#i am not yet awake by the way
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Uh oh. Uhh, lemme see here
1. 99 by Barns Courtney
2. Stuff is Way by They Might be Giants
3. Raging on a Sunday by Bohnes
4. Y.M.C.A by The Village people
5. The Red Means I Love You by Madds Buckley
Tagging only one person bc I am too scared to tag anyone else @deadinthename <3 love you dad
🎶✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) 🎶✨
🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁
I'm an idiot and I deleted the original question. I'am sorry. Thank you @pyreneese
1. Two — sleeping at last
2. All I want – Kodaline (i like the cover by Ha Hyun Sang)
3. Run away – Ben Platt
4. Dernière danse – Kyo (the cove by Pomme is perfect)
5. Because of you – Kelly Clarkson
I will tag (? @sakuranomai @my-one-true-l @queen--of--maggots @marilxrants @transasahi @wereana @gracetoldmeto @himbo-kronk-stan @balsemicvinegar @cherrygirl-28 sorry! this way is easier and faster. Feel free to ignore.
#my music taste is awful#i listen to pretty much anything#YMCA jumpscare lmao#its fun to stay at the YMCA#tag game#Dank Reblogs#moots <3#i am not yet awake by the way#i scheduled this post at 10:14 pm#on july 9th#so#:)))
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they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one
alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way
#scribbles#milton r wallace#callum crown#phonegingi#sgt norm allen#norm allen#dialtown#dialtown a phone dating sim#..uh idk if callum and milt have a ship name orz#normgingi#milton norm parallels save me. Save me milton norm parallels#very specific but its why i prefer to look at the callum-milt-marla situation as like tragic polyamory#as opposed to a cheating one#it adds to the callum-gingi parallels. theyv both got polycule situations C:#though i suppose you could call a cheating situation a dark parallel to gingi's polycule the same way you could call#milton's entire deal a dark parallel to their relationship with norm/the narrator#However i just like tragic polyamory. my visions of milton and marla ALSO being in love yet having the mutual#realization that they hate callum more than they love eachother (esp milton) is highly specific yet also everything to me#misery loves company and all that jazz. a THIRD combination of people having divorce shit going on#this guys ruining my life IM GONNA FUCK HIS WIFE! (They are already in a consensual polyamorous relationship milton is just making it weird#Sorry these tags were going to be like meaningful discussion about this art and then i was enabled to talk about THIS AGAIN#OH YEAH this art in particular i discovered halftones and also started actually using blending brushes#milts face isnt drawn. obviously. but im imagining a kind of 'oh you!' exasperated fondness#as opposed to norm who's just a cranky little tsundere. jokes on milt though HIS relationship is HEALTHIER#also i will never pass up the chance to draw gingi and callum together#theyr both characters i adore drawing gingi's round shapes and different textures and callums cute little bolts#but also they do look soooo similar and yet so different its always really fun to do#and theyr just. my favs lol. my top 3 favs go gingi-mingus-callum hehe#Ok thats all. thank you for coming to my rambles#fig said i should post my art at better times and so i am and that means when i post my art im AWAKE ENOUGH TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT LOL
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kallamar being threatened by heket and shamura :3, also hope ur feeling well!
Sorry for answering this so late sdhjf
I am still trying to think how I can draw them but oOF not entirely set at all on nothing ... also my Kallamar is in a maid dress bc he kept bitching about my decorations, not even as a quest or smthn just ... bitching
-💊
#cotl kallamar#cot heket#cotl#i don't know yet if I wanna make Leshy tall or short af ejxjejd and also I'd like that Heket looks strong but the kind of fat weighlifting#but idk how to do ... proportions n anatomy bc her being short i find it funny idfk#fun fact: i am not a fan of Kallamar lmao would rather he was a bitch or an ass but smthn about the way he was a coward#when u first meet him is HHHHHHH lmao edjjexjd#💊💊💊#i have work and yet... i remain awake....
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Wrote tha note to put on their door in the morning.
Do u think my sleep deprived frustration is evident lol
#speculation nation#bc guess who is still awake. thafs right. this poor sod#im so exhausted and yet the thump thump thumping continues#it makes me want to bang on the ceiling but i know that wont help#i dont even know what the noise is now. rapid fire thumping in a way that sounds like#more frequent than would naturally be audible from just normal thumping.#it's definitely not a sex thing. it almost sounds like the dull popping of fireworks#thouhh i know it's not that either.#my best guess is that it's the keyboard i started hearing last friday#but i havent heard them practicing nearly as much as ive heard this damned thumping#im#actually tempted to just go up there and knock on their door#it's 1 am and the thump thump thumping is continuing.#i just want to fucking sleep
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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You inspired me to make this
So here's Eobard as a ginger cat.
OH THE POWER OF MY BRAINROT.. HE'S ADORABLE THANK YOUU
#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the flash#asks#floof and cute but unhinged mf that keeps you awake at nights by ZOOMIN all around the house and hitting the objects on his way.. yeah#i have so many thoughts on orange cat behavior in thawne context but i need to watch a lot of compilations first to calculate the exact Vib#he is the one to bite unprovoked and attack your legs while you just walking and minding ur business tho for sure#man i need a tag for this but cant come up with the Perfect one just yet#also yall dont know this but i practically specialize in drawing silly cats. i AM gonna contribute as well!! (sometime later. i hope)#((like i aint even halfway through my rat series😭😭))#orange cat eobard
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hater arc is in full swing, please stand by ⏱️
#text post#delete later#hi. I woke up from a wine dream wherein Lestat the Loser from ITWV was chasing me around a huge mansion like I was in Scooby Doo#he was 🤏 THIS CLOSE to biting me. uncomfortably close. and yet somehow I escaped#now I'm in full-on mean hag mode bc 1) I've never seen anything having to do with IWTV and I don't plan on changing that#and 2) I keep seeing content for my NOTP crop up here and there. Hard Pass™️#anyway. now I have imaginary beef with a blond novelty vampire on the same level as my other various celebrity beeves#and I'm also riled up and Way Too Awake. it is 3 AM (i.e. past my bedtime)#so off I go back to my comfy granny nest#radioactive sludge
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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
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“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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internalized ableism that you didnt know was there will make you do things like reinvent being a ambulatory wheelchair user apparently
#comeing to terms with the fact that am not dramatic and even though am in WAY less pain then when i was in school#my bones still got torn apart very slowly by stress muscle tension for years#amd that will be with me for the rest of my life witch i was already fine with idk what it is about this#so even though i dont technically need a mobility aid i would probably be more comfortable with 1#as long as it has an option to fold it up to walk when i need to#(not moving doesnt hurt the way people use that word but it can feel just as bad as my hip deciding to tease dislocating itself)#ourghhgh#chirps#am so not sure of myself and my wife is going to make me cry is she keeps being this amazing#god of melody and making me feel supported and accsepted without turning it into a whole thing that singles me out#lala isnt awake yet but i didnt even think about maybe getting an aid until ey asked me what i use so this is team to me <33#<-ALOTT of things dont hurt to me in a way that people descibe pain but pain is the closest thing i have to tell anybody what am feeling so#maybe i just misunderstood what pain is???????#i dont have words for it but most of the times i would rather be in pain
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me, whenever i figure a plot twist in a 20 year old anime: oh wow i am SO big brained rn i am such a genius
me, two minutes later, conpletely blindsided by a major plot twist:
#shut up danni's talking#danni liveblogs#danni liveblogs detco#gif#detco spoilers#look i was 100% sold on the idea that jodie = vermouth/belmont i did NOT peg dr araichi as her instead#episode 345 took me out w the whiplash i got enduring all those plot twists i did not see coming#but looking back i can DEFFO see where they came from and the foreshadowing ohhhhhh i can tell.#i can tell this isn't gonna be a blast through the content and forget abt it kind of thing my mind has been racing w fanfic aus#i wanna delve into the fanfic/fandom too but hnk i wanna avoid spoilers!!!!!!#also i don't know how the fandom categorises things that happen at different plot events etc#there's straight up like a thousand episodes and im only a third of the way through#anyways thats gotta be a good stop for today i can't remember how long i've been awake for but it feels like forever#i am exhausted#urgh this always happens when im home alone for more than a few days#fun fact: kogoro is legit my least favourite character and yet i relate to him immensely#me daydreaming of when i catch up/know every case; i cannot wait to write an au where shinichi gets credited for the cases he solved via him#either shinichi or conan idk which would be better bc shinichi being nowhere near the crimes solved them or a literal 6 year old#im leaning more to the six year old bc its fkn hilarious#that one episode where he defused a bomb in a major landmark and was credited for it as a 6 year old is so fkn funny#this guy had the whole city hostage and yet he was completely stopped by a 6 year old#yeah he has the mind of a 17 y old but c'mon he's physically 6#this is my allure to this series which will win; hundreds of criminals or one determined 6 year old#if you bet against the 6 y old he's coming for your kneecaps
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the only thing stopping me from writing a fucking charlie slimecicle + elmariana + juanaflippa family centric time loop fic is the fact that i missed every single flippa stream live (finally plunged into qsmp a few days after tallulah appeared) and i don't have the time to watch back through the vods because HOLY SHIT CAN WE GET 30 FUCKING SECONDS WITHOUT SOMETHING HAPPENING ON THIS SERVER WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
#qsmp#the venn diagram of my awake time and bad's livestream time is a fucking circle#and i also WORK. I HAVE WORK. i can't watch vods for hours!!!#like i worked this afternoon. i got back home right as bobby's fate was sealed for the livestream. i had to watch an hour of vod to catch up#and WHILE I DID THAT#MORE LORE HAPPENED#LIKE THINGS HAPPENED WITH QUACKITY. TAZERCRAFT SCOOBY DOO'D ONTO A DRAGON SKELETON.#PEOPLE GRIEVED. JAIDEN ENDED STREAM ABRUPTLY. APPARENTLY SOMETHING HAPPENED WITH SOFIA.#I STILL HAVEN'T CAUGHT MAX'S POV FROM TUESDAY BC I WORKED THEN TOO GODDAMNIT#LIKE. APPARENTLY BAD KNOWS ABOUT SOFIA? DUNNO WHEN OR HOW. I MISSED THAT ONE. I WAS EITHER AT WORK OR CATCHING UP ON VODS#i. am. screaming.#like i understand why people watch live#it was soooo much easier to keep up when i just kept three distinct povs open and could hop between them like tv channels#oh forever just went down and richas is with him? no worries i have his stream open rn lemme just unmute#hmm cellbit is getting pretty animated let's see what he discovered i'll just unmute rl quick#quackity's saying some sus shit in chat lemme pop his stream open#instead of 'ok i want to see what foolish was doing at chume labs after bad stole his banana so lemme find the time stamp in foolish's-#HUGE FUCKING GIANT LONG VOD and watch thru that but oh. perhaps i want to see what mike was saying after foolish yeeted him.' actually uh#i don't think mike's pov was up that day (unless it was just on yt idk i'm not familiar w how tazercraft's stuff works yet)#BUT YKNOW. I'D HAVE TO VOD SCAN. ITS ANNOYING. so yea its way easier to follow#long tags#block game brainrot#shut up vic
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it is october of 2023 and i am watching gravity falls for the first time. living my best life tbh
#this is entirely caused by the fact that i wanted spooky octobery content#and it's too warm for me to start my ogtw rewatch#and i am vv extremely tired and as much as i would love to watch. yknow. all twenty of the shows i need to watch including good omens s2#and ofmd s2#and mentopolis#a 22 minute episode length is beating all those outta the park#it's so good#i can completely see why everyone loves it but also#it aired at *just* the right time for me to miss it completely?#like i was just too old for it and my brothers were just too young#and i wasn't yet old enough to go 'hmm i should watch this kids animated show that i will love' i was busy watching bbc sherlock ok#anyway#i would've related way too hard to dipper if i'd watched this at like 10 or 11#send me your thoughts and prayers tomorrow i gotta run an oxbridge test prep session#and yes i am watching gravity falls half awake instead of preparing for that#bc i love myself too much to do oxbridge physics questions at 8pm and i have no regrets#i ramble in the tags
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act 2…. done?
#idk if it’s actually done or not but whatever#i’m going to sleep since i’m getting brunch with friends tomorrow at an hour earlier than i am normally awake#but yes i killed ketheric and lifted the shadow curse ig?#it’s not entirely gone yet but it’s getting there#and i met dame aylin my best friend in the whole wide world#i love the way she speaks it’s soooo good and really elevates her character#also. women. yeah.#vive la lesbians or whatever#i am having many thoughts abour jubilee as well but i will contain those to their own post. maybe.#i’m excited to actually get to baldur’s gate#also since i finally met them in game i can understand#the uncontrollable lust for enver gortash…. yeah. i like his nose so much#and orin of course i cannot forget about orin. i understand you all#she is so so so cool and has never done anything wrong ever#ketheric made me sad though. he’s just a really sad old man who did terrible things#i was fine until the note on his body from a clearly very young isobel.#the fact that he kept it all these hundred and some-odd years makes me insane#me when fathers do terrible horrible things to the world for the sake of a daughter. yeah.#ALSO by dame aylin association my shadowheart romance is going well#i did have to have The Talk with gale though because i forgot i flirted with him one too many times 😭#he kept looking at me with his huge wet sad brown eyes#i like him so much i need to do his romance SOON#meaghan talks#meaghan plays bg3#bg3 spoilers
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anyways. having fun with the album project thing I mentioned. Using the flat small brush from here for krita. One brush only, no undo button, all done on 1/54th of a 1.5k x 1k canvas. it's actually pretty therapeutic, I listen to the album I'm drawing while I draw it. This does mean that for AM I got to like. track 2 though and most of that was bc of formatting issues lol.
#vent in tags though bc i need. somewhere that isn't yet another 4:30 am vent google doc. too many of those and they're not helping#i don't want to talk but i don't want to be fully alone right now but i can't just spring this on someone in dms either so . tags it is#tw death. like really not a fun time over on torchickentacos dot tumblr dot com right now. genuine warning here#but i'm not doing well and i need this right now. anyways told my therapist i feel like i should be more okay right now than I am#and he was like. you. think you should be MORE okay after someone you knew died?#like. ah. hm. i see. now. how that might not be rational thinking.#i mean in my brain it was like. okay we're approaching day three and i haven't reached back out to my other irls#and i'm awake at 4 am#and i feel like need to pull it together because other people need me for stuff#and like. this happened before but harder. i should KNOW that there's no way to expedite this#because unfortunately I've been through this before!!! people make that choice to leave and it sucks and that's that!#like i KNOW how hard this is especially since it's a very personal topic.#but i'm still trying to rush myself here#it stresses me out to think that I'm not there enough for myself to be there for other people right now#sigh. i wonder how much of it's because i feel like i should have been there for those friends more even though it's irrational.#because that's genuinely not how it fucking works and I KNOW THAT PERSONALLY yet I still put that on myself.#people can have all the support they need and still choose to not take it. and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.#well. tomorrow i return to socializing and being a human person again#little bit at a time.
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i will never ever ever ever ever EVER be over dabi’s laugh <3333333333333
#it’s so CUTEEEEE AND SQUEAKY#but also something that you’d hear echoing down the halls of the psych ward#with dabi’s favourite nurse going ‘ooh! sounds like dabi’s awake’#just mr touya giggling manically to himself in his room#probably strapped to his bed or in a straight jacket because he is way too smart and strong and clever to be out of one#to have his arms free#because he can and will find a way to murder you#joker vibes fr#so miss nurse comes in to give him his pills#like ‘good morning touya’ and he’s still gm just giggling away#stops to make a borderline snarky yet flirty pass at her and then begins giggling again#will only take his pills from her for some unknown reason#if anyone else tries to give them to him he spits them right back in their face#and giggles#bad boy!!!!!!!#where am i going with this idk#i love him#and i love the joker#so i think this is influcing that a little#anyway the POINT is i love his laugh and i am going to make it my ringtone#because really what’s more romantic than having your boyfriend’s maniacal laughter as ur ringtone am i right??????? <333#clari chatters
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Earth: dying people who care about the fucking environment and aren't fucking rich assholes: I can fix her <3 the aforementioned rich assholes: I can make her worse </3
#My brain is filled with coffee and tripeak solitare and I am !!!! getting silly !!!!!!#larkposting#I am sleepy and yet fully awake I am going to implode but kinda in a good way????#also i am going to post homestuck troll hcs sometime soob.....#<- by soon i mean either in like five minutes [comma] three tripeak/pyramid matches [comma] or tomorrow
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