#i am completely normal about the fishing game

[brammariek]

so i heard you all like fucked up fish

update: MOAR FISHIES

[nightmare-niko]

Just The Two Of Us, 깊어져가는 Moonstruck [Jake Sim x fem!reader]

Just the two of us. 깊어져 가는 moonstruck. Oh, you make me go crazy over you, you, baby. Let me hold you close. 떠오른 달 그 위로. 이 밤을 날아 crazy over you, you, baby

Warnings: friends to lovers, I wanted to be pretty long and super cute. So of course I'm gunna write insp by my favorite song on my favorite album favorite band!!!

Copying or translating my writing is not allowed. If you see my work on another site it is stolen. Reblogs are appreciated and encouraged.

Word count: 1.7k

A/n: completely oblivious dummies, tooth rottingly sweet, self-indulgent, I need Jake so bad

You turned over in your bed— Exhausted after a grueling all-nighter with your best friend Jake. The sunlight peaking through your blinds is harsh on your tired eyes.

What time was it? How long have you been sleeping? Where was your phone?

Blindly, you pat around on your mattress in search of your phone. Instead of your soft mattress and plush blanket, your hand collides with something.

You jolt up in your bed, "what the hell Jake?” you whisper. " how did you get in my bed?!”

The boy groans, "You know I can't sleep alone Y/nie~”

You laugh, "That is so not true-- you sleep alone in your dorm.”

"Not my fault you don't like sleeping over my place.” he doesn't open his eyes, rolling from his back to his side.

"Why would we hang out there when I live alone?”

"I basically live here,” He mumbles.

"Yeah… for free,” you deadpan.

He sighs, "Yeah but you love me.”

You poke your finger into Jake's side, "You eat all my food and hog my bed.”

"You have the best snacks,” he shrugs, finally opening his eyes to look at you. "What time is it?”

"I have no clue… I think you're lying on my phone… “

Jake shuffles around in place, fishing your cell phone from under his Torso. He examines the screen, rubbing his eye With his free hand. "Shit it's 12:30, we should- Like- get up and start our day.”

Your eyebrows furrow, "it's winter break— what are we gonna do?”

Jake pauses, thinking way too hard about the question. "We could like… Go to mine and play video games...?”

"We always play video games…“ you pout, laying back down in your bed, facing Jake.

"Then what do you wanna do, baby?” he tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear.

Shamelessly— you lean into his touch, the warmth of his hand brings goosebumps to your skin, "I don't know, what haven't we done in a while?”

"Wanna go to the arcade?”

Your face lights up at the suggestion, "You gonna win me something?”

"You know I am, baby.”

~

Jake didn't bother going back to the dorms to get ready for your 'date’. Like he said, he basically lived with you. Which meant he kept half of his wardrobe at your place. You made sure to dress in your cutest winter clothes. Totally not because you wanted to look good for your best friend for which you have absolutely no romantic feelings at all. You told yourself that you just wanted to ensure your fashionable best friend didn't out-dress you— But who were you kidding? Everyone knows that you're bullshitting with that excuse.

Of course, you had a massive crush on your best friend. But you didn't exactly know if Jake felt the way you felt. Sure he flirted with you like crazy— and you always flirted back. He calls you baby for crying out loud! It wasn't normal for just friends in any way shape or form. But it was your normal.

You couldn't remember the last time you went to an arcade, but you definitely remember that it was with Jake. You two went everywhere together! That's just how best friends work.

~

You arrive at the mostly empty arcade, a lot of the students that went to your university went home for winter break. That meant that the popular spots were usually nice and empty for the two of you.

Jake throws his arm around your shoulder, "What do you wanna play first, baby?”

You hum, “air hockey?”

"Loser buys dinner?”

“oh you're so on!” you run ahead of the boy to get ready to demolish him in air hockey.

You weren't so sure if Jake was actually bad at air hockey or if he was just letting you win— Either way, it was great for your ego seeing the score in front of you reading a Wild 15 to 5.

“I don't know why you always insist on making bets on games you're bad at,” you tease, leading Jake over to another game.

“Maybe I just like spoiling you,” he shrugs, putting coins into the machine.

"Well, you could spoil me without embarrassing yourself.” You mindlessly begin to play the game before you.

He laughs melodically, "I'm not embarrassing myself, baby. I just like seeing your face when you win.”

You gasp shyly at the comment." Why are you flirting so suddenly?" You hit him across the arm.

He laughs cutely, "I'm always flirting with you, pretty"

"Oh my gosh, take it easy lover boy-" You walk away from Jake to find something else to play, and to hide the embarrassing blush on your face.

You only do a little bit of walking before you lay eyes on the claw machine section of the arcade. With a sparkle in your eye, you approach the machines Full of adorable stuffed toys.

"Do you want me to win you one?" Jake throws his arm over your shoulder again.

"You can try~" You tease.

He puts his hand out in fake offense, “You have no faith in me, I’m hurt.”

"I have plenty faith in you Jakey," reassure him.

"How about you try to win one of these?" You point to one of the cute puppies within all of the other small stuffed toys in one of the machines.

“Alright, bet— sit back and watch a masterwork." Jake dramatically cracks his knuckles and stretches before trying his hand at the game.

After Jake's fifth try with no success, you began to realize that maybe your initial lack of faith was Valid. He groans in frustration— Claiming that the game was totally rigged and unwinnable.

"It's a claw machine, Jake- there's only one goal...” You giggle at the way he’s pouting at not being able to win you a toy. "Here, let me try."

You push him away and Start up the machine, the song begins to play as you carefully maneuver the silver claw right above the toy you want. Jake watches intently as you push the red button. effortlessly— the claw grabs onto the plush, picking it up and moving it to the drop spot.

Jake's jaw drops as you triumphantly hold up your new puppy plush.

"I'm beginning to think you're just really bad at games...”

"I am not! You're just lucky!" He's pouting so hard you're worried his face is going to get stuck that

“Oh sure… lucky.” You tease. "So, what are we gonna name our son?" You ask, absent-mindedly playing with the plushie's soft ears.

Jake hums, "Maybe... Jake jr?"

"Ah yes, naming him after the one who didn't catch him.” "On c'mon, he looks just like me! Why wouldn't he be Jake jr?!" Jake takes Jake Junior from your hands, posing the toy next to his face to show their similarities.

You pull out your cell phone, giggling as you snap photos of Jake and your new son.

“Now I really gotta win you something” He pouts again as he scans around to find the perfect toy for you. He gasps as he presses his face into the glass of a different claw game. "There she is look!'" Jake exclaims, pointing to a cute bunny plush. "It's Y/N junior!"

You follow where he’s pointing, a tiny brown bunny plush with a ribbon around its neck sits cutely on top of the others. “Now all you gotta do is catch her."

"That's why you're gonna help me!"

With your combined forces you managed to win the rabbit in only two tries. Immediately you take selfies with your new children.

•

"Ooh! Jake let's do the photo booth!” You take his hand in yours as you pull him into the booth with you. As the two of you cram into the confined space you tug the curtain closed. The comforting scent of your best friend's cologne infiltrates your senses. Boy, he was closer than expected-- and so beautiful. You try to push away that thought— starting the timer for the camera. “Let's do a cute one first!”

"Psh— I'll be in it, it'll already be cute."

You roll your eyes as the counter ticks down. Jake throws a finger heart while you cup your hands under your chin cutely. The camera flashes and you begin to think of another pose to do before the camera goes off again. Jake scoots closer to you, gently putting his arm around your waist, He smooshes the sides of your faces together, putting half of a hand heart on his cheek. You mirror him, winking for the picture.

For a moment you can’t help but wonder if Jake could hear your heart pounding loudly in your chest from the proximity. You just have to hope he can't.

"Hey-" Jake calls to you softly, moving your chin gently to look at him. Blood rushes to your face in record time at the proximity. The faint countdown for the final photo is drowned out by the erratic thumping of your heart. You panic internally as you watch Jake close the distance between you.

He kisses you so gently, Freezing in place so the photo captures the moment. He pulls away slightly - but you can't wake up from this dream just yet. You take Jake's face in your ars and Kiss him once more. You swear you are in heaven, Your best friend just Kissed you!

The realization hits you like a freight train, causing you to pull away in shock.

"You just kissed me!" You exclaim.

Jake laughs at your red face and shocked expression, "You kissed me back!"

“Of course I kissed you back why wouldn't I kiss you back?”

“I don't know! maybe you weren't into me like that,” he shrugs.

“Oh, don't be dumb, of course I'm into you like that Jake.”

“Well, now I know! c'mon, let's look at our pictures.”

Yourusername

liked by s1mjak3_ and others

Yourusername: Aracade date with boyfie🤍🤍🤍

s1mjak3: The claw machine goat fr fr🤪🤪🤪

s1mjak3

liked by Yourusername and others

s1mjak3: Us when we dominate the arcade😎😎😎😎

Yourusername: you mean us when i dominate the arcade and you just watch...

s1mjak3: dont be a hater wtf😒😒😒😒

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[autumnbrambleagain]

everyone jokes about how they'd be different if they were a vampire wizard immortal they wouldn't lose track of mortal life they'd be So Normal About It but in playing a single morrowind save for like a year now with a ton of mods im experiencing the strange growth of my characterization in it from powerless outsider with no home to wizard to becoming increasingly strange to maintain power and like

okay see i can just. you can't teleport infinitely but my alteration and vampire Jumps are so good i can just literally launch off and land anywhere in the world. space no longer matters to me. a 10 minute walk is now a 10 second jump.

vampirism means i'm immune to normal weapons and my stats are so dang high i can just stand there and even with MDMD and the 4nm PVP mod most things can't really hit me or hurt me and i have 100 ways to kill anything at will. i have so many limiting mods on to keep me from going Broken but i still have destruction 130 strength 140 stealth 150 and like it took me like a real life year of playing on and off to get that far so it feels Earned and there was a real sense of progression (excluding the vampire boost jump) but it's made me Strange power makes you Weird

and having such absolutely drunken insane power over mortal life really fucks with me doing the main quest for the first time in a decade where like

the erabenimsum are like "you'll... have to kill the warlike leaders of our tribe. we warn you they are very powerful" and i'm just like. what. you guys were my neighbors for a year at this point i could have just killed a bunch of you and changed your society in 30 seconds and you'd have let me yeah ok. hold on. brb. and i just kind of pop in and explode everyone and come back like yeah that was easy no worries.

and like i started this game deeply immersed, like taking everything slow eating different foods every day to satisfy my ashfall meters doing paintings of places i liked hanging out fishing and now i'm just this vampire Force of Will teleporting and flying and destroying things with a black-eyed glance and i'm playing with doors of oblivion and finding there is such a Bigger World out there like

i think the actual natural progression of this character is complete disassociation with the world and graduation from like ALL of this this fucker is piercing the Aurbis and just Leaving which you know is like

a distressingly resonant thematic with my own experiences and that i am playing this character as my 1:1 self insert like haha yeahthat. that. that hits a lot closer to home than i wanted it to. as above so below no matter how many onion layers huh.

[hazelfoureyes]

A Doe in Fall (Part 8)

⟢HumanAlastor x FemaleBurlesquerReader - A Doe in Fall

A burlesquer with a penchant for conning men, you find your latest game interrupted when your next mark saves you from an aggressive fan— by killing him. The chance encounter left you curious, still half convinced you could complete your normal chase. Unbeknownst to you, you were the one being tracked.

Part 1 - Pretty in Red smut💦 Part 2 - Liar smut💦 Part 3 - A Tragedy smut💦 Part 4 - Enough Part 5 - Too Much Part 6 - Learning smut💦 Part 7 - Recognition smut💦 Part 8 - Trust sexual 🥵 📍 Part 9 - Shiny Things Part 10 - Good Deeds Part 11 - Caught Part 12 - Eddie Part 13 - The Release Part 14 - Someone like her smutty💦

Part 8 - Trust

Detective Brady is sharper than you initially thought, though Alastor is (seemingly) unfazed by the threat. While you both explore the idea of ‘home’ a familiar face shows up at your apartment.

「Warnings/Tags: Human Alastor x Fem Burlesquer reader, Detective Brady exists a lot and maybe too much, fingering lol, phone calls, almost our first fight, stress, Disney mom rule, Ruth is pretty alright for now, Brenda」

forgot to tag you in the deleted scene for TRDFAHS

M👻D☠️N👽I😈

Your mother always said ‘Anger is your sword and shield’. So you postured yourself as someone mad. One hip out, arms crossed, eyes narrowed.

“Sir I don’t appreciate a man in a lady’s space.”

Brady bit his tongue, wanting to say something sharp.

 I don’t see any ladies here.

 He met the glares of the women behind you. “Ah, well-,”

“Do you really expect her to leave in her robe?”

“Aren’t you the man whose been stalking her?”

“Autumn I’ll go with you.”

“You want her to get into a strange man’s car?”

He felt like a fox about to be pecked to death by the hens.

“Now-! Alright I’m seeing I maybe,” he set your shoes down and slid past you and between the other performers, “got a little eager to speak to you.”

“Does Janet know you like to hang around burlesquers?” Someone said as his back was turned.

Like having ice water poured over his head, his shoulders tensed as did his tone. “I’ll be right out the door.”

You tried to hide the tremble in your hands, but failed. Ruth slid beside you, “What do you need?”

A phone. But the cord wouldn’t reach that far. You wanted to tell Alastor. You needed him to know that detective had you cornered and knew of his existence.

“Could you stay with me? I’m not going anywhere. But I’ll feel safer if I’m not talking to him alone. In case he tries to drag me out. He seems a little off his rocker.” You were genuinely scared he would grab you by the arm and pull you out of the theater if he didn’t think anyone would see. 

She patted your back, the others filing in to continue with their work of getting dressed and undressed. You took your time, trying to plan what you would say.

Brady felt an embarrassed blush take hold as the women moved past him with scowls and tsks. He could feel a little bit of his sanity slip back now that you were in front of him. 

“I have some questions about Tommy. I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks. We can head down now.”

Oddly, your mother also taught you, ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ 

She didn’t always make a lot of sense, contradicting herself daily. 

Time to use the tried and true tactic, “I am sorry, detective. I had some trouble recently and have been keeping to myself… going home as soon as possible. Just trying to keep my nose clean. So to speak.”

Brady watched you look up at him with a face his daughter often gave him when she was in trouble. But you weren’t a child and you surely weren’t his daughter. “That’s no excuse to dodge me.”

Your turn to bite your tongue, “Of course, sir.”

Ruth was… confused. She’d never seen you so obedient. You had more venom in your voice after taking a hit from Tommy knowing a third could be close behind. Why were you being so small?

“Are you ready to go?” He fished in his pocket for his car door keys. 

Ruth felt the need to interject, “She’s not going anywhere.”

Perfect.

You nodded, “I won’t be out at night, sir. You know better than most about the dangers.” Your dangers. Your darling Alastor.

“No, no no,” an unhinged chuckle from the fraying detective, “You’re not slipping away again. I have my car, I’ll take you there and bring you home.”

Ruth looked to you, then back to the detective, “Is she under arrest?”

Brady rolled his eyes, “Of course not.”

“Then? What gives you the right?”

Technically, nothing. He didn’t need to talk to you. His lead still stood. But maybe you’d slip and say something to expedite his search for the radio man. Maybe this would only end with Tommy. But he felt something tickling the back of his skull. An urge to not stop pushing.

“I’ll meet you at the station tomorrow morning. Is it the address on the card you gave me?” Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn’t. You just needed him gone so you could call Alastor. 

He was shaking his notebook, key looped onto his finger. A nervous habit. “You still have my card?”

A smile, “Of course. In case any news came up. I’d have called but I didn’t realize you were so worked up.”

He scoffed. He wasn’t worked up. He was just annoyed. Maybe a little rougher in demeanor than usual but whose fault was that?

“If you don’t turn up tomorrow-,”

Ruth, taller than most women and some men and wide at the shoulders, leaned in.

Brady’s eyeline adjusted from yours to Ruth’s. Skye Scraper wasn’t just a pun, it was a cruel nickname she took ownership of. “Finish that sentence.”

The conversation ended there, Brady leaving with a huff.

You’d memorized the number the night Alastor gave it to you, too scared to write it down. He warned you though he wouldn’t be the one to answer.

“Is Alastor still there?” You tried to smile so you sounded less panicked. Ruth mouthed his name and pretended to swoon as you held the phone close to your ear. 

“Uhh depends, who is this?” Brenda answered, a voice you’d never heard but a woman Alastor had primed you for. 

“….”, but why hadn’t you thought through this part, what name was safe? Which was recognizable? You didn’t like the idea of this woman knowing your name. “Tell him it’s Autumn.”

“….” 

You laughed at Ruth, waiting still for a reply from Brenda, “Hello?”

“Is this a crank? Autumn like the season? I-,” a commotion, “Hey there! No. I don’t know. Well it’s past hours anywa-.”

Alastor was lying across Brenda’s desk to reach the phone, having wrestled it from the woman’s grip, “I’m here. What’s wrong? I was about to leave.”

“I’ll walk home tonight.” It hurt, physically hurt, to say it.

Alastor tried to keep his face neutral, “Oh.” Nervous fingers twirling the cord, “One second.” 

Harsh whispers, some clicks, and he was back, “I’m in my office. What happened?”

“Yeah Ruth is with me. It’s okay. I’ll call you like normal tomorrow?” 

“Should I swing by your apartment?” He considered doing it regardless of your answer.

“Ah, no. I wouldn’t recommend it. I’ll be heading to the police station early tomorrow so I’ll be asleep as soon as I’m flat.” Putting your hand over the receiver, you spoke to Ruth, “Thank you, we got it figured out.”

His heart sank to his stomach, “Did he finally manage to catch you?”

“Yeah. Or—-,” your voice cracked a little, the fear rolling in as soon as Ruth walked away, “Yeah.”

“I’m coming over to the theater.”

Cupping the phone you curved your shoulders in and turned away from the staff milling about, “Don’t, that’s worse.” Tears stung your eyes. You felt like you’d failed him. You had somehow, hadn’t you? The loose thread Brady could grab ahold of was you.

“If you can’t come to the alley I’ll leave after a couple minutes. But I’ll be there in twenty, same time as our normal pick up.”

“Alastor, that’s reckless.”

“Please, dear, I don’t want our first fight to be over my work line.” A calming breath, “You don’t have to meet me, but I’ll be there. Just five minutes, then I’ll be off.”

You decided the safest thing to do was to wait in the alley. If you saw any signs of Brady or anyone coming out, you’d go back inside and just miss the meeting. But the idea of Alastor being just beyond the wall, waiting all alone, was too much.

But how much harder would it be if the wall was of the prison? Or worse, dense earth under your feet? That’s what Brady was wanting. 

You hadn’t realized you’d been chewing your nails until his car turned down the alley from the back and you tore off much of the length of your thumbnail.

Your arms were thrown around him before he was fully out of the car, “Alastor, he knows I have a guy. He wanted me to go down right now but I managed to push it to tomorrow.” Alastor tried to decipher the words as you spoke them into his vest, “What do I do?”

Normally you’d have your own plans in mind but this was too big, this was capable of hurting him more than anyone else. 

He smelled like ink and smoke, a scent you inhaled as you tried to calm your breath.

A large hand patted your head, “Okay. You go tomorrow. It’ll be fine. Don’t stress.” Pulling you off he placed chaste kisses across your face. “Think about what you want to say to him and we can talk it out in the morning. Everything is fine.”

The reality of you standing in a dirty alley crying into the arms of a murderer set in. Then the little detail you were both killers creeped over your chest and took hold of your throat.

He was impressed at the strength of your hands as you gripped at his clothes. Leaning against the car, he offered you his most charming smile.

“Deep breaths, dear. Do I look scared?”

He didn’t. He looked like a magazine ad for French cologne or razor blades that left the softest skin. 

“No.” You shook your head.

“No.” He nodded. “It’ll be okay. If you don’t go, he will hound you worse. If you do go, maybe he’ll realize he’s got a handful of nothing.”

His smile blinded you. Bright grin as he rested against his car, arms open. 

“Do you really think so? A handful of nothing?”

“Did he say my name?”

“No.”

“Did he–” he elongated the word, lips pursed as he searched the sky for his next words, “have Tommy’s body?”

You laughed, morbid but preposterous, “I didn’t pat him down. Coulda.” 

Alastor snapped his fingers, “We’ll have to just assume he didn’t.” A moment of tension. The act of joking barely traversing the space between your bodies let alone reaching the stress under your skin. His hands came to your shoulders; firm, secure. “Did you want to have that fight now? About me coming over here.”

You rolled your eyes, obviously not. “Ala-,” you started and stopped.

“I’ll admit I’m being reckless but I think we can both agree my way is more fun.” Smile sliding into a smirk, he cocked his head and lowered it to get back into your line of sight. When you stuck your tongue out he took a deep breath in, relief. “Are you sure I can’t take you home?”

To which home, you wondered. He used the word so casually and interchangeably…

Face close to yours. Eyes solely on you. Perhaps the stage wasn’t as necessary as you’d once thought. Lips on lips, the feeling of his smile spreading as he returned the kiss. A second of panic as you realized you couldn’t see or hear or sense what else was happening anymore in the alley. Brady could have had you in handcuffs and you wouldn’t be the wiser. Not as long as Alastor’s mouth was moving over yours.

“I’ll call in the morning.” He said into your exhale.

You hadn’t opened your eyes yet. Not ready to return to earth. A pout from you. A chuckle from him. “I’ll be waiting,” You finally said. 

While you did your waiting, shuffling around the theater and later tossing around in bed, Alastor fell into a different kind of purgatory.

One he hadn’t realized he’d made for himself until you weren’t there. 

The house was quiet, almost eerie. Even with music on he found himself nearly uncomfortable. He shifted several times in his chair while reading, not finding any way to settle in. 

His bed was lopsided. Suddenly one side was too light. Multiple times his hand slid under the sheets in search of you out of habit. 

What a terrible feeling; to want someone. To know you could have them but they just… weren’t there.

It didn't make any sense. He knew he’d see you soon, in less than a day's time even. He typically enjoyed his home and its silence. Being alone was predictable and therefore comforting. Well, it had been. Before you. 

The feeling in his chest, akin to a magnet tugging through his sternum toward a distant partner, didn’t abate.

Only when he heard your voice again over the phone did he find a sliver of peace.

“I’ve decided I’ll deny I have a guy. And, I’ll never tell him about you. It’s safer if he never connects us.”

Alastor was listening, honestly, but he wasn’t really processing. His mind was worried about something else. The detective genuinely didn’t bother him but he had to agree, “I suppose that’s best. As long as we can manage it, to not let him know we’re together.”

Together.

You were together with him. An item. How spectacular you must be to be a part of anything with him.

But for how long? With a certain detective breathing down your neck…, “I’m scared. Actually.”

You could hear the smile in Alastor’s breath, it was odd but eased you. 

“He will never have enough to convict us. He’ll drive himself crazy trying. Trust me.” He soothed. 

Did you have any choice? “Okay. You’re right. I trust you.” Unequivocally so. 

He cleared his throat, “Sorry to change the subject…”

“Please.”

“I want you to come over again tonight. What do you think?”

“Oh, yeah. Of course, don’t even need to ask. I’ll always say yes.” All you needed to do was get through Brady and you’d be home.

But for Alastor, well, he wasn’t done asking the question. A moment of panic from a place unrecognized in his brain, fear of losing himself entirely. But what good was a safe harbor if he never ventured out to sea? That’s just a restraint then, isn’t it? 

Maybe you held a place for him even richer in its comforts than his solitude.

So he let himself drift away from familiar shores, no sails and no compass, “I think it’d be smart to bring over a couple sets of clothes. I can keep them washed and always here for you. Would that be alright?” He had wanted to suggest it while together, but Brady was ruining more than his sleep.

Oh.

The same silence from when he first extended the invitation, the deja vu not lost on you. You struggled to decipher the second meaning you were sure was there. Maybe he didn't know what he had asked. 

“I know it’s boring out in the boonies but, you’re welcome to just stay over while I go to work. I can come back and get you for rehearsals… I’ll enjoy the clubs or come back and make something for a late dinner for us, and bring you home when you’re done.”

He said it. He hadn’t really meant to, so he felt the need to clarify, but you also needed him to clarify just as quickly, “I -,”

“Did you me-?”

“Sorry, go ahead.”

“No I interrupted you-,”

“Not at all pl-,”

“Alastor for the love of God please don’t make me keep talking right now.” You lightly knocked your head with the phone a few times. Your heart was gasping for an ounce of understanding.

He chuckled, glad you were still very much yourself, “I meant, take you home as in, away from work. So, here. Or, there, if you’d prefer.” His face scrunched up, this wasn’t a conversation he had any practice in, “Anywhere really. I’ll drive you anywhere.”

“Alabama?”

He looked at the phone as if you were in it. Alabama? 

“Like— the first time you asked me over.” You added quickly. A terrible joke, a bad callback that made it painfully obvious you committed everything he said to memory.

Alastor rested his cheek on the dining table, laughing into the wood before bringing the receiver back. You always offered him an out of uncomfortable situations, “Well the offer still stands. I'd be willing to even venture at least halfway across Texas.” 

“The best half of Texas is on our side so that’s a generous offer. But, given our work schedules, I think your house would be much better. Time wise.” 

He let his eyes close as he felt the coldness of the wood, “Is that a yes then? To bringing over a couple of items… for ease.” Was it a mistake? Would he regret it? 

You were worth regrets. He had decided. He wanted you to say yes.

The weight of what he was asking wasn’t lost on you an ounce. You could see your window from the phone booth. You took great pride in your little apartment. It was your space and no one else’s. As a child you struggled to have your own anything, so you valued your home. 

But could you call any place so far from Alastor a home?

It’s just a few items. You weren’t giving up your lease. It’s a baby step. One you could easily walk back if you needed to later. It’s not like you hadn’t spent every night possible already since that first offer.

“Yes.” 

It was a plan that took your mind off cops. Have your interrogation, go home, then go home for a relaxing evening of jazz and drink.

The levity ended though the second you hung up the receiver. An obstacle between you and him still stood. You pulled out your bag but couldn’t find the will to pack it. Your hands were too busy as you chewed on your thumbnail again.

Brady noticed the uneven length when you sat down and set your hands on the table.

“Surprised you showed.” He opened his notebook and readied his pencil. “First things first, what is your legal name?”

A chill. You’d gotten your warning the night before to prepare something to say but ignored it. Your mind was flipping through words and images. Piercing all of it were the white reflective eyes of the deer along the road. You decided to lean into what you knew. 

“Autumn.”

“Really? Never heard the name Autumn before.”

“Me either. Made for an easy stage name.”

“I’ll need to see your birth records, just to be sure.”

You sucked your teeth. “Ah, unfortunately…all that stuff was left behind with my mom when I moved.”

“And where can I find her?

“Corner of North Villere street and Piety.”

“And your address?”

You paused. His eyes rose and met yours. The radiant aqua from the cafe morning was now an icy color. “I don’t give my address out. You know where I work.”

“But you’re fine giving me your mother’s address? That’s cold.”

“Not as cold as she is, I’m sure of that.”

“Fine, I’ll find it in the census records.” He flipped the page, “Tell me about the dates Tommy arranged.” He tapped his notepad on the table like it was the starting bell of a fight.

You wished Alastor was with you, but also wished he would never enter that station. “Apparently many of the dancers agreed, got a cut. I had no idea about it until he,” you remembered the man and his ugly tie, “introduced me to a man who was very forward. I insulted him and ran off. Lost Tommy good money, apparently.”

“And who was that?”

You searched your memory, “S something. Mister Stein? I honestly wasn’t listening much after I realized what was happening.”

Brady nodded, “And then he knocked you around?”

You winced without meaning too, “Yeah. Got me good.”

Brady waited for you to continue talking, but you had learned this game. People know silence is uncomfortable and will use that against you. So you let the silence stay. Let the awkward tension build. You had limited time, he knew that.

He caved first. “And… the next date. Last time anyone saw Tommy. Tell me about that.”

Lying was second nature to you. You had killed for Alastor. You could do this. Deep breaths, slink into yourself. You imagined Alastor choked on the park grounds, wet and unmoving. Imagined him cold to the touch.

“Tommy said he’d kill me if I didn’t go. So I did. Promised me he’d stay with me for protection.” Tears welled. Bloody hands and a large rock. “But as soon as he got his money he left.” 

Brady was writing, “And the man? What was his name.”

“Something foreign. Kerr-something. Or Car?”

He looked up slightly, “You’re pretty terrible at names.”

You wiped away your tears, “I had more pressing concerns at the time than trying to remember that man’s name. I was hoping I’d never need to know it.”

Brady hummed, “Yeah. And what did your beau think of this?”

Did you hide it? The flash of panic that rolled under the flesh of your face, “If I had a beau Tommy wouldn’t have made me do that. He said that himself.”

“Too bad he’s not here to confirm.”

“If he was we wouldn’t be having this conversation, detective.”

“Touché. Clever little lady aren’t you?”

Fuck.

You shifted slightly in your seat, looking downward in an attempt at being bashful. “That’s kind to say.”

“So why did,” he flipped through his book, “Beth say you stopped singin’ on Sundays cuz of your radio boyfriend?”

“Ah,” a weak laugh to hide the way your breath got sucked in with panic. The words ‘radio boyfriend’ punched the air from your lungs. “You must mean the rake. Took me for a ride at a club corner and sent me off in a cab to never see me again. Didn’t know he was in radio though.” 

“Well now you’re lying and I don’t appreciate it one ounce ma’am.“

“What?”

“Beth says he’s been coming to your shows for nearly half a year.”

No acting necessary for this part. “What are you talking about? I met him at a club. We arranged a date and he picked me up at—“

“Beth’s dive.”

“…. Yeah. Well.” He’d been there before? So often? And you never noticed…, “That’s news to me, that he had been there for so long, it’s got its regulars though so...” You shifted again, this time with a clear uncomfortable edge. 

“He stopped coming when you stopped singing.”

“….guess he got what he wanted then. A fun time in the swing hall bathroom.”  Anger. Unreal and unfounded. Trying your best to hide how confused you were.

“Sounds like a stalker, miss. Maybe one who woulda been quite unhappy to hear you were selli-,”

You cut him off, eyes snapping up to meet his, “I really recommend you reconsider your wording.”

Brady laughed with a huff, “A man dizzy with a dame can do some funny stuff. Especially if he hears she’s in a pickle.”

“Well, no knight coming to rescue me. I’ve sworn off men. It’s why I’ve been leaving work early. Getting home, reading, sleeping. He really did a number on my heart and my pride as a woman.”

Brady’s pencil stopped moving. 

“And his name?”

You’d never fucking say it. He could walk in on you moaning ‘Alastor’ and you’d still act like you’d never heard that string of syllables in your life. 

“John.”

Brady laughed and tossed the pencil to the table, “Let me guess, last name Doe?”

You shrugged, “We weren’t on a full name basis. He was handsome, he took me out, we fucked, I never saw him again” You delighted in the way his face screwed up at your unladylike language. 

“So, someone in radio named John. You know I’m going to be at every broadcaster talking to every John, right?” The nervous shaking of his notebook again. 

“When you find him let me know.”

“Oh I will.” He said it so quickly, so sharply you could feel it cut at your cheek as the words flew past you.

You pulled your hands into your lap, eyes firmly locked on Brady’s. “You look tired, sir. I hope my answers will help you. So you can rest.”

“I am tired. Of people jerking me around. You won’t give me your address, you don’t remember anyone’s name, not even your own, and you deny having a man I know you have.”

If you screamed would he have you committed? “I’m terribly sorry,” you leaned over the table and pulled a piece of fuzz off his shoulder, “my friend gave you inaccurate and dated information. I am genuinely trying to help as much as I can.”

Upon closer inspection, his eyes were more than just blue. They were dark and light, deep and shallow. Blue so far down it was nearly black. A blue so bright it was a cousin of white. Eyes you were sure would haunt you. 

“Help me then, Autumn.” Your brows rose at the request. He leaned back and away from you, “Just tell me what happened to Tommy. What your guy did. If he was trying to protect your name then we could find a sympathetic jury.”

Sympathy? Your smile was too wide, stare gone too soft. What sympathy did he have or would anyone have for you? Did he think you wanted the tender hearts of strangers? “Tommy ran off with a bag of money. He was a good man with a bad habit. That’s all I know. I have no partner, man or otherwise.”

A standstill. 

Brady felt a twitch in his hands he wasn’t used to. An itch to move. Unlike him, and a little frightening. 

Maybe he had been running himself ragged. 

Back sliding down slightly in his chair, he laced his fingers and rested them in his lap, “You know I’m gonna find out what happened, right?” His tone had shifted to something serious and calm. He said it like he was telling you a secret. Low but firm. Steady and sure. 

Those eyes. No, worse. What was behind them. You could see it clearly; unflappable determination. He absolutely would. 

“I trust you will.” A moment of silence again as you both felt the conversation die. As you stood, Brady did too.

“I wasn’t bluffing about him going to Beth’s for more than half a year now. I don’t know how you think this is gonna end but it won’t end pretty. Whether it was just your boss or all the others on my desk, end it with him and help us bring Tommy home to his mother.”

You adjusted your purse on your shoulder, “I don’t know how many time-,”

“Autumn. I’ve seen enough make up covered bruises to clock em from across the room. That’s the act of a possessive, immature man. Just think about what I said,” You opened the door in an effort to keep your hands from shooting to your neck. “There’s no white picket fence or church bells for you two. He’s a bad man. I think he may even be an evil man. You’re gonna end up hurt, or dead.”

A laugh bubbled up in your chest but you managed to stifle it. With an honest smile you replied, “We’re all gonna end up dead someday, Detective. I’ll call if I have any news. Thanks for your concern and … evident hard work.” You offered a little nod of your head before leaving the room and the station as quickly as you could without running. 

When he set down his notebook after returning to his desk, he couldn’t sit. Energy was buzzing in his limbs. He needed to run or swing or pace.

His desk neighbor watched him immediately pick up the notebook again and grab his hat. A few other men shared a glance as Brady rushed out, an unsettling feeling passed among them. 

“He’s still on that case?” One asked quietly, going back to his papers.

“Not officially….” Answered Freeman, standing at the window and watching Brady flag down a taxi.

“North Villere street and Piety, please.” He told the driver, not noticing his friend in the window.

It wasn’t near the station, nor the dance scene. He wondered if your mother would be any more amiable. What kind of woman would raise such a creature as you?

When the car slowed, Brady clicked back into his surroundings. He looked through every window hoping to see something different.

After a long pause the cabbie asked, “Ya gonna get out?”

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the edge of the seat. “No. Take me back to the station.”

His blood pressure rose so quickly he was sure he would black out as the cab turned around and drove back past the sign; Vincent DePaul cemetery.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Alastor kissed away the worries when he took your bag from you. Every detail of the interview was just hummed away. “Even if he finds me, without a body he has no case.” He reminded you like it was nothing short of fact.

“What if he gets one?”

“Not one of mine, I can assure you. He’d sooner need to kill someone himself and call it my fault.” A pause, was that something the detective would do? He shook off the thought. 

He was so confident that even though you knew it was just skin deep it still gave you a sense of calm. The bodies, where they went after he was done with them in the greenhouse, was the last step he hadn’t shared with you.

There was one thing you didn’t mention about the interrogation. 

You waited until you were a few drinks in, Alastor’s bowtie off and shirt unbuttoned several buttons before bringing it up. Uncharacteristically nervous about how he’d react when you broached the topic, you needed several deep breaths to get up your courage. Normally the idea of offending a man with an honest question wouldn’t ruffle you a bit, but once again there was nothing normal about you and Alastor. He made you so unlike yourself but not necessarily worse. Perhaps some consideration of other’s reactions wasn’t a bad thing. 

“This is awkward to ask.” It was dark already, the sun setting earlier and earlier. The buzz of the kitchen light could be heard through the screen door, the light just enough to let you see each other's features clearly. Leaning back on both hands for support, your legs rested in an unladylike spread down the porch stairs. No shoes. No girdle. No pretense.

Would he be mad? Or maybe offended?

“Brady said you had been going to my Sunday shows for awhile. Months before we actually met. Did you really meet me by coincidence?”

“Or was I stalking you as my next victim?” His head fell to the side, eyes closed and smile wide. “I saw you there, yes. And though you weren’t the best singer, I did enjoy your shows.”

You tried to see him without directly turning your head. 

“But yes, it was a coincidence. I had noticed that brute of a man a couple weeks in a row, staring at you so intensely. Word got around he had made a scene some time ago with a dancer.” 

You listened like someone was telling you your own story. It was an odd feeling, hearing someone recount your days from a different perspective. An unknown one. 

“I was surprised to see you at the theater when I followed him there. Even more so to see you in the alleyway.”

If he had said it wasn’t a coincidence, you genuinely didn’t know what you’d have done. You’d be scared and angry. Another predator lurking just past the tree lines.

Your relief must have been visible. “He really got to you, didn’t he?” Alastor asked, leaning over and letting his shoulder bump into yours. He was still riding the high of putting away your belongings in his closet and drawers. 

“Yeah. He gives me a bad feeling. Like…a brick wall barreling toward me.” You kicked a leaf off the steps, “Or like, when you see a big dark cloud on the horizon. Can’t do anything but wait and hunker down.”

How do you wait out a storm so set on burying you?

“Dear,” his hands rose and palms flipped up in a way that said he wasn’t hiding anything, “We get hurricanes annually. We’ve survived every one thus far. He’s just a drip. A sprinkle of a man.”

People have drowned on land before. A sprinkle could lead to pneumonia and that could lead to a wooden box. 

He tried to change the topic, laughing about Brenda’s reaction to the call and making plans for an evening out when things settled down again. You listened, but it was your turn to be half there. 

You could barely muster concern when you realized you’d forgotten your makeup and hair wrap at home when you were preparing for bed. What you would give for going home barefaced with a ruined hairdo to be the biggest stress of your week. 

The distance in your stare was weighing down his joy, how could he relish in the newest addition to his home when you were so burdened? Even in the moonless night he could see the faintest light reflecting off your eyes as you stared at the ceiling. Did you even feel his stare? 

He couldn’t let Brady poison his bed, and the man was clearly there now. Chasing you in your mind still. 

“Could I offer you a distraction?” Alastor slipped up against you, hand finding your hip. He could see your smile forming. 

“I wouldn’t argue against a distraction…,” you’d beg for one if you didn’t want to feel any lower than you already did. 

“Perfect. This bed isn’t made for three, so let’s eject that little nag, dear.” His hands slipped down your legs, “I want to replace your thoughts with better ones.” He pulled you to him, your back pressed into his broad chest. The way his soft hands smoothed over your silk slip felt like foreplay, so smooth and slick. Frictionless and gentle. Those same hands ran down and between your legs, following the line of your thighs until they found your center. “It seems you forgot something else.” Two fingers caressed your lower lips, barely parting them, “Not that I’m complaining…,” his lips found the back of your neck as his fingers rubbed gently at your core. 

It took so very little to get your body on board, wet and relaxed for his practiced hand. Your own fingers coming down to rub at your clit quickly when you felt your pleasure winding up. 

He sighed directly into the shell of your ear, hands working in tandem with yours under the covers. His back pressed against you, hips rolling into your backside in time with his fingers. 

“What are you thinking about?” Barely above a whisper as he said it into your heated skin.

“Fingers.”

“Whose?” His voice was deeper than his usual speaking tone. A tenor that made you clench around him.

“Yours.”

You’d never been so satisfied with hands before. With breath. With the sounds of a man. Never saw stars while clothed and not under the lights of the stage. Warm and wet kisses to your neck as you came down from your high, you’d never considered sex could be more than a man fucking someone. Nor that a man could find pleasure so readily with his cock still in his pants. But the way he hummed and growled softly into your skin was proof of his good time. 

You’d learned a lot from those progressively chillier nights at Alastor’s over the first week of your constant cohabitation. How much you liked waking up with someone just a reach away. How Alastor woke slowly, incapable of coherent speech for at least the first twenty minutes of his day. He’d stare and smile as his eyes blinked out of sync, rolling back occasionally as he fought the urge to fall back into sleep. Hair disheveled and soft.

When the weekend came, Alastor offered again to take you out. A promise to take you somewhere no detectives would be hiding about. A week without a peep, you were sure he had followed up with your mother and was probably steaming to get at you. But, for some reason or another, he hadn’t appeared again in the crowd of your shows. 

A week of going into work unmade and unkempt, you finally gave in and asked to be taken to your apartment early Friday. You’d grab a few items you needed, take them to work, and be back home that night. 

Your eyes were on Alastor when his car pulled up to your building. When he kissed you, your hand scratched at the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck. Eyes closed, you could smell him and feel him so much clearer. Perhaps when you were old together you wouldn’t have to worry about your sight giving out, you thought. Because you’d always know it was him by the way his skin on yours lit you up. 

“Pack something you’d like to wear out tomorrow night.” He reminded you before you pulled yourself from the car and waved him off. You lingered for a moment as he drove away, wondering if maybe the storm had been pushed off course.

“Oooh, who is he?”

Whipping around, you saw a familiar face sitting on the stoop of your building. An unwelcome one, though. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Mavis?” Your bag fell from your hands as the strength drained from your limbs.

She patted the dust off her dress before bouncing down the steps.  “The names Ephi now.” A half sister, though perhaps a quarter sister would be best to describe the often absentminded, when not literally absent, sibling. 

“That’s not a name that’s a fucking letter of the alphabet. Mama would smack the color of your cheeks if she heard you.” You were sure you’d not see her ever again, not after she ran off to head north before your mother passed. She scowled, arms crossed as you brushed past her. “I don’t have any money so you wasted a trip. See ya in another decade.”

Ephi grinned up at you as you climbed the stairs, “Looked like he had some money. Mr. Big Shot and his shiny bus.”

“Lotsa people have cars.” Your eyes landed on the suitcase poorly hidden behind the steps. Hand halting its search for the building key as you could feel the stare of your mother looking…down? A weight slipping over your shoulders like a man’s heavy winter coat.

“Well I don’t need money or cars. I need a place to crash.”

Your head fell. You could feel it coming. The gust of wind dragging the clouds slowly towards you. No, the storm wasn’t off course. It was just building momentum.

˖ ݁𖥔.Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult.𖥔 ݁ ˖

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei ,  @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog  , @poinappel l , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima a , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @rubyninja1 , @simphornies

, @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf ,  , @fizzled-phoenix ,  @phobophobular  , @whateverlololo    , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 @watereddownmilk   , @bontensbabygirl 

[cas-edspace]

why the hell not:

Random Hermit Headcanons

———

Everyone is completely comfortable with being in hybrid form with Tango.

Anyone who normally hides it, just lets out the ears, wings, etc with Tango. He isn’t aware that not everyone has seen Etho’s face, ears, or that no one realizes that there are two vampires on the server. He also makes sure they eat, (dad) (acts of service) (and the vamps do not feed on Tango, because that gotta taste like lava or an equivalent)

—

…Just realized that I planned on adding someone to this random hc hc listing and he’s not even in Hermitcraft but who cares: Here’s one for Scott;

He’s a shapeshifter, and no one seemed to caught onto that yet. Not the floating crystals in Last Life or the fact he was suddenly half fish in Limited Life.

—

Doc and Martyn are jokingly “fighting” over Ren, but the guy somehow doesn’t realize? The pup is just rping as pirates, pirate rats, and his ears apparently doesn’t pick up “He’s mine” comments.

Zero braincells <3

—

Etho keeps thinking about the family dynamic from Limited Life, because Scar randomly calls Cleo Mom still and… gave himself a step parent? And reassigned Etho’s role?

(This is based off of the Hungry Hermit conversation:

Scar: I wanna see mom and dad play!

Tango: Yeah, sure, I’ll play

.

.

Etho: Who’s mom?

Tango: Does the answer change if you’ll play or not?

Etho: I’ll play (don’t remember exact line)

(^This actually happened, so did this v)

Scar lost his permits

Tango: *sighs* I’m going to sound like a total dad here, but where did you last have them? Retrace your steps.

Scar: (something something, doing this from memory is great, it is 2am) Alright, dads come over here

Etho and Tango follow

. . .

Etho is asking himself about the complexity of the dynamics, does Bdubs know about the new step parent? Did Scar tell him or is he supposed to- Is he overthinking the bit? Absolutely, and should he just forget it? Yes, but it creeps back up

—

Impulse is a dragon hybrid (not demon), which means he can talk to Jean, the Ender Dragon. And he does!

Doesn’t stop her from trying to kill him, though

Rest of ZITS make fun of him for this.

—

Speaking of Z, Zedaph wasn’t always a pink sheep hybrid

Cue stereotypical (cliche but I do like em) Lab experiment trauma- jk, no, he did that to himself. With science! …and not with using dyes, like he most definitely should’ve done. No one knows what other side effects that the experiments had may have caused him, but Zed is happy because he’s pink.

—

All older hermits have killed Watchers

Grian doesn’t know this.

Hermitcraft has proved itself again and again to not be easy pickings. There are reasons that the server is lasting.

—

Joel misses his wife- wait that’s just normal Joel-

—

Gem is Ares in God Games, in EPIC the Musical

Change my mind

—

Boogeyman kills leave permanently deep scars on the slain.

Bdubs once saw Tango without his shirt and… Seeing those long, jagged, deep as the day he got them scars that goes from his right shoulder to just above his left hip…

Bdubs now struggle sleeping through the night, seeing the marks he left…? The Boogeyman curse is not forgiving and makes it impossible to hold back. And Tango’s back proves it.

—

Doc can cheer…leading? He is a cheerleader. But not for the Dallas Cowboy ifykyk

—

Cub somehow cannot be trolled. we don’t know how he does it

—

When Pearl zones out, she’ll float upwards. Her dogs are trained to go get someone to help Pearl before she zones back in and falls to her (not) death. Being a ghost on a server is hard

—

Wild Life powers doesn’t fully go away. I’ll elaborate on a different post

Because this is too long, and it is 2:30 am now and I should sleep

[anon-sect]

Picture source: Instagram account @giantsOleprince

Can I Be Your Toy?

Randy was playing his favorite game when his close friend randomly asked him a question. Tom came over to chill with him on a Saturday afternoon as he usually does. Normally, they chat over small talk and play video games together. This particular Saturday, Tom just wanted to watch him play, which he didn't mind since he was playing a solo game when Tom arrived. The question caught him off guard that he paused the game. He was slightly confused at what he meant. "Repeat the question again." He requested to make sure he wasn't hearing things.

"Can I be your toy, please?" Tom asked. He was an average built male 5'8" tall while his close friend Randy was 6'1" with a muscular built frame and very athletic. He rather admired him very much.

Randy was still confused about the question. He did hear him correctly. "What do you mean about being my toy? It's a rather strange question, honestly." He spoke, wanting Tom to clarify what he really was asking.

"I want you to shrink me and turn me into a toy for you to play with." Tom clearly defined what he was requesting of his friend even though it sounded rather strange.

Randy was silent for a moment. "So you want me to shrink you to a toy size and play with you? How?" He asked, getting curious as to why he really wanted that. "I am not really a toy guy." He added.

"You could play with me using your feet or put me on a shelf for display, or just have fun doing whatever with me." Tom explained, clearly not shy about his strangely honest request.

Randy didn't know what to think at the moment, so he just laughed at how Tom explained it. "You do know that is a rather strange request. Really, who would want to be a small toy for another guy to play with? Are you sure you are okay?" He asked, not necessarily interested in what Tom asked. He went back to his game.

Tom saw Randy dismissed his request. "I am fine, but I am also really serious. Can I be your toy?" He reiterated back, causing Randy to pause his game again and look serious at him.

Randy saw Tom wasn't joking about what he asked. "Why would you want that so badly?" He asked. He was curious why his friend would even want that.

"It's your big feet, really. I admire them. Kinda had a fantasy of being at their mercy." Tom paused, staring at his friend's size 13 feet. "Often, I have imagined you gaming while playing with me with your feet like a little plastic toy." He added.

Randy saw that his friend would keep asking if he didn't grant his request. He decided to relent. "On one condition, though. Once you are my toy, I keep you that way as long as I want. And you are at my pleasure and fun, not yours." He set the perimeters of his condition.

"Fine with me. I won't complain." Tom quickly spoke up with a big smile on his face.

"In fact, I won't hear you complain if you did. You will be a motionless and voiceless plastic toy under my big feet." Randy laughed he got up and went to his kitchen. He came back with a glass with a strange liquid and a small pill. He handed him the pill and glass. "Swallow this and drink the entire contents of the glass."

Tom obeyed his friend. He swallowed the pill and drunk the strange liquid. It slightly tasted like dirty socks water. It was rather nasty taste. "What now?" He asked him.

"You will see." Randy spoke, smiling back at him.

Tom felt weird a second later. He was rapidly shrinking inside his clothes. In seconds, he was small. His body then hardens like hard plastic. He was completely surrounded by the clothes he was wearing previously. He saw Randy fish him out and hold him in his hands.

"I waited for you to take this form before telling you the rest, just in case you had a change of mind. The pill and drink you took makes it permanent. The only way to change you back to normal is to swallow the reversal pill." Randy paused, examining his new foot toy. "But seeing that you are hard plastic, that is impossible. So, you see you are stuck this way." He paused again as he placed his foot toy on the table. "I was enjoying my game till you brought up that question and your refusal to accept no would have annoyed me. So, I granted your request." He laughed as he resumed playing his game. He began to play with his foot toy under his feet, not much paying any attention to it. He was more focused on the game.

Tom had mixed feelings about his new situation. He only wanted to be a toy for a little while not permanent. He was still enjoyed being under Randy's feet though. HIs feet had a little foot odor, but nothing terrible yet. He started to see that Randy was either not paying him any attention or was enjoying his foot toy. He pressed on him more and more, even sometimes using both feet. But he still had mixed feelings. Being Randy's foot toy was nice, but he wasn't exactly happy about it being permanent. He had to admit that he got himself in this situation. Unfortunately, there was no way out for him.

After an hour of gaming, Randy really felt relaxed. Having Tom as his foot toy really made his game time relaxing and more enjoyable. It felt good actually dominating Tom under his feet like a toy. He looked down at him helpless and stiff as he stepped on him and played with him with his toes. He felt powerful seeing Tom helpless under his feet. "This was a great suggestion, buddy. You make a great foot toy. I am glad I get to keep you permanently this way. I think I will game this way every time. Way more fun to play with my foot toy while I game." He laughed as he went back to focusing on the game.

[icyhottodo]

WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME IF I WAS A WORM?

characters: isagi, bachira, reo, rin & nagi | genre: fluffy fluff! pre-established relationship

warnings: pet names (love, babe, angel, sweetheart)

✩ ISAGI YOICHI

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

it was a saturday afternoon, and you two decided to sleep in for the day. while scrolling through your preferred social media, you suddenly remembered a small but funny joke on isagi.

"what?"

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

"i mean, babe. i love you and all, but how am i supposed to love you if you weren’t human-"

isagi cuts himself off when he notices your sad puppy dog face, staring at him in despair. his heart hurt at your sad face.

"love." isagi sighed, but he couldn't help but let out a small smile at your antics. pulling you even closer to his body.

"i will still love you as a worm."

✩ BACHIRA MEGURU

"would you still love me if i was a worm?" 

"what are you talking about? of course i would! why wouldn’t i?" bachira questioned you as if that question had the most obvious answer.

"how would you know it's me?" 

you inquired, still not convinced that bachira was completely certain about your question. bachira cups your face with one of his hands and forces you to look at his yellow, dilated eyes, filled with nothing but love.

"angel, if i didn’t automatically know the worm was you, then i would be disappointed in myself." bachira spoke with not an ounce of joking or teasing in his voice, only seriousness and love.

"now, would you love me as a worm?"

✩ MIKAGE REO

"would you still love me if i was a worm?" 

you would see reo’s shocked face morph into a smile, hearing his boisterous laugh. "(y/n), you know, i expected you to ask that question sooner."

"what is that supposed to mean?"

"if you randomly turned into a worm," reo started, playfully ignoring your question. "i’ll make you the royalty of the worms. you’ll have the cutest fish bowl filled with the richest soil i can find, and if you want, i can find some worm friends for you!"

"you’ve awfully thought a lot about this question, reo." you chuckled at your boyfriend, feeling the heat reach your face now, knowing that reo would pamper the hell out of you even if you were a worm.

"only the best for my love."

✩ ITOSHI RIN

"rin?"

"no."

"i haven't even asked the question yet!" you sulked, getting up to walk away before rin (who was laughing) gently grabbed you by the wrist.

"what is the question, sweetheart?" rin stops laughing and pulls you back down onto the couch, which you reluctantly agree with before a cheeky smile appears on your face.

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

"babe," rin deadpans. "no."

this caused you to loudly and dramatically exclaim, "WHAT?" before pulling yourself up to leave once again until rin grabbed you once more.

"c’mon babe, what's the point? i can’t touch you like this or even speak to you. i would rather have a normal human you."

"but rin! it’s not like i’m ever going to turn into one!" 

"okay then, would you love me as a worm?"

"of course!"

"you’re just saying that because i said no."

"it's not just because of-"

✩ NAGI SEISHIRO

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

no answer.

"nagi."

no answer again.

"sei!" you shook nagi out of his flow; you were just sitting on his lap while he was playing some random video game he liked on his computer.

"yes, m’love? sorry, was focusing." nagi would glance at you for a few seconds, indicating that he is listening to you, before his eyes reverted back to the game on the screen.

"would you still love me if i was a worm?"

"if you're able to keep cuddling with me at night even if you were a worm, i don't care." you sighed at his answer.

"sei, i mean an actual worm with no ability to do anything but wiggle." you wiggled to accentuate the "wiggle-ness."

"then you’re already one."

"NAGI."

[the-pink-baphomet1861]

The biology of Dredge

Or: What the f**k happened to that fish!

Menu/Next

Part 1: The blue mackerel 

So, Dredge.

It’s that one simple fun fishing simulator about sailing to four different scenic, beautiful, geographically impossible locations while helping the locals and interacting with the wildlife. Just you and your boat for miles, nothing else at all. Sit down, grab your rod, don’t worry! It’s not like anything’s gonna happen to you, especially not involving the noises you’ve been hearing from under the hull. They’re probably just the currents hitting the side of the boat, relax! Feel the cool night air and the gentle, salty, insidious mist on your face and listen to the sounds of the sea, but not too closely. You never know what might be whispering on the tides.

I am, of course, messing with you. In reality, Dredge is a game about sailing through a haunted sea full of unknown horrors and lovecraftian abominations all while searching for the key to a lock you can’t fathom. I loved Dredge, it was a fun game, and my favourite part had to be the art, (besides the wonderfully simple gameplay and riveting story, of course) and my favourite part of the art had to be the aberrations.

For some explanation to the people who haven’t played Dredge, every time you fish from a fishing spot, there’s a chance that the thing you catch won’t be a normal fish, but a mutant little beast with all sorts of fascinating deformities. The chance is basically guaranteed if you see a little blue glow above the fishing spot and these guys are a good bit more valuable than their non aberrant counterparts, so you’re kind of incentivized to collect as many as you can. 

Looks like mama’s eating good tonight!

That isn’t the reason I’m writing this though, because each fish and crab in the game comes with at least one aberrant variety, each with their own unique design and flavour text, which I LOVE! It makes the eldritch presence feel all encompassing, even as you deal with the much larger threats in the sea. Recently, however, I’ve been thinking about the actual, physical effects of these mutations and how they would affect the bodies of their poor, unfortunate hosts, and as a marine biology student, I thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to both study and learn about the biology of some of the fascinating animals in the ocean and talk about a game I like! It’s a win-win!

Some ground rules first:

Dredge is a video game, and as such things that appear in it don’t necessarily reflect reality in all aspects. The team at Black Salt Games are amazingly talented people, but I’m not so sure how much marine biology they know, and if they do, they probably aren’t going to drag the game to a screeching halt in order to explain three pages of notes incomprehensible to anyone who hasn’t been studying marine biology for at least three years. It would also make the game a lot more boring if everything strictly adhered to reality. So everything in this document will be strictly speculative.

I may be a marine biology student, but I am in no way a complete expert. There are going to be a lot of things that I’m probably going to mess up. This isn’t a strict scientific breakdown with 100% accurate information, and while I will try my best to find good, reliable sources for my info, things are going to get pretty fantastical as time goes on, especially for the fish that are specifically made for the game. This is just for fun and not some inscrutable scientific paper built on loads of evidence.

I will NOT be covering any of the larger monsters in the game. This is already a massive undertaking with nearly 200 fish and aberrations to get through and a ton of research to do, and that’s not even getting into the lore implications that these guys are full-on eldritch abominations from another dimension instead of just mutated animals. I might do something like this for them in the future, but for now it’s just the aberrations you can catch and sell.

And with those formalities out of the way, let’s get into it!

Specimen #1: Blue mackerel

This little guy is probably the first fish that you’ll ever catch, they’re the easiest fish outside Big Marrow, not requiring any special equipment, and are in many ways the game’s tutorial for how the fishing mechanic works.

But what kind of fish ARE these guys actually? As in, which species do these guys belong to and what does that mean for how their physiology will change once they start mutating?

Well that’s what this first section is all about.

Who’s that ichthyoid?

In this section, I’m going to be going over the appearance and description in the game and trying to use that in order to find out what species these guys belong to and how exactly their bodies work. This section will vary in length from entry to entry, as while the game isn’t generous enough to give us the scientific names of each fish, there are some that are more obvious than others, and there are some that need a bit more digging.

Starting off with our little guy here, we can see that my largest trophy was about 28,1 cm in length, although I did read that their max in-game size was 30 cm. They have a bluish grey colouration with six black stripes running down both sides. Their body is that of a standard fusiform plan, which means that the animal has an almost cylindrical form that tapers off into two points at both ends, as opposed to other body plans like eel-like or elongated. The tail fin also has a particular shape, in this case forked, which means that the tail has a two-pronged appearance while still being a singular fin, as opposed to a lunate tail fin, which is two separate fins that both have a pronged appearance

A triad of diagrams that display the differences in body plan, the different kinds of fins and tail fin shape, you’re gonna be seeing this a lot. BE ADVISED that these are incredibly variable and can change a lot depending on the species of fish.

Our blue mackerel also has two evenly spaced dorsal fins that are somewhat rectangular and relatively short, reaching their highest points at the top right corner of the fin (although the rectangularity of the fins might just be part of the artstyle) and the pelvic and anal fins seem to share these characteristics, although the pelvic fin is much shorter than the rest, and although I can’t fully make out the pelvic fins, it seems to an almost teardrop shape with the bottom left portion of the fin connected to the area near the second gill slit. The mouth ends in a pointed snout which isn’t too thin, but it is still quite noticeable. 

I haven’t really said much about the habitats of the fish yet, which you would think is pretty important, but here’s the thing, Dredge is frustratingly vague about where it actually takes place. I joked about it before, but the fact that a volcanic hotspot, a mangrove swamp, a coral reef, a temperate cliff area and wherever the marrows are all occur within a few days of sailing doesn’t sound likely to me at all, (although if anyone does know any similar real world areas I would absolutely love to hear about it) but there might be something we can use here. As you can see, each fish comes with an area marker that tells you what kind of gear you need for catching it, but we can actually use this to mark down a habitat and narrow down our search a little. For the blue mackerel we see that it is listed as coastal, which means that it probably stops appearing once you get too far out into the open ocean, so keep that in mind.

Now we can get to the fun part, actually identifying the specific species this fish belongs to.  

First off I think we can safely say that this fish belongs to the ray-finned fish group because it probably has bones and isn’t a coelacanth or a lungfish, which I think is pretty uncontroversial. Narrowing it down is where this gets tricky. You see, the identification tool I was using, a site called fishbase which seems pretty reliable, has a bunch of different options to make your search easier,but they’re all things like the habitat where the fish lives, what it eats, how many spines it has in its fins, and for some reason lacks things like the fish’s colour. All things that would be helpful for a real-world marine biologist trying to identify what they caught, but not so helpful for us trying to find a fish in a fictional video game.

Eventually I did manage to whittle away the options through looking at things like the fin and body shape as well as things like size for species I found interesting, until I got to the Scombridae family, which consists of tuna, bonitos, and of course, mackerels. From there all I had to do was find the species that fit the description best, easy right? WRONG! None of the species I found had all the key characteristics I was looking for. None of them had that deep, bluish-grey colour or those six long stripes running down the sides that I was looking for. So in the end I decided on the closest match I could find.

Image source:https://www.fishbase.se/summary/Scomber-australasicus.html 

The blue mackerel (Scomber australasicus) 

Most of the main traits are there, it has relatively short dorsal and pelvic fins, with a similar almost-teardrop shaped pectoral fin and that same forked tail fin. The colour is a pretty good match too, albeit silvery blue instead of dark bluish grey, but still pretty similar. There are some differences though. The six, distinct, vertical bands on the game version are much less distinct and vertical, and much more numerous and the anal fin is much shorter than in the game and the maximum size was also said to be higher, around 44 cm with 30 being an average rather than the stopping point, but I think we can ignore this as part of the game.

And yeah, I know. Big whoop. The fish called a blue mackerel turned out to be a blue mackerel. I do think that going through this is important however, as it doesn’t just give us a starting point to work with when it comes to the more vague fish, (and trust me, it gets vague sometimes) but also lets us learn a bit more about both the morphology and taxonomy of these animals. Plus, that info will be pretty handy when we inevitably find a fish we can’t properly identify and have to dip our toes into speculative biology.

Now we get to the part you’ve all probably been waiting for since this post started:

WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED TO THAT FISH?

Finally we can actually get started on looking at the aberrations and breaking down the physiological changes! Hoo boy, this is gonna be fun!

First off, some more groundwork. (I know, I know, but this is still important, so bear with me) 

The internal anatomy, specifically the skeleton, is something we need. It’ll allow us to pinpoint the basic look of what happened anatomically, which gives us the information we need to make more specific assumptions about what’s going on here. I will also bring in information about specific, real-world fish diseases for more accuracy. So be warned! There will be pictures of real fish gore and gross parasites, and with that disclaimer, on with the show!

I couldn’t find a specific diagram of S. australasicus’s skeleton, so I decided to use this neat 3-D model of another, incredibly similar (so similar that scientists used to believe that the blue mackerel was a subspecies) species known as Scomber japonicus, or the chub mackerel.

Image source:https://sketchfab.com/osakanaWatch 

Now let’s get into some mutations!

Mutation #1: Grotesque Mackerel

This little guy was the first aberration I ever caught, I can still remember the day. I was happily fishing, minding my own business, when suddenly the fish I had caught came up with a distorted version of the normal “You caught something!” jingle and I was looking at this gross, sick-looking, mutated version of the blue mackerels I was so used to finding. I knew that the aberrations existed, I had already peeked at the encyclopaedia a little, but actually seeing and catching one was a whole nother experience. I remember feeling both morbid curiosity and a bit bad for the little thing, neither of which were helped by the flavour text that pops up the first time you catch an aberrated fish, but that’s enough nostalgic waxing, let’s get into some marine biology!

The first thing to note is the noticeably bent spinal column, which gives the fish a very distinct hunchback look. There are several different kinds of spinal deformities that can affect vertebrates, but I think the one most likely to be the culprit here is called kyphosis, which is a deformity which causes the upper back to curve forward into a pronounced hump and can affect basically any animal with a spinal column, including fish. We can’t exactly dissect the animal to see where exactly it bends but it seems to reach its highest point around the 10th or eleventh vertebrae, roughly right before the halfway point, and is quite extreme, as the whole spine is at a curved angle. This would probably be quite painful for the fish, the vertebrae disks would probably start digging into each other as well as impede its ability to swim straight, but that isn’t the only thing that would mess with its swimming.

Most of the fins, aside from the pectoral, tail, and one of the dorsal fins have completely atrophied into the fish’s body, with the remaining ones having undergone some serious changes. The pectoral fins appear to have lost a lot of the spines that make up the fin, and the remaining ones have grown to nearly half the fish’s length, which makes it much harder for the animal to make sudden turns, not helped by the lack of a primary dorsal fin. Speaking of which, the secondary dorsal fin is the fin that seems to have undergone the least amount of changes, being just a bit taller than normal, as well as the abnormal colour, but we’ll talk more about that later. The tail fin has gone from a general forked shape to an almost perfect crescent, again suggesting a difference int the number of spines, but this time an increase rather than a decrease, and they have also appeared to have increased in number as well, leading to the fin being proportionally much larger than before. The fish would still be able to swim, just not very well, as the narrower pectoral fins, the larger tail fin, and the lack of stabilising fins would probably give it a rough time controlling its movements, leading to uncoordinated swimming as well as a lot of collisions with obstacles.

The last of the skeletal deformities is the skull which, while still retaining the pointed shape, is also pretty messed up. The upper jaw appears to be forced forward over the lower jaw, along with the cranium, and the entire mouth just seems smaller than before. This might also be an effect of the spinal deformity, but it's hard to say for sure. It also looks like the skull has swollen and deformed a bit, as the snout is much less pointy and far more wide and blunt, as opposed to the normal fish.

You also might’ve noticed another feature of the mouth, those magnificent pearly whites of theirs. They’ve grown much larger and sharper than you can see (or rather, can’t) on the skeleton which, when combined with the deformations in the skull, would definitely affect their feeding behaviour and their ability to catch prey. In real life, while the blue mackerel is mostly a planktonic filter feeder, they can also be rather voracious predators, striking at basically anything they think they could eat, which is a lot. Things like plankton, squids, small fish, and even non-food items like burnt cigarettes and bare hooks aren’t off the menu, so they pretty much only have one row of small, pointed, teeth on their bottom and top jaws and some teeth on the roofs of their mouth. This coincides with their lifestyles as mostly planktonic but still very predatory fish in coastal and open oceans, with their teeth mostly serving the function of holding prey in place when feeding and to keep them from leaving the mouth, not to grab onto and tear like animals with larger teeth.

The altered teeth on the other hand are much larger and sharper, and appear to have decreased in number as well, there is still only one row however. They also seem to be much more uneven. Assuming that there are no large changes in behaviour, and the fish still catches prey in a similar way to before the mutations, it would mean that the teeth’s new shape would actually get in the way of capturing prey rather than helping them, which when combined with the decrease in swimming ability from the deformed fins and spine, would probably mean that the fish is much less successful than the healthy fish when hunting, which would lead to smaller body sizes and much more aggressive behaviour as the fish grows hungrier. Yeah, these fish aren’t doing well. 

With the skeletal abnormalities out of the way, let’s move onto the other forms of mutation. We can’t see much about the internal organs and muscular structure, but there does seem to be some swelling across the body, which could indicate a multitude of things. First, it could imply inflammation, which is when bodily fluids fill an infected portion of the body to allow the immune system to react better to a large amount of disease-causing organisms, but filling areas of the body with fluid can be detrimental in certain cases, not to mention painful. It could also be the sign of unregulated tissue growth, large amounts of an almost cancerous level of growth, which could cause the body to expand, which would not help the fish’s already hunger-strained body, but these growths are nothing compared to another little mutant. (we’ll get there soon, don’t worry)

The next part to discuss is the colour, which has gone from the regular bluish-grey to a vivid electric blue. There are multiple ways an animal’s skin can reflect a certain colour, such as specialized cells in the skin which hold different kinds of pigment, which is how colours like yellow or orange are produced by animals, but blue is a bit different. Instead of being produced by any sort of pigment, blue is reflected by the structures of an animal’s skin rather than any sort of pigment. So in a fish’s case, the scales would have certain structures on them which would scatter the light and make it appear blue. In our little grotesque buddy’s case, all it would take would be a shift in these structures in order for the light to scatter differently and for our eyes to pick up a different shade of blue. Actually, the fact that the fish has lost the black stripes makes it seem like the scales have actually lost pigmentation, which isn’t a very good sign for the fish’s health as the pigments in the body are breaking down for whatever reason. The lighter, more vibrant shade of blue could also make them more visible to predators, which also would not be good for the fish’s health, but in a different way.

The very last thing I want to talk about are those small beady, red eyes. The encyclopaedia describes them as bulging, but the illustration makes it seem more sunken than bulging, so let’s go with that. In any case, it probably isn’t good. Eye pigmentation is based on genetics, but to get a bright, vivid red like that usually means one thing: blood, and lots of it. It could mean that a lot of blood vessels could have burst and flooded the eye, obscuring the pupil and giving it a menacing deep red shade. The sunken-in state of the eyes is something known as enophthalmos, which can be a result of various things in fish such as sudden changes in salinity or a result of certain infections.

Mutation #2: Lumpy Mackerel

How long was that last section? Like three pages? Hoo boy we’re gonna be here forever. Thankfully I think that the rest of these are gonna go much faster, I hope. In any case now we’re gonna be looking at one of the more intense mutations in the game. Look at this thing, Where do you start!? I guess with the obvious.

This thing is absolutely covered in large, bulbous masses, I mean just look at it, you can hardly tell there’s a fish under there, and these things are huge as well. Compared to the rest of the anatomy, they would be at least a decimeter or even more if they appeared on a human, which isn’t good, in case you were wondering.

Now onto what I think these actually are. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what they are, but I have a few ideas. They could be cysts caused by something like lymphocystis, which are sacs that can contain air, fluids or semi-solid materials, which would explain things like the smooth shapes, but the problem is that cysts usually form in one specific part of the body due a specific cause, like an injury or infectious organism, and that cause can change depending on where the cyst forms, and considering the sheer amount of growths, I don’t think a single kind of cyst can be the culprit. They might be some of the growths, but I think that the main cause is actually cancerous tumours.

Tumours are clumps of cells that can form under specific circumstances, and can sometimes result in a rather obscure medical condition you might have heard of called cancer, which in short is when cells in the body undergo several key mutations which essentially makes them go feral, they stop fulfilling their ordinary function and start rapidly multiplying and draining valuable nutrients from the body, growing into a large clump that does nothing but take up space, get in the way of important functions and generally be a nuisance. There are two categories that specific tumours can fall into, benign and malignant, which basically describes how aggressively the tumour is growing and how much of a threat it is to your health. 

Benign tumours generally aren’t very dangerous, they’re mostly just a clump, with some never even requiring removal. They don’t invade surrounding tissue or grow back after being surgically removed or even growing all that fast. However, benign doesn’t mean harmless, as they can still cram other, more important organs and do have to be monitored in case they do become malignant, which I think we should talk about now.

Malignant tumours are the dangerous ones, the ones that have entire foundations dedicated to treatment, and with good reason. These things are nasty, they do everything that benign tumours do and more, they’re cancerous, they invade tissue, they can grow really fast and take a lot of nutrition, they spread to new parts of the body, they kick grandmas and burn down orphanages, they are the worst. They are also what I believe to be causing these growths in the fish. I’m not entirely sure what exact kind of cancer it is and frankly I don’t think we can know, just that it is now everywhere. This I think is the result of metastasis, when cancerous cells break away from the original tumour and migrate to new parts of the body, where they begin growing into malignant tumours themselves.

However, there are a few other things we have to consider in this situation, the size and the amount. Most of the time tumours are rather small, even if comprised of thousands of cells, there are cases of absolutely massive tumours inside people, (don’t look up pictures if you value your mental health) but they don’t grow to this frequency in that size, probably because a person usually dies without treatment before that can happen. Which means that something, probably dark magic, is keeping the fish alive.

Other than the tumours, I couldn’t really see any easily identifiable deformities to the skeletal structure under the growths (except for one, but we’ll get there soon) as the only fin I could make out, the tail fin, seems relatively unchanged, at least compared to the grotesque mackerel, but the other fins appear to be either obscured or reabsorbed by the growing masses. Now for the skull, oh boy the skull. A particularly large mass seems to have grown either on the top of or inside of the skull, stretching the eyes from their sockets and deforming the jaws. I believe it to be inside the skull as the entire structure of the face seems to have been changed rather than a tumour simply growing on top of the skull, and since we can’t see the rest of the skeletal structure, we can’t tell if there are any more significant skeletal disfigurement.

The last thing I wanted to discuss is the colour, which has gone from the usual to a sickly greenish-yellow. Now yellow fish aren’t uncommon, with xanthophyll being the primary pigment, but given the obviously unhealthy nature of the fish, I don’t think that it’s just the pigments changing. So I did some research and eventually found another likely candidate known as jaundice, which is a condition that occurs when dead red blood cells accumulate in the body due to issues with the liver, causing the skin to turn a rather sickly shade of yellow, and it can occur in fish as well, and it can also be caused by certain kinds of liver cancer, which I’d be surprised if this fish didn’t have.

Mutation #3: Many-Eyed Mackerel

Here we are! The last mutation in this post! Can you feel the excitement? Let’s not dawdle and get right into it!

So unlike the other two, I thought I’d start with discussing the colours instead of the skeletal structure because it doesn’t seem to have changed all that much. The fins, except for the pectoral fins, which seem to be completely gone, and spine are all in basically the same place as the healthy fish and don’t seem to have undergone any specific changes, but the colouration is another matter entirely. The fish looks like a giant, eye covered carrot, which should clue you in on my idea on the matter. Carotene, a pigment most often associated with carrots, but can appear in a ton of other things as well, such as brown algae. It bonds with chlorophyll and allows it to pick up and receive energy from other light sources, basically expanding the range of colours the organism can use for photosynthesis. I don’t think it serves this function in the fish, as fish are not known for their photosynthetic qualities, but it is probably the result of whatever genetic scramblings the magic is doing to these fish, causing these pigments to form in the skin of the animal where there previously was none. 

Eyes are incredibly complicated structures with lots of different parts that all contribute to their function. You have the lens, optic nerve, iris, retina, cornea, and all the muscles that allow the eye to move and contract. This means that the eye begins to form very early in the development of an organism, driven by proteins called morphogens which tell certain undifferentiated cells to turn into specific cells at specific points, and all the eyes in the mutant seem to be fully formed despite their random placement. So that means that the extra eyes would have had to form very early into the fish’s development, probably caused by the disruption of morphogens in the embryo, which caused eyes and their surrounding structures to form sporadically across the fish’s skull.

The eyes also seem much larger than before, compared to both the illustrations and the real life photo. In fact, the one that I believe to be the normal pair of eyes, the top-right pair, seem to have bulged out of their sockets, and the other eyes seem to be in a similar predicament. We can’t know for sure, but it seems like the other eyes have formed with eye sockets of their own, albeit while bulging out of them like the normal pair, but again, we can’t know for sure.

At first I thought that the fish would be unable to absorb oxygen considering that several of the eyes seem to have grown over the the gills, but it’s possible that the eye growth would have spared at least the last gill slit, which would allow the fish to have water pass over their gills and absorb oxygen without the eyes completely compromising the fish’s ability to breathe. Gills are really good at absorbing oxygen and can function pretty well as long as water can pass through, so even if there's some difficulty, it's not as impossible as it seems.

Final words

So now we’re done with this round of fish! I’m not really sure what to put here, it’s not like there’s some scientific conclusion we can draw other than “these fish are fucked up”, which I’m sure you could draw just by looking at them, so I think I’ll just give my closing thoughts.

I really like Dredge. It’s a game which has a lot of great elements which make it fun and rewarding to explore, such as learning about the story and seeing the new fish designs that come with each area, especially as a student myself learning about the sea and the creatures that live there. Each of the designs are beautifully and carefully crafted to fit both sides of the game, and I love going over each one and learning more about both their eldritch, mutated forms with wild changes, and the real world biology that inspired them.

This is the first in a series that will be going over each catchable fish in the main game and the dlcs and analyzing their biology both as real world animals, and as little mutant monsters, and it would be wonderful to share this with anyone who is willing to listen to me ramble on about a horror fishing simulator and its wonderfully creepy inhabitants.

[creamedh0ney]

☀️Hey Sunshine ☀️

I thought I'd introduce myself! I wasn't sure how to make a nice looking introduction but I figure I'll just go for it and add if I need to!

First of all, you can call me Andy. My name changes sometimes in real life but Andy is a pretty safe, gender neutral one to use for me.

🌻Basics About Me🌻

Big Age: 18!

Little Age: 1-6

Gender Identity: Genderfluid

Pronouns I use: she/he/they/it/xe (depends on the time, but use what you'd like)

Sexuality: Pansexual

Other Stuff: I am autistic, I have c-ptsd and chronic pain - Please be patient with me!

🪁Hobbies🪁

Drawing (with sidewalk chalk, chalk pastels, pencil, marker, crayon, anything really!)

Gardening (though I'm not good at it yet)

Biking

Volleyball (just for fun though, I'd rather not do anything competitively)

Baking

Writing (poetry, fantasy or romance stories, essays)

Reading (fantasy, romance, classics, poetry, fanfiction, science nonfiction)

Watching anime/animated TV shows

Shopping

Listening to music

🧸Interests/Things I Like🧸

Shows(some of these are not agere or sfw necessarily!): Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Banana Fish, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Sesame Street, Owl House, Ouran High-school Host Club, Gravity Falls, Haikyu, Strawberry Shortcake, Wild Kratts, X-Men, Amazing Spiderman

Movies/Studios: Disney (specifically Tangled and other princess movies), Studio Ghibli, Tim Burton movies (specifically Coraline and Edward Scissorhands)

Toys/Toy Type Things: Dolls (porcelain or rag- not creepy ones or anything, just normal), Stuffed Animals, Calico Critters, Barbies, Littlest Pet Shops, Animal Figures (specifically schleich), Play Food, Play Dough, Lego

Games: Stardew Valley, Slime Rancher, Minecraft, Genshin Impact, Sims, Roblox (I like Fashion Famous and Royale High specifically), Animal Jam, Fall Guys, Star Stable, Pokémon (though I've only played it on other people's consoles)

Other:

Animals (of all kinds!! I adore any and all, but if you reallyyy wanna know specifics, I can yap for AGES!)

Clowns! I have been for a very long time, I adore them!

Anything pink or yellow! Those are my favorite colors ever!

Nostalgia is a very big theme in my interests, there's something so very special about it!

Musicals!! Specifically Hamilton and Epic!!!!

🎀BYF/Things You Should Know🎀

- I'm gonna be posting randomly, there's not really a set time. I may post a TON in a day, or I may not post for weeks. Please be patient and respectful of my time!

- I prefer cursing to a veryy very small amount. The occasional d-word or s-word is okay. I curse a lot outside of regression - which I'm working on - so I don't kind, but this is a safe space for me and many others. Please be respectful of that in your language choices.

- If I post something which is triggering to you and don't post a trigger warning, it is completely okay to let me know! Tell me to post a warning! Please! It doesn't harm me at all to edit and add a tw.

- Adding onto the one above, I may post something and come across as too blunt or may not word things correctly. Let. Me. Know. I want to know if I come across as rude or if my intention isn't clear. That's important to me.

🧼DNI🧼

Basic DNI (homophobes, racists, misogynists, etc.)

NSFW/K!nk

Accounts featuring g0re, S/H, e/d, and the like

Anti agere (obviously)/ Anti Furry / Anti Neopronouns (idk if there are terms for that, please let me know if there are, but you know what I mean for now!)

Basically, don't be a jerk! I want to be as friendly and welcoming as possible, but that means keeping this space safe, respectful and kind. This is my blog and that means upholding my rules. Thank you so much for understanding!!

[lutawolf]

My Dear Gangster Oppa Commentary Ep 4

If you haven't seen my other commentary, you can find it here.

This makes me sad because what was special for Tew was the fact that Guy wasn't afraid of him. But here he is, afraid. Which clearly is upsetting to Tew.

As soon as Guy opens his eyes, they are drawn to the gun wound scar. The face that Tew gives him then...

And Guy's concern, then confusion. So much emotion in one frame.

Now they are sitting and communicating. Tew tells Guy that he didn't tell him that he was scared that it would put Guy in danger. Which confuses me because not knowing, knowing, is there really a difference in danger level?

Tew starts to explain his past and his joy of playing video game. Then his home life. While not rich, he had a loving father. Who clearly raised him right because he is so well-mannered. Oh no! Cough with blood.  

Damn... I was really hoping he would kick their asses, and get home to his dad.

I mean, we knew it was coming, but the fact that he didn't get to say goodbye. Oh damn, that really explains the previous episode where he came to meet Guy to say goodbye before his trip.

Ohhhh, Tew looks scary now.

OH! Who called it?!?!

And then he is shot!!! What!?!? I was not expecting that. Nor was I expecting the next part. I was kind of expecting him to have been forced into killing. Interesting. I wonder if Wish John Lennon was one of these kids???

So while bad boy is a rebel with a cause, he still a rebel. Then he just lays down to die.

I think it's safe to say that home dude was not thinking that day.

I think Guy gets it, but it will be interesting to see if he accepts it. He at least isn't scared of Tew anymore. Butt he more Tew explains, the more clearly you can see he is an anti-hero. Won't go so far as to call him a villain butttttt. He is no hero. Yay!!! This is my favorite type of character!

I am not sure what to think of the mob boss. He is putting a lot of trust into a kid, but he also appears to be giving him the keys to revenge. He is an interesting character to say the least.

The rules seem simple enough. No lying and no betrayal.

"Once you touch a gun. There is no going back to a normal life"

Then, Tew gives a little smirk and says that he doesn't plan on going back to a normal life anyway.

And Guy is seeing this. I think it's interesting because for some reason Tew really expected that Guy would absolutely understand. He is pretty spot on because Guy does understand.

Really Guy... You are going to be butt hurt over the restaurant lie??? I mean, I actually get where Guy is coming from. I'm just thinking it's funny to pick that after hearing Tew's story.

It apparently was not what Tew was expecting Guy to be upset about either. His face says he is completely dumbfounded. Honestly, in my opinion, Guy is latching onto something to use so he can run scared. I don't think he is scared of Tew, but of his own feelings that are happening too fast. I could be completely off base, but that's what I see from how he is acting and reacting.

Boy up in his feels getting sloppy drunk. Other boy is being emo in his bed. What a pair.

Oh, no! Boss man is not okay with the fake restaurant.

Home dude is not right in the head, is he?

I'll say it again. Mob boss daddy is interesting. He cares about Tew, but he isn't a push over.

I'm suspicious... How is a regular dude off the street not scared when goons show up???

Again, not a push over.

Now back to emo boy with his bed and his fish. Damn it Guy! That was a shit move to do to your guild!!! And his first thoughts when there is a knock at the door is Tew. That should tell you something, Guy! You're running from your feelings. Coward!

Nope. It's jackass Wahl, who I just know has something to do with stirring up shit. I know. He seems sweet, but how can he not tell that his bestie is upset??? Wahl is just too selfish for me to like him. I tried to like him, I really did, but I don't like selfish besties.

Discount Lennon out here trying to drown people.

See, I told you that Wahl was where this bullshit all started. He is being so condescending. Saying he is the most important person to him but then ditching him all the time. I really hope, at some point, Tew beats him up.

Did he drown him???

We're back to the guessing game of: Dead or Passed Out??? (If you said that in a game host voice, give yourself ten points.)

Oh! Not dead! Ohhhhh, another pissing contest in the wild!

I refuse to believe that Tew is that stupid... I hate Wahl because I feel like he is going to get a call from his gf and just leave Guy like he always does.

Ahhh... Nice. Tew planned ahead. Never mind, I take it back. Tew is stupid. Don't lie to the boss, especially not for Wish Lennon.

I don't like the fall troupe when it's Guy and Wahl.... Just saying.

Please, please, let Tew beat him up.

Yes, I agree. You need to put an end to your feelings. Oh, wow! Wahl didn't ditch Guy, but Guy ditched Wahl!!!

Sadly, though, Guy isn't answering Tew's phone calls either.

I really think that Tew should take this opportunity given to him and beat up Wahl.

The wrong person got punched! That did not go the way that I wanted.

Guy ran home. I can respect that. Except the fact that he is acting like a two-year-old. Awww, bless him. Well, at least now he is realizing that he is running away from everything.

Finally!!!

What does it say that Tew didn't stop till he found you Guy? LOVE, the communication going on. I love that Tew is calling out Guy, telling him that he feels this way and ran because he cares about him.

He called him little boy! And then gave him a real hug!!!

Ahhh, Tew confessing. Hot damn! They are making up for that shitty ending last episode!

OH SHIT.... He is going to quit the gangster life... I'm scared.

Never mind, we'll just shelve that concern for another day. Carry On. 💜💜💜

[chiprewington]

i am genuinely Not Normal about chip either so im excited to share/ask about headcanons

what do you think his favorite hobbies would be? i personally think he might enjoy birdwatching, some calming minigolf or fishing,,,,

HUM... I know I talked about his hobbies Here and talked about his relationship with video games Here... thinking emoji... I think I'm gonna break down my personal intepretation's view on those three hobbies (birdwatching, minigolf, fishing)! I will say that my interpretation is very. Un-Fun.

Headcanons under the cut, the usual!

Chip to me doesn't really seem like the "watching nature" type. Unfortunately (for me at least) I don't think he'd be very into birdwatching. He'd get disinterested rather quickly and want to move on to something else.

His idea of nature is sitting on a lawn chair out in a quiet high-class suburban neighborhood. And then telling kids to get off his lawn. Or he's just standing in the middle of a golf course and taking in the carefully curated environment that is not naturally grown. This is the only way I can see him genuinely thinking "I love nature".

I also think he's more for normal Golfing than Minigolfing. He'd probably find the latter too gimmicky and childish. That, and considering Minigolfing is associated with toons... I wouldn't be surprised if the moment he tried to play, Cartoon Logic dictates it's funny enough that he always fucks up.

This gets to a point where he gets angry enough at things that his next hit shoots the ball into the stratosphere and then tosses the putter into some water. He's forced to stop playing afterwards because his chest is aching from the anger and now that's stressing him out.

Fishing I feel like is something he would take interest in - but he doesn't know how to do it. He'd need someone to teach him. He'd also need someone to accompany him while he does it.

The reason for this is that as much as he would enjoy the actual act of casting a line and reeling in a fish, he would hold the thing like a white man with the most pained grimace on his face because the fish is still alive and wiggling and slimy and he's just standing there looking at his fishing partner silently begging for help in a pissy way. He hates actually handling and unhooking the fish, it fucks with his autism in a very negative way.

And yet, he would have no problem if the fish wasn't alive and being used to cook. He'd be completely down for a catch and cook as long as he's not the one to purge the fish used.

[elacular-kink]

Poly-techhic 3: Maya Learns

Today we'll be going back in time to see how Maya learned about Susanna's fetish and started dating her. This does have hiccups, but not a whole lot, and it's more on the feelingsy, story-y type side. I've written one 3.5 that's all feelings, so hopefully I'll write another 3.5 that's all hiccups later. We'll see.

Character Sheet

TW: Inebriation, Gender?, Anger, Emotional meltdown, Self-loathing, Kink anxiety

Kinks: Hiccups (Relatively small amount), inebriation

"Blaaaaaa-aaagh!" I threw myself into the backseat of Olivia's car along with my half-asleep, hiccuping, drunk teammate. I was halfway drunk myself, which was one of the many reasons I wasn't driving us home from the away game, but I was sober enough to make sure Kaeligh's ass was belted in, at least. I was also sober enough to be in a bad mood. "Hey, Liv! Anyone ever tell you your girlfriend's a real pain in the dick?"

"She's not my girlfriend, but yeah."

I let Kaeligh lean on me and drool on my shoulder while I pouted. "I don't get you two."

"We don't get you either, Maya," Liv said, completely focused on the road even though she hadn't started driving yet.

"How come she's not riding home with us anyway?"

The ancient minivan grumbled as Liv shifted it out of park. I couldn't believe that anyone in our goddamn college actually knew how to drive stick, much less owned one of the fuckers. "Because she's riding back home with Charlie."

I rolled my eyes and made a jerk-off motion. "You know that's not what the fuck I meant, Liv. Seriously, I don't understand Susie at all. I get you. You make sense. And when you don't make sense, I can just have you explain shit."

"More people should be like that," she said, and even though I was too grumpy to say it out loud, I agreed with her. "Susanna doesn't make understanding her easy. She never has. What's specifically annoying you about her right now? Was it when she told the other team's three that if she smoked around me she'd break her bong over her head?"

I snorted. "Nah, that was hilarious. It's just...she's so fucking mysterious and weird and stupid about the most random shit! Like, I don't think she's fishing for compliments, not on purpose, so why the fuck does she keep saying she sucks at rugby?"

"Because she's the slowest and physically the weakest on the team."

"Yeah, but so?" I shook my head. "Does she seriously not get that when a normal person gets hit by someone a hundred pounds heavier than them, they immediately fall the fuck down? They don't give physics the finger and stay up long enough to chuck the fucking ball!"

After a moment of thought, Liv nodded. "Yeah. She seriously doesn't get that."

"Does she not have eyes? God...dammit, Kay, stop trying to kiss me, you smell like Four Loko. And not in a good way." Kaeligh muttered and hiccuped something, but at least she listened.

"No, her eyes work fine. But she only sees things that she's actually looking for. And she's never looking for things she does well."

"God that girl's fucked up." I crossed my arms and sulked.

"...you're still worried about something, aren't you Maya?"

I huffed and took off my glasses, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "I get why Susie says you're annoying now."

"Yeah, I get that too. But I'm right."

I glanced over at Kaeligh. She seemed to be snoring enough to at least be mostly unconscious. "...okay, did Kay offend her or something?"

"No, she'd have said so if she did."

"Then what the fuck is up? Because she's avoiding her, right? I can tell. That's why she's in Chuck's car instead of yours."

Liv heaved a sigh as she pulled onto the highway, sticking to the left lane and barely pushing her rustbucket up to the speed limit. "Yeah, she is. But I can't explain why. Everyone's life would be a lot simpler if I could, or if she'd just be in the car anyway, but she isn't here and she doesn't let me because she's stupid."

"Man, no kidding." After a long moment, I sighed. "How the fuck am I supposed to get through to her, Liv? I like her. I think she's interesting."

"Yeah. I like her too."

"So how'd you do it?"

Olivia was silent for a long while. "...I guess I didn't let her run. She can say what she doesn't want. She's really good at that. So assume that if she hasn't said anything she still wants you around. You've gotta push her. And it feels kind of weird saying that because I'd really hate it if someone did that to me."

I frowned. "Yeah, I'd hate that too. And I know some people gotta be pushed like that, but..." After a long moment, I decided I could be honest with her. "But I know I can go too far with it. I've done that before. Are you sure she'll tell me if I'm fucking up?"

"Positive," she said. "Sometimes she'll be uncomfortable and not explain that, and that's really annoying, but if she's upset at you, she'll say so. And it's not hard to tell the difference between her being fake upset and real upset." After a bit of silence, Liv sighed. "I think Susanna just can't accept the fact that good things can happen to her."

"How the fuck does a person get to be that way?"

"A lot of Catholic school, probably."

"God damn. Literally." I stared out the window and watched other cars zoom past us. What the fuck was up with that tiny lesbian? I really really really needed to know.

That Friday I got a chance to try and learn more. When I heard a knock on my dorm room's door, I opened it, halfway dressed and having been mid-post-class nap. "What."

"It's six." A skinny brown blur said in front of me. After a moment, I realized that I recognized Olivia's voice. I also saw a tiny mostly-black blur by her side and context-clued that it was Susie. "You said that was when the pregame would start."

...shit, they actually thought we'd start pregaming at fucking six? Damn. I swore that I wasn't this naive as a freshman. "Cool. Cool. C'mon in. I'll, uh...beers. Yeah."

"I'm not coming. Only Susanna is."

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?" I saw the tan blob near the top of the black blur twist towards the brown blur, and I snorted.

"I told you I wouldn't be coming to the party. And the list online said not to pregame if you won't go to the party." Oh my god, they looked up a fucking listicle to learn how parties worked? What fucking turnip truck did these two roll off of? And how had I ended up boning Liv a week after meeting her if they were this fucking...pure?

God, I had so many questions.

"So what, you're just gonna abandon me to—" The answer must have been "yes", because the black blur was pushed inside, and the brown blur shut the door behind her. "...cool. Uh, if you wanna go back to sleep, you can."

"Pff, bullshit. Like I'm letting your ass escape now."

"...great." I wrapped an arm around the blob that I was 98% sure was Susie and led her over to the chair next to my desk, shoving her into it and feeling around for my glasses. Eventually, she reached out and put them in my hand like a magical helpful spirit of darkness. Or something. I was still waking up. Once I put them on, I was able to confirm that it was, in fact, Susie, and she was, in fact, glaring at me. That wasn't weird though. "You wanna put on a shirt or something?" She said, and it occurred to me that I was wearing nothing up top but a bra.

"Nah, we're both girls here." I moved back towards my bed, then paused. "Unless we're not? I mean, it's chill either way."

Susie opened her mouth, let it hang open, then closed it and pursed her lips. "I'll, uh...I'll get back to you on that one."

"Fair 'nough." I scrounged under my bed and pulled out a box of beers, grabbing one and giving it to her before pulling out one of my own. "You ever drink?"

"Does wine that tastes like it's literally 2000-year-old blood count?"

Whaaaat the fuck? "...I'm gonna say no on that one, chief."

"Then no. Do these need a bottle opener or—"

"Nah, it's a twistie." Susie pulled one hand inside one of her massive hoodie sleeves, then twisted the cap and managed to get it open. After a long moment, she put her lips to the bottle and took a sip. "So? Whadaya think?"

"It, uh, definitely tastes." She burped softly. "Don't dislike it as much as I thought I would though."

"Think you might be more into girly fruity type drinks?"

"Might be easier at least. If Olivia was ever gonna drink, it'd have to be something like that. If she tasted this, she'd probably light the entire box on fire." Even so, Susie took another sip. "Oh, fuck, that reminds me. Olivia's, uh, pregame research said we shouldn't come empty-handed and that carbo-loading was important, so we ordered pizza. She tried to plan it so that it'd arrive here at the same time we did, but, uh...well, pizza places aren't exactly that fucking reliable."

"Dude, have you two ever been to, like, any parties?"

"No."

I blinked and stared at Susie. She stared right back at me. "...no, you know what, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, I definitely wouldn't say no to pizza. 'Specially with someone else paying. So, what's got you here tonight? I know you haven't come to any before, and it damn sure wasn't 'cause I haven't invited you."

Susie looked down at the brown bottle she was holding. It was wider than a lot of bottles, so she had to use both of her tiny hands to hold it comfortably, and goddamn if that wasn't cute as fuck. "Well, I knew this one was going to be at the Queer house. And, uh..." She reached into her hood and scratched the back of her head. "I mean, besides Olivia, I've never really been around other Queer people my age. So I don't really know what they...what we...do?"

Huh. That was...something. "Your high school was a normal one, right? You not have a GSA?"

"I mean, maybe we did, maybe we didn't. I don't actually know. For most of high school it was just...me and Olivia."

God, I had so many questions about these two. If their lives were as sad as Susie made them sound, why wasn't Liv more emo? If their lives were as normal as Liv made them sound, then why was Susie so emo? How the heck did these two go together? What did they have in common? Maybe it was a weird poly thing about me, but I was almost more attracted to their relationship than I was to either of them.

I was still pretty friggin' attracted to both of them, though, as Susie reminded me when she pulled off her hood. I had no idea why the fuck she kept it up so much because her face was fucking adorable.

Hm. Given how scary she liked to try and look, maybe that was why she kept it up all the time.

Susie's phone blinged with a text. "Ah, shit, pizza guy's outside. Okay, could you keep the door open for me? I'm not gonna be able to get it together while I hold a whole fucking pizza." I nodded and she went off. While she was gone, I took a look at her beer bottle.

...there was a tiny bit of lip gloss on it. Shit, she wore makeup for this? Maybe she really did wanna be here.

Over the next hour and a half, it was just the two of us, but I didn't really mind. If any of those other bitches wanted pizza, they should have been adorable and naive as fuck and arrived at the actual right time. So we got a whole-ass pepperoni pizza to ourselves (and by "we" I mainly mean me), and once she'd got a whole beer in her, she'd warmed up a little bit. She was still a snarky little fuck, but I actually got to see her smile and hear her laugh.

...and notice she had on eyeliner and mascara too. Okay, yeah, she was definitely here on purpose. Also, how the fuck did someone this butch learn how to put on eyeliner that well? Did Liv do it? She never wore makeup either.

That question would have to wait since the other girls started showing up. Susie got a little shyer, but she managed to keep her feet under her pretty well, and I could tell I wasn't the only one who liked her. Mandy even asked if she could put makeup on her, and Susie let her do it. The fact that that interaction didn't end up with the two of them kissing was the dumbest thing in the universe. My teammates were truly fucking gifted in useless lesbianism.

Once my other teammates were there, I wasn't just keeping an eye on Susie. She seemed like she was handling herself well enough, and I absolutely didn't plan on playing babysitter all night. So we kept pregaming, and eventually, we got to the Queer house, and the goddamn party actually got started. I spent that night drinking and dancing and making out with guys, girls, and anyone else who'd put their mouth on mine.

I wasn't sure quite how long it'd been or how many deep I was, but my night was interrupted when I caught a case of fucking drunk hiccups, of all things. "Oh shit! Liv's here!" My teammate Chloe said, grabbing me in a headlock and completely ruining my seduction of a cute person whose gender I was particularly unsure of. 

"Yeah yeah, shut your fu–*HUK* fuckin' trap," I shoved her away. Hearing Liv's name reminded me, though, and I looked around. "Hey, an–*EEP* anybody know where Susie's *UCK* at?"

"She's been hanging out on the stairs," Mandy sighed. "I tried to get her to be a bit more into it, but I couldn't even get her to take off her hoodie."

"Take off her ho–*OOP* hoodie? What kinda slut d–*HUK* do you take her for?" I gave Mandy a quick punch on the arm. "Well, if an–*EEK* anyone can get her into the pa–*HURP* party, it's me. Wish me luck, girls, *HMK*, this one's on hard mode." Once I'd had my luck wished, I made my way over to the stairwell and saw Susie, in fact, sitting right in the middle of the stairs. It was hard to tell from inside of her hood, but I thought she might have seen me first. Either way, I knew I'd caught her eye. "Hey! Hey Susi–*EEK* Pfft. Fuck, I sound so fu–*HUK* fucking stupid."

"Uh...hey, Maya." Her voice was a little uncertain, which I wasn't sure what to make of, but she had spent the whole night a little unmoored, so maybe not the most surprising thing in the world. "Aren't you supposed to be licking someone's tonsils right about now?"

"What, you offerin'?" Even from in her hood, I could see her face go redder, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't even wo–*HURK* worry about it, Susi–*EEP*. Susie Q. I got a–*UCK* all the time in the world *HUP* to give out pro-bono de–*HNK* dental exams."

"Wow. And I thought the way I phrased that was gross."

I sat down on the stair right above Susie, trapping her between my legs. She twisted to try and see me so fast that her hood didn't move with her head, which was kind of hilarious. Laughing didn't help with my hiccups, but if anyone wouldn't mind, I figured it was probably Liv's best friend. Either way, I rested my head on top of hers and flopped my arms over her shoulders. I didn't actually put much weight on her. Given how goddamn tiny she was, I didn't know how much she could handle. But there was something weirdly comfortable about how her hoodie felt under my chin. I could see why Liv did this so much, even though they had enough of a height difference that she had to lean over to do it if they were both standing. "But an–*EEP* way, you enjoying the pa–*UHP* party, hot stuff?"

Susie's head moved under her hood, and after a second, I was able to figure out that she was looking out at the dance floor. "I've heard more songs that I like than I expected to."

"Re–*HEEP*–eally?" I wished I could see through her hood and get a look at her face. "Aren't you one of those pri–*HIC*–ks that only listens to screamo 'cause ev–*HUP* everything else is too mainstre–*EEP*–eam?"

She shook underneath me, and it took me a second to realize she was chuckling. "Nah. I just play one of those on TV. I mean, don't get me wrong, everything else is too mainstream, but I'm not such a sad-sack that I'll pretend I don't like Queen. I'm also not too good for all the gay anthems made by straight women."

"Heeyyy, you're dru–*UCK* drunk enough to admit you're not a pre–*HIP* pretentious dickface!" As I said that, I realized that I was a complete idiot, and I moved out in front of Susie and grabbed her hands. Of course this was the way to get her into the party. "Hey, *HUK* if you like the mus–*IC* then why don't you come and da–*UCK* dance with me?"

It was easy to pull her to her feet (and I was still taller than her from a stair below. Goddamn, she was short), but her face was red and her eyes had gone wide. "Uh! Not, uh...not sure that's the, uh...best idea."

"Why the fu–*HUCK* not?"

"Uh..." She looked away and didn't come up with anything.

Fuck. I was too drunk for this. Liv said she was able to say if something was wrong, right? "Okay, look. *HMK*. I'm gonna bring you ou–*HUP* out on the floor, kay? *HMK* If you wanna stop, just say. Sound good?"

After a few long moments, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then opened them and nodded. She looked...weirdly innocent staring up at me like that. Especially with how flushed her face was. "Okay, yeah. Yeah, I can...yeah. That works. That sounds good."

"Awesome!" Victory! I grabbed her and dragged her down the stairs and out onto the floor between other sweaty bodies, maneuvering us close to as many cute girls as I could. Susie danced like an alien who'd only ever had gravity explained to them once, but at least people would barely feel it if she stepped on their toes. Eventually, I had to take a little more control. I grabbed her from behind and pulled her back against me, bending my knees into hers and putting her butt right up on my crotch. "Hey, Fred Ast–*UCK*–staire. Anyone ever tell y–*HOOP* that you dance like you're alr–*UP* already doing it backward in h–*EEK* heels?"

"Uh..." Her voice was weird and shaky again, even more than last time. Her body was still moving to the beat of the music, though, and I couldn't deny that that felt nice. "Literally nobody, but that's not exactly surp-prising." She stuttered, and I realized that my hiccups were seriously shaking her up. I'd never noticed just how much they moved my gut and my boobs.

"You know, not ev–*URK* every gay guy or queer folk's *HMK* gotta go to the clubs. *HUP*. It's not a requirement. *HMK-mmp*" I felt her nod underneath me. The idea that she was not that kind of gay wasn't exactly surprising. 

...but her coming here with makeup on meant that she wanted to try it. And I didn't want her first time to just suck and completely put her off getting drunk and having fun.

So I leaned in closer, pulling her tighter back against me while my head was on her shoulder so I could whisper in her ear. "But if you wann–*UCK* wanna be that kind of gay, I could he–*ULP* help you learn how to d–*HOOK* do it." I ran a finger up from the fly of her jeans to the base of her belly under her hoodie and she breathed in sharply. "I've heard I'm a pre–*HIP* pretty good teacher. *HMK*. And sure, I'm a lil' dru–*HUK* drunk right now. But I fi–*HIG*–guuuure that if an–*HEEK* anyone wouldn't mind me havin' the hic–*HULP*–s it'd be you."

"Fuck!" Susie suddenly wrenched her way out of my arms and whipped around to face me. Her face was so fucking red. Even though her hood was still on, it couldn't hide it at all. Her pupils looked huge, and her eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them before she slammed them shut. "S-sorry!" And before I even knew what was happening, she'd bolted off of the dance floor.

My brain took way too long to catch up with reality. "Shit, Sus–*EEK*! Susie!" And I ran off in the same direction she did.

After searching for ten minutes and finding absolutely fucking nothing, I was getting really scared, especially since she wasn't responding to my texts. Fuck, this was not how I wanted to spend my night. But my two brain cells were able to hook up long enough for me to realize that Susie wasn't the only person I could text.

Maya: Liv Liv I fucked up Susie ran off and I dunno where the fuck she is Wait Please fucking tell me she's with you

Liv: No, she's not with me. She'll definitely tell me where she is though. Give me a minute. While I'm texting her, you can tell me what happened.

Maya: Okay fuck Thanks dude Gotta be real tho I dunno quite what happened I mean I got a guess But I was tryina dance with her and teach her how to do the thing and all a sudden she just fuckin hoofs it

Liv: This'll seem like a weird question. Did you have the hiccups?

Maya: uh Yeah How the fuck did u know that?

Liv: You didn't do anything wrong, then. But I'm not allowed to get more specific. So instead of doing that, I'll tell you that Susanna's hiding in the unisex bathroom in Liberty Hall's entry area.

Maya: wut What the actual fuck is she doing there?

Liv: Hiding.

Okay, this shit was officially driving me fucking crazy. Liv was still texting me, but I shoved my phone back into my pocket anyway and started running for the hall. I was sick and fucking tired of being confused about these two, and especially about Susie.

Once I got to Liberty Hall, the fact that my hiccups echoed through the whole empty building was funny enough to cool me down a little bit, but I was still pissed. So I stomped over to the bathroom and banged on the door. "Hey. Sus–*EEK*. Wanna tell me–*HEEP* what the fu–*HUCK* you're doing in there?"

After long enough that I started wondering if she'd already left, I finally heard her voice. "Not particularly, no."

Fuck, that was an annoying answer. "We–*UCK* well too fuckin' bad, pal! *HULP* 'Cause my ass ain't *HUK* leavin' until I g–*HUP* get some answers."

After a few long moments, I heard a weird sound from inside. "Yeah, that—" her voice stopped in a very weird way and sounded tenser than I'd ever heard it. "That makes sense."

I wasn't not angry, but I was getting more and more worried. "What the fuck, dude? *HMLK* Are you o–*KUP* okay? Why are you hiding in a g---goddamn bathroom?" I sucked at telling time at the best of times, and right now I had no idea how long I'd waited for her to respond except that it was too fucking long. "Look, do I ne–*HEEK* need to get Liv he–*URK* here or what?"

"No." I heard her sigh, though it was cut oddly short. "She's not—" Her voice kept hitching. "She's not gonna help."

"Since fucking when? A–*URK* Aren't you two li–*HUK* like, married or somethi–*IC*–ing?"

"I'm not saying that she couldn't or she wouldn't want to. She's just not gonna. She says this is something I need to do myself." Something like a laugh came through the door. "And she's probably right. She's definitely right. But...fuck, not everyone's like her. Nobody's like her. And she just doesn't get that."

"...*HULP* Okay, whatever the fu–*HUK* this is, I'm way too dru---drunk for it. Give me a minute to *HNK* get some fuckin' water."

"That's probably a good idea, yeah. There's a fountain right nearby."

I did go over to the fountain and drink a bunch of water, I wasn't lying when I said that. But I also pulled out the phone to see what the fuck Liv had texted me.

Maya: wut What the actual fuck is she doing there?

Liv: Hiding. It's infuriating when she gets like this. You're probably going to want to be gentle with her anyway, though. This is one of those times where she's actually sensitive instead of having her walls up constantly. So being rough with her probably won't get things to happen any sooner.

Maya: ...shit. Olivia what the fuck am I doing?

Liv: I don't know. I'm being literal there. I don't know what you're doing. And I can't know that. I know you mean that more existentially, but I don't know that either.

Maya: Fuck why couldnt someone else do this? Why couldnt literally anyone else fucking do this? Im too fucking drunk for this! Im too fucking stupid for this! Im too much of a pissed fucking dickhead who hurts people for this!

Liv: No you're not. You're honestly perfect for this.

Maya: what

Liv: I'm serious.

Maya: I fuckin know that liv your always fucking serious

Liv: *you're

Maya: Fuck you I just What? How in the fuck am I perfect for this? I'm a dumb drunk slut!

Liv: The middle part isn't ideal. But everything else about you is perfect for Susanna to finally tell somebody else her secret.

Maya: her secret? That weird context that you always say you cant talk about?

Liv: Yeah.

Maya: you think im perfect for that?

Liv: About as much as anyone can be.

Maya: Wait hang on Are you tellin me that literally nobody else knows about whatever the fuck you're talking about?

Liv: If they do, it's not because she told them. Honestly, when she finally does tell you (which she'd better do tonight) it'll be really nice to have someone else to talk to about it. At this point, she's texting me to just tell you it, but I'm not going to. She has to do this herself.

Maya: Why?

Liv: A lot of reasons. But the main one right now is because if she doesn't, she won't be able to see how you react right away. Her brain will fill up the space that creates with some sort of illogical bullshit about why I somehow tricked you into acting like exactly the person you are about it.

Maya: Shit you thought a lot about this.

Liv: Of course I have. I love her.

Maya: No fuckin kidding dude. Okay Wish me fuckin luck with whatever this shit is I guess

Liv: Just be yourself. That's exactly who she needs right now.

There were almost zero situations where I was sure I would be exactly who someone needed, and there were a negative number of situations where I'd actually want that to be true, but...well, shit, I was already in it, wasn't I? Like a very wise listicle said, don't pregame if you're not down to party. Don't...flirt with the repressed girl if you're not ready to...do emotion management through a door? I'd workshop it.

Either way, I walked back to the bathroom and knocked on the door again. "Hey. I'm back."

"Yeah. You are." There was a long, dumb stretch where neither of us said anything. Eventually she was the one to talk. "You didn't do anything wrong, Maya."

"Liv said that too, but if I didn't do anything wrong, then what the fuck are we doing here instead of back at Queer House?"

I heard Susie sigh through the door again. "We're here because I'm weird and fucked up."

"Bruh, we're on a women's rugby team. We're all weird and fucked up."

Something thudded against the door. It didn't sound hard enough to be someone punching it or something, but I wasn't sure what other option there was. "I'm weird and fucked up in specific ways. Ways that'll..." There were three smaller thuds and I realized that she was banging her head against the door. "...ways that'll make you think I'm creepy. And that I'm a terrible person. And that I absolutely shouldn't spend time around Olivia."

That sentence hit my brain like it'd just walked in front of a truck. "Wait, what? What the fuck? No! I mean, no, what?" I shook my head. "Okay, those first two are fucking stupid, we can get to that later, but who the fuck would think that you and Liv shouldn't be together? Like, even if I was someone who got to make that kind of decision for either of you, no? Liv loves you, dude! Literally! I was literally just texting her and she said 'I love her'! And 'her' is definitely you!"

"I know." She laughed again. Her laugh was always quiet, but right now I could only just barely hear it. "I know she loves me. That's the only way that the past five years of my life make any fucking sense. And...and I love her too. But if people knew the truth about me, they'd say that I was a gross freak taking advantage of an autistic girl."

"'Taking advantage of'—fucking what?" I shook my head again, then stopped when that made it hurt like a bitch. "Nobody who's ever fucking met you would think that. Like...fuckin' spend two seconds around you two and it's pretty goddamn clear who's wearing the pants in this relationship. Spoilers: it's the one that sometimes wears skirts."

She laughed a little louder. "I mean, yeah, I know that. I know that that's not actually what it is. Olivia's made that, uh...pretty fucking clear. And she'd be happy to do it again if she needed to. I don't know why, but...she is. She's amazing." There was another goddamn sigh. "I don't know if anyone as amazing as her exists. That's what makes this so scary."

Well, shit. What was I supposed to do now, say that I actually was as amazing as Liv? She wouldn't fucking fall for that. Nobody would. So what else could I do? How the fuck did you deal with someone this pessimistic? Was I supposed to fucking get on her level or something?

...actually, yeah, I could do that. That could work. "Okay, lemme put it to you like this: What's the worst thing I could possibly do if you told me whatever the fuck this is?"

"Report me to campus police for sexual harassment and get me expelled."

"Sexual harass—what? Dude, I was the one who was grinding on your ass, not the other way around! You think I'm drunk enough to get confused about that? No, fuck that and fuck you. And also fuck cops. Now what's the second worst thing I could do?"

It took her a minute to get back to me. "I, uh...okay. Um, second worst thing you could do would be...to tell my parents?"

"I don't know your parents. Third worst thing."

"That doesn't mean that you couldn't—"

"Third. Worst. Thing."

I could hear something moving on the other side of the door, but I didn't have a fucking clue what she was doing. "Okay, uh...third worst. I guess...you could tell everyone my secret so they all know what a freak I am?"

"Jesus fucking Christ," I rolled my eyes. "Okay, how long's the last dick I sucked?"

"...I beg your fucking pardon?"

The way she said that made me laugh, which was kind of annoying since I was trying to be serious here. "Right, you don't know. And who's into me using a strap-on on them? Lemme guess; you don't know that either. Do more people call me 'mommy' or 'daddy'? Imagine the jeopardy theme playing out here. Ding-ding-ding, time's up, you don't fucking know. You don't know any of that shit, do you?"

"...no. I guess I don't."

"Yeah. You fucking don't. You don't even know the names of a lot of people I sleep with. Because I don't fucking talk about 'em unless I know they're cool with that." I huffed. "I may be a dumb slut, but I'm not a fucking narc."

"You're not a dumb slu—..."

Susie's voice stopped in a completely different way from how it did earlier. And god dammit, she made me laugh again. "It's okay, dude, I wouldn't be able to finish that sentence either."

"...you're not dumb."

"Thaaat's more like it." She was still wrong, but eh, I'd take it.

"Yeah." She took a while to say anything else. "I, uh...I knew those weren't super realistic, but...you know. It's still nice to have them gone. And...with that out of the way, the main thing I can think of is just that you'd hate me and everything would be awkward."

"Dude, if I make things awkward, it'll be on purpose." I heard her snort, and it made me smile. "And if I'm gonna hate you, I'll do it for something more interesting than whatever the fuck this is."

"...Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like you. Maya, could you, uh..." Susie's voice trailed off, then I heard something rock against the door. After some noises from the other side, I heard the deadbolt, and then the door opened and Susie was there.

Susie was there with her hoodie off. Susie was there with her mascara in lines all down her face. Susie was there in a tank top with a rainbow flag that said "The gays can do whatever they want". Even though I knew I shouldn't, I snorted. "Why the fuck were you wearing your hoodie over that? That's great."

She smiled. It was small, but it felt pretty real. "I like it too. And that's...yeah, that's a good question. Uh..." she pulled back and held the door open. "Would you, uh...come in here with me?" I shrugged and walked through, then leaned back against the tile wall. Susie closed the door, looked at the lock, then shook her head and left it alone. I could see her hoodie crumpled up on the floor between the door and the wall. She walked over and stood in front of me, and I couldn't believe how small she looked. "It, uh...it might take me a minute to...to work up the courage. To say it."

Fuck, I hated waiting. I made myself smile anyway. "Just as long as you say it, dude."

Susie nodded, then took a slow, deep breath. Her face very quickly started going red. "So, uh...so." She swallowed. "The reason I ran away from you at the party was because I was...really fucking turned on."

"...bruh, that was the point."

"I mean—" Susie smacked her forehead, and I snorted again. "Okay, fuck. I mean, yeah, fair. But it wasn't really...I mean it was and it wasn't, but it..."

"Dude, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about right now."

"Right, of course you don't." She covered her face with both hands. "Fuck, I'm just gonna have to say it out loud, aren't I?"

"Probably. I'm still kinda drunk. And not super in the mood for riddles."

"Okay." Susie pulled her hands down and clenched her fists. She glared down at my feet like they owed her money. "Okay. Okay." She took one more deep, annoying breath. "So I was turned on already. Before you started dancing with me. I was really turned on. But it wasn't by anything you were doing on purpose."

"If you tell me you were charming some other chick and let me pull you away from that, I'm fuckin' killing you."

"No, no," she did that weird one-off laugh thing she did sometimes. "Nah. Nothing like that. You were the one who was turning me on. But not on purpose."

"...okaaaaaaaay?"

"Fffuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Okay." She shut her eyes. With how hard she'd been glaring, I was surprised that she didn't somehow laser vision through her own eyelids. "Okay. I was...I was turned on because...b-because..." Her teeth were clenched together hard enough that I was kinda worried that she'd break them. "B-because you had the hiccups!"

She said that loud enough that it echoed in the bathroom, then immediately pulled her fists up to cover her eyes. But I was just confused. "You were turned on...because I had the hiccups." She nodded. "Okay. So, uh...what's the secret?"

Susie pulled her fists away and stared at me. "...what?"

"You were turned on by my hiccups and then...what. What's the deep dark secret?"

"Tha—" She turned around and looked behind her like there was some other Susie for me to be talking to. "That...that is the secret!"

I could feel my jaw going slack. "That's the secret?"

"Yes!" She covered her eyes again. "And I know that it's fucking weird and gross and I shouldn't—"

"Bro, you thought I'd be offended that you were turned on by me?"

Susie stopped talking and her fists slowly fell off of her eyes. She still stared at the floor, but the look on her face was turning less terrified and more confused. "Well, it sounds really stupid when you put it like that."

"That's 'cause it is really stupid, dude. Susie, what the fuck? Is this your big fucking secret?"

"I mean, not completely. Because it's...it's not just your hiccups, it's everyone's." She was glaring at a wall now. "I...I have a hiccup fetish. That's the secret."

"...well what the fuck am I supposed to do with that, Susie? I thought I was gonna have to help bury a body somewhere, but instead you're just flipping out over some weird cute sex thing?" I slapped myself internally for calling it weird.

Susie's head whipped up and she finally looked me in the eyes. "...'cute'?"

"Okay, not the word I thought you were gonna have a problem with there, but yeah. Cute."

"Not...creepy?"

"No? Why the fuck would it be creepy?" I seriously meant that question. Why would it be creepy?

She grabbed her upper arm with the other hand, gripping it way too tight. "You don't...you don't think that I'm just using Olivia?"

"'Just usi—' the fuck? Susie, what in the actual fuck is wrong with you? You think that I think you're 'just using' someone who you threatened to beat a stranger with a bong for?" Every time I got her to laugh, I felt just a little bit better about...everything really. "Jesus, Sue, you flipped out this hard over this? Why?"

"Because it's...weird." She had her arms crossed and had gone back to staring down walls. "It's weird. And it's something people don't have control over. So I'm getting turned on by something people can't help doing."

"...so?"

Susie stared up at me. "So that's...bad?"

I stared right back at her. "Uh...no? No, that's not bad. That's...okay, one, do you think that I chose to have boobs this fucking bodacious?" The shocked laugh that got made me grin. "Do you think I chose to be a total fucking sex bomb with a body that can go all night? I mean, I've put some effort into parts of that, but these titties just happened. And all kinds of people get turned on by that. But, uh, two, it's weird that you get turned on by a thing that a human body does? No! You think that fuckin' neolithic cavemen were going around imagining shit like latex and high heels while they jacked it? No! But liking those is normal as shit! So you're not fucking weird, the world's the weird ones. You're just old-fashioned or something."

Susie was squinting at me. "That is...the weirdest fucking argument I've ever heard." Honestly, it was probably the weirdest fucking argument I'd ever made.

I decided not to say that out loud. "Weirder than being into hiccups, maybe?" The minute I said the word, her whole face burned and I couldn't help arching my eyebrows. "Whoa. Shit, you weren't kidding, huh? You're seriously into that."

"Y-yeah. Yeah. With Olivia I've gotten enough exposure that I can kinda deal, but it..." She huffed. "It's a lot."

"Alright. So," I sat down on the tile floor. "What do you like about 'em?"

"...wuh?"

"Oh come the fuck on, Susie," I slapped the floor in front of me between her feet. "You can't seriously fucking think you can say a thing like 'I'm super into hiccups' and then not tell me how that works, right?"

"You...wanna know?" She looked seriously, actually confused as she sat down in front of me.

"Uh, yeah, duh." I looked at her, then decided I could push a bit and smiled. "How else am I gonna know how I should flirt with you?" Her back went dead straight and she stared at me, her whole face looking like it was about to light on fire. I just barely kept myself from laughing, but how long she went without blinking kind of worried me. "You, uh...you good dude?"

"You wanna...flirt with me too? L-like...turning me on?"

"...thought that'd be pretty obvious by now, but yeah."

"Why?"

"What a stupid fucking—" I cut myself off. Susie may have needed "me" right now (and I was finally starting to get why Liv had said that), but she needed the nicest me I was able to give her. So I smiled at her again, and I reached out and touched her cute, blushy face. "It's 'cause I like you, dumbass. I like you. I think you're interesting. I wanna know more about you."

I actually gasped when I felt her hand touch the back of mine while I cupped her cheek. I'd been too lost staring at her to notice her moving.

...shit, this was more serious than I thought it was.

It got even more serious when she put her hand completely over mine, holding it against her cheek and leaning into my palm. Her eyes closed for a second before she opened them again and stared at me. "You really do?"

"Yeah. I really do." That was...scarier to admit than it should have been. And my heart was going faster than it should. "I know I like Liv. And I know she loves you. I wanna see the person she loves." Shit, what was I saying? I swallowed, and my mouth just kept going. "I've already seen the person you love. I already know Liv. But I wanna see the other side too. Of course I wanna know you."

...fuck. Fuck, I had feelings.

Fuck, I had feelings for this couple.

I really fucking wanted to watch them be...them.

Shit, this could be a problem.

"I..." Susie managed to surprise me again. She was staring up at me, and fuck, her eyes were way too fucking pretty and brown. "I think I wanna know you too, Maya. And...and I think I even...would like it if you knew me."

I could feel myself laughing. I could also feel myself leaning closer to her. "That works pretty well for me, Sue."

"I don't really know what I'm doing."

"That's fine." I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing either.

"I've never...I've never actually dated anyone."

"I'll teach you." It'd been a while since I'd "dated" anyone too. But fuck, I wanted to. And we just kept getting closer and closer.

"I..." I could feel her breath on my face as she tilted her head in my hand. "I'm scared, Maya."

"I know." I was scared too. But... "But Liv told me you could be brave."

Our bodies were close enough that I felt hers shake as she laughed. I felt the air of each chuckle puff against me. "Yeah. Yeah, she tells me that too. And..." She took one more breath, "and maybe she's right."

She kissed my lips.

That fucking bastard. She kissed my fucking lips.

She had no idea what she was doing.

I was gonna teach her. I was gonna teach her everything.

Fuck, how did this happen? How did I get in this deep this quick? How had I ended up catching feelings again?

Was I gonna be okay?

Susie kissed me again, and for the rest of the night, it didn't really seem like it mattered that much.

[avalypuff]

I’m just gonna say it.

I don’t think Zonai and Hylians are capable of reproduction under normal circumstances.

This is Not to say that I doubt the existence of Sonia and Rauru’s offspring, or Zelda’s blood relation to them, especially given that’s the one thing the game did explicitly tell us.

But on to the reason I think this—

Zelda (as a series) has kept things pretty consistent as far as Hylian/[other] hybrids, with the only exception being an obvious one that Hylians and Gerudo are compatible. But other than that, we’ve never seen anything like a Hylian x Rito/Zora/Goron/etc hybrid (ok so the Goron one makes sense because of their canon asexual reproduction, but it just felt weird excluding them from my point) and it stands to reason why.

They’re not just different races. They’re completely different species, whose differences can’t even be compared to those of a horse and donkey, or lion and tiger. Just by looking at them it’s pretty clear the different peoples throughout Hyrule have incompatible DNA.

Yes they’re all sapient and can fall in love with one another, and that’s totally real and valid! But love isn’t enough to make babies when the lovers are one bird and one fish, or in the case of Rauru and Sonia, one goat-dragon and one human-shape.

However, unlike a Zora or Rito, I believe there is one factor that Zonai could use to create life with a Hylian… their God-like magic!

That being said, I am a lover of science, and if you are too, then listen up, my friends, because I have more to explain, because I STILL don’t believe they can reproduce by [normal means] don’t make me say it… I get enough bots following me

I believe, like other Zonai magic such as ultra hand or ascend, it has to be a conscious decision. A spell, in the simplest terms. Basically, it can’t happen by accident; not to take any romance away from the act, of course! (Putting the rest under a cut cause this is getting long)

To go a bit more in depth—and please keep in mind this is treading even deeper into personal headcanon territory—I believe the magic would neutralize Zonai DNA (or whoever’s providing the sperm. In this case it’s Rauru, but I wonder if he was the only Zonai to ever fall in love with a Hylian…) and it would work kiiind of similarly to parthenogenesis with the resulting offspring being more-or-less a clone of the female parent. That’s right. I believe their child visually looks just like her mother, Sonia, though she’d probably choose her own hairstyle. lol.

Anyway, mammals aren’t actually capable of parthenogenesis, and furthermore that act doesn’t involve sperm, but it’s a cool biology thing I wanted to build a headcanon sort of based around.

I’m also a boring old fool who doesn’t like idea of Sonia birthing a furry, even though I’m all about the ship of her and Rauru. Idk. Half the time I don’t even understand me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading. If not—if you want furry baby, just know I’m not directing this at anyone or trying to dismiss their ideas. I just wanted to share my own. Peace ✌️

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Heya! I sent in a matchup request before but I kinda rambled off in it (and I think I was on anon too-) so imma try again and be less ramble-y 😅

For Hazbin Hotel please!

-------------

Gender/Pronouns: She/They AFAB

Sexuality: Asexual, questioning-aromantic who would date men/masc

Age: 25

Appearance: 5'11 White Australian with pale as fuck skin, blue eyes with dark bags under them, half my head is shaved the other half long, currently dyed red hair but it changes once it washes out and I get bored of my natural blonde. Slightly chubby belly with average breasts I wanna remove completely 👍

MBTI: INFP-T

Mental Additives: I have autism, clinical depression, clinical anxiety, PTSD and lowkey a hypochondriac.

Personality: I'm told I'm open-minded and easy to get along with. I am also a completely open book who talks about 98% of things I have been through; including trauma and random factoids I have learnt.

I smile all the time, even when crying I find myself smiling sometimes. All I want is for the people I care about to be happy; and I don't always include myself in that list but I've been getting better at doing so!

I don't have a job but I am slowly looking. I think I've just gotten used to not having a job or going to school? It's boring and mind numbing, but the last job I had gave me anxiety attacks. Doesn't help I have no ambitions in life. Except for whatever hyperfixation I'm on!

Yet I also verbally yet playfully threaten violence on friends, but if need be I can't ever throw a punch. I diffuse situations with words and pacifist action (like leaving). But I will use my height and build to be threatening to protect a friend, despite knowing that I can't defend myself. I also break into tears if I feel like I said the wrong thing to a friend or family member. I'm not as scary as I sometimes look or act.

Imma list off words that remind me of my personality since idk how else to explain myself: Helpful, imaginative, leisurely, loyal, protective, self-critical, absentminded, touch-starved, irritable (prob the anxiety talking hopefully), unable to flirt or recognise flirting, quirky, anxioussss!, logical thinker.

Likes: True crime, reading/writing fanfic, my cat, my five birds, my two fish!, I want reptile pets, random facts, the cold (jumper weather), playing all types of video games, watching YouTube, thunderstorms, chocolate, soft drinks, my lil brother, my OC that I shape into whatever fixation I'm on!

Dislikes: Having writers block, drinking alcohol, smelling cigarettes/weed, being called lazy, being compared to others, the heat (remove my skin), drinking water, my lil brother (when he's in mean mode), racists, terfs, literally all dumbasses who think they're better than everyone, routines.

Hi, I love you! I hope you enjoy this! I want everyone to know that this bean is an amazing Mutual, and you should all check them out! Okay, okay, now to the show!

~~~~~ MATCHUPS ~~~~~

HAZBIN HOTEL

Alastor

~~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~~

Alastor really doesn't care for people in general. If you aren't one of the few he deems good enough, stay out of his way.

That's why he was thrown for a loop when you came along. Is someone so kind and genuine not being scared of him? Who do you think you are?

Alastor is very protective, and though it may take ages to realize he has feelings, he will firmly defend and protect you.

When you and Niffty are hanging out, he feels so proud and almost giddy, an emotion he only feels when murdering normally.

When you fought the Angels, he was in awe of you. Though you needed training from Vaggie, you were fierce and ready to do whatever you could to save your friends.

The first time he snapped at you, he felt horrible, and when you started crying, he was practically a dead man, times two. He spent weeks trying to apologize and make it up to you.

He isn't big on touching or affection, but he shows you he cares in his own way. He is always opening the door for you, cooking for you, and taking you to special events or places.

He supports all your hobbies and interests and even tries to help you find new things to enjoy. This way, when he is busy doing whatever he has to, you are entertained until he returns.

He loves just having lazy days with you in the Radio Tower. There, he can work on his master plans, and you can do whatever to your heart's content.

When he finally accepts he has stronger feelings for you than his regular crew of Mimzy, Rosie, and Niffty, he asks the girls what's happening to him.

They collectively help him confess to you, and when they find out that you two are a lot more similar than they thought, they are thrilled for you two now that you guys have found your person.

If you ever mention physical touch or intimacy with him, he will allow it, but only if you are comfortable with it. Do not force yourself to think it's the right thing to do unless you 100% want it to.

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

You had been working with Niffty on a surprise for Alastor. He had been working hard to take down the Vees and especially hard to piss off Vox after a particularly vile comment he made about you. Niffty was out collecting the materials while you were researching how to make a cape, crown, and scepter. Once everything was rounded up and ready to go, you two got down to some serious work. Building your masterpiece for Alastor was moving along well, and you two couldn't wait to see his face.

Sneaking up to Alastors room, you set up the creation. While you were busy making it look perfect, Niffty distracted Alastor. However, Alastor knew that something was off as soon as you weren't downstairs ready to greet him. Making his way to your location, Niffty did her best to stall the tall man, but it was too late. Luckily, just before the door opened, you had set up the display. You remembered before the battle against the Angels that Niffty had dubbed Alastor 'King Roach'. Alastor was a king in your eyes, so you wanted to show him how you honestly thought of him.

There before Alastor stood a mannequin with a deep red cape adorned with blackthorns, a crown made of black cardboard and gold glitter glue, and lastly, a scepter made out of a large stick and one of Lucifer's rubber ducks that looked like Alastor. The man couldn't help but laugh at the creation in pure enjoyment. As he walked over to start putting on the new outfit, Niffty crawled up your shoulder and perched there waiting. Once King Alastor was officially crowned, he bent down and asked, "May I kiss you, my love?" You nodded gently, and all that was heard after the kiss was a 'blegh' sound from the tiny woman perched on your head.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(You had been sitting in the Radio Tower for hours and were ready for fun. However, Alastor was still trying to work.)

Y/N: Can we please do something else, Alastor?

Alastor: Dear, you are always more than welcome to do whatever you please. The most powerful demon lord is your partner.

Y/N: Noooo, Alastor, I wanna do something with you.

Alastor: Hmmmm, is that so, like what?

Y/N: uh uh uh....damn it! You can't put me on the spot like that, Alasor.

Alastor: Alright, alright, come on, let's go to Rosies for some tea and a break.

Y/N: Hell yeah! Field trip!

[radleysgamereviews]

Honest Review of Fields of Mistria 10/10

I bet you're thinking, this is just another Stardew Valley, and I would be lying if I said that wasn't my first thought as well. However, I was so wrong! Fields of Mistria is far from Stardew and it all starts at the beginning.

You arrive in Mistria after an earthquake that shakes the townsfolks to their core, no pun intended. They of course have asked you to help and in return have given you a plot of land to grow crops and raise farm animals. You think all of this would be overwhelming, but Fields of Mistria takes it slow and teaches you everything you need to know in an unconventional tutorial. This tutorial takes a few in game days to complete through multiple different quests, but by the end you'll have all the tools you'll need to help the town as well as yourself.

While you are doing the normal farming sim gameplay: chopping trees, breaking rocks, fishing, and catching bugs, you learn about the mysterious magic that is in the land. This magic is tied to everything you do. So, the more you chop, break, fish, and catch the more magic that is stowed upon you. Eventually, you'll learn some pretty cool things with this magic, but I won't tell you what it is, so I don't ruin any surprises.

Just like many farming sim games, you'll be interacting with the townsfolks of Mistria and completing quests for a majority of them. These quests don't have a time limit so you can get them done as quick or as slow as you want. There is literally no pressure. I do recommend doing them in a timely manner however, to not only increase the town level, but to also boost your relationship with many of the romanceable characters, because let me tell you... they are HOT!!! You will not have a hard time picking a future husband or wife, or maybe you will because the options will be too hard to pick from. Regardless, marriage is currently unavailable while I am writing this review so you will just have to admire them from afar.

Now it's time for my review... 10/10 game HANDS DOWN and this is still just an early access game! Not only is this my first 10/10 game that I have reviewed, but this will also be my game of the year for 2024. From the inclusiveness, to the storyline, to the cute graphics, and to the gameplay itself, it really has it all. I absolutely love the customization for my character and the ability to change my appearance at any point. I adore the crafting and all the recipes that are currently in game. The farming is simple and easy but still enjoyable. Mining is fun with a small challenge of defeating creatures as you go further down in the mine. Raising animals is adorable and the ability to breed rare colors is exciting. The quests keep me engaged in the game and give me a purpose. With all of that though, my favorite part of the game has to be decorating the farm and my house. I cannot get over how cute everything is, the number of different items there are, and just the ability to be able to decorate it anyway I want.

So, if you are looking for a new farming sim game, this is the one! Best part... it's so reasonably priced at $13.99USD!!! I really can't recommend this game enough!

[upward-centrifuge]

the seadweller post, aka the first and last time i will give this much of a shit about homestuck fish.

No clue how to introduce this, so I'm just going to tell you what is true about seadwellers canonically. Seadwellers are completely distinct from everyone else on the hemospectrum, including other highbloods, in a way that isn't dissimilar to the aristocracy. Only the fuschias are actually rulers, but the violets are still royalty. Like, explicitly they are royalty. The seadwellers live in their own little world that is separate from everyone else, and they are ALL royalty. They don't have to worry about culling, they don't have to worry about money, and yet they are still people in an unjust system and this does have consequences.

In fragments, for this reason, I portray seadweller society very blatantly as an aristocracy. And the thing about an aristocracy is that it is its own tiny society where the stakes are different, the rules are different, and there are countless eyes on you at all times.

Don't get me wrong, these people are immensely privileged. They experience almost none of the risks and dangers the average Alternian faces. However, they are locked constantly in a risky social game. One in which other people are often the pawns.

They live in a world of constant power struggle, turmoil, and subterfuge, where every single action means something. This is what compels people about period dramas that focus on royalty and rich people. The aristocracy suffers no real threats, so they play convoluted power games that can be much more fun to watch.

Now, I don't focus on all this much in fragments, because one, that's a lot of screen time to spend on something ultimately more or less irrelevant to the story; and two, I don't actually find this kind of subtle power play all that compelling. It's nice sometimes, as a little treat, but you're not gonna find me watching Downton Abbey. lol.

Why I bring this all up is again, to reiterate: the seadweller aristocracy is Like That because they are at the very top. They suffer no real threats, so they have to create their own hostile little society. This goes for the hemospectrum, too. When everyone in your little society-within-a-society is at the very top of the food chain, you can't use normal hierarchy as a quick way of controlling people. So you create your own heirarcies. Seadweller society in fragments is hyper-aware of physical differences. Ethnic and regional features that are just considered "people look different depending on where they're from, big surprise" by other castes become distinct ethnic groups in the eyes of seadwellers, and it's how they form their pecking order.

In the eyes of your average Alternian, if you put a member of their caste from somewhere cold and a member of their caste from somewhere hot next to each other and then asked them to tell you the difference, they might identify ethnic traits, like one of them being fatter, but they're just as likely to point out those traits as any other traits, like the two being different genders. They're also most likely not going to attribute those physical differences to anything other than random chance.

Meanwhile, if you asked your average seadweller to do the same, they'd immediately be able to identify one as a larger-than-life, brightly colored tropic-dweller, and the other as a hardy, blubbery icefish. This shit is a big deal to them, and they're pretty racist about it.

This is why I mentioned my seadweller hierarchy as something I think a larger fanbase would love to misinterpet. I fear that the collective tumblr fandom hivemind would see that and decide that rich people are oppressed on my version of Alternia. In fact, what I am actually trying to portray is the subtle power dynamics that the obscenely rich and powerful create amongst themselves, and those dynamics do frequently involve race and ethnicity. Turn away from the British/European upper class, look at Robber Barons in America or the games that politicians play amongst themselves. Hell, look at the American middle class. There's a lot to observe.