#i am proud of us all for being here!!
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mildmayfoxe · 2 years ago
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happy new year! 🥳🥂 you made it through 💪🏼🔥❤️⚡️ // shop stickers
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.
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ancha-aus · 7 days ago
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Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAu - Q&A
As I said! I totally wasn't scheming :3 @spotaus
But i had to wait until you uploaded your drabble about very sneaky Cross to make sure I got more references and a better idea about his character :D
So... here we are :3 Also yes the name of the drabble is a very bad joke but i thought of it and it was too funny.
*------------------------------------------*
Cross just sits there... He is such an idiot!
Getting caught?! As quickly as he did? that must be a record on how incapable he was.
It wasn't as if Cross had an excuse. Dream and Blue warned him! Warned him that the Knights were very skilled and watchful. That he had to leave as soon as he got the information and plans. Do not linger!
That had been the mission!
Instead he was a coward and just. Took too long. He spend too much time trying to form a plan instead of just acting. And then He tried to solve mysteries himself instead of just grabbing and leaving as soon as he could!
But he just... Cross groans.
He hadn't found anything fitting the brief. He hadn't been able to find anything that spoke about hurting people or raising taxes to hurt the poor or anything!
In matter of fact.
All he found was plans to improve the infra structure. To tax the nobels more and lower the taxes on people who earned less. He found information on how the king had contact with farmers to work on more structures and installations to help farmers recover from the change in weather and to fully utilise the land without exhausting it.
Projects on testing mixed crop planting and stricts rotation schedules to make sure the soil itself wasn't exhausted from nutrients or risks infections or fungi growing which would hurt the soil and specific crops.
There was even this whole program about apprentices!! something about orphans and children and teens on the straights and a way to offer them schooling and housing and even training with the people helping them! That the crown would pay these people for helping those who don't have family to count on!
It is still in draft clearly as it had been covered with sidenotes in this very elegant and curve handwriting. notes about how to pay for it. where to start it. which people to ask for posibilities. but also notes about how to check the children. how to make sure the children and teens weren't use or abused or even worse!
And... well... not too shortly after that one of the Knights just... Sat in the chair and spoke casually... Scared the shit out of him at the time.
How was that dude so quiet?! or so strong for that matter?
How could his magic had backfired so badly?
Cross sighs as he turns to his side. He is an IDIOT. How could he have gotten so reckless?
Drema and Blue would have already been happy with him getting anything back from the king's plans... maybe he just couldnt see the danger in them clearly? Hell if he knows what the state in the country is. He knows nothing about this place.
Maybe the things he saw was a bad thing? Maybe there was some... weird way to make them look bad?
Like.
Maybe there was already little nature? Sure Cross saw a lot of it on his way here but hell if he knows? maybe there is little in the cities or soemthing?
Maybe the nobels are already being taxed a lot? maybe this will make the nobels all poor? and euh.... Cross isn't sure how taxing the poor less could be bad but maybe there is some way?
the farming thing... Well... Cross isn't sure... maybe the farmers don't want him to micro manage or soemthing? maybe the king is being too controlling about it? that works...
The children are obvious. those are vulnerable kids and teens! Who are being used and exploited!! Well... he would have to ignore all the sidenotes about the kids wellbeing... and the notes about banning child labor...
Cross groans. Why is it so hard to see the things he is doing as bad?! Dream told him that Nightmare is corrupted and the thing ruling now is evil and terrible and needs to be removed to save his twin!!
Then why are the plans good? Maybe he is faking it? But why? XGaster never bothered to fake anything... He was just rightfully the king and people should respect him.
Cross frowns as he turns on his side. Ignoring the guard standing well guard outside of his cell. He tugs on the magical blocker on his arm. Making him unable to use his magic to summon any weapon or try to take control over someone elses magic again.
Well... Not like he can try that with the guard guarding him again anyway. Seeing as it is Dust guarding him...
Cross tugs on it again and Dust speaks "Don't bother. Those things can't be removed by the wearer."
Cross freezes and looks over. He thought he had been sneaky enough. The one with the panther mask stares back.
Cross frowns as he turns back to the wall.
The Knight goes quiet again.
Cross tugs on the band one more time. Just to be spiteful. Before laying back and staring at the wall.
Fuck... He is going to die here? Isn't he?
Maybe they will just starve him...
Or maybe they will first torture him to figure out who he works for.
Cross is going to have to withstand it until he dies. He can't give up Dream and the fact he is planning a revolution.
He can't ruin another revolution that could save and help so many people.
He will have to be strong. Not give in. Not even an inch.
"I apologise I took so long Dust. Thank you for keeping watch."
Cross freezes at the new but familiar voice. Cross had heard the voice before. He had seen the owner walk around and had been getting information on him.
The king.
The fucking king.
Nightmare himself!
Why was the king here?!
Sure Cross had been spying and stealing information. But was that really such a big deal to get the king himself to interrogate him?!
Then again... Shed's tail had aparently been removed and used for cat toys...
He is so dead.
A click and the door to his cell slowly creaks open.
Cross's pulse is beating so fast.
Footsteps walking closer. before the door creaks closed. and is relocked.
He is so dead.
A few more steps and then silence for a moment as Cross tries to keep his panic at bay. He regrets staring at the wall.
"I know you are awake. Speaking will be a lot easier if we face each other."
Cross keeps laying there. What does he do?! He can't ignore him. Come on Cross. Be brave. You faced down scarier threats!
'But you had magic back then.' his mind whispers 'You had a way to defend yourself.'
Still. Cross sits up and turns around. Making sure he is glaring. He is not going to give in. "What is there to tell?" His voice holds the challange. He isn't afraid. He will not give in. He is not going to give this so-called king anything!
Nightmare tilts his skull slightly. intrigue clearly. Cross doesn't like the fact that he seems just so... unbothered by Cross. Cross is the enemy! He is sitting in the cell after Nightmare's forces found him snooping around, trying to steal information.
So why is this king staring at him with just intrigued! No rage? No disgust?!
Nightmare speaks again. Seemingly taking his time to think about his answers. trying to be actually truthful? or trying to think of an answer that Cross wants to hear? Wait... Is the king already in cross's head and mind? is Cross already being tricked?
Nightmare's voice breaks him out of his spiralled thinking "I think I disagree. there is a lot to talk about."
Cross tilts his skull upwards. stubborn energy in his soul "I won't tell you anything about who send me or why. No matter what!"
Nightmare looks slightly amused "I don't exactly care about who send you or why."
... what?
Nightmare continues, at his aparently obvious confusion, as he explains "I know there are people who wish to know what I am doing. I know people are scheming against me. It is nothing new. Even a spy as yourself is nothing new." he looks amused "The fact they even send you implies they know close to nothign about me, my land or my home. Or, that they don't care about you at all."
That.. that doesn't make any sense?!
Ngihtmare nods "I do apologise you swore your loyalty to those who know nothing of the target they send you to spy on. Otherwise they would have known that I am aware of what goes on in my castle and land." he smiles "they would have known that my Knights are everywhere and good at their jobs." he shoots Cross a look "They would know that i am aware of who is suposed to work where at which moment."
Cross feels his mind lock up as the information filters in... How... how hadn't Dream known this?
Ngihtmare waves a hand casually "You are a rather inexperienced spy. Not that it matters. As there is very little any type of skill could have done against me and those of mine. Either your employers know nothing of me which means they aren't much of a threat quite yet. Or they were willing to throw you away as some sort of test against me or you. Which just makes me unimpressed with them overall."
Cross just stares at the ground.
The Knight speaks softly "Way to ruin his worldview my king."
a moment of silence before "I apologise. I shouldn't have said those things. You did not deserve to hear those or have to worry about which case is true."
Cross snaps "Why am i not dead yet?!" He had heard about the terrible punishment this parasite of a king does. How he hurts people for jsut the hell of it... From Dream... form the guards working here... It makes no sense that Cross is still alive. Unless he wants to torture him of course...
A moment of silence.
Ngihtmare speaks a bit softer but still sure and confident "You meant no harm. You were here for a few days and no one was attacked. Neither myself, my knights, my servants or my people in the city. I do not see why i would punish you with death if you did not do a crime earning such a thing."
Cross glares up "And if i had hurt someone?" So he was just doing this own test?! this is just a test. That Cross can deal with. Cross can deal with someone trying to trick and test him!
The king chuckles and shakes his skull "It is very bold of you to assume you would have been able to hurt anyone. Just because we aren't obvious you were not walking around unnoticed or unwatched. If you had made a single move to hurt someone you would have been stopped and caught right away. I must admit however if you had tried that this conversation would be going very differently."
Cross frowns, wait... "If i moved to hurt someone? Anyone?"
Nightmare nods "Of course. The people who work for me are people who's safety i take very seriously. They are willing to work for me. in trade for their servitude i make sure they have what they need and want and more importantly. That they are safe to live their lifes." He sounds so certain and the answer is instantly.
He didn't even need to think about it.
Cross's mind is swimming as he tries to focus. This makes no sense... Why is he implying that he only punishes those who deserve it? That isn't waht others said. This... this is weird. This is the weirdest interrogation he has ever been part of. But he manages to find his voice again "What do you then even want to know?" It isn't like he knows anything.
Nightmare watches him "I am curious about the Lost Kingdom."
Cross flinches as he looks away. "It isn't called lost..." it isn't lost... it isn't! His... his brother- Nine is trying so hard to fix the mess Cross left behind. the mess Cross helped cause. It may be broken and a bit of a mess but it isn't lost. Lost implies there is nothing that can be saved from it.
A soft hum before he speaks again "I apologise. It is a name i took over from others." a moment of silence "I supose I am just curious what made the most loyal of knights of that land leave the country he was working on protecting."
Cross freezes. huh?
Nightmare waits for a moment but when Cross doens't answer he continues "It doesn't make sense to me. Your every move and motivation was from trying to protect the country you served. Yet here you are. Instead of there."
Cross looks to the side. He... he had tried to protect but he failed everyone. He always failed... He made the most terrible mistake of mistakes... How could he stay? they didn't want him to stay. He didn't deserve to stay after that.
Cross looks to the side and speaks "No one wanted the loyal dog of the tyrant to stay. so i left." there.
a moment of silence. "Seems a bit of a harsh name for someone who was loyal to the country."
Cross glares "I wasn't! I just did what the old tyrant wanted!" Like an idiot who can't think for himself. He just did whatever his father told him. Too blind and too stupid to see that XGaster was hurting others.
Nightmare continues to look at him "And you believed in him to make the right choices for the country. That is the job of a king. Make sure that what is done is done to improve the land. improve the country. improve life for the people. It is not your fault that XGaster didn't honour his rule. That he did not do what he was suposed to. What he was sworn into."
Cross can't hear this. Not form sometone who is suposed to be eveil but seems to know so much. Who seems to know what it means to be king yet who isn't suposed to care. Why is this thing who is possessing an innocent acting as it he cares? How would this thing know what makes a good king?!
Cross asks him as much. "Why do you care!?" it is more of a snap than a question.
Is it... Is it Nightmare? Influencing the thing brainwashing him and controlling him? Fighting back?
Dream would be happy to hear that.
Nightmare still thinks about the question. He looks ahead of himself with a tiny frown. Seemingly thinking.
Cross however can't help that notice how blue the cyan eye is. Clearly unnatural. Toxic even... Yet calm. There is no rage hidden that Dream warned him about. No edge of insanity or madness. Just calm and insightful thoughts. Control over his mind? but that makes no sense if he is brainwashed...
The body is not at all what Cross even expected to once see. Ngihtmare had this imposing presence. The fact his form was covered with a goop that had melted over one of his sockets didn't help. The way those tentacles on his back moved and idled. Seemingly without a single thought- wait... didn't octopusses have like... brains in each tentacle. Did that mean that Nightmare had five brains working and thinking for him?
Still... The corruption is so clearly... strange. Dream had told him that the powers given by the ritual was suposed to make a king and warrior of light. Of good. This form is proof that Nightmare wasn't suposed to gain this power. It is dark and moving and changing... But Cross can't help but think it doesn't look that bad, that the name corruption doesn't quite fit. It doesn't radiate any harm in anyway. Not like that time in the hall... Is... Nightmare able to control the presence it gives off? Why wouldn't he use it now? The slight magic he can still feel is potent and strong and unlike anything Cross ever felt before... But it isn't like other poisonous magics Cross had learned about. That he had trained to recognise. It is strange...
Cross decides to focus on the clothes he is wearing. It is clearly high quality stuff. not to forget the golden accents and actual bands around the tentacles. the clips with apple motifs. the detailing of branches like swirls in the same cyan colour as that eye, just less obvious because the fabric is slightly see through.
It makes for one intimidating image. One that the king carries with confidence and familiarity.
Nightmare speaks "I care because i wish to understand. We learn by understanding others. Even if i don't agree with someone doesn't mean i don't have to understand them. In matter of fact. the only way to truly disagree and be against something is to understand or at least know about the concept. When it is about why people do certain actions it is important to learn their motives and reasons. to understand why they did what they did before casting out judgement."
Cross can't deal with him... how is this suposed evil tyrant so understanding?
He is nothing like XGaster.
Nothing at all.
Cross can see that so clearly and so easily. This is someone who knows what he is talking about and who doesn't just say what you want to hear. Cross thought he knew what he was going into. He thought he would meet a man simular to XGaster.
Someone who manipulates. Someone who lies. Someone who turns every answer into a small insult. Someone who tells you how to think and why you are an idiot for not thinkinf like that from the start. Someone who believes himself to be perfect and not capable of fault.
Cross believed his father to be rightful in being this way and thinking that way for so long. It wasn't until after the revolution Cross finally noticed the cracks in the facade.
Cross thought... he figured he would be able to see through whatever mask Ngihtmare is wearing. Metaphorical of course. But he can't... he is failing. He can't figure this out.
Is... is cross being an idiot again? is Nightmare lying to him and is Cross still just unable to see it?
Or is there no mask to see through? no mask to spot the cracks in?
What does he do?
Nightmare waits and remains quiet until Cross actually focusses on him. When he does Nightmare speaks again "I wish to know what happened there. In your home."
His home...
"It isn't my home..." not anymore...
Nightmare nods and speaks again "Then what happened to the country that you used to serve and protect. What caused the downfall?"
Cross looks to the side "A revolution obviously..."
Ngihtmare nods and waits.
Cross glares "I was an idiot and could not pick a side. I couldn't fight my brother who lead the revolution but i could also not betray my lord. I ended up trying to help both yet messed everything up." he glares at the king "I made everything worse." all because he just couldn't pick.
Ngihtmare tilts his skull "Rather extreme. Thinking just one person can make or break a revolution."
Cross blinks.
Nightmare nods calmly "I am not saying that you couldn't have made it go better. That is always an option. However. A revolution... a rebellion. It is the same thing, and it is messy. it is dangerous. One person can not make things go perfect. that is impossible."
Dust coughs lightly into his hand. The king shoots him a look but nothing else happens.
The king turns back to him "You are not responsible for everything that happened. could you have helped? Yes. But... the choice that you made also enabled you to do the few things you could. the little bits you did to help your brother. If you had picked to defend the old tyrant. You would have had to hurt others."
Cross glares down "I know i should have helped."
Ngihtmare shakes his skull "That isn't what i am saying. the point i am trying to make is. You never know what you would have done in the other two situations. You could have joined your brother. but then you would have had to fight the very people you trained and fought beside before. The same people who know you through and through. who know how you fight and move." and he looks at him. "You helping them. either side of the conflict. would have meant you would have been at a different position at any given point. The things that happened wouldn't and couldn't have happened because your actions in this... neutral choice also had consequences and effect. It meant that XGaster stationed you as a guard. if you hadn't been available he would maybe have used two others to gain the same protection you gave him. You didn't stop the revolution when they got to you. instead there would have been two guards guarding the door." And nightmare give shim a moment to let that information sink in.
Cross stops... he... hadn't thought about... all he could think about is how he could have made things different. Thinking about how his skills could have helped specific moments... he hadn't considered that... him helping them from the start would have chanced everything...
and the moment where he could have helped... may never have even happened.
Cross shakes his skull "Things would have been better if i had picked a side."
The king considers it "Maybe it would have. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe by not picking a side you were able to do enough damage control for both sides that enabled it to even be successful. Maybe not picking a side made it last longer. You can not know which choice would ahve been better as you never saw the options."
Cross isn't sure what is even going on anymore. He had believed... He had been sure that him not making a choice just made everythign worse. Everyone agreed. Everyone must have agreed or else they wouldn't have made sure to remind him about his mistake each moment they could...
right?
Nightmare nods before getting up. Cross only now notices that Nightmare had been using his own tentacles as a chair "But I think I have pushed you too far already with my questions. You need rest and time to process and calm down. Food will be brought to you later." he turns towards the cell door and exits.
The king nods to the guard and starts to walk away.
Wait...
Wait!
Cross jumps up and rushes to the bars "Wait!"
The king stops and turns back to him "yes?" and he waits.
Cross pants "You said... Way before... at the start... There had been others like me. other spies. Where are they now?" Dream said others had been send before right? Or maybe even other forces. That Nightmare killed them?
Nightmare tilts his skull "My knights or I myself spoke to them. Much like I am doing wiht you. Those who meant no harm and held no wish to hurt those here... They were offered a change of scenery. They mentioned they couldn't and didn't want to return a failure to their old leaders. There is always room and a need for people willing to work and help."
Cross frowns "And those who did wish to return home?"
Nightmare looks unbothered "After making sure they were no threat they were released at the border. With a warning to not return. Once is an happening after all, one people can learn from. However if it turns out they lied or wished to return to do harm after all they were punished for their crimes."
Cross looks down as his mind spins "Oh..."
Nightmare waits for a moment longer before nodding "Rest up. I will come back either tomorrow or the day after to continue our conversation." he turns and leaves.
Cross slowly lets go of the bars and goes back to the bed in the cell... He can't help but notice that it is actually rather comfortable here.
Sure there are bars and he is locked in and unable to use magic...
But there is fresh air. Some natural sunlight comes in through the barred windows. It isn't cold or wet. There are warm blankets and soft places to sit...
Even if it is a jailcell. It is comfortable at least.
Cross rolls back up on the bed and thinks.
His mind going over the past conversation and thinking about what he learned. For it having been suposed to be a way for the king to learn about Cross it was just Cross learning about Nightmare.
What had the king even wanted to learn? All Cross told him was how he thought about things and experienced it. Not even how the revolution happened or what events took place.
If Nightmare had wished to know those it would make sense. Then it would gain Nightmare insight to how the revolution managed to be successfull and what to defend against.
And yet...
and yet...
He didn't. All Nightmare wished to know was what Cross did.
It doesn't make sense.
None of it does.
It doesn't take long but eventually a maid comes along. a human and she bows in respect to the Knight before turning towards Cross with a smile "Hello there. I brought you some food. It are roasted potatoes and a salad." she puts it on the little opening to push it into his cell "Once you are done please place it back in this same area. Makes us able to clean it up which will leave your area a bit cleaner!" she smiles happily before nodding once she sees Cross paying her attention.
After that she turns away, bows to the Knight again,before leaving.
Cross makes his way to the food slowly but the Knight standing guard doesn't make a single move to take or mess with it.
Cross grabs his food and takes a seat on his bed again. He eats it slowly and feels his hand shake once he realises it is actually good.
It is taste and warm and filled with nutrients.
Why are they treating him so nicely?
Cross just... doesn't get it...
Maybe he can ask the next time Nightmare comes to him to talk?
Maybe he can get some answers after all...
*------------------------*
In case you guys don't get the title name. It is a joke. Because Cross is being interrogated but it is more a mutual Q&A...
I will leave now.
#utmv#NewAgeAU#nightmare sans#Cross sans#dust sans#Cross freaking out about the cell door being opened and him thinking he is about to die.#meanwhile nightmare thinking: oh. that is creaking loudly. we need to send someone down here to oil the doors.#Just. the differences in energy here people. So funny.#But yeah. Nightmare? Just wants to understand.#He learned that the best way to know what people think and do is just to... ask them and try to understand the why they did something.#by understanding he gains more insight in what people do and want and need and what they can do to gain these things.#It helps him to udnerstand the more normal people from his place as king.#Also he is just curious how someone as loyal as cross could end up so far away from the very people he swore to protect.#(doing a bit of research to see why loyal people would leave because of his knights.)#but all he learns is that... cross felt like he had failed in his job and so left on his own as a form os self punishment.#So now he is trying to understand why he would feel like this.#all so he knows waht to watch out for with his own knights and to know how to reassure them.#To make sure he knows how to let them know that he trusts them and mistakes are allowed.#Cross is just having many crisis because well...#he isn't used to someone this powerful just having an honest normal conversation with someone so low in comparisson#Which for nightmare is normal (he got rit of the old advisors for experts in certain fields who were originally much more normal civilians)#It is a whole culture shock that nightmare is causing because he works so very different from the people in power cross is used to.#but yeah.#the first conversation between nightmare and cross which eventually lead to a career switch for cross.#that is the one i wanted to play with and explore :3#I had to change it a bit after Spot uploaded their drabble but i am proud to say most of it still worked :D#Enjoy <3
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lightbulb-warning · 3 months ago
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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six-of-snakes · 1 year ago
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somtimes a boy's just gotta recognize the girl he used to be and acknowledge what she did for him and then move on to keep living his life knowing she's watching proud of what he's done
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luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
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DOODLEPAGE COMMISSION CREATED FOR THE WONDERFUL @reallybelt do YOU want me to draw you a doodlepage of your blorbo? im still doing commissions!! more information here. cmon down!! get em before the 15th when they put me down witha really big hammer
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crayonurchin · 8 months ago
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I am such a good employee and this company is better off with me in it and I am giving my employer absolutely 0% of my free time and emotional labour. I go to bookings, I get good reviews, I go home and I don't do shit beyond that
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possum-quesadilla · 21 days ago
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IM OBSESSED WITH THE LIGHTHOUSE me and my best friend beans have watched it together probably five times (which is impressive because we live 5 hours apart so every time we see each other. its lighthouse time.) ANYWAYS. i'll die on the hill that they did more than just fight and cuddle.
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YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD UBER AUTISM!!!! BE PREPARED FOR A LONG RANT ABOUT THE LIGHTHOUSE!!!
(Rant under cut, warning for discussions of sexual content, including non-consensual encounters)
That is so slay!! Love that you share it with a friend, haha. I’ve seen it 152 times, only once in theaters for a special anniversary screening and it was MAGICAL. I have a dvd and a special dvd with extra art and the blueprint plans for the lighthouse itself and their clothing that I am happy to share, but OUUUGH I love this movie!! I watch it at least once a week!! I have read through the original script at least six times!!
They definitely did more!! Oh my goodness!! I’m so glad you agree. We of course have the moment they almost kiss while slow dancing, (which is phenomenal) but a lot of people glaze over Howard almost blatantly kissing Wake before he beats him up, when he is hallucinating him as the mermaid!!
And then, right after that, when he tells Wake to bark like a dog, the atmosphere is so TENSE I can’t stand it!! I certainly think after he told him to roll over and stood over him that they did… something. What in particular depends on the reading, but it definitely wasn’t kosher, let’s say. (Whether or not Wake did or even could consent is also very dubious at best).
I love rewatching the movie with a different reading in mind. The Proteus / Prometheus theory, Wake being the liar, Howard being the liar, them both lying, it all being a deathbed hallucination, Howard having killed Winslow bc they were lovers/he had a crush, etc., even different variations of them all put together!
Anyone have a favorite interpretation? Favorite theory? Moment? Anything?
Sorry Bunny… you walked right into my autism trap…
#blue babbles#the lighthouse#tw noncon#I’m a huge fan of the Howard being in love with / a relationship with Winslow theory btw.#the entire film they use lenses that bring out the imperfections of the environment and especially the men#you can see every pore and scraggly hair on them right#BUT! they use a lense that covered up imperfections only a handful of times.#for the mermaid to make her look ethereal in comparison to the men#but also on Winslow whenever he showed up!! hence why he looks so pretty#I think it’s bc he idealizes and lusts after Winslow the same way he does the mermaid#or at least tries to#god. I love this movie. sorry you activated my autism trap bunny#I have more to say but I will stop for the sake of everyone’s sanity#I love this movie I love talking about it I love researching it#one of my genie wishes is to have a sit down brunch with Robert Eggers and the two main actors and discuss the film#I know so much man. I think about it so much. if you ever want to know just ask. i’minsane.#THE GREEK MYTHOLOGY ONE!! I am such a Greek mythology nerd as evidenced by all the Greek references I put in loopjuice#hell I reenacted Orpheus and Eurydice directly#and OOOUGH. the proteus / Prometheus theory tickles my brain perfectly I could talk about it forever#I’m proud of how much I cut down on my rant here#THERE IS ALSO. TWO SEPARATE LIGHTHOUSE REFERENCES IN LOOPJUICE.#bc I’m crazy. I’m insane. I’m a little freak#scratch that btw. three! there is another one in the chapter I’m writing rn. beetlejuice drinks turpentine lol
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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mymelodyisme · 6 months ago
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My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽
#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again#i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨#and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again#everything I am everything I do has to be for other people#im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹#this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her#and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too#also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset#she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits#all I have left is my emotions 🥹#anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged#sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining#here’s to a better day for us all#melifails#now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on#im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap#😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face#our football field is NOT kind in this way#hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long#im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor#so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did#bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!!#okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah
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boxwinebaddie · 6 months ago
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an uncle nina clean-a upgayte! <3 c':
i'd apologize for all the personal posts but this is, in fact, my personal blog and i don't want to try to write/create until this is all sorted ( and i think it will be my best writing yet when it's here! fingers crossed. )
we've reached the halfway point in uncle nina *rp vc* vanquishes the evil that is her horror movie level scary depression nightmare room!
yay! <333 i am in surprisingly good spirits, have several loads of laundry going, hung a lot of clothes, can currently see my floor (epic), i made a schedule, all parts of my shift were covered, and this is just a reminder to all my friends ( especially a dear one who reached out to me and told me they are also overwhelmed) that you are so much BIGGER than the things that scare you, angels.
you can do anything that you set your mind to and i promise those things that seem impossible now will be so silly and small later when you are sittin at the summit of shit mountain w/ a smile on ur face. :)
take care, be well, be merry, be proud of ur accomplishments, big or small and know that every breath you take is a battle, baby.
so keep fighting the good fight, okay? <3
i love you and i hope you heal,
uncle nina <333
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hylianengineer · 8 months ago
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Of all the things I expected to get emotional about while reading fanfic, the casual and extremely accurate portrayal of Midwestern culture via Superman and his adopted human family was not one of them. I'm totally not happy crying about the fact that a few throwaway lines in a story made me feel more at home and connected to my culture than I have in years.
I spend a lot of time being ashamed of where I come from because it's a red state and there's a lot of bigotry here, but this is also the place where people literally drive around in snowstorms in their pickup trucks looking for cars that need pulled out of ditches. We eat our cinnamon rolls with chili, we call soda 'pop,' and it's not a proper holiday until we've cooked so much the smoke alarm goes off. This is my home, too. This is where I come from, and it's just as real and important as any of the bad stuff.
I learned to drive in a cow pasture. I still like country music. And yes, I really do say 'ope.' I've spent a lot of time being embarrassed about my dialect, too, but tonight I'm kind of proud of it. After all, Superman speaks it too.
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goldenguillotines · 2 years ago
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Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Not in order in the slightest however I wanted to put all my sprites ive done this year (minus ... 4 lost files for two and the other are wips for others and i think itd allowed havinf to see lammeks oldest sprites and brutes again dies) but all my sprites from this year wooooo! Jaevya being my most up to date with my skills hehe
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myfirstandlast · 10 months ago
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going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly
#i’ve never cared for the whole i wish i could see my younger self thing#because from where i was standing it was always still bad so thought why would i want to see them now#things are going to become very hard again very soon but last year was the best year of my entire life#i did something terrifying and then i claimed my life as my own#and a year later i have a car! and im driving! you can’t understand how impossible of a thought this was to me before#i live on my own and i’ve decorated my body and my bedroom and i can buy things i never thought id be able to own#i miss connecting with others my dash is a total wasteland now but i just#seriously cannot believe where i am right now. even though some things are still so screwed up and more screwed things are on the way#and i’m terrified of course. january is the perfect month to feel like ending it all. too much unknown#but still 2023 felt like magic i didn’t deserve and yet i basked in it#i’m not incredibly successful i’m not very interesting but im still so proud of myself somehow. even though i hate myself#it’s not as much as i used to. i appreciate myself more now and i can see how i needed me to get here. and im grateful for me#and for everything i have. i’m just speechless i can’t believe the life i currently have#i’m waiting to enter the era of travelling and intimate get together those areas are still slow coming#but if i could do this i can only hope and hope and squeeze my eyes tight to make them appear someday#i miss so many things but i don’t miss the old me. she sucked but she also cared and she’s still here in fragments#it’s strange to write this way i’ve never felt this sort of compassion before i was so so deeply depressed#it was inescapable and for good reason i don’t know how i made it through anything i’ve endured#i have to thank myself for always being too scared to die
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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ok two things. #1 i am IMPOSSIBLY exhausted. just took a nap for a couple hours and have been awake for a bit but i feel like ivr been whacked like a punching bag like good god. and #2 is gonna have to make me delete this post later bc i feel weird and bad and paranoid abt saying it lol but. it’s just fucking weird and bad kinda bc im literally 2 years older than / removed from the students who work closest with us rn (who i spent most of today tabling w) and it’s so awkward bc we’re at the same-ish life stages and ik we totally would’ve been friends if we’d gone thru the same programs together as students but they ignore me / don’t and can’t talk to me like we’re friends bc im a staff member and my attempts to talk to them are lame and weird so idk. it’s just a lot and stressful and sobering
#purrs#aldo one of the interns who will be working w us this year just found a living situation that is like… EXACTLY the kind of thing i think i#would want and she was telling me all abt decorating her apartment and getting / buying stuff for her cat and having all this freedom and…#RRAUGHHHH im so proud of her and happy for her bc her situation was rly hard before this and she told me all abt it and it’s exactly what#she needed and deserves but it’s just so WEIRD bc i need the exact same thing and still live w my parents and share a room and can’t drive a#and am literally like… ‘in competiton’ w students im working w for resources and also im about to be a grad student and idk how to act#arojnd undergrads or if i get to / should sympathize with them or like talk abt anything bc im also a staff member and a semi-supervisor of#theirs and i know things they don’t and have power over them and it’s like. aughhhh it’s just bad. i feel really horrible saying this but i#just need time to pass. i need to not be going thru the same life milestones undergrads are going thru. i need to be 3-4 yrs in the future w#where no one ever knew me as a student (a couple of them did just as a senior when they were freshmen etc!). so that it’s not weird anymore#and there are no blurry lines that make us confused abt how to interact w each other or make me feel so fucking bad abt myself lol#<- which i literally shouldn’t like i have no reason to and it’s ridiculous and childish to. but idk. imjust depressed and exhausted i think#delete later#also for the second semester ina row im about to be an instructor of a class with someone i literally… took a class with as a student in the#class 💀💀💀💀💀 like she and i were classmates in spring 2021 and my co-instructors were O UR instructors and nowi am also an instructor. and#its just so fucking bizarre and uncomfortable aughhhhh#i just feel very lonely abt all of it. and im isolating myself again which isn’t helping esp bc the guilt has been gnawing at me hard lately#not to say this but it’s even weird on here. like a lot of you guys are in college rn and… i work for one. and it doesn’t matter but also it#just feels weird and i feel weird abt complaining abt the semester or being like yeah the semester is so hard haha fellow kids. which im not#bc it legitimately is hard for staff too it’s just… a lot. idk. idk how to explain it
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nyxi-pixie · 2 years ago
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the most important thing abt noah coming out is that the people going 'hehe how does our fav strAIGHT frat boy play that fucking gayass so well??😱😱' had to stfu😁👍
#its annoying when people do it abt anyone tbh#that was so fucking irritating lmfaoooo#me omw to remind the masses of hets and chronically online 12yr old queers whove never met a gay person irl that we're not a monolith🤩#it doesnt escape my notice that yall say it more violently the second anyone so much as iMPLIES that they mighy not be straight#'speculating is bad' yes! but shockingly! yelling to the moon + back that them being not straight is impossible is not the best alternative#and perpetuates every dumbass stereotype#im so tired#also if you say hey maybe stop insisting theyre str8 for no reason every 5 seconds for a cheap joke abt the queer character they play#then everyone immediately is frothing at the mouth holding a chainsaw to ur throat#def not indirecting anyone w this😟#i dont even remember who it was but someone was always putting those stupid noah straightest man in the world jokes on my dash#n i just used to stare at them like holy shit u guys are gonna be shocked when u encounter gay ppl outside of the internet.#my tags ran away from me again#but i hope u guys Hear Me on this shit bc this happens w every celebrity ever#and then ppl turn around and pretend the problem was ppl thinking they might be queer#instead of ppl refusing to believe theyre anything other than straight#anyway.#am a little late to posting abt him i know😔 have been so ia here recently but i saw it when it happened and am vv proud of him#<33 just to get a little of track at the end here#but yeah hes lovely and i wish people who were insisting he was straight would understand him as an examole that gay ppl arent all the same#but they wont cos they immediately turn to going 'omgggg our fav slayqueen i always knew hehehehe he just looks so fruitsalad'#heed my warnings i am a conduit of rage and violence and one day im going to use it on those ppl#oh fuck this was so many tags i am an unrestrained tag menace#a tennis if you will#aha like the game#anyway#byler#(<- it isnt but this is where i was seeing 'Straight Frat Boy Noah could never be gay' posts so.)#(not most of you tho<333 just a few)#right im going back to reading this 700k word fic from another fandom when will i return to tumblr?? who knows. not me
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