#i am done!!! i have given up!!!
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y'all why do i even pay for insurance when they refuse to cover anything lmao
#“we aren't covering your weirdo adhd meds because you need to try a formulary drug first”#wow it's almost like there's a nationwide shortage of EVERY SINGLE ONE of your formulary drugs!!!#literally the drugs they'll cover are generic adderall generic ritalin and vyvanse#oh and desoxyn aka pharmaceutical grade methamphetamine#i have fought with them every month this whole summer and i am DONE!!! i cannot deal with this again!!!#i have been using a manufacturer coupon to get my meds for $75 since each time my claims have been denied soooo whatever#i have had one issue or another with my adhd medication EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. shortages and doctor switches and insurance shit#i am done!!! i have given up!!!#m.txt
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the boy! inspired by @triforce-of-mischief:
very loosely based off of this panel from @/linkeduniverse:
and with text/textless versions:
#i am Done (my wrist has given up on me for tonight)#i feel like i could've done Really Cool shading but alas...#i don't think the expression really transferred the way i wanted it to#he looks more pissed off than i was going for#i have same EXPRESSION syndrome actually i've figured out#might come back and change things but for now i am Okay with it#tryna have a 'don't let perfect be the enemy of good' mindset#but also anxiety?? idk i'm just some guy it doesn't really matter in the scheme of things#anyway uhhhhh#ALSO I DID NOT FLIP THE CANVAS AND I DON'T EVEN CARE LIFE IS TOO SHORT!!
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please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤
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#🌱Thank you<33🌱#I guess my latest vent art post made some of you guys worried. I'm sorry ;;n;; )#but I'm alright. well.. kind of? Like I haven't done anything to myself kind of alright?#maybe I should explain bit about my situation but at the same time I don't feel comfortable to open up too much#but simply said it's about doing art as a job and mental health#Things haven't been going well but I am getting help for my mental health#This is all what I will say for now about my situation#I apologize again that I made you guys worried#but I do warn that I might post more vent art if I get enough energy to draw#this is just one way how I deal with my emotions#but if you don't like vent art I suggest to block the words vent and vent art#I remember tumblr has this option somewhere??#and uhh.. I don't really know how to end this post but thank you everyone who has been sending support<33#I might not know how to reply to them but I have read them all and I'm very thankful for all the support what you guys have given me🌱#Thank you🌱#ask#anon#me talking
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My workspace has been compromised.
#I have completely given up on Colin’s face (for the third time)#and am going to pretend this is done so I stop trying to fix it#sigh#but Penelope is looking great so let’s focus on that lmao#penelope featherington#bridgerton#mine
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I have seen a wild amount of people complaining about the context of Wind Breaker and how "unrealistic" it is for the characters to go to school but without any teachers or adults being shown or protecting them and... First of all, realism is not what you're going to find reading a Shonen and if you want a full-on high school experience, read another manga. It is very common to skip those details as a writer because they are not interesting in the slightest and they have confirmed multiple times that all of their grades are awful, so you won't get a silly little arc about them studying, because they directly don't. To say it is "unrealistic" is to ask for boring, pointless, plotless occurrences in a Shonen manga about fighting. Are people even hearing themselves when they complain?
But it's not only from a writer's perspective skipping what's unimportant that justifies the lack of teachers and responsible adults, but the plot itself. At first, it is confusing, but I think you only have to look a bit deeper into the cultural context of the story to understand why there aren't teachers/adults shown.
I'm around chapter 100, so I am not sure this gets explained further in the manga, but my theory as to why they behave this way is pretty simple, honestly: They are poor and in ruins, and adults with the power to change things do not care about them. Easy as that.
Whether it is real or just an exaggeration of what's actually going on, it has been shown countless times (especially in Umemiya's backstory, explaining directly how authorities don't care about the kids or anybody, really) that the whole city is made for outcasts and left to rot by the government. It is not some apocalyptic bullshit, it is stuff that happens every goddamn day in real life. They go to school but they aren't shown studying and the place itself is a mess. We only see Umemiya running the school but it is confirmed that there's staff and somebody grading them somehow, despite never being shown studying or doing anything other than patrolling. But they have shown us that the city used to be extremely problematic and chaotic and only recently have things started to change for the better. Most villains and even main characters are orphans and live on their own. There's a whole arc about a group of kids being left to rot in poverty without any means to study or live a normal life. Even our main character lives on his own in a horrendous apartment. Like--
I believe you have to be blind to not see that, if this isn't just literally some people turning their backs against poor kids in a place in ruins, it is at least an exaggeration of these things happening in real life. Because they could have classes and teachers and everything you want in the manga to make it more realistic, but this is, after all, from the perspective of teenagers who can't rely on anybody but themselves. There's only so much a teacher can do, and we know most of them do nothing for these kids. So if it is "unrealistic" perhaps you aren't aware of what damn hyperboles and metaphors are, but this is from the students' points of view, and when you live in a place like this, it doesn't matter how many teachers there are or police, because they won't help. So they are directly erased from the story to be replaced with Sakura's point of view of Umemiya running the whole place.
So I think that instead of looking for realistic interpretations of their high school experience, perhaps you should empathize a little with the actual real high school experiences of people like them.
#'they are fighting and the police doesn't do anythin-' the police never gives a fuck the police has never given a single fuck#i have seen people get killed in my street and robbed and raped every day and the police have never done a thing please grow up#'where are the teachers!' well maybe they do try to teach but when the kids aren't being taught how to live they don't give a single fuck#perhaps that is why they follow only umemiya have you perhaps considered that#you could also say the author skips these things to not make it boring or idkk maybe the city itself funds these kids#but i believe it is just the representation of sakura's pov being left behind by every adult in his life#i am not in these kids' place luckily but i also don't live in the best district and it IS dangerous to walk around on my own#and police or adults have never done a single thing to fix that#so i understand where the story is coming from and why the school in this manga is this way#anywayyyy people are soo boring perhaps the manga only wants to tell you the interesting stuff#if they talked about them trying to graduate THAT would be unrealistic bc they don't care and also you'd be BORED#people learn how to read between the lines i am begging you oh lord#wind breaker#wind breaker (satoru nii)
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WOAH, HE'S BIGENDER? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!
#hey. hey. im just saying. he LITERALLY 'transed his gender' in a diagetic bit in orange. and if that wasnt enough.#in blue he disguised himself as squid jenny specifically with larry's powers (the only thing hes done with them on screen)#got caught by his god-assigned roles-obsessed caretaker. and was given the label of being something intrinsically unescapably deceitful.#while 'pretending' to be trans girl.#like. if i wasnt pretty sure it was all an accident i might even call the allegory here slightly heavy-handed.#with the nccts emphasizing a theme of 'youre not just what people say you are#you can be more than one thing at the same time' with crim#i think crimson can have boygirl swag. some bigender pizzazz. i think he deserves it.#is it REALLY a cpu kerfuffle arc without a subversive narratively relevant gender-transing.#am i supposed to believe the spirit of deviance himself is cis? get fucking real. grow up. /silly#also a lil crimtoinette in there. just for flavor. because i cant help myself.#also sidenote the nccts have given him this cute lil tendency#to tip his hat down to hide his face when hes trying to be Genuine or Thoughtful or Poignant. and i enjoy that little touch#i maybe like this guy a little too much. hes most of what ive drawn for months.#but what do you want from me. i read him as a queercoded villain deconstructed at the metanarrative level.#am i just supposed to be normal about that.#me and zia talked about this in dms and discovered. we came to a lot of the same conclusions. completely independently. lmao#cpuk crimson
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Once, Always
(Edmund has an abundance of birthdays)
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“I say,” murmured Edmund sleepily as the fire burned low. “When do you suppose it is here? I mean—what time of year? Do you think it’s the beginning of September, the same as it was in England?”
“Summer,” said Lucy. “Certainly summer.”
Peter agreed. “I think it must be Highgrass, if I had to guess. Perhaps later. Greenroof?”
“If it’s Greenroof, then Edmund gets another birthday,” Lucy sighed. “Eleven or twelve, Ed?”
“Neither,” put in Susan. “A thousand, if you’re going to rationalize it that way. Now everyone hush, please, and get some sleep.”
.
Edmund’s birthday was the fifteenth day of Greenroof by the Narnian reckoning. Greenroof, late summer, when all the leaves were dark and broad. Narnian summers were long, but Greenroof was the last and best of the summer months. Greenroof was hunts through the dense foliage, blackberries heavy with juice, lazy afternoons, bonfires, wild romps, and the pleasant kind of sweat. Edmund’s birthday celebrations were always held on Dancing Lawn in the old days: the sort of long, laughter-bright nights that summer was made for.
.
The second time Edmund celebrated his eleventh birthday, it was just past three months since he and his siblings had returned home from the country. Their house was glass-strewn and battered, but still standing when they arrived home. By August it was beginning to feel really safe again, but sometimes Edmund still woke in the night to find his mother standing silent in the doorway, drinking in the sight of her two sons returned to her.
The professor sent one of Ivy’s famous spice cakes for Edmund’s birthday. It arrived tied in red string, which made Lucy reminisce fondly about dear Mr. Tumnus. Edmund’s siblings pooled their allowances to buy him the new Nero Wolfe detective novel, and his mother gave him a new cap and an electric torch.
“How do you feel?” his mother asked over dinner.
“I don’t feel any older, if that’s what you mean,” he said. “Eleven feels just the same as ten did yesterday.”
.
All four of them missed their birthdays the first year in Narnia. Too much else was going on at the time, and none of them was quite sure when their birthdays were supposed to be besides. The measurement of time was a thoroughly tangled issue.
The Narnian year had four hundred days even, divided into fourteen months of inconsistent lengths. Furthermore, the kingdom had only known winter for the last hundred years. The Narnians themselves were still remembering how the calendar worked in a world where the seasons changed. They didn’t have the words yet to explain it to their sovereigns.
.
“Eustace,” said Edmund, “your journal is wrong.”
“Give me that,” Eustace scowled at once. “I know it’s wrong, but there’s no need to rub my face in it. Aren’t I trying to make up for how I was?”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant. The month is wrong. You’ve got September written here, but time works differently in Narnia than it does in the Other Place. Haven’t you noticed that it’s summer, not autumn?”
“Oh.” Eustace shrugged. “I followed Occam’s Razor and assumed that the climate here was different rather than time itself.”
“Occam’s what?” This was Lucy.
“Occam’s Razor: the simplest solution to a problem is the most likely—never mind. Well, go on, what month is it?”
“Highgrass,” said Lucy.
“July,” said Edmund at the same moment. “More or less.”
.
They worked it all out one afternoon as the second spring of their reign was ending. Peter and Susan wrote out the English calendar on one stack of parchment while Edmund and Lucy sat down with the Narnian calendar and penciled in seasonal markers as best they could manage.
“The first crocuses came up right at the end of Cleardome, yes?”
“Yes, I think so. And the snowdrops were in their full glory that month too.”
“How do you want to deal with leap year?”
“Just forget about it. Narnia doesn’t have anything similar, so I think twenty-eight days for February is fine for our purposes.”
“Magnolia in Laceveil, yes?”
“Laceveil is a good marker in general. We ought to set that as May and go from there.”
Birthdays were guesses, no matter how much counting they did. Yet as memories of England receded and Narnia’s world blossomed into everything they knew, those guesses solidified into fact. Edmund turned eleven for the first time on the fifteenth day of Greenroof. He was the first of his siblings to celebrate a proper birthday in Narnia.
.
The fourth time Edmund turned twelve, he received another electric torch to replace the one he’d lost. He laughed for half a minute, holding that gift in his hand.
“Really, you should have expected it,” said Susan primly.
"I did."
Their mother tsked and added something about keeping track of one’s belongings, but that was alright. His siblings understood.
Edmund flicked on the light and watched the beam land on the far wall across the living room. Bright at the edges and dark towards the center where the bulb was. He moved his wrist sideways and watched the spot of light follow.
.
Edmund might have forgotten about his birthday aboard the Dawn Treader if Lucy hadn’t remembered. She conspired with the cook to have a spread of Edmund’s favorite foods at supper (such as could be managed at sea) and coerced Rynelf into playing jigs on his fiddle afterwards. While they were dancing, Caspian called for a cask of his best wine, and soon the ship’s whole company was making merry like only Narnians could.
“Didn’t you have a twelfth birthday the last time you were in Narnia?” Caspian asked curiously as the party was dying down.
“Yes,” Edmund replied, “and the time before that too. Confused yet?”
“Ed has all the luck,” Lucy pouted playfully. “We always seem to return to Narnia in the summer, so he gets all the extra birthdays.”
Caspian's face lit up. “How extraordinary! When’s yours then?”
“Cleardome. There’s a year and a half between Ed and me, and he never lets me forget it.”
“It’s really not as exciting as all that,” Edmund added. “We’re not living our lives backwards, or unstuck in time, or any such nonsense. It’s more like—our lives are folded in on themselves, you see? But never the same way twice.”
“I think it’s more like music than anything else,” Lucy said, a kind of fond wistfulness in her voice.
“Yes,” said Edmund. “I know what you mean.”
.
On the thirteenth of Greenroof, the Telmarines laid down their arms and surrendered to Old Narnia. The next day, messengers were sent forth across the land with news of the surrender and with terms for the Telmarines. Caspian’s coronation followed, and then Edmund woke and it was his birthday again.
Breakfast that morning was long and languid, for Peter and Susan knew that they must say farewell to Narnia, even if the younger ones did not. They lingered round the table with Caspian and Trumpkin and the rest, and presently Peter offered a toast.
“To my brother King Edmund, who is eleven and twelve and sixty-three and thirteen hundred years old today.”
Everyone raised their cups and repeated, “King Edmund.” Caspian nodded and added, “Long live the king,” with an almost ironic tilt to his head.
Naturally, Edmund nodded back. “And to you, King Caspian. Long may you reign.”
Another round of assent followed, and then Lucy cleared her throat. “But also,” she said, “To late summer and the rebirth of Our Narnia. And to the land, the sea, the hills, the trees, the sky, Cair Paravel-by-the-sea and Dancing Lawn and all the flowers that are still in bloom. And to the color green. To all of us here today, and to those who are gone. And to Aslan.”
“Here, here.”
There were tears in Susan’s eyes now. “Happy birthday,” she whispered, and squeezed Edmund’s hand tight. Edmund looked down at his plate, fiercely overcome with love for this place and these people. In a strict, chronological sense, it had been less than a month since his last birthday, but how did the saying go? Time was just a tangled string, or falling snow, or whatever else Aslan told it to be.
.
“Bother,” said Edmund, “I’ve left my new torch in Narnia.”
Everyone chuckled at this, but Susan said, “Wait a year. We’ll get you a new one for your next birthday.”
#Edmund has a late August birthday#which means that Lucy's must be early in the year if 'really there was only a year between them' holds#AND we still choose to go with the birth years from Jack's timeline#and idk i just really love the idea of the Pevensies repeating their birthdays and just kinda reflecting on it#not in an angsty 'adults in kids bodies' way (ugh)#but just in a sort of 'huh. what a neat opportunity to think about#who i am and who i've been and who i'm becoming' kind of way#that pulls out the growing up themes from the series and examines them#idk i hope that's what i've done here#this is a veeeeerrrrry loose re-write of a really old middle school piece about Lucy having multiple eleventh birthdays#it just makes more sense if it's Edmund given the setup with Prince Caspian#anyway#narnia#the traitor who mended#leah stories#pontifications and creations#working on crossposting to ao3 (hopefully w/i the hour)
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Your art bring so much joy and pterodactyl screeching. Thanks so much for being great. For funsies, what do you think a good day or vacation for Charles be? :)
thank you so much !!!!! i'm happy to be able to share my doodles and rambles with everyone and to get such a warm reception (❁´◡`❁)
but a good day for charles !!!!!! in my Humblest of opinions, a 'good day' is probably any day he can just. be with the x-men as a family. any day they dont have to worry about any kind of threats or have to do any x-men training or any of that: just a day they can really behave like a typical family and relax together
bonus points if erik can be a part of this perfect day/vacation without incident. i mean, his happiest moments were with him, weren't they..
#charles xavier#snap chats#i think a lot about charles and his feelings of loneliness/isolation and want for love/family and it makes me want to throw up#please . .. just one day where he gets to be with his kids and it doesnt turn into a soap opera#have a picnic in the park. take them to the library. play some wii sports and accidentally break the tv i dont KNOW#just a domestic day for charles ... thatd be good ....#god wait that reminds me of a goofy 92 christmas comic i wanted to do. is it too early for christmas art.#no matter im too busy rn anyhow VACATION WISE THO hmm...... thats something to ponder......#god i have to drive. and do work late tonight how am i supposed to do allat when im thinking of charles xavier#oh to be able to talk about charles xavier all night ... alas .... tasks must be done ....#i will be given another chance another day but for now good night team !!!!!!!! thank you for the ask and excuse to talk about charles <3
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the good thing is that in a little less than 2 weeks my college app is due and i am finaly done with this bs
the bad thing is that i somehow have to finish my college application in under 2 weeks
#i am#very stressed right now#and incredibly behind on my homework#honestly at this point i have given up on school#i can make up late work once im done with all this#for now i have a game to make
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go listen to @thefringespod. c'mon. i know you wanna.
#but no spoilers because i am making my way through it at a SNAILS pace#anyways the keeper my beloved somebody give them a hug#tales from the fringes of reality#the amount of files. i have. of this drawing but with the slightest opacity variations... i just had to call it done#thank god for gradient mapping or else i would have given up i think#my art :D
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Thinking again about my plans for Vash and Knives in ITNL
Which I can't really get into the specifics for How I'm going to do things w/o going into spoiler territory. But I Do have Vash & Knives tagged on the fic for a reason. I set up in the first chapter that Vash is determined to try to save Knives too.
Which. That choice, as well as the entire basis for all of this, depends so much on that final fight in trimax. The one that was literally a scene away from where ITNL Vash went back in time. His mentality just a hair's width away from that...
At the end of trimax, there was reconciliation, however brief and incomplete it was. In ITNL, my question to myself was How could I induce that again? Under different circumstances, How Else could we get there? And that is the long-game in ITNL.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i say reconciliation instead of redemption. because i think redemption is a difficult thing to capture well.#and it would require Knives to feel remorse or regret for his actions. which i dont think he would really.#but. potentially. if the stars align. maybe his goals can be redirected into something productive.#and maybe reconciliation can be achieved. just maybe.#the redirection here is important bc i dont think Knives would abandon his ideals Even If Vash got thru to him#but the key is convincing him that theres another way. that he can protect the plants w/o killing humanity.#easier said than done though. vash and knives are two peas in a pod after all. so incredibly stubborn.#but vash would want to try. because he Doesnt want to kill anyone. not even knives. though if it ended up necessary.....#well. better to try for reconciliation first. that one's as a last resort lol.#ultimately vash Does miss his brother. we see this at the end of trimax. that's the crux of that moment i think. for both of them.#realizing that once upon a time they only had each other. they were Brothers. they were Close. and they both Miss That.#those feelings were buried under miles of anger and resentment on both sides. but under the right circumstances.....#thats why it's important that ITNL was a hair's width away from that scene. bc he was on the verge of having that realization himself.#i replaced that moment with ITNL vash feeling thru the plant conglomerate the whole of knives' self. and his Realization.#the Knowledge that the brother he used to love is still in there somewhere. but he also wouldnt be able to survive this.#and thus his about-turn from 'nothing remained of the brother he loved. he had to stop him.' to 'i'm sorry. i'll save you too.'#hfalhxksd ultimately it's all so FINICKY and ive barely touched on it so far in ITNL. bc Knives has been off in the goop tube or whatever#but ive given it a Lot of thought. and id be so close to Getting There... to the next steps at least... if i kept writing.#hrrgmg. i am Thinking Thoughts...
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Save a cowboy, ride a huge fucking sausage today 🏜️
(i will hopefully get around to making more Peppi pin ups in the future-)
#my art#artists on tumblr#pizza tower#pizza tower peppino#peppino spaghetti#TUMBLR PLEEEASE PUT THIS ON THE MAIN TAG OR I'LL CRY AND THROW UP#had to post this twice but anyway uhhh horniness encouraged etc etc#OKAY ITS ON THE GODDAMN TAG i feel normal again anyway allow me to ramble about this 🥰#it took me way to long to get to this and honestly this might be hands down the most complex background I've ever done#and pretty one for that matter#might implement that in more future stuff#i honestly hope the lust within me when i made this can translate well to the viewer MSGSKSHDKDHD 😭😭#i honestly get so stressed by art i lose that feeling#btw the original sketch did NOT have the best and i had given pep nipple piercings... what could've been 😢#next one i make will be a pin up of the rocket because of course it will be#dont hold your breath tho#also yeah i got a bit silly w this LineArt i love experimenting w that shit lmao#BIG FAN OF IT TOO GOTTA SAY#anyway i am pleased w this and i hope yall are too etc etc
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FTWDs final season could have been so much better if it was revealed that Troy was running padre and controlling madison (as revenge) this whole time. He knew enough about nick and Alicia to make madison think padre knew who and where they were this whole time. And here are some other reasons how this storyline would make sense and be more interesting:
- Troy has a military background so him taking over and running a military base makes more sense than two teenagers building it up by themselves because all the adults died.
- taking and training up children to be solidiers also would make a little sense because of his own fucked up upbringing and the idea he has of the type of people who were made for this world. He would have probably had the same idea as shrike, that the kids stood a better chance at padre than with their “weak” parents. The mother of his child dying for being a good person and not getting to raise their daughter (who would not be named after his abuser) could have also played into this idea of the kids being separated from their good parents.
- shrikes radiation cure experiments: Troy ran walker bite experiments before, just to see how people would turn. So it would also make sense if the work we see shrike doing was something he approved of or an idea he himself came up with. As for shrike, it would make sense that she turned out this way if she’d spent years being mentored by someone like troy otto instead of becoming evil and stealing children just because her dad died.
- the scene where madison smashes the glass to expose “padre” would have been such a good and shocking reveal if it was Troy. Imagine Madison finding out that Troy is not only alive but had been the one running this the whole time!
There’s also a lot of other things I would have done differently for the other characters too and I would have liked Madison to have a little villain era and do some really fucked up shit as she tries to take down Troy and padre. How dark would Madison go? Would she survive with her humanity still intact?
I know I’m just talking into the void here because no one care about this shitshow but I just hate it when shows have a plot that could have been good, maybe even great but then completely miss the mark and fans come with better theories and ideas with minimal effort and thought.
#somewhere dave erickson is screaming (and relieved that at least frank dillane stayed away from the show lmao)#fear the walking dead#ftwd#madison clark#troy otto#i also would have had s7a focus on strand vs alicia but v differently with only alicia’s ending staying the same pretty much#then 7b would have been wrapping things up with morgans family and actually seeing the group being taken by padre before having a time jump#then season 8 would have been the much better padre/troy/madison arc#the way these writers reaally do not know how to write for troy and madison#it’s like they tried doing what they thought DE wouldve done with them but couldn’t decide if they wanted them to be villains or be redeemed#anyway i will always mourn the arcs we were meant to have in season 4#madison becoming the villain vs nick and alicia and whatever was planned for troy#troy was only killed off bc dave didn’t trust the new showrunners with him and he couldnt save the OGs by killing them too lmao#but i am glad alicia is alive and we got to see daniel sharmans acting bc most of the cast were only giving about 20% atp#but who can blame them? the writing got to new levels of bad in s7/8 and their personalities were changing every few episodes#actually to be fair they did the best with what they were given they just seemed done#i only tuned in to alicias episodes in s7 so my opinion on the rest of it is from what ive read bc i just could not get through it#so my opinion on the characters full arcs in s7 may be wrong
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i felt like drawing Maru but I really don't have the energy to even color this sketch.
#that anon made me think Huh he sure is much less on my mind#Then I remembered one of my fave anime- Erased#I feel like “what if i disappeared from this world and how would it change my loved one's lives” has been done enough times already#but i have nothing to do with his canon story now. So I thought. What if he Really disappeared?#I never caught up with Madoka stuff but I remember something with this theme too and that girl chasing her to stop her from doing that#so i was like hmmmmm Cherry?#Like imagine chasing a dead person's shadow your whole life and when you almost grasp it#it disappears. wouldnt that be fucked up#I like happy endings but also can u imagine#Maru seeing his family live without him never existing. His mom is alive. His grandparents accept her.#Olivia never gets hurt or leaves the town thanks to Hana#Alex's life doesn't change at all.#Wouldn't that be heartbreaking. Hehe. No I wont do it but i want to put my thoughts somewhere#sorry friends I am chronically tired and i have given up on everything! goodnight#maybe. idk#doodles#maka#maru#oc
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apologies for the lack of art lately, i just got new glasses and am still adjusting :(
in the meantime, anyone have thoughts about lomion and tyelpe's relationship in the reverse gondolin au?
#not silm#not art#my stuff#the current Fun Bit In Progress is lomion tyelpe and gil's family portrait#the current Frustrating Bit In Progress is fiddling with the TA timelines#do you think gil should go by a different name? i do like how gil galad fits for both lomion and tyelpe's stars#ereinion also works in a less-vague sense given that both his dads are kings lol#and artanaro works in the feanorian sense#idk how to differentiate him though#like how maeglin is lomion and celebrimbor is tyelperinquar (bc gondolin quenya) and elrond is prince elrond#hmm#also saruman is probably getting kicked out of the white council early on lol#tyelperinquar (almost died because of annatar; also recently widowed because of annatar/sauron): i am not making that mistake again :///#he still has massive issues trusting himself that are even worse without lomion to talk things through/balance each other out#so i dont think he would do the active kicking-out#but he would definitely have a Foreboding Sense of Suspicion#and prince elrond (having trust issues in the opposite direction) would show saruman the door in three seconds flat#overall this white council is a lot more traumatized#a great deal more suspicious and equally dysfunctional#the moment the kinslayings get brought up nothing gets done for the rest of the meeting bc#galadriel and tyelpe spend the whole time glaring at each other#given their respective Everything the table probably catches fire
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#i feel like shit#I can't get up and finish the things I have to#truly is costing me too much#really#I swear I'm trying#but I'm finding it harder and harder to get a shred of motivation#for what?#I don't even have a fucking purpose#nothing would change if I#just pooff#gone#not a single thing would change#I know#I'm not useful in anything#my friends wouldn't even notice#I know because they told me so#so why am I still here#I'm useless#I only subsist on mediocrity#no one needs me#why would they#im just a shitty useless and selfish piece of crap#They would be better off without me#they would be better off if I had never been here.#i should've done it many years ago lol#I would have given them all a favor#and saved them the time.#amyways#delete later#i really needed to get this out of my chest
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