#awled rens rambles

[alren-ki]

NEW COMMISSION TYPE OPENING.

Intended as quick burst things to help stay in the practice of doing art. Little to no input on final piece aside from saying some don'ts regarding subject and subject matter.

Must have visual references for characters.

DM for interest, send three characters for me to choose from, turnaround should be in 5-6 days at most.

Upon completion you will receive both the flat image as PNG and the MPD. file so you can make any color or minor edits you desire. Once you have the image you are free to fiddle to your hearts desire as long as credit and my signature remains attached. I retain rights to use it as examples for future commissions but will ask permission on if I can post it or not.

[awledindulgence]

Hi literally the only things that go on this sideblog are things that I for some reason or another feel like I'm going to get exploded for on main because I have Brain Probles about things, if your here for actual Ren-Nanagins their over at @alren-ki

[alren-ki]

Are you an adult IEYTD fan?

Do you want to be in a discord server with other confirmed adults, with optional spaces for NSFW or more intense content?

I can provide that.

the IEYTD Adult Club is a small 18+ server with sections for writing, art, ocs, Roleplay and game discussion, with opt in roles to see the NSFW or Intense Content channels of those sections if they include it

DM me directly to ask for an invite link, 18+ only, if you are found lying about your age, even if you did not access the NSFW channels, you will be permanently banned and everyone in the server will be informed why.

[alren-ki]

I'm sorry to any of my fellow trans followers (or followers who are family to trans people) who just- cannot look at the posts I'm Reblogging about Nex right now- it took me two days before I could look at anything about it myself I understand. It is, exaugsting having to publicly mourn and bury our dead every few months (or less). I do not begrudge you the space you need. I have tagged and will continue to tag every post with the Real World Events CW tag, the same one I use for any other ugly story that you might need a moment's breath before facing or more.

However.

I fucking Live Here. I am a Nonbinary Oklahoman who only avoided experiencing the hell of being queer in the oklahoma school system by being thoroughly failed by mine before I was cognizant enough to put words to my identity. Nex Benedict is the same age as my younger brother, they were only 5 years younger then me, they were barely more then a baby, and the hatred that has bred and curdled in my fucking HOME killed them.

This isn't just awareness when we scream their name. This is a public expression of Grief, this is our way of making people remember they were a person- if we had the honor to know them or not.

They were a 16 year old child who loved their cat (Zeus, as I've gathered from a few reports), who played minecraft, who decompressed with music after school. They were a human being who's loved ones have described to us strangers as a light. They were Choctaw, identified as twospirit and loved as their own authentic self by their family.

I wish I didn't know these facts. I wish Nex Benedict was a stranger to me because they survived and lived and loved in a whole different part of the state to me. I wish that they got to grow up in the safety of privacy. I wish that their name wasn't echoed across the world because they were murdered. I wish they got to choose when and if they were known this openly.

Nex, I am so fucking sorry you did not get to grow up in a time and space where our government valued your life. You deserved so much more.

[alren-ki]

Despite my love for Kellogg, I've literally never drawn him before because I hate drawing bald people, I also hate drawing mechanicals but apparently two wrongs make an ok when Media That Rewrites Your Brain gets involved. Anyway, I had SUCH a fun thought when Kellogg first showed up and they described half his face as ruined, so I took it and ran with it, his skull was fucking blasted open they had to hold his head back together somehow, Plus the lights from the scene in the bar with Hancock and The Shroud, also I gave him synth eyes because there was No Way his original eyes were left by the time they got his body, those fuckers decompose fast.

[alren-ki]

Waitiewaitwiait Wait

I know half of us are loosing our minds at the thought that DANSE might remember, but like, I've just had a thought.

When Kenny cast Curse Of Explode Your Notes on my Shroudlogg art he said that I had gotten Kellogg Exactly as he had pictured him, I drew Kellogg with Visible Synth Eyes, and we Know his brain is Mechanical at that point because the organic one was "Past its expiration date" by the time the bad guys got to his body.

So I pose a potentially terrifying question.

Does Kellogg Remember?

[alren-ki]

My new laptop is here! Xe's so pretty and so fancy and so very Has Storage Space. I love xeir so much already and I'm still downloading things and configuring.

[alren-ki]

Me: ok, I don't want to go back to that doctor but I need those test results even if they don't say anything, I'm going.

The Test Results: Bitch your vitamin D is a single digit number. How the fuck have you not broken anything?

Me: Ah-

[alren-ki]

Gorg <3

Lol

[alren-ki]

Someone talk me out of getting up and starting to do tests for a podfic I want to record. It's 2:50 in the morning now is NOT a good time to teach myself audio editing

[alren-ki]

Great (Terrible) new Crackship just dropped.

Kellogg/Boss Lambarto

Your welcome.

[alren-ki]

every once in a while a cat video will come across my dash and i’ll go ah! my mutual alren-ki would certainly enjoy this but every time it turns out it is YOU who reblogged it. you foil my attempts to tag you in things but someday i swear it. i will find a cat video before you

Good luck I've got an inside agent! >:D

[alren-ki]

I just did the catboxes, for the third week in a row, without having to force myself, without feeling like my body wants to collapse into parts, and the only reason I didn't do them yesterday was I didn't have cat litter.

Y'all I think what I'm doing is working, I'm getting my fucking body back.

[alren-ki]

I keep finding glass.

Is that supposed to be some sort of poetry? Shattered peace and shattered glass And the haunting of a trauma?

Thats stupid. There isn't poetry in a smash and grab There isn't music in a stolen viola. There isn't beauty in a panic attack. There is no art in being to scared to draw.

I just keep finding glass. Stress fractures stretched in lines They would be pretty if not for the context I toss them in the garbage anyway.

I Keep Finding Glass.

[alren-ki]

I only have one question for the guy that broke into my house.

Why The Fuck did you take the Viola? The Mower I get (Kinda) but, the fucking Viola?

[alren-ki]

Where did the profile pictures go.