#i also don't really think about these racism signs much

[hotpocketmakemehappy]

what I think is really interesting in your translation in your piece is that it actually mimics how these translations often are: a bit wrong. I know you don't mean it but your vietnamese translations is a bit off, but vietnamese line in the sign you posted are also a bit off. that's what I normally see in these racism signs too, I don't exactly know if it's just vietnamese cause our language can be quite hard or is it because all these signs are also put up and written by people who don't speak the language or don't respect these groups enough to get a proper translation. so actually, despite the accidental funny translations, I think you actually reflect quite well what these signs are like in the wild and how they make immigrant groups feel.

Instead of "live laugh love" or "home is where the heart is" my (wonderful, progressive, very accepting) dad put up the racism sign in the foyer

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

[booasaur]

I think there are some takeaways here, if we want to learn from this.

First: third-party voters were irrelevant. In no swing state did left-leaning third-party voters add up to enough to push Harris over.

Second: many progressive policies and politicians outperformed Harris.

Third: appealing to Republicans did not work.

It has never worked, in the US or in Europe, we've seen time and again that giving ground to right wing policies only legitimizes them and voters then prefer the original. For example, if you worry about immigration, and both sides are saying it's a problem, who do you trust more to handle it?

Fourth: polls were pretty accurate. There were months, years, really, of debate about polling being broken, which demographics were underrepresented, which were overrepresented, herding, hopes that they were overcorrecting for the last two misses on Trump, but they ended up closer than anybody wanted. Which also means that Biden would have lost by even worse.

Fifth: on the one hand, people should hopefully see this graphic and realize there's no minority to scapegoat:

On the other hand, I'm seeing a lot of people take it as a sign the country has simply shifted to the right in a huge, undeniable way that's depressing and ominous and feels hopeless. After all, Trump will win the popular vote by a lot, the first time a Republican has in decades.

However, this should be taken in conjunction with these numbers:

Now THIS is something that's open to further analysis and that can be worked with.

Why did so many Democrat voters not show up?

Here are some potential reasons for this, the truth most likely being a combination of at least several of them:

She's a Black-Indian woman. There's no denying the racism and misogyny among the US electorate, but given earlier polls where she was leading, I don't think this was the main or certainly only reason.

She was seen as too progressive/leftist. Again, by virtue of our racist, misogynistic electorate and our billionaire-owned media, Harris was seen as too extreme left by a lot of people, not just because of policies, but because inherently, her identity itself is extreme left to them. I personally don't think this was a crucial factor because, again, she had been leading when she was going stronger on the progressive messaging, other progressive policies and politicians outperformed her, and a lot of the people who think she's too extreme are Republicans who'd never vote for her. I just don't think it's a good enough reason for the millions of Democrats who didn't show.

Palestine. There's a coalition of pro-Palestine people, not just Muslims and Arab Americans but leftists and other POC too, but numerically, their vote for third parties made no difference. Did enough shift to Trump or not show up at all? Certainly in Michigan they swung to the right, but would that have made a difference? Did they matter in other less tangible ways, e.g., a lot of the same active progressives who'd have been out campaigning simply voted quietly for Harris and left it at that? How much of a distraction was this for Dems, having to constantly address Gaza as opposed to putting forth their own policies, and did it contribute to the overall perception of them being incompetent and weak and bringing chaos when people were tired of it? I think Palestine did have an effect, but enough to swing it overall...?

Not being progressive enough. A lot of people will point to Palestine and immigration, the decision to campaign with Liz Cheney and Mark Cuban and court Republican moderates, stifling Walz, and various other shifts that abandoned the left for the center and then the left didn't show up while the center went for Republicans as they always do, but the left isn't that large. I think, if this one point is a factor, it's more that it was simply difficult for normal voters to show up when they didn't really know what the candidate stood for, aside from "more of the same" and "not Trump".

Biden. When you have a ton of people unhappy with where the country is going, including their biggest priority, the economy, being tied to an unpopular incumbent was going to be tough, especially when, as a Black-Indian woman, she would be judged as disloyal if she broke too much from him. Nevertheless... People were unhappy with him and his administration.

Ultimately, I think there's a lot to learn and I hope Dems will.

I think we're in for a tough time and we're going to need community and solidarity, not fighting among ourselves.

[sunbeamedskies]

I've seen a lot of troubling antisemitism in the Our Flag Means Death fandom lately regarding Taika Waititi. Please hear me out.

A lot of people want everyone to comment about the Israel/Palestine war. It's understandable. What Palestinian civilians are going through in Gaza is a nightmare that no one deserves. They are overwhelmingly paying the price for Hamas' actions- a group they have no control over and are also harmed by. Thousands have been killed.

After October 7th, Taika signed a letter asking for the Israeli hostages to be released. It did not endorse any specific actions taken by the Israeli government- it was simply in support of the hostages.

But you know what he was immediately accused of?

Supporting genocide. Even though what he signed was about Israeli civilians- including the elderly, disabled, and children- who were being held captive by Hamas.

On October 7th, Jews died in a single day in numbers that hadn't been since the Holocaust. Israel contains half the world's entire Jewish population. The majority of its population are descendants of Jews from middle eastern and north African countries who were forcibly kicked out in violent pogroms and had nowhere else to go. Many are descendants of Holocaust survivors as well.

I think most non-Jews would be astounded at how much the majority of the worldwide Jewish community is still mourning and reeling from October 7th. It triggered a lot of intergenerational trauma in many of us, yet I hear barely any non-Jews talk about it.

And yet you immediately accused Taika, a Jewish man, of supporting genocide just because he didn't support hostages being taken and random civilians being murdered. Do you really think he trusts people not to twist his words if he attempts to talk about Palestine too, when you turned a moment of legitimate pain for members of one of the persecuted groups he's apart of into accusing him of being a genocide-supporting monster?

We Jews not only have to deal with the memory of October 7th, but also with people conflating any support for the hostages with support for the Israeli government. When we say that criticism of Israel can at times get antisemitic, this is the kind of thing we're talking about.

Many of us are simultaneously mourning for Palestine and horrified that a right-wing fascist government that has little care for Palestinian lives has taken over Israel. Innocent lives taken shouldn't justify the killing of other innocent lives, and we are watching it happen, feeling powerless.

And it gets worse, because targeting Taika specifically because he's a person of multiple marginalized identities, when you don't attack white members of the crew nearly as much, is ironically racist.

Unintentional antisemitism and unintentional racism is still antisemitism and racism.

Take a deep breath and please reflect on how you have no idea what it's like to be Jewish right now, and how some of your own antisemitic criticism about his signature has likely contributed to his silence about Palestine. If no matter what he says his words and actions are twisted by so many of his "fans", he might think there's nothing he can say that will do any good.

[rustingways]

I don't think Armand wants to be in charge. I think he knows what happens when you aren't in charge (rape, brutalizations, becoming a slave again) and he knows that all his abuse and torture when he was groomed into being the coven leader would all be for naught. Ripping Riccardo into pieces, the starvation, watching all his brothers being burned: all of that would be for nothing is he let up and gave Santiago the reigns.

But Louis doesn't understand because, despite not being privileged himself as a black man in America, he's still privileged as a rich, affluent black man in a way average black folks just aren't. It's almost laughable how much Louis doesn't understand slavery and being someone's personal lap dog despite spending his adult years living on the edge of that life style. He was never brutalized or raped due to what he was born as. He was exluded, and humilated from white folks, but Europe doesn't work that way and he doesn't seem to understand that (even pertaining to claudia).

Context: so uhhhhhh I was pretty on the fence about replying to this cause I’m ngl it feels real dicey but here goes—skip to the last paragraph for my response about Louis specifically

I was basically saying that Armand hates being in charge of a coven but needs to feel in control of a situation to feel safe because he’s made of trauma. Giving the reigns to Santiago doesn’t only feel like it’s gonna be a disaster, it feels inherently unsafe.

But I don’t really agree that he’s hanging on to whatever torture he suffered at the hands of the Children of Darkness (as we don’t know specifics yet for show Armand) as justification for being the coven leader. For one, the Children of Darkness are gone. While there’s some crossover in membership with the theater, and the core rules are (probably) the same, the theater is a very different entity than the original coven. Imo, Armand’s inflexibility stems from fear. He can’t move on by himself; he needs a tether. He knew the Paris coven was crumbling, he tries to latch on to Lestat. That doesn’t work, so he latches on to the theater. Claudia (correctly) calls out all the members of the theater turning inward which is why he’s trying to move on to Louis. He tries to latch on to Louis, but then he’s so scared of being hurt he picks the theater instead. Armand needs something to devote himself to because it’s through devotion that he endures.

Something I will NOT be doing on my blog is speculating how much a Black man in the 1900s American South may or may not understand slavery, holy shit. But calling the racism Louis experienced “exclusion and humiliation�� feels criminally reductive, regardless of his access to wealth and education. The first anti-lynching law in America was signed in, uh, 2022. Louis’ entire life would’ve been perpetuated by the threat of violence and brutality, not just on an interpersonal level but an institutional level as well. I’m not going to try and compare Louis and Armand’s traumas. I’m also not going to try and dissect how racism works in Europe vs America. I don’t personally experience anti-Black racism. I am not qualified to speak on it. There are better, smarter, and more knowledgeable bloggers around who are talking about race and racism, and its portrayal and presence in the show. But like… saying Louis didn’t experience violence for how he was born feels like a gross understatement of his experience at best.

[sailing-ever-west]

can never stress enough how racially charged this scene feels whether it was intentional or not. (don't have the complete page but found some relevant panels, Klahadore says even more demeaning stuff but this is the gist).

One Piece is already about class warfare thematically but add in the specific language Klahadore uses and the fact that Usopp is black-coded and it feels...chilling, honestly. Klahadore insults Usopp in an incredibly personal way, going after his father (and by implication his family, his class, his people), demeaning him for who he is and where he came from, saying he lacks moral character because of it and he'll never amount to anything more than a criminal like Yasopp (despite Usopp having not done any criminal activity at this point). And then when Usopp is rightfully angry and fights back, Klahadore uses that as proof that he's naturally violent and animalistic.

It's like. Textbook.

Also, "the guards have reported seeing you lurking around the estate" may as well be directly pulled from real life instances of racism. White people reporting a "suspicious person" in their nice, suburban neighborhood when it's just a black man walking down the street or visiting a friend like anyone else. Granted, Usopp was sneaking around to some extent but he really wasn't very discreet about it, he just knew he couldn't come in through the front gate. (Also, he only had to sneak through the back because he was discriminated against and not allowed to come in like a normal guest!!) Nothing was ever stolen. Kaya was never hurt. There was no indication he was doing anything actually threatening. Really he was shunned for the crime of daring to socialize with a pure, innocent, rich white girl who must not understand what a danger he was to keep as a friend.

And then there's the part where Merry freaking shoots him, no questions asked, which I think about constantly. Now, at that point, he appeared to be kidnapping Kaya, so it was totally reasonable to try and use force. But Merry has known this boy for years and he's never been violent or threatened Kaya in any way. Even just then he took out the guards non-lethally and only when they attacked him. Surely there would be explanations to demand, or some solution other than going straight to a shotgun (especially when Kaya could be easily caught in the crossfire, and almost did while defending him), but no, he turns on Usopp in an instant, all the way to lethal weaponry. I can't help but think of how many black people have been shot by cops or paranoid homeowners at the first sign of trouble, with no other considerations, just that instinct of fear.

Feel free to say I'm reading too much into it, since as a white person myself I can't exactly claim authority, but I can never watch these episodes without seeing this.

[docholligay]

When you hear an accent/dialect/we're not going to get into that debate here that sounds 'odd' to your ear, think about that! Not even in a "Wow, I hate that" way, or a "I need to examine my classism/racism/etc way I am a bad person way, but in a secret third way called, "curiosity and openness to experience"

I was EXTREMELY EXTREMELY FORTUNATE to have a required class in college called "History of the English Language" which was one of the 'weeder classes' for the English majors at my school. It was very very difficult, but the man who taught it had an INSANE passion for English. He LOVED IT, he would talk about it all goddamn day, and it taught me so much about how and why things get changed and said the way they do, and it made me so CURIOUS about why something is unusual or fun for my brain to listen to.

So now, anytime I hear someone pronounce something or verbalize something in a way I think of as "odd" I get so excited and curious*. What is it I haven't heard before? Sometimes my tongue will move around my mouth trying to figure out how they make that sound (I am REAL bad at this. Accents are in no no no way my forte, which is annoying because I'm very good at HEARING them and hearing the differences between them, I just can't DO it) because it is so interesting and cool all the different ways one fucking language has been DONE over so many years.

Anyway I so far off track I am no longer a train, but looking at dialects as you might look at an interesting bug instead of like a pop song on the radio or a sign font is a really good way to start opening your mind to language as something other than a value marker. And that doesn't HAVE to be another way of whipping yourself for being a piece of shit--I assume you have plenty of reasons--but a way of going, "Oh, something unexpected!"

*Also not to attempt to introduce nuance on the 'no nuance we die like men' website, but I think there is a big difference between loving teasing and mockery/cruelty. I don't actually mind if friends, especially ones with VASTLY different ways of speaking, imitate my accent I think it's fuckin funny as hell! Jetty has the WORST rural western accent on the planet, and I love to make fun of whatever the fuck she's got going on there, but it is FUN and there is a sense of LOVE that comes with it. And it's not even a "well yeah, Holligay, when you've known someone for a long time" No no, I once sat in a shitty pub on the east end, now closed (rip) and me and my mom ending up striking up a conversation with two old-school cockney guys, and as soon as he tried to say "Montana" the way I did, the race was ON, and it was FUNNY, and we all laughed and had a good time, it is about attitude.

And I know I'm gonna get something about "well how do you KNOW and that is why i turned off reblogs but come on y'all, 9 times out of 10 you can tell when something is done with deep affection or camaraderie or because even just something feels cool in your mouth it's fun to try. I can't do 87% of the linguistic features I think FUCK SEVERELY (intrusive R, the way a word that genuinely does not start with the letter h has a different sound than a word when the h is uptaken (this has a fucking word and I cannot find it it's making me nuts)) but I LOVE them.

Quick quiz to help though: Are you affecting this accent to in some way sound stupid/ridiculous? We can go back and forth about that a little: one of my buddies says "well shiiiiit" exactly the way I do, for funsies, but it just...feels neat. What I'm saying is you have to use some discernment here and I know we are all allergic to that but give it a shot/go/whatever the hell Australians say for this.

Post script: All of this reminds me also about how I studied the phonemes and linguistics of English with intense fervor in college, and got REAL COCKY, and then in the Orkneys had my very first ever, in life, "We are both speaking English but damn" moment. Normally I am The One for this. I am unruffled. My wife gets confused by the word takeaway (she is smart I swear) but I'm rock-solid. Until. Hubris.

This guy is rollin on up in his van, which is the 'bus system' on Rapness, and it's cute as hell as a system, but I ask him something stupid about the timetable, and he answers me in what I can only describe as a Nordic-flavored Scottish accent. It is actually really remarkable and I went on a weird deep dive of the Orkneys afterward because I had never heard anything like it but I digress. I DID NOT GET A FUCKING WORD. And so, because I panic, I do what I always do when I feel flustered or emotional or angry: I sound like Yosemite fucking Sam. So now he can't understand what I am asking him!

Good news is, we both give a little bit of a laugh, I go, 'Let's try that again" and I do manage to exchange that this van picks up outside of the Pierowall hotel in time for the ferry.

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

girl yeeeesssss spill the fucking tea 😫 don't go hiding that drama in the tags

Okay, so originally I wasn’t going to say anything because I did not have the energy or desire to rehash all of this to a community that I hardly interact with besides post-dumping every ~4 months. But then, ironically, two people DM’d me about this this week and now I’m feeling spiteful again, so let me regale you with the cringe tales of the Tumblr g/t community and why it gives me a headache to think about. And you know what? This bitch is being a pinned post, too, because I’m not going to let it be swept under the rug anymore. I’m rocking the boat, I’m naming names, I’ll be a little goblin starting dumpster fires.

Now, I will say there are definitely further issues in the community that I can’t personally speak on – rampant racism, transphobia, etc. That’s not to say these things aren’t happening or aren’t important to bring attention to, but I am not someone who witnessed it firsthand or experienced it. In my handful of years being active in this community, they are topics that have been brought up a fair few times, which is enough of a sign that it’s an ongoing issue. However, I also have not looked at any g/t related tags in almost a year, so whether or not these discussions are still happening or have been relatively resolved, I don’t know. It’s not my place to talk about them in depth when I would have no idea what I’m talking about or what to reference, in which case I implore others who have unfortunately dealt with this to please speak out about it. There’s other drama I am able to talk about because I went through it myself or by proxy, and so that’s only what I’m going to be relaying in this post. 

I feel like the most infamous implosion was the GTMS/Chamomile-g-tea debacle from half a year or so back, but at the same time based on the messages and DM’s I’ve received, it seems like…a lot of people have forgotten about that, or at least weren’t around/invested enough to know what happened. The quick recap is that @unicornofgt created a written series about giant mech suits that were actually powered by giant humans in a post-apocalyptic setting, inspired by a post made by our shared friend bolshoycorvid about Pacific Rim. It grew into a fairly well known series in the community, and while I had only read the first chapter, I still at least recognized it from my mutuals and some of the tags. 

And then Cham found it and became utterly obsessed with it, pumping out fanart left and right and opening the floodgates for its popularity. And that’s so cool! That’s great that such a talented artist with a large following genuinely enjoys someone else’s work that much, and is introducing it further to the fanbase for people to read! It’s amazing to get that kind of feedback to know people want to make art of your handcrafted characters because they adore them that much, it’s one of the best compliments a writer can get!

Except Cham really started getting into it. Like, helping-create-two-Discord-servers-without-permission, kind of into it. Like, posting-fanart-on-multiple-platforms-without-source-credit, kind of into it. Like, repeatedly-responding-to-messages-about-the-characters-without-consulting, kind of into it. And when I tell you her art for the main characters were everywhere, I mean they were everywhere, not just in the Tumblr g/t community. Tiktok, Twitter, Instagram, they were posted, and they were never credited back to unicornofgt. I had friends send me her animatics of it, gushing about how amazing it was, totally unaware that it was a storyboard to the first chapter of GTMS (which I recognized and told them, at least).

And was unicornofgt mentioned in any of these posts, was their fic linked, was it even noted that these weren’t her original creations she was spamming to every platform? Nope. Not a word. They actually had to repeatedly ask Cham to credit them as she continued to drop the ball, and even so it was too little too late, finally coming in the few weeks before unicornofgt put a stop to it altogether. Some platforms would only allow an additional note to be added via comment, which was often missed or drowned out by the sea of other messages. Other places like Tumblr could allow a full body edit, however that did nothing for the hundreds of reblogs that were already circulating without a link back to unicornofgt, and are still out there, even if unicornofgt had Cham delete her GTMS posts. 

And naturally, if you’re not in the already niche Tumblr community, and even if you’re new to said community, you would have no idea! You would see her post these characters, answer questions about details for these characters, maybe even be invited by Cham to one or both of the two Discord servers for these characters (of which unicornofgt was a member of, but more often than not still not addressed for their story as Cham would take over and talk about GTMS when they were not online to agree/disagree) – Of course you’d naturally assume these are her characters and her story, and even if you knew different, you might become one of the many people swept up in the fandom environment created by Cham, which treated her as the forefront of it.

And please, don’t think I’m taking this out of context. Understand that unicornofgt DM’d me about all of this before they eventually abandoned their Tumblr a while ago due to this situation and the rampant bigotry in the community , and you can read their farewell post here. They told me about the growing anxiety and morphing disdain they felt when it came to their series, because it felt like that creative freedom had been robbed, pressured to morph their original vision to appease Cham, even  at the expense of their own passion for GTMS. They felt unheard, ignored, and pushed aside while Cham got to reap the benefits of their own hard work to bring it into existence in the first place. No matter how much they spoke about it in private with Cham or openly on the two Discord servers (they had never wanted in the first place), it didn’t matter. 

They told me about the instances in which they had multiple talks with Cham about this crossing boundaries, but ultimately not feeling  they could enforce them because as a meager content creator, they should feel grateful that someone so popular was giving their work as much attention as it was getting. Friends and followers agreed with that sentiment because more and more people were becoming unaware who the true creator was, and it seemed on the surface unicornofgt consented. They told me about how Cham had to be repeatedly told to stop and redirect any questions relating to GTMS to unicornofgt, instead of taking it upon herself to answer them, as a majority of the time whatever she said was at best a bad rehashing of unicornofgt’s own explainations that watered down unicornofgt’s characters to “silly stupid little incompenant man” and “big badass woman who loves him sooo much”, and completely ignored bolshoycorvid’s characters altogether. Sure, to Cham’s benefit, she would back down…for a little while, and then start those habits all over again and ignore what was previously requested, especially during the mini internet breaks unicornofgt would have to take since the pressure  gave them further fatigue, contributing to their pre-existing chronic health problems.

 Let’s not forget the free for all fandom that was created as well. Anyone with questions/comments/concerns all went straight to Cham and rarely to unicornofgt. Art requests, ideas or what-ifs, AUs – all to Cham. Her friends and mutuals straight up telling bolshoycorvid that they’ve never read their GTMS fics despite them being a fair chunk of the overarching universe, simply because they were hardly acknowledged in Cham’s art and frequent posting. The influx of underaged users coming in to join the fun and the Discord servers, which unicornofgt had already said they were uncomfortable with and had wanted the main server to at least be 18+ (a request that was, once again, ignored by Cham, who irresposibily never checked the ages of new users to the point any and all of her mod privileges were revoked and all invites were turned off). So many problems came from having those kids in an 18+ space, essentially taken over by Cham, that unicornofgt decided to pull the plug on the entire server and cut finally Cham off a week later.

From my understanding, this fandom behavior was even worse on Twitter to the point the GTMS characters were selected to be used in a roleplay tournament. The host reached out to Cham for her opinion of character authenticity during the rounds, while others were asking if they could use her art/comics for voice acting. Meanwhile Cham sent all of these to unicornogft because she thought it was funny, but  didn’t reiterate to any of these people that these were NOT her characters and if they wanted permission from the creator, they needed to reach out to unicornofgt. Even when unicornofgt tried to pass on this message, it was ignored by Cham’s little fandom, who continued to view her as the creative authority. 

But even worse than Twitter was the Tiktok, where many of Cham’s GTMS videos went semi-viral, still leaving her sitting pretty at 18k followers while neither unicornofgt or bolshoycorvid saw any of it. Hundreds of comments gushed about the art, meanwhile both the true creators were lost in it. Eventually Cham didn’t even ask permission before posting, not bothering to check if it was true to the characters, but why stop to think when those videos are getting views up to 250k, with all the comments telling you they adore you and your work? It is your work, right? 

What’s so insane to me is that you would think for such a talented artist, she would know the value of being properly credited for your work, especially fanwork across multiple platforms. But no, it had to be explained to her the importance of crediting the real creators of these characters in her posts, and the highly contrasting way people consume art, quick and easy to appreciate, vs writing, which takes more time to consume and appreciate. This isn’t some multi-billion dollar international franchise that’s universally recognized at a glance like DC/Marvel. This was a fun little series created between friends and shared with a small community as something new to enjoy for a little while. It’s not a licensed IP, it’s someone’s personal pet project that they enjoy. It’s completely unreasonable to assume a rando on Twitter is going to look at a badass pose of a giant woman and know that it at least came from an obscure series from an obscure fandom by a single person who was just trying to have fun on the internet. Hell, even 4chan users on the hentai board ask for sources all the time, to know who created these characters they’re jacking off to so that they can go check out their other work!! 

Instead, you try to get the source for a GTMS fanart, you likely get Cham, and from Cham you get…no one. Because she failed over and over to  make reference that it belonged to anyone else, via tags or in the text body, until long after it was too late with an edit. And there’s no sense in trying to beat around the bush, that’s borderline art theft. You took a character word for word, design for design, setting for setting, and sold it off as your own. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t your intention, that you were ignorant of the consequences – it’s what happened and it needs to be owned up to. This isn’t a petty squabble between two teens on fanfic.net about a demonsona OC for Sonic Underground, this is an adult making a conscious decision to post content of something that doesn’t belong to her and not give an ounce of credit. Not only that, it just furthers the divide between artists and writers in a creative space, with the latter hardly ever getting their dues for putting in their effort for a written piece that an artist can doodle in 15 min.

 It was like creating a spectacle out of smoke, a flimsy foundation that was bearing its full weight down on the mental and emotional health of the person who actually created it. In a matter of months unicornofgt had gone from a simple writer of funny size difference things to being forced to watch their vision be watered down for the sake of uwu soft giantess wholesomeness, none of it being done by their hand.

And I think the worst part about all of this, after this whole mess finally came to light thanks to unicornofgt finally finding the courage to put their foot down and cut Cham off completely (both as a friend and for having permission to make anything GTMS related in the future), is that it was unicornofgt who had to leave this platform. It was bolshoycorvid who had to leave, in part for other reasons, but because they were also snuffed during this fiasco as well as both a co-creator and someone who had their own canon OCs/fics in the GTMS world. It was other friends and mutuals who left because they couldn’t stand the toxicity of this fandom anymore, the hypocrisy, the sheer lack of critical thinking and the inability to hold people accountable for their actions. GTMS was essentially abandoned after the dumpster fire was put out and that was it. The series that everyone seemed to fawn over and adore was forgotten at the drop of a hat. 

Why? Because it wasn’t the written fics or unicornofgt that everyone was attached to; it was Cham’s art and her version of an OOC story she was pushing they loved. And once she stopped posting it, that was it. Dead in the water. Absolutely tainted. Can you blame unicornofgt for not wanting to touch their own creation that they had made from the ground up and put so much thought and energy into, all because it had been essentially stolen and ruined by someone with a much larger following? A following that hit over 20K during Cham’s GTMS reign across multiple platforms , might I add, while unicornofgt was lucky to see a fraction of that for the same concept. 

I also want to note again that these are retellings told directly to me from the persons involved, including unicornofgt prior to their leaving, former fans, and Discord members, that I am airing with their permission. I’m also not someone who has a lot of social media or who followed GTMS at all, this is almost entirely coming from the creator (the REAL creator) in the time before they left, their experience dealing with the fallout, and the sentiment that even still they don’t hate Cham, but just wish there was even a single legitimate consequence on Cham’s part (and that non stop self bashing at the rescue of yes-men does not count). And it hurts to see a fellow g/t content creator be so scarred from this, to lose all interest in the things they cared about most and only wanted to share with their friends, due to one person’s inability to stop and think about their actions. And sure, maybe this is old drama, maybe it’s small and petty to still bring up, but it doesn’t seem like anyone else is going to pull back the rug that this was swept under, so it might as well be the local menace to the community to make a long ass post about it. Chamomile-g-tea killed an entire series and drove the creator, the co-creator, several fans and several more friends who also made g/t content off of an entire website because she couldn’t be bothered to not feel entitled to other people’s toys.

I lost a lot of good friends as a result of this, and the g/t community lost a lot of good content creators as well, to the point this really was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me to say fuck it. To sit here and watch my mutuals abandon their Tumblr’s and all their works in favor of avoiding Cham and her followers who keep pretending  she did nothing wrong, acting like her excitement justified her “promotion” of the story, never holding her accountable and accepting at face value her claims  that she had no idea the distress she was creating, letting her act as if she’s the victim of this whole ordeal – nah, chief. It didn’t matter if it was on purpose or not, it still happened, and she was allowed to get away with it scot-free, so I will continually throw this in everyone’s face so that the g/t community never forgets its track record . 

Because I really don’t understand how this entire community can go through the same run around of “is fearplay/petplay morally wrong to create in a place full of minors” (which is another debate I am NOT getting into right now) and cause several blogs to abandon ship over the backlash they received…but a well known artist forces a popular series to be discontinued and runs off the original creator and their friends after she stole their concept, and everyone is just like “damn, that sucks, she just got too excited /:” and pretends it’s nothing? There have been plenty of former blogs that were called out for less and were forced to be accountable for whatever fuckery they were doing. Besides, I thought we were supposed to be thinking about the poor children here, the sweet minors, which was what her wholesome SFW blog catered to. Last I heard from one of her followers she started posting softcore GTS (I wouldn’t know, I have literally 0 desire to scout her blog), which sure, go ham bestie with your titties and light crushing, we all know I’m an 18+ blog. 

But then she continues to interact and mass reblog from minors and bring them into her inner circle, sooo…which is it? Are we worried about corrupting the kids or not? Do minors have the ability to use critical thinking about what concepts are right or wrong, or not? Are people accountable for what they post or is it the responsibility of the viewers who need to heed the tags? Y’all don’t get to have it both ways. Not to mention, I will reiterate again, she never verified anyone’s ages and let them in freely to what was intended to be an 18+ space on the GTMS servers, which created PROBLEMS to the point the servers had to be shut down.

Everyone else can sit around thinking she got off scot-free and never needing to address the fact she destroyed an entire series beyond a meaningless sorry, but I’m not going to forget, even if I’m still the only one left from that era and friend group to be able to tell this side of the story. That hurt my friends just as much as it hurt the community to lose such incredible writers and their beloved content, and that’s inexcusable to me. Writers in general are already treated awful, especially in the g/t community, to the point people have the audacity to complain there’s no new content to enjoy after all the good writers got fed up with the lack of recognition. Art and writing are two different mediums and they both require an insane amount of talent to pull off beautifully – just because you can enjoy a pretty picture in 15 seconds versus a plot-rich fic in twenty-five minutes does not make one superior to the other. But if those fics are continually pushed aside, then why would any creator waste their hours and days and weeks and months making a story for no one to see? 

Writing out concepts and ideas are a labor of love that are graciously shared to YOU to also enjoy. Trust me, I have no problem keeping an idea to myself or to be tossed back and forth to my friends for fun, it’s far less effort to still ‘see’ whatever story I would have jotted down for 20K words. If the community is going to continue treating writers like shit, as demonstrated through this hot mess, then of course no one is going to stick around to deal with it. A talented writer lost the world they built, the characters they developed, the story they were trying to tell, to one single artist, yet they were the one who had to pack it up and call it quits after getting hit with hate, while the other gets to roll in the second hand clout from un-credited posts across various platforms to further their own artistic career.

And frankly, I don’t really care about what kind of reception this post has; if it’s only seen by 5 people or if it’s seen by Cham herself, if people agree or disagree vehemently with it. This blog is also more or less dead aside from the few times a year I drop a new fic or art, so feel free to scream into its void as much as you want lmao

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I just got done with a fic where I missed a tag and I’m trying to figure out how I feel about it. The tag was dyslexic blackbeard/ed. There’s been so much discourse about Ed’s literacy. Which I don’t understand because we’re shown examples of him reading so idk why it’s a thing people think. So I tend to get easily triggered when he’s made to look like he can’t read or has trouble with reading. I know plenty of people have reading issues like dyslexia but to give it to Ed what with all the discourse? I’m curious as to what your thoughts are about this.

Man I honestly just think it really really really depends, y'know? There are two things that I think can be true here at once:

Fiction can reveal a lot about unconscious biases and racism in fandom spaces, and the way Ed's literacy has been discussed and there's so many fics about him having to learn to read even though he's clearly shown reading on screen in s1e5 is a prime example of that

Fanfic is also a great and cathartic way to put characters in situations as a way for the author to express themselves and explore their personal struggles in a safe space

I'm not gonna come out here and say things like "don't write Ed with your specific learning disability." But, at the same time, I think white authors especially really should consider how they write characters of color with relation to things like dyslexia.

The simple fact of the matter is that learning disabilities and neurodivergence are always going to be different when you're not white. Like, I have autism and ADHD and I don't have dyslexia but I have dyscalculia, which is kinda similar (think dyslexia but for numbers). Brown kids with learning disabilities are always going to be on a different playing field and we're going to have a different set of struggles with diagnosis, relationship to our disability, etc. than white kids. For example, Ed's more likely to be undiagnosed, to face disciplinary action in school for things he can't help related to his disability, and be labeled as "defiant" for struggling.

I'm never going to tell someone with ADHD, say, that they shouldn't write Ed as ADHD to explore that, but I do think authors should be mindful of how race factors in here. Like, even though one of my ADHD symptoms can be trouble keeping my space organized, I'm not going to give that to Ed because I worry it would fall too much in line with tropes about brown people being messy or unclean and Ed's always shown to prefer a clean, tidy space in the show.

I don't think, even given the discourse about Ed's literacy, there should be a hard limit here. I don't think we should automatically write off stories where Ed has dyslexia, because I could see them being done amazingly well by authors who have experience with that disability and who have considered how Ed's race will interact with his experiences. A fic where Ed's had to work ten times as hard and now he's a best-selling author, for example? Sign me the hell up!

Tl;dr: it depends? I don't think we should ever say "you CAN'T write about this character with this disability," but I also think that when writing about characters of color with disabilities, there's a responsibility to approach the topic with care, tact, and dignity.

[floralifetime]

Toruk Makto's Sister

Warning: Very bad writing, some grammatical error (English is not my first language, so please be kind), mentions of racism, mentions of death, mentions of abandonment.

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⚠️⚠️Phrase and image are not mine, all credits to the owners.⚠️⚠️

Orange means Na'vi language.

Chapter n.6 The Tsahik

A king bows only to his queen.

Another Na'vi, decidedly more adult and important than those who had surrounded my brother, was the owner of the voice. She looked annoyed, her tail wagged quickly as she walked, I don't know if she was mad at us or the others given the reaction they had towards Jakey and mine. I lost myself in watching her for a couple of minutes, just as she made her way towards my brother and me. As that woman joined us, I lost myself in observing her around me too, more carefully than I ever did before. Neytiri didn't look concerned, like what seemed to be usual about her. However I noticed in them a hint of…Pain, perhaps? Is that what keeps them from getting the best idea of our race? What have we done?

“And who is this supposed to be?” my brother asks, whispering while I sigh again and look at him with a look that couldn't be more tired than his big mouth. “You told me to be still, not quiet!” he tries to be ironic and I can't help but agree with him. ��Yeah, then please don't say anything stupid, okay? For the rest, stay still, is that clear?” I hiss at him, even though I've just realized that I've dug my own grave anyway having given him permission to speak anyway. “That is my mother, the one who interprets Eywa's will.” Neytiri introduces her, always with her composure but also with a hint of curiosity, I don't understand towards what or who. I nod and, clearly, my brother immediately had to make me regret my kind concession. “Who is Eywa?” he whispers, because he somehow understood that he will get less “punishments” if he only talks to me. I sigh heavily and look at him sideways, slowly turning my head towards him, still holding a calm and deep breath, otherwise I would have gotten angry with him again and I didn't have much strength to do it, I also lacked the desire, I wanted to keep my rage to “protect” both in case the Na'vi decide to attack. “Ok, I got it. Shut up, Jakey.” I hissed and he immediately understood that it was better not to mess with me.

Meanwhile the lady had joined us, she went around my brother, examining the tail, the queue, and the body in general. She seemed very rude towards him and I wondered if she would use the same bullying with me once she was done with Jakey. I can bear it, I've been through worse, but I wonder if little ones can do it and what he will think of me, an Avatar who carries little ones of clear Na'vi origin on her shoulders. What if she doesn't believe my story? They don't trust us, we must have done something really bad to get that much suspicion from them, so even my brother's word might not help our situation much…The only one who could calm things down in such circumstances would be Neytiri who didn't show the slightest sign of disturbance when I mentioned the children earlier, perhaps she had already seen me taking care of them then, or she had imagined that I would not hurt them. I don't know, but guessing is currently useless, I just have to take what comes and react accordingly, hoping that my words and my story are convincing enough for her. I also hope she doesn't ask me to deprive myself of the little ones, I already love them, I don't want to be separated from them, at least it's not the best thing for them but I know that I will suffer a lot in case.

“What's your names?” she asked suspiciously. “I'm Jake Sully.” my brother replied as he looked at her with a look too arrogant for my liking, a nudge from me got him to fix this, but it was disrespectful that he didn't bow his head when the Tsahik presented herself in front of him, which I had done. The woman nodded, she didn't seem to be offended or want to make a tragedy of the fact that Jakey didn't properly show the respect an important figure like hers deserves, I sighed relieved because we are in enough trouble even without her joining us too. The woman's cautious and suspicious eyes moved to me, she hadn't examined me yet, but I think she won't be long in doing so. “And what about you?” she asked me, with a slightly softer voice than the one used for my brother and a more good-natured look than the previous one. Perhaps she appreciates my showing respect in a way that she deems appropriate for her culture. Here we are in their home, showing respect and behaving as their culture wants is the minimum. I raised my arm slowly, bringing two fingers to my forehead and bending down, greeting the Tsahik as any other Na'vi would, no difference in manner or fluidity of movement. Sometimes I amaze myself how natural it is for me to behave like them. “Oel ngati kameie, Tsahik. My name is Y/N Sully. May I ask what your name is?” Tsahik smiled briefly, I don't know if she has ever smiled at a Dreamwalker, but from the astonished and incredulous reactions of the other Clan members, I can surmise that it never happened. “Mo'at, child. My name is Mo'at. Oel ngati kameie.” I bowed my head again. “That's a wonderful name, Tsahik. Your daughter has a beautiful name too.” I didn't fail to notice the smile briefly appearing on both of their faces, even though Neytiri isn't very close, I can still see her quite clearly. Mo'at pricked my brother with a sharp bone, then ran a finger over the wound and brought it to her lips. It's their way, they taste some of your blood so they can get a deeper opinion about you and whether they should trust you or not. From what I know it is something that only the Tsahik has the power to do, but I would not exclude that this method can also be taught to those who follow the training to become such, perhaps the best.

After checking my brother carefully, Mo'at approached me. She walked around me, carefully examining my hair, my tail, the queue at the end of my braid but she was much more delicate with me than my brother, probably in homage to the respect I showed her, also because she would have had no other reason to be so kind. “Can I see your wrist, kind and respectful girl?” she asked in a soft tone, more conciliatory and warm than the cold and slightly nervous one used towards my brother. The difference in treatment between my brother and me cannot be more accentuated than this. I just nod as I offer her my wrist, the wounded one. She doesn't sting me, she loosens the leaf slightly, takes a drop of blood with her finger and brings it to her lips. Not even a second later she opens her eyes wide in an expression mixed between admiration and amazement, quite the opposite as I look at her confused and worried, not so much for her opinion as for her health. “Are you okay, Tsahik?” I ask alarmed, the last thing I want is to cause suffering to any of them, despite being a member of the army, hurting is not something that drives me crazy, quite the contrary. Mo'at took a deep breath and then turned to her daughter. “Neytiri!” Her name was called with such urgency that I became more concerned for Tsahik's health. Her daughter was beside us in a hurry, looking at her mother knowingly, as if she expected to be called for the reason she thought, meanwhile I'm not understanding much. “Proceed too.” her mother invited her, Neytiri did the same thing Mo'at had done before her, her look when she tasted my blood showed more awareness than amazement.

“What do you feel?” her mother asked her, in a tone I couldn't describe and a look I couldn't decipher. “Brave heart, noble spirit, kind soul.” she make a list and I couldn't help but look down with a purple hue spreading across my cheeks, even reaching down to my ears and the base of my neck given how embarrassed I was. I don't know how long I remained in that position, but at a certain point I felt an elbow hit that forced me to raise my eyes, meeting the much more benevolent gaze of both Na'vi women. “She must be special…” Mo'at murmured. “I knew she would be up to it.” began, still calmly, Neytiri. “How did you know? You spoke of signals from the Great Mother, tell me one.” replies her mother, I don't dare interrupt and, thanks to the Great Mother, not even Jakey dares to say anything. “Utral Tirea interacted with her, the Atokirinas seemed attracted to this particular girl. Now do you all understand why I couldn't kill her and had to bring her here?” It seemed that every single Na'vi of the Clan had released as much air as their lungs could hold in a single instant. I looked around to check on the other Clan members, see if I could figure out what was going on. Disbelief was the feeling that was the most popular, but a touch of distrust and denial continued to be in the depths of their looks. Jakey always says that I'm good at reading other people's emotions, but I don't think it's true, even if I admit that I'm someone who observes a lot, there's no doubt about it. “Utral Tirea, that's not possible.” I turned to where the voice was coming from and noticed that it was Tsu'tey who had spoken, Neytiri stared at him as if she had interpreted his denial as a challenge. “And yet it happened. I saw it with my own eyes, even the Atokirinas are a sign of the Great Mother, clearer than these could not happen.” Neytiri replied firmly. “Atokirina? Utral Tirea react like this with a demon? One of those who have caused us so much suffering?! It is not possible! They are too pure for this scum!” Tsu'tey replied more and more furious, with the corner of my eye I noticed that my brother was quivering with anger towards this Na'vi, for the words he had addressed to me. “Why are you sacred and pure? But do me the favor! If you were, you wouldn't have talked to Y/N like that without even know her!” my brother retorted aloud, anticipating whatever Neytiri might want to say. Tsu'tey turned to him and hissed at him showing his fangs, Jakey reciprocated but, before the irreparable could happen, a voice was heard screaming. “SILENCE!”

It was Eytukan's voice, he had slipped between my brother and Tsu'tey, although it was clear that he didn't want to be in that place. “Your Tsahik hasn't finished examining the female demon yet! And if my daughter is telling the truth, the signs have been clear! Let your Tsahik finish the job she is doing and only then will we take a decision!” Mo'at wore a disappointed look as she stared at the man who, earlier, had led some kind of cavalry against me, Jakey, and the little ones. After a brief moment of silence where tension you could cut with a knife, what I had been waiting for happened. Both children, evidently exhausted by the amount of tension and psychological distress I was dealing with, burst into desperate tears. Hearing their cries all the Na'vi were alarmed, Mo'at moved my hair and immediately noticed the little ones crying. “I knew it would happen sooner or later. They have been too good at remaining silent and still until now.” I spoke through clenched teeth, turning to my brother who was already staring at me for directions, ears pulled back to try and escape the confusion caused by the children. “Come and give me a hand.” I wanted to smile but I was exhausted and couldn't. My brother approached me cautiously, while Mo'at and Neytiri watched him suspiciously, I don't know what they think he might do, but he would never harm children that small. “Check them and then pass them both to me, okay?” My brother nods and, after I hiss at him twice at his lack of delicacy, he carefully pulls out both male and female, and he passes them to me.

“Shhh…I know my loves, screams are bad.” I whispered while I cradled them both in my arms, the two little ones looked around frightened, they seemed to be looking for someone, they stopped looking around only when they saw me, guided by the purr I made to reassure them. "It's all right my little ones, you're safe." I said softly as I gently pressed them to me. The little girl, while she was looking at me, snuggled against my chest clutching my shirt and, listening to my purrs and feeling me kissing her forehead, she soon calmed down by herself, coming to emit only a few sporadic sounds, much calmer. Luckily for me the little girl seems to have a basic quiet disposition, so calming her crying doesn't seem to be difficult, which cannot be said of the little boy, who kept crying. I wanted to join in the cry too since the little one had wrapped her little tail around my injured wrist and held it tight. Having calmed the girl, I diverted my attention to the boy. “Awww, what about you baby? Why are you crying, are you scared?” A few strands of my hair fell forward and, swinging, enchanted the little one. “Do you like my hair, my little one?” The baby moved his little hands and arms, grabbing my locks and starting to play with it, my laughter helped calm the little one who also ran his little hands over my nose. “Everything is fine, my little ones. I'm here with you, it's all right.” I reassured them both, because even if I'm looking at the boy, I have to make the girl feel my attention too. The little one gave me a toothless, rubbery smile, laughing as I kissed his nose and wrapped his little tail around my wrist, squeezing it like he was worth his life. The girl draws my attention complaining about her, so I slowly turned towards her, also because the boy didn't want to leave my locks. “It's all right my baby.” I whispered to her tenderly. “Do you want a kiss too?” I asked her about her as I heard her moan, I smiled and lifted her slightly towards me, then kissed her face a couple of times, making her smile and giggle again.

Finally having calmed both babies I was able to lift my head to meet suspicious gaze but with a hint of tenderness of Mo'at, I looked at Neytiri and saw her staring at me with a much more tender and convinced look of my good intentions than the mother's . “I didn't kidnap them, if that's what you think.” I anticipated as I cuddled both babies. “Then where did you get them?” she asked me, looking at the little ones, probably she was trying to find any possible wounds or marks. “I found them in the forest, their crying led me to them. As you can see they are all painted.” I started by showing the boy who didn't moan if I moved him slightly for Tsahik to see, as opposed to the girl who moaned and cried if I tried to pull her slightly away from my chest. Mo'at looked at him carefully and her golden eyes widened at the sight of the paint that still smudges him, I hadn't had time to wash them and I didn't even think about it to be honest. “Even the girl has the same colors and shapes painted on her.” I explained as Mo'at moved closer to the baby to better observe him. “Can I hold him?” My eyes widened, I never expected her to ask permission, I thought she just took it. “Sure, here.” I smiled and handed her the little one who didn't seem very happy with the change, he moved confusedly and looked around disoriented, whimpering. Contrary to what I expected Mo'at smiled and waved me over. I did it and as soon as the little one saw me he smiled and calmed down and stretched out his little hand to touch me, I smiled, I stretched out my free hand and let him take my fingers, I sighed moved by his toothless smile.

While the little one was distracted by my fingers and playing with it, Mo'at examined him carefully for a couple of minutes. “Can you confirm that the marks on the boy are the same as those on the girl?” she asked me. “Sure, they're the same, I have a feeling they don't mean anything right, it's that true?” Mo'at looked at me for a couple of seconds, then exchanged glances with her daughter and spoke again. “Do you care and take care of two children who are not even of your species?” I looked at her strange. “Of course I do, why shouldn't I?” I asked her without quite understanding what she was getting at, I don't know if she's being serious or if she's bluffing to test my intentions but I don't really want to think about it. “What should I have done, in your opinion? Leave them both where I found them and walk away ignoring that they needed someone to take care of them?” I insist. “We both know that if I had turned my back on them they would never have survived, both from predators and from the temperature of the forest at night. They are too young to stand a whole night in the forest.” Tsahik moved her ear slightly, letting me know that she was listening to me much more attentively than I expected. “Why should these innocent children die, who have done nothing wrong? It doesn't matter what species they are or I am, anyone would have done it in my shoes, even you. And you know very well that it is.” I conclude, I don't reveal what I really feel, that is slightly offended that Mo'at even thought about the possibility of abandonment, I would never do it. Despite this, I can't help wondering the reason behind this insinuation of hers. “And if I told you that these children have a family here and that it is better that they grow up with them, what would you tell me?” I swallow hard, trying everything not to cry. The eventuality I feared had presented itself, the little ones have another family and I would have to give them back, I don't want to do it but the doubt eats me up. Would I really be able to raise them? What's best for them? Is what's best for them the same as what's best for me? If they really have family, why didn't I see anyone when I found them?

I feel a hand on my shoulder that makes me turn, making me see my brother who smiles at me. “If they really had a family they would have already recognized and claimed them, don't you think? I think she's lying to test you.” my brother whispers. I look at the little girl who is still curled up against my chest and I can't think of giving up on her, I look at the little boy who is still playing with my fingers and I can't think of giving up on him either, but what would be the right thing for them to do? “If their family is willing to take good care of them I can consider leaving the babies to them, but what about their lack of attention in the forest? If they were a family worthy of the name, they would have rescued the little ones.” I start. “They may not have heard them.” she replies. “Don't lie to me, we both know how loud babies are capable of crying, at least if they were here I don't see why they shouldn't have heard them.” I answer back. “If it was really the best for them, I might as well do it. But I have to be sure, aware that they will take care of the little ones in the best way. Let me express my doubts given how they behaved and how they left them in the forest.” I don't leave her time to speak. “Because there's no way I'm leaving the little ones in the hands of whoever left them there, since we both know that the little ones didn't come alone in the middle of the forest. Someone brought them there, and who could it be but a family member? They are so small, there are still purple parts near their fingers.” I say, pointing to the purple halos present near the little one's fingers. “That said, I have no intention of leaving them in danger. They drew an archery target on their chests, I don't think it's a mistake, it was done on purpose.” I sighed. “I'll keep them with me, at least I won't abandon them in the forest. Please let me take care of them, I love them already.” I conclude. Mo'at smiled and allowed me to pick up the boy again. Having done this, she moved away from me slightly and began to speak in a serious and peremptory tone, addressing the entire Clan, while Neytiri approached me, I don't know why.

“These children were abandoned by their parents, they would have died of cold and hunger if it hadn't been for the kindness and courage of this Dreamwalker! Observe and learn because here among us there is someone who dared to commit the worst sin against their children, of the gifts that the Great Mother has entrusted to these two parents. Learn from her, who didn't leave them in the forest to die of starvation, despite the fact that they are children that don't belong to her and are of totally different species from hers, for her this difference doesn't matter because she loves these children as if they belonged to her! She proved herself better than theirs parents and better than us who didn't realize the tragedy that was about to unfold under our noses!” she turned to me, who was kissing the boy's cheeks, holding the girl close to me, and beckoned me to approach her. Unsure, I looked around as Neytiri waved me over to her mother. Still uncertain, I approached Mo'at, not knowing what she had in mind and what to do. “Children deserve to grow up with those who love them and it is clear that you love them, the little ones will stay with you!” I smiled moved. “Irayo, I don't know what else to say except…Irayo.” I hugged the little ones to me, happy that they would remain under my care. “Don't thank me, I didn't do anything relevant. You did everything, you and the love you feel for your little ones.” I bowed my head respectfully and walked back to my brother who was smiling contentedly, I noticed Neytiri was smiling too. “Jakey, did you see? They will stay with me!” I cheer happily as he widens his smile further and kisses my forehead. “Yes, these little guys are lucky, nobody loves them more than you.” I nod and look around, noticing Neytiri staring at me as if she wants to get closer but she can't, I don't know why she hesitated so much, I don't understand why she's undecided, she has shown that she isn't afraid to say or do what comes to her mind.

“Neytiri!” I called her and her ears moved, she heard me and she was listening. “Come here, come and see them.” I invited her, she looked around for a second and then approached me cautiously, as if she didn't want to scare the children. I took a couple of steps towards her, so we met halfway. I moved my arm slightly where I was holding the boy, he moved his ears constantly to listen to all the noises around us, while the female didn't seem at all interested in anything that surrounded us, it seemed as if it was enough for her to be safe among the my arms, as if she wanted nothing else. “This here is the boy.” I said to her as I saw her bend down a bit to have a better look at him. The little one, for his part, smiled and cooed happily. “He's already a talkative one.” I smiled as Neytiri stroked his face, letting him grab her finger. “And also very strong. He could make an excellent warrior or an extraordinary hunter.” she said looking at me. “You have nothing against it?” she asked me. “No, he can become whatever he wants, I'm sure Eywa will have chosen the most suitable path for him.” I smiled kissing the baby's forehead. “I trust her.” I say and see her smile, she seems to be happy with what I said. “And this is the girl.” I told her, showing her the little girl who had moved her ear slightly, showing that she had heard us. “She seems to be more calm and reserved than her little brother.” I smiled as Neytiri gently ran a finger over the little girl's black tufts, they both smiled as the little girl turned her little head to look for me. “She look for her mom, the one who gives her unconditional love.” Neytiri smiled while I couldn't hold back a happy, relieved smile.

“Fixed this problem, tell us why you came here.” Mo'at's voice interrupts mine and my brother's celebreations and the happy moment shared with her daughter. We turn around and Jakey seems to have forgotten the warning I gave him earlier. “Oh, we are here to learn.” my brother replies. “We already tried to teach some human beings, it didn't go well. It's hard to fill a cup that's already full.” she affirmed with a hint of disappointment and resignation in her tone and look. “Trust me, my cup is totally empty.” my brother jokes and I just can't help but giggle. “It's true, yours is filled only with air.” I smiled as he looked at me in mock offense. “Why are you looking at me so badly, it's true!” I say laughing. “In addition to being full of air, it is also hard!” I finish as Jakey tugs at my hair, giggling too. “Lucky for us yours isn't like that!” he says. “You're joking I hope! If my cup was like yours, we'd all be dead by now!” we both laughed and not even Mo'at or Neytiri could keep from smiling or snorting lightly. “Maybe her cup isn't quite empty.” smiled my brother pointing to me. I looked at him as if he was crazy. “What? It is not true!” I immediately denied, I'm far from having the “cup full” as they say. “But yes, it's you who can speak their language, you proved it. It is you who know how to behave towards their most important figures, you have proved it. In any case, you know how to deal with them, their traditions, their rites, you know these things.” he began to say. “It's not true and anyway, even if it was, I'm far from knowing everything as she means and as you think.” I explain. “It wouldn't hurt to learn a little more and enrich my mind. Fill my cup further.” I conclude, looking at him with what should be a raised eyebrow, in the human body it would be. “Would you be willing?” Tsahik's voice interrupted both of us. “What?" I asked her, confused, not so much about what she said as about what she meant. “He is right.” she begins, pointing to my brother who was looking at me triumphantly, he loves to be right. “You have shown that you know much more than he does. Would you be willing to increase your knowledge? If any of us taught you, would you be willing to learn?” she asks me. “Sure, I would really like to be honest.” I smile as Mo'at nodded and turned to my brother.

“What are you?” she asked looking at Jakey. “We are all warriors, of Clan Jarhead.” I turned to him, obviously he had to say his nonsense, otherwise he's not happy. I was afraid this statement from him might cause him trouble, so I approached him. "Warrior? Ah! I can kill him easily!” Indeed, exactly the result I expected. I recognized the voice, it was Tsu'tey's, who hadn't spoken yet since Neytiri described what had prompted her to bring Jakey and me here. I took self-defense courses, both at due to the will of of my older brother and because I felt safer knowing some tricks to defend myself in unpleasant situations, which I happened to find myself in several times. I quickly place myself between Tsu'tey and my brother, knocking the Na'vi warrior to the ground by sweeping both of his legs off. I was quick enough to surprise him, as he fell on his back like a sack of potatoes, yellow eyes wide and an incredulous expression on his face, I had to use all my strength not to laugh, embarrassing him more. “I rarely pull such drastic maneuvers, so I don't think you'll see any more for a while, but I can't let you threaten Jakey. Have I been clear?” I spoke using a firm but at the same time sweet tone, like that of a mother who scolds her son for a not too serious problem. He remained silent, while I leaned towards the little girl to kiss her cheek, hearing her giggle. Everyone around me seemed to move in slow motion, with bated breath, I don't know who he is, if he had led the warriors when I arrived he must have some importance within the Clan, however I don't care. As with Eytukan, if you don't deserve my respect you won't get it. I'm kind not stupid.

“If you stay silence we don't get along my friend.” I smiled as he scrambled to his feet, not expecting to be knocked down by a Dreamwalker, that's for sure. “I'm not your friend!” he yelled in my face. “Hey, take it easy! You are nobody to threaten Jakey, I don't care who you are! Respect and you will have respect back!” Before Tsu'tey could answer, another voice caught our attention. “Stop!” it was Eytukan, and I haven't heard him speak for quite a while. “They are the first Dreamwalkers of their…Kind, that we know, we need more information.” I smiled and walked towards my brother who smiled. “Maybe I should have warned you before she did it, but there's no point in provoking her.” Tsu'tey answered him by hissing at him. “Fine, the decision is made.” this is the voice of Mo'at, taking a step towards her daughter. “My daughter, you will teach the boy. You will teach him how to walk and talk like us.” Neytiri was not happy with this part of the decision. “But why me? It's not right!” she moaned. “You brought them here, you will help educate them.” her mother replied, firm. “I would have preferred to take care of the girl.” she continued to moan. “Tsu'tey will take care of her.” her mother froze her, and Tsu'tey and I also froze in place. “Me?! And why should I teach something that can't be learned to someone who can't learn!?” he protested vehemently. “I said the decision is made!” Mo'at raised her voice slightly as I rocked the children so they wouldn't get scared. “You, my daughter, will teach Jakesully, while you, my brother, will teach Y/Nsully. Neytiri you will also teach to walk and talk like us, Tsu'tey, you can do without teaching our language, she seems to already be able to speak it. Learns well, Jakesully and maybe your insanity can be cured.” her eyes sought mine. “I can already tell that you will do well, Y/N.” she smiles kindly. “Thank you very much, Tsahik.” I nod. “As for you, Tsu'tey.” her gaze returns to the warrior, and she approaches and whispers something to him that I can not hear.

After helping me put the babies back in their carriers, Neytiri and Tsu'tey accompanied us and guided us to a healing tent. “Well, who comes in to help her? You or me?” she asks once we reach the tent entrance. “It's up to you, I can't bear to start being with her so soon.” spits Tsu'tey, with much poison ill-concealed in his words, a snake is less poisonous than him. “Okay, but you're not doing well.” Neytiri retorts, Tsu'tey rolls his eyes as Neytiri escorts me inside the tent. “Behave yourself, Jakey!” I tell him as I enter. Once inside, she and I remained alone in comfortable silence while she treated my wounds, at least comfortable silence until I asked her questions about the herbs she used and the method of use, already showing my boundless curiosity and desire to learn. I wonder why Mo'at assigned me to Tsu'tey and not Neytiri who seems more enthusiastic about me than my brother.

Once out we went back to Jakey and Tsu'tey, the former was happy to see us the second not much, on the contrary, he probably would have preferred to see only Neytiri. To be honest I'm sorry he feel that way about us but I can't tolerate my brother being so openly threatened I couldn't do anything for Tommy, for Jakey I must be able to do something or else what kind of sister am I? I hope that the conception of me will improve over time, after all I'm not here to be despised, but to learn a culture that I think is fascinating and capable of teaching a lot to those who are willing and courageous to question themselves and learn it. “Now we take you to another tent where you can change into more suitable clothes.” Neytiri communicated as Jakey placed the last kiss on my head. "Alright. Irayo.” I smiled, I noticed a strange look in Tsu'tey, as if he was about to make fun of me but was interrupted right on the best by something done too correctly to be resumed.

The walk was very silent on my part at least, not so much on Jakey's part since I had to call him constantly, he stopped often and willingly, or embarrassed both me and himself, I would have preferred to know him in silence. “Here we are, decide who enters first. If you need a hand with the little ones, I can come in with you.” once again it is Neytiri who gives us a minimum of indications. “Doesn't it bother you to help me?” I ask, she shrugs. “No, it must be complicated with two such young children.” I nod. “Yes, I would like.” I smile even if I hear Tsu'tey snort. “What is it Tsu'tey? Do you want to keep the little ones?” he widened his eyes and looked at the smiley faces on my shoulders, you could tell he didn't know where to start. “Obviously.” I conclude as both me and Neytiri, who was smiling, enter the tent. I took off the carrier and set it down on the floor, kneeling in front of my babies, smiling and playing with both of them as Neytiri gathered a couple of dresses to give me. “Here, these are for you.” she said handing me some simple but very nice clothes, with some light decorations superbly drawn on the fabric of both the thong and the top. “They don't belong to anyone?” I asked, just to be completely sure I wasn't stealing anything. “No.” she just answered. “The decors are very nice, I didn't think there would be.” I think out loud and her eyes widen. “Do you already know that the most decorated clothes are worn by the most important members?” she asks me, amazed. “Yes, I thought being an apprentice would not give me access to the beautiful clothes you wear.” I nod as I take the clothes from her hands and look at them more closely. “You are a peculiar apprentice, the Great Mother seems to have taken a liking to you, so I thought you might wear a couple of decorations.” she explains while I nod and look at them without quite understanding how to wear them. “Uhm…Would you give me a hand?” I ask her embarrassed, she smiles and approaches. She helps me take off my human clothes and put on the typical Na'vi clothes. “Irayo, I didn't think I could hope for such kindness.” I smile as I let the children look at their mother's new clothes. “Huh? Neytiri did a great job, what do you think?” I asked as I lifted them one by one, making them both laugh. “Come on, Tsu'tey and your brother are waiting for us. And Tsu'tey doesn't have much patience.” she smiles, I put the carrier on my shoulders and we go out. Again Jakey fills me with affection and compliments when he sees me with the new clothes, then it's his turn and his loincloth has no decoration like mine, Tsu'tey must have respected the custom to the letter, in fact he glared at Neytiri when he noticed that my clothes were decorated, albeit slightly. “Everyone must be having dinner by now, let's go.” Tsu'tey cuts short, and we set off.

Once we arrived we realized that Tsu'tey was right and everyone was eating in more or less large groups, all seated in a circular manner. Tsu'tey starts off without saying anything while Neytiri motions us to follow her and sit down with them. Jakey, as we walk, has to apologize several times because he steps on almost every tail he comes across. Finally we can sit down and thank goodness I am provided with two baby bottles made of leaves to be able to feed the little ones so I can sit quietly and feed them while my brother tries to talk to Neytiri without her being very happy with the interaction.

“Excuse me?” I hear myself called and I turn towards the direction from which the little voice is coming, finding myself in front of a little girl but still bigger than my two little ones. I smile at her softly “Hi baby, can I help you?” I ask inviting her to sit next to me. The girl accepts and sits down. “Yes, well…I wanted to know…” she looks doubtful and embarrassed, I smile at her hoping to encourage her. “Don't be afraid, honey.” I encourage her. “Here, I wanted to know if you and him.” points to my brother. “Are mates. And if they are your children.” My eyes widen, the children evidently not being allowed to attend the huge assembly that was called upon our arrival, and Jakey turns around with a shocked face. “Um…No, darling, we're not mates.” I smile and reach out to stroke her cheek, the little one leans into my touch. “He and I are brother and sister. He is a year older than me, while the little ones here I found alone in the forest and I took them with me because I couldn't leave them there.” she nods in concentration and my brother has to say something of his. “I love her, but not like this.” I snort smiling and my expression makes the little girl laugh. “Irayo!” she says out of nowhere and I look at her confused. “Why irayo, honey?” she looks at me with a toothy smile. “Because everyone say Dreamwalkers aren't nice, but you are!” she nods convinced and I smile at her innocence. “Sure honey, but I'll tell you a secret. There are Dreamwalkers who are kind and good. We are not all the same.” I say tenderly tapping a finger on her nose, she giggles cheerfully covering it. “Are you rare?” she asked me in the tone of someone who has discovered a beautiful treasure. I reflect, I don't know what to answer. If I told her a lie, I could expose her to dangers, if I told her the truth…Well, I don't want to disturb her innocence as a child, all little ones need to believe in the magic and goodness of the world, it's reassuring. It is for this reason that explaining evil and its existence to them is not easy at all. I'm in the military, safety first. “Yes, little one. Unfortunately we are quite rare.” I nod. “But you know what? This makes you even luckier, because you know not just one good Dreamwalker, but two! Me and my brother.” the little girl smiles and, before she can say anything else, she is called back by a little boy, I think he is her older brother. “Thank you for answering me. Have a nice dinner and have a good rest!” I greet her in their own way and she happily reciprocates and then runs to join her older brother. I smile gently as I watch her walk away, she's a lovely little girl.

“You were kind.” I hear someone talking next to me, I turn to notice that Tsu'tey was looking at me with a twinkle in his eyes that I can't decipher, as I kiss the forehead of the little boy in my arms. “It's not my habit to be aggressive.” I nod as he looks at me with a gleam of amusement behind that hard, angry gaze. “Except when you knocked me down.” he reminds me and I can't help but giggle. “Well, you threatened my brother.” I say like it's the most obvious thing in the world, and to me it is. He nods and the conversation ends there for him, I don't want to push him, he's already talked to me for a long time, before returning his attention to my little ones, I look at him briefly and he seems immersed in distant thoughts, in distant memories.

After dinner Neytiri and Tsu'tey took us to the area where we would sleep, the same one where they all sleep. After that brief interaction during dinner Tsu'tey stopped speaking and returned to being aggressive as he had done before. “Should we climb up there?” asks my scandalized brother. “Sure, and we should wake up early. Na'vi's life generally begins early, and more so if the Na'vi in question are warriors or hunters." my brother looks at me shocked. “Need a hand with the kids?” Neytiri asks me, I look briefly at Tsu'tey and see that he doesn't roll his eyes or sigh heavily. “Is everything all right, Tsu'tey?” I ask him worried. “No, I'm fine.” cut him short. “I don't believe you, but I don't insist.” I smile and then turn my gaze towards Neytiri who was waiting for her answer. “Sorry, no irayo. I can do it." I smile at her, she nods but, just to be safe, she waits for me to settle down. After I've taken the babies out of the carrier and tied it to the end of the bed, I lay down on my side, holding both little one close to me. “Good night brother.” I greet him as I hear him settling into his bed, not far from mine. "Good night little sister.” he reciprocates and I kiss the babies foreheads, humming a lullaby to them, before drifting off into dreamland, ready to return to my actual body.

Well, this is the end of the sixth chapter✨…I know, it's as long as few, but I couldn't narrow it down more than that if I wanted to insert all my ideas into it, sorry😅. In any case, thanks for reading in case you did and, if you want, we'll see you in the next chapter, number 7👋.

©️Floralifetime May 10-2023, please do not republish, repost, steal, modify, translate or claim my work as your own. All rights reserved.

Taglist: @avatarbyamara, @sweetirilly, @0eye0, @elegantkidfansoul.

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

I wouldn’t mind hearing your thoughts on the reality tv fic research you’re doing, if you had any thoughts or observations you wanted to share, be they fic-related or otherwise 🌹

So the reality TV fic is really the first chapter/prologue of a longer fic that covers Jamie's reintegration into the team and developing friendship with Sam in the first half of season 2, while also having some complicated feelings about Amsterdam and his time on Lust Conquers All as Sam and Jan rope him into their effort to get the player auction during at the charity gala changed to something less terrible. While I don't necessarily think Jamie's experience on LCA was itself traumatic, the structure of reality dating shows might poke at some sore spots in a way he might not consciously register, same as the auction did in season 1. 

Unhinged ramble on reality TV dating and how it might affect Jamie under the read more:

(My research was mainly focused on Love Island UK, the real-world equivalent of LCA; however, some of the rules, filming practices, ect. are based on industry norms that I don't know for 100% certain apply to this show) 

There are some aspects of the reality TV experience that Jamie would likely be better equipped to handle than most contestants — while the producers do go out and scout people and I gather that some (or possibly most) of them are social media "micro-influencers," one of the main things they tend to struggle with is not only the sudden rise to fame and the volume of criticism that comes with it, but the fact that it's very temporary fame and they have to reintegrate into regular life and a regular job afterwards. Jamie struggles with depression after leaving LCA, but he clearly didn't put the same stock in it as a career move as most contestants do — his depression is tied to his football career (or rather, his temporary lack thereof) and his dad; LCA was primarily a way to get away from James rather than something he was invested in for its own merits or that he likely expected to have much of an impact on his life in the long term.

He also has an advantage when it comes to contract negotiations. Reality TV contracts are extremely extensive and typically involve the contestants waiving the right to sue in the event of... basically any kind of harm (emotional/psychological distress, injury, illness, death, ect), as well as their right to privacy — many shows specify that they have hidden cameras and microphones throughout the entire house, including areas like bedrooms and even bathrooms, and that they can use, edit, ect. anything they record however they want, including frankenbiting, ie cutting together snippets of audio to form sentences that the contestants never actually said — and their contact with the outside world, as contestants aren't allowed to keep their phones or go on social media. They also often tie the contestants to the production company for several months afterwards, which may involve doing public appearances or even restricting activities related to the show (this is less relevant for something like LCA, but American Idol season 2 contracts didn't let contestants sing anywhere outside the show, even at like. private gatherings with friends and family).

I imagine Jamie's contract would include a lot of these same rules, but unlike most contestants, he has an agent (even if we know the agent kind of sucks) who may have gotten him better terms. That being said, based on the way his agent talks about him going on LCA in 2x02, there is a distinct possibility that he signed on as an impulse decision and actually didn't have anyone look over the contract, so really whether or not he had an advantage here depends on how pre-meditated his decision was at the time. Another area where he has an advantage is purely demographic: he's a white man, and reality dating shows have a massive problem with racism and sexism that affects casting, how the contestants are framed once they're on the show, and even voting behaviour. 

Prospective cast members undergo a very thorough vetting process that involves a background check, medical exam, psychological evaluation, and interviews with basically everyone they've ever talked to, it seems like. How effective the psych eval is in rooting out people who are likely to be negatively affected by the show is debatable — I read an interview with a former contestant on the Bachelor who said she suspects she was chosen because she was emotionally fragile after a recent breakup with her fiancé — and they seem to be more geared towards keeping people off the show who are likely to be physically violent with the other contestants. Jamie fits the profile of someone who might be chosen pretty well, actually: he's combative and has a big enough personality to be involved in drama, but he doesn't actually start physical fights. 

Once contestants arrive, their belongings are searched for any contraband alcohol or drugs, as well as clothes with logos from non-sponsor brands. Shows generally don't allow them to keep their phones or other electronics — Love Island contestants have cellphones that they sometimes use to take pictures and where they instructions via text, but these don't appear to be their own personal phones. (Sometimes contestants appear to be posting on social media during the season, but it's actually someone else running their account.) They're also not allowed to leave the villa except on scheduled dates (some shows do allow the contestants out, but they have to ask permission first). This is... kind of creepy, honestly, but I suspect that with James being on Jamie's case the way he was after he came back to Manchester, the lack of contact with the outside world may have been part of what appealed to him.

Life in the villa is very regimented: two producers live there with them and the contestants are told when to eat and when to sleep. This is another area that Jamie might cope with better than the average contestant, since he'd be used to working with nutritionists and generally having many more aspects of his life than the general person planned out, and the dietary restrictions are likely less strict. While conversations aren't scripted, contestants are often told to go to a specific location and to have a conversation with a specific person about a specific topic, which produces the slightly odd effect that, especially in the first couple of episodes, they spent all their time analyzing their relationships/prospective relationships with people they just met and barely know. I suspect this might be part of why it's hard to build sustainable romantic relationships in this environment — obviously communicating about what everyone wants in a relationship is good, but it doesn't allow for the regular conversations that make up most of the process of getting to know and like another person.

Which brings us to: kayfabe. Kayfabe is a wrestling term which refers to the implicit agreement between wrestlers and their fans to act as though the staged performances are authentic. Part of what I suspected tripped Jamie up during his stint on LCA and got him kicked off is that he's... not great at this part. He'd probably have some form of PR training and he has experience doing brand deals, but ultimately footballers don't have to pretend they're doing anything other than trying to win. Reality dating contestants can't say that they're there to build their brand or win the cash prize; the only motivation they can publicly acknowledge (not contractually, just in terms of coming off well to the audience) is finding love, and I suspect that Jamie was maybe a bit more obvious than he should have been about the fact that he approached it as a competition more than as an opportunity to find a relationship, which I don't think he was actually interested in at that point (or at any point, for the aro Jamie truthers among us).

There's also a bit of a tension between the producers' putative goal of capturing authentic reactions and creating certain storylines. The result is that they try to elicit certain reactions during the talking head interviews without stating outright what they want the contestant to say, and I suspect Jamie and the producers would find each other frustrating to deal with given his blunt approach to social interaction and difficulty with subtext and other forms of indirect communication. Similarly, interactions between the contestants — particularly the contestants of opposite genders — are governed by a set of extremely heteronormative social norms in which the contestants reaffirm their relationships through by, for instance, acting jealous or worried when their current partner is talking to another person as a sign that they're serious about the relationship. In addition to just generally not being a sexist dick even in his prick era, he is, again, just not that great with subtext. Ultimately, I think Jamie attracts the public's ire because he's too obvious about the fact that he's approaching LCA as a game to be won — while viewers are generally aware that reality TV is constructed, the contestants acknowledging that damages their popularity.

And now onto the potentially triggering stuff. First up: the alcohol. Most reality dating shows involve a lot of drinking, although instances of light drinking (eg sipping on champaign, drinking beer on dates) are generally more common than heavy drinking like taking shots or the contestants being shown to be very drunk, though it does happen. Some shows have an open bar, while others control the consumption of alcohol more closely and only give the contestants one bottle at a time. Contestants on Love Island are often shown drinking (usually champaign, or at least something in champaign flutes) from what appears to be an open bar, but I'm not sure which approach they actually use. I've seen some former contestants (on The Bachelor, not Love Island) attribute the frequency with which everyone drinks to the fact that they don't really have anything to do besides interact with the other contestants, get involved in drama, and drink — they don't have personal electronics, obviously, but they also aren't allowed to bring books or other forms of entertainment. Jamie does drink in canon and he goes out clubbing with his teammates, but the consistency with which everyone is drinking and the potential pressure to drink more himself as a result might make it feel a bit more fraught, particularly if part of the reason he doesn't remember losing his virginity in Amsterdam is because James forced him to drink.

Second: consent in reality dating shows is... weird. Once they sign the contract and enter the villa, the contestants pushed — though not technically legally required — to engage in various forms of intimacy which in any other situation would be considered pretty clear violations of their consent. Couples are formed unilaterally: in the season of Love Island that I watched (season 8), the initial couples were chosen by the voting public, and couples are re-formed in ceremonies in which, for instance, a newly arrived man choses between the two single women and the one who isn't chosen is sent home (or vice versa). In essence, only one member of the couple (or neither, in the case of public voting) actually has a say in whether they want to be with the other person. These couples then sleep in the same bed (in a room they share with all the other contestants), and the challenges similarly often involve one contestant choosing another to kiss, offer a lap dance, demonstrate their favourite sexual position, or perform other forms of intimacy (these examples are all from the first challenge of the first episode of season 8). In essence, while the contestants could technically refuse, they probably also wouldn't be on the show for long, and the whole thing is very much built on the presumption of consent to these more "mild" forms of intimacy. 

Other Things: 

Part way through, the men are sent to a different villa where they meet a new set of women, while the women stay at the original villa and meet a new set of men. I imagine the Jamie cheating on Amy with Denise in a hot tub incident probably occurred during something like this. 

For some reason the announcer always calls them "boys" and "girls." He does it for both genders so at least it's not sexist, but I still don't like it. 

If you want to read more about consent in reality TV dating, I found this chapter very interesting: Sreyashi Mukherjee and Dacia Pajé, "'You Can't Force Someone to Want You': Investigating Consent, Tokenism, and Play in Reality Dating Shows," in The Forgotten Victims of Sexual Violence in Film, Television and New Media: Turning to the Margins, ed. Stephanie Patrick and Mythili Rajiva (Palgrave Macmillan) [tried to attach the pdf but I got it through institutional access from my university and it won't let me 😞)

[nicosraf]

Sorry if this gets rambly, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate and admire you for turning down a traditional publishing offer to continue to write the way you want. There's a certain level of tender rawness in your works that I know would be completely stripped away by a publishing house. From the topics you write about to the way you portray queerness, it would all be soulless and devoid of any beauty if you signed it all away. I don't think I would love your work as much as I do if you didn't self-publish. From the topics you write about to the way you portray queerness, it would all be soulless and devoid of any beauty if you signed it all away. My previous experiences with reading self-published books has always been 50/50, and most of the time, I felt like they would've been better if they were polished and cleaned by a traditional publisher. In reading Angels Before Man, I've come to realize how important it is to read books outside of the "approved publisher" bubble. It feels so liberating to read something so unapologetically queer and dark and emotional. In a world where queer works feel like they're getting more and more santitized for the comfort of cishet corporate overlords, it's comforting to know that we're able to tell our stories on our own terms.

Hello!!! Thank you for saying this. I'm sorry if I also get rambly but I have a lot, a lot, of thoughts on self-publishing and the industry after I've taken some big steps away from it.

I need to make the small correction that I didn't turn down a deal itself. I was in limbo waiting for the deal and had already gotten a rejection or two on ABM getting picked up. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to talk about but I'll try to be clear

The series of events goes: I posted ABM online in November 2022, my agent reached out to me in January, ABM immediately gets sent to a "very interested" publisher in February, then I revised the book before I sent it to other "interested/excited" publishers around March. I lasted until early August, had a meltdown, then begged my agent to tell the publishers to let go of my book so I could work on the sequel.

I'm giving context because "stripped away by a publishing house" really struck a cord with me.

Here's the thing: the publishing industry is in a downward spiral. The author dream is gone. If you sell a book, your advance is more likely to be, say, 50k instead of 100k and that 50k is going to split into 4 payments over 2 years. Publishers don't market books anymore; they just make you open up a TikTok account and tell you to dance. Editors are overworked and picking up books that either are or feel already developmentally edited and (some) are asking for blurbs from big name authors (?!) before they look at your manuscript. They want books they can line edit quickly and send to market — but it's not their fault. HarperCollins editors were on strike for an absurdly long time and have gained... well, basically nothing. Agents and editors are leaving the industry. Publishing houses are "poaching" successful indie books and stroking indie author egos to take half their royalties.

I haven't even gotten to the racism and white liberalism problem. Look at Xiran Jay Zhao having their work being held hostage by their publisher for being anti-genocide. I worry about how queerness is represented in tradbooks but maybe more deeply worry about the race problem. There were calls for diversity 10 years and they've led absolutely nowhere. "Diversity" focused imprints keep getting shut down and leaving their authors in limbo.

But about editing again — so I'm sure you've heard of this book Babel by RF Kuang. It's popular but gets critiqued for hand-holding a white audience too much. Here's the thing though — I made a similar comment to my buddy and he told me whether that's the fault of Kuang or the fault of the editor. And that made me think — how many books are critiqued for what authors may have been forced to do? Yellowface by Kuang, written after Babel, goes into a manuscript getting heavily changed to appeal to white readers. Editors say "But I'm confused" and "But it doesn't make sense to me" because your editor is themselves the inescapable, white audience. And usually the cishet audience too — the straight person sighing that your fags are too problematic in these scary political times.

So why am I saying all this?? Look, I've never thought ABM was perfect. I think it's got some mediocre lines, some things I attempted that I don't think I pulled off. I, also, got into the habit of looking at self-published books (my own included) and thinking, "Oh this needed a professional hand-holding it." Tradpub was exciting to me because I could have someone hold my hand and work on the prose with me. I wanted to make the prose better.

But so I step into tradpub and it all goes wrong. They don't know what to do with me. They suggest a revision to cut it down to a novella. I get angry and then get angrier when I'm treated like I'm being spoiled; it's not about my "vision" here. Imagine if I announced to ABM readers that I cut ABM to 80 pages for a little bit of money?? Others started implying Part 2 basically needed to go; it's too confusing, too fucked up. Part 1 was perfect. Rafael, have u considered it being more of a romantasy? Have you considered a happy ending. Have you considered Michael and Lucifer having romantic virgin sex and have you considered cutting that other part with God entirety. Have you considered whether you're just trying to shock people and maybe you need to calm down

Well, I responded to all this with "What about the readers?? I can't make any big changes. They wouldn't like that." But I saw that they didn't want my readers.

There's a publisher right now who has Angels Before Man by rafael nicolás slapped on their "type of books we want" brochure they sent to (I believe) agents. They never contacted me though. I started to see that maybe no publisher ever wanted ABM. They wanted something like ABM, the idea of ABM and the idea of rafael, the mysterious queer mexican guy. you see, the publishing dream is not dead! you too can be like rafael. you can be a nobody who gets their book picked up by Penguin Random House and Fixed to Be Good and make a hundred thousand dollars and youll get to sit at the cool kids table.

Anyway, I love to read self-published, 0 rating books. They're usually weird, full of typos sometimes, but I never care. I don't read to judge something on a merit of goodness anyway (what does that mean) but just to experience something. I love reading porn, but I'm not usually sexually tantalized but it; I just love how insane it is. And seeing someone put their whole heart in something full of typos and pacing issues and plot holes is a thousand times more fulfilling to me than reading a polished husk of 3-act structure, perfect clean characters, strong prose that was worked on by 19 people and doesn't hold the dreams/desires/flaws of anyone.

I'm really happy to self-publish. I like not having a censor and pouring my heart into something. And work! Hard work is incredibly fulfilling to me; I care more about the work I put into A&M than the product it'll end up being. But I also keep thinking of situations like Babel and I think that if my work sucks, at least it's because of me and my skill, or lack thereof. It gives me a little bit of dignity.

thank you again for the ask. i appreciate it very much.

[majaloveschris]

1. I don't think he would've been willing to step into a PR relationship with her if he knew about those tweets //

I agree with much of what you’ve said. However, on the above: I hate to say this, but I think he would have been reluctant to proceed with her in this PR debacle because of how it reflects on him. Unfortunately, not because of some personal outrage and disgust towards her racist behaviour.

I say this as a WOC; sadly, most “allies” are outraged but don’t speak up and challenge racist behaviour. His inaction now - for example he could have demanded she publicly apologise (it’s been fone tons before), but hasn’t - demonstrates this. He’s buried his head in the sand about it.

He’s not perfect and we shouldn’t expect him to act a certain way, we obviously don’t know him. It’s just a feeling I have. A disappointed feeling.

Maybe you're right, but I still believe that he meant those things he's said and done, and that the reason why he wouldn't have wanted to be with her is because he isn't okay with racism.

I know, right now, it's hard to believe this, and I also know I'm not directly affected by this since I'm white, but I definitely understand you being disappointed. Who would've thought he would have been linked to someone like her in the past? Even if it's PR and he didn't know about it, it's still disheartening.

However, I don't think he can demand things like her apologizing. They can say no to it, and what can he do? Not doing what he's signed for? Then they would have the upper hand. And I also think they were probably advised against doing anything since, for example, her apologizing would create a bigger buzz about the whole thing. More people would know about those things they've done and said, and I don't think either of them wants that. The GP doesn't really know about her and her friends' behavior, and I think they want to keep it that way.

I'm just so sorry you feel this way and that you are directly affected. Hugs to you! ❤️🫂

[blue-rose-soul]

I was at a museum of natural history looking at deer & moose antler's today when I thought about your au where Lucifer is Alastors bio dad and how cool would be if the (lucifer & charlie) morningstar's calling card were antler horns? they usually hide them in their normal form & the fact that Alastor has his horns out is a subtle sign that he's one of them? even tho he doesn't know, anyway, hope you have a good day!

Hm, while I do really like the aesthetics of deer/moose antlers, I don't really want to change anything overmuch about any of the characters' designs for this AU. I personally think that Charlie's and Lucifer's horns work very well for them as they are.

I mean look at that. Beautiful.

I also love the irony that stags - Alastor's animal motif - are a symbol of Jesus Christ. Alastor's not a Christ-like figure by any means, but I like how it sets a divide between him and the Morningstars while still giving him a connection to a biblical figure. Because ultimately, he's not a proper part of their family. He's the bastard, the mistake. Lucifer pretty much looked down on Alastor from the get go, and even after learning that Alastor's his son he still does somewhat.

There's a world of difference between the life Alastor lived and the one Charlie did. He was mixed race in the era of Jim Crow laws, and grew up watching his poor black mother get pushed around and abused by the rich white men she worked for, until one of those men ultimately killed her. That same man took Alastor in out of a twisted sense of guilt, but pretty much treated Alastor like a servant. And Alastor was very aware that if his skin had been a little darker, that man would have just killed him too.

Charlie, on the other hand, grew up in a palace with two loving, if flawed, parents. While Lucifer fell short in a lot of ways, he provided her with anything and everything she could have wanted growing up. Decadent food, infinite toys, magical pets that served doubly as friends and protectors.

This is getting away from me a little. I'm very much not an authority on racism, but I know these sorts of things must affect the dynamic between Alastor and the rest of the Morningstars. While Lucifer and Charlie aren't human, their skin is very very very white. There's no way that didn't play into Alastor's reaction to Lucifer assuming he was the bellhop. As much as Alastor tries to lean into his identity as a demon, he still started as a human being and still has a human soul.

That is to say, even with the blood relation, Alastor is set apart from the Morningstars, and he feels that divide much more strongly than they do. He does have design elements in common with them - in fact, many elements of his design are downright satanic - but his design contrasts nicely against them too; the overtly red pallet, the always visible horns, the red sclera. That's actually part of what got me thinking about this AU in the first place. So I feel like the fact that their horns don't match really works well for this AU.

[orchideous-nox]

What are some of your favourite Dorcas headcanons???

I am developing my Dorcas headcanons as we speak, so bear with me!

I think Dorcas is such a London girlie, however, I don't think she's always been a London girlie. I hc that she grew up with Barty in Liverpool but when she was 12 her family moved down to London which is where she really found herself. They stayed close though because they were at Hogwarts together. I think Dorcas was an only child so Barty was the closest she had to a sibling, and the same for Barty.

I've mentioned that everyone thinks Dorcas hates them, I think she has a serious case of RBF and talks very monotone, so people thing she's just really fed up or bored of them. She likes her quiet when she's studying so takes herself away from the Slytherin common room when she's doing homework and sometimes Regulus joins her. However, she is just as capable of being a menace and joining in with shenanigans because she grew up with Barty. When she meets Marlene, however, and the boys start showing signs of joining the DE's, she distances herself from that stuff, hence why she ends up in the Order.

I think because of the time and the zeitgeist of the UK during the Marauder's era, it's impossible to ignore things like racism, and especially because I can vibe with the hc that Dorcas is trans, I think she struggles a lot with her identity, especially her blackness. The first time she goes to Marlene's dorm to hang out, Mary is there. At first they clash, Mary is very vocal about disliking Slytherins and she's passionate and excitable (the opposite of Dorcas, who is very calm and level-headed) and when she warms up to Dorcas, she can be physical (I will save more Mary headcanons for another time) with her friends and Dorcas doesn't know how to feel about this. Dorcas has always shown affection through words and other actions, but she warms up to Mary and they find solace in their friendship.

DORLENE!! I think Marlene brings out confidence in Dorcas. Whilst she is used to the big personality of Barty, Marlene is different because they leave room for Dorcas rather than taking front and centre. Marlene and Dorcas have a quiet but strong love. She tones Marlene down and Marlene hypes her up so I think they're a really good balance. I spoke a little about how they got together here in my Marlene headcanons!!

In a modern setting, I said Dorcas would be an it-girl and I stand by that. She's still very reserved but Marlene (who takes all her pictures for the gram) hypes her up and takes all the attention. Marls will shout something really stupid before taking the photo so people aren't looking as much as Dorcas, and also because it makes her laugh. Dorcas would love Rina Sawayama which I said in my other headcanons post here and I think her go-to karaoke song would be That Don't Impress Me Much by Shania Twain. That is her ANTHEM.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to work on my Dorcas headcanons!! < 3

[verdemoun]

I'm legitimately thinking about the gang witnessing big events. Bessie was probably there when USSR collapsed. The gang and 9/11. Big advances in queer rights in general (I can definitely see Bill telling someone to turn up the radio after he hears a snippet). Covid, fucking covid. And that's just a few. That must've been wild. I can see some of the newcomers getting overwhelmed - the world has never seemed like this in their first life. There was never so much happening.

(i can also see Lenny fucking thriving; boy loves studying. I can DEFINITELY see him asking Bessie about events she witnessed before anyone arrived.)

I'M SO SORRY THIS WAS EATEN BY DRAFTS PLEASE ENJOY

Side shuffling around the gang living through 9/11 as a non-American who was alive but too busy shoving crayons up my nose to fully understand the devastation from 9/11 from a global perspective I am not going to attempt that But a) it definitely contributed to Arthur's fear of flying b) it was the first time the gang were seriously agitated by Bessie's no guns in the house rule because all the safety they had worked towards finding in modern era was ripped away from them and c) they would have been very bothered by the sheer amount of racism it inspired they did not go through 1899 bigotry just to watch it be born again.

QUEER RIGHTS MY PASSION

The gang were all over that shit they may still have a bit of that 1899 assumes pronouns and don't fully understand some LGBTQIA+ identities but most of them needed a hobby and keeping up to date with how queer rights were being adapted into civil rights was a whole gang affair.

Arthur hot for voting rights Morgan out there accidentally intimidating people to vote for parties that openly supported pro-lgbtqia+ agendas.

The number one thing Isaac never got in trouble from the gang for protesting no matter how much actual legal trouble he got into. He was wearing skirts and dresses to school to protest gendered uniforms, he was punching protestors in the face (maybe a lil trouble for that one but not nearly as much as he probably should have been), vandalizing homophobic signs and billboards he was out fighting.

Arthur picking him up from holding after teen Isaac got caught vandalizing a homophobic billboard and instead of a lecture Isaac gets McDonalds on the way home.

Bill didn't say outright it was to celebrate gay marriage finally being legalized but the day it was confirmed gay marriage was going nation-wide he invited everyone over for the biggest boozy cook-out ever and internalized homophobia be damned my boy can work a grill.

Also poor Bessie having to be the one to explain to the 1899 gang when they timewarped in 1999 that same-sex intercourse was still technically a crime and if anything the laws around it had gotten more explicitly anti-gay since 1899 when every single one of them was a little slice of fruit cake - the absolute riot she had to deal with in her living room.

COVID

Arthur was a nervous wreck. He died of the last plague and is absolutely convinced covid-19 would be his second demise. Comes off as really aggressive about people wearing masks and sanitizing their hands but in private Charles is fully aware he is absolutely terrified. Like paling as the death toll rises Charles having to convince him to turn off the news before he has a meltdown.

Arthur was living lockdown style even before lockdown was announced would not leave the house, sprayed any groceries left at the door with disinfectant, insisted Charles get changed out of outside-contaminated clothes before he walked into the house ect.

Charles had to be a very patient, loving supportive husband. Many bird houses and loafs of bread were made.

The gang very nearly shackled Hosea to the couch because his attitude was 'bah how many epidemics have i survived already' despite being an elderly smoker with pre-existing lung issues.

On his way home the day lockdown was announced Lenny bought as much gym equipment as he could fit in his car and while Sean absolutely went insane not being able to go out and do things he did accidentally get shredded because he would spend hours in the temporary home gym trying to burn energy.

Jack immediately dipped. Grabbed a suitcase and moved into Isaac's because being trapped at home with John, Uncle, Abigail and Addie would have resulted in someone being sent to hospital for grievous bodily injuries.

Kieran thrived. Objectively the peak of his neurodivergent and mental health. No cars? Reduced people in stores? 3ft apart? It was the first time he could leave the house without noise-cancelling headphones (still took them but wore them around his neck in bliss upon realizing how quiet it was). Jumped at the chance to go to the store or drop off things because he loved leaving the house when the world was so much more quiet.

Also little people-watcher knew exactly what things to drop off to just make someone's day a little less bad. Favorite snacks, fidgets, movies they'd love, craft kits. A lot of the gang were really grateful for how well Kieran actually knew them and looked forward to the random texts of presents left at the door-step.

Sulked when restrictions were taken away he was glad the pandemic was considered over but also having to retreat to those supports because outside was too overwhelming again. (i'm projecting)

Micah got covid twice during peak pandemic, was almost hospitalized the first time, and still anti-vac.