#i am overthinking this massively
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#i am overthinking this massively#nothing is even remotely confirmed yet (not even remotely)#but there is a chance (a possibility)#(the hope of a hope) that I might be able to move to texas next winter#which would be a dream come true (and then some)#there is so much that would have to be ironed out before such a thing would be possible#but i want it to work out so badly#if anyone wants to say some prayers for me and my family while we try to figure out if this is even remotely feasible#i would be grateful#it's so new and shiny that i feel like jumping on the opportunity and grabbing it with both hands#but it requires a lot of changes (school-job-house-dogs...all of it)#i know i have plenty of time to figure stuff out (almost a year!)#but i am still all jittery
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ACTUAL CHODARK?!?! WHAT THE FUCK
bonus
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#ava tco#ava tdl#ava chodark#chodark#well here i go. im diving into the more popular ships for reals this time#as it turns out#ive had this thought for a while now#possibly for a good few weeks#but now its revealed to the public#have fun chodarkers uh#gonna be honest this whole comic alone caused me massive artblock for a good bit because of how i was going to draw AND word the whole thin#i am an overthinker what can i say#if a simple comic like this is causing me the slightest of artblock oh god imagine the freedom comic#ava ships#woah ships!!#lilacsart
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Okay but like but does the reply to a reply start with Good Day AGAIN or with Thank you for the answer??
How am I supposed to end the email when the teacher ended with Wishing you a nice day??
WHY is this so goddamn complicated??
Help, I need to do something (send some emails) and I'm avoiding it so bad I opened math video lecture 😭
#I AM OVERTHINKING THIS MASSIVELY#and my roommate is calling with someone so I can't bother her for advice
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How do you feel about trans hajime agenda
Same way I feel about most gender, sexuality, and neuro headcanons: not something I *personally* really need to talk about or name, but anything that makes people happy is a thumbs up from me
#That first part isn't a no either btw. It's just a 'i already barely understand my own gender'#'im not gonna talk about or project gender on other characters when idk wtf to even say lol'#Same with neuro stuff. I know somethings wrong with me but I (and therapists) dunno what#So what would I have to say about it in a narrative?#I just draw how I feel and when ppl are like 'omg trans swag' or 'real autism vibes' I'm like oh? Hell yea ok!#Tldr I'm dumb about many things so I don't really think about them#except polyamory BC I'm spiteful abt that one lol#Wow this got long. Uh anyway#If you get mad at anything I say consider: asking forclarification. I'm not always very comprehensible#Can you tell I am a MASSIVE overthinker
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I never want to see and talk to another human being again
#Except the 3-4 safe people in my life naturally#I'm so worn out#(Note: the 3-4 people in question are gf best friend best friend's partner and my good good friend who I play games with)#(For the overthinkers because I know there are many of us)#(I am simply massively dysregulated and moody)
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Heart-warming: Local pansexual makes the first move regardless of the fact they were almost having a panic attack from just being approached by the subject of their interests after 3 years of reciprocally languid staring contests on the bus.
#this is one of those situations in which I don't care if something even comes out of it#I needed this moment for character development#it's like my small version of the landing on the moon#an imperceptible step for humanity#a step so massive for me I almost stumbled and fell face on the ground#no wait now I'm being unfair to myself#I usually am the one to make the first step in all my relationships#it's just that I overthink it so much that if it's a miracle if I don't short-circuit before doing so#I do brave actions but I am a scaredy cat ya know#steel rambles#shitpost#btw for the queer people following me#signaling is useful#wear those pins or rainbow bracelets if you're out or in a safe situation#it's a game changer really
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merm...bkg hunger games au....
okay so here are my initial thoughts:
1) im actually probably way too into the hunger games to be having this discussion lmfaoooo. im too into it, it’s too perfect, i love it too much. it is basically the pinnacle of all YA and i will fight literally everyone on that.
2) so with the first point in consideration, are we talking like a strict 1:1 AU? Setting it in New America/Panem? Districts with distinct specialities? Commentary about reality TV and modern entertainment entwined with like, the trauma that comes with war and trying to break free of generational curses and etc etc etc? RE: reality TV, I do think we could probably modernise that just a teeny weeny little, to include like, idk, some bullshit about how we’re always under constant surveillance and how we no longer have the time/option to be unavailable (because we’re so connected!). and since we’re like, apart of an actual fandom, maybe we could throw in some stuff about how our more privileged/sheltered audience members would engage in like, stan culture about all these dying kids, LOL. Shipping wars that ends bitterly because one half of the pairing like, idk, clubs the other to death LMAO. Real People Fanfic and the culture war that would come from that (people having a problem with RPF of the tributes bc they’re real people, but like also conveniently like… forgetting they’re real people who are being forced into a death match). would we throw in a line about Reader and/or Bakugou discovering self-insert Gamefic? lmao no wait i made myself snort, we’re absolutely keeping that LMAO. anyways im gonna cut myself off here bc otherwise i will ramble on, but that brings us to point numero-threeo—
3) i recently rewatched Battle Royale (a “random” class entered wins a yearly lottery then dumped on a remote island where they have three days to murder each other—all in the name of keep the status-quo, etc etc, also this is somehow a solution to sky-high unemployment rates etc etc etc.). if we kept the Quirks then like, you could spin it as a dystopian AU where people are fearful of quirks being too powerful, so then ya death-match children are pulled from hero classes and we make Reader end up in there accidentally or something, and oh no! they’re also quirkless (and defenceless hehe).
4) idk. i know i was like hehe i like war! but like, i don’t know how to emphasise how much i love the hunger games LMAO. and how that love sort of translates into the same fierceness i feel about BNHA, when it comes to fanfic—that the canon characters have certain inevitabilities you have to honour. just like no matter the universe, we are always going to need a Bakugou who’s centered around his friends (Deku, always, in any capacity. Kirishima, the first equal he had. Shouto, his frustrating Bestie <3), to me the hunger games works as well as it does because it’s war through the lens of relationships. Gale as the danger of unhealed anger, Peeta as choosing peace—like… that’s the magic of THG to me, and i just…… like…… what are we gonna do with the relationships, with a BNHA cast? 🥺 What would Bakugou be? Do we start with a Bakugou who’s still in Bastard Mode? Has he gone through his canon growth by the time he and Reader meet? If he has, then how was that facilitated in our new world? Did he and Deku end up in the same game? Survive together somehow? How many of their peers and friends do they lose, or does that come later on? How do we fit Reader into that dynamic naturally? the romance in THG happens through like, a need to play the game, play it up for the cameras, but it’s born out of Peeta’s very real feelings for Katniss, that started when they’re kids, and I’m not a childhood friends-to-lovers person (writing wise). The “romance” (if u can call it that) in Battle Royale is probably more culpable to what i do (vague awareness of each other/one-sided crush, grows as they prop each other up) but… idk!!! idk!!!! we could just write up Bakugou and Reader sharing a cave and making out over a festering wound but like…. idk!!! i believe in earning our kisses. 😌 show me the build up in the war-torn society first, and then maybe we can have a kiss later on, lmfaoooo.
#ofmermaidstories-asks#basically what i am saying is that i am absolutely the wrong person for this discussion LMFAOOOOOOO#because i just cannot let myself do fun sexy festering wound cave kisses—like i need a whole ass essay beforehand on the system that#got them in the cave in the first place and i just—#sometimes ur girl here doesn’t have the brain power 🥹#‘do things for fun’ they say#that only works if you’re normal and not a massive overthinker who also happened to have a THG phase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#OR a BR phase!!!!#i am LITERALLY staring at a copy of the BR novel right now#like!!!!!!!#i cannot do this in a lighthearted teehee manner lmfao#we go in guns blazing OR NOT AT ALL!!!
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[spongebob screaming "i fucking love flowcharts. mindmaps. graphs. visual representations of processes & information!!!!!!!"]
#i am so normal and allistic#i did not spend an hour today making a massive mindmap#i am sane and chill and i never overthink 🙏#autism#meme
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i havent forgotten the 42 dghda prompt thing btw still debating on certain things
(aka i am cursed with Overthinking™️)
#(yes dirk i am)#i have no idea /if/ other people wanna do this#a matter of wanting some prompts to be clearly dghda related but not wanted it to be too restrictive with certain ideas#like putting really specific locations or words that are so heavily associated with certain characters#obvs whilst im intending to do these mostly with todd i dont intend it to be 'you can /only/ use one character'#whilst also being a character-specific challenge like month of [character]#am i massively overthinking this? baby im a champion of overthinking#gonna finalise and have it ready to start in march thats like the goal asdfghjkl;#also deciding on the prompts is surprisingly hard#i understand why sometimes prompt challenges have a couple of left field prompts haha
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I'm trying to think about what methods of communication over long distances there are in Skyrim other than letters.
Like, I could imagine that mages could hook up some sort of magic-based system which acts like a phone (like sending/sending stones maybe?)
But what about the decently large proportion of the population who don't use magic? Or would it all just be sending letters/written correspondence/visiting in person? Just hiring a person to verbally send a message and hope that they convey the message as intended?
If you were in Solitude could you hire someone from the Bard's college as a singing telegram or something?
#i'm overthinking with my writing and thinking that i am massively overusing the sending of letters as parts of the plot#but of the characters so far only really elyse is a mage and the only other mage is farengar and they're both in dragonsreach#and with much of skyrim's population not being the biggest fans of magic i'm assuming it would mostly be letters#but ya know *shrugs*#by the way i had to look up the script for elf to remember what a singing telegram was called bc all I remembered was it ended with 'gram'#and i knew that they said it in the film
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because I am literally incapable of keeping gossip to myself
#i made out with my ex at the strokes concert#i gave myself permission prior to the event dw dw#it was to be expected#like? it was the strokes! it was a night time outdoor set it was raining we were drunk sharing ciggies new silver eyeshadow etc etc#they played call it fate call it karma you know the rest#kinda iconic in my humble opinion#AND THEN#i went to my friend's house party after and then i went home with a guy from there#again sorta premeditated cause I've been overthinking sleeping w my first new person post the breakup#and I've been passing up opportunities cause i've just been building it up in my head to be this big massive deal#but it had rly gotten to the point where it just needed to happen like rip the bandaid off kinda thing#so i pretty much knew that if i met someone nice there i was gonna just say fuck it#coz like drunk house party guy you'll never meet again is such a chill low stakes thing for an official return 2 the streets#and when i tell you it was bang average like so so soooo bang average which I'm glad abt to be honest#left my red scrunchy at his house tho cause u always gotta give them something to remember you by. the whimsical stranger!!!#and i stole some weed from him#(take something leave something rule - i am a devout follower of this)#and then had to literally travel the entire length of the northern line 2 get home like no joke i literally rode that shit end 2 end#scantily clad unbrushed hair sunglasses on in the tube violently hungover walk of shame vibe#altho by some divine miracle my phone didn't die until i was literally outside my front door so i got to listen to good tunes the whole way#honestly you probably shouldn't romanticise these things but who's gonna fuckin stop me huh!!#feels like julian casablancas would've wanted this for me#anyways what a silly goofy post!!!!!!#dear diary
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#my guys getting a ~new diagnosis at 25 is EXHAUSTING???#at least as a chronic overthinker ig bc whew#every day i swing from oohhh yep im definitely autistic to noooo i don't think i fit it enough esp sensory wise and blabla#i make eyecontact (but now im thinking about it and it's like being conscious of your breathing yk?? and then it's like. is that why#it doesn't feel that natural suddenly or??? and if im a little uncomfortable i stop making eyecontact but ig that's ~normal)#and then with noise and light i don't KNOW i don't know if it's all bc im paying attention now#like you see MAYBE im just pretending my depression symptoms/self-dislike are autism but what actually happens is just that#and i wonder like is my almost compulsively picking at my nails or scabs (i know) stimming or? and what stims would i like how do you KNOW#anyways. had autism group therapy last week and it was v chill and lowkey and also relatable at times though we didn't cover that much#but the overhead lights stayed off and that was great bc i hate u massive tl lights (but im prone to migraines so who knows!)#anyways. my mum did say it makes sense to her and my sister accepted it in a heartbeat JDMDMD and she studies psych and had to#deal with me growing up and bossing her around (our strongest soldier)#and on holidays it takes me a week to get settled usually but i THOUGHT that was depression bc i feel isolated and lonely for a while#so yknow??? sighhhh i am discussing this in therapy but i wanna KNOW i want facts so i can speed through the acceptance process cmon#(i know.......)#anyways. if you're still reading 1) mwah and 2) input is always welcome#insofar any of this made sense
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:P
#im tired yay#random question if i bought stuff for my club and therefore am having ppl pay me back#and a couple ppl like rounded up and paid me more than i asked ;-;#do i pay them back fjgfhskdhfjsfkl or like is there a reason they did that TT#i Know im massively overthinking this rip im just idk lmfao#bc like the payment i asked for was technically an underestimate for how much money we spent#we just didnt use everything we bought so there was one thing we bought separately that i forgot about until after calculating#and i was just like eh whatever lol#but then they paid more and im lowkey like well ngl ur closer to what the actual amt probably wouldve been if i counted everything TT#anyway ya idk i just like dont know if this is something that ppl like have experienced ig lol#i dont think its that big of a deal......... like u cant .. Accidentally pay a different amount on venmo than u intend to right lmfao#so im like not sure why they paid more :[#but like obviously i dont want them to pay more D:#im just overthinking :'') honestly ill probably . pay them back like the 14 cents extra they paid jhgfghfd lmao#also the thing is it was two ppl who paid me more D: idk lmfao#this is so dumb ugh anyway#i could also ask them ig lol#jeanne talks#can u tell im fucking procrastinating TT
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vent
not attracted to anyone, incapable of forming genuine relationships with real people, too scared to reach out, the few times i try and make connections nobody responds, feels like my body is just a hollow shell that i have no connection to, don’t even feel like i have an identity anymore, no real meaningful passions, overly anxious about literally everything. i am truly set up for failure lmfao
#the Life of an aroace genderless entity who was never meant to exist as a human#I actually hate myself LOL#what the fuck am i meant to do with my life when i’m incapable of existing like other people#Anyways.#accidentally went down a massive rabbit whole abt gender and identity n i don’t think i’m trans anymore i just don’t think i’m anything#but as an anxious individual#scrolling through an awful lot of t//erf ideology has accidentally internalised some Thoughts#so Sorry i don’t even want to have any discussions abt identity rn but also i am an overthinker so#desperately trying to distract myself by making stupid worlds in my head#vent
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I want to write in-depth analyses of my favorite characters, particularly edgeworth, but I just don’t have the time, patience, or energy to. like I have so many complex thoughts swirling around in my head that I can’t articulate well on tumblr. lol. maybe I will someday, but with how my brain works, I’m constantly challenging my own ideas. I only get a few paragraphs in before I realize I’m not proud of what I wrote and so I abandon it. rinse and repeat. shit sucks lmao.
#💬#most of my opinions I keep to myself. unless I leave them in the tags of someone else’s post but still#focusing on the simpler stuff like powersworth is a lot more fun anyhow#it’s a unicorn of a ship in this fandom so exploring their dynamic is refreshing#it also guarantees more positive interactions with other people which is good#it’s easier on my brain because I am a MASSIVE overthinker. getting into discussions would be a lot lol
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Intro to personal finance I hate you !! I wish I had AP gov why do you do this to me !!
#apollos ramblings#school posting whatever#I’m massively overthinking this meal plan and budget assignment !!#am I building my kitchen from scratch or assuming common staples !!
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