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fandomtherapy44 · 2 months ago

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Castiel x reader Chapter 17 Free to be you and Me

Summary: SEASON 5 WHOOOO!!!!!!!! LET's GO! So I am so excited for this season so many great episodes. There are going to be a lot more Cas and Y/n scenes. And more chapters too. I do recommend that you read my first book so you get the full Y/n Winchester build-up. Okay with out further due enjoy the second book of Love War and Grace.

Paring: Castiel X Reader

WC:3.782

Warnings: Some language, Typical Supernatural violence, Spoilers for season five of Supernatural, Emotional hurt for Y/n

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Firefly Graphics

POV (Y/n)

The bar I walked into smelled like how it looked: pissy and dirty. I mean, what else do you expect from a vamp nest trap set up? I put on the tightest dress I have and the most oblivious look on my face.��

“Hey, can I please have lemonade?” I asked the bartender who clearly looked down at my dress.

“Sure thing, sweet thing.”

I looked around and the guys were looking at me like I was a steak and I was to them as vamps. He slid the drink over to me.

“Need anything else?” He very obviously looked down at my dress.

“Um, I think I got a little lost. Could you maybe point me in the right direction?” All he was looking at was my chest, boobs- you could never go wrong with them.

“Of course. I'll lead you out.” He looks at his buddy’s signaling that it won't be long till their next meal. He leads me out to the alley where Ellen and Jo were waiting.

“Sir…there's nothing out here?” I acted clueless to distract him again.

“Sorry sweetheart, you're pretty and all, but my friends and I are hungry and frankly you shouldn't have come out here with a stranger. Now you're trapped.” I could hear him fang out and his body language became cocky. I just stare at him while Jo and Ellen come out behind him with their machates drawn.

“Ha ha ha.” He looks confused at my laughter.

“What the Hell is so funny bitch!?” I’m laughing so much that I practically keel over.

“Oh, just that you thought you trapped me while really we trapped you.”

“We?” Ellen goes behind holding the handle of the machete.

“Yeah, we.” He turns to her and at the same time she decapitates him. “You okay?” She says, concerned.

“Yeah, thanks Ellen.”

“No problem. Now, let's go get the rest of these sons of bitches.” She picks up his head and the three of us go back into the bar. Ellen kicks in the door and throws the head through the doorway. We walked in slowly, almost like an old west movie. Dean would love this.

“Alright who’s first?”Jo announces loudly to them. All the other Vamps scream and charge at us. I went swinging like crazy and got four of them in like a minute. I was getting a little too distracted that I didn't see one come running at me. She body checked me to the ground. I struggled to get the machete- it was just out of reach.

“Come on!” The vampire fangs out and is about to kill me when Jo comes behind and cuts her off- literally. I shoved the now dead body off of me and noticed that I was covered in Vamps blood and a little of mine. “Thank you, Jo.” I stood up to catch my breath.

A couple hours later we got cleaned up and were celebrating with drinks after a job. We deserved it. “I want to say a toast.” I raise my glass and Jo and Ellen follow suit. “I just want to say thank you for letting me stay with you guys for the last three weeks and to feel part of the team.” We clink our glasses together.

“Aww sweetie of course, I can say you're my favorite Winchester… just don’t tell your brothers.” Ellen leaned down to whisper to me. I get tears in my eyes but quickly wipe them away.

“Thank you Ellen, truly.” She love taps my arm.

“Don’t even mention it. Now I'm going to go get a second round.” She picks up the glasses and goes to the bar when Jo and I are left alone.

“Y/n, I gotta say it's been awesome to have you around.” I blush and look around.

“Well it’s been good to live with girls for a change. After I’ll, I’ve been living with guys my whole life. Let me just say it's nice to go to the bathroom and the toilet seat is down.” We both chuckle. “So…how long have you liked Dean?” She looks surprised by my question.

“What do you mean?” Jo lies straight through her teeth.

“Jo come on, I may not be an FBI agent but I am a hunter who fakes being an FBI agent. I know when someone is lying.” She glances down at the little light down on our table and sighs.

“Since the HH Holmes case.” I remember that, it was not fun.

“Well if anyone can handle Dean, it’s you, and I wouldn't pick anyone else.”

“You mean that?” She asks me hesitantly.

“Jo, you are amazing at everything you do. I have seen you run after a vamp… for over two miles! Plus, you are smart, badass, gorgeous. If that is not an awesome girlfriend, then I don’t know what is.”

“That means a lot Y/n.” I smile at her.

“Just telling the truth, Jo.”

It was the middle of my night when I get a phone call waking me up easily since I was half asleep. I grab it and answer it. “Hello?” I answered in my groggy sleepy voice.

“Hello Y/n.” I sprung right up- it was Cas.

“Cas how- where are you?” There was a pause then he answered in his gruff voice.

“I need to know where you are.” I go to look at the notepad to find the name of the motel we were at.

“Uh sunset moon motel in Massachusetts on fifth street.” I answered as quickly as possible. I wait to hear an answer.

“Hello? Cas?” Then there was a knock on my door. I open the door and there stands my best friend, Castiel. “Hey come in.” He walks in noticing the empty beds.

“Where’s Sam and Dean?” He asks me and I look towards the beds and sigh, my heart panging with a little pain like everytime I look at them.

“We uh… decided that a little time away from each other would be good, you know, to think about everything.” I sit down on the bed picking at my fingernails, a bad habit that I picked up a long time ago. “How is the God hunt going?” I asked him, still staring at hands.

“It’s not, that's why I’m here.” That gets my attention that I stop fiddling with my nails.

“What do you mean?” Cas sits down in the chair in front of me.

“I need to find someone.”

“Who?” He almost doesn't want to answer.

“The Archangel… that killed me.” Hearing that I shot straight up.

“You want to look for the Angel who killed you!?” I started to pace back and forth with just a tiny bit of panic going through my body. “Yeah, ‘cause that sounds like a good choice!” I get sarcastic when I get worried.

“Y/n, we are going to trap him for information.” He stayed calm and kind of made me more mad that he wasn't more scared to go against the Angel that killed him!

“Like that’s going to be easy.” I stood still finally. He stands up in front of me.

“I have a plan. Dean is Michael’s vessel, so if he wants to come, Raphel won’t dare hurt him.” Raphel huh, so that is the son of Bitch that killed him.

“And you are one of the only people that will help me. So, are you going to help?” He asked me while boring his blue eyes into mine and of course, I wasn’t going to say no.

“Cas, I will always help you. No matter what.” I gave him a small smile and he returned one back. “Now let's go find my brother.”

Dean, Cas and I had driven all night to Waterville, Main. We stopped outside next to the police station. The three of us got out of Baby. “And we're here, why?” Dean inquired.

“A deputy sheriff laid eyes on the archangel.” Cas responded while looking at the building.

“And he still has eyes? All right, what's the plan?” I mean, Dean had a point on the eye comment.

“We'll...tell the officer that he witnessed an angel of the Lord, and the officer will tell us where the angel is.” Cas responded back so innocently. That it was almost cute.

“Uh, Cas, if we did that we would be locked up and the key would be thrown away.”

“Cas- let me explain something to you when humans want something so bad we lie.” Cas was confused.

“Why?”

“Because that's how you become President.” He tapped Cas’s cheek in a friendly way and started to walk to the building when I went to fix Cas’s tie. “Sadly it’s the truth Cas but sometimes you have to lie.” He looks down at me, tightening his tie.

“Do you?” Cas wonders.

“Not when I can help it.” I finished and glanced in his eyes, frozen for a second. I notice the state of both of us and snap out of it. “Come on, Dean will get his boxers in a twist if we don’t hurry up.” I practically run into the building and Dean is already talking to the officer.

“Ahh there are my partners, Eddie Moscone and Kate Bush.” Dean pointed to Cas and me I take out my badge but Cas just stand there. We just stare at him and he catches on. He pulls out his badge and when he does it’s flip upside down. I try to hold back a laugh. Dean rolls his eyes and fixes it. “He's, uh, he's new. Mind if we ask you a few questions?” Dean said to the officer.

“Yeah, sure. Talk here, though. Hearing's all blown to hell in this one.” Indicating his left ear. We went to sit in his office.

“You mind just, uh, running us through what happened at the gas station?” I ask.

“A call came in. Disturbance out at the Pump and Go on Route 4.” The three of us tuned in.

“What of kind disturbance was it?”

“Would not have believed my eyes if I hadn't seen it myself. We're talking a riot. Full scale.”

“How many?” Dean chimed in.

“Thirty, forty, in all-out kill-or-be-killed combat.” Walt exclaimed, not even believing his own words.

“Any idea what set them off?” I ask, trying to get to the bottom of this.

“It's angels and demons, probably.” Cas answered instead. The officer looks at him like he's wack. “They're skirmishing all over the globe.” Cas continues.

“Come again?” The officer questioned.

“Nothing. Nothing.” Dean tried to cover it up.

“Demons. Demons.” And there goes Cas again. “Demons, you know, drink, adultery. We all have our demons, Walt.” Dean smoothly recovers.

“I guess.” Walt looks at Cas weirdly.

“Anyway. What happened next?” Dean asks. Walt thinks about it deeply.

“Freaking explosion, that's what. They said it was one of those underground gas tanks, but, uh, I don't think so. It wasn't your usual fireball. It was, um—” Cas finished his sentence.

“Pure white.”

“Yeah. Gas station was leveled. Everyone was...it was just horrible. And I see this one guy, kneeling, real focused-like, not a damn scratch on him.”

“Let me guess, he just, uh, vanished into thin air?” Dean said with confidence.

“Uh, no, Kolchak. He's down at Saint Pete's.” It was Dean’s turn to be looked at like he was crazy.

We go to St Pete’s and let’s just say old Donnie looked like he had been through some shit.

“I take it that's not Raphael anymore.” Dean commented a little wary.

“Just an empty vessel.” Cas answered.

“So is this what I'm looking at if Michael jumps in my bones?” Cas pauses.

“No, not at all. Michael is much more powerful. It'll be far worse for you.” Great, just great. We had shacked up in an abandoned house for the night. Dean and I were getting things together while Cas was getting something from Jerusalem.

“So how is spending time with Ellen and Jo?” He asked me.

“It’s been… good I mean it’s nice to finally to really get to know them.”

“Good, good.” He grumbles, his feelings getting hurt but I didn’t see that. Then Cas pops into the room.

“How was Jerusalem?” I ask. He has an old looking pitcher in his hand.

“Arid.” He puts it on the table.

“What's that?” Dean gestured to the pitcher.

“It's oil. It's very special. Very rare.”

“Okay, so we trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?” I punch Dean gentily for being an a-hole. “So, this ritual of yours, when does it go down?”

“Sunrise.” Cas responded calmly.

“Tell me something. You keep saying we're gonna trap this guy. Isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?” I look at Cas.

“No, it's harder.”

“Do we have any chance of surviving this?” Dean asked, which was fair because the odds are not looking good for us.

“You two do.” I stand up so quickly that my chair falls back and breaks.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean Cas?” He looks at me, almost ashamed.

“Y/n that is what is probably going to happen, I'm just being realistic… I'm sorry.” I couldn't even believe him.

“If you were just going to give up, why even ask me to come!?” He couldn't even answer me. “Whatever, I'm not going to be around to see it.” I start to go to my things Dean tries to stop me.

“Y/n wait-” I spun around and stared at him.

“And how could you be fine with this!?” He had the same response as Cas which was nothing. “Why do the people I always care about always have a death wish!?” Tears were pouring out of my eyes. I go into a random room and slam it behind me. I put my ear to the door to listen in.

“Come on Cas, she just needs some time alone.”

“Dean I-”

“It’s okay dude, let's go.” I hear the door close but then footsteps.

“Y/n I really am sorry.” I lean my forehead on the door. I just wasn’t ready to talk. He senses my quietness and leaves too. I slide down the door just like a cliche in a movie.

It had been about an hour and a half since they left and finally come back. I could hear Dean he was happy and laughing. I hadn't heard that genuine laugh from him in a while. It was nice. Then there was a knock at the door.

“Y/n, can you open the door… please?” It was Cas. I wanted to scream at him and tell him to screw off but I couldn’t for some reason, so I opened the door slowly. “Can we talk?” He asked in his soft voice.

“Oh now you want to talk, you sure you don’t want to trick me into talking to you?” He sighed and closed the door behind him.

“I didn’t mean to trick you- I… “ He looks down, finding the words hard to say. “I did know that most likely I will die by the end of this.” When he says it, it just made it more real. “I just wanted to spend my last night with my friend.” At that I turned and I think I see a tear falling but he quickly gets rid of it.

“Cas, you're my friend and I would spend your last night with you, but tonight is not your last night.” He raises his head at me confused.

“Y/n there is no ‘I’m surviving Raphel’ especially after being angry from being captured.” I take his hand and pull him into a hug.

“I just got you back. There is no way in Hell I'm going to let you go again.” I didn’t see it but Cas let the next tear fall this time in happiness.

The sun was going to rise soon, so we went back to the hospital. I poured the oil around the empty vessel and Cas threw a match to it and it lit up with holy fire. “When the oil burns, no angel can touch or pass through the flames, or he dies.” Cas said standing back.

“Cas, now that we've trapped him, how do we get him down?” I ask.

“Very simple. There's, well, almost an open phone line between a vessel and his angel. One just has to know how to dial.” Cas lists a series of numbers Enochian out loud. “I'm here, Raphael. Come and get me, you little bastard.” I was so proud of him cursing out his enemy- he got taught that from me.

“Just out of curiosity, what is the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel?” Dean quipped.

“Be ready.”

Eight hours later…

We had gone back to the house after spending the whole day waiting. ��Guys wait.” There was Raphael standing, sucking in all the electricity to make wings. If he wasn't such a dick, I would compliment him on how cool it looked.

“Castiel.”

“Raphael.” they said to each other. We walk closer to him. I look him up and down, just another bully with too much authority going to his head.

“And I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out the room.” Raphael looks at Dean like he wants to throw a dart in his eyes.

“And the Eastern Seaboard.” Lighting strikes outside.

“It is a testament to my unending mercy that I do not smite you here and now.” He directed to Cas. Oh, now I was itching to stab him.

“Or maybe you're full of shit. Maybe you're afraid God will bring Cas back to life again and smite you and your big bully bullshit. By the way, hi, I'm Y/n- I'm the one who’s going to kill you.” The three of them all stare at me.

“How dare you threaten me, you worthless cockroach.” Time to really get him riled up just to get him closer.

“Please, I have been called way worse by five year olds, and their insults were actually smart.” At that he almost growls, and I continue talking. “You want to talk about smart? You do remember how Zachariah snapped away your heart. Well, he doesn't have anything close to my imagination.” I chuckle at him seeing him step inside the circle. “Well I bet you didn't imagine one thing.” I have the lighter in my hand.

“What?” He asked angrily.

“We knew you would come, you stupid motherfucking bitch.” As I said that I threw the lighter. He looks between the three of us.

“Don't look at me, it was his idea.” Dean said, pointing at Cas.

“Dean!” I slap his arm.

“Where is He?”

“God? Didn't you hear? He's dead, Castiel. Dead. But there's no other explanation. He's gone for good.” Cas didn’t want to believe him.

“You're lying.”

“Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would have let any of that happen if He were alive?” I try to study him.

“So, let me get this straight. Daddy ‘goes on a milk run’ and you and your brothers want to spit roast the planet.” He answers me.

“We're tired. We just want it to be over. We just want...paradise.”

“So, what, God dies and makes you the boss and you decide you can do whatever you want?” Dean joins in.

“Yes. And whatever we want, we get.” At that, the window burst open.

“If God is dead, why have I returned? Who brought me back?” Cas questions.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?”

“No.”

“Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up.” I grab his hand and squeeze to let him know I was behind him.

“Let's go.” We start to walk out.

“Castiel, I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you.” Cas turns to him in the most badass way ever.

“Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.” Cas and Dean walk away but I stay.

“Oh by the way, I will kill you for taking my best friend away. That wasn't a tactic to trap you.” He then chuckles at me.

“You are the one who will die for him, that sorry excuse for an angel.” I step right up against the circle.

“Really, because from where I'm standing, he trapped you.” At that I walk out.

Later, we were driving in the Impala, when Dean decided to break the silence.

“You okay?” Dean asks Cas.

“Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers.” Dean was right. I remember how far and how long we looked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?” Cas sits for a sec.

“I believe he's out there.”

“Good. Then go find him.”

“What about me? I don't know. Honestly, I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm really good.”” At that I looked at him.

“Even without your brother?” Cas asked.

“Especially without my brother. I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years, and you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone, hell, I'm happy.” That brought tears to my eyes.

“Good to know how you feel about us.”

“Cas, take me away.” Dean looked back at me and saw how hurt I was.

“Y/n wait I didn't mean about you- wait!” Cas had already flown us off. We dropped into my motel room.

“I can’t believe he- I-” I was at a loss for words. “How could he!-AHHH!” I kick the table, breaking it in the process. “I never asked him to-” I dropped to my knees, sobbing. Cas comes down to my level and just hugs me. “I never asked him to be there for me Cas! So how could he say that!” I sobbed into his chest. All Cas could do is just pet my head.

“I know, I know.” I just let go.

#castiel x reader #castiel #castiel x y/n #spn fanfic #dean winchester #sam winchester #team free will #spnfandom #supernatural #castiel x you #Castiel x reader series masterlist #bobby singer #bobby spn #cas spn #cas x reader #cas x y/n #cas masterlist #supernatural season 5 #crowley supernatural

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unlikelyarcadefire-blog · 10 months ago

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When I was 16, I randomly watched (if I recall correctly) the 1996 version of Jane Eyre, with Charlotte Gainsbourg and William Hurt as Jane and Rochester. This is the only version I have been able to watch, as all others have off-put me in some way or another. I recommend it to anyone! It is incredibly sweet. I'll probably post more about that later.

After I watched, I was so emotionally moved, I rushed to read the book over the following four days. It was life changing! It made me think like a story never had before.

It also made me write. I began penning my own period novel, and worked at it for perhaps 3 years. I abandoned it mostly due to personal life events that made continuing it difficult and unappealing.

However, now I am 27. I decided to try NaNoWriMo after seeing John Green mention it in a video (at the tail end of November '23!) and was delighted to find... I loved it! And I wrote every day, every free moment. I stayed up late into the night. I was hooked!

I originally (11 years ago) had written my story on the notes app on my iPad -- I know, I know. I likewise kept a notebook as a hand written key for OCs backgrounds. That has been since lost -- I believe I discarded it, as I did many things in my college days. But I had emailed copies of my Notes to myself and was able to use them as a starting off point.

Let me tell you -- a lot of it was discarded, but some parts surprised me! It can be invigorating to rediscover your old art -- and be impressed or moved by it. Though, I am arguably better at writing and plot development now, with experience (English degree) and just life stuff.

Anyway, it's been like two months and I already have around 350 pages -- with lots more to write. I didn't think I'd ever actually write a book, but this is one of my biggest projects yet. And it's been a joy to create something! Since I graduated, I have slowly fallen out of my love and dedication to art -- it lingers but is overshadowed by daily life. I'm married and have a toddler now. But I believe I can have both! I am seeing inspiration and beauty everywhere -- I cannot escape it! I initially feared writers block but I have found myself to have the opposite problem. I can't turn my writers brain off. My OCs conversate in my head all day. Not being able to write down their ramblings is agony.

I'm rereading Jane Eyre, revisiting old artistic inspirations (music, period romances, books, poetry, etc.). I feel like I'm in my art-girl renaissance.

I even returned to Tumblr, if that tells you anything.

The point of this is mere unloading. To share my obsession somewhere safe. Bc I'm afraid of seeming silly or bugging anyone with my interests (introverts be like). Thank you for listening. I hope I finish my book, and make art that makes me feel something. That's it for now.

I hope you know there is a story in you.

#writing #jane eyre #books #nanowrimo #john green #charlotte bronte #writing inspo #art #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr

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sailoropal · 1 year ago

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My Pinned Bio / Summary

Hallo // This pinned bio makes it easier to explain myself, this blog, and what content will likely be spammed with it. As well as reaching out to other fans also thriving here, heh.

I must quickly clarify I do interact with 18+ content, so please, minors DNI and everyone else, proceed with caution; however, this post is SFW, hah!

About Me:

I go by Fae or Spec (She/They).

I am 24 years old - ENFP and queer [not a shock considering my sailor moon core]

A recent postgrad burnout woman who has resigned from the stressful 9 - 5 STEM grad job I had to now work as a disability student support worker. There's a lot more flexibility in this role that allows me to have passions and personality outside my Degrees and Academics, haha!

Regarding birth charts and for the sake of astrology I am Taurus Sun, Capricorn Moon, and Sagittarius Rising.

I have ASD - Like many women, I was late diagnosed due to many in my community dismissing my observational signs as "quirks" and "A wee bit away with the fae". I masked a lot in my life, but I realize it is essential for my mental health to unmask where possible.

My first language is Gàidhlig; later in my life, I learned English when I wanted to move from the Scottish isles, where I grew up. So, if you have a DnD/OC character influenced by Celtic Myth/Gaelic culture, I am happy to give advice and commentary.

Anime/Shows:

Attack on Titan, Avatar-The Last Airbender, Aggretsuko, Anohana, Bleach, Berserk, Chainsaw Man, Devilman Crybaby, Digimon, Dororo, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Made in Abyss, My Hero Academia, Naruto, One Piece, Pokémon, Sailor Moon, Shiki, Yu-gi-oh!, Yu Yu Hakusho, Lovely Complex, My Love Story!!, Wonder Egg Priority, Romantic Killer, Toradora, RWBY, ROTTMNT, Adventure Time, Bee and Puppycat, and a TON of K-dramas/C-dramas/J-dramas - atm I am watching a K-drama called The Glory and my most absolute fave is Strong Girl Bong-Soon.

I am starting the likes of Jujutsu Kaisen, Demon Slayer, and I am open to more recommendations!

Video Games:

Animal Crossing, Bloodborne, Baldur's Gate 3, Fire Emblem, Bravely Default, Cult of the Lamb, Dark Souls, Diablo, Hades, Stardew Valley, Rune Factory, Monster Hunter, Minecraft, Resident Evil, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, The Sims, Style Savvy DS series (Dress-up Games are my weakness), Pokémon, Super Princess Peach (also looking forward to the switch release!)

Okay, I am also obsessed with Dating Horror Games:

John Doe, Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack, DachaBo!, Frost Bite, My Dear Hatchet Man, House Hunted.

(I know Your Boyfriend is a popular one - the game is fun, but I am not a fan of the creator.)

I intend to play the likes of Touch Starved, Courtin' Cowboys, Snaggemon, Trapped with Jester, and more, heh. :^

Books:

I read a lot of Fanfiction alongside actual works by Elizabeth Lim, Sue Lynn Tan, Sarah J Maas, Judy Lin - Anything that is literally Chinese Mythic Based Plot, and Fae Smut, if I gotta be honest with you PFFT. I am on Booktok a ton, so recommendations are appreciated while I organise my Kindle.

Roleplay/Writing:

I have been roleplaying/writing since about 15/16, so I have a few years of writing experience creating OCs and writing out RP Ideas. I went on an extended hiatus as I finished university and took time off to deal with my mental health as I settled into a new routine. I am currently not outright seeking RP partners as I slowly find the time to write again, but I am open to people reaching out to discuss their OCs and RP ideas!

I am such a recluse who will binge fanart, headcanons, and fanfics - I love listening to people talk about their OCs, Fanfics, AUs, and the works. If you share my hyperfixations, don't hesitate to infodump! I might get distracted and forget to respond- but I WILL respond.

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patron-saints · 7 months ago

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Hey there! So I was curious, what are your current top favorite shows/books/games at the moment, and do you have any recommendations for ones that you think others might enjoy and should check out?

so right now i am a year deep into a fullmetal alchemist brotherhood/manga special interest, which means that the characters from that and especially my two rare pair ships (olizumi and rizalust) have had me in a stranglehold.

being that you're already an fma person i will not try to sell you on it but if you ever wanna check out my fics please do ehehe, i recommend starting with "with or without" !

i am also watching dungeon meshi, just finished arcane, and have been. you know. also watching one piece,

which honestly is so so good, i'm on 117 and try to make a little progress every day

books wise i'm reading both the manga of fma and the mdzs series so just things i watched the adaptation of first, but also Slowly Slowly making my way through dungeon meshi, which, i only read when i'm with my partner, so i've also kind of fallen behind on the show cuz i stopped where i stopped in the book, haha.

game wise i am 2/3 done with pentiment and keep meaning to go back! almost done with portal 2 which i play with my sister on the weekends and i also stream baldurs gate 3 with my friends on tuesdays which i have also been going through so so slowly due to the only playing once a week thing.

other recommendation wise i am legally obligated to pitch tenchi universe, which you can no longer watch legally on any streaming platform but if you want a google drive link, dm me, it is the world's silliest little show and so goddamn sweet !

older hyperfixation wise i would say you can never go wrong with dark (netflix) if you like time travel even a little bit, alta mar (but only the first two seasons) for murder mysteries, and. god do you ever feel like your brain stops working. i guess yuru camp for another really sweet anime!!

also also, the whole Dropout content thing is like. my whole life so dimension20, make some noise, game changer, etc -- top tier comedy, top tier dnd!!

#there are ALWAYS more #also i have approx 1 million fiction podcast recs from older shows cuz i dont listen currently but i still love some of those shows a TON #thank u!!#ask #queenmorganalefey

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roseofblogging · 10 months ago

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Rose's Media of 2023 Round-up

Well, now this is truly going to be a Rose Rambles post

I am truly awful about remembering what I watched/read. Maybe I'll be better about that in 2024. Maybe not!

Noting that these are not necessarily all things that released in 2023 (but many are); they're just what I discovered at the time.

Favorite book: The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa I bought this book in May 2022 from the Powell's bookstore in Portland while I was there on vacation. I'm very slow getting around to books due to my TBR being so long (and I go through it slowly because my day job is book editing). I was motivated to read it when some Splatoon friends started a Discord book club, and this was our first pick. It's dreamlike and strange. Some might find the vagueness on the rules of what's going on unsatisfying, but I didn't go into the book trying to figure out exactly how their world worked. It's much more about the experience and quiet horror of forgetting things and people. I had just gotten a diagnosis for ADHD shortly before starting this novel and was already in a headspace of reconciling just how poor my memory can be (slightly different, as ADHD most impacts working memory, but still). Definitely recommended, but go in knowing that it's slow and thoughtful rather than heavily plotted. Runner-up: Lore Olympus

Favorite live-action movie: Tár This is a tough one. I really, really enjoyed both Barbie and Oppenheimer, but I have critiques of both. However, Tár (which came out in 2022) just really floored me with how intense it was and how anxious it made me (in a good way!). Runner-up: Talk to Me

Favorite live-action show: The Fall of the House of Usher Not one of Mike Flanagan's best, but still very good! I don't think I can say anything about it that others haven't said already, but it's beautiful, haunting, tragic, and very well-acted. Runner-up: Andor season 1

Favorite TV anime: Gundam: The Witch from Mercury Suletta Sundays were THE BEST! I really wish this had some tweaks, maybe a part 2 fleshing out some other things (as a lot of worldbuilding started to feel rushed), but I was a big fan of all the references to Shakespeare's The Tempest and Revolutionary Girl Utena, and even sooome similarities to Evangelion (some, not many). Guel became my favorite character for much of the show, but I also love Suletta not only for being our first female Gundam protagonist, not only for being our first queer woman of color Gundam protagonist, but because I really enjoy stories about replicas/clones of redheaded characters. (This is funny because I'm replaying Tales of the Abyss right now.) 2023 wasn't one of the strongest years for anime, though. As much as I loved Witch from Mercury, it's got some weak points. Nothing really hit the same high point of the end of the first part. Runner-up: PLUTO

Favorite animated movie: The Boy and the Heron This is not my favorite Miyazaki movie by far, but it is one of the ones to feel like a very targeted attack on my post-college life! It's weird, the pacing is a little wonky, but I love its ideas and themes so, so much. I still need to see this in the English dub (I've heard wonderful things), but the original Japanese cast is fantastic. This is a very sad movie that does not seek to manipulate a viewer's heart. You know how a lot of movies know how to cue tears with swells of music? I'm not even knocking that for being manipulative--I like it! But I was so impressed with how deeply The Boy and the Heron (aka "How Do You Live?" as the English translation of the Japanese title goes) affected me without any tricks--just heartfelt moments that might have meant nothing to others. (The bread scene made me choke back tears in the theater.) This movie is about grief, but it's also about creative legacies. It's hard to watch this and not think about how there's really no one to follow in Hayao Miyazaki's footsteps at Studio Ghibli. His potential predecessors have either died or seemed uninterested (in the case of his son, who seems content not to pick up the mantle). Runner-up: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (reeeeally only because of its cliffhanger ending... It doesn't feel like a finished story.) Honorable mention: Suzume (I gotta at least mention it, because it's my favorite piece of media about dead places).

Favorite video game that is NOT SPLATOON: Tears of the Kingdom I actually had a very fun time piecing together story beats and exploring, but I still stand by it not being one of the stronger Zelda games imo. I know some people still have not played, so I'm being vague on purpose, but I actually greatly enjoyed Zelda's presence in this game compared to Breath of the Wild.

#rose rambles #rose reviews #the boy and the heron #witch from mercury #mike flanagan #the memory police #tar #tears of the kingdom

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lizziestudieshistory · 2 years ago

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Books of 2022 - November and December

Oops posted this the wrong way around as my year at a glance. Ahh well! I read more digitally than I did physically due to travelling a lot to and from school, but here's what I read.

November:

First Love by Ivan Turgenev - most first Turgenev, I enjoyed it. It was a bit predictable but I liked the realism and surprising relatability of this one. I'm intrigued to read more by him.

The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman - I was a little bit disappointed by this one, I think the hype around this one set it up for a fall. It's an interesting look into a woman's severe mental illness and the way everyone around her, especially her husband, belittles and exacerbates her condition. I read it as a sincere attempt to help that went wrong due to a lack of knowledge about postnatal depression (and possibly another condition, I'm not going to try diagnosis!), but the early feminist message was a interesting. I just didn't connect with this one as much as others have.

Lord of Emperors by Guy Gavriel Kay - I loved this book! I took it slowly because I was enthralled by the setting and characters, so much so that I didn't want to leave! I can't say too much as it's the second book in a duology but it was fabulous. One of Kay's best works that I've read (I like Tigana a bit more) and it enhanced Sailing to Sarantium which I struggled with a bit last year.

December:

Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare - I was feeling down at the start of December, so I reread one of my favourite Shakespearean comedies. I had a great time and I still say Beatrice and Benedick are Shakespeare's best couple (and Beatrice is my favourite heroine!)

Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott - I had so much fun with this one, and I was pleasantly surprised. I've heard a lot of mixed reviews about Ivanhoe, and I completely understand why, but I personally loved it. I'm a sucker for 19th century medievalism - I like their version of chivalrous knights and merry England, I have an inner romantic deep down. However, I won't say I recommend it for everyone - there's an attempt at sympathetic Jewish characters but it's clumsy and in places as negatively stereotyped as you would expect from the 19th c., and it's very verbose. I loved it but I can see a lot of people struggling with it.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell - I still don't know why I read this... I don't want to go into what it's about due to the content being so dark (check trigger warnings!) but I found it only half successful. A lot of my problems came from the language - it's SO American. There is a reason I rarely read American contemporary works - I struggle with immersion but to a linguistic gap, and yes there IS a difference. There's certain phrases that feel wrong to me, references that pull me out of the book, and life experiences I don't share. It makes it difficult for me to relate to the story and that's what happened here. I ended up criticising the writing more than the content. I do think Russell handled the subject matter relatively well, it's one of the more sensitive examinations that I've seen. However, that last chapter was a mistake. Firstly, it wasn't long enough to show Vanessa on the first steps to "recovery", everything happened too fast and it was unbelievable. Secondly, the authorial moralising voice came on too strong. Vanessa stopped being Vanessa, instead she was a mouthpiece for Russell to tell us about the Me Too movement, and I hated it! We're intelligent enough to get the point of the book for ourselves, stop! Otherwise, it was alright. Again, I can't recommend this one and do check trigger warnings if you're interested.

I am still reading The Red and the Black by Stendhal and Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson, which is well over an additional 1000 pages between them but neither is finished. Guess they'll be the first books of 2023 then!

#books of 2022 #november wrap up #december wrap up #books #reading #first love #ivan turgenev #the yellow wallpaper #charlotte perkins gilman #lord of emperors #guy gavriel kay #much ado about nothing #william shakespeare #ivanhoe #sir walter scott #my dark vanessa #kate elizabeth russell #period typical antisemitism in ivanhoe

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read-chill-wine · 1 month ago

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✨️Let's Review✨️

Reviews may contain spoilers

📖book reviews📖

I dropped everything to read this and consumed it in less than a day. I have no shame. I am exhausted. I am behind on writing now.

Overall? It's kind of worth it.

Part of why I picked this up was due to a friend telling me this is omegaverse fanfiction in a published book form. I can confidently say she is not correct. This lacks some very key points to omegaverse fanfiction: heats, alpha/omega dynamics, dom/sub culture references, breeding references. It does have: knotting and mate marks, though.

This story is an interesting modern day twist on the war between vampires, or vampyres in this instance, and werewolves. It features 3 species, the vampyres, the weres, and Humans (always capitalized). There's some shady mafia-ish business deals not full dug into, a poorly explained political system, and what drives a lot of this book, the concern of birthrates (vampyres are low, weres are mid, Humans are rabbits,) and how that is a growing threat to the survival of Misery Lark and her kind.

Misery Lark is a vampyre who has spent most of her life among the Humans, yet somehow has no understanding of human traditions, aging, and other concepts. Misery is in her 20s, yet she reads as if she is this centuries old being. This is gripe number one. Misery has a human best friend, Serena, yet she doesn't grasp concepts like weddings, guessing age ranges, and human emotion. She was raised with Serena as a way of fulfilling a treaty. Once returned to her own kind, she then ran to be back with Humans. Flat out, Misery being confused by these concepts makes absolutely no sense. This book followed very modern-day concepts like technology, spyware, and sleuthing. These things were all concepts Misery grasped and was truly very good at, it made no sense plot wise to keep the concept that she wouldn't understand other human concepts.

Moving forward, Misery is informed by her father, the leader of this nest of vampyres that to protect her people, she is going to be married off to the alpha of the weres, Lowe.

Lowe is a glorious chunk of muscle and man meat. Buzz cut, bulging biceps, dominate voice, but he's secretly so soft and squishy. Lowe dreams of being involved in architectural design and actually went to Europe to study the concept. He's an artist and as he and Misery slowly fall in love each chapter had soft quotes from Lowe's perspective that we don't see in the chapters, like one where he says Misery made him want to draw again.

(Liz's actual reaction below)

This book has a slow burn feel while being very fast-paced. The airplane scene where everything finally comes to a head was so well done and visually appealing as I was reading it. It was a 10/10 smut scene without truly venturing into the realm of full sex.

From there, we run into some glorious tropes like miscommunication, touch her, I'll kill you, found family, anything to protect her, self-sacrifice, and fated mates. Again, this is a very quick read and I struggled with putting this down to do normal day to day things I needed to get done.

Is this all 5 star book for me, though? No. I do genuinely have issues with the execution of Misery's character. I had to constantly recheck to make sure I was reading a 20-something vampire story because she was written in a way that made her seem so much older. I feel the flaws there actually can hinder the reading experience quite a bit.

I feel safe giving this 3.5 to 4 stars. Had Misery not been a contradicting factor within how she was written, I'd easily put this at a 4 to 4.5 star book.

I would recommend it to friends. However, if you personally are going out to read it based on being told it's omegaverse fanfiction, I promise you will likely be disappointed.

#elizabeths.sideblog #elizabeths.updates #what liz is reading #bride by ali hazelwood

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witchlingcirce · 6 months ago

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List 5 things that make you happy, then send this to the askbox of the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers! :)

HAIIIII this is such a cute question I’d love to answer.

1. I absolutely love reading. I enjoy reading any genre, more specifically fantasy. I’ve been an avid reader since I was a kid and it’s always been something I’ve found pleasure and joy in. I absolutely love game of thrones, I’ve recently been getting back into Shadowhunter’s (rereading like multiple books rn haha), and I really want to get around to reading Dune and so many others. Especially at the moment I’ve been into Japanese lit, I highly recommend “This is Amiko do you copy?” Amazing book!

2. VIDEOGAMES. I love playing video games, if my Xbox wasn’t on its last stretch of life I would totally be gaming so much more. I recently got the resident evil 3 game and I’m hoping to finish that soon (my aim is so bad). I’ve also been really into old ps horror games like silent hill, I’ve recently started to watch gameplays of I have no mouth and I must scream (I wanna read the book so bad!). Me and my dad have been watching the fallout show and he’s gotten the old games on his laptop and I’m hoping to play them soon. I really want to get a hand held console of some sort, like a PSP or PS VITA. My dad wants a Nintendo switch so I’m hoping to convince to get that so I can play if.

3. I really enjoy journaling. I haven’t been able to do it recently because I’ve had so much school work (four assignments due this week guys life is so stressful) but I really do enjoy journaling, I love yapping, and I’m kind of hoping writing so much that my hand writing will improve ahha, but I also really just like making checklists.

4. Taking photos. I am the photography friend, TRUST. I really like taking pictures and I’m hoping that soon I can get a digital camera and express my true photographer girlie self. Unfortunately my phone camera is also starting to slowly get worse (Damn you Apple!😣) but it’s still pretty good, so I really like taking pictures.

5. I really enjoy music, more specifically going to concerts. Earlier this year I went to the Eras tour, and I’m going to a musical later in the year and I’m also hoping to get tickets to one of my fav artists coming to my country soon! Manifest for me guys. I really like artists like Frank Ocean, Taylor swift, Deftones, Olivia Rodrigo and so many more.

TYSM FOR THE AMAZING QUESTION❤️❤️❤️

#ask #ask answered #reading #photography #videogames #music #Taylor swift #resident evil #silent hill #dune #the shadowhunter chronicles #about me #asoiaf

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fandomtherapy44 · 1 month ago

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Castiel x reader Chapter 18: The End

Paring: Castiel X Reader

WC:7.242k

Warnings: Some language, Typical Supernatural violence, Spoilers for season five of Supernatural, Emotional hurt for Y/n, Guns, Talk about Alcohol

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Firefly Graphics

About a week passed, and Dean was blowing up my phone with voicemails and texts with apologies. I listened to and read them all, but I couldn't talk to him, not yet. I left Ellen and Jo to have space to think about what Dean had said and they understood. Ellen and Jo still checked in with me by giving me a call.

“Hey sweetie, how are you doing?” Ellen asked. I sat down on my bed with a beer in hand, thinking about what to say.

“To be honest, Ellen, I don’t know…I mean my whole life, he’s been mine… I just can’t believe he said that about Sam and our family.” She took in my words and tried to find the best to return back with.

“I know, I think Dean doesn’t understand all that he said either.” I sigh and lay back on my bed with a big flop.

“Yeah doesn’t mean it doesnt hurt.” I sniff and let a tear fall.

“Y/n…I'm sorry, I want you to know if you ever need anything Jo and I will be there.” That brings a small smile to my face.

“Thanks El, I'll talk to you later.” I hang up from her and just sit there and I get a text. “Call if you need anything :) -Jo”

It was amazing to have them, it was almost like having a moth-. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. “Hey, Cas. Any updates?”

“The colt.” He responded, plainly.

“The colt that we lost?” I questioned, sipping my beer.

“It’s the only thing that could kill Lucifer, Y/n. And if you three still want to kill him, that's how we do it.”

“Have any leads?” I ask.

“Where are you now?”

“Kansas city. Rev Motel, room 444”

“Good, I’ll be right there.”

“Cas, wait, I need sleep. Can we meet in like four hours?”

“Okay, four hours.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

I went to sleep but not even an hour later I got a call. It was Sam. I answered instantly.

“Sam?”

“Hey N/n, how are you doing?”

I didn’t know how to tell him so I did something I hate doing. I lied.

“Uh…good. You?”

“No, I’m not, I’m I- I’m…the vessel for Lucifer.” That makes me shoot straight up in bed.

“What!?” I replied.

“Yeah, he told me all Freddy Krueger style.” I think about it, and it makes sense with the whole prophecy thing.

“Okay. Well then we will take this on like any other thing. I’ll send you my location.”

He pauses and I can almost make out mumbles, “Really just like that.”

“Yeah of course Sam, Why?” I retort.

He sighs and breathes in deeply. “I told Dean, and he said we would be better apart.”

The anger courses through me like a storm. But I didn’t want to upset Sam anymore. I had been going through the same feelings as him. “I'm sorry Sam, it seems Dean has been a jerk to both of us, just call me when you're on your way, kay?”

“Kay, love you Y/n.”

“Love you too Sam.”

I hung up the phone and crawled back into bed feeling uneasy, like pieces of myself were missing, like I wasn’t whole. I knew what was, but I couldn't force Dean to be here if he didn’t want to be, just like Dad.

Tweet tweet. I slowly opened my eyes and there was a bird in front of me? I fully open them and as my vision clears from sleep. I think I’m still dreaming because my whole room looks like Edward Scissorhands wanted to be a room designer. I got up from the broken bed and everything was tattered and filthy. I put my head outside the window and the whole street looked like it had been abandoned for ten years. I went outside and it was definitely eerie. I felt like I was transported into a zombie movie. I see an old newspaper case and grab one out.

“OUTBREAK NOW HITS KANSAS CITY, WHERE DO WE GO NOW?” My eyes then wandered down to the date. “January 15th, 2014.” What the fuck?

I started to walk down the street trying to gather what was happening. I then walk down an alley and see Dean.

“Dean?” He turns to me and grabs to hug me. I forget what had been said but for just that moment. I then glance over his shoulder and see a little girl, out cold.

“Did you punch a child out?” He looked between him and the girl and saw how bad it looked.

“The little psycho pulled a knife on me!” I'm about to respond when my head turns and I see the one word I wasn’t expecting.

“CROATOAN”

“Oh shit!” At that, a lot of people spawn out of nowhere, all of them affected by something.

“Run?”

“Run!” Dean agrees with me and we both book it down the street, and holy fuck the affected were like fast zombies. We hit a dead end and are about to be pounced on when the military comes out of nowhere and shoots them all down, miraculously missing us. We parted the barbed wire to clear a fence and begin walking.

“So?” Dean questions.

“Yeah, so what the hell are we doing in 2014!?” I blurt out anxiously. Dean stops me.

“We’re in 2014!?” He utters, reciprocating my fear. I just shake my head.

“Okay, I think we should go to Bobby’s. You?” He asked me, staring intently into my eyes. I couldn't return his gaze.

“Sounds good.” I responded coldly and Dean knew why.

I managed to hotwire a car and we were on our way. A stale silence filled the car which never happened; there was usually talking or music, but not now. With Dean gripping the steering wheel, he finally said the words that had been on his mind for the last hour.

“So, are we going to talk?”

I don’t even look at him. “About what?”

“You know what, Y/n I really am sor-” I stopped him at that.

“Dean, we are currently trapped in 2014 with a deadly virus on our asses, I don’t know, could we maybe pause that conversation till we figure it out after?” I never stalled a chance for us to apologize to each other. That's how he knew he really screwed up.

“Of course.” A couple more seconds and we get the living daylights sacred out of us.

“AHH FUCK!” Dean had the same response and there was Zachariah sitting there, smugly. I should of fucking known.

"Croatoan pandemic reaches Australia." He reads off from a newspaper headline.

“I thought I smelled your stink on this Back to the Future crap.” Dean quipped at him.

“‘President Palin defends bombing of Houston.’ Certainly a buyer's market in real estate. Let's see what's happening in sports. That's right—no more sports. Congress revoked the right to group assembly. What's left of Congress, that is. Hardly a quorum, if you ask me.”

“How did you find us?” I painfully asked him. I didn’t want to look at the fuckface.

“Nice to see you too, Y/n. Afraid we had to tap some unorthodox resources of late—human informants. We've been making inspirational visits to the fringier Christian groups. They've been given your guy’s image, told to keep an eye out.” I think and I know who it was.

“The Nun selling the flowers! That bitch, and to think I bought daisies from her.” I said, shaking my head in annoyance.

“The Bible freak outside the motel—they, what, dropped a dime on us?” Dean said.

“Onward, Christian soldiers.” Zach replied.

“Okay, well, good, great. You have had your jollies. Now send us back, you son of a bitch.” Dean commanded.

“Oh, you'll get back—all in good time. We want you to marinate a bit.” Zach said, amused. I look back to wanting to smack him.

“The fuck that’s supposed to mean?”

“Three days, Dean. Three days to see where this course of action takes you.” Zach then looks at me.

“And for you, really think if you don’t let your brothers fulfill their prophecy, see what happens.”

At that Dean and I looked at each other, thinking, what were we going to see?

I kick the door open to Bobby’s house.

“Bobby! Bobby!”

Dean and I go in searching for any sign of Bobby. Sadly, his house looked like everywhere else. The nail in the coffin was just an empty wheelchair in the middle of the hallway covered in cobwebs and dust on its side with bullet holes and dried blood. It had been sitting there for years.

“Bobby…”

Dean goes to the fire mantel and picks up an old picture of a group of men. One of them was Bobby but strangely, another was Cas. Dean points at the photo.

“Camp Chitaqua.”

We had gotten to the camp and we had sneaked in. A few steps in and we see a horrible thing- well, at least to Dean. It was Baby. Most of her parts were missing- wheels gone and greenery growing out of it. Dean sticks his head in the open car.

“Oh, no, Baby, what did they do to you?”

I hear some rustling and before I know it Dean has been knocked out. I tried to run but it was too late.

A gun cocks. “Turn around, slowly.”

I do and I see my brother, lying unconscious on the ground.

“Dean?” I ask, staring in shock at the man before me, who looks exactly like Dean, but a bit older and before I knew it I was out too.

Future Dean’s cabin had its essentials: guns, food, and liquor. My Dean was still knocked out and handcuffed. I was too smart, because we are all Winchesters, after all.

“So should we talk-” I was stopped because future Dean was giving me the death stare.

“Okay, won’t talk. Got it.” He just sits and stares at me.

“Do I have something on my face or-”

“I need your arm.” He doesn't give me a chance and just grabs it.

“Hey! HEY!” He pulls out a silver knife and makes a cut in my arm. “OW! You could have at least given me a second!”

He stands up and grabs a flask. “We don’t have the luxury of seconds anymore.”

I can’t even respond because Holy water gets thrown in my face. I spit it out.

“I'm not a monster and neither is he.” I nod to my Dean.

“I know.” He said and for a reason there is a tiny bit of sadness behind it.

“How did you two end up here?”

“Fucking Zach.” I say with heavy disdain. Dean chuckles and mumbles something I couldn't hear. “I'm from 2009.”

“If you were my sister, tell me something we would only know.” Future Dean questions.

I think for a moment and come up with the perfect thing. “My first date stood me up, so you picked me up and we egged his house. You told me that he was an idiot and that you would always… be there for me.” I finish with a small smile thinking about one of the few good memories from my childhood all because of… Dean.

“Yeah, I wanted to throw it at his car, but you said that was too far and I remember being happy that you still cared.” Dean said looking down at his hands with a hint of melancholy to his voice. Which made me curious.

At that moment my Dean wakes up. “Y/n! Y/n!”

“Dean, I'm okay! So are you.” My Dean looked at Future Dean and a look of horror consumed his face. This was getting too confusing. I decided to call my Dean by his name and the future one DD. It was a nickname I had for him when I was little.

“I know Zach threw you guys here. Where is he? I want to talk to him.” DD asked Dean.

“We don’t know.” Dean answered for us.

“So, what, Zach zapped you two up here to see how bad it gets?”

“I guess. Croatoan virus, right? That's their endgame?” Dean asked DD. I mean it has to be right?! I wondered.

“It's efficient, it's incurable, and it's scary as hell. Turns people into monsters. Started hitting the major cities about two years ago. World really went in the crapper after that.” Two years ago? Then where the Hell is Sam? My thoughts raced.

“Then what about Sam?” Dean had the same question as me, rightly so.

DD is silent for a second. You could see the cogs turning in his head as he thought about how to respond.

“Heavyweight showdown in Detroit. From what I understand, Sam didn't make it.” Dean and I widened our eyes at that news.

“What happened?” I questioned, scared for the answer.

“No. No, me and Sam, we haven't talked in—hell, five years,” DD replied. I look between DD and Dean. So that is what happens. Why didn't I try to connect us together?

“What about me?” I ask, concerned. DD turns his head and puts it down in shame.

“I haven't seen you in five years, N/n.” At that, DD starts to leave.

“Wait, wait! What’s that supposed to mean?” I tried to grab his attention because that short explanation was not good enough, especially considering the situation we were in.

“It means that we…I haven’t seen you for five years.” He stops the conversation there, grabs his stuff and turns to Dean.

“Okay. All right. Fine. But you don't have to cuff me, man. Oh, come on. You don't trust yourself?” Dean said to DD, very offended. DD looks between the two of us.

“You're right, I'm sorry.” He goes and grabs a pair of handcuffs and secures them on my wrists.

“Hey, that's not fair!” I reply, trying to defend myself.

DD turns to me and gives a look, as if to say, “Really?”

“Okay, fair.” DD rolls his eyes and leaves the cabin. Dean and I look at each other.

“How the hell are we always short sighted in our own Back to the Future movies?” I asked Dean.

“I don’t know, Y/n, maybe Marty McFly screwed the system for us.” Dean used a nail he quickly pulled out from the floor board, unlocked his cuffs, and threw me the nail. I followed suit, while Dean started to leave.

“Uh, where do you think you're going?”

“I'm going to check out all this!” He pointed outside.

“What about everyone else seeing doubles?” I said, pointing out the obvious.

“Oh please, with the world they live in, I think they will be okay. Are you going to come?”

I looked around and decided that I needed to uncover a little more in here. “I'm going to look around in here.”

“Okay I'll be back in an hour.” He opened the door, glanced around, and snuck out.

I stand up. Let's just say the cabin did not have much charm to it. “Okay, time to Scooby Doo this bitch.”

I had been looking around for about thirty minutes and I had found nothing, just six guns and eight empty booze bottles, which was typical of Dean. As I walked around the room, a floorboard creaked. “Uh huh, still the same hiding spot from when you were a teen Dean.” I kneel down and pry the board open to find a brown leather journal that looks identical to our Dad’s. I picked it up and started to go through it. Usually I wouldn’t do this, but DD is definitely hiding something important.

“It's been a year since this damn breakout started. Bobby and I tried to defend Sioux Falls the best we could but we had to leave. The Croatans are never ending and basically are super powered. I haven’t really gotten sleep. The only aid I get is from a bottle if I'm lucky enough to find one. It's the only reason why I won’t have nightmares about what happened…”

I began to filp the page to continue reading but before I could I heard Dean scream followed by a gunshot. I dropped the journal and ran out the door and towards the sound. I see a clearing and Dean and DD standing there with a dead dude on the ground. Other people were staring at Dean like it was The Parent Trap.

“Dean! Are you okay!?” I ran to his side.

“Yeah I’m fine, but he isn't.” He glanced down to the poor sap.

“Who shot him?” I questioned and at that time I noticed everyone looking at me even weirder than the twins.

“Uh, my twin.” Dean responded.

Then I felt someone touch my shoulder. I turned to see Cas standing before me.

“Cas?” He just stares in my eyes and I see so much pain and sorrow behind them. He pulls me in for a deep and strong hug, even stronger than when he hugged me after he came back from the dead.

“Cas are you okay?” I squeeze back.

We let go and he gives me a chilling response:

“Y/n, you've been dead for five years.”

I somehow found myself back in the cabin, my whole world turned upside down. Dean and I were silent, thinking about what was just uncovered. DD was just standing there silently.

“So, you want to say something DD?”

He looks at me with emotion in his eyes that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. “You haven’t called me that since you were eight.”

“Yeah it’s a little too The Parent Trap to call you both Dean. Let’s move on from childhood names and tell me, how the hell am I dead, and why didn't you tell us?” I declared, crossing my arms. I had no way of regulating my feelings more than I usually do.

DD sighs and looks down and Dean and I are waiting. “Five years ago you died in Detroit, that's the day I regretted not saying yes.” He turns to Dean.

“That’s why you have to say yes.” Dean stared at DD.

“How do I die?” I asked.

“I don’t remember, no one does.” He poured a tall glass of whiskey.

“What do you mean you don’t remember!?” I slammed my hands down on the table in confusion and anger.

“I mean that no one remembers how it happens. Maybe it was from trauma or the Angels but we all can’t remember shit about that day.” He finished by gulping down the drink. I had to get some air, so I headed outside.

I started walking while everyone looked at me like they were seeing a ghost. Technically, they were. I didn't even realize that my legs were running till I got to a clearing where I was far enough away that I could think straight. I leaned my back against a big tall pine tree, letting myself slide down to the stump. I tried to catch my breath in the cold air, and it was obvious that I wasn’t doing a good job. As I exhaled, my breath looked like a white plume of smoke. Thousands of thoughts ran through my head, none of them stopping to drink water.

“Hey, are you okay?” A deep scruffy voice asked from the other side of the tree. I didn't need to turn to see who the owner of the voice was. It might have sounded a little strained and hoarse, but I knew it was my best friend. I got up, slowly trying not to stumble while ignoring the oncoming headache.

“To be honest, Cas, no. I mean, how are you supposed to react when you die in almost a year?” I put my hand on my head trying to calm it.

“It’s been five years for me, the worst five years.” He sits down on a stomp and takes out an old pack of cigs that looks about ten years old. He lights one up and breathes it in and blows out a long puff of smoke. I went to sit down next to him.

“Since when do you smoke?” I waited for an answer and just took a good look at him. He was still handsome as ever, but looked aged and scared in more than one way.

“Since you died and the world went to shit.” He throws the cig and then he takes out a small flask, immediately throwing it back like he couldn't be without a substance for more than a couple of seconds. I hated seeing him like this.

“Do you remember how I-” I hesitated to continue. not wanting to speak it in existence more than it had.

“How you die? No, I don’t, like everyone else.” He offered me the flask and I thought, what the hell. I take it and drink it back.

“Ugh that tastes disgusting- it’s like old peach schnapps.” I pulled it from my mouth and spit it out on the ground.

He takes it back, smiling. “That's ‘cause it is, Y/n. Not many stores in the apocalypse, but as long as it gets me drunk I don’t care.” He then again drinks it back like it’s nothing, telling me he’s had a lot of practice.

“So what happened after I… died.”

“Well, the Angels had their fun letting the Croats and demons run around after the planet was barely spinning. We've been trying to save what’s left.” I hadn’t heard such a hopeless sentence for a long time. Then I realized something that should be so obvious.

“Cas… You're not an Angel anymore, are you.” He chuckles at that.

“N/n, always so smart. Yeah, I lost my wings a long time ago. I think it had something to do with the others leaving. I don’t know. So, I'm useless.” He drank again.

“Useless?”

“Yeah, useless, I couldn’t even… save you.” He says, full of regret and disdain.

“Cas, you have never been useless, even after losing your wings, despite what you think. You are useful just being you! Don’t blame yourself for what happened. I can tell you, even though for me it hasn’t happened yet, it wasn’t your fault.”

He turns to me and gives me a real smile.

“I missed that.”

“Missed what?”

“Missed you pulling me from hell, no matter what.”

Cas and I walked back to the cabin. When we arrived, everyone was having a meeting and the colt was in the middle of the table.

“Is that the colt!?” I asked, surprised, and sat down. Cas looked curious as well.

Both DD and Dean stared at me as how to I was doing.

‘How are you doing?” Dean whispered to me.

“I…” I didn't really know.

“So, that's it? That's the Colt?” Risa questioned.

“If anything can kill Lucifer, this is it.” DD responded holding up the gun confidently.

“Great. Have we got anything that can find Lucifer?” Risa threw back with attitude and she did have a good question.

“Are you okay?” DD was confused.

“Oh, we were in, uh, Jane's cabin last night. And, apparently, we and...Risa have a connection.” Dean told DD and I had to try to hold back my laughter.

“We don't have to find Lucifer. We know where he is. The demon that we caught last week, he was one of the big guy's entourage. He knew,” DD stated.

“Are we really trusting a demon?” I just couldn't believe Dean, especially that this Dean (DD) would take a demon's word truthfully.

“ Y/n our fearless leader, I'm afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth.” Cas said and I could tell he was sad saying it.

“Torture? Oh, so, we're—we're torturing again. No, that's—that's good. Classy.” Dean said in disbelief to DD.

Cas laughs at that and DD gives him a look.

“What? I like past you.” Cas riposted back.

“Lucifer is here. Now. I know the block and I know the building.” DD brought out a map and a block was circled.

“Oh, good—it's right in the middle of a hot zone.” Cas clearly pointed out.

“Crawling with Croats, yeah. You saying my plan is reckless?” DD replied.

“Are you saying we, uh, walk in straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croats, and we shoot the devil?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, if you don't like, uh, 'reckless', I could use 'insouciant', maybe,” Cas stated.

“Are you coming?”

“Of course. But why is he? I mean, he's you five years ago. If something happens to him, you're gone, right?” Cas was right- I should technically be dead- but not him.

“He's coming.” DD commanded firmly.

Cas is done with DD’s bullshit and just agrees to halt the conversation. “Okay. Well, uh. I'll get the grunts moving.” Him and Risa leave.

“Why are you taking us?” Dean asked DD. DD reloads his gun, looking down.

“Relax. You'll be fine. Zach's looking after you, right?”

“No, that's not what I mean. I want to know what's going on.” Dean was right.

“Yeah, I second that.” I chimed in.

“Yeah, okay. You're coming because I want you to see something. I want you to see our brother.”

“Sam’s dead like me right…?” I asked, hesitantly. DD looks into my eyes and sighs and then turns to Dean.

“Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said 'yes'.”

“Wait. You mean—”

“That's right. The big 'yes'. To the devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom.”

“Why in the hell would Sam do that? It makes no sense.” I wondered, voicing my thoughts.

“I don’t know why N/n, but now we don't have a choice. It's in him, and it's not getting out. And we've got to kill him, Dean. And you need to see it—the whole damn thing, how bad it gets—so you can do it differently.”

“What do you mean?”

“Zach said he was gonna bring you back, right? To ‘09?”

“When you get back home—you say 'yes'. You hear me? Say 'yes' to Michael.” DD was chest to chest with Dean, pleading with him.

“If Dean does that then Michael and Lucifer will smoke half the planet.”

“AT LEAST YOU’LL BE ALIVE!” DD yelled, finally letting his anger out.

“Look around you, man. Half the planet's better than no planet, which is what we have now. Your sister can still be alive. If I could do it over again, I'd say 'yes' in a heartbeat.” DD continued.

“So why don't you?” Dean asked.

“I've tried! I've shouted 'yes' till I was blue in the face! The angels aren't listening! They just—left—gave up! It's too late for me, but for you—” DD went on.

“Oh, no. There's got to be another way,” Dean interrupted.

“Yeah, that's what I thought. I was cocky. Never actually thought I'd lose. But I was wrong. Dean. I was wrong. I'm begging you. Say yes. So our sister can live.”

I get in a truck with Cas to head to the site where Sam supposedly is. It’s so weird to see him driving, but I liked it. He takes out a bottle of pills and takes a couple.

“Pills? What the hell are those?” I nod my head to the bottle.

“Amphetamines, you want some?” Cas easily said, without regard. My stomach dropped.

“Sure.” I give a sweet smile, prompting Cas to hand me the bottle. I proceeded to roll down the window and threw the bottle out.

“WHAT THE HELL Y/N? Do you know how hard it is to find those?” Cas tried to focus on the road and not to turn back.

“No I don’t, and I don’t care.”

“Why!? Why would you do that?”

“Because you're not being you!”

“What does that even mean!” He exclaimed, hitting the wheel, turning to glare at me quickly before looking back at the road.

“The Cas I know would never get high and drink!”

“I'm not the Cas you know or knew I don’t really know but after you died… I couldn't, I just couldn't.”

“Cas, listen to me. After this, go somewhere for me.”

He looked to me. “Where?”

“Go see the Northern lights.”

“Why there?”

“I never got to go and probably never will, so you go for me. I don’t want you to be sad, I want you to get the full human experience, feel sad, and mad... and love. Feel for me, because I can’t bear to see a shell of you. Just promise me, okay?” I grab his hand and squeeze it tightly.

“Okay, I promise.”

We had gotten to the site and it was an old repair building. DD started telling us the plan.

“There. Second-floor window. We go in there.” He pointed up to the building. He said this as if it was easy to accomplish.

“You sure about this?” Risa rightfully questioned.

“They'll never see us coming. Trust me. Now, weapons check. We're on the move in five.” This is too easy and fishy, I thought. He’s lying.

“Hey, uh, me. Can I talk to you for a sec?” Dean nodded at DD.

I get up to go with them. “Tell me what's going on.”

“What?” Dean in any timeline can be such a bad liar.

“DD, you forget that I have been with you our entire lives. What the fuck are you planning?” I pointed at his chest.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” DD rebutted back.

“Oh, really? Well, we don't seem to be the only members of your party with some questions, so, uh, maybe we will just take our doubts over to them.” Dean and I started to walk away.

“Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Take a look around you, guys. This place should be white-hot with Croats. Where are they?” He said, holding us back by the collars of our shirts.

“They cleared a path for us. Which means that this is—”

“A fucking trap. Then we can’t go through the front!” I concluded.

“Oh, we're not. They are. They're the decoys. We're going in through the back, us three.” My jaw dropped at what DD suggested.

“You mean you're gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas, too? You want to use their deaths as a diversion?”

DD looks away in shame.

“Oh, man, something is broken in you. You're making decisions that I would never make. I wouldn't sacrifice my friends.” That's when DD snaps.

“You're right. You wouldn't. Maybe seeing that your SISTER DIES BECAUSE OF YOUR STUBBORNNESS CHANGES THAT!” He screamed at Dean and his eyes floated to me in the tension. Dean and I turned to each other, knowing we had to go warn the rest of our party.

“These people count on you. They trust you.” Dean tried to counter.

“They trust me to kill the devil and to save the world and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.” DD replied coldly and hopelessly.

“No. Not like this, you're not. We are not gonna let you.” We start walking away and suddenly, Dean is knocked out.

I gasped and turned to DD. “DD please, I know you don’t want to do this, I know you don’t want to kill your friends, Castiel, just to kill the devil.” I was backed up against a tree as DD came closer.

“Y/n, I want to trust me (Dean). Like you said, you know me, but I can’t let him keep living. Not after having you die ‘cause of it. I really am sorry.” I didn’t get another word until the handle of DD’s shotgun went into my head.

I slowly start waking up to the sound of lots of gunfire. I stumble to get up. I was pretty sure I had a concussion. Everything is a little blurry and tilted. Dean is still knocked out and DD is nowhere to be found.

“Dean, get up!” I shook him but he was not budging. I sighed in frustration and anxiety. I remembered why there was a lot of gunfire, the trap, and Cas.

“I'll be back Dean!” I tell him in his unconscious state and run to the building.

I enter as quickly and quietly as possible. There are dead Croats and sadly, there are some of our own, lying on the floor. I pick up a gun and go up the stairs where I find Cas killing a Croat.

“Cas!” I run up to him, he drops the body, and I run into his arms. “Oh thank God.” I whispered and tightened my grip on him. And so does he. We let go.

“I think that is what I miss most, is your hugs.” He says and I can see tears build up in his blue soulful eyes, mixed with regret and affliction.

“Can you promise me something?” He continued.

“Of course.” I nodded my head.

“When you get back will you uh hu-” His words suddenly stopped and blood slowly started to come out of his mouth.

“Cas!?” He slumps down revealing that a Demon had stabbed him in the back. The demon pulls out the knife and gives me a creepy smile.

“Aww did I kill your boyfr-” I pulled out my gun and shot him in the face not letting him have the fucking satisfaction of finishing his sentence.

“CAS! Cas, stay with me! It’s okay, I'll get help!” I frantically said, panic rushing through me.

“N/n you can’t even if…you could there is nothing that could help me in this timeline just stay with me please?” Cas said in between coughs. Blood is now spraying on his shirt. It was like deja vu- flashes of Sam flashed through my head.

“I’m here, Cas.” I pull his head on my lap and stroked his hair.

“Ha ha ha...” Cas somehow laughed through more coughing fits.

“How in the hell are you laughing right now?” I said while tears rolled down my cheeks.

“It’s just funny that a formal Angel is dying from something as simple as a stab wound, don’t you think?” He gave me a half-stoned smile.

“Ha, I don’t think it’s funny at all.” I sniffed.

“I'm sorry I can’t go see the lights.” I could feel he was slipping away quickly.

“Oh Cas don’t be sorry, I just always wanted you to live for you.” My tears were coming out and there was no stopping it.

“I was really stupid when you were still here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never told you how you changed me, how you gave me courage, how you taught me to lov-” He just stops.

“Cas! CAS!” I shook him hard now, a full-on waterfall coming down my face. “Cas…” I whispered. He was gone.

How come the people I care about keep dying? I thought.

There was a crack of lighting outside to pull me out of my thoughts. I looked down and saw … Sam.

“I’ll be back to bury you I promise.” I say in Cas’s ear and kiss his forehead.

I run outside to be met with a rose garden and Sam is in this full white suit, DD’s head under his foot. His backside is to me. DD sees me and tries to say something but is stopped by his neck being snapped.

“Y/n well, this is a surprise. I was just expecting our brother.” He said this so calmly like it was normal that it sent a chill down my spine.

“You are not Sam.” I circled him carefully.

“You're right, I'm not, but he does desperately want to see you, he’s begging me to come up to just speak to you for a minute. I mean, how could you blame him, his little sister has been dead for five years.” He tried to jab at me to get some type of an emotion to manipulate but I would not give in as all of it was expelled about two minutes ago. Dean then shows up behind him.

“You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?” He said to the both of us. Giving us sinister eyes and speaking like a snake.

“Well, go ahead. Kill us.” Dean blurts out. I mean, both of us will die anyway, I thought.

“Kill you?” He looks at DD, who is dead, then back at me with a confused look.

“Don't you think that would be a little...redundant?”

“I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this—shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be.” Sam, or more technically, Lucifer, rebuttals back. He reaches for Dean and my shoulders but we both pull back.

“You don't have to be afraid of me, you two. What do you think I'm going to do?”

“You know we may not be full Bible knowledge holders but we do the major stuff of what you did and continue to do.” I fought back, not falling for his bullshit.

“Yeah, what she said.” Dean nodded at me in agreement.

“Why? Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful in a trillion different ways. The last perfect handiwork of God.” Neither of us wanted to hear these lies. “You ever hear the story of how I fell from grace?”

“No, but I’m sure you're going to annoyingly tell us.”

“Ahh Y/n, I have always loved your little quips. You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created…” He smiles and turns his head down on us. “You. The little...hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you—to love you, more than him. And I said, ‘Father, I can't.’ I said, ‘These human beings are flawed, murderous.’ And for that, God had Michael cast me into hell. Now, tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially, when I was right? Look at what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it.” I hadn’t had the urge to punch someone so hard since Ruby.

“You're not fooling me, you know that? With this sympathy-for-the-devil crap. We know what you are.” Dean said for the both of us.

“What am I?”

“You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing our whole lives. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego.” Lucifer smiles at us like we are little kids playing cops and robbers.

“I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon. And Y/n I’m sorry, I won’t be able to hear your funny lines again.” He turns away from us.

“You better kill me now!” Dean screams at him.

“Pardon?”

“You better kill me now. Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you. And I won't stop.”

“I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up—here. I win. So, I win.”

“You're wrong.”

“See you in five years, Dean. Y/n, Sam loves you though I could give him that.” At that thunder and lighting crack, Lucifer disappears, and Dean and I turn to see Zachariah reaching for us.

“Wait! I have to bury Cas!” Of course, I didn’t get to.

Dean and I are dropped in Dean’s hotel room and we lean against the sink to catch our breaths.

“Oh, well, if it isn't the ghost of Christmas screw you.” Dean said in annoyance.

“Enough. Dean, enough. You saw it, right? You saw what happens. You're the only person who can prove the devil wrong. Your sister dies. Just say yes.”

“How do I know that this whole thing isn't one of your tricks? Huh? Some angel hocus-pocus?”

“The time for tricks is over. Give yourself to Michael. Say yes and we can strike. Before Lucifer gets to Sam. Before billions die.” He then turns to me.

“Y/n, you die, don’t you want to live, convince your brother.”

Dean and I are on the same page because at the same time we both say “Nah.”

“'Nah'? You two are telling me you haven't learned your lesson?”

“Look, off-brand Disney channel character, I’m in charge of my future, not what you dicks have planned.” I poured a drink for Dean and I.

“And I've learned a lesson, all right. Just not the one you wanted to teach.” Dean quipped drinking back.

And anger just surges through him. “Well, I'll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, girl and I'm never letting you—”

We landed on the side of the road under a lamplight and Cas was standing there.

“That's pretty nice timing, Cas.” Dean let out a breath of relief.

“We had an appoi-” I didn’t let him finish before I threw my hands around him trying to take in everything about him. Trying to find his heartbeat ‘Thump Thump’ there it is.

“Sorry, I just…” How was I supposed to tell him? “Missed you.” I finished. Dean’s eyes went between us knowing the reason for the sudden hug and he tried to bring attention away from it.

“Cas don’t ever change.” He claps Cas’s shoulder in awe and a smile.

“How did Zachariah find you?”

“Long story. Let's just stay away from Jehovah's Witnesses from now on, okay?”

“And Nun’s selling flowers.” Dean then pulls out his phone.

“What are you doing?” Cas asks. I glance down and see Sam’s name on his phone and I smile at it.

“Something I should have done in the first place.”

Dean and I are waiting by the Impala for Sam. His car pulls up and I send a quick prayer to whatever is out there that everything goes smoothly. Sam gets out and walks over slowly.

“Sam.” Dean pulls out the demon knife.

“If you're serious and you want back in...you should hang on to this. I'm sure you're rusty.” Wow Dean is actually listening to me, crazy, I thought. Sam takes the knife.

“Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm...whatever I need to be. But I was, uh—wrong.” Dean confessed.

“What made you change your mind?” Sam asks and well a lot Sam.

“Long story. The point is...maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human.” The three of us I don’t know. I haven't really felt like this before. Not sure if we need these extra two sentences, maybe change this?

“Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down.” Sam really was thankful.

“Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet.” Dean said, talking like a true older brother.

“Uh excuse me you mean third best hunter right?” I added in. My brothers both chuckle at me.

“So, what do we do now?” Sam asks.

“I’ll tell you what we do, Sam, we kick ass and take names and our future.” I ended.

“Guess we have no choice.”

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bookloveravenue · 1 year ago

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Lionheart Academy (book 3): Regretting You by T. Ashleigh

Tyler- Some days I wish I’d never met Gregory Baldwin. Then there are days when I feel like I’ll die if he’s away for too long. It’s like I’m addicted to him. Addicted to the attention he gives me and what he does to me in secret. He has lips made for sin and a body I can’t keep my hands off of, but mostly, I know he has a heart. That’s what keeps me coming back. Now he’s cruel, malicious, possessive… nothing like the boy I once knew. And yet, deep down, I know that guy is still there under this bad boy exterior. He has to be, or everything we’ve been through is pointless. Being with him feels like dying and surviving all at once. It’s wild, manic, and soul-crushing, but it’s us. He’s all I’ve ever had and the only thing I’ll ever want. Because even when I hate him… I love him ten times harder.

Greg- I’m broken beyond repair, too fucked up to be saved. My mind fights demons daily, while the shattered organ in my chest only causes me pain. I wish I could just end it all. Say goodbye to this miserable existence. Only, to leave this life would mean leaving him, and that’s not something I can do. Once I made a promise to a boy that I plan on keeping. The years may have dragged us apart, and I know he hates me now, but that’s okay. I don’t blame him; I hate myself, too. Regardless of the animosity, one thing remains the same: Tyler. He’s the constant in a haze of self-destruction. The one who somehow, after everything, is still there for me, no matter how badly I mess up. I don’t deserve him. I never did, but I’ll never let him go either. He is mine, and I am his.

Betting You is the third book in The Lionheart Academy series. It's a full length, new adult high school novel with material that may be difficult for some readers. It’s recommended for 18+ due to language and sexual situations. Please read trigger warnings before proceeding.

June 18, 2023

My Review: 5/5 Stars

We finally get Greg and Tyler's story! I've been looking forward to this one. We've seen so much negativity from Greg, I really couldn't wait to see what was going on in his head and see why he was the way he was. And ugh. Be ready for the hurt. This story is pretty heartbreaking for Greg and Tyler as they find their way back to one another. Greg and Tyler became friends when they were kids and Greg's mom was like a second mother to Tyler when his own family was anything but. Both were happy and unknowing to them, slowly falling in love. But everything changed the mom Greg's mother unexpectedly died. Greg was devastated and hurt and scared and he did the one thing he could think of to avoid feeling like this ever again. Pushing away the one other person he loved more than anything: Tyler. But pushing him away was the last thing he should have done because the pain of his loss has only grown worse over the next three years. And things are about to crack. Tyler never forgave Greg for pushing him away and hurting him. He can't understand how he can love and hate someone the way he does Greg. He doesn't want to open himself up to him again just to get hurt, yet he can't help himself. These two hit a point and next thing they know, they are hooking up in secret through their senior year. But there are still so many unresolved issues between the two of them. Things that need to be said. And it's only a matter of time until they'll have no choice. Loved this final story in this series! All the feels. Your heart will ache for the two of them and knowing how much pain they both are in. I just wanted to shake the two of them and demand they just tell the other everything they are feeling. Their story is heartbreakingly beautiful and so worth the wait as they figure themselves out and break down and build themselves back up. Such a beautiful series and I'm so sad to see it end!

I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

#books #book #i love books #book review #my review #regretting you #lionheart academy #t ashleigh

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consistantly-changing · 6 months ago

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Oof... it's been some time since I've managed

1) The last book I read: I've been reading really slowly recently, mostly due to substacks, so I think the last book I read was The Man Who Laughs by Victor Hugo

2) A book I recommend: How I Rob Banks, by FreakyClown. It's a really fun collection of stories about security and their failings, I listened to it as an audiobook last year and I was riveted

3) A book I couldn't put down: The Black Tattoo by Sam Enthoven. Picked it up a few years back and still occasionally find myself thinking about it

4) A book I've read twice (or more): does it count if I'm waiting for my hold on the book to come to me? If so, Stoned by Aja Raden. It's a collection of stories about famous gemstones throughout history and the historical events surrounding them. It was another book I had on audiobook that had me absolutely glued to my metaphorical seat at work

5) A book on my TBR: The Iliad and the Odyssey. I got them as a gift a few years back and started reading, but had put it down and forgot about it when life picked up, and I hope to get back into it at some point

6) A book I've put down: The DaVinci Code. I'm not sure if that's just because I picked it up at the wrong time or if it's not something I'm into, but I got it for free when my library was going to throw it out so I tried to read it and just couldn't get into it

7) A book on my wish list: definitely The Locked Tomb series by Tasmin Muir, I've heard nothing but good things about it and I've also had someone look at some of my writing and ask me if I'm familiar with the series, so it sounds like it's right up my alley. Life is a bit chaotic for me right now so I haven't been able to start anything new unfortunately

8) A book from childhood: Wings of Fire consumed my soul, it is at least partially to blame for the person I am today

9) A book you would give to a friend: hmmm, I own two collections of Junji Ito's work: Tomie and Uzumaki, and I gave them to a friend to read at one point, so I suppose that counts

Why... why does this list not have a tenth item

11) A nonfiction book you own: quite a few, but I managed to get an encyclopedia of antiques while I was antiquing, hah!

12) What are you currently reading: so much... but my current project is translating the cookbooks I acquired during my trip last summer

13) What are you planning on reading next: Le Notre Dame de Paris by Victor Hugo. I'm slowly making my way through his itinerary

Tag time, as always there is no pressure to do this!

@wheel-of-fish @halewynslady @cryblueofzamorak @wyrmalien @bat-anon @galaxy-creationz @rohad93 @meilas @ajthekingtheking @auurelio @vegetable-wrangler @chrome-bones

13 books!

What’s up readers?! How about a little show and tell? Answer these 13 questions, tag 13 lucky readers and if you’re feeling extra bookish add a shelfie! Let’s Go!

(I was tagged by the kind @glueblade, thanks for sending the ask!)

1) The Last book I read:

The Lost Metal, by Brandon Sanderson

2) A book I recommend:

I really enjoyed The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller!

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

It's a clichéed response, but Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Damn but I loved Gideon (the character) from the start and I wanted to know more about her.

Also Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett. My favourite of his so far!

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

Do mangas count? Because I've read the Fullmetal Alchemist series by Hiromu Arakawa quite a number of times lol

5) A book on my TBR:

The rest of the Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells. I only read the first novella so far, and I'm hooked!

6) A book I’ve put down:

I tried to read The Well of Time a couple of times, and I've never quite managed. I don't know why it just doesn't click with me.

7) A book on my wish list:

God, so many. I'd be curious to read anything by R. F. Kuang, like the Poppy Wars series and Babel.

8) A favorite book from childhood:

I was a big fan of the Bartimaeus series by Jonathan Shroud. Barty is still one of my favourite narrators ever.

9) A book you would give to a friend:

I have the tendency to lend my books to my friends, does it count? For one, I got two of them hooked on the Stormlight Archive series by Brandon Sanderson that way. I have a friend who would really like Uprooted by Naomi Novik too, but I haven't had the occasion to lend it to her yet!

11) A nonfiction book you own:

I like reading history books these days! So I have a few of Martin Wall's books about Anglo-Saxon history, and couple of books about the Viking age and the Roman era too.

12) What are you currently reading:

Artificial Condition, bu Martha Wells, and Irish History by Neil Hegarty.

13) What are you planning on reading next?

Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett. And a lot, lot more lol...

I tag... @baepsae-7, @andordean, @mass-convergence, @kelenloth, @ramblesanddragons and anyone who would want to try! But no pressure if you don't have the time!

#tag game #books

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to-the-stars8 · 2 years ago

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Learning to Love Slowly

Parings; Jason Todd x Female Reader (1) Pride and Prejudice and Hair (2) Seven-Eleven Karens and Pinky Promises at 3 AM (3) Google and Hand Holding (4)Cookies and The Butler and The Girlfriend (5)Push-Ups and Hoodies (6) Slushies and Happiness and Pizza (7)Book Recommendations and Jane Austen (8) Gotham Mornings and Daydreaming (9) Text Messages and Older Brothers (10)Cookies and Folded Clothes

11- Seven Days and Movies

“A week, Jason,” You said, voice stern from all the worry and the slight anger. “Seven days I didn’t hear from you.”

Your boyfriend was leaning against your kitchen counter, arms crossed and intently staring at the ground. He had been gone for a week for work, as you called it, but wasn’t able to contact you the entire time due to the sensitivity of the situation. Jason had meant to text you, to let you know that he wouldn’t be able to talk, but, with everything going on, he had forgotten. When he came back there were dozens of phone calls and texts from you. Each voicemail and message filled with more distress than the last.

When he called you, to just hear your sweet voice, there was nothing but anger. Jason should have expected it, after all, he would be the same if you had left him on read for a solid week.

Tears pricked your eyes when you explain how frustrated you were. “I was worried like hell, Jason. You know that, right?”

“I do,” He whispered. Despite his best efforts of trying to not show it, Jason was anxious as fuck. All he could think was that this was the end. “I’m sorry. I really am. It completely slipped my mind--”

“Slipped your mind,” You were a bit amused by that line. “Jason, when you forget to take out the trash, that’s when shit slips your mind, not leaving me to wonder if you’re fucking dead.”

Saying that finally strangled a sob from you. The news had run another story of an explosion and of Red Hood which only furthered the worry when he didn’t answer you. So, when he came through your window that night, you let him have it. You were so angry after being put through all that anxiety of the horrible idea of him being gone.

“I…” Jason started to say, but he didn’t really know what he could say. He was so scared right now. Everything he had been doing over the past couple of months seemed to crumble in a few seconds. Never had the two of you been in an argument, and he certainly hadn’t seen you so upset before.

After one more sob, you started to compose yourself. Despite the anger and distress that had come from the situation, you knew, above all else, that Jason would never mean to cause such feelings on purpose. Wiping the tears from your face, you sucked in a breath, then looked at your boyfriend who was staring intently at the ground.

“Jason,” His eyes met yours slowly. “Next time, please, just remember to send a text or call.”

“I will, I promise,” He said and held out his pinky.

Smiling, you took it, stepping closer to him. You weren’t pressed together, but you were close enough that you could smell the aftershave coming off of him. God, you hadn’t realized you missed it until now.

“I’m sorry I made you cry,” His voice whispered into the space in between.

You laughed a little, shaking your head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that, and, not that it’s an excuse, I was just so scared.”

Jason smiled a bit this time. “Scared of what?”

“Of losing you,” You whispered, looking down at his feet in embarrassment.

“Never, baby, never.”

He couldn’t describe the feeling that overcame him, but Jason knew that what you said made him start falling for you harder. Relief gave way as he realized that you weren’t going to break up with him over this, he still was your boyfriend by the end of the night. Guilt still gripped at his heart, though, but now he would make sure to let you know how long he would be gone or that it couldn’t talk even if his life was on the line doing so. He reached up and fingered a strand of your hair, loving that he could still stand there and do that to you.

You leaned into his touch, sighing, reveling in it because it meant that he was there, alive and unharmed. Or mostly unharmed as far as you could tell. Really, you just wanted to lean up and kiss him until you couldn’t feel your lips anymore, but you could save that for when he was ready.

“Jason, let’s order some food and watch something on TV,” You mumbled, kissing the palm of his hand as he continued to play with that one strand of hair.

Honestly, that sounded great. “Yeah, but I want to pick a movie.”

“Oh, so we’re watching Pride and Prejudice again?”

Jason snorted but didn’t correct you because you were right. He loved that fucking movie.

#jason fluff #jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #jason todd fanfiction #robin jason todd #romance #red hood fanfiction #red hood x reader #red hood #jason todd

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malarki · 3 years ago

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Harry Potter FanFiction I greatly enjoy (it’s just tomarry and sevitus)

Fair warning, I’m not good at describing stuff, and most of these are not complete (yet) but if you have similar tastes as I do then you’ll definitely like these stories.

Meddling of a Mischief Maker - by Athy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5380535/chapters/12427268

I enjoy this fic because it shows a more human Voldemort with him still being an asshole as per usual. They do a good job of having Voldemort believably change into a not crazy murderous bastard haha. It also has Sirius interacting with Voldemort and for some reason I find those scenes hilarious in any fic I read.

“Harry's being a horcrux is a bit reworked here in this AU Story set during the summer after 5th year. A Mischief Maker intervenes in the Ministry during Voldemort and Dumbledore's duel, changing the course history. MorallyGrey!Dumbledore, Sirius, Restored Souls, HP/TR”

Draw Me After You (Let Us Run) - by ToAStranger @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327684/chapters/53334382

This story is a delight, it’s tone is very good and they do a great job of writing in the characters ‘voices’ for their pov’s. I especially like the posh way Voldemort talks and acts. This story is also hilarious on top of just being a very good slowburn, AND it has Sirius, which as you might have guessed, I love dearly. They also don’t bash any of the characters, and instead make them well rounded but flawed individuals, which I really appreciate.

“Harry Potter,” comes the soft, sibilant hiss of a voice he has heard in his dreams, in his nightmares, in his waking hours for years.

Slowly, carefully, Harry twists over and pushes up onto his hands and knees. He stays there, short breath fogging in front of his face, and his pursuer lets him. Harry has no doubt of that; he’s being allowed this respite. This small moment to catch his bearings, heart pounding in his ears, blood singing.

“It seems I have finally caught you.”

Consuming Shadows - by Child_OTKW @childotkw

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7040089/chapters/16011331

I’ve read two of childOTKW’s fics and both of them are fantastically written and attention grabbing stories. This one was the first one I read, and it has a very interesting take on lily Potter (one which I really enjoy) and the plot can leave you on the edge of your seat at times. The characterization is great, and the process of Harry and Tom getting to know each other is done very well.

“His attention skipped passed the students and moved to the politicians’ pavilion. His gaze locked with crimson, and he nearly faltered under the sheer hunger in those eyes.

It unnerved him how fixated the man was on his dirtied, exhausted figure.

But what troubled him more was the slight smirk he could make out on the man’s lips. It was almost pleased.

On the night of the attack, Lily managed to escape with her infant son, but at the cost of her husband’s life. Distraught and distrusting of her friends, she fled to France with Harry, to raise him away from the corruption in Britain and the rising influence of the Dark Lord. She trains him to the best of her abilities, shaping him into a dangerous, intelligent and powerful wizard.

But when Britain re-establishes the Triwizard Tournament, and Harry is forced to return to his once-home, he finds himself questioning whether he really wants to kill the Dark Lord. Voldemort finds an unexpected challenge in the child, and as his intrigue and amusement grows, so too does the desire to possess the spark in those defiant green eyes.”

A story that is kind of similar but not really: The Train to Nowhere

You Belong To Me (I Belong To You) - by child_OTKW

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270490/chapters/25203408

This is a story inspired by the manwha ‘At The End Of The Road’ by Haribo. A comic I read before reading this, which is very good I recommend it. They do not take the exact plot from the comic though, obviously changing significant details for it to work properly as a Tomarry Fic, but one main thing stays the same, which is that this is a body swap. Honestly I really enjoy childOTKW’s works, and this is no exception. The characterization is wonderful as always, and Harry is Fantastic. Plus I’ve always been a fan of time travel fics. (Fair warning this is another slow burn and Harry centric)

“What I find absolutely fascinating,” Riddle said, stalking closer, “is you.” He marched forward, backing Harry up until he was pinned to the cool wall of the common room. “Do you know why?”

“No. And I’ll be honest here, Riddle, I don’t particularly care.”

The taller boy grinned at him, small yet infinitely pleased. “That. Right there.” One hand rose and brushed some of Harry’s fringe from his face. “Nathan Ciro was a spineless little boy too afraid of his own shadow to dare even glance in my direction. But you…”

He leaned closer, “You look at me like you want to stab me.”

“After an accident, Auror Harry Potter wakes up in the body of fourteen year old Nathan Ciro, a tormented Slytherin who recently tried to end his own life. Seeking answers to his strange predicament, Harry returns to Hogwarts, and causes quite the stir through staff and students - especially when they come to realise he is not the same boy as before.

He tries to avoid suspicion, but as his quest for the truth draws more and more attention to him, Harry begins to think that he might not like what he will discover.”

Some Bonus AU tomarry

A Thousand Paths Among The Stars - by Haplessshippo @haplesshippo

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015060/chapters/27191238

This is a star trek au and it’s honestly my favorite tomarry au fic. Granted, I am a huge sci-fi fan. There’s also a bit of a twist at the end, or at least it surprised me, due to the way we usually expect tomarry plots to go.

“Harry Potter, newly appointed Captain of the Marauder and son of the famous Captain James Potter, was falling apart at the seams. His crew didn’t respect him, he was lost in the empty expanse of space, nightmares plagued his sleep, and his Commander deserved the Captain position more than he did. Good thing multiple attempts on his life and a vicious warlord after his head was all it took to turn it all around.

Alternatively, that space fic in which Harry Potter almost dies too many times, Tom Riddle slowly becomes the most smitten fool on the ship, and the rest of the crew are all just a bunch of assholes with popcorn watching the show. And exploding ships, don't forget the exploding ships.”

The Matchmaker - by TanninTele

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16507676/chapters/38664089

I am ALSO a huge true crime fan, and this story has a criminal that kinda reminds me of one that might appear in Hannibal (but with less murder). I enjoy the characterization, though tom is pretty tame in this compared to more cannon fics, considering he’s not the criminal and instead an investigator. Harry is also different from how people usually portray him, but I still like it.

“'The Matchmaker' is a serial abductor whose modus operandi consists of pairing two same-sex individuals together in a coffin, six feet underground - buried alive. He isn't a killer. He's a kidnapper with morals, and Detective Chief Inspector Tom Riddle finds himself obsessed with solving the case.

Unfortunately for Tom, the Matchmaker is just as intent on knowing him.”

And on to the Sevitus Stories

Far Beyond A Promise Kept - by oliversnape

https://archiveofourown.org/works/547431/chapters/974693

A classic, Harry stays with snape and unintentionally proves all his assumptions wrong and makes snape care about him. Both the stories have this aspect, but this one has snape a bit nicer from the get go. Probably because it takes place during the third book, so they’ve only known each other two years. It’s quite wholesome though, and I rather enjoy the progression of their relationship.

“Snape never wanted anyone to know of his promise to Dumbledore, but has realised that he can protect Potter much better by taking a less passive role in the boy's training. Actually liking Harry Potter has never been part of his plan. mentor/guardian.”

Crime And Punishment - by melolcatsi

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102232/chapters/58018174

Snape and Harry have way more of a rocky start in this one, and Snape having to pick Harry up from the police station Really Doesn’t Help Snape’s opinion of him. This story very realistically shows the progression of their relationship, going from enemies to family, and near the ‘end’ (it’s not finished) it becomes very wholesome with Snape trying to help Harry with his mental and physical health after years of abuse/ neglect.

“Harry is accused of burglary. The Dursleys leave him to rot. Dumbledore sends Snape to remedy the situation. Harry finds himself in the care of an irate Snape. Not slash, gen-fic w/ focus on Sevitus relationship. Angst galore. Warnings: coarse and suggestive language, mentions of abuse/neglect. Un-betaed and un-Britpicked.”

#tomarry #tom riddle #harry potter #sevitus #severus snape #fanfic #fanfic reccomendation #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #archive of our own #tom riddle x harry potter

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