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adhdduckie · 2 months ago

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candy grams. g.w. x reader pt 2

my masterlist

music choice; dandelions by ruth b

word count: 2.4 k

pt 1

synopsis;

you've been in love with george for almost as long as you've known him.

that makes 6 years. and for the last 5, you've been in love with him.

valentines' day is around the corner. and you think it's a great idea to send him a candy gram anonymously.

a/n gang im so sorry this took so long i have so many IAs.

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‘fuck, fuck, fuck’ you’re whispering as you run up the stairs, back to the common room. you barge into hermione’s room, glad to see that she’s already lying on her bed.

she rises to see who it is, and immediately drops her book as you stumble towards her.

“what- what’s wrong?” she asks you, worry etched into her face.

it’s only then you’re vaguely aware of the tears on your face, and you can taste the salt on your lips.

you flop down face first on her bed, and scream into it.

you aren’t too sure what you’re going to do now, especially after this moment.

once you’re able to control yourself, and after hermione manages to roll you over so that you’re staring up at the ceiling, do you sigh and begin to tell her everything.

hermione sits there and listens, giving you the support that you weren’t aware that you needed so badly. she listens attentively, nodding every so often as to let you know that she’s still listening, despite her silence.

once you’ve finished recounting, you hang your head, hodling your hands to your face.

“why didn’t you just tell him?” you hear her ask you, and when you look at her, she’s staring back at you intensely, and you can’t tell why you feel slightly embarrassed.

“i can’t. I can’t face that rejection. I’ve been friends with him so long, i don’t know how i would deal with that.” you respond, voice hoarse.

she hums.

“you don’t know his answer.” she finally says, after a moment of silence, before she scoots closer to you, your shoulders touching, before you lay your head on her shoulder.

“i do. if it was going to work out in my favour he wouldn’t have waited so long to bring it up to me. or do everything that he did.” you try to explain lamely.

“you don’t know that. George isn’t a very confrontational person by nature. the only times he ever gets back at someone for something they did is when they’ve done it to other people, not him. he’s a prankster by nature, but he’s not all that outgoing.” she points out.

you don’t really notice that you’ve shaken your head until you hear her sigh.

“look, y/n.” she begins, and you know you’re not going to enjoy this, “i think you should have told him. i’ve said this from the beginning. your feelings are probably reciprocated. you haven’t seen the way he looks at you like everyone else has.”

you don’t realise you even huffed when she cuts you off before you even speak; adding on that, “no seriously, remember when harry was needing your help during their end of year exams? and how he kept sticking to your side? George was in a huff for the entire exam period, constantly glaring daggers at harry.”

you sigh, shaking your head again. “he was probably just annoyed of seeing harry all the time, and plus, wasn’t that when harry and ron were arguing again?” you try to explain.

you let out a little laugh, before saying; “i mean, i’d love to think that he cared for me the same way i care for him, but realistically, i don’t think that’s possible. plus, isn’t he super into angelina bell?”

“what’s the worst that would happen if he found out that you liked him?” she tries.

“uhhh, he hates me and never talks to mee again because he feels disgusted??” you respond, trying to seem lighthearted, but the mere thought of it is painful.

hermione stares at you, a frown on her face before she shakes her head. (there’s a lot of head shaking going on.) she realises that she won’t win against your self delusion and negativity, so she just tries to make you feel better instead.

the next few days are hard to get through.

you try your darned best to avoid the crap out of george, and it’s effective enough that even oblivious little harry is able to tell.

it starts off with you darting into a different hall, or empty classroom you see george in the halls.

you switched seats, so you were sitting with katie instead, as soon as classes that you had with george ended, you ducked out, running to your next one, often forgetting your friends behind as well.

avoiding him in the dining hall was a bit harder. you had to wake up a bit earlier in the mornings so you could get food, and everytime you saw him coming in, you’d have to shove what was left on your plate into your mouth, and then get running.

finally, on a sunday morning, fred corners you in the common room, when you’ve just come up from breakfast. luckily, (or unluckily, as you still feel a pang of sadness when you realise you haven’t seen george in forever) george isn’t with him, so you have a peace of mind. (YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF YOU LOOK LIKE A SAD LITTLE PUPPY)

“what’s wrong with you.” fred merely states, rather than asking you a question.

“i don’t know what you mean.” you respond, monotonous, and avoiding eye contact, as he looks so much like george you still hurt inside, but he and fred are still so different.

“you’ve been moping like a kicked puppy, and you’ve been avoiding george, so you’re both just moping, and he looks like he wants to end himself.” fred responds, eyes narrowing.

you sigh, before simply stating, “i can’t deal with my feelings, and he confronted me and i can’t deal with it.”

freds eyes somehow manage to narrow further, looking at you suspiciously. “everyone knows you’re in love with each other.”

“we aren’t. at least i am and he isn’t.” you respond simply, sighing as you close your eyes and rub them with your hand.

fred pulls your hand away from your face, and peers into your eyes, not letting go of your hand, he takes it and uses it to lightly slap yourself.

“are. you . dumb.?” he enunciates with each slap. it’s not painful, but its enough for you to fight back against him.

“what, fred.” you manage to snap out.

“he wants you so bad.” fred tells you.

“no he doesn’t”

“yes he does.”

“no he doesn’t”

“yes he does”

“no-”

“oh my gosh i am not doing this with you. he wants you, he’s in love with you, and he’s totally going to kill me for telling you this but i cannot stand this anymore.”

“what?” you ask, a little worried, which is kind of an understatement, as your heart is literally pounding in your chest.

“he is sooooo down bad for you.” fred says, shaking you by your shoulders.

“no.” you respond simply. you want to believe it, you do, but it doesn’t really make any sense.

“what-? …yes he is. i would not be telling you this if i was not the one who had listened to him complain for the entire two months every summer about how much he missed your ass.” fred asserts, continuing to shake you. you’re getting dizzy, so you have to step out of his grip.

“he what?” is your oh so genius response, as you struggle to maintain your composure, dizzy from being shaken and this revelation.

“he wants to kiss you and date you and profess his stupid undying love for his best friend who likes him back but you are dumb and keep trying to run away from him?” fred’s peering at you intensely, before he sighs. “i think it’s better if you hear this from him, so would you please do all of us a favour and just stop running? he’ll probably be on the quidditch pitch now so please please please go talk to him. he’s been working to the bone on the pitch because of you.”

you can’t even give fred a response, your brain is running a mile a minute.

you don’t process that your feet are even moving until you’re out of the castle until the cold hits you. you keep going anyway, until you see a little red blob in the distance, above the quidditch pitch.

as you make your way to the quidditch pitch you’re able to see that the little blob that was just a speck of red in the distance is slowly descending, until you realise its just george.

you break into a run, and as you’re getting close you can see the confusion on his face just before you collide into him, hugging him tight.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, the worried is etched onto his face. he processes that you’re not wearing a jumper, and you’re just in a thin top and jeans. “aren’t you cold? why aren’t you wearing a jumper?” he demands of you as he tries to warm you up, his warm hands rubbing up and down your arms.

“i’m sorry,” comes tumbling out your mouth, as you pull back from the hug. there’s a loss of warmth, and only then you shiver.

the lines of worry on his face smooth out, and he lets out a little sigh. “it’s alright, but please please don’t do that again, it was really horrible.”

you shake your head, your apology seems insignificant. it doesn’t seem like enough.

“i’m really sorry.” you repeat.

“it’s okay.” he asserts, and he picks his broom off the floor as he pulls you close.

“let’s go back in. you must be freezing.” he just says, and the walk back to the castle is mainly quiet. but it’s a good quiet, because you’re happy enough just to spend time with him. you realise you should probably bring up the candy gram incident, but you just don’t know what to do.

it’s as he leaves your side for a moment to set his broom back in the broom cupboard, when you finally muster up the courage. you’re watching him as he sets his broom down gently before you blurt it out.

“about the candy gram-” you start, before he interrupts.

“it’s okay. it was a joke i get it.” he says, as you watch him from the door frame of the cupboard. he’s deliberately avoiding making eye contact, but you need to get over this now or else you never will and fred will also probably commit murder if he was being honest.

“it wasn’t.” you manage to squeak out.

he spins around, and he’s completely silent, as if he wants you to keep on talking, or to explain yourself, or to burst out laughing that you’re just joking again.

“it wasn’t a joke.” there. you said it.

“it was never a joke. I couldn’t say it outright, so i was looking for a way that was less obvious, and when professor Mcgonagall came up with the idea, it seemed like a good idea to get my feelings out and finally get a break. i just didn’t think you’d realise who it was.” you finish, before you finally look up from where you were staring at the ground.

you didn’t hear him come closer to you as you were too stressed out, but now he’s standing close, too close. close enough that if you just leaned forward by a bit, you could touch him.

you look up at him, and the way he’s looking at you has you breathless.

“of course i realised it was you. I know what your handwriting looks like. i’ve sat next to you for years, and we’ve traded so many notes that i’ve saved over the years that i could copy your handwriting without even looking at it. i notice everything you do, even the things you don’t notice you do. you mean the world to me, far beyond what a best friend would be. i want to be more, and it’s something i’ve craved for so long.”

if you thought you were breathless before, you are definitely breathless now. you look at him, searching, searching his face for something that could just show how much he actually means it, or something that’d give it away that he’s not being serious. but you can’t find anything because he’s so earnest.

you know you need to say something, but you’re just searching for something perfect to say in response to the absolute poetry that he’s just sprouted, but the only thing that falls from your parted lips is a squeaked “really?”. it’s embarrassing, so you flush.

he laughs at that, and pulls you in by the loops of your jeans, so that you’re pressed up against him. he leans in close to you, his lips a fraction from yours. you can feel his hot breath fan over your cheek and you shiver, because its a stark contrast to the cold dreich weather outside.

he’s emanating warmth, and everything you’ve ever wanted. he finally leans in and… kisses your forehead, before he’s stepping away.

you’re left standing there confused and annoyed, before he sees the disappointment on your face before he laughs, pulling you in again, and giving you what he knows you both want.

it’s a kiss that’s hard and soft, and he lulls you into some sort of rhythm that’s just addicting, and you sigh happily into his mouth, and you can feel the way he smiles against you.

“you’re not funny.” you mutter, when he finally pulls away.

“i’m hilarious.” he laughs and you can’t stop fight against the smile that’s breaking out across your face, before he kisses it again.

“you wish.” you manage to get out, when he’s done.

“you love me.” he teases, and you don’t respond to it, which makes him smile even harder. you’re walking off without him, trying so hard to not start laughing out of giddiness. he stands there with a smile so big that he knows you can’t see, before he runs up to catch up with you.

he pulls you in close as he walks you back to the castle together, his hands clasped with yours naturally, and you think to yourself that you have a lot of lost time to catch up on.

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later on, you’re tucked into george’s side in the common room as you warm up near the fire. his arm’s around your shoulder, and when fred comes in through the portrait, and his eyes land on the two of you together, you’re able to hear a sigh of relief coming from him.

“it’s about time. i was going to go insane from all the negative tension. why did it take so long?” fred complains, falling into the couch across from you. you both look at each other, and without a response, you both look at him with a smile.

he shudders, “oh god you’re already gross.”

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@aceofspades190 @mirkwoodshewolf @blackqueengold @serenablamelessheart. @hooneeyydroops (sorry wasn't sure if u wanted to be tagged so if not im sorry)

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juniperpyre · 3 months ago

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lily evans potter: womanhood, motherhood & morality

lily as the dream girl in canon and fan spaces

i want to talk about this while there isn't a current upsurge in the discourse

Lily Evans Potter is introduced to us as Lily Potter, the dead mother of Harry Potter. Lily and James potter, dead, leaving their poor, miraculous son to live with the dull, horrible Durselys. We only ever see her through, with the exception of her sister, the memory of men.

I've said before that I believe James and Lily are the ideal masculine and ideal feminine, both to Harry and in a metatextual way. parents are our introduction into gender roles, the "correct" way to be a man and woman. since Lily is dead she cannot disappoint Harry. she can be imagined as the perfect woman, which is, of course, a wife and mother. the dream girl!

Lily's death makes her a silent, ever-loving, beautiful young mother, for both Harry and the reader. James is slightly deconstructed in SWM, but Lily is not. She is a fierce protector, brave, clever, and only emotional (angry) once James, her future husband, provokes her enough.

in the text Lily is not truly presented as flawed in a meaningful way. the moral choices she makes: to build a relationship with Severus, to defend Severus, to break their relationship when he refuses to reject bigotry, to join the Order, to die for her child, are all the correct moral choices. these are the choices the narrative is telling us to respect.

women have, for the past 200 years or so, been conceived of as the moral center of the family.* Lily Evans Potter is the moral center of the series. her choice to die is mirrored by the main character, Harry, and sparks the beginning of victory. Harry's sacrifice is enabled by another mother, Narcissa, making the correct moral choice because the power of her maternal love urges her to this choice. finally, Voldemort's most powerful follower, Bellatrix, is killed by a housewife and mother, Molly, in a maternal rage at the idea of her daughter being murdered.

Lily's sacrifice and the emotions behind it are mirrored multiple times in the final battle because it and she are the moral center of the series.

that Harry is frequently told he has his mother's eyes, and that Dumbledore points out how his essential nature mirrors his mother's, further highlights Lily's character and her choices as implicitly good.

women, especially mothers, as our moral authorities, is an unconscious cultural belief we can see play out in the fandom and subfandoms that Lily is discussed in. we can all recall the characterization of Lily as the goody-two shoes that James has to change for, the characterization of Lily as "not like other girls", the BAMF characterization, the current near mommy dom to James characterization.

the characterization of Lily changes with our view of the best kind of woman. but she is, always, demonstrating a most "correct" way to be. maybe it's 2007 and she's telling James off—not fun, but right. or it's 2012 and she's not preoccupied with boys like her classmates. or it's 2019 and she always knows the right thing to say to Remus when he's down on himself. or it's 2025 and James is trailing after her like a puppy while she contemplates what size strap to use on him after she beats up a bigot.

We don't see a lot of moderate views on Lily. Above, I've discussed how Lily lovers tend to portray her. Lily haters, a smaller group from what I can tell, do not utilize these common fanon characterizations. They disparage her as an immoral, selfish, bad woman. The wholesale rejection of Lily as the moral center based on her perceived immorality is the other side of the coin.

I'll refer to people with this perspective as "Lily haters" though I am aware there are people who dislike her outside of the topics I'm discussing.

I rarely engage with Lily haters, though I am aware of their arguments that Lily was a bad friend to Severus, a social climber, a gold digger, or boring. All grave sins for the woman who's supposed to save everyone.

This perspective doesn't reject Lily as the moral center or the perfect woman, it is an argument that she's not fulfilling her role correctly. Her unwillingness to give Severus more chances is selfish, stuck-up, classist. Her desire for James is an further betrayal of Severus.

She's supposed to be the Madonna, why is she being a whore?

I believe Lily hate comes from a belief she failed at being the perfect woman/mother, and therefore she is worthless. A bitch. Weak willed. Oversexed. even by haters her role as the moral center is not questioned.

in both the og text and in the fandom supertext Lily is the moral center because of her role as mother. her status as the moral center is inextricably tied to her motherhood. since Lily being a mother is the point of her character, divorcing her from her motherhood often changes the foundation of her character.**

when her literal motherhood is removed from a depiction of her character, her metaphorical status as the perfect woman/mother is often still intact. this is seen in the characterizations I described earlier, and, I argue, in the belief that she's too good for James when it is used as a "justification" for shipping James with someone else.*** thereby, she is further purified, not even having been touched by a man. she's put on a pedestal, where she can't be touched, and is rarely noticed.

it is also frequently seen when she is written as a side character in a relationship with James, and the pair become the dual moral guides for the main couple.

this reflects James and Lily as the ideal masculine and feminine, as they are a perfectly harmonious couple when a side pairing. their implicit canonical roles are subconsciously reflected in fanon with little critique or commentary on the canon text.

Lily's entire character is crafted to be The Perfect Mother™️. whether she is literally a mother in her fanon depiction or not, she is still The Perfect Woman™️—and is still affected by the biases our culture has towards women and mothers.

thus, Lily is the dream girl in the text, the moral center only seen through a nostalgic veil, and a dream girl in fan spaces, as the moral guide for the men in her life who pegs her husband or is too pure for the touch of a man.

for more on gender in the wizarding world, based on gender in early modern england (pre the cult of domesticity) see this post

*see the cult of domesticity if you'd rather not read the article

**please like fucking do not fucking act like I'm saying you cannot do this. I swear to fucking god

***you don't need to justify your ships

#lily evans #hp meta #harry potter #marauders #my work #this might have a part 2 #m: meta

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