knightofameris

[knightofameris]

Fandoms stopped being a fun escape from reality when people started spreading the belief that you should prioritize purity over pleasure and the art you create must be a reflection of your moral standards at all times.

[knightofameris]

Of All The Things, I Became A Priestess In Amphoreus - Chapter One

The Way To The Male Lead's Heart Is By Staying Away From It

In which you wake up to find yourself being a priestess in an otome game, and Phainon is the knight commander at the temple.

Phainon’s the true male lead; you’re not the female lead, but it sure feels like it.

Otome Isekai AU

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Chapter 1: The Way To The Male Lead's Heart Is By Staying Away From It | Next Chapter ->

Kephale.

One of the twelve gods that shaped the world of Amphoreus.

The god that you worshipped.

…Or learning to worship… 

The truth was that you were not from this place. 

Blinking away your thoughts, you tried to focus on the priest’s monologue during the morning ceremony. You were not a particularly religious person back in your home world, so this was new to you. 

Your roommate, Lydia, had saved you from being scolded for being late to your first morning ceremony by shaking you awake—bless her heart. But in addition to figuring out what the heck a morning ceremony was, you had to grasp the concept of being in an entirely different world. There were many tasks you had to quickly learn how to do and when to do them. You had gotten whiplash from the duties that were brought upon you. You had to do them efficiently while having an identity crisis. Needless to say, it took a while for you to get used to the responsibilities. 

The different language also threw you off, but you were relieved to find out that you could read and write it. Learning a new language was not in your plans, so you were grateful for your knowledge. Being brought into another world was not a part of your plans either, but that's besides the point… 

Armed with an understanding of the world’s language, you had isolated yourself and had spent most of your breaks in the library. The quiet and relaxing atmosphere aided you in your journey of learning about Amphoreus. 

This world put a great emphasis on the twelve gods that formed its eternal land. There were three gods of fate, three gods of foundation, three gods of creation, and three gods of calamity. Kephale was one of the gods of creation. Kephale gave life to the first humans of Amphoreus, becoming known as the Worldbearing God. You had learned that Chrysos Heirs existed, and they were chosen to uphold their God’s wills. 

And then shortly after coming to terms with your new life, you had found out you had healing capabilities. That was another thing to add to your pile of responsibilities. Upon discovering your ability, the archbishop had been delighted and had immediately put you to work. It was a rare occurrence to have someone blessed from Phagousa, the Ocean God—one of the foundation gods. Phagousa’s blessing was so rare that there were only two healers in this entire area: You and Zayne. 

Baths with the benediction of Phagousa could heal wounds, but in Aedes Elysiae, there were no such bodies of water. 

You could not blame the archbishop for your new job; healing was a coveted power. Zayne was more than thrilled with helping you in honing your newfound ability. He was happy that there was someone else who he could share his knowledge with. He was growing tired of talking to people with no understanding of how healing worked. It was not as simple as a wave of a hand, and wounds were cleared. 

Besides the temple’s residents, many people in the city came to the sanctuary to get treated by you and Zayne. It was not in the nature of Kephale to turn away the living, so you both put forth your best efforts in helping them. There were rumors that Phagousa’s blessing could heal wounds from souls, and there were people who came to seek out that kind of healing. Zayne hadn’t figured out how to heal mental wounds yet—neither had you. With a heavy and guilty conscience, those people had to be turned away. 

Honestly, you didn’t mind being useful in your new life. You could have denounced your religious status and moved on from being a priestess when you came here, but you didn’t know where else you would go. Plus, there was nowhere else that would help you harness the power that you just recently found out you had. 

You reasoned that it was fine that you were uprooted from your previous life…

…Who were you kidding?

It was not fine! 

Curse whoever has put you into this new world!

You barely had your previous life together. How do they expect you to figure out everything by yourself? Where do you even start? 

In the middle of your ponderings, you had accidentally locked eyes with the tall, white-haired man next to the talking priest. Noticing your gaze, he gave you a small, subtle smile with closed eyes. 

You did mind that, however. Crap! You quickly looked away from him and tried to focus on the priest’s words again. The last thing you wanted was him knowing you existed. 

You had been doing so well in not attracting his attention, and now you completely blew it. Let’s think about this rationally. Surely, one small eye contact would mean nothing. It was just a tiny interaction of barely any significance. 

Yes, it didn’t mean anything that he smiled at you when he met your eyes. 

Here was another dilemma: The truth was that you had found yourself in an otome game you had been playing before, and the man that you were trying to avoid was one of the love interests. It could be said that he was the true male lead from the events that played out in the game. 

Phainon was the head knight at the temple and the true male lead, and you didn’t want anything to do with him. You were not the main character, so getting attached to him would only lead to heartbreak in the near future. He was destined for someone else, and you didn’t want to get in the way of them. 

Why couldn’t you have been the main character?! 

Instead, you were transported into this world as an extra character! You remembered seeing a faceless female figure in one of the scenes in the game. The developers thought she was unimportant enough to not be given a face even with her rare gift of healing. She even healed the main character at Phainon’s insistence. 

Just how important and great the main heroine has to be for her to be insignificant?

Unfortunately, that trivial and lowly woman is now you, and thank Kephale you were given a face. You were lucky she had also shared the same name as you, so that was one less thing to worry about.

You had been playing Phainon’s route, but you didn’t get to finish because you woke up in the game before you could. Sighing wistfully, you thought about how it was such a waste that you had to avoid Phainon even though he was just your type. 

Oh, you were staring at him again… but he didn’t notice as he was focused on the priest’s sermon. Score! You were avoiding him, but it didn’t mean you couldn’t admire from afar. 

As the morning ceremony came to a close, you and everyone else bowed heads to pay respects to Kephale. Squeezing your eyes shut and hands clasping together, you prayed that you wouldn’t blow your cover and identity. You also needed to study more about the world you found yourself in. There were too many things to keep track of, and you needed to integrate yourself into Amphoreus as smoothly as possible. Not being able to finish the game you had been playing has greatly impacted your survivability, and you needed to fix that.

With your eyes closed and mind clouded with worries, you had missed one of Phainon’s blue eyes peeking open to steal a glance at you. 

Phainon didn’t know how to feel about you. 

It seemed like you wanted to speak with him, but at the same time, you didn’t. It must have been something important for you to keep sneaking looks his way, and your hesitance must be because he was somewhat unapproachable, especially due to his high status. 

Regardless, he had given you many opportunities to come forward to him, and all those times had been turned away. He didn’t know why you were shying away from him. All things considered, he would think that he was a good man with an understanding heart. Anything you had to say to him, he would have fully listened and do his best in guiding you to the perfect solution. 

Normally, the young head knight wouldn’t let something (or someone) like this bother him, but Phainon had realized that you were actively avoiding him. 

You, one of the priestesses in the Worldbearing God temple, went out of your way to steer clear of him—the Chrysos Heir of Kephale. 

In the cafeteria, Phainon had been sitting by his lonesome with all the other seats occupied surrounding him. He had spotted you looking around for an empty seat to eat your lunch, and looked at the spot beside him before waving at you. He knew you saw him because your wide eyes met his, but to his surprise, you averted them immediately. Instead of heading his way towards the spot he was offering, you had turned in the opposite direction, sat on the floor, and munched on your meal. 

…Phainon assumed you were not the friendly type. He knew you kept your circle close, with those people being your roommate, your fellow cleric, and the archbishop, but would it kill you to take a hand when offered to you sometimes? 

There was an important meeting with the archbishop, and these meetings were vital to the temple’s prosperity. As the knight commander and a Chrysos Heir, Phainon was required to attend them. Certain people in leadership roles were expected to be in the room as well; this included the two resident healers. 

Phainon had been the last to walk into the meeting room, only seeing one of the two clerics. Zayne had greeted him with a nod, and the archbishop had carried on with the conference like nothing was wrong. 

When everyone dispersed, Phainon had questioned the archbishop about you. The archbishop waved him off, saying that you weren’t feeling well, so it couldn’t be helped that you weren’t here. 

…But how is it that you felt unwell before every meeting?

During times when there were intense sparring activities, he had gotten a minor injury and had seeked you for mending in your shared clinic. Your empty desk was across from Zayne’s, and he thought that it was weird that you always seemed to be missing when he was hurt. Phainon thought that you were not doing your job, and he was ready to chide you about your absence; however, he had asked around the sanctum about you, and they all complimented your diligence and healing prowess, so he had concluded that you were there in the clinic. Just not when he was around. 

…He had chalked it up to coincidence. 

Zayne had no qualms with treating him every time, and he didn’t question why you were always gone with Phainon around. In return, Phainon didn’t question you either, but he was starting to get worried that he did something wrong. 

He was not used to such behavior as he was the human that was chosen to represent Kephale—not used to such behavior especially in the god’s own temple. Everyone went out of their way to welcome him even though he told them they didn’t have to do that. 

Everyone except you, and he wanted to know why. You had not been like this before. It was a recent development. Your weird behavior had begun when you had first awakened your power. Before you worked as a cleric, he had seen you around and minorly interacted with you. You used to keep your head down when around him, but at least you didn’t ignore him. 

There must be something you knew that he didn’t. He must have wronged you in some way. Why else would you be this meticulous in your avoidance? 

Operation: Avoid the Male Lead at All Costs had been very successful. You were glad the archbishop and Zayne didn’t hinder your operation. If they had caught on to your disappearing acts, they never brought it up to you. You wondered why they had been so lenient with you, and you were starting to suspect they trusted you too much. 

Lydia was a different case, altogether. She had noticed you never coming into contact with Phainon because she knew with your profession, you had to have some stories with him, but you never did. 

When the both of you were getting ready for bed, she would ask about him because she wanted to live through you. To her disappointment, you never had anything about him to tell her about. 

She had asked you why you haven’t been running into Phainon. You had told her that there weren’t many chances in seeing him. After all, he was Kephale’s Chrysos Heir. He had more important things to worry about than some insignificant healer being unable to see him. Zayne was a better cleric than you were, anyway. You had opened one of your eyes, glancing at her to gauge whether she was convinced by your words. 

Lydia couldn’t hide her unsatisfied expression, and you had snickered at her—unwilling to tell her anymore than that. 

You had asked her why she was interested in hearing about him, and she had replied that he had been her hero. Caught in the crossfire of the war with Castrum Kremnos, she and her family had been close to the hands of Thanatos, the Death God—one of the calamity gods. Phainon, who was a normal knight-in-training at the time, had pulled them out of their burning home and fought to bring them to safety. She had joined the temple because of him, and she wanted to know how he was doing. 

“Why not just chat with him like a normal human being?” you had teased her. “Give your gratitude in person like with cookies or something. He seems like the type of guy who wouldn’t turn down your thanks.” 

Lydia had blushed as if she couldn’t fathom what you had suggested. “He wouldn’t remember me. I look different than how I was before.” 

Her crush on the head knight was so obvious; you wished you could be that obvious. 

Sadly, Phainon was not meant to be with her or with you. 

In Aedes Elysiae, there was a saying: Everything flows and nothing abides. 

You could hide from one of the main characters of the game only for so long. 

No matter how hard your attempts were in staying away from Phainon, you knew your luck would eventually run out. 

You knew that, but why were you in the arms of the man you had been trying to avoid? 

One of Phainon’s arms was under your legs, and another was on your back—his pretty, unique eyes boring down into yours. With your arms around his neck, you blinked up at him—caught unawares by the position. 

This seemed like the type of situation where the fated meeting was happening between the main heroine and the main hero, wouldn’t it? 

So, why was it happening to you?!

[knightofameris]

𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐦 𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐭𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 [𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫]

a/n: *sighs* I should be studying but here we are. This is meant to be a little self-indulgent piece bc everything I hear about the current quest is nothing short of soul-crushing. unlike shaoji, I'm not lying when I say that this as a light-hearted story so please enjoy (；∀；) p.s. dividers by @bbyg4rlhelps

taglist: @naenaex0xx, @silvermah, @chokifandom, @digitalspool, @winteryreads. Anyone who wants to be added, just let me know :D

synopsis — you didn't think you were treated any differently by phainon. But as you were preparing to leave amphoreus, you were told that apparently the fancy souvenirs he gave you might indicate something else entirely. (TL;DR an AU where everything gets magically resolved and you go home) word count — 1.9k

“Hey, guys. I'm recording our… um, last hours here in Amphoreus before we board the Express again." Caelus adjusts the phone in his hand, brows scrunched up in concentration, before he continues, "we've said our goodbyes to everyone, but honestly, I don't think the waterworks were necessary. It's not like we'd never stop by again.”

He begins to walk.

“Dan Heng's getting our luggage ready for when the crew comes down here to pick us up. Here, this is our… stuff,” he angles the camera to capture a pile of bags stacked in an orderly fashion, “we went here with little baggage and came home with a lot. The citizens gave us more than we anticipated, but then again, I guess that shouldn't be all too surprising for us considering what we did. And honestly? I'm not complaining. I'm not one to turn down free stuff. But, um… just letting you in on this. One of us here… got more than the rest.”

The camera whips towards you, shifting the focus to your face adorned in a faint pink hue.

“So… [name], mind telling us what gifts you got from a certain Chrysos Heir?”

Your shoulders raise in alarm and a near imperceptible trace of embarrassment. “H-Hey… don't make a fuss. It's not like you and Dan Heng weren't given anything by him.”

A snicker is heard from behind the camera. “That's because we didn't. At least, nothing as significant as yours. I definitely don't remember receiving anything of personal value.”

You turn your body away as you rub your neck. 

“C'mon! Tell the Crew what you got! Yo, guys, one of us got special treatment!”

The camera goes dark, echoing rustles and some muffled voices. 

“Okay, okay… give us the tea, [name]. Tell us what you got.” The camera lens zones in on Caelus as he nudges your side. “What did the Phainon of Aedes Elysiae get you?”

Despite his question, he aims decisively at the camera at the long golden plate covered in breathable cloth used mainly for edible goods during transport.

“Um… Phainon got me fish from his hometown. A thoughtful souvenir, in my opinion.”

Caelus draws his face closer to the camera as if to whisper something to the viewers. “Souvenir, my ass. It's a courting gift.” He removes himself from view and opts to put all the focus on you. “[name], I know you're not telling us the full story. Come on! Stop being so secretive! Tell us more!”

You rolled your eyes. “You're so nosy. Are you sure this isn't just you being jealous?”

“Damn right I'm jealous. You got this much delicious food that could last you an entire week!”

“The other Chrysos Heirs gave you something too! Stop acting like you weren't given anything!”

“Stop deflecting!” The camera shows Caelus’ hand pointing at you in an accusatory manner. “Now, hurry up and spill! Tell us more about this gift.”

It's obvious to Caelus by the indignant frown on your face that you prefer to be anywhere else than here, bothered non-stop by his persistent probing. A beat passes in charged silence, and Caelus is ready to bolt if you decide to retaliate physically. Until finally, you give in with a huff. 

“Okay, okay… Phainon brought me to his hometown the other day and told me all about the place. He gave me a brief tour around the village, showed me where he lived and even where his parents work—”

“Oh~ introducing you to your future in-laws. How sly of him.”

“Don't interrupt me!” You shoot a weak glare at the smirking Nameless behind the camera. “A-And afterwards, he brought me to the lake where he talked about the fish there. Said it was the best in Amphoreus.”

“So, he caught a big one for you?”

“You should've seen him. He immediately jumped into the water before I could even say anything.” You burst into a fit of laughter, blissfully unaware of Caelus' intrigued look at the subtext of what his hasty actions implied. “When he got out, he brought the fish home and we waited for his clothes to dry on a hill. And then, when we got back, he told me I could walk around for a bit while he cooked the fish. And… yeah! That's about it.”

You're greeted by an awkward pause, and the camera is whipped around to capture Caelus’ comically bewildered expression. 

“Yo… [name], he's courting you.”

“What? Seriously? Caelus, don't joke around—”

“N-N-No, I'm being serious. I don't think he was just being a hospitable tour guide.”

A breeze flies between the two of you; the silence remains unbroken. The serious way he relays that information makes your stomach churn with something fluttery yet uncomfortable. 

“Oh…” You glanced down, fidgeting. 

“What else did he give you?” Caelus walks closer to the smaller heaps of items placed adjacent to the cooked fish.

“Just some antique stuff.” You kneel down and carefully lift another object swathed in fine fabric. Once the wrapping comes undone, Caelus switches to his front camera to record his slack jaw. 

“[name]...” He starts slowly, the teasing glint completely gone from his face. “This looks expensive.”

“Phainon didn't say where it's from specifically. Just that it's a treasured possession he managed to bargain from one of the stores in Marmoreal Market.”

“From Theodoros?”

The camera switches perspective and locks in on you. 

“[name]... I want you to hold my hand while I say this.” You take his outstretched hand in spite of your bemusement. “I've helped him detect fake treasures before, and he imparted quite a lot of things about the items he encountered in his years of doing treasure appraisal. This—" He emphasizes his point by carrying the dolium and nearly shoving it in your face. "—is an extremely rare artifact. A highly sought out piece of earthenware.”

You both stare at each other like a pair of birds whose gaze reflects absolutely zero thoughts behind them. 

“Oh my gosh… didn't Phainon mention that he doesn't get lucky often? His purchases turns out unlucky more often than not.” You slap a hand over your mouth as the gradual revelation pieces itself together. “You don't think he… gave me one of the rare good ones from his collection, do you?”

“I was about to call him a simp, but I think he deserves more than that title.” Caelus steals a glance at the camera, his voice dropped to a hushed murmur. “He's probably way past that point.”

“Do you think this garment is also of high quality?”

Your distraught comment prompts him to arch a brow. 

“He gave you clothes… on top of the fish and dolium?”

When you respond with a wordless nod, he has to smother the crackle of jealousy that burns inside him. Seeing you receive all these luxurious gifts makes him feel as though he is witnessing a friend win the lottery. 

By the time he's done stirring in envy, his jaw nearly crashes to the floor at the sight of the garment in your hands. 

“[name], what the hell!? That's one of the expensive ones in Aglaea’s catalogue.”

“What!?” You both pull a face in sync. 

“The ones for sale are limited in stock! And by that, I mean there's less than a hundred of them. How did he get this!?”

“Oh, man! Now I feel bad! But I can't return these! That'll hurt his feelings!”

You fold the piece of attire with utmost care and calculation, setting it back inside the finely crafted box tailored to match the garment and offer it protection without sacrificing an ounce of the aesthetic value.

"Don't tell me he gave you more!"

Caelus is all but having a meltdown right now. Sure, the two of you plus Dan Heng had been more than just heroes of Amphoreus. You all put your life on the line for a planet that you've set foot on for less than a quarter of your lifetime, and helped avert any and all forms of catastrophe from coming to fruition. He shouldn't be surprised if the gratitude of the people here in Amphoreus were conveyed through plentiful gifts and endless praise, but something tells him that the way Phainon is gifting you all these things conceal something more than just gratitude and a sense of camaraderie.

He would know, after all neither he nor Dan Heng received anything as excessive or as personal as you.

“He's bleeding himself dry for you!”

“Don't say that!” You lightly slap his shoulder. “M-Maybe… it was something that Aglaea gave him. I mean, they're pretty much family to each other, I'm assuming. Is it so surprising that the revered Deliverer got something expensive and intricately handcrafted by the Goldweaver herself?”

Caelus picks up on the nervousness that lies beneath your forced optimism. “You're not buying your own lie.”

“Please! I can't bear the thought of him draining his bank account for me!” You're so deep in your own distress that you fail to catch Caelus’ longing stare at the collection of high value souvenirs you got. 

“I wish someone would splurge this much on me…”

Before you can reprimand him for his words, you both sense a familiar presence approaching. In an almost comically synced fashion, you both swerve your heads to the sight of the aforementioned guy walking up with his signature charming smile. 

“Hey, you two! Is everything alright over there?”

“Phainon!” 

Caelus raises a questioning brow at Phainon’s smile seemingly widening as he draws closer to you instead. His camera is still recording everything, and he's nothing if not nosy and bothersome with no intentions of letting this opportunity slip by. 

He subtly aims the camera at you both, zooming in on Phainon's face enough to capture the minuscule twitches and crinkles every time you respond to him. 

“Do you two need help carrying these?” Phainon gestures at piled up luggage. 

“We should be fine. I don't want to trouble you anymore than we alrea—”

“Hey, what's with the reluctance?” He inclines his head towards you ever so slightly, mindful of the space between you while also indulging in his desire for a speck of proximity. “I'm more than happy to help.”

“I know I've probably said this a lot of times, but thank you.” You don't think it's physically possible, but Phainon's face grows radiant. “Truly. For the gifts. Especially the gifts. You've been an amazing host and companion to us."

“I'm glad it's to your liking. I want to make sure that you leave Amphoreus with nothing but the absolute best piece of it.” He flashes you his trademark grin, the one he shares with children and elders, the one he sports when he greets the vendors in Marmoreal Market. Maybe it's a trick of the light, but even his regular smile feels more blinding than usual. 

It almost takes your mind off the fact that this man is burning through his own life savings just to buy you parting gifts. 

Somewhere not too far away, Caelus stands unmoving, positioning his camera at you and Phainon like a paparazzi whose rent is due. 

“Look at them, guys.” He makes gagging noises. “Can you believe they're that dense? Aeons, you can just see his tail wagging non-stop. How does one resemble an excited puppy so much?”

From within the screen of his phone, your silhouette huddles close to Phainon's. One would argue that it's actually the opposite. But seeing him outstretch his hand towards like you like a freezing man would towards a fire, seeking comfort yet afraid of touching; and the way he seizes your hand with nimble force whenever you so much as touch one of your carry-on as if to prevent you from doing a task he deems is reserved solely for him, Caelus has a not-so-arbitrary inkling that Phainon would probably spend even more on you if he could. 

He decides to end the recording when he sees something sticking out of the warrior's pocket. 

He ends up keeping the camera rolling, zooming, zeroing in on the object when the man himself extricates it from his pants and presents it to you. 

The image in his screen sharpens from its previously blurry state. 

A bracelet—brown strings, white beads with a few blue ones. Something glints at the center. By the time Caelus recognizes the sun shape, he's jamming his thumb at the ‘stop’ button with a frustrated yell. 

“Oh, c'mon! Yeah, right! ‘Not courting’, my ass!”

[knightofameris]

all yours (mine) in every cycle — phainon (█████)

✎ gender. afab, she/her ✎ contains. explicit smut, VERSION 3.4 SPOILERS, double penetration in one hole, double penetration in two holes, Yandere Phainon (kinda), Mildly dubious consent, loss of virginity, multiple orgasms, yearning phainon, plot what plot, Netorare (by technicality), cum eating, squirting ✎ wc. 10k 

✎ summary. Phainon wanted you, needed you. If he didn't have you, he felt like he was suffocating. You were all that he had left of home. He would protect you until his dying breath before he let death touch you. Even then, he'd come back from the grave to keep you safe.

You are all his, and he is all yours.

Each cycle, each iteration, he would always take you in the way that you deserved. Except this time, this cycle, it was different. He was there.

No longer was Phainon your first.

✎ ameris’ notes.  special thanks to fae, ten, and tae for the help on beta reading and support!

I debated for a while to post here again, wondering if i should stick to ao3. but here i am!

[AO3 Link]

“Fuck,” Phainon (?) murmurs your name under his breath. You’re not sure what overcame him. He was supposed to be on a mission to rescue more survivors and bring them back to Okhema. He might have mentioned getting back sooner, but you didn’t expect him to suddenly appear in your room as you were getting ready for bed. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” he nudged his nose under your ear, talking in a low voice that sent a warmth between your legs. It didn’t help that his knee was against your core, tempting you with something more that you’ve been begging for. 

“What do you mean, Phainon?” You reached up to grab his face with both of your hands so you could bring his gaze back up to yours. Your brows furrowing as it hadn’t been too long since he left. “The expedition was supposed to be longer. Did something happen?” Your thumbs stroke his cheeks as he leans deeper into your touch.

His eyes flickered between both of yours. There was a certain sadness behind his eyes. You couldn’t tell if it was the trick of the lighting from the Dawn Device or if it was truly flickering between his calm blue or deep, unwavering golden eyes that you thought saw more lives than the one in front of him. 

“I just-” He buried his head between the crook of your neck before wrapping you in a tighter hug. You promptly wrapped your arms around his neck, waiting patiently for him as you played with the hairs on the back of his head. They were surprisingly soft and clean for just returning from an expedition. Although sometimes he’d go wash himself up before returning to you. “Khaslana.” 

“Huh?” 

“My name... It’s Khaslana.” Khaslana pulled away from your neck to look at you with a fiery need to hear his name leave your lips. After all, for each cycle, he’s never once told you his name. He’d only ever hear of his other name leave your lips as you both made love each cycle before going to reclaim the last Coreflame among the sky. Just this once, he wanted to be selfish. Even if it meant your first time would be with him and not this cycle’s version of him.

“Khaslana,” you said, smiling at him, “it suits you.” 

Khaslana felt guilty feeling his cock hardening at how innocent you looked in this moment. After all, you believe him to be your Phainon of this iteration. But after all these endless cycles, he missed the feeling of you melting in his arms. The way that your pussy would suck him in, begging for him to fill you up with his cum. He missed the way that you would rake your nails down his back, desperate for more. 

Well, he is still Phainon, isn’t he? This iteration will soon become a part of him. So it wouldn’t be wrong to take your first time now. 

Besides, your Phainon wouldn’t be back from the expedition for another few days, if he remembered correctly from previous cycles. He’ll help keep your bed warm. Khaslana was meant to be yours, and you were meant to be his. And even if you weren’t, he’d make you his. 

You let out a sudden gasp when Khaslana placed his lips on yours with a hunger and a need to make you his, as if you already weren’t. He took advantage of the gasp, letting his tongue slip into your mouth. The slick of his tongue against yours made you weak in the knees. As if he already knew, he placed his hands on your hips, pushing his knee up into your warmth.

Khaslana swallowed the moans that you let out as he grinded into you, letting out a grunt when you pulled his hair to pull him away. Amongst the glimmer of light that was let in, the glint of the string of saliva caught your eye. 

“I need you,” Khaslana breathed out, his tongue darting out to catch the string back to him.  “Please.”

You felt a rush of heat flow up your neck and to your cheeks as you finally felt how hard he was against you. This was your first time with him. How would you even be able to take him? But his golden eyes were so desperate for you. And honestly? So were you. Every lonely night you’ve spent without Phainon was filled with your fingers between your legs, wishing it were his calloused fingers. 

“Okay,” you whispered with a smile, holding his face between your hands. “I’m all yours.”

He began to kiss your neck, biting and leaving marks that left you at his mercy, as if this wasn’t the first time he’d done this with you. Khaslana bit harshly against the part of your neck that met your shoulder. 

“Ah!” His tongue darted out against the mark that was left behind, asking for forgiveness. You lightly laughed at how sweet he was, like a puppy that accidentally hurt their owner. “Come on Khas, let's move to the bed.” 

His heart skipped a beat at the nickname you gave him. Happiness surged through him, as if he were waiting for you to truly enter into his heart. He just wished that in one of these cycles, the other version of him would let himself be open about his name for once. 

But he’ll take what he can get. Khaslana just felt guilty that he waited this long, this many cycles, to finally fuck you as him, as who he truly is. 

He wonders, would you still love him for all the sins he's committed? Would you deny him of you for the harm he’s placed on the other Chrysos Heirs, all in the belief of the hope that there will be one cycle where an outsider interferes? 

It doesn’t matter. 

You’ll forget all of this soon enough, he’ll have to savor this moment. 

Khaslana slides his hands down below your ass, spreading them slightly through your gown before he picks you up. You let out a scream of delight, not expecting him to be so bold when before he would blush at you kissing his ear, then his neck, his chest, his stomach, before he stopped you from going any lower. 

He chuckled against your neck, leaving small kisses while carrying you to the bed. A chill ran through his body as you continued to run your hands through his hair. It had been too long since he'd felt your touch. The fact that the last time he had you writhing beneath him was a whole cycle ago, he couldn’t bear it. Khaslana wanted you—needed you. 

This time, he’ll take you over and over again until his carnal desires are satisfied. Even then, he’s not sure the night would be enough. 

“Khas,” you murmured as he left a few marks on your neck to your collarbone. 

“Yes, my love?” Khaslana asked, looking up at you, your hair adorning your face. To him, you looked like a goddess sent from beyond the skies. 

“Put me down already,” you lightly laughed at him before giving him a small kiss on the corner of his lip. Although he moved his head, thinking you were trying to kiss him. 

“Such a tease.” He gently placed you down on the bed. His hand trailing up from your calf before pushing your leg to the side, spreading your legs before him, your gown riding up your sides. Khaslana raised a brow when he saw what was in front of him. 

“I-” you blushed, trying to cover your bare self with your gown before he grabbed your wrists to place them over your head with one hand. Your breath hitched in your throat at the sudden dominance he began to display for you.

“Don’t cover yourself, I want to see you,” he said, his hand lightly brushing against your soft, plush skin before reaching your bare lips. “But I wasn’t expecting you to sleep for the night without your panties.” 

You pursed your lips, nervous at the fact that the man in front of you was so mesmerized by you. A gasp left your mouth as Khaslana brushed against the outside of your pussy when you heard a groan leave his lips. 

“You’re already so wet for me,” he thought aloud. Your arms struggled against his hand.

“Please,” you whined. “Touch me? Need you.” 

Khaslana slid in one of his fingers, feeling your warm slick surround him. His cock throbbed in his pants, he wanted to fuck you senseless against the bed but he’d have to wait. The first time you’ve had sex, you were so nervous that it hurt. He wants to make you feel good this time so that every time you have sex, you will only be able to think about this moment right now. 

You sighed, even though it was just one finger, it felt so good, better than you could imagine. He reached all the parts of you that you couldn’t reach these past few nights. You already felt yourself becoming addicted to him. 

Khaslana’s thumb toyed with your clit as he put in another finger, reaching and continuously prodding at the one spot that kept making you struggle against his hold. The room was filled with your quiet whining, the slick of your cunt getting louder as he placed another finger in. You whined, shutting your eyes, toes curling as you felt that familiar buildup in your lower stomach. Never did you imagine that he would be the cause of the dirty sounds coming from your pussy so soon. 

He called out your name. “Look at me.” Khaslana released your wrists to grab you by your chin, forcing you to stare up at him, your eyes fluttering open. Khaslana groaned, feeling your pussy clench around his fingers. 

“What, do you like me treating you like this?” His grip on your chin tightened ever so slightly. With your free hands you grabbed the wrist that was toying with your pussy. He tsked, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he took pride in how your hips were grinding against his, your eyes blown out as you tried to chase the upcoming orgasm. 

Khaslana let go of your chin, grabbing the ends of your gown to reveal your breasts. He sucked in a breath as he stared at them, mesmerized. No longer was the shy Chrysos heir in front of him, instead one filled with the wanton need to cum on his fingers. 

He changed his pace, instead having the base of his palm grind against your clit as he continued to bring you closer and closer to the edge, his head bending down to wrap your nipple with his lips, lightly nibbling, making you arch your back as you got closer, closer, and closer—

You gasped his name out loud as his fingers left your warmth before you could reach the climax. His mouth left your breast with a light pop. 

“I was so close, Khas,” you whined. Khaslana laughed lightly before bringing his fingers up for you to see. Your slick covering his hands, causing some webbing between his fingers. You held your breath, watching him clean up your mess finger by finger with his mouth. You felt yourself clench around nothing, your cunt begging to be filled by something once more as you watched the erotic scene unfold in front of you, air thick with lust.

Never in a million years did you think that the man before you would be so bold. Not that you were complaining. 

He patted your thigh, “It’ll be alright, my love, you’ll be begging for me to stop soon enough.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as you watched him move away to strip his armor and his top accessories off. Sure, you’ve felt his toned muscles under all of his clothes, you’ve watched him on the training grounds, but never did you realize how much work he put into his body, even if he didn’t mean to make his body look like... that. 

Subconsciously, you pushed yourself up to reach for Khas before you quickly got your senses back, pulling your hand back to your side and looking away, embarrassed at how you were ogling him just a few moments ago. 

With a smile (which looked more like a smirk), Khaslana reached for your hand, leaning in and placing your hand on his chest. 

“Don’t worry,” he brought your hand to his mouth, kissing the tips of your fingers lightly, “whatever you want to do to me, I’m all yours.” 

“Khas...” You reached for his neck, pulling him down to crash his lips against yours. He groaned into you, his hands moving to push the gown up and over your head, briefly breaking away from you so that he could leave you bare underneath him. His hands roam your body with a sense of familiarity. You felt his fingers pinch and twist against your perky nipples, making you cry out, but he wouldn’t let up, savoring his lips against yours. 

Your legs moved to each side of his hips. Khaslana, being so in tune with your body from cycle after cycle, moved his hands down to your hips, bringing your warmth against his hardened member still underneath his pants to grind down into you. There was, without a doubt, a stain that was left behind on the front of his pants. But neither of you cared, too desperate to be part of each other.

You both pulled away from each other, panting. You’ve never seen your boyfriend this flushed, but you’re sure he could say the same for you. 

In Khaslana’s eyes, he missed seeing how desperate you’d be for him. No longer did the voice in his head exist, saying that this was wrong; that you’re not really his; that he’s betraying your trust by not telling you the truth. But even if it was wrong, it felt so right to have you underneath him like this. Stripped bare for him to admire, pussy dripping all because of him, for him, your neck filled with his marks. He frowned, however, when he realized there were no marks on your chest. 

He had to change that.

Bending down, he mouthed at the space between your breasts, suckling and kissing before making his way to one of your breasts. Khaslana tried to put as much of you into his mouth before suckling and biting. You cried out in pain and pleasure, your hands gripping his hair. You couldn’t tell if you were trying to push him off of you with the way you were grinding against him in desperation. 

He eventually moved to focus on your nipple, alternating between suckling and biting. His other hand was playing with your other breast before switching to give it the same amount of attention. 

“Please,” you begged, your hands letting go of his hair to fumble where his belt was against his pants, “need you. Been touching myself every night since you’ve been gone, to the thought of you.” 

Khaslana groaned deeply at the image; you all by your lonesome, touching yourself, crying for him as you waited every night for his return. He couldn’t explain how happy he was to let himself see you again. 

“You’ll have me. I promise,” he murmured against your chest before moving to help you unbuckle his pants. “Won’t have to touch yourself every night anymore.” He clumsily shoved off the rest of his clothing, desperate to feel you. You couldn’t help but laugh at his excitement before he sent you a light-hearted glare. But it wasn’t the glare that stopped you in your tracks, but the size of him. 

Khaslana wrapped his hand around his member, stroking it languidly, “You can take it, I know you can.” His free hand caresses your face. Your hands hesitantly reach out, and he chokes on his breath as he realizes that this time, in this iteration, you’re the one to initiate touching him. 

He lets go of himself, letting you wrap your smaller hands around him instead. He jerks at the touch of you before you end up leaning over to let out a small lick with your tongue against the tip. Khaslana shut his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be able to control himself if he kept watching how vulgar you looked. 

Although he’s not sure how much more control he has. Not with the way that you wrapped your lips around his tip, your tongue swirling around him before taking the rest of him into your mouth. Your hands gripped his thighs, squeezing him once, then twice, as if asking Khaslana to look at you. 

So he does. 

“Fuck.” His hands make their way to your hair, gripping it hard, slightly thrusting into your mouth. He couldn’t help it, not with the way your innocent eyes looked up at him, his dick in your mouth, how you ran your tongue against him, how you used your hands to stroke whatever you couldn’t fit in your mouth. If only you knew that he wasn’t who you thought he was. 

Khaslana thanked the heavens for the type of stories you would pick up from the market to read. Otherwise, he would have thought that this wasn’t your first time. 

You continue to move your head, hollowing your cheeks the best you can despite the ache in your jaw. But there was something about making him so flushed, his golden eyes darkening as you continued your movements, that just ignited a fire in your core. You needed him, craved him, wanted him. You needed him to come undone in your mouth, a warmth pooled in your core with that thought of him feeling hot and heavy and your mouth. 

That is, until Khaslana pulled you off of him, panting with regret from not being able to finish in your mouth. 

“I need to cum in you,” he murmured, his fingers swiping up and down your cunt, begging to be filled. 

“My mouth is still me, no?” You asked cheekily, looking up at him your tongue darted out to lick his underside before he pushed you fully down and into the bed, flipping you over on your front, ass up, with your arms restricted behind you. An incoherent noise left your mouth, no doubt that this was making your pussy drip with want.

“Brat,” he said against your back, laying kisses where he could reach. “Who taught you how to be a brat, hmm?” 

You cried underneath him, wiggling your ass towards him as if that was your response to the question. Khaslana could only groan at how wanton you looked. He wanted to tease you for longer, punish you. But he’ll have to save that for the next time Phainon leaves you for a few days.

Khaslana gave his member a stroke and then another before he lined it up with your entrance. As if teasing, he slightly pushed in, only to pull back out to swipe his tip along your folds. Even going as far as tapping his dick against your bud. You whined with need. 

“Please don’t tease me,” you called out, trying to push back against him as best as you could in this position. Although this was your first time with him, with anyone, you couldn’t help but act like a brat. It’s as if you’ve been with him for a millennium, as if your body was made for him like a perfect mold. 

“You drive me insane,” he replied, finally placing himself at your entrance, “let me know if it hurts, okay?” You nod your head in response. With that, he pushed in slowly. You let out a sigh, feeling how he filled you up, stretching you so well that you felt like he was about to split you in half. You wanted to sob at how good it felt for him to finally, finally, be inside you. He was right, you were able to take him, and you still wanted more, more. 

And more he gave, even when you thought that Khaslana bottomed out, he still had more to give you. You whined, crying out in pleasure against the mattress below you. If you knew sex felt this good, you would have made him fuck you sooner. 

“You’re doing so good for me,” he let go of your arms to move both of his hands to your hips, his thumbs stroking your skin back and forth. You moved your arms underneath you, pushing up ever so slightly against the mattress, your eyes flickering down to watch the sight of his last few inches entering you. Before you knew it, his hips met yours. Khaslana was so deep that you could swear you felt him in your stomach. 

He couldn’t believe that he was able to take your first time again. Khaslana almost felt guilty. 

Almost. 

He took away Phainon’s chance to watch you unfold for the first time. But Khaslana was greedy. You made him greedy. He pressed one of his hands against your stomach, trying to find where he was on the other side. A gasp of pleasure left your mouth, your arms giving out with how full he was making you feel. 

The two of you stayed still for a few moments, his hands moving to stroke your sides from your waist to your hip soothing you and giving you words of praise. Your cunt clenched every so often around him, trying to adjust to his size and Khaslana would squeeze your waist each time. 

“You can move,” your voice muffled against the mattress. 

Khaslana squeezed your hips, “What’s that?” 

You huff, moving your face to the side to glare at him the best you can, his face full of mischief and so instead of asking him again, you took the initiative to grind yourself on his dick, moving your ass back. But his hands held you in a death grip as you tried to move. 

“Don’t try to be cute, tell me what you want, my love.” He bent down to whisper, “I’ll give you whatever you want, but you have to ask loud and clear for me.” 

You whimper from the feel of his breath against your ear. Your pussy clenched around his cock and he couldn't help but groan before sitting his head against your back, trying to restrain himself. 

“Need you, please? Want your cum,” you cried out. His cock twitched at the sound of you begging for him to fill you. To reward you, he reached down to play with your clit, feeling your slick already seeping out of you. His other hand groped your breast, squeezing it and occasionally twisting or pulling lightly on your nipples. 

“Now was that so hard?” 

Khaslana pulled back, leaving only his tip in between your plush walls before thrusting deep into you. Your cry gets caught in your throat as you feel him rock his hips into yours, desperate to reach the deepest parts of you. 

“Feels good,” you cry out, “so big, I can’t-” 

“Yes, you can, you can take it.” Khaslana pinched your nipple, tugging on it, making you choke on your sounds of pleasure as your body began to get closer and closer to the edge once more. With his deep thrusts into your pussy, his other hand playing with your clit. 

The room filled with his heavy panting, your scandalous moans, the lewd noises that your pussy makes each time Khaslana thrusts into you, he couldn’t help but grow more turned on. He stared down at your pretty little asshole, thinking about the time that he stretched that hole wide. But it's not like he could stop, oh no, he wouldn’t stop even if he could. Your cunt just kept coaxing him to stay, wanting him to fill you up until you couldn’t take it anymore. 

And his dick, the girth of him stretching you out so deliciously, stimulating every part of you while still hitting that one part that had you gripping the sheets underneath you. 

“Khas, ‘m close,” you moaned out, moving your hips in time with his to get him even deeper. Khaslana’s hips stuttered with how irresistible you looked beneath him. Your ass bouncing against him, the small hole puckering as if begging to be filled alongside your pussy. An angel asking to be ruined by the devil. Your supple skin giving way to his fingers as he gripped your waist, his fingers swiping back and forth on your clit with a precision you never would have expected from him for this being your first time together. 

It wasn’t until your pussy clenched around him, pulsing, your mouth opening as a debauched moan filled the room. Your toes curling with the way he kept thrusting deep into that one spot you could never reach, with the way that his fingers toyed with your clit so meticulously, the knot finally untying itself in your stomach. Khaslana wasn’t too far behind in following suit, what with how your cute little cunt kept tightening around him, begging for him to fill you up deep. 

He wanted to fill you up—needed to fill you up. Khaslana no longer just wanted to take your first time. He needed to pump you so full of his cum so that when Phainon of this cycle comes back to fuck you for the first time, he would have to ask you who was already here and you would only be able to say him in confusion. 

Khaslana called out your name, the air filled with the scent of sex, the warmth of his seed filling you in so deeply and so fully that it threatened to spill out of you already. But it’s not like he was surprised how much cum he had. It had been too long since he last filled you; he still had so much more to give. He slowly pulled out of you, watching as his cum threatened to drip out before he swiped it up with his fingers to push it back in. You whined under him, trying to move away, but you couldn’t help but rock your hips back towards him. 

He flopped down next to you, wanting to bask in the afterglow with you. You turned onto your side to admire your lover, your hand reaching up to caress his face with his blue eyes staring deep into yours. But your hand hesitated to rest on his face, your eyes widening as you looked behind your supposed lover. Khaslana felt an all-too-familiar presence in the room. His eyes flickered to gold, and before you knew it, what looked like an angel fallen from the heavens appeared in front of you and the space beside you was empty. His form he took up was different and yet all too familiar.

The presence in question had his sword raised in front of him, pointing at Khaslana. You sat up, stunned. 

“Khaslana?” You called out, your eyes flickering back and forth between the man who just shared your first to another man whose blue ocean eyes were filled with betrayal and pain, but looked so much like Phainon, like your Phainon. The man in pain froze at the mention of his name—his real name.

Phainon was delighted to finish the expedition early with almost no bumps in the road. It meant he got to go back home to you and watch your eyes widen with surprise. Although there were times you would come on the expeditions with him, seeing as you too were a Chrysos Heir, just not one that was chosen to be a Titan in the next Era Nova. However, with Okhema having more and more attacks, you chose to stay back to help out if there was a need for it. 

There was a small pep in his step as he headed to the baths, Mydei making sly comments at him and how it seemed everything he did was for you. But he wanted to clean himself up for you. He felt a bit guilty for denying each of your pursuits for something more intimate in the bedroom each time. 

But there was a good reason for that! He swears. But coming to terms with it means that maybe he isn’t the hero that he dreamt of being since his time in Aedes Elysiae. Phainon so desperately wanted to keep you to himself. And if he opened himself up to you like that, take your first and give you his, he feared that he would want to keep you all to himself, shelter you from the world. 

All he knew was loss, and he couldn’t lose you. Not now, not ever. 

So how else was Phainon supposed to react to seeing you in bed with someone else, with their cum dripping out of you. What is he supposed to do when he sees that someone else looks exactly like him? 

(Until he doesn’t and instead has golden eyes and lighter colored hair, but the man still is undeniably, although Phainon will try to deny it, him or some version thereof.)

Khaslana raised his weapon defensively in response to Phainon. 

“Did you-” Phainon’s voice cracked “-why did you—” 

“It’s not her fault.” Khaslana interrupted, his eyes flicking back towards you, your face filled with confusion. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—let you be on the other end of the blade.

Khaslana should have known better. Not every cycle can or will go exactly as it had in the past. His presence being here, he being in your bed very well could have been the butterfly effect to lead this cycle’s variation of him back to you. 

You were their everything.

“If you don’t explain yourself quickly, consider this your final moment,” Phainon demanded, his sword piercing the skin against Khaslana’s neck, gold glimmering underneath.

Khaslana’s eyes flickered to yours, and an emotion that he could not describe was etched across your face. Confusion? Hurt? Betrayal? 

Or was that a hint of want and need hiding underneath your eyes? 

Phainon raised his sword in response, maneuvering Khaslana’s gaze to return to his. 

Words would be too difficult for him, for even you to understand. But if the explanation came from Phainon, then maybe... 

Khaslana took a step forward towards his other self. The blade against his neck pierced deeper, allowing for the golden blood to flow, proving himself as a Chrysos Heir. And so, despite the rage burning beneath Phainon’s eyes, the blade that he held with determination, he faltered. 

Sudden memories flashed through his mind. Memories that he has yet to make and memories that he’s already made. Memories that he knows were in the past, and yet he never experienced them himself until now. 

Then the memories of you flooded through. 

Your laugh, your smile, your love, your warmth, and your tears and suffering. 

In some cycles, after every demigod and Chrysos Heir fell from his hands, you were the last one to remain, the last to step up to see Era Nova succeed even if you weren’t part of the prophecy. Only for him to end the cycle there because he already succeeded in his mission. Never would he dream of a timeline where you were put to rest because of him. 

Phainon’s eyes glimmered with pain and regret. But he can’t even blame the master of all cycles in front of him. He lowered his sword, letting it dissipate, to look over at you. Your hand gripping the blankets to cover yourself the best that you could, trying to make sense of what was in front of you. 

Phainon walked over to you, settling down on the bed beside you, his hand rising up to meet your cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, stroking your cheek. You let him, revelling in the warmth he gave you.

“What’s going on Phai?” Your eyes flickered to the angelic man in the room who wouldn’t dare look at you right now then back to Phainon. 

“Do you trust me?” He asked. You nodded your head without any hesitation. If the man told you to jump, you would. Phainon, your Phainon began to explain everything. The endless recurrences, the Flame-Chase journey, how Era Nova could never be, Lygus’ true intentions... 

Khaslana stood there, listening. He stayed to ensure that Phainon didn’t do anything to you. Not that he would, he knew Phainon wouldn’t (he was him), but Khaslana needed an excuse to stay by your side, if only a little longer. 

Phainon watched you in silence. Your eyes flickering between the two of them, their presence ever so large, and then there was you, a Chrysos heir with no destiny. And here he was, Khaslana, who willingly took on the burden for the hope that the cycles would be broken. Then your Phainon, the man destined to be the Deliverer, and soon to take on the mantle of the many versions that came before him. You were nothing compared to the two of them.

Shame overwhelmed you, causing you to lower your head. Not only did you barely have a role to play in this story, but you felt a tinge of guilt; you couldn’t even give your first to him, even if they were the same person. And yet, there was still a heat that blossomed between your legs, knowing that the two of them stood in this room and wanted you just as bad as you wanted them.

As if sensing your dilemma, Phainon placed his finger underneath your chin to bring your gaze back up to his. The guilt you may be feeling is nothing comparable to the pain he’s put on you (and the others) in the countless cycles. He wouldn’t mind holding the pain for the two of you. 

“Don’t worry, my love,” he placed his forehead against yours, “you were and always will be my first.” And maybe you weren’t his, you were still, and always will be his. 

“That’s not-” you pulled away, your eyes meeting Khaslana for a beat, your legs subconsciously rubbing together as you tried to cover yourself up more “-I just...” 

Silence entered the room, Phainon pursing his lips. All he wanted was for you to be happy, for you to lean on him whenever you could, even if you didn’t want to. He wanted to fulfill all of your wishes, your deepest and darkest desires. He wanted to be your confidant as much as you were to him. 

You felt a dip on the bed behind you. Khaslana, still in his angelic form, rests behind you, his fingers dancing over your bare back, his breath against your neck, and his eyes met his counterpart in front of him. 

“You could still take her first, she has another hole after all.” 

A small, depraved whine left you that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else, but the two men in front of you watched your every breath during every moment he was with you. 

Khaslana’s hand went up to your neck, giving you a new piece of jewelry that you’ve been wanting for a while now. He nibbled against your earlobe, his other hand softly grabbing the blanket you’ve been using to cover up to reveal your bare body to the man in front of him. 

Phainon clenched his hands in his lap. His eyes lingered on your glistening pussy, the cum leaking out practically asking him to stuff it back in. With slightly shaking hands, Phainon placed his hands on the insides of your thighs, slowly pushing your legs up towards you. He glanced up, your face flushed with your hands resting above your breasts, your eyes filled with need, begging for him to touch you. 

If this were your desire, then he would fulfill it. 

He lowered his head close to your warmth, his tongue darting out with slight hesitation between your folds, groaning at the taste of his cum and your pussy mixed together. The hesitation dissipated, his hands gripping your thighs, pushing them harder to expose more of you. Phainon flattened his tongue against you, tasting your sweetness mixed with Khaslana’s with each stroke before he would settle his tongue against your sensitive bud to tease you then back down your slit, repeating those actions over and over just to hear your melody fill up the room. 

Khaslana moved his hands to your breasts, groping them as he had earlier, playing with your perky nipples, teasing them before pinching them hard, surprising you, making you need to hold onto something to ground yourself. He hummed, watching your brows furrow at the stimulation. The squelching sounds were music to his ears to the scene unfolding in front of him. 

Phainon’s eyes looked up at you when he felt your hands tug his hair. His dick hardened, if it could anymore, from the sight of you; lips parted, eyes shut, your hands on him, and your hips grinding against his mouth as if there was no tomorrow. He couldn’t believe that he got to see you so debauched, so desperate for him. 

God, he wanted you. Needed you. He craved for you every moment he was away. Phainon couldn’t believe that he would stop himself from giving in to your advances. He grinded into the bed for some friction, tongue as deep in your hole as possible, trying to reach all the parts of you as he could. He groaned against your cunt, the vibrations flooding through you. 

You threw your head back with a deep sigh at the feeling of falling apart on his lips, your juices spilling out onto Phainon’s face and the mattress below the three of you. Khaslana took this chance to cup your face, bringing your lips to his, devouring you as if this was his last. You parted your mouth, desperate to feel his tongue roll over yours. 

All of your senses felt overwhelming but you had to admit, you were filthy for wanting both of them. You couldn’t help but love the way they were both possessive over you, wanting to protect you, wanting to fill you. 

It was only fair to make them both take you. 

Khaslana was the first to pull away, his golden eyes couldn’t decide where to settle; your eyes or your swollen lips panting as you came down from the high. But he settled for your lips when your gaze moved towards Phainon. 

Phainon sat up, his tongue licking his lips to savor every last drop you gave him. His eyes filled with lust as he stared deep into your soul. As if he were searching for your deepest and darkest desires so that only he could fulfill them.  

“Phai,” you reached out to him, your grabby hands that you would always do when you wanted to kiss him. So he did, with a gentle caress on your neck, he kissed you. But upon hearing his nickname, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of want. 

He felt guilty, ashamed even, to want to be called by his given name. After all, it had taken him endless cycles to open up to you, if Khaslana is any show for that. So for now, he’ll be satisfied with this, with the nickname he’s been given by you all this time. 

Hands, Khaslana’s, roamed down your side, lifting you up ever so slightly to spread your cheeks. Although he had his time with you earlier, he still desperately craved your attention. His two fingers dipped into your heated core, covering himself with your slick before he moved them back, now prodding at your untouched hole. 

You squealed, breaking apart from Phainon’s kisses, “W-wait!” 

Khaslana paused. 

“I-” you blushed, staring down. Unable to let the words out of your mouth you turned yourself around, exposing your bare ass to Phainon. Your hands held onto Khaslana’s shoulders for support while looking back at Phainon with heavy-lidded eyes, coaxing him into taking your puckered hole.

Mesmerized, Phainon groped each one of your cheeks with his hands. Squeezing them, letting his hands run over your plush skin. God, how he wished he took you sooner. His eyes flickered up to you, Khaslana taking care of your need to have your lips on his, his hands kneading your breasts. He never thought that he’d ever be jealous of himself and yet here he was. 

Phainon slid his fingers into your cunt, listening to your muffled moans that made his pants feel ever so tighter. But right now, he wanted to focus on you. 

He took out his fingers, watching how much you dripped with need, with the mixture of yours and Khaslana’s fluids webbed his fingers. 

With one hand on your cheek, Phainon lightly circled the rim of your little asshole. Your hips cant backwards, desperate for more. And who was he to deny you of your wishes? He pushed his finger in, the mixed fluids on his fingers helping aid his mission to stretch you out. 

He gently moves his finger inside of you, allowing you to get used to the feeling before he adds in another. You toss your head back, reveling in the new and foreign feeling, yet not opposing it either. Khaslana begins his onslaught on your already marked neck, licking, biting, kissing every part of your skin that he could reach. 

Phainon shuddered at how tight your asshole was, you were already clenching around his fingers. He was desperate to feel you around his cock, clenching, sucking him in with every thrust. 

A third finger entered the fray, your melodic noises with a slight crescendo. Phainon prodded at your walls, stretching you further, thrusting his fingers every so often for you to get used to the intrusion. The sound of your slick lubricating your asshole with every thrust of his finger rang through the room. 

“Ph-phai! I-mmph!” Phainon stuck his other two fingers into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue, continuing his motions in your asshole, hitting that one spot that made you see stars from this hole. 

Your pussy clenched at his aggressive actions, the build up in your core growing faster, the knot wanting to become undone. It didn’t help how Khaslana in his angelic form (which seemed so debauched with the current scene before you if you thought about it [you didn’t]) suckled at your breast, his tongue flicking back and forth over your perky nub, only ever letting go to give your other one the same amount of attention. Then there was the feeling of Khaslana’s already hardened dick resting against your stomach. 

Phainon whispered your name into your ear, “You can take this, I know you can.” His words mirror the same sentiment as Khaslana’s from earlier. His perpetual motions, the empty feeling of your pussy but your asshole being filled and his continued words of praise pushed you over the edge. 

Your cunt clenched around nothing and Phainon groaned deep into your ear with the feeling of your rim squeezing his fingers, wishing it was his cock in you instead. 

“Never thought you’d be able to cum with just fingers in your cute little asshole,” Khaslana chuckled. Phainon agreed silently, but he had yet to gain the confidence to say something as lewd as that out loud. He felt that he was already delving into his dark desires with his rough handling of you earlier. (He almost forgot that although this was his first time with you it wasn’t his first time with you).

His fingers slipped out of you, allowing him to watch your gaping hole clench and unclench. 

With a sigh, Phainon moved off the bed, shedding off only the heavy armor, too desperate to feel you to take off anything else. He unbuckled his pants, pushing it down just enough to pull himself out. Your breath hitched, staring at how his cock was practically purple with how hard he was, precum drooling from his tip. Although him and Khaslana were the same size (duh), you couldn’t help but feel a bit weary with his cock deep in your asshole. You already felt like you were splitting apart earlier. 

Khaslana teased his dick at your entrance and squeezed your waist with his free hand, forcing your attention back to him and taking you out of your thoughts. 

“Come on now,” he murmured against your lips, “pay attention to me.” 

You whimpered at his demand, your hands finding hold in his longer and fluffier golden hair. The bed dipped behind you, Phainon’s hands on your hips, his dick poking at your other entrance. 

Your eyes widened, looking back, “Wa-wait! At the same time?” 

Both of them laughed, squeezing and stroking the parts of you that they held onto. Their eyes met with each other and although they hated having to share you, their need to watch you fall apart was greater. 

“Remember?” Khaslana spoke first. 

“You can take it, you can take both of us,” Phainon finished. Butterflies churned in your stomach, and you weren’t sure if it was excitement or fear. Maybe both. You could barely handle Khaslana fucking your cunt, but your little ass too, at the same time? 

You didn’t feel confident that you could satisfy both of them. 

“It’ll be okay,” Phainon kissed the back of your neck, his thumb rubbing circles on your hip. He felt like he was torturing himself, holding back until he knew your nerves were gone. 

There was a small beat before you nodded your head, you turned to look at Phainon and reached back to pull him down for a kiss. Your lips parted to let him in. Khaslana took this as the chance to pull you down onto his cock. He let out a visceral groan at how wet you were, how much you were dripping, and just how tight you were even after all of this preparation. 

Phainon broke the kiss first, much to his distaste, but he wanted to watch your bodies join together as one. This time, Khaslana roughly pulled you in for a kiss, his dick already deep inside you. Phainon was surprised at his patience, Khaslana was waiting for him to enter before he started moving. 

Phainon used his hand to guide himself into your hole, with the preparation and all the slick from before, he entered easily enough. 

“Ah, fuck,” he moaned out, your asshole swallowing him. He also felt Khaslana’s dick on the other side of your thin walls separating the two of you. Slowly, he pushed in, your warmth, all of you, surrounding him bit by bit. Phainon was mesmerized at the sight of his dick disappearing deep into you, shocked that all of those dreams became a reality. 

Your hand reached back to rest on his hip, your hand grasping at his pants, making him pause as he was worried he was going too fast. But when he stopped, you pulled your lips away from Khaslana’s. 

“N-No,” you breathed out, staring back at him with only lust in your eyes, “Don’t stop. More. Wan’ more.” You tugged on his pants, pulling him deeper into you.

You were going to be the death of him. 

“Just a little more.” Lie. He still had a little over half of his dick left to go. A little faster, he pushed in, feeling the tightness and feeling Khaslana’s cock twitch on the other side. Phainon knew that Khaslana was barely hanging on, wanting to fuck up into you. In a few more moments, his hips were pressed up against your ass. 

All three of you let out a sigh of relief; finally Phainon took your first, Khaslana could breathe as he was fearful he would cum then and there with all the friction, and you--you were filled so, so, so full to the brim. You didn’t know where you started and ended anymore. All you knew was that you needed to be defiled, used, fucked, and filled. 

No longer did you care about the Flame-Chase Journey, this was where you were supposed to be. Sandwiched by your boyfriend and his other variant, their cocks deep inside of you, stretching you out. 

You don’t think you could ever go back to fucking yourself with the toy that Aglaea got you. But you suppose you don’t need the toy anymore if you could keep both of them here. 

Phainon thrust into you first, testing the waters after letting you adjust to the two of them, your eyes rolled back into your head, already feeling overstimulated. Khaslana hissed at the feeling of you tightening and Phainon’s dick separated by the thin wall. He began to fuck into you as well. 

You moaned with each of their thrusts, tears gathering at the corner of your eyes, entirely overwhelmed by all the stimulation. Phainon wrapped his arms around your torso, keeping you close to him with Khaslana holding your hips, thrusting himself up into you. 

The squelch of your pussy and your ass joining with your melody as the harmonic accompaniment. This moment slowly searing itself into your mind, your mouth agape, one of your hands barely hanging onto Phainon’s arms with your other resting on Khaslana’s abdomen, his taut muscles underneath your fingertips. You were so full and you just desperately wanted to be filled with their cum. If you had any of your sanity left, you’d feel guilty for wanting more. 

“ ‘S too much,” you cried out, tears trailing down your cheeks. Phainon kissed your neck, his grip on your entire body tightening. 

“If it’s too much, why are your holes sucking us back in?” Phainon asked, voice hoarse. You couldn’t answer, no, not with the way Khaslana reached for your sensitive bud, rubbing it with his thumb to continue to stimulate you. 

You wanted to push them away; you felt like you were going to meet Thanatos’ Hand if they kept this up. Your eyes rolled back, gasping when Phainon bit down on your shoulder, groaning into you as he kept fucking deep into you at the same pace as Khaslana. 

Khaslana sang you praises, his dick kissing your cervix nice and deep. Describing you as a beautiful whore, begging and crying for their cocks. And... he wasn’t wrong. You loved this, you loved being spoiled by them, feeling them fucking into you at the same pace, only ever feeling slightly empty for moments not too long. 

You have to bite back a moan, the tight knot threatening to unravel once more as they continue to abuse your insides. The pressure in your abdomen built up, a familiar and yet foreign feeling appeared. 

“ ‘M close, Phai, Khas,” you cried out, your hips lightly rocking back and forth as you tried to help them fuck into you. “Feels good, ‘m so full.” 

“Come on, my love,” Phainon grunted, feeling his climax approaching. “You’re being such a good girl for us.” 

You were, you were such a good girl taking their cocks like it was nothing. Letting Khaslana play with your little bud. You’d be such a good girl that you’d let them do this every day if they wanted to. The thought of them doing this every day alongside both Phainon and Khaslana, filling you up. 

Khaslana moaned out your name, cumming deep into you, his thrusts growing more shallow. Feeling his warm seed filling you up once more with his thumb rolling over your clit pushed you over the edge and then some. The foreign feeling you felt earlier suddenly disappeared as clear liquid escaped you, spilling over Khaslana’s abdomen, making the man groan with desire over the debauched scene that unfolded in front of him. Your pussy spasming around his cock, milking him for every last drop. 

Phainon followed soon after, thick ropes of his seed filling your hole, deep groans escaped his mouth into your ear and your asshole clenched around his dick like it did to his fingers earlier. 

You whined at the feeling of both of their cum filling deep inside of you painting your walls, your high slowly fading away. But one different thing different to when Khaslana fucked you for the first time, their dicks weren’t softening. 

Khaslana grabbed onto your hips, his eyes locking with Phainons. 

“Think she can take one more?” He asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

Phainon’s eyes darkened, his grip on you loosening before pushing you down on top of Khaslana, your eyes widened. “Of course she can.” 

“Wa-wait!” You straightened your arms to try to get up and off of Khaslana

Khaslana grabbed hold of your hips, thrusting up into you, “You can keep going, you’re a good girl for us, right?” 

Your eyes rolled back, your entire body falling down on top of Khaslana, your arms no longer had the strength to hold you up. You felt so, so overstimulated but it felt so, so good with their cum filling you up, dripping out of you and their cocks in both of your holes. You’re so sure that they’ve ruined you. They created you to be their perfect mold so that no one else could ever make you cum in the way only they can. You’re almost scared that you wouldn’t be able to cum without the two of them. 

A whine escaped your mouth when Phainon pulled out of you, but the feeling of his cum dripping out of your ass made you squeal with delight. With furrowed brows, Phainon couldn’t help but wish his cum was in your pussy instead (though, don’t get him wrong, he loved watching your gaped asshole spill out his cum every so often). He wanted to fill you up. He wanted you to come to him the next day out of fear that it was his cum that was the reason your period was late. 

Phainon so desperately needed to breed you until it was certain that it was only going to be his cum dripping down your thighs. 

At this point, Khaslana slowed down, waiting for Phainon to join because, as much as he’d hate to admit, he wouldn’t be able to ruin you without him. His eyes widened with shock when he felt Phainon line himself up at the entrance of your pussy. But then again, he’d do the same thing. 

An incoherent noise left your mouth, but at this point, you didn’t care. Your hips rocked back and forth on Khaslana’s dick, wanting more friction. You cried for Phainon to hurry up and hurry up he did. 

You didn’t know if you should be thankful or if you should be ruined. Or both. 

This time, the stretch felt different but still so deliciously pleasurable. Phainon pushed his cock into your pussy with Khaslana’s already so deep inside. There was little to no resistance and the three of you weren’t even the slightest bit surprised. Not with how much of your slick spilled out mixed with Khaslana’s two loads of cum already inside. 

You don’t know how much you could take but you wanted to keep going, needed to keep going. And when Phainon finally filled you with Khaslana holding his breath, you’re the one who began rocking your hips back and forth. 

“Fuck.” You’re not sure who says your name this time, or maybe it’s both. Not when the tingling sensation began to build up in your abdomen once more. You wanted to chase the high again. You wanted to feel them pump you full of your cum to the point that you’d still feel their cum dripping out of your cunt, down your leg a few days from now. 

Although your asshole felt empty this time, your pussy was stretched out beyond belief, your cervix being bullied beyond relief. You almost wished there was a way for a third to fill up your asshole (maybe one of your toys?). 

Phainon and Khaslana begin fucking into you, their cocks hitting your deepest parts, the sound of flesh against flesh filling the room once more. The squelching noise was louder than before. Your moaning motivated the men to keep driving into you even as they continued to work up a sweat. 

“Doing so good for us, sweetheart,” Khaslana murmured into your ears. “You’re still so tight for us.” He felt your cunt clench at the soft nothings, Phainon’s groans following not a beat later. 

“Fuck, your pussy feels so good,” Phainon cried out. “Both of your holes feel so good.” 

“Jus’ for you,” you slurred out, wanting to please them but you barely had any energy to say anything else, too sensitive for anything more. 

“Should feel her mouth next time,” Khaslana smirked up at him, knowing that was the last hole he had yet to experience. 

“Only if you feel her asshole,” Phainon quipped back. If you were coherent still, you would have slapped the two of them for fighting over your holes, but you were so lost in the pleasure that you couldn’t comprehend anything else. 

This time, Phainon reached down between your and Khaslana’s body, finding your clit and rubbing it. You cried, your legs squeezing Khaslana’s hips, your hands clenched as you buried your face into Khaslana’s neck, his hands on your waist as if grounding you into this moment.

“Gon’ cum ‘gain,” you whined, the high approaching you again. Your cunt squeezed them tighter and tighter before your release finally broke free. Your entire body shook with relief. 

Phainon and Khaslana kept fucking into you, letting you ride out the high but it wasn’t until he came faster than he expected, his cock twitching in you with each spurt painting your walls white. Khaslana wasn’t too far behind, and though this was his third time cumming today, he still had more to spill into you (he could honestly keep going if you asked). 

Their cocks began to soften, your body relaxing from the high. You whined at the loss when Phainon pulled out, and Khaslana followed suit. The cum already dripping out of your pussy and Phainon watched before scooping it with his fingers before sliding it back into your pussy. 

“Let's get you cleaned up,” Phainon spoke softly, getting off the bed. Khaslana nudged you with his nose, breathing in your scent deeply. 

You let out a tired groan, flopping over and off Khaslana’s chest. “Tired.” 

Phainon laughed, scooping you up into his arms, about to move you towards your private bath, when you patted his arm to stop. 

Khaslana sat up, his wings sunken, not flying high like they had earlier when the two men had a stand-off. His face was crestfallen as he realized he would have to leave and leave the two of you be. 

“Khas,” you reached your hand out to the master of all cycles, “come join us while you have the chance.” 

Admittedly, Phainon was a bit jealous, but he couldn’t lie... He enjoyed the fact that, despite everything he told you and everything he had done (since Phainon would soon replace him for the next iteration), you still loved him. 

You still chose him. 

You still cared for him. 

Even in his darkest hour, when he hated himself for not saving his hometown, not saving Cyrene, you chose to love him. So he too chose to love himself if it meant keeping you in his life and if it meant being able to continuously put one foot forward in front of the other. 

“You’ll have to go back to collecting the Coreflames, and I’ll meet you on the battlefield then,” Phainon called out. “Come, join us. Relax for a bit. I’ll be taking up your mantle soon enough.” 

Khaslana gritted his hands. He knew what was going to happen, what had to be done. But if this could be his moment of solace, then just this once, he’ll enjoy himself. He got up from the bed. Phainon nodded at him before turning back to walk towards the baths. 

You wrapped your arms around Phainon to pull yourself just enough to look back at Khaslana before saying, “Your wings are pretty, I like them.” 

Khaslana smiled, knowing that this was his answer to his turmoil from earlier. That despite all the sins he’s committed, the worlds he’s burned just for the chance for the next to survive, you still chose him. 

do NOT stick anything into your pussy after it was in your asshole, thank you

this man singlehandedly brought me back from the dead! this is very shameless.

no feeding my works to gen ai training! thanks :^)

[knightofameris]

⌕ haikyū!! • sugawara.

like or reblog if you save/use.

[knightofameris]

It makes me so sad when my favorite fics I’ve reblogged has their writer deactivate and I can’t reread them—or when they’re deleted on Ao3. I respect the decision but it’s a bit bittersweet yk

[knightofameris]

ames :D it’s jules🧸!!!

woah!! i’m so glad i caught you in a (un)timely manner :D three months isn’t toooo bad of a wait, right? KWKDWK

you’re right, you never changed your URL—i don’t know what april 2023 me had going on but i am glad i’ve remembered the right one all this time! i don’t use tumblr that much anymore either but i do log on from time to time just to see what’s up!! i’m so glad you’re doing well, it makes me so happy to hear about what you’ve accomplished and what you’re excited about for the future. :)

i am so so so proud of you. i know you have talked about how your home life was never the best and to know that you have made your own life for yourself and are away from such an environment genuinely brings me so so so much joy!! AGHH ames, you deserve it. i hope you know you deserve to feel so accomplished of yourself + proud of yourself, and that i’m proud of you too! and hey, no one ever said you had to stick to one thing in life >:D so yeah if you end up switching career paths, go ahead and do it! i support you no matter what you do!

AHHHH!!! A BOYFRIEND!!!! he sounds so so so cute i hope you two are doing good now!! i love that you two can talk to each other about anything and be comfortable like that :3 and of course of course, a prerequisite for being a bf is to be able to play games and watch anime together >:3 i hope everything goes well for you two no matter what, and that you find happiness <3

i’m glad you’re doing better mentally, hun <3 burnout sucks ass and having no passions for anything definitely sucks the life out of you… but YAY! one piece!! i still…have yet….to get into it….my friends are into it + so is the guy i’m seeing right now KSMDSK should i get into it??? is this a sign?????

thank you for all the sweet words ;D my journey has definitely been a little bit … hm. crazy? than i would have wanted?

(TWs up ahead for unhealthy coping mechanisms, breakdowns, depression, anxiety, anger issues + toxic relationships. if you’re not okay with that it’s completely okay! i’ll put a TLDR at the end of where you don’t have to read too explicit stuff)

it has been an incredibly wild ride for me, even though it’s been only 9 months since i initially sent that ask. i graduated and started college late august and went through probably the absolute worst month and a half of my life; i got broken up with after a 2 year relationship, lost my entire high school friend group including my best friend, almost lost my childhood friend group, dealt with a LOT of mental health issues, and just overall was not having a very good time. to be clear, i was in the wrong in my relationship and i denied it so much of the time until it ended up kicking me in the damn ass. i dealt with a LOT of home issues/past trauma, which impacted my relationships with my pre-college friends + ex, and in the end, my breakup was the straw that broke the camel’s back. my pre-college friends dropped me with no warning and everyone from before turned their backs on me, basically. i spiraled into a depression and since i already struggled with anxiety + anger issues, it was rough, INCREDIBLY rough. it was like you were talking to a wall, almost? i would have breakdowns during the dorms and lashed out and was just coping in an incredibly unhealthy way, to the point where one night i ran off. i ended up having to have what’s called an emergency counseling session at my college with a counselor and the community director, and since then have been going to therapy.

TLDR; because of mental health issues, i lost a lot of people who meant the world to me right as college started (i.e. bf of 2 years and bestfriend). this, along with the adjusting to college life + past trauma, had me seeking therapy early october.

HOWEVER, i am doing so much better now! and i can say this confidently. i started therapy, rekindled my passions in poetry and art, focused on my academics and ended with a 4.0 for the sem, found friends who love and care for me and want to see me grow, enjoyed my first semester + got out of my comfort zone, and currently am romantically involved with someone who means so much to me! it’s been a roller coaster in getting to where i am today and i know i have so much more to work on but i’m so, so, so proud of myself. i also found myself a found family in one of my hs teachers. him and his wife figuratively took me in and care for me as if i am really their child, and i am so incredibly grateful to them for all that they’ve done to support me.

actually, the day i’m sending in this ask is the day before i move back into the dorms! i’ve been home for winter break. it’s been a lil rough again but i am excited to get back to the dorms (less excited for the actual classes…) and see everyone. i start classes monday!

so yeah, that’s about it for me!! i’m not really into haikyuu anymore or even genshin—i still think about the characters from time to time (iwaizumi hajime 27 personal athletic trainer yeahyahyeahyeahyeah) but it’s nothing too serious :P i played honkai star rail for awhile!! however once college started i haven’t really had any time to invest in those kinds to time-consuming games where you have to grind D: but i still do love all the character designs and am actually studying to hopefully be apart of the game design process one day!! so !!! WOOP WOOP !!!

OKAY THATS ACTUALLLYYY IT i swear !! hopefully we will be able to catch up again soon—it’s always nice knowing that the people you crossed paths with in life are doing well :3 thank you so much for everything once again! until next time, darling ames <3

- your lovely 🧸 :)

Okay well, uh, this is like 5 months later ASDJFLKADSJKLDASFALSKDJ I would be totally down to exchange discord if you're comfy! but up to you! I will be trying to check more <3

AWWWW thank you so much jules ;u; that's so sweet of you. Life is so strange as we get older... I know it's just going to get weirder and weirder. A lot like Haikyuu, even when reaching the end of a journey, not only do you feel a bit empty but also... relieved? Because you did it!! But also, the journey, even hard, was fun. I sure miss my friends because a lof of us have big adult jobs now so it's hard to call and text--you're always a bit exhausted at the end of the day. Watching Battle of the Garbage dump really hit me in the feels LMAOOOO. The match was fun for them but they didn't want it to end but in order for it to BE fun was because they knew it had to come to an end TT_TT

Heheh thanks!! I find that a lot of the characters I simp for all have bits and pieces of him so :3

Also, hey, that shit sounds real hard man. Thank you for sharing all of that with me, I hope that in the past 5 months it hasn't been to crazy and you've been enjoying your first year of college! I hope you've found a good therapist and I hope, no I know, you will find friends who will stick with you through thick and thin. And whoever your partner is is lucky to be with you. Honestly, I don't really, and haven't really, have a friend group anymore. Maybe it's because America has the lack of a third place, the lack of walkable cities except during university (if you lived on campus), and a bunch of other things. But we gotta work with what we got and sometimes just having different friends in different parts of your life is okay, you don't always need to bring them all together for that "friend group" because it's just not always like that. And I spend time with my boyfriend's kinda friend group (more like a discord server where anyone who joins will join and it's the same people who do) and yeah I know them and they know me but I also know they would not be good REAL friends. LMAO.

I'm glad you're doing so much better! Therapy is so good and helpful and also props to you for getting a 4.0... that shits hard. And I hope you're enjoying the time with the person you're romantically involved with! heheh. Also that's so sweet of your former HS teacher! Goals, honestly. (On that note, I have a contracted teaching job as a physics HS teacher now WAHOOOOO, I long term-subbed an English class for all of second semester and that shit was hard cus these kids had two teachers quit on them and multiple long term subs lmao so they were pretty disheartened until i stuck it out)

I hope you enjoyed your second semester in the dorms!!!

I get like random spurts of haikyuu obsession... and then it's off. I actually got back into genshin now! LMAO I started playing the main quest, and it just got me hooked. Since it's summer and I already have a job set out I've been relaxing tbh so I started playing again since I got bored... Trying to work out though cus I have no muscle and I should take care of my body LMAOOO

Also valid! I feel like I would try to play games and shit during school as a student but there was always so much to do. Now, I have so much free time heheh.

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOUR WORK WHEN YOU GO INTO GAME DESIGN OMGGGGG, imagine i play one of your games in the future...

Yes! I totally get it, I'm glad you're doing well, I hope you've been doing well as well ;u;

[knightofameris]

We lost the fucking plot when we started doing "pro vs anti" ship discourse i am SO serious when i say that its literally not that deep and treating it like it is will give you brain rot beyond your comprehension

[knightofameris]

my calendar says it's ur birthday so happy birthday ames!!! i hope u get to eat lots of your fav food today mwa mwa! 😚🫶

—chiqui

OMG!!! CHIQUI!!! I missed you so much… thank you lovely 🥺 mwa mwa!! 🥹I did eat my fav food today :3 I got sushi!!! Was super yummy I should’ve taken photos…

[knightofameris]

recently got back into writing... I'm writing a one piece fic for myself that i know middle school me would've loved to have read. I got to 5k words, which feels really good!

depending on how much i get through it, cus tbh I'm writing it alongside the one piece timeline. I might either just write certain parts that would be cool to see what "changes" i owuld make with the inclusion of this character/reader-insert.

rn it's just an OC but def able to change it into a reader-insert. it'd be more of a gen/platonic reader-insert with little hints of zoro/reader, sanji/reader, law/reader, and sabo/reader. moreso towards zoro and sanji, then law, then sabo (in that order).

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we'll see what happens if i ever get to posting it, id def have my og doc and then a rewrite to make it reader-insert.

[knightofameris]

hi ames !! long time no see!

was just thinking about you :] i don’t even know if you’re going to see this or respond to this, i scrounged around to find your blog cause i think you changed your url? if i’m not mistaken? sorry if i’m wrong! it’s been a long two years and life’s been really really busy. it really catches up to you, huh?

if you do respond to this, do let me know how you are! i really loved talking to you back then, more than you know :’) how’s everything going for you? what are your interests now?

oh yeah! i still think about that haikyuu fic you once recommended me KWNDWKDJ the fly high, baby! one. i came across it the other day and thought of you—maybe that’s why i’m doing this, heh. anyways i hope you’re doing well and that you’re drinking water and making sure your pillow is cool at night :)

see you around, lovely!

<3🧸

sent in April 5th 2023

Oh my god I’ve missed you! And everyone for that matter. I just thought what the hell I’ll check my inbox for fun. I finally logged into tumblr after a long time. I’ve definitely changed my pfp from haikyuu to genshin but I don’t recall changing my URL! (I’m not even that obsessed with genshin anymore lol)

It really has been a long two years… I’ll be 23 in less than a month and it’s crazy I started this blog at 19. If you see this my lovely teddy bear anon, I hope you also tell me how you’ve been!

The last two years was a blast, I moved out, worked, paid my own way through college and rent. I graduated, granted it took five years but I did take a bit off from university! And I am more than thankful. I’m still looking for a job, I’ve since moved home but my parents can no longer hold anything against me now. I might switch career paths from what I studied but I’ll stick to what I did for at least 3 years for now. I have a boyfriend of one year (plus two months!) now and he absolutely adores when I gush about my fandoms and theories. Vice versa when he talks about his interests (mainly video games and the best I can explain which is STONKS but like for CSGO [at least currently]). Literally he’s a man written by a woman that came out of my fanfic dreams. Oh and we play games with each other sometimes and watch all the anime xD

During the past two years I was pretty burnt out I had no obsession which made me extra espresso depresso. But I’m on medication and doing a lot better that I’m able to once again be obsessed with a fandom (main: one piece. Secondary: Honkai star rail).

And that’s the tldr! Adulthood sucks but my friends and I still text and catch up when we can. And my boyfriend lives about 30 minutes away which isn’t too bad for me :3 (pre moving back home and even now that I’m back home xD)

I think about fly high baby sometimes… I still have yet to reread it cus DAMN did that hit me in the feels.

I hope you’re doing well too. I hope life is treating you in the way it should! If you see this, pls let me know how you’re doing!!! I really do think about everyone’s whose paths have crossed with mine during this journey.

Sleep well <3

[knightofameris]

Missing yall ): signed back into tumblr. I forgot how my tags were organized so I’ll fix this later maybe. How is everyone? Anyone still alive here??? 🥺🥹

[knightofameris]

enough tumblrina infighting. it’s time to unite against our common enemy: people who randomly clutter up the tags in searches with bite size posts full of every possible irrelevant tag they can think of for attention like this

BOOOOO BOOOO sit DOWN

[knightofameris]

I just want to drop by and say hello :3

It’s been a long time and I no longer have any time to write. I haven’t had any time within the year. Hopefully in a year when everything is settled i will be back to writing.

Unfortunately for most of the year it’s because of burnout that I had no inspiration or motivation to write. I’m still burnt out but I have some more inspiration to write tho.

Bjt j have to wait a year until I graduate and get a job. So I’ll see y’all soon.

[knightofameris]

WAKE UP BABE, NEW HAIKYUU CHAPTER JUST DROPPED

[knightofameris]

Happy Valentine's uwu

IM GONNA KISS YOU

Will you be my valentine 🥺🥺😭

[knightofameris]

thinking about him again <3

naturally — sugawara koushi

✎ gender. uhm neutral? ✎ contains. mutual pining, childhood friends, reader is a manager, also reader has a lot of anxiety when it comes to relationships, not beta read ✎ wc. 1.6k

✎ summary. the time you were thankfully wrong in your assumptions.

✎ ameris’ notes. i came back just to post this because this is my favorite piece I’ve written so far on this blog i think. also noticed many writers deactivating ;—; and just a lack of content (esp for suga). i was originally going to post this when i came back fully along with everything else but this is fine. (i will reply to all messages later <3 thank you everyone for your kind words)

also tried a different writing style for this,,,

i hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. ♡ 

previous title: i thought we already were [i still suck at titles this might still change]

You couldn’t help but slam your head against your desk. Ennoshita sighed at your predicament when it came to the crush you had on your upperclassman, Sugawara Koushi. Except, to you he was so much more. Not in just the fact that he was your crush but he’s been someone you’ve known for almost your entire life. 

“What if he doesn’t like me, Ennoshita,” you cried into your arms, not able to take the heartbreak that could come with Sugawara rejecting your feelings and your 10+ year friendship turning to dogshit. 

Ennoshita tapped his fingers against the desk, “I don’t think he’d break off your friendship just like that even if he didn’t. And if he doesn’t like you I personally give you permission to murder myself and-or Tanaka, your choice.” 

In a different class at the time, Tanaka sneezed in the middle of eating his sandwich. 

At this point, Ennoshita, and every other club member, was tired. Even Sugawara would shrug when Daichi asked him in the clubroom what was going on between him and you. Asahi, the one who was possibly the most oblivious when it came to people pining for another, was even frustrated at how the two of you would dance around each other. 

“Why don’t you just ask them out?” Asahi asked Sugawara. In the middle of changing, Sugawara stopped in thought, his shirt barely on. 

“Hmm, I don’t want to ask them before they’re ready,” Sugawara answered simply, sliding his shirt on over his head. 

It was a rough life being friends with both you and Sugawara. 

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