#i am a beast. a critter

[cutiecorner]

Return of the self insert. Like I look at Bruce tonight and I'm like "mmmm big soft papa <3" but also no. I am a little beast he must deal with. A critter that bites him.

[queruloustea]

more kissy brainrot sketches

drawing these two kissing is the thing getting me through life right now :') why must things be so hard

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

[magpie-the-goblin]

Recently encountered a photo album of close relatives

[definegodliness]

Had a dream last night

Best movie you'll never see

[farceargon]

A couple'a funny guys! Silly dudes!

I'm forever and always a Monster Hunter guy at heart, so please have lesser monsters and their pack leader based on the Imps and Burial Watchdogs respectively!

I have deemed them Gerdoguss, making the big boy the Great Gerdoguss. You'd find them in a cave-y, tundra area. Annoying pack hunters that will hide pretending to be part of the landscape until you get close. Then they maul you to death.

[chimerabytes]

Can I just be picked up and carried around like I'm some kind of creature

[k-hotchoisan]

missing piece

<seonghwa x fem!Reader>

Building legos is important business and Seonghwa knows that very well when he realises he’s missing a piece.

So who would’ve thought two people attempting to search for one Lego piece would lead to other things?

genres/warnings: smut, pwp, softdom!seonghwa, missing Lego piece (don’t worry it’ll get found later), dirty talk, it’s legit teeth rotting fluff and smut, unprotected sex, breeding kink, established relationship, mild choking, clit stimulation

a/n: another fic exchange with @bro-atz 😎👊🏻 it’s a competition of who can kill each other faster and we both LOSING. love u bro <3 and also finally serving you all the softdom! Seonghwa you all deserve 😛 enjoy my loves 🩷

read bro’s one here 💘

wc: 1.9K

‘A couple activity idea’—apparently the amount of countless generic couple websites would list this idea. 

Yeah, this would qualify for a couple activity idea casually, not when it seemed like a big business deal when it came to Park Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa had the ambiance set, his station ready—the Animal Crossing Soundtrack Playlist with Rain playing through the speakers, his desk clean and white—only stacked with the Animal Crossing Lego sets prepared to to be unboxed, in his favourite oversized shirt, and not forgetting you, who he dragged into his room to watch him build his little building block empire—comfortably seated across him on his bed. 

You didn’t mind watching your partner build the latest Animal Crossing Lego set he just easily blew a couple of hundred on hours before. You watched his inner child take form when he made you sit down with him to watch him unbox the first set he was gonna build, his eyes large and twinkling, just like his Animal Crossing character in-game.

Seonghwa hums softly, and it’s definitely his favourite soundtrack from the game. From time to time, Seonghwa would make the little critter noises his animal villagers would make while he fixes the animal villagers and you can’t help but giggle whenever he does the impressions. He’s finished a cherry tree, making sure he flailed his wrists to get your attention. Your lips pull to a smile when your eyes land on the pretty cherry tree he built, reflecting his satisfaction with his plump lips too. 

Then he’s back to his workstation, and you’re absorbed back into playing your switch. 

“This set is pretty easy”, you hear him comment. 

“Is it?” You reply, your attention focused on trying to slay the beast. 

“Yeah. I think I could finish this in another half an hour.” He sounds confident. 

“Good luck with that sweetheart”, you respond, your eyes trailing back to your game. 

Then midway through, Seonghwa demands your attention again, and this time you watch the way his eyes light up the whole damn room when he shows you the way the little Lego letter fits into its little Lego mailbox. Not gonna lie, it was a very adorable detail. He yaps about it for a good seven minutes before he sinks back into his building block world. 

“Now here’s the million dollar question—pink or brown for the door?” He asks, loosely fitting both coloured doors after one another 

“Pink, obviously”, you pick. Seonghwa seems satisfied with your answer, and you swear you see the little musical notes float out of him when he fixes the door onto the house. 

A couple more minutes later, you glance over at the messy pieces of Lego strewn all over Seonghwa’s table, below his half-completed Animal Crossing cottage. 

He has his cheeks puffed out, and his eyebrows knitted together while he’s carefully scanning over the table. 

“Are you missing a piece?” You ask, setting your console on the bed. 

“Yeah, I think I am”, Seonghwa mutters, his index finger pointing over each piece on the table, in hopes of finding it. 

You take the instruction booklet from his hands, skimming through the pictures before you settle it down onto the desk, your eyes laser-focused onto the mess too. 

“Do you wanna come over to my side instead? Maybe you can spot it better from this view”, you suggest, which Seonghwa takes, so he shuffles over to the bed, and moves to sit right where you are—and now you’re on his lap, with his chest pressing right against your back as he towers over you, arms hugging you from behind. He continues to search for the missing Lego piece. 

You take part in the search too, the game completely forgotten by then. You realise it’s nice just having Seonghwa sitting close to you like this. Maybe this was what they meant by building Lego as “a couple activity”.

“Did you drop it or something?” You ask, shifting slightly to have a better view of the floor. You hear Seonghwa grunt behind you, but you pay no attention, focusing on finding the piece. 

Seonghwa swears he’s focused on looking for the missing piece too—he really wants to complete the set, but at the same time, he’s watching and feeling you move against him on top of the way he’s able to wrap his arms around you easily, smelling his scent on you—it’s not helping his case. He bites his bottom lip, trying to manage himself. 

Obviously, it does nothing, considering he’s having you in such close proximity, and every movement you’re brushing against him is starting to make him grow sensitive. 

His hand snakes down to your thighs, drawing circles, his other hand sifting through the endless pieces of Lego. 

He forces himself to concentrate, and it works for a split second, that is, until you absentmindedly shift his free arm on under your loose shirt, and he snaps. 

“If this is your way of breaking my concentration, you’re doing a good job”, you hear his deep voice ringing in your ears. He’s letting his hands roam all over your body hidden underneath your shirt, his fingers grazing against your nipples teasingly, and it draws gasps out of you. 

“Focus on finding the block, Park Seonghwa”, you tease, readjusting yourself, making sure you press against his growing erection underneath his loose shorts. 

It’s Seonghwa’s turn to draw a shaky breath every time your clothed ass comes into contact with his erection.

You pretend to ignore him, but you can’t ignore the way he’s massaging your tits, and you find yourself sighing and growing hotter through each passing moment. 

You think he’s finally giving you a break, but you’re proven wrong when his hands are sliding down the waistband of your shorts. 

“You’re not finding the block, Angel”, Seonghwa points out, and you pout at his words. Your hand slips under the large opening of his shorts and fuck—his erection is only growing thicker. 

You hear him groan behind you when you let your hands wander to stroke his cock through his underwear. So he retaliates with his finger sliding past your panties, cursing when he realises your pussy is growing wetter by the second.  

“We’re supposed to be looking for the Lego piece, Hwa”, you mutter, mind growing hazy as his fingers get drenched from your slick, circling your clit gently. 

“Mmhm. We are, baby. You’re just not focusing”, Seonghwa replies, his index and middle finger spreading your folds open letting his index finger find your clit more easily, and it’s driving you fucking crazy. 

Your legs push open automatically, your hands pausing stroking him off, well, not that Seonghwa minded. 

“That feels so good”, you sigh. Seonghwa’s other hand cups your jaw, and you turn to face him, feeling the way his hands slide down your throat while Seonghwa has your lips on his, eating up your whines and moans before letting you catch your breath.

“So fuckin wet for me, Angel. You like it that much?” He teases. 

“Mmhm, your fingers feel so good Hwa”, you nod, your grip around his arm tightening as the pleasure builds in your stomach every time his finger strokes against your clit. At this point, you can’t even pretend.  

His lips are pressed against your ear, his voice deep yet you sense traces of whining in his tone when he says, “Sit on my dick. I need you on my fucking dick now, Angel.” 

Of course, you comply, despite your legs trembling slightly, letting Seonghwa slip out of his bottoms. His arm is wrapped around your waist, pulling you impossibly close to him, his lips making a whole garden of bites down your neck before he has both his hands lift your hips. 

Seonghwa lines himself against your fluttering cunt and he pushes himself into your pussy hole, his moans of relief sending you into a spiral on top of his cock sinking into you. 

Fuck, he’s filling you up so fucking good. 

“Fuck. That’s it, babe. You’re so fucking good”, he groans when you squeeze against him. 

“Hwa, oh my fucking god, you’re so full in me”, you sob, trying to adjust to his length. 

“Do you think we can find the piece better like this?” He jokes while peppering kisses down your neck to distract himself so he doesn’t fucking just burst in you just yet. 

Even in your pleasured haze, you still manage to laugh while you try to keep your eyes open. 

“I think we can”, you reply with a giggle, before squealing when you feel him twitch in you. You shift forward slightly, feeling his cock shift in you, dragging along your walls, a small whine escaping past your lips. 

With the last of your sanity remaining, you glance over the desk one more time, biting your lip to stay grounded, obviously to no avail, especially not with Seonghwa and his little movement behind you. 

“I really think it’s-fuck-not here”, Seonghwa mutters behind you, forcing himself not to thrust into you, his fingers slithering down to your wet clit once more. 

“I’m pretty sure it d-dropped. We haven’t checked the floor yet-ngh-right?” you manage to ask.

“Mmmm nope”, Seonghwa responds, mesmerised at the way your slick growing thicker on your clit and on his cock as he continues to rub your clit. “I guess we can do that later ‘cause I really need to fuck your pussy right now, Angel.” 

He doesn’t give you much time to answer because you’re a complete goner when Seonghwa is making you bounce off his cock while he gets you off with his fingers. 

You’re trembling from the sheer pleasure, your vision slowly growing hazy, the knot tightening in your abdomen more quickly than you thought. 

“H-Hwa! Gonna cum-Oh fuckkkk”, you draw out, white clouding your vision. Your cunt flutters around his cock, dopamine shooting up your body while you completely let go on his cock as Seonghwa fucks you through your orgasm.

“Fuck, you’re such a good fucking girl. “That’s it. Be a good girl and cum on my dick like that, Angel”, Seonghwa groans into your ear, his gaze traveling down at the way your thick cream streaks down his cock when he pulls out. He shuts his eyes, sighing into the nape of your neck while he listens to the way your cunt is just so loud and wet for him while he fucks your cream out of you, thrusting his hips upwards. 

“God, your pussy feels so fucking perfect. Fuck. I’m gonna cum. Gonna fill you up so good baby”, he pants before his hips thrust and press against yours, filling you up with his warm and thick cum accompanied by his low groans. 

You feel Seonghwa’s hands run down your body, soothing you after emptying his fucking load into you before he slowly pulls out of your cum-filled pussy. 

“I’ll get you a towel, Angel”, Seonghwa tells you, pressing his lips on your temple before leaving the bed. 

He retrieves a spare towel from the bathroom and cleans you up, before releasing you to wash up in the bathroom. 

When you renter his room, Seonghwa is switching gazes between his half-completed set and the instruction manual. 

He looks up at you with a grin that’s making you feel uneasy. 

“Babe, turns out I wasn’t missing a piece—I already had it in all along!”

Taglist: @bro-atz @diamond-3 @mcarebearsstuff @choisansplushie @pre1ttyies @songmingisthighs @yeosangiess @mylovelymito @softwsan @yourlocaljonghoe @itza-meee @ywtf @jeon-ify @miss-fallon @bunnyluvr25 @eggyboy5 @hourswithoutyou @iwishiwasthemoontonight @yunhogrippers @watermelon2319 @vampiregirl215 @kibs-and-bits @s-h-y-a @luvt0kki @httpseungmxn @vic0921 @sanhwajoong @bitejoongie @no1likevie @woojirang @jjoongstar @yuyusgirl

[extrajigs]

New critters from Styraland! Wanted to branch out into some other beasts hanging out. Infodump on 'em below!

All of these are members of the same family characterized by having a beaked mouth placed between two tentacles. Same as the styraphants! They are pretty varied but I want to have more types of animals so tryna reign them in a little to leave room for others. 1. Donfin- A marine carnivore who occupies a similar niche to a dolphin, using tentacles lined with sharp spines to ensnare small swimming prey. 2. Scamper Crow- A tiny nocturnal hunter who uses their skinny lil tentacles to lure in bugs to crunch up in their oversized beak. 3. Sourface- Possessing a spiraled mouth, these guys like to stick their face into foliage and strip the vegetation bare. Quite fast at it! 4. Tigerbill- An ambush hunter, which I named cause stripes, their tentacles are greatly reduced to avoid them getting in the way of their sharp beak. Though they mainly like to stab with their chin. 5. Dainty- Their tentacles are fused and used to cutely pick seeds out of the leaf litter, the horns on their face are for jabbing each other. 6. Dellin- Another fully marine fella, they travel in large groups mostly along the surface. They can launch themselves out of the water if startled. They are easily startled.

That's the basic info for all of 'em! This is also a lil chart for how they all factor into relatedness in reference to styraphants and each other.

Aside from that I got the BUG POST in the works. Which I am very hype for.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I like the concept of American hybrid yokai, like a tanuki-raccoon or kit fox-kitsune or pine marten-kamitachi mix. As someone more familiar with east coast wildlife do you have any suggestions for “weird little beasts that torment the neighborhood at night”

So there is an actual running joke in the later part of AIEWAM that a Tanuki and a Raccoon are very much not the same thing (Tanuki are extremely closely related to foxes), and while one is a fun-loving guy with a penchant for alcohol and testicular humor, the other one is a sleeby shithead who will rob you at knife-point.

I am more familiar with western us animals bc I'm from CA and CO, but I have a broad idea of what lives back east. IDK enough about Japanese mythological critters to be able to match up things exactly, but I'd be stunned if there were not:

Hybrid animals like woppeltingers and jackalopes. Or messed up hares in general.

Pretty sure some Bakaneko lore maps directly onto cougar behavior

Tsukinoko REAL and it's a fat old diamondback rattler.

Does Japan have messed up horses? Everyone has a messed up horses. We should start a breeding program for The Worst Possible Horse. We can start with the Mustain't.

Kappa, but it's a beaver.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Animal Instinct

Warnings: noncon/dubcon, violence, and dark elements

My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Summary: Your love of animal attracts a new type of beast. 

Character: Kraven the Hunter

Dedicated to my dear @honeybee-reads

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

Barley is at your heels as you throw out a handful of peanuts into the grass. The squirrels scale down the trees and the crows plunge down to steal a few for themselves. Chipmunks pop up from their burrows and cluster around the next scatter you toss. There are a few brave enough to come up and claim a shell directly from your hand. 

You watch the critters for a while then grab the bag of seed to fill the feeder. You pour into the opening in the top of the house-shaped trough. A rush of feathers and tweets comes in response and you back up to watch the birds eat. 

Your life is simple. Quiet. And small. It’s just you, your dog, Barley, and whatever other creatures wander this far out. 

You sit on the steps and scratch Barley’s head. You’re startled as he pops up onto all fours and bounds across the yard. You call after him but he doesn’t respond. 

He stops, fixated on the brush. Even in the morning light, there are pockets of shadow nestled between the leaves and branches. You call him again, even whistle, but he just stands and stares. His ears are back, his tail low. There’s hardly a moment when he isn’t wagging incessantly. 

The hair on the back of your neck stands up. He’s never done that. Not even when that coyote showed up by the fire one night. He usually tries to play with anything he finds. 

You get up and look around. You grab the garden shove and slowly approach the brown labrador. His nose is sniffing, his head moving subtly, as he stares into the bushes. 

You peer out but don’t see much. There’s a waft of pine and dirt but nothing else. Your nose isn’t as strong as his. 

“Bar,” you touch his head and he flinches, stamping his feet, then spins and wiggles his butt happily as if he hadn’t noticed you. 

You scratch behind his ear and turn back, commanding him back to the house. He looks off again into the woods before he obeys. You walk together to the back porch. You notice then how the birds and squirrels and all have disappeared; the feeder is still full and some peanuts still litter the grass. 

As you go inside, you realize you still have the shovel in hand. You don’t know what you expected to ward off with it. You put it on the ledge of the kitchen window. You try to shake off the strange feeling gnawing at you. 

When you looked into the trees, you saw nothing, but you felt something. Like you were seen by whatever you could not spot. Barley pushes his cold nose into your palm. You stroke his nose as much to comfort yourself as him. 

You distract yourself with your usual chores. You feed Barley and yourself. You sit and eat at the table. Then you wash the dishes and put them away. You sweep up the dirt you tracked in then hunker down to read. 

You get through half a chapter before you grow restless. Barley’s tapping around the kitchen, no doubt looking for stray morsels. You go out to put the kettle on and let him into the back. You can see him through the back window. Besides he doesn’t go very far. 

You watch him pee and circle around the grass. You set the kettle on the burner but keep from turning it on. You look back to the window as Barley hurdles towards the trees barking. 

“Woah!” You race to the back door. 

You stagger out to catch him but he’s gone before you’re halfway to the trees. You stop before them, breathless. You shout for him, whistle for him. You plunge through the bushes only to be flung back. The hand on your throat sends you sprawling across the grass. 

You hit your ass and whimper as the pang in your tailbone tingles to your toes. You prop yourself up on your elbows and gape at the man standing before you. His dark hair is filthy, his beard and face too. He looks feral as his blue eyes glimmer at you and his fists ball tightly as he growls. 

He steps closer and you push yourself back with your heels and hands. You have no chance to wonder how he got there or why he’s there. He lunges on you and you cry out. 

“Ah, please,” you whine. 

His hand covers your mouth and he snarls again. You stare up at him, horrified as he straddles you between his knees. He tilts his head, his lip curling like predator before a feast. Shanks of his dusty brown hair fall forward and shadow his features. 

He reaches back and dislodges something from the back of his belt. He raises the knife with the hooked tip and you writhe as you clasp onto his wrist. He aims it at you and swings it down. He stops it just above your cheek and hushes you. 

You quiet and blink as your eyes gloss with terror. He pokes you lightly with the blade and peels his hand from your mouth. You lay paralysed on the grass, your body locked up with fear. He drags the blade along your jaw and throat. 

He bears his teeth as he trails down your chest and snags the top of your shirt. He cuts through the fabric, backing up as he rents it open to the hem. He comes to rest above your pelvis as your breaths turn shallow and rampant. 

He uses the knife to push aside the shorn fabric and his eyes drink in the sight of your torso. He slips the blade beneath the front of your bra and snaps it easily. You curl your fingers into the dirt, crushing strands of grass, as he bends over you. 

His nose touches yours and he growls again. He nuzzles you roughly then pinches your lower lip between his teeth. You quiver as he nipples on it then proceeds to drag his nose down your chin. He retraces the path along your throat and curls his shoulders as he gropes one side of your chest and wraps his lips around your nipple. 

Your cheeks wet as your fear spills over. He kneads your flesh, suckling and teething, snarling as the pressure plucks inside of you. He inhales, as if smelling you as much as tasting you. 

His hand crawls down your stomach as his other comes up to press the knife against your neck. You flatten yourself as much as you can. He picks at the laces of your drawstring pants. He tugs and rolls them down as he lifts himself on his knees. 

He shoves his hand between your thighs. You whimper but don’t resist. You’re too confused to do anything but let him. He swipes two fingers along the crease of your lips then delves between them. You squeak in surprise as he flicks over your clit. He swirls around it until you quake even harder. 

He sits back on his heels and watches himself place with you. He drags the knife down to trace lazily around your tits as he rubs between your folds. You slicken at his unwelcome touch. Shame speckles across your flesh. 

He pushes his hand further back and bends his fingers. He dips inside of you and you croak. You seal your lips and turn your face away. He slips in and out, as if exploring you, seeing how much he can do. 

He turns the knife in his hand and holds it flat over your stomach. He slowly pulls his fingers free and wipes your juices along your thigh. He bunches your pants at your knees and hooks his arm around your legs. He bends them as high as he can and lets them rest against his shoulder as he repositions himself. 

He leans on you as he unloops his arm from your legs. He reaches behind them and shifts on his knees. You close your eyes and dig your fingertips into the dirt. 

He growls again and he brings the swollen head of his dick along the back of your thigh. He brushes it up and down, smearing precum along your skin. He teases you with it until you’re whining and wriggling. 

He angles down and puts his tip against your thighs. Your legs part just enough for him to dip between. He uses his thump to push himself against your cunt. He stretches you around him, just an inch inside, and he takes a breath. He groans and brings his hand around to splay across your soft stomach. 

Your legs bend slightly, your feet just above his shoulder. You brace yourself and heave. You choke on your sobs as he forces your legs up even further. He snaps his hips and impales you in a single thrust. You shriek and arch your back, reaching to touch his hip. Ow. 

He snarls and does it again, lingering deep in you as he wiggles, testing your limit. You weep and latch onto the top of his slack pants. You shudder and dare to look at him, your lashes webbed with teardrops. 

“Please,” you beg. 

He ruts again and your voice evaporates. His eyes dilate, black almost to the rims, and he pounds into you with his long, punctuated strokes. Snap, snap, snap. Each thrust crushes you further into the dirt as he folds your legs higher and higher. 

You dig your nails into his forearm and bite your tongue. The pain is excruciating, but what’s worse, is that it doesn’t all hurt. As your body slowly awakens, responding to the rare touch, to his proximity, there’s worse than the physical invasion.  

There’s shame. There’s the awareness of everything single detail of your body and his. There’s the battle of pain and pleasure. Of you and him. And as you long for him to stop, you want just as badly for him to keep going. 

[skelizard]

COMMISSIONS: CLOSED!

G'day! I have a dumb fuckin' thing growin' inside of me (nothin' too scary, but I am gonna needa get surgery to remove it most likely). SO I am opening commissions!

Please note that my prices are in Australian Dollars (AUD), which means the prices are about 1/3rd cheaper for you USD/EUR peeps. Use a currency convertor to estimate the price in your currency.

I specialise in all sorts of monsters and creatures, animals, dinosaurs, anthros n furries, humanoids and body horror. I would love to draw your OCs and RPG characters, give me your cool beasts n critters! If you have any questions feel free to send me an Ask or an email.

🦎 If you are interested please visit my carrd for all the info and my Terms of Service. https://skelizard-coms.carrd.co/ 🦎

Alternatively, if you enjoy my art and want to support me but can't afford a commission, I have a tip jar at my Ko-Fi Page.

Any and all support including sharing this post or any of my art around in general is greatly appreciated. Thankyou in advance!

[critter-creature-or-beast]

Submitted for classification by @dumb-but-happy

"This is my cat. He will be gone in a few hours. I am crying because I don’t want to say goodbye to him"

[muqingfx]

can you write mu qing being nursed back to health against his wishes please. he would never admit it even if it meant dying (cough.. mt tonglu lava scene.. cough) so it's what he deserves

anon didnt specify for ships, so i did what any normal person would do. four of them. whether its platonic or romantic is totally up to you!

"Let. Me," Mu Qing struggles against Xie Lian's vice-like grip with gritted teeth "go." He swings his fist to land a blow on his friend's jaw in an attempt to break free, but his punch is deterred by yet another nuisance.

“Feng Xin,” Mu Qing hisses, vision still blurry. If it weren't for Xie Lian’s hold on him, Mu Qing would have shamefully collapsed head-first into the dirt.

“Mu Qing,” he hears Xie Lian say softly, “you just need some rest.”

“You don't get to strangle me!” Mu Qing retaliates, kicking and screaming like a child.

From beside him, he hears Feng Xin click his tongue. “We’re not fucking strangling you. And if you weren't so fucking difficult–”

“Just leave me alone!” Mu Qing finally manages to shove them both away. Are his eyes playing tricks on him again or is he swaying on his feet? “Why can't you just… let me be?” he catches himself asking before tumbling to the ground.

“Bloody rascal, how on earth did this happen?”

“I think they used a spell to weaken his body. His spiritual powers are still depleted–if might take a while for it to rise up again on it’s own, San Lang.”

“Then, what does gege suggest we do?”

Mu Qing winces when something wet presses against his abdomen. His eyes flutter open, yet all he sees is solid darkness.

“He’s waking up!” he hears Feng Xin say. “Mu Qing, can you hear me.”

Of course I can hear your, oaf, is what Mu Qing tries to say, but his voice catches at his throat.

A cold palm presses against his forehead and Mu Qing wants nothing more than to slap it off.

“He’s burning up.” Hua Cheng. The hand moves further down his face, fingertips brushing against his eyelids. There’s a brief moment of utter vulnerability, as if Mu Qing is giving up his soul for another. But then his vision clears, and he sees three very different expressions on familiar faces.

Xie Lian’s temple is creased, his mouth downturned as he stares at Mu Qing’s face. And upon glancing down, he sees Xie Lian’s hand squeezing his own. A face of unhidden concern; pity. Something dark brews inside as he processes that–being a damsel in distress, the General of the Southwest. Ridiculous.

Feng Xin is kneeling on the mat beside him, a damp cloth in his hand. His thick brows are furrowed as he scowls at Mu Qing. Strands of brunette hair fall over his face, his usually somewhat-neat bun now undone. He looks tired, annoyed. At Mu Qing. For what, wasting his time? For being so infirm and demanding attention? Nobody asked him to take care of Mu Qing, that imbecile.

And then there's the beast of a man, Hua Cheng. Hands folded across his chest, he looks as nonchalant as ever. His eyes sear into Mu Qing, bored and degrading.

Mu Qing feels the headache he had woken up with aggravate.

“Why am I being gawked at like some pathetic critter?” It comes out coarse and rough, his throat still aching and sore.

“Pathetic, indeed,” Hua Cheng sneers.

A knot tightens in his gut, the humiliation finally settling in. Gathering the strength to do so, Mu Qing lifts himself so his elbows support his weight. A sharp pain surges through him and both Xie Lian and Feng Xin scramble to grasp his arms, preventing the demeaning fall.

“Careful, Mu Qing,” Xie Lian chides. His fingers dig into Mu Qing’s skin–wait, where are his clothes?!

As if reading his mind, Feng Xin says, “Your clothes are ruined. Covered in fucking blood. We took it off so we could dress your wounds. Which are fucking bad, by the way.”

“Fuck you guys, that doesn't mean you can strip me of my robes. I’m not a doll.”

He feels Xie Lian’s hold on him weaken, a flicker of hurt passing through his eyes–did Mu Qing go too far?

“I don't mean–I… that's not. What I. You know. I’m–”

The bed dips on his right, and Mu Qing trails off. From his peripheral vision, he sees Hua Cheng taking off his own upper robe.

“If you're so uncomfortable,” he says casually, “you can put this on, general.” The ghost king drapes his red upper robe over Mu Qing’s shoulder, and his touch is so gentle, so tender, Mu Qing actually trembles.

“Cold?” he asks, right into Mu Qing’s ear. Mu Qing’s head tips forward to bypass Hua Cheng’s warm–how is it warm when he’s dead–breath. When he glances up, he locks eyes with Xie Lian, who pouts with his eyes wide like a deer’s.

“We’re not strangers.” his palms cup Mu Qing’s cheeks, and he finds himself leaning towards the touch. “We’re your friends.”

“Yeah, jackass. Stop pushing us away with every inch of your fucking life. It’s fucking annoying,” Feng Xin just has to add.

Mu Qing turns his head to glare, but Feng Xin smiles like a maniac instead of glaring right back. It’s fond and adoring and completely unlike him.

Hua Cheng scoffs from beside him. “It’s really not that hard to let yourself be spoiled, just for a little bit. You're too hard on yourself, Xuan Zhen.”

“Fucking hate to agree with Hua Cheng,” he hears Feng Xin mutter.

“Ugh…” Mu Qing hides his face with his hands, embarrassed. He’s sure he looks nothing less than a tomato.

Xie Lian’s chuckle fills the air and Mu Qing thinks that maybe this isn't so bad.

This is nice.

He might not want this again, or he definitely will want this again.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Bulbie

Debut: Pikmin

Pikmin 4 has a doggone good time being as doggy of a game as it can! I'm sure you are well aware by now of the new Funny Weird Dogs!

And I love these weird dogs! They are wonderful. I'm glad they are so important and beloved. But I would like to focus on a different dog, the very first Pikmin Dog, who we have known about since the very first game! Olimar's dog, Bulbie!

With this, I have shown you both official images of Bulbie that exist. I wish there were more! Bulbie is a dog even weirder than Oatchi and Moss, a whole different kind of critter that also happens to get called a dog. Isn't that great? These people have the concept of "dog", and so far we've only seen it used to refer to these funny bipeds! Olimar has no problem referring to both Bulbie and Moss as dogs, so I am led to believe that "dog" is more of a category of creature to these people, rather than a distinct species. Like how "mole" is a category of creature to us!

We know a precious little bit of Bulbie Lore. He is lazy, and able to sleep anywhere. He loves carrots. He farts a lot. That's about all we know. Awesome! Sure sounds like a Dog to me! And of course, Olimar loves Bulbie very much. Just like he loves his whole family! He is a Family Guy, complete with Funny Dog!

You may already know, or you may have noticed yourself, but Bulbie looks quite like a Bulborb. This is because Olimar named these creatures after Bulbie, due to their resemblance! It is also for this reason that they are members of the Grub-Dog Family. You see? Bulborb is just like a dog! While it is sweet of Olimar to name the species after Bulbie, it must also make his encounters with them even more disturbing. Not only is this a (comparatively) massive, hostile beast that could easily eat him whole, but it looks like his beloved little friend! That's like a nightmare! Especially with other, scarier Bulborb variants! I am happy to know that his Bulborb experiences do not affect his love for Bulbie one bit.

As much as I love and talk about invertebrates and funny fish, dogs have always been among my favorite animals, and always will be! They're an extremely conventional animal to love, and for very good reason. They're wonderful! And on this post about Weird Dogs, I would like to talk about how dogs are, in fact, weird in their own ways.

They're always sniffing with their wet noses, which they keep wet to smell even better. They love to lick, and lick to show love. And that love is such an important thing! Dogs are creatures of love! It is our love for dogs that shaped them into what they are today! It is what drove us to shape this single subspecies into countless distinct caricatures of its noble ancestors. All still members of the very same species! The amount of dog customization that has occurred is ridiculous. Need a better way to hunt badgers? Make a Long Dog. Yeah sure! Why not!

Obviously, most dachshund owners today aren't interested in hunting badgers. They are interested in having a Pet. And a Pet Dog is such a truly incredible thing! There are not many animals that should be kept in a house around humans, but then there is Dog, literally born to be among humans. Born to be loved, and born to love! If you don't think that's one of the most wonderful things ever then get outta here!

This is an animal that runs around and spins in circles because it sees an ape that it loves so much. An animal that ends up learning snippets of human language, because those are the snippets that make it happy. An animal that gleefully exposes its vulnerable underside, because it trusts a member of a different species to rub it in just the right way that feels so nice.

Even with the general consensus on dogs being pretty dang favorable, I feel that it's easy to take a lot of their behavior and history for granted, to see them as the "default animal", when they SO aren't. The default animal would be a parasitoid wasp, silly!

If I was not able to convince you that dogs are weird, then just look up canine transmissible venereal tumor, obviously using your own discretion, because there will be graphic photos. If you ask me, this one medical anomaly easily makes dogs a contender for one of the weirdest animals EVER! Bet you didn't know dogs could be contagious!

I like funny dog Bulbie

[lefaystrent]

Janus stumbles upon a tiny black kitten.

It's just sitting there, a tiny ball of adorable floof on the sidewalk edge. Janus glances around, as if someone will miraculously appear on the abandoned street to claim ownership. But he's in the mindscape, and honestly the street only goes in a square around Thomas's apartment building. There's only so much real estate you can fit into one man's head. At any rate, the other sides hardly venture out here. This kitten is totes fucked unless Janus does something.

"Oh I couldn't possibly," Janus demures at the narrator. "Besides, it's imaginary. I'm sure it'll be fine on its own."

"Mew," chirps the ball of floof and emerges out of its loafing position to waddle in Janus's direction.

Janus, lord of the lies and all things deception, evil mastermind extradonaire, feels his breath hitch.

Just look at the little paws.

"No!" Janus exclaims, shaking out of his cute-induced stupor. "The last pet I had was Sacagawea the hamster, and we all know what happened to her! Not that I care about teacup sized critters. Begone, little beast."

"Mew," another plaintive meow comes as the kitten reaches his ankles. It swats at him with its stubby claws, trying and failing to climb his pants leg.

"I am a gentleman of standards," Janus tells the cat seriously.

The puny kitten looks up at him imploringly with round-saucer like eyes.

Janus drops to the ground and coos, "Oh no, you're meeting all of my standards!"

The kitten starts up a punitive-engine of a purr as Janus scoops it up in his gloved hands. It chirps intermittently and Janus's ice-cold snake heart melts.

"I'm not keeping you," Janus promises fondly. "This doesn't go beyond a simple scratching. Do I make myself clear?"

"Meeew," the kitten squeaks and Janus nearly falls over himself to bring the kitten's face to his so he can rub their noses together.

The next day the sides are in the midst of filming a video with Thomas in his living room when Logan cuts himself off in the middle of citing his sources to say, "What was that noise?"

"Sorry, I ate burritos earlier," Remus apologizes, not appearing very apologetic.

"No, it sounded like–" Logan cuts himself off again as everyone hears the sound this time.

A muffled mewing.

All eyes fall on Janus in his corner. He stands there, seemingly unaffected, but upon closer inspection with eyeballs, one can see how stiff his posture is.

Patton peers closer with his balls of eyes. "Jan...is this that mewing trend all the kids are doing nowadays?"

"That is not what that means," Roman says, but he's mostly distracted with staring at Janus. "Wanna tell us something, Cat in the Hat?"

The deceitful side bristles. "I haven't the foggiest what you mean."

Janus's hat meows. More than that, there's something shuffling underneath.

Thomas's mouth is slightly agape as he asks, "Janus, did your hat just meow?"

"It did nothing of the sort."

"Kiddo, do you have a kitty cat under there or are you just happy to see us?"

"I– since when do you make jokes like that?"

"Jokes like what?" Patton blinks back.

Janus rolls his eyes and brushes imaginary lint off his imaginary shoulder. "Nevermind. Weren't we discussing Thomas's never-ending cycle of conundrums?"

"Yeeeah," Virgil drags the word out. "You can't just act like we all can't see your hat moving."

"Yes, and we all heard it meowing," Logan muses, ignoring Janus's automatic hissing of, "You heard nothing!"

"But why the hat?" Thomas ponders.

Logan nods, also curious, "Is this a coping mechanism after the loss of Sacagawea the hamster?"

"May she rest in peace, amen," Patton prays while Roman performs a Catholic cross over himself.

Thomas glances at all of them, "You guys know that I never actually owned a pet hamster, right?"

"Dude, too soon," Virgil chides him, and Thomas has the consideration to look abashed.

Janus crosses his arms to look cool. He doesn't. He keeps tipping his head this way and that to keep his hat from toppling over.

"This is a perfectly normal way for me to stand," Janus says.

Roman secretly slides Remus five bucks. Remus dives onto the floor and army crawls behind Janus. Somehow everyone but Janus sees it.

"By all means, do keep staring," Janus says, guarded and on edge and his rolls definitely tootsied. What.

Remus rises up behind him. Off comes the hat.

"Mew!"

"Oh my goodness, that's so precious!!" Patton squeals.

The kitten is belly flopped on top of Janus's head. It's so small that it almost gets lost in the hair, if not for the stark contrast against Janus's lighter color.

"Hey Virgil, it looks just like you!" Roman crows, earning himself a well deserved middle finger.

"Drat, you've uncovered my secret," Janus drones and gives Remus a withering look that promises they will exchange words later. Remus is too wrapped up in giving little chin scritches to the kitty to be bothered.

Thomas also inevitably succumbs to cuteness overload, but he does manage to ask why the heck Janus felt like he needed to keep the cat a secret.

"Because Thomas," Janus throws his arm out to make his cloak flare out. For the drama. Then he flourishes his hand towards the cat on his head. "You weren't ready to meet this new side of yourself, but I guess the cat is out of the bag."

"The cat was under a hat, to clarify."

"LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED YOU, LOGAN!"

"No one ever does, and yet that would solve over half of Thomas's problems."

"When you mean new side, does that mean...?" Thomas asks Janus, his voice filling with wonder. His eyes are getting that crazed glint in his eyes, like he's five seconds away from becoming a Florida Man meme. The background music ramps up into a crescendo at this new epiphany. Thomas knew there were more sides he hadn't met, but to think–!

"No, no, no," Logan says, waving his hands in an X motion. "This is a misunderstanding created from Janus's misleading statement. Don't do this–whatever it is you're doing. Stop it."

Virgil weighs in as well, "Hate to break it to you, but your most animal side is Janus."

"Does this mean Thomas is a furry?" Remus gasps.

"Yesss," Janus hisses out. Then he thinks about it. "I mean no. I mean– what?"

"So what's the baby's name?" Patton asks. He has come close too to join Remus in the giving of scratchies. A noble cause!

"It's a black cat, so why not Catman?" Roman offers. "I am the darkness. I am the night. I am...Catman!"

"Very original," Virgil praises, but it's just subtly sarcastic enough that Roman gives an heartfelt, "Thank you!"

"Can I pet?" Thomas asks, hand reaching out hopefully.

The sides grimace and wince.

"Oooh, yeah, about that..."

"Sorry, man."

"You can't actually..."

"Imaginary, remember?"

"Maybe if you think really hard and imagine touching fur..."

"Don't patronize him. Not with this."

"Yeah, kitty buisness is serious buisness."

"Are we ever going to return to the original topic?"

"Cats take priority. Don't you know that?"

"By what parameters? And by whom?"

"It's like when a cat falls asleep in your lap. By law, you cannot disturb it. On pain of death."

"A bit overdramatic, but not wrong. It's an actual thing."

"Achoo!"

"Bless you."

"Thank you!"

"Patton, why are you petting a cat when you know you're allergic?"

"You would think that imaginary cats wouldn't agitate allergies."

"Thomas has a really vivid imagination."

"Why does everything innocent sound dirty coming out of your mouth?"

"Speaking of mouths and coming–"

Thomas, Patton, and Roman all shove their hands over their ears and scream, "LA LA LA!"

With everyone distracted (as part of Janus's master plan), Janus uses the moment of ensuing chaos to skeddadle away.

They never do learn the kitty's name, but they do eventually discover a horde of cats in Janus's room at some point, but that's another story.