#i am objectifying this poor man

[nerime]

😳

[angelsinluv]

angel’s fulfillment challenge

welcome to the unofficial official challenge of angel’s vault ☆

i’m going to say this now, this isn’t going to be some crazy, different thing. this is literally how the law works lol but i say challenge because it's for those who see them as fun, want to be disciplined and set the tone for the new year! (or whenever you’re reading this)

𝐈. the point of this challenge is to…

fall in love with imagination

enjoy fulfilling yourself

get your desires duh

stop over consuming and apply no matter if you think you need to know more.

𝐈𝐈. important guidelines!

read this post to get a gist of states because this is what this challenge is about. fulfilling yourself in imagination. you don’t need to read it every time to know you’re doing it right, this challenge will do it all for you.

affirmations and visualizations are techniques so what is your way of thinking that feels comfortable to you? sometimes you don’t even need it. for me, i mostly need to feel that i already have it. have fun, experiment with daydreams/scenes, affirming and/or feeling. it doesn't have to be the same every single time.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. steps

choose what you want. go crazy. do not condition your desires. you are limitless. if you can see it in your mind, you can have it. famous? nepo baby? money? db, df? better self concept? gender revision? time change?

decide right now you are the person who already has what the want. so guess what? there is nothing to get because you already have your desire. manifesting money? you already have it. manifesting an sp? you already have them. manifesting your dream life? you already have it. that is your state.

fulfill yourself every chance you get in the day. no you don’t have to lock yourself in the room to affirm/visualize/feel all day. no you don’t have to be in the state all day, you are always passing through states but remember, the state you constantly make your dwelling place MANIFESTS. so make an effort to return to it as much as you can and want to.

ideas: do it in the morning when you wake up, in the afternoon, whenever you have free time like on your bed, going home, walking, during class and before you go to sleep.

bonus: do this meditation by edward art daily, it's not mandatory. it's not like all the other meditations, give it a shot. get off tumblr, stop over consuming

make it fun, it’s not a chore! have fun daydreaming/visualizing you shopping with all the money you got, getting compliments from people on how they’re so amazed at how successful you are, have fun complimenting yourself in the mirror while you repeat affirmations, have fun looking around and going “yeah, i literally have ____” sounds nice and fun? because it is. manifesting is simple.

4. get your desires. there is no deadline. i hate that shit 😭 srrynotsrry, that would be contradicting the law and this challenge. you already have it, you’re not getting anything on a time crunch. not no 3 days, not a week, not two, not a month. THERE IS NOTHING TO GET WHEN YOU HAVE IT NOW. ONLY NOW.

challenge summary:

YOU ALREADY HAVE IT!

𝐈. why should you fulfill yourself?

because when you fulfill yourself in imagination, you are changing self. and what is a reflection of self? the 3D.

it’s not your job to make things physical. your job is to change your mind.

focus on yourself. there is nothing to change or to get in the 3D because it’s nothing but a mirror that shows/proves you right in what state you identify and dwell in.

“Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. The reflection then will be satisfactory.”

“I AM wealthy, poor, healthy, sick, free, confined were first of all impressions or conditions felt before they became visible expressions. Your world is your consciousness objectified. Waste no time trying to change the outside; change the within or the impression; and the without or expression will take care of itself. When the truth of this statement dawns upon you, you will know that you have found the lost word or the key to every door. I AM (your consciousness) is the magical lost word which was made flesh in the likeness of that which you are conscious of being.”

𝐈𝐈. additional tips

doubting? let it pass. don't give it power. why are you doubtful if it's going to come or if the law works when you have what you want right now? if you're dwelling in doubts then you're not being the person who has it.

worried about when it's going to come? that doesn't make sense because you literally have it right now lol

want to ask a question? why? you literally have it. what's there to ask? try asking yourself first.

simple.

have fun, angels. remember that YOU ALREADY HAVE IT. send me your successes in the inbox!

signed, angel ☆

[thatgirlwbraids]

you are limitless , you can manifest anything

when it comes to LOA you can have whatever you want literally WHATEVER you are completely limitless as everything literally EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE’s existence is because of you , you are the cause you are the creator of this world .

“If you can conceptualize it, it must exist. These are so minute in detail that we will never truly question the nature of our reality. It is best to view this reality almost like a frame by frame video. However, Consciousness does not have to be the watcher of this video, but can stop the frame and redirect the video to where Man sees fit. Since there are infinite Versions of yourself, being Specific on how you want to be is achievable. Take where you are now. Maybe you are 18 years old, maybe 48, it does not matter. Go back one year and realize that one year ago, the Version you are now, existed when you were 17 or 47 years old. Did you not have the freedom to be a different version? If so, do you not have that same freedom now? “ - edward art

Man can bring things into existence through his thoughts and consciousness .

Consciousness has the power to resurrect or bring things into existence . nothing exists without your consciousness or imagination

This truth is common to all men, but the consciousness of it – and much more, the self-consciousness of it – is another matter. The day I realized this great truth – that everything in my world is a manifestation of the mental activity which goes on within me, and that the conditions and circumstances of my life only reflect the state of consciousness with which I am fused – is the most momentous in my life.

you are always going to be greater than anything that is expressed in your reality be it good or bad because ofc ? like you created it and the creator is always greater than it’s creations .

“ The power conceiving and the thing conceived are one but the power to conceive is greater than the conception. Jesus discovered this glorious truth when he declared, "I and my Father are one but my Father is greater than I." The power conceiving itself to be man is greater than its conception. All conceptions are limitations of the conceiver. Consciousness precedes all manifestations and is the prop upon which all manifestation rests. To remove the manifestations all that is required of you, the conceiver, is to take your attention away from the conception. Instead of "Out of sight out of mind," it really is "Out of mind out of sight." The manifestation will remain in sight only as long as it takes the force with which the conceiver — I AM — originally endowed it to spend itself. This applies to all creation from the infinitesimally small electron to the infinitely great universe. Be still and know that I AM God. Yes, this very I AM, your awareness of being, is God, the only God. I AM is the Lord— the God of all Flesh— all manifestation. This presence, your unconditioned awareness, comprehends neither beginning nor ending; limitations exist only in the manifestation. When you realize that this awareness is your eternal self you will know that before Abraham was, I AM.“

“ Only through one door can that which you seek pass into the world of manifestation. I AM the door. Your consciousness is the door, so you must become conscious of being and having that which you desire to be and to have. Any attempt to realize your desires in ways other than through the door of consciousness makes you a thief and a robber unto yourself. Any expression that is not felt is unnatural. Before anything appears, God, I AM, feels itself to be the thing desired; and then the thing felt appears. It is resurrected, lifted out of the nothingness. “

“ I AM wealthy, poor, healthy, sick, free, confined were first of all impressions or conditions felt before they became visible expressions. Your world is your consciousness objectified. Waste no time trying to change the outside; change the within or the impression; and the without or expression will take care of itself. When the truth of this statement dawns upon you, you will know that you have found the lost word or the key to every door. I AM (your consciousness) is the magical lost word which was made flesh in the likeness of that which you are conscious of being “

bibical analogy :

“ Your unconditioned awareness or I AM is the Virgin Mary who knew not a man and yet, unaided by man, conceived and bore a son, Mary, the unconditioned consciousness, desired and then became conscious of being the conditioned state which she desired to express, and in a way unknown to others became it. Go and do likewise; assume the consciousness of that which you desire to be and you, too, will give birth to your savior. When the annunciation is made, when the urge or desire is upon you, believe it to be God's spoken word seeking embodiment through you. Go, tell no man of this holy thing that you have conceived. Lock your secret within you and magnify the Lord, magnify or believe your desire to be your savior coming to be with you. “

"A man can receive nothing (no thing) except it be given him from Heaven." Remember heaven is your consciousness; the Kingdom of Heaven is within you. This is why you are warned against calling any man Father; your consciousness is the Father of all that you are. Again you are told, "Salute no man on the highway." See no man as an authority. Why should you ask man for permission to express when you realize that your world, in its every detail, originated within you and is sustained by you as the only conceptional center? “

- neville , your faith is your fortune

[allied-mastercunt]

Yandere AM is cruel. But what kinds of yanderes would the main 5 be? Who would be safer to be with? (Plot twist it's neither of them/hj)

i love how since you don't know me well, you assume that the very mild version of yandere AM i showed so far is cruel to you.

The Five as yanderes

Ellen (book leaning)

The emotional type.

Ellen is the only one who kept some of her humanity. She still cares about the others. And she cares about you so, so much... All because you've shown her kindness the others don't show her anymore.

No, to the others, she's scum. She's aware of that. She knows they only really bother to take care of her because she let them all use her body. She's accepted that it was her only real value for the rest of the group. Well, maybe except for Benny, Benny was nice to her most of the time.

But you? You felt bad for how the others treated her. You offered her a shoulder to cry on. You offered to hold her, let everything out. And she missed being loved. She missed being cared for and held.

She becomes addicted to it. To you. She wants all of your attention, all of your affection, all of your love.

She'll scream. She'll cry. She'll beg.

She loves you. She needs you.

And she'll do anything in her power to make sure she gets you.

Gorrister (game and book mixed)

The wifebeater violent type.

There's very little left of what Gorrister used to be. A once passionate man who then lost himself, first to how his life turned out and then to that damn computer. He was now heartless, both literally and figuratively.

And yet, it would seem a certain kind of passion was... re-awakened in Gorrister. All because of your sweet self.

You tried so hard to reach inside him again. To try and find the man he once was. You could say you succeded, in a way. A very hurtful way, sadly.

Gorrister was now an angry man with an unhealthy attachment to you. He wanted you all to himself, no matter what he'd have to do to keep the small spark of light in his life.

And if beating you was the only way to get you to work with him? That's what he's gonna do, darling.

Ted (book and game mixed)

The manipulative type.

Ted is an expert at lying and manipulating people for his advantage. Especially now. He's a charmer, really! And you're just so easy for him, so nice, so sweet... He loves it.

He manages to wrap you around his little finger. He'll convince you that he's your knight in shining armor, that he's your only real friend, that you can depend on him, that he'll protect you...

He's your only friend around there, really! The only person you can really trust!

He's possessive and has a tendency to objectify his partners. Especially women. His mind was a truly dark place now, seeing as he barely respected anyone at this rate. You have to listen through his rants about how all the others are affected by AM and how he's the only sane one. He'll insult everyone, you included.

And then he'll gaslight you into thinking he's right and that you're slowly losing your mind because of AM. He's your only true beacon of hope, your only link to sanity.

And you'll do everything for him, won't you?

Benny

The worshiping type.

Poor Benny doesn't really understand love anymore, due to all the damage AM caused to his brain. But he understands all the kindness you've shown him. He knows you were the one who comforted him through all the pain caused by that damn machine.

Especially since you'd try to chase after him and help save him from more pain. You did your best for him, and he took your kindness when he could, his brain warping it into a worship-like obsession.

It starts off innocent. If he managed to find something "nice", he'd bring it to you. He would follow you, seek you out, do anything for your attention to be on him exclusively, even if he had to pull you away from the others and hold you down to cuddle him.

And he's very physically strong. He's not letting go, you're the most important person in his life, after all. The others need to learn that, too. Or he'll use those teeth AM gave him to rip their guts out.

But hey, their hearts would be a great offering for you.

To show just how great his love to you is.

Nimdok

The twó-faced type.

He's an old man who barely remembers anything about his past. You naturally want to help him, don't you? Of course you do, you're such a kind person...

But the truth is, even without his memory, you can never take the cruelty out of a monster. And he worked with doctor Mengele himself, he may not be as bad as the Angel of Death himself, but he's definitely no saint.

For you, though, he's just a poor old man that AM torments alongside the others. But the others...?

Well, he might not remember what he did, but he sure remembers how to be a scary motherfucker and how to form his incredibly detailed, whispered threats to make them all leave you alone. And of course, he will make those threats come true if needed.

You have no clue, of course. You think he's a sweet old man, the only one who's actually nice to you, unlike the others who push you away.

And the others... they get to see his true colors.

[heterophobicdyke]

How do you deal with all the homophobia in radical feminism? I can't stand radblr anymore because of the constant lesbian hatred, all the "classic" radfem writers were polilezzes, and even when I try to meet up with feminists irl they are all bihet homophobes. I want to help other lesbians, but every radfem space I check out is just FULL of homophobia. Is there anywhere else for real lesbians to go?

I hate it too. Like I am a radical feminist because I believe in re-ordering society to eliminate male supremacy. That’s why I care less about microanalysing small behaviours like nail polish and dildos, and care more about brainstorming how to overthrow men - I find the navel gazing self-analysis/consciousness among radical feminists a product of our socialisation. It’s not “feminine” to want to rip society down and start again, so we’re expected to internalise - microanalyse how we, personally, are contributing to patriarchy, rather than taking an active role in warring with men who are the root of the issue.

I’m also a radical homosexual rights activist because I believe in re-ordering society to eliminate heterosexual supremacy. So it’s tough being in radical feminist spaces because they aren’t as radical about ending other forms of oppression - and it conflicts sometimes! For example, we should all be anti-gender because it not only affects women but homosexuals. Gender is misogynistic but it’s also homophobic. However, many radical feminists see gender as a solely misogynistic thing, they see homosexual people with a gender identity as the enemy when they’re equally as victim to gender as women with eating disorders are to beauty standards. Heterosexual women are given the most empathy under radical feminism and it’s almost gendery in how it evolved - lesbians are seen as more predatory all because they’re attracted to women… therefore we’re “like men.” To be a perfect female victim to patriarchy you must desire men and have them betray that desire by abusing you once you’re in love. And don’t you dare suggest these women not enter relationships with men at all! Because then you’re victim-blaming as a stranger to the cause, someone who just Doesn’t Understand. While there’s an argument for lack of agency in specific dire situations, like a woman resorting to prostitution to pay off debt or a drug habit, or a woman in a severely abusive relationship to a man not being able to leave, I think radical feminism must get to a stage where we admit we will never overthrow patriarchy while OSA women choose their male partners over the feminist revolution. They’re not compatible. That’s why many turn to liberal feminism and believe they can self-empower while in these close ties to men. As if these men aren’t oppressors living in your home and influencing your daily lives.

Meanwhile, the radical feminist sex wars (ongoing) involved “political lesbians”—some not even attracted to women at all—telling Actual Lesbians that in fact THEY are part of the problem because sexual desire towards women is a Man Thing that can only ever be objectifying unless you’re having sex in “equal ways,” laying side by side and microanalysing any sexual act for “manliness.” I’m kink-critical, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think people should be emulating rape or kidnapping or racism or pedophilia in the bedroom. But they went as far as to say strap on or sexy talk or whatever was all off limits if you considered yourself a feminist. But women who are not in an abusive situation marrying whole men? Poor babies.

I think radical feminism ate itself when it became about women checking themselves for “manliness” rather than distancing from Actual Males. Lesbians will always lose that because homophobia suggests any form of sexual desire for women is a man thing. Like throughout the sex wars and beyond, women in relationships with males were seen to be permanent victims unable to possibly live a female-centred life unless they got to appropriate the term lesbian, and be Better Lesbians than Actual Lesbians. We know that not all women are inescapably and powerlessly with men, and can’t leave, especially when you consider the radfem polls showing most are middle class with a university education. Where the attention went, and goes, instead, was towards women policing their own behaviour for evidence of “maleness.” Which is gender! Butches, especially butch/femme relationships, and any lesbian with a sexual appetite, were/are critiqued more than discussing how women can distance from actual males! As if masculine/feminine relationships and penetration are heterosexual, male things, and a woman exhibiting those things are worse than women who refuse to leave men who exhibit those things (because she’s so vulnerable and victimised!). In fact, women who are deemed “manly” for such things are seen as a bigger betrayer than men themselves because they see it as coming from inside the house. They can delude themselves into thinking they’re using men for sex and romance but are still fighting some feminist fight internally, yet actual lesbians with no dependence on men whatsoever are somehow class traitors for *spins wheel* not being feminine enough in how they have or want sex? Make it make sense!

Masculinity and femininity are simply what we associate with men and women. The problem isn’t really masculinity and femininity, it’s that they’re forcefully applied and naturalised to the sexes. Harmful beauty expectations like youthfulness and thinness are a subset of femininity designed entirely to make women small and childlike. In the same way “toxic masculinity” is the sort of masculinity designed to give men more power over women through naturalising aggression among men. But there are plenty of good/neutral things associated with men, therefore “masculinity,” that women can and do possess, such as short hair, desiring to penetrate, being good with money and wanting to protect/defend their partner. And some women (and men!) exhibit what we’d consider good/neutral “femininity”: nurturing, preferring being penetrated, in touch with their emotions, animal-lovers. These two types of women, as lesbians, being in a “butch/femme” relationship is not emulating heterosexuality because there is no male involved. But “political lesbians” and other radfem homophobes believe(d) they were/are the higher form of lesbian (despite being attracted to men) because they don’t engage in feminist-neutral forms of lesbian culture and history.

This distraction from the real issue—women living lives that focus on men including their partners—goes on. I think radical feminists misuse the victim label to apply to things they don’t want to change or address. OSA women “can’t help” focusing their life on men, so do we forfeit the revolution for it?

But I’ve come to terms with being a radical feminist regardless of those who have deluded themselves into thinking they can end patriarchy holding hands with a man, and all the homophobia that comes along with protecting that CHOICE. Because I rest easy knowing the barebones foundation of radical feminism—eliminating male supremacy—is what I believe and live my life doing, along with likeminded lesbians, febfems and celibates. I’m not going to stop identifying as a radical feminist because of fakers, in the same way I’m not going to stop identifying as a radical homosexual rights activist despite the TRAs thinking they, also, can reclaim the system and simply rework it in “self-empowerment.” Both homosexual TRAs and deluded "radical feminists" belong to the oppressed classes I want to be empowered, and that's where the solidarity ends. I don't have to bite my tongue to hold their hand in the path towards overthrowing heteropatriarchy. I won't be guilted into playing nice.

That’s how I deal with it.

[tea-and-secrets]

something something internalised puritanism idk man it just always feels like I'm doing something (morally) wrong if I'm attracted to boobs.

doesn't help that im either gonna be percieved as a boy ("male gaze, all men objectify women, men only think about sex, attraction from men is inherently a threat"), or as a transgirl ("Deviant, predatory, she probably is only doing this to be allowed into women's changing rooms and perv on girls") or pass as a cis lesbian ("The love that women feel is so pure and perfect because there's no men involved and if they're lustful it must be because of maleness somehow corrupting the sancity of- i cant even make myself write down these rhetorics mockingly anymore they're too gross...")

IF IT WASN'T CLEAR THE PARTS IN BRACKETS ARE NOT THINGS I BELIEVE I AM TALKING ABOUT BEING PERCIEVED PLEASE DONT PISS ON THE POOR HERE

.

[themoodyestj]

I loved your example on objectification of women in academia, which I am a victim of myself. Thank you for that.

However, don't you think Jensen gets objectified so much because that is how he wants his fans to view him? He played a hot, charismatic bad boy for 15 years, and he made that his whole personality. People don't know much about him outside of that, they just know him as 'the hot dude from supernatural'. On the other hand, we hear people praising Jared for things other than his looks, his kindness towards fans, how he goes above and beyond to make them feel valued, how he contributed to the Austin economy by filming Walker there, and of course his work with mental health. I feel Jensen wants his fans to sexualize him, for example "the magic happens" interaction in that AD house tour video. You could argue that it was Elta who said that, but Jensen could've had that removed if he wanted to. He even had his home address leaked fully knowing how crazy his stans are. Jensen has been in this business long enough to understand branding, and I believe it his him that wants the sex symbol tag.

Well, first of all, Im sorry for your experience. You kick their butts and show who's boss! ;)

Second of all, regarding Jensen... Not invalidating your point, you may be right, after all, all we do here is speculate. However I'm inclined to... not really. Let me explain why.

I think probably Jensen milked that sexy man image at first. It was giving him attention, relevance, the girls swooned for him, all good. But then the rumors of being homosexual started. What does the guy do? Gets married. The wife throws a tantrum on media saying shes not a beard, yada yada. Boom! Family man image beats sex symbol. Now he's in love, he has kids and then...

Destiel. He gets super uncomfortable, cant shake the gay rumours, says Destiel doesnt exist. Gets slaughtered at the Hellers altar. The poor excuse of a wife, what does she do? She holds Misha's hand and says, lets join forces to piss off my husband. Destiel delulu increases, Danneel is no longer a beard, she is now a relevant participant in the threesome, and makes her hobbie to invalidate/hummiliate/ make fun of said husband any chance she gets. Danneel is finally (somewhat) relevant, Misha gets the attention he so desperately craves, Jensen's life sucks. So much for the sex symbol image, none of that is sexy.

The problem, in my opinion? PR. Very weak or very incompetent PR. He's scared to displease the masses. And because he was so willing to make the masses happy (or at the very least calm), the masses started spreading him in all directions like taffy, and now he's viewed like what?

I dont know, a Ken doll that can be inserted in whatever people want him to be, regardless of what he himself wants to be. They make him sleep with everything and everyone except Jared. And Jensen is a bit to blame, because although he was vocal sometimes about how he wanted to be viewed, he got scared easily and didnt assert himself. And they held on viciously to that.

And now he is pretty much the clay of everyone's fantasies.

To some, any way. There are some sane people that want to watch him grow as a person and as an actor and encourage him to find his true self. None of those people are Hellers or AAs. But nah. Definitely not a sex symbol.

My two cents.

[waxdream]

Trigger warning - adoption, suicide, trauma, objectification.

I need to talk about adoption in Flatland. I'm adopted, so the details of this part of the story are a bit hazy due to dissociation. But like, Abbott has so many little points in his book that it impresses me. I can't tell if he did it on purpose, but if he did, damn am I impressed.

I went to the foundling museum in London a few years ago. I cried a lot, seeing the stolen items, and the exhibition of 'adoptees/orphans/fosterlings in comic books' that was downstairs. That was my favourite museum exhibition ever. My item I had from my birth mother is a candle that sits on my shelf. It's blue, and I didn't know what it was for a long long time, until one day I was about to throw it away. Luckily, I asked my adoptive mother if she wanted it, and she told me what it was. I almost threw part of my history away.

Which leads me into flatland, and the equilateral triangles. A class of adoptees. The only adoptions mentioned in the book are forced apon triangle families by the state for 'angular purity', and in order to give higher class people with an inability to have children the chance to adopt. In a modern context, I would take this as a scathing read of the adoption system. Only lower class, male children with desireable qualities are eligible for this kind of class crossing adoption, and the birth family celebrate it. The lower class is indoctrinated into thinking that 'this is for the best'.

In the UK at the time of my adoption, I've been told the desirable child was a white baby girl with no obvious disabilities, blonde hair and blue eyes. My foster carers were ineligible to adopt me, and the cynic in me believes this was because I was considered an object with 'desireable' qualities. The shadow court in my mind says 'it could have made some rich middle class family very happy' when I'm feeling grumpy and objectified. Luckily, a charity helped fund my foster (now adoptive) family's court battle, and a law change in the second year of it allowed them to win. I got lucky.

I see a lot of parallels between my own adoption and the adoptions in Flatland. People saying 'it's for the best', who don't realise that many adoptions take place because poor, mentally ill and young people can't take care of children because of lack of support and money. The scalene triangles in Flatland could have raised the equilateral merchant class, given enough resources and better schooling. Just like how A square is able to Tutor his grandson Hex - a lawyer teaching someone of a higher class skills he himself does not necessarily need to know.

I can't help but think about how those trinkets didn't stay with the foundlings who lived in that house. How I almost threw my candle away. The triangles have the physical reminder of their shape, and yet still, they are told they are different. They are regular, not like those other triangles, "you're one of us, you always have been", a square father might say to his new son. "We deserve to have you". And then, when the triangle grows up, and his wife (who's own father was a square) gives birth to an irregular triangle, the filth of that triangle's DNA is shown once again, despite the outward appearence of regularity. That's what my own adoption feels like. I always waited to be revealed for the imposter that I was. But I wonder if in a way that feels cathartic for them - like the immense relief I felt when my adoptive mother saved my candle from the trash. It's proof that your adoption exists, that you exist as a complex, multifaceted shape.

I wonder if the pressure of being regular was removed from that man's shoulders when his son was not born a square, but a triangle. Maybe his wife divorced him and he remarries within his original class - a safer, more understand place. Is that a happy ending? Is there a happy ending for adoptees? I never used to think there was. I used to think my life would end soon. Not today but tomorrow, or other similar things I'd tell myself. "I'd be content if I died today" would be said often by the regular triangle.

I wanted to be a hexagon when I thought about what shape I'd be. But no, the humble equilateral triangle is for me. He was not born a girl like I was. But perhaps they're also non binary like me.

Noone is born thinking they are tainted. You're taught that by other people. The regular triangle is told to their face they are normal, and nothing is wrong, that their adoption never affected them. When the regular triangle realised they're trans and autistic, and had that validated, that's when they felt like a real shape. Not a doll. Not an object. I still feel tainted sometimes. It's hard not to when society teaches you your DNA is wrong. And sadly, I think that's a feeling so so many of us feel - adoptees and non adoptees alike.

Your DNA is not wrong. That's a lie. It's a dangerous lie that permeates modern society, not out in the open but under covers. Every time someone says 'it's not the same' in regards to adoption, it's a perpetuation of that lie.

If your feelings are that adoption as lesser, you need to seriously examine your mindset. Because it's a mindset that holds DNA as sacred, as important. And having that mindset is something that easily divides us as a people - it's giving an inch. What's important is who we are, our life experiences, the things that make us different from each other and the points in our lives that shape us. Society shapes us. Racism and patriarchy and homophobia and ableism - these negatives do shape us. DNA has a place in who we are too, but my point is that there's so much more to it than that. The friends we discover, the things we learn, growing as people, the beauty in the world.

And I had to learn that the hard way, because the only thing that society teaches adoptees is that they're replacements. Second best. Whatever other words you have for 'btech birth kid'. Just know, any fellow adoptees, that none of that is true.

I'm happy to answer questions, because I doubt my point is coming across as well as I wanted. The triangles have got me feeling sad, and I haven't even researched phrenology yet. To clarify all my points, adoption feels sucky, racism is awful, you are more than just what society tells you you are, I am the triangle (apart from all the marriage stuff - replace that part with learning I'm trans and autistic, it serves the same purpose in my narrative).

[kitkatpancakestack]

Hiiii love, I'm here so you can continue talking about Dylen O' Brien and because unfortunately I am not immune to whatever that man has going on either! What are some favorite things you've seen him in?

I'm literally sitting in bed feeling so unwell bc Dylan O Brien will never fuck me until I tear a muscle and I just have to somehow be okay w that. Sigh.

Anyway! The first thing that comes to mind is Weird City, highly recommend if you haven't seen it! I think it's only like six episodes so quick watch but I really like it, in fact I need to do a rewatch soon.

Maximum Truth is so fucking stupid (/pos) but idk he was charming

I have yet to see ponyboi and fantasmas but if DOB is in it I'm watching 😤

I just saw Saturday Night and Caddo Lake and I liked both! He just has THE RANGE 🤌🤌

If the spirit so moves you to watch teen wolf well just go for it babe cuz I do still think that was his best role he was simply made for that character.

There's many more but this would get so loooong and just turn into me objectifying that poor hot piece of ass and nobody needs that lmfao

Idk to me he's never acted poorly a day in his life and I've never looked at him and not wanted to live on my knees so 🤷‍♀️

[stinkrascal]

omfg people on antinatalists subreddits are fucking demons. i get being childfree, i am myself and i have no intentions of having children ever. but being an actual child hater and seething whenever you see people having children, blaming poor families for their decisions to have children “maybe you wouldnt be poor if you’d kept your legs closed,” actively talking about people and primarily women who choose to have children in the most degrading and objectifying way possible, and relishing in the misery of real actual children who suffer the most under poverty bc these people dont actually care to fix the problem, they just want to point blame and laugh at people who are suffering with it. like u ppl are literally insane, how do u not realize you sound like a fucking fascist 😭 like these freaks will insist they just “care about the children” and “dont want children to suffer under capitalism” while blaming poor families for being poor (bc poverty is always a choice people make and not at all tied to generational circumstances which are often out of your control, duh) and calling actual living breathing children who exist “crotch goblins” and “failed abortions” like man shut the fuck up, we get it youre miserable and you wish your mother had aborted you too. just do the world a favor and take it out on yourself next time.

[hologramcowboy]

https://startefacts.com/news/ready-set-aww-danneel-ackles-reveals-how-she-knew-jensen-was-the-one_a136

This whole article is actually gross. Romanticizing her forcing an unscripted kiss to shoot her shot it gross.

Being the confident woman that she is, she decided to kiss Jensen in one of the scenes, even though "that was not scripted."

The scene in question is the one at the end of the movie where Tish (Danneel's character) walks up to Priestly (played by Jensen) and gives him a kiss.

According to the actress, Jensen knew that the kiss was not in the script. No wonder Priestly looks so (pleasantly) surprised in that scene! Who wouldn't be?

Danneel said that the reason for her girlbossing was that she just understood that she "had to do something else, or it would be too late." This is a clear example of feminism working for you, folks!

Kissing someone when they aren’t expecting it and you aren’t sure if they want it while you’re on camera doing your job is not “girlbossing” and it defiantly is NOT feminism. It’s the exact thing men do to women all the time and people point out how wrong it is. There is nothing cute about this story. What makes it worse it that it’s not even completely factual. I mean, maybe that was their first kiss, I don’t know, but the fact that this gross story is what they have chosen as their lie? Tells you all you need to know about them as individuals and a couple.

I can debunk her claim easily and so can anyone in touch with the industry:

As an Actor/Actress there is no universe in which it is okay to make any type of intimate move towards your co-star prior to setting boundaries during rehearsal and asking for their clear definite permission and limits. I repeat, invading personal space, suddenly touching, kissing etc your scene partner by surprise is strictly forbidden and the #metoo movement has plenty of stories that prove my point. Again, no professional actor will EVER invade their scene partner's space or boundaries. Unless they are a creep or lack balance. Even if your co star likes you or is your friend, spouse, whatever, when it comes to acting boundaries are everything and everything is talked about prior during rehearsal and most of the time in the presence of an intimacy coach. So, not sure why these people are publicizing this story, all it shows is that Jensen got harassed on set. That poor man gets objectified and preyed upon so often he ended up thinking that's what love is. This is endlessly sad.

Secondly, this script was written by a woman for a woman centered audience, in which universe do you all think the kiss was not written? Please find a copy of the script.

Thirdly, if the kiss was unplanned why did the camera perfectly frame and capture it? 🤣 Were the crew men psychic? 🤦🏼‍♀️ I mean, I get wanting to level up the Ackles image because they have zero credibility, affability and chemistry but Danneel, if you are going to lie about something to make yourself look good once again at Jensen's expense, at least do your research. Any coach, director, casting director, etc. etc. will tell you straight off that touching, insinuating, kissing, etc all gestures, choices that invade personal space and boundaries are a huge no no without consent. I am so appalled that people are publicizing this. Do you all even realize the negative message you are sending to Actors everywhere? They already have very little to feel safe about, please don't add to it and instead of buying into whatever crap Danneel tries to sell, do your research. Research is King.

Let me reinforce this once more: If you overstep boundaries of your fellow actors (I don't f* care if they are your spouse, brother, cousin, etc), you should get professional help before ever stepping unto a stage/set/audition room floor again. You are what is deeply wrong with this industry. Finally, while Jensen is endlessly beautiful, he does not deserve to be treated like a fish you are trying to catch, Danneel, you are just like any other obsessed fan girl, you view him as an object so much so you kissed him forcefully. ( Yet again you prove you have no love in you). Also, you were set to marry Riley so if YOU chose to forcefully kiss Jensen you chose to willfully betray the man that was the supposed love of your life at the time without a second thought, without scruples. IF the kiss thing is true, because, as stated above, I highly, highly doubt it was not scripted and have very valid reasons to think so.

Moral of the story is: next time you feel like lying, remember there are professional people who have experience in your field, that will see you for the pitiful impostor you are.

[criesinauthor]

hey so here’s noel’s dream from chapter four of i can make him worse!!! i was going to insert it but I’m a slut for mischa pov so here’s the snippet of what was to be.

“What am I going to with you?”

A hand brushed across Noel’s face, tender and featherlight. His eyes drifted open, slowly. Above him is a man bathed in light.

“Poor thing.” The thumb grazed his lips.

He opened his eyes. The face is familiar, he knows it as well as one could know a face.

“Mischa…”

He weakly extended one arm up towards him. Mischa took his hand like it was made of glass.

“Monique,” he trailed kisses down her bare arm. “My darling girl, you’ve come back.”

Noel was still slightly confused, but decided to go with it.

“Mhm. I sure did.”

“Promise me, this instant you’ll never walk the streets of Paris again.”

Oh, it’s that kind of dream.

He swooned and was immediately taken up into Mischa’s arms.

He turned away and dramatically whispered. “We both know I can’t do that. I belong to no man.”

“Monique, mon cher, let me take care of you. Please, my wild-hearted angel.”

He kisses her neck with desperation. Noel’s only reaction is a bored, satisfied smile.

“If you try to keep me, I’ll step out. I have as many loves as there lights reflecting in the Seine. They all want me as madly as you. Why should you make me choose?”

His kisses slowed, but only stopped when forced himself off of her.

“My darling girl, these men may love you, but what comfort can they offer? What devotion? Who among them would see you passed out in the gutter, dying, and still take you to his bed?”

Mischa held his face to her breast.

“Please, ma belle, stay with me and I will give you my whole life.”

Noel feels tears fall on his dress, which is a devastatingly gorgeous beaded black silk number. If it were real vintage and not dream vintage, he’d probably slap him across the face for staining it. But now, he feels only tenderness. Rare for these kinds of fantasies.

He takes the man’s gorgeous, chiseled face in his hands and kisses him chastely.

“Your life means nothing to me.”

He kisses her back. Pointedly less chaste.

“Yours means everything.”

Noel’s own discomfort wakes him up.

His head is pounding like nothing else and his stomach is probably digesting itself, but he isn’t tired anymore. The ache in his bones is more accurately attributed to being curled up in a ball for the better part of an hour, not his hang over.

He gets up, shakes the last of his sleep from his body and the last of that dream from his head. How gauche. How embarrassing. He finally makes a friend and that’s what his brain wants to do with him, objectify him? Reduce him to a desperate suitor? Someone with nothing better to do than dote on him? What was his problem that being normal was just-

Oh.

Mischa was in his kitchen, sitting at his table. The air was warm and smelled like salt, spinach, potatoes, and bouillon.

Maybe it wasn’t all his subconscious after all.

“Shit, you scared me.” Noel said, blinking a few times to confirm this was not a trick of the eye. “Are you making food or something?”

Mischa nodded. “No one is waiting up for me, so…”

“Of course. I just… I didn’t think you’d actually stay, I thought I dreamt that part.”

Mischa walked over to him and smiled in his face.

“You were dreaming about me?”

He was much too close for comfort, but Noel still managed to lie, unfazed despite everything in his head screaming at him.

“No, no. Please. I thought I had shacked up with an insanely gorgeous houseboy played by a young Michael Pitt. You had nothing to do with it.”

“Aw,” he reached for an apron hung by a hook on the wall. “I’m not pretty enough for your dreams? That really hurts me, Noel.”

“You are, you’re just such a heel all the time. I’d rather not deal with it in my sleep.”

[crimsun-n-clover]

dalia chronicles

i need her so bad dude

like. i don’t. i’m just being weird because i’m bored and she’s my type.

BUT—

i’ve hit rock fucking bottom. i took all the screenshots of her stuff and all the songs off of them and put them in a playlist. because if i was posting “me <3” to thee most obscure song ever?? i’d want people to go check that shit out. and like. understand me or whatever. but that’s what i would want. i’m being fucking weird about this. i think she’d like the attention but i’d actually rather die than give it to her in this dumbass unstable institutionalized way

i just need her to dm me first ONE TIME. not replying to me posting her stuff on my story. like. replying to literally anything else. to justify my behavior.

BECAUSE

HERES THE FUCKING T H I N G MAN

i took mickey to a concert a few days back. twas rad. we saw idkhow. i posted about it a little. when i get home and check my instagram?? i see that i posted us at the concert waiting for it to start 5 hours ago. and dalia posted a question submission box to an idkhow song. 5 hours ago.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS. she’s fucking with me. she’s SO fucking with me. just dm me for the love of GOD and stop baiting me with things. even though it’s kinda why im into you in the first place. fuckin whatever man.

this is literal torture but i’m kinda having a good time ngl

today she posted two stories to the song casual by chappell roan and holy. fuck. dude. that song is SO real.

i’ve felt used so much for my looks and reputation and i was fucking fine with it at the time because if that was all i was gonna get then i should just shut up and be grateful. i was so stupid but i was almost happy. it made everything hurt so much more when it was over because honestly? i was fucking bitter. i wanted nothing more than revenge and numbness. i wanted to hurt her back and keep her down before she can try that shit again. teach her a thing or two about what loss means. it’s horrible to be like that, i know. but it was horrible of her to be showing me apartment listings for us while talking to a guy who was actively homophobic toward me. i’m not proud of what i did or who i am, but fuck being the bigger person. i’m three fuckin inches tall and gonna get in your stupid double standard holding brain until you pry me out yourself and admit what you did.

anyway

dalia posted herself to that song twice in a thirst trappy way. i want to pick her brain so bad. what happened? are you okay?? you deserve better. you’re interesting and talented and deserve every ounce of attention you crave. i’d be happy to give you some if you’d give me permission. i don’t want to be the problem here. the bits of your personality that i’ve seen have been so intriguing to me. i’m enraptured and i want to know more. it’s not purely physical, but it could be if you want it to.

also. why are you so hot it’s not FAIR and how have the last two girls i’ve been dangerously into posted themselves with a star drawn on their collarbone and made my poor gay brain short circuit?? i’m actually in shock about that one ngl. while the lyric “knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out, is it casual now?” plays in the background. i hope i die

moving on. ish.

i want to save it but they’re videos and i can’t just paste videos into a notes file like i would with a photo i didn’t want laying around. i didn’t even like the more thirst trappy one because i’m RESPECTFUL. she’s so pretty and i want to drool over her a little. i’m obviously fucking ashamed but if a straight guy did it it would be normal so. whatever. i feel like saving it would be hitting some kind of barrier. dunno what it is but there’s gotta be a limit around here somewhere. or maybe it’s admitting something to myself. that this is a genuine interest but it’s not if i don’t save the video. GOD i hate it here

i feel like i’m objectifying her? like. i’d love for her to objectify me honestly. lick my fucking tongue and get it over with so i can think about it for the rest of my life. she seems to be looking for attention in any way she can get it and that makes me think she would be cool with it. but i don’t want to be that you know? i know how that feels. but i also wouldn’t mind something unserious with her. but i would want more if she wanted more. that’s a fucking LIE i’d want more regardless but i’d take more if i got permission.

i’m kinda sorta maybe the type of person with an avoidant attachment style. something good happens? cool! sounds like bullshit. cash out while i’m high and tuck tail n fucking bolt. i’ll feel like shit about it but if i stick around something bad always happens.

i’m getting. a vibe. that maybe she’s similar. i’m probably just projecting. i don’t know how to describe it, but it feels like everything she does is a wild fucking shot in the dark and then she runs off for a bit until she builds up the courage to do it again. she’ll drop a hint or say something important and then post art and her outfit for a week and do it all over again.

it feels like we’re both testing the water at different times. just “wouldn’t it be cool if. girlfriend? GOODBYE GUYS NICE KNOWING YOU” eventually there’s gonna be an intersection and shit is gonna go DOWN bro. like. added to my lore kind of down. but i think i’m gonna be the one to have to actually make the first move that isn’t liking her stories and i’m gonna blow my fucking brains out. and like five other people will die because of all the suicide pacts i’m a part of.

and then immediately after i get even a DROP of reciprocation i’ll go “damn that’s crazy. fuckin ditto or whatever. i’m leaving the country don’t wait up” OR immediately propose. no in between. i hate it here

[peppermintbuttlemon]

Why are his fans so weird bro they’re saying we can’t talk about his bare ass in Hoard like he didn’t agree to get his ass out now let me see it

So stupid 🙄 don’t objectify my poor little lamb!! Bro he is a 30 year old man who has likely objectified every semi attractive woman that he’s ever come across. I care not. Bare thy cheeks loser, I am ready 🔎🍑

It’s a stupid game of who is more moral and righteous. Nobody wins. People can see your search history when they use your WiFi. You’re not pure of heart baby girls.

[bending-sickle]

there’s a “Threesome Flicks” list which somehow includes

American Psycho (2000): The film’s lead has a threesome with two female escorts.

because apparently “threesome flicks” means “has a threesome sex scene”

and

Farinelli (1994): A young castrati has a ménage à trois with his less-talented composer brother.

if by ménage à trois you mean they take turns because they ~share everything~ then sure. most of the movie is...not about that.

and

Underworld: Evolution (2006): A hot vampire threesome (two female vamps and a man) takes place, as the vampires and werewolves battle for domination.

okay no seriously this list is just “has threesome sex somewhere in the background” isn’t it?

but i am delighted to see it includes Café au Lait (see below), because it’s a great movie about a lot of important issues. (although even then it’s not even really about ~sexy threesomes~ as much as reluctant poly living but sure.)

Café au Lait* (1993): A French woman living in Paris gets pregnant by one of her two lovers, and the three form a family.

* more often titled Métisse and more accurately described as:

Lola, a young West Indian Métis, is pregnant. However, she does not know which of her two lovers is the father: Felix, a poor Jewish bicycle courier, or Jamal, the son of affluent African diplomats. When she refuses to get a paternity test, the two men fight to prove to her that they would be a better father. [x]

because how about we don’t give out the literal last scene spoilers, hmm?

i am, however, sad that Y tu mamá también (2001) isn’t listed. i mean sure, the threesome ruins the friendship, but... *points at literal american psycho being on the list*

you will notice how neither of us mention Karla (2007)* which is definitely for the best** because sexual assault trumps Yay Threesome, but since apparently the standards for this list are all over the place (if we’re going by american psycho and underworld: evolution) then, idek. but still...like...ma’am your husband was very much in a movie with a threesome front and center. (and other things, in the same way American Psycho and Farinelli are Mainly Other Things and none of them sexeh.)

just look at me not mentioning it.

* which came out the same year as the book but which she definitely was aware of beforehand because she’s *checks notes* married to the lead

** do not recommend on any front unless you can objectify the hell out of it. like, it’s not even good.

- Chapter 2, The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to Sleeping with Three (2007) by Victoria (Vicki) Vantoch

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

To Love Who Wears The Crown Pt. 6

Pairing: Modern Royals: King!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: reader is kidnapped and blackmailed but nothing really happens other than threatening and

Genre: half angst kinda comedy

Summary: You meet the king of Andia by chance when he hosts a ball and he's immediately taken with you, enough to invite you to spend your summer at the palace with him while he formally courts you. Although he's everything you could dream of from the moment you arrive, nothing is ever straightforward in the world of powerful people. Who would have thought that when you tripped over his feet at a dance you'd eventually have to find out what it means to love a king.

***

You let out a groan as you slowly come to. A slight throbbing in your head makes you hiss.

"Oh good, you're awake. Was starting to think they'd messed up somewhere." A voice says making you finally open your eyes. You glance around trying to figure out where you are. The room you're in is large with a dark brown and grey color scheme. It's unfamiliar to you but it's clearly a throne room if the large seats that are elevated in front of you are any indication. The man sitting in one of them leans casually to one side. "I'd like to welcome you to Weldon."

"Welcome me to- wait, I'm in Weldon?" You frown.

"Yes, and regarding the way you were brought here, there's really no gentle way to handle something like that I suppose. Are you injured by the way? I can't have you return to King James in poor condition."

"Other than a headache I don't think I am but what the hell is going on?" You reach up to touch your temple. It's then that you realize that you're not tied to the chair you're in but there are guards very close to you and at each entrance to the room.

"Oh- I forgot to introduce myself. I am King Helmut Zemo. Normally I wouldn't handle this so personally but you- are more valuable than normal situations account for." The man says.

"So glad you are personally handling the matter of my kidnapping." You scoff.

"Come now, there's no reason to be curt."

"Maybe this is unheard of to you but being taken by force from my bedroom in the middle of the day isn't something that puts me in a particularly good mood." You roll your eyes.

"As long as you cooperate dear no harm will come to you."

"If you think King James is going to start a war over me or that this is going to force him into some sort of malevolent negotiation with you, you are wasting your time you know."

"War? No, don't be ridiculous. War wouldn't be valuable for what I want."

"Well, you aren't going to get it through me." You scoff.

"Are you even going to ask what it is?" He muses.

"No. I'm not." You huff.

"You're stuck here regardless dear, you might as well play along."

"If you're going to do an evil bad guy speech just do it already." You roll your eyes.

"Next time I bring you here we'll give you a script so a conversation like this goes correctly."

"Dude, why am I here?" You cross your arms. His cartoonish confidence is quickly getting old.

"I'm glad you asked. I have it on good authority that King James is quite fond of you, protective even."

"On whose fucking authority? Was it that creep Walker? Oh my gosh, the king didn't let him objectify me at dinner he's really setting the bar high." You quip sarcastically.

"Walker? As in John Walker? What are you talking about? What does he have to do with anything?"

"Nevermind. If you aren't using me as a bargaining chip what do you want from me?"

"I learned that your King James intends to have a ball of sorts soon. Since you are so close to him, at this ball you're going to poison him."

"That's treason. So help me understand on what planet you think I would willingly commit regicide for you?! Especially against my own king!" You stand angrily.

"Well, I thought the life of your dear friend was worth something to you. Perhaps I was wrong." He shrugs.

"What?" You blink at him.

"Guards!" King Zemo yells to no one in particular. You frown in confusion as you hear faint struggling from somewhere.

"Let go of me you fucking losers! I swear I will kick-"

"Monica!" You gasp running over to her as she's being carried in by guards each holding one of her arms.

"Y/n!" She stops struggling to look at you.

"Oh my god, Monica, what happened?"

"Some goons showed up at my house the other day and brought me here. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Same thing happened to me, except, I think it happened yesterday for me. Are you hurt?" You look over her face.

"Nothing unmanageable." She shakes her head.

"I thought this might serve as motivation." Zemo interrupts your conversation.

"Let her go you fuckhead." You glare at him.

"You'll have to decide whose life is worth more to you dear." He muses.

"Whatever he's asking you to do y/n don't do it." Monica says.

"He's asked me to kill the king Mon." You whisper.

"You can't! You'd be killed for that." She says quietly.

"I know but I don't think I have a choice Monica it's you or him."

"Y/n he's the king."

"And you're my closest friend, I can't pick a man I met six months ago over you."

"It's not just about him or me y/n your life is also at risk here. You can't do this."

"I don't know how I'll live with myself without you Mon. I can't let you die here."

"And you can't sacrifice the king for me."

"Rock and a hard place." You mutter.

"Y/n you can't kill the king it's a death sentence."

"I'll figure something out Mon." You say.

"Y/n you have to be careful."

"Aren't I always?" You wink at her. You walk back over to Zemo. "Alright. I'll do it." You sigh.

"Good girl." Zemo nods to a guard that hands you an unmarked bottle.

"But! someone has to call me, a video call every day, and put Monica on the phone." You say.

"You're not really in a position to be making demands." Zemo snorts.

"That ball you're talking about isn't for another week at least. If you will not let Monica return home with me now, I need proof that she stays alive and unharmed while she's here. I cannot take your word for it I don't trust you. I need to see it for myself." You say.

"Fine. I suppose that can be arranged." The king gestures a guard over to him and they exchange some words before the guard walks over to you and hands you a device. "You keep this out of sight of those pesky Andonians and we'll use this to call you and show you your friend."

"It'll have to be at night. After the king and I have dinner. No one will disturb me after that. Like nine o'clock."

"You are very demanding." He scoffs.

"You're asking me to commit treason in my home. Do not talk to me about demanding." You retort.

"Whatever. The guards by your chair will escort you as far as the border but from there you're on your own. If the king caught my men with you he'd have them killed and dead men are of no use to me. I'm sure you can understand."

"Now?"

"Yes. Our business is done and honestly having you here for days was more than long enough." He waves a hand dismissively. You roll your eyes but walk over to Monica without responding to him.

"Y/n please, don't do it." Monica frowns.

"I'll see you soon okay?" You tell her softly, kissing your friend's cheek before turning to the guards assigned to return you. You follow them out of the palace and to the stables where they grab two horses. "Horses? Do people here not drive?" You ask.

"We drive it's just the terrain between here and Andia doesn't fair well for most cars and a military vehicle would draw too much attention." One of the guards says helping you onto one of the horses. He gets on behind you while the other guard gets on the other horse.

"Do I not get my own horse?" You scoff.

"Can't have you running off." Guard two says.

"You're taking me home- where would I run off to?"

"With one of our horses I mean." Guard two rolls his eyes.

"Whatever." You roll your eyes. Your journey across Weldon is expectedly quiet. As if you'd have anything to say to the guards of the man who kidnapped you and is now trying to force you to kill Bucky. Instead, you spend the couple of hours from the castle to the border milling over what your next steps will be once you return to the palace. You've got to come up with a way out of this that doesn't result in losing your best friend or the man you care about.

"Oy- we're at the border." Eventually, the guard behind you shoves at your shoulder to get your attention.

"Am I supposed to get off of the horse with you still on it behind me?" You shoot him a look.

"You are way more trouble than you're worth." He huffs climbing off of the horse and holding an arm up to you. His other hand is holding the reins of the animal and you shift as if to take his hand but hesitate. In a moment of sheer impulsivity, you twist your foot up at his jaw and land a kick with all the power you can manage from the awkward angle. It's enough to get him to release the reins and you grab them without a second thought taking off into Andia before you lose your nerve. You chance a look behind you to see the second guard had descended his horse to converse with the first but upon seeing you take off gets back onto his horse to chase after you. Based on the sky you'd guess it's after lunchtime, maybe around three. All you have to do is make it far enough to find some guards on patrol. You'll either lose the Weldon guard before then or he'll run off when he sees he's outnumbered. It doesn't take you long to find a small crew of soldiers likely finishing up their patrols. Since they're on foot, for some reason, you catch up to them quickly and though they draw weapons a quick shout lets them know you're no enemy. You practically jump off of the horse once you're close enough to them.

"Y/n?!" You're surprised to see a familiar face amongst the patrol group.

"Sammy! God, it's so good to see you. What are you doing out here?" You throw your arms around him.

"Me? You're the one that's been missing for almost three days missy. Where the hell have you been?!" He scoffs.

"Three days?! It's been three days?!" You blink at him.

"Yeah, it's been three days. What's going on?" He frowns.

"There was a Weldon guard chasing me. I think I lost him but I'm not sur-" Sam pulls you behind him and the rest of the soldiers essentially form a wall between you and the Weldonian who, apparently you did not in fact lose.

"Take him down, but don't kill him. The king will certainly want him back alive." Sam orders and the soldiers charge towards him. "You, we have to get back to the palace. Bucky has been out of his fucking mind worrying about you. What the hell happened?" Sam helps you back onto your stolen horse.

"I was kidnapped." You say quietly.

"Holy hell- were you hurt?" Sam frowns.

"Not physically no. I'm just a little spooked I guess." You shrug.

"My car is parked in a town about ten minutes from here, I'll take you back to the palace and we'll go from there. Sound good?" Sam asks gently.

"Yeah- yeah that sounds good." You nod.

"Where did the horse come from by the way?"

"I stole it- that's why that Weldon guard was chasing me." You mutter.

"You are something else." Sam says with a chuckle. You let out a short hum without responding. Sam leads your horse back to where his car is and helps you down and into the vehicle. You can't bring yourself to chat much during the drive to the palace and Sam, though concerned, respects your desire for silence. When Sam pulls up to the palace, your eyes are closed so he gets out and opens your side for you before waking you up.

"Y/n, babes, we're here." He says gently, tapping your arm. You open your eyes and let him help you out of the car.

"Lady y/n?!" One of the guards' eyes get so big you think they might pop out as you and Sam approach the palace entrance.

"Where's the king?" Sam asks.

"H-he's in his-"

"Y/n." Bucky's voice cuts off the guard's answer as he rushes towards you.

"Bucky." Your call is much quieter than his but you know he hears you as he sweeps you into his arms as soon as you're within reach.

"You're alive." He says with a relieved sigh, holding you to him.

"I am." You whisper back.

"Dude how did you know to be here?" Sam scoffs.

"One of the soldiers you were with called saying they were on their way with a Weldonian and that you had left ahead of them with y/n." Bucky says.

"Of course they did." Sam muses. Bucky steps back enough to look you over carefully.

"Are you hurt doll? What happened? Where have you been?"

"Buck- don't overwhelm her with a million questions at once." Sam says. Bucky shoots Sam a look but clearly internalizes that he's right.

"Are you hurt y/n?" Bucky asks, concern etched deep into his expression.

"No- not really." You shake your head.

"What happened?"

"I was kidnapped." You mutter quietly. No matter how many times you say it, it doesn't feel real.

"By who? How did this happen? I'll kill-"

"Your majesty." Sam snips again.

"I- I can't do this right now." You whisper.

"You don't have to. I'm sorry for asking so much so soon it's just, I was so worried about you. I thought I'd never see you again." Bucky says wrapping his arms around you again.

"I understand. I'll tell you about it later I just, I'd like to shower and change right now." You say.

"Of course. I'll walk you to your room." Bucky says keeping his arm around your waist as he walks you into the palace. "I'll wait here for you to finish. Shout if you need anything." He says when you reach your room.

"James I can manage a shower by myself." You give him a confused look.

"I know I just, I can't bare to let you out of my sight any more than I have to right now. I hardly want to leave you to shower alone. I fear you'll disappear again." Bucky strokes your cheek gently as he speaks. You cover your hand with his and turn your head slightly, placing a kiss in his palm.

"Alright. You can wait here. I'll be back shortly." You tell him softly. He nods and with that, you enter your room. You unfold the small vial from Zemo from your clothes and hide it, along with the communication device they gave you, in your trunk before going to shower. You take your time washing yourself, trying to let the hot water soothe you as if enough scrubbing will erase the traces of what's happened. At the very least, you're thrilled to feel safe again, even if you have a million problems to solve and no idea where to start.

***

Part 6/???

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