#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again

[p1astr81]

friend is just a word

In which: you’re drunk off your ass and accidentally mistake formula one driver for a friend.

Pairing: oscar piastri x fem!reader

warnings: excessive alcohol consumption, not proofread😵‍💫

an: TYSM FOR 600 FOLLOWERS🥳🥳🥳

The music was blasting, light flares obstructing your vision while you tried to stumble back to your friends on weakening legs. The drink in your hand kissed the rim off the glass every now and then, but you hadn’t spilt any of it.

Your shoulder bumped into another, and you went to apologize, but your thoughts were thrown off by his familiar face.

If his face was familiar, he had to be a friend. Right?

A hand of yours gripped onto his shoulder for stability. He eyed the hand with a raised brow, but neglected to verbally question it.

It felt like your brain was trying to communicate with you, but it couldn’t penetrate the fog caused by the alcohol. “I didn’t know you were here!” His brown hair flopped when he flinched away from you, your voice far too loud for his ears to bare. “How have you been?! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Uh, good. I guess?” You didn’t catch his nervous glances.

“That’s amazing! You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I got that call back about the job with sky sports.”

He raised his brows in interest. “Oh really? What for?” His head cocked to the side.

“A second interview! I didn’t even know they did second interviews. I thought it was just one and done!” You laughed, an irregular high-pitched sound.

By now, Oscar was quite sure you weren’t aware of who he really was. Just that you thought you knew him. “Probably so they know you won’t bother the drivers.”

You feigned offense. “What! I would never do such a thing!”

Ironic, Oscar thought, you’re kind of doing it right now. But he didn’t really care. He actually found it kind of amusing.

He chuckled. “No, I’m sure you’d never bother them.”

You folded over in laughter. He didn’t even know he said anything funny. “Oh, you are too funny, Oscar!” You pretended to wipe a tear.

Strangely, that action might’ve brought you to your senses.

“Piastri.” Was the only word you spoke. It sat on the fringes of inaudible.

The panic that washed over your features was too humorous. He couldn’t not grin.

And then you went white. “I’m so sorry. I thought- oh, god.” You hid your face behind your hand. “I did not mean to bother you. I thought you were one of my friends.”

Oscar only chuckled. “I figured. No worries. It was pretty funny to watch.”

Maybe, just maybe, a part of him was glad it was him and not some other random guy in the bar.

“I’m gonna- yeah I’m gonna go back to my actually friends now.” You rambled. “Sorry!” A squeak.

The conversation didn’t end when you left, because then he had to return to his own party. Lando made fun of him for it.

“Awe! Osco finally found a girlfriend!” He teased, earning a head shake from Oscar.

“She was just drunk.” He waved off.

But lando wouldn’t let up. The whole night, he made off handed comments. He pointed her out anytime he saw her. And at one point,

“I’m gonna go talk to her. Be a wingman.” He flashed Oscar a toothy, mischievous grin and winked at him. Before Oscar could object, he was off.

You were laughing your ass off at something one of your friends said when a slightly slurred, British voice interjected. “Hey girls!” He greeted the group, a bright smile, before turning his gaze to you. “Hi.” He repeated, trying not to laugh at your overly shocked expression. “You see that guy in the blue shirt? Yeah, he wants your number but is too much of a pussy to ask for it himself, so here I am.” He explained with copious amounts of amusement.

Your brain took a minute to catch up with him. “Uh, uhm- yeah. Sure. I guess. Uh.” You scrambled to find something to write on and write with. “I have no paper.”

“Right.” Lando handed you his phone, open to the notes app. He couldn’t stop grinning as your fingers fumbled to type in your number, and when he said his goodbyes, and when he returned to Oscar.

“Got it. You can thank me by making me your best man.” He shrugged, too cocky for how easy the situation was.

“Yeah, whatever.” Oscar dismissed, but he took the number and saved it in his phone anyway.

He made a mental note to call you tomorrow, after your inevitable hangovers faded away.

[yrluvjane]

Idea: Sirius is sitting all happily and prepared on the bed, waiting impatiently for reader to join him. She is going to do his skin-care, a Sunday night tradition. He demands his own special headband, asks several questions with his eyes closed, knowing it will take her longer to do the skin care then. Sneaking a hand up on her butt and her pulling on his ear telling him to behave, him claiming it is a part of their routine

The moment you stepped into the bedroom, you were met with the sight of Sirius Black sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed like an overeager puppy, already wearing his designated skincare headband—the ridiculous pink satin one with "DIVA" embroidered across the front in glittering letters.

"You're late," he announced, tapping an imaginary watch on his wrist. "I’ve been waiting ages. My pores are suffering."

You rolled your eyes, setting down the basket of skincare products on the nightstand. "You literally texted me three minutes ago saying, and I quote, 'Get your gorgeous arse in here, it’s self-care o’clock.'"

Sirius grinned, unabashed. "Three minutes is an eternity when a man’s complexion is at stake." He flopped back dramatically against the pillows, arms spread. "Now come on, then. Work your magic."

You climbed onto the bed, settling between his legs as he closed his eyes with an exaggerated sigh of contentment. The second your fingers touched his forehead with the first dab of cleanser, he hummed approvingly.

"This is the life," he murmured, tilting his chin up so you could swipe the product over his jaw. "Though I do think you missed a spot—"

"You’re literally making that up."

"Am not. My skin has needs, love."

You snorted, smoothing the cleanser in slow circles just to watch him melt under your touch. Sirius had zero shame when it came to this ritual—he’d once demanded a full facial massage and a cucumber slice for each eyelid, claiming it was "medically necessary for his star quality."

A comfortable silence settled as you worked, broken only by Sirius’s occasional theatrical sighs or muttered commentary.

"Are you sure this serum is the right one?" he asked, cracking one eye open. "It doesn’t feel as luxurious as last week’s."

"It’s the exact same bottle, Sirius."

"Hmm. Doubtful." He closed his eye again, lips twitching. "I think you’re cutting corners. Betrayal."

You flicked his nose. "Next time, you can do it yourself."

"Absolutely not," he gasped, pressing a hand to his chest. "I’m a delicate creature. I require professional attention."

You were mid-eye-roll when his hand suddenly slid around your waist, fingers sneaking under the hem of your shirt to grope your ass with zero subtlety.

"Sirius—!"

"Mm?" He blinked up at you, all faux innocence. "What? It’s part of the routine."

"Since when?"

"Since always," he lied smoothly, grinning when you pinched his earlobe in retaliation. "Ow—okay, okay! Violence is not skincare-approved!"

"You’re impossible," you muttered, though the laugh in your voice ruined the scolding entirely.

Sirius’s grin turned wicked. "You love it."

And damn him—you did.

[shikaizer]

live clash. kkarnold x reader x paigebueckers.

During a live, KK and Paige subtly confess their feelings for you and argues over who has a better chance.

It started like any other night, a spontaneous instagram live, kk was stretched out on the couch, her phone propped up and a half-finished iced tea nearby, paige lounged beside her, legs pulled up, hoodie sleeves pushed to her elbows.

the two of them were an addictive combination kk with her bubbly energy and expressive eyes, paige with that effortless calm and sharp one liners, together, they were chaos and comfort in equal measure.

the viewer count climbed quickly, notifications buzzed, comments poured in, kk waved at the screen “heyyy, hi besties! what are we up to tonight?”paige leaned over her shoulder “pretty sure your the one who dragged me into this” she said with a smirk, already scanning the comment section “oh look, they are already asking where she is.”kk rolled her eyes with a dramatic groan "okay, okay, lets get this over with, yes, she exists, no, shes not here, and no, were not dating her, yet.”

“speak for yourself” paige murmured, kk shot her a look “excuse me?” paige just smiled, lifting her coffee to her lips “im just saying, some of us might have an actual shot"

The chat exploded.

> “WAIT WHAT??”

> “Did Paige just admit to something??”

> “KK IS BLUSHING LOLOLOL”

kk tried to play it cool, but the color on her cheeks gave her away “first of all” she said, trying to regain control “you act like you’re not head over heels too.”

“i never said i wasnt” paige said, tilting her head “i just dont panic about it on live.” the air between them shifted, still light, but sharper now, a subtle current of something more personal, something unspoken.

kk crossed her arms, her smile laced with challenge “okay, then lets be real, if she had to choose… who would it be?” paige didnt flinch "lets be real, if anyone has a chance, its obviously me, i mean, come on.”

kk laughed, surprised, a little breathless “wow confident”“i mean” paige shrugged, glancing at the screen “i’ve been consistent, i dont play games, i text back, i listen when she talks.”

“so do i!” kk protested, eyes wide “i literally check her stories before i check yours, i know shes been stressed lately,i sent her that playlist to calm down, and i asked how her presentation went last week, which, by the way, you forgot to do.”

paige opened her mouth to argue, but closed it again, her jaw clenched slightly "fine" she said after a pause “your thoughtful, i’ll give you that.”

kk softened a little “i just… like her, okay? i dont know if its a thing, but when I think about her, it just feels… warm.”

their fans were practically SCREAMING in the comments.

> “STOP I’M CRYING”

>“SOMEONE GO CHECK ON HER”

>“YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH THE SAME GIRL”

kk glanced at the chat, laughing softly "yall are too loud right now.” when, without looking at paige, she added “i dont wanna fight about her.”

“I’m not fighting” paige replied. “im just saying… if either of us is gonna get her attention, i want it to be real, not some competition, shes worth more than that.”

there was a pause, one of those heavy, meaningful ones, kk nodded slowly "yeah, she is.” paige looked over at her, something vulnerable behind her usual cool “so what happens if she likes both of us?” kks laugh was soft, almost sad “then I guess we both keep trying, no pressure"

the live ended fifteen minutes later with a few silly games, some awkward giggles, and the two of them pretending nothing happened, but you knew, you felt it.

your phone buzzed right after.

PAIGE | If you saw that… sorry, or not sorry, call me?

KK | pls tell me you were watching, also, i meant what i said.

and you? you were sitting there with your phone glowing in your hand, heart pounding, wondering how in the world you’d ever choose between two people who just confessed, in their own chaotic way.

masterlist.

🔖 — @addl0vee @tndaqlwifwy @mrsarnold @melpthatsme @bellaprintz25 @janaelalfysblunt @ellehoops @belsoulss @apbueckers @uwupaige @janaelalfysloml @paige05bby @azzisbueckers @paigeluvvr @giavonnii @jupitermoonbaby @shootingstarrrrr @dalilahissilly @luldejamleer @d7dream @gabbyygoo @bravemode @latenighttalkinqwp

[glitchy1938]

(Same anon who asked for the reader who gets visions) oooo I loved the reader who gets visions post, you really know how to make a vision take flight

Sorry for requesting again, but I’ve got another idea floating in my mind. You don’t have to write this if it is too detailed of a concept :)

What about a reader who is a friend and fellow virtue of the ancients or beasts (they’re my favorite groups I’m sorry) and desperately craves to be acknowledged as worthwhile, not exactly jealous and will never say it but they feel like they are never recognized for all the work they do, so obviously they need to do more! And they begin to slowly corrupt with visible cracks throughout their dough, and they start getting more resentful, refusing to stop their work because they think their friends want to steal the glory for themselves, as they are actively destroying themself.

It took a while but I made it, I also made with my OC if that's okay.

Even If I'm Crumbling..... I Need More...!!

[Ancients & Beasts x reader]

Pure Vanilla Cookie

• You were his closest friends with White lily Cookie, and he really appreciate that you want to know more about everything.

• But he feel... Something else in you... Like, everytime he get better at something, you want to surpass him, he didn't quite get it at first...

• You never admit it to him, or anyone, but the more he get of acknowledgement, the more you feel you NEEDED to do more.

• You started to work even more harder then before, even not eating, drinking or getting any sleep ! That doesn't matter to you. All you needed what to prove to everyone that they recognise your hard work.

• Pure Vanilla tried everything... To at least make you eat, drink or get a sleep. But you deny all of that. Saying that you had to surpass yourself more and more and they won't take all your glory to themselves.

• He didn't want to force you, but that change when you saw that your Doug start to slowly crumble.

• This time, he stayed with you all time, refusing to leave your side and forcing you to take care of yourself. He didn't care that you'll hate them, all he wanted was for you to come back to your sense...!!

Hollyberry Cookie

• She's the one who saw first that you truely change, yes, it's good to surpass yourself, but not until you crumble !!

• You're one of her dearest friends and she can't stand seeing you refuse to take care of yourself and only wanted to be more stronger than her to get more glory.

• She'll force you to, even if it means locking your room with her so she'll be here with you and make sure that you won't die of working yourself until death !!

• She will not allow it.

Dark Cacao Cookie

• Now, this man will be impressed by all your work, telling you that you did great. But... That wasn't enough for you.

• As a king, he know that all eyes are on him when he do something impressing. So he doesn't get it why you so need to do more.

• You wanted to take away his crown ? No, he knew you didn't... Than why ?? Why working so hard into the aren to prove you're strong ?

• He didn't want to interrupt you at first, but it's when Caramel Arrow Cookie informed him that you passed out in the training area and your Doug was slowly crumble that he take it seriously.

• He won't listen to your pleading or order to let you go training again, for crumble yourself even more ?!? DON'T YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU ?!!

• He'll order his servent or even himself to take care of you. It doesn't matter of you don't want to, he won't lose you like he almost lost his kingdom.

Golden Cheese Cookie

• This diva will NOT tolerate that you're willing to give your life just to prove yourself more.

• Yes, she's greedy and love gold and her kingdom, and also the fame and glory, but she know what's more important and take care of yourself.

• She doesn't allow you go to found the most important treasure or something, she won't let you get hurt or killed.

• She'll pemper you for your hard work every time you're about to do more or your Doug is about to crumble more.

White Lily Cookie

• She's also working herself to get forgiven by the other Ancients, but she's very worried about you.

• She always find yous still in your desk because she's also working a little more ay Night time but seeing there with more knowledge books beside than before, where you there the hole time ?!?

• She doesn't want to force you, she take your hands and pleaded you to stop your work, you only hurt yourself more !!

• If that doesn't work.... She'll apologize but dragged you in your bed and laying on top of you so that you won't escaped.

• She'll hug you tightly as you told her that you won't let her take your work, she doesn't care about that !! SHE CARE ABOUT YOU GOD DAMN IT !!!

• She'll give you all the medecin you need to recover, and to your mental health is back to a normal cookie work.

• She doesn't want to lose you please !!

Sweet Bleu Chocola Cookie (aka Zakia)

• She already saw the Doug started to crumble when she saw you working harder then before. She immediately start to heal you injuries and taking you to your chambers.

• She maybe sweet and all, but she won't let some glory get the better of her friends, and specially not you.

• She'll even ask her uncle or sister to the throne until she's SURE that you'll stop working yourself too hard !!

• If you say to her that she won't take your work away from you, she'll cry and for the first time yell at you to stop your none sence !! DID SHE EVER VALUE GLORY MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE ?!?

• You'll be stuck with her until you recover, end of story.

The Beasts

Shadow Milk Cookie

• Well this man is... already interested in your hard working self, and almost happy that you see him as glory as he also see himself... that, is until he saw your Doug start to crumble.

• He won't tell you to stop, oooh no, he'll just dragge you into his chamber and give you What you need to stop.

• He won't take "no" for an answer when he ask for you to eat or sleep. You'll need all your strength if you want to recover.

• He's not the best at comforting, but you can see that he's trying to.

• His minions also are worried about you, believe it or not.

• Candy Apple Cookie pleaded her master to let her take care of you, seeing you like that makes her heart broke... Same with Black Saphire Cookie, his mission is to look out for you when you try to work again.

• He get it that you want to clam glory for your hard work, but it's not like that that you'll succeed.

Burning Spice Cookie

• This man, as we all know, is THE working cookie then anyone, and he push his army or anyone else who can be useful.

• He's proud to see you working more and more of yourself when your in the training area. But he saw the Doug slowly crumble too...

• He didn't ask you to stop or go get rest, he ORDERED you to stop. But of course, you didn't listen.

• He'll have to dragree you by picking you like a potato bag on his shoulder while you scream at him to let go of you.

• He doesn't care if you try to fight back, the last thing he want is you die because you didn't take care of yourself.

Mystic Flour Cooke

• She's the cookie of Empathy, but that doesn't mean that she's not worried about your health.

• She get it that you want to prouve yourself more, but if that mean you'll die of this, she won't accept it.

• She'll directly tell you to stop and get rest IMMEDIATELY. And if you're being stubber and refuse, she'll take you hand like a child and won't listen to your pleading to let you work

• She'll scold you for pushing yourself just for glory. Saying that it will only hurt you more than it'll give.

Red Chocola Cookie

• This girl won't listen to you saying that you need to know more or be more strong.

• she'll force you to stop doing what ever your doing to go to bed and to think of nothing else.

• The glory must really take your head, did you think she need fame or glory ? hell she'll think you go crazy because of it.

• Even if she's married and want to see her sister and brother, she'll ask- no... Order her husband (Fallacy) to send letters to her sister and brother, and cancel any work or duty she has.

• She'll give you the best medecin you need to recover, food, water, anything you need for stop hurting yourself more.

[softbyspoiled]

Okay so this post is going to be a little all over the place so bear with me. When I started this blog, it was with my feeder so I could start dipping my toes into the world of feederism & see how I liked it.

I was very open from the jump, and it wasn’t only the sexual intimacy my partner and I unlocked through it- but also using it as a means of catharsis. I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia, restrictive eating, and obsessive thoughts for a long, long time- and this has truly shifted how I view and appreciate my body.

It’s become a safe space to spill my guts just as much as I fill them up (lol.)

I’m alone right now, physically and emotionally it feels. I’ve run into a karmic loop, and it’s hard because I know the journey ahead is going to be tedious, sad, brutal, lonely at times… but the trade off of thisdiscomfort could be a catalyst for some major growth.

The thing is, is I’ve already gone through a lot of growing pains. And I mean LOT’s ya’ll- my record is 😮‍💨 embarrassing… and pretty jarring. But I look at how I seemingly landed on my feet time and time again… And all those times, counting my lucky stars, comparing myself to a cat with 9 lives.. how about instead of taking it as blessing of invincibility, what if I actually thanked the divine order with action, and redirection? And did it when I was down bad, with nothing to lose but everything to gain…?

Theres a part of myself that’s convinced that there’s a very bad person inside of me who needs to be kicked down, and murdered. Because I am an alcoholic there feels like there’s an intense duality of character. I feel like I need to shut her (the alcoholic) the fuck up. But the duality of “that” version of me isn’t so distinct. That is very much just me. And because I want to get rid of her so bad- she comes back at me full swing. She wants all the attention from me, and when no attention is paid she will do whatever it takes to get it back to her.

I said I would take my time and get to know her, and I never did. And now I’m forcing myself to sit with these parts of myself that I never had to before because I always reached for validation from everyone but myself. My friend said it to me simply today, and it boils down to this, a part of me just hates myself THAT much. And people always want to groan on about self love and its importance, but let me tell you… it’s important. You stunt yourself, and the lack of self love will come across as only lack of love and consideration for others because a part of you is always at war within.

And SO! Idk what my journey on here is going to look like. Quite honestly. My feeder and I are not together, and the stuffing, loving, intimate connection part of this kink has sort of left my life. And coming on here is something I guess I’ve held onto.

But I cherish the unconditional love I see on here. I love being able to speak freely, and somewhat anonymously I guess… and this kink is very much real for everyone here but I know at the end of the day we’re all also humans so maybe some of this other stuff I’m rambling about resonates. (Maybe not, and if not I’m sorry I wish I had some good content I could pump your way.)

This is me post run, and pre dinner. I’m having like a noodle, beef stir fry thing.😋 And I know in about 2/3 hours I’ll be scurrying into the kitchen for one of the donuts I brought home from work. (I HOPE! Because if I’m being honest, my appetite was actually good yesterday and the day before but is declining again as it pretty much has this whole month.)

Yikes IDK guys. I’m sad, but I’m not giving up. 🔐

[batboysanonymous]

You Should Know

Azriel x Reader

Summary: She never asked him to read her mind, only to see her when she couldn’t bring herself to speak.

Based on the song: Signs by Tate McRae

"Okay, boy, that's some kinda crazy Thinkin' we're all good It's the opposite lately I know you're intelligent Just no rocket scientist So take all my silences And do your damn best to figure it out…”

She hadn’t meant to push him away.

But every silence became a wall, and every moment he didn’t push through it built another brick.

Y/n sat on the edge of the balcony, knees drawn up to her chest, the chill night air biting her skin, and stil, it didn’t hurt nearly as much as the silence between them.

He was inside. She could feel him there.

His shadows brushed at her consciousness, gentle, questioning.

She ignored them.

Not because she wanted to. But because it felt easier than trying to explain the weight pressing down on her ribs, on her throat, on everything.

Why couldn’t he just see her?

Azriel had always known when an enemy lied, when a mission was off by the flicker of an eye or the breath between words.

So why, why couldn’t he read her the same way?

Why couldn’t he tell that “I’m fine” meant “I’m crumbling and begging for you to hold me together.”

That “Go have fun, babe” meant “Please don’t leave me alone with my mind.”

That silence didn’t mean peace.

It meant drowning.

"Say I need space, don't look at the door I hate you means I need you more If I say, 'Go have fun, babe,' that's just short for you should Know me better, see the signs Shouldn't have to tell you or whatever, read my mind…”

He found her there, hours later, when the wind had turned sharp and cruel, and she still hadn’t moved.

“Y/n.”

His voice was soft, hesitant.

She didn’t turn.

Azriel exhaled behind her, the rustle of his wings a familiar whisper.

“I’ve been trying to give you space.”

A humorless laugh scraped from her throat.

Space.

Space was suffocating.

“You told me you needed it,” he went on, uncertain now. “After training. After Solstice. After…” He faltered.

She squeezed her eyes shut. He had been listening. Just to the wrong words.

“I meant the opposite,” she whispered.

He stilled.

“I meant,” she choked, “don’t leave me.”

"For god's sake, don't believe a word that I say I wanna touch on you all day Instead I'm pushin' you away So classic, assumin' you're telepathic…”

Azriel sat beside her. Not touching. Close enough that his shadows curled protectively around her ankles, her wrists, like they understood even if he didn’t.

“I don’t know how,” he admitted.

She bit her lip so hard it hurt. “I shouldn’t have to teach you.”

He flinched.

And Cauldron, she hated that she’d hurt him. But she couldn’t help it. The ache inside her was so loud it drowned out everything else.

“I thought…” His voice was hoarse. “I thought I was giving you what you asked for.”

“You were giving me the words,” she whispered. “Not the truth.”

She dragged her knees tighter to her chest, trying to hold herself together.

“I don’t need space, Azriel.” Her voice cracked. “I need you.”

"If I need your sex like quick Said somethin' and now I'm pissed It's like that or it's like this You should know, you should know…”

His hand hovered over hers.

“I thought you wanted to be alone.”

She shook her head violently. “I wanted you to fight me on it. I wanted you to stay.”

Her voice broke open then.

“I wanted you to look at me and know that every time I push you away, I’m begging you to pull me closer.”

Azriel’s breath shuddered out of him.

“I didn’t see it,” he rasped.

She laughed bitterly. “You see everything but me.”

Her heart splintered, the words too sharp, too ugly.

But they were true.

She had spent months, years, maybe—telling him with her silences, with her glances, with the trembling weight she couldn’t carry alone. And every time, he’d taken it at face value.

She didn’t want to spell it out for him.

She wanted him to love her enough to know.

"Know me better, see the signs Shouldn't have to tell you or whatever, read my mind…”

Azriel’s hand finally settled on hers.

“Y/n.” His voice was broken glass. “I don’t know how to love someone like that.”

She froze.

“I’m trying,” he whispered. “But all I know is reading enemies. Listening to lies. Looking for deception. I… I never learned how to see the truth in someone who won’t say it.”

She turned to him then, finally meeting his eyes.

“I don’t say it because I don’t think I deserve it.”

He went still.

And the dam broke.

“I don’t say it because I hate how needy I feel. I hate that I want you to fight for me when I can’t even fight for myself.” Her voice cracked apart. “I hate that I make everything difficult, and I know I do, and I know you deserve better than someone who makes you guess all the time.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks.

“But I can’t ask for it out loud,” she whispered. “Because if I do, it feels like weakness. Like I’m just… too much. And I keep waiting for you to get tired of guessing and stop trying.”

Azriel’s shadows wrapped around her then, cradling her. His hands cupped her face with a tenderness that undid her completely.

“Never,” he breathed.

She sobbed. “You say that now.”

“I say that forever.”

His lips pressed to her forehead, lingering there like a promise.

“I will learn,” he whispered. “I will learn your silences, Y/n. I will learn every look, every breath, every word you don’t say. I will make it second nature. I will read you the way I read the wind before a storm.”

Her breath shook.

“I just need you to stay long enough to let me figure it out,” he murmured.

Her heart cracked wide open.

“I want to.” Her voice was raw. “I just—I’m so tired of begging.”

“You don’t have to beg.”

He kissed her cheek, her temple, each touch reverent.

“I will see you. Even when you can’t see yourself.”

"Know me better See the signs If you love me, you should know me better…”

She let out a broken sound.

“I don’t want to be hard to love.”

“You’re not.”

She shook her head.

“You’re not,” he repeated fiercely. “You are complicated. And difficult. And stubborn. And so am I.”

He pulled back enough to meet her eyes.

“And I don’t want easy.”

Her breath caught.

“I want you.”

His forehead pressed to hers.

“All of you,” he whispered. “Even the parts that make me guess.”

She swallowed hard, tears slipping down her face.

“I hate that you didn’t know,” she whispered.

“I hate that I didn’t either.”

They sat there in silence, the night wrapping around them.

And then, softly:

“You can push me away all you want,” he murmured. “I will still reach for you.”

She let out a breathless laugh.

“I might bite.”

He smiled against her temple. “I’ll take the scars.”

"See the signs Read my mind Now I'm pissed…”

Later, much later, when they lay tangled in each other’s limbs, her cheek pressed to his bare chest, she whispered the words that had haunted her for so long.

“I’m scared I’ll always be too much.”

Azriel’s hand skimmed down her back.

“You’re just enough,” he said quietly.

“And when I say I hate you?” she murmured.

His chest rumbled with a soft chuckle. “I know you mean you need me more.”

She smiled into his skin.

“And when I tell you to leave me alone?”

“I’ll wrap you in my shadows instead.”

She tilted her head, meeting his gaze.

“And when I say I need space?”

He brushed his lips over hers.

“I won’t look at the door.”

"Know me better Know me better (see the signs) Know me better If you love me, you should know me better…”

She exhaled a shaky breath.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He smiled softly.

“For what?”

“For seeing me.”

His eyes darkened with emotion.

“I’ll never stop.”

She let herself believe it.

And for the first time in a long time, the silence between them felt soft.

Not heavy.

Not drowning.

Just quiet.

And safe.

The kind of silence you could live inside.

The kind of silence where love didn’t have to be spoken to be known.

Taglist: @willowpains, @masbt1218, @antonia002, @bookishcait, @fuckingsimp4azriel, @fanficscuziranout, @buttermilktea11, @lilah-asteria, @lreadsstuff,  @flintthegoodboyo, @saltedcoffeescotch,  @okaytrashpanda, @mariaxliliana, @kksbookstuff, @marina468

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[favefandomimagines]

I Know Places 4 (r.c)

Summary: Rafe’s mistakes might be finally catching up to him; Y/N tells Kie the truth

AN: things are beginning to happen!!!!

Previous part

Taglist: @luvrclub

It had been a week since Y/N and Rafe’s first date, and she felt like she was floating.

Every text from him sent her heart racing, every late-night call made her stomach flip. He had a way of making her feel important, like she was the only thing that mattered when he was talking to her. She’d never had that before—not really.

Growing up, she had always felt like the friend of the pretty girls. Kie and Sarah were the ones guys gravitated toward, the ones who turned heads without even trying. Y/N never felt invisible, not exactly, but she had never been the one to have someone’s full attention.

But now, she did.

And it was hers and hers alone.

Keeping it a secret, though? That was the hard part.

Rafe had been adamant about their second date being his idea. He wanted something lowkey, something personal, but wouldn’t tell her anything else.

“Just trust me, Pretty Girl.”

And she did.

The problem was Kie.

Kie knew Y/N better than anyone, and the past week, Y/N could feel her best friend watching her. She wasn’t outright suspicious—not yet—but Y/N could tell she was waiting for her to slip up.

And today, with the bait shop quiet and no one else around, Y/N decided it was time to tell her the truth.

||

The shop smelled like salt and baitfish, the usual scent of their summer days. The morning rush had ended, and now, with John B and JJ out doing scuba tours, Sarah handling inventory, and Pope and Cleo getting groceries, it was just Y/N and Kie.

Y/N leaned against the counter, her fingers tapping anxiously. Kie was organizing some fishing lines, humming to herself, completely unaware that Y/N was about to drop a bombshell on her.

Y/N took a deep breath. “Hey, Kie?”

Kie looked up immediately, raising an eyebrow. “Oh no, what happened?” she teased.

Y/N huffed a small laugh, but it died quickly. “I have to tell you something,” she said, her voice a little too serious. Kie’s teasing expression softened.

“And I’m telling you as my best friend first, not my brother’s girlfriend. And I need you to let me explain fully before you react.”

That got Kie’s attention. She set the fishing lines down and turned to face Y/N completely, concern flickering across her face.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “I’m listening.”

Y/N inhaled deeply, bracing herself. “I’ve been talking to Rafe.”

Kie’s expression didn’t change, but Y/N saw the way her shoulders tensed.

“Since the night of the beach party,” Y/N continued. “We went on a date last week. And we’re going on another one soon.”

Silence.

Y/N forced herself to keep going. “I really like him, Kie. He’s different than he used to be. Something happened that made him finally grow up and start treating people like humans.”

Kie was still unreadable, which only made Y/N more nervous.

“He asked me about me,” Y/N said, her voice softer now. “My favorite books, my favorite memories with you, what I want to do with my life. No guy has ever cared enough to ask me that. And I think I really like him.”

The silence stretched, and Y/N’s stomach twisted uncomfortably.

Kie finally spoke, her voice even. “Are you done?”

Y/N nodded slowly, preparing for the absolute worst.

Kie exhaled through her nose, then tilted her head. “Was he nice to you?”

Y/N blinked. She had expected yelling, accusations—not this. “Yeah, he was really nice to me.”

Kie studied her. “And you’re positive you think he’s changed?”

“Yes,” Y/N said, her voice firm. “There’s something different about him. I told him about my dad, and he actually wanted to defend JJ. The Rafe we knew wouldn’t say that.”

Kie was quiet for a moment before stepping closer. She placed her hands on Y/N’s shoulders, looking her straight in the eye.

“I just want you to be happy, Y/N,” Kie said, her voice filled with sincerity. “You’re my best friend. And though I’m not thrilled about keeping this from JJ, you were my friend first. And I get why you haven’t told him.”

Y/N felt her throat tighten. “So… you’re not mad?”

Kie sighed. “I want to be, but no. I trust you. And if you trust Rafe, then I’ll try to trust him too.”

Relief washed over Y/N, and before she could stop herself, she threw her arms around Kie. “Thank you,” she mumbled.

Kie hugged her back, squeezing her tightly. “Just don’t let him hurt you, okay?”

Y/N pulled back, nodding. “I won’t.”

But deep on the Cut, someone was getting hurt

||

Rafe’s truck came to a screeching halt outside Barry’s place, the tires kicking up a cloud of dust as he yanked the keys from the ignition. He barely registered the familiar surroundings—the rusting cars, the half-collapsed fence, the dim glow of a single flickering porch light. His mind was only focused on one thing.

Finding them.

The second he slammed the truck door shut, Barry was already stepping onto the porch, lighting a cigarette like he wasn’t about to have the shit beaten out of him.

“Damn, man,” Barry drawled, exhaling a plume of smoke. “You look pissed. Gotta be careful with all that pent-up rage, Cameron. Might give yourself an aneurysm.”

Rafe didn’t say a word. He crossed the distance in three strides, grabbing Barry by the collar and shoving him up against the wooden porch post.

Barry let out a choked laugh, unfazed. “Oh, we’re doin’ this already? Usually, we at least have a drink first.”

Rafe’s knuckles connected with Barry’s jaw before the man could finish his sentence.

Barry grunted as his head snapped to the side, the cigarette dropping from his lips.

“Where the fuck are they?” Rafe growled, his voice low, dangerous.

Barry wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, smirking despite the fresh bruise forming. “Man, you’re gonna have to be more specific. I know a lot of people.”

Rafe hit him again. This time, Barry stumbled, his back slamming against the porch railing.

“Don’t play with me,” Rafe snapped. “I know you were the middleman. I know you know who came into my house.”

Barry laughed, shaking his head as he leaned against the railing like they were just having a friendly chat. “You think I got control over those guys? Shit, Cameron. You don’t owe me money. I was just the guy making introductions. You’re the one who decided to play businessman and not pay back what you owed.”

Rafe’s fists clenched, his breathing heavy. He was losing control. He could feel it slipping, just like it always did.

“I swear to God, Barry, if you don’t start talking—”

“They know about her.��

The words cut through the rage like a knife.

Rafe stilled.

His grip loosened. “What did you just say?”

Barry wiped at his bleeding lip again, his smirk widening despite the fresh bruises. “The guys you owe? They know about Y/N.”

The air between them shifted instantly.

Rafe’s breath came short and fast, his chest tightening, panic seeping in through the cracks.

“No,” Rafe said quickly, shaking his head. “That’s not possible. No one—”

Barry let out a humorless chuckle, rubbing at his jaw. “Oh, come on, man. You really think you kept that little crush of yours a secret?”

Rafe’s stomach churned violently.

Barry smirked, tilting his head. “You forget how much you used to talk when you were high, Cameron? You wouldn’t shut the hell up about her. Some Pogue girl you couldn’t stop thinking about, couldn’t stop watching.”

Rafe’s entire body felt like it had been submerged in ice water.

Barry leaned in slightly, voice dropping into something more sinister. “Looks like they figured out your soft spot.”

That was it.

That was the moment Rafe snapped.

His fist connected with Barry’s face one last time, harder than before, sending the man sprawling onto the ground with a loud grunt.

Barry groaned, coughing as he rolled onto his side. “Fuck, man. You really gotta work on those anger issues.”

Rafe stepped back, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his bloodied fists trembling at his sides.

He needed to get out of there.

Without another word, Rafe turned, storming back to his truck and tearing out of Barry’s driveway in a spray of gravel.

His mind was spinning, spiraling, breaking.

They knew about Y/N.

They knew.

Rafe’s pulse pounded in his ears as he drove blindly through the Cut, the weight of the revelation pressing against his ribcage.

It didn’t make sense. There was zero chance anyone knew about Y/N. No one had seen them together, no one knew they were talking.

The only reason Barry even knew about his feelings for her was because of the past.

Because of the times Rafe had been too fucked up to keep his mouth shut.

Rafe had always had a thing for Y/N Maybank.

For years, he watched her from a distance, pretended to hate her, pretended she didn’t make his head spin in the worst way. She was the only Pogue he never really saw as one of them.

She was smart, sharp-tongued, unapologetically herself.

And the fact that she belonged to them? That she was best friends with the people he grew up hating? It only made her more untouchable.

But now, somehow, the people he owed knew.

And that meant she wasn’t untouchable anymore.

||

Rafe wasn’t sure how long he had been driving before he found himself in front of the Maybank house.

His heart was pounding so hard he thought it might crack a rib.

And then, he saw her.

Y/N was on the porch, her laughter ringing through the air as she helped Sarah carry in large boxes of inventory. Her hair was falling loosely over her shoulders, her sundress swaying slightly in the warm evening breeze.

She looked happy.

Untouched.

Pure.

Rafe tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his jaw clenching.

Then, he glanced down at his hands.

His bloody, shaking hands.

The stark contrast between the two—the warmth of Y/N, the darkness that had seeped into every inch of his own life—made his stomach turn.

He had already dragged her into this without meaning to.

But he’d be damned if he let her get hurt because of him.

Rafe exhaled sharply, his grip loosening on the wheel.

He had to keep her out of this.

He didn’t deserve her. He knew that.

But he’d burn the whole damn world down before he let someone take her from him.

[naughtyneganjdm]

Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 12

Summary: Joel spends Christmas with Y/N and his family where Y/N learns more about Joel's past.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy, Maria, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/164865715

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff, Sad Moments, etc.

Notes: I feel so ridiculous posting the end of this near April, but I think this story had like 3-4 chapters left. Thank you to anyone that still reads this and takes the time to interact with it. If you'd like to read previous chapters, check them out here.

“Honey, would you please put down the very expensive bottle of alcohol that Y/N brought for us before you end up dropping it,” Maria requested, calling out to Tommy from where she was working on one of the side dishes for their Christmas dinner. After their late night together, Joel and Y/N showed up to Maria and Tommy’s house around mid-afternoon. Since it was a holiday and they were up late together, they didn’t think it would be a big deal sleeping in. They just got cleaned up when they woke up and came over to Tommy and Maria’s home across the street. When they got there, they all started cooking together because that was a tradition Joel started with Tommy and Maria when he moved to Jackson. Even though Y/N felt close to Tommy and Maria, she still didn’t know them exceedingly well. Because of that, she ended up buying them the alcohol Tommy was eyeballing and a blanket for their baby when it was born. Tommy however was very focused on the bottle of alcohol while the other three worked on the meal together. “I feel like Joel could use your help with what he’s doing.”

“I’m sorry honey, I was just reading the label,” Tommy explained trying to excuse his actions. Setting the bottle back at the center of the kitchen table, Tommy cleared his throat and had a bit of color to his face. Rubbing his hands off on his pants, Tommy moved further into the kitchen and sighed loudly. He seemed lost because he didn’t know where he was needed. Stepping beside Joel, Tommy dramatically took a look at what he was doing. Looking to Y/N, he made sure to get her attention with a big smile. “You didn’t have to get us nothin’ like that Y/N. I woulda been just as happy with a pack of twelve.”

“Just say thank you and move on,” Joel snorted, his eyebrows bouncing up with his head bobbing about. Since he opened the gift, Tommy had been pretty locked in on it. “When it’s dinner time, you can crack it open and have some of it since that’s what we know you wanna do.”

“Thank you, again,” Tommy listened to Joel, gazing over his shoulder at Y/N who was helping Maria. With an amused smirk, she gave Tommy a nod. Truthfully? She was happy that he liked what she got them. Because there was that small chance that he could have been offended that it wasn’t something more personal. “So what did the two of you do yesterday for Christmas Eve?”

“Oh you know,” Joel shrugged his shoulders, reaching for one of the seasonings. After using a certain amount, Tommy reached for Joel’s wrist to suggest it was more than enough. Behind a wrinkle of his nose, Tommy shrugged his shoulders and let Joel continue with what he was doing.

“No, I don’t know. Which is why I asked,” Tommy stressed with a chuckle, joining Maria when he realized that Joel was already set with what he was doing.

“It was a very nice day,” Y/N spoke up from where she was standing, shrugging her shoulders. There was no reason they couldn’t tell Maria and Tommy what they did yesterday. “Joel took me to that hot springs in the middle of nowhere which was gorgeous. I’ve never been to something like it. We were alone, it was really romantic and sweet. Then we had some dinner. Afterwards we went to the ranch to go see Justified and Callus.”

“Wow,” Maria reacted, seemingly surprised that Joel would do that. Stealing quick glances between Joel and Y/N while Maria worked on mixing something made Y/N smile. “Taking you to meet the family? Now that’s special.”

“I think Callus fell in love with her,” Joel commented with a smirk, his right eyebrow arching in amusement. Y/N shook her head, but the way they both looked happy together was something Maria and Tommy easily picked up on. “The boys were fighting for her attention because they liked them scratches she was givin’ them.”

There was a long pause with Joel tipping his head from side to side, “I was thinkin’, I reckon we should get Y/N a horse like we did Ellie and Dina. I feel like she’d love to learn how to ride.”

“For the few days that she’s here?” Tommy snickered, turning to brace his back against the counter. Stretching out his hands, Tommy grasped firmly to the edge of the counter and smiled. “In order for her to have a horse, that means you would have to take care of it when she’s gone.”

“We can let her ride on Shimmer if she’d like,” Maria suggested, turning to give her attention to the boys while Y/N continued to work silently behind them. “Shimmer just kind of hops from person to person anyways. And she’s good with people.”

“Well, Shimmer is an option, but when Y/N moves in with me I think she’d prefer to have her own,” Joel swallowed down hard when both Tommy and Maria’s eyes grew wide with shock after he just blurt that out. What he was trying to do was tell them in a way where he was comfortable that Y/N had agreed to moving in with him. Setting down the spoon that she was using, Y/N offered a nervous smile when almost simultaneously Tommy and Maria looked back at her. “I asked Y/N to move in with me and she agreed.”

“You…you,” Tommy stammered through his words, clearing his throat when he realized his response to Joel’s confession probably came off rude. Trying to shake off the initial shock, Tommy shrugged his shoulders and immediately nodded. “I mean, yeah. If she moves here, I think we could find her a horse.”

“Wow,” Maria stepped forward to place her hand in over the side of Joel’s face getting him to smirk. The difference between Maria and Tommy’s reaction to the news was vastly different. It was clear that Maria was very supportive of his decision. “Good for you Joel.”

“Kinda fast, don’t you think?” Tommy blurt out what he was genuinely thinking, releasing a grunt when Maria smacked at the center of his chest with the back of her hand. Grumbling something under his breath, Tommy huffed and rubbed at the area she hit. “I just mean, it’s been a week. What is she going to do about her job in New York or her place?”

“I’ll have to figure it all out,” Y/N announced, finally breaking her silence. There was tension flooding into the kitchen between Joel and Tommy. Tommy’s comment no doubt made Joel uncomfortable. It was obvious just by the expression that flooded over Joel’s features. Moving around the counter, she stepped before Joel and held her hand out toward his. Sighing loudly, Joel accepted her hand and moved in beside her. “I’m not worried about it though.”

“So Jackson did rub off on you, huh?” Maria seemed genuinely happy for them, reaching her hand out to grab a firm hold of Y/N’s shoulder.

“Something like that,” Y/N whispered, gazing over at Joel who gave her a weak, but proud smile. “Moving here doesn’t mean I can’t get a vacation home there for when I want to visit. We really never talked much about that option. We only agreed to me moving here yesterday.”

“Wow,” Tommy seemed shocked, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. Taking a moment, Tommy headed for the fridge to grab himself a beer. Right when he was about to open it, Maria reached for it and snatched it from him. Placing it back, she gave Tommy a glare who dramatically shrugged his shoulders. Just by the expression over Tommy’s face, they all could tell that he wanted to say something. It looked like he was going to explode if he didn’t, but at the same time he was desperately trying to hold it in. Clearing his throat, Tommy forced himself to look away from all of them and toward the ground. “Joel, you wanna join me on the deck for a moment?”

“I’m not sure that’s a great idea. I reckon they need us to keep helpin’ them cook,” Joel explained pointing over toward the items that were on the counter and Maria waved her hand about. “I don’t want to leave you to finish everything.”

“Everything is pretty much done Joel, they just have to be cooked. The preparation was the hardest part and that’s all finished. The two of us can take care of everything else,” Maria assured Joel, opening the oven to place a few things in and then closed it up. There was a need for Tommy to talk to Joel and she knew that Tommy didn’t want to offend Y/N. Hell, he had already made an ass of himself, so Maria wanted to be sure to show her support for the two of them. Allowing Joel to go outside with Tommy made sure that it wouldn’t include Y/N and upset her. “We’re all set here.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel sighed, realizing that he wasn’t going to get out of this talk that Tommy wanted to have with him. Realistically? Joel didn’t want to have this conversation because he could sense where it was going. And he wasn’t in the mood for it. Stepping forward toward Y/N, Joel wrapped his arm around her with his hand settling in over the small of her back. Leading her toward him, he gave her a weak smile and peppered faint kisses at her lips. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

“I think I will be okay with Maria. She’ll take good care of me,” Y/N winked, brushing her fingers through Joel’s hair before he followed Tommy outside. Once they were long gone, Y/N turned on her heel and folded her arms out in front of her chest. Many thoughts were spiraling through her mind, but she felt uncomfortable at the idea of bringing them up. Then again, it was probably better just to ask instead of letting her negative assumptions linger. “I’m going to assume that Tommy doesn’t approve of this whole thing between Joel and me.”

“It’s not that,” Maria immediately shook her head, reaching for a hand towel to start wiping up some of the mess that was left from their preparing. “I think Tommy is actually very happy that Joel has someone in his life again. We were both worried about him.”

“Then what seems to be the problem?” Y/N was curious to know what was going on with Tommy since he appeared to be acting weird. Normally, she would keep her mouth shut in these situations, but Tommy had made everyone ill at ease with his actions.

“This just isn’t normal for Joel. I think Tommy is worried because…” Maria paused, swallowing down hard and shrugging her shoulders. Consideration was weighing heavy on Maria’s face with her thinking of what to tell Y/N. “Joel is just genuinely not like this. I think Tommy is worried that Joel is…”

“Having a midlife crisis?” Y/N blurt out getting Maria to involuntarily chuckle to herself. Covering her mouth with a smacking sound caused Y/N to smile showing that she wasn’t at all upset with Maria for laughing. “Don’t worry about it. Joel has been very open with me about this being rare for him.”

“And you are comfortable with that?” Maria confirmed with her, her eyebrow arching in curiosity. By her tone, Y/N knew that Maria was trying not to offend her.

“Well, Joel told me yesterday that he loved me,” she confessed to Maria getting used to the look of surprise from both Maria and Tommy’s faces today. It made her snicker, but she understood this wasn’t normal for them. “Joel and I have just really bonded. And the way we feel for one another is something I’ve never experienced.”

“Tommy would have shit himself hearing that,” Maria blurt out and maybe it was wrong, but Y/N laughed. “I’m not trying to be rude Y/N, but Joel was in a sixteen-year relationship where he never told the woman he was with that he loved her. In fact she ended up…” Maria paused, her face twisting when she realized that she was saying too much. “Let’s just say, I don’t think Joel has told anyone that he loved them other than his wife who abandoned him when he was younger.”

“I understand that and I think it seems like Joel went through a lot in his life,” Y/N noted, not exactly sure what everything was, but she could understand it just by the pain and suffering that Joel displayed to her. “But I accept Joel for who he is and I know how he makes me feel.”

“I don’t want to throw Joel under the bus,” Maria began, looking down almost in shame that she was starting a conversation this way, “but are you sure you are okay with that? Joel has…a dark past and he’s done things…”

“Maria,” Y/N paused her, holding her hand up and shaking her head. “I don’t want you to think I’m rude here, but we don’t talk about Joel’s past. I see Joel for the man that he is now and I love him. I think he’s perfect. Broken and all. Because, if you haven’t noticed I’m very broken too. For some reason? We heal each other by just being around one another. When I’m around him, I’m happy. There is this comfort that I’ve never felt other than when I’m with him. I don’t care what he’s done because I know who he is now.”

“That’s what any family member wants to hear when someone they care about falls in love with someone,” Maria replied, this time leaving Y/N amazed to hear that Maria was so positive about the whole thing. “And I think Tommy would be very happy to hear you say something like that. I just also think he’s worried about you. Because there are moments with Joel where life gets hard for him and Tommy doesn’t want you hurt. How fast things have happened just has made Tommy cautious. That’s all.”

“That makes sense. I recognize that Tommy is a good brother and a good man,” Y/N commented, clearing her throat when she thought about all the things she had dealt with Tommy over the last few days. Smirking, she forced herself to look down and bit down on her bottom lip. “Joel and Tommy have a very interesting relationship.”

“I am sorry for that,” Maria apologized, tipping her head from side to side. “Tommy did tell me some of the mistakes he has made and I can only imagine how uncomfortable that was for you.”

With a laugh, she knew that Maria was referring to Tommy walking in on them having sex and she didn’t think she should really respond much to that other than giving Maria a small nod. There was a long silence between them until Maria went to speak up again.

“I sincerely apologize for asking this, but…” Maria huffed out, almost annoyed with herself for considering this when she looked toward the door where the boys left earlier. “I have known Joel for a while now. And I can’t…it’s hard for me to picture that he’s a very giving lover considering how things are. But you seem very��attached? So am I to assume that I’m wrong?”

“Very,” Y/N was firm in her answer, responding quite quickly. Maria’s dark eyes grew wide, appearing to be impressed with how confident Y/N was in her answer. Shrugging, Y/N didn’t know if she would embarrass Joel by elaborating, but she didn’t really mind. “Joel is a very, very giving lover.”

“No kidding?” Maria made it clear that she previously assumed Joel would not be the best of partners when it came to sex. “Wow.”

“Tommy isn’t the same way? It’s not like a Miller boys thing where they both like going down on you and they both have large…” Y/N stopped herself, biting down on her bottom lip realizing how inappropriate it was for her to actually start to say that. A loud laugh fell from Maria’s lips and it had a warmth flooding into Y/N’s face. “I am so sorry.”

“No, you’re fine,” Maria dismissed Y/N’s worries, resting back into the corner of the kitchen. “You’re kind of like family now, so it really doesn’t bother me. I guess the Miller boys just have good genetics.”

“Oh?” Y/N understood what Maria was attempting to say and it made her chuckle under her breath. Even though they weren’t being very detailed, they both made it clear what they were saying to one another. “Then good for you honey. But? I promise you that’s not the only reason I want to be with Joel. The sex is nice, but I just really like being near him. I mean it when I tell you that I really do love him.”

“I don’t have to question it,” Maria lifted her hand to circle her own face before smiling. “I see it in the way that you look at him and the way you talk about him. The eyes are always the biggest giveaway. And I have no doubts that you love that man.”

----

“For fuck’s sake Joel, how good is that sex?” Tommy snorted, moving out onto the deck with Joel, gazing back over his shoulder to make sure they were alone when he reached for his back pocket to pull out his cigarettes. Joel’s eyebrows bounced up and he made an expression that showed he wasn’t enthused with the question. “You asked her to move in with you? It’s been a week. And for the first few days, you two hated each other.”

“You’re smoking again?” Joel grunted, heading over toward the corner of the deck to rest back against it. What Joel was doing was avoiding the subject all together. Joel didn’t think it was Tommy’s business. It was his own life after all and Tommy really didn’t have a say. Tommy placed a cigarette between his lips and swiftly lit it up before shrugging his shoulders. “And Maria is okay with that?”

“We haven’t really talked about it, but I’ve been…stressed?” Tommy grumbled, releasing a long exhale of smoke after he pulled the cigarette away from his lips. “Maria knows that when I get overwhelmed, sometimes I smoke.”

“And I’m overwhelming you?” Joel tipped his head to the side, not sure how to respond to that. Almost immediately, Tommy shook his head and scoffed. “Then what is making you smoke?”

“Life Joel. I’m gonna be a dad, Maria’s father is up my ass about being the best husband and father I can be. He’s inserting himself heavily into our lives now that he knows she is pregnant,” Tommy responded, waving his hand about in the air and pointing toward the house. Originally, they were going to wait until after Christmas to tell everyone, but since Joel found out first in a strange way they had told everyone about them being pregnant. Now Tommy regretted it. “I’m not gonna be smoking because you are having a relationship with someone. I love you big brother but come on.”

“Fair enough,” Joel was actually relieved to hear that because he didn’t want to be to blame for Tommy going back to one of his old vices. “Y’know, you’re a big boy. You can put your foot down with Maria’s father. This is your family Tommy, you can tell him that he doesn’t have a right putting his nose in your business.”

“I feel like that statement was kinda directed at me,” Tommy huffed, his dark eyes narrowing with the tiny smirk that pressed in over Joel’s features. “Y’know I like her Joel, I do. And I think you two are great together, but I do know you…”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Joel’s southern drawl grew deeper, his face scrunching up in frustration with Tommy’s comment about him.

“Don’t make me say it,” Tommy frowned, bringing the cigarette back up to his lips. Stressed, he took a long puff of it and knew that he didn’t want to elaborate to Joel what he meant. Instead of responding, Joel’s jaw flexed and he held his hand out asking for Tommy to continue. “You were in a relationship with Tess for sixteen years and you never once told her that you loved her. You never referred to her as anything other than mine and now you’re calling this woman your girlfriend?”

“Can we not bring Tess into this?” Joel begged, his arms folding in front of his chest in frustration. A warmth flooded into his face when he shook his head. “I know what I did and I know where I fucked up in that relationship.”

“And suddenly you’ve changed from being that person?” Tommy reached for further information, knowing that he was upsetting Joel, but it was something that had to be said. “You’re having Y/N move in with you? Do you really think that she’s gonna be okay with you not loving her? Or you being emotionally constipated?”

“About that,” Joel cleared his throat, reaching up to itch at the back of his neck since Tommy brought up something about his past that he felt guilty about. “I told her yesterday that I loved her and she told me that she loved me too. So I reckon you shouldn’t worry too much about this whole thing. I’m gonna treat her right. The way she deserves. I know where I went wrong with my life before and I don’t want it to be like that again.”

“Jesus, what have you done with my brother and who are you?” Tommy choked, getting some of the smoke caught in his lungs to the point he started coughing. By the time he finally stopped, he looked to Joel who didn’t seem entirely happy with his brother’s response. “Again, how good is that sex?”

“It’s not about the sex,” Joel defended himself. Taking a moment, he knew that he didn’t like talking about his personal life to that extent with his brother, but it didn’t hurt to brag a little. “Although, the sex is very, very good.”

“No fucking kidding,” Tommy scoffed, patting at the center of his chest to get himself to calm his body down. “How many times have the two of you had sex at this point? I’ve walked in on one of them. And I know that night at the inn, you two did it at least two times.”

With an arrogant smirk, Joel folded his arms in front of his chest and got comfortable before shrugging his shoulders, “Is that an I don’t know because you haven’t paid attention or is that an I don’t know because it’s been that many times?”

“Well,” Joel slurred, wondering what the right response here was. He could be honest and talk to Tommy about this, even though he hated talking about his private life with people. Or he could lie and avoid everything all together. Biting down on his bottom lip, his eyebrows bounced up and he smiled. “It’s been a lot. I really don’t know the number. One of the days, we spent all day in her room having sex. Many, many different ways.”

“Bragging, that’s also not like you,” Tommy reminded his brother, shaking his head and letting out an amused sound. What he was experiencing with Joel right now was so vastly different from what he was used to with his big brother. Joel was smiling and proud. Bragging about things he would have never talked about in the past. This woman definitely changed Joel. “So the doctor is very honest about her talents and she has you hooked.”

“Yes, she is talented, but that’s not why I’m hooked,” Joel restated, his dark eyes narrowing out at his brother with Tommy insisting that the reason he was hooked on Y/N was because of the sex. “The sex is nice, but I really love this girl. I’m telling you Tommy, I love her.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt that she is willing to give you extensively long blowjobs in the middle of our inn,” Tommy stammered provoking Joel to growl and look back toward the door again to make sure that the women wouldn’t hear them. “How do you have sex all day Joel? When was the last time you had sex before her? How are you even managing?”

“Your curiosity is frustrating,” Joel stressed, his face scrunching up with him inhaling loudly. “It’s not like we had one long sex session. We’d have moments, do things between them. We just really like one another. And like she said, she’s a doctor and she knows how the human body works. I’m sorry that your sex life doesn’t compare.”

“Oh, that was cold,” Tommy frowned, shaking his head at the comment. “I have no doubts that you really like one another. From what I’ve seen…”

“Again, that’s incredibly weird territory. I reckon you should probably erase those from your mind,” Joel interrupted Tommy, waving his hand from side to side since Tommy had involved himself in Joel’s intimate life several times. “The last thing I wanna picture is you and Maria going at it. Y’know?”

“I get that, but there is one thing I do wanna talk about with you. You’ve never once used protection with this girl, have you?” Tommy inquired noticing that Joel got offended that his brother went straight to that. Joel was focusing on love, Tommy was going back to sex. And speaking things about Joel’s sex life that shouldn’t have been being talked about in the first place. “I know she’s a doctor, Joel, but…”

“That whole minding your business thing Tommy…” Joel grumbled, throwing his hand up and circling Tommy in that moment while pointing out at him. “What we do when we have sex is none of your business. The only reason you know we don’t use protection is because you walked in on us having sex. Most normal people would have left and came back, but not you. No you stayed and found out the hard way.”

“I told you, I was afraid that if I made a sound leaving the two of you would lose a special moment,” Tommy defended himself causing Joel to roll his eyes and shake his head dramatically. “And I won’t lie, I got locked inside of my body. I was so mortified that I didn’t know what to do.”

“You should have left,” Joel reiterated how he felt about the situation remembering how embarrassed he was in that moment. “When it comes to the protection thing? The first time we slept together, it was emotional. It was passionate. It was a special moment. I didn’t have any condoms on me because I haven’t had sex in a very long time. She was on vacation and she didn’t have one neither. I didn’t expect that we would be sleeping together. But she said it was okay.”

Tommy seemed like he wanted to fight it further, but instead he bit his tongue, “Also, you know just as well as I do Tommy, it feels so much better without the condom. It’s more intimate. There is a connection…”

“I didn’t need to know all of that Joel. But…y’know people get pregnant when they don’t use protection. Just look at Maria,” Tommy reminded Joel hoping to spark something inside of his brother. Now he sounded like the annoying parent figure, but this was someone that Joel just met. No matter how in love they were. “From what it sounds like, you’ve been loading her up and stuffing her full of your swimmers.”

“Tommy!” Joel groaned out in a disgusted breath, looking toward the door to make sure that neither women were by it.

“Listen, I support this relationship. I do. But Joel, you’re old,” Tommy stressed, provoking Joel to release an offended sound. It was something he said the day before and Joel didn’t like it then either. A dark shade of red flooded into Joel’s face and Tommy knew he was stepping on thin ice with this discussion. “It doesn’t bother me, but I know there is an age gap between the two of you. That womb is still very fertile and it’s likely that she could get pregnant with how much the two of you are fucking. Birth control is strong, but…”

“That womb is still fertile?” Joel interrupted Tommy with a wrinkle of his nose, grunting out at the thought. “The shit that comes outta your mouth sometimes little brother surprises me. Yeah. I know I’m an old man which you like to remind me lately. And if she did end up pregnant, would that really be such a bad thing? What if we did have a baby? D’you think I wouldn’t be a good father? Because the first time…”

“Hey, hey…” Tommy could tell that Joel was getting worked up and he stepped forward to hold his hands up in the air to stop Joel from having that meltdown that he was headed for. “Joel, I know you would be a good father. Life has just been hard for you and I worry about you. Okay? I want you happy. I do and if you think you can handle being a father again, I would be very happy for you. I can see this girl is very special to you and I’m just…I’m not used to this from you. You will have to forgive me for worrying about this. I just am not used to it.”

“I’m not used to it either Tommy, but I know how she makes me feel,” Joel defended himself, his voice raspy since he was right on the verge of having an emotional moment. “She brings out the very best in me and I want to have a life with her. She makes me feel like a good man again. The way that she looks at me, the way that she touches me…she sees the best parts of me and she makes me believe I can be happy again. For the first time I want to be here Tommy. I look forward to waking up and that’s because of her.”

“Okay,” Tommy finished off his cigarette, putting it out and then moving in before Joel to reach out to place his hands in over Joel’s shoulders. “Then I will do whatever you need to be here for you to support you. I love you, you grumpy asshole.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Joel snickered, accepting the hug that Tommy was giving him. It lingered for a moment before Tommy stepped back and sighed loudly. “What?”

“Before you get frustrated tomorrow, I know that you’ve told Ellie about Y/N,” Tommy explained to Joel, looking down toward his feet. “Ellie called me. Told me that she was worried about you. I guess you texted her about Y/N and sent a photo. Said you were excited for Ellie to meet her. I just…I don’t want you to get irritated that both Ellie and I were nervous with how fast things were moving. So don’t get irritated with her if she doesn’t hook onto Y/N right away. We’re just used to the version of you that you’ve been.”

“Well thank you for warning me, but I think Ellie will see exactly why I love her when she meets her,” Joel suggested, nodding back toward the house when he thought about the woman that he had in his life for a short amount of time. “Other than Ellie? She’s the best thing that happened to me since my life fell apart. And I think when Ellie understands that, just like you, she’ll realize that she had nothing to worry about.”

----

“Here, I think I have a photo of the boys from when they were younger that you would like,” Maria insisted, leading Y/N into the living room by holding her hand. The two of them were just randomly talking about their lives, getting to know one another more until Maria mentioned having younger photos of Joel and Tommy together. Motioning Y/N to sit on the couch, Maria held her finger up and went over to search for a photo booklet that she had. Coming back to the couch, Maria sat down beside Y/N and started flipping through things. “Here you go.”

“That’s them?” Y/N couldn’t help but laugh seeing Tommy and Joel as children. It was a photo of two very young versions of them dressed in oversized boots and overalls. They were covered in dirt from head to toe and had no doubt just gone fishing. They were both holding up fish at each side of them. The one that Tommy was holding onto was almost bigger than him. “They are so cute.”

“You can look at this,” Maria offered, holding it out toward Y/N who uneasily accepted the photobook. Flipping through the pages, she could tell that this was a Miller photo booklet that no doubt came from when they were younger. The very first page had a photo of a young Joel holding a newborn Tommy. Each page showed them aging and it made her smile to see. Stopping on a photo, she saw a teenage version of Joel dressed up for what she assumed was prom. Instead of the ruggedly handsome man that she had grown accustomed to, Joel was clean shaven and very chiseled. There was a certain boyish charm to him that was so different than what he was like now. “He looks different, huh?”

“Still cute,” she stressed to Maria, gazing upon the woman that was standing next to Joel in the photo. Curiosity was getting the best of her in that moment. “Was this her? His wife?”

“It is,” Maria nodded slowly, watching closely as Y/N turned a few more pages. A moment later, Y/N paused, her body language changing completely. What she had turned to was a page where Joel was with his ex-wife and she was very pregnant. Joel looked happy, with his hand covering her swollen stomach. Swallowing down hard, Y/N felt her face grow hot. Clearing her throat, she didn’t know how to react when she saw a photo with Joel holding onto the baby with a young Tommy standing beside him. There was a glow to Joel holding the baby. Turning the page, she felt her chest aching seeing the photos of the little girl aging. It made her smile, but at the same time she knew where this was headed. And it hurt to think about. Yet it all made sense. After turning a few pages, she stopped on one of the polaroids. It was the little girl much older with her pressing a kiss over Joel’s cheek. The photo beside it they were both laughing with Joel covering the little girls eyes. Putting things together, Y/N closed up the booklet and looked to Maria with a saddened expression. “He didn’t tell you about Sarah, did he?”

Right now she was at a loss. How easily she put things together after seeing that booklet made her feel awful. She had promised Joel that he didn’t have to tell her anything that would hurt him, but somehow she still found out. This was none of her business, but suddenly she was very much aware of why Joel was so sad. Why he tried to hurt himself and felt like there was nothing to this world.

“Sarah was Joel’s daughter,” Maria started, her voice quiet and a sadness to her tone. Hearing the word ‘was’ only made it worse knowing that Sarah was being referred to in the past tense. “After they had Sarah, Joel’s ex-wife abandoned him and the baby. It left Joel to be a single father taking care of her all on his own. And…” there was a long pause with Maria realizing that Y/N was getting emotional at the thought of what she was learning about Joel. “There was a tragic accident and Sarah died. That’s why Joel wears that broken watch. It was the last thing she gave him before she died.”

Biting down on her bottom lip, Y/N tried to avoid the tears that wanted to fall hearing this about Joel. Clearing her throat, she lowered her head and reached up to wipe at her eyes that were burning. Everything Joel said to her, all of his feelings and the way he was reacting to things, it all made sense. A few of the pieces of Joel’s puzzle were laid out in front of her and she didn’t need the whole thing to understand why Joel was the way he was.

But hearing this? It felt wrong. This was something that Joel should have told her. She made a promise to him that she didn’t need to know who he was before. And if he didn’t want to tell her about this? She should have never had learned it in the first place.

“I appreciate you showing me this,” Y/N started, tapping her fingers against the top of the photo booklet. Shifting uneasily, she held the booklet out to Maria who seemed nervous after Y/N had reacted the way she did. “While I loved getting to see the photos of Tommy and Joel, Sarah is none of my business. Not yet. I promised Joel that he didn’t have to talk to me about the things that upset him. Joel’s past can remain a mystery for me until he is comfortable enough to tell me. And if he’s never comfortable enough? Well then I can accept that. I love Joel and I want him to trust me. So while I appreciate you opening up to me, I shouldn’t be hearing this. Not yet.”

“I understand,” Maria grasped tightly to the booklet, giving Y/N a nod. A sense of embarrassment flooded through her that she did spill as much as she had to Y/N. “I’m sorry to put you into that position.”

“You didn’t know,” Y/N hushed her, sliding forward to wrap her arm around Maria to give her a firm hug. “You are by far one of my favorite people I’ve met in a very long time. I hope you know that. So don’t think I’m upset with you or anything.”

“I feel the same way,” Maria returned the gesture hearing the sound of a timer going off in the kitchen. Pulling back, Maria nodded over toward the kitchen and sighed. “I guess I should go check to make sure we’re on the right track for dinner.”

“I’ll join you,” Y/N stood up watching Maria quickly return the photobook to where it was originally. Taking a moment to gather herself after Maria left the room, Y/N went to follow Maria only to stop when she saw that Joel was standing in the hallway. His back was pressed up against the wall. His head was lowered with him looking down at the floor. His breathing was loud enough for her to hear and it made her worry. Moving out toward him, she reached out to place her hand in over his shoulder. “Joel? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” his dark eyes slowly lifted to meet her worried stare. Reaching out to her, Joel pulled her into his arms and wrapped her up tightly. Burying his nose against the side of her neck, he sighed loudly and appreciated the way she clung to him. Lifting his arm slightly, he got a look at the broken watch that was there. What Y/N didn’t know is that he walked in right as Maria started to talk about Sarah so he heard everything in terms of that discussion. And hearing what she said to Maria? It blew him away. And truthfully? It made him emotional, but he was doing everything he could to hide it. “I love you. So much.”

“And I love you,” she repeated, sliding her hand up to caress in over the side of his neck. There was something in Joel’s expression that made her frown. “You okay?”

“I’ll always be okay when I’m with you,” he assured her, lifting his hand to curl his fingers around her wrist loosely. Caressing at her pulse point, he leaned in to press a loving kiss against her lips. Tipping his head back, he could see that her eyes were damp. “Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah,” she dismissed his worries with his thumb sweeping in over her cheek. “I think something in the kitchen was just working on my allergies. I probably look a mess.”

“You’d never look a mess,” he whispered, leaning in to steal another kiss from her. That was her way of hiding what had just happened. She didn’t want to put him on the spot or make him feel sad about what she knew. The sound of someone clearing their throat was heard and Joel lifted his head to see Tommy staring out at them. “Yes Tommy?”

“I’m gonna turn on the news. They should have Santa on the gondola right about now at the park we went to,” Tommy alerted them getting a deep rumble of an amused sound to fall from Joel’s throat. Moving out of the hallway, Tommy turned on the television having the sound flooding out toward them. “You wanna see this?”

Hooking his fingers with hers, Joel led her into the living room to see that they were showing footage of Santa waving from the gondola while he was riding in it. A few of the town was being interviewed before footage of Santa and Mrs. Claus getting off the gondola was shown. They were surrounded by a crowd waving when Y/N stepped forward to look at the screen.

“That’s the woman from the night we first kissed,” she pointed excitedly at the television drawing Joel to step forward. Observing the image, he narrowed his eyes trying to get a look at the woman they had as Mrs. Claus. “She’s the woman that told us the holly was mistletoe. This woman right here is the reason the two of us kissed that first time.”

“Tommy, who is that?” Joel snickered, knowing that Tommy often knew everyone in town. Y/N wasn’t wrong, that was indeed the woman that had so blatantly told them that they were under mistletoe that night. “She’s right. That’s the woman that came out of our inn and told us that we needed to kiss or else we would have bad luck.”

“I’ve never seen that woman in my life, as far as I’m aware,” Tommy responded, joining them by staring out at the television trying to see if it would spark one of his memories. “Are you sure that was her? Because I’ve never seen that woman in our inn, ever.”

“No, that’s her,” Joel snickered having Maria join them after she heard their conversation from the kitchen. She joined in and got a look at the woman, shaking her head when she didn’t recognize her either. “None of us know her?”

“Maybe she was in the bar or restaurant,” Maria explained, shrugging her shoulders when they all looked to her. “She could have just taken a walk through the inn because wherever she was going was in that direction?”

“Does this mean I can tell everyone that my brother got hooked up with someone by Mrs. Claus?” Tommy joked having Joel push into his shoulder with a snort. “Oh come on! That’s a fun story. Your matchmaker was the woman that was hired to play Mrs. Claus this year in our town. You have to admit that’s a good story.”

“Well Mrs. Claus wasn’t very good at her job being Santa’s wife because she had no idea what mistletoe looked like,” Y/N piped in, loosely wrapping her arm around Joel’s abdomen to pull him in closer to her so she could cuddle in next to him. “Because she absolutely insisted that we had to kiss underneath it.”

“Or maybe she did know what it looked like and knew you two had no idea and wanted to make the two of you kiss,” Tommy countered, letting out a hearty laugh after Joel groaned out loud. “I’d say Mrs. Claus was her disguise and she was actually Cupid.”

“Well regardless, I’m very happy that woman convinced me to kiss this beautiful man,” Y/N hummed, tugging at Joel’s shirt to get him to lower down so she could pepper loving kisses over Joel’s lips who chuckled against them. “It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”

“I would tell the two of you to get a room, but she already has one at the inn and I know that you two don’t always make it to the room,” Tommy grunted from behind them getting Joel to glance back at him with an annoyed expression. Throwing his hands up in the air, Tommy moved over to wrap his arm around Maria and shrugged. “I’m just sayin’ the truth big brother. Can’t fault me for that.”

----

“So do you want to run away now?” Joel questioned, dropping down on the couch beside Y/N once they finally made it back to his home after spending a very long day at Tommy and Maria’s. Thankfully, after the boys had gone outside to talk, everything seemed fine with Tommy. Instead of acting strange, they all had a very good time where they just enjoyed each other’s company.

Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Joel pulled her in closer to him allowing her to rest her head against his shoulder. Getting to have her cuddle up to him like this felt nice. The way her hand pressed in over the center of his chest made him feel content, “I’m sure it’s been a long day for you.”

“The only place I want to run is to your arms,” she whispered, caressing her hand in over his chest and lifting her head up to stare out at him with a weak smile. Hearing that had his lips parting causing his breathing to grow louder. “Nothing is going to chase me away from you.”

“I’m glad I told you I loved you because I couldn’t imagine holding in an I love you right now,” he slurred, using his free hand to sweep his thumb in over her jawline. His touch was tender, his eyes full of affection for her. Closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch and enjoyed the way he seemed to be cherishing her in the moment. “You have no idea how much you impressed me today.”

“By how much food I ate?” she teased him, chuckling when he buried his nose in against the side of her face and his laughter followed. “Not what you meant?”

“Just how well you fit in. This whole thing feels like we’ve been together a very long time. Everything feels so…” he paused, thinking of the right word as she cuddled back into him again. “Natural?”

“I love you and I like your family Joel. It does come naturally,” she retorted, enjoying just being in his arms right now. Sliding her hand down in over his abdomen, she heard the loud exhale he released and it made her smile. “I think we’re stressing your brother out though.”

“I think he’s just stressed in general right now and we haven’t helped,” he countered, knowing that she didn’t hear the conversation he had with Tommy outside when they were alone. “I think Maria’s family and the baby just have him really tense. He works so hard to be the best version of himself, but it’s hard being under a microscope. Having people expect you to be a certain way.”

“He does it well,” she suggested, leaning back to stare out at Joel in a way that made him smile. Patting him on the chest, she stood up and motioned him to wait. “Before it gets too late, I have something for you.”

“You have something for me?” he repeated, his dark eyes getting bigger when she stood up from the couch. Moving over toward the Christmas tree, she reached around it for a bag she had hidden behind it. How she managed to do that without him noticing him surprised him. As she made it back to the couch, Joel sat up straighter with her sitting beside him again. “What is this?”

“Christmas gifts,” she explained, opening the bag slightly to show that there were wrapped presents inside of the bag. Digging inside, she pulled out the first item and held it out toward him. Surprised, he accepted the gift and let out an amused breath. “It’s what I did with my free time when we were separated.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” he pointed out, his eyebrows furrowing when he took another look at the bag that she had. “You didn’t have to get me anything, let alone multiple things.”

“Oh, don’t get worked up about that. Trust me, they aren’t the best presents in the world. I just thought you should get something because we did just start dating and it would be weird not to get you something,” she dismissed, throwing her hand about in the air. Snorting, Joel opened the first gift she handed him. Amusement flooded his veins when he set aside the wrapping paper to hold up the button-down plaid shirt. “It looks like something you would have in your closet. I just thought I would change up the colors a bit.”

“I like red,” he chuckled folding the shirt up and setting it aside when she held another item out for him. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, he accepted the gift and realized how strange this felt for him. Sure, Tommy and Maria exchanged gifts with him and he pampered Ellie for a while, but he wasn’t used to people going out of their way for him. Tossing the paper aside again, he noticed that it was another shirt when he started to unravel it. Holding the t-shirt up to his chest, he snorted when he got a look at the design and heard her laugh out loud. Over the front of it was a grumpy bear with an arrow pointing upwards along with the big words ‘I’m with Grumpy’ written out over it. “Oh, wow.”

“I think it suits you,” she teased him noticing the color that flooded into his face. A low rumble of a raspy laugh escaped his throat when Joel motioned her to wait. Undoing the buttons of the shirt he was already wearing, Joel tossed it over the back of the couch to hang it there and swiftly pulled the t-shirt down over his body. Once he got the material in place, he heard her clapping and her laugh was all he needed to know that he made a good decision. “It looks great on you. You have to admit. You and Grumpy Bear do have a lot in common.”

“Because we’re both so cute and cuddly?” he mused, his right eyebrow arching in amusement with her reaching out to playfully squeeze at his cheek. Laughing once more, he sighed when this time she handed him over a box. Even though these were what she considered small gifts, he could tell that she was proud of them. Once he got the wrapping paper off, it took him a minute to tear into the cardboard box. Once it was open, he pulled out the mug that was inside. Gazing upon it, he could hear her laughing when he read out the words on it. “I’m a ray of fucking sunshine.”

“I thought it fit you with your glowing personality and because you are such a fan of coffee,” she liked that her gifts were causing him to laugh because when she first met Joel, he wasn’t a man she ever pictured being able to laugh like this. With a nod of approval, Joel set the mug down on the coffee table beside where he placed the other shirt she had gotten for him. Grabbing another one had Joel’s head tipping to the side with his eyes narrowing. “What?”

“How many gifts did you get me?” he accepted the next one, surprised that she seemed to keep pulling them out. “I’m a simple man y’know? Just having you here with me is a gift in itself.”

“Smooth talker until the end,” she sighed loudly, appreciating the comment but knowing that she just wanted to do something nice for Joel. “I only have a few more. I promise. And these ones are little more serious.”

Working open the next present, he released a confused breath when he dug inside of the box to find a Christmas ornament. It was red in color that on one side said ‘our first Christmas’ along with the year. On the other side, it had two puzzle pieces put together with his name and hers that read ‘you are my missing piece’.

Smirking, his gaze lifted to hers. Behind her eyes he could see that she was incredibly proud of that gift. With a firm nod, he stood up from the couch and headed over to the bare Christmas tree. Placing the ornament on the tree, he looked over his shoulder at her and sighed, “Next Christmas we will have to find other ornaments to put on here so it isn’t the only one.”

Joel was already talking about next Christmas in terms of their relationship. That made her smile to hear. That meant he saw a future with them and it felt nice.

“I think we have time to do that,” she whispered, glad to see that Joel didn’t seem to completely hate the presents that she was giving him. Once he was done, he moved back to the couch beside her and she cleared her throat uneasily. “Now this is the last one and I…I really debated giving this to you because I don’t want to upset you.”

“Oh?” he muttered, accepting the final gift and he could tell how different this one was in comparison to the others. This one actually had her nervous. Every part of her seemed anxious and he wondered what could really have her that way. Unwrapping the paper, he realized that it was a nice black box that he was holding onto. Working it open, he felt his heart skip a beat when he got a look at what was inside.

“I completely understand if you don’t want to keep that,” she began, a lump growing in her throat with Joel reaching for what was inside the box. Pulling out the pocket watch that she got for him, she slid in closer to him while his thumb swept in over the design on the front. It was a very detailed design. It was a scene of horses pulling a carriage. It looked like something out of the old west. “This one really stood out to me, especially with all the paintings you have on your walls here and at the inn. I don’t expect you to give up the watch on your arm, which is why I got you the pocket watch. I thought it might be nice to have something you could carry with you when you actually need the time.”

“It’s perfect,” he muttered no doubt getting emotional after he caught the conversation that Maria had with Y/N about Sarah earlier. Nodding, he lowered his hand and looked to her with a heavy-lidded stare. Outstretching his free hand, he curled his fingers around the back of her neck to lead her to him. Pressing a lingering, passionate kiss over her lips, he only slightly pulled away to nuzzle his nose in against hers. Now he understood why she was nervous about this. She didn’t want to upset him since she knew what the watch meant to him. “I will start carrying it with me immediately.”

“You don’t have to, I’d completely understand if you didn’t…” she went to continue on, but he hushed her and shook his head slowly. At this point, he could feel that his eyes were damp, but he couldn’t help himself. The watch was a sensitive subject and she understood that. That’s why she went out of her way not to replace the watch, but to give him something he could carry along with that. “I’m sorry they aren’t better gifts. I didn’t have a lot of time.”

“I love them,” he assured her with a firm nod, giving her one final kiss before reaching for her hand. Hooking his fingers with hers, he pushed her gift into his pocket and led her to the stairs. Helping her up them, he heard her let out a confused breath when he headed for his work room. “What?”

“I thought we were headed to the bedroom,” she teased him, reaching out to playfully tickle at his sides. Arching forward and away from her, Joel’s laugh sent a warmth throughout her body. Shaking his head, he nodded toward his work room and stopped at the door. “What?”

“Close your eyes,” he requested with a hum, a half smirk tugging at his lips. Doing as he requested, her eyes fluttered to a slow close and he opened the door. Taking her by her hand, Joel led her into the room and directed her with his hands to slowly lower down into one of the seats. Waiting for confirmation that it was okay to open her eyes, she listened to the sounds of Joel moving around the room. “Keep them closed.”

“They are closed,” she insisted, biting down on her bottom lip. Curiosity flooded her body with what Joel was up to now. “You aren’t going to put on another cute pair of boxer briefs are you?”

“All of my boxer briefs are cute,” he snorted, his voice sounding closer to her. Gradually, the warmth of Joel’s body was before hers and she could sense him. “Alright, hold your hands out.”

Obeying, she did as he asked of her and felt something carefully being placed in her hands, “You can open them now.”

Unhurriedly, her eyes fluttered to an open and she felt a long exhale escaping her lips when she saw there was an acoustic guitar in her hands. Taking a quick look up at Joel, she could see that he was excited to give it to her and it made her smile. Gazing upon it, she saw that her initials were engraved into the body along with an owl engraved into the neck.

“Do you know why I picked an owl for you?” he kneeled down, his hands reaching out to caress in over her knees. Shaking her head, she continued to inspect the guitar and it took her breath away with how beautiful it was. “I was going back and forth between that and a butterfly, but ultimately? I picked the owl cus’ it symbolizes wisdom, intuition and knowledge. Owls have the ability to navigate through the darkness of ignorance and reach the light of understanding. I’d love to say I came up with that, but I read it. You see, for me, you see through the darkness of me and you found the light. So I thought it represented you perfectly. You’re smart and you have a deeper understanding of things in this world than most people do.”

“That’s beautiful Joel,” she assured him, a lump developing in her throat as she dragged her fingers across the neck of the guitar. “This is amazing. How did you do this? Where did you find the time to make this for me?”

“I’m magical,” he snorted, bobbing his head about offering her a cheesy smile that brought forth a warmth throughout her body. “I promised you that I would make you one and since it was Christmas time, I just figured I’d rush it. But I assure you, it’s a perfectly good one.”

“Can we play?” she wondered, lifting her head, eager to see if they could actually attempt to play it. With a nod, Joel groaned when he got up from the ground. Holding his finger up, he reached for a chair so that way he could sit before her. Motioning her to hold the guitar the correct way, Joel was helping to position her hands and she couldn’t help but smile as he went straight into teacher mode. “Do you think since it’s Christmas, maybe you would consider singing for me today?”

“Don’t push it,” Joel grumbled under his breath, his dark eyes lifting to hers with a smirk tugging at his handsome features. “I know you really wanna hear me sing, but it’s just not gonna happen. I can play the guitar for you if you would like.”

“That’d be nice,” she agreed to his offer realizing that no matter how many times she asked Joel to sing for her that he was likely never going to do it. But it didn’t hurt to try. Watching as Joel got up to grab one of his guitars, she released a long exhale. What was nice about this whole thing was how happy she actually was. She wasn’t used to this kind of feeling. By the time Joel got back to his seat, she must have been staring at him weird because he tipped his head to the side and offered a weak smile. “Sorry. I’m gawking. I just love you, so much.”

“That’s the kinda thing I like to hear,” he assured her leaning forward to meet her halfway to press a quick kiss over her lips. Pulling back, he genuinely looked happy too and that was a nice thing to see. “I love you too.”

----

Tags: @jdmorganz @carolineesnell @ayumi-wolf @dilfsandmartinis @christinamadsen

@brittmb115 @thegirlwiththemostcake3 @ashleyfilm

[muzaktomyears]

One to One: John & Yoko — ‘It was difficult to be married to him’

For his new film the Oscar-winning director Kevin Macdonald was given 25 hours of the Beatle’s unheard phone conversations, handed over by his son, Sean Lennon

In the 18 months between leaving the UK for New York in 1971 and their fateful move to the Dakota building on the Upper West Side in 1973, John Lennon and Yoko Ono lived in a small apartment at 105 Bank Street in Greenwich Village. It was there, lying with his wife in a bed made from a church pew, that Lennon, still only 31, came to terms with no longer being a Beatle. “I can’t believe I’m speaking to a myth,” a caller on a New York radio phone-in told the singer at the time. “Myth World or Myth Universe?” Lennon shot back. “I’ve been wondering exactly how the Beatles are as people,” another caller said. “Well, the Beatles don’t exist any more,” Lennon said. “I don’t wanna recreate the past. I wanna be me now.”

Moments like those fill One to One: John & Yoko, the new documentary by Kevin Macdonald, an intimate, moving and artistically fresh film on a subject that had seemingly been picked clean. “Is there any room for another Beatles film?” is the question Macdonald asked himself when he was invited to make a documentary about the couple. He had been offered access to restored footage of Lennon’s One to One concert at Madison Square Garden in 1972 — the last full-length show he played. Yet the Scottish director — who redefined the dramatic possibilities of documentary in 1999 with the Oscar-winning One Day in September, his riveting account of the massacre at the 1972 Munich Olympics — isn’t the sort to settle for making a bog-standard concert movie. Even one featuring Lennon, Stevie Wonder and Roberta Flack.

“The only way was to do something different,” Macdonald says. “You can’t just have the same old white men reminiscing about the time they met John in Greenwich Village.” He hit upon a brilliant solution. The period depicted in the film, the intertitles tell us, was one when Lennon and Ono were “mixing with artists and political radicals . . . and watching a lot of TV”. That new circle included the poet Allen Ginsberg and the activist Jerry Rubin, but it was the TV that gave Macdonald his stroke of inspiration, letting him build his film as a kaleidoscopic collage of what the couple might have seen on the box. The rise and fall of Richard Nixon, protests against the Vietnam War, neglected mentally disabled children at Willowbrook State School in New York and adverts for pasta sauce are intercut with moments from the concert and previously unheard telephone interviews.

Worried that his phone had been bugged by the American authorities — which it had — Lennon recorded his phone conversations, 25 hours of which were handed over to Macdonald by Lennon’s estate. “I feel like a student again,” Lennon says in one exchange, and living in the apartment must have felt like that compared with Tittenhurst Park, his mansion in Berkshire. Some of the conversations have a comic surrealism, such as Ono’s assistants’ epic quest to obtain hundreds of living flies for one of her art pieces. Elsewhere the lack of grandness is striking. Lennon gets through to someone’s receptionist and asks, “Will you tell him John Lennon called?” She replies, “Can you spell that?”

A thrill for Macdonald was presenting the One to One concert in its full glory, the sound remastered by Sean Lennon, the son of John and Yoko. The initial response to it had been “really bad”, the director says. “That was a big shock to Lennon and that’s why he didn’t do it again. Phil Spector was in charge of the sound in the auditorium and the sound for the recording and he totally f***ed both up.” The film also features shots of the Bank Street apartment, meticulously recreated by Macdonald’s wife, Tatiana Lund, a set decorator, who filled it with the correct books, records, guitar and amp.

Macdonald pitched the film to Sean, who had taken over control of the family estate from his mother, who is 92. “Sean said, ‘That sounds like something my mum would like: an art piece.’” The allusive documentaries of Adam Curtis were a touchstone, as were the two Life in a Day films Macdonald made with Ridley Scott using YouTube footage shot on the same day around the world.

“You’re not looking for logic, but an emotional journey,” he says of the collage approach. “Are there ways of representing the past which are more immersive than the normal talking-heads documentary, which allow the audience to make their own connections?”

An elegant 57, Macdonald comes from film-making stock — his grandfather was Emeric Pressburger, who with Michael Powell directed such classics as The Red Shoes and A Matter of Life and Death, and his brother is Andrew Macdonald, the producer of Trainspotting and 28 Days Later. We are talking in Macdonald’s office at 3 Mills Studios on the banks of the Lea River in east London, where he is in preproduction for his next film, The Runner, starring Gal Gadot. It sounds a lot better than Gadot’s Snow White.

“It’s unlike anything I’ve done before,” he says. “A mainstream thriller a bit like Speed — a woman has to run across London and can’t stop or somebody’s going to kill her child.” Macdonald, who was educated at Oxford, is one of the few directors to move with success between documentary and drama. He made his name in documentaries with One Day in September and the Bafta-winning Touching the Void (2003), his extraordinary account of a mountaineering disaster, before segueing to fiction with The Last King of Scotland (2006), for which Forest Whitaker won an Oscar for playing Idi Amin.

While making the Lennon-Ono film, Macdonald was struck by the parallels between the early Seventies and today. “An attempted assassination of a populist politician [the presidential candidate George Wallace], the first black woman presidential candidate [Shirley Chisholm], Gaza, the first era of environmentalism. It was like, ‘Oh my God, we’re living through some kind of shadow of that period.’”

Macdonald has experience with musical icons, having made documentaries on Bob Marley, Whitney Houston and Mick Jagger, the last of which was taken away from him by Jagger and re-cut. Macdonald had to watch it at a retrospective of his work in Brazil. “It was excruciatingly embarrassing. Every documentary since then I’ve had control over the cut, including this one.”

Sean Lennon proved more amenable. “He is incredibly conscious of the importance of his parents’ work, but I don’t think he really enjoys being the guardian of their legacy,” Macdonald says. This film, though, was an easy sell. “It’s not talking about affairs and drugs; it’s them through their own words, so there’s little to get upset about. Sean said he’d shown it to Yoko and that she liked it.” It helped that the film views events from her perspective as well as Lennon’s. “It becomes about how difficult it was to be married to him,” Macdonald says. “She’s trying to say something and he often cuts her off.” “Yoko, take your legs out of bed,” Lennon snaps at her during one TV interview at their apartment.

Ono’s reflections from that time are poignant. “I was considered a bitch; since I met John I was upgraded into a witch,” she tells one interviewer. “Some of [John’s] closest friends told me I should stay in the background. The whole society wished me dead. I started to stutter. I considered myself an eloquent woman, also an attractive woman. And suddenly because I was associated with John I was considered an ugly woman . . . because I took your monument away from you.”

Even more moving is the rarely told story of Ono’s daughter, Kyoko, from her previous marriage to Anthony Cox, an American film producer and art promoter. After Ono married Lennon, Cox vanished with Kyoko, who was aged eight at the time, changing her name to Ruth Holman and bringing her up in an American Christian cult called the Living Word Fellowship. Ono didn’t see her for 27 years. “I couldn’t bear seeing children,” she says in the film. They were reunited in 1998.

“The theme of the film is children and childhood,” Macdonald says. “You’ve got John talking about his own difficult childhood and being left with a chip on his shoulder, and you’ve got Yoko.” Hence why the plight of the thousands of children at Willowbrook, many of them with hepatitis and covered in their own faeces, struck such a chord with the couple, who donated the proceeds of the One to One concert to help them.

“These children are almost symbolic of all the pain on earth,” Lennon says in the film. There was more pain to come, but Macdonald ends on a sweet note with footage of a party for the Willowbrook kids and the birth in 1975 of a baby called Sean.

One to One: John & Yoko previews at Imax theatres on Apr 9–10 and is in cinemas from Apr 11

(source)

[taiyouhimerich]

im getting my hyperfixation on epic the musical now so.

TW: I’m gonna slightly mention suicidal tendencies and harassment, just fyi.

I really want to talk about Calypso. I’ve seen really many opinions about her, but mostly people state she abused Odysseus in some kind of way (mostly sexually). But I don’t think it’s true because of the “Not sorry for loving you” song.

First of all, I don’t think that Odysseus hadn’t even tried to talk to Calypso at least once and tell her to let him leave, because he had mtfkng seven years to do so. They had some interactions that wasn’t full of Odysseus’ go-home-or-kill-himself feelings and Calypso’s will to make him stay no matter what.

“I’m stuck in the moments I swore that we had.”

It’s literally confirmed that they were at least talking as if there’s no inescapable island. I don’t think Calypso’d be so delusional to believe she and Ody had something if he didn’t even talk to her. I believe he wasn’t rude or mad at her and maybe even considered her nice, because otherwise he’d call Athena not after seven years, but earlier.

Actually, there’s another thing that makes me think Calypso is mostly misunderstood. In NSFLY she states she was forced to stay on her island all alone, with nobody to come or go. In og Odyssey it’s her island which she hides from others by magic, and she just doesn’t let Odysseus go even though he’s capable of it. In Epic Calypso is just as prisoner of this place as Ody is. I guess she (as a goddess in Epic canon) made some mistake like maddened someone more powerful and to be stuck on her island alone was her punishment/curse. Someone hc that she tried to kill herself as well but couldn’t due to her immortality and in this case it’s obvious why.

And when Odysseus washed ashore she not only fell in love with him, but she got a slight hope that if he as anyone can come, then anyone can go as well, so maybe she can leave to. But the problem is she’s bound to that place, so she probably lied to Ody in her first song just not to stay alone forever again. But the rules of her island wasn’t mentioned anywhere as far as I can tell, so… maybe it’s the question up to Mr J.

Her pain in her last line is heartbreaking for me so I just can’t help but want to comfort my girl(((

[interstellarlyinlove]

Kick (March 30th)

word count: 794

@wolfstarmicrofic

Sirius smiles gently, looking up at James and Lily. He relishes in the relief that washes over him. He’s been so strung up ever since James’ patronus woke him up relaying the message that something was wrong. Sirius is glad that he feels like he can breathe again. “There’s nothing wrong with baby Potter-Evans.”

“Are you sure?” James asks, looking like he’s seconds away from crying. “Lily said she felt something like– like a flutter or–or, what was it, darling?”

Lily lets out a breath. “It just felt like something was off. I haven’t felt something like it before. Are you sure it’s okay in there, Sirius?”

“He or she, darling,” James mumbles, wiping his eyes under his glasses.

“Is he or she– I feel like it’s a boy, James, in my heart. Did I tell you?”

James is crying in earnest now. “I feel like it’s a boy, too!” James looks at Sirius. “Please tell me our son is all right.”

Sirius laughs. “He’s fine. I’m sure you’ve heard about baby kicks before. That’s what you felt, Lily. And it’s good! It means baby is right where we’d expect him to be, development wise. I still want you to stop by St.Mungo’s in the morning, you’re overdue for a check-up anyway. I’ll be there anytime after 7 a.m. But I can tell you right now that everything is peachy–”

Lily all but lunges at Sirius, engulfing him in a tight grip. The scent of her shampoo washes over him. “Thank you. Sirius, I love you. Thank you. Sorry for waking you up for something silly.”

Sirius shakes his head. He drapes his arms across Lily’s shoulders and pulls her closer to him. “I always want you to wake me up. And this isn’t silly, it’s important.”

“I could make out with you right now, Sirius,” James says absentmindedly. He sets both his hands on Lily’s midriff. “Do you think he’ll do it again?”

Sirius nods. “Definitely. It’ll probably get tedious after a while. Sorry, Lily flower.”

Lily shakes her head, grinning. “It’s too precious to get tedious, I think. It sort of reminds me that he’s actually in there! Growing organs and fingernails and getting strong enough so that he can join us over here soon.”

James lets out an actual sob. “He’s going to have such small fingernails.”

Sirius laughs, loud and sincere. He lets himself sit with James and Lily for a second. Then he says, “I think I should head back now. Remus wanted to come but the full moon yesterday was sort of awful. He couldn’t apparate. I should tell him that everything is fine”

“Awe, Remus,” Lily says, rubbing her bump. “Give him a kiss from me.”

“And me,” James says. “Two kisses from me, though. Better kisses, too. My kisses are better than Lily’s.”

Sirius laughs again. “Yeah, no way you’re a better kisser than Lily.”

“Thank you, Sirius,” Lily says, giggly and light. She kisses Sirius’ cheek before he apparates back home.

...

“Everything is fine,” Sirius announces as soon as he’s in their kitchen. Remus startles from where he’s sitting, head resting on the kitchen table. The smell of chamomile and Remus are all around Sirius and he breathes in deeply. 

This full moon really had been cruel. Remus’ left cheekbone is yellow and his undereyes are ink blue. He looks bone tired but still smiles at Sirius when he catches his eye.  

“Thank Godric,” Remus says, mostly half asleep. He blinks. “Are you sure?”

Sirius kisses Remus’ bruised cheek twice. “Lily and James send kisses.”

“Cute,” Remus says, smiling tiredly.

“Baby was doing somersaults and Lily got alarmed.” Sirius explains. He then grins. “Not to brag but I’ve definitely consolidated the godfather spot tonight.”

Remus smiles more brightly. “Also cute.”

Sirius sits next to Remus in their dark kitchen. Remus rests his head on Sirius’ shoulder and Sirius performs another healing spell on Remus’ cheekbone. Werewolf-induced injuries were stubborn.  

“Would you want to have children?’ Sirius asks softly. “With me, I mean.”

Sirius feels Remus smile against his shoulder. “Children, yes. With you? I’m not sure, Sirius, you’re going to have to let me sleep on it.”

“Har Har.”

“I guess the star names are cool. And the money that comes with your family name isn’t too shabby, either. But is that enough?”

“You’re hilarious, darling,” Sirius says, helping Remus stand up. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Remus resists Sirius pulling him up the stairs for a second. He looks at Sirius, expression open and honest. “There’s no one else I’d want to do it with, darling. But you know that. You have to know that.”

Sirius does. He kisses Remus’ cheekbone again. “This one is from me. And of course I know.” 

[bratbarzal]

I don’t think I’m ready for part 3😀😀

I was trying to bypass how sick I feel and write earlier when it was NOT productivity hours (10pm to 1am lmao) and I just stared at the doc for like an hour like 🙃🙃

but I just looked again and feel better about it there’s a preview under the cut!!

“Surprised you found the time to call me, thought you’d be spending your morning at a certain sorority or something.” His older brother laughs as he lowers himself down onto the couch in his apartment, the view behind him that of a misty Vancouver, the sun barely seeping through the clouds.

It makes him feel a little closer, to see it - sat beside the window in their parent’s house, himself, and looking up at familiar grey skies.

“I don’t think she wants to see me right now.” Luke frowns, hating the way his gut twists guiltily at the vague memory of last night - of your elation turning into evasion, and the way he still thinks he can taste you if he swipes his tongue across his bottom lip.

“What did you do?”

“Why do you assume I’m the problem?”

“Are you not?”

“I don’t even know.” He groans, looking back on the evening with a lot more clarity than his beer-goggles had allowed him, before. “I sort of blew up at her last night about something, I had a couple drinks, and I think I was pretty harsh. She left the party early and we’d usually text by now, but I think she’s probably avoiding me.”

“You’re gonna have to quit being so vague if you want me to help you out, man.”

The look Quinn is giving is like the virtual version of a brotherly swat, a blank but bold stare at the screen that’s his own silent way of telling his little brother to just spit it out, already.

And Luke takes little convincing - despite all the months he’s held back from doing so. This is technically a boiling point, and keeping this whole thing between the two of you such a secret has done absolutely nothing to serve him, so far. He could really use the help, he thinks.

“We’re supposed to be friends.” Luke sighs, “Back in summer, we had a thing, like we were sort of, almost together,” he cringes as he says it, unable to think of a better way to lay it out. Sure, he’d spoken to Quinn a little about you, back then - had admitted to having a crush, at least, but he hadn’t shared much past that. And it’s different with his older brother, he thinks, on the other side of the continent, oblivious somewhat to Luke’s day to day, and just how much it probably involved you by now. He needs to explain it for it all to make any kind of sense. “Like we were hanging out together all the time, and sleeping together, and it sounds like a mess but it was perfect when it was just us.”

“Are you waiting for me to be shocked or something?” Quinn queries after a moment’s pause, quirking a brow with narrowed eyes pointed straight at the camera. “Because we all knew you were sort of, almost together, you couldn’t have been any more obvious about it if you tried. Was it supposed to be a secret?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” Luke huffs out an elongated breath, the whole thing feeling like a waste of time, right about now. Keeping you hidden, abiding by your rules of saying nothing about whatever was going on between the two of you. What was the point in kissing you behind closed doors and rushing you back to your bedroom in the mornings if everybody knew, anyway? What could the two of you be, now, if you hadn’t held yourselves back? “I really fell for her, though. Hard. Like the worst hit I’ve ever taken in my life. And I fucked it all up by being stupid, and I said some pretty awful stuff about her that she overheard,” he winces, hating even looking back on that stupid conversation with Cole, not wanting to slip and indulge too much to his oldest brother about it through fear of valid judgement. “And it took her a while to let me back in, and she said that we’d only ever be friends, and obviously I want to be more, obviously I’m still in love with her, but she made it pretty clear we’d never cross that line again, and I can’t spend the rest of my life standing at the wrong end of a bridge I can’t cross, do you know what I mean?”

“No,” Quinn deadpans, “I’ve never heard anything so dumb in my life.”

“She kissed me, last night, Quinn,”

“Sounds horrific.”

“And I pushed her away,”

“Sounds idiotic.”

“You don’t get it,” Luke’s jaw tenses, glaring at his brother through the screen. “She only kissed me ‘cause she didn’t want me to kiss somebody else.”

“Lukey boy,” Quinn chuckles, giving an amused, crooked smile on the other end of the call, “You’re so full of shit, the hot girl that you like kissed you, it’s hardly the end of the world.”

“Don’t be a dick, Q,” Luke scowls, trying to push past the flare of agitation that lights within him at his brother referring to you as the hot girl. Even he can see how hypocritical it is, but it’s instinct - he can’t exactly fight it.

“No, come on,” his older brother starts, straightening up where he’s seemingly reclining on the couch, a surefire sign that he’s about to give some sort of lecture. “You spend your whole summer obsessed with her, and God-knows how long before that, and you fuck up so monumentally that the girl doesn’t talk to you for like 6 weeks, and then by some miracle she lets you back in and you fuck it up again.”

“Jack said I should move on,” Luke huffs in response, some attempt at trying to rationalise how stupid he had been to push her away last night.

“Jack’s an idiot.”

“He said that she’s probably moving on, and he made out that it was all sort of one-sided, and you know how much him and Ellie talk, I figured it had to have come from somewhere-,”

“It came from him being an idiot,” He repeats, “And it must be contagious, because why would you not just talk to her instead of letting it all blow up like that?”

“I tried,” Luke whines, “We went to a game together last week, I asked her about dating and stuff,”

“And?”

Luke frowns as he tries to remember the crux of the conversation - you’d joked that you wouldn’t go to a hockey game on a date, that you hadn’t been going to games on dates, and it never really expanded further than that, his attempt too specific to the situation and not the wider issue.

“I guess she said she wasn’t, but I probably wasn’t asking the right question.” He admits, blinking slowly as he tries to come up with any other reason why he had acted so irrationally the night before.

“So let me get this straight,” Quinn’s voice brings him back a little, shoulders stiffening in preparation of the verbal lashing he’s no-doubt about to receive. “You two spend a whole week together, like every waking second in her company when she’s not in class or with her friends, she spends valentines and her birthday with you, she tells you that she isn’t dating anybody else, she gets so upset about seeing you with somebody else that you find her almost in tears, and you somehow ignore all of the evidence that she is, in fact, into you, only to push her away because Jack implied she might have moved on?”

Well that sounds fucking stupid, Luke thinks.

[morgana-larkin]

So I rewatched the episode where Melissa loses Sweet Cheeks (as one does), and got some inspiration for mamma Mel and wrote the next chapter of Mine! Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

Summary: An incident happens at the daycare that involved Amelia.

Part 1* Part 2 Part 3 Part 4* Part 5* Part 6* Part 7* Part 8* Part 9* Part 10* Part 11

Mine - Part 12

Warnings: Smut, the tinniest bit of violence with Amelia, protective Mel

Words: 3K

“Then you put the piece here.” Amelia tells Caty as she was helping her with a puzzle toy. “Mommy, Cat figured it out fast.” 

“I see that sweetheart, and I see you teaching her. Your mommies are very proud of you for helping out with your siblings.” You tell her and give her a kiss on the cheek and Amelia smiles at the compliment.

“Hey Tesoro, come taste this.” Melissa says to her daughter as she emerges from the kitchen.

“What is it Mamma?” Amelia asks as she runs up to Melissa.

“I had to use a substitute for the meal as there’s two mushroom haters in the house.” Melissa tells her and Amelia tastes the food.

“I like it, Mamma.” Amelia says and Melissa smiles.

“Good, that’s what we’re having for lunch.” Melissa tells her before she picks Amelia up and places her on top of her booster chair as you place Nico in his high chair.

“Wow she already undid the puzzle and is putting it back together.” You say as you look at Caterina. You then pick her up and she whines at being pulled away from the puzzle but then settles her head on your chest. “And there we go.” You say as you place Caty in her high chair. Melissa comes out and places a bowl in front of Caty and Nico before giving Amelia a plate. She goes back into the kitchen and comes out with two plates for you and herself. You watch as the twins start eating before you take a bite yourself and you see that Melissa is smiling at Amelia who’s happily eating. All of a sudden you hear Melissa yelp and you look to see her looking at a piece of food on the table and see it’s a mushroom piece and looks at Caty.

“Am I going to have one child, just one, that likes mushrooms?” She asks and you try not to laugh as you realise that Caty threw a mushroom at Melissa. “Oh shut it.” She tells you as she sees you trying not to laugh.

“Looks like Nico is that one child.” You tell her and she looks beside her to see Nico eating everything, including the mushrooms. “Did Caty really throw a mushroom at you?” You ask her and she nods before she eats the mushroom that Caty threw. You then take Caty’s bowl and take out all the mushrooms and give them to Melissa. “We could have gotten them to taste mushrooms another way instead of sneaking them into their servings.” You tell her and she shrugs. 

After lunch you both put all the kids down for their naps and then you go downstairs to see Melissa on the couch with her glasses on, reading something intensely. 

“Whatcha reading?” You ask her and sit down beside her.

“How is it that Caty is still not talking? I’ve been trying to practice with her with all these tips and tricks I’m reading about but nothing seems to be working.” Melissa says and you get her to let go of her phone and take her hand and wrap it around you.

“She’s just a late talker, that’s all.” You tell her.

“And I get that but it’s been three weeks since I’ve been trying all these different things to help her and nothing is working.” She complains and you snuggle into her and you feel her body let the tension go.

“Stop stressing. Especially since we go back to work in 4 days. Just enjoy spending time with all of our kids without worrying about them.” You say.

“I worry about them all the time, all the time.” She tells you.

“I know, and so do I. But don’t worry about Caty, she’ll learn in her own time. And if she’s still not saying anything by 2 then it’s not like we don’t have a handful of teachers who would be willing to help us.” You remind her and she takes a breath. 

“You’re right.” She says and you smile.

“Of course I’m right, now I’m feeling up for a nap myself.” You say and she looks at you with a smirk before you pull her to the bedroom.

*4 days later*

“You’re going to be a good girl for the caretakers, right Tesoro?” Melissa asks Amelia as you’re dropping her and the twins off before you go to work.

“Yes Mamma, the best one.” Amelia tells Melissa.

“That’s my girl.” Melissa says and Amelia hugs her. “We’ll be back at 3:30 to pick you and the twins up.” 

“I can’t tell time.” Amelia reminds her.

“Sorry, I teach my second graders that all the time.” Melissa says with a smile before she places a kiss on Amelia’s forehead.

You and her go to work after and you’re both sitting in the breakroom before everyone arrives.

“You both got here early.” Barb says.

“We get up 40 minutes early as Amelia wants to do everything herself.” Melissa tells her.

“At a snail’s pace.” You add. “Although luckily she’s getting faster.” You say and Melissa nods.

“I remember Taylor being 3. By age 4 they seem to understand more and are quicker.” Barb tells you both and you yawn. You bring your chair closer to Melissa and lean your head on her shoulder.

“Tired Amore?” She asks and you nod. “Same, since Caty had a nightmare and woke

everyone up.” She complains and you hum.

4 hours later you’re decorating your classroom when you hear a door slam shut and recognise Melissa’s heels as she runs to your classroom. You look just in time to see a worried Melissa make it to your doorway.

“We gotta go.” She says as she walks into your classroom and packs up your things for you.

“What? Where? Why?” You ask her.

“There was an incident that happened at the daycare and Amelia was involved.” She tells you and you grab your things and you and Melissa head out quickly. You get to the daycare at the same time as another parent and you see Amelia and another kid sitting outside an office.

“Mrs and Mrs Schemmenti as well as Mrs Weller, right this way.” One of the workers says to all of you and you all walk inside the office. “So I’m afraid there was an incident involving Amelia and Dylan. A fight, more specifically.” They explain and you look at Melissa looking worried and see her fist clenching. “Dylan took something from Amelia, Amelia tried asked for it back and Dylan kept refusing and he pushed her and she pushed him back.” They further explain and Melissa starts to stand up but you pull her back to sit on the chair. 

“Is that little brat your kid?” She asks the mother and she nods.

“Melissa, calm down.” You tell her.

“No, a kid bullied our daughter, I’m not going to calm down.” She tells you.

“Mrs Schemmenti, we understand this can worry or anger parents when they’re child gets into a fight, which is why we always hope to resolve these and make sure they don’t happen again.” The worker tells Melissa before looking at you and Melissa stands up before you could stop her. 

“That little brat out there pushed my daughter, I think she deserves an apology as she tried the nice way and she had to defend herself.” Melissa says to everyone before she walks out of the room and you follow after her. “Tesoro, are you ok?” She asks Amelia as she gets down on her knees in front of Amelia.

“I fell down and it hurt.” Amelia tells Melissa and she wipes the tears in her eyes.

“Oh I’m sorry that happened Tesoro, you’re ok now, mamma and mommy are here.” She tells her and Melissa immediately brings her into a hug. Amelia wraps her arms around Melissa’s neck and Melissa tightens her hold on her daughter as she stands up, still holding onto Amelia. Amelia nuzzles her head on Melissa’s chest as Melissa turns towards the other kid.

“Dylan, did you take something and push this girl?” You hear the mother ask Dylan and you stroke Amelia’s head.

“She had the colouring pencil I wanted.” Dylan complains. “I tried asking for it but she wouldn’t give it to me.” 

“Dylan, she didn’t give it because she was using it. You can’t just take something that someone else is using.” The mother tells him. “Now, I want you to apologise to Amelia.” She adds and Dylan turns to look at all of you. 

“Sorry.” He says and you nod before you look at Melissa.

“Amelia, do you accept his apology?” You ask her and Amelia looks at him.

“Don’t be mean again.” She tells him and Dylan nods.

“I hope your son doesn’t touch any of my kids again.” Melissa threatens the mother before you decide to grab the twins and go home early with all your kids. You set the twins up with some toys as Melissa places Amelia down on the couch and sits beside her. “Do you want to talk about it or have any questions?” Melissa asks her.

“Why did he take something from me and push me?” Amelia asks and you go and sit on the other side of her.

“Some kids are mean and there’s not always an explanation as to why they’d rather be mean than nice.” Melissa explains to her, trying in a way that a 3 year old would understand bullying. And even though she didn’t ask it, you both know the other question that’s on her mind, the ‘why me?’ question.

“And sweetheart, there’s no explanation as to why certain people have people being mean to them.” You tell her and then open up your arms for her. She then crawls into your lap and rests her head where your heart is, listening to your heartbeat.

“I pushed him back.” Amelia admits after a few seconds and she looks guilty. “Are you mad at me mamma?”

“Of course I’m not mad at you, Tesoro.” She tells her. “We understand you were trying to defend yourself in a way that you know how. Next time just let an adult know and they can handle the mean person.” Melissa says and Amelia nods. You both set Amelia up with her favourite show and then you follow Melissa into the kitchen as you can tell she’s still mad. You watch as she grabs some food from the fridge and slams the fridge door shut.

“Melissa.” You say and walk up to her as she starts cutting a pepper up. “Melissa, honey you need to calm down.” You tell her and she looks at you.

“How do you expect me to be calm when my daughter was just the victim of bullying?” She asks you angrily and waves the knife around a bit.

“Ok, first, give me the knife or put it down.” You tell her and she sighs before she puts it down on the counter. “And I know it’s frustrating that it happened and you couldn’t protect her, but the situation is over and the kid apologised.” You say and grab her hands. “I know it’s not ideal but things like this happens between kids, especially kids around Amelia’s age.” You add.

“I know, I just don’t want anything to happen to her, to any of my kids.” Melissa tells you and you wrap your arms around her neck as you give her a hug and she wraps her arms around your waist.

“I know, I don’t want anything to happen to them too.”

“How have you been so calm?” 

“Because one of us has to be, and I knew immediately that it wasn’t going to be my short-tempered wife.” You say to her and she smiles.

“You’re right, I’m very short tempered.” She tells you.

“It was more mama bear today though. You know even when I was just your aide, I always knew you’d make an amazing mother.” You say and she gives you a kiss.

“Thank you.” She tells you before she gives you another kiss. The kiss suddenly deepens and becomes more hungry and passionate and you pull away.

“Melissa, Amelia and the twins are-”

“In the other room, occupied.” She interrupts before she kisses your neck.

“If we get caught then it’s your fault.” You say.

“That’s alright with me.” She tells you before she trails her hand down your pants and finds your clit. “I can’t wait until tonight to have you.” She says. She goes to your entrance and gathers some of your wetness and then rubs your clit. You buck your hips and she traps you between her and the counter, pinning your hips to the counter with her body. “You’re so hot like this, wanting me to give you your release.” She says as you place your head on her shoulder to muffle your noises. 

She then sticks a finger in your entrance without warning and you let out a muffled gasp. She lifts your head and instantly places her lips on yours, muffling all your noises another way, her much preferred way. She inserts a second finger in you and you feel the stretch, immediately wanting more so you pull away from her lips.

“Add another.” You say, panting.

“Another? I guess I’m not the only horny one today.” She tells you before she places a finger in your mouth and you suck on it as she inserts a third finger inside of you. You moan around her finger and she quirks an eyebrow at you before she inserts a fourth finger inside of you and you let out a muffled scream but you don’t stop her. She starts curling her fingers inside of you after a few pumps and your legs start shaking. 

“I love you.” You say, a bit muffled around your finger and she smiles at you.

“I love you too, amore.” She tells you and then you suck her finger hard as you come around her fingers. When you come you lose your footing and it was good that Melissa pushed her body up even more so you don’t fall as she couldn’t catch you as both her hands were inside you. “I feel much better now.” She says and she takes her hands out of you.

“Do you want to come too?” You ask her and she shakes her head.

“Making and watching you come calmed me down.” She tells you and you wrap your arms around her waist and pull her right up against you.

“Tonight, we’re continuing what you started.” You say to her and she smirks.

“Can’t wait.” She tells you and gives you a kiss. “Now, how about you stay with our daughter and I’ll just continue the snack I was making?” She suggests and you nod. 

“Just don’t go plotting against a 3 year old.” You tell her as you leave the kitchen. Melissa exits the kitchen a few minutes later and sees you running after Nico. “Runaway baby!” You shout as you catch up to him and lift him up into the air and Nico giggles. “You little sneakster, just like your mamma.” You tell him playfully.

“Alright I got some berries and peppers here for everyone.” Melissa says to the room as she places the plate on the coffee table. You place Nico down who goes running towards Melissa. He hugs Melissa’s leg and she smiles at him.

“Mamma.” He says and she lifts him up.

“That’s right sweetie.” Melissa says to him. 

“Hamsters.” Nico says and points to Sweet Cheeks cage.

“They’re Guinea pigs.” Melissa corrects him as she brings him over to the Cheeks family cage.

“Mommy, why does Cat not talk?” Amelia asks you as she grabs a piece of pepper and you walk over to the couch. 

“She’s just a little slow to learn but she’ll catch up.” You tell her. “She’s walking around just like you and your brother, but some people just learn to talk a little later than others.” You explain to her.

“Why was Mamma yelling at the daycare? I heard her in the office.” Amelia asks you and you see Melissa happily showing Sweet Cheeks to Nico.

“Because she loves you and we get frustrated or angry when people we love are hurt.” You tell her.

“You weren’t yelling.” She says and you nod.

“One of us has to remain calm to not go overboard, and we both know your mamma is not one to remain calm.” You say with a smile and Amelia laughs.

“What are you two laughing about over here?” Melissa says as she walks towards you both, holding Nico’s hand. You look over at Amelia and hold a finger to your mouth to tell her not to tell Melissa.

“Nothing, mamma.” Amelia says and Melissa raises her eyebrows and lets go of Nico’s hand and he goes to play with his toys with Caty.

“Nothing huh? Well maybe I have to tickle it out of you.” Melissa says as she goes up to Amelia who quickly gets off the couch and runs away while laughing. Melissa quickly catches up with Amelia and tickles her.

“Ahh! Mamma stop!” Amelia says while laughing.

“Are you gonna tell me now?” Melissa asks.

“Mommy! Help!” Amelia asks of you. You make your way over and grab Amelia and lift her up to your hip. Melissa grabs you and begins tickling you and you start laughing.

“Ok I fold!” You say while laughing and Melissa stops and tilts her head as she looks at you. “We were just saying out of the two of us, you aren’t the calm one. Amelia was asking why she heard you yelling in the office.” You say and Melissa hums.

“Well one of us has to be irrational.” Melissa says and kisses your forehead. “Did I scare you Amelia?” She asks her daughter.

“No, just wondering why you were yelling.” Amelia tells her and you hand Amelia over to Melissa.

“Well as your mommies, we want to protect you and I will always try to protect you and I was angry that someone harmed you.” Melissa tells her and Amelia nuzzles her head on Melissa’s chest.

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[yeonmuse]

ᥫ᭡ f!reader x lee heeseung ── 𝒢enre. Uni au. fluff, non idol enha. feats. ot7 [reqs are closed] ᝰ.ᐟ 𝓁ibrary 🪷

⍣ ೋ AUTHORS NOTES . This is part of admins Enhypen University Special Event. This series also has slight connections to every series in said event so occasionally characters from the other members chapters may appear in this series as well. (Completely rewritten)

˗ˏˋSUMMARY ´ˎ˗ Heeseung finds himself completely captivated by the campus golden girl. Perfect grades, absolute sweetheart, breathtakingly beautiful and the lead girl in every show the theater has put on thus far. Though just what he finds that he’s getting closer to her through her love of theater and performance arts, old flames and childhood friends make it harder for Heeseung to get closer to her.

TAGLIST IS CLOSED

SHOWTIME

Sakoia didn’t know what came over her but suddenly all of the events over the course of the last two months had hit her like a truck. Compared to her once calm and focused daily life the last two months had been chaotic. Between finding out about her mother in the worst way possible and having been sick for an entire week she felt that she may have been lacking her usual skills and focus she’d maintained when she usually performed. The oncoming pressure and the overwhelming sense of reality was caving in on her and she was starting to feel the pressure of hundreds of eyes perceiving her tonight. What if they looked at her and they saw her mom in the worst way, what if she had a wardrobe malfunction or she missed a line due to her having missed a week of practice. There was a sick feeling swarming the deepest pits of her stomach and she didn’t know how to shoo it away.

After having gotten away from the rest of the cast and the busy theater she sat beneath the magnolia tree at the front of campus, all of her feelings and worries seeming to crash down upon her at once. Her fingers nervously fiddled with the necklace around her neck given to her by Heeseung the night of their date. She found herself thinking of him now, would he be disappointed seeing her like this? Would he think that it was pathetic of her to be sitting under a tree overthinking while he and the others were probably freaking out about her whereabouts. So many thoughts that she had been drowning in for nearly half an hour until she heard the crunch of leaves behind her dragging her back to the surface.

Her gaze diverted away from the grass beneath her feet, to Heesung who now stood at her side, though she couldn’t look too long because eventually the guilt had said that she left them all alone without a word.

“So this is where you ran off to.” he’s the first to speak, evident worry laced within his tone.

“Everyones worried sick, we've all been looking for you.’’

“I’m sorry. I don’t know…I don;t know if i’m prepared for this.’’ Heesungs eyebrows crease in confusion at her words. She knew every line from start to finish, hell she could even recite them from the ending to the beginning, so he was confused as to why she suddenly felt it wasn’t enough.

“Star you know every line, you aced every practice so-’’

“I’m nervous. There's this pit in my stomach that just won't go away. Heesung the last month just flew by and I feel like none of it was my reality. How do I know that I can even do well when I'm not even sure I know every emotion or experience I've had as of late is even real. How can I prove myself, or even put on my best tonight if ever since i’ve found out about my mom i’ve been struggling to even remember what all of this is for?’’ Heesung had a feeling that it all would eventually set in on her, she had been acting far too strong as of lately and for the last week he could tell that her mind had been elsewhere, he just didn’t know the reason.

“Do you remember what you told me that day we went out for dinner?’’ Sakoia stares back at him in silence, seeming to have forgotten the words she spoke to him when he asked why she’d started theater.

“You told me ever since you were a little girl it was the one place you thrived because being on stage allowed you to be anyone or anything you wanted to be. Because you got to show different sides of yourself and show the diversity that you could maintain on stage and one day someone will remember the feeling you gave them from watching you perform and they’ll spark a love for it too.”

“Heeseung I can’t-”

“I know that you wanted her to see you one day, that you wanted her to see everything you accomplished and be proud of you when you finally did get to see your name in lights by working hard on your own. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been not to have her around and then you find out everything you’ve been told about her was a lie but you were never only doing this for her star. Your mother lived her life and i'm sure that she’s still with you, watching everything you’ve done and everything you've become up until now, but now it's time you live your dream to prove to yourself that you could do it, not to anyone else.’’ For a moment Heesung thought he had failed as she hadn’t said a word, nor did she even bother looking at him. Then he heard a faint sniffle and a soft laugh spill from her lips.

“And I thought ejs pee advice was the best advice i’d get before a show.’’ She laughs in between sniffles as she wipes the tears from her face and Heeseung couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Guess I'm just better.’’ he responds playfully before pushing himself up off the ground.

“Now, I don’t know about you but I can’t really do tonights show without the star of it.’’ he holds out his hand and for a moment she just looks at it before taking a deep breath and placing her hand in his.

No one had been more happy to see her than the professor, doors opened in five minutes and she had been completely freaking out over the fact that the two stars of her show had both gone missing. When the two entered the auditorium she wasted no time ushering them both onto the stage in a panicked manner. Koi had issued countless apologies to her knowing she had probably caused quite a stir by suddenly disappearing but the professor was just happy that she had showed up in just a wink of time before the curtain call.

When everyone had finally started flooding in and taking their seats she took a deep breath, trying to shake away every nerve or wave of anxiety that tingled at her fingertips. Heeseung glances at her from the opposite side of the stage, a look that gave her reassurance and spoke to her the most important thing that he was right there, that he would be the one at her side tonight reassuring her with his eyes alone that she was doing perfect. That she wasn’t alone on the stage tonight.

“Alright places, places everybody, Showtime!’’

CHAPTERLIST | PREVIOUS CHAPTER | ENDING

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[callistocalavarni]

Your account is so beautiful and so poetic, the way you write when you respond to anons sound like handwritten letters for some reason 😭💕 maybe it's because I read them with a soft poetic voice in my head idk but I'm wondering.. When you shift to so many different realities for such long periods of time to escape this current reality, there have been many shifters that said that you could feel big detachment or even more misery when you come back here. I wonder though, when you come back from a shift, especially when you've been in your DR for years.. Does it affect how you experience relationships in the current reality? Have you ever felt detached, or distant from friends, family members, or probably just distant relatives, classmates / co-workers, and etc. ?

And could it be because you outgrown them, (because your soul must definitely feel aged when you have immortality living thousands of lives in the realities in your mind, right?) or could it be that some relationships become unfulfilling? Orr..?

Or have you ever experienced the opposite? And end up being happy seeing close people either because you've missed them or have scripted them into your realities? I'm really curious, as someone who tried to shift just last night as a fun act of self-love and fun place to spend a vacation on another planet 😭😭😭

You are the sweetest, I can't describe how happy your words make me. Thank you so much!!

Whenever I come back It's a feeling of relaxation, or the feeling of being awake in the middle of the night when no one else is. I feel alone but it doesn't bother me. Usually in the moment I’m recounting what happened in my head so I don’t forget about it. I definitely feel more mature, I try to help my mom out as much as I can, force her to do certain things that will help her mental health; I didn't used to do this but now I feel like I can teach her things I didn't know before. She’s a very pessimistic person, it seems like everything that she says is negative and I’ve found that it's hard to relate since I’ve come back. Sometimes I feel out of place but it’s never gotten to the point of misery. I’ve grown up with a lot of anxiety and now that I have experienced what I have I realized I should never feel shame about leaving here. 

I shift to experience a different life, I personally don’t script it to be perfect and happy all the time. I want to experience all of it. I‘ve suffered in every reality I’ve been in, including this one and I don’t see it as a bad or good thing. I just see it as something to learn from, so detachment from here is not a problem for me. I do get sad sometimes that I can’t relay what I’ve been through to my family. Sure, I can shift to a reality where they understand the concept and would console me, but a part of me doesn't want to.

I had a child in my Kirasia dr and that's the reason I ended up leaving there. Though I was happy, I didn’t think I was ready. I was sitting on my bed and kind of dissociating in that moment because the thought of raising a whole entire human being scared me. I will go back, maybe re-live my life there and continue on instead of leaving but I don’t know when that moment will come. A couple of months ago In this reality I was sitting on the couch with my mom and baby sister and was so overcome with emotions when I looked at her. I just started to cry, I said it was because she was being cute, a part of it was, but In that moment I was reminded of my own child. Here I’m a couple months from graduating, and there I am a mother.    

My relationship with my family has gotten better here though. My step dad apologized to me and I was finally mature enough to have an actual conversation with him. My mom wants me to live with her for a while and tells me I shouldn't have to work myself to death. And I finally cut someone off who I didn’t need anymore; so yes I have outgrown people. I don’t know if these things would have happened if I never shifted. I think after shifting my subconscious reworked itself and that's why those moments happened. 

The only detachment I really feel is noticing how immature people are. Before I shifted I tolerated it but now I don’t put any energy into it. I can’t believe I didn’t notice how many grown adults are fucking insane, sorry for the bluntness it’s just crazy seeing how stupid people are. I’m mostly talking about how weird relationships are here, and how some people will find any excuse to be abusive. Not even physically but just mentally. Some of these people aren't even aware of their own actions either - I’m ranting… but I think you get the idea.

When I come back here It's like I've learned a whole new outlook on life and I feel happy to view the world through that lens here. I’ve never felt regret about shifting, someday I’m going to choose not to come back here and I’m fine with that. 

These were such good questions and because of your ask you gave me a new idea on what to write about! I’ve been trying to think about what to write about that isn't a storytime so I’m happy I finally have a small Idea.

[plasticflowersinahistorycemetery]

❤︎ first meeting ❤︎

❤︎ Butcher x Sage ❤︎

Warnings: language, drug consumption (pot smoking), implied threat.

Word Count: 1,505

Butcher knew something was up when Frenchie stumbled through the back door of the safehouse like he'd forgotten gravity existed.

Butcher didn’t even look up from his weapon spread on the table. “Where the fuck’ve you been?”

“Found God,” Frenchie declared, arms wide, eyes glassy. “Out in the trees. Looking like a pixie. Sounding like revolution.”

Butcher’s brow twitched. “Jesus wept. You high?”

Frenchie blinked, solemn. “Incredibly, mon ami.”

“Right,” Butcher growled, shoving a magazine into place with more force than necessary. “Go lie down ‘fore you start eatin’ your fuckin’ shoes.”

But Frenchie wasn’t done. “Merde, she was perched in a tree like a woodland sniper. Smoking weed. Quoting Thoreau. She told me to ‘respect the fungi network or perish like the patriarchy.’” He paused, grinning. “I think I am in love with her.”

Butcher levelled him with a look. “You’ll love a fuckin’ bullet if you don’t shut it.”

Frenchie saluted loosely and wobbled off toward the sofa, mumbling something about cosmic alignment and pond spirits.

Butcher sighed. Loudly. Then louder. Because of course now he had to go investigate the fucking forest for some feral philosophy major Frenchie hallucinated.

He slammed the door behind him and trudged out into the meadow, boots heavy in damp grass, muttering curses under his breath. Trees rose up ahead, tall and tangled, and it didn’t take long for the smoke to find him — sweet, earthy, deliberate.

And then he saw you.

Up in a low-slung branch, knee tucked to your chest, blunt pinched between two fingers. You looked like you'd grown out of the tree itself—loose cardigan sliding off one shoulder, bare foot swinging in the dappled light, eyes lazy and sharp all at once.

“You real?” He called up, already irritated.

You blinked, slow. Took a drag. Blew the smoke in his direction like a blessing and a warning. “Depends. You wanna talk trees or treason?”

He squinted. “You always this fuckin’ cryptic or just when you’re high?”

You grinned, foxlike. “Only when I sense a Carhartt coloniser stomping through my forest.”

Butcher stared. You stared back. Neither of you moved.

Then he huffed. “Frenchie weren’t lyin’, then. You are a pixie.”

You tapped ash into a chipped ceramic mug nestled in the bark. “Tell him he owes me a joint. And a mushroom field guide. He stepped on my puffballs.”

Butcher muttered something indecipherable and stepped closer. You didn’t flinch. Just tilted your head and watched him like you’d been expecting him all along.

He squinted up at you, arms crossed like a shield. “What’s your name, then? Or do I gotta call you Swamp Thing?”

You didn’t blink. Just smiled slow, like you were trying it on. “Call me whatever makes you feel less scared of me.”

That got a pause.

Butcher tilted his head. “Scared? Of you?”

You took another hit, smoke curling around your lips like something ancient. “Mmhm. You’re wound tighter than a noose. Smell like blood and broken promises. Eyes like a man who’s lost too many things he couldn’t name. You came out here looking to dismiss me, but your jaw’s clenched ‘cause you know I’m not wrong.”

Butcher didn’t answer. Just stared. Harder this time.

You gestured lazily with the blunt. “You carry revenge in your spine. Walk like the earth did you personal harm. But you’re tired. Even your rage is tired.”

Silence stretched between you like a tripwire.

You didn’t break it. You didn’t need to. You’d already gutted him with that quiet, stoned dissection of his soul.

Finally, he muttered, “Christ. You always talk like that?”

You shrugged. “When I’ve got good weed and someone worth psychoanalysing.” A pause. Then: “You are worth it, by the way.”

His mouth twitched. Almost a smirk. Almost.

He stepped closer, hand flexing at his side like he was debating throwing something. “You do anythin' useful, or just haunt trees and therapise strangers?”

You leaned back against the bark, blunt between your lips again. “I patch people up. I make poisons and cures. I’ve got a rifle stashed in the hollow of that oak behind you and I never miss. I see patterns in data like they’re constellations. And I know what Vought’s doing with their new ‘community outreach’ program before it hits the news cycle.”

That got his attention.

Butcher narrowed his eyes. “Go on, then.”

You smiled again, but this one wasn’t soft. It was teeth. “They’re moving into rural zones. Buying up land. Sprouting Supe-friendly shelters in counties no one pays attention to. Test sites. Low media coverage. Perfect for experiments.”

Butcher stepped even closer now. His voice was low. Dangerous. “And 'ow the fuck do you know that?”

You tapped your temple. “People talk. Networks hum. I listen.”

Then you leaned down, arm braced against the branch, smoke coiling around your face like incense at a funeral. “You came out here to yell at Frenchie’s hallucination. But now you’re wondering if I’m a puzzle piece you didn’t know you needed. And I am.”

He stared. Couldn’t help it. You didn’t flinch. You never flinched.

“But don’t bring me in unless you’re ready for truth,” you added, voice softer now. “I don’t do half-truths and hero worship. I want the whole ugly thing.”

Butcher blinked. Once. Twice. His mouth tasted like moss and thunder.

“Fuck me,” he muttered. “Frenchie really did find a goddamn pixie.”

You just smiled, sage-sweet and sharp as revolution. And Butcher knew—without even meaning to—that he wasn’t walking out of this forest the same way he came in.

He wasn’t sure what pissed him off more—the way you looked like a fucking wood sprite plucked out of a children’s book, or the fact that every word out of your mouth hit harder than a headshot.

He glanced at the chipped mug tucked in the tree bark, then back at you. “Y’know, this whole thing’s real fuckin’ whimsical. You one o’ them crystal dicks? Believe in retrogrades and moon blood or whatever?”

You exhaled a lazy cloud of smoke. “Believe in patterns. Pressure. Cause and effect. The moon just helps me name them.”

He snorted. “That's a yes, then.”

You grinned. “It’s a fuck you with a horoscope.”

And Christ, he hated how fast that made the corner of his mouth twitch.

He crossed his arms, weight shifting like he was trying not to settle in. “You always set up shop in the woods behind safehouses, or just this one?”

You arched a brow. “You always interrogate barefoot women who haven’t even offered you weed yet?”

Butcher blinked. “No, usually I wait ‘til they’re armed.”

“I am,” you said simply.

He stared.

You gestured vaguely toward the oak behind him. “Mossy hollow. Custom-built rifle. Biodegradable rounds.”

He squinted. “You tryna impress me, Swamp Thing?”

You shrugged. “If I was, you’d already be impressed.”

Fucking hell. He wasn’t, of course. Not really. Except, he was.

Butcher took another step closer, boots crunching soft moss. You didn’t flinch, didn’t move, just tilted your head like you were cataloguing him in real time.

He hated that too.

“You some kind of anarchist survivalist, then? Livin' off weeds and vibes?”

You smiled, all molasses and menace. “I’m a gardener with trust issues.”

Butcher gave a short laugh. Bitter. “Ain’t we all.”

You leaned back against the tree trunk, letting the blunt hang from your fingers. “The world’s rot, Billy Butcher. You can either plant something better… or burn it all down and salt the ashes.”

His name in your mouth made his chest pull tight. He hadn’t told you it. Not yet.

He stiffened. “How d’you know my name?”

You blinked, all innocence. “I told you—I listen. Networks hum.”

Silence again.

He looked at you properly now, eyes dragging over the cardigan slipping off your shoulder, the bare foot swinging loose, the eyes too clear for someone stoned. Like you chose to keep your clarity. Like you liked watching people fall apart in front of you.

“You dangerous?” He asked.

Your smile turned crooked. “Only to liars. Corporations. Cops. People who kick stray cats.”

“But not to me?”

You tilted your head. “That depends. You kick cats?”

“No,” he muttered.

“Then you’re safe. For now.”

Butcher rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help the way his chest loosened, just a bit.

You were chaos in moss green, hair wild, eyes gentle and fucking knowing. And somehow, beneath all that softness, you had teeth. Big ones.

He liked that. Too much.

He muttered, “Frenchie’s gonna be insufferable if I bring you back in.”

“Don’t bring me in, then,” you said, flicking ash into the ceramic. “Just visit. I’ll roll you something nice, make you a tincture for all that colonial tension in your shoulders.”

He stared. Long and hard.

Then: “Fuck’s sake.”

And he reached up, offered a hand.

You looked at it for a beat too long—just enough to make him wonder if you were gonna laugh in his face. But you took it. And when your palm slid against his, he swore he felt roots twist around his wrist and take hold.

You hopped down from the branch, barefoot in the moss, fingers still smudged with ash and ink.

“Sage,” you said, like it wasn’t a name but a warning. “And don’t call me Swamp Thing unless you want a hex that makes your dick cry.”

Butcher huffed out a laugh he didn’t mean to let slip. Christ. He turned toward the clearing, you trailing behind like smoke.

Yeah. This one was gonna be a fucking problem.

And he was already looking forward to it.

A/N: Oh my GOD. I am so beyond happy with Sage. I was so excited to write this one and I think I've executed her vibes exactly as I wanted to, maybe even better. The aim was conspiracy-theorist, pothead pixie, witchy and wild, revolutionist icon (loosely based off of myself in my teenage years, very anarchist behind the bible.) She's gonna have Frenchie wrapped around her finger in no time. She's gonna blend well with the others, and she's gonna be both a compliment and contrast to Butcher. As always, feedback is encouraged, bbys. Until the next one. All the love.

@losers-clvb @drakulana @blossomingorchids @love2liz <3