#i also want to have more of a variety of stuff
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Last time I went to the library I returned old stuff I had checked out before, checked out a whole bunch of new stuff, put a few coins into the money donation thing (which, by the way, the branch of my local library system that I’ve been going to most often lately has a really cool one), and spoke nicely to the librarians and told them how glad I was that they had all the nice things they had. I also recommended a CD that I actually own at my house to some other patrons because I saw the library had it and that the family next to me was looking for some CDs to try out.
I don’t expect a cookie or anything, I promise. I’m far from the perfect library patron. I talk loudly without meaning to because of my autism. I’m frequently late bringing stuff back for a variety of reasons, admittedly some of them selfish. But I can tell the librarians I interact with still welcome me. They’re always so helpful when I ask questions. And I find most librarians have a way of making me feel better when I’m having a hard time.
And right now, I think it’s really important to show them the same kindness they give us. I imagine many librarians didn’t think they’d be signing up to get threats, calumny, and other abuse. I imagine most librarians certainly didn’t go into the job thinking they would have to deal with people who want to reenact the book burnings Hitler used to do. No, they probably figured they were in for a safe, comfortable job where the biggest problems are overdue materials and that one lady that seems to talk in crecendos without realizing.
So to all librarians out there, thank you for always being amazing. Thank you for supplying me and others with awesome books, movies, music, and video games. Thank you for being understanding when four-year-old me just wasn’t quite ready to return Toy Story 2, even after you had to call my mom and ask when I would be ready. Thank you for all the renewals, including the one renewal one of you allowed me on that Toy Story 2 DVD. Thank you for having a nice place for me when I was homeless and my bus left me stranded, and for the Sonic comics you helped me find that day. Thank you for all the help for the homeless that you provide. Thank you for the books about queer people. Thank you for the books about fighting racism. Thank you for the books about everything. Thank you for the endless supply of music. Thank you for storytelling circles. Thank you for maker spaces. Thank you for computer catalogs in your libraries so we can search for just about anything. Thank you for holding things for me. Thank you for lending me a basket to carry my books and CDs and DVDs and Wii game in last time you saw me and I was almost ready to bring all that stuff home but I just wanted to browse the American Girl book section one more time while you finished checking in the last round of stuff I got. Thank you for putting up with me when I’m a little much. Thank you for lifting my spirits time and again. Thank you for the stickers you give to kids and sometimes adults. Thank you for having toys to play with. Thank you for all the community support. Thank you for everything you do for me and every other patron. You guys deserve the best.
Lovely people of tumblr, if I may speak with my librarian hat* on for a moment:
If you are in the US, you may be aware that librarians are Going Through It because some malicious people believe in fascism and have decided to make that our problem. Whether you are in the US or not, there is something you can do to help your local librarians out:**
Say something nice to us.
You can post on social media and tag your library, you can find the library’s main phone number and call, you can go in person, you can send a card (we display cards in our break room)! I guarantee you that you will make the day of the person you talk to, we will immediately go tell all our colleagues how lovely you were, and you will help us live to love and fight another day.
*it is a fetching piece of millinery in purple silk
**I propose we make this an international group project. Whether your librarians are going through it or not, we all appreciate a kind word.
#public libraries#libraries#school libraries#books & libraries#librarians#support libraries#support librarians
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So there is a pretty clear shift in playstyle between TSR D&D and WotC D&D: for better and for worse, D&D 3e introduced the idea of encounter balance, de-emphasized mechanics that had previously encouraged the GM to think of the monsters as real living creatures (reaction rolls, morale, etc.), and it had the effect of making D&D a much more combat-focused game. D&D has always been a game that's opinionated about combat, it's basically the most expressive and detailed form of play regardless of edition, but combat in the TSR editions was not exactly zoomed in and tactical. The WotC editions purposefully made combat zoomed in, granular, and tactical.
And this has had an effect on playstyle: since combat is now the main form of player expression what players actually want is for their characters to get into combat. Because combat is the most fun part of the game. But the game has also changed from the largely amoral dungeon-crawling game into a game of fantasy heroics (even though a lot of the trappings of the amoral dungeon-crawling still remain, which contributes to the dissonance), so you can't just have the player characters going into combat for the sake of it. That would frame the player characters as kind of Fucked Up, and we can't have that in our supposedly heroic fantasy.
What you end up with is a variety of contrivances like "they're bandits," "they're cultists," or, my all-time favorite, "they attacked first" to make the action seem morally justifiable, even though gameplay is still motivated by a desire to fight. The monsters fight to the death and, importantly, can often not be reasoned and negotiated with, partly because combat is supposed to be the fun, engaging part everyone is here to do, but also because if they actually acted like reasonable people it could cause dissonance with the whole "the player characters are the goodest heroes."
As my friend @tenleaguesbeneath once called it: what is actually going on is that the player characters are hunting people and monsters who have been programmed to fight to the death and never negotiate for sport, while justifying it as self-defence.
It's a simple power fantasy, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Sometimes you want to play a morally uncomplicated game about killing guys with cool magic swords. But I think it's also fun to think about what the specific types of monsters players end up fighting reveals about Society the invisible, unexamined ideology lying under the surface that the designers of even modern D&D have failed to examine. And to me it often reads like a frontier justice fantasy. None of that is to detract from anyone's joy of the game, and for me it's just fun to think about and post about this stuff while Still Enjoying the Game, but if someone expressing that opinion makes you feel uncomfortable, why? That's pretty silly imo.
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Wishlist Ideas for Closeted Regressors
So, it’s a little early to be posting holiday stuff, but I wanted to get this out there so since I know a lot of people start their holiday shopping around this time. So, If you’re looking for agere gear as a closeted regressor, or you just want something that’s subtle, here are 12 ideas-with pics. Note: pics are not mine, they are screenshotted from Amazon. prices are in USD, as Im American. Happy regressing and happy holidays!
1.Kawaii water bottles, specifically in the style below. The straw on most of these is a lot like a sippy or bottle, so if you can’t have/don’t want one of those, then these are a great alternative! Just look up ‘kawaii water bottle’ on Amazon and a whole bunch will show up. Most are between $15-25 USD
2. Funko Pops. I actually use mine as action figures and play with them (just be gentle with them if you do this!) so they can be great agere toys and decor! You can find just about any character and any fandom too. The prices very greatly, depending on what character and where you buy from. Black Friday deals on Amazon and Five Below are great ways to find them for only a few dollars.
3. Fidget toys; they can make great Agere activities! Because they are designed to stimulate your senses, many function similarly to baby toys. Note: when buying in bulk packages, the quality isn’t great. So consider whether you want to invest in better quality or quantity. Most bulk fidget packs are about $25 USD on Amazon. Dollar stores often have similar products as well, though once again the quality is unknown.
4. Fleece throw blankets. They are super cute, soft, and cuddly! Not only can they keep you warm, but I like to use mine as a playmat. Once again, price can very greatly; typically anywhere from $10-30 USD
5. Coloring books. I think this one is pretty self explanatory, as lots of regressors love coloring. If you’re worried about rousing suspicion, then just ask for an adult coloring book; these often have more intricate patterns, but if you ask for a fandom themed one, it’ll still have some awesome characters to color! Typically around $5-10
6. Silicone night light. These are available in so many colors, animals, and foods—and they are appropriate for any age, thanks to their kawaii esc appearance; they usually cost about $15.
7. Snack boxes. If your dietary needs allow for it, then these can provide some really cool little space snacks. They’re all pre packaged and come with a wide variety of things, ranging from crackers to cookies. And if you want something unique, you can try snack boxes that feature food from other countries. Prices will vary greatly, mostly dependent on the size
8. Lava lamps. These are just cute and make for a neat visual stim. Plenty of colors to choose from too! If you wanted, it could be used as a sort of substitute as a baby mobile since it’s very colorful and relaxing to watch. These can go for anywhere between $20-40
9. Microwaveable plushies. Super comforting, and for any Littles with cramps or chronic pain, they can be disguised as heating pads. Many of these also come with a scent, typically lavender, though you can find them without too. Cost around $20-40, depending on brand.
10. Scrapbooking materials. Kind of a random one, but they can be used to decorate a journal, you can make a physical photo album like many of us had in our childhoods, etc. Just a fun craft project you can consider! Typically, scrapbooking kits that include some paper, washi tape, and stickers can be around $10-15
11. Onesie pajamas. Lots of options, and are great if you live somewhere cold! Usually $25-40. These can be animal shaped, character themed, or more subtle like a plaid pattern. Very comfy and make for great little space clothes.
12. Glow in the dark stars. They are cute, fun, and aesthetically pleasing. You can get them in a who,e bunch of colors too! Typically $5
#agere community#sfw regression#sfw agere#agere blog#age regression caregiver#age regression community#sfw interaction only#little space#age regressor#agere little#Age regression wishlist#Little space wishlist#Christmas list#little space holidays#Agere gear#agere sfw
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icarus
this’ll be a print for upcoming cons >:)
#my art#witch hat atelier#wha coustas#coustas#witch hat fanart#i wanna talk about spoilers but I CANT…..#i mustn’t#i usually don’t make sketches into prints when they’re THIS sketchy but idk i like the shapes#i also want to have more of a variety of stuff#this is also from july from patreon wink wink
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i adore how mxtx sorta flipped the idea on the whole top/bottom thing with svsss, and just BL relationships in general.
making bingqiu very open to switching, not making the "bottom" super feminine and actually leaning more to the handsome side compared to the "top", how luo binghe is manipulative sensitive and cries easily, etc. one of the main themes in svsss is literally about sexuality (and possibly even about gender roles).
as a queer asian man myself, i absolutely despise the "yaoi archetype" and it was one of the reasons why i avoided consuming BL media. hell, years ago when i first saw heavens official blessing, i mentally groaned and went, "ugh, let me guess, the bottom is super feminine and innocent, while the top is masculine and experienced." of course, that's not the case now, but it's disappointing how that thought was there purely because of the god awful way fetish-y media portrays homosexual people and couples. because, believe it or not, we are not assigned male/female typical gender roles just because one likes to top/bottom (and even then, it's not even like that! some people have preferences, sure, but it's not so strictly "i'm top/bottom")
so, while i absolutely LOVE the english novel designs (especially luo binghe's cute curly hair, gongyi xiao, etc, and personally believe a lot of the takes from the western artist on the designs are an improvement), i am greatly saddened by people subconsciously assigning shen qingqiu as someone more delicate and feminine and luo binghe as someone super masculine and muscly. like, if you're going to have luo binghe depicted as the western design (i believe this stems from binghe being applied to more western ideals for men, and, admittedly, i actually really love his design), at least don't make shen qingqiu feminine and delicate? don't have his appearance play into the stupid yaoi thing?
i get that people have different takes on svsss, especially how the western version depicts it. but, people just... seem to very over exaggerate the top/bottom roles when it comes to bingqiu (again, these two are, canonically, VERY open to switching).
it's weird, it's uncomfortable, and it comes across as, "so, who wears the pants in the relationship?"
so, can we please have more canonically handsome shen qingqiu? canonically beautiful and pretty boy luo binghe (they literallly state that binghe looks EXACTLY like his mom, su xiyan! while a more handsome woman, is still very beautiful!! plus it is stated several times that binghe is slim, and that shang qinghua made him that way!) or at the very least, a BL couple who actually look like normal people (ok thats a little hard considering binghe is literally supposed to be perfect) and not just a stupid fetishized version of themselves.
and no, i'm not saying that queer men shouldn't be feminine or men who are feminine shouldn't be in a relationship with guys who are masculine, etc.
TLDR: please stop twinkifying shen qingqiu and going against what mxtx defied for us queer men (the stupid yaoi roles). and for the love of whoever you believe in, do NOT think that i hate the english design or people's personal interpretation of characters, i just hate the subconscious assigning of gender roles to bingqiu and how media portrays and fetishizes LGBTQ+ relationships in general.
edit: also i love teardrew's (check them out on twitter!) interpretation of shang qinghua. while i do really like the the eng novel design's tiny scared hamster vibes, teardrew's version just radiates "up to no good, paranoid but suspicious looking bitch" rat man and i love it so so so much. i'm not gonna repost their art bc i don't know how they feel about that but perhaps you can search up "svsss designs" on here, you'll see it pop up eventually lol.
edit 2 (1/16): i just saw someone reblog a post (that im pretty sure was referring to this one because, well, if you saw it i think it'd be a little clear kahxj) that was about how bingqiu switching and completely eschewing traditional top/bottom dynamics was a fandom idea or smth? so now i'm wondering, since i swear i remember that they were open to switching, but it's just that sqq preferred to bottom and/or was just a little too lazy to top. plus, sqq is a pretty unreliable narrator who says he doesn't want something one moment and then he does. how could he say no to bingbing? esp if he seems to wanna try bottoming too. perhaps i'm mixing things up though, idk? so if anyone can find that passage that says he only and strictly wants to bottom or whatever please show me! but i think the point of this post still stands haha (i wanted to ask about it, actually, but when i clicked on the og post's user it turned out that they blocked me ? so that was a little surprising oops. hey if ur somehow reading this, im... sorry for making you want to block me bc of this post? akdhxjj)
#JOIN THE 'STOP TWINKIFYING SQQ' GROUP#did i make sense? i have no clue i just wanted to rant about this#i really pulled a cucumber bro there huh#this also applies to GL#thinking about it more#there should be trans men and women bl and gl#and not in a fetishy way#of course luo binghe is still the big strong protag and taller than sqq but come on#i dont believe luo binghe is a twink exactly?? maybe?? but just feminine in a historical chinese male ideals way#for edit 2:#i was just saying how it made me happy that mxtx didn't follow the yaoi archetypes and how i lov her for it <3#never said bingqiu was never done before and COMPLETELY flipped it over skdhjx#but i do believe that bingqiu did a good job providing variety and such :)#same goes for mxtx's other works as well i love her stuff sm#svsss#mxtx svsss#the scum villain's self saving system#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#luo bingge#shen yuan#luo bingmei#bingqiu#luo binghe x shen qingqiu#danmei
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"Love" and "proud" and "family" come up so frequently in bat comics now. Bleh. Bring back something I can relate to like emotional constipation and repression.
#boooo i want my dysfunctional family rep#which like they are still. technically. i mean you can't look at gotham war and be like that's a functional family#but at the same time they have a group chat and like huh what?? naaaah group chat is too... normal#am i making sense#i just feel like instead of being big happy family#they should all be more sectioned off#to only some members interacting or getting along#and others not really interacting or not being that close#y'know. variety.#and steph not being included in the family and just a friend/ally. like babe she's not bruce's kid and why would you want her to be#why would you do that to her and give her a dad like bruce#but also also all the love/pride/family stuff hits so much better when it's rare. a treat. it's so constant now it doesn't hit the same#batfam
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[Image description: A digital drawing based on the film Girl Shy. It depicts Harold Lloyd's character Harold Meadows sat at his typewriter, paused in thought as his fingers hover above it. His eyes are looking up and his mouth is slightly open, like he's dreaming awake. A thought bubble floats around him like smoke, with the faces of two women in the middle of it. The two have annotations next to them that denote the twenties era stereotypes that they are styled as. The one noted as "the flapper" is smiling and has curly, slightly unkempt hair, with a headband around it. She has lighter makeup than the woman next to her, who has dark lips and eyeshadow and is labelled "the vamp". She has large circular statement earrings and an ornate headpiece atop her smooth updo. Her eyes are downturned, and her expression less approachable. Harold is coloured in greyscale, and so are the ladies, although they have a warmer brown tone, as does the smoke. There's a pinker line of light surrounding them and the writing. The background is a dark brown.]
Inktober - Day 15 (Guidebook)
Film - Girl Shy (Fred C. Newmeyer, Sam Taylor, 1924)
#inktober#inktober 2024#girl shy#harold lloyd#girl shy 1924#harold lloyd fanart#girl shy 1924 fanart#digital art#if u wanna get into harold lloyd films id probs recommend something like the freshman first but uhhh i do like this one obvs#i cant tell if its sexist or making fun of that with the portion this is referencing tbh ... or like some weird combo#which is a question that always pops up when watching silent comedy lol#so just be aware of that before u watch it lol#its really cute though :) the main romance (not pictured) is so 💛💛💛#also for some reason i remembered there being 3 fantasy women instead of just the two here 🤔🤔 couldnt find anything tho...#i know the move for drawing silent era stuff would be black and white or normal greyscale but i wanted something more sepia here#i think a lot of people underestimate the variety of tones in silent cinema tbh#i love when i watch one and they do the blue and yellow tinting for scenes <3#anyway song of the day is shes so modern by the boomtown rats :)#have recently become obssessed with the song... on repeat... consuming my thoughts...#really really catchy 🙏🙏#i am getting into the boomtown rats a bit tbh ... really enjoying the album this song is from 💛💛
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set out to create a serious, canonesque drawing with which to say "feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me mystery speculate" but only got going when i made it bowling and the rarepair agenda
#not that i imagine anything w/mordecai's Rare so much as: diluted range of possibilities lol. probably someones on that mordecai/virgil life#when it turns out it takes several tries to start to get more solid footing at drawing characters for the first time: What The?????#i actually don't think i ever tried drawing lackadaisy before; against all odds....if i had i would've had a head start lol#lackadaisy#corned beef#any collectively used pairing name here? mordenico? nicodecai? in absence of otherwise Knowing:#nicodeme savoy#mordecai heller#me in '07 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! me in '23 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! & guess how i've always felt years in between#goddd perusing the gallery bonus art afresh recently just like WOWWW i'm SOOO#the collages of full-body drawings for book purchases i think like my GOD i love to see it. plus that the Extra Stuff gallery means there's#such a variety like. stuff that's clearly noncanon; stuff that could be / kinda is; jokes; portraits; story / characters insight....waaughh#also shoutout to everyone behind all the mordecais in KS Backer Art 1 & 2 like ''sexy mordecai please'' apparently lmao. hell yeah#anyways my Marigold Bowling Team headcanons are simple and straightforward: nicodeme w/the muscle can get a strike from the force of having#hit one pin that smashes into all the others; but don't underestimate his versatility. mordecai with the precision / method & absolutely#who you want trying to hit the only pin left on the lane. serafine's got like serpentine curveballs changing velocity halfway down the lane#and they've All got pointing a gun at the people setting pins / returning balls b/c that wasn't automated back in the twenties#back when everyone had customized printed tees....oh fun fact. a real live kitty cat crinkled that first pic's paper by jumping on it#or really; ricocheting off of it. classic#also the ''i want people to seriously consider nicodeme/mordecai. but also sillily'' purposes have me using Close Contact as a shorthand#it's earnest and can sure be [longhand] too but you go ''You Could Never HC Datingly Affection ft. An Always Touch Averse Character'' & i?#well i scoff derisively and slowly swivel my chair around to face you; arms crossed; smhing....hah. how greatly you underestimate my power.#you're throwing [hcs for a romance ft. an autistic character] & [that ft. an asexual character] & i'm grabbing them midair & Sips Them#ha ha why these replenish my health And experience bars....#Never Be Afraid To Forget To Draw Mordecai's Glasses Or That You Also Put Your Thumb In A Bowling Ball....he's warming up. or w/e.#nicodeme w/the boxing experience shoulders massage trope. giving that pep talk#or you can go ''get a strike or we kill you'' b/c you never have to find out if he's joking or not#mordecai unfazed b/c that's the stakes in this business (bowling) & he's autistic so always having to ignore Everyone being weird/confusing#haven't come up with a lackadaisy's team bowling pun name lol.#still feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me brainstorm mitzi n mordecai's murder mystery ;w; enrichment
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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I think it's so interesting to notice fandom booms and how outta nowhere they can feel.
Recently, I've gotten super into Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which is fantastic btw. If you love cool animation and family centric themes give it a watch, seriously) thanks to a beloved bestie BUT. I ofc, dragged @kkachis and @artistfingers down with me. We have self proclaimed turtle disease now and it's been so fun.
Anyway, it's been so interesting to see that we aren't the only ones??? Around the same time we've all noticed other DP mutuals also getting into turtles and it's just kinda funny bc separately, but all at the same time, it's been infecting us.
#i for one am so glad and i hope it spreads further#its probably because of the movie tbh since it was recent and i think really stoked the turtle fandom#also id just love some more variety#i think rottmnt and DP crossover stuff could be fun and id love to see it#i also love to see it bc#listen i know the phandom is having a great time with DC stuff rn but its kinda taken over the whole tag and the phandom the past year and#idk i just think some other stuff thrown in would be fun ya know!#anyway#this is my way of saying any dp people that wanna talk to me about turtles youre welcome and encouraged to gskslwhsos#phandom#turtles also has delicious angst just sayin#if anyone wants fic reccs i got em#rottmnt#dp
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finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it
#N posts stuff#like don't get it wrong it Is Not a series about being autistic it Is a series about raising an autistic kid#but also don't be put off by that because it's legitimately a series that I feel Loves autistic people with its whole being#it's kind of a teaching manga so it showcases a lot of different opinions/characters/conflicts/etc. but the Framing is very consistent#in that the manga is Extremely of the opinion that autistic people are People who deserve to be Valued and Accepted As They Are#the onus for change is never put on autistic individuals the framing is basically Universal in the 'the World needs to change#to be more accepting' -- it's a very Social Model depiction of autism that ALSO never veers too far into the#'autism isn't even Really a disability' fallacy; it's very much a 'A lot of autistic people will need constant support in a variety of ways#throughout their lives but that isn't the roadblock preventing them from having their own lives; ableism in society is the roadblock'#the first two chapters are the hardest to get through bc they take place before Sachiko has any real understanding of autism and#so she's isolated and stressed out and the ignorance makes it difficult for her to care for Hikaru properly (there's also a lot of#other characters Blaming her for what's going on which goes unchallenged at this point though that changes later); but after she#understands what autism is she's Firmly in Hikaru's corner for the rest of the series - you can skip right to ch 3 without a problem#if you're not interested in reading about that initial conflict#there's still a Lot of conflict ofc but by then the chapters have some of my favorite moments so i don't want to advocate skipping#them; like Hikaru's daycare teacher explaining how Hikaru's difficulty speaking is the same as other kids' troubles with#things like jump-roping/etc.; and then a mother who has An Issue with Hikaru's presence in her daughter's class realizing the#depth of the problematic opinion bc Her mother (who had a stroke) faces similar ableism from her peers#i'm cutting this post off b4 the tags get Too long but if you're curious but still hesitant man. send me an ask and i will Happily#write an insanely long essay about how much i love this series; i have all the books i'm not excited about the online availability#for Me i'm excited bc i've been wanting to rec this manga for like almost a full decade and i can finally give you a link instead of#saying 'well. you can find used copies sometimes' lol
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guys should i do more hotd/got fics even though i have no clue what im doing??? ik i have literally only one up, but its the only real show ive been watching other than good omens lately 😅
#idk my davos one has been popping off and it’s making me wanna do more#i also am just procrastinating the nate stuff and feel like i need to add variety back to my blog…#on the other hand tho i’m terrified bc im not super well versed in these fandoms and saw how writers have been getting extreme anon hate#let me know#send me some stuff if ya want :))#just don’t be mean#i’m sensitive#i just wanna write some stuff and don’t want to sit down and do the nate vid fics#aaaaah idk#hotd fanfic#hotd x reader#got fandom#rambles
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listened to thoroughfare at full volume with the windows down on the highway the way god intended
#it was such nice weather today too i think ive decided october is my fav month <33#it goes by so quick and then the seasonal depression slaps me in the face#cant believe ive avoided country music for so loong i need to make a playlist#sighhh i miss playing the sims i miss streaming!! i may be able to squeeze one in on saturday? i think sunday im going to the movies#friday im gonna try nd finish editing the first ep of my lp(!!) which its done i just need some final touches nd record the next part#i want at least two finished videos so i can get a head start but ya also i might unlist all the yt vids i have up now so i can start fresh#anbbd what else idk i miss the mancusos i gotta get back to that i need to make more sims nd stuff mostly and finish ramons dorm#maybe ill do that this weekend ALSO#i think i wanna stream cyberpunk one of these days i want my channel to be more variety not just sims yk aand i made a night city playlist#idk im in a rambling mood i havent yapped in so long all my thoughts are just pingponging around in my empty ass brain#anyways if u read all this *smooches* good nighhhht <3333#ceru.txt#nonsims
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Escape From Paradise by Jesus Loves Junkies is one of the best if not the best opening tracks for any album argue with the fucking wall
#I remember downloading music to go postal by for the first time from steam#and that song was the first in the tracklist of the compilation#and let me tell you the way this song just sets you into the whole album#the way it encapsulates the feeling of postal 1 and going postal#it's just unmatched by anything else#the other songs on that album are great don't get me wrong#but this just takes the cake and absolutely DEMOLISHES it#also incidentally it's one of the few jlj songs that have more decent mixing and audio balance#tolys.txt#jesus loves junkies#jlj#postal#music to go postal by#also one last thought#vol 1 is way superior to vol 2#like vol 2 is compromised of like bajilion samey-sounding rock songs and what? like 2 electronic songs in total?#say what you want abt vol 1 but that shit has VARIETY like everyone's gonna find something they love in it#and it feels like it encompasses more of postal as a franchise#like you got silly stuff you got the serious stuff you got the edge and everything in between#sorry I had to be an autist and gush about this for a moment
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i love characters with barely elaborated on personalities and traits and all that. dust sans??? absolute perfection i can do whatever the fuck i want with him. headcanon anything i want as long as it fits the framework that askdusttale has given me. nightmare??? his one main trait is that he's bad do you know how amazingly vague that is. i have even MORE freedom with him than anyone else. there are various different types of bad guy and i can make nightmare all of them and none simultaneously because he's simply not all that elaborated on. once i lose that creative freedom i lose all will to do anything with characters
#FREE ME!!! FREE ME FROM THE CAGE THAT IS CANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i LOVE fanon i LOVE being ooc I LOVE doing things that go against canon material#I HAVE FREEDOME!!! THESE ARE JUST FICTIONAL CHARACTERS I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH THEM!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!#creative freedom is one trait i enjoy the most in this fandom and i think it is something that we need not to restrict but to encourage#yeaahhh OKAYsure. sure there might be a ton of little details in say like horror's lore that you can nitpick and expand on#but then you have to worry about it going against the other canon facts ans then ghsaakassaahhhfkksodks youre RESTRICTED BY CANON#canon i love canon but it is just going to choke me out stab me and then make me eat dirt and my own shit in the end#let me be free let me live in fanon elysian utopian paradise#i CHOOSE to believe in canon i CHOOSE to make these characters canon#but just know. it is a threat when i say that the mtt are very fun fanonized. fanon murder time trio is so fun#as long as jokes dont get overplayed and theres a variety of interactions fanon isSO FUN!!!#kist love hate relationship!!! FUCM YEAH!!! even though i think dust and killer would avoid eachother its more fun this way#just make sure to let horror get mad at dust and killer and let killer get mad at dust in a while and we've got VARIETY!!!#fluffy domestic soft horrordust??? FUCK YWAH!!!! just acknowledge canon horrordust would be stepping on cracked eggshells!!!#i think we need absolute creative freedom again no more restriction. man where are the silly fun dumb aus like empireverse.#even cringe shit like naj or pjs daycare except they arent made by a total loser and are actually good#PLEASE i just need more silly aus that aren't fully canon adjacent or continuing or compliant or a what if.............. maybe like jk fashi#no no. no shameless promo here. anyways i miss creativity please make it a trend to throw the sans aus into more than just canon storylines#guys WHERE is the child au. where are the elementary school sans aus. that would be fun#WHERE are the superhero aus. WHERE ARE THEY.#idolverse or whatever is a beautiful example of non canon aus and stuff i love idolverse. also magical girl au#i forgot who made those 2 aus but just know you are blessed and loved by triglycercule#it's a MULTIVERSE there are MULTIPLE UNIVERSES. let's explore branches further away from the canon base of the tree and onto a leaf of fanon#i just love dust a lot for the freedom he gives me. also nm because i came up with a egregious hc for him earlier today but forgot to post#tricule rant
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