#i am proud and had to share this insane stat

[mcgnussen]

i cannot believe we just won our 3rd men’s handball world championship in a row! we have not lost a single handball match during the world championships since january 22nd 2017 🤯

[maliro-t]

nat 20, crit fail, prep and tpk!

nat 20: What's the most memorable RP scene you've been a part of?

I know this is technically a question for me as a player but as a DM, there was an exchange with one of my players (in blue) as this little kid NPC (in red) after they'd saved him from a pretty horrible massacre that just went:

"Have you seen people die?"

"Yeah."

"Did you like them too?"

"Yeah. But there's nothing I could do for them. And they're happier where they are now."

"I wish you could be happy too."

"Yeah."

Which just got me real in my feelings about Mr. Mumford and made me real proud of his player :)

crit fail: Have you ever had a character death? What happened?

I personally have not! I think that's in part because the longest campaigns I've been in as a player were only over about 7 or eight months, so I haven't had a ton of opportunity to be thrust into mortal peril. Although I guess you never know lol, especially at lower levels.

prep: How much prep work do you do? How far out do you prep?

I would say it varies session to session, which is probably normal. I've played around with completely homebrewing some shorter sessions, but there honestly isn't a place for that in my work life balance, so I've turned to running published material (namely Curse of Strahd). That takes a lot of the burden of prep off, since I more rarely am designing things from scratch-- although I do my fair share of modification, and there still is plenty of stuff that I have to figure out myself! For most games I will make sure I have the sections that I will need from the book marked out and available, and especially if looks like it's gonna be a sort of open-ended RP game, I'll write out certain guidelines for myself into my campaign notebook so it's easier for me to keep track of things (I also do this for combat, in that I'll usually write a few lines about major figures' goals, if they're relevant, and maybe their first move or two). I try not to prep much beyond what I think will fit in a session (because I frankly don't have time), but sometimes I overestimate, and will end up with notes that last me three sessions. But beyond sort of vague notions of bigger picture building blocks that are moving in the background, I try to only prep stuff I think will be immediately pertinent. And I do trust my improv skills enough where a lot of that will be vague sketching! For example, in CoS there's a festival that's upcoming in one of the major cities, but the book has truly no information about what the festival itself entails beyond sort of a morbid procession, so I went into that game with an opening scene, a vague thought about ring toss, and a vague thought about local card sharks, and just kind of played it by ear from there. And it was one of our most fun games! I do prep a LOT for combat though-- we play on roll20 so I'm cobbling together maps (which usually will take an hour or so depending) and will often times write out entire stat blocks so I don't have to be looking for them. I do use the dnd beyond encounter tracker some of the time, but in big, complicated encounters, I find that can actually make my life extra confusing, so I do a lot of handwriting shit out on paper.

tpk: Have you ever had a game go completely off the rails? TPK? How did you adjust?

I did in fact facilitate a TPK in my current campaign which was !!!! yeah I would say off the rails is putting it mildly! The entire party was slaughtered by dire wolves, which was a random encounter on the way to a completely different objective so. very unexpected. It was one of those games that truly makes you feel insane, and it was almost entirely down to rolls-- I was rolling very well for these wolves (I think I crit 3 or 4 times?) and they were rolling extremely poorly. It was honestly easier for me that everyone went out than just a few people, because it meant that I could make on the fly decisions for the group and no one had to sit out the rest of the session. So, once the last person went down I gave everyone a kind of solo limbo vignette where we zeroed in on some character/backstory stuff for each of them, just to kind of settle everyone (which was really fun to do, especially since there's a lot they don't know about each other's histories, some more than others), and took a five minute recess to figure out what to do next-- I was lucky that unbeknownst to the party, they were on their way to knock on the door of a hag coven, who had their own reasons to want them alive, so I ended up having them all wake up as their captives. Congrats, you made it to where you were going! Sorry, you're still fucked! And THAT ended up being one of the most fun, intense encounters we've run. And I certainly am weaving some threads in the background about how exactly they survived and what the long-term consequences of that are.

[dxppercxdxver]

tagged by @chiropteracupola a rather long while ago for this ao3 tag game (we are ignoring my play analysis teacher right now so might as well look at my fic writin' stats!)

ao3 name: mxpauling (tho this changes rather frequently!)

fandoms: in terms of fandoms Published On AO3, the greatest number are for detroit: become human and subsequent fan film detroit: evolution, due to my feverish participation in the deartfest fan event summer of 2020 (in which i wrote well over a novel's worth of words in. approximately a month.), but others represented include: team fortress 2 (specifically of the flintlock fortress variety), mystery science theater 3000, spies are forever, hadestown, the true lives of the fabulous killjoys, and some smaller one off fandoms (deathtrap, the moors, goncharov, the wolf and the watchman, and where or when)

number of works: 28! which is. a Lot higher than i remembered it being

work I spent the most time on: fairly certain it's 'leave your body at the door' as it was written over the course of about four months, which for me (guy with formerly wildly unmedicated adhd) was Insane

works I spent the least time on: oof uhhhh i mean i've written Several in the course of just a few hours, like 'cut something, kill something, eat something', 'i can't stand to see you bleed', 'don't give it a hand, offer it a soul', and 'old churchyard', amongst MANY OTHERS THAT ARE OLDER (and i didn't feel like copying)

longest fic: first place goes again to 'leave your body at the door' but coming as a close runner-up is 'Potentially Lovely, Perpetually Human', from way back in the de days

shortest fic: '(i feel) an overwhelming need', my recent the moors character study

most hits: this would be 'Out Of The Blue', due to its featuring in the octopunk monthly roundup at the end of deartfest. turns out, a built in Massive Stream Audience will bring people to your fic

most kudos: once again, 'Out Of The Blue', for much the same reasons

total word count: 144,556???????? (sorry this is NEWS TO ME)

favorite work of my own: a lot of them have already been featured in this list, so i will take this space to spotlight both 'Try Again, Die Again' (i am so proud of the premise) and 'Where the Sun Can't Find Me' (i really liked the prose in this one and am genuinely super pleased rereading it)

fic you want to rewrite / expand on: oof there are Several: i had a halfway plotted third installment of the killjoys: dead zone series about the girl and show pony settling into a new life in batt city that i'd really want to revisit someday; i'd love to restructure and rewrite 'Potentially Lovely, Perpetually Human' to make the pacing a bit more consistent; i have an incomplete fourth fic in the spytown logs series i want to come back to; and for the sake of space and time i want to redo the end of 'Out Of The Blue' because my God it's rushed

share a bit of a wip or story idea you are planning on: changing tacks Entirely. behold my bill & ted fanfiction you cowards

Everything is perfectly, totally sublime, another freakin’ awesome day in San Dimas. And Ted has a seriously heinous problem. “Dude,” he says before his brain really tells him to, turning to Bill, “this day is freakin’ awesome.” Bill nods, smiling most radiantly, pushing his sunglasses up his nose. “Totally awesome.” It is. Today is totally, absolutely, one hundred percent awesome, but… Ted doesn’t feel awesome at all.

this is a fic about ted getting wild depression post excellent adventure and not knowing how to deal with it because uhhhh he does not know what depression Is (and also they kiss a little)

tagging: @natdrinkstea, @nico-demons, @wilhelmina-murray-harker, and @fix-fax-fuckyou :3

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

Mmkay with Art Fight coming to a close, I have decided to share my 3 favorite attacks below the cut.

My stats for anyone curious:

Team: Stardust

Attacks: 41 (new record whoo!)

Points: 1351.5

Character belongs to Xedite

My third favorite! I was really hoping to hit 250 total attacks on my profile this year so most of my pieces were headshots like this one. I really love the character design and I had a fun time making the galaxy background. I also really like how the pink lighting looks on the head.

Character belongs to @clockwaysarts

My second favorite! I am just... so obsessed with this character. The speed at which I bookmarked him was insane. Hummingbird swordsman is one of the best concepts I've ever heard. I spent a ton of time on the coloring and I'm very happy with the final product. I also had someone take a picture of me holding a sword to use as a drawing reference because I just couldnt get the pose right.

Character belongs to HolyChip

My favorite piece of the year! I HAD SUCH A FUN TIME WITH SHADING! This year, I was experimenting with a softer shading style than my usual. Honestly this attack was just an excuse for me to play around with dramatic lighting. The background colors are super appealing to me and constantly draw my eye in. Overall I'm just really proud of how it turned out.

[kakairu-shrine]

Third Year Anniversary!!!

I can’t believe it’s already been three years since I posted my first fic to ao3 & started contributing to the fandom! It’s been such a wild ride, and so much has happened in that time; and sitting back and reflecting on it all now, I am really proud of how much I have accomplished.

Somehow, in the past 3 years, I have accumulated nearly 100 works on ao3, and am sitting at 454k words total; and that’s while modding the Kakairu Rocks forum, which I’ve been doing for about 2 years (now with 2 other amazing mods, @oneinist​ & @kaoruhana08), and running events like the KakaIru Valentine’s Week that passed in February, and the upcoming KakaIru Maze Challenge (which you can sign up for all of June!).

Before I looked at my stats today, I actually felt like I hadn’t been doing enough, and have been letting people down, because in the past 6 months especially, I’ve been struggling with a lot of irl things that have messed with my mental health & left me barely able to function; and as a result, I haven’t been able to put as much effort into my projects as usual, and haven’t felt like I’ve had much to contribute. But looking at the numbers now, it’s just insane how quickly all my bits & pieces have added up.

And I have you guys to thank for how much I’ve done. I always have ideas & am daydreaming about kakairu stuff, but without your support – your kudos, comments, shares, and everything else, I don’t think I would have the drive that I do. Your support keeps me going, and inspires me to do more; and I am really grateful for all of you. So thank you for your encouragement. I cannot wait to see where it leads me in this next year and beyond ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕

If anyone is interested, I have prepared a selection of stats with some of my creations throughout the year, which you can go through under the cut!

If you want to know more about me or find more kakairu content, you can:

1. Check out my library of fics here on ao3

2. Follow me on Twitter

3. Join me in the Kakairu Rocks forum

4. DM me, or send me an ask!

The green numbers = my growth from the previous year!

Top 5 Fics in The Past Year by Kudos:

Waiting For You (9668 words): 270 kudos

Catkashi (20 468 words):  210 kudos

The Getaway (15 023 words): 174 kudos

Strung Out (4405 words): 148 kudos

Presents (10 290 words): 143 kudos

Top 5 Fics in The Past Year by Comment Threads:

The Getaway: 33 comment threads

The Rift (WIP at 19 880 words): 26 comment threads

Presents: 21 comment threads

Ransom: 16 comment threads

Waiting For You: 13 comment threads

Top 5 Fics in The Past Year by Bookmarks:

Waiting For You: 48 bookmarks

Catkashi: 39 bookmarks

The Getaway: 32 bookmarks

The Rift: 18 bookmarks

Presents: 15 bookmarks

My Top 5 Fics of The Past Year:

Catkashi

Presents

Waiting For You

The Getaway

Second Date (3471 words)

Total Fics:

Past Year: 46

All Time: 97

Most Liked Fic (best kudos-hits ratio): A New Home (2471 words)

Highest Subscribed Fic:

Past Year: The Rift, 23 subscriptions

All Time: Mine (23 393 words), 98 subscriptions

Longest Completed Fic:

Past Year: Catkashi (20 468 words)

All Time: The Final Raid (28,307 words)

Shortest Completed Fic:

18x drabbles

Shortest ficlet: Heaven (475 words)

Shortest fic: Okay Together (1013 words)

Fastest Chapter Fic to Complete: The Child (11 332 words). It was written in just 3 days! The Missing (20 612 words) is second, taking two & a half weeks to write!

What Am I Working On Now?

At the moment, I am hooked on my latest series, In A Land Far, Far Away.... It’s a Star Wars AU that I only intended to just write a oneshot for, but since sharing the fic, A New Home, I’ve had loads of ideas for the world; and I just want to continue writing about how Iruka & Naruto’s new lives are coming together, and how they’re adjusting to everything. I foresee a lot of found family & fluff in the future!

With the Maze Challenge coming up, I am really digging the Supernatural & Paranormal theme, so I will probably make myself a maze & participate in that, too; an in the meantime, I’m working on the rest of the event fic, Liberation, which is about vampire slayer Iruka being sent off to find Kakashi, who has gone missing during what should have been a simple mission... (you can read Part 1 here, and Part 2 here; and the other 2 parts will be released later).

I am also continuing on with my weekly drabbles/ ficlets, and I want to try & update one of my WIPs soon; but that may have to wait a bit since I’ve still got a fair bit to do this month with the Maze Challenge!

Once again, thank you for supporting me all this time! Your kudos, comments, and interest in my work means a lot to me, and inspires me to create even more.

I am grateful for you & your encouragement; and I cannot wait to share even more of my soul with you in this next year and beyond.

Thank you for sticking around! ❤️💕❤️💕❤️

[hotshotsxyz]

2021 fic year in review 🌟

tagged by @zainclaw, thanks!! I high key can't wait to look at my stats, I haven't written as much as I did this year, maybe ever? so this will be fun for me lol!

Total Number Of Completed Works: 26 (!!! this is insane. nothing super long, but the fact that I've written and posted this much is just... unbelievable to me)

Total Word Count: 35k+

Fandoms I’ve Written In: All 911 baybeee

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

So much more holy shit. I started watching 911 in February and my brain just absolutely latched onto it. Like I said before, I've never written this consistently in my life. It's been really fun to get back into the creative process, especially given, you know, the world rn

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

Oh man, this is tough. I think it would maybe have to be between like it means something and (wheeze). I love buzzfeed unsolved, so writing that as an AU was super fun. that said, I'm really proud of the character work in like it means something and really happy with the reception it had too. it's also one of the first fics I ever started, stopped and then actually finished, which gave me a lot more confidence to write longer fics and commit to things like 911christmasweek

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

I resolved a long time ago never to post unfinished WIPs, because I'm liable not to finish them. It was with that in mind that I posted the first part of balancing on breaking branches, which was intended to be a one shot. a ton of people asked for more, though, so I ended up writing and sharing three additional parts, all without a final product in mind. It worked out, and I'm really glad I did it!

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

Nah, just to keep doing what I'm doing!

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

it's got to be HIPAA versus the Heart, outsider POV my beloved. that one was a ton of fun to write, so I'm glad people liked it!

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion:

honestly, I feel so incredibly lucky to have gotten the reception I have in this fandom. I feel like everything I post gets 10x the interaction I expect, and I'm so very grateful for it. if I absolutely had to give an answer, though, I'd say toothpaste, which is stupid and fluffy and extremely short but I love it

Most Fun Story To Write:

(wheeze), definitely. I'm actually considering a sequel, just because I had so much fun writing that one. the ghost files announcement gave me some inspiration 👀

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

mmmmm, probably not then, not now. honestly I didn't like that one when I posted it, mostly because I felt like I was projecting way too many of my own insecurities on buck. I still don't love it, but it seemed to resonate with a few people, so I'm glad it exists

Biggest Disappointment:

There's a 10k fic sitting in my wips, most of which I wrote before 4x08. if you know my work you know that's wayyyy longer than the vast majority of what I post, so I'd love to share it. it really just doesn't work with where the characters are now anymore, though, so if I am ever going to share it, it's going to need significant rewrites

Biggest Surprise:

like honestly the fact that I've been writing at all, and even more than that, the fact that people like it. also, I thought it was very funny when someone brought first kisses back around like 4 months after I posted it

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year:

Just being here and meeting so many amazing people! I've never really made fandom friends prior to 911, so feeling so involved in this community has been amazing. To all of my mutuals, please know that I love you

Tagging: @onelonelytortillachip @evanbucxley @hattalove @mistletoemay @elvensorceress @oatflatwhite @queerpanikkar and anyone else who wants to do it!

[birbhouse-doodles]

Some post-project ~thots~ re: my first big dive into horror movies in general, some favorites and reviews, and what I learned in boating school from finishing an inktober-type art challenge is

So the ~stats~ of this thing were, I did 29 drawings covering 31 pieces of halloween-related / horror-ish media, 28 movies, 2 series’ and 1 podcast episode. Of the 31, this was the first time I’d seen/heard 25 of them.

On the art:

1. The big lesson that I got from this is exactly what this podcast episode has to say about how executing an idea is its own skill that you have to practice. Like separate from the skills of actually drawing a thing, the mental skill of following an idea through from start to finished product (and being able to call it done and pull the trigger on sharing it) is also a thing you have to learn. And boy howdy does finishing one post-able drawing a day give you plenty of practice at that, and boy howdy did I get pretty good at it this month. I’m kind of floored by how this Just Get It Done Bootcamp of making a shit ton of art in very little time got rid of so many of my hang ups related to like, getting stuck partway through a piece because I'm scared to ruin it, or not being able to get past a thumbnail sketch because I can’t find the ~perfect idea~, etc. Especially this last week I barely even recognized this confident ass person who was planning and banging out these cool little paintings with almost no hesitation. That’s very unusual for me and I really hope it sticks

2. I’m glad I did this but the debate on whether or not I’d ever do it again is ongoing. Like, I’m insanely proud of myself, (whatever)tober challenges were something I always thought were super cool and wanted to do as a little baby artist but was I never in the right place to be able to stick to a project like that, so I’m very impressed with myself. I am, also, however, so fuckin tired oh my god. I spent most of weeks 2 and 3 swearing up and down that I’m never doing anything like this again. But I also spent the last week really loving it and I already have a list of movies I didn’t get to that I could use if I did this again next year... we’ll see I guess. (Also I never would have had time for this if I wasn’t in an awkward limbo of post-graduation-pre-real job right now where I have literally no responsibilities, so I have a feeling that if I do this again it’ll be like. a movie every 3 days for 10 total, something more sane like that.)

3. Deciding I was ok with it when my motivation fluctuated and planning the day’s drawing accordingly was super powerful. Low standards got the job done y’all

4. Sorta related, but I noticed especially for movies I really liked/ rewatches of things that I already knew I loved I would get this weird mental block about wanting to Do Them Justice, and have this struggle of wanting to do whole ass super complicated big awesome tribute pieces instead of something I could actually finish in a day. Was tough to reign that in sometimes and remember that this had to be a quantity > quality type game.

5. I’m glad I started with the markers because they did force me to keep things simple at first and avoid that ^ problem, and it was neat to actually get sorta good at them and test exactly what I can get done with them. Less neat that a few markers that I was really relying on started dying around day 17 or so. Overall my review would be that they’re great for sketchy stuff, darkest gray and lightest gray are the best ones, love that they don’t warp or soak through the paper, but there are a few of the more complicated marker pieces (Alien, The Ring) that would have been way easier and probably turned out better in ink.

On the movies:

Man I hate that it took me so long to realize that I really love horror movies. I remember not enjoying them at all as a kid/tween, I think I just had to grow into it? I have a whole separate essay on why I think that is but we’ll save that one for later. The point is this was my first time seeing most of these and it was really awesome to dig into the, like, ~popular classic horror canon~ like this, 12/10 very fun. (Not that I covered all of it by any means, there’s already a big list of ones I didn’t get to that just keeps growing, and now that I have a better idea of what I like I can be smarter about picking them next time, and I didn’t even scratch the surface of some subcategories of horror that I’d be really interested to check out, especially international stuff/ not just american big screen stuff, and, and, )

I can’t just pick favorites like a normal person so here’s way too many words about some that stood out for me, I have many opinions and no one can stop me so buckle up

I’m having a really hard time picking a scariest movie, but I the things that I ended up finding scary sort of surprised me. Like the super heavy gore/violence stuff wasn’t so much scary as just gross. A few that did stand out as scary for me were Us (jesus christ Lupita please have mercy you’re too good at this) and It Follows (I was so on edge just Watching the background extras trying to guess where the monster was, I thought the amount of tension in that was really impressive). Actually, anything that leaned on crafting tension in a skillful way and letting the horror come from Wrongness and Anticipation instead of just straight violence was chefs kiss, lovely, totally my jam. If I could build a house and live in the 3 seconds between the moment you know a jumpscare is coming and the moment when it actually hits, I would.

Prettiest movie award goes to Suspiria (1977). I would print out almost any frame of this thing and hang it on my wall, I’m just head over heels for the whole ~look~ and the architecture and the sets and the cOLORS oh the colors I’m in love. I actually watched it really early in the month, it might have even been September? but I didn’t want to draw it yet because it would have been a  crime to do anything related to that movie in black and white and I was kinda intimidated by including full color paintings for this project at the time. Runner ups for prettiest go to Caligari (which was like finding an old picture of a great-great-grant-relative and being like holy shit that looks exactly like my uncle I see where the rest of the family gets those looks, but in this case your uncle is like. Every Tim Burton/ Henry Sellick / whimsical-gothic aesthetic thing ever) and Coraline (Laika Studios owns my entire heart).

Best special effects is probably The Thing. GOD why did we as a society ever move away from super detailed hand crafted practical effects gore. You just know some assistant's whole job was to lovingly mist all the gooey bits down with a spray bottle to get it absolutely perfect. That shit is a work of art, I would want the two melted together faces as a sculpture to have in my house if the effects weren’t so good that I genuinely felt a little sick a few times watching this. Honorable mention to Alien for the same reasons.

Award for “didn’t scare me much but did make me deeply sad” goes to Carrie, with The Witch (VVitch?) as a runner up. Making me sad is also like, a valuable emotional response for a piece of art to cause and these were cathartic in their own way, but fuck man. A story that goes “young girl did not sign up for nor deserve any of this and does not catch a single break” are such downers for me. Something something I too was (am?) a weird little girl (tm) and these are My People, so I’m adopting them all as my baby sisters now and taking them out for ice cream and driving them to therapy

Best theme song/ soundtrack goes to Reanimator. This is a controversial choice by the judge (me) when the other nominees include Us, The Shining, and two entire John Carpenters, but I have not been able to get Reanimator’s funky little woodwind bop out of my head for days now. It has absolutely no right to fuck so hard. I rewatched the opening credits like 3 times just so I could hear it again, it ended up on my On Repeat playlist on spotify this week, girl help it’s literally still stuck in my head as we speak

Anyway the more I talk about this the more confident I feel in saying, see you next year for this again. But almost definitely on a smaller scale because jesus I am so tired

[vorish-egos]

Doctor Henrik Vor(ish) Schneeplestein

Contains: Soft/safe vore and G/T

11 pages long, 3,993 words.

Written by: ~Zharin~

        ______________________________

“How come doc called us here?” Chase stopped twirling his hat on his hand and hung his head over the support of his chair to look back at Marvin. The magician simply shrugged, remaining by the door.

“Who knows what he’s up to this time?” He sighed, “But if he doesn’t get back here soon then I’m gonna—” The door suddenly swung open, missing Marvin by a few whiskers, and Henrik von Schneeplestein came bustling in with an armful of notes and clipboards.

“Ah, Chase! You are here,” the German doctor greeted eagerly. “Have you avoided any vittle drinks for four hours?”

“Yep!” The ego sounded quite proud of himself. “I’m a little shaky, and my head hurts, but JJ really helped out. Man that dude’s tea is good.”

“Good, good, zhat I can fix. And Marvin—? Ah, zhere you are, silly. Vhy are you hiding behind ze door?” Marvin grumbled incoherently and stepped out of the shadows. Schneeplestein set his things on the counter and frequented a few cabinets, muttering under his breath before he finally grabbed what he was looking for and returned to the other two egos.

“I need some help vith my latest experiment,” the doctor explained. Chase sat up.

“What kind of experiment?” He tried to flip his hat back onto his head, but it missed completely and almost fell to the floor; it glowed green just above the tiles and floated back into its rightful place.

“Zhere is a medicine zhat I have been verking on,” Henrik began as Chase flashed Marvin a grateful glance, “It is called famotidine, vhich reduces ze amount of stomach acid zhat ze body releases. Theoretically, zhis drug enhanced vith a little tinkering of Ihr guter arzt can create a sort of temporary gastroparesis, vhich means zhat zhe stomach vould be inactive for un moment.”

“Okay… But what do you need us for?” Marvin prompted, “You usually just take medicines yourself and jot down your symptoms.” Henrik grinned.

“Not zhis time. You vill use your magic to shrink Chase down, and zhen he can gauge zhe effects of zhe medicine!” Chase tilted his head.

“How am I gonna do that, doc?” He asked haltingly.

“Simple; I vill be taking ze medicine and zhen svallowing you.” Both egos’ eyes widened.

“Whoa, wai-what!?”

“Schneep, you have a lot of good ideas and experiments… this is not one of them. When’s the last time you’ve slept?”

“It vill be perfectly fine!” The doctor insisted, “I vill be monitoring both of our stats, and if something goes wrong zhen you can just teleport him out!” Marvin opened his mouth, but he couldn’t grasp for any words. Instead, he tossed his head back with an exasperated sigh before looking over at Chase.

“Chase, you can say no if you don’t want to,” the magician reminded. Chase bit his lip.

“I-I know. But…” He stalled for a few seconds, adjusting his cap before looking at Henrik. “Doc, you know yer my best friend, and that I trust you with my life— I mean, you saved my life, so… I-I guess the least I could do is help ya.” He then smiled. “Even if it is a little… Eccentric, I’ll support you.”

“Fantastic, danke mein freund!” Schneeplestein clapped his hands together, beaming. “I’ll take ze medicine now— oh! And you need minor painkiller for ze headache, of course, of course…!” As the doctor fervently hunted for the required meds, Marvin crossed his arms and cast a sidelong glance at Chase.

“Why the hell did you agree to that? It’s an insane and dangerous test that could very well end horrifically.” Chase shrugged and gave the cat-lover a weak grin.

“What can I say? I have no sense of self-preservation.”

“Ah, zhere it is!” The doctor came hurrying back with a small dosage of Tylenol. As Chase accepted the medication and downed it, Henrik unscrewed the bottle of pills he’d collected earlier and swallowed down two of the little capsules.

“And now ve vait for an hour.“ 

And so they waited. Chase passed the time by playing on his phone, seeming completely unconcerned about the experiment he was about to partake in— Marvin, on the other hand, had taken Schneeplestein aside and spoke to him privately.

"Doctor, are you sure about this?” Marvin murmured as Henrik unwrapped a mint and plopped it onto his tongue.“I know you’re trying to push the boundaries, but this goes far beyond logic.”

“Bah! Marvin, you are a magician. Logic does not apply to magic.”

“Yes it does! Schneep, in every field or profession there are laws that you must abide by, rules made to NOT be broken— give me one reason that makes it okay to eat your best friend.”

“Technically it vould be ingesting, eating vould suggest zhat—”

“I’m serious!”

“So am I! Zhis is for science, and he vill be in good hands! I have specifically taken extra measures to ensure ze success. I have restrained myself from eating anything except for breakfast zhis morning, and I last had vater two hours ago. Vould I really risk Chase’s life if I did not think zhat he vould be okay?” Marvin quietly groaned and put his head in his hand.

“If this doesn’t… If-If Chase dies—”

“He von’t,” Henrik vowed, putting his hand over his heart, “Je promesse.” Marvin studied the doctor’s earnest solemn, and then he let out a sigh.

“As soon as the medicine starts wearing off…” He warned.

“You vill be notified.” The magician still looked reluctant, but he finally gave in and agreed to trust him. After they settled into an awkward silence, with only the stifled grunts and mantras of victory or defeat from Chase, it seemed like forever before Henrik’s watch suddenly beeped loudly. The doctor shared a look with the magician.

“It’s time.” Marvin took a deep breath.

“How small do you need him to be?” Henrik bit his lip and gave the thought a few seconds before he brought his hand up in front of his face.

“About… Zhis small?” He made a broad C with his thumb and index finger, using his dominant eye to peer through his fingers and gauge Marvin’s veiled reaction. He could only note a faint flicker of surprise behind the cat mask.

“Three inches? Are you sure you’ll be able to get him down?” He nodded.

“He has to be big enough to notify me from ze inside. It vill be a tight fit, but he’ll be fine." 

"He’ll be heavier than he looks.”

“Yes yes yes, density, packing of ze atoms together, I am vell aware.” Chase suddenly interrupted by clearing his throat.

“You guys ready?” He asked. Marvin regarded him with narrow eyes.

“Are you?" 

"Yeah!” The vlogger grinned from ear to ear. “Let’s do this!” Henrik chuckled, grateful for his optimism.

“Very well.” The magician held up his hands, which began to glow green as his eyes also turned viridescent. “Just hold still,” he advised, “You’ll feel a little dizzy…” But Chase was already starting to feel the effects. His energy plummeted as his eyelids drooped, and he let out a yawn as the world seemed to spin around him. He was losing altitude, and everything around him seemed taller and taller as he shrank down, at the others’ chests, then hips, then past the shins. His brain was dimly aware of the change in perspective, but it was hard to be consciously aware of his new size until everything slowly stopped spinning.

Chase slowly opened his eyes and let out the breath he’d been holding. The chair he had been slouched on moments before was like an empty living room, and the back towered over him like the wall of a third story house.

Nothing, however, could compare to when Chase turned his head and found himself only meeting four gargantuan pillars of cloth. His eyes slowly traveled up, coming across the vast expanses of the doctor’s white professional coat, and Marvin’s flowing cape and casual blue top, before he finally met their intimidating gazes. They were both looking down at him, one with fascinated eager, and the other with quiet apprehension.

“It verked!” Chase flinched under Henrik’s booming exclamation, covering his little ears.

“Not so loud!” Marvin hissed, “He’s much more fragile in this state. There’s a reason I don’t do this often.”

“Yes yes, and ze only time you have vas vhen Anti possessed you.” The doctor dismissed the other’s wary and approached Chase. Chase scooted back a little and craned his neck as he was shrouded in the doctor’s shadow, but to his dizzy relief Henrik made no move to grab him.

“How are you feeling, Brody?” Schneeplestein asked at a tolerable volume as he sank into a crouch; he rested his chin on the edge of the chair as he gave his tiny friend a smile. Chase huffed nervously, suddenly finding himself grinning.

“Uh… I-I’m fine doc! I-I guess.” The paternal ego slowly got up, and with only a second of hesitation he walked closer to Henrik. 

“Zhat is good,” Schneeplestein murmured warmly, “But ve better get started as soon as possible. Are you ready?” Chase swallowed nervously and nodded.

“Yep!” Henrik shifted back and placed his hand down beside the shrunken ego. Chase exhaled and stepped on, using one of the doctor’s cold fingers to haul himself up into his palm. When he’d stopped moving, Schneeplestein brought his hand to his chest and stood up. Chase went bug-eyed as the floor feel even further away from him, and he leaned against the doctor’s chest, hearing his heart boom right in his ears 

“You don’t have to watch if you are really against zhis.” Henrik turned to Marvin, but the magician shook his head.

“You wanted me here to make sure nothing goes wrong,” he pointed out dryly, “So don’t fuck up, or I’m telling Anti about the secret coffee collection you keep pretending to know nothing about.”

“Yes mama,” the doctor joked weakly.

“Oh, Marv!” Chase removed his hat and waved to get their attention. “Can you take this for me?” He called, “I don’t want it to get ruined!”

“Of course.” By simply making a fist, the hat flashed green and shot out of Chase’s hands, floating over to Marvin’s care. Chase let out a relieved sigh as he watched his precious snapback settle within the magician’s pocket, and he finally sat back and looked up at Schneep.

“I’m ready now, doc.” The doctor nodded.

“Alright.” Chase was escalated higher up, and then his bony platform stopped at Henrik’s chin. Chase giggled a little when the scruffy hairs brushed his arm, and he felt the doctor smile.

“Here ve go.” He parted his lips and opened his mouth, blasting Chase with a warm minty breeze. Chase stared on into the dark and humid cavern before him, and then he summoned his courage and carefully stepped forward. He placed his hand on the doctor’s tongue, grimacing when it sank beneath his touch with a slippery noise, and then he set about climbing his way in. When his back bumped against the top row of teeth, the jaw suddenly dropped even wider, making Chase yelp as he slid in faster than anticipated.

Henrik instinctively pushed his tongue up, halting Chase’s slip. He mumbled something that was indiscernible, but Chase pushed against the doctor’s palate and glanced over his shoulder.

“I’m fine!” He called. He felt the slimy muscle under his elbows and chest relax as he wriggled his hips over the rows of teeth, struggling to fit the rest of his body in; he got pretty close before it was hard to fidget any deeper in, and he could just barely feel the tip of one of his shoes against Schneeplestein’s hand.

Hoping he’d get the memo, Chase tapped his foot to signal for assistance. His surroundings shifted again, and the vlogger braced himself as the tongue momentarily extended to lap up his poking legs. He was pulled all the way in past the ivory walls, and then darkness shrouded him as the doctor closed his mouth.

Henrik was a little surprised by how full his mouth was, but it didn’t stop his determination to finish the experiment. His jaw muscles lightly worked as he shifted Chase around, rubbing his curled up form with his tongue and getting as much of the tiny dad covered in saliva. The mint he’d taken earlier had done its job well, not only making the experience for Chase a little more bearable, but also stimulating the saliva glands to make the trip down easier. Additionally, the shrunken ego’s faint taste was rather… Interesting. Beneath the scratchy cloth was a strange combination of sweet and salty, combined with the familiar flavour of that Japanese whiskey the vlogger guiltily loved. He made a mental note to jot that down with the rest of his entries.

When he was ready, he made a little grunting noise to warn Chase before he held his head up. Chase slid the few extra millimeters that he could before his head pressed against the back of the good doctor’s throat, and Henrik braced himself before swallowing. He immediately choked and swallowed again, a hard gulp lodging his subject only shoulders deep. A throat lozenge would have been a good item to invest in. Numbing the throat would have probably made it a little easier. Nevertheless, Schneeplestein was determined, and so he swallowed again, summoning his strength to push Chase deeper in. He felt a flutter of movement as his esophagus started to pull the vlogger even deeper, drawing in his chest and adding more pressure to the doctor’s throat. Henrik bit back another gag and replaced it with a stream of firm swallows, repeatedly telling himself to not throw up, no matter what—

When an arm suddenly bent awkwardly and jammed against his neck, Schneep choked and brought his hand to his throat. A quick analysis of the lump under his fingers told him that Chase had been twisted into an awkward position, one leg still stretched out on his tongue while the other was out against his cheek. Chase was squirming, trying to help move things along, but it only made Henrik’s mouth water even more as he tried to deal with the new obstruction.

“Chase…” He managed to croak. “L-legs…!” He felt the vlogger’s legs retract deeper into his mouth and fold against the hips, which were just outside of the doctor’s gullet. Henrik carefully rubbed his neck, trying to smooth out the painful bump near his jugular, before he finally felt the arm straighten out. With a quick swallow, he felt Chase slide a little behind his fingers, and Schneeplestein shivered a little at the surreal feeling. He gathered a little saliva and steadied himself, and then he roughly threw his head back and swallowed as hard as he could.

It was a shocking sensation to feel his trachea suddenly restricted even further as the rest of Chase was shoved down into his throat. He didn’t have the breath to choke as his esophagus stubbornly squeezed the heavy mass down, past the doctor’s fingers and down to his clavicle. Henrik took a ragged gasp of air as soon as his epiglottis was clear, and he waited with a pale and sweaty demeanor as he felt the descent carry on past his clavicle. Chase had stopped squirming now, staying still in a prime position as the esophagus continued to pulse and pull him down into the doctor’s depths.

Marvin was regarding Henrik’s gradually paling expression, which only grew more severe the further down Chase went. When the pressure remained behind his ribcage, Henrik could only put his hand on his diaphragm and weakly swallow, giving his subject the last push he needed. He shuddered as his best friend’s weight gradually adjusted, shifting from tightly strung in his chest to gathering in his abdomen. When the last of Brody was finally deposited into his stomach, Henrik gasped and almost staggered. Marvin was immediately at his side, gripping his shoulder to support the faint doctor.

“Did it work?” The magician asked. Schneeplestein breathed heavily, sinking into a crouch as he gripped his stomach. It felt heavy, but not in the overstuffed kind of way. Maybe it would have even felt kind of nice… If he didn’t know that his best friend was what filled him.

“Chase?” He waited for an answer. His heart was beating faster with each second that passed, and he was about to try again when he suddenly felt Chase move. He drew in a sharp and shuddery gasp as his stomach wall was gently pushed outward, a feathery touch against the layer of flesh between him and his hand. “Oh, Chase! Mein gott! Are you okay in zhere? Oh scheisse, ze timer!” Henrik shakily pulled away from Marvin and rose on wobbly legs. He staggered to his computer and leaned on the desk, his hand still resting over his midriff as the other frantically fumbled with the mouse. Once he had the clock ticking, he let out a sigh and put his head down against the cool surface and focused on just breathing. He could feel his own diaphragm as it heaved in and out, but feeling Chase shift around in addition was a factor that he had not anticipated. He thought it’d be much easier than this— but Schneeplestein hadn’t stopped to think how strange his body would find the experiment.

“… Doctor?” Marvin lay a hand on Henrik’s shoulder-blades. The doctor closed his eyes and swallowed, his raw throat recalling just how painful it’d been to get his friend down.

“He made it,” he answered hoarsely. The tension in Marvin’s shoulders visibly faded, and he let out a relieved sigh.

“Good… That took longer than I expected.” As he rubbed Schneeplestein’s back in an effort to calm him down, he brought his other arm to hook under the doctor’s and drag him up a little. “Come on, take a seat, you’ll feel better.” Henrik was almost completely limp by the time he slid into his chair. He hunched over with closed eyes, still breathing heavily from the ordeal he’d so enthusiastically pressed for.

“St-stethoscope…” The magician’s sharp eyes picked out the instrument from across the office, and with a swish of his hand the item whisked into his fingers’ grasp. He handed the tool to Schneeplestein, who’s own hands trembled as he fumbled to put the ear pieces in before he searched for the right spot on his abdomen with the other end.

“… And it’s kinda tight in here, but it’s really warm! Oh, and it was a little rough at first, but then once I got all the way down it was kind of like a water slide! … A tight, weird, grossly pulsating and dark water slide.” Henrik practically melted with relief.

“Chase! I can hear you now.”

“Oh, that’s great! I made it!” The doctor let out a breathless laugh.

“Yes, I can tell. How are you, nothing vas dislocated vas it?”

“No, I’m fine, are you? Yer breathing sounds a little hard.”

“I am fine as vell.” As his lungs gradually slowed down, Henrik found himself tracing Chase’s little figure with his thumb. It was a bit shocking to feel the shrunken ego the size of his fist, if not smaller. Was there a scientific way to recreate Marvin’s magic? Perhaps next time he could go for smaller, now that he knew the limits of his body. Perhaps he could enlist Robbie next time— would the zombie’s sluggish metabolism make for an even longer period of safe containment? Perhaps—

“May I, doctor?” Schneeplestein jolted out of his scientific brainstorming and nodded at Marvin.

“Ah, of-of course.” He handed the stethoscope back over. Marvin placed the ears in and lightly placed his hand where Henrik’s was, and it glowed faintly as he honed in on their friend’s location. The magician paused for a moment, and then he suddenly turned red as his countenance twisted into a confused smile.

“He’s-he’s talking about setting up a tea nook and using a hammock,” he snickered.

“Vhat!? No— Chase, zhis is not an air bnb!” Marvin laughed.

“He’s trying to barter for some tea now.” Henrik huffed.

“No, if I svallow anything else zhen zhat vill trigger my stomach, plus if I did drink tea zhen not only vould zhat be gross for him, it vould also ve very hot for his size and probably burn him—” The relief in tension was interrupted by the door flying open, and Jackie skid into the office.

“Doc, doc! I need yer—” The superhero stopped and blinked puzzledly at the scene before him. Marvin cleared his throat and stood, returning back to his stoic self.

“Yes, I do see what you mean, doctor.” He handed back the stethoscope. “But I don’t care how bad too much salt is for my heart, if I want to put soy sauce on my rice then I’ll add my damn soy sauce!” He snapped. Catching on, Henrik held his hands up in a placate gesture.

“Fine, don’t trust ze doctor zhat knows you are eating yourself to your grave!” Marvin rolled his eyes with another dramatic huff, and then he turned to Jackie.

“What’s the problem now?” Jackie blinked and shook his head.

“Uh, Rob-Robbie ran off with JJ’s hat, and, uh, he won’t give it back.”

“Oh.” Henrik folded his doctor coat more tightly around his middle, tensing to get up. “Vell, I’m sure he von’t destroy it, but perhaps—”

“Nope, yer busy.” Marvin pushed Schneeplestein right back into his chair. “You were just tellin’ me about all those files you have to pour through, remember?” The magician prompted. “Plus all of those hypotheses, and your… Latest patient…” Henrik faltered.

“But- but Robbie—”

“Will probably gladly trade me the hat back in exchange for something else.”

“Ah…” Henrik sighed and pointed to a drawer in the back. “He’d probably prefer von of ze flower crowns to a derby.” Jackie wasted no time bolting over and rummaging through the drawer.

“Got one!” He held up a lilac wreath as he dashed back to the door. “Come on Marv, let’s go!” Marvin yelped as the energetic superhuman grabbed his arm and hauled him out of the office.

“I’ll be back in a little bit doctor, just sit tight!” He managed to call out before magicking the doors shut behind them.

“Okay…” Schneeplestein sat back in his seat and scanned the empty room. He suddenly felt conscious about being the only visible person in the room, yet another lay in his own core… And he was keeping awfully still.

 He quickly placed the stethoscope back. “Chase?” Instead of a quippy reply or a bad punny joke, to his surprise, what answered him instead was a snore. Bewildered, Henrik peeked behind his jacket and placed his hand over his stomach. He could feel Chase curled up on his side, snuggled into his inactive organ as the snoring continued peacefully. Henrik let out a soft chuckle, running his thumb lightly over the vlogger’s flank.

“Guess zhat spell took more out of you zhan I thought.” He stifled a yawn of his own and looked up at the computer. “… Ve have plenty of time,” he decided quietly. He set the stethoscope beside his keyboard and took off his jacket. He kept his movements slow as he pulled his arm out of the sleeve, and then he rotated the clean white coat until it lay over him like a blanket. The doctor slumped back in his chair, keeping mindful about compressing his stomach as he closed his eyes and sighed. When he felt Chase shift a little, he smiled and let his hand rest over his faint figure.

“I can write my notes down later,” he mumbled to himself before soon slipping into a very much needed nap.

       ______________________________

[foxwatchesanime]

How I stopped caring about comments: A rambly post by me

This is rambly so hold onto your seats, I apologies. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about comment/review culture in the last few months, particularly after returning to a brand new fandom as a writer and regular content creator. Maybe this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, maybe not, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the way I perceive comments, how it’s changed for me since I’ve been in fandom and I’d love to hear from other people what their opinion is and how they relate to comments on their work.

I’ve been creating content in fandom spaces for about eleven years now. I started out on YouTube when I joined my first fandom, Merlin, and I made my first fanvideos in 2009. In December of 2009, I published my first fanfiction, plus one sequel which remains unfinished as well as a few other smaller projects. In October of 2010, I published my first podfic and would go on to publish two more. My focus in fandom had always been YouTube, where I regularly created fanvideos. My schedule was never consistent, as with most vidders back in the day, but I’d be comfortable in saying I posted regularly discounting three unintentional hiatuses, one in 2013 following the Merlin finale, one in 2015 probably due to a lack of inspiration and one in 2017 after what I was sure was going to be my permanent comeback to YouTube, only for my hard drive to break and delete all my footage yeeeeeey. 

I’ve now made an actual, official return to my original platform, this time creating videos for my new passion and fandom: anime. Since February of 2020 I’ve also been regularly publishing fic and have no desire to stop doing so. I’m thoroughly invested in new fandom spaces again and am engaging with its fans and the content. 

But the one thing I have seen change drastically in my approach to things is commenting, following and general engagement. 

Let’s take a step back. 

When I first started posting content, comments were not something I even had in my consciousness. I think I knew YouTube comments existed, but I didn’t really pay attention to it. I didn’t even know what subscribers were until I started hearing other people talk about them and then I suddenly felt like it’s something I should be keeping an eye on myself. 

In a centuries old vlog of mine that is now private on my channel, I noticed that when I hit 100 subscribers, I made a video thanking everyone because I was so excited that with more subscribers, I was going to “make more friends.” Oh dear xD 

But the truth is, I have been consistently and chronically bad at keeping up with or caring about the analytics of my various platforms. It wasn’t till writing this post today that I went to check my FF.net account to see how many comments my first two Merlin fics ever got. I still couldn’t tell you my exact number of YouTube or Ao3 subscribers, how many hits or kudos my fic have and I don’t think I’ve ever checked my bookmarks for notes, or whatever you’re able to leave on there. 

Commenting culture on YouTube, for all my joking earlier, was primarily about connection, at least back then. Most of the old guard have moved on and those who have remained are now vidding in other fandoms. The social aspect of YouTube in my opinion has changed dramatically since I was at my peak output on there, but I remember how interactive the comments sections used to be. They literally were, where you made friends.  

A couple of years ago, me and a friend of mine started a Merlin podcast called Merlisten. We created it for fun and without many expectations of what might come out of it. And it was this that changed my relationship with commenting for good. 

Doing Merlisten felt, for the first time in a long time, like pure creativity and passion without anyone’s permission. We always encouraged people to leave feedback as one does, but I don’t think either of us expected to get much, if any. Even considering the incredible support we’ve received with feedback coming in almost every single episode now, there is still a clear and overwhelming gap between the amount of comments given to an episode of Merlisten, to one of my old fanvids or fics. It’s even more interesting when one considers how much more effort and time went into creating Merlisten compared to say, editing or writing, at least for me personally. The amount of man hours spent on creating one 2.5 hour episode from pre-production to final posting often outweighs any other video or chapter I’ve created. Not always, but often. 

What struck me as interesting, however, was that even though comments weren’t always consistent and I always love and continue to love reading them, it’s not what was fuelling me to work hard on this project. I was doing it because I adored it and I knew it was something I was proud to put into the world. 

And that literally changed everything.

I think for a long time, I was always trying to cater my art to what might get the most attention or please the widest demographic of people. It’s how you think when you’re young and you don’t know any better. But for the first time, I was creating something on my own terms that I had no idea if anyone would even listen to and the actual creative process of making said art was ten times more rewarding than any single comment I could ever read. Which really, what I realised, is what art is supposed to be. I can safely say that if Merlisten didn’t get a single comment from here on in, I would still want to see it to its conclusion for one very simple reason: Because I had something to share. 

This brings me to my recent return to writing fic in fandom and it’s not a decision I’ve regretted for a second. More than anything, I’ve realised how personal art can really be, especially when it’s in writing. I’ve found it revealing and cathartic and fascinating in a way that I didn’t ever imagine.

But more importantly, I’ve realised that the real beauty for me in engaging in art is the ability to get an emotional response from it or to relate to it. And that goes for both other people’s work and my own. I can feel just as invested in my own work as someone else’s and that’s not because I think my work is amazing, it’s because I know it’s come from something that was living in me. When I put something out there that I made with my own two hands, that feeling now trumps any sort of feedback I could possibly get and that’s the endorphin I live off. 

Don’t mistake this for me not liking comments, that’s obviously not true. My brain gets the same dopamine hit as anyone’s when I get a notification for something or other, but I’ve realised that I have a very specific relationship with comments that I definitely didn’t have before, if my requests for review on FF.net is anything to go by.

Now, what I find exciting and thrilling is the thought that, if writing this fic got this sort of emotional response out of me, the writer, I wonder if there are other people out there who think the same way I do? Who have a similar way of experiencing joy or suffering or humour or who like the same things as me? That, is an insanely invigorating feeling. And then when someone chooses to take time out of their day to tell you that what came from your head is the same sort of way they feel about life? That’s not a comment, that’s not feedback, that’s a connection you have with another person. And that’s where I start to get excited. And it’s taken me this fucking long to realise it. 

Honestly, I was really worried upon returning to writing and vidding this year that my experience working in digital marketing, where everything is about numbers and social media is all about engagement and nothing else, that I would be overwhelmed and not be able to switch off the part of my brain that’s been trained to think like that. I’m so relieved that that’s not the case. 

As previously mentioned, I suck at giving a shit about analytics and looking at my own stats. I couldn’t give a flying fuck. But I did just go and check my YouTube videos since returning back to vidding. Not a single one of them has views over 200 at this point. Most have less than 100. My most viewed video on YouTube has 57,000 views. And the thing is, there might have been a time when I looked at that and thought, well, this means I suck. This means I can’t make art. This means there’s no point to it.

But no, that's not true.

The point is not how many people see it, how many people like it, how many people comment on it. The point is that I made it. I’m going to continue making YouTube videos despite the fact that the algorithm will destroy any chances they have at getting engagement or views. Even if not one single person comments on them. Because when I’ve finally rendered a new video, or finished proof reading a new chapter, I feel so fucking happy that everything else is just window dressing to me now. 

Because not only is online engagement and following such a stab in the dark these days anyway with algorithms changing and trends moving constantly, but this is the real truth about comments, following and feedback:

The truth is, I don’t need a stranger on the internet to praise me so that I can feel good about my art. The day that I start doing that, I’ve already lost. I used to think that way on a regular basis. Guess what, it didn’t make me produce better art. It didn’t make my life better. Because being validated by others never does. It doesn’t matter how many keysmashes I might get or how many sonnets or kind words, because If I don’t like what I create, there isn’t a single human being on the planet who will make me like it, no matter what they say or how they say it. For others, this might not be the case. But this is my reality. 

I know this, because I recently speed-wrote and published a fic for a fanweek. I wrote 13k in about 8hrs. So far, it’s received nothing but positive words. But it doesn’t matter. After I published it, I had a crisis about how it wasn’t good enough, that there should have been an extra arc, that it ended too quickly, that there wasn’t a climax. Even as the comments came in, it didn’t change my mind. Because other people’s comments will never really lead to fulfilment. 

I want you all to know that I get emotional over every single comment that is sent to me. Every personal story, ever keysmash and heartfelt thoughtful message that took the time to analyse my work. Connecting with you guys has been one of the biggest joys of entering this fandom. But it’s not going to be what fuels me to create and to carry on doing the best work I can. All I can do is treat it as the wonderful privilege that it is, and not any part of the reason I do it.  

In conclusion:

Finally, at age 27 and in the midst of enjoying fandom after a very long period of being either meh about it or lurking, I finally feel content with the fact that I want to create in order to put things out into the world that I worked hard on, that I’m passionate about and that hopefully, in whatever way it might be, it might have touched someone who feels the same things too. It makes me feel accomplished, it makes me feel like I might be contributing something small to the world and it makes me feel like maybe one other person was made happy by it. And even if they never tell me that and if no one else ever comments on what I create, or even if they comment on it in spaces that I never see; private servers, chats between friends or blogs that I don’t follow, that’s also fine. Because there’s always at least one person who is going to feel happy that she made something. And that’s me. 

The short version: I never used to care about comments, then I did, and now I no longer do. 

Sorry for the ramble, but I wanted this here for myself to look back upon in case my opinion ever changes on this or I ever start to lose my way again and feel overwhelmed. I’d love to hear your guys’ experiences with this sort of thing and whether you’ve ever felt bogged down by the need for feedback.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Partner search!

Hello all! I’m looking for a skilled, experienced 1x1 partner or two for a Discord roleplay. I have a few particular plots, though please feel free to come with your own ideas. Please read to the end as there is a password I won't answer messages without.

•General/Writing Style•

I usually prefer sticking at around 4 paragraphs and up, but quality over quantity for the most part. If you usually write 3 paragraphs or less, it'll be hard for me to stay interested, however. I would prefer you write in 3rd person, past tense. Please have decent grammar and spelling, varied vocabulary and sentence structure, as well as decent syntax. Please provide me something of substance to respond to in your responses. Please also be somewhat experienced.

•Age•

18+ only, but 21+ preferred (I'm 23)

•Timezone•

Mine is EST. I do not mind what timezone you're in.

•Response Frequency•

I'd prefer if you could respond at least once a week. I'm a pretty busy student can't definitely commit to much more than that, so I won't ask that of you. Please try to communicate when you will be gone or significantly less active for several weeks or more. I will try to do the same.I'm a bit less lenient with this when we're still doing introductions, so if we've barely said hello but a few days pass and I hear nothing, I'll assume you're no longer interested or never were in the first place and close our discussion. You are free to assume the same of me.

•Genre•

I'm a sucker for Romantic Slice-of-life with a healthy dose of drama and angst, but I do like to weave other genres in there too such as Supernatural, Mystery, Action, and Adventure. I'm really open to most things if the plot interests me.

•Gender and Romantic Preference•

I strongly prefer playing a female main outside of MxM. Beyond that, I am open to MxF, FxF, and MxM . Currently, I'm mostly in the mood for an MxF or possibly F//. My apologies, but please note I do not play male in MxF unless we have roleplayed other pairings together before and have highly compatible writing styles. I rarely double up.I do not engage in dichotomy personality dynamics(ie- dom/sub, ABO, top/bottom) and like pairings to be close to even as possible in contributions to the relationship. If a scene gets intimate, I'd prefer we fade to black.

•Plots/Creativity•

The plots I’m looking to do atm are listed below. Despite this, you're more than welcome to share plots of your own. I'd prefer it if you are open to brainstorming plot points and bouncing ideas off each other too- let's keep this interesting for both of us so it stays alive.

•OCs•

I would prefer not to roleplay with OCs that are excessively shy, Mary-Sues, or OP. Additionally, please ensure your own OC does not monopolize the plot with their own issues and background. Let's share the spotlight.I tend to play multiple characters and would prefer if you did too.Please do not control my main OC or any named side characters I introduce. It can really mess with my plans with them if you suddenly auto-kill out of nowhere or something... If necessary, I may permit you to control a side character of mine, but please run it by me first. Communication is key.

•Platform•

Discord is strongly preferred. I can potentially be convinced to use kik, tumblr, or line.

•Fandoms•

I am willing to roleplay within the universe of several fandoms, but please note I do not roleplay as canon characters and would prefer not to roleplay with canon characters either. Please recall that I am more than happy to do original plots too if you aren't into any of these.-Corpse Party**-Black Mirror-Death Note-Avatar The Last Airbender*-Downton Abbey-Call The Midwife*-Dragon Quest(IV-IX)***-Miraculous Ladybug****(I'd love to delve into the more subtle, darker elements like the consequences of a broken miraculous and time travel)-Fruits Basket**-Soul Eater*-The Hunger Games-Harry Potter(The number of * indicates craving)

•Original Plots•

(Muse I would like to play is bolded. If neither are bolded, I can do either. All of these are open to brainstorming and tweaking!)

Muse A was born into a society where ‘falling in love’ is not a thing. Sure, it’s written in about fairy tales and even history texts, but most Readers laugh it off as a silly, archaic concept. All couples are formed by reading Cerebral wavelengths, stats that are unique to every individual. Every person has a single match and are paired with that person permanently when they come of age. No trades, no take-backs. Muse B, though born into the regular world, doesn’t believe in love either. Perhaps it was the plight of their parents, or that one nasty breakup. Perhaps it was the sight of all the couples around who’d be lovey-dovey one week, but strangers the next. Whatever it is, they don’t buy it. That suits Muse A just fine- their Cerebral wavelengths not only don’t match, they bang together in a cacophony. Why is it then that these two begin experiencing an undeniable pull to each other?

One night, Muse A is taking their usual jog through the park when they trip right over Muse B tying their shoe. Cliche start is cliche, I know, but stay with me here. After some initial awkwardness, the two hit it off quite well. Flash forward a week or so and the pair are starting school in the same class, Muse A as one of the typical debutants, and Muse B a lucky upstart on a basketball scholarship. Muse B had high hopes for where things’ll go…only to find out Muse A has a boyfriend, who happens to be Muse B’s nemesis on the courts. Whoops. But something’s really off with the couple. As in the boy is downright awful, and it isn’t just the rivalry talking. Yet Muse A refuses to leave him…why is that?

(This is an older one of mine, but I’ve recently kinda been in the mood to start it up again.) Marianoh’s Culinary Institute is the most renowned school for culinary arts in the country. Any who truly wish to be a master chef would be foolish not to attend. Unless they don’t have the means- the tuition is insanely high. Muse A is part of the lucky few of humble beginnings that has been selected to attend via scholarship. They couldn’t be more excited. Muse B, on the other hand, comes from a family of celebrity chefs. Their spot at Marianoh’s was confirmed before birth. Yet, somehow, they don’t share Muse A’s joy. Far from it, actually. What happens when the two are partnered up for the year?

(A brand new one definitely open to suggestions) St. Cornelius’ Academy(or University) is an academic institution reserved only for those of royal or noble background as well as their future servants, attendants, and body guards. Students of the academy hail from kingdoms where individuals are born gifted with control over the 8 elements- light, wind, flame, flora, lightening(tech), water, earth, and darkness. Students are divided based on status into ‘Golds,’ ‘Greys,’ and ‘ The ‘Gold’ category includes all royalty and nobility aside from viscounts and barons of low birth. The ‘Gray’ category includes future ladies and men in waiting, other servants, attendants, and body guards. Students are instructed in all areas in order to best prepare them for their future roles from political science to etiquette to combat. Given the wealth of a portion of the student body, the campus is a vivacious display of luxury, featuring lavish gardens, seemingly endless grounds, state-of-the-art learning facilities, and even an expansive kitchen headed by a world renowned 31 star chef. Currently, I have three potential pairings in mind for this set-up.

-Muse A is a new lady in waiting assigned to a spoilt, catty Duchess of Aquaria(Water Kingdom). Catering to the every whim of the young princess-to-be is exhausting, but her goal of reaching far greater heights than her questionable background merits keeps her going. What faster way to do that than catching the eye of Muse B, the princess’ bethrothed and crown Prince of Aquaria using abilities bequeathed to her by her merpeople ancestry? The lines between acting and reality are prone to blurring, however and actual feelings soon begin to muddle her plans. Muse B isn’t as unaware as he first seems either..

-Muse A is the somewhat naive prince of Angion(Flora), unsure of his future. He’s distant from his fiancée, Muse B a cold, proud Marchioness of the same kingdom, and his closest confident is one of his newest body guards, Muse C. Little does he know, that Muse C has quite the secret- she’s truly a girl whose taken on her brothers identity to serve. What will happen when all comes into the open?

5. Muse A has always been at the top of their class since early elementary and thrived on it. They come from a family of high achievers where failure is neither seen nor accepted. Proud and arrogant over their achievements, their grades make them, them. All that changed when Muse B showed up, smashing the entrance exams with marks unheard of. Of course Muse A wouldn’t take that lying down, thus, the classic rivalry begins. What happens when the two find they have more in common than they thought? Life on Muse B’s side is not all it seems as well.

Contact Instructions: Please message me here on tumblr  (https://lisanimelis.tumblr.com/) with your favorite color and a writing sample. If all goes well there, we'll move to discord. 

[literaphobe]

In the scenario where Mac becomes infatuated with Jake Peralta and Dennis becomes jealous, would Dennis try to antagonize Jake and if so, what would Gina do about it?

OKAY SO wow we’re combining those two scenarios huh… okay. in my initial scenario with Mac getting a crush a Jake, the setting was that Jake was in Philly, but in the setting with Dennis and Gina, the Gang went to New York. Now, assuming these two scenarios are coming together, I’m gonna do away with the whole Philly thing and assume all this is happening in NYC and the Gang got arrested, and the squad wants to question them! 

My guess is that the Gang committed some petty crimes that definitely warranted an arrest, BUT the reason why they’re being held is because they committed those crimes in the presence of a much bigger crime that happened that they witnessed and Thus the squad is holding them for questioning. only problem is? all of them are refusing to cooperate, until Gina breaks Dennis when he tries talking to her and gets him sharing some stuff out of fear. It’s not enough for them to build a case, but it’s a start and so they rope Gina in to help with questioning! But then Jake decides to question Mac, the big jacked dude man who GETS A CRUSH ON JAKE and it’s obvious!! Rosa, who’s questioning Mac with Jake, tells him that Mac has a thing for him, and that they need to use that to their advantage (like how Rosa usually does with perps that fall in love with her during questioning). Jake gets very excited about this and makes several calls to Amy gushing about this huge jacked man (”I’m talking Terry-jacked, Ames. Terry-jacked!” “Jake, no one is Terry-jacked, that’s insane-” “No, I’m telling you! He’s white gay Terry! And okay, fine, looking at them standing next to each other, I can admit, that Terry is still more jacked, meaning you’re right, BUT- he’s still super jacked, and super into me, and we need you up here, stat.” “Why?” “Rosa wants us to make him jealous so we can manipulate him into telling us everything he knows.” “Oh wow. That’s actually an incredibly valid reason.” “Yuh doi. Why else would I call you up here?” “Because you wanted me go up there and see the jacked dude who has a crush on you?” “I can’t believe that’s what you think of me, but, it’s totally true, and it’s definitely the main reason why I want you here.” “Oh, god. Fine. I’m on my way.”), who Amy is also very impressed by, and very proud of Jake for attracting. 

When Mac goes back into the holding cell however, he won’t stop talking about Jake, and how he might actually have a shot with him (he doesn’t, he doesn’t at all, Jake is happily married, which the others try to tell him, but then Mac brings up how Dennis once said that marriage is a sham and that it means practically nothing), making Dennis… go quiet. He refuses to talk to Gina anymore and actually demands to speak to Jake! Which leads Jake to think that…. the pretty twink man is ALSO in love with him, only to be scarred for life when he sits down and talks to Dennis, he actually runs out the room very scared and terrified of the bastard man and goes and cries in the bathroom. when asked about what was said to him Jake refuses to open up, and they actually have to check the surveillance tapes. after that, Gina and Rosa try and question Dennis, only to realize that this is a man who’s repressed his sexuality his whole life, and is in love with a man (and has been for over 20 years) who has also repressed his sexuality for much of his whole life. Gina convinces Rosa to use this information and get both Mac and Dennis in the same room so that they can crack them and get the whole story out. When they succeed, Rosa is disappointed and kind of pissed because their story is the exact same as Dee’s (which Rosa got because Dee fell in love w her) and Charlie’s (who just gave everything up, although there were several factual inaccuracies in his statement), and demands to know why Mac (acted like there were more details so he could stay and talk to Jake more) and Dennis (acted like there was more to the story so he could stay and take down Jake) pretended there had been something else they didn’t share

[lindoig4]

The Last Post for this time.

I have just posted lots of photos and a few videos through to the end of our adventure so this will probably be my last post to this blog.

On Friday the 13th (Black Friday), we took a streetcar to the ferry terminal and a ferry to Larkspur, a town across the Bay in Marin County.  I love larkspurs (but we didn’t see any there) and I am not sure what other attractions are around the town of Larkspur, but that is where San Quentin prison is - a big forbidding fortress of a place.  Pretty horrible really, not at all larkspur-ish, but so was Alcatraz in its day.  A good place to avoid, I think!!

It was not much more than filling in a day, but we had a slow lunch in a pub out there and returned to San Fran 2 or 3 ferries later.  When we got back to SF, we decided to take the Castro streetcar to the end of the line just for a look and then stay on it until it brought us back to our hotel.  We had (good) vague memories of Castro in 1995 and thought a visit might be nice.  Alas, our streetcar driver had completed her shift and was returning streetcar vehicle to the depot, so tipped everyone off a few stops early.  We decided to just catch the next streetcar back to downtown which she assures us would be along shortly. ‘Shortly’ turned out to be just over 55 minutes with us and a few others standing around the bus-stop in the blazing sun - not at all the sort of thing we expected.

Saturday, we had booked to go on a 9am whale-watching tour and we were up early and out at the Pier 39 meeting place almost an hour early.  We wandered around the precinct and watched the sea-lions and birds for a while until it was time for the tour. We saw a few harbour seals and glimpsed some small porpoises, but the anticipated dolphins eluded us.  And as soon as we reached the Golden Gate Bridge, the fog rolled in and we were enveloped in it for the rest of the tour. Visibility ranged from about 50 to 150 metres and although those on the bridge reckoned they sighted one (or maybe 3) whales, they quickly got lost in the fog so none of the tourists saw anything.  Having said that, I enjoyed it greatly, not for the whale-watching, but as a pelagic birding excursion and added nine more birds to our trip list.  I suspect I was the happiest person on board by a mile!

Back at Pier 39, we had fish and chips and a cold drink for lunch, then sat and watched the world go by for an hour or so before catching the trolley back.  We broke the journey halfway to visit the Friday market that sets up not far from the ferry terminal but it was generally disappointing - a lot of junk jewellery, some artwork and not a lot else.  There was some sort of parade or military drive-through that delayed traffic and the streetcars for quite a while.  Not quite sure what it was, but there were lots of military vehicles, historical and more modern, with lots of personnel waving to the crowd and a dozen police bikes having a great time hooning up and back in some sort of escort but whatever the occasion, it remained a mystery to us.

Needless to say, the parade delayed the streetcars so we had another wait of well over half an hour, thankfully in the shade, until we got our ride the rest of the way home.

We went out a bit later to get some food to-go and ate in the room again with a bottle of local fermented grape juice of the cab sav variety.

Then Sunday was our last day in San Francisco!   We fly out tonight and it will be a long uncomfortable trip so we decided to go easy on ourselves.

We caught a trolley bus (by far the best form of urban mass transport) out to the beach, just for the ride.  It took us out along McAllister, a long road with all those wonderfully quaint colourful Haight-Ashbury houses - just love them - and along the full length of the Golden Gate Park (North America’s largest urban park) to Ocean Beach.

We watched the crows and gulls for a while, then decided to walk up to Cliff House, a bit over a kilometre along the beach.  We visited it back in 1995 and didn’t remember a lot about it other than that they had a big Camera Obscura set up just below Cliff House itself - and I do have vague memories of doing that tour then.

Cliff House has featured in a number of movies, usually as a desolate hideaway miles from anywhere, usually with a gale blowing, thunder and lightning, a storm raging and the baddies on the brink of some dastardly deed that will pour treasure at their feet - until the hero turns up, rescues the maiden and captures the evildoers just before their wicked plan succeeds.  The truth is somewhat different with at least two upmarket bars and three restaurants.  We had a wonderful lunch in the bistro.  They even had a version of a Caesar so we both had one of them - each a meal in themselves and pretty healthy at that.  We shared half a dozen deep-fried dumplings (gyozas by another name) and the most delicious baked meatballs I have ever enjoyed.  The gyozas were also tastier and more substantial than those we have had before.  We sat over the meal for an hour or so then strolled back to the trolley bus and thence back to our hotel.  It was a really delightful day, warm and sunny, great for a visit to the beach, to enjoy a superb lunch and we loved every minute of it.  As they say, somebody has to do it.......

We sat in the foyer of the hotel for an hour, writing and identifying a couple more birds and suddenly, the shuttle was there and we were on our way to the airport.  We got through reasonably easily, although Heather lost a few utensils out of our picnic bag because we forgot to move it into our checked baggage before sending it on its way along the great conveyor belt that will hopefully deliver it to Melbourne tomorrow - whatever day that is (Monday here, Tuesday in Melbourne).

We stocked up on the makings for quite a number of homemade Caesars as we went through the Duty Free clip joint and sat in the lounge for an hour and a half until they called our flight. I intended doing a lot of stuff on my PC - but once again, the beast wouldn’t boot when I turned it on. Fortunately, I backed up most stuff a couple of days ago, but it would still be nice to wake it up and strip the hard drive before tying a brick to it and throwing it into the ocean.

One cute thing that happened as we sat there waiting for the very last episode of our Arctic Odyssey to conclude was that we both got emails starting the formal part of our next adventure to the Antarctic in February - what could be more appropriate?

The long flight home was predictably as dreadful as we imagined.  I just don’t know how people endure such flights on a regular basis – I am in awe of them!  But obviously, we made it through the very long night – we left SF (30 minutes late) in darkness and we arrived in Melbourne (an hour early) shortly before dawn. Our wonderful driver (Nick) who our more wonderful travel agent (Bev) provided as a freebie for us gathered up our bags and delivered us home in style, quick and comfortable after our overnight ordeal.  The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, starting the elongated unpacking process, wading through the mountain of mail Nath had collected for us, making a few urgent appointments and planning the schedule for attending to the 30-odd tasks that had accumulated on our to-do list while we were away.  After no sleep the night before, we were in bed before 10pm and asleep about 15 seconds later.

Some statistics…… Our trip took us to 6 countries (depending on how we count them) with 9 border crossings, including 13 US States (a quarter of all of them) and all Canadian Provinces except Prince Edward Island. In total, I calculate we travelled close about 80000km.

And perhaps more important (for me) was our bird count.  I identified 148 discrete species, but some were seen in more than one country – so my country stats were as follows:

     USA                     55      Canada                64      Norway                30      Iceland                30      Greenland           20      Denmark             10       (Total 209)

We had previously seen some of these before, either in Australia or our other trips, but of the 148 species we saw this trip, were 78 species we had never seen anywhere before.

So what were the highlights of the trip?  Very hard to say, but perhaps some narrative would help me to get a clearer picture in my own head.

It is hard to rank my experiences on this trip, but some of the highlights so far are as follows:

*     In the US, the Zephyr train, specifically the romance of the buttes, mesas and arroyos of the Cowboy Country, mainly in Colorado, took me right back into so many hundred Westerns and cowboy books I read when I was just a young buck trying to emulate John Wayne. Then it was the Canyons - truly majestic scenery in the Cascades and particularly the Rockies.

*     In Svalbard, the close wildlife encounters with Arctic Foxes, Reindeer and Walruses - and to a lesser extent, the Polar Bears.  My favourite birds have been the beautiful white Ivory Gulls and dainty Arctic Terns. I was also delighted with the miniature flora in the tundra.

*     Being in the Arctic Circle, right up to 83 degrees, only about 1000-odd clicks from the North Pole, was an experience I only ever dreamed about.  Seeing so many dozen glaciers, watching them calve icebergs, and navigating through the resultant ice fields was wonderful. Even more so, being in the pack ice, leaning over the bow and watching our mini-icebreaker crunching through a metre of ice was mind-boggling.  But actually standing on and walking on a glacier topped even that - simply thrilling!  (Not sure why that was such a big deal, but it was unforgettable for both of us!)

*     The Polar Plunge – insane but absolutely an experience of a lifetime.

*     Then the extreme challenge of climbing the moraine and finding a fossil for myself was an achievement of which I am quite proud.  The fossil is less than spectacular but getting there and back alive was no mean feat.

*     In magical Greenland, the splendour of the mountains, cruising up close and personal with the magnificence of the mighty icebergs, the dramatic scenery in stark contrast with Svalbard, the dearth of birds that barely outnumbered the musk ox, were all issues that made us think about so many things in a new way.

*     Iceland was simply gorgeous with the waterfall, the geyser and spectacular coastline.  I want to go back and explore a lot more widely.  Standing with one foot on each of two of the world’s great techtonic plates was another ex\perience of a lifetime.

*     Newfoundland was beautiful and Cape Spear a tick to mark the start of our cross-Canada journey.

*     Niagara – not something I would do again, but like Uluru, the Pyramids, the Eiffel Tower or the Grand Canyon, an iconic tourist destination that one has to endure if one is passing.

*     The birds and other uncommon (for us) wildlife and flora – especially the tiny Arctic trees and other plants.

I could probably replace several of these with other wonderful sights and experiences, but that is at least a sample of the things that will stay in my mind for the rest of my life.

I think that is it for this time but we are already well into the planning for our next trip – already booked and paid – so roll on February and the Antarctic!!!

[susistudentleaders2019]

Danish Aziz Awan. Week 2. Warp speed.

#susi2019 @ecaatstate @umassdonahue @susi2019



Week 2: Clap Clap

Day 1:

This week kicked off with Mr.Tom discussing about U.S History at Wrap Speed. Followed by Mr. Douglas Rice’s talk on civil rights. It was fascinating to see how many years it took for the oldest democracy in the world, to further strengthen their justice system. A lesson we can take to make Pakistan’s system more efficient.

Roaming on the streets of Downtown, singing and dancing my lungs out.

Walking with 3 people from our group, talking about our goals when we go back home, establishing connection with each other, solving domestic issues here.

Day 2:

Mr. Sibi brought out the hidden abilities in us, A-Z of being a leader. The whole session was a joyous ride. “Lolly-Pop moments,” and what not. I am now a firm believer that a leader is someone who does the little things for people he/she interacts with. Sense of humanity, emotions, ability to lift up the mood, good listener, extremely tolerant, someone who can kill his ego for the sake of someone else’s happiness. I am more than ready to spread this kind of information back home.

Part 2 of the day, Role of media, U.S and Pakistan, two very different nations, yet united by this genre.

It was interesting to see how much similarities we share in terms of media coverage.TV channels divided by political views, Television monarchy’s etc. But where U.S had the better stats was, out of hundreds of brave journalists, only few experienced some sort of resistance. This speaks for Freedom of speech itself.

Spending time with 6 more people, sharing my achievements, hearing theirs, motivating them to work for Pakistan. Asking them to be more tolerant towards everyone and spread positive vibes.

Karaoke night as always, more bhangra on English songs and more walk back from downtown.

(Distances here are insane)

Day 3:

Just when I thought, the week couldn’t go any better, another thing struck. Mr. Mike’s case study class, I read the case study for 40 mins before class. Yep! Divided into the groups, my group got the role of the, “Greedy Capitalist,” where we did a fine job. Proud of you guys. This experience changed my perception of looking at things from different sides. One of those cases where one problem can effect almost every sector, i.e. Economy, freedom of speech, environment, general population etc.

Part 2 of the day, got on Dodge minivan with Avery and Sean. We stopped for gas and there began the journey of peace to, “Bridge of Flowers.” Serenity! The town was so peaceful, people welcomed us with open hearts, and showed interest in learning about Pakistan.

Spending time with another set of people from group, again discussing how we can make Pakistan better after this.

Hours of shopping, buying make-up for my one and only sister. I had to put nail paint on too. Worth it!

Day 4:

July 4th, sunny day. I was anxiously waiting for this day. I tried to dress as American as possible.

(Shorts, Polo shirt, American flag color shades, American flag pin and Cow-boy Hat.)

As we were making our way towards the parade venue. It felt like we were a part of Protocol or something. Led by Mr. Mike himself. Huge line of mini van’s. Go Civic Initiative!

Anyway, the venue was handled by members of local community, the police were so active. Everywhere you look, you’d see people walking in orderly manner, carrying flags. Showing how an educated and civilized nations behave.

The best part about the parade would be that they appreciated everyone involved in the community service. It is absolute necessary to appreciate the people for what they do! LOVED IT! SO TAKING THIS IDEA BACK TO PAKISTAN!

Fireworks and long walk back home.

I will be honest, fireworks in Islamabad have their own taste of excitement. This was a fire cracker compared to it. Nevertheless, again huge gathering of people and extremely organized people.

Days like these remind you of the cost, the nation has to pay for freedom. Be it U.S.A or Pakistan. Freedom is built on blood and sweat of countless soul.

Again, more discussion with group members!

Day 5:

Jummah (Friday) is one day, most of us were looking forward too. Hampshire Mosque has conquered our hearts. Peace of mind. That’s it.

Miss Sam, gave us the insight of religion in USA and I was shocked to see how much of a wrong perception we have of religion in USA back home.

I think it made me more empathetic to people of different religions.

More exploring of Downtown area.

Day 6:

Weekends are always fun, because who doesn’t like to get up late!

Trip to Book Mill will always be a memorable one, small area of few shops, on a bank of stream.

I bought a book for the 2nd time in my life. “Sustainability” which is my favorite area, and I will be dedicating my life to it. Bathing in cold stream was life time experience!

Crazy house party at Tea’s house. Her family was so welcoming and they organized such a nice gathering. We got chance to interact with more American Students, who were younger than us but I would say more aware about certain things.

3 hours of dancing, the after effects are still here! (Where can I buy new legs?)

More walks around campus with a friend who really needed help this time, because of home-sickness. A time well spent!

Day 7:

Sunday was more of me hanging out with me, sleeping and giving time to family back home.

All in all, 2nd week was eye opening. Life in America has its own challenges, but then again, the world is not perfect, we can only try and make it better by putting in the effort.

So far, our mentors have been amazing in facilitating us, the academic side as well as social side. It’s a fairy tale wrapped with reality checks.

I have forgotten so many lolli-pop moments of this week. Haha.

I feel blessed to be here. I love challenges and this place keeps giving more and more. LOVE IT!

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 51 - CHI - Cruel Comedy

What the fuck! I hope you saw the explicit tag before you clicked on this one because this is not going to be safe for all readers. My Sabres fandom starts somewhere around 2011 so I am intimately acquainted with shitty hockey. There is a time and place for shitty hockey. When you’re tanking for example: that is the time for shitty hockey. If you’re in subtle protest of Dan Blysma: that’s the time for shitty hockey. If you’re on a mad winning streak and tearing up the league I guess you’re kind of entitled to lay an egg of shitty hockey in one game. None of those scenarios I just described are currently occurring with this team unless there is a locker room plot I missed against Phil Housley. Hell, there is an open rebellion amongst fans against Phil and at this point is that not justified? The point is this shit is completely uncalled for! Did Drake Caggiula insult everyone’s wives and girlfriends? The only answers the Sabres had at the end of the 1st period and for most of the 2nd period was fight. Not the symbolic sense of the word where their play improves as they try to fight back into the game; no the old time hockey garbage where they make a statement with their fists! Andrew Peters would be proud you fucking disappointment wagon! You know what: every stat, advanced and otherwise, would point you to the Sabres being ready to fuck this Hawks team sideways. Hawks goals allowed, Hawks goal for, second and third period goals, defensive play, shots, and scoring chances: every fucking category! I don’t even know where to start with this shit!

For real this time: Fire Phil Housley. Several games back against Tampa Bay I said this club has probably given us the outline, the criteria if you will, to Fire Housley. I waited so long to jump on this ugly self-hating bandwagon but here I am on this bad fucking bandwagon. If he gets fired that will be five Sabres coaches in six years. I’m sure that doesn’t matter to Jason Botterill but holy hell it should matter to us at some point. Fuck it: he’s insane. I don’t need to even talk about Lawrence Pilut: he got into this game even if it’s with City punching bag Marco Scandella. It’s all the shit Housley doesn’t do: like make big changes when the Sabres need consistency or making no changes when the Sabres need them. Its ten minutes into the second and the Sabres are down 3-0 on the back of three fucking snipes from the two old dudes and Caggiula’s first. What does Housley do? Not a damn thing. Starting Hutton in the first place probably wasn’t wise but fuck, dude: when you’re getting your shit pushed in by the Chicago Blackhawks, not the 2013 Chicago Blackhawks, the 2019 CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS, then you’re doing something wrong. Not only am I not sure Housley put his best roster forward for this game, I’m not sure he had any motivational or tactical moves in mind to fire up the comeback machine once the sky started falling. It’s the beginning of a seven game home stand, your club needs points in the standings and Patrick Kane is back in town and you’re allowing this shit!? This game made me stare into the fucking abyss with this team!

You want a play by play? Huh, shit. The first period sounded like the Sabres we’re playing their game against what is objectively a weak Blackhawks team. They got more shots all period and even got two opportunities on the powerplay. Then Drake Caggiula scored. I’ve already mentioned this poor kid’s name three times this blog but his first career goal is a turning point. It was so massive it put fucking laxatives in all the Sabres water bottles because they came out in the second to SHIT ALL OVER THE ICE! Here’s the thing: the Sabres somehow outshoot the Hawks this second period as well but they could not be worse at advancing the puck. All their passes were intercepted and all their turnovers turned into D-zone time. They must have been turned on from when the Stars pushed them around in Dallas because they got pushed around by the fourth worst team in the league last night! Kane, Keith and later Saad to make sure we’re sad! Remember when Brendan Saad’s name was a stupid meme in 2014? That meme rose from the dead to end the second. All the Blackhawks jerseys in the crowd only made it worse. Who are Buffalo Blackhawks fans? The answer is Patrick Kane’s family and his teenage drinking buddies. I have a feeling all those Hawks jerseys couldn’t have been one of those two groups all though Buffalonians do tell me he was always a prolific drinker. Jack Eichel did score a Rasmus Ristolainen shot deflection to provide a little ray of hope but that was promptly expunged. Oh, I don’t even want to put up with you punks wanting a trade for Kane. The whole second period was just a list of grievances about this team!

The Sabres won in Columbus and they were in it for 85% of the game in Dallas. They have been bad for weeks and months now but they were looking better out of the bye-week. That false flag just shit in all our mouths! I was celebrating an anniversary with my wife so the two of us watched a comedy during this third period. I’ll tell you if I wasn’t so emotionally involved I would say this third period is quite funny! Jason Pominville maneuvers right in front of that demon goalie Cam Ward 3:30 into the third and puts one over him. This goal demonstrated how fucking soft the Hawks defense was this game letting Pommer in there to score one-on-one with Ward. Oh boy is the comeback machine firing up again!? Next it’s Kyle Okposo who gets credit for a puck passing Ward in a net crashing play where everyone was just pounding their sticks like they were begging the God of Irony to not let this game end in a stinker. Kyle Okposo who was punished with the fourth line but what’s that Coach Housley: You’re going to put a veteran first and try and change the game by putting Okposo on the second line? Well look at that, you got the Sabres within one. You put Linus Ullmark in net? Wow maybe you don’t need the Veterans but I’m not giving you credit for that one because you started Hutton to begin with. You ready: it’s time to stare into the abyss with me. Connor Murphy wrist shot equals goal. Patrick Kane with an empty netter to surpass 900 NHL points and become one of the fucking top seven Americans in points! And then Brendan Saad with an empty netter because irony lives in a mansion down on Delaware avenue and he loves going to Buffalo Sports events! Game over: YOU STINK!

To Housley’s credit apparently he tore into them afterward. Remi Elie going on waivers today could be Jason Botterill beginning to make some moves to fix this mess. In the meantime I’ve mentioned this abyss we stared into with this game a couple times. Let’s shine a light into this abyss to see what it holds: for one the Sabres being one of the worst teams in the league in terms of points gathered and record since the win streak steers us into this abyss. It holds the misery of at one point being first in the NHL and then missing the playoffs in March. It’s another offseason starting in April where we get engrossed in the Draft and wonder what offseason moves happen and how they affect the team next season. It’s another fucking season with no playoffs. I was in High School last time they made it and I wasn’t even really into sports then! Oh my God, it’s talking about an 84 point finish as an improvement when we finished LAST a season ago! THIS SHIT IS CYCLICAL! IT’S LIKE WE’RE NOT ALLOWED ANY FUN! Is it because the Bills went to the Superbowl four straight times and lost? I’d sell that fucking team to Nazem Kadri himself if it gets the SABRES ONE FUCKING PLAYOFF BERTH! Here we are losing to the Blackhawks! We all knew 1st place in November was a fluke but this: THIS IS JUST CRUEL! Holy shit I need to relax! I have to prepare to host a Superbowl party and watch the most hated man in Football win another Superbowl this weekend. There is just no rest! I cannot believe this whole fucking mess!

Drop a like. Each like goes toward maintaining my sanity like all those thumbs up on Facebook go toward bringing clean water to sub-Saharan Africa. Comment if you’re wondering what my solution to this mess is. I was going to include some replacements for Housley and some tactical ideas but I didn’t have the patience with this team if they can’t even win games that are laid out on a silver platter for them to win. Share this blog: I was party inspired to do this based on Steve Dangle’s Leafs Fan reaction. The early years of that were enjoyable for me as a Sabres fan because the Leafs sucked ass. It was pretty masochist in retrospect but if you’re the Leafs fan in the opposite position reading my shit in a masochistic way I really want to learn your story. Hell, just share this blog if you think we can commiserate together. Enjoy your Superbowl weekend and get ready for either further depression on Tuesday or more hope that the worst may not be happening. At this point either outcome would be an uproarious comedy.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. The Florida Panthers are totally going for Artemi Panarin and Sergei Bobrovsky. Perhaps next season we’ll have the matchups we expected to have with them this season.

[nanowrimo]

Dear NaNo Diary... (Week Two)

NaNo can be thrilling, challenging, frustrating, and revitalizing––sometimes all at once. This November, we’ve asked NaNo participants to share their daily thoughts in a new series, Dear NaNo Diary. Here are some entries from the second week of NaNoWriMo:

November 7:

Dear NaNo Diary,

Just when I think I might dislike it I fall in love with my story and NaNoWriMo all over again. There is something magical about writing and plotting all at once...through sickness and pain the community continues to hold me up. This community is wonderful. No one has ever told me in the two years I have done NaNo that I'm too young for it, even as the rest of the world says that only the old and wise have stories to tell. Weary or not, this November with its writing has been much more special than usual. And that, even with all the difficulty that comes with it, is a gift...a gift that I'm happily enjoying.

Signed,

Duskflower

Dear NaNo Diary,

I have come to the conclusion that this month, you are the reason for my insanity. But a little insanity is all and well. I get up at five in the morning and begin to write, then get ready for work, get to work and hour and a half early and continue to write, work, then on my lunch break write, work again until the end of the day, then while taking the bus write, eat dinner right, then be a hobbit and write in the sanctuary of my room. My parents think I have lost my mind, and have gone crazy. Maybe I have. But I do blame you for my insanity. Thank you.

Signed,

Phantom Raven

Dear NaNo Diary,

I admit it. The month was not a strong start. Well, it actually wasn't any start....I despaired that, well, if I hadn't even started I was probably doomed anyways. How pathetic, to have signed up and been so confident only to walk away with nothing....but then I thought to myself, wait. I can still write enough to get there. 1,700 words isn't unfathomable per day, in fact when you really go for it and look at your word count after being sucked into writing for a few hours it's not unreasonable to write 2000 at once. Or 3000. Or more! If I just push myself to write like a crazy lady every day I can still get back on track...yesterday I hit the goal to stay on track. Relief! Today? I'm already pushing past it. So to everyone else out there who may have gotten off to a rough start like me, there's hope! Just don't stop, and together we can all finish. The most important part is to not give up on your story, it wants to be told and who else can tell it but you? Good luck everyone and let's keep writing together!

Signed,

Pneuma.of.fresh.air

November 8:

Dear NaNo Diary,

I am proud of managing so many words in one day when my brain is all in a fog of depression and anxiety. I am proud that my thoughts aren't of giving up, but of "how am I going to accomplish this?" I am scared that I'm not going to hit 50k this month. I am scared that I'll never hit 50k no matter how many NaNos I try to write. But I'm going to try. I am going to mind my mind. And I am going to write, little by little, until I have told my story in its entirety. Even though I know it's not a very accessible story. Even though it'll never be published (probably), and will never be adapted into a movie franchise. I have let go of the idea of having an audience. I am my audience. I'm doing this because I want to make myself proud. Not because I need other people to be proud of me. My pride in myself is valid and real and that's what's going to see me through.

Anxiously yours,

Acreletae

Dear NaNo Diary,

Being almost 80 years old, my day is going to the gym to walk a mile on the treadmill and write. Writing as a rebel; a personal account of my life and what I know about my sons life, who died last year on December 18. This is in his honor.

Signed,

Robot2

November 9:

Dear NaNo Diary,

This is my 4th attempt to "win" NaNoWriMo. I put quotes on "win" because I haven't made it even close to 50k, yet. Today, I'm starting to watch my daily word count slipping under the diagonal line on the Stats page, again….I'm using NaNoWritMo as social therapy this year. It's really very nice to not be alone in my cave. The good news, and why I'm writing this Dear NaNo Diary entry is, it's working! The NaNo challenge is like having a dead car battery (that is my brain being low, angry and depressed) and I got a jump start, from the collective consciousness that is all of you. One aspect I love about social media, in general, is knowing you are not alone in your struggles. So, if for any reason, you also feel angry or depressed this year, I say hello to you...Go, write it all out, kick ass, Word Vomit, as someone else in this thread shared. Yep, and thanks for being out there, doing this with "me" too.  

Signed,

Uva Be

Dear NaNo Diary,

Been having pretty good writing days so far, binge writing on my days off, but this morning just finds me staring at the screen and sneaking off into the forums to procrastinate. Why do I suddenly hate my characters? I liked them just fine yesterday. Maybe I'm just hungry. I think I'll make myself something to eat and try again afterwards......

Signed,

Green dragon studios

November 10:

Dear Nano Diary,

Its week two, and, Diary, I fell so far behind this week I almost gave up.  The real world and all of its demands were so challenging, I did not write a word for 4 days. Today, I did not give up. My butt in the chair, Walter moved forward in his journey across the Pacific. He might not be quite where I had hoped by now, but that's just fine, ever forward, Walter, just keep on going, tomorrow the ship will sail again.Today, I believe it is possible again. Yesterday I was not so sure.  Thanks all you Wrimos.  You make a believer out of me.

Signed,

Kate_keeler

November 11:

Dear NaNo Diary,

I think I may have overestimated how well I could do NaNoWriMo this year.  Ah, who knows, maybe I just need to have a fifth “second cup of tea.” Still, the life of a writer sure is a whirlwind, between random mealtimes, lack of socializing, and the constant yelling at your scraggly fingers to type as fast as your thoughts can go. :P But... I'm still going to win this. I'm a writer-- it's a sacred obligation. 50,000 words is hardly anything, pfft. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy...Right?

Cordially,

thepurplewriter333

November 12:

Dear NaNo Diary,

I am still behind. I have surpassed 13k words and will be surviving on coffee and word sprints until I catch up. It's cold here on the couch, mostly because my cheap husband won't turn the heat past 64 degrees. I've become so irritable and desperate I killed a character. It was amazing, like hitting that nitro switch in the fast and furious. The words just poured out of me. I felt a mixture of relief and guilt. I feel guilty that I'm relived to no longer have to remember they/them pronouns which is what that character preferred. RIP Micah, I'm sorry you couldn't have lasted longer, perhaps you would've helped normalize they/them for the world. My poor frazzled brain was so scared of misgendering you that you just had to go. Fly high friend, you will always have a place in my heart as the first character I ever killed.

Until next time,

mymidlifechaos

We’ll post more NaNo Diary entries as November (and our novels!) progress. In the meantime, you can share your NaNo Diary entries on the official forum post.

Good luck, writers!

[seven-oomen]

Lol, as someone who once gave a friend a 20 minute lecture on why she WOULDN’T like my then favorite anime (no really), I tend to not judge anyone else getting carried away about things.  And I have never really had any friends that watched/were interested in TW, so there’s a few years of suppressed enthusiasm that keeps boiling over into stream-of-consciousness text explosions (as you have seen.)  I’m just glad someone else is enjoying the insanity.

And don’t worry, it does feel very in character, and I genuinely didn’t expect any different from him right now (and it’s still plenty fluffy.)  But it wouldn’t be me reading a slow burn fic if I wasn’t internally screaming and about ready to reach into the story and shake one or more of the idiots involved.  The intense frustration just means the slow burn is doing exactly what it’s supposed to.  XD

I would say that I was sorry about causing workplace distractions, but frankly I would be lying.  Also, having given it more thought because my brain wouldn’t let me do otherwise, I decided that for full roleplay effect, it would have to be Noah as the elegant homeowner with the luscious maid, and Peter as the strong, self-assured Alpha cop who just wants to make sure the Omegas are properly “taken care of” (oh god, why can’t I stop…I seriously have NO IDEA where this came from…)

And I feel like Chris would be movie Morticia, because he’s more prone to drama in his wardrobe, whereas Noah would the less flashy (yet still attention grabbing) 60s TV Morticia.  (If Peter were to ever join in he’d totally have to wear the version Christina Ricci did a couple years back in order to maintain his title as King of the V-Neck)  Also, just for variety, and because I love the outfit, Melissa would be Lily Munster for contrast (I mean, Scott’s beta shift is totally Eddie Munster anyway, so it all checks out.)

I admit, I was pretty proud of the quilt thing when I thought of it.  It just really felt like something they would do for Peter after everything they’ve all been through.  Another random family thought; does Ben give Rabbit to one of his older siblings when they move away to college (or a group of them depending on where they go), or hand it down to a later one?  Because either one seems like the kind of thing he would do.  Do they make him and the other younger kids new patchwork wolf plushies out of the leftover scraps for Peter’s quilt, and throw in a few pieces from one of Peter’s shirts so everybody’s represented?  Does Malia ever have Peter teach her knitting or crochet so that she can make Kira a wolf fur scarf as a courting gift?  (Thinking about Hale Pack craft ideas makes me feel less guilty about all the craft projects I am not currently working on.)

That video was so precious!  Oh god my heart!  The huge paws and sad eyes and tiny little noises!  I imagine they eventually invest in one of those huge multi-room tents that they can just scatter with blankets and the most durable air mattresses they can find (those claws are sharp.)  They have a bunch of those family size sleeping bags for everybody to share.  Watching Peter cram his huge, fluffy bulk into one between his mates is endlessly entertaining to all, and occasionally borders on peak Moon Moon antics (yeah, he could just shift back, but then he’d have to like, put on pants and shit.) 

Also, not to drag everything back down to the gutter (as though I ever truly leave it), but speaking of running through the woods, do Chris and Noah ever combine their survival/nature abilities to plot out the quickest route to the Nemeton, talk Peter into going for “a walk”, then having Chris help provide a distraction while Noah gets some of the nearby tree roots to shift up and around Peter’s feet as stealthily as possible (like an adult version of the handcuffing Stiles to the desk thing), until he’s good and tethered, and then just being kinda like “catch us if you can” and hauling ass towards the Nemeton to see if they can get there before Peter breaks free and chases them down for, uh, “anniversary celebrations”, shall we call it?

Oh, and I keep forgetting, but I loved that whole thing a while back about Jackson being average Intelligence, but high Wisdom?  (And Charisma, let’s not forget that stat XD )  Ever since my friends and I played D&D back in college, “high Intelligence, low Wisdom” has been a recurring code phrase in our group that basically meant “highly educated, yet somehow still a complete idiot” (which, to be fair, does accurately describe a fair few of my friends), so I legit cackled at seeing it pop up to explain characters in TW.

I hope you’re feeling better after some sleep.  Those days when the focus is just gone and everything is just sort of fuzzy are terrible.  And really, don’t worry about how extensively you react to my nonsense.  One of my biggest worries when I start gushing about fandom and nerdery is that whoever my audience is will end up bored or overwhelmed or something, so knowing that others are enjoying it is plenty for me. :D

I’m still pretty scatterbrained today but my therapist said that it’s probably a combo of ADD, my trauma therapy and my brain trying to heal, and low B12 levels in the blood. Sleep did help though to clear it a little. 

Right now I’m calming myself down with Last of us Gameplay videos and some snacks because I had to go to the hospital today for getting blood drawn. My hormone levels need to be checked every three months for Hrt. And that ain’t stopping because of the pandemic. XD

So, yeah, I need a breather. But other than that, I’m having a pretty good day today.

And that does make me feel a lot better, knowing that the slow burn is doing its job ^^.  You can’t see me smile, but I’m smiling.

Noah as the elegant homeowner with the luscious maid, and Peter as the strong, self-assured Alpha cop who just wants to make sure the Omegas are properly “taken care of” (oh god, why can’t I stop…I seriously have NO IDEA where this came from…)

Please don’t stop, this is fucking golden.

I can just imagine Peter handcuffing Noah to the bed. (Noah can get out of them any time he wants, but he enjoys it far too much and plays along.) And he ropes Chris into undressing Noah and orders him to ‘take care of the master’s needs’. Of course, the poor innocent omega maid is extremely happy to do so. 

I like to imagine another favorite roleplay of them is a role reversal. With Chris as the ‘werewolf bitch in heat’ and Peter and Noah as the hunter couple who trains the wolf to be a good bitch and do their bidding. It’s all in good fun though, they have safe words just in case things get too real for any of them.

Not that the Omegas in this particular story have heats, I gave them a regular menstrual cycle like we have in humans. 

(As in this case Alpha/Omega is a metaphor for trans bodies and I created this universe as a universe where trans bodies are fully accepted and the norm. So a guy with a vagina isn’t a strange thing, it’s just an Omega male. I like to write universes like that because I am trans and it’s nice to see a world where I would be normal. Or well, you know, I hope you catch my drift. I don’t want to seem offensive. Or is it offensive if I give my opinion on things as a trans guy? idk... doesn’t matter.)

And I feel like Chris would be movie Morticia, because he’s more prone to drama in his wardrobe, whereas Noah would the less flashy (yet still attention grabbing) 60s TV Morticia.  (If Peter were to ever join in he’d totally have to wear the version Christina Ricci did a couple years back in order to maintain his title as King of the V-Neck)  Also, just for variety, and because I love the outfit, Melissa would be Lily Munster for contrast (I mean, Scott’s beta shift is totally Eddie Munster anyway, so it all checks out.)

I mean, I feel like this whole point I just sat there nodding like, yeah, no actually that’s a good point. Also, yeah Peter would defend his title as King of the V-neck. Have you seen his collar bones? They deserve to be out. And that little bit of chest hair that’s peeking out, that’s all carefully curated and maintained ok.

Another random family thought; does Ben give Rabbit to one of his older siblings when they move away to college (or a group of them depending on where they go), or hand it down to a later one?  Because either one seems like the kind of thing he would do.  Do they make him and the other younger kids new patchwork wolf plushies out of the leftover scraps for Peter’s quilt, and throw in a few pieces from one of Peter’s shirts so everybody’s represented?  Does Malia ever have Peter teach her knitting or crochet so that she can make Kira a wolf fur scarf as a courting gift?  

Absolutely. Ben gives Rabbit to Allison when she goes off to college because he feels like his sister might need him the most. After all, she’s going to Stanford (Like her dad Peter) to study Psychology (or maybe Biochem?) and Lydia is going to MIT to study mathematics. So they’ll be apart for a while. And she definitely needs Rabbit.

Jackson is going to Stanford (or maybe Berkely) to study Criminal law or maybe Economics? (Peter studied business law at Stanford, Jackson seems like he might follow or do a variation of ‘the Hale family business (Law))

Scott would go to Community college I feel and study veterinary medicine. (He doesn’t seem to be the type to get into a top university.)

I feel like Malia could get into a university, but she would probably choose community college and study electrical engineering or mechanical engineering. Idk why but I def see Malia as someone who could open up their own auto repair shop.

Stiles gets into law enforcement like his dad. Either by joining the police or like in canon, he joins the FBI.

Kira gets into nursing school and follows in Melissa’s footsteps to become a nurse, she works in pediatrics.

Isaac goes to community college and studies behavioral or developmental psychology and starts working with abused and troubled youth.

I’m not sure about Erica, Boyd, Liam, Theo, Mason, Corey, or Hayden though.

The older kids do make Ben a new plushie though, as well as plushies for the twins and the youngest sibling. And they scrape together all these pieces of clothing, some of Peter’s shirts and turn them into little wolf plushies for the kids.

And Malia definitely does, she has Peter teaching her how to knit, how to crochet, how to carve wood. She’s very crafty like her dad and takes to it with ease. She makes Kira all sorts of things, scarves, mittens, a beanie, a sweater, a quilt, a blanket. Honestly, Kira never has to run out of things that can keep her warm. And she adores Malia for it.

That video was so precious!  Oh god my heart!  The huge paws and sad eyes and tiny little noises!  I imagine they eventually invest in one of those huge multi-room tents that they can just scatter with blankets and the most durable air mattresses they can find (those claws are sharp.)  They have a bunch of those family size sleeping bags for everybody to share.  Watching Peter cram his huge, fluffy bulk into one between his mates is endlessly entertaining to all, and occasionally borders on peak Moon Moon antics (yeah, he could just shift back, but then he’d have to like, put on pants and shit.)

And I know right! It’s so adorable, I just melted. And they definitely do,  they buy a huge tent and fill it with either durable air mattresses or those sleeping mats you can get for camping. And a lot of sleeping bags and pillows. In enclosed spaces, Peter goes full moon moon. Malia keeps a Tumblr of all the pictures of her dad wolfing out and dorking about. She tells everyone on Tumblr her family runs a wolf rescue and this is just her dads and the Alpha of the pack that bonded. People buy it because it’s Tumblr, why wouldn’t two gay dads run a wolf rescue?

EIther that or people are convinced werewolves are real and moon moon because a new synonym for werewolf. They start sending Malia requests for more moon moon antics.

Also, not to drag everything back down to the gutter (as though I ever truly leave it), but speaking of running through the woods, do Chris and Noah ever combine their survival/nature abilities to plot out the quickest route to the Nemeton, talk Peter into going for “a walk”, then having Chris help provide a distraction while Noah gets some of the nearby tree roots to shift up and around Peter’s feet as stealthily as possible (like an adult version of the handcuffing Stiles to the desk thing), until he’s good and tethered, and then just being kinda like “catch us if you can” and hauling ass towards the Nemeton to see if they can get there before Peter breaks free and chases them down for, uh, “anniversary celebrations”, shall we call it?

These boys live for the chase. And they know just how to get Peter distracted enough. It involves Chris, a make-out session, and some uh, advanced distraction tactics on his knees. Noah absolutely binds Peter to a tree and two haul ass over to the Nemeton where Peter catches Chris and has his way with him while bending him over the stump. That’s actually how he ends up getting pregnant again. (Although it is somewhat planned, they’d been trying for a few months anyway.) But yeah, it’s definitely an anniversary thing.

And a birthday thing. Actually, I think it’s also a roleplay thing. They’d definitely enjoy all of it.

God I love these conversations ^^ <3