crimsun-n-clover

[crimsun-n-clover]

just had a pro ana lana del rey aesthetic blog follow my mcr blog?? goal weight in bio and everything girl i thought you guys went extinct

[crimsun-n-clover]

“are you sure you want to post without tags” yeah actually i don’t particularly care for exposure to the general tumblr population on my blog where i talk about jerking off and killing myself

[crimsun-n-clover]

today sucks liz told me she’s gonna try to apply for canadian citizenship for medically assisted suicide so. there’s a looming sense of dread.

and also i’m so nauseous but my brain won’t stop thinking about the taste and sensation of food like NO i do NOT want to think about meat right now i’m gonna gag

also my eyes have been hurting for DAYS no matter what i do idk what’s wrong with me

[crimsun-n-clover]

i can take that old man in a fight probably

[crimsun-n-clover]

hey bestie can i like. lick your tongue and know every bit of you and stay over at your house so often you forget what it’s like to be without me and make you breakfast in the morning and hold you while we watch shitty horror movies and wait for you to get home from work so i can hear about how your day was and give you head just because i feel like it and know your coffee order and do errands for you even when i don’t want to because i’d do anything you ask me to and run off together because i never liked it here anyway and you’re too good for this shithole town

and we’ll loathe each other underneath it all like you always did and we’ll say things to each other just because we know it’ll hurt and you’ll punch me in the mouth and kiss the blood from my lips and you’ll make me sick from the way you never stand up for anything and you’ll reprimand me for being a vindictive bitch like usual and we’ll fuck other people and take everything we can get our hands on and more beyond that and you’ll carve me up like in those slashers i always loved and use my skull as your ash tray because i’ve never wanted anything more than to be used by you however you’d take me

or like. not. it’s whatever. i can fuck off forever if you’d like. don’t want you having to think about anything you don’t want to think about. yeah, it’s cool, i don’t mind.

[crimsun-n-clover]

disclaimer. i just did a banishing spell and a karma incantation to be like. this guys gonna fuckin leave her alone now. i wasn’t just hexing his ass i don’t wanna get my shit rocked by the universe with the whole returned by three thing

“BAD THEY/THEM!! do NOT curse my ex boyfriend on the full moon!!” is something i never thought i’d hear

[crimsun-n-clover]

anyways i did it eat shit and fucking die you european bastard

“BAD THEY/THEM!! do NOT curse my ex boyfriend on the full moon!!” is something i never thought i’d hear

[crimsun-n-clover]

“BAD THEY/THEM!! do NOT curse my ex boyfriend on the full moon!!” is something i never thought i’d hear

[crimsun-n-clover]

still manic and about to dye my hair but at least i had a NORMAL DREAM for fuckin once. i was best friends with mikey way from mcr and also i poisoned someone but that was unrelated

[crimsun-n-clover]

listening to smashing pumpkins while manic and going WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT every few seconds and hoping it’s not an auditory hallucination and just a part of the song i never noticed

unmatched experience

[crimsun-n-clover]

can i be fucking normal for five minutes

[crimsun-n-clover]

i’ll carve out my guts to give you a warm place to sleep and a safe place to call home and you’ll look at me like i’m good for something because you see things i can’t see and you hear things i’ll never understand on my own and we’ll sit on the couch and drink watered down liquor and watch shitty 80’s movies and you’ll ask me if it’s all worth it and i’ll say yes even if i don’t believe it because i want you here with me to live through tomorrow after tomorrow and i’ll tell you i love you at the door when you leave and brag to my friends behind your back about the person you’ve grown into because i’m so proud of you and everything you are and you’d ask me where i’d go if i had the power to go anywhere at will and i can’t say i’d go to your side so i’ll say the lake and we’ll split a cigarette and talk about that one episode of friends until the sun sets and your mom wants you back home without me and you’ll call me to tell me about the nightmare you had and i’ll tell you it’s okay even when i know it isn’t because i don’t want you to be scared even though that’s all i’ve ever been and you’ll go back to sleep and i’ll stay up and worry about you and see you tomorrow to do it all over again

[crimsun-n-clover]

i like driving too fast and petty theft and running away from my problems and getting back at people who hurt me and cream cheese frosting and watercolors and comic books and string lights and i’ll always wish i could hack you off of me with a bone saw and i’ll cut my tongue on my teeth and bleed down my own throat and wish it was yours

[crimsun-n-clover]

i’m normal i’m healthy my pupils are a normal size in this video i took of myself where i’m yelling about fucking nothing but it seemed important at the time

i think i’m manic again i need to be punched in the teeth

i have spells of shaking like a chihuahua and crying randomly and i’ve covered up all the mirrors in my bathroom because that motherfucker is NOT ME right now and im all paranoid and wound up my heart won’t stop pounding so i couldn’t get to sleep and then i slept my three hours and had a weird psychological dream so im fuckin up now

[crimsun-n-clover]

just woke up crying from a dream where i was in a house full of mirrors and i was crying and begging to my mom to not let it happen and to make it stop because my dad was inviting all his drunk friends over for a party and also a family reunion at the same time. and my family was mocking me and disregarding me asking them to stop doing things that were triggering my paranoia on purpose because in the dream i was also manic. they just kept mocking me and getting mad when i’d retaliate. all the walls were half walls so everyone could see me no matter where i went. and then one of my younger cousins came in cautiously with a cake she had baked for me specifically and i was so grateful and happy to have someone who listened to me and respected me but then everyone else caught wind that there was cake and everyone circled around me staring at me and started closing in and then i woke up scared and sobbing and i can’t stop

[crimsun-n-clover]

i think i’m manic again i need to be punched in the teeth

i have spells of shaking like a chihuahua and crying randomly and i’ve covered up all the mirrors in my bathroom because that motherfucker is NOT ME right now and im all paranoid and wound up my heart won’t stop pounding so i couldn’t get to sleep and then i slept my three hours and had a weird psychological dream so im fuckin up now

[crimsun-n-clover]

had a dream i came into possession of a bunch of live bombs and was throwing them into a super fuckin deep swimming pool to detonate them without that much damage because i didn’t have a choice they were gonna anyway. and after i dropped in the last one i jumped into the pool and let myself sink to the bottom (the bombs floated?? so. yeah) because i knew i wouldn’t get away in time and maybe it would hurt less if the water was there to absorb some of the heat. and i sat on the bottom of the pool and watched them detonate and waited to die