#nd how they could be worked into somethig like this

[transmasc-rose]

Amy/Rory I Saw the TV Glow au:

Amy as Maddy/Tara, who ran away and never came home, who talks about things that can't be real (the TV show, the TARDIS, a world where they're strong, a world where they're something better).

Rory as Owen/Isabel, meek and yet loyal and yet terrified of his best friend and what she means. And what she says. And what she shows him.

Doctor Who, the TARDIS, the Doctor, all wrapped up into the role of the Pink Opaque, the TV show from their youth, and something Amy grasps onto and never let's go. Something Rory abandons for a normal life.

And yet.

[hareharrison]

hold me

pairing: george harrison x reader

summary: george is in the process of finishing abbey road, and has been repeatedly coming home frustrated. instead of talking to you about it, he distances himself completely, and only speaks to you in annoyance or anger, and lashes out on you. he doesn’t know how much it affects you and one day comes home to the effects firsthand.

warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, angy geo, neurodivergent reader, invasive thoughts, mental breakdown/panic attack, but it works out in the end

a/n: hayyyy ok so i wrote this as a comfort fic for myself, and i decided to post it cause why not. i struggle with intense fear of abandonment cause of bpd haha fun 😐and wanted to make it from the POV of a neurodivergent reader?? so this is like a comfort fic for ND readers?? idk if i need to put any other potential trigger warnings for this but if i do please lmk and i will fix it

year: 1969

the flat was quiet without him. to be honest, it was quiet with or without him, lately. as much as you didn’t want to admit it, george had been distant. he was always a quiet person, but he has never dismissed you this much. you knew that his job could be tiring and you tried not to overthink it, but you couldn’t help but feel bad. a voice in your head was planting horrible ideas, saying things like, “you fucked up, he doesn’t like you anymore, you’re annoying.” but still, you pushed on and tried your best to ignore the noise in your brain.

you sigh heavily and slide back into the couch. you had the next two days off of work, and nothing to do. george of course had to work on your days off, which left you alone at home. with your thoughts. it was hard getting through today, your intrusive thoughts were particularly loud... but he would be home any minute now, which brought on a bit of hope; seeing him should rid you of your own jailhoused mind.

the tv played some sitcom in front of you, which you had no interest in. all you could think about was if you ruined things. what if he was thinking of leaving you? it would be your fault... and yet you couldn’t think of a single thing you’ve ever done that might have hurt him.

the door opened gently and let in a cool draft that brushed against your warm skin. you look toward the entrance, seeing your george sigh heavily with exhaustion as he took his shoes and coat off. he looked up to you, his boldly furrowed brows softening.

“hi, love,” he says, walking toward you. you stand and approach him to greet him with a quick kiss. he holds you for a little longer than usual, and you take the opportunity to melt into his arms and breathe in his smell, something you’d been deprived of recently. he rests his chin on top of your head, which laid comfortably on his rising chest. it was moments like this that made all your worries slip away, moments like this that you wished you could cling onto forever and ever.

“how was your day?” you ask, finally leaning back to look up at him. he lets go of you and runs a hand through his long hair.

“not good,” he says, a frown on his perfectly sculpted face. you return his expression at the sight of him being sad. quickly, you remember your dinner ideas. maybe that would cheer him up.

“hey, maybe we can go get something to eat? maybe get your mind off of things?” you suggest, looking up at his brown eyes. he looks down at you, eyes full of regret.

“i’m sorry love, but i’d rather just head to bed already,” he says remorsefully. you smile softly and reassure him that it’s okay and he should get some rest. but part of you breaks inside, knowing he doesn’t want to spend time with you.

he headed upstairs and you followed, the painful ideas returning at full speed.

“you’re so annoying, of course he doesn’t want to spend any time with you. you’re so annoying and clingy,” your brain says and you flinch at the harsh thoughts. through your entire bedtime routine, thoughts flooded your mind and filled your entire being up, and you felt like you were being drowned from the inside out. george stood next to you as you both brushed your teeth, not speaking a single word to you or giving you a single glance. you changed into one of george’s t-shirts and watched as he slid out of his clothes and into his pajamas in seconds. he muttered a monotone, “good night,” before turning on his side, his back facting you.

as much as you didn’t want to, you believed the mean voices and hung your head as you got into bed next to george.

you slept back to back that night.

————————————————————

the sun seeped into your room through your windows, and invaded your bed, waking you rather unpleasantly. you groan lightly as you reached over your bed for george, but only found empty space. his side of the bed was cold, indicating that he’d been up for a while now.

you sit up slowly, rubbing your eyes as the aromas of freshly brewed coffee and morning dew hit your senses. you hear the song of the early birds chirping as your feet hit the cool floor. as you head downstairs, you can hear george on the phone, and you soon see him muttering softly before taking a long drag from his cigarette. you don’t bother him, seeing that there was paperwork on the table and his call must be business related. naturally, you decide to head for the coffee, the smell luring you in like a fish.

you poured the hot, dark liquid into your favorite mug and add in your preferred amounts of cream and sugar. looking out the window, you see water drip gently from the leaves of a tree that george and you had planted a year ago. you sip your coffee and reminisce about the times you used to actually spend time with george. how nice it was, seeing him smile so often.

you suddenly hear george raise his voice at the phone, something unlike him entirely. you jump at the unpleasant sound before peeking through the hallway to see what on earth was happening.

“no, i don’t care! i want the bloody bastard fired, in fact, tell him not to bother showing up today,” he shouts into the phone before slamming it down, placing his head between his knees and groaning in frustration. seeing george this upset and acting out on it was truly a rare sighting, and you thought carefully about what to next.

after careful consideration, you tiptoe into the room and gently rest a hand on his shoulder, the sudden contact making him flinch.

“christ, (y/n) are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack?” he grumbles before lighting another cigarette.

“sorry,” you say softly, “would you like some tea?” you figure it could calm his anger and soothe some of his abnormal irritability.

“what? tea? there’s already coffee made,” he says rudely. you take a step back, saying nothing. you know that you didn’t do anything and that this behavior would pass. george was never like this. your eyes find the time and see that george should have left ten minutes ago.

“george, you’re gonna be late to work,” you say, thinking you could at least do something helpful. his head snaps back at you and his once soft face turned hard with anger.

“what are you implying? you want me gone?” he stands up and angrily grabs all of the papers scattered on the table, shoving them into a folder and the folder into his bag, “fine, i’ll leave. im out the door.”

you look at him in confusion, you’d barely woken up and were just trying to help, “what’s the matter with you?”

“what’s the matter with me,” he repeats, looking away and scoffing. he runs his hand through his hair in frustration, “im sick of this, (y/n)! im sick of life. i come home exhausted and you have half a mind to ask me if i want to talk about it!”

“you always want to go straight to bed,” you defend yourself, hurt that he would even suggest that you don’t care about him. his dark eyes glare into your own for a moment that feels like hours, trying to think of somethig clever to say in response, but he just wasn’t ever much of a fighter. he finally chooses to put his cigarette out on the table’s ashtray and grab his coat. if you wanted him out of the house, he was more than happy to comply.

“george-“ you start.

“no,” he cuts you off, “don’t say anything right now, i can’t even look at you.” and he doesn’t, he ignores your presence entirely as he picks up his bag and walks out the door.

you’re left in the cold house, alone, hurt, and dumbfounded. you couldn’t believe what had just happened. you couldn’t believe that george, your george, had taken his anger out on you, simply for trying to help his morning be less shitty. worse than that, he thought you wanted him gone, when all you wanted was to be with him. is this how it was going to be now? a bitter, loveless relationship? your eyes sting with fresh tears at the thought, and a huge lump in your throat grows painfully. you take a deep breath before heading upstairs. you wanted anything but to cry this early in the morning, and the only reason you got up somewhat early was to see george before he left to work. now that your morning was ruined, you figured heading back to bed was the next best thing.

you climb back into your shared bed, suppressing your emotions with the warmth of your fluffy blankets and soft pillows. the comfort of a bed felt almost like a hug, and you sighed, letting the pain drift away as you fell asleep.

————————————————————

when you opened your eyes, the realization hit you. you’d slept until the sun began to set, completely ignoring your emotions, stuffing them down inside of you like an overflowing trash can. being awake made them fling right back at you; sleeping didn’t change a thing, and was only a temporary pause in your pain.

all of your feelings came back to you at once, and it once again felt like you were drowning internally. only this time, the thoughts weren’t the invasive factor. your emotions were overwhelmingly intense on top of your brain practically screaming horrible things to you. your breathing quickens as you feel tears slide down your face. this time you werent able to swallow the thick lump in your throat, and you began to weep softly.

this was it, george was leaving you. he hates you, he wants nothing to do with you. there was nothing you could do but hug your knees and cry. you choked on a sob and started rocking back and forth in attempts to try to soothe yourself. but you couldn’t stop, it felt like your entire world was falling apart. you soon began to have shortness of breath and struggled with your breathing, feeling your heart beat at an intense rate that you couldn’t control.

your bedroom door opens, revealing george’s early arrival. he immediately rushes to your side, afraid to touch you but wanting so bad to comfort you.

“(y/n)? (y/n), breathe. breathe, baby,” he takes your hand and you look at him. you aren’t sure if him being here is making the situation better or worse. seeing him try to help you stirred all kinds of feelings in your mind. you felt like you weren’t good enough for him, like you didn’t deserve his help.

george begins breathing in through his nose and out of his mouth, gently guiding you and hoping you will try to do the same. he sits in front of you on the bed and holds your face in his gentle hands. you look up into his eyes, the chocolate features of his face soothing you as your breath began to steady.

“that’s it,” he encourages.

“do you hate me?” you cry softly.

“what? no, (y/n), i’d give my life for yours, do you know that? you’re so, very special to me,” he slides over to sit beside you on the bed and wraps his long arms around you.

“why are you so distant?” you look up at him, and tears continue to roll down your flushed cheeks, “you acted so mean to me this morning, i feel like you want nothing to do with me.”

george is hurt by your words. he truly didn’t mean to be distant, and he never wanted to hurt you.

“i’m sorry,” he says, “ive been so overwhelmed i haven’t stopped to think of how you must feel. im really sorry my love i never meant to hurt you like this.” he embraces you tightly and you give into his comforting touch, wrapping your arms around his torso and digging your face into his chest. 

you take a deep breath, “i understand,” you say before looking up to him to whisper, “i miss you. i miss us.”

“i miss you too darling,” he pauses for a moment, “how about i take tomorrow off? we can do whatever you’d like.”

you sniffle, “what about the album? the deadline?” 

“i can fake sick. nothing is more important to me than you,” he says, “i want nothing more than to be with you. i love you so much.”

you smile when he presses a soft kiss to your aching head, “now how about we go have something to eat? i’m starved.”

[the-reactionist]

Pls, Forgive ME

i know everythig is relevant; and as i put you into my perspective, i am somewhat diminishing your true potential; but i’m sorry; i need you, i am your prolem because you are here to really help humanity, practically; that is why i come at you, in hope at a time you need a person like me to work onto; and i hope we develop a relationship because i wanna be like you - this is more responsible and powerful than what i have see before; i am sifting all of my memories and the things i hold dear in my heart through your energy and teachings, and it really changes a lot - i see ways of bettering everythign <3 tahnkyou! that is why i am so selfish andbold; by no means do i believe i am ‘right’ about anything/everything <3 i beg you for your forgiveness; and i don’t mean to abuse your strength either; i like myself being weak, i need to emphasize that again; maybe that is a grand lessonyou need to/should/could learn as teacher/parent/human/person - i like my dying nature, i like to have a life an dthen go to rest in the earth in peace; i don’t mind the physicl pains - being fat after birth, being in pain through my period, getting ill if i go out i th ecold with wet hair and getting fever; i love being ill and close to death because i feel fully loved; my body is programmed to remember the joy and love of teh Universe whenever it repairs itself by itself when it has forced me to take a break from life’s hussle and just sleep/be i peace; this is beautiful, death is beautiful; it is not scary to be reborn and to depend on othr people; nto really; look at me - i survived, and before gettingint spirtual shit, i thrived, and my life was really very high vibe; but the only book i had read about spirituality was herman hesse;s siddhartha; and my innate nature tellsme taht was on purpose - i ahve a tietan master/lama within me, maybe past life stuff, idk - who  has come to udnerstand taht the joy nd beauty of existence is to endure hardships; and teh desire for death and non-existence is shameful in the sense only weak people commit it; strog peopelwho are in tune with the universe always find a way to prosper, evenin the most not-good situations;

so teh anger with aprents, teh law of attraction and many htings, if nto very healthy, if you could use my opinion;

see arranged marriages, for example - peoplegot wedded before most of the time out of pure ecessity to continue the line of the dna; and not bad matches occurred that way; it is nto healthy to seek for only certain things ad dismiss everythign else alog the way; taht is escapism;

teh truth is whe you are inlove with nature , humanity, existence and life, you can see beauty everywhere; and you dn’t actually need a specific one to procreate and feel good about yourself, because there are others who also deserve you, nd who are awesome as well; addictio to adrenaline is still an addiction; addiction to the thrill of perfect union and that savoury sense of bonding and passion that the warriors of old had - teh samurai, for example, is not something that ca be universal ad common, i believe; peopleneed peaace, nto only fighting all their lives; this si not helthya nd this stress lead to degeneration - look at spartan warriors - this is nothing, they did nothing much; they were just their time’s hollywood - soemthign unrealistic taht is told in tales nobody is interested in except for the people who want power over others;

i am sorry to say that you yourself have fallen in the power game the illuminati/americans play; genuine teachers abandon teir self; their ego, and just teach the masses; but not only the clean and wealthy masses - taht is escapismm; they teach ina frica,and in bangladesh, and in teh slums of macao.... because they wanna see the objective reality,a s much as tehy can;

so this is a thorn in you - why can’t you let go of power, why can’tyou be small, ahy can’t you be ungly, why can’t you be thom yorke [lzy eye/creep]; are you superior to us/otehrs? how, why do you wanna overn us without being one of us - see the movie the dreamers to get a perspectiveof deep compassion, expressed cinematically during the wartime i europe;

i am your teacher; i have went to psychiatries because fo spiritual teachers like you; i tell you this because you are seekign the truth nto only of your perspective, but of others’; i might have been a bad person,but i didn’t need to be knocked down off my feet in such a brutal way; teach people out of compassion for them - with love; see into their future reactions and create techigns that would enable you to be there a step further soa s to hold their hand whenever their need it, after you had seemingly kicked their back and abandoned themby themselves; or lure them passionately, secually to you so that you do the work for them yet they feel bliss and satisfaction, because you have desiged each lesso for them; im sorry to be that open but you’re not doing it right; studyold masters, study scared prostitution in china, study japanese culture; study buddhist teachings off the cannon -somethign non-biased, somethign that sprang into existence by sheer power of the universe’s love, somethign uncontrollable; like ikkyu sojun

somethig no ego would wanna hear;

im sorry but i am here to warn you/put into perspective for you you are making mistakes/ ad tht is affecting ME personally, through virtue of the intercnectedness of everything;

i have my own black thorns too, but i eed to cofront people like you - you are the secongd spiritual teacher i do taht to, in order to heal them; maybe the problem is nto you, but me; i need to know; to the bottom; i feel anger and rage at beign controlled; so, please, bare that in mind; beign tricked is better - it’s more clever and i can let go people who trick me - i can’t let go people who control me, because their actions are bsed on fear, not selfishness;

your actons are based on ear, teal swan; be grunge, be ugly, be messy for a change; or you’ll be the hardcore bitch descended from heaven who wants us all dead because we’re not perfect enough; and i say that because i wanna partner with you and make it wso that your divinity stays with us, lower density people - i want you to be good etacher to us so taht we take all from you, by design; so open up fully; dont hold anythign back; i hope this message gets to you because it might trigger your flight because of fear of aloneness and pain;

youre gonna become even more magnificent if you let everythig that is unnecessery go; even people like me; let us go; let us make mistakes, even, if we need to; we can handle that; if not - figure out a way to lure us into not committing those sins/mistakes; but not demand; i can’t answer demands, only love-calls; and i ahve the right to have that strong ego ad self-assertiveness; you do, too; please, do!!!!