#james loves it when regulus is mean to him

[lexithwrites]

I NEED MORE ON CHUBBY REGULUS JEGULUS RELATIONSHIP I NEED MORE PLEASE I LOVE YOU 🙏

Oh my babies I missed talking about them (it feels like there’s a target on my back when I want to do it now bc of twitter lmao) this rep is v important to me bc I feel like it helps with my own insecurities lmao

— James has a habit of kissing across regulus’ stomach and nuzzling it, he loves feeling his hips and the curve of his body and he’s so soft, reg never understood it until James started to keep the weight gain and he did it back to him

— to James, the fact regulus gained weight is a good thing bc it means he’s relaxed, he’s seen the way his relationship with food evolved and it just makes him happy that he could help him through that

— I feel like it also happens to Sirius when he lived with James and his parents, so regulus is a bit more okay with it since his brother is happy in his own body as well now

— James’ shirts will always still be oversized on him since he’s broader so regardless of his weight gain reg can be comfortable and warm in them

— it also shows how he’s disconnecting from his old life, from his parents ideals of what they wanted him and Sirius to look like/to act like

— his favourite snack is probably Milky Way magic stars, he’s obsessed with them

— regulus can’t cook I stand by that lmao but James slowly teaches him little things just so he understands and doesn’t feel guilty (he just prefers James’ cooking tho Effie and Monty taught him well growing up)

[the1970sdeadgaywizard-regulus]

Day 21: Mistletoe Kiss / @noblehouseofgay’s 25DaysofJegumas / WC: 439 / TW: This has a shit ton of angst so… be warned ig. No death tho

Regulus hated parties. He absolutely despised them. People tried to make him go to parties, but it was never worth it. He simply would not attend. Either that or he’d hex the person who asked.

That was until Remus Lupin, the kind soul he is, invited Regulus to a small Gryffindor party. It wasn’t supposed to be anything big. It was just a Christmas get together of sorts. A good moment for Regulus to finally talk to James about what he did wrong. A good moment to apologise.

They had only recently taken a break. It only happened a week or so ago.

It’s because Regulus had told James how he got a letter, telling him that he was to get the Mark come spring.

And James didn’t like that. He told Regulus to fight it, but knew, at the end of the day, it was to no avail. The Black family would find Regulus and make him take the Mark.

So James said they needed a break.

Regulus was sure that they could be together after break.

That James just needed to figure out how to navigate having a soon-to-be Death Eater as a boyfriend.

Walking into the party, Regulus had no expectations. His only plan was to apologise to James and say that he would fight against his parents. That he would move in with James. That he wouldn’t go Grimmauld Place over break, and would stay with James.

Those plans go to shit when he sees James pull Lily under an archway and kiss her.

As Regulus looks up, he knows what is happening. Mistletoe kiss.

Except James did it on purpose.

And that kiss is lasting a long time.

A really long time.

And why is everybody wolf-whistling?

And why are they kissing again?

He thought that James and him would be fine. He was going to apologise. A break from a relationship doesn’t mean kiss other people.

Unless James meant that they should take a break forever.

James is his one love.

James is all that he had.

Did James really think that little of him?

Were they really done?

Regulus doesn’t stay long enough to find out. He storms out of the party and collapses in the corridor.

He doesn’t stay long enough to see the look that Sirius gives him. The look of connecting the dots.

He doesn’t stay long enough to see Sirius berate James.

He doesn’t stay long enough to see Lily push James away the moment she realises why James kissed her.

He doesn’t stay long enough.

He never does stay long enough.

He never will stay long enough.

[marauders-brain-rot]

CW: death, mcd, angst

James had been nervous for their first Christmas together, he’d wanted to make sure Regulus knew how safe and loved he was. He’d gone overboard with the gifts and the decorations in the Room of Requirement, making sure everything was absolutely perfect. They’d spent the night there together, wrapped in one another’s bodies with soft smiles on their faces. It was the beginning of everything for them. 

James was no longer nervous as the cold air bit at his skin, the snowflakes falling around him and building on the frozen ground. He wasn’t nervous or anxious or even excited on this particular Christmas morning. The gifts wrapped in the prettiest paper he could find littered the ground in front of him- in front of the stone that read Regulus Arcturus Black, child, sibling, friend along with the two dates denoting his too short life. James didn’t mean to, but he spent the entire night lying on the empty grave that first Christmas without Regulus. He laid there so long in fact that the snow built around him, encasing him and the gifts. He didn’t notice as his body grew colder and stiffer before suddenly becoming blazing hot, not when Regulus’s sweet voice called him softly home. 

When the snow finally melted the cemetery groundskeeper found a boy who appeared to be asleep, a soft smile frozen onto his lips and presents wrapped in the prettiest paper he’d ever seen laid unopened in front of him.

This was originally supposed to be angsty but I wasn't expecting this to happen, oops?

[vinylfoxbooks]

25 Days of Jegumas | Day 1 | Day 19 December 20 - Baking | @noblehouseofgay | wc: 1007

“James?” Regulus groans, rubbing at his eye. It’s the weekend, there’s no reason for his partner to be up this early and leavin him cold and alone, “What the fuck are you doing?” 

James hums, and from that alone, he knows that they’re practically bouncing with energy, “It’s baking day, Reg. Lily, Pandora, and the kids are coming to stay for the weekend and I want to have all sorts of sweet treats and candy made. I’m going to get started on the baking as soon as posisble so I can put all of my focus into making the candy and making sure that the sky is right.”

“And that means you have to be up at…”

“It’s ten in the morning, my love.” They laugh gently. Regulus feels a dip in the bed as they climb back onto it and crawl towards where he’s curled up in the sheets. He doesn’t open his eyes, even as James leans downto press a gentle, loving kiss to his temple. Then another one to the outer corner of his eye, then his cheek, then down to his jaw. 

It’s only when Regulus finally turns so his face isn’t half buried in the pillow that they finally kiss him properly. It’s done with the huff of a laugh but otherwise nothing but pure admiration and love. The two stay like that for a while before James finally leans back and goes to sit back on their heels on the bed, reaching forward and running their hand over Regulus’ face, neck, and into his slightly messy hair, “You’re more than welcome to join and cling to me when you want to get up, but I want to get as early a start on this as possible so I’m not baking or cooking when they get here.” 

“Fine.” Regulus groans again, rolling onto his back and finally cracking an eye open to look at them, “But if I die of hypothermia, it’s your fault.”

“It’s not even that cold in our house, my love, you’re just being dramatic.” Then they’re in backing off the bed again. However, instead of leaving the room, they round the bed and grab at the blanket-hoodie that they bought for him several years ago. They silently gesture for him to sit up before leaning down and putting a warm hand on his back, right between his shoulder blades, to guide him up. 

They help him into the blanket hoodie and pull him to a stand against their body. The two of them stand there for a while before James gently taps at one of his thighs with their hand, gesturing for him to jump up. He does so, letting James catch him easily and wrapping his legs around their waist, “It’s so fucking sexy that you can do this.”

“You’ve been saying this since we got together, Reg.” 

“And it’s true even now.” Regulus hum, burrowing his face in their shoulder, “It’ll be hot until you can no longer do it. Which will never happen, because you’re stupidly fit and weirdly obsessed with working out and staying in shape. Also, I’ve seen your dad’s muscles.”

“Can you not drool over my father when you’re in my arms and calling me sexy?” James shakes their head fondly, guiding the two of them out of their room and down the stairs. James sets him down once they’re in the kitchen, guiding him around their body so his arms are wrapped around their waist and he’s leaning against their back. 

They make quick work of putting the kettle on, whipping up a quick breakfast for them to eat, and making Regulus some tea. Then they leave him sitting at the kitchen island while they start to gather ingredients for their first set of cookies, an array of recipes sitting out on the counter already, slipping an apron that Sirius jokingly bought them a couple years ago -- it’s an atrocious thing, neon pink with the words “WARNING Choking Hazard” written on it with an arrow pointing down. Regulus watches as they set to work, turning on their phone to play some music to dance around the kitchen like a dork to while they’re working. 

It takes a while for Regulus to properly wake up and want to function, but eventually he’s also slipping on an apron, washing his hands, and working on mixing the wet ingredients while James starts on the dry for their double chocolate chip recipe. It goes by much faster with the two of them working and they’re through most of the recipes that James wanted to make. 

James peers out of the bay window that they have near the dining table to see what the clouds look like in the sky before nodding and figuring that it’s good enough. They pull out a pot and set it on the burner next to the one that Regulus is making no-bake cookies on. THen they get to chopping butter and getting the rest of the ingredients while the butter melts in the pan. 

And before Regulus knows it, they have freshly baked cookies put in tupperware containers and sitting on top of their fridge, glass dishes of caramels that need to be cut after they set, and a baking tray with aluminum containers that hold english toffe. James informs Regulus that they’ll cut and wrap the caramels the next day and work on making turtles as well so they can get around to dipping the turtles and a couple other candies in chocolate later. Regulus agrees, figuring that whatever James wants to do with this stuff works with him -- they know a lot more about making candies, it’s something that they’ve been doing with their grandma, then their mum, for their entire life. 

Pandora and Lily arrive with Luna and Harry not long after, all very pleased to be greeted by the sweet smell of unhealthy Christmas snacks and treats filling the household. The smell of vanilla and sugar permeating in the walls and clinging to James and Regulus.

Day 21

[lilithofpenandbook]

Serious question, what makes you think that just because Lily got with him that there was any good in him at all? Why is Lily supposed to be this good judge of character? She's no goddess of virtue- some could argue she was actually a bad friend to Snape, considering that not only did she nearly laugh when Snape was being assaulted, she stormed off when he lashed out at her despite him clearly being the vulnerable one in that situation. He was physically at the mercy of two other boys, and potentially in physical danger yet not only does she storm off, she joins them in mocking him? She's not the embodiment of goodness, she's on the exact same level as Snape!

As for it being a "teenage boy thing", Harry himself called out that BS. He said it himself, he was also fifteen, and he sympathised with Snape in that situation. The Marauders were not the norm, they were the outliers for being exceptionally awful with no good reason. James had nothing to "grow out of", if he ever did (and it's strongly implied that he very much kept up his bullying, he only learned how to hide it better), because all the horrible stuff he did were actions and "maturing" was literally an inaction and he still damaged another person so badly that just his face on someone else was able to trigger that person so badly. Snape doesn't react to Harry the way he does for fun, he reacts that way because James seriously damaged him.

And James is also the worst person out of all the Marauders. Remus you can argue was afraid of losing his friends (or worse, becoming their enemy- he saw what they did to Snape). Sirius can have some tiny grace because he did come from a bad home (and even then, the abuse he faced at home was mild at best- his parents and he clashed because he rebelled against them first, and he ran away first). Peter could be understood because he probably felt vulnerable and chose to protect himself by cheering on the bullies. But James? He has absolutely no excuse to be who he was.

He was an only child. He was "well loved and even adored". He was ludicrously rich. He was good at Quidditch. He literally had every single thing, yet he still chose to be an asshole. There was no abusive home you can blame for his behaviour, not any insecurities or weaknesses. He was the most privileged of the lot, yet still he chose to be an asshole. And that's disgusting enough, but his target being Severus Snape, the half-blood from a small Northern town who was so poor it showed on his appearance and not traditionally masculine to boot, was disgusting. Why not Mulciber or Avery, who actually did hurt people and were proud of their beliefs? Why not Regulus, who was a Voldemort supporting fanatic? Why the poor halfbood from an abusive home? Because James was just as bigoted and prejudiced as every other pureblood and merely disguised it.

Him telling Lily he'd never call her a mudblood means absolutely nothing in that moment, when he caused the very thing to take place by bullying another mudblood. And yes, Severus is a mudblood, perhaps even more so than Lily. He's basically a muggleborn, having grown up in a muggle town with a muggle (not even muggleborn or a squib) father, and a mother who could easily have been muggleborn herself, and worse: he's poor, something pure-bloods look down on other pure bloods for being. If James truly was an advocate for muggleborns, as he tried to claim, he would have been Severus' first defender, not his abuser.

Additionally, who was the first person to begin bullying Snape? James. Who gave him the nickname "Snivellus", an attack on his masculinity? James. Who attacked him in the worst memories flashback? James.

And no, James saving Snape from Remus meant absolutely nothing. He's part of why the prank happened. He cared nothing for Snape's life and was just less mad than Sirius and could realise the consequences for himself and Sirius would be horrible if Remus actually hurt Severus.

And no, Lily marrying him also means nothing on his maturity. She was a very ordinary girl, not some saint, and it's no surprise she'd marry him- he was a rich pure-blood and she was a muggleborn from a lower class (but not as low as Snape) and they were heading to a war where muggleborns' place in the wizarding world were being threatened. It would only make sense to marry the rich pure-blood boy, it guaranteed her financial and social protection. She is not a sign that he supposedly matured.

If anything, looking at Sirius's behaviour, we can guess that if James lived, he would not have matured at all. Sirius was a secondary school bully, and still tries to behave like one. James, his double act, would have been no better.

I'm not denying James loved Harry or Lily, or that he loved Sirius either (although his relationship with Peter and Remus seems questionable). But being capable of love does not mean he was not a completely awful person. Look at Lucius, who also loved his wife and child dearly, yet was also a pretty awful person. And out of all the Marauders, James was the worst one. He did the most harm, and had absolutely no reason to do any of it.

The Marauders are fascinating to me in canon BECAUSE of how awful they are. I enjoy hating them! I enjoy Sirius being an awful cruel hypocrite who's completely unaware of it because it's entertaining. I enjoy James being a piece of trash because it's entertaining to hate him. I find Remus fascinating because he's no better than the others despite his sad helpless act. I think Peter's utterly ridiculous and it's hilarious. I enjoy them as villains. I do not condone what they've done to anyone at all, in fact I despise it all, I just enjoy hating them. They're the worst people ever and that's entertaining because it's also fiction.

[shadowjinx2906]

James: *sighs a madly in love sigh* He speaks with a voice as sweet as honey 😍

…

Regulus: The fuck you looking at, Four Eyes?

[thebisexualwreckoning]

Girls don't want gifts we want a 641318 words long as of yet only 59 chaps written out of 70 long fix with Regulus trying his best to hate James and failing and James being an utter simp for regulus

[james-sunshine-potter]

the biggest mistake anyone could make was calling James dumb infront of Regulus.

it’s basically asking for a death wish.

[somanyquestions-featuringanxiety]

Yesss thank you!!!

Ok, so twilight is Lily is obvious. The studious ones, have to be the best of the best, they’re leaders, they’re friendly with everyone and just generally kind, well liked and respected people.

Rarity as Sirius is a bit more complicated. I mean, at a shallow level, both of them are quite vain, quite rich, and have expensive tastes, and can be quite snobbish at times. But raritys’s element is generosity, which I think fits Sirius extremely well, with his love of spoiling his friends and loved ones with gifts.

Pinkie Pie as Pandora because… come on. The friendliness to the point of eerieness? The mysterious pinkie sense and strange powers? The overall sense of weird, but also in a friendly and welcoming way. That’s Pandora for sure

Apple Jack as Peter because he’s the one who likes things to be simple. He doesn’t need anything fancy, just what he has and hard work. While obviously the element of honesty doesn’t suit him later, I do think it does during the marauders era. I feel young Peter would be bluntly honest about his opinions to the rest of the marauders, including how he felt about everything they did.

Flutter shy as Remus because YES! The love of animals, linked to both the marauders’ animagus forms but it works particularly well with ATYD Remus’ love of care of magical creatures. He’s quiet and shy at first, but can be strong and assertive when someone threatens the ones he loves. And he’s just kind too, and due to his furry little problem, isn’t quick to judge big scary animals to be mean, just like flutter shy.

Rainbow dash as James just makes sense. The love of sport, the need to be flashy and performative, the confidence! And the element of loyalty. Well, James is incredibly loyal to his loved ones, both the marauders and later on his family.

And finally regulus as starlight. The outsider, corrupted and on the wrong side of the cause, who is then shown the error of his ways by a group of friendly people. Sound familiar? Hes brought into the group, where he learns about why what he was doing is wrong, and how to be better. Only difference is regulus then falls in love

Anyway that was my rant!!

Random post but I’ve been thinking about the marauders era as the mane six from MLP FIM (freaking love that show and it’s characters)

Anyway..please ask me to expand on these I have so much to say

Twilight sparkle - Lily

Rarity - Sirius

Pinkie Pie - Pandora

Apple Jack - Peter

Flutter shy - Remus

Rainbow Dash - James

Bonus: Regulus is totally starlight glimmer

[haunting-hufflepuffs-basement]

You know, I'm discovering that half the appeal of jegulus for me is that it forces rosekiller and james to interact in a non-antagonistic way. And that dynamic is soooo fun. I need more. Like. Just some highlights for ya'll:

Evan: Great. You don't want Regulus to die. We don't want Regulus to die. Now we just have to make sure REGULUS doesn't want Regulus to die.

James: Fantastic, but have you met Regulus?

Barty, kicking down James door: POTTER!

James: What the HELL are you doing in here? Scratch that HOW the hell did you get in here?

Barty: Regulus told me, now WHERE ARE YOU GETTING YOUR BOOZE?

Regulus: James. You know how you said you'd do anything for me? Well. . .how much did you mean that?

James: With my whole heart. Anything. What do you need?

Regulus: Evan?

Evan: We need you to find Barty. He went into one of his fits of exam-stress-induced madness and he's been missing for three days.

James, suspicious that Reg blabbed about the map: Okay, why do you think I'd know where he is?

Evan: Because when you and Regulus were in your painful pining phase you were somehow able to avoid us AND stalk him everywhere. I don't know how you know where everyone is all the time, I just know you're doing it somehow. If you can't find him, I'll have to assume he finally made good on his threat to fling himself into the lake.

James: Is? Is this a recurring problem for you?

Evan: OH, and you've NEVER lost track of YOUR boyfriend OR your best friend because they were spiralling and have a complex from their shitty upbringing?

James: . . . Point taken. Give me 5 minutes.

Evan: *grabs James in the hallway and slams him against a wall*

Barty: Alright Potter, start talking!

James: Dammit you two! You know you can just ASK Regulus how it went after we go on a date, right? He'd probably be thrilled to tell you! Don't you two keep complaining about how much he won't shut up about me?

Evan: EXACTLY. If we encourage him, then we'll REALLY never hear the end of it. Now, did you do the thing we told you about?

James: the praise thing? Yeah, he reacted really well. Which you'd know if you ASKED REGULUS!

Barty: See, what did I tell you? He loves it! See you same time next week Potter!

James, yelling after them as they leave: I STILL WANNA KNOW HOW YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THAT BY THE WAY!

Evan: NO YOU DON'T!

Idk, I'm a sucker for not quite friends James and Rosekiller. I need more.

[lexithwrites]

i'll always love that the fandom, specifically the jegulus shippers, have collectively agreed that james has a kink for reggie being mean to him

[my-castles-crumbling]

failure - November 23 - jegulus raising Harry - @stag-microfic - word count: 312

James sat on the couch with his head in his hand, dejection and misery flooding through his body. "Was it me, Reg? Am I a failure as a dad?"

Soft hands combed through his hair as his husband whispered soothingly to him, "No, James. Of course not."

"But I had such high hopes!" he wailed, flinging his body backward and pressing his hand over his eyes. "Ever since the day he was born, I-"

"I know, love," Regulus murmured, voice quavering. "It's hard, I know."

"And now, he doesn't even have the decency to tell me to my face?" he continued, completely beside himself. "He just sent a letter?"

"Well, love, what was he supposed to do? Wait until the holidays?" Regulus replied softly.

It was only then that James heard it. A small laugh slipping out of Regulus's lips.

His eyes popped open and he sent him a suspicious look, eyes narrowing. "Are you laughing?" he asked, frowning.

"N-no!" Regulus insisted, but a broad grin formed over his stunning face. "I just-" he let out a laugh, pressing his thin fingers over his perfect lips. "I just think it's funny that Harry's turned out to be a Seeker. I mean, he's not even biologically mine, and-"

"Exactly!" James wailed, throwing his hands up. "He was supposed to be a Chaser!"

In an all-out laughing fit now, Regulus said between chuckles, "Well, you know teenagers. They always rebel."

Rolling his eyes, James tried not to pout. But after a moment, he began to think about it. About watching Regulus streak through the sky when they were young. About how amazing it had been to watch. "Seekers are talented," he relented, sighing. "And they get the most points in one go."

"That's the spirit, love," Regulus nodded, still grinning. "Way to be neutral and supportive."

James just snorted and flipped him a finger.

[shadowjinx2906]

Regulus would do this 🤣😭💀

[crescenthistory]

hi! i have this really cute idea for regulus x fem! reader. so reader is a animagus and it’s winter time so sometimes she’ll shift into a their animal form, preferably a cat, and goes seek out warmth. but reader is also besties with remus and knows he’s a werewolf, his body temperature runs a lot warmer then anyone else so she goes to room to cuddle. when that happens, regulus immediately knows they reader is with remus and, begrudgingly, goes to gryffindor to steal reader back.

when he gets there, sirius is pouring and complains to reggie that “your girlfriend is stealing my boyfriend” and regulus snaps back by saying “well your boyfriend is stealing my girlfriend” and reader and remus are amused but their bickering but don’t care.

anon. anon. i am giving you the BIGGEST kiss, you don't even know. this is perhaps the best idea i've seen in a while and so i love you. i will be thinking about this throughout all of winter, thank you.

Words: 3k

Warnings: not proofread, fem!reader, references to previous black brothers angst, disgusting amounts of fluff, best friends can cuddle platonically regardless of gender i will fight you on this, background rosekiller and wolfstar, childhood best friend!remus, implied gryffindor!reader, sirius pretends to be jealous but is not

Note: read more about cat!animagus!reader's shenanigans with regulus, wolfstar and james in Sweet Like Honey; Karma is a Cat & Padfoot vs. Whiskers

When Regulus accepted Sirius’ attempt to mend their relationship, he had expected to get his big brother back in full and no more. The person who understands him best, the boy he needed to lean on – it was all he wanted to get out of it. Perhaps he expected to have to grown tolerant of his brother’s friends, but that was something he dreaded, if he at all thought of.

What Regulus had not expected was to be introduced to and fall head over heels in love with you.

Remus’ childhood best friend, the more reserved one of the bunch that he had always seen floating around with them, but whose voice he had never had to roll his eyes at, thus never interacted with. It bewildered him now how he once upon a time barely thought of you, regarded you.

Now he knew you were delightful, and Regulus was positively smitten.

It had been exactly what Regulus had never thought he would get – an easy love. Like your friends, you were open and honest and loyal to the bone, and it spilled over like honey into your relationships with those around you. Once you caught a glance of his clearly lovestruck eyes, you melted, and the puddle was caught delicately in his hands.

Since then, that is where he has held you. In the palms of his hands, close to his heart. He learned more than he perhaps wanted to know about himself during the process of opening up to you, and you showed him a patience he still is not entirely certain he deserves. But you gave him your time, your moments, your touches and your lips, and he received and received without complaint.

When the two most important people in Regulus’ life – one a fervent, natural devotion, another a sassy, passionate rivalry – were in the same hazardous circle of loud-mouthed Gryffindor friends, he eventually had to capitulate that he could no longer just tolerate them. They were family.

God, what love has cost him.

Regulus walked into his dorm room where you have spent more days than not for the past few months, and sighed defeatedly when all he finds there is Barty laying on top of Evan in some odd position that cannot possibly be comfortable.

“Hello to you too, Black. Thrilling to see you.” Barty’s voice was laced with sarcasm, but there was no menace there as of yet.

“Yeah, yeah,” Regulus grumbled as he threw his bookbag onto his bed and sat down. “You seen Y/N lately?”

“You mean since you were all snuggled up this morning? Nah.”

Regulus rolled his eyes painfully hard at his oldest friend, murmuring a soft sod off before tossing whatever was closest – his pyjama t-shirt – in Barty’s general direction, missing by a good metre. He is a seeker and not a chaser for a reason.

“What of it, Reg?” Evan mumbled, but it was distorted by Barty’s elbow being more or less shoved into his mouth. He could never sit still.

“Just figured she’d be here, ‘s all. She finished class before me.” Regulus falls down onto his bed, curls spilling onto the emerald sheets as he stares at the ceiling, picturing you there and then immediately kicking himself for being that down bad. Then reminding himself with the therapy-speech Sirius has been teaching him, love is a strength not a weakness, it’s good to feel your feelings. Yada yada. "It's been a long day."

“Maybe she got tired of your sorry ass.” Barty laughed at his own joke only to be smacked by Evan’s finally-freed hand.

“Or yours, you sod.”

“Nah, Treasure absolutely adores me.” Barty propped himself up to flash you both a grin. “See, unlike you, I’m fun.”

“Interesting word to substitute insufferable with.” Evan said, leaning his face up from underneath Barty, as if to intimidate him.

“You love me,” Barty drawled before kissing the blond soundly.

“Would you guys please stop flirting?” Regulus’ voice was closer to a groan than anything else. He pressed the backs of his hands to his eyes, seeing stars and thinking of you. Stupid poetic feelings.

“Just because you can’t keep track of your girl doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves.” Barty pointed an accusatory finger at Regulus. “I would classify that demand as rude.”

“Bite me.”

“Only if your girlfriend says yes.” This time it was Evan’s turn of tuning into Regulus’ torture.

“And she would.” Barty winks at him.

This time it’s a pillow Regulus throws at them, and it lands perfectly, smack in the middle of Barty’s face.

“Oi!” He calls as he throws it back. “Either you quit it, or you throw me your jumper, it’s freezing in here.”

“You’re literally in bed, Barty.” Regulus looks at him, unamused. “Just–”

He trails off, gaze falling from Barty to the wall behind him as he pieces the puzzle together and realisation dawns on his face. The other boys seem to have caught on as they both cock their heads curiously at him. 

“Of course,” Regulus whispers, first in marvel and then it morphs into something between exasperation and disgust. “Of course.” At last, he gets a determined look on his face, slapping his palms on his knees as he sits up from bed and grabs his jumper to go.

“Excuse you, what just happened?” Barty says, increasingly louder throughout his sentence as he realises Regulus is headed for the door, thick wool jumper tucked under his arm. “Hey!”

Regulus throws the boys a look over his shoulder, smirking at them and shaking his head before shutting the door and walking off. He barely catches Evan’s “shush, you baby, I’ll warm ya” before he is out of earshot.

A man with a purpose and half a plan stalks off, beginning the treacherous journey from the Slytherin dungeons to the Gryffindor dormitories.

What is the single thing Regulus knows can keep you from him when you’re otherwise attached at the hip? The cold.

What is the one person you go to for anything and everything, especially dealing with the cold? A certain ragged boy with a wolfish smile that he knows is to be found only behind the portrait of an increasingly annoying woman.

“Password?” The Fat Lady asked, quirking a brow ridiculously high as she regards Regulus with a mutual disgust.

“Catulus leonis.” Regulus does not bother holding back the eyeroll at the ridiculous passphrase.

She looks at him a moment or five longer than she needs, almost as if considering not letting him in despite his answer being perfectly correct, before she finally swings open the door wordlessly.

Regulus mutters a harsh thank you, Pureblood upbringing having knocked some politeness into him he is just not able to forego, no matter how severe his beef – as Sirius says – with the woman is.

When he finally approaches the offending dorm, the door opens fast enough to knock some wind across his face, and he is met with a set of black curls and a superfluous frown that both match his own.

“Regulus. Thank Merlin.”

“Good to see you too, Siri. How'd you know it was me?”

"Recognised your footsteps. Now, c'mon."

Regulus pushes in past his brother and his eyes immediately find Remus Lupin’s bed. To the unaware, it would just look like the scrawny boy was innocently laying on his bed, head propped against a mountain of pillows and reading another one of his paperbacks.

However, Regulus knew better and could see the perfect girlfriend-shaped lump underneath Remus’ jumper, shielded by his arms as he held his book over his stomach.

Or, at least shaped like this rather specific form of his girlfriend.

“Hello, amour, I’ve been looking for you.” Regulus’ voice is addressed to the bump on Remus’ chest, but he looks up at him with a quirked brow and a smug smile tugging on the corner of his lips.

“Didn’t know we were on a pet name-basis, Reg. Good to know.” 

“Absolutely not.” Sirius and Regulus chorus at the exact same time, and Regulus fights back the wince at how painfully similar they are in this moment.

“Reggie,” Sirius finally whines. “Your girlfriend’s been stealing my boyfriend for the past two hours. Do something!”

Despite having a very similar sentiment settled in his own chest, Regulus gives his brother a pull yourself together look as he comes up to stand beside him, near the occupied bed. “I’m fairly certain your boyfriend has stolen my girlfriend equally as much,” he tuts.

“Whatever, just do something.” Sirius waves his hand towards Remus’ still very relaxed state with something a bit too close to a pout forming on his face.

“There’s no need to be jealous, Pads, the poor girl’s just cold,” Remus chides, with a teasing glint in his eye that clearly shows he knows his boyfriend is being dramatic for the bit and not actually upset. "Gotta help 'er out."

“‘M not jealous. I’m needy.” Sirius’ deadpan stare is not affected by Remus’ laughter nor Regulus’ barely-contained snort.

“Glad you admit it,” Regulus says slyly, patting Sirius on his shoulder twice, who immediately shrugs his hand off with a scowl.

“Like you’re any better, you slithered all the way up from the snake pit to fetch her. At least I’m open about it.”

Before Regulus has the chance to retort, Remus puts his book down in his lap and reaches out a hand for Sirius, which he immediately takes. “I told you you could come lay in the bed with us, love,” Remus murmurs and swipes his thumb over the back of Sirius’ hand.

If he did not feel the same way, Regulus would have given Sirius hell for how he seemed to absolutely soften in the sunlight of his boy. “Yeah, I know, Moons, I’m just being theatrical.”

Remus laughs once more, and this time his chest rumbling results in a distinct prrrt! coming from the inside of his jumper. Up through the collar, cheek smashed against Remus’, comes the tentative head of beautiful grey-and-white fur and slow-blinking yellow eyes, still riddled with sleep. 

“Good morning, amour,” Regulus coos, ignoring Sirius’ snort as he drops down to squat beside Remus’ bed so his face is lined up with yours.

You pur, stretching beneath the fabric, a single paw escaping beside your head through the collar as you roll over onto your back. Your eyes remained trained on Regulus, and though he knows cats can’t actually smile, he swears you were smiling at him.

“Sorry to wake you, princess,” Sirius drawls as he looks down at you from where he is leaning on the bedpost beside Remus. “But have you seeped up enough warmth for me to get my boyfriend back yet?”

You make a faux hissing sound before ducking your head down, so it’s just barely hidden by the collar.

Remus laughs heartily, setting his book completely away this time so his hand can come up to rest on your cat-form, petting you through his jumper. “It’s alright kitten, take your time.”

The exposed paw lightly hits Remus’ cheek in retaliation, and this time it is Sirius and Regulus’ turn to laugh at his expense. “Ow! I share my warmth with you and this is what I get in return?”

From the movement beneath the fabric, Regulus assumes you’re nuzzling your head against his chest in apology.

“Amour, I brought your favourite jumper of mine and promise to make you so much hot cocoa if I can steal you back. We can be in your dorm room instead of mine, it’s warmer in there, right?” A smile remains consistent on Regulus’ face as he talks to you.

Sirius pats him on the back, murmuring something about you’re so whipped that he doesn’t bother to pay attention to. 

More movement beneath the fabric, and then suddenly your ears are poking out of the neckline again – because why would you make it easy for yourself and use the big exit, when you can squeeze your way through a tight opening? You’re a cat after all.

Remus seems to be thinking the same as he laughs while you attempt to climb out beside his head, soft fur brushing against his skin and making up for the occasional claw you use for traction. 

Regulus attempts to bite back the coos as he sees more and more of you, recognising your movements as sluggish with sleep, no doubt coaxed into it by finally being comfortable.

“Thanks for today, see you again tomorrow, same time?” Remus teases, head turned towards you as you headbutt him lovingly, finally fully escaped from his jumper and standing on his shoulder. He nuzzles you back and scratches your head in goodbye.

Another prrrt! escapes you in greeting as you saunter your way across Remus and plop onto the small strip of mattress on his side where Regulus’ hands are open and ready to receive you. 

“Hi, sweetie,” he whispers as you allow him to scoop you up into his arms while he’s still squatting beside the bed. He holds you like an infant, tight to his body and securely supported. You immediately begin to purr loudly, nuzzling your head even further into his neck and shoulder.

Regulus does not bother to hold back the slight giggle as your caresses tickle him. 

“Good gods, are you two sappy,” Sirius groans, but when Regulus looks up, there is a wide grin on his face. A slightly teasing one admittedly, but a grin nonetheless.

Then, Regulus recognises where Sirius is grinning at him from – properly cuddled up besides Remus on the opposite side of the bed, arms beneath his jumper, soaking up the leftover warmth from you.

“Wait– how did you get there so fast?” Regulus’ voice is almost incredulous, stopping his greeting of you – earning him a harrumphing meow – to narrow his eyes at his brother. “I didn’t even notice you move from beside me.”

“What can I say; I am a dedicated man.” Sirius nuzzles into Remus’ cheek, not much unlike how you were mere seconds ago, albeit his involved a tad many more kisses.

“You’re weird, that’s what you are,” Regulus laughs as he stands up with you in his arms.

You turn around to look up at him with those big, slitted eyes of yours. When you extend your neck further towards his face, Regulus lifts you higher so you can give him the cat-kisses you so evidently wanted, his lips curling at your touch.

Sirius lifts a brow at the two of you. “Yeah. I’m the weird one.” 

Regulus scoffs at him, but when you continue to caress your furry cheeks against his lips and chin, it is difficult for any menace to remain serious.

“Thank you for your deviant supernatural warmth keeping my girlfriend alive, Lupin, but I’d like to steal her away from you now.” 

“By all means, Black, you’ve already stolen her from me once,” Remus harrumphs, pretending to be some scorned faux older brother but his eyes betray his facade; he is happy for you.

Regulus chooses to ignore it nonetheless.

“Brother.” He nods at Sirius. “Soon to be brother-in-law.” He nods at Remus. “We bid you goodnight.”

“Try not to undo all of Moony’s hard work by freezing her right back up with your freakishly cold feet!” Sirius calls after him as he heads towards the door. He then promptly gives out a soft yelp that indicates Remus corrected him in some physical way.

“Goodnight love, goodnight Reg,” Remus calls instead.

“Yeah, bye, doll!” Sirius adds, whispering more to himself, “he’s mine again now.”

You give out a tired meow that is so cute it makes Regulus’ heart clench with endearment. You cuddle properly up into the crook of his neck as he carries you out, softly closing the door behind him with a smile.

He shifts you in his grip so he can look down at you more carefully. “You are so unbelievably predictable. And even cuter than that again, which is saying something,” he murmurs to you and you respond with quiet meows.

He looks at you curiously. “Are you going to remain in cat form the whole night?”

Your tail twitches teasingly, your only other response is a quiet prrt as you close your eyes into the warmth of his neck again. He laughs, covering your feline body with his hands as he carries you, to keep the warmth in.

He sneaks into your dorm – thankfully often unoccupied as Marlene is with Dorcas and Mary is with Pandora – and settles you down onto your plush mattress and pillows. He undresses and gets ready for bed, while you’re resting your head on the pillow, observing him, but just before getting under the covers, he slips on his jumper.

“It’s so soft I could cry, Reggie,” you had whispered to him when you cuddled up to him when he wore it around you for the first time. “I fear I can never let you go now.”

Regulus slides under the blankets with a knowing smile, opening the hem, allowing you to creep under, chest against chest with your head poking out of the collar to rest at the bottom of his neck. 

“I'm no werewolf, but I’ll keep you warm with my love, amour,” he whispered to you in the dark, one hand combing through your fur protectively underneath his own jumper.

He swears, he could hear the little cat snort against his skin.

Regulus fell desperately deeper in love.

[ultravioletbrit]

“coffee” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 618 words

“He doesn’t like coffee. He likes tea; no milk, two sugars.” James interrupts the random guy that’s been trying to ask Regulus out for coffee for the last ten minutes.

“Oh, okay… well, um…?” The guy looks at James then back to Regulus and raises his eyebrows with an unspoken question. Regulus just gives him a small shrug. “Right… um… I’ll just... I’m going to… yeah…” He mumbles, then just turns and walks away.

“Quite the linguist, that one.” James says with a small laugh.

“How did you…?” Regulus questions as he turns to look at James.

“You looked kind of stuck, so I thought I’d give you an out if you wanted to take it.”

“No, I mean, how did you know my coffee order, or lack thereof?”

“Oh, well, I sort of just pay attention sometimes.” James shrugs.

“You pay attention to me?” Regulus asks as he raises an eyebrow skeptically.

“Maybe… but not in a creepy way… I just like to know what people like, I guess.”

Regulus tilts his head and narrows his eyes at James. “What else do you pay attention to?”

“What do you mean?”

“You pay attention to what people like. What else do I like?” Regulus challenges.

“Um…” James swallows nervously. “Your favorite color is green.” He says it almost as a question.

“Everyone knows that.” Regulus says as he rolls his eyes.

“But you don’t like dark green, you like lighter green better, sort of like the color of a green apple.”

Regulus raises both eyebrows, slightly impressed and takes a step closer to James.

“Hm. What else do I like?”

James still seems slightly nervous but gaining a bit more confidence at the same time. “You don’t like tomatoes, but you love tomato soup.” James’ voice starts to get a bit softer.

Regulus tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows, it’s an odd choice but accurate, nonetheless.

“What else?” He takes another step into James’ space.  

“You like white chocolate more than milk chocolate, but you like that you don’t have it very often because then it’s sort of special when you do have it.” James starts to whisper as Regulus moves even closer.

“What else?” It’s barely a breath as he gazes into James’ eyes.  

“You don’t like when this curl falls forward.” He reaches up to tuck the curl behind Regulus’ ear.

Regulus doesn’t respond, he just hums and leans into James’ hand a bit. James moves his other hand down Regulus’ arm.

“You wear your jumpers a few sizes too big because you like when the sleeves fall over your hands.” He intertwines their fingers and continues-

“You like to paint your nails black, but you like it better when you paint them pink, but you don’t do that very often.” James quickly glances down to Regulus lips then back to his eyes. “You don’t like it when your lips get dry, so you always keep chapstick in your left pocket. You like the mint flavor the best.” James says it so quietly Regulus only hears it because he’s barely an inch away from him.

“James…” Regulus says just as softly. “What else do I like?” He breathes with a heated look in his eyes.

“Do you maybe like…?” He bites his bottom lip with a small smile and before he finishes the question, Regulus is already nodding.

“Yeah.” He says with a soft smile. 

“Can I…” James’ smile grows slightly bigger as he flicks his eyes down to Regulus’ lips again.

“Yeah.” Regulus can’t help but smile back as James closes the final distance between them with a soft, slow kiss. 

When they break apart Regulus smirks slightly and says, “You taste like coffee.”

James’ smile grows impossibly wider.

“Sorry.” But he doesn’t seem sorry at all as he leans in to kiss Regulus again.

[ellecdc]

Black!reader that is “I don’t smoke” (mitski) because if their parents ‘you need to be mean be mean to her me, she I can take it and put it inside of me’

hi babes, this was my take on Black!reader who was always hurting on behalf of everyone else. this fic is very angsty compared to my usual standards, so please keep that in mind before reading, and mind the warnings. of course, as typical on ellecdc we have a happy/hopeful ending

Remus Lupin x Black!sister reader after The Prank™ [4.7k words]

CW: The Prank™, Black family trauma, the Marauders aren't speaking to each other, depressive episodes and self-loathing, siblings get quasi-violent/threats of violence? but for a good cause?, Remus' typical self-loathing, discussion of forgiveness and hatred, breaking up [not pictured] and making up [pictured]

The worst part-

Though, even the thought caused Sirius to scoff humourlessly, because what could possibly be the worst part of this? What could possibly be any ‘more worse’ than the worst thing he’d ever done?

Still, Sirius supposed, wand to his head, the worst thing about all of this would be the fact that Sirius didn’t regret it. Not really.

If anything, he only felt stronger in his conviction that Snape deserved to be mauled violently to death.

Yet…

Yet he didn’t find he felt particularly good about it all; about the way Remus woke up with new, deep, angry scars across his face courtesy of The Wolf who finally had a chance at a meal only to have that stolen before he turned on himself, about the way he looked at Sirius with an expression of pure unadulterated betrayal and then fury when he realised what he had done, about the three well aimed hits he took from James, nor about the way he had to listen through the door as Remus ended your relationship with you, officially giving into all of his deep-seeded self-loathing and beliefs that no one could or should possibly accept him.

And all Sirius managed to do was prove that to be true; that Remus couldn’t trust anyone. And as a result, he robbed you of the only love you had access to save what little you received from Regulus and Sirius.

So perhaps Sirius regretted that, but without access to a Time Turner, there was nothing to be done. 

There was nothing to be done. 

James had told him that “until he made things right with Remus, he wanted nothing to do with him”, and while he didn’t blame James, Sirius knew he was officially on his own because there would be no ‘making things right’. There was nothing right, not with Sirius, at least. 

Everything about Sirius was wrong.

There was nothing to be done. 

He brought the cigarette back up to his lips, the sensitive skin at the corner of his mouth cracking painfully as he took a drag. He appreciated the sting as his teeth started to taste like iron; the pain was both a welcome reminder and a distraction of his inner turmoil as he kept his gaze on the grounds below him.

He couldn’t look at the common room; the red and gold that once felt like home had faded into shades of grey. He couldn’t look in a mirror; his permanently downturned lips and angry eyes found him looking more like his father than he did himself. He couldn’t look at his hands; they were blistered and cracked from his tryst in the forest where he emptied his lungs by screaming until he was choking on air and punching uselessly at a tree.

He couldn’t look at any of his friends, because they couldn’t even look at him; they hated him.

He was hated. 

Sirius began to wonder how many more classes he could miss before McGonagall followed through on her threats to write home when the portrait hole opened.

He couldn’t look, though. Because he was hated.

“Aren’t you meant to be in class?” He heard you call to him, listening to your measured steps as you made your way to his spot on a windowsill. 

“I could ask the same of you.” He gruffed; voice cracking from disuse, from chain smoking, and from the perpetual tightness he had felt since That Night. 

“What are you doing, Sirius?” You sighed; you were exhausted. Exhausted of him. 

He was exhausted too.

“I’m minding my business, Y/N.” He spat back, stubbing out his smoke before lighting another one with a snap of his fingers. “You should try it sometime.” 

With a wave of your hand, the smoke was gone.

“What the fuck?”

“Get up.” You ordered simply, and Sirius shook his head at you.

“Go back to the dungeons.”

“No.” 

“I’m not in the fucking mood, Y/N.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Great, neither am I.” 

“I don’t want you here.”

“And I don’t want to be here,” You agreed, voice rising at Sirius’ petulance, “but I’ve got a brother who decided to stop functioning a few weeks ago, so here I am.” 

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“You smell.”

“Yeah well, you’re ugly.” Sirius sneered, pulling out another cigarette only for you to vanish the entire pack. 

“When was the last time you showered?” You demanded, and Sirius refused to look at you.

“Hm? Or changed? Or ate? When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?”

Sirius kept his gaze pointed at the grounds outside. 

“Sirius. Your hair is greasy, you smell stale, you look gaunt, and…they’re going to write home.”

“Good.” Sirius spat quickly. “As they should.”

“Is that what you want, Sirius? You want more people to be mad at you? More people to punish you?”

He didn’t answer.

“You’re already doing that enough for the rest of us.” You sighed, attempting to grab him by the arm only for him to shove you away. 

“Get away from me, Y/N, I mean it.” 

“No, get up.”

“Fuck off.”

“Now.” You nearly growled, and Sirius turned to see you aiming your wand in his direction, surprising a sarcastic laugh from him.

“What? Gonna hex me? Or are you gonna skip right to the Unforgivables, hm? Maybe an imperio? Or are you going to try some negative reinforcement? A crucio for disobedience? Salope stupide, de plus en plus comme ma mère chérie chaque jour.” (translation: stupid bitch, more and more like mother dearest every day)

Sirius flinched as you quickly raised your hand, prepared for a blow that you never landed. 

He looked back to see you standing there, hand poised like it was ready to hit him as you stared at him defiantly; your cool, piercing eyes so much like his own, but the displeased pinch of your mouth was that of your mother. 

“Is that what you want, Sirius? Huh? You want to be walloped a few more times on the nose so that everyone knows what a bad dog you are? You want to be punished for your misdeeds? Maybe get a few more of these?” And you punctuated your question by roughly grabbing at his jaw, fingers pressing into the painful bruises still colouring his cheeks courtesy of James. “That’s why you haven’t bothered healing them, yeah? So that everyone who sees will know what a right bastard you are."

He smacked your hand away with one arm and shoved you away from him with the other. 

“Or,” you continued - rather unphased by Sirius’ aggression - grabbing his balled up fist and bringing it up to your own face, “is it me you want to hit, hm? You want everyone else to hurt just as badly as you are? The world has been just terrible to you Sirius, you were dealt an awful hand! You just want everyone to suffer for it; to pay for the wrongs done to you.”

“Stop it.” Sirius hissed, trying to yank his hand away from you to no avail. 

“Hit me then, Sirius. Hit me. You wanna give into that Black Darkness? Want to be just as bad as they are? Just as bad as they’ve painted you to be? Go ahead.” 

“Stop.” 

“Then get up.” 

“Y/N…” He warned.

“Get up, Sirius.” 

“I hate you.” He spat, and your jaw tightened but you rolled your eyes as if you found him to be quite tiresome.

“Yeah, well, I don’t like you very much right now either.” 

He stood then, giving you no time to get out of his way before he was towering over you. You never faltered, though. He let you grab him by the sleeve of his shirt, he let you drag him up the stairs towards his dormitory - somewhere he hadn’t been since That Night, opting instead to sleep on the couches, a time or two in the room of requirement, and one night in the Shrieking Shack as Padfoot - and he let you bodily shove him into the boys’ bathroom. 

“Get in the shower, Sirius.”

“Sunny, please.”

“I’m not asking.” You said firmly. “Get in the shower.”

“I can’t.” 

You swore under your breath as you dragged him over to the shower stall, said nothing as he went no bones and sunk to the floor, and simply turned the shower on, soaking you both.

“Y/N, stop.” 

“Sirius, if you’re not going to take care of yourself, I will. Those are your choices.” You said defiantly, staring down at him as your school uniform became more and more drenched and your hair started sticking to the side of your neck.

Sirius let out a sigh and rested his head against his knees, and you accepted his relenting as the acquiescence it was. 

You pointed the shower head at him and began lathering soap into his hair before doing much the same with the conditioner. 

Sirius let the soap burn his eyes; welcomed it, even. He did nothing to help you with your tasks, though you didn’t ask him to. He did, however, draw the line at you trying to disrobe him.

“These need to come off, Sirius.” You said, pulling at his uniform shirt like something disgusting you found in a gutter.

“And I will take them off once you’re no longer staring at me.” He growled, causing you to scoff a humourless laugh.

“Like hells I’m letting you out of my sight again.”

Sirius simply groaned. 

“How are you going to wash your body, Sirius? Please don’t tell me you’re going to make me do that too.”

Sirius ripped the bar of soap out of your hands and glared at you as he shoved it beneath his clothes, washing himself the best he could under his sopping wet uniform. 

Though he was more than likely still sudsy, you shut the water off and vanished what water you could from both of your beings; each of your heads and uniforms still dripping wet as you flung open the bathroom door and marched across the hall.

Sirius’ mouth ran dry when you knocked on their dormitory door; somewhere between you confronting him in the common room and forcing him to bathe, classes seemed to have ended. 

He should’ve flung himself out of the common room window when he had the chance; he couldn’t see Remus, James, or Peter. They hated him.

He was hated.

Remus wouldn’t talk to any of them, and James and Peter weren’t talking to Sirius. Even though Remus had told them he didn’t want them “taking sides”, he didn’t seem too bothered watching Sirius get iced out. 

Because he hated him.

Sirius was hated. 

“Oh…hi, Y/N…” James offered awkwardly as he opened the door. 

You barely spared him a glance. “Potter.” You greeted simply as you dipped under his arm which had been holding the door open and marched towards Sirius’ bed. 

Remus pulled his head through the hole of his jumper as he watched you start digging through Sirius’ trunk, sharing a quick glance with James and Peter before his gaze moved to Sirius all but cowering in the doorframe. 

“Are you…wet?” Peter asked cautiously then, all three boys staring at you in bemusement as you packed up a duffle. 

“Yeah.” You responded simply, throwing Sirius a towel that he (thankfully) caught as everyone’s eyes fell to him. 

Sirius quickly ran the towel over his person as you let his trunk close with a loud thunk, hiked the bag you packed for him over your shoulder, and stalked out of the dorm room without sparing any of the boys - including your ex boyfriend - a passing glance. 

“Don’t you hate me?” Sirius whispered as he allowed you to lead him to the Slytherin dorms.

“No, Sirius. I hate what you did.” You sighed, never faltering in your steps but strengthening your hold on your brother's wrist. “I love you, that’s why I’m here.” 

Remus had tried telling Peter and James to leave him alone; he wanted to be alone. 

Yet somehow, every morning, the two of them would sit across from him in the Great Hall, say hello, and then talk amongst themselves whilst pretending he wasn’t there. 

That was fine, though. Remus was sort of pretending he wasn’t there, too. 

But while Remus could ignore James and Peter’s existence, Sirius’ existence, and even his own if he really tried hard enough, he couldn’t ignore your existence. 

He’d been more than slightly confused when you stormed into his dorm room last night completely drenched without your eyes ever cutting to him and packed up a bag for your equally drenched brother. 

He’d been more than slightly hurt when you left without sparing him a glance, too. Though he figured perhaps he deserved that. This is what he wanted, right?

Scratch that, actually, what he had wanted was to be safe and loved and protected by the people who promised to do that for him. That was what he had wanted.

It wasn’t until Peter and James paused in their conversation to look at Remus concernedly that he realised he had caused his tea to overflow by means of accidental magic. 

Remus threw a wad of napkins at the mess as he made to stand, but his legs felt wholly incapable of holding him up when he saw you enter the Great Hall, quickly followed by a rather dispirited looking Sirius who nearly bumped into you as you paused at the entrance.

Your gaze automatically fell to the Slytherin table where Regulus was shooting you and Sirius a perturbed look. 

You turned then towards the Gryffindor table when your gaze fell to Remus.

He found himself unable to break your gaze; he wondered if you could see the heartbreak pooling in his eyes, or the longing painted in the space between his brows.

He wondered if you could even manage to see past the new, ferocious scars decorating his face.

He certainly couldn’t. 

Your shoulders fell as you shook your head - so minutely that Remus wondered if he had only imagined it - before you grabbed Sirius’ sleeve and dragged him towards the Ravenclaw table where both Pandora and Benjy accepted the pair of you without issue. 

He was simultaneously grateful that neither of you were sitting over here and furious that the two of you deigned to sit anywhere else. You were his; his friend, and his girlfriend, you were supposed to be here with him. 

But he didn’t want either of you over here, he didn’t want… 

He didn’t…

“Moony?” James asked cautiously.

“Don’t call me that.” Remus spat before he stood abruptly and stormed out of the Great Hall. 

He never wanted any of this; sure, he wanted to go to school, but he never wanted friends. He didn’t need friends, he’d never had them before. He met some kind kids on the train who ended up being his roommates, but he was ready and willing to hold them at arm's length. 

And then…

And then he found that he rather liked their company, and that they seemed to enjoy his. And then he found that he cared for them, and that they seemed to care for him. And then they found out, and they were accepting of him. And then they did the impossible and found a way to be there for him like no one else before, they showed up for him in ways no one else had ever tried, in ways he never imagined possible. 

And then he fell in love, and then…

And then. 

And then one of the worst people Remus could imagine to know learned of his darkest secret, his biggest shame, his lifelong curse. 

And he learned that from one of his best friends; Snape learned of Remus’ darkest secret, biggest shame, and lifelong curse from one of his best friends. 

And suddenly, everything everyone had ever said about lycanthropy was true; he was a monster, unloveable, a threat and hazard to everyone around him.

And as he paused in front of a window where he could see his reflection - three violent claw marks stretching from his left eye across the bridge of his nose down over his lips - the monster stared back at him. 

He was a beast. He was a monster playing dress up; cosplaying as a wizard day in and day out when in reality, deep down, he was a vicious, disgusting freak. 

And now everyone knew it; Sirius knew it, you knew it, Snape knew it.

And for those who didn’t know it, they could suspect it; rumours flying around of how Remus managed to be mauled by some creature and survive to tell the tale, because the only thing scarier than a beast among men is a man that can take on a beast and live to tell the tale.

The worst part-

But the thought made Remus snort humourlessly, because really, how could there be a worst part of any of this? What could possibly be ‘more worse’ than the worst thing to ever happen to him, second only to being bitten all those years ago. 

But Remus supposed, wand to his head, that the worst part of all of this was losing you.

Remus let out another humourless chuckle as he let his head fall with a thunk against the windowpane. 

And the absolute fucking kicker was that losing you had been his own doing. 

For the first time in perhaps five days, you were alone. 

You sat in the farthest corner of the library near rows of tomes with enough layers of dust on them to promise you some solitude as you waited for Sirius’ meeting with McGonagall to end. 

You’d convinced him (rather forced him) to start attending his classes again, though you were certain he wasn’t exactly a delight to have in the classroom at the moment. You only hoped it was enough for the school to refrain from writing home.

You dropped your quill and pressed your fingers into your eyes hard enough to see stars. Sirius was displeased with you for ordering him about. Regulus was displeased with you for babysitting Sirius and ‘cleaning up’ after him. Your parents were displeased with you seemingly because you were born with free will. Your professors were displeased with you for submitting sloppy work because you spent the majority of your time doing Sirius’ for him in order to keep him from being expelled. Your roommates were displeased with you for smuggling a dog into your room for the past week, even though he was very well behaved and slept dutifully on the end of your bed. And Remus…

And Remus. 

He had looked so hollow and… dead when he told you this needed to end, that he couldn’t see you anymore. You didn’t think he was capable of occlusion, but that was the only thing that could possibly explain how he could manage to look at you like you didn’t even matter to him anymore.

Perhaps you didn’t.

You didn’t matter. 

Perhaps you were too much like your brother; he couldn’t forgive him, so you were unforgivable too. Perhaps you were just too much of a Black for him; perhaps he realised the mistake in keeping your kind around. 

You couldn’t blame him, you supposed.

You were a tiresome bunch. You didn’t often want to keep your kind around, either. 

You shook yourself out of your pity party and returned to your notes, only to watch as Remus pulled out a chair opposite of you at your table. 

“The library’s plenty large, Lupin; I’m sure if you looked harder you could find another table.” you offered, hoping for indignation but landing somewhere around disheartened. 

“Is Sirius alright?” He murmured quietly, and you forced your eyes up to meet his. 

He looked dead tired; his eyes were sunken and his skin was missing its warm glow. But in his eyes laid an earnestness that had you remembering just how wholly safe and full you felt whenever you found yourself pinned beneath his gaze. 

You quickly looked away.

“Not really.” You replied honestly. “But I think he deserves that.” 

Remus made a noncommittal sound as he continued staring at the top of your head; you couldn’t see it, mind you, but you could certainly feel it.

“And you?” 

“What about me?”

“Are you alright?”

“Why?” You demanded, and you looked up in time to see Remus finally look down into his lap. 

You stared at him as he wrung his hands in his lap while you catalogued the scars across his face. You wondered if where they landed over his eyes caused him any vision issues. You wondered what the ones over the bridge of his nose would feel like as you traced your fingertip over them. You wondered what the ones on his lips might feel like under your own. 

You hated them, knowing that he did too, knowing how he came to have them. But you loved them because they were his, because it was him. Because you loved him. 

“Are you alright?” You decided to ask then, and he looked up at you as if he was surprised you were still there.

“No.” He responded quickly.

“I’m sorry.” You offered, though you knew not what for. You really hadn’t done anything. 

“How-” Remus started, though he quickly looked back down at his hands as he searched for the words.

You waited for him. 

“How…can you help him?”

You felt your eyebrows furrow, because whatever you thought Remus might’ve been about to ask, it certainly wasn’t that. 

“What?” You asked dumbly. 

“How can you help Sirius? After all that he’s done?” He continued gently.

“I… because, Remus, someone has to.” 

Remus nodded as he considered your response. “There’s a… part of me that feels as though you’re choosing him over me.” 

“Remus. You chose; you made that decision for me. I didn’t choose anyone’s side.”

“So if we were still dating right now, would you have forgiven Sirius?”

“Forgiven?” You repeated incredulously. “Who said anything about forgiveness?” 

Remus simply blinked at you owlishly. 

“Remus, I cannot just sit here and let him whither away into nothing because I’m mad at him. He fucked up - big time - there’s no question about it. And deep down, I know he knows that too; that’s why he’s been torturing himself over it. There is no way in which I could treat him that would be worse than the way he’s treating himself right now. But I-”

You shook your head as you fought off the stinging in your sinuses; you did not want to cry in front of him. 

“There is no one rooting for us, Remus. No one. You’re pissed at him - rightfully so, and completely justified - Potter and Pettigrew are pissed at him too, he’s pissed at himself and I… someone has to, Remus. Someone has to root for him, I can’t…I can’t just abandon him, not when there’s no one else.” 

“I can’t… I can’t feel bad for him, Y/N.” Remus exclaimed helplessly. 

“I’m not asking you to; I’m simply telling you why I do.” 

“I don’t…I don’t know how to forgive him, dove, I don’t know how to not hate him for this.” He nearly sobbed, holding his hands out helplessly as if the grief and torment were tangible things that he could crush in the palm of his hands if only he could catch them. “Why don’t you hate him? Please tell me? Because I genuinely want to know. I need to know - I don’t…I don’t want to hate him.” 

“He’s my brother, Rem.” You said simply, shrugging your shoulders helplessly. “I hate what he’s done, I hate the choice he made, I hate the outcome of that choice, I hate what he did to you, I hate what that’s done to me, but… but I don’t hate him. I can't hate him.” 

The two of you sat in silence for a while; the only sounds coming from the odd book being magically sent back to its shelf and the odd voices from students downstairs when a study group got a touch too boisterous. 

“Do you hate me?” Remus whispered then; your eyes flit up to meet his which were already steady on you. 

“No, Remus.” You whispered back.

He nodded as his gaze fell. “Just what I did?” 

Your lip quirked in the faintest ghost of a smirk. “Yes I…I sort of hated that, I suppose.” 

“I don’t want to hate him.” He repeated.

“I know.” 

“Do you-” Remus paused, turning away and screwing his eyes shut as you realised he was crying. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”

“Remus…”

“I was scared, and hurt, and angry, and-” he hiccuped, reaching across the table as he nearly begged for your hand. You gave it willingly. “-and I hated him but I mostly hated myself.”

“I know, Rem.”

“Please? Do you…do you think you’d be able to forgive me? For leaving, for running, for abandoning you? You’ve never once given up on the people important to you and one bad thing happens to me and…and I just throw you away, I-” He looked at you as if he was only realising all of this now; hurt, frustration, anger, and betrayal all on your behalf flickered behind his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Remus.” You insisted, but he quickly shook his head at you. 

“It’s not; it’s not okay, I- … I’m not as gracious as you, clearly, but I just…I just feel like if you’re strong enough to forgive me then there’s…there’s hope for me, too. That maybe I can be strong enough to forgive Sirius.” 

“You’re forgiven, Remus.” 

His eyes fell shut as more tears fell, but you were sure it was more from relief than it was from pain. 

Both boys - Remus and Sirius - were so good at torturing themselves over choices they’ve made that you were certain no one else would ever have to as long as they both should live. 

And for different reasons, you loved them both beyond measure. 

“I don’t deserve forgiveness.” Remus whispered.

“Of course you do.” You countered, squeezing his hand in yours and watching as some of the tension in his shoulders dissipated. 

“Does Sirius?” He asked quietly, keeping his eyes pointed at where your joined hands sat on the table between you. 

You’re not sure when or how you became the leading expert on conflict resolution and forgiveness; perhaps it was in refereeing Sirius and Regulus’ petty squabbles growing up, perhaps it was in shielding Regulus from your parents fury, perhaps it was in trying to tame Sirius enough to keep him out of trouble, perhaps it was in being the youngest cousin along with Regulus and watching the siblings before you find their own ways to define what was right and good, perhaps…perhaps it came from the many examples of conflict and spite that you had witnessed growing up.

“I don’t know, Rem.” You answered honestly. “I think…I think the only one who can really know that is you.”

If he was displeased by your answer, he didn’t show it.

“But,” you continued cautiously, “I don’t think you have to forgive him for what he’s done. You just have to decide whether you’re going to hate him for it or love him in spite of it.” 

His lips pursed, pulling at scars both new and old in ways you’re not sure you’d ever grow tired of watching, as he nodded. “I don’t want to hate him.”

“I know, Rem.” 

“I don’t want James or Peter to hate him either…I don’t know why they were willing to watch him wither away like that.”

You couldn’t hide your smile at that; the first genuine smile since That Night. “They don’t, and they weren’t.” You countered, only moving to explain when he looked at you in bemusement. “They were the ones who told me how bad he was getting…they wanted to make sure someone was looking after him without giving into his pity party.” 

“Always taking care of everyone else, hm?” Remus murmured at you, bringing your hand up to his lips to press a delicate kiss to your knuckles. 

You simply hummed noncommittally. 

“Can I return the favour?”

“You can certainly try, but I’m quite high maintenance.” You teased gently. 

“That’s alright.” He agreed quickly. “You’re more than worth the effort.” 

You breathed out a quiet laugh through your nose. “Whatever you say, Lupin.”