#but yeagh. not looking forward to today.

[autism-corner]

save me.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

One more dsmp Emotion that I've remembered today: The old concept of Puffy and Schlatt being siblings and forgive me for kind of. Brain-word-dumping in your ask box I'm going down my rabbit hole of dsmp emotions once again and when that happens This happens.

Schlatt being Puffy's idiot little brother that she heard was sowing some shit and came to L'/Manburg to knock some sense into in the way only a sibling can. And she shows up after the war and hops off her ship and walks up to the town and goes jeez. Did my brother do that.

And then she walks by the people who are recovering from whatever battle just happened and she's looking around and he's not there. And he's not there. And he's not there.

And like. She was kind of looking forward to seeing him again!! They left off on bad terms last time they saw each other. They were so close as kids, and then he started neglecting his health and she started berating him for it and they got into this huge argument. And maybe she just wants to pick him up so she can rekindle their relationship. She misses him. He's her little brother.

But he's not there. And he VERY MUCH SHOULD BE, considering how public the L'/Manburg elections were and how publicly he won them. That's the whole reason she showed up.

So she checks in with someone. Hey, she's here to pick up her dipshit brother Jschlatt, did he make this crater? She's so sorry about the mess he caused and she'll be taking him out of your hair for a bit. And they go wait. Go back. Your brother Jschlatt?

And she goes yeah of course do you have any other sheep in the area? In that light jovial tone that she has. Something awful happened here. She's trying to lighten the mood. She can't. She can't, because the next thing that the other person says is--

He's dead. He died earlier today.

And all Puffy can say is. Fuck. She was just a little bit too late. She was just a few hours late to talk to her little brother again for the first time in what I imagine to be years. She was too late, and now he'll never be here again.

[She avoids Glatt, on the rare occurrences when he's around. He doesn't remember her. It hurts that her brother's face can't recognize her.]

[She chooses not to think about what the fact that he can't remember her means.]

SORRY FOR THE LATE ANSWER. THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY BTW. I HAVE BEEN ROTATING IT IN MY BRAIN FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS. OH MY GOD. dude u don't even know how crazy stupid i'm going over this oh my goddddddd. yeagh. oh i'm a sucker for strained sibling relationships. absolutely devastating every time i am actively sobbing as we speak

[notwhoiwanttobeyet]

first day of school, 2021

keep scrolling, this is just a mental note for future reference! hope you’re havin a good day tho!! :) 

i’m the only girl in my animation class and at first i thought these boys were fine but there’s these three jackasses that were talking so loud no one could hear our teacher. she’d already asked them to be quiet multiple times but they didn’t give a shit, which honestly isn’t fair on any of us that wanted to learn and pass the class. she said we don’t have to catch up for homework but i got pretty much no work done thanks to those dipshits so i’ll do it all over the weekend. anyway, as kid who answers all the questions and completes extension work ™️, i always tell people to ‘shhh’ - it’s like my superpower in a way. and they listen because they can tell i’m mad, which isn’t like me cause i repress all emotion and am just the quiet serious depressed kid ™️ most of the time. so i get so pissed i shhhh these boys, not even making eye contact because they don’t deserve any of my attention - then harvey turned looked over his shoulder to face me, silently signalling it was a bad idea. hamish had the AUDACITY to say “what’s up, bitch.” i gave them a look™️ - everyone watched and heard and a bunch of them laughed and i was super uncomfortable for the rest of the lesson and had an anxiety attack which went through into next period. it wasn’t that bad thankfully, but i was really jumpy and fidgety and freaking out. 

after school we had a picnic and CALLUM came and it was great. there was this pretty girl smoking staring and me and it was h o t 😳but i left to go buy some food and shit and when i came back she was gone : ( also i turned around and these girls looked like they were about to kiss like girl a was holding girl b’s face and everything but girl a saw me staring and they ran off holding hands. i’m pretty sure i looked like i was being homophobic like i’m so sorry, i wasn’t gonna watch them kiss i just turned around at the wrong time and ahh- i’m gay too man ! 

anyway this gang of like 7/8th graders came towards us - we were literally having a PICNIC, MINDING OUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS and this blonde little bitch comes over and says “can i join? what is this-” he laughed, “like a-” and he made a weird face which basically meant we were losers. i’m not surprised but i was ready to get into a fight. forget being the quiet kid™️, i was fucking ready. then he has the actually, again, AUDACITY, to say to callum- “are you in mean girls?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” callum said sassily (we love & respect)

“that you’re like-”

“like what?” 

“an actor?”

bullshit. callum and i both knew he was calling him gay, which he is and so am i so obviously i’m not being homophobic but i still find it offensive when people categorise people and use lgbt+ labels as insults. his buddies started to come over. they thought they were such gangsters with those fucking ugly ass mullets. i’m sorry, only gay girls can pull a mullet off ! i’m just sayin ! 

then him and his friends tried taking food from jodhi (my other friend) and were stepping on our bags with our COMPUTERS in them and i was fucking pissed so after they said “can i have some?” for the 50th time when jodhi had responded no - all of my friends were uncomfortable - i stood up.

“she said no.” 

he continued going on and on.

“she said no.”

consent is always important in every situation, what can i say. then i stepped forward, pushing him and his buddies further away from my friends - not physically but it forced them to back off. 

“look- you’re not intimidating. you’re not intimidating. we don’t want you here. just leave.” they started calling as rude and whining, pretending to cry almost. i rolled my eyes, my voice sharp, loud and clear. 

“just leave.” callum backed me up and after they whined a bit about how mean we were and shit they left, ran off laughing. dipshits. i’m proud of the way i acted, i wish i would’ve done more. 

but actually today was amazing. classes were all good. i’ve been up since 5am. i made a salad roll for breakfast and everything went mostly smoothly. chloe and i also talked about being gay and about her girlfriend which was so cool. i like actually talking about being gay with people. the few gay friends i have have all been fully out to everyone since they were like 13 so they’ve all got girlfriends/boyfriends and i’m just the sad gay who cries because i’m lonely ;^; but it’s fine : ,  )

a n y wa y ,,,,, yeagh,. that’d the unusual tea of the day *sipppp*

also had an anxiety attack at the same supermarket as always - like it never goes smoothly, i had to get chloe to put the fucking money in the self serve machine because i couldn’t get it in, it was too crinkled and i was sshaking wanting to get out of there SO bad and the employee was like “you right there? is it not going in?” so naturally i was like “no, no it isn’t?” and my voice was shaky and everything and he just laughs - not like with me - but at me. which helps. a l ot . and then he walked off- the FucK. but chloe helped me tHanK fuCk. jesus.

also omg eloise has this shirtless harry styles sticker on her laptop and chloe and i were laughing at them to ourselves the entire lesson because every time we looked up we just saw this man and we’re gay so it’s like aqhgbiui3qwhigo23 lmao  

yeeah

i’ll actually journal this later ^^

boiii