn to do them. Maybe he discovered your secret fanpage. You had no idea.
'Oh, my Sheila!'
On second thought, you most definitely did.
"'When I'm arguing with my boyfriend but then remember who I'm arguing with'? Really, (Name)?" He frowned, turning the phone to you and shoving it into your face "And where did you get this photo of me anyways? It's so old"
When you grabbed your phone, you saw your favorite photo of all time. It was 5 year old Rin Itoshi, give or take a few months, with his mouth wide open like he was eating a rainbow, looking all silly and squishable.
"Can you blame me, Rin? Look at him!" You said, showing him the picture "He was so cute!! You were so cute. And so round, too!!" You suddenly pinched his cheek like a grandma "I love this picture of young you."
"Only the picture?" He crossed his arms
"No" you giggled, hugging him "I love you, too, Rinnie"
He hugged you back, his head in the crook of your neck. It was moments like these that you enjoyed the most: just the two of you, without anyone else to interfere
"Maybe" he started, voice muffled from your hair "I'll let you keep that video up. But only if you promise me Isagi and Bachira won't find it"
Oh oh.
"Uhm... Rinnie" you said, slowly getting away from the hug. You knew what was going to happen "They... already saw it"
"What."
"Yeah, Isagi even put it was his profile pic or something"
Rin quickly snatched your phone, opening the comment section with 12k+ comments.
There, in all of their glory, were Isagi and Bachira's comments, each with 10k+ likes
Yoichii._: Ty for the photo, (Name). Putting it as my pfp 🙏
Meg.chira: JUST MADE A STICKER OUT OF IT, DM ME IF YALL WANT IT
"Delete that shit right now" Rin said, storming off and muttering something among the lines of "I'll kill them both" and "I hate them" while you laughed your ass off
Well, in the end, you did delete the video. What matters, after all, is that you had the most amazing picture ever, and you wouldn't trade it for the world
Bachira has it, too. As well as the whole Blue Lock members. But they don't have the other hundreds pictures of mini Rin that Sae secretly sent you. So, you're still winning.
Pls tell me yall saw this trend already.
Masterlist
#blue lock#bllk#bllk manga#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#bllk x you#blue lock x you#rin x you#itoshi rin x reader#rin itoshi x reader#itoshi rin#rin itoshi#rin x reader#itoshi brothers#blue lock isagi#blue lock bachira
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
The ruler of your Ascendant — and its house
Understanding the house in which your Ascendant ruler (also known as the chart ruler) resides is a deeply personal journey in astrology. It provides intimate insight into the core themes that shape your life path, personality, and approach to the world. The Ascendant represents your outward identity, how you present yourself, and how others perceive you. Its ruling planet acts as a personal guide, and its placement in a specific house highlights the life areas where you are naturally drawn and likely to encounter significant experiences. This knowledge fosters a deeper connection to your own life story and experiences.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/388b20f3dafef03e31aa22198e91b784/9ef379308426084f-4a/s540x810/62fe9e0db49010f8dc1b570ca3245098fb85fa07.jpg)
Identify Your Ascendant: First, determine your Ascendant sign by calculating your birth chart. The Ascendant is the sign on the cusp of the 1st house.
Find the Ruling Planet of Your Ascendant:
- Aries Ascendant: Mars
- Taurus/Libra Ascendant: Venus
- Gemini/Virgo Ascendant: Mercury
- Cancer Ascendant: Moon
- Leo Ascendant: Sun
- Scorpio Ascendant: Pluto (modern) or Mars (traditional)
- Sagittarius Ascendant: Jupiter
- Capricorn Ascendant: Saturn
- Aquarius Ascendant: Uranus (modern) or Saturn (traditional)
- Pisces Ascendant: Neptune (modern) or Jupiter (traditional)
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 1st house
This placement makes your identity, self-expression, and personal impact on the world the center of your life. The 1st house is the house of the self, so having your chart ruler here means you're strongly connected to who you are and how you present yourself to others. It's like your core energy radiates through your personality, making you a powerful force in shaping your life path.
People can't help but notice you. Whether you're naturally confident or working on building that self-assurance, your presence is hard to ignore. You're likely to take the initiative in life, often driven to carve out your own path rather than following others.
With the Ascendant ruler in the 1st house, personal independence is not just important, it's a defining feature of your character. You possess a strong sense of what you want and are driven to achieve it, even if it means going against the norm. This placement is all about you taking charge of your destiny.
You're wired to express yourself authentically. There's a deep drive to figure out who you are and ensure your outer life reflects your inner truth. You're not one to fake it—being authentic is what matters most to you.
This placement also means that your self-development is not just a passing phase but a lifelong focus. You're constantly evolving, and the challenges that push you to grow often revolve around how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. Personal improvement might feel like a never-ending project, but this continuous growth keeps you moving forward.
This placement makes you magnetic, driven, and authentic, giving you the natural power to shape your own world. It's a direct alignment between who you are inside and what you project to the outside world!
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 2nd house
You likely crave financial stability and material comfort. It's not just about money, though—it's about feeling secure and grounded in your life. This desire for financial stability is a reflection of your need for security and is completely understandable.
This placement makes you very attuned to your own value. You might tie your self-worth to how well you can support yourself or what you achieve in the material world. Learning to balance self-worth with what you have versus who you are is a key lesson for you.
Whether it's building wealth, a home, or even skills, you thrive on creating something lasting.
Your sense of self is deeply connected to what you personally find valuable, whether that's relationships, possessions, or even spiritual beliefs. These values guide your decisions and validate your alignment with your true self.
This placement drives you to create a life where you feel secure, self-sufficient, and aligned with what you truly value. You're not just looking for material wealth—you're building a life that reflects your deepest sense of self-worth and stability!
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 3rd house
You’re someone who’s always asking questions, always wanting to know more. Your mind is sharp, and you probably dive into new topics, pick up different skills, or constantly seek intellectual stimulation. You’re naturally curious about the world, and this curiosity shapes your sense of self.
Whether it’s through writing, speaking, or teaching, expressing yourself is key. You likely feel at home when sharing your thoughts or bouncing ideas off others. Your voice matters, and you probably thrive when you can interact with others, exchange ideas, or stay in the know.
You might have strong ties to your local environment, like your neighborhood or community. Siblings, cousins, or close-knit social circles often play an important role in your life. Your relationships are likely a constant source of learning and growth for you.
With your chart ruler here, learning doesn’t stop. Whether through formal education or self-taught experiences, you never stop growing mentally. Engaging with new ideas keeps you feeling vibrant and connected to your identity.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 4th house
You're someone who finds a lot of meaning in your home environment. Whether creating a cozy space or being surrounded by loved ones, having a secure and nurturing home life is essential for your emotional well-being. You're likely someone who values privacy and needs time in your sanctuary to recharge.
Your family, especially your roots and ancestry, plays a big role in shaping your identity. You might feel a strong connection to your heritage or have a deep sense of responsibility toward your family. Exploring your family history or finding your place within the family dynamic can be a major part of your personal growth.
Beyond the physical home, emotional security is a huge focus for you. You might spend a lot of time reflecting on your inner self, working through emotional patterns that go way back to your childhood. Establishing a strong emotional foundation helps you feel grounded in who you are.
With this placement, you likely have a natural instinct to care for others. Whether you're nurturing family members, friends, or even your own inner child, creating a supportive and loving environment around you is part of your life's work.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 5th house
You're naturally drawn to creative pursuits, whether that's through art, music, writing, or any activity that lets you express your unique self. Creativity is not just a hobby for you; it's a core part of who you are. You feel most alive when you're putting your own personal stamp on something.
Having fun and doing things that make you happy isn't just a nice thing to have; it's really important for your overall well-being. You enjoy experiencing happiness in many different ways, whether it's through hobbies, having fun, or appreciating the little things in life. You know how to let loose and embrace the moment, which makes you magnetic to others.
When it comes to love, you approach it with passion and excitement. Romance, flirting, and playful connection are likely a big part of your life. You might also find that your relationships bring out the best in your self-expression, making love a key theme in your personal growth.
This placement makes you a natural at bringing fun, creativity, and love into the world. You're at your best when you enjoy life, follow your passions, and share your vibrant energy with others. Letting your creative and playful side lead the way is what truly makes you shine!
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 6th house
Whether it's in your work, health, or personal habits, you're someone who thrives on getting things done. You might be the type who enjoys checking off tasks, organizing your day, and feeling productive. There's a profound sense of accomplishment in being efficient and dependable, and your efforts are truly commendable.
You likely find immense joy and satisfaction in helping others, whether that's through your job, taking care of loved ones, or simply being the go-to person when someone needs support. A natural part of you enjoys being of service and making life easier for those around you, and your altruistic nature is truly appreciated.
This placement often brings attention to your health and daily habits. You might be very conscious of how you take care of your body, mind, and spirit. Maintaining your well-being, whether through exercise, nutrition, or mental health routines, is a key part of feeling grounded and balanced.
The 6th house is also about self-improvement, so you always look for ways to grow. Whether picking up new skills at work, refining your routines, or focusing on personal development, you're motivated to keep evolving.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 7th house
Partnerships play a big role in your life. You're likely someone who thrives in close relationships, whether it's a romantic partner, best friend, or business collaborator. You feel more complete when you're sharing your life with someone else.
A big part of your life is about finding a balance between yourself and others. You're probably someone who likes harmony in your relationships and may go out of your way to ensure things are running smoothly between you and the people close to you.
You're drawn to people who mirror qualities you want to develop in yourself. Whether consciously or not, you tend to attract partners who help you grow; through these relationships, you learn a lot about who you are.
Working with others or being part of a team probably feels natural. You're not someone who likes to do things completely on your own—there's strength and fulfillment in knowing you have a partner by your side, whether in work or life.
You're likely good at reading people and understanding their needs. You can easily put yourself in someone else's shoes, which makes you a supportive and thoughtful partner.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 8th house
You don't like surface-level stuff. You crave depth, whether in relationships, conversations, or even understanding yourself. You probably want to dig into the "why" of everything, looking beyond what's obvious.
Change and growth are recurring themes in your life. You might undergo major transformations, either in how you see yourself or your life circumstances. You know how to rise from challenges stronger than before, almost like a phoenix.
Whether it's psychology, the mysteries of life, or even finances (like investments or shared resources), you're attracted to topics that others might shy away from. You have a natural curiosity for things that are hidden or misunderstood.
With your Ascendant ruler in the 8th, you might find that part of your life journey is learning to regain your power. Whether it's through overcoming personal challenges or helping others do the same, you're someone who seeks to understand power dynamics and work through them.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 9th house
Whether traveling to new places or exploring different ideas and cultures, you have a hunger for adventure. You thrive when you learn something new or experience life from a fresh perspective, and you're probably always thinking about your next big trip or goal.
You're not just interested in the day-to-day details—you want to understand the bigger picture. Whether through philosophy, spirituality or even just pondering the meaning of life, you're driven by a desire to understand the "why" behind everything.
Education, whether in school or through independent learning, is really important in your life. You enjoy learning about new things, and you might like helping others learn, too. Lifelong learning is your jam.
You're likely open to different cultures, ideas, and beliefs. You see value in diversity and are always looking to broaden your perspective. You're curious about what's out there and aren't afraid to challenge your own views.
You have a strong desire to find meaning and purpose in everything you do. Whether through your career, personal growth, or spiritual journey, you constantly seek something that brings direction and fulfillment to your life.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 10th house
You’ve got big goals and dreams and are not afraid to chase them. Whether climbing the career ladder or building a reputation, you have a strong drive to succeed and be recognized for your efforts.
Work and your professional life play a big part in your identity. You’re likely someone who puts a lot of energy into your career, and you probably feel most fulfilled when you’re making progress and reaching your goals.
How others see you, especially in a professional or public setting, matters to you. You’re likely very mindful of the image you project and want to be known for your accomplishments and integrity.
You’re not just thinking about short-term wins. You have an eye on the bigger picture, always thinking about how your actions today will impact your future. Building something that lasts—a career, a business, or a personal legacy—is important to you.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 11th house
Friendships and connections play a huge role in your life. You’re likely someone who loves being part of a community or network of like-minded people. Whether through social groups, clubs, or online communities, you’re energized by sharing ideas and experiences with others.
You’re not just thinking about personal success—you’re focused on long-term goals and the future. You probably have big ideas about how you want to contribute to the world or make an impact, and you’re always looking ahead, planning for what’s next.
Collaboration is your jam. You’re great at working with others toward a common goal, whether a cause, a project, or even shared fun. You understand that teamwork makes the dream work, and you’re likely the one who brings people together.
This placement is not just about what you can do for yourself but also about how you can be part of something larger. Causes, humanitarian efforts, or even just supporting friends in their dreams are important to you. You’re motivated by making a positive difference.
The 11th house is linked to innovation and new ideas, so you might be someone who’s into technology, progressive thinking, or just thinking outside the box. You enjoy exploring new concepts and staying ahead of the curve.
The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 12th house
You spend a lot of time in your head reflecting on life, your emotions, and the deeper meaning behind things. You’re probably more comfortable with your thoughts and feelings than most people and might need a lot of alone time to recharge.
Whether it’s spirituality, intuition, or just an interest in what’s hidden beneath the surface, you’re drawn to the mysterious side of life. You might be naturally intuitive, with a strong sense of things that aren’t immediately obvious to others.
You likely prefer keeping parts of yourself private, not necessarily because you’re secretive, but because you value your personal space.
This placement often suggests a path of personal healing and growth. You might go through deep transformations throughout your life, learning a lot about yourself by facing fears, letting go, or dealing with the past.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/aa1a2d304393976b3663ef5cea01af1c/9ef379308426084f-20/s540x810/d4c2860ec1c325108b3a5b268adb16a6b9b95ec9.jpg)
#astrology#astro#natal chart#astro observations#birth chart#astro notes#astrology posts#zodiac#zodiac signs#ascendant#rulers
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Restless Baby : ̗̀➛ Max Verstappen
summary: 1.1k words of dad and husband max trying to fix the angsty mess that he's made
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c018d59d5f127fc91ecb07059a4a4d06/7b6da5ad3a160372-35/s540x810/faf3cef71d6e7c840383c28cd49851d8406b5d7f.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d516c1e0c39de485b0882746ad10421a/7b6da5ad3a160372-20/s540x810/7f74786ca02910a705d06f3361fcd7d72f81ce6a.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3cb1cd75dbcb6f885120b39e59e3df77/7b6da5ad3a160372-b2/s540x810/c69bae5b32c6f786996e2f5b4b1086c680bda94a.jpg)
A hum of confusion came from Max as he tapped the space beside him, expecting to feel your figure. Instead he was slapped by the harsh cold of your empty space, the chill in the air leaving Max shivering. He knew bed was where you needed to be, especially with your pregnancy so close to the end.
He slowly sat himself up, brushing his hands over the front of his face. Max steadily stood up, noticing a faint glow of light coming from the doorway. He knew it was you, but he was confused as to what you were still doing up. 2:07 the clock informed him, definitely time for you to be resting. Max crept through the house, moving down the stairs to try and find where you were.
Fast asleep.
Max was almost relieved to see you resting until he noticed how uncomfortable you looked. The guilt struck him as soon as he took you in, knowing that your decision to sleep on the cold, battered sofa was all down to him.
Unlucky for Max, you weren’t quite as asleep as he thought you were. You could hear him moving through the room, desperately trying to keep your eyes screwed shut in an attempt to convince Max that you really were asleep and for him to leave you alone. He knew you better though, and knew exactly the way to try and catch you out too.
His head shook as he took a few quiet steps towards you, poking his finger against your arm that hung out from the blanket you had draped over you. Your body jumped at his sudden touch, confident you could hear Max giggling proudly to himself as he sat down beside your figure, giving you a moment to rub the sleep out of your eyes and tilt your head to look across at him.
“This is ridiculous,” Max told you, resting his arm just above your head.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” you huffed, pulling the blanket further around your body, making sure that your bump was well protected and warm.
“Just come and join me in bed.”
Your head shook defiantly back at Max. “Why would I share a bed with the man who says I’m distracting his career because he can’t get a good night’s sleep with all my fidgeting. I’m giving you what you wanted right now, what’s the problem?” You snapped. Max flinched at your harsh tone, he knew what he’d said was probably the worst thing that he could say, and he knew he had a whole world of making up to do too.
“According to my data I got three hours of sleep last night, my coaches are really concerned as to what’s going on!”
“You try being seven months pregnant and see how it easy it is to rest at night, I’m sorry life is so difficult for you Max.”
“At least you can rest most of the day!”
“Wow Max!”
“My lack of sleep is starting to effect my performance and I can’t let that happen, my career is important and you wriggling around most of the night is really starting to impact that!” Max yelled back, stopping as soon as he realised what he had said. Your eyes fell to the floor as you took a moment to process what he had said, sticking the blame on you as if you wanted to sleep restlessly and enjoyed not being able to let your husband rest at night. “Babe, I-“
“Don’t even try and apologise, I can’t believe you’re making me feel guilty for growing our child, I’m sorry it’s all just such an inconvenience.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, you know I don’t feel that way,” Max tried to argue, but your mind was already made up, his true feelings really were now known.
“You go to bed Max, I’ll give you the space that your precious career needs,” you told him, pushing him in the direction of your bedroom. He let his feet go, knowing arguing with you was pointless, hoping you’d follow behind him.
“I don’t know what I was thinking when I said what I said earlier love.”
Max’s hand slowly reached out and hovered over the top of your bump, smiling to himself as he admired just how big your baby was getting.
“My career is important, but you and the baby mean so much more to me. I was insensitive and rude, my priorities weren’t straight. I know it’s hard for you, and I really do completely understand how difficult being pregnant is,” Max whispered.
Your hand slowly moved across your bump, resting your fingers just over the top of Max’s.
“No one wants for me to sleep peacefully more than me,” you informed him.
“I know,” he smiled, shuffling closer towards you. “I’m so proud of you, you’re coping so well, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel anything different.”
“You’re an idiot sometimes, you know?”
“I do,” Max chuckled as he saw the first hint of a smile on your face. “I’m stupid, selfish and a massive ass sometimes, but that doesn’t stop me being so in love with you and our baby. You have no idea how excited I am for our future together babe.”
You hummed in agreement with Max, “I do, I’ve heard all those interviews you did in Miami last weekend.”
“Seeing as you’re talking to me again, is there a chance you might come and join me in bed again too? It’s horrible being in there without you,” Max smirked, extending his hand out for you to take.
“You’re lucky you’re cute,” you teased, taking Max’s hand and allowing his other arm to wrap around you and help you off of the sofa.
“Can I get that in writing too?” Max grinned as you started walking.
Your head shook as he supported you all the way back to the bedroom, easing you down and placing the duvet gently over your body.
“Max, reckon you could sleep if I laid in your side?” You whispered, surprised by just how cold your spot was after you left it abandoned for so long.
“Of course,” he replied without even having to think, lifting his arm up and inviting you into the warmth beside him.
“Is this alright for you?”
“I promise, it’s more than alright for me.”
Whether he slept well for the rest of the night or not, it didn’t matter to Max, just as long as he had you back by his side.
And if his data was rubbish, well, his coaches would just have to deal with it.
˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
#f1#f1 imagine#formula 1#max verstappen#max verstappen imagine#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#f1 reaction#f1 fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 x you#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#f1 fic#formula one imagine#formula 1 fic#formula one
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Language of Devotion
Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader
Summary: You caught Spencer learning a new skill—your native language
Trope: Fluff! just fluff
Warning: Language learning app inaccuracies, that’s it really. I wrote this in a frenzy and no proofreading was done
Main masterlist
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/707fb61a877c57b8789ea1025e24b706/06d3b97fe044add8-34/s540x810/f273286638bd2594fcf3fe9a38533621fb2fb719.jpg)
At around 6:30pm, you arrived at your boyfriend’s apartment complex with takeout on hand. The whole day you’ve spent slumped on your office desk, slaving away on documents that needed your attention and wishing time would move faster. You were knackered and planned to spend the rest of the evening charging within your boyfriend’s arms. You knocked twice on his mahogany apartment door but there was no answer.
“Spence. Spence,” you called out. “You there?”
Silence.
Strange, even though it was a week night, he mentioned that no call came in for a case—strictly paperwork day. You juggled the takeout to your other hand as you reached into your bag for the spare key with slight difficulty.
As you let yourself in the apartment, a ping sound echoed in the confined space. The source of the noise coming in from the bedroom door that was slightly ajar. You quietly placed all your items on the dining table and crept towards the room at the further end of the apartment.
Heart beating loudly on your chest, you peeked inside the room and breathed a sigh of relief. It was Spencer, hunched over his desk, furiously scribbling on a notebook and his phone light reflecting on his glasses.
“Hey Spencer,” you lovingly greeted and although you’ve already announced your presence multiple times earlier on, the sound of your voice made him jump and if you didn’t know any better, a whimper of fright also escaped his lips—he’d deny this, of course.
“Hey, Y/N,” he raked his hand through his hair. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
You smiled coyly. “Y’know for an agent, you’re awfully jumpy.”
He laughed, the tone of his voice warming your heart. “I was just busy with something,” his hands closing the notebook and pushing it aside, as if he didn’t want you to see what had occupied the entire capacity of his brain.
That intrigued you. Spencer wasn’t really the type to keep things hidden from you unless it’s case related and in which, he doesn’t bring it back home for him to study. When your relationship started that was one of your laid out boundary and he had respected and agreed to it—the days and nights that he’s not on call were meant to enjoy each other’s company.
You tried to creep closer, curious as to what he was doing. Being adept with your body language, Spencer tried to divert your attention—keyword ‘tried’. “What’s for dinner? I’m starving,” he rubbed his stomach for emphasis.
“I got us some pasta from the Italian place around the block,” you answered, still distracted by the secret contents of his notebook.
He wrapped his arms around you, seemingly intent on manhandling you out to the dining, before his idle phone notified with a green owl flashing on its screen and an automated voice in your first language spoke through the speaker: Dr. Reid, are you still there? Your chapter and lesson progress will not be counted should you exit.
You turned your head to watch Spencer’s cheeks turning pink.
“Spence, are you—are you using Duolingo?” A giggle escaping your lips. “To learn my first language?”
He smiled with a hint of guilt. “Uh—well, research published in Psychological Science indicates that multilingual individuals exhibit better attention control, cognitive flexibility, and problem-solving skills than monolinguals.”
“Uh-huh, that doesn’t explain why you’re learning my first language specifically.”
He caressed your cheek and smiled. “It’s the first language you learned to speak and it’s part of who you are, Y/N. I mean, you entered the US for your job as a translator,” he explained, staring into your eyes as if you were the most important thing in the world—you were, he assured, you and his mom were. “Do you know you only speak in your language when you mumble in your sleep? You dream in a language that I can’t understand and I want to know every side of you. I love you that much.”
You leaned in for a kiss, his care and adoration to you leaking out of him like honey and you were a bee unable to resist the sweetness. “That’s sweet of you, Spencer,” you pulled back and studied his hazel doe eyes as if they hold the key to the universe. “But I have to ask, does this also have something to do with my mom and dad flying in for a visit?”
He nodded. Last month you mentioned to him that your parents were visiting for four days before they fly to New York, where your other sibling was located. “I want them to get to know me and like me as your boyfriend and—and I can’t do that if we can’t understand each other.”
“They can speak English, granted it’s very much broken, but I can translate for you, Spencer, it’s no problem at all.” You assured him. “Plus, you’re a federal agent, that already makes you great in their books. My dad feels relieved that his own daughter is dating someone who could protect her and my mom already likes you—trust me on this. She hears how happy I am when I talk about you.”
“Are you sure?” He clarified again, clearly he was nervous in making a good impression. You were his first girlfriend and he wanted the relationship to last for a long time—forever really, if you’d let him.
“Yes, Spence. If you want, I can teach you the basics just to get you by. Duolingo isn’t really that accurate,” you mentioned as you pulled him out of the bedroom and into the dining. “Now, let’s eat. I’m hungry and the pasta has turned cold.”
He laughed, nodding his head, watching you prep the table as he reheated the pasta based exactly on the packaging instructions.
And on the first night of your parent’s arrival, your mother pulled you aside and smiled. “He’s a keeper, Y/N. Don’t let him get away.”
You laughed as you watched Spencer try his best to communicate with your father in his broken grammar and questionable pronunciation. “I won’t, Mom. I think he’s it for me, really.”
#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fluff#gw fics#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid one shot
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
something wild and unruly
Pairing: Tyler Owens x reader
Summary: You and the Tornado Wranglers seek shelter from the tornado inside a theater that was most certainly not up to modern building codes.
Warnings: life or death situation, minor character injury, hurt/comfort, dirty talk, flirting
A/N: It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written an x reader, but after watching the theater scene in Twisters, I just couldn't get this idea out of my head. Enjoy! :)
----------------------------------------------------------
‘This is it.’ you think, pushing yourself further up underneath a row of theater chairs as the sound of a freight train grew louder.
In the two years that you had been working with The Tornado Wrangler, you had witnessed Tyler and Boone have numerous, exhilarating, and successful intercepts with one of nature’s most destructive forces, but always from the safety of your vehicle several miles away. Your job of keeping up with the ever-evolving data was rather tedious and very important, but it didn’t always require you to be in close proximity with the rotating column, which was something you preferred. Especially when staying back allows you to capture the beauty of the storm from behind a lens.
For a moment, you allow yourself to go there, to imagine what this tornado would look like from the safety of an open field. In your mind, the massive wedge wasn’t wrapped by sheets of rain, making it one of the most photogenic you had ever captured, even though it was obliterating everything in its path. Through the screen of your camera, you would be able to see whole trees, sheets of metal, planks of wood, as they circulated through the air.
Dexter yells something from the other end of the row, his words unintelligible as it pulls you out of your reverie, reminding you that you didn't have to imagine the destruction because you were living through it.
You adjust your sweaty palms along the base of the chair in front of you, muttering underneath your breath that everything was going to be okay. It was only going to last a few more seconds, right?
“Shit!” cries out a familiar voice as the screen at the front of the auditorium is pulled away, revealing the beast which rages outside.
Turning your head slightly to the right, you glance towards the floor of the row behind you.
Tyler is frowning prominently, you might add, but that wasn't what unnerved you. No, what chilled you to the bone was the unmistakable fear in his glaucous colored eyes. Because if the Tyler Owens was scared, then the world as you know it was ending.
The vibration in your palms intensifies as a decades worth of old dust and stale popcorn is sucked out of the building. There’s a small part of you that hopes that that’s the worst of it, that this little podunk would remain otherwise unscathed. But like a fool, the tornado proves you wrong by pulling the row of chairs in front of you away, leaving you suddenly exposed.
“[Y/N]!” You hear Tyler yell, but by then it was too late.
You scream, a loud, guttural sound of peril that is lost to the wind as one of your hands loses its grip on the chair. Frantically, you look around for something, anything, that would be worth holding onto in a last-ditch effort in saving your life, choosing to grasp the leather of the armrest that was just within reach.
The thought that you were quite literally about to die, crosses your mind as your body is lifted off the sticky floor and into the air.
“Tyler!” you scream, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to hold on for forever.
You watch as furiously he twists and turns, firmly wrapping the toe of his boot around the base of the chairs behind him, before reaching out towards you.
With both hands, you hold onto his wrist for dear life, your weightless body swaying in the air as more debris flies past you. It feels as though the moment lasts a lifetime, time slowing to a standstill as Tyler attempts to pull you back down, sending an intense throbbing sensation up your arm.
You don’t know how long you hold on, but just as quickly as it began, did your buoyancy end, sending your body crashing to the floor.
“Holy shit [Y/N],” Tyler says, kneeling in front of you. “Are you okay?”
“What's your definition of okay?”
It was a miracle that you hadn’t flown out the gaping hole at the front of the theater. So, were you okay? Not by a long shot, but was it better than someone finding your mangled body in a tree somewhere? Absolutely.
You watch as his concern deepens, his brow pulling further inward as you give him a shaky smile. “I’m fine Cowboy, at least I will be.”
The look understandably fails in easing his worries. He glances towards your thigh. “You’re bleeding.”
“Am I?” You tell him, looking downward to find your jeans now tainted a crimson color thanks to a small jagged wound that ran across your thigh. You should probably be concerned about that, right? “I am. I’m bleeding. And I'm missing a shoe.”
“I need a first aid kit!” Tyler yells a little too loudly, causing you to wince.
“It's not that bad.” To prove a point, you move to your feet, only for your legs to wobble underneath your weight.
Tyler rolls his eyes, “You resemble a newborn giraffe.”
“A cute newborn giraffe.” You giggle, easing yourself down into a theater chair. “I think I'm in shock.”
Raising a brow, Tyler kneels on the ground before you, first aid kit now in hand. “You think?”
So what if you were in shock or that you had what looked to be an insignificant wound that needed to be treated? There were people out there, in far worse condition than yourself, that needed help.
“Better think of your happy place sweetheart, cause this is going to burn like hell.”
Tyler murmurs low apologies under his breath when you release a hiss as the alcohol pad sanitizes the cut, but the pain was short-lived as tenderly, he continues to provide treatment.
You watch him closely, noting his features; the way his nose was furled, the way his lips thinned, or how his brow furrowed as he focused intently on putting a couple butterfly bandages over the open wound. It’s the same look he gets when trying to decipher where the hell the team was going to chase for the day. You shake your head at the imagery.
“All done,” He says, giving you a panty melting smile. Damn him. You can feel your cheeks warm, heart beating wildly inside your chest as you move to your feet. “Does the patient want a sticker or a sucker?”
“What the patient would like is to get out of here.” While you long for the opportunity to take a hot shower, you know that it'll be hours until you find yourself in the bathroom of a motel room. Instead, you brush off the dust off your clothes. “But for future reference,” your lips twitch into a smirk as you lean in close, whispering. “I prefer to do my sucking on my knees.”
It takes everything in you to walk away calmly, to not look back, not even once, but that doesn’t mean the intensity of his stare has no effect on you. More than once, does your knees threaten to buckle, but by some miracle you manage to keep your head held high.
It was going to be a long couple of hours.
#tyler owens x reader#tyler owens imagine#tyler owens#twisters#twisters 2024#twisters imagine#fanfic
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Remember Me
summary: you cant make sense of where you are or even how you ended up in this cell, hells, you're not even sure of who you are at this point; any memories of your past are a blur. its all the more confusing when a group of adventurers come rescue you, and a particularly worried pale elf takes it upon himself to help you remember who you are.
rating: E
word count: 7k
pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader, reader is tav)
cw: 18+. angst, act 3 spoilers related to astarion's side quest, mentions of kidnaping and torture, memory loss, blood feeding, vampire bites, smut, oral (f!receiving), p in v, The Leg Thing followed by mating press, sweet love making, love confession. full list on ao3
a/n: loosely based on this audio (18+) from OGY.
read on ao3
my masterlist
or keep reading down below~
Pain.
It’s the first thing that hit you when your consciousness came back to you.
How much everything fucking hurt.
Your entire body felt as if it had gone through the nine Hells, all at once; you could barely find the strength in yourself to get to your feet, let alone push yourself off the ground.
Then it was the disarray when you couldn’t place what had happened for you to feel so awful.
It was as if you had woken up from a long sleep; distant voices in your head, blurry faces merging together when you closed your eyes, and an awful feeling of emptiness, as if you had forgotten something extremely important but you couldn’t put your finger on it, no matter how much you thought about it.
Nothing but endless darkness.
As much as you tried to remember your life, anything before this moment, you were met with a dark fog clouding your vision. Your family, your friends — if you even had any — had all vanished from your memory. You think you remember yourself, for the most part, but even that was a stretch; you couldn’t even remember your own bloody name.
You look around you, realising for the first time that you were in a prison cell. The course of events after waking up in this dark cell hadn’t helped; the sudden cold inhabiting you, followed by this man — this monster — barging in without as much as a warning before pushing you face first against the ground and ripping open your shirt, to then torture you as he carved your back with his knife, only to leave as suddenly as he had appeared. Barely a few words exchanged, aside from some mumbling about teaching “him” a lesson, whoever that was, and you were alone once again.
Alone, with nothing but this seething pain in your back from the butchery you had gone through, the hunger digging into your belly, and your blood leaking from your shivering form, pooling around you on the cold, hard floor.
You barely had the time to gather your thoughts when the same man came back barely minutes later to carry you out of your cell and into a larger room — keeping you restrained with some magic that visibly came from his staff — where more people waited.
By the looks of it, you had been right on one thing: this was indeed a dungeon, and you were located in the deepest part of them; this room contained only a round, rock platform, located above an endless, foggy pit.
In the state you were in, you couldn’t catch everything he said as he went on a monologue. Something about powers, freedom; whatever it was, they needed you to achieve it, that was the only thing that was clear from his speech. You couldn’t understand how any of them would follow a maniac like him, but in their eyes you noticed how they listened to his words with as much fear as awe.
Your form was shivering from the cold; you wanted to cover up your top which had been previously ripped off from your body, but it was all in vain: the restraints of his magic kept you in place, and right after his speech, you were sent flying over a designated spot floating above the ground, just like all the six other people that had surrounded you previously.
Your arms remained bound to your sides by whatever spell this monster had cast on you, leaving your chest exposed to the damp, cool air of this dungeon, and your fresh wound stinging evermore at your back.
You remember the panic tightening in your chest when you realised you couldn't escape. You remember the brief relief, hope even, at the sight of a group of adventurers approaching — one of the figures shouting at the man in the middle of the room — followed by explosions and screams. Then the fear settled in when you saw them execute one of the other unfortunate souls magically held floating around this room, one new truth forming in your mind.
They weren’t here to save you.
You would be next. They would kill you. You would die here.
The pressure in your chest grew tighter as you closed your eyes and mourned your life, one you didn’t even remember experiencing, one that — you hope — had been full of adventures, of acquaintances… of love.
This last one must’ve been true. You remember being loved — more so how it felt, even if the feeling seemed so far and long ago. You remember the butterflies in your belly, the fluster in your heart, the heat between your legs; you remember just enough to know that if you died today, at least, you would’ve died as someone who had been loved.
You didn’t expect your feet to touch the cold hard ground once more. You remember falling to your knees, your body exhausted by the abuse it had gone through in just the last few hours. You remember your dry throat when you noticed the butchered corpse in the middle of the room, barely recognizable anymore.
“Gods… what has he done to you?”
But you couldn’t seem to place the face of your saviour. The bloodied, silver curled elf who had rushed to kneel next to you after defeating your captor, who approached you and held your face so carefully.
How those crimson eyes of his had widened in horror when you flinched at his touch and backed away.
Him and his group had killed one of you who stood in this circle, who’s to say he wasn’t here to finish the job? Lure you in with a sweet touch only to snap your head off; you knew better than to let yourself fall for the first man to approach you.
“Darling, it’s over now.” He had said with his voice low, getting back on his feet to approach you as if you were an injured beast, “Just take my hand, we’re getting out of here.”
You didn’t know whether to feel insulted or reassured by his assertiveness, but you remained frozen in place, your eyes switching from the hand extended out to you and his severe look that you reciprocated with a frown to hide your terror.
“Look,” he sneered, “you can either take my hand, come with me out of this hellhole, or rot away in this godsforsaken—”
From behind him, someone from his group called out a name which stopped him mid-sentence just as his tone was rising.
“Astarion.”
A name that felt oddly familiar, despite the void in your memories. It danced beautifully as it echoed across the room and around your mind; there was something about it that just sounded right.
Astarion. A name worthy of being written in the stars, you find yourself thinking, the sound of it bringing you a familiar sense of peace, of security.
Astarion. Maybe if you repeated it enough in your head, something clearer would come up. Maybe, just maybe, then you would remember.
He took a deep breath and continued, which brought you back from your reverie, “I’m quite certain you went through the Hells and back, but for now, I’ll have to ask you to trust me, just as you’ve done in the past. Can you do that for me?”
He extended out his hand once more, this time a request rather than a command, his voice carrying out his concerns, “Can you trust me?”
“Why would I trust someone I’ve just met?” You wanted to ask, but something about the way he asked struck a chord, as if you did know him. As if you knew he spoke true when he said you used to trust him, and you finally accepted the hand he held out to you.
A hand that pulled you to your feet, and guided you out of this dreadful place.
You were given a cloak to cover your shivering form, and you walked along with them back to their camp. Back to this intriguing, yet charming man’s tent, where they all agreed you should rest for the night.
The first thing that hit you when you stepped in was the smell.
You didn’t know what it was exactly, you couldn’t recognize it, but it was intoxicating; it only made your stomach churn more. As the adrenaline of the previous hour settled down, you fell to your knees, grabbing onto your waist as the pain that had been muted came back screaming through your guts.
“Shit—” He rushed down to check on you, with one hand down your back, holding onto you, “Darling, talk to me, what’s wrong?”
“What isn’t wrong?! I was tortured, starved off, almost sacrificed for all I know, and I can’t even remember who I fucking am!” Is what you wanted to say, but all you could manage out is a groan in the middle of your sobs.
When you lifted your head, your eyes fell onto the set of messily arranged bottles from where the strong smell came from, and a quick exchange of glances told him everything he needed to know.
“Of course, you’re hungry,” He sighed heavily, "Look, I’ll gladly offer you some from my own reserves — after I’ve taken a look at your wounds.”
You had almost forgotten about them.
You averted your eyes from his gaze, your mind now racing as you expected the worst. You had no way to see what had been done to your back, but the pain you had gone through was a good indicator of how bad it would look.
Met with your silence, he continued, “I need… to see what he’s done to you. Please.”
Your eyes went back and forth between him and the dark bottles briefly considering pouncing on them to get a taste as your mouth watered in anticipation, but you reluctantly turned your back to him as you sat with your legs pressed back into your stomach, barely helping mitigate the pain in your stomach.
As you let the cloak fall from your shoulders, you heard nothing but a shaky, deflated sigh behind you. Seconds of silence passed before you considered turning around, but a part of you was terrified of the look you would find on his face.
You finally found the strength to utter your first words.
“Is it… that bad?” Your voice was rough from neglect, as the last time you had used it had been to scream when you received this torture.
You heard him take a deep breath, shaking away the shock that had previously rendered him speechless, “You must’ve already known what he carved away in your back. Hells, I knew before even looking, but seeing it…” he pauses, his tone quieting, “seeing it is another story completely.”
“I… I don’t know,” you muster with a weak voice. It's true, you had no idea, he had carved your damn back, you had no way to see the extent of his torture.
He took a deep breath, shaking away the feelings that had sneaked their way into his voice, “It’s no matter, it’s over now; Cazador is dead. He won’t hurt—” he paused, as if processing the information himself, “Anyone, ever again.”
You turned around to face him this time, “Who’s Cazador?”
He huffed, “I’m glad it was that easy for you to forget about him, but when you’ve suffered under his hand for nearly two centuries, the memories tend to linger.”
You remained silent as you stared at him, just as shocked as you were confused by his words. When he noticed your stare, his face twisted in concern, “Oh shit, you’re serious.”
You nodded silently.
He continued, tentatively, “He was my master, he’s the one we killed back in the dungeons — the one who abducted you, who did this to you. Do you not remember any of this?”
You shook your head slightly, never leaving his gaze.
“Oh dear.” His voice dropped as his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened all at once, “Do you remember anything at all — the absolute, our adventure… Do you remember… me?”
His eyes went back and forth between yours, as if he was searching them for any sign of recognition, looking for you, whoever you were behind those confused, teary eyes. You gave him another shy shake of your head, followed by a single tear coming down your cheek, a tear you weren’t sure why it was shed; whether it was from the loss of yourself, or the mourning of something you didn’t even remember having.
“Gods…” He breathed out heavily as his sight left you, his mind visibly ruminating. “He can’t… He couldn’t have… He…”
His tone suddenly changed as he growled, “That monster.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head before looking back at you, “You were with us just yesterday. You were — are this group’s leader. If… If you have no memories of your mortal life then it means…” he looked away, frowning, “He rushed your transformation to replace me in the ritual.”
None of the words he had said made any sense to you, “Transformation?”
He turned back to you to be met with your visible confusion, and he explained further, “Normally, when you’re turned, you need to be drained of your blood and buried six feet underground, before you can crawl out of your tomb to be reborn. This process takes a day, usually, and when you awaken, you are still you, but immortal and bound to your master,” he spat out the last word like it left a bitter aftertaste on his tongue.
“Now you,” he continues, “you were turned within twelve hours, which would explain why your eyes are only half red, why your fangs haven’t come out yet, and…” his voice quieted down, “why you have no memories of your past. As if the rushed transformation had actually killed this part of you along with your humanity.”
You remained focused on the first thing he had said: your eyes had changed colour?
You hadn’t had the chance to look at yourself since your awakening and if not remembering your name wasn’t anxiety inducing enough, you realised you couldn’t even recall what you looked like.
All of a sudden, panic rushed its way into your heart; you needed to see yourself. You frantically looked around the tent to find anything that could send back your reflection and practically jumped on the pocket mirror when you spotted it nearby Astarion.
Only the mirror was broken. It must’ve been; it reflected nothing.
“If that wasn’t obvious by now, this should’ve clarified things a bit,” he said.
He lowered the mirror you still held in front of you, expecting your image to be reflected eventually, maybe at a different angle, maybe with more light. Maybe another one would, maybe you were just delirious from everything that had happened only today.
“You’re a vampire now. No matter the angle, you’ll never see your reflection come out of this mirror. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
Vampire.
The word didn’t make sense; nothing made sense.
Yet, when you parted your lips to let your tongue run against your teeth; you found your canines the same size they were, that they should’ve been, but they were much sharper than what would be considered normal and you almost pierced your tongue from the gesture.
“Maybe…” he carried on, lost in thought, “there’s even a chance that the tadpole has been messing around with more of the changes your body is going through.”
“Tadpole?” You interjected, your head shaking of its own in disbelief. “What?”
He huffed in astonishment, “So you really do remember nothing.”
You sighed, “I— I don’t… As much as I try, I’m met with a void of memories. The only thing remotely familiar since I woke up has been… you.” His eyes had gone soft and bright with hope, but also melancholy. “I don’t know who you were to me, and I don’t know why, but some part of me knew I could trust you.”
He chuckled, a sad smile finding its way over his lips, “Even with your memories gone, it seems I can’t leave your mind, can I?”
You gave him a smile of your own, “Would you mind… reminding me of my life? Of us?”
“Gods, where to start, darling. Would you believe me if I told you our story began with me holding a knife to your throat?”
You found yourself smiling unconsciously, “With everything that's happened to me in the last few hours, I find that easy to believe.”
“And strangely enough it's probably the least odd part of our story.” He tilted his head, giving you a genuine smile before carrying on.
“It’s all tedious, really, but… There’s one memory I want to tell you about: The night of the tiefling party. Ugh, it was dreadful for the most part; the wine tasted like vinegar, the music was too loud, and there were too many of those bloody tieflings at our camp, to be quite sincere— “
“Not a people’s person I take it?”
“My dear, after years of being forced on and by people, the last thing you want is to be surrounded by more of them.” The sight of you parting your lips and raising your eyebrows told him you had also forgotten about this and he quickly caught onto it, changing the direction of the discussion back to the topic at hand. “But, there was one good thing that came out from this night: when we met in the woods. I had high hopes of you joining me there — although no doubts, of course — I was the most suitable option among our group after all.”
“Most suitable? Someone else wanted to spend the night with… me?”
“Darling, the whole world and their mother wanted a special moment with you. But only one of us got that honour. A chance to steal away with everyone’s new favourite leader.”
The faint sounds of the party fading: music echoing through the forest, people laughing, the cool air of a summer’s night breezing through, and good company throughout the night.
“I have been waiting for you. Waiting since the moment I first saw you. Waiting… to have you.”
You blinked, “You… were waiting for me in the woods, I’m— I’m remembering.”
“I did put a lot of effort into my entrance, I would be upset if you didn't remember it quite honestly.” You laughed softly. “Do you remember what happened afterwards?”
Your eyes roamed as you pushed the memory further, before you lifted your head to meet his gaze, “You… kissed me.”
“After you had the audacity to say I didn't have you yet while you had come to me of your own volition, yes, and then?”
You chuckled, but your smile quickly faded as your memory unlocked the next part of this puzzle. He looked at you with a knowing glint in his eyes; he was simply waiting for you to say it yourself.
“We made love.”
He sighed dramatically, “Love is such a big word for what happened back then, but…” his tongue clicked, accentuating the end of the word, “That was certainly the start of it. The start of a series of feelings that came and complicated everything. It’s what pushed me, soon after, to confess to you that it was all part of a silly plan I had to keep you in my favour. I was terrified, honestly, especially considering it was all because I initially manipulated you to fall for me…”
He paused, searching your expression before carrying on, and continued when he found nothing but soft eyes looking back. “But then — despite everything — there you were, holding me tight.”
He let go of a deep breath.
“For so long I had nothing — no one. And all of a sudden, there’s you, who held onto me, who cared so much more than anyone ever did. And I found myself not wanting to let go. I couldn't.”
He frowned, turning his gaze away, “And Cazador used that against me. As soon as he had word of my whereabouts in Baldur’s Gate and the crowd I was hanging out with, he jumped at the first chance to torture me once more. He probably thought I was unaffected by any physical pain he could impose on me by now, so he did the next worst thing: take it out on the one person I cared about in this wretched world.” He shook his head, “If we hadn’t gotten there in time—”
“But you did.” You interrupt. “You saved me and yourself in the process. This ritual wouldn’t have given you the freedom you think it carried.”
His eyes lit up, “You talk as if you knew what it entailed.”
You nodded, “It’s coming back to me, bit by bit. I remember what you told me about him. I remember the purpose of the ritual, and your plan to replace him and take his power instead.”
He sighed, “Gale thought brilliant to kill one of my brothers to stop Cazador from carrying on with the ritual. Bloody wizard didn’t realise it meant I couldn’t continue it myself then.
“Maybe he did.” His gaze flickered back to you in confusion before you continued, “You don’t need satanic powers to carry on, Astarion. You’re free now.”
He huffed, “And all it cost was my life in the sun.”
“Well,” you tilted your head, “It did cost me mine too. Once the tadpoles are gone, we’ll both be banished to the shadows once again. But we’ll be together, and that’s something at least.”
He rolled his eyes before landing them on you, “At least the transformation didn’t take away from your heartbleeding optimism, dear.”
You chuckled, “Thank the Gods for that— ugh!”
You clutched at your stomach, your body tilting forward in pain, and Astarion instantly knew the cause of your suffering; it’s something he recognized all too well.
“Hells, you must be starving. Gods know Cazador wouldn’t waste a single drop on a lowly spawn — no offence, dear.”
“None taken,” you forced a humourless laugh. “I shouldn’t have expected much considering I was to be cattle for a satanic ritual.”
He turned around and you kept a close eye on him as he handled the bottles beside him, pulling out a silver cup out of his bag of holding to pour you a portion.
“Here,” he sat back down, parting his legs open, extending one arm to you, “Come on love, sit back against me, would you?”
You stared unsure for a few seconds but obliged him. You scooted back until your back was fully resting against his chest, leaving no space lost between the two of you.
When he brought the cup forward you reached for it but he pulled back, clicking his tongue, “Oh no, my sweet, I will be the one to feed you tonight. This is your first time, we wouldn't want your primal instincts to take over now, would we?”
You turned around to stare at him for some time with incertitude and he simply tilted his head, with a sly smile, “Humour me, darling. You’ll be glad you did, hm?”
You pressed your lips together almost pouting, but acquiesced as you nestled yourself between his legs, your tense body laying against his chest once again.
He brought the cup to your mouth at long last, while his other hand held onto your chin. You gasped at his touch — while not unwelcome, it was a surprise — and you parted your lips to welcome your drink.
His hands were rough against your skin, yet there was a softness to it that made you melt under his touch. Made you want to push further into his hand to know how it would feel around your throat. It was almost enough to make you forget about the drink against your lips. Almost.
While the mere closeness of it had been invigorating, drinking it was ecstatic. It felt like your first meal in weeks, and it might as well have been with the pit that had replaced your stomach.
You took big gulps of the delectable nectar, barely pausing for air as you rushed to empty the cup’s content, eager to have your fill with this delicious substance.
“Slowly now darling,” he pulled the cup away from your lips and you gasped at the loss of your feeding source, “This is your first time feeding; I wouldn’t rush things.”
You frowned, but complied; even if you were starving, he had over two hundred years of experience with this form — you barely had a few hours. Your mind wasn’t all there yet either, and it's true that you couldn’t trust those new primal instincts to be civil enough to drink responsibly.
You held onto the one truth you knew, one that was clear ever since the start: you trust him.
You eased back into him, letting him hold you and guide you throughout your meal. The cup rested at a slightly down angle against your lips to allow you good mouthfuls of blood without overfeeding you all at once.
“There, good girl,” he purred. “You are doing so well for me, love. Small sips now, let your body recuperate from the shock.”
There was something about his voice that soothed you, brought you a peace of mind, a calm after this storm that had been your last few hours.
A shiver down your spine, that travelled all the way down between your legs.
You finished the content of the cup at a slower pace than you had started, soothed by his soft approach and the new blood filling your stomach, and he took this chance to explain more about your condition while pouring you another serving.
“Considering this is your first feeding, you’ll need a bit more to carry on until your next meal. Mind you, it’s normal if you don’t feel full; this is a curse, after all. The real challenge is to learn to live with your hunger.” He cleared his throat as he brought the cup back up to your lips, full again, “Alright now, open up, love.”
You hungrily parted your bloodied lips to welcome another serving.
“There, there, just like that.” A soft whimper left your throat between sips, and he caressed your cheek with his thumb, “Shhh, you're okay, you're doing just fine.” He leaned next to your head to whisper, “You’re perfect, my sweet.”
For a moment, you could swear you felt your heart beat anew.
You drank with his help until you finished one full bottle from his reserve, and with the pain in your stomach settling down, you allowed your body to relax against him. That’s when you felt something poking against your back, something you wanted to taste as much as the blood that had blessed your tongue just moments ago.
And he must’ve known, too.
“So, as you must’ve realised, your hunger was a side effect of the transformation. But what you’re feeling now, which I can very much smell on you, is a result of your feeding.”
If any of the blood you had ingested had made it in your veins by now, they must’ve all rushed to your cheeks at this very moment.
“Blood,” he continued, “Brings us back alive temporarily; it warms us, allows our hearts a few shy beating of their own, but it also reawakens other mortal pleasures. The first time it can be… a tad overwhelming.”
“It’s…” You hadn’t realised how quiet your heart had been until it started beating away once more in your chest; your cheeks felt warm, your breathing had accelerated, and your core was aching. You breathed out your reply, “It really is.”
As you turned your head aside, resting against his shoulder, and your eyes lingered over his lips, another primal urge awoke in you to devour him, in every way possible. You needed to taste him, his mouth, his blood, his come—
Until you were blessed with another sudden memory, and you turned away from his lips, gazing anywhere that wasn’t on him to stop yourself from acting irrationally.
“Wait, no, I’m sorry—”
He grabbed your chin and turned you back to him in one fluid movement. “You have nothing to be sorry for, darling, and I would be more than happy to entertain these carnal thoughts I saw in those eyes of yours. Unless you’d rather spend the night with someone else?” he teased.
You held your breath as he brought you closer to him, his hand lingering over your cheek. If you just closed the distance now, you could—
“No, Astarion, I won't force—”
“Stop that right now.” He cut you off without skipping a beat, stunning you once more. “You are not forcing yourself onto me or forcing me. This, right now, right here, is my decision.”
His other hand came up to cup your face, drawing you closer to him, your lips but a whisper apart.
“I want this,” he murmured against your lips, his voice lustful and heavy with need. “I want… you.”
Your eyes locked and the second after, his lips were pressed against yours and you let yourself get lost into this kiss. How his hands held on to your face, how his tongue tasted the blood on your lips, how he whimpered into your mouth at the contact of your own tongue; this memory of love you had remembered earlier, it had been a memory of this.
His kiss, his touch, his voice, him.
Your kiss was engulfing, springing your heart back to life in a sudden rush as you met every of his kisses with the same passion, and soon enough, you were laying back against his bedroll, with him over you and stealing your breath away; one — you didn’t realise yet — you didn't need anymore.
His hands rested next to your head and you allowed yourself to reach up to hold his face, trace the lines of his age over his cheeks and down his neck, and trailing along the opening of his shirt before he broke apart from your lips.
“I’ve been thinking about this for many nights now.”
“What would I be like as a vampire?” You asked semi-jokingly.
“No, silly — Although, the question did flit into my mind once or twice, but no. I was thinking of how I would have you, the next time I would bed you. I’ve touched myself at the thought of having you again, the sounds you would make, how your cunt would feel wrapped around my cock instead of my hand—”
He took your hand from where it was resting and guided it down between his legs, and a short gasp escaped you when you felt how hard he was.
“ —but tonight, after spending a lifetime looking for it, I finally know what I want.” His half-lidded eyes seemed darker than they had been, and you lost yourself in them, "And Gods help me if I can't have you—”
“I’m yours,” you answered back in a heartbeat, your voice but a whisper, “I’ve always been, and I’ll always be, for as long as you’ll have me.”
Your words broke the remaining chains of control Astarion had over himself, as he pulled your pants off from you and removed his own shirt while your hands fumbled with his trousers. A moment later, you both laid against one another, as bare as you were on your first days on this plane of existence, your lips back on each other.
“Mmh, I wonder…” Astarion let his kisses trail down from your mouth to your jaw, then your neck.
“Hm?”
“Now that you’re a vampire,” he left small kisses alongside your neck and down your shoulder, “your blood will taste different.”
“You’ll still drink from me?”
“Well of course, dear,” he lingered in the crook of your neck, before licking his way up to your ear where he whispered, “And I can’t wait to know how you taste after you’ve tasted me.”
You shivered against his breath, fully expecting him to bite you following those words, and when he didn’t you were almost disappointed. He, on the other hand, seemed extremely satisfied with himself.
“Eager already? And here I thought I was the most depraved between the two of us.” You sighed heavily as he came back up to face you, “Maybe I will be tasting you tonight, after all. Is this something that you want?”
You smiled softly, your hand finding his cheek again, “Yes.”
When your lips met this time, it was soft, pure, communicating words you hadn’t exchanged yet despite your longing for one another. It only made you want him more.
“Speaking of tasting you,” he said against your lips, “I wonder if something else has changed.”
You barely had time to process what he had said when he made his way down your chest, briefly sucking on one of your nipples.
“Mh,” he released it with a pop, “this one still tastes the same.”
He moved to your other breast to give it the same attention, teasing it with his teeth and earning him a moan from you before releasing it, “This one as well.”
He left a path of kisses as he trailed down your navel, until he was resting between your legs with a hungry look in his eyes, “Now, for the main course—”
You weren’t prepared for his fangs to dig in the inside of your thighs, making you scream in surprise as your hands grabbed onto the sheet of his bedroll. The pain quickly turned into pleasure as he nibbled and kissed the softness of your thigh, before making his way to your wet slit, which begged for attention.
The smell of you invaded his senses and you could feel his breath over your core as he breathed you in, his arms now wrapped under your thighs as he laid on his stomach and between your legs, “Darling, you smell divine.”
A soft whimper escaped your lips as his tongue pressed against your entrance and he slowly licked all the way up to your clit, “And you taste— Gods, you taste even better than before.” He smiled up to you, his mouth covered by a cocktail of your blood and juices. “I didn’t think it could be possible.”
You were past words by now, but even if you had come up with something, you don’t think you would’ve been able to utter anything with the way his tongue worked between your legs, devouring you of your essence.
“I would forsake blood for the rest of my days if it meant I could nourish myself only of your essence, my love,” he said between licks of you. “The Gods truly made you to ruin me; I could never move on from your taste, even if I wanted to.”
His hands surrounding your thighs and his nails digging in your flesh kept you in place as he continued to worship you, and no matter how much you wiggled, his hold on you held on, as if you were the first meal he was having in days and he wouldn’t let you go until he was sated.
Astarion recognized the signs of your unbecoming as your breathing started shaking and your legs tensed around his head, pushing him to tease you further.
“Are you gonna come for me now?” He smiled between your legs, “Come on, love. Come for me. Come on my tongue.”
The vibration of his humming as he continued to savour you only added to the feeling of his tongue, lapping at your entrance and sucking over your sensitive bud, and his nails digging deeper into your thighs added a delicious hint of pain. After weeks without any sex, you were sensitive to the slightest touch, and now there he was: tasting you, devouring you, wanting you; it was all too much.
“Ah… Astarion!”
Your head fell back against the rough floor of his tent as your back arched and stars clouded your vision. You knew how ironic it was to think so, but you had never felt more alive than you did at this very moment, with your devoted lover worshipping you like the goddess who had finally answered his prayers from all those years ago.
Your legs collapsed as he let go of them to move back up to face you, and he took this chance to hook your leg with his, pushing it upwards to create the perfect angle for him to place himself against your entrance.
Your half-lidded eyes met his, delirious with lust, and you wanted to express the feeling that had been weighing on you for too long now, but when his lips collided with yours and you tasted yourself, all those words got lost on his tongue exploring your mouth.
“I’ve waited so long to finally have you,” he said breathlessly against your lips. “I kept pushing back, thinking it was never the right time.”
He licked his lips, wiping off the string of saliva that connected your mouths. “When you disappeared… I thought I had lost my only chance. I’m done waiting around.”
He slowly pushed himself into you with a low groan as he felt your slickness wrap around him, and you threw your arms around his neck as you moaned into his ear.
“Fuck, you’re so wet. So tight and warm, all for me. I would stay here inside of you for a decade if I could. You feel exquisite, my love.”
He retracted himself slowly, and plunged back in with the same agonising pace, taking in the feeling of your inside. “I’ll enjoy taking my time with you; discovering what makes you tick, tease every one of your sensitive spots. But tonight — I just want this: feeling you wrapped around me and to know that I’m the reason for your unbecoming.”
His pace accelerated, each thrust of his hips brushing against your clit as your bodies almost fused as one, pushing you closer to another edge already.
A particularly well placed thrust had you dig your nails into his back and he hissed into your ear, “Darling,” he panted, “Remind me to trim your nails when we’re done.”
You quickly realised what he meant when a poignant smell, stronger than the bergamot, brandy, and rosemary you smelled on him previously, invaded your nostrils and your mouth watered in response. What you didn’t realise was how you ended up breathing down his neck, just against the popping vein conveniently displayed for you to bite down on. Just one bite away from ecstasy.
“Still hungry, little love?”
You were snapped out from your daze by his voice purring into your ear, pulling away from his neck and blinking as you gained back control of your thoughts.
“I’m— It’s just— Your blood smells really, really good.”
He chuckled, “I tend to have that effect on people. Would you like a taste?”
You forced yourself to look into his eyes, “I… Are you sure?”
He smiled, “There’s nothing I’d like more, my love.”
His gaze reflected sincerity and you gulped as you found your way back in the crook of his neck, your lips brushing against his sensitive skin. You licked the vein you had sensed earlier but didn’t push further. That’s when you felt the vibration of his chuckle, “Go on, darling. I can take it, I promise.”
With his permission, you pushed your small fangs right over the vein in his neck, relishing in the sudden flood of his crimson in your mouth.
Whatever you drank a few minutes ago was nothing compared to his blood. He was the source in a desert you had been roaming for days, one you couldn’t believe wasn't an illusion, and you drank, and drank, losing yourself in his neck, in his taste, the very essence that fueled him.
You couldn’t tell how much you had drank or how much time had passed when he growled and pinned your arms next to your head. His hips thrusting once, deeper into you and hitting your cervix is what makes you unlatch from his neck with a moan.
“I believe that’s enough, love. Now, let me taste you.”
His lips collided with yours hungrily as he increased his pace between your legs, and he groaned at the taste of himself on your lips, running his tongue across your small fangs.
“Fuck, I need you, I need to make you mine. I need—”
Something snapped within him, a side of him you couldn’t recall ever seeing — one that he could finally let go as he pushed your legs up, pinning them down across your chest and pounded deeper into you.
He growled into your ear as he desperately rutted into you, nearing the edge of his climax at the same time as yours, “I want you, I want you for the rest of our lives, please be mine, be mine, be mine!”
“I’m yours, I'm yours, I— I love you!”
You screamed as you came, his own orgasm following closely after yours, the wave of emotions clashing with the sparks of pleasure coursing throughout your body, and for a moment, you think you died and came back to life within the same minute. It was stronger than anything you remember feeling — even with your memories still scattered, you think you’d remember something as powerful.
It’s only when you came back to your senses and was met with Astarion’s soft, dumbfounded expression, that you realised what you had just said. Panic slowly made its way into your heart and you struggled to find the right words to correct yourself.
“I’m sorry— I—”
He didn’t allow you to finish that sentence, kissing you once more to steal away those thoughts of regret that faded instantly as he pulled back to speak.
“I love you too, darling.”
Your future was paved with incertitude; your memory wasn’t all there yet, but you remembered what was important for now, and if forgetting your past was the price to create new memories with him, it was a price you were willing to pay.
Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3
tag list (comment or message me if you want to be added!): @grimistheangerinmystares @silverfangmarks @roguishcat @nyx-knox @anacdoce @jwera @annnagennnie @angeldarkness95 @marlowethebard @hellethil @frankie-mercury @ariajc79 @ladycroft5245 @lets-just-daydream @pursuitseternal @longjohnsilverfish
#my posts#my writing#astarion#bg3#astarion ancunin#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#astarion x you#tav x astarion#baldurs gate 3#bg3 spoilers#bg3 smut#astarion smut#OG_Y#astarion angst
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Julian getting a little too enthusiastic in the gym after everybody finds out he's an augment.
He's never been able to actually push himself while working out in public before, he's always had to hold back to avoid attracting too much attention. So, horrific and traumatic as it was to have his secret revealed like that, to hold on to his career and his life and everything he cares about by the skin of his teeth, there are things he's looking forward to now, things he just couldn't do before.
All of which adds up to Julian in the gym at 0500, figuring out his absolute max deadlift, dropping it down to his 90% and doing set after set until he simply can't lift it anymore. It takes fucking ages, he's even stronger than he expected, and he's having such a good time...
Until about two hours later, right at the start of his shift, when he feels himself start to stiffen up. He tries to push through it, tries to just keep moving and get rid of all the lactic acid that's building up in his glutes, but there's only so much you can do when you've put your body through that and by lunch time, he's locked in a chair in his office and he doesn't think he can stand up anymore, actually.
Which, of course, is when Garak shows up to ask if he still wants to have lunch. And Julian would really like to say yes, but if he can't even stand up then walking to the Replimat is right out, so he just tells Garak that he's got to catch up on some research, actually, and can they take a rain cheque? And he adds his most charming smile for good measure, but now Garak is just *looking* at him, one of those inscrutable looks, with his eyes squinted and his head tilted to the side.
"My dear doctor, are you quite alright?"
And Julian could just tell him! He could just say 'no, actually, I worked out far too hard and now I can't actually stand up to go and get the muscle regenerator I would need to fix it, let alone to join you for lunch!' But that would require *admitting* that he'd overdone it, which of course is exactly what Garak warned him about that morning as he was leaving their quarters at 0430. 'Don't push yourself too hard, my dear, genetically engineered or not, human spines are simply structurally inadequate in some respects..."
And of course he was right, and of course Julian can't let him *know* he was right, and so they're at a stalemate. And Garak just keeps *looking* at him, and then he walks into the room and around the desk and he just stands there, looking down at Julian until Julian is just like "...yes?" And Garak's like, "oh, I just thought I would give you a kiss, since you can't join me. Because of your research." And Julian's like "...okay?" And Garak's just like "so why don't you stand up so I can kiss you properly?" And Julian knows he's fucked but of course he can't admit it so he just stares at Garak until Garak starts smiling and says "you can't, can you?"
And that's how Garak ends up carrying Julian out of the infirmary in the middle of the day to drop him in an Epsom salt bath while he lectures him on the importance of *moderation*, my dear, you really must learn *moderation*
#garashir#ds9#elim garak#julian bashir#ficlet#why yes i was deadlifting on Friday and i can stand up fine why would you ask me that?#augment Julian Bashir#these idiots#i love them your honour
577 notes
·
View notes