#even if they look like shit
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#i need to do some brain working out to try to get stronger and not overthink things#but i am upset and feeling very anxious rn (:#i came back from the optician (which i was dreading) and just started sobbing#i'm so overwhelmed right now you have no idea#i went to get my new glasses which were SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE like waaaaay more than i thought#and i don't have much choice of frames either because of all the shit that go into my lenses#but the choices i had today where not only very few but also ugly as fuck#but literally had no choice cause i don't have money and i had to get the cheapest frames to sort of balance how expensive the frames are#and what makes me feel like a piece of shit is that i'm complaining about ''ugly frames'' and whatever when i am able to get them#like i was able to do all the tests i needed to get done i am able to go and buy the glasses with the graduation and the prism and everythi#and i'm SO FUCKING LUCKY that i can and that i have a job that allows me to buy these#and that my family doesn't have to pay them (cause we couldn't)#and i feel like a dick for complaining cause i can fix my eyesight (to an extent) with glasses and i'm not actually blind or anything#but it also sucks that i have to spend literally all of my money just to be able to see#i'm trying so hard to get in the mindset that i'm not getting these glasses for fashion but as medicine#like if i needed a wheelchair it wouldn't be for fashion either#these are aids to help me be healthy and safe and not get run over by a car#even if they look like shit#but you know i'm conflicted :/#angel talks#personal
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reblog if you're a writer but would rather drink straight cyanide than show any of your family members your work
#if i wanted my folks to know the shit that goes on in my brain i would keep a diary#i wouldn't be able to look them in the eye#and its not even smut just like extremely dark stuff#and a bunch of sapphic yearning#white roses red wip#im so fine with posting my writing#but if my family sees it#oh my lordy lord i would be sent to a psychiatric ward#writeblr#bookblr#creative writing#writing#writers on tumblr#novel writing#writers and poets#book tropes#writerscommunity
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thinking about a Damian who was raised his entire life hearing how much he looks like his Father, how he's the blood son, how he's better than any other child Bruce Wayne has taken in, starting to buy into it like a kid does, only to hit puberty and turn out looking like 80% Talia.
#you know how some kids look like one parent until adulthood?#that's what i hc for damian#he looks like bruce until puberty#as an adult he looks like talia#bruce wayne#batman#damian wayne#talia al ghul#dc#batfamily#thoughts#something something social currency but only within the batfamily#it's a sore subject#and they roll their eyes when damian says dumb shit like this#because they know ra's and talia fed it to him since infancy#but then he grows up and slowly stops saying it#and they have to wonder if damian is disappointed#or if he's grown past caring#maybe this is a wild hc idk#i'm just rambling in between meetings#i KNOW he looks like bruce in canon as an adult#but like#i want him to be 5'8 and look like talia#I find it such a satisfying book end to the emphasis placed on him as the blood son#and I think he deserves to be more than just a bruce clone you know#even if the transition stings
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dungeon meshi is my favorite road-trip comedy film
#dungeon meshi#my art#laios thorden#senshi#marcille#chilchuck#chilchack#izatsumi#laois#laius thorden#sorry guys I don’t know which spelling is correct here#chilchucks car is a beat up beige Honda civic#laois never got a license because even though he’s actually a good driver he just never cared enough to do it#plus he wants to travel in some wacky way. like on a five person tandem bicycle or some shit#marcille never got a license because just fucking look at her#plus she gets motion sick in cars. she just would#senshi walks everywhere and has no need for cars#izatsumi just learned what a car was two days ago and she’s pissed that chilchuck doesn’t have a lambo#chilchuck doesn’t have time for any of this. he has to get his daughter to soccer practice at 5
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so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.
and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.
...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.
see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.
while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.
especially if the president of the united states is on board.
yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.
and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."
but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.
...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.
not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.
yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.
but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire
#kai rambles#so like#i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like#i dont really care for warships#i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them#apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod#or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter#like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED#but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water#william d porter#uss william d porter#ww2#world war 2#world war ii#warships#again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny#uss iowa#fdr#franklin d. roosevelt#this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck#shipposting
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sorry idk but the way the world is so fast and the people in it still want it to be faster is sooo annoying to me. people groaning while standing in line for 3 minutes people being mad the train ride is gonna take 2 hours people complaining that the bus is a few minutes late people being angry that construction work is taking months even though it used to take decades. don't you see the world is already so so so fast in every single aspect can't you understand that being mad will do nothing and just make your mood worse. enjoy the moments of stillness you're given. just stand in line and look at the people around you. sit on the train and watch the scenery. you'll get there.
#it's literally one of my main pet peeves not even sorry actually!!!!! esp ppl loudly complaining while standing in line or#when the train's like 2 minutes late coz it has to stop and ppl start yelling#hell even if it stops for 2 hours. who cares who cares who cares unless you're late for like a weeding or smtg who cares !!!!#literally just relax slow down. look at your phone idk#this one should be it's own post but like when people complain about budapest public transport it makes me so mad....#bruhhh shit's on time 99% of the time and it's like. outstandingly good compared to any other city#hungarian infrastructure in general like are the trains the best NO but they get you pretty much anywhere for like 30 cents#calm down !!!!!!!!!!#barking#humans
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Dad Bruce teasing Damian is my favourite Bruce
#damian wayne#bruce wayne#batman#robin#dc comics#wednesday spoilers#batman and robin spoilers#batman and robin 14#to be fair Damian looks 10 again here#Bruce just seems like he's having TOO much fun#you can tell Bruce has a shit eating grin of his face even from the back
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looking for someone on Tatooine
#commander cody#coday#cody day 2224#codywan#tatooine husbands#looking for obi-wan obviously DUH#ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR CODAY????#I've overdone myself and drawn THREE pieces for today like what????#I did not think I'd get them all done but somehow I did#I'll post them all during this day with little gaps in between#cody my beloved#I gotta say#I've never drawn as good looking rocks as I did here#the ones Cody's sitting on like#THEY AREN'T EVEN THAT GOOD but I suck at any type of background shit so I'm so happy they look decent hahaha#I also live for scavenger/ rebel/ hobo -outfit Cody#and also that he still keeps some parts of his armor#just to be able to kick ppl and droids if the need arises ofc#I love Cody so much I'm so ready for today#star wars#my arts
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#my art#you know he was being a little shit#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#harrykim#disco elysium#disco elysium fanart#this is the first drawing ive managed to finish in over a year (we dont talk about the 3 million wips)#so thank you gay people for getting rid of my art block 🫶 i love you#i didnt use a reference though so apologies if the proportions look a bit wonky but GOD i had so much fun making this#ive missed Enjoying doing art. like actually enjoying the process and not just impatiently rushing for the finished piece#like maybe art IS fun..#crazy. anyways#this sideblog is brand new so i doubt people will even see this but!! if you do then i should have some more DE art on the way :-)
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From "Managerial Liberties" on AO3 by @miribalis (where they collect fallen angels like shiny Pokémon at the hotel), it makes me really happy (and has my heart).
#lucifer looks like shit in this but im gonna off myself if i have to touch this again#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#radioapple#alastor#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel comic#appleradio#my art#I LOVE ADAM SO MUCH IN THIS FIC!#i always liked him but he's just so stupid i like him even more now#drawing soft alastor is the bane of my existence#it always looks wrong and im just SO BAD at it#oh and i have a new ipad and im unstoppable now#and can i please have 100 more chapters of this fanfiction?#the writing is EVERYTHING god
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So backstory to this is that my roommate and best friend got a beanbag the size of a bed and it was sitting in the middle of our apartment for a while. It was extremely comfortable and I would curl up to sleep in it, but because it was so big I’d sink into the center and people wouldn’t know where I was lol. It was nice though, cause The Bean was big enough to share!
It’s nice to snuggle with friends or siblings! I love how Rise wrote the brothers to be more physically affectionate
#rottmnt#tcest dni#rise of the tmnt#rise donnie#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt comic#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#tcest I will shoot on sight#don’t even look at this if you like that shit#I swear to fucking god my comics are inspired by my own family please don’t
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I was ltr just drawing them in swapped outfits cuz ya know disco is canon in Yakuza 0 and then bam they fucking Harry Du Bois'd Majima and ive never been more hyped for a video game in my life
Expect to see more of this in non shitpost style (yes I lowered the graphics on kiryu and majima im tired) bc I love disco fashion and RGG and DE <3
#fucking majima game i cant beleive it#shit looks so good Im not even joking#finally some good fucking bizzare yakuza game food#its majima tho im sure the story is gonna somehow be fucking heartbreaking#the funniest and craziest things are (looking at you disco elysium)#my art#like a dragon#yakuza pirate in hawaii#yakuza pirates in hawaii#is it plural? ive seen both#goro majima#kiryu kazuma#majima goro#kazuma kiryu#yakuza 0#disco elysium#disco elysium fanart#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#my beloved <3
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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the krampus incident from the book of bill if it was out of character and stupid
#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#the book of bill#tbob#young ford pines#turtlearts#also sorry i got the heights devastatingly wrong fidds is so damn short here im sorryyy#for the record i was thinking of when mcgucket and ford reunited at the end where he actually is much shorter and smaller so erm idk man#please dont be mad#also i KNOW this is not lore accurate or whatever and i made it so much more sappy (?) than how it actually went but my hobby is being sapp#so leave me alone <3#also i do love me a ford thats afraid of vulnerability so theres also that haha#my favorite thing to draw was the first panel of fids with the banjo and then the 2nd to last picture#everything else looks like shit sorry#but i haaadd to post it ok . i have nothing else so dont complain and eat up kids#also do NOT laugh at my piss poor comic skills. literally dont even i swear to god
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Hilson should have had ONE. (1) honest to god fistfight. Not talking about no pansy ass scuffle either i need a FIGHT. Im talking bloodied noses nd bruised cheeks. I need them to exchange words that will alter the course of their relationship forever. MOST OF ALL. They need to make out nastystyle afterwards
#Drawing this was so fuckingfunny because house is so absolutely into this HHEKELALLAOAPPPAOSJHHAGHEHU#Yes i tried to draw this homoerotic as possible but simultaneously house by nature would be SO into this i dont even get a say in it#LOOK AT HIS FACE#Wilson would get MAD mad and house would be like “😳😳😏😏” Hes such a little freak. What fucking ever#House needed to get jumped soooo bad chase swinging on his ass is still to date the best thing hes ever done in-show#Im not even sayingthis becayse i hate house i fucking love house actually one of my charactersof all time#But the shit this man pulls sometimes. Bro#like u need to get jumped. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD#johan being crazy about yaoi md#johan's scrapbook#house md#house md fanart#hilson#hilson fanart#james wilson#gregory house
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What a difference six years makes
#botw#loz#link#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#tears of the kingdom#totk#i cant really say how it feels to look at the difference between these two#botw was such a huge huge part of my growth as an artist#the first isnt “bad”#the concept is cute and the emotions come across well enough!#i remember drawing it and being really proud of it#but wow drawing it again...#its a world of difference#it doesnt even look like the same artist#the new version has so much depth and even more visual clarity#the anatomy makes more sense and holy shit my lines have improved soooo much#thanks for all of your who have followed me since the beginning and watched this journey#thanks for believing i could be this type of artist#lukedoesart
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