#i also don't understand how my brain works

[spencerrreiddd]

Three, Two, One. - Chapter 2

Summary: You and Spencer have worked in the BAU together for years, since the beginning but now, he's your boss and something quite big is happening in your life & now, Spencer's life as well.

Pairing: UnitChief!Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Warnings: Pregnancy, Mention of abortion, Angst, Fluff?

WC: 2.8k

A/N: - chapter 2 has finally made its ARRIVAL! enjoy ! 🔪🤍

Three, Two, One. - Chapter 1.

"Spencer, I'm pregnant - You are the last person I slept with. I am pregnant with your baby" You said it before you even had time to think about what you had said, it wasn't lies but telling him now?

You could visibly see all of the color leave Spencer's face, you wondered what was going through his big brain, if anything at all.

"W-what? We were careful, we were very careful. - How could this of even happened, Y/N?" He asked quickly, clearly starting to panic.

"Spencer. You're a genius, you are fully aware of how this happens and careful isn't always guaranteed to be 100% effective"

All he could do was stare, like he wanted to say something but had no idea how to start moving his lips to speak the words.

"I- I know we are not in a relationship, Penelope told me that you were talking to someone and that's fine- if you don't want any part in this, I will keep my lips sealed" You continued, it broke more of your heart saying that.

You knew Spencer, you know Spencer and you know that he isn't the type of person to abandon someone with his child- You would be 100% fine being a single parent and healthily co-parenting with him, if that is what it came down to.

"Y/N, I'm just in shock, I mean, I wasn't expecting this- I was expecting something after the conversation I walked up on with Alvez and Garcia but not this" You honestly could understand what he was saying but did it hurt? Of course, it did but you are also taking his feelings into consideration.

Spencer could barely look you in the eye, he was starting to pace around like a dog that needed to go out for the potty. - Now, that you think about it, he never did confirm nor deny, if he was talking to someone or not.

"If you need time to let this all sink in, that's okay with me and I understand, honestly. This is a lot to take in, in a short amount of time" You could sympathize with him, for godsakes it's still hard for you to accept whats happening.

"I just need some time to- to bring this all in, It's just a lot" He says, finally looking you in the eyes.

"I will contact you, Y/N. I won't leave you in the dark, please trust my word on that" His eyes pleading with you to trust him, to trust what he is saying to you.

And to be entirely honest, you do trust him. You trust him with your entire life but it doesn't stop the pain that you feel in your chest.

"Take your time, please. I understand that it's a lot, Spence" You surprisingly manage to choke out with the hot tears pricking your eyes.

Watching him walk out of your apartment tore you apart, you wanted to chase after him, beg him to come back, wrap his arms around you and tell you that it's all going to be okay but it was all wishful dreaming.

Right now, all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry and maybe stuff your face with sweet treats, sweet treats that you didn't even have but you knew who would have them.

to: ‘Penelope Garcia 🖥️💖🍩’

'are you busy? - I need someone and I need sweet treats, please come through for me, my sweet crazy lady'

You could at least giggle at yourself with the little random nickname you through in there at the end of your text message.

You always thought, if she can produce weird and funny nicknames for people then you can to- outside of Spencer, she was the one you grew very close to.

You were close with everyone and you loved them dearly- Rossi, Tara, JJ, all of them but it just seemed so much easier with Penelope.

from: ‘Penelope Garcia 🖥️💖🍩’

'I am on my speedy way, my sweet sugar plum'

All you could manage to do after reading her text was zone out and stare at a random wall in your apartment, other than feeling like your heart was absolutely shattered, you wren't sure if you were even happy about all of this- maybe, just maybe if the situation would've been different, you could probably be happier.

Have you always wanted children? Of course! but before getting pregnant did you at least want to be in a stable relationship or marriage? Also, yes.

Before you even knew it, Penelope was running through your front door and holding all of your favorite sweet treats- Honey Buns, Oatmeal Cream Pies and your ultimate favorite, Fudge Rounds.

As soon as she was fully in the door and sat everything down, you collapsed in her arms crying your heart out.

"Okay, okay, what's going on" Worry coating her voice - "Nobody could reach you after you ran out of work, even Spencer was worried about you!"

"I told him- I told him about the baby. It all came out before I could even process my thoughts" You had a small amount of hope in your soul that she would be able to understand that through your sobs.

Looking at Pen after you said that, you could see the wheels turning in her head. Realization setting in.

"Reid came by here? By your apartment?" She questioned.

"Yeah, I was just relaxing and came out to the kitchen and I nearly ran right smack into him. He nearly gave me a heart attack in my own house" You were still unappreciative of that scare to say the least.

"Ho-how did he take the news"

"Not horrible but not how a woman would hope her-"

"Person would react" Penelope cuts you off seeing as you couldn't even figure out you own words.

"Exactly but as hard as it is, he isn't even my person. He's my boss, Pen. My boss. Our boss got me pregnant because we stupidly decided to have sex a few times to release the stress of work and life because evidently, we couldn't just sit down over coffee and vent to each other" You don't feel shame admitting that, should you? Maybe but you and Spencer are both adults.

from: Spencer 'The Genius' Reid

'I'm sorry for how I left, how I was unable to sit down and talk with you. Can we meet tomorrow?- It would be good to sit and talk about this'

You couldn't even look at the message, so you had Penelope read it and just simply asked her to tell you if it was good or if it was bad.

"He wants to sit and talk to you, says he is sorry for how he left- I would say that's a good message" Handing you your phone back, so you could message him back. If you could even bring yourself to do that. In reality, you know that it was the right thing to do.

to: Spencer 'The Genius' Reid

'Sure, I would feel comfortable speaking here, at my apartment. Is that okay with you? You can come over at any time tomorrow- If not, let me know.'

"I asked him if we could just meet and talk here. Do you think that's okay to even ask? Asking him to come here?" You are beginning to overthink everything, you care about Reid's feelings but right now, you're caring for yourself more.

"Y/N, that's a perfectly fine to ask- what's gonna happen? He's going to knock you up.. again? Y'all are talking, not getting under the sheets" How she said it made you laugh a bit considering the situation.

from: Spencer 'The Genius' Reid

'That's fine with me, Y/N- I will be there at 10:30.'

You surprisingly feel relief washing over you reading his message-

'Let's just hope tomorrow goes better' You think to yourself.

"I'm getting tired, Pen- I'm gonna go to bed, you're welcome to crash on the couch, if you're too tired to drive" Partially hinting at her that you wanted to be alone but you still didn't want her falling asleep behind the wheel and hurting herself or someone else.

"Don't be silly, I'm never too tired and plus, I enjoy sleeping on my own couch, if i'm sleeping on any couch, ma'am" She deadpans as she stands to leave.

Hugging her good-bye and giving her the biggest thank you for coming over to calm you and well, the sweets too.

"I la la la love you, Penny- I'm also keeping these sweets. I know my pregnancy cravings will appreciate them soon and you for bringing them"

"You better be happy that I love and adore you, I wanted to take the Honey Buns with me" She says in a jokingly bitter way while walking out the door.

After Penelope left, you decided that you did need sleep even though you would probably be struggling to even close your eyes because of your wonderful habit to and overthink every tiny thing about anything and everything in you life- all of this going on with Spencer is just fueling your ability to overthink. Lovely.

'What if he asks me to get rid of it' 'What if he ends up being a deadbeat and i'm stuck raising this baby alone' 'What if we can't co-parent in a healthy way and it causes the child trauma' - Any and every 'what if' flew through your mind. It felt like hours before your eyes finally closed and you were able to get sleep.

After waking up to the sun shining directly into your eyes, you roll over just to see 10:27 A.M on your alarm clock. - You don't remember ever having to fly out of bed that quickly, except maybe when you were in school and running late.

Walking out of your room and into the living room to sit in peace for about a minute or two before Spencer shows up. The nausea you began to feel was becoming over powering. Was it from pregnancy? Was it from the nerves? You didn't know but you were accepting your fate that you may or may not upchuck everywhere.

10:30 A.M - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Right on time" You mumble to yourself, you weren't expecting him to be a minute early or late.

"Come in" You yell, not having any energy to stand up and not wanting to move because it was making your nausea 10x worse.

"Hey" He greets coming through your door, he doesn't appear to have gotten any sleep- his hair messy, he has dark bags under his eyes.

"Hey, glad to see you showed- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that in a horrible way, I know what you said yesterd- I'm rambling. I'm glad you're here, Spencer" Another bad habit of yours, rambling on and on when you were nervous.

"Me too. Where do you want to start- I mean, I've never had to have this conversation with anyone else before" You could clearly hear the nerves in his voice.

"I'm keeping the baby, Spencer. That's my plan. I know we aren't in a relationship and we don't have to be to healthily co-parent and if you don't want to be involved, I understand because you're working on building a relationship with someone else but-" Spencer cuts you off before you can continue on with your rambling.

"Okay, pause for just a minute. I'm not in a relationship, I'm not working towards a relationship with anyone else. Where are you getting that information?" He asks with slight irritation in his voice.

"Penelope did, I went into work yesterday and I told her about me being pregnant, blah blah blah- she told me that you had a girlfriend, as far as she knew at least because the contact name for her 'wasn't a name you gave a friend"

"Y/N, getting back to the point then I will come back and touch on that- I wanted you to keep this baby, I want you to keep our baby. I've always wanted to be a dad, you know that about me. I want to be here every step of the way with you, with our child" Spencer is looking into your eyes with every word coming from his lips.

"And to touch on this topic because the names in my contacts are evidently Penelope's business, the name she is referring to is 'Pretty Girl', which is you, Y/N- Since we're on the honesty road, Y/N, I love you and I mean that, I've loved you for years, this isn't coming out of nowhere for me and it's not because of our current situation, either" You're blown away by everything Spencer has just said to you to say the absolute least.

Honestly, now that your mind isn't running a marathon, you could pinpoint certain changing things between you and Spencer- the longing looks between one another, bringing each other breakfast and coffee in the mornings, which never happened beforehand, the private meetings after work to just talk, nothing sexual ever involved but last but not least, the sex between the two of you.

'He loves me, he loves our child, he's been in love with me for years- I am the weird? contact name in his phone that Pen had spotted.' You think to yourself, seemingly not able to produce words after Spencer's confessions.

"Spence, I don't even know what to say or how to begin saying it. - I love you, I loved you since the first time I saw you walk into the bullpen and Gideon introduced his newest prodigy to all of us. - I'm happy, so happy that you want to be apart of our babies life and be here for us."

Neither of you have words after you both say your peace, you've both just poured your hearts out but your eyes are still saying so many things to each other.

"Y/N, I love you and I want a future with you. I want to have a family with you, if you'll allow it" Spencer confesses further moving closer to you.

"I would love that, Spencer" It came out as a whisper but with how close he was to you, to your face- you know that he heard you.

Moving even closer, Spencer takes your face in his hands and kisses you gently- It's a kiss that you can tell is filled with love, comfort and pure gentleness. Nothing like the kisses y'all shared in bed when y'all were just trying to reach an orgasm after a rough case.

Finally, you both break apart, breathing heavily, foreheads against each other.

"Not to ruin such a beautiful moment that I have been waiting years for, what's going on with all the 'Little Debbie' boxes" Spencer jokingly asks you, finally realizing the boxes you forgot to put away last night.

"Penelope was here last night, I asked her to come over with sweets after you had left- I needed honey buns to cope" Shrugging your shoulders while saying it, you had no shame in your sweet tooth game and you certainly wouldn't when your pregnancy cravings really started attacking you.

"So, another quick thing- of all people, why would you tell Alvez and Garcia this news?" Spencer looking at you, confused as ever as to why you would tell two of the biggest blabbers.

"I didn't tell Alvez, I told Garcia and she "let it slip" to Alvez- Alvez is why I left the other day. He came up to me talking about it loud enough for anyone else to hear him, if they were paying any attention at all- It got to me, frustrated me. I should've communicated better but, I wasn't exactly coping well yesterday" There was nothing to hold back now and frankly, at this point, you had zero shame about any of that and any of what was currently happening.

"I'm not upset- I was worried, I should've came myself after I heard that you left, I should've at the very least sent someone to come and check on -"

"Spencer, it's okay. I would've probably ignored the knocking of anyone and my phone was on do not disturb anyways, I wanted to be alone. Don't beat yourself up about this. We're okay. We're more than okay. I love you." You couldn't stop yourself from cutting him off, you couldn't stand to watch him beat himself up, you couldn't stand watching anyone beat themselves up.

"Y/N, I love you and I want you to be mine, I want this family."

"And I love you, Spencer and I want to be yours and I want you to be apart of this family. I loved you then and I love you now."

not going to lie, i thought this was going to be a 3 part story- not including the epilogue that i do plan to make for this mini-series.

i, personally am happy with how this turned out with this being my first writing in so long and being rusty to say the least.

i hope you, my dearies, enjoyed reading it and i hope you look forward to more stories coming your way.

PLEASE MAKE SURE TO LEAVE FEEDBACK

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IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TAGGED IN FUTURE STORIES or FOR THE EPILOGUE- slide into my inbox and let me know so that i can get you on my list !

[clairedaring]

Compilation post of my favorite Nadao actors (Nonkul Chanon, JJ Krissanapoom, Tor Thanapob) & Bright Rapheephong giving some interview answers on why they decided to star in queer/LGBTQ+ coded series/roles, some of their takes on being in BL (Y)/Queer series.

note: if you find this post familiar, it's because i've posted this on Reddit before. reposting here for archival purposes

TOR THANAPOB

Tor Thanapob interview in April 2023 when being asked about starring in Midnight Museum (a queer-coded GMMTV series) - (translation by infinitygraph_)

Tor: I think nowadays we should stop talking about gender. It doesn't mean that I have to act with women all the time or I can't act with men at all. I feel that I have proved to everyone that, work is work, and everything is about art. Even my team who are staying with me all the time has all kind of sexualities. It's not strange if someday we want to try telling story of other sexualities that we feel that we might be able to help them telling. If you ask me if today I am like that, today I might not, but I have a chance to understand them more, so I want to do it. Q: Is it because of the spoiler that [Midnight Museum] might be a series Y (BL)? Tor: Nothing to do with it. I tell you, sincerely, it has nothing to do with the spoiler. I just want to say that you don't have to overthink about it because nothing is fixed. Actors are actors. These days there are some award shows don't divide genders into categories anymore. I think this is a great step. Actresses also don't have to act with men all the time, they can act with women. And they both being the main characters Right. Because not all the main characters from every project have to come with the word 'love'. Even if there's 'love', there're many kinds of love. It's up to the audience what kind of feeling they have. Do they feel the same as me or they even feel more than I do? Q: So that means these days you can accept the work without any limit about what you are, which genders... Everything is about the story/script-writing? Tor: Right. I admit that I was afraid before. I wasn't afraid about my image, I was afraid that I would tell the story without understanding it, because I didn't have any experience at all. But at some point I found the chance to be more open-minded, brave to act it out all the way, such as Midnight Museum...

Tor's Vogue Interview in February 2024 on Spare Me Your Mercy as another important milestone as an actor (all translation by saltymarbles on twitter)

Tor: As for Euthanasia, I’ve been interested in it just from its name. If we were to go back in time to the period of the Prime Ministerial elections last year, there was some talk regarding the laws about euthanasia. As such, I know the meaning of it but if I had to explain it, I wouldn’t dare to because I don’t know that deeply about it. Tor: Up to the day that this drama happens, the owner of this project told me he wanted to set this question before anything changed in society: ‘Actually, are humans capable of choosing their death?’. Tor: This question shot through the core of my brain and immediately, i was like: ‘I need to tell this story’. And the role that he hoped to give me also served that function too. It’s a character which sets up the question of ‘what is right?’.(t/n: "this question" likely refers to a more philosophical kind of question regarding morality which asks what does being ‘correct’ mean — what is ‘objective morality’ (if it exists)) Tor: Do the people who are really suffering have the right to ask to leave? (t/n: "leave" is just a polite way of saying die (Thai people usually don’t use directly use the word die when talking about humans, usually use a more polite way like how we say ‘passed away’ or ‘xyz has left us’) Tor: Thus I decided to play along with knowing that the timeline of Euthanasia will remain with one in a hundred (people), so I like shades of the polar opposite. If the first story is navy blue, the other will be red — not close at all.

NONKUL CHANON

Nonkul's response to the question “If you have a chance, would you consider playing in a BL series? If accepted, who do you to co-act with?” in a Facebook Q&A video in 2021

Nonkul: If that series is an interesting storyline for me, I am always open to any kind of genre. I never categorized BL series as an BL series, I just think of it as a series with another plot as part of my work. It is a normal series that can have any of the plots which I will categorize as Romantic Comedy, Drama or whatever. Thus, when I choose the BL series I want to work with, the love preference of the character does not affect my decision. If the plot of the series is interesting, of course I’m gonna do it for sure. Every work that I chose, I personally think it at least enjoyable for me. Of course, if in the future, there are BL series with plots that I find interesting, that I enjoyed the script. “Like, wow, that’s my type!”, I will definitely selected it to be my future project. A good written series is a good series. This is what I believe as an actor. For BL Series, I think I can work with everyone. I don’t think I have anyone in particular. One thing! I desire the character of that person/actor? to be close to the character in the series. At that point I will be satisfied. Sometimes, I as an actor have a chance to work with people who don't have a lot of acting experience. I will still discover something new from him as well. And there is a BL novel which I really like! [Nonkul explains the plot of his favorite BL Novel ‘Peremo’] I would prefer to choose the “heroine” role because it will be a new experience for me as an actor because it will be a new experience for me as an actor. Because basically I only play as a hero role for the main character or support character in my work, but a “heroine” role in a BL series is the only chance for me to play a character more feminine. So it is a new experience for me. [Nonkul continues raving about 'Peremo’]. But if you think that you can make [an adaptation of Peremo], please do not forget me, Nonkul! Pleaseeeeeeee, I will do my best, I promise!!! However, I’m not only fixated on this novel. I’m also open for many more BL series if there is an interesting plot.

Nonkul's response to being ask if he's worried about filming NC scenes in IFYLITA (translation by saltymarbles)

Nonkul: I have to say when I had finished reading [the novel] and it’s made me want to act (in this series). I am probably worried more about the CG because if it’s a fantasy story with time travel, if the CG isn’t good, people will feel that it’s ‘off’. Because CG is something we don’t know anything about until we see the final product. One of the reasons that I accepted this role is because for some series, when I’ve read (the script/novel) for homework, I don’t accept them because there are some scenes that are forced in just for the sake of fan service. And I’m not really into that. If it’s a natural NC scene, then I’m not bothered. I’m a person who places a lot of importance on the story in series making sense. So to me, if an NC scene is reasonable, I won’t be bothered by it. But if it seems forced, I’m not into it. It’s important to show human-ness.

Two clips of Nonkul being asked what he thinks about doing NC scenes in IFYLITA (Clip 1 and Clip 2). Nonkul said that he places great importance on the character's actions. If an NC scene is reasonable he wouldn't mind but would if it's not reasonable. For Nonkul, understanding character is very important, especially for himself as an actor. Nonkul also said previously he had rejected some BL series offers because he can feel when NC scenes are put in just for fan service, which is also a reason why Nonkul accepted to play Jom in IFYLITA is because the love scenes are natural and make sense.

JJ KRISSANAPOOM aka JAYLERR

JJ's interview in February 2024 on Spare Me Your Mercy and his chemistry with Tor (translation by saltymarbles)

JJ: The pilot of ‘Euthanasia’ has been received well since the novel has many fans already who are excited about it. JJ & Tor are similarly excited and are committed to doing their best. The chemistry between Tor & JJ need not be questioned according to JJ since they are already close with each other. The series is in the phase of pre-production currently.

One of my favorite fictional characters of ALL TIME (not just in Thai or BL series) has got to be Tangmo from Great Men Academy (2019) (the series that a lot of BL audience refused to admit it's a queer series). The character Tangmo (played by Jaylerr) was questioned by the press about his gay crush on the protagonist: "Do you think being gay affect your chance of winning the competition?" to which his reply was a stellar "Well then let me ask you something, Does being gay make my good deeds meaningless?"

This isn't the first time JJ has played a queer role, JJ has played a gay character in TWO seasons of the LGBTQ+ series Diary of Tootsies (2016 and 2017). JJ plays Gus, the love interest of the main character.

So even though many BL fans consider Spare Me Your Mercy to be JJ's "first" BL series (which I don't agree with this strict interpretation of BL series), it is definitely not his first QL (Queer Love) series nor queer-adjacent roles as shown through out his filmography.

It is also noteworthy that even during the airing of these series, JJ was already in a public relationship with his fellow actress girlfriend Thanaerng (who has also played sapphic roles). You can see that the real life relationship of JJ or Thanaerng do not influence how/what projects they take on because work is just work :D

BRIGHT RAPHEEPHONG (all translation by saltymarbles on twitter)

Bright at Mono29 Lineup event

Bright: I think that, as I’ve previously said, BL series are just like other ordinary series or movies. Like IFYLITA can be changed to be said to be more like a period drama. I feel that BL is just about two people loving each other, not about whether it’s about male-male or female-male. This series is a period drama and it’s a romantic comedy and the other series is an action drama.

Bright's Interview with LIPS Magazine

Q: What if one day, we’re sucked in by the ship? Bright: I think fans in this day and age don’t need actors to do fan service to that extent. For myself, I’ve never intended for it to be the foundation (of his work). I think it’s a matter of being partners and working together. As such, it’s somewhat good in every aspect because it’s not forcing it. But in some moments, there may some actions that may just be the result of being friends. So even if fans ship, it’s cute to me. (smiles) Q: Do you feel a sense of “newness” stepping into a full-fledged BL? Bright: I feel that BL series are another branch of acting. I don’t think of it as being a specific form of male to male communication. It’s just another type of series just like action dramas, comedy etc, it’s just another kind of role that we can play.

Bright's Interview with Praew Magazine

Q: How is it working with Nonkul? Bright: Nonkul is a person who already does a good job at his work. He does his homework and he is also good at delivering and receiving emotions when on set. It isn’t just Nonkul who is great but the other characters in this series too, this includes P’Tee, the director. We can always talk about ideas which made the work even better. If asked whether entering the scenes with Nonkul made me shy, I would say that BL series are just another branch (of acting), it is just another role. I don't think that when acting with another man, that there’s a need to feel anything. I feel that it’s just another form of work. Another thing is that our workshops were very complete. When we work together I know what level and extent I can go to, what I should do and also trying my best in how I should feel. Thus, I felt at ease working together.

Bright’s Interview with NineEntertain

Q: Are you happy to do “ship” activities like this? Bright: I feel that if there’s an opportunity with regards to being an actor, I don’t want to be stuck in ships like this. I accepted this role with the status of an actor and I want to accept various roles too. It doesn’t always need to be BL or a specific kind of series. I will have another series next year which is ordinary boy-girl relationship and not a BL series. I feel that BL series are just another category of series — not like BL series are just BL series. It’s another category like action, romcom, or drama. It’s just another category. Q: There is still the possibility of coming to act as per usual. (unclear of what the interviewer said) Bright: I feel that with every work opportunity, it’s more about the script and storyline of the work that I were to accept. For example, I accepted the role of Khun Yai in IFYLITA as i felt that it was a script that was suitable for me. I didn’t think of it as “oh it’s a BL series, I need to accept it” because to be honest, I have been contacted for various BL series but because [IFYLITA] storyline is really good, I wanted to try acting in it. Q: What is the difficulty of acting in BL as an actor? Bright: I feel like there isn’t any difference compared to regular series. I feel that when two men love each other or kiss, I don’t think of it as (me and) a man, I think of it more as each of the characters or persons. Q: Does that affect the trend of being a ship? Bright: Hmm… Actually I am not able to answer that because I feel like it depends on people’s perspectives. Because some people may prefer that (an actor) has a (onscreen) gf/bf but some people may be upset about it. I feel like the trend depends on the people’s perspectives as people have different ways of thinking (about it). I think that I am open to listening to all different opinions on this. I feel that working (in this industry), you should be able to explore different things and you should not be fixed in one thing. We need to continue moving onto the next thing. I feel that Non has his own work and I also have my own work, and other actors too have their own upcoming work. It doesn’t mean that coming to act in IFYLITA means that you stay in IFYLITA forever. Q: Some may feel that it’s sad their their ship is coming to an end and that they are gonna work with different people. Bright: Actually, there are still some upcoming pair events but as I’ve said earlier, everyone needs to continue to do their own duties as an actor. Q: What if people change their minds about shipping your ship in the future? Bright: I think it’s a normal thing. I feel that when someone (likes us), they also like our work. I feel like our fanclub likes both Yai and Jom, and they also like Bright and Non. They like the characters and that Bright and Non play these characters and they so they like us at this point. I feel like people who came to like us are also fans of other people. I feel that they are a source of encouragement for me when they like me but I am also glad if they meet someone new or support another person. I feel happy when they come to meet me and if they’re happy when they meet other (celebs), it’s a good thing for them. If there’s a new person, an older person, a regular person or a person they just met that they are happy to meet, I feel that it’s nothing to be stressed about. Let’s say a fan comes and likes me and is following my work and there’s someone new who enters and they like their work, I am glad for them to go support that other person because that person can bring happiness to the fan.

Wow, I really got carried away with this compilation but as a fan who's followed Nonkul, JJ and Tor since their Nadao days, watching them star in queer-coded series/roles like Bangrak Soi 9/1, Hormones, Diary of Tootsies, Great Men Academy... (or in Bright's case a gay character in lakorn Rivalry), I'm just so proud that they have been able to receive "BL" series script offers that they would like to take on.

I've never sat well with the difference in the treatment of the press to "BL actors" and "non-BL actors". I wish there weren't such a distinction because it feels like the notion itself holds a lot of prejudices baggage with it, to both "BL" and "non-BL" actors. To quote a friend on Reddit, "I believe most actors would feel more fulfilled if they knew their fans loved/respected them as individual artists, instead of only seeing them as one part of a unit whose value is lower when 'separated' from their official partner."

[mooncello]

Hi friends. I posted chapter 5 of more than a footnote last Sunday. It's over on ao3.

I'm working through some beats for chapter 6. Unlike some of you magnificent plotters, I hate outlines. They feel constricting to me. And the story shifts and evolves as I write. Characters reveal stuff to me as we spend more time together, and sometimes that necessitates plot changes or deeper subplots. It's also my greedy curious distractable brain. Like: Oh, but what if this happens? What if he did this instead? Truly, squirrel brain. But y'know those lil bushy-tailed fuckers can unintentionally plant oak trees so ... I will follow those acorn trails and play with a new thought or question, even if it wasn't originally plotted, to see whether it has a place in the story. It's kinda like having an ongoing conversation with the story as it's being written. It's humbling af and takes twice as long, I'm sure, than if I wrote an outline and stuck with it. But I've tried the detailed plotting thing, and it just doesn't work for me.

So I don't have anything from chapter 6 to share just yet. But I do have something else. It almost feels like a tease, because I don't know when I'll actually sit down and write the rest of this fic, but I finally figured out what direction lost boys is going. (Sometimes you follow the squirrel, and sometimes you let a story rest to see what emerges from quiet stasis.) I'm excited about it again. Which feels amazing. Here are way more than six sentences from chapter 3, Baz POV:

“How old were you,” I ask softly, “when you first came here?” “Eight.” He switches his hands behind his head and moves his shoulder blades against the earth, like he’s trying to get more comfortable. I have a sudden bolt of reckless courage. “Here,” I say and sit up fully. I scoot closer, angle my body, and wrap my palm around the curve of his head. Thankfully, he understands what I’m communicating and shifts until his head is resting in my lap. I suddenly find Simon staring directly up at me. An easy smile slopes across his face. “Hey,” he says. “Hi.”  I feel my own mouth stretch into a responding smile. There’s a delightful tumble of butterflies in my stomach. Without giving it any thought, my fingers thread through his hair, nails skimming his skull and then pulling away with curls between knuckles. The slightest of tugs. Release. Then I repeat the sequence over and over again. Simon melts against my thigh, and his eyes flutter closed. A tiny, contented moan leaves him, and I grow momentarily dizzy because I did that. That sound was because of me. “Feel good?” I murmur. “Mmph.” I’m glad his eyes are closed and can’t see me smirking. I’m so goddamn pleased. And he looks incredible like this. Relaxed and untroubled, draped over my lap.

tags under the cut!

thank you for the tags today @monbons and @orange-peony

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@youarenevertooold, @shrekgogurt, @hushed-chorus, @whatevertheweather, @fatalfangirl

@cutestkilla, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @artsyunderstudy, @emeryhall, @raenestee

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@facewithoutheart, @larkral, @messofthejess

[pikahlua]

quirk = personality anon here, sorry my question was unclear!!! what i meant is do you think that it's true that there's a link between someone's quirk and their personality and how significant do you think is that link? do you think someone's quirk reflects someone's 'innate' personality or that someone's personality is shaped by their quirk? i was wondering because i don't think the manga gives a very clear answer either way

Well it's essentially canon that there's a link between quirk and personality. The story did what it could to make that point. But I think understanding of it lies more in the language itself. "Quirk" is the English translation. In Japanese, the word for "quirk" translates to "individuality, personality, idiosyncrasy."

I think the most logical way to view it is that since a quirk may not appear until four years old, it cannot possibly be influencing one's entire personality, rather it must at least go in the other direction if not both directions. Ergo, someone's personality likely influences their quirk. But I think this concept of "personality" is more ambiguous than what it sounds like on the surface. Personalities aren't innate, they are malleable. One's quirk is also influenced primarily by genetics--and yet mutations do occur. Additionally, one's personality is not affected by losing their quirk (say to All For One).

The conclusion I come to is that a quirk is not a vital piece of one's personality (as in their disposition), rather it is a physical manifestation of something unique (individuality) to the person. It can grow and change with them (to an extent). Because people can choose to work on themselves, to improve themselves--and choose to improve their quirks--these things are malleable and not prophetic. All people grow up to be influenced by their genetics and their environments, and quirks are no different. They influence and are influenced. Personalities are not set in stone from birth either, you know. They are developed over time and can change (boy and how, take a look at some brain injury studies if you don't believe me). But if I was born with say blue hair, it'd say something about my genetics, but I guarantee the way I'd be treated in my environment for it would also have an impact on me. And how I view my blue hair, positively or negatively, would also have an impact on me.

As a final note, remember that All Might and Izuku are both quirkless, and they definitely have personalities. And then we must ask, what effect did One For All have on their personalities? I'd argue none. One For All was something that merely bolstered what was already unique about each of them--their heroism, their desires to help others.

[restinslices]

Hello, I saw the publication, idea of MK1 characters with a combat medical reader, and I was wondering if you could do it. With the Lin Kuei brothers and if possible Harumi 😔☝🏻

Sorry for the bad English, it's not my mother tongue

L.N

Hey pookie. Ngl, I was having trouble making all of them different so imma pick one brother to do and if you want the rest, you can request again. Maybe spacing them out will let my brain marinate and actually work lol. Also I don't know anything about Harumi. I won't even lie to you-. Also your English is legit perfect.

I imagine that he'd meet combat medic reader at a young age

You're apart of the Lin Kuei, so he meets you when he's "adopted"

You still fight and all that jazz but you're also being trained in healing

He was adopted after his family was killed so um, yeah, he's a bit shook up and nervous

He doesn't know how he feels. He just stays in his room. He absolutely hates how everyone stares at him. He feels like he's being watched all the time

You're good friends with Bi-Han and Kuai Liang, so you're used to spending time with them at their place

I can see the first interaction being something simple. Like, his new dad (who is the Grandmaster of the clan that murdered his family) (I just CANNOT get over this shit) asks you to get him for dinner

You peek your head in his room to tell him dinner is ready. That's it. That's all.

He doesn't know who you are and honestly he has no intentions on finding out

But then over time he starts actually training, and that comes with injuries. He gets a real fucked up shoulder and is sent to your area

He's quiet the whole time for multiple reasons; he doesn't know you fr, he's still not sure about this clan, and he's watching you work your healer magic

You try to make smalltalk but he's kinda in and out of this world. Keeps zoning out. You can understand why though. Everyone knows what happened to his family

That's how your relationship is for awhile. He comes to get healed, then he leaves without really talking

Things change though when you're sent to get him for dinner again and you walk in on him crying

You're not an asshole, so you close the door behind you and sit by him

Neither of you talk. After some time you leave then come back with two plates of food

"I lied and said you were sick. Also asked if I could give you company" "Why'd you do that?" "I didn't want you to be alone in here" "Oh... thank you. Seriously" "It's all good man. You uh, wanna talk about something?

That's when the friendship truly starts. That act of kindness really sticks with him and now he truly thinks you're a good person to be around

He comes to you when he gets seriously fucked up in training or on actual missions. Sometimes he just chills out in your area and you two chat while you work on healing someone

I could see him take an interest in anatomy and shit after seeing what you do

I just see y'all vibing in your little healing hut a lot

I do think going on missions would be funny though-

"I gotta pop your shoulder back in place!" "You can't magically heal it?!" "Not this time!" "Hurry up then!" *pop* "DAMN!

"Do you get injured on purpose more when I'm here?" "I'm doing my best here"

As for when you start dating, honestly I don't see you dynamic changing much

A relationship with Tomas is like being friends but y'all hold hands occasionally

Oh and obviously you join the new clan (I am not googling how to spell that rn)

Gotta give y'all a happy ending sometimes

[corkinavoid]

Fiance to a Star News

I have given up on trying to force myself to keep working on it. But, hold on, it doesn't mean I'm abandoning it.

I'm looking for a beta/editor/co-author, I'm really not sure what to call it. Let me explain this a bit.

[Update: help found! Thank you!]

I've written that fic in its entirety almost six months ago, in my native language. Then, when I decided to post it, I ran it all through Google Translate. Which is great at translating things word for word in their literal meaning, but not great for sentence structure, idioms, and some minor grammar mishaps. So, since I've posted the first chapter, I've been tideously going through every sentence and either correcting or rewriting it while keeping the meaning.

I am now in the middle of chapter four, and I'm officially so done with it that I'm starting to think about just deleting it all. Which would be a great waste since I do still love that fic.

So I'm looking for someone to help me out here.

More explanations and stuff under the cut.

Let me first show you what I mean by helping me out:

Example of what the text is now:

Tim is silent for a while. The prospects are clearly not rosy, and he, to be honest, doesn’t really understand what to do next. Until now, all he had thought about was how to get out of here, so now that that possibility was gone, he just...

While it is understandable enough, it is not exactly good sentence-structure and grammar wise. Also, it's as plain as white bread.

Example of what the text should (to my best abilities) look like:

Tim pauses, taken aback. The situation does not look very promising, and, if he is being honest, he has no idea of what to do now. Until this moment, all he had thought about was how to get out of the woods. But now that it was not happening and the last chances of escape have all slipped through his fingers, he just...

You see what I mean?

It's extra confusing for myself since when I see the unedited text, my brain automatically reads it in another language and making myself switch manually is draining as fuck, and I'm at my limit.

There's also the issue of some names that translated wrong/did not translate properly/translated as a wrong word. For example, the head of the Academy would be called Headmaster in English, but it translated to Director, or the fact Google Translate keeps translating Sam's pronouns to he/him for some unknown reason, and many more little details.

So I desperately need help.

Perks: co-authoring, access to all the chapters, naturally, as well as all the random notes, pieces of lore that I have, but that have not made it into the fic, any question regarding the fic answered, random thoughts, permission to rewrite literally anything how you see fit (while keeping the general line of plot). Is it co-authoring or adoption at this point? I have no idea, really, but whatever you prefer.

If you're interested, just message me for any other details <3

P.S. Please understand that there are 10 (maybe 9.5) chapters to be edited. And also that I will be giving you a sort of test piece of text to try it out. If, at any point later, you decide it's not your cup of tea anymore, that's totally fine, I'll understand. I just really, really want to post this fic, but I don't want to throw the plain unedited version there.

Thanks in advance!

[not-pollux]

𝕭𝖆𝖉 𝕱𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 ℌ𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘 ⋆

╭ ・── ・ ꒰ ☆ ꒱ ・ ── ・ ִ ۫ ּ ֗ ִ ִ ֗ ִ ۫ ˑ ᳝ ࣪  ⊹

  ˚   ₊˚ˑ  💙💜❤️🧡 ‧ ₊ Future ROTTMNT ༄

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Warnings: Unedited, lowkey kinda long, discussions of bad habits

Word count: 1772

Leo 

Stressed 24/7

Constantly working + horrible at time management = chronically overworked

Like he's so bad at taking breaks 💀

If he does manage to take a break aside from sleeping or eating he's thinking about all the work he has to do

If I'm being honest, he thinks about work while eating and probably dreams of work too

Speaking of sleeping, he doesn’t

Stress induced insomnia wont let him. He would really like to sleep, if he could. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. He just can't.

He eats pretty well though. Sometimes skips meals when he's super busy, but he's otherwise pretty good. He understands that a well fed body is an efficient body!

Definitely has a poorly kept personal quarters

He has pretty good personal hygiene, though.

He takes showers regularly and brushes his teeth, he has an image to uphold and he enjoys taking care of himself

He's more unsanitary in his own personal space. He doesn't change his bedsheets often, hasn't swept the floor in forever, lots of unwashed clothes, etc

Because he’s chronically exhausted, these super simple tasks tend to be really hard for him. If they aren’t essential to his image and performance as resistance leader, he won't do it.

In my opinion most of Leo's stress comes from the fact that he is overly concerned about how people perceive him and his leadership skills. 

He doesn’t want to take breaks because he doesn’t want to be judged for it. He thinks people will go “Oh my god, how can the leader be taking a break when there is so much stuff to do?”

He doesn’t ask for help, or ever show any signs of weakness because he feels the need to be everyone’s personal Hamato beacon of hope. 

Everyone is counting on him. He only lets himself unravel in his locked room where no one is ever allowed to go. Not even his brothers.

On that note, would rather move a whole mountain on his own than admit he needs assistance.

He will actually tell people to stop if they try to help him out. He’ll guilt trip people by saying that they made him feel like he wasn’t doing his work good enough, or he isn’t enough for the resistance. 

He fully believes that he isn't good enough when people try to help him.

People love to bother him. With every single minor inconvenience. And he is expected to deal with them all. 

He honestly shifts from his very outgoing personality to a lot more closed off as he gets older.

He’s definitely not rude or anything, he’s just trying to ensure his interactions with people do not go on longer than they need to.

Its for his own sanity.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Donnie

Also chronically overworked

I agree that Donnie would lock himself in his lab and work excessively.

He tends to believe his worth is only determined by what he can offer intellectually, and therefore pours his life and soul into his projects

His tech is also more or less what is keeping everyone alive. Their base is secured with Donnie’s tech and fortified with Donnie’s tech and armed with Donnie’s tech

Also really bad at taking breaks. 

They are so twins.

I see the headcanon that he literally survives on only coffee everywhere, but I don't think that's super realistic for an apocalypse. 

Non essentials are not easily accessible.

I also think he sleeps pretty well because he understands how quickly the brain deteriorates when he doesn’t sleep. 

He knows how inefficient it is, and he hates inefficiency.

Doesn’t usually eat more than one meal a day. 

Sometimes he'll skip eating for a full day if he's really busy.

He could possibly be malnourished. It's most likely very common in the apocalypse and he is a giant mutant turtle who needs more food.

And he probably only consumes quick and easy food that gives him the bare minimum of nutrients to function. Nutrition is important, but not as important as sleep

I'm so sorry Donnie lovers but I lowkey think he doesn’t have super great personal hygiene

We know he's a bit of a germaphobe so I don’t think it would be too bad, just skipping showers and brushing his teeth occasionally when he’s super absorbed in how work especially because it doesn’t affect his performance at all

We know he's a neat freak (and control freak) so I believe his personal space would be really clean.

It makes him feel like he’s not loosing his mind

Exact opposite of Leo.

Lowkey a hot take, but I think Donnie has the best mental health out of the four. 

Not to say that it’s good. He is stressed and overworked, for sure. They all are.

But I do think he’d have a semi private lab, and people wouldn’t be constantly harassing him

I like to headcanon that he has a little mail system for when people need repairs done around the base

You put this little slip of paper into his little mailbox and that way he has a written report of everything he needs to get done AND he didn’t have to interact with anyone.

Win win!

Being a control freak, he is controlling everything he is physically able to, and as of right now, it’s helping him stay somewhat sane.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Raph

I'm so excited to explore how and why Raph would lean into the ‘anger issues' stereotype that holds most iterations of Raph in a choke hold.

Being released from his duties of leader, I think Raph feels less inclined to keep himself put together

He copes with stress through punching shit. We know this.

I believe as a response to stress, Raph would yell more frequently (out of fear) and eventually that would translate to physical violence.

We see this at the beginning of the movie with Leo.

I believe this physical violence is directed not towards allies but more to enemies. He becomes a formidable warrior due to his anger. I'm talking crazy strong and insanely vicious. 

Although because of his size and violent tendencies most mutants and people in their base are afraid he'll explode and use that violence on one of them one day.

They treat him like he's a bomb, and if they rub him the wrong way he'll blow up in their faces

This irritates Raph further. 

We love circular conflicts!

I believe he sleeps well. Actually, I think he sleeps a bit too much.

He feels isolated because of the way people talk to him and refer to him. To cope with that he sleeps 12-18 hours a day. He tries to spend as much time away from people as possible.

He pretends he does it to slow his metabolism so he doesn't have to eat as many rations, being the biggest guy in the resistance.

I think he would be pretty clean himself, but his room wouldn't be.

I love portraying people's personal spaces/rooms as a reflection of their minds.

Not necessarily messy, just extremely disorganized.

He doesn’t know what to do with himself, he feels like his strength is his only use, and people don’t see him as strong and powerful, they’re just scared

And that reflects in how he doesn’t really know what to do with the stuff in his room. Things that he holds dear to him or felt like they represented everything he believed pre apocalypse don’t really have a distinct home in his room anymore

They’re just… laying on the floor somewhere.

This might be a bit of a reach but I think he meditates to deal with this too. Specifically with Mikey when they’re both not busy.

He eats less than he should be because of the way they hand out rations, but for the circumstances he eats pretty well.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Mikey

Mikey is swamped with a LOT more responsibility than he is used to very very quickly.

He becomes “the mystic guy”. He’s in charge of most (if not all) of the mystic mojo that goes on in the resistance.

I think Draxum and him created some sort of mystic force field that blocks the Krangs powers to hide their base

If you remember that scene where the Krang finds the key by going into Raph’s head and finding their base?

Yeah the force field basically prevents the Krang from being able to do that.

He has to replenish the force field every once in a while, which drains him a lot, and even more so if (when) Draxum dies and they can’t split the burden 50/50

So this boy is OVER. WORKED.

One of the few future headcanons I really like is the fact that Mikey looks significantly older is a result of mystic overuse

It makes a lot of sense in my opinion

In my opinion his body is deteriorating and aging a lot faster because he doesn’t have access to adequate amounts of sleep, hydration, or nutrition, and on top of that he’s basically putting his body through the equivalent of running a marathon every single day through his mystic powers

I think in his early days of training he actually overate a little

He was trusted in the rations kitchens, so he’d take a little extra and he would steal rations from Donnie and sometimes Leo and Raph when they didn’t eat

In his head it wasn’t bad if it was to a good cause, refueling his super tired and achy body

He learned better though, he doesn’t do that anymore. I do think he is the best at eating all three meals every single day, though.

I also think he sleeps really well, against his will. He’s always so physically tired, so he always goes to bed early so he’s well rested.

I think he’s also pretty hygienic all around, just a little goodie two shoes

Due to his mystic powers, I headcanon him with chronic pain in his arms, along with terrible migraines.

Donnie making compression sleeves for Mikey is like, my favourite headcanon ever

I don’t think the damage would be similar to Good Future (too much power all at once), but instead normal amounts of power used way too many times way too close together.

TLDR; Overworked muscles, basically.

I think Mikey is the favourite turtle for people to ask for guidance (Leo is a very close second), so he also has to deal with a lot of people asking him questions all the time. He gets swarmed whenever he has a break

Meditates with Raph for his migraines.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

AN: I'm just took each turtle's worst traits and amplified them for future headcanon purposes :3

I might do a good future headcanons version of this or a April, Splinter, Draxum, Cassandra, Casey Jr mini drabble next. Not completely sure yet.

I hope you enjoyed reading this! This was super duper fun to write!

[astranauticus]

reading orv in the semester im doing a class on intro theatre studies is one hell of an experience. prof said ‘the death of the author is the liberation of the reader’ and i went through the psychological equivalent of getting hit in the head with a baseball bat

[oneroomjestershow]

ehe

[doodlejoltik]

my favourite writing device is having an un-Rei-liable narrator

[elisedonut]

i found an ao3 script that tells you how many times a certain word or phrase was used in a fic without having to open it

and on one hand its very nice not having to look

but on the other scrolling past multiple 50k+ fics with Percy tagged where he's mentioned less then like 30 times is very ridiculous

[jjba-smash-or-pass]

[watery-melon-baller]

once again i am frustrated because i cannot understand this when it is not at all that difficult I wanna understand it so bad please please please

[ne0nwithazero]

Someone put my Mike on the Sexypedia, honestly this is the biggest honour and nothing will ever top this, it's been great everyone <3

[izzy-b-hands]

Me to myself: you are SO behind on finishing your izzy bingo prompts. You definitely won't finish the whole card now, and you've gotten so little done today. We DON'T need to research if this roadside coastal motel in our head actually exists anywhere. NO ONE IS GOING TO GIVE A FUCK

Also me: Time to search google maps for coastal motels and hotels and cabins and things while my word doc that's got a nearly fucking finished draft on it rots waiting for me!

[takethelx3]

Tim I'm sorry I keep drawing you like an anime boy (and also accidentally)