#i am in less and less spaces where i am not openly trans more now than ever

[fatcowboys]

misgendered! at the dnd game

[transmascposi]

I feel really isolated because I hardly see any trans masculine positivity posts,,,, The only posts I see,, that are even shared by my own friends,,, are those that are complaining about trans mascs and how we're evil, ugly, and ruining the trans community,,,, I don't know what I did wrong besides simply exist as a trans masculine person,,, I still face misogyny and now I'm facing transphobia from my own friends,,, I even had to block somebody who said 'I have never found trans males to be sexually attractive' and instead of people telling them that's transphobic everyone was agreeing with them,,, I don't know where to turn anymore because everyone hates trans men so badly,,,, plus it's interesting that ppl will say how much they hate trans men but then fetishize our bodies,,,

I feel you. It's so lonely and difficult sometimes. It can feel like the whole world hates you. But I promise it's not like that. There's a lot of people who love us, really.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did, it wouldn't justify this treatment. You are valid and amazing and you bring so much beauty to the world and to the queer community. I had to cut off a few internet friends who hated on trans men and I don't regret it one bit. If they hate trans masculine people, I suggest cutting these people off. They are not good friends to you.

My advice is to try to spend less time online. The hate is much more concentrated here, and it's much more openly vicious. We certainly do have bad things happening to us in real life, but from my experience at least, the hate online is on another level. There are encounters that we can't really prevent in real life, but you can control the majority of your interactions online. I suggest avoiding the hate as much as you can, even if it means not spending time on your favorite platform. It can seem like I'm stating the obvious and I probably am, but at the same time, when I struggled a lot with online hate on trans mascs, I would keep spending time in trans masc spaces on tumblr that are full of this hate. I think we have the tendency to dwell in the hate, for whatever reason. To reblog it to argue with it, to keep repeating the same points to people who don't care about the truth, to try to counter the lie that trans mascs have it easy by witnessing the hate as a getcha. I'm not saying that you do this necessarily, but I definitely did it.

My second advice is to go out and meet people who understand and support you. A wonderful way to do that is activism. If you can, join your local trans activist group! You don't have to have inspiring speeches on big podiums and argue with people. You can help with small practical tasks — those people are very much needed and appreciated! Or you can find your local queer events and go there. It can be intimidating at first, especially if you go alone, but there's always someone a little bit lost at these events. People get it. Again, it definitely can be very difficult, but try to talk to some trans people there. Or anyone, really. You will find out that there's a lot of people who support and get us. And people who might not fully understand yet, but they want to try and they want to help. Even these imperfect encounters will warm your heart enough to forget a little about all the hate, even just for a moment. And being in activist circles and hearing people say your exact thoughts out loud — oh man it's SO satisfying. These people don't even have to be your friends. I'm trying to be an activist and there are people who I have fun with and who give me a sense of community — yet I don't meet them outside of activism stuff because I know we aren't a good match to be friends. And yet, their existence in my life brings me a lot of warmth. Building community is the key, really.

I wish you the best of luck and strength and I hope you will feel better soon.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Hey, if you're wondering why it feels likes feminism stagnated in 2014, I have the answer for you:

TERFs and Radfems. It was TERFs and Radfems.

2014 was also about the time that more trans people became more comfortable talking about their experiences on social media. There were definitely trans folks talking about their experiences before then, but the cultural swing of it being discussed on social media and shitheads behind shamed for being shitheads in response to people talking openly about their experiences was around 2014.

If feminism feels stagnated to you it's because TERFs and Radfems got very, very loud about their gatekeeping practices. They'd always had them, but the moment trans folks felt comfortable being themselves in online spaces, TERFs and Radfems lost their entire shit and started derailing every conversation about feminism and equality very, very loudly.

I have literally had a TERF tell me I am less of a woman because I had a hysterectomy. Think about that shit for a moment. I'm AFAB enby (and said so in the tweet that started the thread), and I postulated--as a fucked up joke--that a TERF would consider me less womanly for not having a uterus--and one of them showed up and AGREED WITH MY FUCKED UP GUESS.

And then I had a radfem here on tumblr claim I was lying because "no radfem" would ever say that. And when I said, "I said a TERF said it," the response was "radfems don't believe in TERFs" like we were talking about a vibe on ghosts.

The reason it feels like feminism has stagnated since 2014 is because the most hateful, gatekeeping fucks in the movement refuse to let it budge until we agree to their terms.

Fuck them. They don't care about women. They don't care about equality. They care about the same tiny bit of power that led their foremothers into where they are now: Wanting the most power with the least questions. They want to shame you into silence for believing in ideas like all women are valid and all women have different stories and that intersectional feminism will help us all.

If you feel that feminism has stagnated in the last decade, the problem isn't the whole house of people above the floorboards begging you to hear them; it's the dead heart under the floorboards thumping so loudly you think you owe it your attention. You don't. Let it die.

[kojoty]

This year has been so interesting because I have begun to pass more often than I don't and it's a strange feeling. I am definitely having to learn how to renavigate the world, because it is a very different world when you are presumed male rather than female. There is (at least for me) an added responsibility to that. If I am going to be afforded a relative amount (because I am still not generally seen as a *straight* guy, there is still even while passing a certain level of marginalization occurring even on the presumption of cis maleness) of safety, power, respect etc-- because that is what being read as a man *does* give you in this society-- then I have a responsibility to utilize that power to consciously break down barriers and uplift the women (and those presumed women) around me at every single step of the way. Part of my personal transition journey is to help liason a better world and use my transition publically and openly to educate others. Being someone who has and Always will have a heavy foot in the world and experiences of womanhood (both as someone bigender and just as someone who grew up as a girl and woman), I owe it to my sisters as I less and less get percieved as one to try and make their lives a little easier and give their voices a little more power. To try and assert a masculinity that is not patriarchal and not just be a good man myself but to try and spread that to the other men around me, and to try and allow the woman around me to be able to relax a little more too. Solidarity to me is a woman who feels safe and on equal playing grounds as the men around her.

Now, to various degrees of reasonability, I do not think it is anyone's responsibility in their transition goals to be a liason the way I want to shoulder. I am personally open about every step of my transition and will openly discuss my own womanhood with people. I do not assume every transmasc can or should want to do that part. But I do think if you want to not betray the women who got you where you are and to not betray your own experiences, you at least owe the women around you to consciously be as unpatriarchial as possible. To try and make women feel safe. A trans man who chooses misogyny and patriarchal masculinity and violence over solidarity and safety with women is no brother of mine. A trans masculine person who chooses misogyny over solidarity is, in some ways, on a personal and individual level, more despicable to me than someone who's misogyny was grown from the background radiation of society. If you have directly suffered at the hands of mysoginy under the lens of its intended target, and you still choose to weaponize it to gain relative power? You can fuck off and fuck right out of my community spaces. Go put a 'women dni' banner on your Tumblr to signal your poison dart frog status to the rest of us.

[genderqueerpositivity]

I legitimately feel worse about TDoV coming up this year than I have in any past years. I have been trying to motivate myself to action, and I have totally failed. I'm overworked and burned out and I've been absolutely dreading the end of this month because I haven't done enough, I should be doing so much more than I am.

I feel a distinct pressure to be more visible. A responsibility almost. As if by being more loudly and openly trans, I could personally convince everyone that we aren't so bad after all, that we should just be left alone to live our lives. Unfortunately things aren't that simple.

I feel like a bad person and a bad activist at times for being unwilling to put myself more at risk, for not having the time or spoons to take part in some of the work happening locally right now, for being so overwhelmed by trying to keep up with the amount of anti-trans news coming out every day that I simply shut down.

I also feel hyper-visible this year. In part thanks to HRT, I am more visibly gender non-conforming than ever. I feel like an outsider, an intruder in public spaces. I feel eyes watching me sometimes, examining, judging, staring as if they could peel away the layers of my gender expression. Sometimes it appears as though they are doing mental math, calculating, trying to determine if the answer to the equation is XX or XY. My body itself is a physical obstacle which causes other people to stumble over their words and double check the sign on the restroom door.

And sometimes I feel invisible. I spend most of my time around people who are not aware of my transness and who absolutely would respect me less if they knew. Even those in my blood family who do know don't even give me the basic respect of using my own name. And I feel fairly certain that legally and socially transitioning would be the end of my ability to advance at my job, right as the opportunity for a possible promotion could be coming.

I feel sad and angry at times. About the future of the trans community and this country, about my future as a trans queer person and my ability to continue medically transitioning. Sometimes the rage I feel is a living thing all on it's own, terrifying...and necessary, because it burns like fuel, creating fire out of despair, and I'm not certain that I would be able to see past the hopelessness without it.

And I feel unsafe, frequently. Especially in public, where I now prefer to have some sort of weapon on me all the time. A false sense of security is better than no sense of security, I've decided. Before this year, I never felt the need for that before--not when I lived in a far more rural and conservative area than I do now, not even in the aftermath of experiencing a home invasion. Now I carry knives, own pepper spray, and am considering buying a stun gun or taser.

I love being genderqueer and transmasculine. I love it so much. I love the routine of applying my testosterone cream every day, I love the ways that testosterone has changed my body over the past two years, I love the way my voice sounds after so many years of hating it, I love being called sir and Mx. and he and they. In spite of the danger, I love it when someone obviously can't decide which binary gender to ascribe to me; it's an incredible feeling, finally being seen purely as myself in all of my queerness.

Gender euphoria is a magical thing and transitioning is empowering and life saving, an act of radical self love. Having experienced these things, knowing that I may have them taken from me, and seeing that so many others may never get to experience them in the first place...

I am afraid for us. And I grieve for us. And I love us. And I admire our strength and resilience and resistance. And this is what TDoV will be for me this year and I'm hoping that will be enough.

[alren-ki]

I'm sorry to any of my fellow trans followers (or followers who are family to trans people) who just- cannot look at the posts I'm Reblogging about Nex right now- it took me two days before I could look at anything about it myself I understand. It is, exaugsting having to publicly mourn and bury our dead every few months (or less). I do not begrudge you the space you need. I have tagged and will continue to tag every post with the Real World Events CW tag, the same one I use for any other ugly story that you might need a moment's breath before facing or more.

However.

I fucking Live Here. I am a Nonbinary Oklahoman who only avoided experiencing the hell of being queer in the oklahoma school system by being thoroughly failed by mine before I was cognizant enough to put words to my identity. Nex Benedict is the same age as my younger brother, they were only 5 years younger then me, they were barely more then a baby, and the hatred that has bred and curdled in my fucking HOME killed them.

This isn't just awareness when we scream their name. This is a public expression of Grief, this is our way of making people remember they were a person- if we had the honor to know them or not.

They were a 16 year old child who loved their cat (Zeus, as I've gathered from a few reports), who played minecraft, who decompressed with music after school. They were a human being who's loved ones have described to us strangers as a light. They were Choctaw, identified as twospirit and loved as their own authentic self by their family.

I wish I didn't know these facts. I wish Nex Benedict was a stranger to me because they survived and lived and loved in a whole different part of the state to me. I wish that they got to grow up in the safety of privacy. I wish that their name wasn't echoed across the world because they were murdered. I wish they got to choose when and if they were known this openly.

Nex, I am so fucking sorry you did not get to grow up in a time and space where our government valued your life. You deserved so much more.

[therubymuse]

Pride 2023: On Queer Cinema & Being a Bigger Dyke

This Pride, I don't have any more closets to come bursting out of. In the space of the last ten years, I was pansexual, then I was transgender and non-binary. 7 months into my transition I shifted my identity to "trans woman", and finally, shortly after that, I came out as a lesbian. I've had a rich journey of discovery and change, and I'm really glad these revelations about who I am have stabilized with time. There is no doubt in my mind that this is who I'm meant to be. 

As we know, the world is changing. We seemed to hit a high water mark around the year I came out, in 2018, and since, we've seen the re-emergence of violent bigotry, both in the physical realm, and in the legislative realm, with the goal being no less than to disappear queer people. Trans people who exist in public spaces have been the victims of increasing instances of verbal and physical abuse, assault, even murder. It can be easy to lose hope that the world we were on the brink of in 2018, has missed it’s chance to flourish, as we’re dragged back into the 20th century by hateful politicians and angry fascists. In the last year, I don’t know a single trans person who hasn’t been bedevilled by these fears, and these questions. 

I had the opportunity to watch a cult classic film I’d never heard of this weekend, called Better Than Chocolate. Yes, thats a reference to a Sarah McLaughlin lyric. The film follows a group of queer people whose lives revolve around an LGBTQ bookstore in Port Coquitlam called 10 Percent Books, which, if you’re a native of Vancouver, you’ll recognize as analogous to Little Sisters Book & Art Emporium, a fixture in the Davie St Village for decades now. The film follows Maggie, a young woman going through her lesbian awakening, her complicated relationship with her mother, and the experiences of the other queer cast members in a city that hadn’t yet openly embraced their queer identities. Anyone familiar with queer cinema from the 1990s will know how explosively traumatic representation can be, with tropes such as bury your gays, strict moral lessons levied for queer behaviour, and sexual assaults often vividly portrayed, but Chocolate manages to avoid so many of these. Harassment is depicted, including a scene where a trans woman is confronted in a washroom, and these can be hard to watch, but the scenarios are always defused/corrected by the arrival of other cast members who stand up for and protect each other, which is quite unlike queer cinema then or now. The trans woman character is played by a cis actor, but I'm willing to forgive this because the performance was empathetic and powerful and clearly informed by real trans experiences. And as a trans woman, I've seen a lot worse. You may be wondering what one has to do with the other, and I’m getting to that. 

Watching this film and its depiction of 1990s Vancouver, and the kind of harassment queer people faced, galvanized me, because in some ways, we’ve almost come full circle back to public harassment of visibly gay, queer, or transgender people. Because the film always comes back to the message that we will protect our own, and that we have a right to be here. The same right being challenged by modern-day revivalist moral panic right-wingers. Being called groomers and pedophiles now is no different than what was said to gay and queer people in the 1980s during the last hand-wringing reaction to the increased visibility of queer people. 

And the characters in the film experience this first hand, but it doesn’t stop them from existing. I would never consider de-transition as a response to the hatred we’re seeing in the world. Because who I am, who I really am now, brings me too much joy. And they can make trans people as illegal as they want to, it isn’t going to stop us existing. Our first duty is to ourselves, and our community. We keep us safe. And making space for trans and queer joy flies directly in the face of right-wing rhetoric. They want you to think of queer people as mentally unstable, miserable, disfigured and broken people. And that is not at all who we are. 

We have returned to existence itself as an expression of resistance. We are going to define the cultural zeitgeist of queer people in this decade, or we can let them do it for us. We have a long fight ahead, but it’s not a hopeless one, as I may have felt at various points in the last year. And so I will continue to exist, and continue to define myself, in ways that bring me joy, and which other queer people can feel safe around. And I’m grateful for my queer family who already see me this way. Something the queer community has been really good at, historically, is reclaiming language that was used to attack and silence us. I mean, the sheer number of times I’ve used the word “queer” in this piece, is an indicator of our progress in that regard. It was once a slur, and now, the majority of the people in the community that I engage with use it as a means of including everyone and in defining themselves. While it’s not coming out of the closet, shifting the words and definitions we use for ourselves gives our identities power, whether you prefer many labels, a few, or an absence of them. Which is why I’ve decided to start reclaiming a word for myself that some of you may hesitate before using. But I am encouraging you to use it in reference to me. That word is dyke. 

Lesbians have a long history with this word. I understand that it originated as a slur, and that at various times it’s meant masculine or androgynous, but it also means tough, strong, resilient. And these are absolutely things I am. I will never back down from a fight to love who I choose, to be who I am, and to support my community and my loved ones in the face of hate, and I am a militant feminist in the face of patriarchal oppression. I am someone my community views as safe and protective. I’m proud of that, and I’m proud of being a woman who loves women and femme leaning humans. I’d say that makes me a fucking dyke. 

You might say that flies in the face of the image you have of me, and on the outside at least, I am pretty soft. But softness is not akin to weakness, and hardness is not strength. One of the beautiful things about our evolving understanding of the gender-universe is that things that once needed to be pinned to a binary, can now be liberated, and used to stand alone. This is another reason why I want to use dyke as one of my labels. Those who have wronged me or those I care about in the past have come face to face with my feminine rage. And it is every bit as powerful and strong delivered by a cupcake in a sundress as it is by a butch in Carhartts. You’ll know this if you’ve ever seen me truly angry. This soft woman possesses a righteous fury and an incredible strength, and anyone who wants to argue that I have no right to the word, just as terfs have told me I have no right to the word lesbian, can kiss my entire ass. Happy Pride!

Unsure of the photographer, but a picture of Lisa Ben at the first national March on Washington for Gay Rights in 1979, with a quote perfectly encapsulating how I'm feeling right now.

[thewurstgirlfriend]

Fear Is An Understatement

So I'm stepping into my new life as a openly trans person with much anxiety and trepidation. I don't have the biggest network of allies and supportive people, and the trans community in my small city is probably less than 100 individuals. I've reached out and connected with a few, but being freshly out I'm the new kid in town and its hard to make inroads with a guarded, close-knit community at 40 years of age.

For reasons I still haven't discovered, I experienced a sudden job loss ( I suspect there's connections to my coming out in October) just the day before my 40th birthday. Got it on a text message, guy told me not to bother coming in & he's got my shifts covered....unceremoniously dumped, and I'm far too accustomed to being treated like that.

I'm more upset that I had to give the company vehicle back than losing the job. Frankly it was toxic and it fucking sucked for the past year of the 3 that I had been with that business. So I lost my job, the car I was driving, and my extended health benefits. So I'll be paying out-of-pocket for my hormone therapy now, but thats okay cuz that little boy knocked this girl down for a day...but I'm only coming back stronger!!

The hormones are wild! And I knew they would be, but no one prepared me for just how quickly a mood swing can happen. I'm incapable of watching a Disney movie with my child without crying now. I find myself happy, sad & angry all at the same time but I'm learning to hold space for and fully experience each and every emotion. I approach problems and people in a different way...I am thinking and information-processing in a new manner.

So its been wild n crazy, all-over-the-place kind of emotional experience for me. Lots of crying.....and peeing!! No one told me about the peeing!

I'm taking spironolactone as my testosterone blocker, in lower doses its a blood pressure pill...and its classified as a potassium-sparing diuretic. Which means I pee...alot! And because it affects my electrolytes, I also have to alter my diet slightly to avoid foods high in potassium.

It was a sad day when I had what could end up being the very last banana I ever consume, have you tried making a protein shake without one?! Someone told me avocados would give the same texture but its just not the same, and where I am they're like $3 each, so no...

At the end it does really boil down to fear:

Fear of rejection

Fear of failure and isolation

Fear of financial uncertainty

Fear of never being able to eat a banana

And a constant, overriding fear of peeing my pants

Much love🙏✌

Genni

[thegeorgiatennantblog]

@dtmsrpfcringe I'm so honored to be part of the council. Let's get down to business now shall we.

I have so many things to say. I'm not going to start pointing out everything she has done for the trans community (I already did a post on that and how she doesn't get enough credit). The reason is 'cause there's nothing wrong with her that needs to be defended. BUT there's something very very wrong with @letscoffeebreak that needs to be called out.

First of all, it's a universally known fact that spite causes you to twist your entire view and narrative about something. So no matter if the sun starts rising from the west, you will not take off you bent glasses and see things for how they are. Letscoffee's misogynistic mindless hate towards G makes her completely oblivious to literally anything she's going to do. So, it doesn't matter anyway. I mean G could cut off her right arm and it still wouldn't be enough. I mean for the love of God, take your heads out of your asses for one minute and see it this way. What if I flip the slide aaaaaaannnnnd.... "Wow so David claims he cares so much about the Trans community but what has HE actually done for them other then make some statements and wear some stuff and use his wife's money and social media status to get credit for it". Makes sense, doesn't it?

Secondly, there is difference between their methods of activism because of their different social positions. D is a public personality. G is not so much. So, it just wouldn't seem right for her to be jumping into shoes that are not hers. She takes whatever social space she has and uses it for good causes.

Thirdly and this is something that I want to say in regard to the rpf debate as well there is a something these bches just CANNOT get their heads around: the problem is that 99.99999% of these people are NOT even British. Hence they end up forcing non-British sensibilities and context upon British people which is just ridiculous. David and Georgia are NOT international Hollywood personalities. They're a big thing in the local context like I dunno every country's industry has some people that are a HUGE deal at home AND have a considerable appeal internationally but aren't necessarily international stars as such. The thing I'm getting to here (and I'll get to it immediately because I have a tiny judge in my head saying 'I don't see where you're getting at with this line of reasoning counsel'), is two-fold. One: that whatever these two actually actually do with their preferred socio-political causes might be forever unknown to us because only someone who is British knows the nuances of the stuff that goes down over there. I for one cannot and will not judge from 5000 miles away. Two: there is no PR that is concerned with creating a superficial image of these people for American audiences (which forces D and MS to remain closeted and forces Georgia to do "white woman activism" even though she clearly couldn't care less) because they're literally (and no offence I love them, I wish their work would get more international recognition) not that important internationally. And on the British scene, well, 90% of the industry is openly queer and people love them so it really wouldn't ruin their careers if they came out AND it is literally easier to be a right wing TERF than a LGBTQIA supporting Lefty so if Georgia is doing something she's doing it from her heart and bearing the brunt of toxic terfs and whatnot because SHE ACTUALLY DOES CARE.

Lastly I would kill to have parents that support me for who I am. Who promise that they would take on the world to win me the right to be safe and happy and proud of my identity. Parents who I wouldn't have to lie to and hide and cover from. And you it wouldn't matter if they were being heavily politically publicly active about it. I would be ENOUGH if they'd just hold me and tell me I was complete and whole and beautiful in all my queerness and that they'd celebrate it with me for the rest of their lives. That they were proud of me.

And what have you done for trans and nonbinary communities @letscoffeebreak other than make us really fckn angry?!?

hold on hold on…has everyone seen letscoffeebreaks recent tirade against Georgia… bashing her lgbtq activism?! One of the most outspoken celebrities for the rights of trans youth…and they’re attacking her the fuck? If you want to see all of it (I’ll make a more detailed post later as my mind is fried and I have shit to do) just type in letscoffeebreak and then hit go to @letscoffeebreak

I need to hear everyone’s thoughts about this as it is so mind blowing so I am calling upon the council.

@davidtennantgenderenvy @thegeorgiatennantblog @goodomenswarning @sakuranova07 @nastasya--filippovna (I know I technically tagged you already but wanted to give your main credit too)

@anikaskywalkerlives @allonsy-moony @aq2003 @suz-blog @macpye @alloftimeandallofspace what do we think fellow council members?

[lianhua-jun]

Yesterday, my mid-50s cishet conservative Christian father actually asked me to explain some things about queerness and it really highlighted for me the reasons most people of that demographic don't understand us. (And yes, I did not say white for a reason. We, especially my father, are visibly non-white. Most people immediately clock him as Latino.)

Now, to understand some of what he asked, I should probably share a bit about myself, as his questions were more or less about me specifically. I am AFAB and wear my hair long. I'm also openly trans (pre‐op), which has been... interesting. He struggles with it and has unconscious biases he really needs to work on, but he does use my chosen name.

He told me that it's confusing and he doesn't understand how I can say I "want to be a boy" when I look and act the way I do, and I know that sounds bad, but he didn't actually mean it in any particular way. He explained to me, when asked, that the way he looks and acts, even his sexuality is rooted in his gender, for him.

I tried to explain in turn how I know I'm nonbinary. I told him I fully intend to get top surgery and was happier when I was on T. That if I could snap and not have my uterus, I would. That I don't identify with most of the female experience. He found this more or less acceptable, but then he asked about my love life and the broader queer community.

He asked about dating as a trans person. And I had to explain to him that it's hard because some gay men will date a trans guy, and others would rather die. Some lesbians will date trans gals, and others refuse to. Some people in our queer community will even argue against us being allowed in certain spaces, I had to tell him. That can change based on the surgeries the trans person has had, I tried to explain. And he really didn't get it. He doesn't understand any gender identity that isn't binary, but he tried, since he loves me. But the broader queer community and any of the discourse makes no sense to him.

"I give up," was his conclusion. "You said it yourself that it's pretty complicated, I don't think I'll understand it." And I've been in the online queer community since I was about thirteen, so of course I get it. It's my life. But for him? It's like a peek into an alternate dimension. He bluntly says he is neither homophobic nor transphobic—even when I point out where he needs to do better because he's literally saying homophobic or transphobic shit—but he also plainly does not understand a single one of us. He has gay friends he cares about. He has a trans kid he cares about. And we are aliens to him.

I realized after I got it all out that it sounds kind of hopeless, but I actually got something positive out of it. There are people that are willing to hear us out, even if they don't get it or usually are somewhat against us. The only thing that's stopping them at that point is how complicated we are. I remember feeling like I was dropped into the deep end as a kid, and I think that's how my dad felt yesterday. Sure, we're a generally inclusive and accepting group, but we're not exactly accessible. We need to be more accessible.

[helyiios]

AHHHHHHHH YOU ART TRANS LASZLO TRANS LASZLO AHHHH ITS SO GOOD PLEASE IF ITS OKAY TELL US SOME OF YOUR OWN HC ABOUT HIM

Oh my God you’re enabling me haha, I have so many…I also kind of want to write a fic ? We’ll see.

Anyway…

-I think human!Lasz was essentially very depressed about his condition; being a transman back in the 1600’s—and he also was not liked at all by his father. Even less so when he started to wear men’s fine clothes, to stand straighter (look, Matt Berry is tall and I like that about Laszlo,) and to try and deepen his voice.

-He kept his long hair, but styled it differently, attended masked balls to try and meddle with others without being recognised, and I like to think he sometimes would stay with the musicians, or in more artistic spaces.

-There’s definitely been incidents where he attended high class parties and introduced himself as Lord Laszlo Cravensworth, before his father barged in and corrected him, openly, thus wildly mortifying the both of them for different reasons. I think that’s where Laszlo learnt to stand for himself and not take shit; he was always the kind to be a little extravagant and not afraid to speak his mind, but I think those experiences really forced him to impose himself and not be afraid.

-I still am not sure how I can explain his physical transition, though I am leaning towards the witches. Somehow they made him able to look like the vampire he looks like nowadays (so post turning,) but I haven’t given much thoughts about it yet !

-c.f some post I have made some days ago, but I think the first time Nadja and him met he was still young, around his late 20s, (and he looks like, mid 40s as a vampire) and he introduced himself as Lord Laszlo, of course, and Nadja was just like, “wow he smells good, he has such pretty lashes and a lovely mouth, he must taste even better.”

-I know I called for magic for his transition but I’d still wanna give him scars, because I Said So and I like to draw them. :)

-I think his nanny and his mother were most supportive of him, back then, and that’s also why his father took the nanny away—because he did not want her to enable him. To me, the necklace we see him wear mostly in 4x01 is a gift from his mother, that she gave him as a talisman for luck and care, as a way to tell him that no matter what she’ll look after him.

-In some instances where Guillermo is also trans, I like to think they have that kinda understanding and quiet bonding. I think it’s sweet ! Love that for them !

I probably have thought of more, but I don’t have any other coming to my mind, so that’ll have to do for now. Thank you so much for asking haha, it’s a HC I really hold close to my heart.

[aropinions]

So What Is Exclusionism, Anyway?

As I've looked through inclusionist circles, I've come to a startling realization that most of them have an extremely skewed understanding of what exclusionism is (along with its various offshoots, subtypes, and related beliefs). They equate it to hatred of whatever group is being excluded, and they don't think people part of the excluded group could ever support exclusionism.

So, I've decided to write a long post to clear up some of those misconceptions. This post is mainly targeted to inclusionists and people wondering where they stand on the inclus/exclus sides of various types of discourse, but if you're exclusionist already, please feel free to reblog or boost it. <3 Thanks in advance for reading!

I'll start by introducing myself. Hi, I'm Ivy, or at least that's what I go by on here. I am a heterosexual, aromantic female. I am neurodivergent (ADHD, so forgive me if I ramble or write in a scatterbrained way) and have several other mental illnesses that I don't wish to talk about online. I do not have gender dysphoria, but I do not "feel feminine," and my personality has been described as rather masculine. In fact, many people in the inclusionist trans community have tried to convince me that I'm nonbinary because I don't feel a strong connection to a female gender, and I'll talk about that more later in this post.

I'm going to put all my relevant discourse opinions on the table right now. (In the next paragraph, I'm going to explain what all these labels actually mean and why they don't automatically make someone a horrible person.) Contrary to popular belief, I am not a trans-exclusionary radical feminist (TERF), an aphobe, a transphobe, or a bigot. I am ace-exclusionist, aro-exclusionist, trans-exclusionist, transmedicalist, pro-LGB, and gender-critical.

Now here's the fun part. Bear with me -- we're about to debunk the myths about these opinions, explain each term's real definition, and talk about some of the reasoning behind the beliefs.

Exclusionism, as a blanket term, is the belief that gatekeeping is necessary to make any group or community meaningful and safe. Various types of exclusionists fight against the lumping together of various marginalized identities or groups, because they believe that letting different types of people into spaces meant for more specific groups will detract from the safety and functionality of those spaces. They do not hate the groups they are excluding, and they typically want to exclude both ways. For example, ace exclusionists don't want allosexual LGBT let into ace spaces any more than they want asexuals let into LGBT spaces. Many exclusionists in LGBT discourse support the exclusion of groups that they themselves are part of, because in addition to the idea that it's harmful to the main LGBT community to lump them into it, they also think their group deserves its own recognition as a separate thing from the LGBT community. Exclusionism is not hatred.

Time to get into more specific terms. Let's start pretty simple, with truscum and transmeds. Someone who is truscum believes that people must have dysphoria to be trans. Someone who is transmedicalist believes that gender dysphoria is a mental disorder, and that transness is a medical condition synonymous with gender dysphoria. All transmeds are truscum, but not all truscum are transmeds. Most truscums and transmeds are against MOGAI, neopronouns, gender microlabels (e.g. genderflux or demiboy), and xenogenders. Most truscums believe in nonbinary people. There are some transmeds who don't believe nonbinary dysphoria is real, but they're not the majority.

The direct opposite of truscum and transmed is "tucute," which denotes a belief that dysphoria is not required to be transgender and gender identity is completely unrelated to biological sex or medical disorders/conditions. Tucutes also generally support MOGAI, xenogenders, neurogenders, microlabels, and neopronouns.

Next, we have bio-essentialism. Bio-essentialism is the belief that oppression is based on biological sex, not gender identity, and that identifying as a different gender than your birth sex doesn't automatically mean you are oppressed. This doesn't necessarily mean bio-essentialists believe that gender doesn't exist or that you can't identify as whatever you want, just that your social oppression is based off your biological sex. Not all bio-essentialists are truscum or transmeds, but most are. Bio-essentialists prominently use the terms "male" and "female" to describe biological sex rather than gender identity, and non-radical ones will use "man" and "woman" as blanket terms that include transmen and transwomen while maintaining "male" and "female" as words for biological sex only.

Then, we have the big bad term, TERF. I've seen a lot of people misuse the TERF label, so I'm going to try to clarify its actual meaning. The acronym stands for "trans-exclusionary radical feminist." It's important to break that down into two main parts -- TE and RF -- because trans-exclusionists are often called TERFs when most of them don't fit the "RF" part of the acronym at all.

Trans-exclusionism (TE) means that you believe transgender issues/discourse/activism should be separated from LGB issues/discourse/activism because they are fundamentally different. L, G and B all have one thing in common: being attracted to people of the same sex as you. T is about someone's gender, not their sexual orientation, so trans-exclusionists believe that the LGB and the T should not be lumped into the same community. It doesn't mean they think trans people deserve less respect or are not real. Most trans-exclusionists are also truscum or transmedicalist, but not all are. Many trans-exclusionists who are also feminists are gender-critical, but not all are. Pro-LGB is a synonym of trans-exclusionist, but in my experience, people who describe themselves as "pro-LGB" are more likely to also be gender-critical than those who identify themselves as "trans-exclusionist."

Radical feminism (RF) is a subset of feminism that -- in addition to general feminist beliefs -- is anti-porn, anti-kink, against the makeup industry, and very often openly misandrist. Radical feminists are not always trans-exclusionist, and trans-exclusionists are not always radical feminists (in fact, most aren't). Most radfems are anti-capitalist, and all are against pink capitalism and rainbow capitalism (the commercialization of feminist ideas, gay rights, etc.) Most radfems are truscum or transmedicalist, but not all are.

All TERFs are also gender-critical. "Gender-critical" people are bio-essentialist, but they go a step further to say that gender identity is a meaningless term, and that biological sex is the sole basis of oppression. However, one can be gender-critical and still support trans people if one is a transmedicalist. GC transmeds believe that trans people are still oppressed in society according to their biological sex, not their gender identity, but that social/physical transitioning is acceptable as a treatment for the mental disorder known as gender dysphoria.

Neither trans-exclusionism nor radical feminism is inherently transphobic or hateful toward transgender people. To differentiate a regular trans-exclusionist from a TERF, ask yourself if the person fits the radfem beliefs outlined above. If not, they aren't a TERF.

Now that all of that is covered, we can talk about the last couple types of exclusionism I want to touch on -- asexual exclusionism and aromantic exclusionism. These almost always come together as a package called aro/ace-exclusionism or aspec-exclusionism, but it is technically possible to be ace-exclusionist and not aro-exclusionist (or vice versa), though I've never personally met someone with such beliefs. Aspec-exclusionists believe that aspec people should not be included in the LGBT community because the lack of sexual or romantic attraction is a completely separate struggle and involves separate experiences than having attractions that exist, but are not heterosexual. Some more extreme aro/ace exclusionists strongly gatekeep aromanticism and asexuality. These ones don't believe in microlabels on the "aro spectrum" or "ace spectrum" such as demisexual or grayromantic. They maintain the belief that if someone has sexual attraction (regardless of whether they actually pursue people sexually) then they are not asexual, and if someone feels romantic attraction at all (even if they don't pursue romantic relationships) they are not aromantic.

Aro/ace-exclusionists, regardless of their beliefs on aromantic and asexual spectrums or microlabels, are not inherently aphobic. They only want aromanticism and asexuality to be separated from the rest of the LGB or LGBT community, and treated as their own distinct identities.

I hope this post was informative, and if anyone has feedback on anything I should edit, they should let me know in replies. Regardless of your beliefs, if you actually read this whole post or even just scrolled to the bottom, I'd like to offer a sincere thanks for bearing with me thus far. If you are an inclusionist or otherwise disagree with the things in the post, but you read it anyway, I have a lot of respect for your willingness to hear opinions other than yours rather than blindly blocking out everything you disagree with.

No matter who you are, I hope you have a great day. <3

[fierceawakening]

That’s fair, I think.

It’s difficult in some ways for me, because back when I was involved in a form of leftism that I now think was culty, any asking questions about it yielded “you don’t want the Jews to have a place to go!” And if you tried to ask whether “a place to go” having a very right wing government that sure sounded separatist depending on who was quoting who was a great idea, that was proof of disapproval of the whole project. And I was just like “I’m pretty sure that’s not what I’m saying” but there’s the whole… “if you have privilege you’re clueless.” So I just went quiet.

But every Palestinian person I have ever met has described themself as displaced and pained by it, and I just wind up wondering… am i giving right wing government officials who I’d ABSOLUTELY call separatist if they were Christian a huge pass because someone told me I messed up my lefty praxis?

Which is why I do keep coming back to whether nationalism is ever okay, even though I feel like I’m supposed to conclude yes.

Because for me… yes, i agree that a lot of people in the US who see Israel as a refuge should they need it actually aren’t invested in kicking anyone else out. But where I feel less convinced is… is that how most Israelis are looking at it, or are they thinking of Arab people, non Jews, etc, as outsiders? It seems like there is always some right winger heavily implying that if not straight up saying it. But it’s hard to know how representative that is or isn’t.

Which leads me to: is nationalism in itself a bad ideology? Is it the sort of thing that leads you, even if you start out “they can stay, I just want to stay too,” to start going “why are they here?’’ and slowly starting to want them to “leave,” which over time sounds more and more like “die?”

Or like… back in those same lefty days, we were tolerant of radical feminists as long as they weren’t openly anti trans. “Not all feminists hate men, but the ones who do need safety. That can include separate space, as long as trans women are women.”

And those people, also, got very mean. It went from “it’s understandable that traumatized women don’t want men around” to “do any of us want men around?” to “men are a problem” to “we drink their tears.”

And for myself, it was shocking to look back and see how I’d gone from “I’m not sure about feminism” to “I shrink away from people with beards.” So I see separatism as inherently risky, and I’m not sure nationalism isn’t separatism with a nice coat on.

Which is why for myself personally, I’m very NATIONALISM: NOT EVEN ONCE.

Which makes me uneasy because some people seem to think that’s hateful, when it seems reasonable to me that everyone should have a right to practice their traditions as they see fit, but those traditions should never shape any government, in rule OR in practice.

So I just wound up reading a fash tumblr (suspected that was what it was but wasn’t sure, now need eye bleach) and read the sentence “if nationalism is good enough for the Jews it should be good enough for us” and… on the one hand I am extremely grossed out. But on the other… why ARE many of us on the left friendly to nationalist movements as long as the people in them are marginalized?

I’m probably going to horribly regret making this post but I have always wondered what the hell is up with that. Isn’t it the notion that we’re fundamentally and profoundly different, and that each little group should make rules only for itself even if that means creating a bad society, that’s causing all the yikes? Or have I missed something somewhere?

[takerfoxx]

In response to JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, my (former) idols

I really didn’t want to have to do this.

So in addition to…=gestures vaguely=…all of that, the last few months have been kind of sucky when it comes to learning some really unpleasant things about artists that I looked up to, admired, and was in fact inspired by. I’ve already spoken about the Speaking Out movement revealing a lot of ugly behavior from various wrestlers, some of which I was big fans of, and then later we got Chris Jericho being a full-on MAGA. Yeah, that all sucked. But those were just performers whose work I enjoyed watching. The one that really hurt were writers who I deeply admired, whose stories I love, and who I was heavily influenced by.

The first, of course, was finding out that JK Rowling, the author of perhaps the single biggest YA fantasy series of all time Harry Potter, is a TERF. This really sucked for a number of reasons. Firstly, I really like Harry Potter! I mean, I’m not a super fan or anything. I came into it when things were kind of dying down, like the whole book series had already been released and there were only a few movies left, but I still really enjoyed it, have all the books and movies and a fair amount of merchandise swag, including a nifty wand I got at Universal Studios. Shit, I got two replicas of the Sword of Griffyindor, thanks to them screwing up my order in my favor and sending me a duplicate! They’re on my wall right across from me as I type this!

But in addition to writing a book series I really liked, JK Rowling was supposed to be one the good guys. She’s been vocally progressive, often openly comes down on British right-wing nonsense, has supported various persecuted minorities, and is on record as being one of the few self-made billionaires to actually stop being a billionaire for a time because she donated so much money to charity. And while we mock it now, her revealing Dumbledore as gay was a huge deal at the time. Plus, she cultivated this reputation as Auntie Jo, that cool, supportive aunt we all wanted.

But for a while her stock has been dropping. Her preference for confirming “representation” via tweets instead of explicitly putting it in the text of her stories has raised the question of queer-baiting, especially with a whole-ass movie with a young Dumbledore and Grindelwald to make their relationship explicit but failing to do so. The whole Nagini thing from the latest Fantastic Beasts movie was pretty gross. And re-examination of various problematic elements from the original novels has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Now, none of these really looked to be intentionally malicious, of course. Just about everyone’s early work will have problematic elements; that’s just how people work. And the later stuff smacked more of ignorance than anything. But after all this time, it’s like, c’mon. You should know better by now.

But the biggie came when her transphobic views finally came to light. Now, this one had been brewing for a while, due to some questionable likes and statements on her twitter. But then she decided to just go public and published what essentially amounts to a TERF manifesto, one with a very “love the sinner, hate the sin” condescending attitude and had a real persecution complex air to it.

Now, I’m not going to go into detail about what the manifesto was about, what the circumstances surrounding it were, or how wrong it was. It’s already been raked over the coals, dissected, answered, and debunked in detail by people far more qualified than me, so odds are, you’re already well aware of its contents and the subsequent rebuttals. But the gist of it comes down to her basically believing that transwomen are actually cis men claiming to be trans so as to infiltrate and invade female-only spaces.

Yeah.

Okay, that’s gross, but…why? Why is someone so noted for being progressive and wanting to foster an inclusive environment making this the hill of exclusion that she wants to die on?

Well, that’s where things get tricky. She mentions that prior to Harry Potter, her first marriage was highly physically and sexually abusive, and when she escaped from that, she had no place to go, leading her to be homeless for a time.

Oh.

Well, that makes sense. Someone goes through a highly traumatic experience with a member of the opposite sex, has no support structure when she escapes it, is left to fend for herself, only to suddenly get rocketed into fame, fortune, and influence, which in turn leads to a Never Again mentality. She was hurt, no one was there to help her, and now she’s afraid of men invading women-only spaces to victimize others like she was victimized. So…literally transphobic. Literally a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.

Guys, this is so fucked up. Like, how do you even approach something like this? She’s a victim in every sense of the word, so of course she’s going to have physiological damage and a warped view of things. I mean, if I found out that a close friend of mine went through the same thing and had the same prejudices, I would be nothing but sympathetic! I mean, I’d still do what I can to convince her to overcome those prejudices, but I’d still show sympathy and support for what she went through.

Abuse warps people. There’s a reason why so many abusers are abuse survivors themselves. It makes you terrified of being hurt again and often causes people to adopt toxic behaviors, beliefs, and reactions to protect themselves. I’ve already talked about it at length while discussing She-Ra and its own handling of the cycle of abuse, which included franks discussions of Catra’s horrible behavior, why she was the way she was, while never losing sympathy for her and rooting for her to overcome it. So if JK Rowling is an abuse survivor, is it really right to come down on her for having warped views because of that abuse?

But that’s the problem. See, she isn’t your troubled friend that you’re trying to help. She isn’t your cousin Leslie who’s a really sweet person but unfortunately adopted some bad ideals due to trauma suffered. She JK freakin’ ROWLING, one of the most famous, wealthy, and influential women in the world. She has a platform of millions, if not billions, which means her voice lends credibility to her bigoted beliefs. Alt-righters and other TERFs have already swooped upon this for giving validation to their awful beliefs, which puts trans people even more at risk. And as horrible as Rowling’s experiences might have been, the trans community is often the victim of far worse, and they don’t have a mountain of money and an army of defenders to protect them like she does. I’ve said it time and time again: just because you’re a victim, that doesn’t give you the right to victimize others! And bringing things back to Catra, as much as I loved her redemption in the final season, she was still a TERRIBLE PERSON for a huge chunk of the show, one that needed to be stood up to and stopped.

So yeah. That’s the messiness that is JK Rowling.

Now, let’s talk about the one that really hurts. Let’s talk about Joss Whedon.

I’ve made no secret of what a huge Whedon fan I am. Unlike Rowling, I was a HUUUUUGE superfan. Seeing Serenity for the first time in theaters was akin to a religious awakening to me as a storyteller, making it one of my top three movies of all time. Firefly is my favorite show ever. And I adored Buffy, Angel, and Dollhouse as well. I love Cabin in the Woods and The Avengers. The very first fanfic I ever wrote was a Firefly fanfic that disappeared along with my old laptop. I know his style isn’t for everyone, but I cannot understate how much of a personal inspiration he is to me as a writer.

And like Rowling, Joss was supposed to be one of the good guys! Buffy was monumental in pushing the needle when it came to female empowerment. Will and Tara were groundbreaking as a gay couple. He’s been outspoken for years about his feminist views and beliefs and was seen as one of the most prominent and influential feminist voices in Hollywood!

And then things started to go bad.

One day he was on top of the world, the mastermind behind the first two Avenger movies. And the next, it seemed like he was in freefall. It’s hard to really pinpoint exactly when the change took place. Some would say him being brought in as a last-minute substitute for Zack Snyder to take over on Justice League after Snyder had to leave due to family tragedy, and the subsequent awful critical reception to that film tarnishing his image, even if those were very unique circumstances that couldn’t really be blamed on him. Others might point to Age of Ultron’s less than stellar reception, as well as criticism of some questionable jokes and certain creative decisions regarding the character of Black Widow, which then led to a more critical examination of how Whedon continues to write female characters, as while his work might have been revolutionary in the 90’s, his failure to evolve with the times had meant that many of his portrayals are now woefully outdated and problematic, with his vision for a Batgirl movie getting hit with a lot of backlash as a result.

Again, I’m not going to go into too much detail, as this is all public knowledge and can be easily looked up, but overall it seemed that Whedon entered into a period where he was getting criticized more than he was celebrated, and his image of a guaranteed hit maker was now in doubt.

But all of this wasn’t the big problem. All creators go through rises and slumps, and everyone hits points where they get hit with a barrage of criticism; that’s just part of being a public creative figure, especially a progressive one. And had nothing happened after, it would have probably faded, got forgotten, and Whedon would have moved onto the next project with no fuss.

But as it turned out, it wasn’t just a minor slump in his career. Instead, it was the priming of the pump.

In 2016, Whedon divorced his wife of sixteen years, Kai Cole, and in an open letter, Kai Cole accused him of being a serial cheater, who would have affairs with a great many women, from co-workers, to actresses, to friends, to even his fans. And in addition to raising questions of him possibly abusing his position as showrunner to elicit sex from those working on his projects, there also is the ugly question of how could someone who speaks so highly of women then go and backstab the person who was supposed to be the most important woman in his life, as well as lying to her and denying her the autonomy of deciding whether or not she even wanted to continue to have a relationship with him?

Furthermore, Whedon himself has not explicitly denied these accusations, and comments made by him seem only to confirm them.

Now if you’ll recall, I reacted publicly to this news, and despite my admiration of Whedon’s work, I came down on Kai Cole’s side, and stated that while things like marriage issues and infidelity were no one’s business but that of the couple’s, it did raise a lot of uncomfortable questions about how Whedon treated the women in his life and he really needed to get his shit in order.

But hey, a messy private life and a guy falling into temptation isn’t that big of a deal, right? Plenty of creators also go through multiple marriages and have problems staying faithful and still continue making great art. We’re all human, it’s a stressful job, and this shit just happens, right? Sure, it’s gross and a shitty thing to do, but ain’t no business of ours, right?

In late 2020, actor Ray Fisher, who played the role of Cyborg in Justice League, openly accused Joss Whedon of fostering a hostile work environment, claiming that the director’s behavior was abusive and unprofessional, and that Whedon in turn was protected by DC executives.

DC and Warner Bros. came down against Fisher, claiming they had done an internal investigation that turned up no evidence of wrongdoing (yeah, sure they did), and soon Fisher was out as Cyborg, apparently for rocking the boat.

But then Charisma Carpenter, noted for her important role as Cordelia Chase in both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, then spoke up, claiming to be inspired by Fisher in doing so. She described Whedon did indeed foster a hostile work environment on his projects, that his often acted in a toxic manner, from asking incredibly invasive and inappropriate questions regarding her pregnancy to insulting her on set. She said that she made excuses for him for years, but after undergoing a lot of therapy and reading what Ray Fisher had to say, she felt compelled to speak out.

And this just open the floodgates. Other actors and actresses also came forward, some with stories of their own, others to offer support. Even Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, confirmed Carpenter’s stories and said that she no longer wanted to be associated with Whedon. Michelle Trachtenberg, who played the character of Dawn, stated that she also experienced toxic treatment from Whedon despite her being a minor at the time, and says that the set had a rule that Whedon wasn’t allowed to be alone with her again, which really raises some sickening questions of what happened the first time. Even male stars have spoken out, from words of support and apologies for not speaking up earlier from Anthony Stewart Head and David Boreanaz, to an earlier interview with James Marsters, in which he described being terrified of Whedon, mainly due to an instance when Whedon was frustrated with the popularity of Marsters’s character of Spike messing with his plans and physically and verbally taking it out on the actor. There have been many corroborating stories of Whedon being casually cruel on set, on seemingly taking delight in making his fellow show writers cry, and even the man himself admitting to enjoying fostering a hostile work environment during his director commentary of the Avengers. We’ve joked about Whedon’s supposed sadism for years, but that was in regards to how he treated the characters in his stories, not the people helping him make them!

So yeah. That’s the problem with Joss Whedon.

So, do I think that Joss Whedon is somehow some kind of sociopath who lied about his feminist principles and deliberately put on a progressive façade specifically to get into a position of power so he could torment people? No, of course not. I think he was sincere about his beliefs, and I do think he didn’t realize the wrongness of his behavior. But that’s kind of the problem. See, it’s one thing to have kind of a trollishness to your nature, a sort of sadistic side. No one can help that. But when someone with that quality gets put into a position of power in which they are protected by both the higher-ups and their legions of fans, they are allowed to mistreat and continue to mistreat people. And by never suffering any consequences, that sort of toxic behavior becomes internalized, becomes a habit, becomes their moda operandi. And when you’re constantly getting praised as a creative genius and a wonderful feminist voice, any self-criticism just gets wiped away, and you think yourself above reproach, leading to what Joss Whedon became and went on being.

And you know what scares me the most about this particular issue? It’s not that I am a fan of his stories. It’s that I can so easily see myself turning out the same way.

Look, I’ll be upfront about it: I’m kind of a sadist myself. You’ve seen it in my stories, you’ve seen me gloating after a particularly dark plot twist makes my readers freak out. That sort of stuff is fun to me. There’s a reason why I have a much easier time in the dark and violent scenes, because I’m channeling something ugly within me. We all have a dark side, and this is mine.

But UNLIKE Whedon, that doesn’t carry over to how I treat people in real life (unless Monopoly or Mario Party are involved, then it’s fair game). Maybe it’s because I wasn’t given the sort of power and praise he did so early, and I was always taught to be considerate of other people’s feelings, but if I ever find out that I hurt another person or went too fair, I feel TERRIBLE, and it just throws me off all day until I apologize. Even if I don’t notice right away that what I said or did wasn’t cool (autistic, remember?), when it’s pointed out to me and I have some time to think on it, yeah, the guilt is on and I make a point to apologize to whoever I’ve hurt. I’ve even made a point to apologize to members of my family for inconsiderate stuff I said years ago as a little punk kid because it wouldn’t stop bugging me.

So maybe Whedon got too big, too fast. Maybe putting people on these sorts of pedestals, especially progressive ones, is ultimately a bad thing.

So where does this leave us? How are we to treat JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, one who developed a lot of transphobia due to abuse suffered while the other became a toxic individual due to unchecked control and a lack of consequences? Can we still enjoy their stories despite them now being colored by their creators’ falls from grace? Can we separate the art from the artist, or do we have to do a clean split?

Honestly, I feel that has to come down to the individual. I can’t remove the influence Rowling and Whedon have had on me as a storyteller, and I still highly respect both of their talents despite taking major issue with their problems as people. And I’m not going go throw away all of my Harry Potter or Firefly stuff. Because that’s my stuff. It has value to me, it doesn’t represent the issues with their creators, and a lot of it was gifts from people who are dear to me. Though I do think it’ll be a long time before I return to either of their work, as I just don’t have the stomach for it now.

But I will be avoiding any projects they have in the future. I don’t want to put money in their pockets that might go on to support their toxic beliefs or behavior. And as for royalties for their past work that would also support the cast and crew of the Harry Potter films or those who worked on Whedon’s shows who do not deserve to lose money because we don’t want any of that money going to the creators? Er, that question is a little above my paygrade. I don’t know. You’ll have to all decide for yourselves. As for me, I still have a lot of thinking to do.

Regardless though, if I or anyone else is still able to enjoy their work, then it’s important to not divorce what these people said or did from the art they created, even if it makes enjoying that art less fun. It’s important to be critical about what we enjoy, to acknowledge the bad aspects along with the good, and open up discussion of those elements, because that’s what mature adults are supposed to do. 

And as for JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, whose stories I love, whose talent I admire, and whose past good work I’ll happily acknowledge, I do hope they both experience some sort of realization and enter into a period of self-examination that leads to them getting help for their issues, for Rowling to get help in coming to terms with her trauma and realizing that she’s wrong about the trans community and a full apology, and for Whedon to also come to terms with his toxic behavior and how he treats people, for him to make no excuse for what he did and sincerely apologize to those he hurt and work on bettering himself, as well as them both examining some of the more problematic tropes still present in their works. Because despite everything, I do feel that they can still be a creative force of good, and it would be a shame if they let themselves self-destruct.

But if not, then if it comes down to choosing between Rowling and the protecting the trans community, if it comes down between choosing between letting Whedon continue to make shows and protecting actors and writers from his abusive behavior, then I know who I’m siding with, and it ain’t the two individuals this whole essay is about. No story, no matter how good, no matter how creative, is worth letting sacrificing vulnerable people in order for it to be made.

[nothorses]

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, and I worry about saying this off anon but I want to actually, be a face as I do. When I came out I knew I wasn't cis, and I was lucky enough to have the support of two wonderful trans partners, but I had an extremely hard time finding my place in the trans community. I am pro MOGAI and new, hyperspecific terms because I know how important it can be to want to put a name, a flag, and individual pride to your identity. 1/?

I switched my own terms quite a lot, from demigirl to genderfae to genderflux to where I am now, genderfluid. But I remember there was a moment, because I was so sure I was only female aligned, where I thought for just a moment that I might be a boy, and I was terrified, I didnt want to be a boy, I didnt want to be "that trans." Like every trans person, I struggled with internalized transphobia, not feeling valid or true enough in my identity, 2/15

But that dreadful feeling of being Scared of being a boy is something I think about a lot, and something I think is truly telling. I'll admit I primarily (only) use tumblr because social media honestly isnt my thing, so I can only speak to what I've seen here, but I remember seeing so little about trans men, other than the occasional mention in broad positivity posts, the even rarer info about binding or passing, but I did see how much people hated men. 3/15

It was always implied to be about cis men, I've been spared the more modern issues regarding overt hatred of trans men, but I saw the constant anger and vitriol and genuine hatred for men. And I realize now I wasnt just scared of being "too trans" I was scared of being hated. So I made myself nonthreatening, I called myself a boy, I performed femininity to an even higher, though subversive standard, because I was still so scared of being a man. The enemy. The oppressor. 4/15

It took many more months to dare say I wanted to call myself a man, and even then I was scared, in the comfort and safety of my girlfriend's company. I felt dirty saying it, and I still do. I always only dare to refer to myself as a trans man, instead of just as a man. And I do want to sidetrack for a moment and say my relationship to gender, as a genderfluid person, is admittedly more complex than just when I feel this way, in other ways people are also particularly hateful towards, 5/15

But even with those other facets, and my fear of being open in them, pale in comparison to my relationship with masculinity. Because when I did come out and admit to myself that sometimes, I am not a woman, or nonbinary, I am a man, I became more aware of things. I exited wonderland, so to say. Suddenly I became so much more aware of how much people simply did not care about me or people like me, and especially not our problems or concerns. 6/15

I saw how invisible I was, and worse than that, I saw a very subtle malice. The only mention of trans men were in those broad positivity posts including everyone under the trans umbrella, or in the rare case something was positive exclusively for trans men, it was always reblogged with "dont forget trans women/enby people" tacked on, I remember once I looked in the trans tag and counted how many posts it took to find one exclusively about trans men that didnt mention binding 7/15

I got into the forties. Because on other posts, I would see people make passive aggressive remarks about how "trans men are talked about too much" or "there's all these resources for trans men, what about trans women" and I wanted to know on what earth the people who said that were living on, because the only, and I mean the only thing people tend to talk about in regards to trans men is how to safely bind, and rarely, the effects of HRT. 8/15

This happened a while ago, but I remember seeing a number of posts on my dash about how much representation trans men receive. I believe there was a panel about trans people, where a majority of the panelists were trans men, and trans women were less represented than them. They encouraged people to complain, said we received too much attention, and pointed at mythical trans male rep in media that in reality, I could count on one hand. I remember being so angry and passionate about it 9/15

Now im honestly just tired. I dont feel accepted by the trans community, and even the trans male community is iffy (I fit in amongst mogai people most, but I cant deny trumeds are particularly prevalent, and it wore on me), and it's so tiring to have every post made by trans men for trans men have to be preambled by belittling themselves and downplaying their own suffering. I just want to exist in peace, but I feel like that's too much to ask. 10/15

I've reached a point of exhaustion that I have become entirely apathetic to my own gender, what was once a deeply important aspect of my identity. I feel disconnected from it, and as a consequence from my own body. I don't bother examining it anymore because I can't feel it, as someone who suffers from dissociation, I feel dissociated from it in order to protect myself, something I was once so openly proud about. 11/15

Im scared to try and push for transition, for my own personal reasons, but now on top of those Im terrified of being silenced and belittled and hated for something that should make me happy. I've tried so hard not to feed into the lateral violence and become embittered towards trans women, because that's not fair, but I won't lie and say it hasnt been hard when I have seen more than I ever would've liked be so willing to ignore or outright throw their brothers under the bus 12/15

And of course there are even more who do show their support for their brothers, and for that im thankful, but this invisibility effects how I perceive everything. I feel like I've been pushed back into the closet, I say im trans because I know I'm not cis but I don't even know who I am, what my place is, and I'm scared to explore because I'm scared that who I am will be violently rejected by the people meant to support me. I want to be free to even explore who I am. 13/15

I wish people would listen to my experiences and what I have to say, but in every microaggression every act of ignoring I feel silenced. Trans men are viewed as predatory, just in a different way; trans men are fetishized and have chasers; trans men face higher rates of violence and sexual assault for being trans men; research about transmasc transition is almost nonexistent, and new, better surgeries are not even thought about; transmasc history is erased and silenced. 14/15

I, feel like im rambling at this point, and I'm sorry I've been so longwinded, I just. I want to thank you, for creating a space where I can speak my truth, because before finding your blog I didn't think anyone would care. I feel like I have so much more to say but honestly im scared, and too tired, and have said enough for now. I just want this feeling of loneliness to go away and hopefully I'll find a way to accept myself. Thank you for listening to me, and giving me a platform to speak 15/15

(Edited the numbers for accuracy)

Thank you for trusting me with this, and to other folks: I think this is an important narrative to listen to and share!

[tinysatansierra-blog]

Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8