#i always thought i'd die on the
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ok one last post and then i’ll let it go
the whole idea that adam benford “headhunted” leon off the streets outside raccoon city makes absolutely no fucking sense, because it implies that benford somehow knew who he was already and had ascribed some sort of pre-determined value to him? and that leon wasn’t just
you know
some fucking guy bleeding out on the side of the road and just happened to be with the birkin kid.
like is the implication here that adam benford was sitting there at his big old big dick CIA desk (despite RE6 never mentioning him ever having been in the CIA) and looking at personnel files just for funsies and going “you know, this brand new recruit to the RPD, let’s go find him and see if he’s still alive somehow”?
BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT “HEADHUNTING” ACTUALLY MEANS.
THIS WHOLE THING JUST KEEPS GETTING DUMBER THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT
#of all the hills i thought i would end up dying on in this fandom#this was never ever EVER one of them#i always thought i'd die on the#'leon's attachment to/affection for ada is purely a trauma response' hill#or more recently the#'the mafia backstory is not canon' hill#but adam fucking benford?#this is the hill i die on?#adam fucking goddamn benford?#who i have legit never thought about at any great length at all prior to a few days ago?#who i legit FORGET FUCKING EXISTS most of the time#that guy???#THAT'S the guy?????#why is this fandom doing this to me
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I love you. the chill sorcerer
#I always have a soft spot for the NPCs who have a very informal/friendly/casual sort of affect#this line is very cute and playful#like. 'im gonna die soon. sorry about that. thought I'd apologize ahead of time cuz youre sooo scary'. bit of dry comic relief#haley plays elden ring
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rate the outfit
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 2#yakuza series#yakuza kiwami 2#yakuza 2#daigo dojima#snap sketches#see i did it i told you i'd do it#pov: you are at hot topic and trying to find something (he does not work there don't ask him)#segway section into something toally unrelated to people who do not frequent my blog :)#everyone else go away. unless you wanna keep reading 😳#i watched Not Quite Dead Yet while i was finishing a comm and WHAT a movie#it made me want to call my dad so you know it was good 😭#IT WAS CUTE THO FR i really loved how all th details of the movie tied in in the later sections#like the password being nanase's name but through the period table's numbers... stop that was cute#feels weird to say that as a highlight but i genuinely thought it was cute 😔#im not gonna lie tho when nanase was lookin through her dad's phone brother was emo#i think a lot about what would happen when people i love die and i always think of doing that.. like still texting them.. and whatever..#lemme move on from the somber moment thojVAERLKVA PLEASE when her dad was in the afterlife tho#HER MOM WAS SO CUTE both like. physically and just personality wise#we saw her for ten minutes and i have also fallen in love with her idc#they had to game end her cause they knew if we got to see any more scenes with her and kei i'd start crying i KNOW they'd be cute together#together more than what we got to see anyway... we know what i mean...#THE ENDING SHOT WAS ESP SO CUTE STOPPPP kinda creepy with her just. In Limbo but then she just. DEATH !! 👆#nanase's song to her dad at the funeral had me :(( too im so weak for dads and their kids reconciling/having a nice relationship stop#big L for her not signing up for a record label tho idc like OK its sweet she's working with her dad BUT CMONNNNN#you can do both queen.... i would prefer you do it alone cause Kid Falls In Line always makes me want to chew glass#BUT i will excuse it this time.. i repeat for The End Shot that was cute and the rest of the movie was lovely so ill let it slide#final note before i use up all my tags again i loved her concert outfit 😔give me them bracelets girl i cant find any
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Impressed and unimpressed. A slightly more historical take on Ockham ca. 1813.
#my art#ockham#need to thank the cursed charles portrait for bringing jonathan yeo into my life#even if it took me ages to figure out how to get thinned paint to drip digitally#it's still faster than if i'd chosen oils#also thanks comet for the info#i don't think i ever talked about this#but i'd always had it in the back of my head that ockham took the coat off during the battle#with the final thought of 'if i'm going to die it's not going to be in this fucking uniform'#though it would also be very fun to play with the surface version still wearing it#bit of an extra twist of the knife for ockham#not only is the person with your face piloted by fingerkings#but he's wearing the very symbol of some of your most unpleasant memories
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN#honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog#where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags#kyle dubas#toronto maple leafs#& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe#& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit.#this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!!#my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor#the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi#that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like#ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds#how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid#the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines#i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer#brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc#bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always#know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works#no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried.#i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs#i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick)#& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen#narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel#about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO#did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle)#OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner#if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf#simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2#one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry#liv in the replies
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Aslan's parents :]!!! Charlotte Astolfo and Arthur Aureus during their student years <33
aureus lore stuff under the cut!!!!
Charlie and Art stuff first, Arthur went to Hogwarts and is a ravenclaw while Charlotte's an exchange student from Durmstrang, she attended Hogwarts from 5th-7th year
Both being purebloods with family traditions to uphold (yikes) they've had their own arranged marriages since before they were even born, then they fell in love with each other and went to ask both their parents to break previous engagements only to be informed that the engagement was with each other anyway IT WAS GOING TO BE ANGST BUT THIS WAS FUNNIER OK
Arthur's a dragons nerd and Charlotte captured one for him during their 7th year . Arthur n Sully then spent the day nerding out n riding the dragon around
Charlotte's bi and Arthur's pan!!!!!
THEY ALSO LOVE ASLAN SO SO MUCH AND THEY ARE VERY GOOD PARENTS!!!! HE LOVES THEM JUST AS MUCH
aslan is so his parents' son
aslan was a very sweet baby n they loved dressing him up in fancy clothes because they think its so cute ndndke, he was easy to take care of too if you ignore the accidental magic he'd be casting as a literal infant-toddler
OK MORE GENERAL AUREUS STUFF, their line is . a literal line that can be traced straight back to midas directly, maintaining pureblood status by traveling all around the world for their marriages just to avoid incest mdnsjed
it was done in an attempt to keep their magic "untainted" n as powerful as possible by mixing a shit ton of other magical blood into theirs (am!au note: they're doing this bc a time god said so, said time god is literally evanescoed winnie just in case ppl have missed the am post ab that msndjd)
and while they were successful with that there are still consequences!!!!!! down their line they had to limit their heirs to three then two then just one because they can see how many aureus running around could potentially be Bad considering the result of their selective marriages are literal children with more and more magic to the point it was possibly destructive
like with aslan!!! he had been casting spells from the crib, grew up with so much accidental magic, it also going haywire from time to time, the chances of each spell being accidentally cast with excessive magic and Going Wrong, literally the magical rebounds that caused scars climbing up his hands and arms!!! had to get those limiting rings he always wears to prevent his hands getting fucked up further
besides that! more about the heirs :] the women in their line had always and forever kept the aureus name, they were just as valued as the men and held as much power and respect, why would you take power from your own heirs after all
Arthur's mom was one of them :] Ahilya Aureus 🫶🫶
They've also just never believed in pureblood supremacy either HELDONEB they're only doing this because a time god told them to and eventually it was wueheeueeuhe yeah time god but also its Tradition now and meemaw would be upset no one wants that
And really as long as there was a child to carry the line it didn't matter what they went on to do, lots of queer ppl in their lineage n they were all adored!!! there would've definitely been some that even ended up with muggles n muggle borns tbh
they literally do not care they just want a magic baby
anyway main takeaway about the Aureuses: Descended from King Midas the guy with the golden touch thing, kids having more n more magic output til it's literally rebounding on them, have traveled the entire world and definitely has a cousin in almost every country 👍👍👍👍
#i was going to do background but i thought i'd die so i didn't#lion and lioness... i always did use lions as refs for the aureuses HEHEJDND#GOOD LORD THIS IS LONG SO SORRY that's probably not all we discuss our ocs so much i probably forgot some things help#aureuses 🫶🫶#silly guys#hpma oc#charlotte aureus#arthur aureus#am!au#lore stuff :]]]]
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Karakura Team? No, fuck that!
Seireitei Team!
#It's how it should have been actually...#when I started watching Bleach I never thought those other pesky humans would become protagonists#i thought Inoue was going to die on the episode with her brother#I thought Chad was going to be some type of comical relief#I thought Uryu was going to be Team Rocket for Ichigo and Co.#I thought it was going to be mainly Ichigo and Rukia Go On Terrifying Adventures#I thought Byakuya after the Turnabout and Redemption Arc of Soul Society Arc would become like their mentor/guy who always comes through..#...to help the two idiots getting into all sorts of shenanigans#I thought Renji would be the accidental travel buddy who tries to balance his devotion to Rukia and his obedience to Byakuya#I honestly couldn't care less about the World of the Living after I'd seen Soul Society#I wanted it to be a kind of volunteer Isekai in which Ichigo decides early on to stay in Soul Society#bleach#byakuya kuchiki#ichigo kurosaki#rukia kuchiki#renji abarai
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Post-war Katsuki has taylor's Lover album on repeat and you will not convince me otherwise
#so many of the lyrics#ALL OF AFTERGLOW MY GOD#the entirety of soon you'll get better#lover: can i go where you go? can we always be this close forever and ever?#cruel summer: i love you. ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?#i think he knows: when we get all alone I'll make myself at home and he'll want me to stay#paper rings: cat and mouse for a month or two or three#death by a thousand cuts: but if the story's over why am i still writing pages?#false god: we were crazy to think that this could work. remember how i said i'd die for you?#miss americana: it's you and me. that's my whole world#nice to have a friend: you've been stressed out? yeah me too. something gave you the nerve to touch my hand#daylight: i don't wanna look at anything else now that i saw you (i can never look away).#daylight: i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you (things will never be the same)#bakugo katsuki#bkdk#katsuki bakugo
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for so long all I wanted to do was die but now that I'm older, all I worry about is dying too soon. too soon to experience all the things I didn't give myself time for when I was young. I don't want to spend these years overthinking what time I have left
#[static]#wild how the brain shifts#i want to live i want to experience everything i can and i never thought i'd make it this long#my brain has done a 180 and it's always on the back of my mind (and sometimes the front) that i could die in the blink of an eye#im not scared of death but i am scared of not having lived#my ptsd/ocd combo has been pummeling me lately and i feel like im sometimes at a breakthrough where ive figured out a way-#-to stop being scared ... to just allow myself to live without the what ifs.#i do it in practice but the reality is that no matter how nonchallant and down to earth I appear in real life-#-my brain is picking apart the resolve i've carefully put together for myself#it's like constantly picking at a wound that's begun to heal and i cant get myself to stop#it's Exhausting having to continuously catch ones self from falling further back down the hole your younger self dug#im finally living as the person i always wanted to be and nothing can take that from me even if it were to all come crashing down tomorrow#but im still not used to the stability so that's why my brain does what it does best#what's three or four years of stability to decades of being in fight or flight ... it will take time and it's hard work#but i know with time it will be worth it and i wont remember the dread in the back of my skull every time i experience happiness#i'll just remember the days as they were ... and they are wonderful#just needed to vent for a moment! mental health is such a surly thing
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caved and watched the first 5 episodes of hotd and rn all i gotta say is i wouldn't even wish the fate of being a high ranking offical's daughter/wife in the GoT universe onto my worst enemy godddd
#YES I'M MAD LATE AND I SAID I'D WATCH IT A YEAR AGO....PLANS CHANGE STUFF HAPPENS but i always kept it on my mind#my least faves so far....otto and the cole guy.#not the biggest fan of daemon either rn. well it's more like whyyyy does he love to cause problems on purpose#all of this probs subject to change except otto i'm so glad viserys called him out on essentially pimping out his daughter#my thoughts on rhaenicent omfg........not for the weak and ik it's only gonna get worse#other thoughts. mysaria. lowkey queen i cannot blame her for getting a bag when she's just been screwed over#v interesting how even viserys is nottt above the system that allowed him to be king and HAS to take a wife + have kids#bc of his fucking council...and chooses alicent which i gasped at even tho ik it was coming obvi#like it was either her or his 12 y/o cousin when he's like. pushing 40??? mid 30s??? idfk#ick all around tho poor alicent her wearing that green dress. a statement. damn.#rhaenyra they can never make me hate you...never...am i always gonna be happy with her actions.no. am i gonna defend her. probs#srsly tho it's her birthright to be queen bottom line. i liked her seeing the white stag that was nice#rip to laenor's bf he did notttt deserve that at all ik cole thought he was being blackmailed and was mad paranoid atp but bro#imagine watching your secret lover die on your arranged marriage night if i was laenor u would have to drag me to that altar#um tldr i like it i'm scared acting supurb i like the tidbits at the end where they explain everyone's actions#hotd#my text
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.
#I just feel so like. idk how to even describe my state of mind.#it's like I've gone from depressed in a dull helpless way to depressed in a hysterical way but sometimes for a#little bit I'm also normal. i feel like the most boring person in the world & also like I'm losing my mind.#i genuinely never thought i would actually really get to this point in my life ever. not in that i thought I'd die per se it was just never#real to me it never felt like something i could feasibly accomplish & now I'm there i feel like i just stepped off into the deep end of#some alternate universe world i shouldn't even exist in like i don't belong here.#like when i pictured my life as a kid reality just ended here & everything else was fantasy I realistically knew I never could do#& I'm Trying so hard to get myself a job so i can do smth with my life beyond sort of stewing in boredom & existential terror mixed but#i do not feel like a real person who could feasibly do that. like i just thought I'd disappear or something I don't know what I thought.#like someone would just close the picture book of my life because I'm not someone whose capable of living a normal life.#like I've failed the test (just like I always expected to!!!) but I'm still stuck here they forgot to take me out of the experiment.#<- sorry I'm okay mostly I'm just. really going through it w the transitional stage of life thing
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dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!!#i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun!#BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia.#my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door#or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death.........#Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees#old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk.#and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that.#I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway!#wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic.#anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne#is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either)#and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god.#AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :((#2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more.#i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever.#ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop#getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared#okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!
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Bleh.
#idk. experiencing that fun dooming feeling of knowing im too weird and sensitive to engage in proper fandom.#so i just watch everyone else have a fucking blast and i sit here in my 'i feel way too much way too hard' corner#i want to be able to engage in stuff more. to talk to people more. to ENJOY things more#instead i live in fear every fucking day of what thing is gonna accidentally upset me#and ill have to deal with the mental torment nexus that follows for the next 8 hours#like this cannot be normal. this has to be a thing that can be treated#but i have no money or resources to look into that#i just wish i was normal.#im so tired of making friends while wearing a mask#and realizing i can never take it off because they'll leave as soon as i do#be nice be agreeable be kind you have to you HAVE to or you'll have no one#idk i wanna give up im so tired all the time.#my ideas all feel like shit. all being creative has done is make people drop me and hate me.#im loved until im not what they want they thought i was.#im always needed never wanted.#i keep! trying to find spaces i feel like me in. that i feel GOOD in#and its the same fucking story no matter what. i never do it *right*.#i don't do ships right i don't do trans right i don't do bi right i don't do aro right.#every community has made it clear that im not what they want.#im tired of floating and being lost. what would it matter if i was lost forever that seems to be what the universe wants for me anyway.#im tired of living based on what everyone else wants#I'd rather die finally doing something just for me.#vent
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Cat wearing clothes (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#MewTwo#I was looking at my little MewTwo plushy a bit more focusedly the other day and decided#''Hmm...MewTwo would look good in an Empress-style dress'' lol#He's got the waist-hip ratio for it! He looks absolutely killer imo <3#I wonder if it would be uncomfortable to wear clothes that hug tight to just under his chestplate tho hmm :0#The band T lol - I don't listen to Disturbed much but for as long as I've known it I've always tied their song ''I'm Alive'' to MewTwo <3#''To change myself - I'd rather die!'' He's so strong <3 I love MewTwo so much#But he's also an angsty teen haha - deservedly! I just could see him rocking out and singing to himself angrily just to get the feels out#Loud angry music seems like it'd suit him ♥#Then a silly one lol since MewTwo is sort of based on Greys I thought an ''I BELIEVE'' shirt would be fitting#But belief and faith and all that I dunno - MewTwo doesn't really seem like much of a believer so how about a parody tank top lol#Especially funny considering y'know - he also qualifies haha#Like wearing a wanted poster of your own face lol#Last little guy <3 Again in the proportions of my PokéDoll :D#I tuck my little lad's tail over his feet quite often I think it's a very cute way to rest#Curled up comfortably <3
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I kinda disagree with humanising characters to the point of going "this thing happening in the story would not be what they want" bc that's not a real guy they don't really want anything. like yea I don't think a character like gojo would WANT to live in a world where he's no longer the strongest but I think that breaking his character down and building him back up like that would've been an interesting move? it certainly would fit him thematically, finally allowing him to move on in a way he never could have and all
#I think it's ok that people want him back bc people were invested in his story and the way it ended isn't actually a 'good' ending per-se#like yeah he got to be with suguru again but at the cost of the future he wanted to build (and honestly didn't even succeed)#like to me. gojo going back to high school mentality geto is a regression#for both their characters too not just gojo#it always bugged me how no one talked to suguru about anything he'd done or believed bc we didn't get closure on his character either#gege just went 'he's back to hs suguru now! all is well!' without addressing ANYTHING about him#gege's really good at meticulously setting things up to an insane degree but the payoffs usually die quick deaths before the next set up#I'm not mad or upset like at all tbh bc even from a little while back (from around 262) I realized were meandering in the story a little bit#and while I couldn't have predicted all the ways in which we'd end up here the emotions I thought I'd feel are still accurate kinda#idk I need to type out a long actual post to get it out of my system I think
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Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them
Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening
It's all I really ask
#I forgot what this was about part way through writing about it; but then I remembered it's about Ukraine#like I just need to know that you actually understand what's happening there and what people are going through#you want me to care about your thing? show me you have any any any grasp of what's going on in Ukraine#it's uh... it's too many friends where if I'm just honest... this is about them#people I adore but people where... I don't know if they ever even once listen to what I have to say#...though maybe it's better this way... at least if they just ignore me I can say they just don't understand what's going on#that they're just being fed lines by other people or don't care#...if... they... knew the shit Ukrainians go through and still didn't care... would be a lot harder to respect them#would take a certain level of callous to do that and... these are people I care about very much so#...but I don't know; eats at me... you know#...and even on less serious topics... boy I wish you'd ever listen to me#if it weren't for the fact you say you like me... I'd be pretty damn sure you can't fucking stand me and I do nothing but annoy you#...I don't know if you've... ever... listened to anything I've said on any subject#when you do; you usually correct me... even though; brilliant as you are... you're erm... not always right#I don't get it... I don't get you... every word I say seems to be wrong... I'm so stupid and you're so smart#and yet you get real upset when I want to die... so you must actually like me and our communication styles don't match up#thank god you never seem to read my tags... or... much of anything else I say#truthfully I'd follow you anywhere; and you can treat me any way you want#but man I don't think my thoughts or opinions matter to you even a little... I think I just exist to be your rubber duck#...that's how it feels anyway#but all that aside... just wish you'd listen to me on Ukraine cause it actually matters#this post started out about some other people too... and sure... I like them well enough; and they're maddeningly wrong#like sputnik levels or wrong#drives me nuts; like you're not stupid and you're not cruel so why do you act so stupid and cruel?... turn you brain on#but uh... I actually just don't care about them that much#where as you... I could put it into words... but I won't#it's just a shame... like forget any of the stuff about me; it's just you're so kind... wish you'd care about what's going on in Ukraine#...I gotta stop or I'll go on all night; and I'm already too tired#mm tag so i can find things later
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