#i am Tired but also I am looking forward
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Presents? Finished and wrapped
Brigadeiros? Made and plated
Dog? Washed
Laundry? Done
I am now ready for Christmas to begin
#presents minus some art I gotta finish and also one lone package that is somewhere#seems like it will get here in time to be given for the season but unclear if in time for The Day#dog (and her bedding) is very important because she will be with us in the car for a few hours#also I am so bad at gift wrapping but in my defense nothing was a normal or easy shape lol#christmas#rambles#i am Tired but also I am looking forward#salt and light#also brigadeiros are a brazilian treat made with comdensed milk butter and chocolate powder#they're so good#i rolled mine in peppermint hehe
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We just wrapped on the next episode of Philosophy Tube!
There are more pics from the set on my Patreon, so go sign up to that!
#I am SO tired dog#I'm always tired after filming days#time for a special treat#cookies and a cup of tea#been looking forward to these cookies for AGES#also how good is this fit?#brian conway styling as per#nicki buglewicz did the makeup - banger job#philosophy tube#abigail thorn#philosophy chube#philosophy fukin tube baybeeeeee
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let's make trouble in the dream world, we'll hijack heaven with another memory now; i make the most of the turning tide, it just split what's left of the burning silence
#tw scopophobia#tw trypophobia#tw paranoia#he kinda looks like doug rattman here#this post was brought to you by some (supposedly nice) photos of me i know exist but i dont want to see.#because i do not believe in my image.#i'd love to make the straight forward complaint of “i am tired of feeling [x]” but it's not that simple when it's all you know#yeah yeah yeah hell on earth true but i know what will become of me if i give into expectation#this is why i break it down to science and observation. sometimes i find solace in the inevitable isolation (sometimes i dont)#“it's not endearing” it sure isn't. but i have a lot more to navigate than making it palatable for you.#and arent i doing what you ask? i dont understand if you have your qualms with this.#do you read this abysmally? dont you see the hope behind it? acknowledging the dark means noting the light too.#“forever” yes but also “always.”#/vaguepost /neu /nbh#anyways making this made me feel better. so feel comfort in the horror. hurrah. off to work.#soul eater#soul eater fanart#my art#franken stein#stein#soul eater stein
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I've been playing it very safe with the whole "they're both responsible" opinion for who screwed up where with Blitzo or Stolas. But now, I'm just gonna say it: I'm team Stolas.
And no, I'm not saying he's an innocent baby. In Full Moon he was just at fault for Blitzo with how things ended between them and they both obviously have their own trauma they need to work through. But as for Apology Tour, I am 100% on Stolas' side.
One of the main criticism I saw for Stolas was that he blind-sided Blitzo with his confession and then wouldn't let him come to terms with it before kicking him out. That's fair, but you can't use that same argument in Apology Tour. By this point his feelings are very clear and some time has past and now it's Blitzo who is letting his own issues and self-loathing get in the way of things.
And you know what? I saw so many fans get really passionate about the boundaries Stolas was pushing whenever he made uncomfortable inuendo's at Blitzo. Yet they've been pretty quiet about how Stolas tried to walk away multiple of times, told Blitzo to leave multiple times and even outright said her was uncomfortable with how he was talking to him. Just saying.
#Helluva Boss#Stolas Goetia#I don't want to tag anti because I am not anti#but I also feel the need to play it safe so:#Anti Blitzo#Except I'm not anti!#I just am more sympathetic towards Stolas#and look forward to Blitzo growing from this and sorting through his shit.#Stolitz#I think I'm just tired of the negative Stolas posts#about how awful he is#when this last episode was him literally wanting space#and Blitzo chasing after him.
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Idk man. Not a fan of the theory / headcanon about Moonpaw hearing the voice of the sibling she absorbed in utero. That gets a little too close to "fetuses have souls" for me to feel comfortable around and I seriously hope that's not what's gonna happen. Chimerism doesn't make you into two people. It's not conjoined twins. She's just one cat made with two sets of genes. We don't have to get too weird about how bodies just naturally turn out sometimes. Idk.
#(obviously this is just my opinion and you're free to ignore it. everyone is entitled to their own opinion)#maybe I'm also a little tired of uncommon physical conditions being used in weird ways in fiction#sometimes people just look or act a certain way and it doesn't make them psychic or whatever#i should honestly just block the moonpaw tag bc i am tired of people being weird about this cat#this isn't even getting into the incest jokes or the ''UMMM ACTUALLY she's not a real chimera'' posts which i am fuuuucking sick of#and I'm not even a person looking for moonpaw posts on purpose!! they just come up in blogs i look at or my for you tab#and I'm already so so so so tired#that said i am looking forward to drawing her later. i already have ideas for her shape and made a quick sketch to come back to someday#i might delete this post later so I don't have to think about this issue when i look at my blog. idk. I'm just venting#pigeon mews
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Not doing NaNoWriMo this year, but I did sign up for a shorter course on story planning. So hopefully that will be interesting, and possible to do alongside A Four-Dimensional Plot lol
Thinking about doing Loch's story since it needs the most development out of my "main" projects
Kinda also want to do it about the Time Loop story, but I think that's going to be more on the short side, so dedicating a month-long course to it feels like overkill. Either way I hope I can get to it because it is living rent free in my head at the moment lol
#decisions decisions#also I am Tired lol#been busy and then been having meds adjustments because the pharmacy didn't get them in in time smh#but also#looking forward to hopefully writing a lot this month#fingers crossed#scribe rambles#housekeeping
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....almost done, its almost over. i just have to keep surviving. push through. one more day and then i can rest for a day. then four and then ill have an actual weekend. you can totally do this me. yeah. yep. mandatory overtime is a bitch but your gonna crush it like you always do and have a super thick paycheck. you're gonna get it done.
#ready to either nap for an entire week or have a joint#not that i smoke anymore but its the feeling of literally being at my wits end#6 days. we are mandated 6 day weeks because of the dumb prime week 2.0#not complaining!!!!! but also am slightly complaining#shouting into the void#i need to just rest for a long long time#and i will!! just... got to push through for a little A LITTLE bit longer#i got audiobooks and music and fanfic to keep me company and the shifts easier but im just not sleeping well#bought some cds on target because of their buy 2 get one free sale on music last week. to treat myself because i need to honestly look#forward to something to push through for#im gonna call my dad tomorrow afternoon because holy crap i miss him. i feel like this week has been a million years#i just am pushing through#“surviving” is what i say to people when they ask me how i am#its true#im just doing my best but am going a little mental with it because im exhausted low key#not trying to vent but i am just tired#anyway yeah#for myself
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I got a job as a bookseller!!!
#nat talks#listen. it's not the dream bc I've already worked in a bookstore and it's actually terrible at times#but I only really worked during holidays and people were just so rude#BUT I do have higher hopes for this location#also I tentatively know two people who work there so it will be fun!#it's a sub role and a little unclear if I'll only work during christmas and the book sale in feb or more#it depends on if the people who are on sick leave will return and when#but I can keep freelancing and apply for corporate jobs I want in the meantime#at the very least I can work during december either way and if I end up finding something else maybe I can work weekends during the booksal#so to not let them down too much#I honestly am just looking forward to getting out of the house and meeting people and working with my body more#because my mind is very fried#I have a short shift tomorrow to train#then I'll see when I'll officially start but it will probably be soon!#I've had a very busy few days so I wish I had said I could do my training shift next week#bc they gave the option of this wednesday or next#but I didn't want to turn it into a “thing” by letting too much time pass bc I might get anxious about it#but now I wish I had lmao I'm tired#also forgot I was gonna be home alone with the dog tomorrow#had been looking forward to it tbh#oh wellll#work stuff
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Intentionally fucked up my hormone schedule (put off my shot for a few days bc of travel reasons) and my body is so blehhhh. I feel drained. My life force has been extracted.
#conepost#I'll be taking my next one either tomorrow night or Thursday morning so i need to survive that long#i didnt think i would feel it that much after only a few days but good god#i am also a little irritated bc this was an avoidable thing if i had simply known the date and time we were leaving in advance#but alas#i got a weird moment of period pain type cramping earlier and if my period comes back after a literal year of absence i will kill it#nothing so far but I feel tired this week due to iilt#actually looking forward to doing my next shot
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thanks for tagging me, @novaae!! I haven't done one of these in awhile lol
Last song: Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY (Bones) by Will Wood and The Tapeworms
Last Book: The Auctioneer by Joan Samson
Last Movie: Frailty
Last TV Show: Abbot Elementary
Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet, but I am a known spicy enjoyer as well
Relationship status: single
Last thing I googled: Types of sheer fabric
Current obsession(s): I don't think I have anything I could classify as an obsession at the moment
Looking Forward : this semester is almost over! I am excited to share my poetry project with my class and then to just chill for a couple months before the next semester starts lol
Tagging: @pendragonshoard @nomisupernova @geode-to-joy and @ramaque
#tag game#thanks for tagging me :)#kinda wish I felt obsession for anything honestly#anyway I am so tired I am ready for school to be done for awhile#oh I am also looking forward to hearing back from the shortplay people on if they are going to pick one of mine#hopefully they do that would be cool
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Tired. Sad. My head hurts. Stressed??? No time to really relax at all. And my country about to be taken over by the literal devil and there is no counting on anything after that.
#cant even book a therapy appointment#i will self medicate instead 😔#all i asked for for christmas was top surgery stuff#cause i thought that might be soon#but it likely wont be until summer at least#so this is just going to suck really#i am#so goddamn sad#and on top of that its the anniversary of the biggest betrayal in my life#how do you pin down when the betrayal happened if it was a sustained lie#is it when the lie started when they shouldve told me or when i actually found out?#idk#i bought myself a really nice gift though that im really looking forward to#its a drawing tablet with a screen. no computer plugin necessary#ive wanted this for over a decade#so its nice that i finally get to have it#i hope it will get me to start drawing more again#i also still have some good bonuses for this month and the next month#its giving me a lot of hope for my surgery fund#im still so tired though#i just need to get through these next stupid weeks#and then things will start to be okay again i hope#i really really hope#sorry for posting this on my sideblog i dont want my main blog moots to see this and get worried
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save me.
#ok wait real quick. im really too tired. the first thing i typed was '2b' which. is not what i want to talk about. im out of everythingg#ok so i got back at. 1.40 am last night. sure.#but. ive got my shift today starting at 12.30pm. aka i gotta be ready at 12.#which means i shouldve started lunch at 11.30. but since i got back so late this is also when i just finished my breakfast.#aka my tummy full i cant eat lunch.#erm.#so im hoping that this wont cause problems =w=bb#sillyposting#anyway thats not my main trouble today.#ive got. almost 5 hours of kids waiting for me.#theres a saint nik performance today. twice.#ohohoooo.....#at least the woman im working with is nicey =w=b plus she also worked last nights shift so were in the same boatt. erm.#anyway even THAT. would be fine.#except.#my old boss invited me to a going-away party. and i dont fucking want to go.#itll be god knows how long masking. itll be holding back tears bc i am bad with separations. just. everything im imagining it will be is ba#oh.#yk this is the exact same thing i had when i had a bbq with them. imagining itll all be bad and it being. actually okay.#TBF. that was because gay things were happening.#fuck i still cant believe i fumbled that chance noo.......#its fine.#but yeagh. not looking forward to today.#its not like im already stressed about everything school or summ :)#how do people LIVE. i fucking cant.
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Survived the small children with no tears (from them or me) 🥲🥳
#I’m so tired#I am looking forward to my older kids on Monday#even if I’m going to have to physically sprint from work#also it looks like I’ve lost 3 from last year :(#personal
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lmao talking about zamasian on my dw and i had to stop linking things cos there's just SO MUCH SDFJH'DG it doesn't even feel like red string board tinhatting any more!! IT'S JUST RIGHT THERE!!!
#quail cheeping#zamasian#we're living in a utopia of rpf right now and i am LIVING FOR IT#anyway i'm also collecting textposts cos i have An Idea#i know i chatted a lot about my writing schedule for the rest of the year in that anon reply but gifs/edits etc.#take a different side of my brain so they're an easier creative outlet for me when i'm too tired to write :3#there's also another set of softer world edits i'm gonna do too!#so please look forward to it ehehe
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they rly said bi rights for sherlock holmes in elementary
#fandom related#elementary#to quote he said 'I myself have not [had boyfriends]. Perhaps I just haven't met the right guy'#the characters and the relationships they hv on this show are 👌👌👌👌#im rewatching and am currently at s4 and haven't seen the following seasons yet so i am v excited#my exam is in less than a week and it's 11 pm rn and i gotta get up early tmr lol but i was so looking forward to seeing fiona <3#also i gotta catch up on malevolent. i told a friend abt it today and maybe they'll start the podcast :3#nnngghh i gotta go to bed. eepy tired
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I dunno I’m trying very hard to not be a sad shithead online but it’s getting increasingly difficult
#it’s like I have this really vicious creature in me that wants to tear down everything it sees and drag it to hell#that’s how sad and stressed out I am#there is also the Nothingness that is the most prevalent#you know the first time I heard a stranger actually say to my face that they believed in me I almost broke down then and there?#was around the time I was first starting at my first job#had to fuckin excuse myself to the bathroom as soon as I had the chance so I could fuckin collect myself#even then I was Fucked Up the rest of the day#first time in a long time that I actually felt like a real life person to any degree#and now that’s withered and gone and I’ve returned to blissful nonexistence#at least the torment will be over eventually though. looking forward to that day. I’m so tired#feel like I’ve lived a hundred years. can’t believe there’s more Existence I have to slog through.#I’ll try to do what good I can while I twiddle my damn thumbs and wait for the timer to tick down though.#personal
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