#i am mostly better now
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In case you are looking for canonical evidence that Tony Stark has migraines, this is Darkhold Alpha #1 (2021).
#posts i actually wrote#marvel#marvel 616#tony stark#i could have sworn i had reblogged this but i can't find it so i'm posting it#i am trying to answer a commenter who wanted to know about the canon evidence for tony and migraines and i thought i would bring a picture#ironically i am answering their comment like a week late because i have had a migraine since january 1#i am mostly better now
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I’m sending this anonymously but this is NOT anon hate
You are such a good person, i think. Your latest post(as of 4:10pm Arizona, US time) spoke to me really hard. My father is a cop, in the united states, arizona, duh. And he used to be such a good person, he was a security guard and a damn good one too, and later in he became a prison guard because it paid better, and then he joined the police force.
I’d like to think that hes one of the good ones, and for the most part he is. A lot of my delinquent friends over the years who’ve had run-ins with him say that he gets them breaks, he takes care of them, hes a good cop. I’ve even seen body camera footage of him in the field and i’m proud to say that hes my dad. He calls out bad actors where he sees them, and he gets punished for it. He doesnt see the system or how his punishments are by design. And he continues turning in his cog, begrudgingly, and slightly out of time, but he thinks hes making a difference
Sorry for the ramble and essay, i just wanted to say that i really like your blog and i think you are a very nice human being. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
P.s. i’m totally basing an oc off of your outlook on security. You strike me as more of a superhero than a security guard.
-🦕 anon
Oh, that’s a super flattering take and a valuable perspective- so thank you! But I’m a gullible dumbass, and not even an incredibly smart or fit one- I just want people to be happy and safe. That’s all. And I don’t want to BE a cop, I’ve NEVER wanted to be a cop, but every time the request comes around I feel like I’m wearing down.
I keep wondering if I could help MORE in a position like that.
Probably like your dad did.
Here, people know they’re safe with me because I shut down the gunhappy jerks, but I don’t know how long it would take to truly make a difference in public security, or how many of my morals I’d have to compromise to get to that point
I feel objectively like a system so archaic and flawed can’t be changed from the inside, but another part of me says that you don’t need to change an entire system to make a difference where it counts
I believe that so many bad situations and life-changing moments can be diverted or changed by a single person in the right place at the right time- and I figure, if I trust myself to do the right thing and BE the right person, shouldn’t I do my best to put myself in those places?
But good intentions, roads to hell, you know? I don’t WANT to be a cop. But I want to be able to DO SOMETHING about the thinks I dislike seeing in conflicts. SOMEONE has to be willing to do that, right?
I’m not religious, you know? But the devil can be very convincing
#I don’t trust cops#I’ve met bad cops#but a lot of bad things have been done by people in systems of power willing to go against orders#And boy howdy am I good at going against orders#And I like people#I genuinely like people#The hero thing is very kind of you#But mostly I just like feeling like I can make things better#We all need to believe that we can make things better#idk#I’ve met shit cops#But ive also met shit guards#And here I am as a guard#stealing their place#so as long as I’m here#they can’t be#I outrank the bastards now#So they have no power#Is that a healthy five year plan#or do I need to talk to my therapist some more#Fuck my life I’m tired#Do you think your dad was a good person anon?#Do you think he made the world better?#Teablart#tagging for later
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Average Drama Enjoyer observes some peak drama.
#dungeon meshi#toshiro nakamoto#laios touden#kabru#izutsumi#Before anyone mistakes this as mischaracterization: The joke here is that it's ambiguous what the hell he means.#Kabru does love getting into fights a bit more than average but he's mostly here for the drama.#I screenshot the scene of him going 'The dark arts!' with a little smile everytime I re-read dungeon meshi. He's so catty. I love him.#And shout out to Izutsumi for adding fire to the drama. Girl said 'I am the listener. I heard that shit.' and refused to apologize.#Joke two: the deep cut - Welcome to more propaganda for whatever the hell is going on between Laios & Shuro & Kabru.#Laios trusting Shuro with some *heavy* information because he admires him so much! And wants to be his friend so badly!#Kabru also has another great character moment when he immediatly clocks Laios as not being as malicious as expected.#We love a character who can put the clues together! It is such a good subversion of what role we think Kabru is to play in this story!#Now he's eager to befriend Laios - who is barely interested and currently trying to befriend Shuro - who is barely interested and...well.#The painful triangle of people trying to get to know the other person better and being rejected...Friendship triangle.#We have all had a friendship triangle situation before. Right? You guys have also struggled to read people. Right?#Laios is universally relatable. Right?
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So does he, Gallagher.
#honkai star rail#hsr blade#gallagher#i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU#and then blade constantly just being blade as usual#its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but#i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary#but the amount of times blade was the recipient......#i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just#get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better#so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle#funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still#but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me#so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ?#i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway#one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys#also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out#i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool#and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher#so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought#(no i am not but we can pretend)
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believe it or not, normalswap?avm
(check some lorestuff in tags)
now back to main cast
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#animation vs minecraft#avm#ava au#NS?AVA#ava victim#ava tco#ava primal#ava ballista#ava hazard#avm gold#avm purple#avm king orange#itstime to explain things in the tags hahahah#so purple got taken in by gold and ko but then died in the minecraft event and gold got filled with so much regret and guilt with that one!#somuch so that he planned to destroy minecraft#his dad still has some morals and didnt want him to go through with this plan but since gold is a child hes too stubborn to give up now#“okay so primal being a bow user is obviousbut why hazard?” umm theres one main reason#itsmostly to reference “warning shots” or warning signs sure#sometimes warning signs can have silly little pedestrians on em and you know what hazard is.#agent and ballista are sword users sorry i am tooo tired to draw them#another ns?avm fun fact primal would be the best at cooking among the group#mostly because hes based off cavemen#actually now that i typed that it sounded better in my head#OKAY THAT IS ENOUGH hope you liked reading all this#lilacsart
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First of all, surprise! More Person of Interest! Wow!
Second, my brain would not let go of trying to form a PoI x Fallout AU, and for a while I didn't think I could make it work (ie: how do you get a franchise dependent on stuff like the internet and phone booths to work in one with neither), until I had an actual shower thought about it being specifically a Fallout 4 AU!
Basically it's just Fallout-y versions of the PoI main cast, with Fallout-y versions of their backstories, and following a Fallout-y version of the show's plot, but the plot of Fallout 4 is also happening at the same time with John filling the role of the Sole Survivor (except Harold got him out of Vault 111 instead of Father, and John isn't Shaun's dad lol). Oh and the Institute's surveillance of the Commonwealth is provided by the Machine, and yet Finch has ensured they don't have full access so he can use it the way he wants to: to help improve the lives of the people of the Wasteland!
#i didn't draw them but i'm feeling fusco being a member of diamond city security and carter being an assistant detective to valentine!#i've got a doc going with what i have for this au that i might end up sharing if i work more on it/this au takes over my life adjfkajsdhfkj#currently it's mostly a rewrite of harold's backstory to make it work better within the post-war fallout universe#also my rewatch of poi is going well i am on season 3 now!!#been watching it in between obsessively replaying fallout 4 again akdshfjhadskfj#explains the au huh#person of interest x fallout au#person of interest#fallout#fallout 4#john reese#harold finch#sameen shaw#root#root x shaw#rinch#my art
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Sanji and Usopp during The Sabaody Incident™ won't leave my mind.
Usopp standing in front of Sanji protectively because he is wounded and he can't fight, so Usopp will do it for him ("I'll do what you can't do").
There is just something about Sanji's expression when he realizes he might actually lose Usopp. This is my interpretation, at least. He is literally frightened.
Usopp helping Sanji stand up to run away. This is crucial for something I want to point out later: Sanji needs help to stand up. (Also, Brook disappears trying to protect them both and saying he will do anything to save them even if it costs him his life. I am feeling sick).
Sanji being self-sacrificing and blaming himself for not being able to protect them/act sooner is not new. But he does manage to gain the strength to fight when Usopp is the only one left with him and the possibility of losing him is even more real now.
The thing that I love the most about this is not Sanji sacrificing himself for Usopp, because he does that. He is like that. But Usopp not running away or moving in the slightest because he refuses to leave Sanji on his own.
Something I'd like to point out too is that Sanji actually touches Kuma before Usopp disappears. He tries to fight and protect him and Kuma could've easily sent Sanji to Momoiro Island right away, and yet Sanji was just sent flying far from the scene and forced to see Usopp disappear in front of him.
And I am not saying that "not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew" but not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew.
Not to mention that we can't deny (right after Water 7/Enies Lobby) that Usopp is one of Sanji's strongest bonds within the crew. This specific scene focusing on them both is more than enough to prove it.
Sanji seeing Usopp disappear in front of his eyes without being able to do anything to save him.
Remember what I said about Sanji needing help to stand up seconds ago? Well. This is him the moment Usopp disappears. What adrenaline and the power of love do to a mf.
They are so "I can lose everything, but not you. Oh God, not you" shaped.
#sorry for bringing up sabaody i am sure nobody wants to think about it#but they mean the world to me and there is SO MUCH to unpack#we don't talk enough about this i think ?????#sanji spending two whole years having nightmares about not being able to save usopp. about seeing usopp disappearing in front of him#he still has them btw#sanji having to sleep with usopp post-ts because he is afraid of waking up and seeing he is gone#also i am having thoughts about brook protecting them and#and brook saying he will do anything to save them#because sanji has only heard that from zeff so......... so just thinking. i have thoughts. i told you brook is one of sanji's father figure#back to sanuso- thinking about how this whole scene despite having brook too is mainly focused on both sanji and usopp#thinking abt how the others disappear mostly focusing only on luffy's reactions but this emphasizes a lot sanji's attempts to save usopp#why would you give them a whole scene i am throwing up#sorry still thinking abt sanji apologizing to usopp for not being able to protect him or#or having nightmares he definitely has nightmares about it#and usopp just. staying with him and making him see that he is alright now. and letting him cry.#early post-ts kills me#still angry we don't have almost post-ts sanuso#i might start crying thinking abt them so it'll be better if just shut up and post this#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso#sabaody
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don't worry @idalenn, she brought options!
#pigeon screens#Odette Hollows#Hyur#Middie#Midlander#FFXIV Screenshots#FFXIV#Dawntrail#biting her biting her biting her biting her biting her biting her#cover up + big hat because she burns easily :pensive:#Odette is a bit of a scout in that she is prepared for many options !!!!#her stretch marks are very subtle right now but I..... kind of really like them#toying with making them more pronounced#debating on adding some body blush and moles 2 but like.............#the blush i am torn on for reasons :(#it would be so cute though....................#anyway#odette in a swimsuit#a treat for all !#but mostly me :pray:#ty for the tags i used them 2 be self indulgent#i hope one finds this outfit better suited for Tuliyollal :wistful:
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if anyone seeing this post is under the impression that not attending university lectures is fun and edgy. let me paint you a picture. you are going to look at your calendar one day soon and realise your final is in 38 hours and you still have 17 and a half hour long lectures to watch and take notes from.. and while this is possible to achieve it's not exactly relaxing. yeah i'm still fine-tuning my academic skills what abt it
#aha. ahahaa. ahahaaa.#no okay HEAR ME OUT. this is actually the best position i've been in all year academically 💔 i've taken every final so far this year w/o#having seen any lectures... & in my defense i wasn't skipping bc i thought it was fun or edgy. the real reasons are just too fucked up#to explain. i still wish that i had been better this term. i wish i had been able to make things turn out differently. i am always wishing#but now the only thing left to do is try my best with the time i have left and start again next year#anyway here is an insight into the strange and terrible grief that is my academic life.#so far it is a life mostly full of mistakes. but i will not give up.#it will continue. things will improve.#🐝#SORRY ABT THIS RANT. DIDNT MEAN TO SAY SO MUCH#this was ... supposed to be a joke post#DONT WORRY ABT ME I HAVENT FAILED ANYTHING YET AND IM NOT INTENDING TO START NOW
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Palo and Tigran standing casually in place to provide an outfit reference.
They are wearing the most typical day to day clothing for Galenii monks. This consists of three main parts:
-A simple, ankle-length sleeveless robe (white in initiate monks and black in the fully initiated). -A dark woolen cloak, which doubles as a blanket. This cloak is the foundational item of clothing throughout much of Imperial Wardin as a whole, and worn by all social classes. They tend to be cut shorter and highly decorative in the upper classes, serving only the practical purpose of shielding the arms from the sun. Poor laborers may wear only the cloak and a loincloth and nothing else. In the case of Galenii monks, it is standardized, simple, and dark blue-gray. -The sash. This is a very long scarf that is the primary visual signifier of a Galenii monk. Its open ends drape down the front side of the body and are tied at the chest. It is slung over the shoulders and hangs in a loop around the back. These sashes are dyed an expensive royal blue, indicating the significance and relative esteemed status of this religious order.
Additional elements:
-The sign of the horns: a small iron pin used to fasten the cloak. This is the symbol of the Lunar Face Of God (the specific aspect to which the Galenii are devoted, which is primarily associated with fertility and the cycles of sacrifice and rebirth). This is very common among monks but not standardized wear. Galenii priests wear the sign of the triple horns (though more commonly as an amulet).
-Ear piercings: Galenii monks and priests wear thick earrings of dark meteoric iron and stretch their earlobes. One is added to each ear for each year of the initiatory process. Palo is a year in, and Tigran is fully initiated and has five bands per ear. Body modification is exceptionally rare in Imperial Wardi culture, largely in relation to taboos surrounding body integrity. The exception here is done with great significance and care- these earrings can be made only with true meteoric iron, considered to be the blood of God Itself. Permanently marking their bodies with this metal signifies this priesthood's integral connection to maintaining the continual cycle of sacrifice/rebirth that is believed to keep God's domain stable, and binds them to this role.
-Sandals: usually very simple in construction. Monks are often expected to go barefoot, but the cities are quite dirty so most prefer to avoid this if possible.
-Ceremonial dagger: a sign of a fully initiated monk. It is curved and its sheath is decorated with a tuft of lion's mane (a signal of the Galenii order's close connection to the Odonii order). Most of its uses are ceremonial, but it will be periodically used to perform animal sacrifices. A smaller razor blade is kept in the home for personal bloodletting.
-Hair: Fully initiated monks shave their heads, while those in the process of initiation have relative freedom with hair dressing. Palo is wearing his hair in a single braid tucked around the front. Broadly speaking, braiding the hair is associated with female beauty standards throughout much of Imperial Wardin (though generally in two braids). There is no cultural convention Against men doing so, but it is regarded as mildly effeminate (particularly in the south and southeast).
-Lore Friendly Sunglasses: Palo has photosensitive epilepsy. No effective treatments for epilepsy exist in the setting (most 'treatments' in Imperial Wardin are alchemical in nature, ie: ambiguously helpful at best or literal poison at worst), but understanding of the Nature of epilepsy as a neurological disorder is relatively accurate, and the concept of photosensitivity is loosely understood (though not with great accuracy, it's assumed to be caused by light in General). Palo had this pair of (VERY expensive) sunglasses commissioned as a youth, which Do slightly reduce the frequency of his seizures. Devastatingly stylish as they may be, his glasses do not offer much visual clarity so he only wears them in bright conditions.
#Am working on the dreaded Art Fight References#Also height comparison. Palo looks taller than he is because he's skinny as fuck and next to a 4'9'' guy. But he's 5'10''#Which is above average height for the setting (average man is probably 5'6''-7'') but not huge#I kind of need to reintroduce these guys because I made the earliest posts about them right around when I started actually writing#and a lot of their background lore has changed.#Namely their upbringings- most of the cast of the White Calf are stupid wealthy Imperial Wardi elites and I needed these guys to be like...#Normal people.#Tigran is still from a branch of a family that is wealthy in distant Ubibi but his specific branch is poor agricultural laborers living#around the lower Brilla river next to Wardin (city)#Palo is still better off but not crazy rich- his family were glass workers and traders out of Godsmouth and#would be considered middle class. Wealthy enough for occasional extravagances like sunglasses but nothing ridiculous#Most of the post-White Calf era stuff is now outdated too#AND ON ANOTHER TANGENT- most sun protective eyewear in this part of the setting is less 'elegant' (affordable sunglasses would#be mostly sheets of hammered bronze with punctured holes)#There is relatively sophisticated eyewear produced in Bur and Imperial Wardin (including some actual moderately useful glasses for#correcting visual impairment) but good pairs are prohibitively expensive and made by dedicated craft workers#Palo's pair would have cost about a year of his father's wages#palo apolynnon#tigran otto#the white calf
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AIGHT. its the last day of the year so its 2 0 2 4 AR T SUMMARY TIME FELLAS <- hasnt posted any of these. but like. why not post the summary anyways. with that said. MAY THIS NE W YEAR BE GOOD TO YA ALL
#LISTEN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO POST THIS WITH NO CONTEXT#i have drawn nothin but this guy for a year and 3 months now. its still goin strong. im goin insane. now u have proof of this.#well except on july. thats the only pic of him i drew. theres much better stuff i drew for ar.t fite but i was tryin to keep the theme lmao#the february one is not my best piece either imo but it IS my fav meme. so. (he became ca.tholi.c)#anyways i guess this is enough proof that he exists lmao#hes like. a silly murder edgy evol guy. god. i cannot stand him.#i love to play with him like a doll. dress him up. put him in situations.#the self indulgency with him i am aAAAAA#ok listen this is new for me. i always obsess with characters but never with my own thing and it had never been this much#i had never drawn this much in my life for 1 character jajshashj 139 drawins of this man... 52 of which are actually fully coloured lmao...#and like 10 videos... which are mostly memes bUT#rn im in the process of workin on my first polished animatic#aight i think thats enough tag chattin#blood#this has so much of that jashdghads#and thats the only thing im taggin because tw#FDGJKFDG IM ACTUALLY NERVOUS POSTIN THIS WHATEVER JTGOGFH
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hi friends, i am back for now! mainly because i am Sick As Hell with some respiratory thing that hopefully isn't COVID and therefore can't do much besides lay in bed + hang with people online. is anyone up on this fine saturday morning and if so, would you join me if i streamed the owl house??
#i dont wanna talk about politics with anyone here but toh is both silly AND about killing fascists. which i love.#i may be back semi-permanently depending on the temperature of the dashboard. i'll have to see#if it's still mostly doomposting then obviously i will not be doing much scrolling or catching up.#i'm still logged out on my phone but i'm logged in on my laptop which is where i am now.#expect me to be sparse online but not unreachable.#in my off-tumblr time i've been making unpleasant noises with garageband and learning world countries and their capitals#recently i've gotten. north america central america and south america down. and all the countries in asia sans capitals#gotta work more on asia capitals + everything about africa and parts of oceania/polynesia#i'm doing europe last. i got better things to learn than europe.
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Ok so. This is less concrete thoughts and more scattered ideas but.
Dathomirian Zabrak biology speculations/thoughts!
While at first glance it looks like males are the only ones who have different skin colors and the females are all pale, we do see at least one Nightsister with darker skin (the one whose facial markings are white and resemble a skull), meaning skin pigmentation is present in both but manifests differently in males vs females!
(This is much like birds where the females are the neutral-colored ones while the males have more vibrant colorations and are expected to impress the females to be picked as a mate)
And it's very curious to me that iridonians have very human-like skin tones, while dathomirians ended up having two extremes, either having very vibrant skin ranging from yellow to red, or very pale skin ranging from white to dark gray, both outside the human (and iridonian) range
I think if a transgender dathomirian had HRT their skin color would gradually change with it (much like how birds can change coloration depending on their hormones)
The fact that males have no hair and females have no horns seems very random to me and I will not be thinking about the hair thing but I will say:
Have you looked at Mother Talzin's head shape. Have you seen how strangely tall it looks. What if. What if females "lack" horns because instead of growing at just a few specific points their entire skulls grow and elongate over their lifetimes.
This makes sense if you consider that they live in a "dense jungle" type environment where things (fruits, branches, predators..) can fall on their heads all the time. Having a thicker skull would probably help avoid a cracked skull from constantly getting hit in the head by falling stuff
(No idea what about the hair thing though. Maybe it's something to do with gene interactions. Like whatever gene makes their skin so saturated also deactivates the "have hair" genes. or maybe nightsisters are all wearing wigs and none of them actually grow hair)
Speaking of the geography of the planet, I think it's pretty sad that we never really get a good look of what the Nightbrothers' region looks like outside the village and some mountain terrain around it. Is it more sunny than the Nightsisters' side and that's why their skin adapted to have more color while the females' adapted to lose color? Or is it a seasonal thing and we just never got to see another season in the shows? Or is the village just built in a place that's so high the mist doesn't reach it? We get the sense that it's cold, at least at night, so why are they dressed in such light clothes? In fact, is it hot where the Nightsisters live, or is the entire species more adapted to colder temperatures and that's why they all wear so little?
What would happen if you crossed a dathomirian zabrak with a species that also has non-human skin tones but not linked to sexual dimorphism. Like what if you had a pantoran-zabrak cross, since pantorans are on the opposite side of the color wheel. Do you think they'd be an extremely vibrant blue or yellow-orange-red, or a middle ground, like green? Or perhaps an extreme outside both species' range, like purple? Do you think the "no saturation" gene would take over and make them gray no matter the gender?
#hm i should make an original post tag#dathomir#dathomirian zabraks#star wars#here you go. biology speculations <3#this was mostly because i was extremely Thinking about the transgender skin change thing really. and the tall head thing.#i want more facts to think about but i don't like how canon treats dathomirians#they have very visible parallels to native (esp. amerindian) peoples. with the being an isolated people. and having their children stolen.#and being massacred and no one ever mentioning it. and the males being called violent animals. and treated as less civilized. and#so yeah I am picking them up and running away. my toys now. i can respect them better than mr white man in cowboy hat. or whoever else.#by that skin tone logic maul's red skin would be equivalent to a darker skin. btw.#my brown punk maul agenda keeps winning
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chloeee
#life is strange#lis#chloe price#been playing it lately mostly for the backgrounds (LOL i want to be in oregon. and am not)#im not gonna say this on insta because i dont want to offend their tender hearts but good god the writing in this game sucks nards#its like funny.#chloe especially. girls who suck#in a way that is just like. so at odds with having a play experience thats good#but i sort of love her not in spite of the shitty writing but because of it#sometimes i gotta love a girl because her whole character is YOU SUCK you REFUSE to better yourself throughout the course of anything ever#bae!#im half attached to her and half like What is with you stop actually#also i love how dated the game feels now#every girls fashion........ every guy too you know what#art#digital art#texture#doodle#sketch#life is strange fanart#lis fanart
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kinda wish this one guy was gay
#he's my least politically correct friend but he has a good heart#like today one of our classmates said he's improved a lot since becoming friends with me and is so much nicer now#bc his old friendgroup was fucking nasty bro they still are idk#it's all 'jokes' until it's not apparently they were pretty racist to him#and obv i'm not racist so being around i and a few other different nicer people has done wonders for him#and like he initiated friendship with me straight away like he wanted to do better and can do better and has been doing better#he still has a few off jokes but i just don't humour them#and it's all just from a place of insecurity that so many teenage boys have#and he really does have a good heart i think he can continue to grow and improve#and we are just friends and becoming closer friends but like. dayum sometimes i am struck by his beautiful face#embarrassing but it's fine to have a little crush on all of your friends i think#and we played basketball today (i mostly watched) and he's so good at it like bro idk#i hope he doesn't move schools like he might (he lives really far away) bc i wanna see where this goes#friendship wise. bc i believe in him he can become a very nice person he has great potential#i can fix him guys (he has made choices to better himself and really i have little impact but i think i am helping and i'm glad)#and yeah he's just HOT my gawd#and i like breaking bad and he started watching breaking bad !!
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i haven't been this not okay in over a year and i do not miss it and i do not want it
#good to know i can still spiral this hard and catastrophize as well as i ever did DESPITE EVERY TECHNIQUE I KNOW.#and yoga. and breathing. and cold water and ice. and logic. and distractions. and thought reframing.#teeth aren't a moral judgement EXCEPT THEY FEEL LIKE THEY ARE#I feel like I'm going to ACTUALLY DIE. ACTUALLY DIE#I was JUST the other day so grateful it's been so long since I was mostly dissociated instead of mostly present and now all I want is to be#checked the FUCK out and also not exist so I don't have to go tomorrow#pull yourself together @ me you have objectively already survived much worse#and you have it much better than it could be#and worst case scenarios are still dealable-with even though they don't feel like it#unhelpfully. all my brain wants to do is tell every person i know that i'm freaked out and terrified and full of shame and guilt and dread#and want COMFORT AND ATTENTION#and it's like bitch you wouldn't even accept it if you asked and they DID give it to you. you are so fucked up right now. chill. OUT.#@ all of you I am SO sorry i'm liveblogging my breakdown today. i'm scared to open my journal and spiral more so this is all I've got#I'll be done with this mode by the end of tomorrow I promise#shh katie
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