#i am required to say it i think
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Oh I'm the jury.
#lmao i got jumpscared by the Direct Eye Contact lmao#this game is so fucking funny istg#plot twist lmao#aa#ajaa#apollo justice ace attorney#turnabout succession#also. eat my ass kristoph you motherfucker#i am required to say it i think#klavier looks fucking hilarious#and the siblings' side eyes? lmao#klavier gavin#trucy wright#apollo justice#kristoph gavin
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i'm so sorry to break it to you, but two actors telling me their characters do not want to kiss, is in no way going to deter me from thinking they're soulmates. it does not even come close to working that way.
#i don't know what you think shipping is but i literally ship dead people this affects me in no way#you could say this about literally 80% of my ships i promise you i do not care#like duh obviously i definitely think they should make out and fall in love but that part is not a requirement i am very delusional#sydcarmy#yeah its about them leave me alone#but also probably#bellarke#msr#the early days#the bear#the 100#the x files
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So uh guess who’s playing honkai star rail
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#sketchbook#hsr#honkai star rail#Sunday#Sunday hsr#Sunday honkai star rail#hoyoverse#mihoyo#I’m like not up to where he shows up but I think I’m going though a manic episode right now (religious experience as they used to say)#so I am very hyperfixated on him and couldn’t stop thinking about him in class#had to draw him just to focus#anyways hope y’all like#I’m also like in love with aven and boothill so I might draw them too later#can you tell I took this photo in class 😭 my midterm requirements are literally to the right
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Wip
#wip#I finished the panels and speech bubbles so I’m taking a break to get an ice cream sandwich then coming back to do lineart#Honestly the worst thing about making these comics is that I can’t depict some of the stuff I really want to depict#Bc decent storytelling requires restraint#But I think a lot about everything and so I put an unnecessary amount of thought into this shit that I can’t reasonably add to the comic#Without making it feel out of character or just sorta tonally weird (admittedly I feel like I stretch it too thin as it is)#The reason I do these besides just bc I like making them and it’s fun is bc I am fascinated with Chilchuck as a character#And I have a very specific idea of his life based on the crumbs Ryoko Kui leaves us#Which I wanna. Like. Force other ppl to witness I guess 😭#But character exploration without any proper storytelling to frame it is boring to me#like I might as well just write it all out in an essay at that point#Anyways all that to say that I am annoyed that my comic about what Chilchuck saw when he said he saw his dad on the other side#Doesn’t leave room for me to show that I think his dads death indirectly led to Meijack being born and clarify why and how I think that hap#And that the whole sequence of events there is too long and unrelated to reasonably fit into those little extras I do sometimes
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it is friday my dudes (little hearts added by @tazmiilly)
#sorryyyyyy for not posting ... please accept these as compensation#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#artwork of the damned#tales of the wild zeep#ummmm ok context for the first one should be mostly self-explanatory#i purposefully left the person he's calling open to interpretation#however for the record i will say i am a 'fiddleford was divorced before he came to gravity falls' truther#but that does not mean he would never call back to cali to check in on his son or anything#so take that as you will#uhhhh everything else is pretty silly and doesnt require much explanation i dont think??#i dont draw pre-college fidds a lot even though i literally have a whole backstory written for him LOLLLL#also i have a whole complex where when i draw a character pre-transition i feel embarrassed#sort of like i've walked in on them in the bathroom or something. like 'whoops sorry' and i politely look away#want to make it VERY CLEAR i dont think theres anything wrong or bad about drawing someone pre-transition!!#it's just a weird thing ive noticed about myself that i'm trying to deal with#and it literally only happens when i'm drawing. not when i'm writing
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#re: the trick tweet#i think we should actually discuss the issues of consent in solavellan more#because it’s so fucked up and juicy and dramatic#i think most solavellans are very defensive because of all the nastiness online which i understand#but it makes us unwilling/unable to discuss in-world issues with the relationship like the age gap power differential and lack of consent#BUT ITS SOOOOO INTERESTING#and it’s really well written and handled adeptly by the writers which makes it even more juicy because SOLAS HIMSELF IS AWARE#OF HOW UNETHICAL IT IS#he literally says “it wouldn’t be right#AND HES RIGHT!!#i think it’s so compelling#it’s such a good exploration of the ethics of desire#but i am afraid to be louder about this because i fear people will interpret it as criticism of the ship#as if im a hater when i clearly love them??#like the writers know it’s fucked up#solas knows it’s fucked up#ITS OKAY FOR US TO ADMIT ITS FUCKED UP TOO#like this is an M rated game made by adults for adults#it’s okay to enjoy a fucked up relationship especially when the narrative acknowledges the ethical issues!!#anyway….. maybe ill share my thoughts on this one day#but idk if tumblr can handle the nuance required lmao
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"shifting isn't real, you're all delusional" jokes on you! Reality shifting methods and such have HELPED ME COPE with my delusional disorders!!
Ex; preventing paranoid spirals into the delusions I have becoming/feeling Too Real and fucking Horrifying at times by shifting normalizing the thought of 1; everything is infinite, it's a common idea that we are CONSTANTLY shifting through different realities, and with that thought, the thought of being "not real, merely a character in someone else's mind" has also become normalized to me with the thought of; what if this world was created via someone thinking of an ideal place they wanted, and shifting Here? What if my delusions were somehow correct? Oddly enough to me, that is reassuring, as I'd finally have a Solid Fucking Answer, and alongside that; it's a fact that in the realities we make and shift to, everyone is still REAL!! Even IF the former idea that we were all created by the consciousness of someone else were true, that doesn't devalue or degrade our Reality as living breathing organisms with Real Lives.
Ex2; somatic cotards delusion is a delusional disorder where you feel you are legitimately dead/you died in the past at one point and are still here somehow/etc, my personal experience is that I believe I caused my own death at some point at a very very very young age and respawned or, alongside my other delusion I died and now what I'm experiencing is merely a simulation and I am actually in whatever the "afterlife" would be. I am convinced I am immortal, yet somehow also I could experience death at Any Second because I perhaps died ages ago and don't remember it;it could kick in when I least expect it, I experience this delusion in a very complicated way. But the thought that? There's people out there that are countless years old, have evaded death endlessly and many that have found the secret to immortality and I myself have scripted and pondered many ways to be immortal; maybe I Am immortal? Not quite yet, but maybe I was destined to be? I don't feel necessarily delusional about these things anymore, I don't feel to the point of "these things are inevitably real in my head but in a scary way because there's no real life way to find proof for myself in any direction negative or positive." I feel more like .. "oh.. maybe these things Are real? I've always been self aware of the delusion aspect of these thoughts, and therefore always known that even if in my head I'm convinced they're real, logically I can't know for sure. But now with this knowledge I feel canceled out, I feel less so on the 'these things are real and I'm spiraling into that scary fact' side of things and moreso on the 'these things are maybe possibly actually probably genuinely Real? And that's neat, I believe they're real as a genuine belief now and I feel like I've found balance. This doesn't feel like a delusional fear anymore, just a belief in a concept that could very very potentially be real."
It's like.. no one ever wants to tell you your delusions are real, because yeah obviously that'd fuck you UP right? But oddly enough for me, whether you'd consider this having enabled me or not; I am not terrified by these ideas anymore, I am not scared of these possible realities, I accept that they're possibly real and I believe in them; I no longer feel like my brain is Forcing me to see things that are fake as real to scare me, I now feel I have reclaimed my paranoia into my own personal beliefs.
Whether understandable or not, I deeply thank Everyone from the shifting community and I hope all of you get exactly what you need and exactly what you deserve, I hope we all do, I know we all will. I feel at peace with my own confusing brain for once finally, and I hope it's understandable how deeply much that means.
#flying.fish🌌#reality shifting#shiftblr#reality shift#shiftinconsciousness#shifting antis dni#shifting reality#shifting#shifting community#shifting realities#just like HEAVY on the shifting antis dni on this one#i know how i work and i know myself. i know im doing good and healthy and i know this is all a positive for me.#i do Not need people coming in here going “erhhrhmm actchually i think youre becoming More delusional”#like my guy the time i was the most delusional was when i was being repetetively told my delusions werent real and being shut down#so i couldnt even say anything about them without being treated like i was batshit insane#until i Became batshit insane due to that treatment#everyone requires different help and everyone heals differently. i thought for years it was the same for everyone with delusions; just..#stay in the middle. dont say yes dont say no. don't deny dont encourage. but honestly that drives me INSANE personally?#it feels like... similar situation w my autistic self#when i am so so convinced someone is mad at me but they just Will Not tell me whats going on#i am Doomed to spiral#my personal need is a form of confirmation that wont shock my brain into a spiral but will allow it to acclimate ig?#my parents barely listened to me about my delusional disorders. therapists pushed them aside to work on easier things. even people who also#have delusions entirely ignored me when i wanted to jus . ask for mild advice or Talk to people i can relate to#this. this has been the Only Thing that has healed me in this area#and that is why i laugh in the face of “reality shifting is a delusion”
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Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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Hellcheer au where they're in the same college class and keep responding to each other's discussion boards because they're both convinced the other person is a genius because they just. have the most beautiful insightful things to say and they're infatuated with the thoughts they have and connections they make in their discussion posts
They've never met in person and only know each other by name and their tiny canvas profile picture or whatever until they do meet somehow, maybe in a different class or through mutual friends OR maybe one of them works somewhere on/near campus and the other shows their student ID to get the discount and the one working like. quotes one of their discussion posts at them or something idk
#eddie seems like the kind of guy to fawn over a girl to the point of memorizing one of her discussion boards#and maybe chrissy gets all breathless and giggly and is twirling her hair like#'did you really mean it or were you just saying those things to meet the word requirement'#and he's like baby i may be ethically against discussion boards as an idea#but i would scroll through thousands of posts full of meaningless horseshit if it means i can see what you have to say#anyways.#if i have to do discussion boards instead of writing fic im at least going to think about hellcheer while i do them 🤷🏼♀️#i like eddie am also ethically against discussion boards as an idea this is cruel and unusual punishment!!!!!#hellcheer#hellcheer au#hellcheer headcanon#hellcheer headcanons#eddissy#eddissy headcanon#eddissy headcanons#eddie munson#eddie munson headcanon#eddie munson headcanons#chrissy cunningham#chrissy cunningham headcanon#chrissy cunningham headcanons#stranger things#stranger things headcanon#stranger things headcanons#just r's thoughts
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day 8: blue
the uniform itches. some days it's easier to put on than others, but of course it always fucking itches, even after caitlyn had let her get away with numerous dress code violations; typical topside clothes, starched stiff, built for show before basic movement.
vi still doesn't like it, probably never will. part of her feels like a coyote at a dog show, out of place with a leash too tight around her neck, and part of her just wants to vomit every time she looks in the mirror. if vander could see her- if her younger self could see her- if powder could see her-
jinx. it's jinx now. right.
that makes her want to vomit too, every time it comes out of her fucking mouth.
it's going to be worth it, though. vi will call jinx whatever she wants, she'll lie through her teeth when caitlyn kisses her and she'll put up with all the mockery she deserves if that's what it takes. all she needs is patience, which, yeah, vi has never had a lot of, but for her sister, she can manage. all she has to do is follow in caitlyn's footsteps to find her sister again, convince caitlyn not to hurt her and then she can burn the fucking dress blues and- and-
(she hasn't really thought about what comes after the happy ending.)
#arcane#arctober#vi#levi.doc#today had me thinking abt how blue is so strongly associated w both love (jinx + caitlyn) and violence (hextech + enforcers) to vi#and exactly how thin/malleable that line is for her#i dont know exactly how to articulate it but this prompt could have gone so many ways and it makes me feel kind of nuts#but i decided on this one bc im still strongly on 'vi has a secret plan to save jinx that requires going undercover as an enforcer'#-> caitlyn isnt in the know -> vi blows her cover by saving jinx -> caitvi divorce bc caitlyn wants jinx Dead/in prison + vi doesnt#(i am also so sure vi saving jinx here is when caitlyn blows off jinxs finger!!)#idk if s2 will prove me completely wrong?? but lets see#(please dont tell me. i keep saying this but i want to make it so clear i dont want to hear anything from or abt the leaks ever)
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Stealth doesn’t help the trans community. I'm not saying we have to be an activist, wear a t-shirt announcing our trans status, but we have an obligation to help advance the human rights of the trans community we belong to
These viewpoints, while I can appreciate them, tend not to recognize the full scope of why people are stealth in the first place.
If stealth is not right for you, don't be stealth. However, not recognizing the nuances of stealth doesn't help trans people either. You can be an advocate for trans people without being out because you don't need to be out to help the trans community. Additionally, nobody is obligated to know one's trans status. I'm pretty stealth in my real life because I owe nobody that information about my identity. And I do my best to make trans folks one of my primary interests in my life. These two things coexist in my life, and that's why these viewpoints are generally confusing to me. You don't need to be out - or let anybody know about your transness - in order to advance trans rights. Hell, you don't even need to be trans to do that.
Nobody should ever be obligated to be stealth. The expectation that trans people fade away in society is wholly asinine. However, that doesn't mean that stealth inherently is problematic. Stealth is not inherently adverse to trans rights.
#ask#anon#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#i bring up myself because i think it's a relevant example#because i just happen to be stealth. it's pretty nuanced as to why i am but i am also a severely private person#and i don't share my personal information. but i will do my best to advocate for trans people in my real life#i have conversations with cis people all the time about transness for instance#that's what i mean#i can appreciate moving away from stealth as a requirement to living a trans life#i think it's incredibly reductionist to EXPECT that from us#but i also think it's reductionist to say that stealth is inherently bad#some of us (like myself) don't think anybody will be entitled to that part of us#it feels like people think 'if you're stealth you don't WANT us to have rights' and maybe that isn't what anon is saying...#...but people really lose the nuance into stealth and what it is and why people are stealth so that it's easier to sort you feel?#like people assume why we're stealth when it's like... the assumptions are either wrong or sorely lacking as to the reason#i really don't know why this is being asked of me though#i think this is the third or fourth ask about this topic with the same(ish) responses to the whole Stealth Thing#so i'm trying not to assume what anon is trying to say but i also want to recognize that i really don't agree#like what do you propose to somebody like me who already does work with trans rights and who is stealth irl?#do i just come out even though NOBODY in my life needs (or even deserves) to know?#that's what i'm talking about with this topic
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I know some of us like to pepper Gaelic endearments into our ghostsoap from time to time and I thought hey! Maybe I should finally share my little headcanon as to how Soap even came about knowing the language in the first place:
I like to think that his granny (who raised him and his siblings) was from the Inner Hebrides and grew up using it. She moved to the lowlands after marrying, became a Gaelic-medium teacher. Thus, Soap attended the school she taught at and had a Gaelic-medium education throughout primary. (Gme students are taught completely in Gaelic from p1-p3 with English being incorporated later.) While not continuing it in secondary, he still had a fluent adult at home keeping the language fresh in his mind. That’s. The bare bones of it anyway.
Anyway I wanted to share this because I’ve seen the occasional person say it’s ridiculous to suddenly see him speaking Gaelic in fics (which is a very fair point of course. few people are immersed in it, it remains a threatened language) but the thought of someone who wanted to include it in their work who then might not because of this is disheartening. Should they do the proper research beforehand, it is plausible when given the right ingredients.
It’s a language that should be celebrated, not discouraged, especially given the history. Having a character know it just really depends on the different factors you throw into their backstory. Even if the author doesn’t explain it, it should then be up to the reader to assume he’s not just pulling the language out of thin air. Idk, if call of duty fanfic of all things can expose people to Gàidhlig and garner interest in some to learn a bit of the language, I just. That is a good thing
#john soap mactavish#cod military propaganda but make it cod fanfic Gaelic propaganda#of course it depends on his family too like. if someone had him having grown up in an absusive household like ghost but put into a gme#that would give a bit of pause to the reader bc a arent who doesn’t care likely wouldn’t put their child into an education that requires#more work from them#that being said it’s possible he could’ve learned it from a fluent family member depending on how often he was around them#let us not forget that soap is extremely smart#I guess what I’m trying to say is if you feel like you have to have an explaination this is what I do#by no means am I the authority on Gaelic language I’m still a novice after years of off and on learning but I think exposure when done#correctly is really special and has the potential to interest readers who might’ve otherwise never even heard of the language#my headcanons#anon if youre out there…we’ll it’s not more of ghost’s family hcs but it’s something!
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while aaravi remains firmly within "yeah miranda has a difficult personality and isn't very easy to get along with + has many rough edges which are slowly being worked on but still going to be an issue" after having been very much so within the camp that miranda is a Vexing Bitch upon first contact/getting to know her, she DOES go from "miranda is unpredictable and dangerous as a merfolk and large macropredator and her emotions are inscrutable and random" to "merfolk aren't very hard to understand or predict and it's very easy to stay on the safe side if you keep basic rules in mind and don't freak out the second something unexpected happens"
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#just. thinking about it!#thinking about specifically how merfolk (like most other animals) growl/hiss specifically as a deterrent#like if you start really upsetting miri and she wants space and you to Please Stop#she will probably turn her face away from the other person or turn her body away from them#while growling or hissing and pulling her fins back#and will open her mouth to bare her teeth or gape her mouth open to show her teeth (including heavily panting)#where the point is ''i will hurt you if you touch me/get closer/dont stop so please dont do that''#but a lot of people read it as her being either obtuse (if she turns away from them)#or outright aggressive for the showing of teeth and growling#when shes really not. shes being very polite in merfolk terms in giving multiple chances to avoid violence#shes going ''i am worried i might have to hurt you so please reconsider'' in a way thats very readable if youre another merfolk#who will then step away or give her her space and switch the tone of the conversation#to see whats wrong#whereas her being more deliberately aggressive/violent usually comes with minimal vocal cues at all#or (if shes specifically threatening someone such as in the case of getting aggressive over perceived threats to her social bonds)#she will often turn towards them and open her mouth and flare her fins#often deliberately closing the distance and making herself appear Extra Large#she WILL growl here but will never hiss (hissing being a more defensive sound)#and will often smack her tail against the ground or show her claws or otherwise demonstrate how large and how scary she is#as a deliberate point of ''you crossed a line and this is what is going to happen to you if you dont make it up right now''#which! both require VERY different responses but might look similar to a human!#and might end up coming off as unpredictable or random in her actions and cruelty!#when shes not! shes just doing things the way a merfolk does them#which means aaravi realizes VERY quickly after learning about all of this#just how many cues miranda gives that people are starting to make her uncomfortable and feel Not Okay#that are ignored or written off because theyre merfolk cues#merfolk are very tolerant of stress but have basically no concept of escalation of violence for that reason#because if youve ignored every chance to prevent something dangerous up until the point it goes too far
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I am going to murder every mathematician that made this class what it is
#personal#college#I have enough points in this class to pass so I could give less of a fuck how horribly I fail the next test#But jesus christ#The teacher admits every other chapter we will probably never use this again outside of a classroom#So once a week I have this guy saying “Yeah this is for a grade but a waste of time”#i am so tired#I dont think 2/3 of my required classes this semester should be so open about how they aren't helping us#I understand why 75% of the class is gone since attendance isnt required
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I keep drinking coffee thinking it's gonna make me Productive and then instead of doing the work I actually have to do I just compulsively make spreadsheets :(
#my homework is. not done#but!!! i just realized if i take 2 spanish classes i can have a russian/spanish major instead of just russian#(it's complicated but this would leave me with: double major languages and history with a joint major in asian middle east studies)#(plus a minor in religious studies and concentration in islamicate studies)#first i gotta: relearn spanish for like the third time#but it's ok i'm hopping thru spain in less than a month so i should proooobably do that anyway#man when i was touring colleges my mom was like really dismissive about the idea of double majoring and now i'm here like#How Many Things Can I Stack Up To Get Big Number On Transcript#aaaaaaaand because of ames requirements i did the dumb thing and ended up learning persian while my spanish is still kinda iffy#итак совершилося то что я пытался предотвратить as they say#so i'm just gonna have to study two languages at once next semester... or just keep going thru the cycle of relearning them abt every year#my russian is a big girl it can survive on its own but i now gotta feed the babiessssss#tho ig what this kinda cyclically learning and forgetting spanish has taught me is like#languages are less like babies and more like those lil desert plants that wither up when they don't have any water#they might look dead but they're nearly impossible to kill completely#and will bounce right back after a lil care n patience. i just gotta like.... water em#the one thing standing in my way is ideological opposition to my spanish textbook#i have to pay $200 for access to a *website*#*i don't even get a book just a shitass ebook*#but it's ok one of the spanish profs likes me i think? i think she would let me skip the intro lit class#only problem is it was Genuinely Hard for me to follow along when i audited advanced lit... 90% of the class was heritage speakers#tho ig like. having taken a class meant for native russian speakers should help w learning to survive that kinda thing#genuinely i think i can do it#just gotta make that my goal. study. do it for zapata#and if i wanna go into translating... having good spanish should help right? like if i finally get b2 spanish?#yeah. if i could do kazakh history for native russian speakers i can do spanish lit for heritage spanish speakers. it's equivalent enough#but ok i'm gonna visit my buddy in spain who did nearly the exact same shitass majors combination as me#tho i think he did spanish/arabic for his language major and just Happens To Also Be Fluent In Russian cuz he's Like That#it's ok he's two years older than me i have two years to become that cool#he can tell me what to do
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