#i also need to be making more money than i am right now
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Hiiii, so this is a call for some help with a video I have in the works right now.
I am looking for a Latinx volunteer to... I guess sensitivity read and/or help me fine-tune a very specific part of a youtube video script. Preferably someone in the Ace Attorney fandom, but you do not need to be by any means--if there are any plot details you need me to explain to you to make my points clearer, my autistic ass will jump at the opportunity.
It's a misconception debunking video with a little 'character assassination' bit at the end where I plan on talking about unfortunate boxes, flanderizations, and stereotypes that some of the characters in my favourite visual novel often get lumped into. One of these characters is Diego Armando, a Latino (dark skinned Japanese in the original) man who is constantly held to higher scrutiny by the fandom than his lightskinned peers. He is frequently demonized, painted as a misogynistic scumbag, held in much worse faith than other culprits for his very understandable and sympathetic wrongdoing, and overall just treated incredibly harsh for things that other comparable characters get away with on account of them 'looking' white and having more anglicized names.
Since I am white myself I do not plan on speaking excessively about the experience when it is not my own but I think it is a huge fucking disservice to not focus on the fact that this fandom treatment all just stems from racism. It's the one part of my video where I don't plan on even entertaining "the other side" or explaining where the misinterpretation "comes from" I want to just. Make the point. That it's racism, with no rhyme or reason.
But I obviously don't feel qualified to just do that on my own so this is just me putting out feelers to ask if anyone would like to read over this part of my script for me, offer concrit (scalding concrit if you must, please, I want it to be as tight as possible) and basically just make sure my own white privilege doesn't gloss over, misrepresent, or miss anything. Basically just asking for help not fucking it up.
Again you do not have to be into AA to help me with this, I can tell you all about the character and what he does and doesn't do, his place in the story, and the things I hear about him in fandom and how they don't hold up on other comparable characters. Just know I will have to spoil the whole final game for you if you ever plan on getting into it haha. And, once again, please only volunteer if you are Latinx yourself.
I will, of course, give you full credit and thanks in my video and in the description, and link my viewers to any and all platforms if you'd like. Since I make no money off youtube and am horrendously broke myself, if you have any donation links posted anywhere I will boost the hell out of those too. That's about all I can offer for compensation OTL
Please contact me via ask if this is something you're interested in. You can also reply on this post and I can open DMs for you or get in touch with you via email or discord. I really, really, really want to include this in the video but I want to do it right.
Even if you're not someone who qualifies, if you are an AA blog or have lots of AA blogs following you, I'd appreciate a reblog to boost this! Thank you :3
#wordy wendy#pwaa#ace attorney#diego armando#prosecutor godot#aa godot#ace attorney godot#if you want to know what kind of stuff i make: i'm wendy rocket on youtube#not a lot there but character and fandom analysis is my passion
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SO. It's. BEEN ALMOST A YEAR??? Hi guys!
I wanted to come back and update some things that have been going on since Febuary as things have...................I don't know if "escalated" is the right word- but definitely changed. So, for most of the Spring and Summer things have been going about uh? As well as they CAN be given the current state of things. Our dad is back home and things have been relatively calm (although which the occasional argument about finances, but thats just personal stress lol) This Fall has been mainly spent on a helluvalotta doctors appointments, and moving things forward in terms of trying to apply for disability.
That being said, like I said, things have...changed.
At the end of last week our family got a letter billing us for $37,000 to fix a bunch of piping that connects from our house to the main waterline. And, unfortunately, we have until April to get that sorted out. ( A reminder our household consists of One (1) able-bodied individual who's unemployed, a disabled trans man, and another disabled retired judge- affording this bill would be next to impossible without sacrificing alot of our livlihood. )
Between this and a few other behind-the-scenes issues with the borrow we live at, my dad has decided we need to move before then. And...while he did agree to help fund rental on an apartment, I know very well he does not have much income right now to do so. Fox, my boyfriend, still also has been unable to find work in our area despite reaching out for months on end (We're coming up on year 3 of unemployment, wahoo!~ /s) So while unfortunately we'll still be within our family's...reach for quite a while longer, we still are struggling financially to get everything sorted out and live comfortably. HENCE this update. If theres anyone- anyone at all- who can spare some money or any knowledgeable resources in regards to moving and such of that nature, please do let me know. I'll be updating the GoFundMe with both a new goal and the updated story tomorrow morning (as its 12:30 AM right now and I don't want to think about this more than I have to.) Even reblogging to spread the word would help immensely!
I know everyones exhausted of the GFM posts. I know we're tired. But community is all we have right now. I don't think I would've gotten this far in the year were it not for my friends and support systems... so we all need to stick together if we're going to make it through this alive. Thanks yall for reading. Stay sweet. <3
Help A Disabled Trans Guy & His Boyfriend Find Emergency Housing!!!
https://gofund.me/32d65c06
Hey guys. I normally don't make posts like this because I know full and well how broke most of us are, but I'm...In serious trouble.
As of this past Monday, my father plans on evicting both myself and my boyfriend out of my family home, as well as our two cats Tango and Nebula. Regardless of whether or not he changes his mind, we do plan on moving out as we no longer feel safe staying here for longer than physically neccessary.
As a result, we've been apartment hunting, and we need your help with monthly bills and funds until my boyfriend can get a job of his own (I'd get a job myself however I have really bad Chronic Fatigue and muscle atrophy in my legs, making it difficult to work). I've been denied disability a handful of times now despite this, and my boyfriend has been denied food stamps despite making little to no income each month.
Normally, like I said, I don't make posts like this. I'm chronically terrified of asking too much of people but...this is a serious emergency for the both of us.
So if you could go support us over on gofundme, and help us raise enough to afford an apartment of our own until we're stablized, that'd be amazing. Of course, don't feel obligated to- but every little bit helps. <3
I might also open comissions up soon to help raise money as well, so be on the lookout for that!!! (I'm trying to stay positive here, help.)
In total generally for an apartment that both ourselves and our cats can live in in our local area comes to about $1400-$1600 per month, so I rounded it out to about $2000 to also be able to afford things like grocceries, and amneties. (I think thats how that works, right?)
Thanks for reading everyone, and I'll be posting updates as the situation develops.
#;;soren speaks#gofundme#fundraiser#fundraising#help#please donate#urgent#please boost#community support#moving#emergency bills#emergency moving
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I need to do some volunteer work if I'm going to have any hope of breaking into the work I want to do, but I also have a limited number of free hours in the day, and also every place I could volunteer at seems to only be open precisely the hours I'm at work and not a minute later
#i also need to be making more money than i am right now#but pay for my desired field seems to generally top out not too far from where i am now and that's with a master's#current job requires a high school diploma and a certification that requires a single test and on-the-job training#wish I'd fixated on something lucrative but my brain likes old shit idk
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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Should I end my tolerance break tonight or should I continue and see how long this can go on for
#full disclosure it’s only been two days#i’ll be honest kitten; daddy might have a fucking problem#look it’s not even… weed is not addictive. obviously#BUT i am not in the greatest mental state right now. i am not exactly a shining example of perfect mental health#i’m a 28 year old loser who peaked in undergrad and is a self employed freelancer BUT is too lazy to make decent money freelancing#i really need a manager breathing down my neck to get me to do the bare minimum or more consistently#i’m also super not doing well regarding 1) my dad’s deathiversary 2) my ongoing grief over mabel (yes she was a dog but if you say she was#‘just a dog’ i will come to your house and throw up in your walls DON’T DO IT. DON’T TRY IT. I LOVED HER)#and also just. the crushing weight of it all.#if i have edibles i don’t have to think about the fact i thought i’d either be dead or successful by now and instead i’m alive and mediocre#am i really supposed to freeball THIS reality. THIS ONE???#but then it’s like it creates a vicious cycle because is the weed making me unproductive or do i want the weed BECAUSE i’m unproductive#and it helps me forget that i’m a complete and utter loser. 🧐#listen i’ve gotten less done during this tolerance break than i did last week when i pretty much had a weed gummy every night#i’m not saying there’s a correlation but what i AM saying is it’s suspicious#i could continue the break until the weekend. that seems like the best plan#personal
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.
#i need to do some brain working out to try to get stronger and not overthink things#but i am upset and feeling very anxious rn (:#i came back from the optician (which i was dreading) and just started sobbing#i'm so overwhelmed right now you have no idea#i went to get my new glasses which were SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE like waaaaay more than i thought#and i don't have much choice of frames either because of all the shit that go into my lenses#but the choices i had today where not only very few but also ugly as fuck#but literally had no choice cause i don't have money and i had to get the cheapest frames to sort of balance how expensive the frames are#and what makes me feel like a piece of shit is that i'm complaining about ''ugly frames'' and whatever when i am able to get them#like i was able to do all the tests i needed to get done i am able to go and buy the glasses with the graduation and the prism and everythi#and i'm SO FUCKING LUCKY that i can and that i have a job that allows me to buy these#and that my family doesn't have to pay them (cause we couldn't)#and i feel like a dick for complaining cause i can fix my eyesight (to an extent) with glasses and i'm not actually blind or anything#but it also sucks that i have to spend literally all of my money just to be able to see#i'm trying so hard to get in the mindset that i'm not getting these glasses for fashion but as medicine#like if i needed a wheelchair it wouldn't be for fashion either#these are aids to help me be healthy and safe and not get run over by a car#even if they look like shit#but you know i'm conflicted :/#angel talks#personal
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mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#i literally can’t quit omg i feel so fucking bad. it wasn’t so bad this time but also HE LITERALLY FORCED ME TO COME OUT LKKE GIRL HELLO???#he cornered me and asked me if redacted had to do w my s*duality and i was like ummmmm. yeah 🫣 and he was like now why didn’t you say that#the first time 🤨 and i was like …………. 😳. AND THEN i asked him why he asked me that and he said he’s been waiting for the right moment to ge#it out of me and he always suspected it LIKE HELLO I THINK THAT IS POSSIBLY WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE I WANTED TO DIEEEEEE#and i lied right to his face abt stuff w my mom and also the redacted situation bc i always feel in trouble whenever i talk abt them w him#and also he asked how things were w my mom and i told him and he was like that’s great but how are things with YOU and yoir mom 🤨. UGHHHHH#and i can’t leave bc his supervisor is gravely ill and they haven’t talked abt doing inter generational therapy w me yet which is what they#want to do <- hasn’t looked it up yet and doesn’t know what it receals about me. and he also is like yet agai. trying to get me to separate#myself from data expunged AND ITS LIKE OMGGGG NOTHING IS HAPPENING WHY DO I HAVE TO THROW AWAY A GOOD THING THAT IS WORKING FOR ME JUST FOR#THE SAKE OF CONFORMING TO SOME STUOID MENTAL HEALJT STANDARD. so yeah ummmmm idk what to dooooo i know im not getting the best possible car#and this whole thing has been a cluster fuck but he validated my reaction to something for the first time like EVER today and he has plans#and what if they work. and like omg if i drop it on him he’ll be so hurt and surprised like it will really come out of nowhere and i don’t#want to look like even more of a fool to him than iam. but he says i can’t withhold stuff bc it’s doing me a disservice and we need to see#the fullness of who i am to get to the root and solve problems and stuff but it’s like uhmmmm… but you don’t make me feel safe for reacting#the way i do or wanting things to work out in a way you disagree with so how can i bring out all the parts of me if you don’t make me feel#safe and unjudged for doing so like. lol. the thought of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and stupid bc it s like why are you throwing a#away sliding scale therapy that could turn out to be really useful and running away when ppl tell you things abt yourself you don’t like to#admit and force you to look at your hard ugly truths. but also the thought of working w him until july after already having had 16 weeks of#this literaly makes me fucking insane so idk what to do and finding a new counselor would be so hard and i don’t have time or money. UGHHHH#purrs#delete later#like how am i gonna walk out on him when we just spent all this time talking abt how this new technique will bring me into a new season. AU
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Nobody asked but I think the amount of unpaid labour people have to do to just find a job these days is a failing of our society. I could spend - have spent - days scrolling through Indeed, hours touching up my resume for each job to include all the right keywords and get past the AI filter and what have you, debate over what the strongest wording for a cover letter is, and after all that send it off to a hiring manager who will glance at it once and move on to the next candidate and get paid more for that second of consideration than I am for all I did to apply. "Do you really expect to get paid to apply for jobs? What is your solution to this?" I don't have one. I'm just angry.
#voidrambles#the endpoint of decades of 'the only way to get hired is to do more than the other guy'#now it's just everyone doing more#all the time#so many hoops to jump through so much more than necessary#all for the honour of getting picked out of 100 other applicants to go pull terrible hours and get paid kinda enough to live#....to be fair. maybe tech/engineering/manufacturing field is just hell#but I've got a feeling it's not just me and my area#or yknow maybe I'm just really slow at job apps and they take a lot of effort for me but yknow what?#yeah i AM slow at them. yes it DOES take a lot of effort for me. hours of effort. unpaid#because i have a number of challenges that make me not as competitive to hire as the next guy#and I need to put all this power into making sure my employer never realises that#so I'll have a chance#and i can't very well do anything else to be making money while I'm doing that and I'm never going to be compensated for that work#and it doesn't even mean anything in the end? if you don't get hired that application is just. nothing now. hours gone#right discontented grumbling over time to go back to just doing the thing and have it over with#i understand why on some level but it also just feels deeply unfair
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Anyway, hope you're all doing well
I just... I haven't slept and also I've got like... 2-4 days of tumblr to catch up on... mostly to make sure I don't lose anything I want to keep requeuing
In many ways I'm probably doing better than I have been in a long time... maybe ever, but... I've got zero focus, I can barely watch youtube videos, I certainly can't play games... I can't get myself to clean... I don't know man
It's like... it's like my mind's empty except for some thick clear goopy sludge... it's like being over at a strange house sat alone in a big room waiting for people to come back... not wanting to touch anything so you just sit there staring and feeling out of sorts, except it's just constant in my own house in my own room... just saw Bart flop down in front of my door and realized I'm so out of it I forgot I had cats
It's like I'm living every moment in the moment, but not in a peaceful way, in a I'm untethered from reality and trying to figure out plans or how to deal with getting everything sorted out is just kinda painful kinda way
Then my mood... well... I kinda have no mood. I'm fucking numb if I'm honest. I have flavor opinions like "I'm worthless and should kill myself", but I actually don't even feel depressed right now, I feel nothing
I don't see much point to my future even if everything goes great, and I would like to kill myself, but I have zero interest in even considering it right now even though I have everything I need around if I just stand up and take a single step
So... much as it probably sounds like I'm just pure in the trash right now, I'm actually in many ways probably doing better than I ever have before... I'm just also real messed up right now at the same time
I don't feel hopeful, I never feel hopeful, but I do feel like I can maybe guide shit into a good position, it's just once again I figure that even if I do everything I want to with being able to help other people out and stuff, I'll still just kinda end up alone in a crowd
You know... funny thing is I'm thinking "the fuck is even the point I wanted to make?", and I realize... my point was actually that I'm doing pretty good and not to worry... not sure how well I'm selling it, but it's true
I hesitate to assign anything to myself, my stance on me and anything I can't conclusively say tends to be no comment... but if I were looking at someone else describing what I'm feeling in my position, I might be inclined to say burnout... months of having to be on and clean and manage everything and... all that... well it's one explanation, who knows if it's correct
Anyway though, I'm good, don't worry, know I do appreciate you all and wish I had more brain power to say more to more people... it's just maybe kinda sad that this is my version of doing good... the fuck is wrong with me if I wake up everyday feeling like I've been beaten with clubs... and for me this is kinda peak... what's that say about my baseline?
Doesn't matter, only thing to do is keep moving forward
Guess insomnia paired with not really being able to think, like words just kinda pop out with no planning... guess it makes me ramble real bad, this was supposed to be like one or two paragraphs being positive
It's a Beautiful World
#mm tag so i can find things later#to be clear; I'm referencing the Devo song; and if you know the song... that's kinda a negative thing to say#it's a beautiful world... for you... it's not for me#that's the sentiment I express when I say that; just to avoid confusion... though... confusion I can't deny is also kinda the point#I like hiding things in plain sight; I like lies of omission#...but also... is it so bad to try and let people think I'm being more positive than I am seeing as people have a problem with how I am?#makes them sad; you know?#I'm not even meaning to be negative; I'm just trying to lay out my thoughts so people don't have to read my mind#I think people will probably read this and take it as extremely negative but... it more just is#my brain feels broken right now... that's not meant as doom and gloom... just a statement of fact#people always seem to worry about me... but... they kinda... worry about the wrong stuff#...they kinda... it's like if someone was really worried cause I skinned my knee and it looked real gross but was pretty surface#and I just couldn't get them to stop focusing on that and listen to the fact I had internal bleeding and that was much worse#it's not the fact I want to kill myself that's the problem; it's not that I can often be melancholic#it's all the systemic issues going on... the isolation; the... never feeling like I succeed... that kinda thing; you know?#the money and the getting things stabilized#even if life goes perfect and I even somehow get the stuff I think is literally impossible for me to get that I want so bad#...good chance I'll still be kind of melancholic#...but would that really be so bad? if I was just a little glum when it came to me?#despite the fact that with everything that's not me I say 'lets just keep moving forward and change what we can'?#despite the fact I tend to have a very upbeat... lets not dwell on the past; lets see how we can fix the now kinda mindset?#despite the fact I think I must seem a bit stupid and bumbling in person cause I always tend to be kinda 'it is what it is'?#just because I think bad thoughts and you hear how I think on here... my actions aren't enough to outweigh that?#clean all that shit; but I dare to not like myself very much... seems like weighing the two I really am just negative or whatever; eh?#and by god always make sure to tell me to get a therapist even though I'm both working on that and also it won't fix me#if therapy fixed me I'd be fixed at like 14; it's systemic shit; like I said... therapist can just help a bit#...what I really need is for more people to turn towards me a bit more... 20% of the time even... nah I don't want to elaborate#I don't want to phrase that the more understandable way; I want everyone to... miss it... I can't stand to be seen and then ignored... agai#wish people would worry a little less about me and help a little more... mostly by just being company#can't a body fall down stairs in peace? you know?
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the hilarious thing will be if me being back in school actually Improves my productivity with writing. bc i have so goddamn much free time rn, but what am i doing with it? fucking anime and crochet. i really do need to get my ass in gear for cleaning and also writing this reverse bang fic. but really. im probably going to be able to do more writing once im back in school
How, you may ask?
procrastination is a powerful drug.
#speculation nation#also me having structure and something forcing me to be up and active#im just kinda sedentary. just kinda rotting. idfk.#im certainly not thriving.#theres not enough time to get a job b4 school starts again. wouldnt be worth it either. dont need the money & i dont wanna fuckin work#really i need to be spending this time getting my apartment in order. im just shit at self regulation.#i bought. a white board. for my fridge. and im going to use it. for lists.#im going to try making lists of goals to accomplish each day. and maybe that'll help me.#i also need to get out more. visit the woods. maybe that'd help me with my writer's block.#go to a goddamned bubble tea shop (besides the one i worked at lmfao) as motivation or something#im trying. i am. i'll get there.#i should probably start exercising again. havent been biking much in Months now. that's probably not good for me.#cleaned up a dumbbell to do some arm shit while watching things. idfk. some activity is better than none.#waaaaaaaaaaaaaa i really am just a fuckin lump on a log in my natural state of being. ugh.#doesnt help that the throat bleeding disease kinda fucked me up bad enough that my stamina is... worse than before.#i can probably get it back. but man. i feel like a wasted fucking shell right now.#my general absence from tumblr hasnt been me living life to the fullest. im just too goddamned depressed to post.#nothing interesting going on in my life. and so it goes.#i'll get there. im working on it. im trying to make things better for myself.#exercise and fresh air will do me well... just gotta get some exercise and fresh air...
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came up with the script i wish i could yell at my parents while walking home. they've gotten so much worse in the last half year and i need to fucking escape !!!!!!!! it is not fucking healthy or sustainable to live like this, to be in this environment.
#you would never assume i go to a nice university if you saw the state of where i live#and its entirely bc of them they refuse to make any real purchases like a working oven or groceries they just want cigarettes#and nonsense from amazon and fast food that i cannot eat#the house smells like fucking smokes and trash bc they can't keep the space clean wven after you clean up#the car smells like smokes bc my dad smokes in the fucking car#and they smell like smoke and i cant breathe around them#they take off all the fucking time and leave me and my siblings to take care of ourselves (im the eldest theres children still!!)#they have no interest in my life bc its too much for their attention spans i begged them to read any articles i wrote bc i was so proud#and they just went hmm no i dont want to#they just.... they weren't great parents to begin with but they really did just fucking give up#my dad is absent emotionally and chooses to remain miserable & my mother is a teen sister that hates how her kids are more mature than her#it sucks it just fucking sucks and i need money to leave but its just impossible to save the funds while also funding my existence now#yeah im hating on smokers right now bc that alongside alcohol and gambling are fucking ruining my life and it's not even me doing any of it#I can't even drink and have fun bc i am reminded of my fucking family who get drunk and act horrible#I can't ever pick up a cigarette again either bc its like i just inhale the air in my house and its in me#i just fucking hate it so much their misery is ruining everything for all of us not just them#i dont fucking care if they want to make bad choices but leave your children alone you fucking freaks
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༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆ to be loved loudly - 𝐋𝐍𝟒 𖤓
( 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗂𝗌 𝗑 𝗐𝗈𝗅𝖿𝖿 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 )
( 𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒 )𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖻𝖺𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽
✫ i feel like i have to say this but most of my smau’s are literally just random posts and rarely have a plot also lowk part 3 of walk em like a dog?? idk i somehow made her totos daughter without realizing 😭
🝮
yn
liked by pierregasly and 2,871,443 others
yn 🍋🟩
landonorris first
landonorris fuck i’m hard
⤷ yn what??
⤷ landonorris baby you can glance at me and it’s up
⤷ yn weirdo
⤷ landonorris don’t stop i’m close
⤷ yn WHAT THE FUCK LANDO??? this is public everyone can see this
⤷ landonorris ain’t no one gonna stop me from thirsting 💀 keep going i was so close
⤷ yn why am i dating you
⤷ landonorris well if i remember this correctly you said “i love pathetic men”
⤷ yn get out of my face
⤷ landonorris i came
⤷ yn i’m going to report your account
landonorris i’m gonna miss you when i scroll 😔
⤷ yn you’re sitting on my lap right now?
⤷ landonorris i just wanna be close to you
⤷ alex_albon loser 😂😂
⤷ lilymhe Now alex…
⤷ alex_albon I was jking only good boys sit on their gfs laps fr
⤷ landonorris good boys?
⤷ alex_albon are you not a good boy?
⤷ landonorris i’m the best boy ho
⤷ mclaren What am I looking at
oscarpiastri I feel molested
maxverstappen1 Lando is horny 24/7: confirmed
georgerussell63 Chile anyways so
🝮
landonorris
liked by tomholland2013 and 3,890,516 others
landonorris i love my girlfriend so much everyday i wake up i thank god that i’m able to call her my girlfriend no one compares she is perfect and so funny and so beautiful and so kind i love her more than all the stars in the sky in every lifetime and universe i will find her because she is my one love
yn so sappy i love it
⤷ landonorris always for you honey
charles_leclerc Average Lando post
alex_albon super cool super rich super popular nepo baby gf who has everyone in the palm of her hand x loser bf who looks at her like she hung the stars in the sky is my favorite love trope
⤷ landonorris i’m cool and rich and popular as well?
⤷ alex_albon not as much as y/n
⤷ landonorris true
danielricciardo Pussy whipped
⤷ landonorris damn right you would be too
lilymhe So cutie patootie
georgerussell63 Lando please, you’re making all of us look like bad boyfriends.
f1 We love our talented, athletic, beautiful, multilingual queen
georgerussell63 y/n blink twice if you’re being held hostage
♥︎ yn
⤷ georgerussell63 That’s a sign. Help is on the way dear
alexandrasaintmleux Tell her I’m in need of a date at the mall
⤷ landonorris i’m not her assistant?
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux Aren’t you?
⤷ landonorris ms wolff said she is available any time for you. but not for me ig.
francolapinto i was the line leader in 3rd grade 🙂↕️
⤷ landonorris seriously? on my own post? i’ll kill you
⤷ carlossainz55 That escalated quickly
⤷ landonorris i zont play about my girl
⤷ francolapinto well i tried
⤷ landonorris try again and see what happens ❤️
🝮
yn
liked by lilamoss and 4,461,220 others
yn lan saw it first
landonorris first
⤷ carlossainz55 second
⤷ charles_leclerc third
⤷ oscarpiastri fourth
landonorris lawd have mercy 😫 i’m about to bust
⤷ yn awh thanks babe
landonorris you’re so cute i can’t get enough of you
landonorris most beautiful girl i have ever laid eyes on how did i get so lucky
⤷ yn you sweet talker 💌
⤷ oscarpiastri Seriously though, how did you get her to date you I’m still baffled
⤷ landonorris years and years of begging, endless amounts of gifts and flowers, zero contact with any females i’m not related to, and charisma 😎
⤷ oscarpiastri I wonder how much money you’ve spent on her
⤷ landonorris you do not want to know 😎
⤷ landonorris forgot to mention i became best friends with her family and got invited to all vacations, holidays, and birthdays 😎
alexandrasaintmleux Heaven sent 🪽🤍
⤷ yn thank ya angel baby 👼🏽
francisca.cgomes ooh lala 🙉
landonorris i was the line leader in 3rd grade
⤷ francolapinto seriously?
⤷ pierregasly You made it to 3rd grade?
⤷ landonorris shut your butt
⤷ pierregasly You first
🝮
alexandrasaintmleux
liked by landonorris and 871,054 others
alexandrasaintmleux Aquí me quedo
yn mi chica 🙂↕️
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux mi amor 😘
landonorris release her now. give her back. i have not seen her in ages. this is not funny.
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux You seen her at lunch? Besides she love it over here
⤷ yn yeah i love it over here
⤷ landonorris don’t make me send out a amber alert
⤷ oscarpiastri Please not again you had all of Italy in a state of panic last time
landonorris why are you matching with my wife?? just say you hate me
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux 😏
⤷ landonorris did you just threaten me?
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux 😭
⤷ landonorris you this is funny? i’m getting grey hairs woman GIVE MY GIRLFRIEND BACK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I’M HAVING WITHDRAWALS PLEASE
landonorris fuck she so hot
landonorris who’s the hottie on the right???
landonorris i will find you and i will make you regret hiding my wife from me
⤷ yn lando please. you have my location
⤷ landonorris oh silly me 😅 coming to get you be there in 10 minutes ❤️
⤷ yn i’m 30 minutes away?? do not put yourself in danger lando i’ll smack you upside the side
⤷ landonorris baby, danger is my middle name 😎
⤷ yn oh just die
⤷ landonorris okay i’m getting a lot of mixed signals idk if you want me dead or safe?? like my head hurts please choose ❤️
⤷ yn die
⤷ landonorris whatever you say baby ❤️
🝮
yn
liked by naraaziza and 3,451,802 others
yn the legend lives on
landonorris who’s the hottie behind the camera 😍
⤷ alex_albon *debbie ryan smirk* *raises hand shyly* 🙂↕️
⤷ landonorris shut your face do not steal the show from my lady
⤷ landonorris as i was saying…who’s the hottie behind the camera 😍😍😫
⤷ yn shut your face
⤷ landonorris mmm i love dirty talk
⤷ yn don’t make me get a restraining order
⤷ landonorris kay, i’ll meet you in the hotel room 😈
alexandrasaintmleux Unfortunately
georgerussell63 My petite prince 👑
⤷ landonorris yk what ain’t petite though?
⤷ georgerussell63 Was just trying to have some light hearted banter 😔
francolapinto dang
⤷ alex_albon alright lil bro do you have some sort of death wish or something?
⤷ oscarpiastri I’ve seen him cuss out this server at a gala cause he tried to flirt with her…it was pretty entertaining tbh
⤷ carlossainz55 One time I told her she looked pretty (purely platonic she’s a baby) and that night I woke up to him sitting in the corner of my room. Almost shit myself.
⤷ lewishamilton Not to be a gossip or anything but like he knocked this guy out in my garage once cause he wouldn’t stop bothering her, I think that’s when Toto finally accepted him
francolapinto you two are endgame fr🤞🏽
⤷ landonorris right? (don’t try to lock your doors i’ll find a way in)
🝮
landonorris
liked by judebellingham and 3,890,154 others
landonorris my wife (she ain’t gonna be able to walk tomorrow)
alex_albon just put the fries in the bag bro
lewishamilton Let’s put the phone down for a bit bud
oscarpiastri Please, this can’t be healthy. I’m sick of hearing you two every weekend
⤷ landonorris sorry osc i can’t function without her my body starts to shut down
georgerussell63 How many PowerPoints do I need to make?? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
maxverstappen1 Get the wheelchair ready
lando.jpg my cute amazing talented tan beautiful funny sexy hot sweet wife
⤷ yn so when are you gonna stop calling me your wife and actually make me one?
⤷ lando.jpg soon baby, trust me
⤷ danielricciardo This sounded so sweet
pierregasly My kinda guy 🤝🏽
yn my dad see’s these
⤷ landonorris are you cereal?? and you’ve never told me??? i’m to young to die
lilymhe babygirlll 😍😍
⤷ landonorris please, not today
mclaren Please stop posting things like this Lando it is bad for our image
⤷ landonorris that’s telling me to stop breathing I CANT it’s just who i am
charles_leclerc Okay but why is she so good at tennis?
⤷ yn what am i not good at? 😂
⤷ charles_leclerc Being nice 😖
⤷ yn i’m very nice just not to you
⤷ charles_leclerc I’ll sue you
⤷ landonorris I’ll drown you ❤️
🝮
yn
liked by brock.purdy13 and 5,153,403 others
yn my favorite puppy dog 🤍
landonorris awhhh you do love me 😘
landonorris ugh i’m touched
landonorris baby i’d follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked me to
landonorris sweetest brat ever
landonorris i’ve never loved anyone or anything like i love you
landonorris my one love forever
landonorris i’ll never get tired of loving you
landonorris there are no words that can describe my love for you
landonorris you have me wrapped around your finger
landonorris you’re so perfect i can’t fathom your beauty
landonorris most precious soul ever
landonorris i can’t imagine my life without you, you’ve changed me for the better
landonorris the yin to my yang
landonorris you complete me
landonorris i was made to love you
landonorris let’s fuck 🌹
⤷ oscarpiastri Almost had it
⤷ landonorris I CANT CHANGE WHO I AM OSCAR I WAS BORN LIKE THIS DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SAY I WAS MADE TO LOVE HER I’VE BEEN YEARNING FOR HER MY ENTIRE LIFE OSCAR LET ME LIVE
⤷ francolapinto a man who yearns is a man who earns ☝🏼
⤷ landonorris does this have some sort of double meaning?? cause i’ll kill you fr 🤞🏽
landonorris as i was saying, let’s fuck 💐
⤷ yn kay, i’ll meet you in the hotel room 😈
⤷ georgerussell63 IS SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY FREAK?? IS SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY NASTAYYYY???
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris smau#lando norris imagine#lando norris fluff#lando norris smut#f1 smau#f1 imagine#formula one imagine#formula one smau#lando norris insta au
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Whenever Mohammed (@ahmed0khalil) tells me about his situation , it breaks my heart. They are struggling so much financially that they have to borrow money to buy anything! And food in Gaza is so expensive right now. He used to be able to buy a kilo of small sardines for about 50 cents, but now they cost 30 dollars. They can no longer afford food. It's so bad that they are now using spoiled flour full of weevils to make food, because that's all they have!
The situation has become so bad that Mohammed keeps raising the possibility of him being killed lately. "If the Israeli planes kill me...", "if we are not killed by Israeli occupation fire we will be killed by hunger...", "I just hope I can evacuate my family before I get killed"... He is afraid that they will die from bombs, he is afraid that they will die from hunger. Mohammed is only 19 years old, so young, only a teenager! He just wants his family to survive! That shouldn't be too much to ask for!
Mohammed is only 19 years old but now he is responsible of getting enough funds so that his 5 siblings can survive. His brother Fathi is blind, his other brother Abdullah is autistic, and his youngest brother is only 6 years old. They are just children. Please, help them.
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hey i want to talk about how you should be promoting your work as an erotic author/illustrator
i'm writing this up because the marketing aspect of my work as an erotic author/illustrator is a science to me, and also because i'm the guy who gets unreasonably annoyed when i see other creators not properly advertising their work. you presumably want to make money off your work. this post will be written under the assumption you want to make money off your work but are doing a bad job at it. it will be very confrontational. if you read this and feel attacked you're right and i am attacking you.
this is geared toward selling erotic comics/writing/books/art as products. i will probably write more than one post about this subject so if i didn't touch on something you want to know more about, comment/send me an ask and i'll keep it in mind for the next one.
i will start with my first and least specific but most important point:
DON'T GET FUCKING CUTE
hi are you paying attention. i'm gripping you by the sides of your face. do not get fucking cute with what you are trying to sell. you are not a big enough property to get cute, nobody LIKES it when big properties get cute, and you are selling porn. you have to own this. you have to be up front about this. don't be tongue in cheek, don't be all teehee i wonder what this could be~, don't be secretive. you are selling a product. you have to fucking act like it. you are an adult selling pornography to other adults. i am GRIPPING your HEAD you NEED to understand this.
and to be clear when i say 'cute' i mean coy. i don't mean cutesy, as in the aesthetic. you can be as hello kitty pastel ten emojis a post uwu as you like when you're building your audience and generating hype. but when you start trying to sell, don't be vague, don't be sarcastic, don't mislabel your work as a joke and assume everyone is on it. because they're not.
you must always assume 75% of the people seeing the thing you are advertising have no fucking idea who you are. and that includes a huge chunk of the people who already follow you. they do not know who you are or what you've been working on for two months or why they should care about it. they just got here. somebody just reposted it. they are seeing it for the first time. most people are only looking at social media for a tiny chunk of their day. they are not keeping up with you. you cannot get cute about what you are trying to sell because nobody knows what it is until you tell them.
okay are you still with me. we are going to talk about clarity now.
YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT IT IS
good lord the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's comic or book and had no idea what's actually in it or what it's about. who are the characters? why should i care about them? what do they do in it? what is the premise of this thing you want me to spend $5 on? why would you not tell me? i'm shaking you again. please i have to know what i'm buying i only have so much money to spend on porn.
porn, arguably more than any other genre, relies on knowing exactly what is in it. you do not want to surprise your readers with a kink they were unaware of! and on the flip side, you do not want to miss out on your target audience! if your book contains a hot spider babe laying eggs in an elf, you have to say so. not just so people who don't want to read about eggs know it isn't for them, but so the people who are egg crazy can see that and go "oh fuck YES i love EGGS here is my $5 and an extra $2 tip for catering to me specifically". a contents/features list is as much an advertisement as it is a warning!
as for re: who the characters are and why should i care, i'm sorry but you need to learn how to write sales copy. you have to write blurbs. you have to get good at the shit that goes on the back of a book. we all hate it but we have to do it. i want to know who the characters are and what the context is. i, personally, am not interested in contemporary stories as much as fantasy and historical. please tell me what genre this porn exists in so i know if it aesthetically appeals to me. pull some books off your shelves and see how they do it. hell man go look at mine.
while you're there, note that every single book of mine has a sample of what's in it. this feels like such a no-brainer to me but again! the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's work and they don't show me what their work looks like! you gotta give me the first page or two! just enough that i know if i like the way your writing sounds, or the way you draw your comics! i don't know you! i am not going to trust that you're good at what you do just based on a cover. the cover is to get me to this step, it is not the only step. you have to show me that you're worth spending my money on!
to put it less cynically, you want to catch my interest. you want me to go 'oh i want to see more of this', you want me to go 'ahh i want to know where this goes!' you need to get me invested and craving more. earn my $5!!!
YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EASY TO GIVE YOU MONEY
hey go look at your bio right now. go look at your pinned post. do you have a link to your patreon there? do you have a link to your itchio/gumroad/whatever? do i have to click more than once to get to the places you want me to go to give you money? why? why are you making me click twice? have we learned nothing from every website making you click an extra time when they make some stupid UI update and how much it pisses us off? i have already given up, i have forgotten you, i am not giving you my $5 today. put your links in the easiest places to get to them.
god literally as i was writing this post i went to go find somebody's itchio to see how they described their work and it was not anywhere on their profile. grabbing you and shaking you PUT THE LINK WHERE I CAN FIND IT. don't make it hard! make it easy! i am a dickhead sitting on the toilet scrolling, saw your post, and was interested enough to read further. but you made me go to your bio to find your linktree and oops i have already gone back to my timeline to look at the boobies in the next post. stop wasting precious bio space on DNIs and put your fuckin links there!!!
this is more for the twitter people, but: just put the link in the damn post. just say the word commission. just say it's for patreon. "wuh wuh the algorithm" it is not the damn algorithm it's that everybody hates advertising and nobody wants to retweet ads. putting slashes in the words doesn't do anything and you look like a fool. i have posted so much art that says it's 'a commission for ___" and it did exactly as good as any other art despite having the word commission in it. and by doing the slashes you just made it impossible for anybody to search your account for your commission information (which should be at the VERY LEAST in a post under your pinned tweet if you're not actively posting about them being open).
okay that went on a tangent i'm going to back to the point of putting the link in the tweet. put it in the first post. not in the first reply. don't tell them to go to your bio. put it in the post people are actually going to share. it's fine to put more information in the thread but people are only ever going to share the first post. so put the link there. you have to make it easy. putting links in tweets can hurt you algorithmically, even in the replies. so you're better off having it in the post that actually gets seen and shared. i don't want to open the tweet and scroll to get to your sales page where i ASSUME you will have put all the information anyway. put it in the tweet that just got retweeted by itself onto my dash!
also you have to share it a ton of times. i repost my shit every few hours when i'm trying to push a new product. as i said before people are not 24/7 looking at their timelines. they missed it the first time. they missed it the second time. they didn't get paid yet that week but they were after the eighth time and you reminded them again so they finally bought it. that i will still get sales every time i repost a book ad weeks after release says there are always people who missed it, or who only just showed up.
abandon your pride and shill. shills pay their bills. anyone who gets annoyed about it isn't giving you money in the first place. don't worry about looking like a sell out. don't apologize for plugging your own work. post about it often, post about it in different ways. post about it. post about it. you are not going to make money if people don't know you have something to sell them. if you want to make a career out of it, you need to act like it.
I DON'T HAVE A FOURTH POINT
kisses your forehead. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i've been making and publishing and selling adult art for the past two-three years and have got myself to the point where it pays my rent, and i got there by paying attention to what does and does not work.
please do your best to make money. i want you to make money.
as i said above i plan to write more posts on this subject, such as cover design, how to actually write sales copy, and best practices with running a patreon, but if there's things you would want to hear more about leave a comment or send an ask! i will probably be less aggressive on future topics. these are just things that have grinded my gears for a grip.
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