#hp quote

[obscureshipsandchips]

Remus: I really never want to help with pranks they make me

James: hey moony can you-

Remus: FINE! James- fine. I’ll help you find a spell to enchant the tableware to float high up whenever Dumbledoor stands and set back on the table when he sits. I didn’t WANT to but you here we are

Sirius, whispering to James: don’t tell him you just wanted to know when potions essay was due

James, whispering back: where did he even come up with that idea

[percyweasleyapologist]

Remus: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Remus, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

[yourgalgremlin]

REMUS: I spent most of 5th year in & out—

SIRIUS: of the hospital wing?

JAMES: of detention?

REGULUS: of Sirius?

REMUS: …of depression.

[pottermagiczz]

James: I need advice

Sirius: With what?

James: With love. How did you know you were in love with Remus?

Sirius: ...

Sirius: I'm in love with Remus?

[shadowjinx2906]

James: *sighs a madly in love sigh* He speaks with a voice as sweet as honey 😍

…

Regulus: The fuck you looking at, Four Eyes?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Falling asleep in the dorms…

“Sirius?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I like Evans anymore.”

“Shit mate, took you long enough.”

“Heh. Yeah.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Yeah, Prongs?”

“I might like boys. Also. Like as well as girls.”

“Join the club, Prongs. Just stay the fuck away from Moony.”

“Noted.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Yeah, mate?”

“What if I like a particular bloke?”

“…it’s not me, is it? Because Moony would probably kill you.”

“No.”

….

“Sirius?”

“Yes, Prongs?”

“It’s your brother.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah, I was just fucking with you before.”

“Right.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Yes Prongs?”

“That’s…it’s okay?”

“Yes, James. I’d rather it be you than anyone else, to be honest.”

“Alright.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Go the fuck to sleep, Prongs. We’ll come up with a plan to woo him tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

….

“James?”

“What’s up, Padfoot?”

“Take care of him, alright?”

“…..yeah. Yeah, of course.”

[that-bitch-kat3]

sirius: remus isn’t a hear me out because everybody wants to fuck him

james:

peter:

remus:

james: i do think that’s something you should look into on your own time

[figgymacaron]

Harry: Why does Mommy wear makeup?

James: To look pretty

Harry: But she’s already pretty!

James: (beaming) Yes, she’s the very prettiest

Harry: Daddy you should wear makeup!

James: (smile falling)

[sunseekerchild]

Dorcas: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Barty: weak, I sleep with two.

James: you're both pathetic.

Barty: oh yeah? and what do you sleep with?

James: Regulus.

[melstinybrain]

james: regulus, do you want to get coffee sometime, maybe?

regulus: uh- ye- yeah!?

james: great! um- after school?

regulus: yeah, after is- wait. you do mean that in a gay way, right?

james: yes, in a gay way.

regulus: full homo?

james: a full homosexual coffee date.

[a-great-tragedy]

Barty: Why do you always dress like you’re going to a funeral?

Regulus: Oh you do not want to see me going to a funeral

~funeral flashbacks~

Regulus: WHAT THE FUCK DO I WEAR SIRIUS?

Sirius: Just wear this-

Regulus: BUT I ALWAYS WEAR THAT! THAT’S CASUAL CLOTHES FOR ME…

Regulus: *Finds something* Can I wear this?

Sirius: Sure

Regulus: *Throws clothes to the side* NO, THAT SOUNDED JUDGMENTAL

[daddiesdrarryy]

James: Hey Moony, can I borrow a sweater?

Remus: Sure…but why are you going to Pads’s closet?

James: Because that’s where all your sweaters are

[jameskinniesrise]

Sirius: Bro- Remus : No, no, hold up, rewind. Remus : My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

[yourgalgremlin]

JAMES: You know what’s crazy? My psychic just told me a mean twink would come into my life soon.

REGULUS: I’m gonna kill Pandora.

JAMES: *gasp* That’s exactly what my psychic said the mean twink of my future would say to me!!

[pottermagiczz]

Sirius trying to teach lil Harry his name

Sirius: Harry, say Padfoot

Harry:

Sirius: C'mon lil guy, Pad-foot

Harry: Moo-ee

Sirius: No Harry, Pad-foot

Harry: MOO-EE

Sirius: You're one lil sh*t, aren't you?

Harry: Sh*t!

Sirius: F*CK! DON'T SAY THAT!

Remus, entering the room: Hey Harry, having fun?

Harry: F*ck! Sh*t!

Remus: ...

Remus, CaLmLy: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT!?

Harry: Pad-foooo

[moondustinfj]

James *poking Remus*: Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus wake up. Remus. Remus.

Remus:

James: Remus. Remus. MOONY!!

Remus: OH MY GOD, WHAT??

James: Oh good, since you're awake-

Remus: *groans*

James: -your plan didn't work

Remus: What plan?

James: When you told me to throw confetti over Regulus' head to get him to date me

Remus: I specifically said 'Do NOT, under any circumstances, do that James'

James: Exactly! That's basically telling me to do it!

Remus: It didn't work on Lily, how the hell did you think it would work on Regulus

James: I couldn't have known!! They're such different people!!

Remus: And which parts of those "differences" made you think Regulus Black would be more receptive to being thrown confetti at in front of the whole school

James: Crouch and Rosier still laugh hysterically every time they see me..

James: So what do you suggest I do? Make even a grander gesture in front of everyone??

Remus: No! What-

James: Maybe sing him a song??

Remus: I-

James: That I wrote??

Remus: You're INSANE

James: On my guitar??

Remus *checks the watch*: It's 3 AM James go f-

James: In the great hall??

Remus: I don't even care at this point

James: You're a genius. I knew I came to the right person

Remus: That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard and I feel like I should call Regulus to warn him about you. But you seem convinced so. God bless. *slumps back to bed*

James: Do you believe in god Remus?

Remus: *voice muffled by the pillow* I believe in hell. And I'm in it.