#i am loving writing these
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askteikoku · 2 years ago
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hello!! for the valentine’s day ficlets requests, I’d like to ask for 3 ships if that’s okay 🥹🥹
- SakiHen, With a hoarse voice, under the blankets
Thank you for requesting, the ficlet is under the cut! I hope you'll like it! I'll try to add a little sketch for every ficlet too. I accept requests for this ficlets all the month! So you can continue requesting. English isn't my mother Language so if you (anyone) sees a grammar mistake or mispelling you can tell me to fix it! Reblogs and likes are appreciate, since fics didn't usually get a lot of love.
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With a hoarse voice, under the blankets [SakiHen] Henmi always really liked going to his friend Sakiyama's house to spend the night, since he was little and as far back as his memory allowed, he remembered those moments as something very special. The two would get together after finishing school and go to the house of Sakiyama's grandmother who lived on the outskirts of the city in a large traditional house with a beautiful garden that Henmi enjoyed walking through even when he already knew every herb and every stone like the palm of his hand. The days when his family allowed him to go to his friend's house were days of fun, and with the time they became days of liberation. In that house he felt accepted and protected, the only place where he did not have to constantly prove his own worth because his worth was measured in his mere company. Perhaps it was partly because Sakiyama's grandmother loved him like another grandchild, or perhaps it was because Sakiyama's presence gave him a security he didn't feel anywhere else or with anyone else.
In his own home, Henmi was always required to uphold the name of his family, and although due to his upbringing it was something that had been deeply instilled within him, making him proud and sometimes vain, as he grew up he discovered that he was not one of those prodigies who were able to stay on top, could never be number one in academics and could never be number one in sports. But he never lowered his head for this reason and although he could not be the best, he made an effort so that his family could be proud of him.
So when he could get out of this environment of continuous judgment, Henmi could breathe. Visiting Sakiyama's home was one of the few liberties he was allowed since Henmi's family held the other family in high regard ever since Sakiyama's great-grandfather saved Henmi's great-grandfather. Those days that turned into nights were a blast of cold air on a hot and stifling summer day. Since they arrived and the old woman received them, the aura that enveloped Henmi changed completely.
In that place he felt protected, in that place he felt accepted, in that place he felt that he could enjoy being a child, a teenager... In that place he was together with Sakiyama eating cookies and drinking tea, watching television, playing, having a bath in a huge wooden tub and having dinner. In that place he felt at home.
And when the woman sent them to sleep and they obediently went to bed, the real fun began.
Henmi and Sakiyama made a bunker under the bed blankets, lit a flashlight and talked in low voices between breathy giggles and barely controlled excited screams. In addition, the blond always managed to steal some cookies that they ate, filling the sheets with crumbs. Under those sheets they read adventure books, under those blankets they planned their own adventures, talking about their trips around the world when they were older, about how many adventures they would find, how many imaginary worlds they would travel... Under those blankets they were both happy. Henmi didn’t need to prove anything to Sakiyama and Sakiyama didn’t need to prove anything to Henmi, they were the same, they were colleagues, they were accomplices, they were themselves.
That late-winter night of their second year of High School, they snuggled under the sheets and blankets on Sakiyama's bed as usual, even though by now they had grown so large that being in the same bed was uncomfortable. But they kept doing it, perhaps out of tradition, perhaps because of the secrets they kept.
Sakiyama had a small orange flashlight he'd gotten from a survival store lighted, and they were holding an aged-looking world map open as they ate chocolate chip cookies.
They were talking about all the places Henmi had visited throughout his life, since the boy traveled constantly with his family around the world and from those trips he brought back anecdotes for his friend who had only been overseas a couple of times to visit his parents who lived abroad.
It was a conversation monopolized by Henmi, but the blond had no problem with it because he liked to hear him talk with bright eyes about everything he discovered on those trips, his experiences, his meetings, the food, the culture... His golden eyes glowed with emotion when they related everything to his friend who was lost in his gaze trying to imagine what he was bringing for him: adventures. Henmi told him about true wonders, told him about gigantic open deserts and small alleys from centuries past, told him about dense tropical jungles and tall skyscrapers, told him about famous works of art and corners unknown to most tourists. And he tried to recreate in his imagination what those places would be like since he only saw through photos or television but that in Henmi's raspy voice had a different magic, as if they were taken from a fairy tale.
“Where would you like to travel if you could choose a place?” asked Henmi after they both laughed at an incident with a street hot dog vendor in New York.
Sakiyama was silent, thoughtful… He hated traveling to see his parents instead of going on adventures with Henmi.
"To your heart."
Henmi dropped the cookie he was eating with a pounding in his chest and turned slightly flushed to his friend who was staring at him. He raised his eyebrows in a mute question, and Sakiyama bit his lip and frowned doubtfully, but then looked back at him, his voice shaking as he answered. Opening his heart to the one person he allowed to get close to that part of him, showing how vulnerable he felt at that moment.
"I love you." His voice was barely a hoarse murmur under the blankets.
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inkskinned · 2 months ago
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 2 months ago
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I am incredibly serious right now when I beg you all, please, and if you have Twitter or Tiktok or whatever to please spread the word: click on an author's profile on Ao3.
You want to know if an author has written more? Want to know if they're still writing? Want to see more from them? Want to know if they've written a trope or kink or sex scenario you enjoy?
Click on their name. And look at their profile.
I cannot tell you how many times in the last six months someone has read a new or newer fic of mine and said they (a new reader who has read nothing else I've done) "can't wait to see what you do next!" I've written 50+ fics and over a million words already.
"I don't know if you're still writing..." click on my profile. I am. I literally wrote a 128k+ fic for that ship last month.
"Would you ever do X?" "Please do Y!" I already did. Click on my name and look at my works.
Archive of our Own is a library. It's an archive. Not social media. It is your responsibility to fight back against the laziness that corporate algorithms have trained into you.
Click my author name. Just click it. Just click it.
Before you demand more, or ask if a writer will do XYZ, or wonder if the author still writing, or anything - click on their profile. Click on the author's profile.
I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything like that. I'm just exhausted. It's disheartening and frustrating to repeat myself ad nauseam, because someone couldn't take thirty seconds to do the tiniest bit of work to see if I've written lately, if I've written more for their ship, or scan my works to see if I've written what they're asking for. Please. Please. I'm begging.
Click the author's name, and explore before you ask.
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lena-oleanderson · 1 month ago
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you're allowed to be held.
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hinamie · 3 months ago
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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lazylittledragon · 1 month ago
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i need guenhwyvar to be Cat so bad
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ivynightshade · 1 year ago
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fatima aamer bilal, from i mother it the absence of her, iii. i am not a person that can be loved for a very long time excerpt from moony moonless sky.
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hansoeii · 1 year ago
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Do you think of me?
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erabu-san · 6 months ago
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I enjoyed every second of this quest
[This art has platonic intention. Thank you for not tag ship!]
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months ago
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Not beating the allegations.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
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akanemnon · 3 months ago
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I thought this game didn't have random encounters!
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
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starmocha · 25 days ago
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Little Dino Sylus + Daughter | 2555 words | Masterlist | AO3 Sylus has a little dinosaur problem. A/N: OK another crow dad and his baby birdie ficlet because they bring me joy 🥹 istg I am working on those wips I promised on my tumblr. But…birb dad and birb baby… 🥺
“Mr. Sylus, we have new intel about that night on the 4th.”
“Mmhmm,” Sylus absently answered the person on speakerphone as he leaned back against the desk in his study. His eyes keenly followed the quick movements of the little green dinosaur who walked in uninvited to his study carrying an armful of plushies and setting them on his couch in a neat order: Smiley Dino and Sunny Dino. He watched as she scurried out the room for a few minutes, her long tail swaying back and forth.
He suppressed a chuckle. It seemed his daughter was really enjoying the dinosaur onesie her mother had gotten for her recently. She had insisted on wearing only this outfit for the last week. Sylus turned his attention back to his phone call.
“Now, you were saying there was a mole at the auction?”
“Yes, sir, we believe it to be…”
Sylus discreetly eyed his study door when he saw it pushed further open and his little dinosaur-daughter walked in with another armful of plushies. She scampered over to the couch and set them neatly next to the ones already sitting. The little girl then tried to climb up the couch before she paused half-way, seemingly remembering something. She slid back down to the floor with a soft “oof” and turned around, running pass Sylus.
Before she passed him completely, Sylus subtly stepped on her tail, making the toddler paused, confused. She turned around, her mouth opening wide in shock at the sight of her tail caught under her father’s foot. The little girl grabbed her tail and started tugging helplessly, but her efforts were in vain as it remained trapped under this sudden obstacle. She looked up at her father, and Sylus pretended he was looking elsewhere, appearing as if he was entirely preoccupied with his call.
“Yes, yes, we can do a meetup later this week,�� Sylus answered as he kept an eye on his daughter from his peripheral vision. He casually crossed his arms over his chest and hummed softly. “Now there is this protocore incident I have been meaning to have you look into…”
The little girl pouted from the lack of attention and continued trying to tug her tail free. She looked up helplessly, shocked that her father still didn’t notice her. She gave another quick feeble tug.
Sylus remained feigning obliviousness. He almost lost his composure when he caught sight of his daughter’s angry pout and the little glare directed at him. She really did look like her mother in this moment, Sylus couldn’t help but thought with delight.
“Mr. Sylus, we can arrange a meeting on—”
“Daddy! My tail!”
There was an awkward pause in the room after the sudden outburst.
“Um…Mr. Sylus…”
“Oh, dear,” Sylus said with mock-worry, “I seem to have a little dinosaur problem in my study right now…”
“Uhhh…I’ll call you back later, sir.”
The line immediately went dead. Sylus chuckled and redirected his entire attention to the angry little girl at his feet. He tsked softly.
“Now what do we have here?”
“Tail! My tail, Daddy!” The little girl continued fruitlessly tugging her tail to emphasize her point, but Sylus seemed to press his foot down even harder.
“I see that,” he said, feigning astonishment, “That is quite a problem, isn’t it, baby?”
The little toddler continued to glare at her father.
“My, my, that is such a ferocious look,” Sylus teased, smirking. Just like her mother…
An idea seemed to pop into the little girl’s head. She mustered up her scariest voice and then with her little hands held up to claw, she let out a loud, “Rawr!”
“Oh, dear, I am very frightened,” Sylus said, barely able to hide his amusement, “Whatever will I do…if only I have Miss Hunter here to protect me…but alas, she is currently prioritizing Linkon City over her husband…”
The girl sulked when she realized her scare tactic didn’t work. She stepped closer and started to push her whole weight against Sylus’ leg, grunting and whining as she tried to free her captured tail. Sylus started laughing when his daughter began to beat his leg with her little fists.
“Alright, alright, enough of the love taps. I’ll move my foot, baby,” he said, lifting his leg, but before the little girl could run off, Sylus used his Evol to lift her into the air. He manipulated his Evol to carry her closer to him until the toddler was floating face-to-face with her father. He smiled at her adorable angry glare.
“Do I get a kiss before Miss Dino runs off?”
“No!” she crossed her arms stubbornly.
Sylus laughed, shaking his head in amusement. “Is this little birdie angry at me now?”
“Daddy, I’m not a birdie today!” she said defiantly, “I’m a dinosaur! Rawr!”
He laughed again. “Pardon me,” he said, “Then Miss Dino, may I request a kiss before you run off?”
She continued to pout. Sylus took this opportunity to suddenly take her into his arms, tickling her and kissing her cheek without mercy until she was laughing and gasping for breath.
“Daddy! Daddy! Not fair!”
“Mmhmm,” Sylus agreed, planting another long kiss on his daughter’s cheek, “Daddy never plays fair.”
He shifted her in his arms and motioned to his cheek with his finger. “Now kiss.”
He smiled as his daughter reluctantly kissed him.
“Try again, Little Miss,” he said, tickling her again and chuckling alongside her helpless giggles.
This time his daughter smiled and kissed his cheek more sincerely.
“Good girl,” he said, pecking her cheek again before setting her back down to the floor. He gave her bottom a quick playful swat, sighing in feigned exasperation. “Now, what is this little dino doing to my study?”
“We’re keeping Daddy company!”
“‘We’?”
“Uh huh.” His daughter smiled cheekily and pointed at the couch with the array of colorful plushies sitting on it. “Me, Smiley Dino, Sunny Dino, Azure Dino, and Grape Dino!”
“What happened to Grumpy Crow and his friends?”
“Time-out!”
Sylus pretended to look startled by the firm exclamation. “And what crime did they commit to warrant such punishment?”
The little girl huffed angrily. “They were mean to Smiley Dino!”
Without missing a beat, Sylus gasped. “And how were they mean?”
“They said Smiley Dino couldn’t join their group,” the girl answered her father.
“Well, that is truly awful,” Sylus said sincerely, kneeling down to his daughter’s height. He patted her head. “And you put them in time-out, baby?”
She nodded her head furiously. “Smiley Dino was very sad, Daddy…”
“I’m sure he was,” Sylus answered back solemnly, “But you know, baby, perhaps your plushies need to learn to play along together?”
The girl looked down, her hands clasped behind her back as she shuffled her feet reluctantly. “But they don’t want to be friends, Daddy…”
Sylus smiled and gave his daughter’s cheek a playful pinch. She giggled and swatted at his hand until he let go. “Come on, my little dino, let’s go and have a chat with your plushies.”
He picked her up and as he carried her out of his study, Sylus also used his Evol to pick up the dino plushies. Swirls of energy wrapped around each waiting plushie, lifting them into the air to follow after the father-daughter duo. Sylus smiled when he heard his daughter giggling delightfully, catching sight of her waving happily over his shoulder at the line of dino plushies floating behind them.
When they arrived at the little toddler’s bedroom, Sylus was unprepared for the sight of a jail made of pillows incarcerating four crow plushies in the middle of the large bedroom. As he walked closer, he huffed in amusement at seeing the four crow plushies tossed haphazardly inside the jail.
“Well, this jail looks comfier than the one I was in…”
“Huh?” The little girl turned to face her father with a look of utter bewilderment.
Sylus shook his head, chuckling more to himself. “Never mind, baby.”
“Daddy, down, down!” the little girl cried out, wriggling in his arms.
Sylus chuckled again and lowered her down to the floor. “Alright, alright. Impatient little dino today, aren’t you?”
Sylus also motioned with his finger to bring the dino plushies over and they surrounded the pillow jail. He smiled as his daughter looked up, her eyes wide with delight at seeing her plushies floating in the air before they gently descended. She immediately picked up Smiley Dino and hugged him tightly in her little arms.
“Now, is there a reason the crows and dinosaurs don’t get along?” Sylus asked as he knelt down to his daughter’s level. He watched as she furrowed her brows in contemplation.
“Because…because…they said Smiley Dino has a weird face…”
“Well, that is mean,” Sylus quipped. “Do you think he has a weird face?”
She shook her head furiously. “Smiley Dino is very cute!”
Sylus chuckled at her excited exclamation. “Very cute,” he agreed and gave his daughter’s cheek a gentle stroke, “But not as cute as my little dino right here.”
She puffed up her cheeks at him, seemingly annoyed. She hugged her plushie tighter. “Daddy, you’re making Smiley Dino sad, too!”
“I am just speaking the truth,” he answered affably, “Do you think I am like Grumpy Crow?”
Without a single of second of hesitation, she nodded her head.
“Well, maybe I am,” Sylus continued with a smile. He picked up the Grumpy Crow plushie, turning it around to scrutinize. “Perhaps Grumpy Crow and his friends didn’t mean to make Smiley Dino sad.”
The toddler looked at her father confused, and Sylus elaborated further: “Maybe the crows aren’t very good with their words…”
He held the crow plushie close to the dino plushie in his daughter’s arms. “Maybe he meant to say Smiley Dino has a very unique face. He’s special.”
“Daddy, is that…good?” the little girl asked tentatively.
Sylus nodded. “It can be good.” Sylus paused and raised the crow plushie close to his ear, appearing to be listening intently. His expression switched between different emotions, seemingly contemplative one second and then intrigued the next. “Ah, I see. Yes, yes, this is a big misunderstanding…”
“Daddy? What is it?” The girl walked over and tugged at her father’s sleeve. She pouted when he started laughing for seemingly no reason.
“Oh, Grumpy Crow was just telling me they didn’t mean to make Smiley Dino sad,” Sylus explained, continuing, “They also want to be friends with the dinos.”
“They do?” The girl’s eyes widened in astonishment.
“They do, baby,” he answered. He held the crow plushie out to his daughter. “Look, Grumpy Crow wants to apologize and be friends with Smiley Dino.”
The girl slowly smiled and held her dino plushie out. The two plushies ‘hugged’ before the little girl took them both into her arms to snuggle. She looked at her father with bright eyes and a toothy grin. “Daddy, they’re friends now!”
“Splendid,” he answered, “Now you have twice the number of friends to play with, right?”
She nodded happily, and gave each plushie a friendly kiss on the head.
Sylus suddenly noticed something peculiar. In the corner of his daughter’s room, there was a little canopy reading nook. Child-sized bookcases lined the wall filled with different children’s books and underneath the canopy was a soft white fur rug with different sized throw pillows surrounding the area. He noticed a few plushies were also strewn about on the rug.
“Wait, what’s this?” Sylus stood up and walked over to the reading area, picking up one of the peculiar plushies laying on the rug.
“Happy Snowman!” his daughter declared, dropping her two plushies and running over excitedly. “Mommy gave him to me.”
“Did…did she win it for you?”
“I dunno, Daddy,” his daughter answered him with a little innocent shrug. She then excitedly picked up two different plushies and held them up to her father proudly. “Look, Daddy, this is Artsy Birb and Bunbun!”
“They are…cute,” Sylus answered, tone stiff, though thankfully the little three-year-old didn’t seem to notice. Sylus knelt down to his daughter’s height again and smiled forcibly. In as even a tone as he could muster, he spoke, “Baby, why don’t you let Daddy hold onto these plushies for a while?”
His daughter tilted her head, confused, making the hood of her dinosaur onesie drooped to cover her face. Sylus fixed her hood and gave her a reassuring smile as he continued in the same tone as earlier, “Daddy is just borrowing them for a bit. I’ll give them back later…after I speak with Mommy…”
The little girl gave her father a toothy grin and nodded, not particularly caring either way. Sylus answered with another smile and with a wave of his hand, he made the three plushies disappear. He suddenly blinked in confusion when his daughter turned around and ran over to her bookshelf and picked up a seemingly random book, though it seemed to be quite a bit thicker than the other ones on the shelves.
“Daddy, story please!”
Sylus chuckled and nodded. “Yes, Miss Dino,” he answered courteously. He settled down in the reading nook, laying casually on his side with one elbow propped up and his head resting in his hand. Sylus smiled as his daughter scurried over and also settled down, handing him the book.
Sylus blinked in confusion before reading aloud the title of the book he was handed: “Analysis of Firearms Maintenance and Its Practical Applications…” He peered down at his daughter’s smiling face. He huffed in baffled amusement, asking, “Baby, did you take this from my bookshelf?”
She nodded her head eagerly and Sylus laughed. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Mischievous little dino, aren’t you?” He rubbed his nose against her cheek, causing her to giggle harder. “I didn’t realize I was raising a little klepto-dino.”
“Oh! Daddy, Daddy, my plushies…”
Sylus smiled. He motioned with his hand, and swirls of energy wrapped around the crow and dino plushies, lifting them into the air. The plushies all floated over, circling around the reading nook area briefly before one by one, they were gently lowered to surround both father and daughter. Sylus motioned for the Grumpy Crow and Smiley Dino plushies closer and his daughter happily grabbed both to snuggle.
“Happy now?”
The girl nodded, beaming brightly as her hood fell to cover her face again. She giggled and lifted the hood off before she cuddled closer to her father. She pointed excitedly at the book Sylus was holding. “Daddy, the book, the book!”
“Bossy little dino…” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Alright, page one…”
As he calmly read the book, his deep, soothing voice seemed to lull the little girl to sleep. After a few minutes, she turned away from the book, yawning, and clung to Sylus’ shirt, her small fingers absently rubbing the fabric for comfort. Sylus pulled her closer and he rested his head on a pillow as he continued to read aloud several more pages. Soon, though, the book was laid facedown, forgotten, as Sylus also found himself drifting off to sleep.
Soft, even breathing filled the room, and dreams of playful little dinosaurs and crows filled a little girl’s head as she slept peacefully, safe in her father’s protective embrace and surrounded by her cherished plushies.
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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mumblesplash · 11 months ago
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in honor of last season’s poem being called “”end poem”” (all quotes mandatory) this season i made one out of pieces of the actual end poem
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teddybeartoji · 2 months ago
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toji being all bundled up in his winter coat with a pretty green scarf around his neck (that you gifted him btw). his nose is red and his cheeks even redder as he taps his foot on the crunchy snow. he's waiting for you.
with his hands stuffed into his pockets, he hides from the cold bite while eyeing the passersby with furrowed brows, and even though the scarf hides the lower half of his face, you know he's wearing a sort of scowl. it's closer to a pout more than anything, but you won't mention it. his ears perk up at the sound of your voice calling his name and you feel warm at the sight of his face lighting up just a bit. it's cute. it's cute that he's so excited to see you.
he meets you halfway, his hands reaching for you as you close the distance between you. it's a quiet greeting, a very simple 'hi' accompanied by his scarred lips pressing against your temple as you hug him. in his arms, you feel safe. you feel at home. when he pulls away, he takes a second to look at you – the stars in your eyes, the bashful smile on your lips. toji thinks you look pretty as ever.
but his cute little daydream doesn't last.
a gasp makes its way out of the depths of his throat the second your hands cup his face, your frozen fingers sending shivers down his back.
the look on his face makes you giggle and the sound makes him furrow his brows again in return. he clicks his tongue. "you'll freeze to death."
"you'll save me."
he shakes his head with a sigh but takes your hands into his nonetheless. while keeping his, now very determined, eyes on your fingers, he brings them up to his face and gently blows warm air on them.
you hum. "my saviour."
the tips of his ears burn – his nose, his cheeks, but surely it's just because of the cold and because of his teasing lover. surely.
you see the grin he's so desperately trying to hold back and laugh at him once more. "my hero."
he grumbles. "be quiet."
he's still holding your hands, he's still warming them up. there isn't even an inkling of thought about letting you go, about letting your poor little fingers freeze. he will hold onto you for the entirety of the walk that's ahead of you. so he can keep you warm. and not because he so desperately wants to hold your fucking hand. it's not that. no way.
you lean up your toes while intertwining your fingers with his, and with no questions asked, he bends over to close the gap between you again. this is how it works. love.
a pair of cold lips meet the tip of his nose and toji lets his eyes fall shut at the sweet touch. he lets out a relieved sigh, a content one, and savours the way you smile against him. a kiss, and then another. a haste one to his lips before pulling back with that very same grin on your face that he adores so much. the kind of playful one, the one that tells him that you're going to be throw snowballs at him very soon. he loves it.
"are you going to get hot chocolate with me today, toji?"
he lets your glued together hands fall, only for you to start swinging them side to side. he doesn't tell you to stop.
"no."
"liar."
toji rolls his eyes, tonguing at his inner cheek as he does so.
"with marshmallows."
he loves you.
"with marshmallows."
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rosarysgarden · 6 months ago
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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i am an observer, but not by choice.’
[text id: i have the everlasting tendency to ruin everything i love.]
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