#i am filled with shame for my likes
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mingot-studios · 1 year ago
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im garbage
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that-was-anticlimactic · 6 months ago
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i will never understand how or why the httyd movies did the books such an injustice.
the movies aren't even an adaptation - they stole the name of the series, the name of some of the characters and places, and the general idea that there are dragons. honestly, i would be fine with the movies and maybe even like them if they didn't capitalize off of cressida cowell's incredible books that never get any credit.
the books are an amazing story about the cycle of violence and how vengeance and revenge is dangerous. hiccup says that the past is a ghost story, one we need to learn from to better ourselves. the books are about how everyone deserves freedom, how every creature, every being on the earth deserves to be free. we see that in the slavemark, with the dragons.
and like... hiccup is so different. they did him a severe injustice. he's scrawny and intelligent and learned to talk to dragons simply by observing them! he chooses kindness first above all else; instead of yelling at toothless to train him, he is kind. and in the end, that kindness is why toothless chose to save him. bc even toothless himself says that dragons are inherently selfish creatures who care only for their survival. hiccup is brave - his beliefs differ drastically from both the vikings and the world.
hiccup is a child who chose to do the right thing even at the expense of himself. he agreed to free the slaves on nobert's ship, and in return, they gave him the slavemark which is easy to give but cannot be removed. he was like twelve. and having the slavemark means he cannot be with his tribe or his family, it means he isn't considered a human being anymore. and he keeps it a secret for awhile until it's revealed and when it is everyone turns their backs on hiccup. his family, his tribe, his mentor, people he TRUSTED. everyone except fishlegs, and, once she got over the shock, camicazi. he was thirteen. and even when he lost his memories and was really injured, he persisted. he was told to go to tomorrow and to save the dragons and he did bc in his heart he knew it was right even though he didn't know who he was or how he got there.
and fishlegs,,, oh my god FISHLEGS!!! the did him SO DIRTY!!! fishlegs is hiccup's best friend, one of the main motivators for hiccup. he steals norbert's potato for the sake of fishlegs, he gives fishlegs his dragon and goes to retrieve another, he takes the blame for fishlegs. and fishlegs does the same for him. he takes the slavemark with pride. he refuses to turn. he gives hiccup his lobster claw necklace which is his most prized possession. he is brave for hiccup, he believes hiccup is alive. he fights for hiccup harder than anyone else ever has. he does not turn. his is loyal, has allergies, has asthma, has a squint and a limp, has glasses bc he's blind without them... and he's still a hero despite being a runt, despite everyone even the adults telling him he's hopeless, telling hiccup to leave him behind.
and they cut camicazi! i'm sorry, but astr*d is nothing compared to camicazi. camicazi is a tiny, feral child who can easily best hiccup, fishlegs, and pretty much anyone in a sword fight. she can bring a grown man to tears with her rudery and smack talk. she is recklessly brave and craves adventure and follows hiccup blindly bc she trusts him that much. she isn't in love with hiccup - in fact she doesn't care about romance and love. she gives up everything to help hiccup bc she has a strong sense of justice. she is the motivator, the cheerleader, she finds a positive in everything. she never gives up. literally never gives up. and that's one of the most inspiring things about her: she always has hope.
and toothless! god!!! toothless is *thought to be* a common or garden dragon. he is horrifically tiny, he is literally toothless, and is the biggest brat in the world. he will cause problems on purpose. he has a stutter, he's the most selfless selfish dragon around. he and hiccup can talk to each other. he masks his fear with singing and being annoying. his growth is remarkable. he starts off refusing to obey hiccup, doing the opposite of what he says, making life harder for literally everyone around him, and he's still somewhat like that. but he's also braver, more caring, more willing to make sacrifices for the sake of others. he's clever, which he needs to be to make up for his size and aggression. he protects hiccup with everything he has, therefore, he protects what hiccup cares about just as hard. he was the only dragon that didn't abandon the vikings in the first book bc he cared about hiccup.
and snotlout,,, god,,, i will never forgive the movies for butchering snotlout. hiccup's cousin, the bully character, the one who is horrifically jealous that hiccup's dad was born before his. the one who desperately wants to prove himself, to be worthy, to make people proud. and you hate him, you despise him. he betrays everyone many times bc of the nothing promised to him by alvin and his mom. he loses himself, turns his back on himself, all bc he wants to prove himself. all bc he wants to be better than hiccup. and hiccup still forgives him and gives him chances, sometimes out of pity, but also bc snotlout is his cousin. he can't just turn his back on him no matter how miserable snotlout made his life. and in the end, snotlout sacrifices himself for hiccup. he gives up his life for hiccup in one last attempt to set things right. his death and the events preceding it are one of my absolute favorite moments in the book. gives me chills. makes me cry.
that's the thing with the books - they're so realistic. there is no inherently happy ending where everything works out. the first book begins with "there were dragons when i was a boy", implying that they're gone now. the books show there are consequences to our actions. they enslaved the dragons, they fought against them during the dragon rebellion all bc alvin and his mom said to, and now they're gone bc a simple apology doesn't fix hundreds of years of enslavement. and the only way for the world to move forward was for the dragons to leave and heal on their own. and now they have to learn to live without them. and yeah i've heard the third movie ends like that but. it doesn't have the build up. it doesn't have "there were dragons when i was a boy". it doesn't have eleven books of development to back it up, to make it feel meaningful.
i know that the movies are really special to a lot of people. i know that, on their own, they're genuinely good movies. i can acknowledge that the soundtrack is amazing and the animation is beautiful. i just can't see past the way they butchered the world that i love, the world that i grew up with. i can't see past the way people yelled at me for saying i liked the books better, the way that people gave me weird looks when i showed them a picture of the original toothless, when i tell them that nightfuries aren't even a type of dragon. cressida cowell created hundreds of different dragons, and the movies couldn't even pick from that. i can't forgive the way that barely anyone knows there are books bc the movie barely gives credit to them. i cannot forgive the way they capitalized off the books and then shoved them aside. i know cressida thinks they're good movies and i know a lot of httyd book fans also like them. but i just... i cannot get over how much they changed and how they missed so much and ignored the books. also they got rid of camicazi so hiccup could have a love interest and that is unforgivable to me.
if you disagree, that is a-okay. we're all entitled to our own opinions. i just ask that you, perhaps, try the books out. give them a chance. bc they're amazing works of art and also just like. don't yell at people who don't like the movies? whether it's bc they prefer the books or just aren't into that kind of movie. and just remember that dreamworks didn't come up with the story; cressida cowell did.
#corey talks:)#this has been in my drafts forever but i saw something that made me have feelings and so i finished it and here take this iuygfcvghuij#i justgod the books are SO GOOD and barely anyone knows theyexist#and i think that's what makes me the kost upset#or some [people chose to ignore they exist or don't give them a chance bc... i don't even know why. ppl are just so quick to dismiss them#the books are so important to me (literally got a httyd book tattoo) and i get most book fans also like the movies#but it sucks bc i can't go through the httyd tag without being bombarded with movie stuff#i'll even look up 'httyd books' and half of it is still about the movies.#i'll look up snotface snotlout and only finds movie stuff even tho ig they changed his last name in the movies???#i'll look up camicazi and find it filled with astr*d. WHAT.#i'll look u toothless and only see the freaking nightfury. not the original.#like god movie enjoyers at least tag correctly. i get you want ppl to see your posts but the more i see movie stuff in the book tag the mor#i hate the movies lol like the movies are so much more popular than the books let us have our tags okay#sorry if any of this sounds bitter also i hope it doesn't sound like i want to argue or fight#this is just my opinion and i have feelings and i just want ppl to know there are books#also i am not shaming anyone who likes the movies like i already said you do you boo just don't come at me for doing me#bc yes that has happened to me multiple times :) which is one reason why i get so upset :)#i just personally cannot separate the two. i know some ppl can and i'm glad! but i can't and that's okay too#httyd#httyd books
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thebirdandhersong · 3 months ago
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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lottieurl · 3 months ago
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transmasc-rose · 5 months ago
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Amy/Rory I Saw the TV Glow au:
Amy as Maddy/Tara, who ran away and never came home, who talks about things that can't be real (the TV show, the TARDIS, a world where they're strong, a world where they're something better).
Rory as Owen/Isabel, meek and yet loyal and yet terrified of his best friend and what she means. And what she says. And what she shows him.
Doctor Who, the TARDIS, the Doctor, all wrapped up into the role of the Pink Opaque, the TV show from their youth, and something Amy grasps onto and never let's go. Something Rory abandons for a normal life.
And yet.
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Anyway, back to testing (Patreon)
#Doodles#Portal#GLaDOS#Chell#Curiosity Core#Space Core#Cave Johnson#So many GLaDOS'!! She needs all the <3#And then also featuring some others lol ♪ Replaying 1 really made me want to fill out the cast a bit more!#I'm still the most used to drawing her Portal 2 design tho - which is a shame because her 1 design is so weird!! I like it :D#I still haven't given her a proper study but I do like how in the audio commentary they talk about how she has a feminine edge hehe#She does! They did a good job with her design ♪ And improved upon it in 2 I think :D I still haven't gotten to that audio commentary#I'm so curious as to what they'll say about her there hehe ♫ But I'm still just playing normally for now! I forgot how much longer it is :0#I tore through it the first time so now taking my leisurely time feels funny haha ♪ I am enjoying myself tho :3#Anyway!! Back to what I love about 1 <3 <3 Her tone switch literally Always has my heart ♥ Ughhh I love herrr#I also quite like Chell's design from both games :) I wonder if GLaDOS keeps making remarks on her appearance because of the changes :0#She does have fuller cheeks in 2! She's not as gaunt - and she looks like....made-up? Make up made up? Y'know? :0#Not that we get a particularly good look at her in-game but hm! The differences#As well as in her long-fall boots! The braces really were just stuck on her legs in 1 weren't they :0 No wonder the Curiosity Core was rude#I do really love the Curiosity Core tho haha ♪ Probably my favourite canon Core :D I think she'd get along well with Space Core lol#And then leaving off with that one little human-GLaDOS headcanon thing I posted about! Impatiently lol#I made these like The Day after posting that I couldn't help it I was too deep in the paint XP It was fun ♪#I really do think she'd look so much more like Cave still! Especially after replaying the bit where he says to put Caroline in ''his'' place#Is that retrofitting? Was it designed with him in mind initially? Hmmmmm#I also figure if I'm going to give her a human design I might as well go the whole way and not just slap robot parts on her face lol#It's hard to imagine her with two eyes tho! Like I might even go so far as to say she can have three eyes but not two! Only one or three#Her third ''eye'' would be the mole next to her eye lol - how would her vision work in that case :0#Would she have panoptic depth perception or like triple vision or what?? Or maybe just leave her with one functioning eye lol#Handplates!Gaster-core (Core lol); turtlenecked one-eyed evil scientist with labcoat lol#Y'know it's funny - when I first drew GLaDOS several years ago I compared her to Gaster at the time too. Huh. Sure that's nothing :)
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what-even-is-sleep · 14 days ago
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TUMBLR WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
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COMMUNITIES TAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOWER BAR???!!! 😡😡😡😡😡😡
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flowersandbirdsflyingfree · 4 months ago
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My day be so fine then BOOM
Intrusive thoughts
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sparklehoard · 7 months ago
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Fighting for my life trying to cook in my parents kitchen last night.
Got in a fight when I blocked my mother from putting a can of corn in the butter chicken I had been cooking for 2 hours
#it had been a long time since i went to a neighbor for an ingredient. heyyyy brianne i saw you outside and was wondering if you had like#a 1/4 cup of flour i could steal?#what house doesnt keep flour stocked up#the same that raised an idiot who didnt knock the side of the flour jar to make sure the flour wasnt just set at and angle#looking at it i was like yeah theres like 4 cups in there easy. .....oh no. please god i only need 1.1/2 cups of flour please please please#my curry had fresh herbs and 3 bell peppers and a whole bundle of celery and 2 fancy tomatoes. roasted. boiled. hand blended.#left to simmer to get rid a bit of the liquid. and my mother. enters my domain. and tried to add canned corn to my final product.#i HATE canned corn. but the fucking audacity. the disrespect.#i kept grabbing things i needed and realized like 10 minutes in what a mistake i had made#grabbing bowls. spatulas. knives. ROLLING PINS. measuring cups and spoons. and theyre ALL DIRTY#STOP PUTTING THINGS AWAY THAT STILLHAVE FOOD ON THEM#WHY AM I SCRAPPING OLD FOOD OFF A ROLLING PIN WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER#i made a butter chicken. the rice and homemade naan bread. and by the end i had filled a half of the dishwasher with just found dirty items.#someone made something with fat and cocoa in the metal bowl and just put it through the washer and put it away without looking???#this house feels so fake. not meant to live in. just an ingredient for shame and order#when i moved home. no broom. no cleaning rags. they just used the kitchen dish rags 🤢. no household tools except for a baggie of allen keys#all the chairs and couches are pure white and hurt to sit on for long periods#everything causes discomfort and all the counters are only as tall as my thighs. even the newly renovated ones
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springlock-suits · 5 months ago
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I keep forgetting people don't know about the fnaf room. Like yeah the fnaf bedroom we've all heard of it (we have not)
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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ngl it’s genuinely kinda crazy how much of my life i have lost to mental illness :3 lol
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boy-armageddon · 7 months ago
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Personally I think the little phenomenon w/ Johnny Whitney writing a just genuinely sort of devastating song once per every record or so (or twice! take, well, Take Me to the Sea 4 example. actually three times maybe. talking about specifically georgia + my organ sounds like… here and also bonetrees and a broken heart a little. also also As Brass And Satin just feels utterly melancholic in its near entirety) is that he just wakes up face down covered in blood in the studio, his own or someone else’s he can’t tell, shaking and grasping some shoddily scrawled out lyrics on a rlly very old piece of paper. The rest of the band might be like “johnny what the fuck happened” and he just springs 2 his feet like “oh haha nothing :> im fine don’t worry. nothing happened!!!!!!! anyways i have this cool new idea 4 a song wanna hear” and any time anyone tries 2 ask about it he immediately dodges the question and moves on2 a diff topic. He can explain what it’s about, but any time someone asks about the inspiration he gets nervous and is like “ohhh ummm. I 4got! Any other song though lol” and doesn’t wait 4 an answer. that’s just a theory though a Seattle theory
#evil neighing compilation#only exceptions I can think of r like… March on electric children and the rlly early bbs stuff. not vade though that stuffs filled w/#inexplicable sadness#I can’t say much regarding hologram jams or soiled life since I haven’t lsitened 2 them in full#‘r you 4 real saying that this adultery has a devastating song on there’ yes I am in fact! im singling out time for tenderness here. what#the hell happened 2 them when they were like 17-19 (that’s my guess 4 the age range anywho) 2 write that. is it just me who feels like that#about time for tenderness or#crimes. doesn’t make me feel sad per se. but the title track and beautiful horses I just. understand So Much it gets 2 me rlly bad#bpib should be obvious. the shame. but also every breath is a bomb once you know the context of who it was partially written about#especially Jordan’s part :-(#young machetes… actually not giant swan or street wars/exotic foxholes 4 me though I suppose I get the sense that I’m supposed 2 feel sad#about them#it’s camouflage camouflage 4 me!#what else what else. oh yeah Johnnys solo stuff. that entire little acoustic mixtape thingy is very sad feeling 2 me in some way#but esepcially at the end of the road there’s a sapphire pit. genuinely made me bawl my eyes out the other night. jfc it’s gr8 but it makes#me feel a little sick 2 my stomach sad#OH MY GOD I 4GOT. NEON BLONDE LOL#that’s also a p obvious choice. chandeliers and vines#it’s a sort of sarcastic song one could suppose. that’s true 4 a lot of Whitney’s work (especially in tbb though Tbf)#still sort of gets 2 me#ya know#done tags rambling my bad
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impossible-rat-babies · 8 months ago
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in a heap of eyrie and estinien feelings don’t mind me
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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puzzlewagon · 8 months ago
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coolies fucking WINNING lately. it is a good day to be brown my friends :)
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katyspersonal · 2 years ago
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Losing someone who was actually very nice and warm and friendly, and expressed true caring about my thoughts and feelings, really hurts. They were even asking me about my favs and open to any discussion. I didn't connect the dots between my significant improvement mentally for the past week or two at first, but now I know the secret was the feeling of very bright and positive connection with a new person... So now it feels like actual piece of soul torn from within myself.
I kinda learned to get less attached and usually I feel only slight bitterness and shrug it off if someone leaves, but this time I actually feel empty. And I know this cavity will be filled with poison in no time, as much as I don't want to feel bitter again.. but it is never hollow for a long time. I mean, there is still a solace in the fact that they do not even buy into bullshit and only left to not get harassed; being scared is NEVER the same as being brainwashed. So maybe things don't have to be that pessimistic. Like 'benign' kind of loosing.
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