#i will self medicate instead 😔

[rvbrestoration]

Tired. Sad. My head hurts. Stressed??? No time to really relax at all. And my country about to be taken over by the literal devil and there is no counting on anything after that.

[soaringthroughthegalaxy]

For soft/fluffy/comforting prompt ideas, could you do something with Crosshair and his lady, like she's been struggling with high blood pressure and associated symptoms (headaches especially during stressful moments, pounding heart, short of breath) and she's supposed to be taking it easy while they wait for the medications to come in? Just him being sweet and soft and concerned?

Thank you so much for the request, anon. I hope this hits the spot. Writing Soft!Cross is always a good time.

I’m sending you all my love if you're struggling with this. I fell down a little research rabbit hole, and it doesn’t sound fun at all 😔

Equilibrium

When your body betrays you, there’s no one else in the galaxy you’d rather have at your side.

Pairing: Crosshair x f!reader

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: reader struggles with high blood pressure and the associated symptoms, Soft!Cross, established relationship, kisses, care and comfort, fluffy sweetness, some playful banter, Cross has some minor negative self-thoughts but we chase those away.

“And another one, kitten.” The slow slink of Crosshair’s voice offered you reassurance, slender fingers drawing soft circles on your thighs as you followed his instructions and took another deep breath.

It was Zhellday night, and you’d been getting ready to head out when the dizziness had started. You’d made it to the edge of the bed, calling out for him as you sat down before you’d had to shut your eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the planet from spinning. The shortness of breath quickly followed, your chest feeling like it was trapped in a vice as your heart pounded. You hated that the most – feeling like you couldn’t breathe.

It broke Crosshair’s heart whenever you went through this. You were so strong and had made it through so much in life, and yet it was your own body that caused you the most grief. “That’s it. You’re doing so well.” He soothed.

“I hate this.” You whine, fingers gripping the bedsheets for dear life as you will away the discomfort.

What he would give to take it away from you or to at least be able to warn you when it was about to happen. Instead, all he could do was watch as the woman he loved the most battled with her own body and be on hand with medication and comfort. His brows furrowed, lips pressing into a line. “I know, I know.” He muttered, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze.

“We’re gonna be late for dinner.” You sigh, frustration bubbling under the surface. Ever since you and Crosshair got your little place in Lower Pabu, you’d visit his siblings for dinner and games night every Zhellday. It was the highlight of your week.

“We don’t need to go,” Crosshair states, though he knows you’ll protest. You should be taking it easy until the doctor at the island’s clinic can determine the underlying cause of your high blood pressure. Although he bit his tongue whenever it came up, Crosshair couldn’t help but wonder if it was from the years of stress – of keeping him and his brothers alive during the war.

You knew you should be resting, but the thought of missing out on life was frustrating. You’d already lost so many years to the war, and for a while, you’d also thought you’d lost Crosshair. But now you could live normally, back with the man you loved. “I want to go.” You state firmly, eyes still closed as you focus on your breathing.

“Stubborn.” Amusement curled around the word, and Crosshair couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at his lips.

Letting out a small huff at the gentle teasing, your heart wasn’t just pounding now from your condition. It didn’t take much for the magnetic force of a man crouching in front of you to make your heart race – and his teasing had always hit the spot. “Pot meet kettle.”

The low rumble of Crosshair’s laugh filled the room, and your chest no longer felt so tight, breaths coming easier as the medication he’d brought you started to work its magic. Slowly, you opened your eyes, Crosshair’s hawkish gaze locked on you.

The splitting pain in your head had you screwing them shut again quickly, dragging in a quick breath as a noise of discomfort slipped from your lips. Everything had been blurry around the edges, which hadn’t helped the dizziness. “Nope. Not good.” You mumble, sighing in frustration.

“You wound me,” Crosshair replied playfully, knowing full well you hadn’t been talking about him, but he’d take some self-deprecation if it made you laugh.

He was dutifully rewarded. The soft sound of your laughter replaced his in the air, and he soaked up the sound like a dying man in the sands of Tatooine. He’d gone without it a whole year, trapped in the Empire’s clutches. He never wanted to be without it - or you - again.

“You’re still the most handsome man I know.” You insist as your laughter subsides, reaching out blindly to cup his face with one of your hands, smoothing your fingers over the angles of his face. In the four months since you’d rescued him from Mount Tantiss – along with Omega and, surprisingly, Tech - he’d started to gain back a little weight. He was still somewhat gaunt, though, cheeks hollow, but you were both taking it day by day. It was all you could do.

Taking one of your hands with his own, Crosshair lifts it, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it, lips lingering for a moment against your delicate skin. As lovely as your compliments were, he was still uncomfortable accepting them, refusing to believe them regardless of how often you said them.

Gentle fingers sought out your wrist, and more circles were rubbed against your pulse point to offer comfort and as a way for Crosshair to monitor your heart rate. It was still too high for his liking.

Pushing up onto his feet, he moved to lay down on the bed, pulling you down next to him. As much as he loved his brothers and sister – their relationship starting to return to how it had been before Order 66 – there was no question in his mind that you came first. He didn’t care if you were both late. His siblings would understand.

Shifting position, you rest your head against Crosshair’s shoulder, hand pressed to his chest, using his heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his chest to help anchor you. With his arm wrapped around you, holding you close, his fingers brush against your back in light patterns.

You could feel the meds starting to kick in, the dizziness and headache abating as you rested against your love. Still, you kept your eyes shut.

In the comfortable silence, Crosshair could only watch you rest against him, a smile tugging at his lips. Lifting his free hand, he stroked across your cheek, thumb brushing over the little pout of your lips. As you lean into his touch, warmth coils through him.

His gaze lingers on your face, tracing the delicate lines that tell stories of laughter and tears. The weight of the past had not broken you; instead, it had moulded you into someone he admired more with each passing day. “We’ll go when you’re ready.” He murmured, his voice a gentle promise. “No rush.” Crosshair’s fingers continued offering physical reassurance.

“Thank you.” You whisper, grateful for his care. When you’d joined the boys at the start of the war as their liaison with Command, you hadn’t expected to fall so quickly for the snarky sniper.

He hadn’t expected to fall for you, either.

Snuggling a little closer, you let out a slow exhale. “You’re too good to me.”

“I try to be, love,” Crosshair answers quietly, an ache in his chest at your words. Taking care of you was the least he could do after everything that had happened – the heartbreak on your face as he’d levelled his rifle at you as you’d fled Kamino with his brothers would forever haunt him, as would your tears when he’d opted to stay on that blasted platform after Tipoca City had fallen.

Yet you’d still rescued him from Mount Tantiss, careful hands undoing the bindings that had held him down for far too long, concern on your beautiful face as you’d helped him back to the Marauder and to safety.

He didn’t deserve you, no matter how often you told him he was wrong to think that.

“And you succeed.” You reassure him, wanting to pull his mind from any spiralling thoughts. He’d been getting better over the last few months, snippets of his old self shining through, but you knew the marks from his time with the Empire would never entirely be gone.

As your head feels less like it will split apart, you crack open your eyes a sliver, just enough to see Crosshair gazing down at you, the adoration on his face almost stealing your breath. “Hi.” You whisper, pleased that he’s no longer blurry and the planet has stopped spinning.

“Hi yourself.” He replies, lips pressing to your forehead in a gentle kiss.

Humming happily at the contact, you find his gaze again in the semi-darkness of the room. “I think I’m okay now. We should head out.” You decide. There’s a lingering uncomfortableness – you still feel a little off-kilter – but it’s much better than before, and you know it’ll pass soon. Besides, you’ll always find your equilibrium with Crosshair at your side.

Crosshair’s eyes narrow slightly. He doesn’t quite believe you but won’t outwardly call you out on it. “Another few minutes.” He decides, arms tightening around you.

“Cross…” You protest, trying to wiggle away, a smile tugging at your lips, mirrored by his own.

“Shush.” He admonishes playfully, rolling onto his side so he can drag you closer, tucking you against his chest and under his chin.

You can’t help but laugh, your body shaking a little as you burrow closer to him. You can’t deny that it feels cosy and safe. Content, you don’t argue it.

Crosshair’s small smile turns to a grin as he realises he’s won. “There’s my girl.”  

[louisferrignojr]

i cant watch the tsunami eps 😭 ive only watched it once and then skipped one or both eps on the 2nd rewatch. it was so stressful!!!! i knew christopher was gonna be ok - the joys of watching the whole show years after the air dates - but it was still so fucking stressful!

however in revisiting the source material (3x01):

i literally *just* realised bobby was lying through his teeth telling buck that "chief alonso" and "the department" are concerned about "liability issues" - not that he was wrong to be worried because buck was cleared and recertified and then he coughed up blood and passed out and what he said that the doctors don't know what's causing the clots + buck being on blood thinners = yeah, you shouldn't be putting yourself in risky situations. which. is the whole job.

and i also just realised buck quit because bobby said he would only ever be cleared for light duty. i honestly thought buck was wrong to quit instead of waiting until his health issues got sorted. even if it had already been 5 months since has was on medical leave. see aforementioned coughing up blood and passing out. but bobby wanting to bench him FOREVER? because of *his* own personal issues? real "i made a mistake so im putting my kid under lock and key so they dont make the mistake" energy of overprotective parents.

and you know what you could do if you believe your subordinate and/or "son" is putting too much focus on his job and not enough on outside-of-work life? send him to ✨ counselling ✨ (hey, he has the authority to issue department mandated therapy like he did for eddie in s5, no?) go learn all about work life balance, buck. so. big L for bobby, tbh. maybe he should go to some self-mandated counselling too, huh?

AND THEN. BUCK SURVIVES A WHOLE ASS TSUNAMI. SAVES HIMSELF + KEEPS CHRISTOPHER SAFE (before the second wave hits iirc?) + SAVES A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE. and bobby sees all that and still doesn't budge? like. he's clearly alright.

speaking of people too lost in their own issues to sympathise with buck who's going through a fucking rough period: *side eyes eddie* (even though dragging buck out of bed and sending him off with christopher is one of the most genius moves. need me a freak like that when im in the depression pit 😔) (but then saying "[christopher] never feels sorry for himself" eddie im gonna bonk you on the head with a newspaper)

i don't understand how i missed a lot of these little details. i feel like i definitely sympathise with buck a lot more now. he was basically told that his options are desk duty or nothing? instead of "desk duty until you are cleared by the doctors" which is obviously necessary for new symptoms. and the fact that someone he trusts so much was responsible for the fact that he lost his job. that would have hurt.

[elle4228]

Look how cute he is; anyway, I've got a Kylo Ren x reader fic I'm working on that I wrote the first chapter for in December and then got super busy. But! I'm back now and chapter 2 should be done by tomorrow. I have massive, very self-indulgent plans for this fic🤞

That being said a little bit about it under the cut.

• Reader is from Earth and chose to join a First Order doctor she helped who had crash landed.

• She decided to leave her life behind mainly to get away from a crazy ex-boyfriend who wouldn't leave her alone, but also because she wanted that experience for herself (who wouldn't??)

• Either way, she ends up working under this doctor for 3 years before the story takes place. Puts reader in her mid-20s or so.

• Cliche, I'm sure you know where this is going, she's tasked with helping Kylo after Rey rocks his shit in TFA.

• Reader pulls no punches; I pull no punches. She's bitchy, she's cunty, she's delusional, she's dramatic, and she's a major man hater because what's the point of fanfiction if it's not self-indulgent?

• Best friends with Hux, she waltzes in unannounced to complain or gossip or talk about Taylor Swift (love of my life😔😔)

• Hux will 100% be a Swifty

• He thinks Reader is annoying at first but they end up 🤞 and he starts talking to her too

• I'm gonna give him a cute little boyfriend that Reader instigates

• On that note Bisexual!Reader

• Slowest slow burn EVER it will be agonizing but don't worry I'll add all the little scenes that everyone eats up in a slow burn, the tension will be unmatched

• Kylo? mean at first, for sure, but so is the reader. He'll warm up to her, start asking questions when she won't shut up instead of telling her to be quiet and do her job

• His puppy dog eyes will be entirely unreasonable but who doesn't love a tortured soul

• Reader will eventually be assigned as his personal medic and will go on missions with him which leads to a lot of chapters based around planet exploration, I have a LOT of ideas for that

• Might get raunchy, might get philosophical, maybe a little personal idk I just went through a breakup and had just been through a different breakup when I planned this fic and both guys were EVIL‼️‼️ beware Reader will be working through it and so will I

• on that note self indulgent Protective!Kylo 🤭

• Reader's mother is wonderful, ride or die bitch

• Reader's father is mostly absent

• Expect lots of cute scenes, character development, and angst because I LOVE angst.

• You thought the planet exploration would be safe? 😬 you would be wrong

• It'll verrrry loosely follow TLJ and will be a spread-out timeframe

• Jealous!Reader who is crazy and out of pocket but only because I am

I'll be posting on AO3, you can read it here if you're interested!

[oschonseleven]

uhhh weight/body image/sex/gender talk below the cut, it's a lil rough in places so don't feel obliged to look 💖

one thing I've not been feeling great about lately is my weight 😞

normally I can kinda bullshit my way through it and be like 'idc the world can kiss my fat ass' but looking at myself in the salon mirror last week really made me feel so self conscious and wonder wtf is going on with me

like the shape of me is all wrong and I feel like a massive lump that needs to just be shut away from public view, no matter how much I try to dress myself up :( (also the beard, god if I were thin I would probably be letting it grow out and binding and being more visibly trans but instead I just look Weird and discordant in a way I personally do not enjoy!!)

and it's not a 'ohh you're not that fat' situation- I know I am; medically, I know it's a problem. It feels different but the doctors all tell me I'm fine so it must be my fault somehow and I should just take the wegovy and get off their case already. The irony being I actually get a lot more regular exercise than I ever used to, even if it's not enough.

maybe it is just the stress from this year, my sleep is all fucked up bc of the cats and the on-off all the time with my adhd meds is probably screwing with my metabolism, that and I quit smoking so the times I'd go out for a cig to cope with Everything I've probably replaced with food again 😔

also, tmi, but I haven't had sex in like, 10 years :') any interest in romantic advances has completely dwindled and I used to be the horniest little shit even on my own time. In part, it's due to pain. The whole mechanism just hurts half the time or it's blunted now. But I'm also so unattractive to myself I can't fathom anyone else wanting to even touch me in passing. And that sucks. Like it's genuinely kind of fucked up to me how apathetic I am about it bc I never used to be.

idk man, I think I'm just kind of accutely aware that I don't actually have that much time to fix this before I'm gonna have real problems in the next 10+ years and I worry that I'm either gonna be in the same rut I am rn or that I won't be able to take care of mum when she needs me :(

I feel like I've wasted a lot of time and I'm annoyed with myself but also afraid of what I have to do to turn it around. I've done it before, yes, but I'm older and much more worn out

[thegreymoon]

Eternal Brotherhood

I took Sunday off because I have SO MUCH homework, but guess what I'm going to do instead?

Yep, you've guessed it 😔

***

LMAO, when are you not 🤣🤣

He reminds me of Wei Wuxian so much!

***

His sworn brothers roast him so much all the damn time, but they are still willing to stage a whole rebellion for him at the drop of a hat 🤗

***

I have so much filth on my brain 😫

She said this and my mind was immediately in the gutter.

***

Is she related to Lord Ge, the general?

***

LMAO, smart girl!

***

So many implications in this drama that he stinks 😅

LMAO, she even disinfected the stick she touched him with 🤣🤣

***

Yikes 😅😅

He's very hilarious and entertaining but any hotness factor is dead in the water, I'm afraid 🤣🤣

***

LMAO, a comedy 🤣🤣

Seriously speaking, though, he has PTSD and a whole host of other mental health issues. He is self-medicating.

A lifetime of therapy would not be enough.

***

Finally, he got off his butt and intervened.

Unfortunately, in times of war, the worst people float to the surface and are given weapons and positions of power.

***

Shoes on the bed, OMG 😑😑

***

LMAO, now he's just asking to get decked 😅

***

LMAO, absolutely begging for it 😂

***

I'm glad to see he isn't completely stupid and sees right through their little ploy.

***

I mean, I know he has superpowers, is the main character and cannot actually lose this fight, but I'm still going to enjoy watching him get his ass beaten for as long as it lasts 🤣🤣

***

LMAO, I have bad news for you!

Prostitutes have to wash if they are to have any hope of making money.

***

Cackling 🤣🤣

Unfortunately, the only prospective client is Ning and she apparently has no standards when it comes to him, so go ahead and hit his face. She will still want him. Maybe just leave his dick intact. Or if not, just his fingers. Or tongue. IDK.

***

LMAO 🤣🤣

He's such a gremlin, I love him 😂😂

***

LMAO, I love Lord Ge 🤣🤣

This drama is full of great characters, but he is one of my favourites!

[ashersbraincell]

Some personal wins I wanted to share for my own sake:

•fixed my sleep schedule, well, not entirely. But I go to sleep at 2am instead of 5am! The main change is that I now regularly wake up at 10am, which is a win bc prior to this I’d wake up around 2-3pm

•actually came up with something I might want to do as a hobby/maybe even profession if all goes well

•started to eat 3 meals a day again(mostly as a result of the waking up thing, I used to sleep to miss atleast one meal😔)

•have a lil self-care routine before bed(brushing my teeth+using my prescribed antibacterial wipes for the crust problem in my eyes 😭😭)

Still working on getting the motivation to exercise and get actually dressed everyday/go outside once in a while rather than only for therapy/medical things, but steps have been made!!

[threadsun]

Ian doubts Ian? More likely than you think 😌 How much do you want to bet though that firehouse puppy has a few lockers specifically DEDICATED to the amount clothes that were given to them (including the ripped ones)? I’m sure one of guys made it all pretty too just for them. Now the question is if Jean would pull you into his lap WHILE wearing one of his handpicked outfits when someone visits the firehouse just to show how powerful he is. Oh absolutely to the insane amount of aftercare needed after Jean gets his hands on you. I’m sure that some of the guys made a watch group to makes sure Jean doesn’t go near you after one particularly rough session, switching who keeps an eye on you every so often. But definitely he knows not to push too far or he’d feel the wrath of all the other guys. Sometimes when firehouse puppy goes nonverbal from all the pleasure, they use the asl sign for no so that Joesph or Nick can jump in and stop the scene. OMG Ian would secretly LOVE being a firehouse bunny at that moment 😩 Maybe he’d sneak off every so often just to slip it on for JUST a moment~

You can work with anything? That’s makes sense with summoning spirits though, is there something that happens if someone doesn’t follow the rules like not knocking before entering the temple in the morning or summoning spirits in general? Exactly!!! No need to put yourself in danger just cause you’re a little curious about something!! Thank you 🩵 Yeah!! With how much things can change and shift, there’s always something new to learn so that’s why it’s amazing that we get the opportunity to learn about it! Oh that’s a shame that you had to deal with someone who is misinformed about Kabbalah :/ Hopefully they’ve brought in someone who’s Jewish to teach that class and knows what they’re talking since you’ve taken it! Learning about witchcraft in other countries must’ve been cool though!!! I can understand why you chose to do disability studies as a minor instead of witchcraft though! What did that minor consist of?

-🎃

Ian will believe literally anyone over himself, poor lad has NO self esteem 😔 They definitely have at least one locker full of clothes for their dog! Jean will do absolutely anything for a powerplay, so yeah he'd definitely dress them up and pull them into his lap and casually grope them while visitors are around. Anything to show his claim over them. He keeps everything on just the right side of okay so that the others don't try to take them away from him, while still being able to take all his sadistic urges and whatnot out on them. Everyone else can only really help by giving solid aftercare and keeping him occupied when they need a rest. Oh I love that so much, they all learned ASL so they could help hoh/deaf people during rescues, but it's very convenient for a nonverbal partner too! Ian would be so into it. He'd try to pretend he wasn't because he wants to seem as dommy as the rest of them, but he loves when the others bully him into putting his lil costume on and subbing with their puppy!

Not really, it's just considered rude. Which I guess runs the risk of a supernatural being not liking you, which would suck, but usually there's no consequences. It's just about being polite. I'm hoping they brought in someone Jewish to teach it, cause she was really awful and kept spouting lots of antisemitic bullshit too. But generally the other witchcraft courses I took were really cool and interesting!! For the disability studies minor, technically it's only an honorary thing. I was meant to be in the first class of students graduating with it, because the disability studies programme as an official department was new in my senior year. But then covid hit towards the end of my last semester, so they had to push off the creation of the minor. But I took all the required classes for it, so while it's technically not on my diploma I hit all the requirements for it. It mostly involved various classes about the social and medical models of disability, the history of disability, and the way it's portrayed in media and literature.

[rhazimpulsivelyposts]

This is such a weird feeling to have a “detached-crush” on someone. I like it though, it feels both unhealthy and healthy at the same time.

I love being around him and the time we spend together is so intoxicating. I like the way he smells and I like looking at him. Our weekends together are like a fever dream, and we talk all week. I got him to leave a shirt here 😈 so I can keep smelling him. I wear it to bed every night like a simp.

But at the same time I’m detached and I don’t feel myself slipping into the “I want him here every day every moment every second “ “what are his hobbies, I’ll play video games with you 🥺” “who is that you are talking to?”

It’s like our weekends are so intoxicating that my brain can actually tell me: this is for weekends only because we are not going to get addicted to this like we let ourselves get addicted to others in the past.

It’s so nice to have my own place 😭 it’s so nice to have my own space to decorate and exist in.

Why do I feel like me coming into this situation saying “I’m just using you” , is actually the most healthy feeling “situation” I’ve felt in … honestly… this just feels like the most healthy ever 🤣. Do you think it is my medication? Or that I’m doing this with someone I find attractive but my ego doesn’t think we could ever “go steady with because society and life experiences” like it’s nice to see the “orange flags” and “deal breakers” and have them actually limit my perception like they are supposed to do instead of being ignored in pursuit of quicker reward and gratification. 🤣

It’s so nice to be like “omg he’s so cute and amazing” and “if he stops talking to me I will be sad but not crushed”

In 2020 I was OBSESSED with this Punk Pisces. The most simp. Unmedicated obsession. He was my roommates friend, tall , skinny, covered in tattoos, drank maybe too much but he had a blue collar job and his own place. He was younger than me by like 2 years. He gave me suuuuuch butterflies btch like I CANNOT explain my obsession. He knew I liked him and he would cuddle me sometimes, and we would makeout, and he would be rough with me even though he was outwardly so nice and gentle with others, we only fcked once and it slipped out and I tried to make a “know your stroke” joke and it caused him to stop fcking me and leave 🙃😔. He didn’t like me. I wasn’t his type. I wasn’t his “dream girl” . It crushed me bro. I think when I stopped being friends with that group of people because I went back to my ♐️, I think the Punk Pisces blocked me on everything. I can’t even see him on social media anymore, which is fine. I don’t want to be obsessed with someone like that again.

I don’t want to feel like I would DO ANYTHING for someone again, that’s so gross and unhealthy. I still have to stop myself from being over-giving and overly nice to ♑️ and I can’t 🤣 it’s so hard not want to pamper someone who is making you feel good 🤣.

♑️ being younger and being in such a different place in his life, but being very pretty and smart and funny and nice, is so refreshing to my brain to enjoy a man and think about him a lot but not cross the line into obsession. Do you know how I know I’m not obsessed? He showed me his Snapchat stuff and I asked why a females name had specific emojis by it, along with why a different male had a specific emoji by it, he only answered the question about the male and completely skipped over the female. My brain went “oop touchy subject maybe? It’s fine I won’t pry. I don’t care that much”

😩 bro I love that for me. It could just be that I’ve run my course with monogamy and don’t really care enough to have low self esteem about adults needing more than one adult to be satisfied sometimes anymore. Old me would be like “come over every night” “can I come over to your place and just watch you play video games?” “Can I hang out with you and your friends?” “Who is that 👀, do you like her?” “Is she pretty? Is she more your type than me? Am I doing something wrong” “omg I must be annoying him” “don’t say that Rhaz it might hurt his feelings” “don’t say that Rhaz it makes you look weird”

[therapythoughtstogether]

I'm so sorry you're going through this

You'd be better taking your chances outside than at this rate being attacked and abused 😔

It's ok about drinking... Don't be hard on yourself. It's a cause/effect situation. Something terrible happened and you want to block it out and numb the pain, that's when you reach for the alcohol. We all slip up. Keep on making the effort not to drink most of the time - if you can. It's better to be sober 7 times out of ten and slip a few times rather than drinking 100% all the time. The main thing is trying and keeping trying

But if I were you I would take your shit and go instead of being treated like a sex vessel. That man is pure scum. I know you're in a difficult situation but how long can you live like this

Thank you so much for your encouragement 🫶🏼 I think you've probably come across one of my older posts. I recently managed to make it out! I'm safe now and starting my healing process.

I'm still sober but I don't discard the possibility of drinking sometimes. I don't want to be unrealistic or hypocritical about it.At this moment I don't intend to be sober forever, I'll just do my best not to use alcohol as a tool for self destruction and to constantly self medicate, but I do want to enjoy alcohol.

Wishing you the best! 💜

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

#Obi-Wan kills - the evidence is clear #note that even on Mustafar #- even though as OP rightly points out that was a slash wound and not a stab #Obi-Wan was fairly far away from Anakin after his injuries and then he left - further increasing the distance #and we all know Anakin survived #Maul after his slash wound also quickly left Obi-Wan’s presence and he lived #in Rebels he is *stabbed* but also held in Obi-Wan’s arm at peak proximity #clearly the best thing Obi-Wan could have done for Qui-Gon was to quickly walk out of the room and give him time to self-recover 😔 via@ilummoss

sounds like science to me

(Also a bit distracted by the potential to blame Obi Wan for not focusing on getting Qui Gon straight to medical instead of fighting Maul- I smell angst-)

aight so satine got impaled by lightsaber through the upper chest and died immediately

sabine got impaled by lightsaber through the upper chest and was just fine lmao

i guess sabine just won the mando name war--

wait a fuck lightsaber thru the chest insta-killed qui gon

actually i think i know the true answer

lightsabers through the chest don't actually kill anyone, it's being in proximity to obi wan kenobi that does it

[here4kpopfics]

Feeling in Chaos - Fall pt. 1 | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader | Yoongi x (f) reader 

Genre: drama, angst, smut

AU: art college!au, friends to lovers, best friend’s brother

Wordcount: 10,198

Summary: Having to revisit somewhere full of memories for the first time, you ask a friend (?) for help. 

Rating: M / 18+ 

Warnings: Language. Grief. Panic attacks. Y/n has PTSD and is learning how to get through it. Mentions of use of medication. Bad decisions. Jealousy. Self-loathing. Possibly problematic friendship/relationship. If you are sensitive to any of these topics, please just skip this story. 

Smut Warnings: oral (both f and m receiving). Protected sex. He gets a little rough at the end, but very vanilla considering what I usually write. 

AN: Sorry for the long wait. The original decision was to have the entire season be their own chapters, but I didn’t want to make the wait time even longer, and the chapters would be over 50k words each. So the seasons get parts and you get updates faster! A reminder that you are free to dislike the way a character behaves and the choices they make and the words they say, especially when dealing with a trauma or grieving. But remember that doesn’t always make them who they are. People overreact, people underreact. Emotions are either heightened or taken away and it can cause a lot of trouble. 

Thank you to my soulmate @playmetheclassics for beta/editing and for just dealing with me freaking out over how the story reads and if people will hate it and me basically spoiling it left and right. You're amazing. 💜

Banner and Divider by @classicscreations

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Y/N (6:47pm): Are you busy?

Yoongi (6:58 pm): For you? Never.

You roll your eyes, sitting in the corner of the library, backpack and canvas sitting on the table in front of you. You curled up into one of the chairs, deciding to wait at the library for his response rather than go home.

Y/N (7:00 pm): I’m sorry for ghosting this week…

Y/N (7:00 pm): School started, and it’s been a mess. 😔

Y/N (7:01 pm): But if you still wanted to hang out before group on Saturday, and are free right now, there’s somewhere I need to go and could use some support…

You hit send and feel the anxiety creeping in at the thought of his rejection and having to go alone. Thankfully, you don’t have to wait too long before he replies.

Yoongi (7:03 pm): Where do you want me to meet you? 

You sigh in relief, texting him where you are and that you’d come out when he was there. He says he’d need about an hour, and you were happy to wait, trying to mentally prepare for a step in the grieving process you knew you weren’t ready for. 

You get comfortable in the chair, hugging your knees to your chest as you sit sideways and leaning your head onto the headrest. You try to focus on keeping your breathing steady instead of the loud voices in your head screaming at you, but both are interrupted by the vibrations from your phone.

Incoming Call: 💜🍪Kookie📷💜

Fuck, I didn’t text him that I was staying after.

Sighing, you answer the phone, holding it up to your ear.

“Hmm?” Is the only thing you can get out. You’re never sure how to greet him anymore. 

“Y/n? Where are you? I thought classes ended at four?”

“They did. I stayed after and spent time in Varon’s trying to complete my painting.”

“Did you?” You puff out a small laugh at the question.

“Nope.” 

“You’ll get it done. I believe in you.” you wish he wouldn’t. “Are you on your way back?”

“Uhm…no…” you feel your body tensing up, “I’m actually going to go to the studio…see if I can finish it there.” 

The line is silent. None of you have gone to the studio. It was the safe space for all four of you, and the idea of going back there was something you and Jungkook had discussed, but neither wanted to until Ryujin was ready.

“Are you with Ry?”

“No…I can’t wait for her to be ready, Koo. I have to get this done.” You hear a heavy sigh on the other line, followed by what sounds like clothing moving against one another.

“Okay. I’ll meet you there. And we can do it toget–”

“No,” you interrupt. “I’m fine, Jungkook. I’ll be fine.” 

“You’re not doing this by yourself, y/n.” 

“I’m not.” 

More silence.

“You’re not?”

“No…I’m going with someone else.” You wince at the confession, knowing you’re doing it again. You’re hurting him.

“Joshua?”

“No, he went home after class.”

“...is it that guy from last week? Your new sex buddy? Yongjin?” You groan, running your hand across your face in annoyance.

“His name’s Yoongi, Jungkook. Don’t even pretend not to remember his name. And yes, with him. I’m just waiting at the library for him to meet me here.” 

The line stays silent again. You can only imagine the face he’s making on the other end right now. Eyebrows pinched together, jaw clenching as he gnaws on the side of his cheek. He’s probably glaring at the wall, wishing he had his punching bag in front of him. You almost check the phone to see if he hung up on you before you hear a big breath being taken.

“But he doesn’t—”

“Exactly, but he doesn’t. That’s the point, Jungkook,” you cut him off again, closing your eyes in frustration. ”Please, let me do this alone, with him, with someone who doesn’t know Kai. Someone who knows the pain of losing a sibling. I’m really fucking trying here, okay? I want to live a life worth living for Kai, and I can’t fucking do that if you keep coddling me like this. I love you, you know I love you, but I need someone else right now, okay? Please?”

You sniffle, using your free hand to wipe away the invisible tears you can’t bring yourself to let out anymore, and listen closely to the man on the other end of the call, not saying a word for a moment. 

“Okay.” He mumbles it out reluctantly. 

“Just…let me know if you need me, okay? Or at least text me when you’re there and when you’re back home, so I know you’re okay?” His voice cracks twice, and your heart with it, but you quietly agree to his terms, both saying goodbye and hanging up. 

“Fuck!” you shout in a whisper against the back of the chair, voices in your head screaming at your mistakes in wording and ruining everything with Jungkook again. 

You nearly jump to another universe at the feeling of a hand on your shoulder, turning quickly to smack the person touching you, only to find Yoongi. You can’t even bring yourself to yell at him, forcing yourself to a normal sitting position instead.

“Hey. You okay, love?”

You shake your head in response, grabbing your backpack and putting it on while Yoongi grabs the canvas before you can. 

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

You shake your head again, grabbing his free hand and intertwining your fingers with his as you lead him out of the library and away from the school. It’s a quick walk from the campus, about six moderately sized blocks, but you both stay silent until you’re a block away from the studio. You feel a small tug on your hand, stopping you in your tracks.

“Y/n, I’m not doing whatever this is unless you talk to me.”

You turn to look at him, fighting off the many different emotions building up in your heart. 

“I…it’s hard to explain. I’d rather ignore it and focus on why I called you, okay?”

“No. Not okay.” He tugs you closer, chests almost touching. 

“What happened?” His tone softens as he stands the canvas on the ground against his leg to free his hand that moves a strand of hair out of your face. 

You keep your eyes on the beautiful necklace around his neck. The little gold star-shaped pendant resting perfectly under the center of his clavicle with the initials MK carved into it. You wonder where he got it or who gave it to him. 

“I just keep fucking things up with people, and I speak without thinking, and I’m just so tired of it. I’m tired of explaining my feelings. I’m tired of being treated like some basketcase or some fragile flower about to be crushed by the wind. I’m tired, Yoongi. So can we please drop this?”

He watches you closely, your eyes never stray from his chest, and you look exactly how you feel. Angry and exhausted and like you could use a room with a bunch of plates you can break. Your actions differ from your expressions, though, your hand squeezes onto his as if you’re scared and begging for help, looking for some sort of lifeline. 

He knows you enough to know your actions are more than your reactions. The emotions you put on for people can easily be the opposite of what’s real. He sighs, gives a small nod before kissing your forehead, and agrees to drop it. He picks the canvas back up and lets you continue to lead the way silently.

You finally approach an old building that had been converted into an apartment complex, still maintaining its historic features. You punch in the code to unlock the doors, and Yoongi quietly follows as you enter an old elevator, closing the door and gate first before pressing the button that brings you to one of the top floors. 

“So,” you say, taking in a deep breath as the elevator jolts and starts moving. 

“Kai, Ryujin, Jungkook, and I are…were…are all into the arts, right? I’m painting and drawing, Jungkook photography, Ryujin fashion design, and Kai graphic design. We thought it’d be easier for us to have an art studio that we’d all share rather than each having our own because that’d be too expensive, ya know? And none of us really have the space to do it at our apartments. Kai and Jungkook maybe, but then Jungkook recently got into film and wanted his own darkroom, so…” 

“Makes sense,” he nods along, watching you open the gate and opening the door of the desired floor. 

“So we piled all our money together once Kai and Jungkook got accepted at our school, and bought this floor space in this office building and turned it into four rooms.” you explain as you play with the keys in your palm as you approach the door to your shared safe space, trying to delay the inevitable. 

“The one immediately on the right is Ryujin’s room, the left is Jungkook’s, mine is the back left, and Kai’s…” you pause, forcing yourself to unlock the door and open it. You stay standing outside as the door swings open, revealing a dark room, lit only by the lights of the city and sky outside. 

“Kai’s room is back, right.” Your voice falters, and Yoongi squeezes your hand to get you to look at him.

“This is your first time back, isn’t it?” you nod, chewing on your lip. 

“Have you tried coming here before?” you shake your head. 

“Okay, let’s go. You said back left?” After you give a quick nod, Yoongi brings your held hand up to his lips, giving a small kiss on the back of your hand before walking in and holding you close. 

He turns on the light, scanning the room for your door. There are two giant L-shaped couches merged together in the main area, and a big tv hanging on the wall. A tiny kitchen is tucked in a corner of the place, and as you had stated, four doors in the open floor space. He finds the one that is painted multiple colors, with your name hiding amongst the smears of paint. You step in front of him to unlock it with a four-digit code, 0901, hearing the obnoxious clicking sound before the door finally starts to open. You quickly step inside, turning on the light and bringing your hand away from his finally. 

Your room is exactly as you left it a few days before finals in the spring. It’s messy from all of the last-minute  painting you had to do and there’s a wall with various finished canvases lined up against one another. As chaotic as it feels with all the different colors and the paint covering the floor and walls, it’s specifically organized. There’s a table that holds all your brushes, pens, and markers in various jars, separated by size and type. There’s a cabinet full of various paints organized by medium and brand. And the same can be said for the clean canvases and varying sketchbooks. There’s a smaller couch in the corner with a rainbow Squishmallow sitting on it, and a stool in the center, sitting in front of a giant empty easel. 

“Wow.” is all Yoongi can bring himself to say as he walks up to the floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the city and the school. You ignore him as you take the canvas from him and set it on the easel. You unpack your paint supplies, grabbing more from the cabinet and table, and organizing the tray next to the easel. You send a quick text to Jungkook that you’re in your studio and turn your location on to share with him while Yoongi has moved to the other wall and starts sifting through your finished pieces.

“Y/n, when you said you painted, I didn’t know you were actually this fucking good.” 

“Is that a compliment or an insult? I can’t tell.” you narrow your eyes at him, a small smile forming on your lips. 

“Trust me, love. It’s a fucking compliment. It’s - oh holy shit, this is nice!” He exclaims, pulling out the one you painted three years ago of a neighbor’s cat. 

“Whose cat is this?” 

“A neighbor from a few years ago. They moved as I was finishing it up for them. Never got their new address.” You watch him hold the canvas up in awe.

“Do you want it?”

His eyes snap to yours. “What?”

“You can have it, I have no use for it.” 

“Are you sure?” you nod confidently.

“Yeah, put it in the cat cafe or something, I don’t really care.”

The grin that adorns his face is something you would love to paint one day. You take a mental photo of him, saving it for a day you feel inspired again. You can’t help but smile back, eyes darting to the floor when he puts it down next to the door. 

“I’ll put it on the center of the wall in the room with the cats so everyone who comes in can see it.” He steps closer to you, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. “So what are we doing here today?”

You give him the rundown of the canvas, showing him the picture of the oak tree you took after texting him, explain your inability to see the colors in the paint and your new instructions from Professor Varon to just paint with whatever. 

He agrees to stick around while you paint, laying on your tiny couch and lets you tell him random stories about Kai while you make the smallest strokes on the canvas, trying to figure out what the colors are. You let Yoongi choose the colors at random, squeezing them onto the pallet in no specific order. You hate that you can’t tell which color is which. You can almost see the color red, but that’s about it.

This is going to look horrible. 

An hour later, Yoongi’s places an order for food to be delivered and you stop painting, joining him on the two couches in the living area. You both eat in silence.

“You should go in there.” Your eyes find his, turning your head to find where he’s looking. 

Kai’s door. 

You look back to your food and shake your head.

“Nope. Not happening.”

“Why not?”

“I should wait for the others. We should do it together.”

“I guess, but he’s your brother before he’s Ryujin’s boyfriend or Jungkook’s best friend, right? Doesn’t that give you something like, I don’t know, seniority?”

“You mean priority?”

“Yeah, that!” He laughs, but you shake your head again.

“It might, but I can’t do it, not without them,” you speak so sternly, trying to end the conversation, but he doesn’t let up.

“You made it here without them, didn’t you?”

“No, I made it here with you.”

“Perfect! You can go in there with me, then.” 

He puts his food down, grabs yours, doing the same before standing up and holding out his hand again. 

“You have to do it at some point, love. Might as well be now.” You shake your head again, but he grabs your hands and pulls you up with little resistance on your part. You let him drag you closer to the door, but freeze when you’re actually in front of it. 

It suddenly looks larger than before, like the door to a boss fight in a video game. It's the final boss and you’re too low of a level. You shouldn’t enter. 

“I can’t do it.” You breathe out, feeling your lungs starting to collapse. 

“Do you not know the code?” 

“No, I know the code. I just…” you look down at the pin pad as the crushing weight of panic starts to settle on your chest again, making you feel heavy. 

“I’m going to open the door and he’s not going to be in there. It’ll be like watching him die all over again.”

His big hands find their way to your face, forcing you to look at him.

“The way I see it, the longer you wait, the more painful it’s going to be. Trust me, I waited months before going into Karin’s room, and I regret waiting that long.” His thumbs soothe back and forth against your cheekbones as you sniffle. 

“You think it’ll be like watching him die all over again right now? I promise you it’ll be even worse if you keep waiting.”

Your head pulls away only slightly, but enough to have Yoongi’s hands follow and readjust as you look up at him. 

“Karin?” 

He gives the smallest nod with the saddest smile. 

“My sister.” 

You offer a small smile in return, a small part of you thrilled that he’s slowly starting to talk about her. He never once mentioned her by name in group therapy, only ever calling her his sister. 

“It’s a pretty name…” you quietly whisper, earning a light laugh from him. His eyes dart between yours like they’re searching for a way out of the conversation.

“Do you want to tell me the code and I’ll put it in?”

You sigh, really not wanting to do this. But if he’s willing to bring up his sister to you? Actually, say her name? Who are you to deny him?

“0412” you quietly mumble, eyes shut tight. 

He moves to stand in front of you, a hand grabbing yours. You squeeze it like a lifeline while he starts punching in the code. You hear the lock clicking to unlock and it’s when the door starts to open you find your nails digging into the hand in yours. 

He lets the door swing open, stepping in just enough so he can find the light switch, turning it on and backing back out before turning to you again. 

“You ready? We don’t have to, if it feels like I’m pressuring you, I don’t mean to. I just—”

“Yoongi. It’s okay.” You look past him and get a glimpse of Kai’s room. You can see his big computer setup as well as a few of his drawing tablets. 

He’s not at his desk, crouched over trying to finish a project. Your heart falters a little, the pain still very much still there, but oddly not as bad as you feared it would’ve been. 

Yoongi steps aside, letting you slowly take the four steps it takes to get into Kai’s room. You take a deep breath when you get to the center of the room, Yoongi right behind you. 

It’s exactly as he’s left it. Just the same as you did right after finals. The four of you had been so busy trying to cram as much fun as possible in the summer, that none of you thought to come back to the studio once the year was over. 

There are sketches tossed around this desk. A notepad that looks full of sketches and other things taped to the sheets inside as well as some pages folded into shapes sits by his mouse. The various tech he kept buying to help improve his work was piled into a corner of the room. He has the same set-up of a couch and a giant window looking out over the city. 

You hear a ruffle of papers and turn to see Yoongi delicately holding some sketches that were on the couch. 

Snap. 

“No! Stop touching it!” You rush to him, roughly taking the papers out of his hand and putting them back on the table. You try to smooth the crinkles you made out without touching the sketch itself but you can’t and instead, the tears you didn’t know were present start to fall from your face, landing on Kai’s drawing. 

You ruined his sketch. This could’ve been the most important sketch to him and you ruined it with your stupid tears. You ruined it just like you ruined everything else. 

I’m always fucking ruining everything, such a goddamn worthless piece of shit. 

“Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, it’s ruined.” You gasp, ignoring the ice-cold tightness around your lungs returning. 

Everything hit all at once - like you were being crushed by a freight train and the only moments you could breathe were in between the various train cars running across your chest. 

You drop to your knees, curling in on yourself to be as small as possible, palms pushing against your closed eyes, fingers trying to plug your ears to silence the bloodcurdling noises in your head. You try to breathe, you know you can, but it’s like your lungs refuse to listen to your brain. Your heart refuses to calm down and your brain feels like it’s going to explode. Everything feels wrong and never-ending. 

Make it stop, make it stop, please just make it stop.

Are you thinking it or shouting it? You can’t tell anymore. Nothing seems real anymore. It’s just darkness and pain. It feels like you’re going to die. Maybe that’s okay. You’ll get to see Kai again. 

Please, just let this stop.

It hurts so fucking much.

You feel two hands gently pull your hands away from your eyes and ears. You try to open them, but everything is dark and fuzzy. You can barely make out the boy squatting down in front of you that’s terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing. He tries to wordlessly get you to match his breathing, but you can’t follow him. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched it. I'm so fucking sorry. Come back to me, y/n. Fight through it, you’re right there.”

You’re right there. 

No no no, you can’t think about that.

“Do you want the Ativan?” You hear him whisper and it takes so much energy to shake your head. You don’t want to be numb, you hate it.

Yoongi feels his heart pounding. He’s seen you have anxiety attacks, he’s seen you break down in group therapy, he’s seen your panic attacks, but he’s never seen one like this. He’s never heard you scream the things you’re screaming. It’s overwhelming and terrifying and he doesn’t know how to stop it, but he can’t just sit there and wait for you to come out of it. He wants to help. He needs to help. So he does the only thing he knows he can do to help steady your breathing.

Everything stops. 

The voices, the tears, the pounding in your head, and your breathing all come to a halt the moment you feel his lips on yours.

It’s not romantic in any sense. His chapped lips are roughly pushed against yours that are wet with tears and hopefully not snot. There’s no movement save for his hands cupping your face, fingertips gently moving against the skin on the back of your neck. 

The tightness around your lungs loosens and fades, and the pain in your head is back after the initial shock of the kiss, but it’s fading as well. Your pounding heart is now pounding for a different reason. You open your eyes to find his shut tight, tears barely escaping. 

Your shaky hand reaches up, gently tugging his shirt. He slowly pulls away, eyes opening just enough to see your wide ones staring at him. Realizing what just happened, his hands drop from your face as he leans back some more, readying himself to stand back up.

“I’m so sor- sorry. I- I don’t know why…” you’ve never seen him stumble over words before. Sure, in group therapy he hesitates a lot, but that’s because he’s thinking of what to say next. This is different. This is fear.

He quickly stands up, trying not to disturb any of Kai’s things as he rushes out of the room. You stay seated on your knees, completely lost and confused about everything that just happened. It’s when you hear his keys being picked up that you force yourself to your feet and run out of your brother’s room, not even bothering to close the door. 

When Yoongi starts to walk out of your room with his jacket halfway on, you’re already at the doorway. Your eyes are still wide, still processing what’s happening and what you are doing. 

He looks afraid.

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that without permission. I just, I didn’t know what to–”

Your lips are on his without a second thought, properly shutting him up. This kiss is a complete one-eighty from the previous, however. Your lips move against his, letting out a small gasp when his hands find your waist, allowing his tongue to slip past your lips and causing you both to moan. You tangle your fingers in his hair, trying to keep him close as you walk him back to your couch, the sound of his jacket dropping to the floor barely noticed. 

The back of his legs hit the couch and he brings you down with him as he sits down, your legs on either side of his, lips never parting. His hands finally move from your waist, one reaching up for your face, holding you close, while the other grabs a handful of your ass, dragging you closer to him. You get the hint, grinding your hips against his and pulling away from his lips as he lets out a groan. 

His hand tries to bring your lips back to his but you move down, leaving small kisses along his jaw, neck, and Adam's apple. You pause when you see the pendant again, still resting perfectly where it should be. You admire the initials MK, now understanding who they belong to. You kiss just below it on his chest, where his heart should be, feeling him relax under the touch of your lips as you slide off him, knees dropping to the floor. 

“You don’t have to…” you look up to meet Yoongi’s worried eyes, a mixture of lust, concern, and something else that you can’t quite place. His hands find yours on his thighs. “We can stop if you want.” 

You shouldn’t do this. You’re just reacting to the adrenaline and soon, you’ll crash in exhaustion. You should not do this. Not with Yoongi. You should stop.

You shake your head. 

“Please?” Your voice finally makes a sound, but just barely. It’s almost grating. Yoongi waits a moment before leaning forward to cup your face in his hands, bringing you in for a soft kiss. 

“Okay.” He whispers against your lips. “Whatever you want, love.” He kisses you once more, letting you sit back while he lifts his hips to take off his joggers and underwear. He tosses them aside, not caring about where they land when you’re crawling back to him

When you had sex with Yoongi the first time, you told him it was just sex. You told him the rules would be no kissing, no oral, and nothing that would be considered lovemaking or too intimate. He agreed, and it’s been fine for both of you. 

Sure, sometimes he’d try to kiss you, but you wrote it off as him just being in the moment and were always able to deny him. You’ve given him a handjob, and he’s absolutely fingered you into oblivion, but never what you were about to do. 

You lightly kiss his knee, urging him to spread his legs and scoot forward so you can fit between them, kissing up his soft thighs until you’re finally where you want to be. Your eyes meet his one more time for permission, waiting for the small nod he gives you before you gently hold his erection up, giving soft kisses and kitten licks up the base, the hisses coming from his mouth urging you to keep going as you reach the tip. 

“Please don’t tease, love.” A hand finds its way into your hair and tugs as your tongue dances along the tip. You smile to yourself, laying your tongue flat and sliding him down your throat in one go until your nose barely touches his pelvis. The hand not tangled in your hair smacks down on the couch cushion beside him as he groans at the sudden overwhelming pleasure of your throat wrapped perfectly around him.

“Fuck. Just like that.” His hand in your hair brings you up for a moment before easing your mouth back down around his cock. You let out a small moan around him, letting your gag reflex kick in just enough to drag another groan out from his chest as you begin moving up and down, your hands gripping his thighs. 

“Wait, wait, love, wait.” He pulls you off him, watching you take in a deep breath, a mixture of spit and precum trailing down your chin. “Fuck, get up here.” He murmurs, leaning in to kiss you. 

Yoongi pulls you back up to the couch, keeping your lips on his as you pull off your leggings before crawling back onto his lap. Big hands massage your thighs as you pull away long enough to remove your baggy sweater and bra, tossing them next to his pants. You surge forward to kiss him again but he doesn’t let you, hands sliding down your waist to hold you back a distance to admire your body. 

“You’re fucking gorgeous.” He whispers it mostly to himself, a hand trailing lower, his thumb gently stroking just above where you want him over your underwear. You both look down to watch as his thumb finds its destination, rubbing the cloth against your wet folds. You hear Yoongi let out a sigh; neither of you were aware he was holding. 

“Tell me I can finally taste you, love.” Your eyes flit up to his half-closed ones. 

You shouldn’t be doing this. You shouldn’t be doing any of this. You shouldn’t have let him kiss you, shouldn’t have kissed him back, shouldn’t have gone down on him, and you absolutely shouldn’t let him go down on you. You shouldn’t do this. You should tell him no and make him leave. Finish your painting and text Jungkook when you’re home. 

Fuck, you’re going to have to text Jungkook later. 

You need to send Yoongi home. Get him away from you. 

End this. 

End it now before it gets worse. 

“Okay.” You nod, though the voices in your head are screaming at you. You ignore them, the feeling that Yoongi’s fingers provide feels too good, and you just want to feel good again after the pain in Kai’s room. 

“Yeah?” Yoongi smiles, flipping you over to lay your back against the couch once you give him a small smile and another nod.

He barely gives you enough time to readjust before he’s burying his face between your legs, his tongue slowly dancing along the wet patch of your underwear, pausing only to listen to your moans. 

“I could listen to your moans all day and never get tired of it.” You huff out a small laugh in response, a small gasp at the end when Yoongi lifts your hips enough to pull your underwear off. 

Small wet kisses trail from your right knee to your inner thigh and are repeated on your left. Your breath catches with every kiss and it’s driving you crazy. You watch him as he kisses your lower stomach and anywhere he can that isn’t your glistening and throbbing center. He’s waiting. Waiting for you to say he can have you. Your hand reaches for his head, tugging his hair. 

“Stop…” you breathe out. He sits up immediately, hovering over you. 

“Stop? What happened? What’s wrong? What did I do? I’m sorry, I—”

“No.” You kiss him to shut up, “stop teasing. I can’t take it.” 

The laugh he lets out is going to haunt you later. But for now, it’s music to your ears and you even join in as his head drops to your neck, kissing it once before moving back down. 

He doesn’t even wait, licking straight up your folds before latching around your clit. 

“Fuck!” You buck your hips up and his arms wrap around your hips, keeping you down as he devours you like a man starved.

You knew he was insanely good with his fingers, you didn’t expect this though. To be turned into a moaning mess just from his mouth. The intense pleasure builds up so fast and so harshly that you can barely hear him, only feel him moaning against your pussy. It’s when he inserts two fingers while sucking harshly on your clit that you lose it.

“Yoongi, I’m gonna…” your hands return to his hair, but instead of pulling him away from you, you press him closer, encouraging him to continue. “I”m close, Yoongi. Don’t fucking stop.” 

He groans against you and it doesn’t take long before you’re coming undone for him, unable to control your hips or the tight grip you have on his hair. You come hard, tears spilling from your eyes as you try to remember how to breathe. You haven’t come this hard in months, writing it off immediately as not having anyone go down on you since Jihyo. 

Yoongi doesn’t pull away until you’ve come down from your orgasm, almost bringing out a second one just because he can. But your whimpers from the overstimulation force him away, crawling back over you to kiss you again. 

“You okay to keep going?” He mumbles his question against your lips and skin as he trails down your neck, settling behind your ear. He feels you nod against him and with one more kiss, he crawls off of you in search of his wallet in his jacket to get a condom. 

You shouldn’t do this. You should tell him you’ve changed your mind. He should leave. You’ve already broken so many rules, rules you made with him that you just tossed out the window in a moment of weakness. When he comes back, you should push him away, ban his lips from yours, make him get dressed and leave. 

Finish your painting. 

Text Jungkook. 

You’re doing it again, you’re hurting him. You told him it was just sex. 

You lied. 

Fuck, why did you lie again? 

You shouldn’t let Yoongi kiss you anymore. 

You shouldn’t.

But his lips are addicting and you crave them. 

So when he comes back, the condom already rolled over his erection, you pull him down to you by his shirt, capturing his lips with yours. His hands wander your body as he settles between your legs, letting one hand grab your hip while the other guides his cock to your entrance, rubbing the head against your clit and swallowing your moans. When he pulls away from your lips for what feels like the last time, he looks up at you, soft eyes widening briefly as if he just realized what was happening. 

“Hey…”

“Hi…” you whisper back, one of your hands leaving the tight grasp on his shirt to toy with the little pendant dangling from his neck.

“We’re breaking every rule, y/n…” The hand that was positioning himself moves up to push a piece of hair out of your face. You offer a sad smile in return.

“I know.” your voice is barely audible, trying to keep it together.

“We should stop.” But he doesn’t move.

“We should,” and neither do you, “but…”

“But?” an eyebrow raises and you can’t look at him anymore, focusing only on the pendant. 

“I don’t want to.” The words barely squeak out of you. When he doesn’t respond, you have to force yourself to look back at him. “To stop, I mean. I don’t…I don’t want to stop.” Eyes cast back down to the pendant. “If you don’t want to, I mean.”

You feel his eyes on you as the silence continues. 

He suggested stopping first, so he probably wanted to stop. You shouldn’t have said anything and just stopped like he clearly wanted to. Now he probably thinks he has to go through with it just to make you happy. Why the hell did you say you didn’t want to stop? 

You need to stop, and you shouldn’t continue.

But wanting to stop and needing to stop are two very different things.

“I want to if you want to, y/n. This is all your decision, love.” 

You take a deep breath, biting your lower lip as you look down admiring the man on top of you. You’re completely naked, but he still has his shirt on, covering up the scars you’ve only gotten glimpses of. You snake a hand down to crawl underneath the shirt, gently running the pads of your fingers across the part of a scar you have seen. Yoongi’s breath catches in his throat as he rests his forehead against yours, eyes shut. You feel his abs tensing, like they’re scared of you, before relaxing against your touch. You watch him for a moment, unable to look anywhere else. 

Suddenly want and need are the same thing. 

Suddenly this is more than sex. 

This is more than feelings. 

This is comfort. Safety. A need and a want to feel again; to not be afraid all of the time. And to forget. 

Yoongi is that for you whether you want to admit it or not. Jungkook is your safety blanket, he’s what keeps you warm and tucked away when you’re scared. But a safety blanket can be suffocating sometimes. You need room to breathe, to forget and do stupid shit you’re afraid of, knowing there’s someone by your side feeling the same way. 

Yoongi.

“Okay.” You whisper, placing a small kiss on his nose. His eyes fly open to meet yours. A grin threatening to escape. 

“Okay? You’re okay with this?” He returns your nose kiss when you say yes, peppering your face with more after. 

Once you’re giggling from the kiss attack, he lines himself back up with you, slowly pushing in. You wrap your arms around him as he buries his face in your neck, leaving little love bites that you’ll regret later but love for now. 

This stretch is different that the other times you’ve had sex with Yoongi. Usually, it’s fast and rough, barely enough time to feel the stretch or adapt to it. This time, Yoongi takes it slow, pushing in inch by inch until he is fully buried inside of you. He stills for a moment, kissing along your neck. 

“So tight, so perfect.” He mumbles against your throat, smiling when he feels your breath catch in your throat after he slowly pulls out and rolls his hips back into you as deep as possible. Your nails dig into his shoulders at the sensation and your back arches up towards him. 

He takes it agonizingly slowly. You love it for the new sensation of pleasure it gives, but you hate it because it’s allowing you to think. 

“Yoongi. Harder, please.” You moan out, a hand finding its way to his blonde hair and tangling your fingers in it. You feel a puff of air against your neck when Yoongi brings himself up to look at you. 

“If we’re breaking your rules, love. We’re breaking all of them.” 

You whine, bringing his grinning lips back to yours in a searing kiss. 

“Please, Yoongi. I need it.” You beg. 

You never beg, not with him. Every time you had sex, you would become the sweet submissive that didn’t speak unless told to when he would ruin you in his bed. Which was fine, it was part of the last rule. Nothing near lovemaking or too intimate. And hard, rough, and silent felt like the perfect method to avoid breaking that rule. 

“Please.” Your lips trail from his to his chin, “ruin me like usual, please. Please, I just want to feel you.” You kiss along his jaw and down to the column of his neck. 

“Please?”

He says nothing, but you feel the growl in his throat against your lips. He takes your hand away from his hair, bringing your other hand with it, pinning them both above your head. He rests his forehead against yours again, taking a deep breath before slamming his hips into yours without warning. You yelp a moan and he lets out a breathy laugh as he does it again. 

“Is that what you want?” He does it again. “You want me to destroy this perfect cunt?” Another harsh thrust, rolling his hips so he gets deeper than before. “Want me to make it mine?”

“Yes. Yes, Yoongi, please. More.” You cry out, writhing underneath him, trying to make more friction. 

He picks up the pace, and it feels back to what it was. Yoongi relentlessly fucking you, flipping you over at one point to be on your hands and knees as he takes you from behind, spanking you until your ass turns red. 

When you alert him to being close to coming, his hand slides under you to rub circles against your clit. He pants, leaning over to place kisses on your shoulder as you come undone, clenching around him and losing the ability to hold yourself up. His orgasm quickly follows yours, spilling into the condom.

It’s silent for a moment, both of you struggling to breathe. After what felt like an hour, but was probably not even two minutes, Yoongi finds the strength to pull out, removing the condom and throwing it away. He rubs the parts of your skin that are red and sore, quietly apologizing when you wince. 

“I’m going to find something to clean you up with, okay?” You slowly nod at his whisper, eyes feeling heavy, all the emotions suddenly becoming a pile of exhaustion. 

It’s like your brain’s putting on a presentation being your eyelids, replaying the phone call with Jungkook, the panic attack in Kai’s room, the split-second decision to stop Yoongi from leaving, and the words said between you two.

You fucked up.

Again.

You don’t hear him leave the room, and barely notice his return or the feeling of him cleaning you or helping you get your sweater and underwear back on, too mentally and physically exhausted to do or say anything. 

You do feel when he lays down on the couch, bringing you against him for the usual after-sex  cuddle. His arm snakes around your back, resting on your waist while yours rests on his stomach, your face burying into his neck. 

“You’re going to regret this later, aren’t you?” His voice is a low whisper, almost scared of asking. Your fingers find the hemline of his shirt, playing with the fabric and the loose threads. 

“I don’t know…” Your reply is weak, cracking on the final word, and you can feel the tears start to form. So you shut your eyes, holding them back and instead listening to his breathing. 

He doesn’t respond, just holds you closer and he seems to fall asleep, you joining a moment later. 

When you wake up a few hours later, you and Yoongi have barely moved. His hand found a way up to your hair and the other hand was placed on your arm that was draped across his stomach. It felt warm, almost safe, but wrong. 

So slowly, you pull yourself away from him, slipping off the couch without waking him up and sneak out to the little kitchen. Your hands shake as you pour out a glass of water, drinking as much as you can in one go. You repeat it two more times before your eyes land on the open door to your brother’s room. The sharp tug on your heart forces you to walk in. 

It looks different than it did a few hours ago. Darker, abandoned, but still familiar. You sit in his chair, spinning slowly around to admire the way he decorated the studio. 

A giant whiteboard with ideas that you don’t understand listed with random drawings you and Ryujin made one night in the bottom right corner. You did that months before finals, and he never erased them. Behind the whiteboard, was a wall painted completely in blackboard paint. He spent an entire day with Jungkook painting that wall before he realized how much he hated chalk. It quickly became doodle central, where the four of you drew randomly while bored or in a funk.

Right above the couch is one of the first drawings you did on the wall, an ambigram of the first letter of your names. Jungkook half-jokingly suggested the group get it tattooed one day. 

This room is the same layout as yours, but rather than having the giant window wall showing the city below, he had wall-to-floor shades that would cover during the daytime so he wouldn’t have any glare on his monstrous computer setup. He always got so dramatic when you or Ryujin would try to use it, but never with Jungkook. 

You reach out to turn it on, but freeze as your finger barely brushes over it. 

They should be here. Ryujin should be here.

You pull your hand away, bringing your knees to your chest and hugging yourself in his chair as it spins a little from the adjustment. 

“I miss you, baby brother. So much.” You softly whisper, leaning your head back and staring at the ceiling plastered with tiny plastic stars that are supposed to glow in the dark, but never do thanks to the heavy shades. 

“I think I messed up tonight. But when am I not messing up, right?” A weak chuckle escapes your lips. “Y/n y/l/n, the screw-up of the family. Always finding a way to ruin a good thing in the biggest way possible…” you feel the tears slowly fall down your face and sniffle. 

“But I think…I think this time, I really screwed up. And I can’t fix it. And I don’t know what to do.” You feel a small burn on your hand and look down to find yourself scratching the back of your hand again. 

“Fuck. I hate this, Kai.” You mumble, soothing the burn with your thumb. “I need your help and it’s killing me that you’re not here.” 

You sigh when there’s no response, forcing yourself out of his chair, stepping out of his room, and closing the door. 

Yoongi is still fast asleep on your couch, a sharp stabbing feeling piercing your heart at the sight of him. He looks so content and at peace that you’re jealous of his ability to sleep so soundly without the voices yelling. 

Your attention turns to the easel in the center of the room with the canvas barely painted. The paint still looks like various shades of black and white. Like a blurry mess of colors that you know are there but can’t see. 

You pick it up, moving the easel away and propping the canvas against the pile of finished paintings on the floor. Dimming the lights, you sit down in front of it on the floor, putting your AirPods in and turning your Spotify on shuffle. 

You bring up the photo of the tree you took earlier and set it next to the canvas and roll up your sleeves. You grab a brush, dip it in a random paint Yoongi picked out earlier, take a deep breath, and just go for it. 

Somehow two hours have passed, and you’re applying the finishing touches, music still blasting in your ears so loud that you jump when you feel a pair of hands on your shoulders. 

You turn to see a sleepy Yoongi tilting his head at you, mouth moving. You pause the music, take the AirPods out and place them next to your phone. 

“Sorry for scaring you.” His voice is rough from the nap and you can’t help but smile when he kisses your temple. 

“It’s okay.” You nod, letting out a small gasp when he sits behind you, lifting and pulling you back  to sit on his lap, and scooting forward so you can keep painting. His arms wrap around your waist, letting them rest on your lap while his chin rests on your shoulder. 

“Looks good, love.” 

“I still can’t see the colors, though.” You mumble as you lean back into his chest to get a better view of the canvas, his arms tightening around you as you do. 

“That doesn’t matter. It’s still beautiful.” He holds you close, leaving a few feather kisses on your shoulder, smiling to himself when he sees your skin grow goosebumps.

“What colors did you put on the palette anyway? Just so I have an idea of whatever the hell this is.” His laugh against your skin makes you smile in return. You pull one of his arms away from you, laying it flat and upside down on your lap as you use the brush to paint across his forearm, hoping you’d be able to see the color. 

“I can’t tell you, love. You’ll know when you’re ready to see it. But it is a beautiful tree. Why’d you pick it?” 

“It’s the giant oak tree in the middle of campus. We scheduled our classes together so there was always a time when we could sit together and just hang out, work on assignments, enjoy the weather, anything really. Always at the tree. It’s in Kai’s logo, it’s Jungkook’s favorite thing to photograph. Ryujin literally designed a dress based on this dumb tree.” You laugh, continuing to paint on his arm. You can’t see what color you’re using, but guessing from how dark it is, it’s something that contrasts perfectly with his skin. 

“And what about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Well,” his free arm unwraps from your waist, grabbing a different brush and painting music notes across the top of your thigh near your knee. “They all have the tree attached to something with their art. A hidden meaning of inspiration…what’s yours?” 

You watch him paint on your leg what looks to be a specific pattern of music notes. 

“I…I don’t know,” you admit with a whisper, putting your paintbrush down and resting your hands in your lap. “It’s just where I knew I could always find any of them. There or here, my safety zones.”

“So then this piece, even though you can’t see the colors right now, and the feeling of safety with it…that’s your hidden meaning and inspiration.” 

You sigh, sinking a little further against his chest. You stare at the canvas, trying to see anything in the tree that, to you, is just a black and white tree on a canvas surrounded by colorful paintings all around it. A hideous darkness amongst bright and beautiful colors. 

How you feel every day without your brother by your side. 

“I guess.” You finally say, eyes flicking to his hand, putting the brush down and returning around your waist. You both stay silent for a moment, admiring your canvas. Your eyelids start to feel heavy, and you can feel them closing when you hear Yoongi speak.

“Fall was Karin’s favorite time of year.” 

You freeze, eyes flying open at the mention of his sister.

“Yeah?” your voice cracks, and if Yoongi notices it, he ignores it.

“Yeah. She was obsessed with the colors of the leaves, the fall drinks like that disgusting pumpkin spice latte, the fall outfits, the weather, all of it. It would've been fall if she could have one season all year round.” 

You don’t respond. The feeling of happiness over him talking about his sister was too overwhelming. He rarely discussed her in group therapy, never spoke her name until tonight, and always changed the conversation topic . 

“We would go to the pumpkin patch every year and pick out the quote ‘undesirable’ pumpkins, and she’d make pumpkin pie with my mom.” He laughs, but it’s sad. You want to turn around and comfort him, but you stay frozen in his arms, your thumb pressing into the space between your other thumb and index finger. 

“She wanted to learn how to bake so badly. To be like our mother and know all the family recipes. She wanted to be the one to make all the Christmas cookies every year, to be in charge of pies during the holidays, make everyone’s birthday cakes…” 

His voice trails off, burying his face into your shoulder in an attempt to hide from the silence. Your mind is racing with different things to say. You have no idea how to comfort him. No idea how to tell him he’ll be okay. How can you? When you don’t even believe it when someone says it to you? So you say the only thing you can think of. 

“I make a mean pumpkin pie.”

You can feel his torso shake as he laughs against your shoulder. He lifts his head, resting his cheek on your shoulder so he can look at you. 

“Yeah? You bake?” 

“Sometimes. Or I used to, before Kai… I would stress bake.” 

“Stress baking? That’s new.” You shake your head slightly. 

“Not really. I don’t know. There’s just something satisfying about baking when stressed. It’s like you’re baking your problems into the baked goods, and then you let other people eat it, thus taking away the stress.” 

“Hmm…I like that. Telling everyone your secrets without saying a word.” His voice is quiet as his hands slide away from your waist, landing on your hands. 

He pulls them apart, fingers intertwining with both, and goes back to hugging you, technically making you hug yourself. You slouch further against him, his lips right next to your ear. 

“Would you want to go to a pumpkin patch with me?” His voice is hesitant. He knows he’s walking a fine line in asking you to go out with him. But he has to at least try. 

You lean to the side a little, turning to look at the man whose arms are wrapped around you and whose lap you’re sitting in. Your eyes meet, and you can’t help but melt under his gaze. It’s warm and hopeful, and you want so badly to give in to the chance that maybe it could work. 

You should say no. 

End this. 

End it now and pretend nothing ever happened. 

End this. 

“Okay,” your answer is barely audible to either of you, but his soft smile that he’s trying to hide confirms that he did hear you. 

“Okay.” He repeats it back, giving a small nod against your shoulder. 

You bring your gaze back to the painting, no longer trying to see the colors, just needing an excuse to not look at him anymore. You lose your sense of reasoning around him, and you hate it. But you love having him around. There’s no winning situation when it comes to Yoongi, especially if Jungkook finds out. 

“Hey.” Yoongi’s voice pulls you out of your little mental spiral, and you look back at him, blinking away the tears you hadn’t noticed forming. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you nod quickly, making him let go of one of your hands so you can quickly wipe the tears. “I don’t know. It’s just a lot happening at once. I don’t know what’s what anymore.” 

“That’s fair. But it’s okay, love. I’m here as long as you need me.”

You wish he didn’t say that. 

You don’t reply, instead just giving another small nod. The hand that lets go of yours reaches up for your cheek, turning you to stay facing him.

“I know this is all happening at once, y/n. We’ve both been through something really shitty, and maybe this is a terrible idea.” Your eyes widen in panic, you know where this is going and immediately start preparing for a way out. 

“But I think it goes without saying that I really like–”

You thank every god to ever exist when your phone rings. You lean forward to grab the device, saving you from an awkward conversation, sliding off his lap in the process. 

Incoming Call: 🍞Ry-Bread👗

“Oh, fuck,” you stand up, eyes flicking from your phone to Yoongi sitting on the floor, looking confused and almost hurt, and back to your phone.

“I’m sorry. She…she rarely calls now,” you mutter, answering the phone before he can say anything and stepping into the living area.

“Ry? Everything okay?” You ask hesitantly, pacing around the couch.

The last time she called was three weeks ago, sobbing hysterically about how Kai’s death wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t date Jihyo. If you had just stopped sleeping or dating around, your brother wouldn’t be dead. So naturally, you’re terrified of what’s to come from the other line.

“Y/n? Y/n, I need you. I fucked up. Please, y/n. I know you hate me. I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry. But please, I need you.” 

Well, that’s different.

“Ry, where are you?”

“I’m at a club. The one by my work.” She sounds so broken and so drunk that your heart feels heavy just listening to her.

“What happened, Ry? Are you safe? Are you okay?” You put the phone on speaker and return to your room, walking right past Yoongi sitting on the couch, pants already back on. You put the phone on the table as you search for your leggings and bra.

“I’m okay. I just…my ride left me, and I can’t…I can’t get home.” Her mumbles are soft, tired, and hard to understand as you toss your clothes on, quickly moving to find your bag and keys. 

“Are there any Ubers or taxis in the area?” 

“No. Just come get me, please.”

“Okay, Ry, I’m on the way. Please, stay in the club until I’m there, okay? Promise me?” She softly agrees, and you hang up the phone, finally turning to Yoongi, who’s ready to go.

“Is she okay?” he questions as if he didn’t just listen to your phone call. 

“I think so? I don’t know. This is new. I have to go get her.”

“You’re going to walk over there?”

“I have no choice, Yoongi.” Your shoulders shrug as you usher him out the door and close it behind you, leaving the canvas behind. you decide it’s easier to just come back for it before class than going to a club with it in your hand. You make sure all the lights are off before locking up the front door as you both exit. 

“You do have a choice, y/n. The bus should still be running.”

“I’m not getting on the bus.”

“I’m sure there’s a rideshare in this area.”

“I’m not letting a stranger drive.” You state as you both get in the elevator. 

“We can go back to the library, I’ll get my car, and I can take you over there and take you two home.” 

“I’ve never experienced you driving. You’re as much of a stranger in that department as any taxi driver.” You bite back, quickly exiting when the elevator reaches the bottom floor.

“Not if you let me try.” 

“I don’t want you to try. I don’t need help right now, Yoongi. I just need to get to Ryujin. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you on Saturday.” You walk faster out the front door, turning down the sidewalk in the direction of Ryujin’s work. It’s not that far from the studio, but it’s starting to get chilly out, and your sweater is thin. 

“Y/n, it’s one in the morning. You’re not walking by yourself! I’ll come with you.” Yoongi practically shouts as he tries to catch up to you. 

“I’ll be fine.” You snap, turning to him when he finally does make it to you. That same look of confusion and hurt from earlier looks like the same look you often see on another man’s face, and you have to stop yourself and take a breath.

“I need to help her alone, Yoongi. It’s the opposite direction of the school so it’s better if you just go home and I’ll go find Ry and take her home. I’ll be fine.” 

“Y/n, you’re insane if you think I’m going to let you go alone.”

“Then I guess I’m insane!” You shout, not giving a damn about the time or the fact that you’re outside. 

“Thank you, Yoongi, for helping me finish my painting. Thank you for forcing me to go into Kai’s room, and thank you for helping me through my panic attack. But, fuck, I have to go, so just drop it and go home. I’ll text you when I get there if you want.”

Yoongi sighs, not wanting to bother with arguing with you. He knows he won’t win.

“Fine. But if anything feels off, let me know, and I’ll be there immediately.”

“Fine.” 

“Fine.” He snaps with an extra hint of an attitude. You ignore it as you both turn to walk in the opposite direction of one another. 

You’re going to have to apologize later. You’re always apologizing. It’s exhausting. 

[cuntycassandra]

Breaking down Hunter and Omega’s relationship: Pt 3.

Hi everybody, I’m back with this weeks post on our favourite father-daughter-space-duo, the third instalment of the series! Thank you all so much for your positive feedback and discussions that have taken place over the last couple of posts, it means a lot to me to see my insights so neatly examined! I don’t really think the post itself needs much of an introduction, in of itself, it’s quite self explanatory! And I hope you enjoy!

(Pasted paragraphs: I would just like to add a disclaimer here. I am, in no way whatsoever, slating the other batchers for having differing relationships with Omega. I absolutely adore everything single one of the boys, and I think they all have wonderful and unique interrelations with her. Although I may point out these different approaches in comparison to Hunter’s, I am not stating these engages are wrong, just different is all!

I’m going to separate this into a little series- covering each episode in a separate post, which I’ll have tagged as the series progresses. Once I’ve tackled these two, as they’re my favourites, I’m going to move on to each individual Batcher and perhaps a few other dynamics such and Hunter and Crosshair, or Wrecker and Omega! Let me know what you guys would like to see!)

(Thank you to this weeks proof-reader: @treasureofmy-heart 💛)

Replacements: S1/E3

The opening scene in this episode is everything for these two. This is Omega behaving like an authentic child, a child in the midst of winding down with her datapad, leaning against Gonky, just…existing. She isn’t expected to be on hand for medical assistance, she isn’t studying, she isn’t working, she’s just living within herself, enjoying herself. Hunter makes a light comment, observing she doesn’t look too comfortable, allowing Omega the option to respond, she can either agree and ask to sit upfront, or she can stay if she’s happy to do so, but it already opens the door to a certain amount of communication between them. Of course, she insists she is fine and accepts her ration bar, yet before she can return to her seat on the floor Wrecker joins them, allowing their brief ordeal over the ration shortage to occur. I love both Omega’s immediate selflessness as she offers Wrecker her food, and Hunter’s sudden interruption in this little sequence. He doesn’t even allow room to consider her proposal, instead his immediate thought is to ensure this little girl can eat, especially considering she doesn’t even have anywhere to sleep (as we see this has been weighing on his mind by the mention of its necessity)

Omega’s response to Wrecker’s denial to accept her food- “Okay 😇.” Bless her little heart, she projects so much innocence with every word, and we can see from Hunter’s endeared little smile that he absolutely adores this about her. Upon Wrecker admitting that he hasn’t quite gotten use to Omega’s presence (which he looks very upset about, poor Wrecks 😔), Hunter insists that none of them have, but Omega isn’t making much fuss or complaining. This suggests that their brief conversation after leaving Saleucami is still heavily weighing on Hunter’s mind, he has taken his promise to both her and Cut quite seriously, and although both he and the rest of the batch are all still educating themselves in regards to Omega, she isn’t holding any resentment, and trusts them to make correct decisions in regards to her best interest.

I only want to briefly address the crash scene as their interaction are minimal, but I absolutely love how despite the fact that Wrecker is a lot closer to Omega, and ultimately does help her strap in, it is Hunter who takes presidency when addressing the situation. Although, as the leader, he has a lot of orders to cover to ensure they land without too much damage and every member of the squad is safe, his first priority is to ensure Omega is secure before he can move on to his secondary concerns. This relates back to the parental relationship of putting the guardian’s life second to the child’s. (To quote Shelby from ‘Glee’ “parenthood is about accepting the fact that your feelings and that your life and your body, that they all come second to making sure the child is happy and safe” which Hunter demonstrates perfectly here.)

I love how both Omega and Hunter look to Gonky as he slides past her and into the cockpit where Hunter is seated and is easily able to stabilise the unit once they finally land, (thanks to Tech’s amazing manoeuvring of course). I immediately noticed that when addressing the squad, Hunter’s head is veered more so towards Omega rather than Wrecker, where he asks her “are you alright?” with extreme emphasis on the “you”. This ties back into the previous point that Hunter’s new priority is her, as out of the entire squad she is in need of the most protection and reassurance. Alongside this, I discerned Omega’s body language as primarily Hunter-centric, she hangs her head in his direction throughout the entire crash, despite the fact Wrecker is much closer to her. She still finds the need to seek out Hunter specifically. This also mirrors their heavily pronounced relationship, which we see much more of throughout the season.

“I-Is…it…over?” Oh Bless. I love how she looks between both Hunter and Wrecker, unsure of where to direct her scattered and fraying attention.

Swiftly shifting towards the power capacitor hunt and Omega accidentally dropping Crosshair’s weapon kit, we see the entire batch deflate at the awkwardness of their sudden situation. Unknowingly, she has just resurrected a resented emotion for them, something they haven’t learnt to completely handle in the short amount of time they have been separated from their brother, and yet although his face falls harsh for a mere moment, Hunter is the first to immediately soften and approach Omega’s ‘mistake’ with a gentle tone, kindly explaining the device and its origin to her. And while everybody else completely avoids eye contact with the child, Hunter tries his best to meet her eye, most likely to add reassurance and strength to his explanation, for her sake.

I won’t delve too deep into this, but I’d also like to note that throughout the explanation in regards to Crosshair’s actions, Hunter seems to be the most…tense, this supports the later revelation that he has taken his own actions very personally, and is deeply frustrated with himself for leaving his brother behind, and bringing Crosshair up revives these feelings, which he has no doubt been trying to suppress. Omega immediately notices this, as she watches him retreat into the cockpit, with a clear sense of curiosity and concern for him. I love the effort by the animators to mirror the looks these two share behind one another’s back.

Maybe this is me potentially entering headcanon territory, but I speculate Hunter was the one to allow Omega to play with the oxygen masks. It isn’t uncommon for guardians of children who have come out of a traumatic experience to allow said child to play with a positive association to their ‘safe person/people’, in which case Omega’s safe people would be the batch, and therefore their association to the use of the oxygen masks would help her calm down after an upsetting crash landing and a tense conversation in regards to Crosshair.

Omega’s little lip tremble when the lights cut out….this poor kid isn’t use to pitch black :( no matter the dreary atmosphere of Kamino’s torrential storms, Omega was always kept inside the brightly lit walls of Tipoca City, and although Nala Se’s lab isn’t particularly well lit, it isn’t plunged into complete darkness like the Marauder was, sparing the emergency dim lighting which barely cast a shadow.

Her explanation of the Ordo Moon Dragon is so juvenilised with a small sense of dramatics- “it was THIS big, with a LONG tail!” This gives a gentle hint back to Omega’s childlike immaturity and her true age, both physically and mentally, which we see Hunter truly consider throughout the rest of the episode.

When Omega insists she wants to go with Hunter to retrieve their missing part, Hunter doesn’t even have to think twice before he denies her request, and his sole reasoning is because, “that thing could be dangerous.” and as we know his top priority is keeping her safe. But, of course Omega being Omega, she gives Hunter a pretty decent response, she is a part of their squad, and should be allowed the chance to prove her place amongst clone force 99, especially for something as quaint as a retrieval mission. Instead of outright denying her once again, Hunter ponders her reply for a moment, before agreeing, with the additional gentle reminder that she MUST stay close. Her excited little smile as she jumps from her standing position on the co-pilot’s seat to the floor, rushing past Hunter and straight for the exit, highlights her excitement to finally participate and assist Hunter on a mission of their own, which we see perplexes, yet intrigues him.

While exploring the moon’s surface, I immediately notice that sparing a brief moment of watching the floor, Omega’s eyes never leave Hunter, not even for a moment. She is completely complacent in regards to his rule to stick close to him, which is further continued throughout their second chat over Crosshair.

Without surprise, Omega copies Hunter’s actions a few times too, especially when tracing his hand throughout the dust. This is where she asks, “could I learn to track like you?” and here I’d like to specifically focus on the “like you” segment of her sentence. It shows a clear connotation between Omega’s desire to be just like Hunter, which we’ve seen she already had in episode one, and the natural desire to be considered a soldier amongst their ranks. Equally, I love how Hunter doesn’t outrightly reject her request, he simply says “it’s an enhanced skill,” which suggests he probably couldn’t exactly teach her how, but he appreciates her enthusiasm and finds her request almost quite cute.

Moving right along to their secondary Crosshair conversation, I absolutely love Hunter’s facial expressions throughout this passage. He isn’t harsh or crude, instead he is quite sullen, yet in a sympathetic tone. His entire demeanour is taken down slightly, and I believe this is to shield Omega from Hunter’s true self-hatred and deprecating emotions towards their situation. He is careful to explain himself to her, without adding too much honesty in hopes that he won’t unnecessarily worry her. Once again, this ending furthers the blatant protective connection between them. Furthermore, Omega’s reaction is so pure, yet extremely wise for her age and knowledge level. There is still a sense of juvenility to her widened eyes and the movement of her hand snaking it’s way around Hunter’s forearm comfortingly, and yet she still does her best to comfort him in the same way that he has done for her on multiple occasions in their scarce time together, sparing the Nexu event. We see this immediately makes Hunter smile, which is a pleasant thing to notice after the intensity of their conversation. In short, she makes him smile, she helps him, and vice versa.

After Hunter is attacked by the dragon, I can’t help but notice Omega’s worried little face as his mask is knocked aside and he begins to gasp for air. Even after he falls unconscious and she rushes to fix his mask, she still manages to push aside her anxieties to secure his safety and design a brief plan in her mind after backup becomes unavailable, I personally see this as a matter of Omega taking Hunter’s initiative to complete the mission, after assuring herself he is once again breathing and safe for the time being. I also love her little double take, one final look at her guardian before she takes off into the dragon’s nest, she’s so sweet.

Skipping ahead slightly as there isn’t much to cover in regards to Omega’s little lone adventure into the cave, upon Hunter’s return to consciousness I absolutely LOVE how after sucking in a few puffs of necessary air, his first, almost immediate, thought is Omega. He doesn’t even notice his blaster is missing (which we see later on when Omega returns it to him), his instant reaction is to call her name and start tracking her. And his worried expression as the realisation that she’s gone after the dragon dawns on him :( this man cares SO much.

THEIR. REUNION. IS. EVERYTHING. As her little head pops up out of the nests opening , he immediately scoops her up, crouches down to her level, pats her shoulders, rubs her triceps, and the first thing he says to her is “are you okay?” None of this angry shouting from the previous episode, no reprimanding for running off or disobeying orders, instead he makes sure she’s unharmed, and he’s so caring about it. This is character development at its finest. After assuring that she isn’t injured he, very tenderly, asks what she was thinking, insisting he was extremely worried about her. I’d also like to note Omega’s reaction to this, she doesn’t shy away from Hunter like she does in the second episode of the season, instead she excitedly explains that she completed their mission, even going far enough to say that she “tracked the dragon, like you did.” Further complimenting their close and confident bond with one another, she truly looks up to him. The realisation on his face that although small and somewhat dependable, she is no liability and can support herself and the others if needs be. The look is so…parental.

Upon their return to the ship, I love the way Hunter automatically lifts his arm to allow her little blonde head to rush past him and make way for a seat in the cockpit. Kiddo knows the rules, strap in before we take off, Hunter doesn’t even have to tell her.😇

I absolutely adore Hunter’s curious smirk as Wrecker leads Omega to her surprise, alongside the fact he is the first to follow them to see whatever their injured batch member has planned for the little one. I’d also like to note that he actually stares at Omega as they approach the gunners nest, only briefly breaking to take a look at Wrecker, but primarily his sight falls to her.

Her face…when she discovers her room, his face when he watches her jump up and giggle as she turns to thank Wrecker, these two absolutely melt my heart, I swear. He’s admiring her happiness, that splash of childlike innocence he and the batchers never got to have, exactly what he’s seen Cut give to his children, what he wants to give to her. It’s absolutely beautiful.

“I’ve never had my own room before.” Hunter’s split moment of realisation here, before he steps forwards and reassures her that she is “a part of their squad” their family, it’s just so charming to his character and role as her custodian. Omega’s equally gentle smile as she looks back to him, head resting against Lula’s ears shows her clear sense of peace in her new environment. I also think it’s absolutely adorable that while the other batchers share glances between themselves to silently thank Wrecker for his sweet act of kindness, Hunter only partakes for a moment, before he continues to watch Omega settle in, her head now falling against the wall, staring out into the inky black of space, with the new addition of her comforting fairy lights, which I’d like to specify are a warm yellow, in comparison to the bright white of the Kaminoan facilities. This contrast provides a nice device between Omega’s new comfort with her family on the marauder, and her cruel upbringing on Kamino. She is happier here, and Hunter and the others will do whatever they can to ensure she is always happy with them, as we can see from his consistent looks of admiration for her.

I hope you liked my analysis of Hunter and Omega’s relationship in episode three of The Bad Batch! Of course, I’d love to discuss these two with anybody who might be interested, so please feel free to drop me an ask or a DM, and if you’re captivated enough I’d totally recommend looking out for my future posts on the topic!

As always, much love to our ‘Megs and Hunter, thank you for reading! 💛

Part One: Aftermath

Part Two: Cut and Run

[siilvan]

instead of WIP wednesday, we’re having WIP friday at 7am– honestly, i’ll take any excuse to bring up what i’m working on >:)

stupidly long list below the cut!!!

in-progress

dusk - price x reader (18+) (request)

– basically just flirting leading to smut in a safe house lol

drag me under (prologue) - price x reader (18+)

– start of my first enemies-to-lovers series!! reader’s a honeypot, price falls for it, things get complicated 🙏

not started

phosphorus - nikolai x reader (18+)

– literally just shameless smut in a helicopter ngl

telomeres - rudy x teacher!reader

– rudy ends up falling for his niece’s teacher >:)

VIP - soap x reader

– sorta just a bodyguard au with captain mactavish!

this place will become your tomb - nikolai x reader

– technically another enemies-to-lovers fic, but they’re on the same team. just a series of misunderstandings ✊😔

distraction - nikolai x reader (18+)

– more shameless smut with possessive!nik 🫣

the creed - mandalorian!ghost x reader

– self explanatory ngl. reader ends up under the protection of mando!ghost 😼

bloodsport - atom x reader (18+)

– sorta FWB but like… dangerous y’know. i just love morally ambiguous masked men (100% convinced he’s makarov)

gen/romantic headcanons - yuri x reader

– i do not care if nobody reads it, i WILL be writing for yuri. he’s literally my war criminal wife 🫶

euclid - könig x reader

– resident evil/raccoon city au!

are you really okay? - alex x medic!reader

– fluffy and sorta angsty oneshot w/ UFC medic reader!

sugar - gaz x civilian!reader

– pure fluff!!! this one should be super cute :)

the apparition - ghost x civilian!reader

– can’t decide between neighbor ghost or mafia ghost for this one… either way it’s gonna be more angsty than gaz’s fic lol

somewhere in the past - hadir x ULF!reader

– pure angst… set after his betrayal in MW19 🫣

gen/romantic headcanons - valeria x reader

– i love women 🫡

dark signs - valeria x 141!reader

– semi-slow burn set during and after las almas!

take me back to eden - yuri x medic!reader

– unashamed to admit that reader is loosely based off my oc and this is gonna be soooo self-indulgent 🤭 probs mostly fluff and hurt/comfort

take aim - graves x 141!reader

– sorta similar to hadir’s fic if you squint 😶 takes place shortly before and after the betrayal in las almas!

rain - price & ghost

– platonic found-family fic based off one of barry sloane’s lives! ghost basically ends up living with price 🫶

i’ve got a couple other ideas floating around, like an alejandro x reader gym crush fic, but this list is already insanely long and very subject to change 💀

WIP Wednesday

Uhh I think Im the first one today so Imma tag; @gaeadene @direwombat @clicheantagonist @the-delicate-disaster @g0dspeeed @bunny-extract @deadbranch @glossythor and YOU person reading this if you wanna be tagged and I did not

Ghost + GN!reader; the “trapped in the elevator” concept. PTSD all that fun stuff. Neither reader nor ghost is having a fun time. Disclaimer I am a dumbass(tm) and idk how this stuff works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You think nothing of it when stepping onto the elevator, Ghost close on your heels. The pair of you are heading towards the same meeting on another floor.

A wicked storm rages outside, wind whipping trees and debris as rain pelts against the glass windows.

The base usually holds up well in storms. You don’t worry about it.

There’s no one else in the elevator as it shuts. Your phone is kept in hand despite knowing you never get service here. In just a moment you’ll be at your destination, and the effort of putting it up just to immediately pull it back out is more than you want to do.

You give a polite nod to the SAS sniper as he walks past you and settles himself with his back tucked against the wall. He returns the gesture and that’s about it for your small talk.

You’re not friends, and even acquaintances would be pushing it. But you cross paths enough to have that adjacent familiarity. He knows your face and you know his…well, his mask.

If it was someone else you might ask the performative question of double checking the two of you are heading to the same floor. Idle chit chat to pass the time on the way to the meeting.

Ghost isn’t the chit chat type and you know it. The number 5 glows when you press the button, the gears whirling overhead.

You’re on the second floor. The screen indicates 2-3-4-

And just shy of the screen switching over to 5 the gears screech to a halt, the lights cutting out in the elevator. You’re plunged into darkness, a startled “what the fuck?” escaping you before the emergency light kicks on.

It’s dimly lit and spooky. Ghost’s skull faced balaclava doesn’t do anything to lighten the mood.

You’re not in love with the idea of being stuck in the elevator, a distant ringing outside the compartment indicating that there’s people (you) trapped inside.

You know it won’t do anything but you press the now dim 5 button a few times. The mechanical click of the button depressing is the only thing that greets you.

“Well shit. You don’t have service, do you?” you figure the answer is no, but maybe today will be your lucky day.

Ghost is silent just a hair too long and the silence is enough to set you slightly on edge. He’s not registering that you’ve spoken to him.

“Ghost?”

It’s fucking creepy the way his head snaps to your direction. But at least now he’s acknowledging your existence.

“Do you have service?”

The amount of time it takes him to blink scares the shit out of you.

He doesn’t normally kick up your flight or response like this. But then again he’s not usually fucking dissociating right in front of you. He’s stiff as a board, not moving, barely blinking and staring you down in silence.

“Ghost,” it takes everything in you to keep your voice even keel.

You’ve heard the stories. Not of him specifically but soldiers in general. They call them episodes.

The term is almost cute. Much less cute that an episode involves you being trapped in a verifiable shoebox with a soldier who could snap you like a twig if he wants to.

That’s usually a problem for nurses and other medical staff. Working in tech you aren’t usually given a front row seat to a soldier looking ready to crawl up the walls.

He blinks again and you let out a sigh as the tension in his shoulders drop slowly.

[injuryprompts]

Hello! I love your prompts and they help a lot to get creativity going ^^

But i was wondering if you could help me... I'm writing a character that got pierced by a spear (not all the way and not that deep to be fatal, but it's still worrying)

I was wondering how someone treats a wound like that? I've been trying to search for it but i figured asking someone might be better. Ps: Character is self treating himself, he doesn't know much what to do

Ps again: the wound gets infected

I love whump 😔👏🏻 thanks for the attention

Thank you so much for the compliments! I don't know when you send me this, so it might be a little late, but i wrote some stuff anyway:

OK, so first, I'm not a medical practitioner. All my knowledge comes from a bi-yearly (so every two years) First Aid Class. So, take this information with a grain of salt please.

But let's say I got impaled by a spear (not all the way through). What would I do (if I wasn’t immobilized on the floor and crying in pain)?

First things first call 911. That's your first step in every situation. Then you'd just listen to whatever they tell you to do. Which is probably stabilize the object that's impaling you. But I'm assuming in this situation you either don't want to be found or don't have any service. In any case you’re alone in this, they can’t help. So, we’re moving along.

Are you impaled in the stomach/chest area? Then this next thing isn’t important cause there is nothing to do. Are you impaled through a leg or arm? Then is the question do you suspect to have been hit in a major artery (aka how deep and into the middle of your limb/chest have you been stabbed), if hit even close to where an artery would be: apply a tourniquet. Preferably from your well-packed-prepared-for-the-worst-case-scenario First Aid Kit. Those work best, for obvious reasons. If not here’s an online guide in how to apply an improvised tourniquet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFQWgy6qAdc). Don’t tighten it just yet, it’s just a preparation for worst case scenario, you’re alone after all and if you find out you’re bleeding to death you won’t have the time/chill to carefully tie one then. And when tying it up you’re cutting of the blood flow, which is good because you don’t want to die due to blood loss, but there is also no blood going back to your body. This means that all the waste (CO2, etc.) will stay in your leg, and accumulate, this is called blood poisoning and if you then untie it, it will go to the rest of your body and you poison your whole body instead of just your leg. So, if it’s not necessary: don’t do it! Blood poisoning is better than dying, but it’s not better then ya know, no blood poisoning. Also, I can tell you from experience, a tourniquet hurts a fuck ton. So, if you don’t have to, don’t do it.

If you can still walk without moving the object too much (or I guess this is a worst-case scenario so walk anyway it's either dying now or dying in 30 minutes...), so you're now looking for any absorbing fabric to help soak up the bleeding (if there is any). Preferably a sterile fabric from a well packed first aid kit. Otherwise go for a towel or t-shirt or something like that.

Now ideally also have a suture kit to suture the wound, some form of antiseptic/antibiotic and maybe a thing to cauterize the wound as an absolute last resort (hot metal or something).

Ok so in my mind you ideally now have: A prepared tourniquet, bandages/towels, suture kit, antiseptic/antibiotic.

You’d be sitting down now, on the floor, cause if you fall: you don’t, and all your stuff is within arm’s reach. Your tourniquet is ready to be tightened. You pull out the object, slowly so you don’t do more damage. The next step depends on the amount of bleeding:

Little bleeding: Clean the wound (preferably with some water or a clean cloth), put some antiseptic/antibiotic on the wound and wrap it in some gauze.

Moderate bleeding: The same as above but you’re wrapping it a little tighter if possible.

Excessive bleeding: The same as above but before you’re putting a wrapping on it suture it shut.

Extremely excessive bleeding: Tighten the tourniquet until you can’t go any further (don’t let the pain stop you), then you’re suturing the wound. When the wound is shut, slowly unwind the tourniquet, if the wound starts to bleed heavily again, tighten it again and put more effort into closing the wound. If you have a way to cauterize it, I guess this is the time if suturing doesn’t do its job (cauterizing can bring a lot of risks, so don’t just go at it if it’s not needed). If it’s not bleeding that badly, wrap it up with a bandage and you’re good to go.

As for the infection, yeah idk. I'd say keep it covered in an antibacterial ointment or something. And if you can get your hands on it, take some antibiotics. Or if you want to have more weird stuff: Maggots! Maggots eat infected/dead/slouchy tissue. (more info: https://www.chelwest.nhs.uk/your-visit/patient-leaflets/tissue-viability/maggot-therapy)

PLEASE NOTE IF YOU EVER USE A TOURNIQUET IN REAL LIFE NEVER TAKE IT OFF YOURSELF! This is a professional’s job! The only thing you do with a tourniquet is tighten it and write down the time when you did it! Write it on the tourniquet, but preferably on the victim’s forehead, since the tourniquet will be red from blood and the forehead is visible even when the victim is wrapped in a blanket or anything else.)

If you are impaled to a wall, the floor or anything else, so you have to take the object out before you can go get towels. Try looking for those items before moving, this way you know where to go to help yourself and it reduces the time you are walking around untreated.

AGAIN, I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL! PLEASE ONLY USE THIS INFORMATION FOR FICTIONAL WRITING ONLY!

IF YOU ARE EVER IN A SITUATION WHERE MEDICAL ACTION HAS TO BE TAKEN CONTACT A PROFESSIONAL (999/911/112/etc. with critical matters or your local doctor’s office for less critical matters. If you don’t know what to do call the emergency number)

[fayriequeene]

Oh I just saw your ask where you said NHS requires you to try medication. That’s horrible and unethical. I’d highly recommend reaching out to some local therapists and explaining it. Because they honestly might have a way to waive that requirement or refer you to someone who can.

You never know until you try and you have nothing to lose since you don’t have therapy now anyway. Might as well try instead of feeling helpless :(

I live very rurally, otherwise I would go private 😔

With the NHS you can’t contact the therapist services you have to be referred to a service which then refers you it’s all very detached. It takes about 2 years (I’ve been on the list before waited 3 ish years but they sent the letter to the wrong address so I was discharged for not replying - meaning I’ll have to wait another 2 years)

As it is I haven’t even bothered to go to the GP as they will just tell me to self refer and wait 2-3 years 😐