#it has been mostly civil from what I’ve seen but I can sense it’ll be a war zone soon enough

[hana-bobo-finch]

Hot take!! Two things can be true at once!! I generally don’t interact with thg fandom much on here but I have been seeing posts in passing from those who don’t like sotr/those who are defending it and!! guess what!! you’re both right that’s the beauty of opinions!!! You can like the message of the book but not the delivery, you can like the delivery of the book but not the fan service, you can think there’s no fan service, you can think there’s too much, you can love the book but think it’s flawed or hate the book but think it has decent parts, you can feel anything you want about it and it doesn’t make one opinion wrong or right I can’t believe I have to say this

[the-desolated-quill]

WandaVision: ‘Subverting’ Good Television - Quill’s Scribbles

(Spoilers for the first five episodes)

Hey everyone! Well... it’s been a while, hasn’t it? The last time I wrote a proper review or Scribble, people still thought the COVID crisis would be over within a month. The poor saps. But I thought that as a special way to mark this year’s Valentines Day, we could take a closer look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s shittiest power couple in their new Disney+ show WandaVision.

The first of many MCU spin-off shows that nobody asked for, broadcast exclusively on Disney’s totally unnecessary streaming platform, WandaVision is about everybody’s favourite whitewashed Nazi experiment and her red sexbot boyfriend as they try to fit into a suburban sitcom neighbourhood without arousing suspicion.

Yes, you read that correctly. The MCU has a sitcom now. My life is now complete.

Sarcasm aside, I was legitimately curious about WandaVision because of its unusual setting. And considering one of my most common criticisms of the MCU is its total lack of creativity, anything that’s even a little bit subversive is bound to attract my attention. Of course ‘subversive’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘good.’ I could hand you a canvas smeared with my own shit and call it subversive. That doesn’t necessarily make it good art. And that’s exactly what WandaVision is. A canvas smeared with shit.

So lets split this critical analysis/review/angry bitter rant into two distinct chapters. The first focusing on the plot and setting, and the second focusing on the characters. Okay? Okay.

Chapter 1: Bewitched

Critics seem to be utterly enamoured with the whole sitcom gimmick, and it is a gimmick. As far as I can tell from the episodes I’ve seen, the sitcom setting serves no real purpose whatsoever other than to make the show ‘quirky.’ Which I wouldn’t mind, believe it or not, if the show was actually funny. There’s just one problem. It’s not.

Now in some ways describing why a sitcom doesn’t work is often futile because comedy is largely subjective. What I find funny, you won’t necessarily find funny and vice versa. With WandaVision, however, I won’t have that problem. I can demonstrate to you precisely why WandaVision, objectively, isn’t funny. And it all comes down to one simple thing. The stakes. Or rather the complete and total absence of stakes.

The show makes it very clear from the beginning that none of what we’re seeing is real. The cheesy theme song, the era appropriate special effects (mostly. It’s actually very inconsistent), the joke commercials, and, in the case of the first two episodes, which are in black and white, the appearance of red lights and objects in Scarlet Witch’s general vicinity. (Gee, what a mystery this is).

Basically Wanda has brought Vision back from the dead and created this sitcom world for them to inhabit. I’ll explain the stupidity of this in Chapter 2. The point is none of this is real, and that has a negative effect on the comedy because the very nature of comedy is suffering. Take the plot of the first episode. Wanda and Vision have to prepare a dinner to impress Vision’s boss. If they fail, Vision could lose his job and the couple could be exposed as superheroes. If this were a normal sitcom, it would work. The stakes are clear and it would be satisfying to see the two struggle and overcome the odds. But here, we know it’s not real. If it’s not real, it means there’s no stakes. If there’s no stakes, it means there’s no suffering. If there’s no suffering, there’s no comedy.

It would be one thing if the unfunny sitcom stuff lasted for like the first ten minutes or so before making way for the actual plot, but it doesn’t. Oh no. It doesn’t even last for the first episode. Out of the five episodes I’ve watched, four of them are almost entirely about these unfunny, objectively flawed sitcom homages, each set in a different time period. The fifties, the sixties, and so on. And what’s worse is that nothing that happens in them is plot-relevant. That gets relegated to the last five minutes of an episode. So you’re forced to sit through twenty five minutes of boring slapstick and puns in order to catch even a whiff of actual story. Which begs the question... who is this for exactly? It can’t be entertaining to Marvel fans, who have to slog through all this pointless shit so they can figure out what the fuck is going on. Comedy fans may get a kick out of the sitcom pastiche at first, but after four episodes, surely the joke would wear thin. So why is it in here? Clearly someone in the writer’s room absolutely fell in love with the idea of doing a Marvel sitcom, but nobody put in any time or effort to figure out how it would work in context.

I cannot stress enough how bad the plotting of this series is. As I said, the vast majority of a thirty minute episode is about shitty sitcom plots that aren’t funny and don’t have any impact on the story, only to then tease you with a crumb of actual plot in order to keep you coming back for the next instalment. Admittedly it’s an effective strategy. I was more than ready to quit after Episode 2 until that beekeeper showed up out of the sewer (don’t ask. It’s not important). WandaVision essentially follows the Steven Moffat school of bad writing. String your audience along with the promise that things might get more interesting later on and that all the bullshit that came before will retroactively make sense by the end. Except, as demonstrated with BBC’s Sherlock, that doesn’t work. And even if it did, it wouldn’t justify wasting the audience’s fucking time. And that’s what the majority of WandaVision is. A waste of time.

The only episode that doesn’t follow the sitcom format is the fourth episode. Instead it basically exists to explain all the shit that happened before. The shit that the audience, frankly, are smart enough to figure out for themselves. Wanda created the sitcom world as a way of coping with the loss of Vision, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, we got it. Thanks. It doesn’t advance the plot or anything. It’s just a massive info-dump. But by far the lowest point was when Darcy (by far the most annoying character in the first Thor film and is just as obnoxious here) was sat in front of the TV, watching the sitcom and asking the same questions we were. Not even attempting to look for answers. Just reiterating what the audience is thinking. Like this is an episode of fucking Gogglebox.

In the end it becomes apparent why the series is structured the way that it is. It’s to hoodwink people into subscribing to Disney’s stupid streaming service. If you think about it, there was no reason for WandaVision to be a TV series other than to lure gullible fans in with a piece-meal story buried in a mountain of crap. This isn’t a TV show. It’s what is cynically known in the world of big business executives as ‘content.’ They’re not interested in entertaining the audience. Instead they crave ‘engagement’, which isn’t the same thing. Watching WandaVision is like staring into the void, waiting for something to happen, while Disney charge you for the privilege.

Chapter 2: I Love Lucy

So the plot sucks balls. What about the characters? Surely if Wanda and Vision are likeable at least, it’ll give us something to cling onto.

Well as I was watching the first episode, it suddenly hit me that I couldn’t remember anything that happened to them in previous films. I knew Vision died, but other than that, I couldn’t tell you significant plot details or their personalities or anything. Not a great start.

See, up until now, Vision and Scarlet Witch have been little more than background characters. So already there’s an uphill struggle to get us invested in their relationship, especially considering we haven’t actually seen that relationship develop. In Avengers: Age Of Ultron, Scarlet Witch is killing people because she’s pissed off about Tony Stark killing people (you work that one out) until all of a sudden she stops and joins the good guys because the script said so. Vision meanwhile is introduced as a convenient deus ex machina to beat Ultron and gets no real personality other than he’s a robot. Captain America: Civil War comes the closest to giving Wanda a story and personality of her own as it’s her actions that cause the Sokovia Accords to come into effect, but she never gets any real growth or payoff as the film is heavily focused on Cap and Iron Man’s penis measuring contest. And as for Vision, all he does in the film is accidentally cripple War Machine. No real character or arc there as such. And then we have Avengers: Infinity War, where Wanda and Vision are now sporadically in love and on the run until that pesky Josh Brolin, looking like a CGI cross between Joss Whedon and a grumpy grape, comes along and rips out Vision’s Infinity Stone to power up his golden glove of doom, and the film treats this like a tragic moment, except... it isn’t. Because we haven’t really had the time to properly get to know these characters and see their romance blossom. So instead it just comes off as hollow and forced.

WandaVision has the exact same problem. Apparently Wanda was so distraught about Vision’s death that she broke into a SWORD base, stole his corpse, brought it back from the dead... somehow, and then enslaved an entire town of people to create an idyllic lifestyle for her and her hubby while broadcasting it as a sitcom to the outside world... for some reason. Putting aside the dubious morality of it all, it’s impossible to really sympathise with Wanda or her supposed grief because we’ve barely spent any time with her. Had the Marvel movies taken the time to properly explore the characters and show us their relationship grow and develop, this might have had more emotional resonance. But no, it just happens. In one film they barely speak to each other and in the next they’re a couple. No effort to explore how they feel about each other or any of the problems that may arise trying to date a robot. It just happens and we’re just supposed to care. Well I’m sorry, but I don’t care. You’re going to have to try a little bit harder than that I’m afraid. What’s worse is that, thanks to the whole fake sitcom thing, it’s impossible to really become invested in Wanda and her plight because the show has to constantly keep us at arms length at all times in order to keep up the pretence that this bullshit is somehow mysterious.

Looking through the WandaVision tag, it amuses me how many people say that she’s acting out of character. And yeah, her actions are a bit of a head scratcher. Why would an Eastern European’s ideal life be an American sitcom? Why a sitcom? Why kidnap an entire town? Why keep changing the decade? None of it makes sense, but you’re wrong for thinking that Wanda is behaving out of character for the simple reason that Wanda has never actually had a character. In fact, ironically, Wanda mind controlling an entire town and forcing them to do her bidding is probably the one consistent thing about her as she did this in Age Of Ultron. In interviews, Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany described how they used actors like Elizabeth Montgomery and Dick Van Dyke as influences, which is really funny because they’re straight up admitting they don’t have characters and even now they’re still not playing the characters, instead emulating the work of far better actors.

As I was watching the show, it became abundantly clear that not only do Marvel not have the faintest idea what they wanted to do with these characters, but they also straight up don’t give a shit about these characters. Wanda in particular has had a rough time under the tyrannical regime of the House of Mouse. First they cast Elizabeth Olsen, a white woman, to play a Romani character, then systematically erasing her Jewish roots, even going so far as to put a cross in her bedroom in Civil War, and now the character is being butchered even more by forcing her into an American sitcom housewife role that she apparently willingly chose for herself, which is laughable. I mean say what you like about Magneto in the X-Men films, at least they actually depicted his Jewish culture. At least they recognised his Jewish background was important (though not important enough to cast a Jewish actor apparently). Wanda’s steady cultural erasure over the years is incredibly insidious and judging by Olsen’s comments in interviews, where she called Wanda’s comic book outfit a quote ‘gypsy thing’ unquote, it seems nobody has an ounce of fucking respect for the character or the culture she’s supposed to be representing. (and to all those kissing her arse saying it was a slip of the tongue, she has been repeatedly called out for using the slur in the past, so at this point I’d describe her behaviour as wilful ignorance)

If you want further proof of how much Marvel doesn’t seem to care about Wanda, look no further than her brother Pietro, aka Quicksilver. At the end of Episode 5, Wanda brings Pietro back from the dead, except it’s not Pietro. It’s Peter Maximoff, the Quicksilver from the X-Men films played by Peter Evans, who coincidentally is not Jewish or Romani either. So Quicksilver has the dubious honour of not only being whitewashed three times, but also twice within the same franchise. But should we really be surprised at this point? It’s Marvel after all. The same company that whitewashed the Ancient One in Doctor Yellowface and claimed it wasn’t racist because Tilda Swinton is ‘Celtic’. But now I’m going off topic. My point is that this isn’t a simple case of recasting an actor like Mark Ruffalo replacing Edward Norton as the Hulk. WandaVision actually acknowledges the recast in-universe, which makes no sense. Why would Wanda bring back her brother, only to make him look like a different person? We the audience may be familiar with this version of Quicksilver, but she isn’t. That would be like me bringing my Grandad back to life and making him look like Ian McKellen. He’d be perfectly charming, I’m sure, but he wouldn’t be my Grandad. 

If Marvel really cared about the characters or narrative consistency, they would have brought Aaron Taylor Johnson back. Instead, now they have absorbed 20th Century Fox into the hellish Disney abyss, they use X-Men’s Quicksilver as a means to keep viewers from switching off and so that people will write stupid articles and think pieces about whether the rest of the X-Men will show up in the MCU. It’s like dangling your keys in front of a toddler’s face to distract them from the rotting corpse of a raccoon lying face down in the corner of the room.

And it’s here where I decided to stop watching the show because fuck Disney.

Epilogue: One Foot In The Grave

You know, I am sick and tired of the so called ‘professional’ critics bending over backwards to praise these god awful films and shows when it’s so clear to anyone with a functioning brain cell how bad they truly are. WandaVision is without a doubt one of the most cynically produced and poorly structured TV shows I’ve ever seen. Its riffs on classic sitcoms are pointless and self-indulgent, the writing is terrible, the characters are unlikable and unsympathetic, and it’s entirely emblematic of what the entire MCU has become of late. And it’s only going to get worse as Disney drowns us with more ‘content’ to keep the plebs ‘engaged’. In short; pathetic.

[strangerobin]

Rue: Chapter 8 (Jasper Hale Imagine)

I'm back with another chapter! Can't say I'm very proud of this chapter, it's mostly just fillers and trying to tie up some loose ends before diving head first into Adeline and Jasper's past and present situation in the next few chapters. But I want to explore a bit just where the two stands in this relationship first and the personal dilemmas either of them are in respectively. And I certainly hope I've done Alice her justice!

But tell me what you think! Until next time!

Robin ;)

When they returned to the house, the others were still where they had left them. Everyone seemed to heave a relieved sigh when they saw that their heads and limbs were still one with their torsos. As if they were going to tear each other apart.

But of course there were far more ways to be hurt than being physically mauled to pieces. Jasper though humourlessly to himself.

“Adeline will be staying with us for a little while.” He announced nonchalantly.

The others only remained mute, gawking at the pair, as if they could not believe their ears for what they had just heard.

Adeline immediately gave a smile so bright it was practically irritating. “Threatened into submission, yes. And no, I won’t be of any trouble. I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”

Jasper shot her a wary look. What was she playing at now?

But the more he disapproved the more enthusiastic she appeared.

Esme and Carlisle were the first to recover from their shock.

“Oh you’ll be of no trouble to us at all, dear.” Esme had quickly warmed up to the girl. “Any friend of Jasper’s are a friend of ours.” She gestured for the girl to follow her into the house. “Come we’ll find you a room and some fresh clothes for you.”

“I’ll have whichever room that is the farthest from Jasper’s if you will, Mrs Cullen.” Her extra loud response was heard by everyone in the household.

It was apparent that she would not be civil with him and was going to make this month an absolute nightmare for him, to put his patience to his test. But for all the spite and pettiness, for a second he thought he saw a glimpse of the playful girl he had known all those years ago. And it thrusted him into a weird headspace. It was an exhilaration mixed with a crushing nervousness, the more she taunted him, the more his anticipation grew.

She was issuing her own challenge towards him.

He had to fight off a growing smile.

The others however seemed to take pity of the predicament he was in. Edward only shook his head at him, as if he had just grown another head on his shoulder, no doubt in disapproval of the pair; while Bella grinned, amused by the entire situation, probably reminded of her first encounter with the family herself. Rosalie’s distaste was evident on her face, taking an instant dislike towards Adeline. Clicking her tongue in annoyance, she was the first to voice her irritation.

“What do you think you’re doing Jasper?” She hissed. “You’re inviting a stranger into our house. A hybrid no less! What will the Volturi do if they get wind of this?”

“Oh come now Rose, must we go through this every single time?” Jasper rubbed his temple and sighed.

“What?” She retorted.

“Your aversion to strangers.”

“I do not have an aversion to strangers!” Rosalie stomped her foot in petulance.

Emmett immediately wrapped a comforting arm around the other. “C’mon babe, it’ll be fun. I mean it’s not everyday you get to see Jasper losing his cool.”

“I didn’t, Emmett.”

“You totally did man! You ran out just to chase after the girl, I mean c’mon Jas- Ow! What was that for?!”

“My hand must’ve slipped.” Jasper kept his face cool, even if he did just whacked Emmett in the head.”

“Children.” Carlisle admonished softly. “Be nice, she’s still our guest and she can hear the lot of you.”

The crowd finally broke off to return to their respective engagements. All through their banter/ discussion Alice had remained silent, and when the conversation ended she immediately ducked out of the room, with Rosalie and Emmett following close behind.

“Renesmee will be ecstatic to known that her friend’s back.” Jasper heard Bella murmur to Edward as they both headed towards their cottage.

“Bella, she doesn’t even know her like that.” For afar, he could still hear the wariness in Edward’s voice. Jasper made a mental note to ask Edward about it later.

Only Carlisle lingered. He could sense the concern from the other man and he turned back again to acknowledge it.

“Something on your mind Carlisle?”

“Are you sure about this Jasper?”

Always with the straightforwardness, he mused to himself. “You mean the bond?”

“No, I mean this. This arrangement.” Carlisle gestured to the girl somewhere in the house. “Are you sure this is what you want? For her to be here?”

“Yes.” He answered in a heartbeat. He needed answers and he needed to know, just how changed she had become. And he can’t imagine any way, other than the bet, to trap her here for the moment, for awhile at least. For them to be forced to be reacquainted with each other. If he did not act then, there was no other way for him to stop her leaving. She was a free individual after all, and what else could he do other than physically restraining her and forcing her to stay?

“And Alice?”

He did not have a clever answer for that.

Because indeed he did not have a solution to that.

In the days that followed, both had avoided him like the plague. Both had taken to hiding in their own respective part of the house; Adeline had taken the loft and Alice had moved out of their own room and into one of the guest rooms. He had returned from his hunt one day and half of their room had been emptied out.

It was like a slap to his face.

Dear Alice, sweet Alice. In the end, just as she had said, she would not be the obstacle between him and Adeline. This was her best wishes for him; by giving up on them. He supposed it was only fair that he should let her go as she had pleaded. He had no right to court another while still demanding love from another. But this separation still pained him immensely.

It tore his heart into two.

He could not throw away 70 years of love away just like that. And he could not hurt Alice like that, could not let her break things off herself one-sidedly, without even a word or acknowledgement.

His mind was made.

He found her in her usual spot; the hollow in the ferns. Of course Alice had anticipated him, she simply gave him a watery smile before burying her face into his chest.

“This is the last time.” She sighed into his chest.

Yet even this promise was another knife to his conscience.

“How are you feeling?” He murmured tenderly into her hair.

Alice looked up and tried her best to smile through her unshed tears. “Jasper, I- She’s beautiful. So much more lovelier in person and in broad daylight. I can see why you still love her, even now…”

“Alice…” Jasper sighed, bringing his hands to hold her cheeks gently. “You don’t have to compare yourself to Adeline. It wasn’t her beauty I fell in love with; and neither did I love you for your looks only. You’re lovable just by being you.”

That seemed to cheer her up, for a bit at least. For she beamed and chuckled. But then as quickly as it happened, she was instantly back to her distracted self.

“I switched out all of the pictures of us and moved out everything into the guest room so that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea.”

Can someone really just pack up 70 years worth of love and time and memories into one container and just throw it all away? Never to be seen in the light of day. As if nothing ever happened. Can anyone?

Alice kept on blabbering, though was it to distract him or was it simply to distract herself, only she would know.

“I don’t think it’s right for us to be staying in the same room anymore. So I took the liberty to move out the moment she came.”

“Alice.”

“Just tell me if you need any of our stuff I’ll return it to you discreetly-”

“Alice!”

That seemed to shake her from her monologue and she gulped visibly, ready for whatever Jasper had to say next.

He didn’t want to pull an Adeline on Alice. No, no. He wanted to get this through to her. Whether they remain amicable as friends or part ways in bitterness, he had to get it through to her. He owed her this. Not a cold hearted ‘thanks for your time but my soulmate is here now so you can leave’. He needed to convey to her just what she meant and will always mean to him.

A stream of light in the dark, a breath of fresh air in his long and suffocating life of guilt and torment.

She had to know that without her, he would have been gone all those years ago.

“I don’t- I don’t want you to think that Adeline is any better than you, in terms of anything, not beauty, not intellect or personality. Because she’s not. You’re you and she’s she. Don’t ever change Alice, always be the energetic manic pixie that you are. Be yourself.

“Whatever happened between me and Adeline is between us, whether it’s karma for us to meet again now. It has nothing to do with you no matter what. You rescued me from myself and I will always always be grateful to you and if we could only continue be friends after all this-”

“But we will.” Already Alice’s grin was getting bigger and bigger, though there was a wistfulness in her eyes. “You saved me too you know; countless times.”

“I- Just… thank you…” He took her hand in his and gingerly caressed them. “And I want you to know that, I have loved you all these years as a friend, as a sister and as a lover. And I will always love you.”

“Just not that way you love Adeline.”

“No, I suppose not.” Jasper smiled self-depreciatingly.

“It’s alright, she’s your mate.” Alice blinked owlishly.

But Jasper shook his head slowly, contemplatively. “No, it’s more than that.”

“Oh?”

“It’s…” And yet he couldn’t put into words, just what this inexplicable feeling is.

“You’ll get there.” Alice’s smile pulled him back to reality. “Take your time.”

“Time, she won’t give me enough.” Jasper let out a sigh, then returned his attention to the little pixie. “But I didn’t come here to talk about my problems. I came to talk about you.”

Alice’s lips quirked up again. “Silly man. You know I’ll never hold a grudge against you.” Then her eyes grew distant as if she was looking into a time faraway. “I suppose my only wish is that… someday I’ll find someone like Adeline is to you.”

“You will.” Jasper leaned in to place a chaste kiss on her forehead before pulling back to look into those pair of clear liquid gold.

“I have no doubt in that.”

*

The loft, in her opinion, was wonderful. It was warm and cozy; the ceiling was slanted with a skylight window mounted on the roof that opened up to a scenery of trees canopies and from her vantage point she could just make out the mountainous terrain in the distance. And when she laid on her simple mattress and pillow, Adeline could watch the stars pass and the light change as it filtered into the room. Esme had insisted that it was too small for a guest and had pressed her to move into the guest room downstairs. But she loved the coziness and the skyline far too much to give it up.

Her room was otherwise bare, save for the stacks of books she had managed to snag from the library downstairs; and the few clothes that a silently fuming Rosalie had thrown out. Her worn satchel bag hung up in the corner, the leather peeling and showing at the corners. And an actual functioning laptop the Cullens had gotten her from Port Angeles.

This was more luxury than she ever had in the last couple of years since breaking off from her father.

She should be content with all the arrangement. She really should.

Yet despite it all, Adeline felt a profound sense of emptiness gnawing at her. A growing sense of dissatisfaction, of boredom.

She avoided the Cullens to the best of her ability, especially Jasper and Edward, because she couldn’t find it in herself to face the former and because she desperately needed her privacy from the latter. But she couldn’t help observing them from afar.

It was amazing how people of different walks of life could come together and find in one another a family they could turn to even at their lowest. The maternalistic Esme, Carlisle the patriarch of the family. Edward and Bella’s own little perfect family; all the other siblings. Even the ever disagreeable Rosalie was fiercely protective of her family.

She thought of her own flesh and blood and had to scoff.

Tatiana and father would be in hysterics if she even so much as suggest playing at house. As for all the others, well she couldn’t even recall half of them. And the only ones she could play pretend with, she did not have the heart to disturb their peace.

From her point by the window, she could see clearly the entire family gathered at the backyard around a bonfire, chilling around in the growing twilight. Renesmee was dancing around her parents, chatting incessantly about something; the couples were lost in their little world, soaking up in the presence of the other. And in the corner, there was Jasper and Alice sharing a benching, with their backs to her.

There was something she couldn’t pinpoint as she watched the two smile at each other, shoulders occasionally bumping, elbowing each other when a joke was shared.

An intimacy of sorts.

Then Jasper suddenly threw his head back and laughed without abandon at what Alice had said.

Adeline’s eyes widened, and her heart gave a violent thump.

In that moment, despite it all, Adeline wished more than anything that it was her who was beside him, that it was her who had made him laugh without a care.

It used to be me. She thought bitterly. And I gave it all away-

No, no, no, no. She stopped her thought immediately; she was not getting there again. Adeline rested her forehead against the window glass, letting the coolness calm her thoughts, putting a lid of the emotions that was threatening to leak out.

Take deep breaths. She psyched herself. You just need to get through this month, whatever bullshit Jasper sprouts, they’re all just lies. The minute this month ends, you’ll never have to see him ever again. You’ve done this before Adeline, you can do it again.

Her breathing evening, Adeline turned away to lay back into bed and buried her face into the pillow.

This was going to be another long and sleepless night.

*

“So Adeline,” Renesmee asked as they walked along the mountain trail. “Will you tell me more about yourself?”

Adeline sighed inwardly. So much for trying her best to avoid the family.

As soon as Renesmee had heard about Adeline’s arrival, she had practically begged to spend time with her new ‘friend’. Adeline herself was no match to the child’s begging and before long she already found herself agreeing to it. As for the father, albeit wary of the other, Edward’s stubbornness had finally crumbled under his daughter’s incessant begging and puppy eyes. So here they were, Adeline and Renesmee at the front, Jasper and Edward hanging not far behind. Renesmee had her arms securely wrapped around Adeline’s and she was practically hanging off like a monkey. Adeline had to laugh at that, the child was grinning gleefully from ear to ear.

“And what would you like to know?”

“When and where were you born?”

“I was born in 1789 in French Louisiana.”

“Then you’re more than 200 years old?!” Renesmee exclaimed. “Wow, that’s pretty old! Though that would make Grandpa Carlisle the oldest I know still, he’s from England from the 1660s I think.”

Adeline chuckled. “There are many more ancient than you know of Renesmee. Compared to them we’d be all babies in their eyes.”

“That’s true I guess.” The child mused. “And how was it like? To grow up during that time? Were your parents kind to you?”

Adeline felt her smile falter.

“My mother died giving birth to me, and my father wasn’t even aware of my existence when I was born. He never raised me.”

Surprised by her sudden bitter reply, Renesmee shrank back as if bitten and frowned to herself as she muttered a quick apology. “Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Well to be fair, it’s not your fault.” She tried to keep up the nonchalant facade. It shouldn’t sting anymore now, not after all these years. “It’s just that… Not every parent love each other as much as your parents do Renesmee. And not all people are brave enough to protect and save their loved ones like your father did.”

But it did stung. It stung to see there was actually someone who was willing to protect and save his beloved from death, instead of leaving them to die. She thought of her mother whom she had never known. In the depths of her heart, resentment mixed with guilt stirred and she had to clamp it all down before they surfaced.

“On the bright side.” Adeline continued quickly in forced cheerfulness. “My sister Henriette was there to raise me, and when she married, my brother-in-law Ralph was also there to take up half the burden. I had a nephew Timothee growing up with me, he became a military officer and was stationed in Texas.”

At the mention of Texas, Renesmee swiftly took a peek at the two adults deep in conversation at the back and then pressed her hand deep into Adeline’s. She gasped felt a shock as warmth ran through their touching hands, then she saw a vision of Jasper and a question directed at her. Was that where the two of you met?

The vision faded and she turned to Renesmee in astonishment, whose eyes were twinkling with mischief.

“What was that just now?” Adeline asked, still reeling from the shock.

Renesmee giggled in glee and made a grab of her hands to intertwine them together. It’s a special ability of mine. I can show you my thoughts and memory when I touch you. We can talk like this?

Spending a long minute to recover from her initial shock and astonishment, Adeline returned a wide grin towards the girl. “Then you must show me all of Jasper’s dirty little secret.”

Promise.

They continued on their merry way up the peak, Renesmee continuing her bombard of questions.

“Are there many like us?”

“I’m sure there are plenty out there just like us… I have quite some siblings myself.” Adeline stared forward in reminiscence. “Like me, like you.”

“Oh?”

“I have a younger sister, a bit younger than you. Bubbly little thing, although maybe a little bit too smart for her age.” Adeline smiled at Renesmee. “The two of you would be the best of friends.”

“Really?” Renesmee eye’s were twinkling in excitement. “Can I meet her? Can I? Can I?”

“Well I’m sure if your father agrees it’s not impossible.”

Squealing in delight, Renesmee turned back to make a beeline for her father. Adeline watched on, somewhat amused, as the child tackled her father with an enthusiasm that Edward did not mirrored. Edward caught his daughter expertly, and in between giving her incessant chatter and his replies, he shot Adeline dirty looks, as if accusing her of corrupting his daughter already. Pursing her lips petulantly, Adeline turned her attention to the other man by Edward’s side. There was an equally amused yet also tender look on Jasper’s face, and before she realised what she was doing, she made a face at Jasper.

Catching herself only far too late, Adeline frowned and quickly turned to continue on her way. But Jasper had already seen it and in a heartbeat he was by her side, falling in step as they ventured on. It had felt so natural then, yet now it unnerved her to no end to even have the man at her side.

Stupid idiot! For a second she wanted to slap herself in the face so hard. What were you thinking!

Adeline tried her hardest to keep her attention straight ahead, but it proved to be harder with every passed second. They were so close now their shoulders were practically touching, and it made her uneasy, this invasion into her personal space and boundary.

Soulmate my ass. She thought to herself. She couldn’t even bring herself to look him in the eye.

If Jasper sensed any of her unease he didn’t make a show of it. Instead he casually continued to walk beside her, taking in the scenery as he did.

“So what were the two of you conspiring about? Hopefully not my demise.” Jasper was the first to break the ice.

“Nothing worthy of your worry.” She retorted. “She only asked me about my childhood. And anyways I’m well aware the two of you were eavesdropping on us at the back.”

Jasper hummed, seemingly unaffected that he was found out so easily.

“The two of you weren’t exactly on the softer side during your discussion.”

Adeline scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“So…." Trying to find another topic to continue the conversation, Jasper continued his speaking. “Henriette huh, she’s your sister and not your grandmother.”

“Well yes.” Adeline frowned, wondering where this was going. “I couldn’t really continue posing as her sister as she got older while I still looked practically the same.”

“What happened to her in the end?”

“She died.” Adeline shrugged. “As all men do. I buried her myself.”

Jasper looked away uncomfortably. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She kept her reply nonchalant. “She had a wonderful life, devoted husband, successful son, an undead sister who remembers her still. I’d say she had a pretty decent life.”

She hated how curt her replies were; hated how everyone was trying to stir up emotions from the depths of her soul, to break this tranquility she had maintained all these years. For God's sake she didn’t want to be sentimental at all!

She desperately needed a change of subject.

“So…”

He could feel the uneasiness Adeline radiated, the surge of emotion within her when he mentioned Henriette, could practically see the cogwheels turning in her head, trying in vain to steer the conversation away from the painful subject of her past. Somehow it always came to this. Jasper thought. He had only meant to be friendly, but things got awkward fast enough so that neither could carry out any kind of meaningful conversation.

“So…” He continued to listen on as Adeline struggle to speak. “so I didn’t realise…That this family was supposed to be gifted!” She finally exclaimed.

“If Edward is a telepath and Renesmee is a... um able to communicated with touch, who else is gifted here? Don’t tell me Rosalie’s power is being ultra beautiful.”

“Huh…" Jasper turned to look at her in astonishment before quirking his lips at the idea of it. “She wish.” Continuing to observe his partner for her reactions, Jasper continued. “Well I guess you could say that we have a few gifted persons in the family. Bella has a sort of um... mental force field, she’s the only one Edward can’t mind read.”

Adeline’s brow shot up at that. “Go on.”

“Alice is a seer, she can see the future... though she can only see vampires and humans in her vision. She can’t see the future of your kinds very clearly.” If not we would’ve seen you coming years ago.

“And you?” Adeline turned to look at him, her face impassive, waiting for a response.

Her impassiveness made him uncomfortable, for a moment he didn’t know how much should he let on, for fear of how she would react. Betrayed? Mistrustful and wary of manipulation? Would she think herself manipulated into staying? Lucky for him, she was not a mind reader. But he didn’t want to be deceitful.

If there was one thing he wanted, it was to be truthful to her from the start. He wanted to rebuild the trust between them. Their relationship may be unsalvageable, but he didn’t need to give her more reasons to distrust him.

Jasper swallowed reflexively. “I’m an empath. I can feel and manipulate the emotions of others.”

“Oh!” She blinked and gave a little exclamation, expression unreadable. “That’s... impressive.” She finally commented flatly.

They lapsed into an awkward silence then, both stalling, waiting for the other to speak first.

“Then... what am I feeling right now?” She suddenly asked out of the blue.

He briefly wondered if she was testing his ability. But he needn’t focus anymore than he was doing already, Adeline was practically radiating with mistrust and nervousness.

“You don’t trust me.”

Adeline opened and closed her mouth like a fish then; clearly not knowing what to say.

“It’s alright. It makes people uncomfortable more than half the time... I’m not going to manipulate your emotions to me.” Jasper laughed depreciatingly.

“Have you?” She questioned softly.

Jasper started at the question.

“No I haven’t.” His answer was curt and perhaps a little cross. He was hurt that she would think him capable of doing something so low.

Now it was getting even more awkward.

“I’m sorry…" she finally mumbled.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Silence ensued again.

He desperately tried to grapple for something to speak while Adeline was clearly fidgeting more and more by his side.

“You’ve got hidden talents up your sleeves too don’t you.”

“I…" Adeline glanced at him nervously, eyes shifting, no doubt contemplating whether it was safe for her to disclose so much to him. Whether he would use it for leverage or manipulate her weakness if the time required it. He couldn’t help the bitterness that came with the thought.

“You don’t need to deny it, I’ve seen the way you seemed to disappear into thin air; and the way you fight... there’s this sort of instinct there... it felt like you were acting long before you were thinking or even realising it.”

“Concealment.” Adeline shrugged. “If I focus enough, I can conceal my scent and myself so that no one can find or see me. It’s useful during escapes.”

“And the other…?"

Adeline stiffened visibly, her right hand coming up unconsciously to finger her earlobe, playing with the earring there; it was a nervous habit of hers, and he was somewhat surprised to see it still after years.

“It’s not really exactly a power or sorts... it’s more of an instinct…" she frowned trying to find the correct word to explain herself. “It’s like a voice that talks to me, warns me of all the dangers around me... and sometimes I see signs... everywhere. It’s a bit hard to explain.”

“And… what is your instinct telling you now?” Jasper held his breath, bracing for the answer he wasn’t sure he actually wanted.

She narrowed her eyes at him then, scrutinising, those pretty cornflower orbs darkening. Her eyes raked over his features, as if searching for an answer.

“Nothing. It’s telling me nothing.”

She finally said before turning away and marching onward.

Except it did tell her things, her instinct

It told her things that scared her as much as if it were telling her that her father was near.

Or maybe even more.

[yume-fanfare]

hi i am that anon from like 29th Dec (last dang year) who said i read ur tsuki no hime and loved it and that u understand Aizou. i have read more of ur stuff since then and now i NEED to ask you for writing advice, on both characterization and general writing tips since I didnt mention it before. Sorry about that! i just forgot i sent an ask and i do not get notifs at all (or does anon asks not get notifs?) Also, ART STUDENT! That's why the nice art and art leaning!! I feel smart for sensing it

oh yup, tumblr doesn't send notifs for anon asks! but i'm glad you did see the answer anyway

this post is hideously long, so answer under the cut!

so, on characterization: it is mostly a matter of what would they say, rather than what you want them to say. the joke about "the characters do what they want to" instead of what the writer wants is pretty much true if you want them to be in character lol (that's why sometimes a little bit of OoC isn't too bad)

checking the source material is the most important thing: look at prior similar interactions the characters have had and how they reacted

this is kind of hard with LIPxLIP, as there aren't that many translated texts about them but with honeyworks the most canon and reliable thing to use as reference are the mvs. the mvs are drawn in a way that can pretty much be understood even if you don't have the lyrics, and sometimes it's even better if you can't read them, to properly focus on the images better

look at their expressions closely: while aizou is always explosive in his anger, yuujirou often has a more indifferent expression. so, when they fight, aizou is probably the one to blow up first while yuujirou maintains his composure better. it's kind of the classic "this was only a brief passing panel but i am going to expand on it" www

but the thing about fanfiction is that it's always a bit of a character analysis in itself. you don't start writing having already a color-coded folder of possible situations and reactions a character would have for each setting. you just throw the characters in a scenario and then think from there onwards, and eventually you'll be able to have the folder of situations and what you think their reactions would be like. (though, this links back to the prior point, if the characters have gone through a similar situation in canon, use that as guide! plus, finding little references to canon when reading is always fun)

for general writing, i'm going to mostly talk about my own experiences and process! i'm in no way a professional though

the basic is reading a lot. not just books but also fanfic. in fact, since you're writing fanfic, i Encourage you to read fanfic. even if your story ends up novel length, the way of treating the story is different from that of an actual novel. for example, because you're working under the premise that everyone knows the characters already. the general style of fics is different as well.

in fact, the style is the main reason i'm saying this slfkslfkslkf

read a lot of stuff and find a style you like. think of it as sewing together pieces from here and there to make a frankenstein amalgamation: this person's metaphors, the comparisons from here, the descriptions from there

personally, i adore the "long one-shot with a long title formatted (like this)" fics that are mostly feelings and descriptions and as little dialogue as possible, and some that occasionally play with the "show don't tell" rule, and some months ago i read a book whose descriptions amazed me because you could feel what the character was focusing on the most, rather than being general descriptions of the situation (i actually have a lot of thoughts about descriptions but that's a post for another day). but also i really like dialogue and plot-driven stories, descriptions can get boring and before trying to break rules, you have to be really good at following them

but, let's go step by step: developing an idea

for this i'm going to mostly reference the multichap i finished a while ago as an example

i started with just a few vague concepts in mind: non-idol au with aizou who does some sport and likes music but is insecure about his singing and yuujirou who does some music related thing and encourages him to sing in a way that's somehow related to the hozier song to noisemaking (sing), because it's what inspired me to write in the first place

then, from then onwards i wrote down what would happen in the first chapter of the story bullet-point-list-style, including things like the roommates part or the clubs the boys were in (at first yuujirou was in the choir club lol the change was a last second decision that idk why i took) and then bits of dialogue here and there that would be The Turning Points. those first dialogues were for the fight at the end of ch 1, the apology-date in ch 3 and then some vaguely unused ones for the "yuujirou encourages aizou" part, as those were the first key moments i thought of

because, since it's enemies to friends to lovers, an important aspect was character development

not all fics have character development bc not all of them are long enough (if you're aiming for short and sweet then there's no need). but if they do, i recommend you write down how the character was at the beginning of the story and then how they were at the end and then fill in the middle later, think of what those key turning points that made the character change were (the more little things you add, the more gradual it'll be)

samishigariya illustrates this very nicely: the song starts and finishes with the same lines, but the ending ones feel more light-hearted. the beginning has pre-arisa ken and pre-getting-along-with-yuujirou aizou, when they were the lonely people the title mentioned, and the ending, when they're not lonely anymore. the in between can be seen in depth during the other songs: ken before arisa was a playboy who didn't take love seriously, but after meeting her he realized that games were not all there was to love; and aizou used to be quite cranky and high-key a loner, but then he "meets precious things and knows of love". i will not elaborate on that because this isn't an aiyuu post but Oh You Know

for the fic, aizou would go through that same process, more or less: someone who doesn't really form meaningful connections with people but who, in the end, would end up having quite a bunch of people who care about him as his relationship with yuujirou advances too

since the relationship was the main focus, i wrote a very simple outline for how it would develop throughout 5 hypothetical chapters that was just: 1. civil w each other but mostly bad > 2. bad > 3. half friends > 4. pining > 5. date

and then with that in mind and the bullet point list, the final basic outline ended up like this:

there were scraped ideas and ideas that made it in later, but i believe having a simple outline, a bare skeleton to add things to, is important. stories need continuity, development requires a prior buildup

it's especially important in multichapter fics where you post as you write, you need to have a more or less clear idea of what's going to happen because you can't ignore scenes you've already posted

shorter stories don't need it as much, you can think as you go, but it's still helpful to know where you're going with things to avoid getting stuck

and, on getting stuck: don't be afraid of deleting things. if you can't figure out how to continue things, then delete the situation and start again. it might feel like you'd be wasting time but in the end, it is so much better than being stuck on the same scene for weeks

in fact, you don't have to write in order. jump to the next scene and you'll figure it out later. you Can write the scene you want to write and then build everything else around it

it's normal to write a scene and then realize it would make more sense later in the story, or that it would be better if you added another scene earlier, or sometimes you just find it easier to jump from one part of the story to another. rely on your outline to keep track of what you've written, what you have left to write and what's the best way to arrange your story. make your story understandable

which bring us to editing

there's a lot of much better posts on editing stories, but yeah ctrl+f is your best friend: don't repeat yourself too much. and be sure to vary sentence and paragraph length, as well as sentence structure, to give dynamism to the writing

now, i've mentioned before the show, don't tell rule, but i'm going to talk a bit more about it because it's quite important

once again there's a lot of posts that explain more in depth what it is, so i'm not going to expand too much on that, but, very basically, try to avoid things like "then some time passed and they became friends". explain it: what happened exactly? how did they become friends? if it's important, show it to us, instead of summarizing

since things like these make the story longer, it also gives room for more development and proper explanation for things that happen

for example, the fic was originally going to start with them already in the room, and the whole situation would have been explained in a single paragraph somewhere, but by actually adding the scene where they first arrive to the dorms and argue with the lady at the main desk, the story flows better and it let me actually describe their first meeting

and uuuhhh i think that's all? this took super long to write i hope i didn't forget any super basic stuff lol

i want to add that for enemies to lovers i greatly recommend this post bc it's super good but yeah i think that's basically it, if you have any more specific questions just shoot me an ask

[knightofameris]

different worlds - peter parker (stark!reader)

Setting: AU (earth-3490 based on MCU) Gender: Female Contains: Angst + fluff = flangst, established character deaths, curse words, anxiety attacks, very vague description of gore, mentions of alcohol, slight spoilers for FFH, in regards to it being 3490 it has Stony in it but also pepperony !!! so Word Count: 9k (oops)

Summary: Peter Parker has to learn how to cope with his mentor and his daughter being gone from the world. He holds a lot of regrets now because of how he never took his chance with (Y/n). But what does he do when he’s given the chance to tell her exactly how he feels? Except the only thing is she’s from another universe and she’s accompanied by someone he didn’t even recognize.

a/n: fuck canon because in this story steve doesn’t go back in time at the end of Endgame. Based on earth-3490 with elements of the MCU. Earth-3490 is a universe in which Tony was born identifying as a female (imo, can be interpreted in many different ways) and is named Natasha Stark. She ends up marrying Steve Rogers so it prevents the entirety of Civil war. In this MCU-3490, they’re just dating then marry after the snap in IW Natasha ‘Toni’ now goes by Tasha as she becomes more comfortable with her name instead of Toni from the headcanon that her name is Natasha Antonia Stark.

Let me know if there are any mistakes, regarding the gender of reader, grammar, spelling, or with the story. c: [repost from my old account]

Enjoy! 

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

❝ in any universe, i’ll always love you ❞

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

When walking into a field of flowers, which flowers do you pick? The prettiest ones, right? The ones that look the healthiest, the brightest colored, and most beautiful one. You pick the ones that smell sweet and make you feel at peace. And then you put them in a bouquet to give to a loved one. Or you make them into a flower crown to wear on your head.

Flower corpses. That’s what flower crowns were made of, in a more dark way of describing it.

And it makes sense, doesn’t it? You only really want to keep the best ones, even if they die sooner.

But God, is it unfair.

It’s so unfair that the universe decided to pick both Tony and (Y/n) Stark, the prettiest ones of the bunch. Even though they were still blooming, even though they still had yet to show all their petals, the universe decided to pick them. Tony Stark, the one who started it all, and (Y/n) Stark, the one who was too young.

They both had so much to offer to the world, so much to give. Whether it be new inventions or just flat out love. Both Starks had so much love to give to the world. And for one of them, she never got the chance to give that love to the one she loved most.

Peter Parker sat down at the edge of the lake, watching the two bouquets of flowers holding Tony’s first arc reactor and (Y/n)’s first stuffed animal. His eyes were red and swollen. Even with his regenerative powers, Peter cried so much that it couldn’t heal. But for once, in the past few days since the battle, both battles for him, he finally stopped.

His mouth was dry and his nose was clogged with snot but he couldn’t help but continue to watch two people he grew to love and cherish over the past few years drift farther away from him.

Peter didn’t even notice Steve walk up to him from behind. Steve cleared his throat, jolting Peter out of his thoughts. He looked up at the older man. In a different circumstance, Peter would have geeked out there and then. But instead, he turned his head back towards the two bouquets.

“Peter, right?” Steve asked, following his gaze. Peter didn’t reply. “I… I never got to see your relationship with Tony. But I know he was proud of you. He always was and always will be. And (Y/n), I’ve watched her grow up. I’ve seen her with her all her partners but I’ve never seen her happier than when she talked about you. What I’m trying to say here is that their love for you didn’t leave with them. It’ll always be a part of you and I know that both of them would rather have you up and about than crying over them.”

Peter pursed his lips then scoffed, shaking his head. He didn’t even know how to respond to the Star-Spangled Man. He just wanted to be left alone.

He was angry and sad and feeling too many things at once. But he was mostly mad at himself. Mad that he never told (Y/n) his feelings for her and mad that he couldn’t save her.

So yeah, he wanted to be left alone.

Steve shuffled his feet, glancing down then letting out a breath, “If you need anything, I’ll be inside. You should also have my number on your phone, I’ll still be around.”

Peter waited till he heard Steve walk into the house and closed the door behind him to start crying again. He pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging it and started sobbing. His crying causing his entire body to shake as he cried into his suit once more.

Steve watched Peter cry alone from the lake house. It was quiet, save for the small murmurings amongst friends, the quiet sobbing from Pepper and a few others. He wished he could have done more, maybe it could have been him and at least one of the Starks could have been alive.

“You ready?”

Steve turned to face Bruce who was holding a case most likely holding the Infinity Stones.

He nodded and turned his head back towards Peter. If there was one thing he could do for Tony after everything, it could be looking after Peter and his family. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

***

(Y/n) cheered, raising her glass with everyone beside her as her mom said a toast.

“To the future of the universe, and the future of the Avengers,” Tasha smirked while staring straight at her daughter. “Oh come on, I know I can’t give as great of a speech as winghead over here but let’s celebrate! To the future!” She raised her glass with her robotic arm, the drink inside splashing out.

“To the future!” Thor’s voice boomed and everyone else followed suit, clinking glasses and causing splashes to go all around. Nebula had even accidentally slammed her cup into Scott’s too hard breaking both of their cups.  

(Y/n) grinned as she drank the Shirley Temple and everyone else began the road down drunkenness. She kept one hand on her little sister’s shoulder, Maria, pulling her in as she drank her own juice and the two watched their mom jump off the table she stood on. Peter’s arm wrapped around (Y/n)’s, giving her a kiss on her temple.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better,” Steve’s eyes glanced between (Y/n), Maria, and Peter, “I would have thought you guys were just a very young family.”

Peter’s grip on (Y/n)’s shoulder tightened then he let go, stammering with his face red. (Y/n) rolled her eyes and let go of Maria who promptly ran up to Steve. Steve set his cup down, then bent down to pick up Maria with a grunt.

“Oh please, dad,” (Y/n) said, intertwining her fingers with Peter’s. Steve raised his eyebrows, his mouth slightly parted and (Y/n) just took another sip from her drink. “What? I mean, you are my dad now.” She eyed the red and gold banded ring on his left ring finger.

“No, I just thought—”

“I’m still upset we weren’t invited to the wedding, right Peter?”

Peter glanced back and forth between his girlfriend and Steve. (Y/n) held a slight smirk on her face while Steve was clearly exasperated. Maria just sat in her father’s arms, playing with her hair.

“Uhhhh,” Peter rubbed the back of his head, his eyes traveling elsewhere in the room

Steve shook his head, “Come on, your mom wants to see you.” (Y/n) tilted her head, cocking an eyebrow. Her hand parted from Peter’s as she told him she’d be right back.

Steve weaved through the crowd of people. (Y/n) could barely keep up with him, despite her smaller stature compared to Steve’s. But as long as her eyes laid on the back of his head, that’s all that mattered.

Finally, Steve stopped, handing Maria off to Tasha and (Y/n) finally caught up.

“Geez, for an old man you’re fast,” (Y/n) bent over, exaggerating how out of breath she was. She yelped as her leg gave out and she fell forward. Steve caught her quickly and Tasha gasped, reaching down for her as well.

Eyes landed on the four of them, watching as Steve brought her back up.

“I’m okay,” (Y/n) waved an arm, standing back up. “I’ll be fine.” She grinned up at Steve and her mom and then lightly banged on her prosthetic leg.

“Kid, what the fuck?” Tasha scrunched up her face.

“Toni.” Steve glared at her then looked quickly at Maria who sat in her arms. Maria giggled and Tasha twisted her mouth, shutting her eyes and hoping for the best. Meaning, hoping Maria wouldn’t repeat what she just said. She opened up one eye looking at Maria who was playing with Tasha’s hair, about to let out a sigh of relief.

“Fuck!” She repeated.

“A-bup-bup-bup!” Tasha used her free hand and pointed at her. “Remember, Daddy trademarked that word, we can’t use it. Don’t say it again or Dad’s gonna sue as both, and then we’d both be in big trouble.” Maria pursed her lips with a smile still evident on her round face. She pretended to zip it. (Y/n) watched quizzically at her younger sister but then shook her head right after.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes at her mom. “You’re terrible.”

“Says you.” Tasha pointed down at her leg. “Let’s go get that fixed up.”

“But,” (Y/n) pointed back to the party, “the party.”

“The party can wait, let’s go.” Tasha handed Maria back to Steve and then wrapped an arm around (Y/n). “Also, winghead, why’re we using Toni again? Tasha’s fine. I guess Toni’s fine too, but please—”

“Okay, okay,” Steve shook his head, lightly pushing the two of you towards the elevators. “Go get (Y/n)’s leg checked up on, shellhead.” (Y/n) gagged, sticking out her tongue and called the two of them gross. Tasha ruffled her hair, messing it up.

“What kind of pet names are those?” asked (Y/n) once they got in the elevator. Tasha arched her brow and looked down at her daughter who was pretending to gag.

“Webhead and shockhead,” she coughed into her hand loudly. “Oh man, sorry, must have a horrible flu coming down.” (Y/n) felt a rush of blood rise to her cheeks as she began protesting those nicknames. Tasha laughed, ruffling her hair again once the elevator dinged, signaling that they were finally at the labs of the facility.

“Don’t worry, you’re more of a Stark now with those kinds of nicknames,” Tasha smirked, walking out of the elevator doors and into the lab.

“Do I have to change my last name to Stark-Rogers or something? Rogers-Stark? How’s that even working? What’s Maria’s last name?” (Y/n) walked carefully to one of the chairs, her mom already opening up holographic display to figure out the problem on her leg.

Tasha hummed, widening the diagnosis, “We both changed to Stark-Rogers. Mine first ‘cause it flows more smoothly. So’s Maria’s. You can do whatever, sooner or later-” Tasha wiggled her eyebrows at (Y/n) “-it’s gonna be Stark-Parker. Maybe Stark-Rogers-Parker, no that’s excessive.”

Once again, (Y/n)’s face grew warm and she looked away, crossing her arms. “Whatever mom, just fix my leg.”

“No ‘please’? Ouch, my heart.” Tasha feigned pain on her chest and (Y/n) brought her hand up to her face in disappointment.

Her mom began to mutter to herself, grabbing a few tools and bending down in front of (Y/n) and slowly pulling the prosthetic off to properly fix it. (Y/n) watched her mother curiously as sparks began to fly from the tools and as she walked around grabbing new materials to put in. FRIDAY occasionally giving her pointers that she might have missed.

(Y/n) glanced down at the stub of her leg, her stomach beginning to become uneasy. She bit her lip, flashes of the previous battle coming back. She shut her eyes, trying to control her breathing and a shiver rushed over her. More flashes of fighting Thanos, watching her mom hold Peter as he disappeared in her hands, waking up five years later on the deserted planet Titan after turning to dust, losing her leg in a one-on-one fight with the mad Titan, almost losing her mom to her snapping.

(Y/n) vaguely heard her mom scramble to her, trying to get her to breath and to calm down. She worked herself into a cold sweat and her eyes slammed open, meeting Tasha’s brown eyes.

Tasha looked up at her, her eyes glancing back and forth between both of (Y/n)’s and her hands resting on both sides of her.

“It’s okay,” she reassured, running her hand through (Y/n)’s hair. “We’re safe, I’m okay. You’re okay. Pete’s okay.” (Y/n) nodded her head, trying to bring herself back to reality. “Count five red things in the room, for me, can you do that for me sweetheart?”

(Y/n) nodded her head again, her eyes moving to her mom’s arm, then her mom’s lipstick, the Iron suits, the red labels on beakers, then a red flashing light. (Y/n) frowned even with a sense of tranquility coming back. She raised her slightly shaking hand and pointed at it.

“What’s—What’s—Why’s that flashing red?”

Tasha turned her head around then promptly stood up. “That’s strange.” She glanced back at (Y/n) then walked towards the red flashing light, opening up holographic screens, the red light flashed quickly only to stopped. “Huh, I’ll have to talk to Banner and Shuri about this.”

“What is it?” (Y/n) asked.

“Well,” Tasha shut the holographic screens off then walked back to where (Y/n)’s prosthetic laid, grabbing it, “after discovering time travel, I’ve been looking into interdimensional travel.”

(Y/n) raised her eyebrows, “Like, alternate universes?”

“Yeah.” Tasha bent down in front of (Y/n), clicking her prosthetic back into place. (Y/n) slowly stood up, testing it. A few whirs came from the robotic leg before it finally quieted down.

“Does dad know about it?”

“About that,” Tasha scrunched her nose then paused. “Wait, hold on, dad? You’re already calling him dad?”

(Y/n) walked around in circles, squatting here and there too. “I mean, you guys are married now, right? By the way, you should have another wedding, I didn’t get to make it to your first one.”

“Yeah yeah, only if you’re the ring bearer, I don’t trust Peter with the rings.”

“Wait!” (Y/n) ran up to Tasha, her eyes widened. “Really?! You really mean it?”

“Maybe not about the ring bearer, but the wedding, sure. Huh, I could ask more people to be my bridesmaid. Probably would ask Pepper, Natasha and Nebula again. But,” she began pushing (Y/n) along to the elevator. “Let’s deal with that later, you have a party to go back to.”

(Y/n) frowned, getting into the elevator and turning around. “What about you mom?”

She raised her robotic arm in the air, “Gonna try fixing this up, feeling a bit of phantom pain. I’ll see you back up there. And no drinking.”

The elevator doors shut and (Y/n) waved her off. Not like she would drink with all the Avengers watching her. And that includes the original and the ‘honorary’ ones. They’ve all watched her grow up, afterall. Nat was the one to push her to confess to Peter, Clint embarrassing the two of them when they finally got together, and the really weird double dates with Vision and Wanda. Uncle Bucky would terrify Peter in the beginning with his piercing glare until he finally warmed up to him.

(Y/n) laughed, remembering the pranks Bucky and Sam pulled on Peter immediately after Steve and her mom talked things out; about the Accords, about Bucky murdering her parents and Steve not telling her (that one left their relationship broken for a while), and then their relationship and where it was going to go. It worked out in the end, the Avengers stayed together.

It’s what gave them the upper hand against Thanos the first time around, but he still snapped his fingers. The five years after the snap (or blip as the rest of the world calls it) still happened, but damn was everyone filled with rage against the mad titan.

The elevator doors opened with a ding, and (Y/n) narrowed her eyes with a tilt of her head. The floor was unlit and very very empty. No music played and there were no drinks scattered about, it was just clean.

Her hands stayed by her side, electricity dancing between her fingers as she slowly stepped out into the empty floor. Her eyes scanned the room back and forth and she glanced over her shoulder to make sure there was nobody there.

(Y/n)’s steps were deathly silent (thanks Nat) and her breathing in full control as she walked forwards.

Clink!

Her head shot towards the direction of the dining table. The corner of the wall covered the person sitting there, eating what looked like a bowl of cereal. She took another step and saw the back of Peter’s head, his suit was more apparent underneath his clothes. Namely on his feet.

(Y/n) sighed with relief, all her muscles in her body relaxing.

“Peter! What’s going on? Where’s the party?” She walked up to the boy. Peter turned around quickly, the whites of his eyes showing and he shot his hand out.

(Y/n) maneuvered to the side, dodging the web and watching it get stuck onto the floor. She looked back at Peter with a frown.

“Babe, what the fuck?”

“FRIDAY, lock the facility down, and contact whoever’s available,” Peter stated, quickly grabbing the glasses set on the table behind him and putting them on.

“Pete, what are you doing?” (Y/n) approached him slowly. The room began flashing red, a silent alarm was probably going off.

“You’re not real,” he stated. “Mysterio’s gone. He’s—He’s dead. So whoever-” he began to raise his voice despite it cracking “-whoever this is, just stop. (Y/n) is dead and you can’t trick me anymore.”

(Y/n) tilted her head and Peter choked on a sob, recognizing that head tilt she would always do but he backed up again when she got closer.

“Who’s Mysterio?” (Y/n) asked softly. “Peter, I’m me. (Y/n) Stark. We’ve been together for a year and a half, not counting the five years we were gone, obviously. Remember? You told me you first realized you liked me when I jumped into the Hudson river after my hair got all frizzy from my powers on our first night of patrol together.”

“We—We never got together,” Peter stammered. “But I never told anyone about when I first—when I first realized I liked you. How do—How do you know that?”

The elevator doors dinged, and the two teenagers looked over at whoever was on it. A furious Tasha Stark came stumbling out in her suit of armor.

“(Y/n)! Are you okay? Wha—Where’s the party?”

A red, white, and blue blur appeared in front of (Y/n)’s face, causing her to go wide-eyed when it slammed into Tasha’s helmet, knocking her back. (Y/n)’s head shot towards the perpetrator and saw Steve standing there.

“Sorry I didn’t come sooner, everyone else is out,” Steve said to Peter. The shield came flying back to him. Peter ran up to him, raising his arms up to him.

“Wait, wait, Mr. Rogers,” Peter glanced over at (Y/n) who ran over to her mom, picking her back up. “They’re legit.”

Steve shifted his weight, looking uneasily at the young boy to the other two. Tasha stood up, her helmet coming off and her jaw was clenched, hard.

“Of course we’re fucking legit, what the hell was that winghead?” Tasha nearly growled. Steve and Peter just exchanged glances with one another as the two women waited patiently for their response.

“I am so confused.”

***

Steve’s eyes lingered on the blue and gold wedding band on Tasha’s left ring finger longer than he’d like to admit. To be honest, he felt his chest flutter at the fact that Natasha ‘Toni’ Stark (Stark-Rogers now) married him in another universe. He never really thought about Tony in that way, mostly because of the man’s relationship with Pepper. He never even thought he had a chance after their falling out, so he never gave it another thought. Besides, even if modern times was more accepting of it, he came from a time where same-sex relationships were frowned upon. It took him a while back then to accept himself and it’d only take longer for him to feel comfortable if he entered one of those relationships.

He sighed, glancing over at Peter. The young teenager was uneasy as his eyes stayed on (Y/n). Understandably so, his long time crush is standing in front of him and apparently, they were in a relationship.

Peter’s heart was racing. It almost felt like he was about to have a panic attack but for some reason, standing in the same room as (Y/n) was calming, even with Tasha explaining everything about her universe, the similarities and differences.

(Y/n) turned her head at him, catching him red-handed that he was staring. He never thought he’d be able to see her (e/c) eyes again and all he wanted to do was stare at her. Then she smiled, a sad smile as Tasha compared the Battle of Earth against Thanos, going over his versions of (Y/n) and Tasha Stark’s death, or, well, (Y/n) and Tony.

Peter smiled back but then quickly looked away, remembering how it felt to hold her in his arms as she began drifting away wearing the same exact smile she had right there and then.

He fiddled with his fingers, zoning out from the conversation. It wasn’t until a hand entered his field of vision, grabbing his, that he finally looked up.

“Come on webhead,” (Y/n) murmured, looking between both of his eyes, using the same nickname that his (Y/n) used for him. “Let’s get some fresh air, I think mom and your Steve need to talk about some adult stuff that we aren’t a part of.”

“Uhm,” his gaze glanced over at Tasha who gave him a very familiar nod of approval, “sure.”

“Cool, rooftop then?” she asked, already pulling him away. “I mean, I’m assuming you still hung out with me on the rooftop?”

Peter stared down at their intertwined fingers, not realizing she asked him a question.

“Peter?”

“Oh, yeah, we always hung out on the rooftop.”

She smiled, squeezing his hand and feeling a jolt of electricity flow through him. Peter couldn’t help but think, is this what her Peter always had? A part of him felt like he was betraying his own (Y/n) but she was alive again.

She was here with him.

***

The stars twinkled in the night sky, and as cliche as this phrase is, a little bit brighter that evening since the universe picked the two most beautiful flowers from the garden.

At least, that’s what Peter noticed.

The moonlight shone on (Y/n)’s hair, causing a bit of a glint, and her eyes glimmered with the same intensity as the stars above them. He took this time to memorize every curve of her face, every little twitch she made, any and all of the perfect imperfections. Peter wish he took this time when she was alive, and this was his second chance.

“The stars are the same,” she told him, finally looking back down at him.

“What?”

“The stars, they’re the same where I’m from.”

Peter’s heart ached, remembering that this still wasn’t his (Y/n).

“Oh, right. That’s cool.” He looked up at the night sky, feeling (Y/n)’s eyes burn into the side of his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shift to sit facing towards him.

“I… I’m sorry,” she murmured, looking down at her lap.

“Wh-Why?” Peter turned to face her. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“Well, I just—” (Y/n) tucked a piece of hair behind her ear “—It probably  hurts to see me again, right? And it’s probably weird seeing your mentor figure still alive, but identifies as a woman and, I don’t know. You don’t deserve any of this.”

Peter didn’t know how to respond. He’s sure that her Peter would have been more comfortable and would have grabbed her hand and hugged her there and then. But instead he played with his hands, stammering, and trying to find the words to tell her that they weren’t together.

(Y/n) placed her hand on his. Something that was probably a thing she did a lot to comfort him in her world. Something Peter wished could still happen for him in his world.

“We weren’t together, were we?” (Y/n)’s eyes searched his brown eyes for an answer.

He shook his head, looking down and away from her gaze. “No, we-uh, no.”

(Y/n) pursed her lips, deep in thought. “Well, I know in any universe, I’ll always love you. Whether it be in a universe where it’s platonic love or romantic love. And I know ‘love’ is a big word but it’s true.”

Peter felt his chest clench up and his sobs trying to make it’s way through his throat. His mouth twisted with the corner of his lips turning downwards and his eyes began to water.

(Y/n) wrapped her arm around his shoulder and her other around his head, bringing him into her chest as she rested her chin on top of his head. She continually ran her hand through his hair, attempting to calm him down. He slowly placed his arms around her. His fingers grabbed onto her clothes, his knuckles turning white. He was terrified. Terrified that she’d leave from his arms again. So he held her tighter.

“I’m so—I’m so sorry, (Y/n),” Peter’s voice cracked. (Y/n) opened her mouth to say something only to stop. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you or—or your dad. I’m sorry I—I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt. I’m sorry.”

(Y/n) held him a little bit tighter, knowing that he’s telling her everything he wished he could tell his version of herself. So she did exactly what she would do, being the same person as the other her (most likely).

She kissed the top of his head and said softly, “You have nothing to be sorry for Peter. You did everything you could, I’m sure of it. Sometimes we lose people and the best you can do is to move on. I’m sure I would-” (Y/n) stuttered, pausing for a moment “-other me would want you to be happy.”

Peter gripped her a little bit tighter, a little bit closer. He didn’t respond with words. Besides, he just wanted to be in her comfort for a little bit longer.

A few minutes had passed and Peter’s crying had settled down. It was his first breakdown in a while, but it was a much needed cry. He was thankful for that.

“Parker! (Y/n)!” Tasha called out. “Need you back down in the lab!”

The two teenagers pulled apart. Peter wiped away any stray tears and then apologized to (Y/n) about the tear stains on her.

“Eh,” she waved him off, standing up, “it’s fine, don’t be sorry.” (Y/n) held out her hand for Peter and he tenderly took it, bringing himself back up a bit. A jolt of electricity shot through his hand and he almost flinched until his hand was lightly squeezed.

(Y/n) smiled at him and then began walking back down, letting go of his hand. He watched her with a small smile making its way onto his face.

***

(Y/n) lightly jogged into the lab, Peter trailing behind her. She saw her mom standing in the middle surrounded by a series of holograms and Steve standing off to the side.

“What’s going on?” (Y/n) asked. Both adults turned their heads to face the two teenagers.

“We’re planning on figuring out a way to get back home,” Tasha walked through the holograms towards (Y/n). The holograms promptly turned off after she left. “It’s going to take a while and in the meantime, you’re going to need to lay low for a while, stay off the radar.”

“Me? What about you, you’re Natasha Stark.”

“She exists as Tony Stark, remember?” Steve brought up. (Y/n) nodded her head and pursed her lips.

“So I just stay here? Don’t people outside the Avengers still work here too though? They’ll see me.”

“Right,” Tasha pointed at (Y/n), wiggling her finger, “we talked about that. Remember the cabin Steve and I—our Steve—built? By the lake?”

“Yeah, the one you raised Maria in.”

“You’ll be staying there. With Pepper.”

“We already talked to her and she’s fine with you staying.” Steve said.

“Pepper? Why’s Pep there?”

Tasha raised her brows and pulled her mouth into a tight line. “Tony, other me, he married Pep. Had a kid, her name’s Morgan.”

“Oh shit, is Morgan going to—will she…” (Y/n) trailed off, looking back and forth from her mom, Steve, and Peter.

“She knows of you, but she never met you,” Peter told her. “She’s still really young.”

“Another little sister, okay, sure.”

***

The cabin was exactly how it was from her universe. The lake in the distance, glistening from the early morning sun. The little port extending into the water. The bit of light peeking through the branches. It was home.

But not hers.

Steve drove (Y/n) to the cabin, leaving Tasha to continue working on a new device alongside Bruce Banner and Shuri. Both of them were taken aback when seeing Tony alive again, but as a presenting woman. Bruce definitely had his fair share of emotions to see his friend alive again, even if they weren’t exactly how he remembered them. It didn’t matter how his friend presented themself as, as long as Tony, or Tasha really, was alive.

Peter was situated in the back of the car, he was going to help (Y/n) out on situating herself in a somewhat different world. And to help Pepper and even Morgan, who had shed a few tears after learning she’d never get to meet her older sister, see (Y/n) again.

“So, Steve,” (Y/n) asked, turning her head towards her. “Since you’re obviously not with my mom, or dad I guess, who are you with?”

Steve eyed her from the corner of his eye and chuckled. “You know, you and Natasha were always trying to set me up with someone. After my relationship with Sharon went south and all.”

“Sharon?!” (Y/n) nearly slammed her hand down on the armrest when turning her entire body to face Steve. “As in the former Agent 13?” Steve raised a brow at her, almost worried. She maneuvered her body back front as he came to stop in front of the house. “That’s crazy.”

“Yeah, and believe it or not, I was about to go back in time and stay with Peggy.” Steve turned off the car and the three occupants got out of the car. Peter went to grab his belongings and (Y/n) stood there staring at the cabin.

“That’s weird Steve.” she frowned, after putting some thought into it. “What made you stay?”

Steve took in a breath, his brows furrowed ever so slightly. His eyes went towards Peter, who was still grabbing things from the trunk, and then back towards the cabin where he could see Pepper cooking and Morgan with Happy on the couch through the windows.

“I don’t know,” Steve finally replied, letting out his breath. But (Y/n) knew better. From his gaze at Tasha, to even the memorials they’ve passed of Tony Stark, to how Steve’s been taking care of her, Peter, and clearly even Tony’s family here and there.

(Y/n) walked to the back of the car, wondering why Peter was taking so long. He shut the trunk with a slam before she could get there and she jumped.

“Oh, sorry,” he murmured, rearranging the bags he carried.

She rushed over to him, grabbing one of his bags. “It’s fine, let’s go in then?” (Y/n) looked over at Steve who stood there. “You coming in?”

Steve shook his head. “No, I’ll probably head back to the facility, see how your mom’s doing.”

“Sure, do you mind passing on a message for me then?” Steve shook his head in response. “Tell her if she told Steve—our Steve—about this, this wouldn’t have happened. Or at least, he’d know where we’d maybe be.”

Steve arched a brow but before he could say anything (Y/n)’s attention went back to Peter who still seemed weary around her. He watched them go up the porch and knock on the door.

(Y/n) could tell Peter was still nervous. Or rather, he was unsettled by her presence. He didn’t know she knew, but he should have expected much. If this (Y/n) was in a relationship with him in another universe, surely she knew him like the back of her hand.

And she did.

“You don’t have to be so nervous, ya webhead.” (Y/n) lightly nudged the side of his head with her free hand. Peter noticeably relaxed, his muscles loosening and the grip he had on his bags didn’t make his knuckles as white. He stared at her. His gaze jumping back and forth between both of her eyes as if he was searching for something.

“Yeah, sorry, I just—I’m still getting used to this situation we’re in,” Peter said.

(Y/n) chuckled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, what are the odds this happens to me and to my mom and to your universe.”

The two teenagers exchanged glances, a small smirk on (Y/n)’s face. “One in fourteen million?” They both said at the same time, laughing lightly.

“God, remember waking up and I was like, ‘Strange if this isn’t the—’”

“‘—future we win, I’m killing you.’” Peter finished for (Y/n). The two laughed, reminiscing on a shared memory across their universes.

“Man, what’s taking Pep so long?” (Y/n) wondered, knocking once more. The door flushed open to an exhausted Pepper Potts-Stark with a young girl behind her legs, Happy standing behind the two of them. Pepper stared at (Y/n) who smiled and did a small wave at her.

To (Y/n), Pepper was Aunt Pepper.

But to this Pepper, (Y/n) was her daughter.

So she clasped a hand on her mouth, walking slowly towards (Y/n) with one hand reaching for her. Her face was pained as she choked out on saying (Y/n)’s name.

Pepper set a hand on (Y/n)’s cheek. The younger girl placed her hand on top.

“Hi, uhm,” (Y/n) stuttered out, about to call her Aunt Pepper but remembering what Steve mentioned earlier. Pepper was her mother figure in this universe. “I called you mom a lot, didn’t I?”

Pepper pulled her hand back quickly, realizing this wasn’t her (Y/n). “I’m sorry you’re—I’m not, uh, come in, come in.” She stepped off to the side, letting the two teenagers in. Morgan watched and Happy stood there not saying anything.

(Y/n) dropped Peter’s bag to the side. As Pepper shut the door (Y/n) walked over towards her and enveloped her into a hug.

“I’m sorry I’m not exactly your (Y/n), but I’m still (Y/n),” she murmured in the hug. “I can still call you mom if you want.”

Pepper pulled back, keeping her within arm’s reach with her hands on her shoulders. “No, it’s fine.” She wiped away a few of her tears. “It’s just, wow. I thought my life wouldn’t be as crazy now that Tony’s gone. But it’s as if it’s just getting crazier. Who am I to you? In your universe?”

“Aunt Pepper,” (Y/n) said. “And we’d go out all the time because my mom, uhm Natasha Stark, she’d get too crazy or overwhelming for the two of us. You and Happy-” she gestured towards the man who was grabbing Peter’s things (that was a surprise to her) to put into a guest room “-took care of me when she was kidnapped. And when my mom built you your suit ‘Just in case’ and you wore it to the battle, we fought side-by-side with my mom and we were like a dynamic trio of women in tin cans. Uncle Rhodey, of course, got offended he wasn’t invited to the party.”

Pepper laughed, remembering Rhodey making a few remarks that eventful battle. Morgan pulled on Pepper’s leg, asking to be carried and (Y/n) watched her pick the small girl up. She reminded her a lot of Maria but (Y/n) knew this was a different sister of hers. Maria Stark-Rogers didn’t exist in this universe.

“Hi, Morgan right?” (Y/n) asked, recalling what Steve informed her on. “I have a little sister I think you would have gotten along with very well.” (Y/n) waited for her to respond only to purse her lips when Morgan held onto Pepper a bit tighter.

“She’s been more quiet since Tony died,” Pepper informed her.

(Y/n) nodded, “That makes sense. I was pretty quiet and upset when my mom was kidnapped.”

Pepper chuckled, “I remember that.”

The two of them continued their small talk as Peter went off to find Happy. He walked up the stairs to where he saw the older man go up to but found him leaning against the doorframe to what was (Y/n)’s room.

The floor beneath Peter’s foot creaked and Happy turned around, wiping away the tears in his eyes.

“Oh, it’s just you,” Happy said.

“You okay Happy?” Peter asked. Happy opened his mouth, then closed it, thinking about what he wanted to say to the young boy.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I mean, seeing her again, after everything that’s happened…” Happy trailed off, remembering the nights Peter would sometimes call him after the trip to Europe about the hallucinations Quentin had put him through.

“Yeah, I mean…” Peter bit his lip, playing with his hands again. “No, I don’t know. It’s weird to see her again, alive. And Hap, in her universe we’re, we’re dating.”

If it was possible, Happy’s face softened even more. The two of them were in this together. But Happy knew that he needed to be the one to be there for Peter.

“Well, then maybe this is the universe giving you a chance to tell her everything and to give you a few more moments with her.”

“But,” he frowned, “isn’t that weird? Would that mean she’s cheating on me… with me?”

Happy sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. “That’s not what I meant.”

***

It took a lot of time for adjustment for everyone to see people who used to be dead to be alive and for one of them to look different but act the same. It took Pepper a lot of time to come to terms that in another universe, she isn’t Tony’s wife. Rather, she was actually more of an ex-girlfriend and it made her wonder if her Tony would have done something different if he could.

That is, until Tasha reassured her that the reason for these alternate universes were small little changes, and that she, or he, married Pep for a reason.

(Y/n) spent a lot of time with Peter and Morgan. Of course, she’d go out with Pepper, Happy, Rhodey, and anyone she was close to in this universe that was willing to spend time with her before she had to go back. But they all made sure Peter got the most of it, along with Morgan.

For the first time in a long time, Peter looked happy and Morgan finally got to meet her older sister.

Peter laughed, holding Morgan on his shoulders with his hands clasped on her ankles, running behind a tree. (Y/n) pretended to look in the distance with her eyes squinting. She raised her hand to her forehead mock-searching for the two.

Morgan giggled and Peter peeked over the side of the tree for Morgan to see (Y/n).

“Now where did they go?” she mused. “Maybe I should take a break by that tree over there.” She slowly trekked over towards the tree Peter and Morgan hid, pretending to look under rocks.

Peter burst into a sprint past (Y/n). Morgan’s laughter filled the air and (Y/n) stood there for a second watching them run away. She started into a jog after them, calling their names, when she felt a jolt run up her prosthetic leg and she collapsed onto the ground.

Peter turned around, mid-laughter, when he saw her on the ground, clutching her leg.

“(Y/n)!” He quickly put Morgan down on the ground and ran towards her. He fell to his knees beside her, hands hovering over her leg trying to see what was going on.

“It’s my leg,” (Y/n) hissed. “Malfunctioning, I think. Ah, fuck!”

“Okay, okay, uh, let’s get you to the lab first.” Peter slowly picked her up bridal style, careful not to hurt her. (Y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck, her teeth clenching as she felt the phantom pain and the malfunctioning of the synthetic nerves in her prosthetic.

Peter dashed to the house, Morgan already keeping the door open for them.

“Thanks Mo,” (Y/n) said, trying not to show her pain. She gave her a smile and a wink before Pepper came into view.

“Oh my God, (Y/n)! Are you okay?” Pepper’s words came out in a flurry and Peter rushed down the stairs into the basement of the cabin where the lab was.

“Yeah, I’m fine! I just—ow, fucking shit!” (Y/n) threw her head back and began to bite on her lower lip. She began to taste iron in her mouth as Peter set her down on one of the tables. “FRIDAY, contact Tasha Stark to come by. Peter, you’re gonna need to take off my leg.”

“Yeah, easy, this is fine.” Peter ran around the lab, grabbing the necessary tools and FRIDAY put up the holographic diagnosis of malfunctions for Peter to read.

(Y/n) lay there in pain, gripping the flesh part of her leg. Lucky her, she was wearing shorts that day.

Peter was quickly by her side, tapping on the holograms in front of him then looking back down and immediately getting the leg off of her. In an instant, the pain subsided and (Y/n) let out a breath of relief. She closed her eyes.

Her muscles relaxed as she set her head back down on the table and letting her hands rest on her stomach. Pepper stood at the head of the table and pushed (Y/n)’s hair out of her face. Sweat gathered at the sides of her forehead from all the pain.

“You feeling better (Y/n)?” Peter asked. (Y/n) nodded, not having enough energy to say anything. “Good, I’ll see what I can do with your leg and leave the rest to Ms. Stark.”

Pepper’s hands stroked her hair slowly, (Y/n)’s eyebrows relaxed and the lines on her forehead disappeared. Unbeknownst to Pepper, in (Y/n)’s world, Pepper had done this for her a lot especially when Tasha had been kidnapped.

Morgan’s head peeped from the edge of the table and her hand reached out to touch (Y/n)’s shoulder.

“She’s resting, Morgan,” Pepper said softly to her. Her mouth went into the shape of an ‘o’ as she murmured an apology and then set her hands on the edge of the table.

(Y/n) turned her head, opening her eyes and looked over at Morgan.

“Hey, Morguna, sorry we had to stop playing,” (Y/n) grunted as she sat up and maneuvered towards the girl. She ignored Pepper’s protests and went to grab Morgan and set her on her other leg.

“It’s okay,” Morgan replied, staring at the stub. “It’s not your fault.” (Y/n) looked down at what she was staring at.

“Do you want to know what happened?” Morgan nodded her head. “Well-” she shifted the girl on her leg “-you know what happened with the big bad Titan, Thanos, right? It was after half the universe came back and mom—I mean—our dad, was fighting Thanos. And I saved him. He got really mad but lucky for me, we won the fight and was able to get me help. I lost my leg but I’m here now!”

Peter had stopped working by the end of the story, remembering that day but knowing it didn’t go exactly like how (Y/n) said it did. Not in this universe. He never had the heart to tell her how she died in this universe.

“But, you’re not from here, are you?” Morgan asked. (Y/n) exchanged a worried glance with Pepper until Peter saved the day.

“Okay!” Peter held (Y/n)’s prosthetic leg and all heads turned to him. “Your leg should be fixed up but we’ll need to test it out a bit.”

Pepper reached over to pick up Morgan, “Alright, we should get out of your guys’ hairs.”

(Y/n) watched them leave and then looked over at Peter. “That was a close one.” She laughed lightly and Peter chuckled.

“Yeah, she’s smart for her age.” Peter walked over towards her with her leg. (Y/n) sat on the edge of the table and Peter knelt down, slowly placing her leg back on. With a click and a hiss, Peter smiled. He stood back up and looked at (Y/n) who was way closer to her than he thought. Her eyes soft, staring at him.

“Thank you, Peter.”

His eyes flickered down to her lips and she was about to lean in when she pulled back fast. Her lips were pursed and she looked down. Tasha came rushing in and down the stairs, frantic.

“(Y/n), holy shit, you’re okay.”

Peter took a few steps back and away from (Y/n), crossing his arms and glancing at the stairs. He saw Steve enter the room as Tasha was examining her daughter’s leg.

Steve gave him a smile and a nod. Peter waved at him. His eyes moved from (Y/n) then back to Steve, finally deciding to talk to the older man.

(Y/n)’s eyes stayed on Peter as he walked over to Steve. The two exchanged a few words and then went up the stairs looking like they wanted to talk in private.

“Was something going on between the two of you?” Tasha asked, staring at the empty space where the other two stood. Her eyes then met (Y/n)’s who sucked in a breath through her teeth.

“I mean, technically,” she raised her brows. Tasha narrowed her eyes at her. “Okay, I know, I know. Yes, there was, kinda, but I mean he’s also still Peter. But I know, I won’t do anything. It’s just, I don’t know. It’s weird.”

Tasha scoffed, “Yeah, it is weird. Trust me. But also, it’s a good thing nothing’s going on between you two. Not ‘cause of the weird, philosophical thing of is there any difference in our Peter, but because Bruce, Shuri, and I figured it out. We’re going home.”

(Y/n) stared at her wide-eyed. “What?!”

“Yeah, Steve and I were on our way here when FRIDAY called me.”

“Damn.” There was a beat. “And we found how to get to our exact universe?”

“Yup,” Tasha said, popping the ‘p’. “We should say bye to everyone.”

“Already?”

Tasha nodded. “Our universe only aligns with this universe to allow travel every month or so, and we’ve been here for a month already.”

(Y/n) sighed, hopping off the table. “Okay, let me just say bye to Morgan and Pep then.”

Tasha wrapped an arm around her and the two walked up. Steve was talking to Peter and Pepper and their heads turned to the two Starks.

Pepper wore a sad smile on her face, “So you’re leaving?”

“Yeah.” (Y/n)’s face reflected hers. She rushed forward, hugging the older woman and Pepper held her tight. She felt tears fall on her face and (Y/n) pulled back, Pepper wiping her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m a mess,” Pepper laughed.

“It’s okay, I’ll miss you a lot, tell Happy I said bye and that everything’ll be fine, I’m sure.”

“Of course, and don’t give other-me too much trouble,” she warned.

“No promises.” Tasha walked from behind (Y/n), going to say her goodbyes to Pepper as well. So (Y/n) went off to find Morgan who was sitting in her room on the small table, playing with a tea set and stuffed animals.

(Y/n) sat beside her. “I’ll be going now, I just want to say goodbye.”

“Will you be coming back?”

(Y/n)’s heart broke and she reached over to Morgan, stroking her cheek with the back of her fingers. “No, I don’t think I will be. But I can try, maybe?”

“If you try, then I guess I’ll let you go.”

(Y/n) raised a brow then laughed. “So I wouldn’t be able to leave without your permission?”

“Nope, daddy didn’t leave with mine and now mommy says he’s with you but that’s not true either.”

“Well, it’s kinda true.”

(Y/n) sighed and Morgan got out of her chair to hug her. Despite her small figure, her hug was tight. (Y/n) hugged back, nuzzling her face into Morgan’s hair.

“I love you lots, okay?”

“I love you three thousand,” Morgan mumbled into (Y/n)’s shoulder.

A knock on the door frame grabbed (Y/n)’s attention and there stood Peter. He motioned that it was time to go and then Morgan pulled away.

“Be good, okay?” (Y/n) kissed her cheek and stood up to leave. “You coming with?” She gestured towards the bags in the hall.

“Oh, yeah, May wants me back plus I can just say bye to you back at HQ.”

“Solid.”

(Y/n) grabbed one of his bags, much to his protests, and began walking back towards the others.

***

(Y/n) stood in front of the device, Bruce and Shuri standing by the controls flipping switches and typing in coordinates. Tasha was talking to Steve, saying a few goodbyes (among other things) and (Y/n) figured this would be a good time, the only time, to say one last thing to Peter.

She turned to Peter who was also staring at the device.

“Um,” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “About earlier, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Oh, no, no, it’s fine that was… also my fault.” Peter rubbed the back of his neck.

“So—” They both said at the same time, then laughing.

“You first.” Peter motioned towards her.

“Thank you… For spending time with me even though you didn’t have to. I know it probably triggered some memories for you but you still did it anyways. I don’t think I would’ve survived this past month without you.” (Y/n) grabbed one of his hands, stroking the back of it with her thumbs. Something of comfort that she had done with him long before they dated, in her world.

“It was nothing. I-um. If anything, it helped me a lot,” he gripped his hand on hers. “Closure and all. I—I know you’re not my (Y/n)? But, I feel like I need to get this off my chest, like I should have before—before…” His gaze turned downward and (Y/n) squeezed his hand, reassuring him. His head snapped back up to her and she smiled.

“It’s okay.”

“I—uh—I really like you. A lot. You make me smile a lot, and you’re like a ball of sunshine. Ray of sunshine, I mean. Ball? What.”

“Pete,” (Y/n) giggled.

“Right,” he laughed nervously. “You’re an amazing hero and person who works hard. Your laughter is like music and I just—I really like you. And I wish I told you all of this sooner and there’s so much more I have to say but I can’t remember and I just. I really like you.”

Out of the corner of their eyes, they saw the interdimensional device begin to work and Tasha motioning towards them that they had to get going. (Y/n) nodded to her mom before turning back to Peter.

“I like you a lot too, webhead. I know the me in this universe did too. And I know the me in this universe will want you to move on and to be happy. So let yourself be happy. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.” (Y/n) stood on her toes and kissed him on his cheek. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Peter nodded, swallowing as he held back his tears. “You too. Try to visit, if you can.”

(Y/n) nodded and hugged him. Peter relished her embrace and held on tight before Tasha came up to them. (Y/n) pulled away and smiled at Peter then took a few steps back.

Tasha set a hand on his shoulder. “Look, kid, I know I’m not your Tony but I’m still, Toni. You’re doing a good job, and I know he’s proud of you. If you can, keep being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, capiche?”

“Yeah, got it.”

Tasha smiled, pulling him in for a hug then pulling back.

“Since when were we there?” Peter joked.

Tasha smirked, shaking her head. “Always were, kid.”

With that being said, Tasha walked over towards the device besides (Y/n). Bruce gave them the ‘okay’ and before they headed through they both gave everyone one last glance, then taking a step in.

***

Tasha and (Y/n) was met with a messy lab, an exhausted Steve Stark-Rogers with his hand on his face, a sleeping Peter Parker with Maria in his arms, a Bruce slumped over a desk, and Shuri who walked in with her cup of coffee.

“Oh, shit!” Shuri dropped the coffee on the ground, splashing it everywhere. Steve jumped in his seat, knocking everything around him. Bruce fell out of his seat and Peter groaned, waking up while Maria rubbed her eyes.

“Tasha.”

“(Y/n)!”

The two boys got up abruptly, Peter holding Maria in his arms still, and ran towards them, hugging them. (Y/n) and Tasha laughed as they hugged them back. Maria stayed in Peter’s arm, looking between (Y/n) and Tasha.

“Group hug!” she yelled. The four of them looked at each other then at the small girl.

“Group hug?” (Y/n) asked. Steve laughed, wrapping an arm around Peter then pulling him, which in turn pulled her into a hug. Maria stayed in the middle of it as they all stayed there hugging, like a small happy family.

Shuri and Bruce watched, exchanging glances with each other.

Bruce cleared his throat, taking off his glasses. “Where were you guys?”

Tasha poked her head out, looking over at Bruce. “Alternate dimension.”

“What?” Peter asked, excitement flowing through him. “Another universe?! Does this mean in one universe Star Wars could be real? Or instead, (Y/n) had spider powers instead of me?” He continued to ramble and (Y/n) and Tasha could only laugh.

Steve stared down at all of them, a smile very apparent on his face. In due time they’d tell everything but for right now, he just wanted to keep them all safe in his arms.

a/n: So Tasha and Steve named their kid Maria after Tasha’s mom. Just an fyi. If enough people like this, I might make this a mini series. The mini-series would just explore the 3490 universe on (Y/n)’s relationship with Peter, Tasha, Steve, and the other members of the Iron Family. I’m thinking about writing the civil war version along with a Homecoming/IW/Endgame version. And maybe I’ll write the other universe where both (Y/n) and Tony die.

[living-dead-parker]

Movies and Karaoke - p.p

Summary: Science squad has another fun sleepover full of movies and karaoke.

Warnings: cussing, underage drinking, killer klowns from outer space spoilers (but that movie came out in the 80s so.......that’s on you lmao), some emo shit at some point. 

Word Count: 2.9k (i wanted to make her a big one bc i love science squad prompts ngl so plz send more ideas. Anything really) 

Did I go back and watch KKFOS from beginning to end just to add all my important commentary I actually made while watching the movie? You bet your sweet ass I did. Do I regret it? Only slightly! Civil War through FFH never happened but Morgan exists and so does the science squad bc no one can stop me from disregarding canon!!

"It's my turn to pick the first movie!" Shuri yells at Harley and ripping the control out of his hand, causing the kid to nearly scream. The girl casts a playful glare towards Harley, making the kid damn near shit himself on the spot. From the corner, Ned giggles, watching the whole thing go down. However, when the door swings open, Ned's head snaps in that direction.

"Shuri," MJ's soft voice calls out, soft yet firm with a tint of humor. She's seen entering the room with blankets and pillows in her arms.  "Bring it down, you're scaring the boy."

Shuri drops the remote control onto the coffee table in front of her. The princess leans back on the large couch, pouting as she crosses her arms over her chest. It is supposed to be her turn. It was Ned's last time, to now it's her turn. But whatever. Instead, she just stares at the black screen in front of her, contemplating her life up until this point. However, not too long after, they hear the door to the in-home theater swinging open, revealing you and Peter with snacks and drinks in your hands.

Shuri and Harley's eyes widen as they look at all the snacks. Bags of skittles, six boxes of pizzas, boxes and boxes of cookies, packs of juice and some water, and lots of other things among that. However, their eyes drift over to the two twelve-pack boxes of hard lemonade that Peter holds in his hands. A gift from uncle Rhodey because he knows how teens can be and he'd rather you do it among trusted friends at home than getting it off some stranger on the streets. Plus, he trusts you and MJ to be responsible about it while still having fun. Plus, it's like four per kid, so it's not gonna do much to any of you.

"Alright, Shuri," you call out as you and Peter begin setting things up. MJ begins setting up the blankets and pillows as well.

You'd invited your friends over for a sleepover, one of the many you have over the course of the year. You'd all settled for a movie night, not wanting to go out anywhere really. The last time you'd had a sleepover, Ned picked the first movie and it would rotate from there. The sleepover usually lasts all weekend, from Friday evening to Sunday evening. Enough time to wreak havoc on everybody at the tower and have the time of your lives. It's Friday night and you're ready for a long night of movies and messing around. It made the most sense to use the in-home theater that your father had installed into the tower; it's spacious, it has the best screen with surround sound which makes movies, karaoke, and video games so much more enjoyable. It's all and all, extremely fun.

As you finish setting up the snacks, you see Harley moving to the back of the room to tone down the lights as Shuri turns on the screen, revealing the home screen for Killer Klowns From Outer Space. You all turn to look at her, casting playful glares in her direction. The only one who did not was Peter.

"Absolutely not," Harley calls out first. He shakes his head, sounding completely unenthralled. You giggle, nodding along. "This movie is so bad!" he exclaims.

"I kind of wanna watch it," Peter cuts in. You all turn to him now, giving him the glare. "I've never seen it-"

"You," you cut him off, taking a step closer to him. "Of all people, have not seen Killer Klowns? Mr. I'm constantly watching movies from the 80s, has not seen Killer Klowns?"

"I've been meaning to," Peter defends himself, looking over at everyone else. They're all still glaring at him, though it's all playful. "I see it everywhere, but I just never get to it, ya know?"

With that, you all sit down, ultimately agreeing to watch it. Harley shoots up in his spot once again, running to turn off the lights completely. When he sits back down, Shuri presses play and the movie begins. It starts off and everybody seems to sing along to the theme song at the beginning. Arguably one of the most wasted songs ever, because it's so good for such a bad movie. But who cares, ya know? However, the movie reaches the point where they introduce the two teenage characters in the makeout area.

"Why would people actively choose to go to a place like that to makeout in groups?" Peter asks. "Like, hey I'm gonna take my girlfriend out to this isolated place where there are already like ten other couple making out or having sex in this exact spot already?"

"Some people are just voyeurs," MJ cuts in, shrugging lights before wrapping an arm around Shuri. Peter hums in response. "Plus that doesn't happen much nowadays."

Suddenly, an ice cream truck drives into the area where all the teens are making out, and over the com, one of the drivers says;

"We'll give you the stick, you give it a lick, and it'll tickle you all the way down,"

Peter chuckles and without thinking it through he says; "That's what I say to Y/N w-"

"Peter!"

His eyes go wide as you all yell at him. You lightly smack his arm, moving away from him slightly as he giggles about it. They all glare at him again before turning back to the movie. After that, not many comments are made until the two main teen characters discover the tent where the clowns are. As the guy pressures the girl to go into the tent, you speak up.

"I've said this before and I'll say it again," you start, hearing Peter chuckle as he wraps his arms around you again. "If Deb was a lesbian or was with a girl, at least, she would not be there and she would be safe."

"Explain." quips Harley.

"Boys are dumb and if Deb was with a girl, the other girl would agree and they'd run away rather than run to the tent," you respond. Shuri and MJ nod, giving you the lesbian seal of approval for that opinion.

"What if it was me asking you to go in with me?" Peter asks.

"Well, I'd maybe consider it, but that's because I have my dad's tech to save me and I'd have Spider-Man with me, so we could easily fight these clowns off. They don't want this smoke," you explain. "However, if it was pre-bite you, then no, I would leave you on your own and run away if you wanted to go in."

"Fair enough."

With that, the discussions stop for a while. Until the scene where the clowns are loose in the city and going door to door killing people. When they ring the doorbell at the first door to reveal a blonde woman in a slip dress with a glass in her hand, pretending to deliver her some pizza.

"Pizza?" she asks. Peter turns to look at you, confusion in his eyes.

"Are-are they going to-"

"Clap her cheeks?" you all respond at the same time, noticing how it can look like the start to a bad porn video. Except, it's a horror movie instead. When they zap her, Peter almost gasps. Was he expecting it to happen? "My take is that if they just did clap her cheeks, they'd realize that they don't need to kill people and they just need some coochie or something. Plus she was cute, so if I was one of them I would have done it, but there's a reason why they're clowns."

Once more, the commentary became little to none until another wild scene much later in the movie. At this point, Dave the cop and Mike -Debbie's boyfriend- are in a playhouse looking for Debbie. The two guys that walked in with them and got lost inside a ball pit, one meant to be a jacuzzi or hot tub of some sort. As the camera pans out, it reveals two clowns, and when the camera turns to face them, it reveals that they're female clowns. As the camera pans out on them once more, it shows their clown boobs inflating.

"Holy shit," Peter screams, causing everyone to laugh. "Screw anime girl tiddies," he continues, making MJ and Ned snort, meanwhile Shuri spits out her drink. "Clown girl tiddies are where it's at!"

You lightly smack his arm, glaring at him once more. Though the room is dark, you can see him lightly blushing in embarrassment. Eventually, the movie comes to an end and Harley is quick to turn the lights on.  Suddenly, over the speakers in the room, you hear Harley speaking up.

"Hey guys, welcome to my show," he speaks into the karaoke mic. When he plugged it in, you're not sure, but the suddenness of it made it funnier. Harley steps in front of everyone and looks over at all of you. "So I'm no comedian but for tonight I am," he continues, earning a fake chuckle from Ned. What a supportive boyfriend. "So, we watched Killer Klowns From Outer Space, right? Well, you know who the real clowns were?"

"Who?" you all ask.

"Us, for even watching it in the first place."

That got a genuine laugh out of all of you. Even Peter was laughing genuinely at the joke, mostly since he's the biggest clown of all for wanting to watch it. Harley bows after his jokes land. He sets the mic down as MJ stands and walks over to the mic. She picks up the mic and looks over at everyone.

"Peter and Harley," she calls out. The two perk up, waiting for something else. "That's it, that's the joke."

"Hey, we should do karaoke before we pick the next movie!" Ned exclaims, his eyes wide with hopeful excitement. You all look at him, not being able to deny him his karaoke. Plus, you love karaoke. It's his thing, not many people can say no to him. He's the charmer of the group, often convincing people to get his way. You are the mom friend in terms of getting them out of certain situations and funding all the craziness as well as physically taking care of them. MJ is the intimidating mom friend, though she uses her intimidation on other people to get everyone out of a different kind of trouble. Shuri is the intimidating and hectic person who tends to get you all into some kind of trouble, but she knows how to cover it up, so there's always some close run-ins. She's the group clown. Peter and Harley are equally the punching bags of the group and they are also the bigger trouble makers. However, they're also the practical geniuses who can make anything out of a paper clip under intense pressure. However, Peter is the brawn while Harley is just not afraid of Tony, so he just barges in and does what he want to get out of trouble. All in all, no one can really say no to Ned.

"Alright, let's do this, you're up first bud," you tell Ned. He excitedly jumps up and stands up in the front as you turn the screen back on. You exit the movie and open up a karaoke program you'd bought that allowed for all sorts of high-quality music. You pull out a notebook from a cabinet in the room with a pen as well. At the top, you write the word 'queue' and make a list. "Come tell me your songs so I can start up a queue."

Everyone walks over to you one by one, telling you their songs and you just write them down. At the end of it, you have a queue of about twenty songs. So with that, you type in the first song that Ned chose. Africa by Toto.

You lean forward in your seat, grabbing one of the hard lemonades. No one seemed to grab any up until you did. Everyone grabbed one, as the song began. As Ned sings, you continue making the queue of songs until they've all been put in and you can sit back and watch. After Ned finishes singing, Peter jumps up and takes the mic. His song begins to play, making everyone laugh.

"Gotta take a little time," he begins, faking a raspy voice. He moves around the room, humming and singing along until the song reaches its chorus. He kneels in front of you, hand reaching out for you. His eyes are screwed shut and everyone's phones are recording you two. "I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me!"

You playfully push him and he lands on his back. Everyone laughs, stopping their recordings to post them somewhere. You giggle when Peter stands back up, moving over to Ned and deciding to sing to him instead. Once his song ends, Shuri jumps up and takes over the mic. The song begins, revealing Africa by Toto.

"I hear the drums echoing," Shuri sings, exaggerating her accent this time. She dances around, singing the whole song in an exaggerated accent. When she finished her song, MJ jumps up and takes over. Total Eclipse of the Heart. Except, every 'turn around' was replaces with 'suck my dick' and the phrase 'total eclipse of the heart' was replaced with 'total eclipse of the fart'. Not something you expected, but it had to be the best performance so far. Harley was the next to jump up and take over.

"I made it through the world a mess," he sings in a high-pitched voice. He sings the whole song to Ned and eventually, he reaches Ned, deciding to sit on his lap. "Like a virgin," he sings "touched for the very first time!" he practically moans rather than sings this time. This continues for the whole song, with Harley singing rather provocatively and dancing in a similar manner on Ned. At one point, Harley even threw himself onto Ned from behind the couch, he claims it was on purpose but everyone knew it was an accident. Once more, as Harley's song ended, you took over.

"We're gonna get a little emo here," you explain. The song begins after a short pause. They all look at you with big smiles. However, to add to the feel, you attach the karaoke mic to its stand and you tilt the stand over, standing over it dramatically like every rock star tends to do. You lean into the mic and begin. "Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine."

They all join in on singing with you. The loudness of it all attracts some newcomers into the room. You don't notice it until Wanda, Bucky, Steve, Sam, Natasha, Pepper, and your dad are all in the room, watching you headbang and scream to the song. The other five all jump up, turning on the other mic and sharing it as they sing along.

"It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss!" you all scream. You all jump around in unison throughout the whole song, none of you noticed how all the adults seem to have their phones out recording as well.  "Open up my eager eyes, cuz I'm Mr. Brightside!"

When the song comes to an end, you're all giggling and laughing as you hand the mic back to Ned. Before you can all process all the heroes in the room, Ned's song is starting up now. It was weird how every other song after seemed to be emo as well.

"Check yes Juliet, are you with me?" he sings along once the song begins. You're the next to jump up and join him. "Run baby run, don't ever look back!" you sing to each other.

Song after song, you all joined along and sang and danced together. However, once the karaoke stuff was over, and all the adults had left the room, another movie was being put on. It seemed almost unanimous, and the movie selected was the Nightmare Before Christmas. Everyone was tired now, so you all cuddled up on the couches. On the bigger couch in the back lies Ned with Harley nestled into his side. On the front right couch lies Shuri with her head on one side, Michelle with her head on the other side. On the front left couch, you lie up against the back of the couch as big spoon while Peter lies down next to you as little spoon.

Halfway through the movie, Tony follows a sleepy Morgan into the theater room. The little girl remains unaware of her father following in her footsteps. Tony felt her stir in bed and so he decided to check what the hell that was all about. He's about to ask her what she's doing but he stops himself when he sees all the sleeping teens. He watches the small girl scan the room, perking up when she sees you and Peter on one of the big couches. Tony watches as Morgan shakes her big sister's arm until you wake up. He watches you groggily pick the girl up, scooting closer to the back of the large couch, and squeezing her in. He notices Peter shift around before resting his arm over the two girls. He smiles rather fondly and has FRIDAY take a picture of the room, making sure to add a reminder to send the pictures to everyone in the morning.

Send in asks, requests, and feedback!!

[a-sweet-violent-urge]

Favorite lyrics from Taylor Swift's folklore

Ok, at first my intention was to make a post like this once a week because I have too many favorite lyrics from too many artists. Instead this is only my 4th favorite lyrics post.

But before I list my favorite lyrics from this album, I want to say something about Taylor Swift first. Although you can't tell from my blog (unless you go though every page of my artists tag, I have reblogged some pictures of her), I have been listening to Taylor since her second album. Fearless was it, right? That was a long time ago. Had someone told me back then that she would become one of the biggest artists we have today, I wouldn't have believed them. But love her or hate her, she is. That fact cannot be disputed. Sure, she gets a lot of hate, like every pop artists, when they become mainstream, and much, if not all, of that hate is undeserved. Anyway, I don't want to get into that. My point is, I have been with Taylor from pretty much the beginning. I listened to every album when it came out. Some albums I like more, some less. I have my opinion on each of them but I don't want to make this too long. And yet, despite all of that, if somebody asked me to list all of my favorite artists, Taylor wouldn't have made it on that list. She was an artist I liked, not an artist I loved. I think the reason for that was, and please don't go for my throat here, her vocals. All the artists I love, one of the things I love most about them is that their live performances give me chills. I just don't feel that way with Taylor. I'm not gonna be one of those people who say, Oh TS can't sing, she can... she's just no Whitney Houston, you know. But to be fair, many other of our biggest female pop icons don't have the best voices either. And Taylor compensates for it in a lot of different ways. One of those way is actually being a great songwriter. As someone who cares mostly about the lyrics in a song, this is very important to me. Taylor is a great story teller. Which brings me to folklore. Honestly, when I heard that a new album had come out, I got a little annoyed. Call me crazy, I hate when artists release albums every year. Make a good album, put out a few hits, take a break, give people a chance to miss you and then come back. Don't flood the market. At least that's my opinion. If an album is good, I can listen to it for a year or two, or three without getting sick of it. And Lover wasn't perfect but it was a good album. It had a repeat value. At least that's what I think. That's why it took me a month to sit down and listen to folklore. And now, I am so glad this album is out. It's the best thing she's put out so far. She's back to her roots but she's so much more mature now. I love the slow stripped down sound, you can really hear her voice, and most importantly, it allows her beautiful lyrics to carry the song. I think this album has the potential to stand the test of time. And I think, thanks to it, I might start adding Taylor to the list of my favorite artists now.  So my advice is, to anyone reading this, if you haven't heard folklore, be open minded, and sit down and do it. It’ll only take an hour. 

So finally, here's my list

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you (the 1)

I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today? (the 1)

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long 'Cause I knew everything when I was young (cardigan)

I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy (cardigan)

"There goes the last great American dynasty Who knows, if she never showed up, what could've been There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything" (the last great american dynasty)

Fifty years is a long time Holiday House sat quietly on that beach Free of women with madness, their men and bad habits And then it was bought by me (the last great american dynasty)

Second, third, and hundredth chances Balancin' on breaking branches Those eyes add insult to injury (exile)

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now? (exile)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around, saving face (my tears ricochet)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same (my tears ricochet)

I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try (​mirrorball)

Please picture me in the trees I hit my peak at seven Feet in the swing over the creek (seven)

Please picture me in the weeds Before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously Any time I wanted (seven)

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting (this is me trying)

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down (this is me trying)

They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential (this is me trying)

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere (this is me trying)

Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else (​illicit affairs)

Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy What about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry (mad woman)

Now I breathe flames each time I talk My cannons all firin' at your yacht They say "move on," but you know I won't (mad woman)

Something med school did not cover Someone's daughter, someone's mother Holds your hand through plastic now "Doc, I think she's crashing out" And some things you just can't speak about (epiphany)

Only twenty minutes to sleep But you dream of some epiphany Just one single glimpse of relief To make some sense of what you've seen (epiphany)

I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darlin' 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace (peace)

Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother (peace)

Is it romantic how all my elegies eulogize me? I'm not cut out for all these cynical clones These hunters with cell phones (​the lakes)

What should be over burrowed under my skin In heart-stopping waves of hurt (​the lakes)

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 10

Time to watch Brotherhood, the charming show where absolutely nothing bad is going to happen this episode, right?

Right?!

Starting off with [EXPLOSIONS], looks like a flashback to the Ishvalan Civil War/Genocide, troops in blue running and falling as they charge Ishvalans in a ruined town. Up until there’s a snap of fingers, and the screen turns red. And out of the smoke comes Roy, thinking about how he’ll do everything he can to protect the people he loves.

Jeez. This show’s not pulling any punches when it comes to the reality of war, is it?

In the aftermath of the attack, Roy’s explaining this philosophy of protection to Hughes, who likens it to a pyramid scheme. And the only one who really profits from such a scheme is the one at the top of the pyramid. Hey, Fuhrer! How’s the weather up there?

Roy continues to be incredibly unsubtle about his goal of becoming Fuhrer, Hughes jokes that it’ll at least be fun to watch. And maybe his “naive idealism” can do some good? But as easygoing as Bradley generally acts (this is the guy who easily cut down Mr. Freeze, moves at Homura speeds, and ordered a freaking genocide), I don’t think he’s just gonna step aside if Roy asks nicely.

Back to the present, seems Roy was remembering this as a dream, taking a nap in his office. Not much time for sleep, with all the preparation for the Central transfer.

Episode 10 - “Separate Destinations”

Well, that music’s not ominous at all!

In the hospital Ed’s recounting what happened in the Lab, complete with illustrations. Armstrong and Hughes are discussing the ouroboros tattoos and TC, and all the other mysteries surrounding the case. Of course, any answers they might have gotten are now under a ton of rubble.

...Is that really such an issue? I mean, a good portion of the cast are matter manipulators, can’t Armstrong just punch the boulders out of the way?

Hey! Stop eavesdropping, Brosh!

Ross is smart enough to not sneak a listen on her superior officers. And ooooh dear, it’s the big cheese himself.

Bradley says he’s stopped by for an informal visit. Heard that Ed was injured, thought a nice melon might cheer him up. Um. Ok?

Uh oh. Bradley picked up that Armstrong has been “checking up” on some of the senior staff. And he’s frowning now. Um.

“And now you… my revered Fullmetal Alchemist…” holy crud his voice went all gravely

“Tell me what you know about the Philosopher’s Stone.”

“And I hope for your sake… that you don’t know too much.”

This is bad this is really bad the Goths were bad enough but if the Government really was running that Lab then these guys just trashed a project of Bradley crap crap crap

Wait, what?

“Ha ha ha! I’m only kidding! There’s no reason for you to be so uptight!”

Hold up, what the hell was that all about?

Bradley’s saying that he knows there’s been some suspicious activity in the military lately, and something “needs to be done about it.”

...I’m still mostly convinced that you’re up to something, Bradley. But I’m not sure what.

Ooh, seems all the researchers assigned to officially study the Philosopher’s Stone have been going missing. Goth’s covering their tracks? And Bradley shows elements of being a spymaster, even with his informants he doesn’t know how much the Military’s been infiltrated, beyond “they know a lot about us.”

Now, a direct order from the Fuhrer; “To forget this matter and all that it concerns.” Since the best defense against spying is discretion, they need to keep this to themselves… up until Bradley thinks the time is right to confront them directly.

Hmm. I’m getting elements of conflicting plans here. The Goths are up to some evil involving Ed as a “sacrifice”, the leader of a genocidal government that was researching/making Philosophers’ Stones… There’s something going on here, I just can’t quite pin it down yet. Need more info.

Then all this plotting is interrupted by Bradley going out a window to escape his bodyguard. Still not seeing the Fuhrer in the best light, but you can’t deny that the character Bradley is a riot.

Winry stops by with some train tickets for Ed. Where are you off to, before you’re even healed up fully? Dublith? Play on Dublin? Oh, we finally get to meet this mysterious Teacher! Who even now has the Giant Suit of Armor shaking in his plate boots. A tough taskmaster?

Ed points out the town on a handy map, looks like it’s in the Southern Quadrant. But something shocks Winry about the trip, a town right before it?

“It’s the holy land of Automail engineering. It’s Rush Valley!” Well someone’s excited. Ooh, do we get Winry traveling with the Elrics? Also, predicting an upgrade in Ed’s future, if Winry’s that impressed with this place. What’s so special about it

Aw come on Ed, stop being such a pill. It’s not like you’re hurting for money as a SA. Maybe there’s elements of wanting to keep her out of danger (because you poor boys are trouble magnets), but you can do it! Also, moves my ship along? Please?

[Huges]: “She’ll make you a fine wife, someday.”

[Ed]: “Don’t start that again!”

Speaking of wives, Hughes is heading off to work, Elicia’s being painfully adorable, asking if Daddy can get home early that day. (!) Hughes says he’ll try to get back as soon as possible (!!), Mrs. Hughes tells him to not be late (!!!), Hughes says he’ll probably not see Winry again before she leaves (!!!!!), oh my LETO how many death flags can they wave at us?!

Damnit damnit damnit he is so dead. Why? Why do you have to kill off Hughes?! Guy’s a family man, he’s funny, he’s lighthearted. There’s enough tragedy in this world of lost limbs and genocide and soulbatteries already, you don’t have to up the ante! Uuuuugh. So annoyed at the blatant post-credits last episode, I’ve been delaying watching this one because I was so afraid of this. Gonna stop watching those from now on, too much spoilage potential.

“Oh, and tell the boys I said goodbye.” AAAAAARGH

“You just make sure to come visit us anytime you’re in Central, okay? Our home is your home too. ‘Til then… Take care of yourself.”

AAAAAAAARGH

Uuuugh, let’s try and move on. The Blond Kids are off on the train, Ed explaining that they’re off to visit Teacher for a couple of reasons, namely he’s tired of losing fights. Sadly he and Winry start squabbling about fighting, she wants them to stop. That’d be nice, Winry, but someone’s gotta stand up to the Goths. Also, they want to center themselves, boost their morale, and seeing an old teacher might help with that. As well ask her what she knows about the Stone.

Wait, what? Ooooh crap. They haven’t seen her since before the Incident, have they? So they’re gonna walk up to their Alchemy Teacher and have to explain “Yeah, I lost two limbs and my brother lost his entire body because we broke The Big Rule of Alchemy. So about some more alchemy training?” They are so dead.

Back in Central, Hughes is doing some research, going over the riots in Liore. Hey, don’t you diss Leto, random underling! Been a lot of stuff going on in the East Quadrant, as well as the North and West. Not the South? Current theory is they’re all too scared of the Elric’s Teacher to mess with her turf.

Suddenly, Hughes stands up, says he’ll be in the Archive room. Figure something out?

In the room, music’s picking up, Hughes is circling places on a map. What is- Oh. Oh my Leto. I think I just realized.

Liore, other uprisings, the Ishvalan Genocide...

The Philosopher’s Stone needs human sacrifices, and a Transmutation Circle.

We’ve already seen there can be a TC the size of a city.

Who’s to say there can’t be one the size of a country?

That’s it. That’s their plan. Craft a nation-sized Alchemy reaction. Create the True Philosopher’s Stone from the sacrifice of thousands, if not millions.

But whose plan is it? The Goths? The Government?

...but Hughes isn’t going to find out, is he? A long-haired silhouette just walked in and closed the door.

[Hughes]: “Cool tattoo you got there.”

[Lust]: “Those are your last words? Wouldn’t you rather scream?”

Leave him ALONE

NO

Wait, he got out? He got stabbed through the shoulder but he got out? How oh HELL yes knife to your fucking forehead, you bitch! You don’t mess with

FUCK YOU NO

you got a knife to the brain you don’t get to just calmly take it out no

Receptionist starts joking then realizes that Hughes is injured, he just walks past and says he needs a private line. Yes ok need to tell Roy about his but she’s not as dead as you think she is.

Wait what Hughes why are you walking away. Oh right Military either infiltrated or in on the whole thing, can’t use a military line. Get to a phone booth, use an outside line. Holdup while Eastern receptionist follows protocol, yet another STUPID death flag as Hughes drops a picture of his family… but this took too long. There’s the sound of a gun cocking-

Wait, Ross?! What are oh nonono please just be misguided don’t be part of the conspiracy.

Oh. Right. The Goths have a shapeshifter.

Come on, Hughes. Keep stalling, the phone’s not hung up so if it’s connected then Roy can hear this and get you help. And while the knife didn’t kill Lust it did slow her down so yes you’ve got another one you can

You. God. Damned. Bastard.

Envy has taken the form of Mrs. Hughes.

A shot is fired.

Only now, when it is too late, does the call get through to Roy. And Envy hangs it up.

[Envy]: “You humans don’t make any sense to me. You throw away your lives for nothing.”

hughes comment indicates hughes Goths inhuman hughes chimeras?

“Gracia… I’m so sorry… Elicia… Remember, Daddy loves you… I’m sorry.”

And Hughes bleeds out in a phone booth.

...The Blond Kids are enjoying pie on the train. It was baked by Mrs. Hughes. As was a quiche.

Ed talks about how Hughes is annoying, stopping by his hospital room every day.

Al thinks they should figure out some way to thank him next time they’re in Central.

We’re spared the scene of Hughes being discovered. But now we bear witness to his funeral.

[Elicia]: “Mommy? Why are they putting all that dirt on Daddy?” [Gracia]: “They’re burying him, dear.” [Elicia]: “But if Daddy gets buried, then he won’t be able to do all his work.” [Gracia]: “Elicia…!” [Elicia]: “Daddy said he has a bunch of work he needs to do! No, stop it! Stop putting dirt on him! Daddy!”

Armstrong is crying. Bradley is visibly shaking. Roy looks down.

The sun sets, as Roy chides Hughes for going and getting promoted to Brigadier General, rather than helping him climb through the ranks.

Riza walks up to the colonel. Who admits a large part of him wants to figure out human transmutation now.

[Riza]: “Are you alright, Colonel?” [Roy]: “Yeah, I’m fine. Except… It’s a terrible day for rain.” [Riza]: “What do you mean? It’s not raining.” [Roy]: “Yes. It is.” [Riza]: “Oh. So it is.”

…

Time resumes as Riza goes guns-akimbo at Scar, who dodges into the alley. The alley with Al still in there. Uh oh. And oh my Leto Roy, don’t you dare complain at the lady who just saved your life. “Useless on rainy days” indeed.

…

Roy’s investigating the events of Hughes’ death now, looking into the Archive Room. A trail of blood went to the phone room, and the receptionist reports that he came in, but then left without dialing a number. Roy identifies the code Hughes used as one used only for military emergencies. But he doesn’t know why.

Riza brings Armstrong, who says they have a list of suspects, but can’t determine their identities. And when Roy presses for details, Armstrong has to refuse. Right, the order from Bradley, he can’t talk about the Goths. But he does get a workaround, saying the Elrics were in town for a few days.

From all that, Roy’s able to determine a group is suspected of the murder, an officer above Armstrong ordered him to keep quiet, and the events involve the singular goal of the Elric Brothers: The Philosopher's Stone. Roy’s clued into the conspiracy now. So, in order to solve the mystery and get vengeance for Hughes, he’s going after the senior staff. With Riza at his side.

And so the episode ends, with Roy on a manhunt in the military, and the unknowing Blond Kids cheerfully laughing as their train heads south.

[trashcanmarvelfan]

Best. Job. Ever. (Tom Holland x Reader) 1/?

Summary: Reader gets a job on the set of Spider-Man: Far from Home for the 3 weeks they are shooting in New York City as what she thinks is a production assistant, but a twist of fate has her reassigned as Tom Holland's personal assistant. As she & Tom grow close during filming, will their budding friendship turn to more or will they go their separate ways after filming concludes?

Warnings: Language, but that’s pretty much it? This is basically a PG-13 rom-com.

Word Count: 2109

Author’s Note: As this was written WAY before Spider-Man: Far from Home was released (actually before Avengers: Endgame was as well) I've kept plot details and which scene was being shot on what day extremely vague. Also, I'm American but tried to write Tom as British as possible, although I do think he'd try to stay(ish) in character and use as much American slang as he could while he's still playing Peter.

Requests are always open! 

Cross-posted at AO3.

“I really need your help here,” Y/N's best friend Laura said over the phone. “Please, Y/N.”

Laura had wanted to direct films, so she immediately moved to L.A. upon Y/N’s & her college graduation that past spring to work in the film industry. So far she had worked as a production assistant on a few feature films and was currently scheduled to work as part the Spider-Man: Far from Home crew, but she had been offered a position as a 3rd assistant AD on another film after the director saw one of her student films, which unfortunately required her to drop out of the Spider-Man crew. Before leaving Laura had promised that she would find a reliable, trustworthy replacement.

“I don’t know,” Y/N replied.

“I promised Anna I’d find a replacement PA since I had to back out. You don’t start your new job for like a month, right?”

“Right…”

“It’s only for the final 3 weeks of shooting, while they’re in New York. They’ll put you up in a hotel, you’ll get to meet the cast, and you’ll get to see the city! Think of it as a paid vacation… that makes you work for it. You might actually get to meet Tom Holland himself!”

Y/N sighed wistfully.  She had had a crush on Tom Holland ever since she had seen him in Captain America: Civil War, and had loved him in both Spider-Man: Homecoming and Avengers: Infinity War. Laura wouldn't have recommended her if she didn't believe that Y/N could do it, right? “You’re so lucky I love you… and that I really need the money.”

Laura squealed. “So you’ll do it?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it.”

“Great! I’ll let them know and send you the details.”

One week later, Y/N stepped off of the plane in NYC. She grabbed her bags from luggage claim, caught a cab, and headed to her hotel to check in and drop her luggage off before catching an Uber to the crew meeting.

She nervously tapped her foot the entire way to the filming location. Once she had arrived, she made her way through security and to the set.

She spotted a woman holding a clipboard, who was directing various people where to go, so she walked over to her. “Excuse me, I need to check in. I'm the new production assistant, taking over for Laura Pearson.”

The woman peered over her glasses at Y/N. “Name?”

“Y/F/N.”

The woman glanced at her clipboard. “Y/N, Y/N”, she muttered, running her finger down the page. “Ah. Yes, we’ve been expecting you. You’ve actually been reassigned from production assistant to personal assistant to Tom Holland.”

“Wait, excuse me-- What?”  Y/N thought that there was no way that she had heard right. “Did you just say that I’m Tom Holland’s personal assistant?”

The woman nodded. “Yes, well, Tom’s in need of an assistant for this leg of the shooting and you seemed like the perfect choice.”

Y/N was still convinced that there had been a mistake. “But I’ve never even worked on a movie set before. When I was told I’d be a P.A. I assumed that meant I’d be a production assistant to the director or something.”

The woman arched an eyebrow. “Is there a problem? You came very highly recommended, and your background and references were excellent.”

Y/N shook her head. “No, no problem. Just surprised, is all.”

Suddenly things started to make sense.  She had thought that the NDA Sony had made her sign had some extra clauses to it regarding speaking to the media about the cast, and the hotel she was staying at was more fancy than she had been expecting. Tom must be staying there.

The woman handed her a manila envelope. “Here’s Tom’s schedule for this week. On Saturday I’ll give you his schedule for next week, and next week I’ll give you the final week’s schedule.  You’ll be meeting with him at the hotel restaurant at 5 pm today to go over it and to make sure that nothing conflicts or has changed in his availability. We start shooting tomorrow. Any questions?”

Y/N took a deep breath and shook her head. What is my life?

She went back to her hotel and reviewed Tom’s schedule, noting with relief that she would have Sunday off, which would at least give her one day this week to go sightseeing. Better than nothing, I guess. She had hoped to be able to do some exploring before filming started the next day but instead opted to take a nap before her meeting with Tom.  Jet-lag must’ve hit her harder than she thought, because Y/N slept for longer than she thought she would’ve. Luckily she had set an alarm, which gave her enough time to shower, throw some fresh clothes on, and get downstairs to the restaurant about 10 minutes early.

She gave her name to the hostess and was led to a small table in the back of the mostly-empty restaurant. A few seconds later their server came by. “Hi, my name is Michael and I’ll be taking care of you. Is someone joining you tonight?”

“Ahh, yes, actually. He should be here any minute,” Y/N replied.

“Ok, great. Can I get you anything while you wait?”

Y/N bit her lip. She was working, so… “An iced tea and a water would be great to start with.”

“Ok, I’ll get you that tea and water and be back momentarily.”

“Thanks so much.”

As Michael walked away Y/N checked her phone and noticed that she had a message from Laura. How was the crew meeting?

I have so much to tell you, Y/N responded. But it’ll have to wait.

She put her phone away.  Michael came back with her water and she thanked him before pulling out Tom’s schedule.  She was reading over it again when she heard a crisp British accent. “Excuse me, Y/N?”

She looked up and her heart skipped a beat. Holy shit. Tom Holland himself stood in front of her. “Um…” she stammered. “Yeah. I mean yes.”

“Hi, I’m Tom,” he said, taking a seat across from her and sticking his hand out.

Y/N shook his hand. “Y/N… but you already knew that.”

Tom grinned. “Nice to meet you.”  He leaned back in his chair as Michael returned once more.

“Hello there! I’m Michael. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Um, yeah, I’ll take a water.”

“Ok then, I’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menu and then I’ll be back.”

Tom picked up the menu. “I’m famished. Y/N, would you like something to eat?”

At the mention of food Y/N’s stomach growled loudly, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten yet that day. Her eyes widened in embarrassment.

Tom laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He picked up his menu.

“So,” he said once Michael had returned with his water and they had placed their orders, “tell me about yourself. I figure if we’re going to be working with each other for the next few weeks we ought to get to know each other, am I right?”

“Um, right,” Y/N agreed. “Well, I’m originally from (hometown) but I recently graduated from the University of Chicago with a degree in English with a focus on journalism.”

Tom looked impressed. “How on earth did you wind up as an assistant on a movie set then?”

“My friend and former college roommate Laura was originally scheduled to be a production assistant on this shoot but had to back out, so she asked me to fill in. I was recently offered a position with a publishing company in Los Angeles, but I could really use the money while I’m waiting on my background check & paperwork to go through, so I agreed to help her out, plus this is my first time in New York so I thought it’d kind of... be like a vacation? I really wasn’t expecting to be your assistant for the next 3 weeks… Not that it’s a problem!” she quickly corrected herself. “I just… It’s just not what I expected to be doing.”

Tom was obviously amused. “Well, it’s not the most glamorous job in the world since you basically have to follow me around everywhere, but I promise to make it easy on you.” He winked then pulled out his phone. “Since we're going to need to stay in touch over the next few weeks how about you give me your mobile number and email address? Anna didn't give me your personal information, just your name.”

Y/N flushed slightly. “ Oh um, sure. And thanks.” She rattled off her phone number and waited while Tom added her contact information, then  picked up Tom’s schedule. “So since shooting starts tomorrow, shall we go over your schedule?”

They hashed out the details of the next week in between bites, Y/N making notes in her phone and setting alarms so she wouldn’t forget anything.

Once they were finished, Tom insisted on taking care of the check. “It’s on me. It’s the least I can do to thank you in advance for keeping me on schedule.”

“Oh, well, thank you so much,” Y/N said.

They left the restaurant and headed toward the elevator together. “Which floor?” Tom asked.

“10,” Y/N replied.

“Oh, is that so? I’m actually on the 10th too.”

“Cool,” Y/N replied. “Oh that reminds me, since I have to come pick you up from your room… which one is it?”

“Right, I guess that would be important, wouldn’t it?” Tom chuckled. “I’m in 1043.”

“Ok, so, a car is supposed to pick us up at 7:30 tomorrow morning to make sure you’re at the set for 8,” Y/N confirmed, so I’ll be around about… 7:15ish?”

“7:15 it is,” Tom nodded.

“Umm… do you want me to pick you up some coffee in the morning? Oh wait, you’re British, you probably don’t drink coffee. Tea then?”

Tom laughed. “Actually I DO drink coffee, and that would be lovely, thank you.”

“Great! There’s a Starbucks in the lobby of the hotel, is that ok?”

“Yes, that’s perfect.”

The elevator doors opened on their floor and they stepped out into the hallway.

“Ok, well, I’m this way,” Y/N said, pointing in the opposite direction of Tom’s room.  “I’ll… see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow. Good night, Y/N.”

“‘Night, Tom.”

As soon as Y/N got in her room she pulled out her phone and Facetimed Laura.

“Hey, Y/N,” Laura answered. “What’s up?”

“So when were you going to tell me that I was going to be Tom Freaking Holland’s personal assistant on this shoot?” Y/N hissed.

Laura’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “What? You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope. I walked on set fully expecting to be a production assistant helping everyone out, not personal assistant to the star of the freaking film! What the hell did you tell these people about me?”

“Just that you were super reliable and trustworthy and a little about your background. You’re the one who sold them on you with your phone interview and resume. This is a good thing,” Laura reassured her. “I’m sure it’ll be a lot more fun keeping Tom on schedule than running around set as a glorified gopher who hands out scripts and fetches coffee for everyone.”

“Well that's true, plus the pay is actually double what I would’ve originally made, and they put me up in a swanky hotel,” Y/N replied.

“Well see, it’s definitely working out!” Laura paused. “Have you met Tom yet?”

Y/N sighed. “Actually, yeah. We just had a dinner meeting.”

“Is he as cute as he is on screen?”

“Oh my gosh, Laura, he’s even more adorable in person, and he seems really nice. And that accent-- So dreamy.”

Laura squealed. “Take lots of pictures and send them to me!”

Y/N laughed. “I have to be professional, but maybe I’ll be able to get a selfie with Tom before filming is over.”

A bell rang in the background and Laura looked over her shoulder. “I’ve got to go, but have fun and keep me posted!”

“Will do! Bye!” Y/N ended the call.

She brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. 8 PM in New York City and I’m already in bed, she thought sardonically. What a wild life I lead.

She snuggled in bed with her tablet and rewatched Spider-Man: Homecoming before falling into a dreamless sleep.

[arcanelucario]

I’ve said it before (not on here, mind you) and I’ll say it again, Into The Spider-Verse is not the best Spider-Man film.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved it and think it deserves a lot of praise, but at the same time it is massively over-hyped/rated. And the same goes for the Raimi trilogy, especially Spider-Man 2.

Into The Spider-Verse is probably ranked 3rd or 4th in my listing of the Spider-Man films, and that’s where it belongs. For me, the best Spider-Man films are Homecoming and Far From Home, though I’m undecided on which gets the top spot. Homecoming is a funner movie, but I think Far From Home might be a better Spider-Man movie, though only by a bit. Then again I’ve only seen Far From Home once so maybe I need to see it again.

I’ve seen so many people riding the metaphorical dicks of Spider-Man 2 and Into The Spider-Verse when they shouldn’t be. And I’ve seen so many people say that with the whole Sony/Disney fiasco that it’s good Disney/Marvel no longer have Spider-Man and that Sony own the sole rights. Hell, just a few minutes before writing this post I saw someone talking about seeing a Spider-Man movie not connected to the MCU that has no connection to Tony Stark or the Avengers or Happy or anything else from the MCU. Those movies already exist, they’re the Raimi films, the Amazing Spider-Man films and Into The Spider-Verse, and they’re nothing compared to Spider-Man’s involvement in the MCU.

The MCU Spider-Man films are nothing like those other sets of films, and that’s a good thing. They’re telling a new story, a whole new world and reason for Spider-Man being a thing. There’s new villains, new takes on characters, new places to go, but for some reason you people don’t want this. The previous films never told us anything about Spidey joining the Avengers or meeting Tony Stark despite those being things from the comics, but now we get to see these things be adapted, these new an unique stories come to life. But no, you people don’t want that, you don’t want Spider-Man to be part of a bigger and shared universe. You want Spider-Man to be it’s own thing and probably want a rehash of Spider-Man 3. Well guess what? It’s not happening. The Venom symbiote already bonded with Eddie Brock in a mediocre film that could have been much better that you for some reason want to share a universe with Tom Holland’s Spider-Man even though that would be laughably bad.

Looking back at all the Spider-Man films, they all are great, but they just aren’t the MCU ones. The Raimi films (in my opinion the worst of the bunch) were the first time we saw a proper live action adaptation of Spider-Man, making them extremely memorable and that’s probably the main reason why they’re loved so much. We got to experience everyone’s favourite web slinger, we saw memorable and well done villains (Green Goblin, Sandman, Venom, Doc Oc), we saw Uncle Ben’s death and we got a pretty good Spider-Man. But we also saw actors way too old looking for their characters, a Spider-Man with natural webs, awkward and sappy acting, a terrible love triangle, weird dancing on the street and in a club, weird facial expressions and whatever the fuck that 2nd Green Goblin was, among other things.

Then there’s the Amazing Spider-Man films (the second worst of the bunch), which I preferred to the Raimi films. We got a more believable Peter Parker, we got a Spider-Man with webs he built himself, we got a believable and cute relationship, we got some good villains (Lizard and Electro), we got a side plot involving Peters parents (which I honestly loved) and we got heart in the films. But sure, there’s also the Green Goblin (this version was kinda bad), sometimes it gets a bit sappy, the ending of 2 was kinda weird, the series was cancelled before we could see a third film, we got another Uncle Ben death and there’s probably more things I’m forgetting. Nonetheless, these films were still better than the Raimi ones.

Then there’s Into The Spider-Verse, a film which you people seem to have decided is definitively the best Spider-Man film. Sure, opinions are opinions, they’re subjective and different people have different tastes, but I keep on seeing people talk about it like as if Spider-Verse being the best film is a concrete fact, even though it’s not. Sure it had a lot of good. We finally got to see all these different versions of Spider-Man, we had an alright plot, we got things that would be much harder/impossible to see in live action and we just had a fun film. But we also had a absolute unit of a Kingpin which was fucking weird, a genderbent and weird af Doc Oc, a plot that despite me saying was alright still came out of nowhere (and yet you all act like it was perfectly normal and natural) and stuff that went on for too long. This films definitely does deserve praise, especially for the hard work the animators had to put in, but just because it had this hard work doesn’t mean it’s the best.

And finally, there’s the best of the bunch, the MCU films. We finally got an accurately aged Spider-Man. We got a realistic Spider-Man. We got the most accurate representation of Spider-Man out of any of the movies. We got natural romance, we got Peter actually having friends, we got new villains, we got Spidey, a Marvel character, interacting with Iron Man and Captain America (among others), also Marvel characters. And we didn’t even have to sit through another crummy Uncle Ben death or scene of Spidey gaining his powers. After all these years, all these attempts, we finally got a top notch Spider-Man, one we are extremely lucky to have. Sure, I have seen complaints about these films, such as a new  version of Flash (though actually I fucking love this version), or so far Peter relying a lot on Tony Stark. But guess what? Peter is god damn teenager. He’s still coming into his own, he needs to have people to rely on. The other live action Spidey’s have been independent, so now it’s time we see him actually learn, and actually be the kid he is, be the Spider-Man he’s always meant to be.

If Sony and Disney don’t come to some sort of an agreement, then everything this Spider-Man is will be ruined. All that character development, all those relationships. Gone, reduced to ashes. He won’t be the Spider-Man we’ve known since Civil War, he’ll be someone completely different, to the point that you might as well recast him. This won’t be Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man, this won’t be Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man, this won’t be animated Spider-Man and this won’t be Tom Holland’s. It’ll be someone completely different, in a universe where sure, new stories can be told, but they won’t be as good. Currently Spider-Man is already an established part of the MCU, and he was supposed to be very important going forward, but you people want it gone. You want a whole series of 23 films to be ruined so you can fantasize about Spidey getting pegged by Venom because you don’t like seeing something new that makes sense.

So sure, go ahead and jerk off to your shitty opinion that Into The Spider-Verse is the best Spidey film, but keep in mind that you’re wrong. Keep in mind that you’ll never see something as great as the MCU and their Spider-Man.

And yes I know that in terms of the whole Sony/Disney fiasco that Disney are the ones mostly in the wrong, but that doesn’t mean that Sony makes good Spider-Man films and can make a good one going forward. That’s what Marvel Studios does, that’s what Kevin Feige does.

[wintersoldeer]

ok here's some totally incoherent thoughts about endgame that i just have to write down or i might explode spoilers: i loved it also actual spoilers spoilers very spoilery spoilers

1. Steve and the goddddamn mjölnir!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!! when thor, iron man and cap were like 'aw yeahhh we're gonna fight thanos' i was like what the heckie is steve even doing there, supersoldier or not he's just a human. then thor drops his hammer and i’m like oh my gods please literally crossing my fingers. then thor’s fight is not going so well and oh no he definitely needs someone to save him! i’m like ohhhhhmygooddss. and THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR YEARS HELL YEAHHHHH

2. steve & peggy dance. yes. just yes. fucking finally. i love it. it was perfect i cried

3. clint should’ve died. (finally haha) he was my fave since before the avengers and i was so sure he was going to die back then, but then he didn’t and look what’s became of him since.......... i had a violent flashback to watching age of ultron for the first time and for the first time just hoping that my fave character (that would be clint) would just die, bc they’re screwing his character over so badly........ and most definitely it. should.  not. have. been. natasha. who. died.  that was such a bullshit i mean WHAT THE FUCK????  i mean maybe clint and natasha were the only remaining avengers that actually loved each other (?¿¿????¿¿¿?¿ tho that’s just flimsy, i’m just trying to....idek) and that’s why it had to be them on that stupid fuckin death cliff, but why did natasha have to die?? just because clint had a family (still with no actual characterization, not that i even care, or maybe i would if the movies had given me any reason to...) to return to and she didn’t??that fucking sucks and what sucks even more is that not only was natasha the only character that died (i’m not even counting tony, bc that was very Different) but she’s the only original female avenger AND it’s the same stupd fucking rock that the only original female gotg gamora died in such a bullshit way just last movie??? goddddd i hated that so much like maybe if she hadn’t been the first one to die and all the original avengers would’ve died as was i kinda hoping (tho i love happy endings so i didn’t actually hope that it would happen..), maybe then i would be okay with her being dead. now i am very much not okay, and that means very much not okay in a angry way, not in a sad way

4. speaking of death: to me tony’s was perfect. i might not be the biggest fan of how he always got the most screentime and a bigger role than other characters, but i can’t deny that he definitely is the heart of the whole mcu and it had to be him who saves the day in the end and what else could it have been that a very tony-like self-sacrifice..... god i cried. i loved that he got a funeral (even tho natasha didn’t...) and i loved his funeral with all the people and fricking harley and then the kid saying how much she likes cheeseburgers and the frickin ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ and sfghkklkghhhh

5. i gasped audibly when i noticed that natasha was wearing the arrow necklace

6. i kinda forgot that vision ever even existed..... in the end i first thought that wanda was talking about pietro and then i was like ok well maybe not maybe she’s talking about tony or something WHICH MAKES NO SENSE LOL i don’t even remember what she actually said, but as was pointed out to me, she was probably talking about vision. who was a thing that existed... whoops

7. ugh i hate brucenat, i really thought we were over that shit already. i also very much disliked that they actually decided to go with professor hulk, but idk w/e i don’t care that much. but natasha’s death sucked tho and the one thing i do not want to see is bruce’s pain or whatever when the movie didn’t even give me the time or reason to actually grieve for her goddd that whole thing was such a bullshit

8. i did not like that thor was treated as a joke most of his screentime........

9. that stevepeggy dance tho. love it. it’ll probably take me at least another seven years to get over it

10. i fricking adored the whole going back in time thing, especially the 2012. the callbacks and the humor really worked for me, the elevator scene straight from cap2 but reversed and hail hydra and steve fighting steve and loki’s expressions when things go wrong and goddhhh i loved it all aaaaaaa, that was the moment when i was like ok i need to see this movie again immediately.... also the fact that their time travel rules were that they were just creating new paths or w/e i guess, and not actually changing what happened to them specifically... good. so many aus

11. that final battle was so perfectly epic

12. tho shouldn’t valkyrie’s (who really just doesn’t have a real name, now does she..) horse have died after being shot haha

13. i loved that clint had the gauntlet for so long, like he’s definitely the Least Qualified Person to keep it safe, why would that be his job, it was amazing

14. i hated natasha’s death with burning passion, but i loved how she and clint fought each other over who gets to throw themselves off that cliff. tho i really hoped that their ‘yeahh we know what we have to do’ would’ve rather meant that they decided to just throw red skull down bc who even knows if it even actually needs love sacrifice or w/e, a soul is a soul is a soul

15. i loved the human jarvis whatever-his-first-name-was cameo and i really need to finally watch/rewatch agent carter

16. i really liked the tony howard scene even if i thought it felt a bit iffy, bc i feel like there’s so much more to unpack w/ those daddy issues.... but maybe that scene means that there is that one universe where howard was actually a good dad. i want to believe that. yeah. (maybe not but let me dream)

17. i like how they totally forgot that sharon carter ever even existed

18. damn that moment when black panther comes through that portal

19. damn that moment when gi ant-man is giant

20. damn that final battle was so epic

21. damn that steve with mjölnir

22. this movie was SO GOOD when it was good and so mehhh when it was bad, and i’m really glad that it was just good enough that i can forgive overlook all of its flaws. (tho i will not forgive what they did to natasha, even if i can mostly ignore it when thinking about how good most of the rest of the movie was) but idk if it would’ve been perfect, maybe i wouldn’t have survived like there’s this One Huge Thing (natasha) that really brings down the movie that otherwise would’ve been just Amazing

23. i don’t know if my heart has ever beaten as fast as when steve finally picks up the hammer. never while watching a movie, at least

24. i love that carol has her short haircut, bc it bothered me so much in cpn marvel that she should not have been able to see anything when her hair was just constantly on her face haha

25. i feel nothing but seething resentment towards clint’s stupid family and that stupid family man role he is stuck with

26. why was natasha’s hair so weird and ugly. why can’t it just be red??

27. clint’s hair was weird and ugly too and i think i have finally kinda given up on mcu!clint (tho he has those small Very Good moments and i cry for what could’ve been.....we could’ve have it aaaaaalllll.... i think i’m going to watch swat (2003) again and still pretend it’s the clint backstory movie i deserve haha, it’s been ages since i’ve seen it idk if it would still work for me, i’m gonna try)

28. i love nebula tho

29. i loved the trip down memory lane! frigga!!!! the way the continuation of the avengers capturing loki just felt so natural and like it probably happened just like that! nebula and rhodey judging quill’s singing and dancing haha yes! everything! just as i was hoping it would be!

30. doesn’t really have anything to do with this movie but: i still firmly believe that coulson never died. i still firmly believe that pietro never died. 

31. falcon cap helll yeah!!

32. i guess i’ll never get my strike team delta movie with clintasha best friends soulmates and with buckynat and the red room.........  goddd there really should’ve been a black widow movie after cap2. like that was The Perfect Spot for a black widow movie, it’s really a crime that there isn’t one, and even if they make a black widow movie now, it’ll definitely be too little too late.

33. like..... a for effort..... for that female heroes girl power.... ughhhh.... scene, i guess, but that. does. not. cut. it. when you have just killed natasha

34. things i really wished they would say in some perfect moments: “hail hydra” “avengers assemble!” “i am iron man”. things they did say in those moments: “hail hydra” “avengers assemble” “i am iron man”, gogssgddd that was perfect (ok i also really did wish steve would’ve said the “i could do this all day” in the fight but couldn’t say bc the movie had just made fun of that.. i’m kinda sad but haha it’s not that big of a deal, maybe if he hadnt said it in civil war which i dont like but well...)

35. haha people are already complaining about the steve going back thing and how it’s definitely not moving on and erasing character development or whatever and HA. i finally got my stevepeggy dance i don’t care about anything else i am so happy!!!!!

36. i am so glad i managed to avoid any spoilers bc i hear that there was some pretty massive ones going around??¿?¿?

37. also: ok from here on out i am not here for any of you negative nancys complaining (probably very reasonable complaints idec) about the movie, god i really wish it was 2012 again

38. in final thoughts: i absolutely loved it and i love that it turns out that i’m apparently still very much marvel trash........ if natasha hadn’t died, especially in such a bullshit way, i would’ve been able to overlook everything else that was kinda meh about the movie and just purely and blindly loved it. i still did love it, a lot, but now there’s that bitter aftertaste.....

ok now, maybe that’s enough rambling and repeating myself....... i’m going to need to see it again asap

//EDIT

39. I FORGOT TO MENTION IT BC I FORGOT ABOUT IT but goooooooooodddd i loved nebula and tony playing that game in the beginning and tony letting nebula win ääääää

[livingdarwinaward]

Isle of the Lost

I stumbled over the side of the small boat, legs cramped from the days at sea. I stretched, then looked around. “Damn.” The island was creepy, the rocky beach filled with bones, bodies, torn sails, and driftwood from ships. The tidepools glowed with lost souls, and heaps of trash were caught between boulders. I kept my hands on my knives as I walked toward the massive building in the middle of the island, warily eyeing the sirens dotting the beach.

“A shame,” one of the sirens told me. “Had you come in a larger ship, Heran could have added to her hall.” She indicated the building in the middle of the island, clearly made from wrecked ships. “I’d like to at least live up to my grandmother’s legacy.”

“That is exactly why I came in a small boat. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have business with Heran.” I continued walking toward Heran’s hall.

A mermaid stopped her weaving for a moment to smile at me. “You’re clever. I like you.” She kept weaving, hiding her face as she continued, “And between you and me? Take everything she tells you with a grain of sand.”

“Heran?”

The mermaid nodded, and I started walking again, coming up on an actual path, the entrance of which was littered with bits of old statues. I made to step over the pieces, but a stone hand shot up and floated in front of me in the universal ‘stop’ signal. I stopped, wishing I could step around it as the pieces cobbled themselves together into a mostly human form.

“All the missing statue parts of the world and you couldn’t find a nose? Seriously?”

The statue glared at me (somehow, even though not a single change in facial expression) and said, “You seek entrance to Heran’s hall.”

“Yes,” I told it. I sensed spirits, but they felt different than most. Trapped, somehow. Bound. I couldn’t tell how I knew. “Who are you?”

“We are Lost,” a different voice said. The statue crossed its arms, somewhat awkwardly due to the arms being in multiple pieces, and the same voice spoke again. “Do not become Lost yourself.”

Don’t. Don’t take the path. That was a normal spirit, one only I would be able to hear. Apparently sensing my confusion, the spirit continued. If you get lost on the path, you lose yourself, you become Lost. Bound to Heran. It will be worse for you than most, being what you are.

Meaning? I asked it.

You’re a raven, you’ll be tasked with keeping all of the spirits on the island, an enemy of Helcor. The scrap of mist next to me resolved into an image of another raven in human form. Our beloved goddess made that very clear when I was stripped of my cloak.

“Do you wish to pass?” A third voice came from the statue of the Lost.

I looked between the other raven and the statue. “I have to take the risk. I have to find Dicey.” The statue moved aside and I started onto the path.

The second my feet were on the path, ground ahead of me erupted. Sand, pebbles, rocks, and just about everything else launching up to form a city, mud brick buildings decorated with primitive murals.

Okay, now the high possibility of getting lost on the path makes more sense, I thought. I jumped at the voice of the other raven, who’d apparently followed me onto the path. I couldn’t see his face anymore, As he was back to being just a wisp, but I could just feel his grin on me.

What? He asked, Did you think I’d let you go alone? I’m Haloti, by the way.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Pan. Thanks for helping, but no, I really didn’t expect you to,” I said in a rush. “I’m assuming we have to find the hall through this.” I paused. “Whatever this is.”

Lost civilizations, Haloti told me. More than just objects and people can be lost. Heran has a ‘library’ of all lost knowledge and ideas, or so I’ve heard.

“This will be more difficult than I thought.”

It always is with gods. Haloti shivered. We should start looking. Stay together— separating can get one of us lost easier.

“Makes sense.” I stepped forward, and shades appeared, not true spirits, but images is the past. “D’ya think we can ask them for directions?”

Where would we ask for directions to?

“Places with things of value or things that get thrown away, probably.”

Or places of power or importance, Haloti said. If I had my cloak, I’d be able to sense spirit trails and corruption.

“Take mine.” I got ready to unclasp my cloak, dreading the loss. I’d never taken it off, never wanted to lose my identity, but if it came down to Dicey, I’d do it.

Haloti changed back from his wispy most to his own form, just to give me a look. Are you kidding? He asked, as near to shouting as a spirit could get. I’m not getting you in trouble, too. The consequences will be more severe for lending it to me of all people.

“Why?”

I was stripped of my cloak for a reason. That’s all I’ll say. I won’t take it.

“Wait.” I pulled up my hood, launched myself into the air, spiraling up and up. I looked out across the maze, and saw Heran’s hall. “Ha.” The hall was somehow more distant than before, and more so than I thought the size of the island would allow. If I could grin with a beak, I would have. I dove back down to the maze and Haloti, who seemed to have figured my plan out. “I think we can just fly over.”

You can. I don’t have my cloak.

“You can’t fly without it even as a spirit?”

Yes.

I paused. I honestly didn’t want to go on without Haloti, as he seemed to know more than I did. “I may have a way you can come with me.”

How?

I scraped my foot against the ground. The hard dirt of the illusion held, so I knelt and pulled out my stylus, drawing a rune on the ground. The illusion melted away, but only where the rune was. Right, I’m dealing with a goddess’s magic here. I drew a circle around the spot where I’d drawn the rune. The illusion in the circle melted a bit, but held. I cursed. Some more trial and error experimentation eventually got me a circle of the actual ground, with a bit of driftwood that was half carved into a dolphin. I held out my hand to Haloti. What should his rune be? “Give me your hand,” I told him.

Haloti looked dubious, but gave me his hand. I thought for a moment, then wrote alone on his hand. “What does that rune mean?” he asked.

“It’s what I’m naming you. That one means alone,” I said as I wrote that rune on the bit of driftwood, surrounded by binding runes. “I’m binding you to this--” I held up the wood “--so that I can bring you along when I fly over.”

Haloti looked even more dubious now. “If you think it’ll work.”

“It should. I’d test it by throwing the wood, but I feel like you’d just end up as a Lost.”

I pulled my hood up, then grabbed the wood in my claws and flew upward. Once the hall was in sight, I flew toward it. I didn’t look down, fearing that if I did, I would get lost. Haloti’s thoughts were loud, but incomprehensible. He seemed worried, but I didn’t focus too hard on him, trying to keep Heran’s hall in sight as it seemed to flicker and shift. Then it vanished. Shit. I dove, trying not to think too hard about how it was ruching up far too fast to account for my own speed. Haloti’s thoughts became a scream in my head, just as we hit the ground.

The impact was delayed. We went through, Haloti said. We’re underground.

I shrugged off my hood, stretching as my body shifted and grew into my human form, then picked up the stick I’d bound Haloti to. “What is this place?” I didn’t expect any true answer, but Haloti was completely silent. I looked over at him. There was no definition to his features, a wisp of soul standing far too still. I could feel the current of unease in his mind. “Haloti?”

This is the Limbo. I didn’t know it became lost after… after I came here.

“‘Here’ being the Isle, I’m assuming?”

Yes. Haloti seemed to turn around, looking at the hazy wisps of trapped souls kept from the after. Have you heard of what happened? Why the Limbo was lost?

“Legend was that the Limbo was sealed to all but the gods, but something happened to lock even them out, so the whole system was lost, but no one was even sure it had ever existed. Many ravens I knew thought it was an old story the gods told to keep us in line somehow.”

It most likely was, but I doubt anyone is told the whole of it. Haloti formed just enough to smile at me, but it was strained. I wouldn’t have— I never knew it ended like this, though.

“You—“ I stopped as I noticed Haloti staring at one soul.

No, not her. That should be— Haloti looked at me. I should explain, he started before another soul caught his attention. I felt a whisper of relief go through him as he looked at it.

“You don’t need to.”

I should. Someone needs to know the whole story.

Leaning on the nearest wall, I gestured for Haloti to go on.

That man, Haloti said, gesturing to the second soul he’d seen, pulled Avi— he gestured to the first soul —into his scheme to bring an army from the Limbo into the world to destroy the gods. Avi was human, one of my closest friends, and when he— a rude gesture was aimed at the second soul —tricked her into helping him, she went to me to borrow my cloak and come here. The Limbo hadn’t yet been sealed, so she got past the barriers and nearly got souls out. My cloak was stripped from me because I’d lent it to Avi, but I was given the option to bring Avi to justice… Haloti trailed off for a bit, and I understood why.

I couldn’t kill her, so I ran. For five years. I knew someone else would be sent, but I couldn’t bring myself to betray Helcor so completely. I didn’t realize Avi’d ended up here. I’d heard the Limbo had been sealed, but not that it’d been lost.

“Why’d you come here?”

I heard somewhere that cloaks that we’re stripped came here. I wasn’t sure if it was true, but I came anyway. I wanted to find my cloak. Destroy it. Hopefully then I could escape the shame of letting Avi die.

I stood up. “I doubt that’ll work, but you can try. Now let’s try to find our way to Heran.”

Haloti nodded. Yes. Perhaps some souls may know.

We had to be careful to find a soul who wouldn’t trick us, but we could only do so much to ensure that we followed a trustworthy one. Haloti advocates for Avi, but I argued that she would be the obvious choice and may give the wrong directions.

You have a point. Haloti said as we left the room we’d been in to explore the catacombs further. As we followed the voices of souls, we went deeper, even as we never picked one.

Suddenly light broke out and we found ourselves in front of Heran’s hall. The door looked ancient, ornate.

“We come to deal with Heran,” I said.

The door swung open. When Haloti and I entered, we were faced with a maze. Heaps of things that had been lost forced us to have to find our way through, and when we could see the walls, ancient artifacts— probably priceless— were hung up or on shelves. We eventually found our way to the back, where Heran herself lay, her long tail coiled over the ground and around swords, bones, stones and other ancient, lost treasures.

“You come for your cloak,” she said to Haloti. “And you come for your friend. She is not here, little one.”

“I know,” I said. “I come for information. Can you find her?”

“Perhaps, for a price.”

I pulled out my bag, tugging out the bones inside. “Bones of a mermaid who died on land. Her body was lost to the sea, and she rotted like a human.”

Heran grinned, and I fought back a shudder. “How nice,” Heran said, drawing out the phrase. “Yes, this may do. For your request. You, however--” she addressed Haloti now, “--must pay your own price. Think hard.”

Heran turned back to me and beckoned for the skeleton. When I handed it to her, she tucked it behind her, then dragged herself over to a crack in the wall and stuck her head in. something inside began to glow, and I heard Heran chanting.

I looked at Haloti. He hung as a wisp of mist in the air, and I barely heard the whisper of his thoughts, only the faintest trace for me to know that he was thinking, but not enough for me to tell what he was thinking. A sound pulled my attention back to Heran, and I saw her pull her head from the crack, frowning.

“I cannot find your friend,” she said. “She either is not lost or is dead.”

“Or she is lost beyond your reach,” I muttered.

Heran looked at me with raised brows. “How so?”

“She opened a portal to disappear. I’m not sure it was to any place in this world.”

“You think she is in the Rift.”

“Or another world.”

Heran looked at me. “Hope that that is so. You should go to the City of Heroes. There is a way to travel between worlds there, much safer than portals.”

“Thank you.” I bowed, then turned to Haloti. “Would you join me if I asked?”

He materialized, then shook his head. No. I thought of my price. At Heran’s encouragement, he continued. I will give my soul.

“You wish to become Lost?” Heran asked. “Truly a strange request.”

I wish to forget. If that is the way to do so, I will take it. I only ask for my cloak to burn first.

“Haloti--”

“I will grant it.” Heran heaved herself to find the cloak.

The last thing I heard before I found myself back in my boat, the island nowhere in sight, was Haloti.

I’m sorry, Pan.

[theapensage]

In the Beginning

I've found it. I've found out my life's purpose. I've seen my future, and it is bright. My true purpose, my reason for being here is to make people feel whole again. I want to heal people and help them feel like they have a purpose for living; feel like they're not missing out on what they're truly supposed to do. It'll be my life's work, and it's just getting started today. It's starting out as this blog, telling people what I've been going through as I travel on this spiritual journey. When I saw the future, it came at me in waves during meditation. Everything has been leading to this point in my life. I wanted to share this with all of you who have been reading my blog, because I know my story is going to change the way people think about their lives. My journey of making people whole again starts now.

I've always had an inkling of a thought that I was supposed to be a healer, but it always felt like something that was trapped in my past, something that I wouldn't get back to. My experience with my old religion had left me questioning everything, but that's exactly what I needed. I see that now. I feel as if my whole life has been leading to this point. The part of my life where I start to give love and happiness to others. My subconscious has been leading me to this point through signs and dreams. Looking back on them now, I know that even though I felt completely lost, I knew where I was going the entire time. My subconscious was shaping me into the person I needed to be.

So what exactly does all this mean? What exactly am I going to do? I'll tell you all that in the coming months. My life is about to get very busy. I've been doing readings with my tarot cards and they all point to the same thing. I've never once known my cards to tell me the wrong thing; they've been right every single time. Without sharing too many details, I've been pulling cards that have my future as a success.

It's hard to believe this all started so long ago, and what sparked my journey was a Nikola Tesla quote. “But instinct is something which transcends knowledge. We have, undoubtedly, certain finer fibers that enable us to perceive truths when logical deduction, or any other willful effort of the brain, is futile.”

Now I'm going to tell you all about one of my past lives. The name I was given for him is Immanuel, although I don't think that was his true name, but is symbolic of what his real name meant. Immanuel means "God is with us". I went into a trance and thought back to my past life, over 11,500 years ago. He lived in a place called Doggerland, a verdant land which ended up being swallowed by the ocean after the ice age. It's located between England and continental Europe.

The land was flooding, and Immanuel was at the end of his life. He was a prophet and a druid, and had lived to see the end of his home's days. He had a wife and two children who relocated to other parts of the world. His family and the rest of the people of Doggerland went on to create society as we know it. Some people think this was the location for the lost city of Atlantis. I don't know if that's true, but it does make sense.

This is the same flood from myths throughout the world, the flood mentioned in the Bible. And these were Immanuel's last days. On the day he died, he said goodbye to his wife and two children, and went to ascend the mountain, to be with God. As he was climbing the mountain he had to stop to rest, and when he did he entered a cave. Immanuel was old, and his time had come. He succumbed to the cold and froze to death in that cave, but he was in God's presence.

I've always known I had an old soul, and have always felt a connection with the Ice Age. I tell you about Immanuel because he reminded me of my connection to God. I've always been meant to be a healer; I've always been meant to carry out God's work. The All, the universe wanted me to know that I'm not alone, that even when Immanuel was alone on that mountaintop, he was in the presence of God.

It's a strange sensation to know my calling now. I'm called to continue the work of Immanuel. He is a part of me, and part of the reason I am who I am today. I also now know why I've been dreaming of floods. When the flood happened, civilization arose all around the world. The same thing is happening now. Another flood is coming, this time in the form of a spiritual awakening. I've felt it many times and talked about it here before, but I wanted to give a little background on why I've been having these thoughts. This is a good thing, ultimately. I've pulled the Death card, which means transformation into something new, new beginnings, time to start fresh. The death card doesn't mean we are going to die, but rather that we are transforming into something greater. We are becoming Transhuman.

I want to thank everyone who's stopped to read and that has followed or liked posts. It gives me great satisfaction when people do so. I was skeptical this whole time about everything, but it's all turning out exactly how I read it would in the cards. Thank you all for reading and following, but mostly for being you. You are the future, whether you know it yet or not. I cannot wake people up myself, that is something people have to do for themselves. I can only lead you to the water, and hope that you'll see in the reflection of the water what you're meant to see. Be blessed, and know that you are not alone. You can find your life’s purpose.  "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. “

[rewrite-the-night-court]

What I’d change about TOG

So, I saw another blog dedicated to fixing the problematic/uninteresting things about the ACOTAR series. Personally, I have been mentally doing the whole “if I had to remake this, I’d probably do it more like that” thing for years, and I’ve now decided to start a blog dedicated to it, but mostly to the series (and by extension, author) that initially made me start thinking about what I’d change: Throne of Glass.

Now, this is a LONG post dedicated to what I’d change about the first book in the TOG series. I mean no harm to SJM (which is why this is in the main tag, though I can remove it if it’s inappropriate to put this post there), this is just my take on how I think the books could have turned out differently.

If you disagree, feel free to do so; if you’re even so interested as to have a (civil) discussion with me, I’d love to talk to you! My inbox is always open!

It might be an incoherent mess, it might have more than a few plot holes, but I hope you enjoy the read anyways.

I’ll start with my feelings on the book in general. I actually took me a while to finish reading the entire thing. I bought the book because I really like the concept of a badass assassin struggling for her freedom by competing in deadly challenges, especially with some political/court intrigue and magic thrown into the mix. It seemed right up my alley. I did, however, put it down about 3/4ths in, because I did not feel like the book delivered what it promised, but rather that it trivialized the Tests and focused completely on the (very standard) love triangle.

My second “problem” with the book was Celaena herself. There were things I liked about her: For example, it was amazing to see a YA-protagonist not even admit, but even liking that she was good-looking and being confident in herself and her skills (YA sorely lacks female protagonists like that). Other things bothered me, in a way that eventually overshadowed the aspects of her character that I liked. I just kept thinking: “The world’s most feared assassin at 17?” It seems a little unlikely, not matter if she trained since she was 8 or not.

Those aspects of her character ties up to my problem with her as a character: She’s too powerful. I understand the appeal of a female power fantasy, especially for young girls. It’s badly needed in a sea of media in which women are portrayed as weak, or assets to male protagonists, without being given much, if any character development themselves. However, putting the world’s most feared assassin in a competition for her freedom... against other assassins? The stakes are close to zero. Not once was I worried about her victory, or safety, for that matter.

I saw someone rant about this on reddit, once, and they suggested one simple change. I’ll run along with their idea, as I feel it would change the books in a way that could be very engaging.

What if Lillian Gordaina the jewel thief was the 17 year old protagonist, and not just Celaena’s alias?

I imagine the book would start with Lillian having been caught stealing some jewelry, probably from a very rich merchant who have strong ties to perhaps the most powerful merchant’s guild in the land. Her father begs for the merchant not to do anything, reasoning that Lillian is still a child and meant no harm, but for some reason, the merchant is furious. In fact, he is so furious that he doesn’t want to settle for regular punishment, he’ll make sure she faces something even worse than just a fine.

When word arrive that Lillian is to partake in a contest and compete not only for her freedom, but for a position as the king’s champion, her family is shocked. What in the world would Lillian have to do there? She stole some jewelry, for Gods’ sake! As rumors start to circulate about the land’s most feared thieves, most skilled assassins, and most brutal warriors are to take part, Lillian’s parents attempt to spirit her away. She is caught, however, and is taken to the castle anyways.

Also in this version there isn’t an actual castle of glass. While it’s very Aesthetic™, it wouldn’t suit the story as of right now. From an actual architectural standpoint, it also makes very little sense.

When she gets there, it quickly becomes clear that she’s mostly there as a filler contestant. There’s about ten or so people there who seem actual candidates, from what Lillian can gather without there having been an official introduction round, but the ten are in turn actually terrible criminals with no qualms about murder. The king, partly because of his cruel streak, partly because he’s not actually that dumb, knows it’ll be more intimidating to say you chose your champion after having the most brutal criminals in the land slaughter each other for the honor of serving their king. Lillian bands together with a couple of other candidates who’re more on the weak side. The three of them know that they’ll probably die, but decide to try and help each other survive either way.

Still, Lillian is a noble woman, who, up until now, has been leading a pretty sheltered life. The fact that she might die terrifies her, and she has a breakdown about it in her room. Her servants and the guard posted outside of her room (she only has one, as she isn’t a very big threat to anyone) feel bad for her. Enter Chaol, who in this story starts out as just a regular guard. He offers to tutor her, if he is given permission to do so. Lillian accepts, knowing she has no chance against her opponents but hoping the lessons will soothe her a little bit.

Chaol, who isn’t even given permission to see the king, ends up meeting Dorian face to face by coincidence. Dorian gives him permission to train Lillian during the evenings (for whatever reason, I haven’t figured out all of the character motivations yet).

The following morning, there is a court gathering. Some of the competitors (mostly women) are invited. At the gathering, Lillian ends up standing out; she is rather pretty and she knows how to enhance her beauty by dressing well, gaining a lot of attention for it. She speaks to Kaltain and Nehemia, surprising them both by knowing the Eyllwe tongue. The three of them chat a little in Eyllwe, before Lillian knows who Nehemia really is. Kaltain, who is used to the ways of court, warns Lillian about standing out once she reveals that she is a competitor. Lillian, now suddenly aware of all the eyes glued to her, makes a hasty (but discreet) exit.

She does not know her way around the castle, and ends up stumbling into a secret passage. Terrified of where they might take her, she tries her best to find a way out again, but she is lost and doesn’t know where she is going. Instead, she stumbles into a room she has never seen before, where she finds a woman whose feet are shackled to the floor. 

Lillian learns that this woman is Celaena Sardothien, after some conversation. Celaena seems to be less interested in Lillian and the competition that she is in her garden; in her room, she has a small collection of pots from which various plants are growing. The two come to a sort of understanding, and before Lillian leaves (she’s afraid of being caught in there), Celaena says that she’ll offer Lillian advice and help in exchange for favors and asks Lillian to consider.

The next day is mostly dedicated to training. Insert some Witty Banter™ and flirting here. Lillian and Chaol do get along very well. It’s clear (at least to the reader) that they’re both interested in each other. Lillian, without mentioning Celaena, asks Chaol if he thinks it’s right of her to do things that might be bad in order to survive this ordeal. When he says that yes, he thinks she deserves to survive, she decides to go along with Celaena’s request.

She goes back again that night, as quietly and carefully as she can. Celaena reveals that the King intends for her to compete to be his champion. She also reveals that she, too, is only there as canon fodder. The story is much more interesting if the king’s champion defeated the strongest assassin in the land, after all. She goes on to tell Lillian that physically, there is no way either of them are strongest. Celaena worries that the final test will be a fight to the death between her and whoever the king will pick, a match she’ll have no chance of winning after a year in Endovier. She isn’t worried about Lillian’s fate: Doing dirty work like this is about competence, first and foremost, with “dirty” being the keyword. They’re criminals, the bad guys, the scum of society; the king doesn't need or want them to play by the rules. Celaena believes this can help Lillian survive.

The next day, the first test takes place. It’s a race to capture the flag, strapped to the top of a large tower. Lillian freaks out, as there’s no way she can climb that tower. With her squad of underdogs, she recalls Celaena’s words about not playing fair, and realizes that the winner of the contest is the one that delivers the flag to the judge first. Through some quick scheming, the three manage to get the flag after Celaena brought it down, and one of them (not Lillian, though, she chooses not to pick up the flag when she has her shot) ends up being the one to win.

Chaol trains with her again that evening. One of his superiors find them, and while Chaol isn’t not allowed to train her, he gets in hot water as he is dragged away by the other guard. Lillian heads up to her room, only to be woken in the middle of the night by screaming and angry yelling, before there’s desperate pounding on her door. She knows she’s safer if she stays in her room, Celaena’s voice echoing in her head, so she doesn’t open it, feeling like a coward. Eventually, she falls asleep, still shaking beneath the covers.

The next day, it is revealed that one of the actual good competitors killed the friend of Lillian who won the first test, as well as a few guards before Chaol managed to grapple him from the back. The chaos that erupted was partially because the guards realized they had no idea where the king was. It truly dawns on Lillian that her life is in danger. Finding a quiet corner to break down, Kaltain and Nehemia finds and comforts her. Lillian confesses that she blames herself for the murder of her friend, since she helped her win. Nehemia tells her that it’s nothing she could have done about it, and that she herself has had similar feelings. As the youngest royal child of her country, she wielded little political power, and was unable to do anything when Adarlan invaded. She feels guilt for being useless.

She heads up to Celaena that evening, partially to seek validation for not trying to help (Lillian doesn’t outright admit it to herself, but she knows). It’s never discussed as she sees Celaena’s bruised face. The king visited her last night, angry at her for losing the flag to Lillian’s friend. She seems more upset that he ruined all of her flowers, especially taking care to rip the rarest of them apart with his own hands. A strange and very rare plant, rarely found outside what Celaena calls “her homeland.” Lillian can’t decide whether Celaena genuinely cares more about that flower than herself, or if she is redirecting her attention to something else so as to not think about the king, but either way Lillian decides not to pressure Celaena into talking. Celaena eventually asks Lillian if she could secure her a meeting with Nehemia, having heard that they were spotted together at court.

The next test comes a few days later. Lillian tries fading into the background along with her remaining ally. It’s a simple archery test. Lillian can’t figure out how she would play dirty in such a scenario, and ends up coming in dead last. Chaos finds her afterwards, asks her if she is alright, and informs her that he can’t train her anymore; because of him catching the murderer, his superior was impressed and gave him the reins for the investigations. This might be his chance to climb the ladder.

Nehemia has, with the help of Kaltain, gotten much better at speaking the language of Adarlan. Kaltain and Lillian, for some reason, manage to get Celaena an audience with her. Nehemia seems shaken when she comes out, and when asked by Kaltain what has her so shaken, Nehemia tells them that Celaena is planning on becoming “the next king’s champion,” to which Kaltain corrects her gently (“The king’s next champion, my dear”). Nehemia doesn't react to it at all, in contrast to her usual fondness for learning, but simply leaves, still pale and stiff. Lillian sneaks in, demanding to know what Celaena said that upset Nehemia so. Celaena doesn't answer, instead suggesting that since Chaol now is rising in rank, Lillian would do well to get “friendlier” with him. Lillian storms off.

The third test takes place, and Lillian somehow wins. Fearing for her life, she seeks out Chaol, again thinking of Celaena’s words. It disgusts her that while yes, she likes Chaol, she did seek him out for the sole purpose of gaining both his affection and protection. He managed to find out how the competitor escaped from his chambers (or something), and got promoted.

I’m getting a bit lazy now, but things happen and Celaena requests an audience with Dorian this time. Lillian goes through Chaos to get to Dorian. Dorian, unlike Nehemia, doesn’t seem as shaken after his audience with Celaena. After a little digging, Lillian finds out that Dorian was the one who proposed the idea of Celaena being a competitor in the first place, as well as the one who agreed to get her a little garden (it was the only thing she requested). He hasn’t gone back to see her since, apparently being a little intimidated by her.

The king has grown mad/angry with more and more of the contestants. Lillian, who actually won a test, barely mangled to escape from his ire. After a fourth test, in which Lillian purposefully fails and Celaena wins a second time, Chaol realizes that Lillian has been using him and ends their friendship. It is afterwards discovered that a second competitor escaped during the fourth test, resulting in something close to a “lockdown” in the castle.

When the king is found dead in his chamber, panic erupts. Chaol, once again, finds and captures the escaped competitor–alive, this time. Lillian asks for permission to see them, and it turns out to be her friend (whom she drifted apart from during the competition, as she became more focused on herself and not dying). They swear that they didn’t kill the king, and Lillian knows they didn’t. Celaena’s lessons about playing dirty rings through her head and it’s no doubt about who killed the king. Lillian deduces that it might have been some kind of poison that led the king to his death, thinking of Celaena’s garden and how the king destroyed it himself in order to make her suffer. Fearing her wrath, however, Lillian doesn’t say anything, instead wishing to confront Celaena afterwards.

Upon confronting Celaena the next day, she is unwilling to say anything about anything. Lillian figures some things out on her own, e.g. that Celaena always planned to escape, killing the guards with the poison she could get from the plants and whatever else she could get her hands on. For some reason, Celaena changed course, seeing an opportunity to get some actual power and using Lillian as a pawn in a much larger scheme (Lillian probs already had her suspicions about this, though she did as Celaena asked, considering it in the long run seemed to be a mutually beneficial relationship). As Lillian is there, Dorian shows up with Chaol and another guard. Chaol is furious as he sees Celaena and Lillian together, but Dorian tells him to stand back and that he while seeing her there right now was a surprise, it was as good as time as any to reveal that he knew that Celaena was going to have his father murdered, and that 1. he looked the other way, therefore indirectly helping, or 2. the poison never worked and Dorian did it himself (depending on whichever would make Dorian not completely unlikable, it’s meant to have been a moral dilemma for him).

More things happen, Dorian is crowned and gets engaged, Nehemia stays as a representative for her country and an ally of Celaena, yada yada yada. There’s drama here towards the end, especially between Dorian soon-to-be-king and Celaena I-got-you-to-where-you-are-now-you-owe-me. Again, this would be a bit more nuanced than if I wasn't just roughly outlining the concept.

Finally, Dorian declares that the competitors are pardoned. Lillian prepares to go back to her family as Celaena calls on her again. They don’t meet in Celaena’s chambers, but somewhere else, where a certain white-haired merchant is waiting alongside Celaena. He reveals his true name to be Rowan and that he was working with Celaena all along (he didn’t actually give a shit about that ring). Through some Quality Banter™ and intriguing and mysterious wording, Celaena reveals that Lillian is, in fact, the lost princess Aelin Galathynius and that if she wants to live, she has to go with Rowan right away. Lillian, for some reason, answers yes almost immediately, wondering to herself whether she said yes for survival’s sake or something else. (Dun dun dun do I sense a sequel in the distance?)

And that’s it. I hope you enjoyed my word-vomit of an outline folks.

[mst3kproject]

504: Secret Agent Super Dragon

Let’s move on to another oft-overlooked subset of MST3K – the Budget Bond films.  These are always very bad, but often a lot of fun if you’re in the right kind of mood.

Brian Cooper is Super Dragon, pulled out of retirement to find out who’s distributing poisoned chewing gum to co-eds!  Boy, if that doesn’t sound like the setup for a thrilling spy caper, nothing does!  The plot seems to revolve around a Dutch student named Christine Bruder, so Cooper goes to Amsterdam looking for her.  There, in between fucking his female colleagues and flirting with every woman he sees, he learns that Bruder was part of a plot to smuggle deadly drugs into the United States, hidden in fake Ming vases.  An evil conspiracy is planning to dope the free world on a chemical that will cause us to violently attack one another, and then… uh, I don’t know what happens after that, but it’s probably safe to assume it’ll end in the bad guys ruling the world.  That’s always the goal.

What’s with that spy movie cliché about the glamorous secret agent who sleeps with every woman he meets?  Friends, enemies, co-workers, random waitresses… our suave hero loses no chance to insert Tab A into Slot B.  He can’t walk down the street without having women throw themselves at him.  This trope has been parodied to hell and back in everything from Austin Powers to The Million Eyes of Sumuru and it’s actually sort of weird to see it played straight, as it is here.  As a PSA to my readers: never sleep with a glamorous secret agent.  He probably has like nine venereal diseases.

The weirdest thing in the movie is a facet of this trope: it’s the bit where Cooper and Agent Farrell are busily smooching when a man breaks into her apartment and tries to kill them.  They fight him off, and he commits suicide so they can’t question him.  Cooper then throws his body out the window, turns the soundtrack back on, and the couple just pick up where they left off!  Maybe it’s because I’m not a glamorous secret agent but I gotta agree with Tom Servo on this one: I don’t think I could have sex in the same room where I just watched a guy kill himself. It wouldn’t be right, you know?

I will say that this indifference towards death bothers me less here than it did in Master Ninja I, but the characters in Secret Agent Super Dragon have presumably have years of both physical training to kill and psychological coaching to deal with the consequences. Even so, just getting right back to the makeout session before the body’s even had a chance to cool seems unnecessarily callous.

The other trope I notice a lot of in Secret Agent Super Dragon is the death trap. Our hero’s life is threatened repeatedly but always in some contrived way that allows him a chance to escape. The first time he’s tied to a rail so some machine can come along and roll over his head.  He gets out in the nick of time and it crushes a can of red paint instead.  The second time he’s nailed into a coffin and thrown into the river.  He holds his breath and inflates a flotation device. The third time, he’s trapped in a building rigged to explode.  His buddy flies in with a helicopter.  Why doesn’t anybody just shoot this guy? Villains that stupid don’t deserve to take over the world!

Yet another thing that stands out as remarkably dumb is the cause the charity auction is supposed to support – ‘an International Hospital for Babies with Malnutrition’.  Okay, so, imagine you’re somebody whose child is starving, which probably means you’re dirt poor.  Instead of sending food to you, these people expect you to bring the baby to a hospital, which may be in another country, so that they can feed the kid there. Is the complete impracticality of this supposed to be our clue that it’s a scam?  The script never references that, though.  Did somebody just pick a bunch of charitable-sounding words?  Was it a bad translation of something that actually made sense in the original language?  Are the writers just that stupid?  We’ll probably never know.

Beyond that… it’s honestly really hard to say anything deeper about Secret Agent Super Dragon, because this is another movie that’s not very ambitious. It has some vague themes about drugs as the downfall of western civilization, but its characters don’t have appreciable arcs and there’s not much by way of symbolism for me to analyze. All it wants is to keep us mindlessly entertained for an hour and a half – and there’s nothing wrong with that, honestly, but Super Dragon isn’t even any good at it.  Trying to watch without Joel and the bots I found myself drifting repeatedly.  There’s the charming super-spy, the parade of blandly beautiful women, the evil mastermind with a vague plan to take over the world, the easily-escaped death traps… we’ve done this all before, and Super Dragon doesn’t even use the stereotypes in skillful or interesting ways.

The thing about spy movie tropes is they’re so easy to parody, and have been parodied so many times, that even somebody who doesn’t actually watch spy movies can spot them because we all absorb them through pop-culture osmosis.  Playing them straight therefore runs a very serious risk of boring the audience.  Of course Agent Farrell is working for the bad guys, because in a story like this, a character like her does – and of course she falls in love with Cooper and betrays her bosses for him.  None of this stuff is even really foreshadowed (except that Farrell dyes her hair – can’t trust those unnatural redheads!) but we still know it’s coming because we’ve seen the same shit in fifty other movies. The bad guy wants to cleanse the world so it can be made anew?  Been there. The movie wallows in misogyny but in all the same old ways, so I’ve got nothing new to say about it.

Throughout the film people talk about the ‘legendary Super Dragon’ but I don’t think we ever get a reason why Cooper’s so great.  Bond films begin with a breathtaking action setpiece to show us that our hero has nifty gadgets and balls of steel – Secret Agent Super Dragon begins with Cooper playing dead by the pool.  His most remarkable ability seems to be holding his breath for a really long time, and his gadgeteer, the kleptomaniacal Babyface, makes most of his gadgets out of literal toys.  I think this might be a joke about the obvious miniatures some of these movies use… but I’m not sure.  All I’m sure of is when that dinosaur waddled into the room I was halfway expecting it to demand the return of the Golden Ninja Warrior.

About the only place where the movie seems to accidentally brush by a real statement is in a moment that resembles a historical reference.  Cooper has infiltrated a conspiracy meeting (by wearing a half-mask that leaves his rather distinctive chin fully visible) at which the Big Bad, Mr. Lamas, is delivering an expository monologue: their factory in India is in full production of the drug, which will be shipped to America in phony Ming vases and bring the world to its knees!  If you’re going to talk about drugs making and breaking empires, China and India are where it happened.

In the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries, the East India Company fostered opium addiction in China because they wanted cheap tea and because the British government had vague plans, which never came anywhere close to fruition, to add China to their empire.  The opium to feed this addiction was grown in India, often by farmers who would rather have been growing actual food but owed too much money to the EIC. This all led to the Opium Wars and a lot of other unpleasantness in which the British Empire came out looking even more like assholes than they usually did.  In a story about conquering the world through drug addiction, then, having the drugs created in India and slipped into something Chinese looks like a reference to history repeating itself.

It may also mean something else.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is relentlessly white, set mostly in a city in northwestern Europe, where conspiracies of middle-aged white guys drink booze and decide the fate of nations.  The actual work that makes this possible, however, is being done by people of colour in the east.  Not only does this seem to reference how western nations use other countries as battlegrounds and bargaining chips in their own power struggles, it can also serve as a reminder of something we frequently forget: a lot of what makes our comfortable lives possible comes from other countries, made by people who could never afford to buy it.  My eyeglasses, the sweater I’m wearing, and the chair I’m sitting on were all made in China.  Our entire economy depends on cheap foreign labor, and I wonder sometimes how much longer that can last before the whole thing falls apart.

Is any of this the movie’s intentional theme or message?  I doubt it. The historical reference seems to be just a ‘hey, look how clever we are!’ moment and the rest probably goes no deeper than ‘oh, no, our children are doing drugs!’, which has been on the verge of ending civilization since at least the thirties.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is just a dumb trashy Eurospy movie, and not even a very good one.  I don’t hate it, but mostly because it’s not worth that kind of effort.  The MST3K treatment renders it infinitely more enjoyable, especially when Tom and Crow do Jazz.

Agent Cooper was played by actor Ray Danton, who died in 1992, a year before the episode aired.  Probably all for the best.  I doubt he’d have been into all those jokes about how his character is perfectly smooth.

[davidmann95]

What are your thoughts on Infinity War and do you think the portrayal of Thanos is gonna make it harder for DC to do Darkseid in a future move due to comparisons?

Extended disconnected musings below the cut because world-shaking spoilers fucking obviously, but for the section of my audience that hasn’t seen it yet but is fine with simply seeing my immediate reaction and placement of it: it’s so very good, y’all. Hype as modern blockbuster filmmaking gets. Not a top-5 MCU flick (which is a credit to the MCU, not in any way a ding against this), but if you only count the Avengers movies that actually have “Avengers” in the title, this is definitely the best of that lot.

* I had been, while not concerned per say, very curious how the Captain America team would handle this - the writers might have been there from the beginning and done some pretty bombastic pulpy action in the first Cap movie, but the Russo Brothers had been entirely on the grounded side of the franchise, even doing the relatively grounded Avengers movie in Civil War - given this would be the most cosmic and superheroey of the bunch, and they acquitted themselves magnificently in every way imaginable. It’s big, it’s funny, it’s ballsy, it’s engaging, it’s fun, it’s weighty as hell, it’s emotional, it’s the gold standard of this sort of thing. I have no idea what they’ll do if they ever stop doing Avengers movies, because at this point the sky is the absolute limit for them.

* I know people have already inevitably been complaining about this being dependent on previous movies for continuity and character, to which I say

1. Fuck you, this is the sequel to a once-in-a-generation filmmaking blockbuster that completely changed the game, of course you’re going to know who the goddamn Avengers are, most especially if you’re going to see this movie. Don’t act like you’re that cool. You’re not that fuckin’ cool.

2. This may not have been a movie of character development, but it’s by no means a movie short on character. It’s very much in the vein of Grant Morrison’s JLA, in that it banks on familiarity and iconography not to change our understanding of these characters, but to do the most conspicuously *them* moments possible. Captain America might be a minor presence, but he’s Captain America as heck in this, and so forth.

3. This only banks on you having seen the first Avengers. Banner is our entrypoint character because he himself doesn’t know what’s going on so the Avengers breakup can be recapped in broad terms, the initial conflict you don’t really have to know about Ragnarok to understand (they could’ve been fleeing Thanos destroying Asgard for all a casual viewer would know), Spider-Man’s role is obvious even aside from him being a cultural icon, Panther is Cap’s secret ally the rest of the team barely knows about so and Wakanda are broadly understood, and the Guardians and Strange are reintroduced. Strange you immediately know all you need: Wong defers to him so he’s clearly a big deal, but he’s also still telling him things about magic - even if jokingly - so clearly Strange is not the most seasoned veteran and hasn’t been in this hidden mystic world forever. The Guardians are space bozos, and based on Star-Lord’s manchild nature and 80s nostalgia and lack of familiarity with the Avengers you can guess he hasn’t been to Earth in a long time even if he clearly hails from there.

* Thanos was…good? Though I would have yelled “BULLSHIT!” at my monitor when I saw Starlin declared Thanos in an interview to be exactly as he had always envisioned him had I seen this at the time, because this is very much from the Slade-in-Teen-Titans “scrap everything, and it’ll wind up better because there’s nowhere to go but up” school of villainous improvement. But seriously, while surely people will write eye-rolling thinkpieces on his nature and goals, he’s a proper vile bastard of the sort we haven’t quite gotten in these movies before that more than justifies his place after 6 years of buildup, with humanity to spare keeping him from being a caricature; it should avoid Darkseid comparisons quite deftly (and vice-versa), even if none of what made this work can translate back into the comics. And as much as the sidekick baddies might have been traditional uncanny-valley CG, this guy might be the most amazing effect I’ve ever seen in a blockbuster: I totally bought this was a real flesh-and-blood living being existing in recognizable 3-dimensional space whenever they zoomed in on his expressions. And more importantly, they acknowledged he has a nutsack for a chin.

* Speaking of effects, that’s how you do a fuckin’ magic fight!

* And speaking of villains: SKULL. What a payoff, and I sure hope he stays and fills the role Mephisto did in the original Infinity Gauntlet as Thanos’s right hand man, because I want to see him face down with Steve as Captain America one more time. In a very different movie/s, I could have seen him seizing the Gauntlet and promising Thanos he too will wipe out half the universe, but much less indiscriminately, with the great tyrant dying with the ultimate monstrosity his endeavor has brought about evident to him at last. And then you’d have the ultimate Nazi as the final boss, since not only are he and Cap enemies, but he battled Iron Man’s dad, was well-versed in Asgardian mythology and stole one of Odin’s treasures, and is like Hulk a failed Super Soldier. What we got should be pretty good too though. Fingers crossed he at least sticks around to menace Bucky and Sam once one of them takes over as Cap.

* Outside the villain, boy, who would have expected Thor would basically be the closest thing to a main character of this movie? I guess Marvel rightly expected Ragnarok would be fire, and knowing that he’ll now be the major remaining original Avenger, are trying to build him up in double-quick time. And with only half of Asgard gone, they can keep the setup Waititi provided after this (even if I wish they hadn’t brought back his eye. I’m not worried for him personally though; his godly constitution should be more than capable of resisting mere alien raccoon ass germs). And given Ultron was the Iron Man-centric flick and Civil War was literally a Captain America movie, it feels fair they gave this to the third member of the core trio. By contrast, I’m not sure whether Black Panther was too late for them to account properly for him, or they did know, and that’s why the final action was set in Wakanda even though it’s relatively irrelevant.

* The characters getting to bounce off each other was much of the heart of this, and while Downey vs. Cumberbatch was totally reasonable - I wish Strange and Spidey had more time together as promised as fellow Ditko creations, but doing Sherlock vs. Holmes makes sense, with “Do you concur, Doctor?” almost feeling deliberately evocative - I never would have expected Thor and Star-Lord to be the standout comedic pairing. And yet, as Drax put it, it entirely makes sense: “He is not a dude. You are a dude. He is a man.”

* What most leapt out at me as signalling this is the post-Trump movie relative to Civil War’s summer 2016 blockbuster? There, the question of whether or not the government can be trusted is the inciting incident that drives everything. Here, that the government is actively working against the right thing is so plain that Rhodes - who had previously said his critical injuries were more than worth standing up for the Accords, so passionately did he believe in all they stood for - immediately, casually acknowledges that the entire thing is fucked and bails with no fanfare, and that’s the end of it.

* I’d expected this to be an all-out invasion flick and so had been disappointed no Defenders or whatnot would at least cameo, but as it really turned out I’m not surprised there wasn’t a place for Daredevil to stick his horns in. And despite assurances, no Hawkeye! I’m sure as many as 5 or 6 people were quite disappointed.

* Betting pool on who’s actually dead? Obviously everyone vanished will be okay, but the others? Gamorra looks pretty stiffed, but she seems a safe bet to return. Vision’s end felt gruesomely final, but they put so much effort into implying he might be able to survive without the stone, and now they have a seminal story to draw on for a potential solo movie of his. Loki, I think, is most likely to remain in the ground. A last-minute return and final prank against Thanos wouldn’t be out of place for him by any means, but his character has come full circle, and I think it’s more likely that if he returns it’ll be as Kid Loki.

* Speaking of the vanishing, I really appreciate the thought that clearly went into who was taken off the board. The castoffs either really had nothing to do with the Thanos conflict, even and indeed especially if they were big for maximum shock value (Black Panther, Spider-Man, White Wolf, Falcon, Mantis), or DID have something to do with Thanos but whose arcs in terms of physical confrontations with him reached their logical climaxes (Star-Lord vented regarding their shared relationship to Gamorra, Drax tried and failed as he was always going to because that one-sided hate he wanted fulfilled isn’t as much at the core of his character as Gamorra’s relationship with Thanos is). Or in Strange’s specific case, the enigmatic type with an ace up his sleeve who could logically leave a final mystery and hope for others to have to rely on. And as a whole, it means the final OG Avengers movie ISN’T going to be an even bigger crossover movie than this the way we thought. This, for the MCU’s 10th anniversary, was the big crossover movie. The last Avengers movie as we’ve known it up to that point is mostly just going to be the founders (plus Captain Marvel, a mandatory Wakandan representative or two, and Rhody since he’s the other hero who was introduced in Phase One) getting one last hurrah. And it makes sense to go with that smaller cast, because they’ll want space to really zero in on Steve and Tony before they go, and since going at Thanos head-on is no longer an option, there’s not really going to be an opportunity for the same kind of massive super-war we got in here anyway, because then he’d simply de-create them.

* Steve and Tony are going to die, and going into pure fanfic, I think I know how it’ll happen. Steve will get the Gauntlet, and it’ll kill him to use it, but in an homage to the climax of Kree-Skrull War, he’ll use his last breath to not only revive everyone, but bring together an army of superheroes to defeat a depowered Thanos once and for all (Gamora or maybe Nebula almost certainly striking the final blow), raising his returned shield high, exchanging a last look with Bucky, and finally crying out “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!” And Tony? Tony is going to knowingly walk to death in a doomed fight against Thanos as a distraction to give Steve that chance, becoming the guy who lays down on the wire and lets someone else crawl over him. It not only reaffirms his partnership with Steve and the idea behind the original Avengers just as both die, but brings his character arc totally full circle: he faces down the embodiment of his nightmares, and after having lived as the ultimate egotist, he dies as the man who sacrifices himself so someone else can secure the win. And Thanos was I believe introduced in an Iron Man comic, so that aspect’s pretty appropriate too.

* Jackson finally almost got to say motherfucker in one of these! And that’s the second Marvel movie with a character nearly saying fuck. Take the leap Disney, I believe in you. And much as that last shot in the stinger was neat, and much as this alternative would have been literally impossible, how much cooler would it have been if that screen had shown a “4″?

* My #4 title prediction? Avengers: The End. There was a big Thanos story by Starlin titled Marvel: The End where he destroys everything but ultimately turns it back, and that’d be both ominous enough to fit the warning that we should be scared of this title, and spiritually truthful. And since the Spider-Man movie right afterwards will according to Feige mark the start of the new MCU, they can title that Spider-Man: Brand New Day in accordance with said new beginning.

* Post-all this? It’ll be awhile yet before the Fantastic Four and X-Men come on stage, so ‘Phase 4′ will basically have to stall until they can bring in Doom to be the true final boss before the inevitable reboot a decade or so down the line. Spider-Man’s the new lead (hence the Iron Spider armor, which in Homecoming seemed deliberately to be overly gaudy as Tony’s vision of a Spidey remade in his image but now seems an indicating as his leading man status, the red/yellow/blue color scheme marking him as Peak Superhero) along with Panther, Captain Marvel, and likely Thor as the old standby. The Avengers likely disband for a bit due to losing the core and break up into different teams - your Ultimates, Champions, Young Avengers, etc. - before coming back together in New Avengers, managing to make the Avengers movie after the next one an event by making it about the reformation. Osborn leading the Cabal’s the big bad; he’s the leading man’s leading villain, he has the pedigree thanks to Dark Reign while still being able to put on a Goblin suit at the end, he lets them do the inevitable “all the bad guys get together to fight the Avengers” story, and while it might not work as well as it would have post-BvS pre-Justice League, using Sentry/the Void - a compromised, frightening, unsure, ‘realistic’ Superman figure - as his muscle and the true threat would be hella charged at the moment in a way I could see the MCU being cocky enough to go for, even if they never outright do Avengers V Squadron Supreme.

That’s what I got. As the god of thunder would say, farewell and good luck, morons.