#i am SO SCARED of posting my art on the INTERNET i hope someone out there enjoys this

[arizonateadrinker]

ouuhhh they occupy my mind....!!!

[algae-tm]

WE CAN’T BE FRIENDS

Oscar Piastri x Reader

Author’s Note: there’s a lot going on in this fic and I should’ve probs split it into two so I could do the storyline justice, but I’m nothing if not slightly lazy so that never would’ve worked. If you notice any mistakes please do let me know! Rn it’s 2 am and my visions blurred so I’m gunna post and hope for the best

I’m actually gunna recommend songs for this fic!!tbh just listen to Willow’s entire discography (apart from that one song with MGK) and if you want to give unholy a listen it is by Hey Violet (though I don’t know if I like the song or not, but it says what I needed the fic to say) and of course All I Wanted Was You is paramore! I hope you enjoy

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

MESSAGES (OSCAR AND Y/N)

INSTAGRAM

youruser just posted

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 3,456,789 others

youruser: thank y’all for the love on unholy, the last slide is how I feel now that I’ve been let out the house!! Hot gal y/n is back!

view all comments

user1: OH WE ARE SO BACK!

user4: IS RHIS CONFIRMATION ?? IS THIS CONFIRMATION?? IS THIS BREAK UP CONFIRMATION

— youruser: girl, if the song wasn’t confirmation enough idk what is

sza: welcome back y/n the streets have been waiting for your return

— youruser: tell the streets I’ll get back to them, I have other plans

— oscarpiastri: 👀 👀

— youruser: gtfo

— landonorris: trouble in paradise?

user32: who’s the song about???

— landonorris: yeah y/n who’s the song about??? 🤨🤨

— youruser: I will block you norizz

— landonorris: oh shiver me timbers

oscarpiastri: amazing song y/n! So proud to call you my best friend

— user22: bro 😭 😭

— user32: either brother doesn’t like her at all or he just has no rizz

— user44: god the friendzone must hurt extra hard after she just released that song about you.

MESSAGES

TWITTER

MESSAGES

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

youruser posted a photo

liked by lewishamilton, oscarpiastri, jonbatiste and 5,327,439 others

youruser: thank you all so much for all the love over the last month! I’m so glad you not only watched Queen Charlotte but that you loved it! As you all probably know I haven’t released much art in the last three years, but I never stopped making and art is forever. I’m now just so glad I can now share it with all of you. My new album empathogen is out now on all streaming platforms. Some familiar tracks on there, some not so familiar. Hope you guys enjoy!

view all comments

lewishamilton: 👏🏿👏🏿

— youruser: 🖤🖤

user10: can’t believe unholy isn’t on the album???

— user11: I mean I kinda can… all the other songs have much deeper meanings and the sounds are so much more complex…

— user13: that’s what I was thinking, unholy is giving forever 21 changing room, whilst the album is like, masterpiece level shit

—user17: thank god I’ve been arguing with people on twtr all morning about this,

— user32: it’s never that deep…

oscarpiastri: I’m in awe of what your mind can create 🧡

— youruser: couldn’t do it without my forever muse

— user21: 🤨🤨🤨🤨

— user32: y’all are we seeing this??

— user45: WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS????

— user67: lord help me I’m about to read too much into an interaction on the internet. But him adding a heart. Her not adding a heart. I’m drawing conclusions

— user76: please stop drawing conclusions 😭

jonbatiste: so much talent for someone so young, keep flourishing y/n

— youruser: thank you Jon for all your help 🖤

MESSAGES (OSCAR AND Y/N)

INSTAGRAM

youruser just posted

liked by landonorris, logansargeant and 8,234,567 others

youruser: I bagged myself an f1 driver y’all! I hear they’re in high demand good thing I got you, was scared I’d have to settle for Lando Norris.

view all comments

oscarpiastri: this is not the caption we agreed on…

— youruser: oopsie daisy… I’m just a girl?

— oscarpiastri: MY girl

— youruser: 🤤🤤 say it again

landonorris: now why am I in this??

— youruser: you saying you wouldn’t like to date me?? 🤨😔😟🙁☹️

— landonorris: What no I’m sure you’d be a joy to date

— oscarpiastri: hey watch yourself Lando that’s my girlfriend

— landonorris: I mean of course I would never date her

— youruser: ☹️☹️

— oscarpiastri: so you’re saying there’s something wrong with my girl Norris? Why wouldn’t you like to date her

— landonorris: I’m so confused

oscarpiastri just posted

liked by logansargeant, alex_albon and 1,237,789 others

oscarpiastri: making up for lost time, at least we have til the end of it

view all comments

user32: oh… his caption just called me single in 45 different languages

— user21: the difference between his and y/n’s captions is what had me cackling

youruser: can’t wait to spend eternity with you,

— oscarpiastri: unbelievably in love with you

— alex_albon: 🤮 gross

— youruser: @lilymhe come get your man

— lilymhe: @alex_albon why is showing affection gross albon? 🤨🤨🤨

logansargeant: I’m taking credit for this

— landonorris: hey now it was a team effort

— alex_albon: this is me erasure

— youruser: thank you all 🫶🏿 you could’ve done it like 4 years earlier but still thank you!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

[crybabylipstick]

TALKING ABOUT THE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST MELANIE MARTINEZ:

In November of 2017, Timothy tweeted "what if I have my own story of a*use but I'm scared to ruin the persons life and I still love them in a f*cked up way and the public really loves them and most probably wouldn't believe me".

On December 4, 2017, Timothy publicly accused Melanie of s*xual as*ault on Twitter. She alleged two nights during which she "repeatedly said no" to advances from Melanie, claiming she kept secret for years and describing how Melanie had performed s*xual act*vities on her without her consent.

Melanie replied to the accusation shortly after claiming Timothy's allegation was false:

"I am horrified and saddened by the statements and story told tonight by Timothy Heller. What she and I shared was a close friendship for a period of time. We came into each other's lives as we were both starting our careers as artists, and tried to help each other. We both had pain in dealing with our individual d*mons and the new paths we were forging, but I truly felt we were trying to lift each other up. She never said no to what we chose to do together. And although we parted ways, I am sending her love and light always." (In case the picture is blurry).

- Melanie Martinez

In an interview with Newsweek, Timothy claimed that Melanie tried to contact both her and her boyfriend around 20 minutes after publishing the accusations through text and phone calls. No evidence to back this up was ever shared. In the aforementioned interview, Timothy went on to say that Melanie's dismissal of her account "says it all":

First of all, I did say 'no,' multiple times, but even if I hadn't, that doesn't mean I wanted it. She dug her own grave saying, 'she didn't say no'. That's not consent."

- Timothy Heller

On December 10, Melanie thanked her fans who supported her after the accusations.

"I understand how hard it could be to see my side of the story, considering no one with a heart would want to invalidate anyone speaking up about this topic. I want to thank my fans who took the time to research the timeline, analyze past Instagram photos, and question the story being told, which reveal her false statements. I trusted so many people in my life who took advantage of that trust for their own personal gain. Please know that my intentions with everything that I do in my life are always pure and I would never be i*timate with someone without their absolute consent." (In case the picture is blurry).

- Melanie Martinez

On July 19, 2024, 6 years after the controversy, Timothy posted a 6-minute video onto TikTok detailing how she had been h*rassed and bullied off the internet due to speaking up about the all*gations. She also said that she felt "quite validated" from Melanie's response due to Melanie admitting that the two had something take place between them.

(screenshot of the video Timothy is talking about Melanie and the whole situation).

Now, before anyone says something like "Oh wow you're supporting a 🍇pist" "You support 🍇pe" "Can't believe you believe Melanie" etc. I don't believe anyone, I'm not picking sides neither I'm trying to start a fight or offend anyone. I've been getting a lot of hate about the whole situation from people who don't even know me, saying stuff like "You support 🍇pe" "I hope you get 🍇ped too" "Supporting a 🍇pist" and really mean and offensive stuff like that. I DO NOT support 🍇pe. I just wanted to clear some things out, just because I'm a fan of Melanie doesn't mean I support everything she does and believe in everything she says etc. I'm just a fan and nothing more, I DO NOT care about her personal LIFE or what she DOES. I just listen to her music and art. I'm not trying to offend anyone or anything. And I'm not saying you shouldn't express your thoughts or opinions on the whole situation or anything like that. Neither I'm saying you are in the wrong if you believe Timothy/Melanie. All I'm trying to say is we shouldn't judge or pick sides because only Melanie and Timothy know what truly happened. We might never know the truth, and that's totally okay. The only people who can judge each other are Melanie and Timothy. We don't even know what happened. Timothy could be lying, Melanie could be lying, who knows? Also, Melanie hasn't been proven GUILTY neither is Timothy's story INVESTIGATED or proven to be TRUE.

Another thing I want to point out is that even tho Timothy claims to be traumatised by Melanie and the whole situation etc. Timothy in 2015/2016 had dressed up as Melanie:

( 1st photo edited by me (I mean how I compared the pictures) , please give credits if you use etc. Thank you 🌬️🤍).

I'm sure you don't dress up as someone who has done something so serious and mean to you.

Not to mention when Timothy said the date that apparently the whole situation happened Melanie was in another state on the "CRYBABY TOUR". The last time I checked, you couldn't f*ck someone from that far away. (Not trying to offend anyone). And she also has claimed that she didn't remember the date that well yet she is still giving us a date.

Anyways, that's all I have to say, if you read all that, thank you, I really appreciate it. 🌬️🤍

( By the way, this is MY opinion about the whole situation. NOT trying to start a fight, be mean or offend anyone. Saying this so that there won't be any misunderstandings or false information 💕🩹).

[abyssal-author-and-artist]

My blog is generally pretty lighthearted and I stick to reblogging art and fic and fun stuff, but you know what. I feel like I need to say this.

I am a trans teen in the US. I'm seventeen, so too young to have voted. I'm terrified for my life right now. I usually post about college but I'm actually concurrently enrolled in high school still and the kid who sits behind me in first period government is a massive Trump fanboy. I'm going to have to go to high school Monday and talk about the election. I'm going to have to hear my deadname called and hear people in my super conservative high school talk about how happy they are Trump won. Everything is terrifying. I walk outside of my house and I'm scared I'll be shot. Several months ago I promised that I'd kill myself if that bastard won.

He did and I'm still here.

I'm not thriving. I'm not living my best life. I'm barely living. But I'm surviving. I'm coping. I'm trying my goddamned best. It's hard. I want so bad to just go and take as much medication as I can and slit my wrist for good measure and pass away in my sleep. But I'm still here. And I will be here.

I am in so much pain. But I'm living on spite and determination and everything I can scrape together. I know I need support and those around me need support. So consider this a support masterpost.

Support:

First thing you should see if you're a trans person in the US.

Here's a link to the Trevor Project and here's a link to their suicide hotline page. They've already saved my life once before. Please note - they recommend calling if you need immediate support. Donate if you can, please.

This post is both a suicide hotline masterlist and a post mentioning how something feels deeply wrong here with this election.

On the topic of something being wrong, sign this petition. I'm only seventeen but I did this and it might not feel like much but if we couldn't shoot that bastard (I am not pro-gun but I am when it comes to him) then we'll do the next best thing. Here's the link to the petition itself. Make sure to check the post every once in a while - the original petition got taken down and this is important.

I follow a lot of gimmick blogs, so I got to see this post encouraging us to be loud. Because we should be. Because if we die they've won and my mom didn't smoke weed on the steps of the state capital of Colorado to legalize it just so her son could roll over and die.

Here is the Tumblr Hot Beverage Masterpost, as I've taken to calling it. My personal favorites are the London Fog in the replies, earl grey with milk, honey, and vanilla (in the tags), and some additions from me are hot chocolate with peppermint melted into it, earl grey with lavender, caramel apple tea, and really anything else you can think of. Trust me. This post works better than you think.

Read this post if you haven't seen it already. It's half poem, half Tumblr being Tumblr, all wonderful to read.

Things I just like to see:

PM Seymour and Bettina Levy both have shown their support for everyone struggling right now. It might not be much, but I still really appreciate it and seeing support can really help.

The cat with the kind and reassuring face. No other context.

Four panel comic of hope. Because you're more than enough.

Can't find the post where I found this but this is a link to a virtual toy where you can make your own galaxy.

Please. Eat something. Drink a hot beverage. Draw, write, read, knit, sew, sculpt, bake, do something that helps. Reach out to friends, even if they're online friends. Talk to someone you trust. Make vent art. Write vent fics. It doesn't matter what you do as long as it helps.

Do not roll over and die. Live. Live on spite. Live on determination. Live on shitposts and live on heartfelt stories like this one. If you have anything to add to this post please do. Add more resources. Add more love to this post. I know I'm just a guy on the internet saying shit, but I still care about everyone who sees this post.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Thanks for your response. I was the anon who ended the ask with 'the fandom can suck it'. When I saw that anon who you and twinanimatronics had assumed to be the one that keeps you know starting shit with you, I really hated that they labeled us as shipbrain or whatever they said. I am aroace who finds comfort in shipping characters and that doesn't make me any less aroace. Can't people like them just let us have this, let us share it and stop taping our mouths? God. We are not even hurting anyone. I posted a solarxmoon and solarxearth mini comic thing yesterday and behold, I believe that same anon found it and is looking adamantly through the solarxmoon and even solarxearth because I didn't use the tsams tag for my comic. I took the comic down fast and turned off anon messages so quick because God that anon was quick to leave nasty messages, six in total and that was panic attack inducing. I'm sorry for rambling about this. I don't know anyone else who got that same anon on their back. It looks like they are persistent for lack of better term and it annoys me+scares me. Can't even share things I like about here anymore. Hoping solarxmoon becomes canon so that anon can shut up already

If Solar Moon became canon, they don't even need to change anything.

The actors don't even need to pretend to kiss or be romanically involved at all.

It's literally as simple as "Oh yeah, we were dating for months, anyway..."

OH AND... FUCK THAT ANON. I know the user you are talking about, I think there's around two or three of them... and it seems like they're dead set on hunting down people who use that Solarmoon or Solar x Moon tag.

Going into popular users in the tsams fandom that I personally don't know... and spreading bad lies and rumors about me.

Like, they typically try to keep it as vague as possible, like "oh I am not talking about dana-chan-the-control-brain specifically....." but they often steal the exact wording and turn of phrase I use.

Cause I have an overly wordy way of talking on the internet.

I've always been this way since I was 15, so I feel my style of speaking is pretty overly wordy, rambly and long compared to most people just because I don't have a lot to share with my opinions with in real life. And I also misspell things a lot cus spellcheck has gotten worse since it became AI trained and it doesn't help my dyslexia.

But how sad is that? That someone is searching out the tag for a ship that they don't like, claim that "it's everywhere" and I'm "poisoning the fanbase" when I'm just.... here... playing with my own dolls, doing my own thing.... and not bothering anyone... Not even putting the ship in the tags publicly because I have Such respect and love for the silly little youtube show, who also plays with fnaf characters like they're dolls.

(just saying.. "bio-organic" and interdimensional travel did NOT come from fnaf I can tell you that much. )

And yeah, if they're really stumbling across Solarmoon or these ships on accident.......Blacklist the tags and move on? Don't come to my messages... Don't harass my friends...

And don't harass other people I DON'T EVEN KNOW because someone just said "hehe but what if they kissed" on the internet?

Like blocklist the tag, and move on.

I know the blocklisting tagging system sucks sometimes, so maybe it's picking up "Solar" like in that case? Just scroll super fast and don't look at it?

And yeah. You don't deserve those nasty messages sent your way at all!

Oh, and if you feel brave enough to reupload your art to tumblr and DM me, I will gladly reblog it here. <3

[paranormeow7]

Idc if you answer this privately or publicly but Jesus fucking Christ this is getting out of hand. I didn't write up a doc about oh it's not my fault oh I didn't do it it was someone else. I think you know who I am, being we used to be friends. And I am sincerely here to say I am so, deeply sorry for what I did and what I have therefore caused. I tried to ignore it because I didn't want to face it. But it happened and I don't want any trolls or whatever making it worse.

Gavin, I'm pretty sure that's what you're going by now I apologize if that's wrong, I can't take back what I did. Any of it. I knew I should have gotten help and shouldn't have put it onto you by becoming closer. It never should have got to the point past being friends but I was selfish and I wasn't actually thinking about anyone else. I just wanted somewhere to offload my problems, and I knew it was wrong. It was never supposed to go farther than just being friends, but then it was best friends, and I didn't want to lose the "only person" I felt understood. And I mean you didn't understand, you were a kid. I didn't plan to groom anyone, that should be obvious, but it happened. It wasn't the "regular" kind of grooming, but it was still grooming. I just didn't want to realize it or see it for what it was.

I wasn't in a good state before meeting you, and I let it get worse, I let it influence you as time went on and it's no one's fault but mine. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of what I put you through, the lasting effects none of it. It's not your fault I couldn't take accountability. It's not your fault I denied not being alright and deluded myself into thinking things were okay.

This is not to get anyone to forgive me. That's stupid. But as an adult I want to, me, not someone trying to make a bigger mess, not hiding behind a new account in a different place, as in me who has been trying to find a college and move away from the internet entirely, apologize. And make it known that I have now accepted help to make sure none of this happens again. I say I'm taking accountability and I'll admit to the tumblr/reddit thing because I panicked and didn't want to dig a deeper hole than I already did. But that quite obviously backfired, I just thought an art and collection blog would be okay enough but it broke the promise set in place. I interpreted the post as I did something like. s*xual grooming and I panicked because I didn't do that but misinterpreting it upset me and I, again, panicked.

I don't have access to an address or anything btw, I know my words don't hold much water to both of you, but I would not lie about that. Please do not go after any family members you might know of mine, they are not involved in my mistakes.

And ps: I wouldn't use my like. actual name in a random ask if it was there. That's also stupid. I just want this to verifiably be completely over for you- and everyone I affected. It's been a long time since and it shouldn't still be drug out because I've been scared to admit things. If you believe me or not is obviously up to you, and I don't want to make you more upset. I just want to formally, and with a clearer perspective since talking to a professional, apologize.

And I don't want some random person with facts they could get from my dad saying any crap about there being another person. There isn't. There's just me. And I don't have proof, especially with the one account being gone, but I'm keeping to my word of being offline. If anything else pops up, I will personally message them and tell them to take it down, for you and your boyfriend's sake, not for me. This is the only thing I'm actually sending. Hopefully this message actually holds merit because of the way I type, it's probably recognizable to you. I hope this finally puts an end to everything, and I cross my heart everything will not make another account. I just thought a art thing or collection thing would be contained enough but, yeah.

Again I do not want this out there for forgiveness. I want it out there because I'm sock of misinformation from random people and the fact my continued selfishness continues to hurt you. With all the sincerity I can put across words, I hope this is it. 🐇

I’ll delete the posts about the doc, I’m genuinely sorry I put your name out there, and I cannot believe someone would just write a doc like that out of boredom if it really wasn’t you. That’s absolutely batshit and not fair. As for the rest of it, it’s not my place to accept any of this, it’s Gavin’s. I hope this is it as well.

[laughdamnyou]

I understand not liking something or that it is not to your taste. But I am tired of things that I like being shit on constantly. If you don't like it or prefer something else, don't keep bringing it up or getting rude at someone else for liking it. Of course, this post is about the whole IDW vs Archie, but I believe it can be applied to many things.

I grew up with Archie somewhat, but only a Readers Digest every 4-6 months because we rarely went out. I grew up with disjointed comics and honestly? bad art. I have some of Tracy Yardley's back before he really got into a groove and colourers didn't really seem to care so there were lots of off-model colouring. When we finally got internet at my age of 14/15, I was immediately drawn in by the UK's Sonic the Comic. It was odd, it was trippy, and overall very memorable and fun for me (even if unintentionally). Amy was my favorite character and I would draw and write her like STC's scrappy tomboy Amy (doesn't help that I was doing archery at the time so I latched onto a cool female archer character). However, there wasn't very much recognition for my favorite comic, so I made do with Archie.

When Archie Sonic was canceled, I was upset a bit, but I saw it coming (fuck Ken Penders). When IDW picked it up, the consistent art and bright colours lured me in as well as building off of what Forces should've been (which is to say "good"). I loved Tangle and Whisper and for a bit Whisper was my new fixation (Rouge will forever be my absolute favorite Sonic female). But I noticed a massive amount of hate. I knew this would happen because fandoms rarely let a cancellation slide, let alone a fandom like Sonic. Especially to be replaced by another series with no returning original cast.

However, I was hoping it would disappear over time and Archie Sonic is remembered as "fun, dramatic, and mostly well written." especially as it was the longest running video game based comic ever (that I know of). But it hasn't. IDW isn't perfect, Ian Flynn isn't perfect, Sega isn't perfect, nor is Sonic Team. The writing can be off, Flynn does have the odd urge to put random music lyrics into dialogue awkwardly, Shadow is...off putting for any fan to say the least, the pacing could be better, and the constant delays are incredibly annoying.

Criticism is one thing, but constant hate and shit stirring is another. Please stop and be kind to your fellow fans. There are plenty of Sonic media for anyone. Whether it be games; Classic era, Adventure era, "modern" era, etc. Shows; SATAM, AOSTH, Prime, Boom, Underground. Movies; Sonic Cinematic Universe, OVA. Or Comics; Archie, IDW, STC, manga, etc.

So please calm down and either enjoy or at least appreciate what we have or go back and reread what you already love. Or make your own. That is always an option. I do sometimes, I even created a "Reboot" universe of sorts with my sister (though i am too scared to share it)

[hyperfixation-station-1234]

Full disclaimer: I am SUPER new to enjoying Sleep Token as a band. I’m talking not even a week new.

I had listened and saved a couple of their song on Spotify. My husband is a drummer and really enjoys II’s playing. He told me about the Drumeo offering, I got really interested in them after watching it. I decided to do what I always do and search about their lore and history as a band and listen to their full discography because I have no chill when I get excited about something.

I didn’t even make it one full TikTok before one of their names popped up. And I immediately felt guilty. Even though I wasn’t really looking for it. And forget Pinterest like the first post has something about their identities. And with the doxing situation it really is the absolute worst time to find a band you genuinely enjoy for it to immediately be tainted by that kind of boundary being crossed for them. I feel like I was in able to enjoy how they intended to be enjoyed and that’s sad. And I feel so sad for them. They are probably feeling scared, angry, and out of control because of someone’s thoughtless actions. Because someone viewed them through a screen and not as actual people behind the creativity and art.

To Millennials, gen z and whatever generation to come after us is, we need to find a way to teach ourselves and those that come after us social media and internet etiquette and boundaries. We were never taught this stuff. But we are seeing how the repercussions of the internet Wild West have affected so many people, Sleep Token is just another name in a very long list.

Sure they’re hot, sure they seem extremely cool, sure they put their art out to be consumed. But that doesn’t mean THEY should be up for consumption. They do not belong to anyone but themselves. They have a right to their own personal autonomy just like the rest of us.

I hope they are able to take legal action against whoever did it to them. I hope the ones involved who did the doxing wake up to a freight train of karma. I hope they can feel safe enough again after this to continue making bombass music, because HOLY SHIT they’re incredible. And I hope we can all collectively help each other and educate each other to do better.

[wineaunt420]

Tw// loong ass Vent post

----------------------------

hope none of my irls find any of my accounts god forbid my twitter because I use tumblr to be unforgivable adhd and I use twitter to talk about and connect with my mental health struggles. But it's so twisted how being online is the easiest way for me to talk about my interests because I don't feel the sinking feeling of dread that I would if I were to talk about my hyperfixations and not be reciprocated in my connection with these shows. Because I genuinely feel like I will explode sometimes because of my overwhelming thoughts and the only way I can stop that feeling is to share my thoughts whether they are are seen or not. I still get anxiety connecting with people online but it's significantly less because there isn't that full face to face connection

I have this burning desire to be seen and loved for my work and my ideas but this deep fear of being seen, noticed and perceived. I want to share my thoughts and feelings all the time to everyone but people usually end up taking advantage of it. And I'm scared that I won't make it in the future because of my struggles with depression and self harm and the fear of growing up. I'm afraid I won't make a significant impact to the world with my name, I feel the need to be seen but my struggles prevent that. That's why I want to br an actor.

But I'm afraid I won't make it

I'm afraid it will all go wrong and because I'm not a child anymore I will have to be the one to fix it instead of someone older than me. I'm never going to be a child again and it's weird for me now to have such a childish love for kids shows and games, it's weird for me to collect toys of all my favourite characters and feel such strong connections with them.

I used to hide all my toys whenever an argument would break out in the house because I would be afraid that they would be broken In order to hurt me. I've always feared people judging me for my interest but I find so much comfort in them and putting myself in their worlds and building myself an interesting life in those shows and games, which I've realised was just an escapism coping mechanism. But I want to share these worlds that I've built in my head and share how beautiful they are.

I've always felt out of place for not being normal but I've always felt comfortably abnormal on the Internet and that's why I choose to share my stories here so that I can be seen through them. It is fucking weird that I genuinely want connection with fictional characters but it stops me from falling back on my unhealthy coping mechanisms, so I do it. But I do it here so I can't be perceived. So my unusual state and problems can't be linked towards a face. Saying all this I'll probably still end up doing a face reveal lol.

My adhd is both a blessing and a curse that flourishes here and is soul crushing in real life

My depression and issues with self harm is just a fucking draining curse no matter where I am. I wish therapy wasn't so fucking expensive and I wish I could share my art and thoughts with more people

[phoebelovingcare]

Shock, horror; if you post about people using their URL, they'll probably find out about it regardless of being @'d directly and try to figure out wtf your problem is. Also shock and horror; if you can keep careful track of someone's URL changes and posts, they can probably do the exact same to you. Karma's a bitch, as is common sense.

For the grievous sin of trying to figure out why the guy I haven't spoken to in four actual years is drawing vent art of torturing me in his sketchbook by asking "do you want to talk," I get told that I, who was 16 when we met while he was in his early twenties, am terrifying and need to stay far away from him. As if his other victim hasn't been begging for him to do that for years.

To Gen, I want you to know that while you were constantly throwing my name around and bemoaning my existence, I had literally actually forgotten about you entirely and was doing things like making friends, getting a job, learning to drive... Y'know, things more important than arguing over video game characters on the Internet for FOUR YEARS?

If my living well and letting go scares you, be afraid, motherfucker. Be so very afraid.

I'm gonna get to work on this mermay piece and make myself some pancakes, take my anxiety meds, chat with my brother about Hollow Knight and Subnautica. Maybe work on writing more in my super longform fic project! I've taken three shifts of teaching karate this week and I'm exhausted, looking forward to a chill, fun day with less exercise besides the pushup challenge they have me doing.

Hope everyone reading has a fantastic day!! Sparkle on its Friday and all that :D

[tomb-bloom-noctem]

FEEL FREE TO COMPLETELY IGNORE THIS UNHINGED POST I AM UNLEASHING ON EVERYONE BUT IT OKAY FOR ME TO JUST SCREAM ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE AND AMAZING IT IS TO BE LIVING IN THE TIME OF THE INTERNET!? THERE IS SO MUCH THAT SCARES ME AND CONCERNS ME AND THERE IS SO MUCH TO HATE BUT THERE IS ALSO SO MUCH GOOD. I HAVE FRIENDS I WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE WITHOUT IT. I WOULD NEVER GET TO KNOW THE GREAT WORKS OF CHAOFIX AND MARINAIGUESS AND GAYEMERALDS AND DRAGONSWIRL AND MORE AND THE ART OF RISZIARTS, ARTBYSANJO, CHICKEN AND WAFFLES, MORINGMARK, AND TOO MANY FOR ME TO REMEMBER RIGHT NOW AND MORE WITHOUT IT. I WOULD HAVE NEVER MET @minimetalxena or @mommacomms or @snow-rain or @late-to-the-fandom OR SO MANY OTHER JUST WONDERFUL FOLKS WITHOUT THE INTERNET. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN LONELY FOREVER WITH ONLY MY HUSBAND AS A WONDERFUL PERSON IN MY IRL LIFE TO BE MY FRIEND. WHICH DON'T GET ME WRONG HE IS SO FANTASTIC AND LOVELY AS A PERSON BUT HE SHOULD NOT BE MY ONLY FRIEND AND I'M SUCH A LONELY PERSON BUT I'M SO THANKFUL FOR MY FRIENDS AND MUTUALS AND FOR THE INTERNET GIVING ME ACCESS TO MORE ART AND MORE MUSIC AND IDEAS AAND FRIENDS WHO DON'T LIVE ANYWHERE NEAR ME BUT ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE ALL THE SAME AND IMPORTANT PERSPECTIVE TO HAVE AND JUST FUCKING HELL I CANNOT ADEQUATELY EXPRESS MY LOVE AND GRATITUDE ENOUGH. JUST HOLY SHIT I GET THAT BEHIND A SCREEN IT MAY NOT BE CLEAR BUT HOLY SHIT. ALL OF YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME AND I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU IN SOME WAY. I DON'T EXPECT THE SAME BUT I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND VALUED EVEN IF THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE YOU'VE NEVER MET. I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU ARTISTS. I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU BLOGS OF RANDOM PEOPLE WHO I HAPPENED TO MEET THANKS TO THE INTERNET. I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU'RE IMPORTANT AND THAT YOU MATTER TO PEOPLE.

YOU STILL MATTER!!!

YOU STILL MATTER!!!

YOU STILL MATTER!!!

THE INTERNET GAVE ME CHVRCHES AND NEW LINKIN PARK AND MEET ME @ THE ALTAR AND TAYLOR SWIFT AND ARCH ENEMY AND BILLIE EILISH AND SLEEPING WITH SIRENS AND AND WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE AND TOLD ME IT WAS OKAY TO LOVE THE THINGS I LOVE AGAIN LIKE SONIC OR LAST OF US OR LIFE IS STRANGE OR TOMB RAIDER OR TITANFALL OR APEX LEGENDS OR DEATH STRANDING OR OTHERS. THAT THE INTERNET IS HOW I'LL BE ABLE TO BEGIN THERAPY AGAIN OR HOW I LEARNED THAT I *AM NOT BROKEN* I'M JUST ASEXUAL, BIROMANTIC ASEXUAL AT THAT, THAT I MAY BE CRINGE AND NOT WORTH FOLLOWING ONLINE BUTI AM SO THANKFUL FOR THE INTERNET TO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT I WAS WRONG, THAT MY MOTHER WAS WRONG AND ABUSIVE, THAT MY CHURCH WAS ABUSIVE, THAT THERE ARE SO MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE OUT THERE EVEN IF WE ALL THINK WE ARE CRINGE AND TERRIBLE, THAT LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AND EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD IT'S WORTH IT TO KEEP GOING, TO ENDURE AND SURVIVE, TO COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE. JUST. GOD. I AM GOING TO HEAL. I KNOW IT. I WILL NOT BE TORN DOWN BY MY MOM OR HATEFUL COMMENTS ONLINE, I WILL RISE. I AM ALLOWED TO LIVE AND * I WILL. *

YOU STILL MATTER

YOU STILL MATTER

YOU STILL MATTER

YOU STILL MATTER

I STILL MATTER

YOU STILL MATTER

YOU STILL MATTER!!!

[a-heart-like-a-sparrow]

March 12th, 2023 - Hard to love

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Right now I'm in a good mood, but today some things happened that made me upset lol

It's not raining as much as it was predicted. I really wanted some rain.

I had a horrible Economics class where I had to correct other people's work. I think one if them hates me for the grade I wrote...

During that class, the teacher and my classmates made some small talk and talked about romantic partners. J has a girlfriend since almost 2 years ago, and I think I heard B and D have/had girlfriends, too.

I was so upset. I realized how I'm not as grown up as them... and how unlovable I am. I might be aroace, but sometimes I still want a boyfriend. Someone to take care of and hang out and feel like a normal person.

I was so sad and angry. I know it's not their fault. But I hate hearing how happy they are with other people and the fact that they can have normal human interactions with others. I can't.

What's the point in desiring him? It's not worth it. I'm just a stupid little girl and everyone can see that. I'm so... hard to love. A burden. I'm not destined to having a partner.

Sometimes I feel so alone...

Anyway, it was also too hot, and heat puts me in a bad mood lol

Ugh, and I have gym class tomorrow. I really hope it rains to avoid going to the park. I even have to finish reading my Philosophy book for tomorrow. I'll do it before I go to sleep. I'll highlight everything in the morning before I go to school.

Oh, and finally, I started posting on Instagram again, on @fragile_cosmos_. I've already posted a couple of things, but I'm still now sure about what to do with all that. I didn't even use any tags because I'm scared of showing things to people on the Internet lol

I even drew a little bit. I improvised and made something that was not on my list for brainstorm. I haven't finished it, I'm still on the line-art phase. I hope it's finished tomorrow.

Okay, that was all. Rest well!

Shit, now I don't know if I'm fine or I got sad like before lol

•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••

PS: I said "hard to love" because Sotce wrote on an Instagram post that someone told her she was "so easy to love". It definitely could never be me lol

Sotce is great, I started following her a few days ago. I love her drawings of Flower.

[fayesdiary]

Omg i had no idea you wrote for that fire emblem heroes supports blog! That was my fave blog back then LOL. A question for your blog though: how did you get the courage to start this account? I am also very shy on the internet and feel cautious about putting myself or my art online 😅

It was my favorite blog too! In fact, the reason I made a Tumblr account to begin with was to interact with and eventually submit supports to it😂 Shame no one uploads supports to it anymore, although I suppose I am part of the problem...

Anyway! Regarding your question, it was weirdly enough a mix of slowly preparing for it (there was a time where I made the blog but still was too scared to post anything) and getting on with it faster than my brain could freak out and make me back off. It's a weird game of push and pull and it's very frustrating.

But if you want some personal advice, I'd say wing it and post something, anything before you can think about it. Make a Tumblr account if you don't have it already, take full advantage of the fact it gives you full anonimity by not tying anything of your personal life to it (or rather, only the things you feel confident in letting anyone know, but if you're a minor do yourself a favor and don't put any personal information, not even your name and age) and if too much interaction freaks you out, you can disable anything you don't feel confident engaging with, from asks to replies to reblogs. Anonimity is great, it means you can put yourself out there without, well, actually exposing yourself more than you want. Same goes for filtering content you see, take some time to mess around with the settings and it will definitely pay off!

Also- I'm not speaking from personal experience here since everyone I've dealt with has been sweet, but remember the block button is always an option and you should use it whenever you don't want someone to interact with. It's there for that very reason after all!

And lastly, posting art or whatever else you want to post, I'd say just mess around and stick to whatever it feels most comfortable to you! You just want to post your finished art? Do that! You want to add WiPs and shitposts? Cool! 99% of your posts are barely tagged reblogs? You do you! Everyone uses their own blog differently, so take your time to experiment with what you want yours to be, and remember you can always change it later. As I mentioned earlier, this very blog was supposed to just be detailed posts about FE meta after all, and look where we are now😂

And that's all, I think.

Good luck anon! I hope your artistic endeavors go well <3

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David

[bangchanswolfpelt]

you are so fucking sick writing about incest, I used to like your blog but...im not even kink shaming, incest is immoral. I was actually shaking and crying. I have blocked all the incest tags. fuck you. you're a monster. do you even care how many people are traumatised by incest? I'm not, but I've never had healthy family dynamics. I would like to have siblings, it would be nice because then maybe I wouldnt be so lonely but I had to see this sick twisted shit. I hope you get help, its so horribly wrong to sexualise family. you are revolting. I hardly ever send hate anons but im sorry to you and myself, I had to break this rule because this infuriated me, I was in tears and I was scared. at least, thank you for tagging but whats better is if you didn't write it

i am not going to be using the word ‘triggered’ to describe your experience, because you did not use it which leads me to believe that you don’t consider that to be the appropriate descriptor for your experience. if you are prone to being this disturbed by content that you read, it is your responsibility before anyone else's to keep yourself safe—that means making the extra effort of blocking tags and checking people's navigation posts and masterlists. considering you said yourself that you have incest tags blocked, you also clearly know that. i do my best to be courteous and tag things people need to be tagged so people can feel welcome and keep themselves safe on my blog, and so that people who need to can make the decision to block me—my pinned navigation post has a clear list of things that i tag, and i tag all of my posts about incest. this means that you must have ignored your own filters to expose yourself to it. instead of using the filters that you are aware of and have access to, instead of blocking me when you realized you did not want anything to do with my content or my blog, you made the deliberate choice to expose yourself to something you knew would upset you, then when you were predictably upset, you decided to blame me and come into my space to take it out on me.

looking at the language you're using, you're clearly not trying to accomplish anything meaningful. you aren't here to discuss anything, you aren't here to ask about or suggest any practical, useful methods of harm prevention, you aren't even bringing up any actual harm except for your completely preventable distress; you are using loaded, emotional language to try and be hurtful, and you are trying to act as though you're morally superior for doing so. as someone who admits that you are not yourself a survivor of incestuous abuse, you are making a lot of assumptions about people who are, and how their trauma and their needs work. you are acting as though they are a monolith with all the same responses to trauma and all the same needs, as opposed to a group of people who all have different experiences and different ways of coping. you are also, quite frankly, making a lot of assumptions about me with that statement. all of this makes it incredibly fucking clear that this is not about how much you care about survivors, you're just using them as an excuse for your temper tantrum. survivors do not need you to fucking white knight for them, and even if any wanted your help, you clearly don't have any interest in doing the research to find out what effective help would actually look like.

i'm not even going to get into the way that immorality in fiction and art has always been important and useful, or the way that online fandom has been increasingly treating Western views on morality as the absolute standard to the point of open, vitriolic xenophobia. it's incredibly clear that that would only go over your head, and you honestly aren't even worth the time it would take for me to go into that.

i don’t feel bad for you, and i am not going to accept any fucking responsibility for your feelings, not when you came to my blog, ignored warnings and content tags, and had a bad fuckin time because of your own negligence, and not when you clearly can’t take the time to cool down, take care of yourself and take responsibility for yourself, and evaluate what the appropriate response to those feelings is. i am not going to accept responsibility for a complete stranger on the internet, especially not one who steps into my space thinking that they can harass me into doing what they want. you think that you can use shame and guilt to force people to do what you want them to do; you’re a bully and you’re not even a very good one.

you can try all you want to pretend that you have the moral high ground here, but it's very clear you know that you don’t—if you actually believed that, you wouldn’t be trying to make yourself sound kinder and more reasonable than you actually are by forcing sentiments like “I hope you get help” and “I hardly ever send hate” and insincere apologies into the same message as “you are so fucking sick”, “you’re a monster”, and “you are revolting.” it doesn’t matter if you "hardly ever" send hate—you still definitely fucking did it, my dude, and that still makes you a bully who spends their time being cruel to strangers regardless of how sorry you say you are. the best part of this is that i know you know that about yourself and you have to live with that while i'm going to keep writing things that i (and other people) enjoy and you're not going to be anything more to me than a funny joke that gets tossed around my apartment for a few weeks.

if i receive any more messages along these lines, they will be reported and blocked. i responded to this one because it was a fun novelty, and because i am sick and cranky and it gave me a good excuse to be kind of a bitch; i am not going to wait for the shine to wear off when i can better spend my time writing about puppy boys and kitty girls and brother fucking and questionably consensual somnophilia.

[sugiwa]

Hi. I am the Advice Anon. Please ignore those asks! I am so sorry for spamming your ask box. I still need help, so I’ll paste the entire thing over here. Again, sorry and thank you! Have a great day!

My reply and the full ask are below:

Hello! I hope you’ve been having a great day so far. This is probably unlike all of the other asks you get on a daily basis, author. However, I am in dire need of help, and I have turned to you. Before I begin, I want to apologize in advance, as this ask is going to be long. Now, like I said before, I need some help. You see, I am a freshman in high school, and school hasn’t even been going on for a full 10 weeks (a quarter), and I am already in a huge, messy, sticky situation. You probably already know that in high school, you need a certain number of credits in each field to be able to graduate. I am going to be extremely vague about this because it doesn’t really matter, and I’d really like to remain anonymous, if you know what I mean. One of the fields is World Languages and Visual Arts. Obviously, I am not talented enough to do Visual Arts, so I opted for World Languages instead. My teacher for the course I chose this year… she’s nice. Really kind, and I love that she makes learning a whole new language and culture, which is extremely hard, so much fun. And the fact that she’s one of the nicest teachers I know makes the rest of this so, so painful for me. 4 days ago, for me, was a Thursday. In this class, we had a vocab quiz that day (background info: two days before every quiz, my teacher posts a practice quiz to be done before class starts). I don’t really want to discuss what happened, as it still brings tears to my eyes, but I will give you a vague summary of what was going on. Basically, I couldn’t access my quiz (it was online), so my teacher told me to come in after school to re-do it. I was supposed to close down my computer and work on homework from another class, but instead of doing so, I worked on the practice quiz. And… this was considered cheating, because I was getting extra practice in before taking the quiz– something that the other students didn’t get, you know? My teacher saw my computer screen, and told me that she’d talk to me after school, and she’d be calling home. I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the class, because I was afraid of what might happen when she called home. After school, she told me to speak with her, and be honest about it. When cheating happens, at our school, the teacher will write us up for Academic Dishonesty and give it to the administration, who then decides the consequences. My teacher had told me that if I was honest with her, she wouldn’t write my up; she’d just give me a zero on the quiz and call home and tell them what I did. I was honest with her, because like I said before, I was afraid. Once I told her everything that happened, she told me that I could call home, let them know what happened myself, and I’d be off the hook (with a zero on the quiz, of course). So, I called home, like she had asked of me, but… they didn’t pick up. I told her that they didn’t pick up, and she told me that it was fine, and that she’d talk to my parents in-person before they picked me up from school. I’m not going to lie, that terrified me more than calling home. I don’t really remember what happened after that, because I was too busy crying, but I do remember that she mentioned something about me doing this before, and that it was not OK to do it the second time, but she’d let me off the hook. The thing is, I am 100% sure I haven’t done this before… or maybe she just didn’t approach me the first time. I told her that I didn’t do this before, and she told me that I was lying again, and began to write me up. I told her that I didn’t mean to do this, and that I was sorry, but she told me to stop lying. She said that she DID approach me the first time I did this, and that I was rude to her then. This brought tears to my eyes– my kind of favorite teacher telling me that I was rude to her. You see, I didn’t grow up here, and although I’ve lived here for 4 years, I am not used to the way people interact here. It was very different where I grew up. For example, you didn’t ask each other how their day was, or what they did during their day, unless you were REALLY curious or concerned, because that was considered nosy and rude. So, I tend to be unintentionally rude, and completely oblivious to it; I have no idea when I’m being rude or not, unless someone specifically says so. I also don’t really understand people well, so that’s a huge problem. So… hearing this from her, really hurt. I told her that I didn’t intend to be rude, and I was trying my best to change (I mean, I was & am reading a book to teach me etiquette and all), and she replied with “that’s good to hear”. Then, when my parents came to pick me up, she talked to them, and even asked one of my parents to walk with us to the Administration Office to turn in the write up. Stuff happened, I got called into the Assistant Principal’s office, and now I have a zero on my quiz (and my homework activity that I never finished), Saturday School, and a black mark on my record. But the thing is… that’s not what I’m concerned about at all. Sure, getting my grades up in time for Progress Reports is going to be an extremely hard task, and Saturday School is going to leave a huge black mark on my record, but that’s not what I’m worried about. My grades have been fractured, but so has my relationship with this teacher. I feel as though she hates me now, that she has lost all trust in me. (Background info: our school does Odd and Even days, so I have half of my classes on one day and half on the other, so that means that I didn’t face my teacher at all on Friday) 3 days ago, on Friday, when I went to school, it was an average day. It would have been an amazing day, had it not been for the situation I was in. All I could think about that day was my World Language teacher. And just thinking about her, and about that classroom, it… gives me a bit of anxiety. This is where I need your help. What would you do if you were in my situation? I really want to repair my relationship with my teacher, because I know that she’s really important; we’re going to be on the same campus for the next 4 years of my life, and even more importantly, she’s going to be my teacher for the next 8 months. I want to graduate with good grades, but more importantly, I want to graduate without holding a grudge against my teacher. I want her to like me, and I want to gain her trust again. Today is a Sunday for me, and I have to go back to school tomorrow, and I have her class then. A part of me is really scared to go to school, a part of me is really angry at my teacher for reporting me (even though it was the right thing to do), and a part of me wants to ditch school tomorrow, or even drop out or transfer from her course, all because I don’t want to face her after I did the wrong thing. It’s not only that, either. I’ve also been avoiding my friends. Would you like to know why I am confiding in awesome strangers on the internet anonymously instead of letting my friends know what’s going on? It’s because I’m afraid that they won’t like me anymore, and they’d ditch me or something. They’re amazing people, and I know that they won’t do that, but a part of me is still paranoid. I’ve been avoiding my friends since Friday, barely talking to them at school, and texting them a little bit in our group chat. They don’t really suspect anything, but that’s good. And that’s why I am asking you. Not just you, but actually anyone who sees this, if they helped me, I’d really appreciate it. I really need help moving forward in this situation, and I’m desperate for help. My parents don’t understand the situation I’m in, and I’m too scared to talk to my friends about it, so I’d really appreciate the help. It’s OK if you don’t reply to this, author. I know that this doesn’t affect you in any way, so you’re not obliged to help me. I’d like to thank you for taking the time from your day to read these extremely long asks. Have a great day. P.S: I absolutely love What Heroes Do! Izumi is such a well written character, and sometimes, I see myself in her. The way she handles situations is so inspirational! And your writing skills are top-tier! My best friend and I actually started writing a book 4 years ago (I mean, we wrote for one month in 6th grade, and then spent one day in 8th grade editing it, and we’ve only got a prologue and 1.5 chapters done, so… clearly, we aren’t doing a good job lol), and you’ve inspired me to go back to that book and re-do it! Thank you so much for being such an inspiration and an idol of mine! Ilysm ❤️

sugiwa:

I wanted to take the  proper time to reply to this. I think any adult willing to hold a grudge against a child is in the wrong. You clearly made a mistake and are now taking steps to improve and learn from it. Additionally, I think teachers tend to forget how much stress students are under in their academic and private lives, so a mistake should be used as an opportunity to teach not punish. I don’t think that you should worry about what this teacher thinks of you. Your teacher didn’t believe you, despite you telling them the truth. No matter how kind or nice someone is, their behavior towards you will always reflect their inner thoughts. If you’ve clearly made a mistake, you should fight to prove that. It’s not as if you intended to ‘cheat,’ given the situation we’re all in with the pandemic, online classes and quizzes are the norm. These kinds of things probably happen regularly. Additionally. I don’t think you need to concern yourself with being rude. My culture is rather blunt and when I first moved here, people weren’t fans of brutal honesty, so it was a big cultural shock.  If people aren’t willing to learn about your culture and understand, then I don’t think they’re people worth hanging out with. Lean on your friends, I don’t think they’d make a big deal over a couple of mistakes and if they do, then it might be worth reconsidering why you were friends with them. 

Thank you for your kind words about the story and I really hope everything works out for you!!