#however… if David still has hope… maybe I can too!

[lumiilys]

When will my beautiful wife (the hit show our flag means death) return from the war (cancellation)?

[1moreff-creator]

Extra DRDT CH2 Episode 12 Thoughts

Heya! After making my last post where I just live-blogged my immediate reaction to the episode, I had a few more thoughts that I figured I should write down somewhere. They’re all too small for their own posts, but I still think they’re worth sharing.

Spoilers for CH2 EP12

CW: Murder, hanging, suicide.

The Water Thing

This episode brought up two interesting points which had rarely, if ever, been discussed within the fandom: Arei’s body swinging, and her body temperature and its connection to water. And while I’m relatively sure I saw one or two people mention the swinging at some point, the temperature issue is certainly a new one.

The swinging was explained in the trial: Arei’s body was hung shortly before it was found. But J says something interesting; the corpse should have been warm, unless it was drenched in water and dried. Paraphrasing a bit, but you get the point.

However, I actually don’t think this is a big deal, just adds a slight addendum to previous murder theories. We know the killer dumped the fish in the playground to confuse time of death, so I believe the killer likely splashed Arei with the water to cool her down. This is assuming they even thought about the body temperature, but I don’t think this is a large assumption to make.

I have seen people claim that Arei’s hair looks somewhat wet in the BDA, which… maybe? Anyways, this idea would explain that as well.

This might even give us Possible Explanation Number I Lost Count for the damn missing glove. Maybe it got particularly wet and the culprit worried it wouldn’t dry quickly enough? If people discovered a dripping wet bowling glove, the whole “using fish to confuse the time of death” thing would kinda go straight out the window. I have no idea if that makes any amount of sense, I don’t see why the glove would dry any slower than the rest of her clothes, but oh well.

Arturo’s Talent, and his Recap Foil: Levi

(Here’s the link to the original Recap Foil Theory post by gleamingtempest, in case you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Kinda forgot this was a thing when first watching the episode, but now looking back on it, there’s some neat foiling going on. Levi and Arturo’s backstory already were somewhat opposites in some aspects: Arturo got away from home himself while Levi was disowned, though Levi seems to hold a higher degree of respect for his family in comparison to Arturo. Levi is (now confirmed!) a murderer with no remorse, while Arturo accidentally caused Felicity’s death to some extent and clearly feels guilty about it. Etcetera.

Well, we can add a new detail to this foil! Arturo’s been training his talent since he was twelve, while Levi has admitted since introduction that he’s “a novice to fashion.” Neat detail, and certainly adds to this theory.

Terumin VS Xanvid

Thanks to Haru for pointing this out, but Teruko’s “I’ll fix my mistake” echoes Min’s “I’ll fix your mistake” from her Argument Armament. As I mentioned in the linked post, it’s cool that Teruko is taking a sort of Min-like attitude to her mistakes while calling Xander out, while David is taking Xander’s side in the same trial he calls Min pathetic. Foils and all that.

(Doomed Yuri V Doomed Yaoi, fight!)

This makes me hopeful that Min will still have some importance later. But I’m probably just coping.

What Was David Cooking?

I am kinda sick of talking about this man, frankly. I blame the almost three hour video I made on his MV. But oh well, he’ll stop being center focus soon enough. For now, His Deal is still one of the most central aspects of the episodes, so discuss him I will.

There are two big points of contention with what he said this trial. First, what does he remember about Xander? Second, what was he actually trying to do by pretending to be Arei’s murderer?

The first is pretty simple to assume, I think. David remembers whatever Xander did to become the Ultimate Rebel, and respects him as a result. Especially since Xander’s numeral I in LGI, the Footnote 14 code solved by y-prime, is “I have always looked up to you.”

I don’t think David has Hope’s Peak memories, despite his weird wording with “even if you all lost a year of memories.” He specifically says he and Xander had never met in his Prologue introduction, before they had any real reason to believe they’d lost memories. The LGI video also doesn’t add anything, because… well, it’s not a Milgram MV. It doesn’t come from his memories, it exists purely in meta. This is evident from the comments referencing Byakuya, Nagito and Kokichi, characters these people should have no knowledge of as Veronika claims not to remember anything like the DRDT killing game happening before; certain references to conversations and details David shouldn’t be aware of (mainly in numeral placement), etc.

(While I was writing that, the dev seemingly clarified that David does not have Hope’s Peak memories, then deleted the tweet, so. Just in case, there’s the full reasoning)

The second one is trickier. David is following Xander’s ideals, but that’s all we know. We don’t have a concrete idea of what Xander’s ideals really were, and it’s even harder to know what David thinks Xander’s ideals were.

David: I’m sure he had a good reason. I believe that he did. Xander is not the kind of person to do anything for frivolous purposes.

He believes Xander had a good reason for trying to kill Teruko, he says he’s sure of it, but he never implies to know exactly what the reason was. And if he doesn’t know the exact reason, he can’t for sure say what ideal Xander was upholding by doing what he did.

But, he knows what Xander was trying to do; kill everyone. Because if it was just Teruko, he wouldn’t have tried to mislead people with the CD thing. Although, Xander was following that one note that said to “kill Teruko Tawaki,” so it could potentially be targeted.

So, taking credit for Arei’s murder to try and kill everyone is because Xander tried to do something similar. But the deeper reason he gave, about the nature of the killing game, is it true?

(Apologies in advance for the particularly horrible collage. I am without a reliable computer atm)

David [Annoyed]: Ugh, fucking fine. You want an answer so badly? Any answer?

[Face covered] …

I…

[Sweating] Ah… We’re… in a television show, after all. That’s… what MonoTV said, right?

“Entertainment” is an ongoing show.

If Min successfully got away with the very first murder and escaped while we all died, isn’t that way less interesting for a TV show?

What’s the point of roping 14 other people into one murder, only to kill them all off immediately?

The killer is supposed to fail and get executed. We’re all supposed to catch the killer, again and again, and participate in trial after trail. You’re *supposed* to try to survive.

All of you, who are trying to slice these class trials to continue living on are playing straight into MonoTV’s hands.

[Confident] As if I’ll accept that.

I don’t care how low I’ll sink, or how despicable I’ll have to become. I’ll do anything to carry on Xander’s ideals by ending this killing game, even if it means that I have to dirty my hands.

Oh, this man is lying out his ass.

This is not an answer you hesitate over if it’s true. The words David is saying are neutral; the show is meant for entertainment, and it’s not entertaining if people die early. There’s no controversy there, no reason to be nervous. Especially since Eden’s already come to the same conclusion.

Veronika: You know, Eden once thought of an interesting plan to end the killing game. Based on everything we know, it could theoretically work.

[…]

To make a television show so boring they have no choice but to shut it down.

All we have to do is nothing.

You’re not supposed to be sweating when you’re effectively repeating something Eden said, even if under a different context.

First, David says he’ll give “any answer”, already making anything he says shady. Then, he seems to deliberate on what to say, which is already suspicious.

The most notable thing is that when he starts talking about the TV show, and what it means for it to be entertaining, he still hesitates. If his plan really was to make the TV show boring, once he decides to spill the beans, there’s nothing to hesitate about.

He only regains his confidence at the end, ironically when he’s saying the actually insane stuff. He finally finds the character he was trying to play and actually says something true; he wants to uphold Xander’s ideals and end the killing game. But I really don’t think it’s because he wants to make it boring.

In other words, he’s not lying about wanting to follow Xander and end the killing game, but his explanation about the entertainment has nothing to do with that. It’s way too simple of an explanation for the amount he hesitates. At least, that’s what I think, I may be wrong.

That brings us to the question; if he didn’t take the blame to make the game boring, why did he do it?

Well, currently and without too much confidence, I believe it has to do with Xander’s secondary goal; killing Teruko Tawaki.

One of the most well-accepted theories in the community is that David’s secret, “everything in your life is worth killing over [and] the killing game is all your fault,” isn’t Xander’s, but Teruko’s.

(In fact, side theory: I’m betting (on little evidence) that by the end of the trial, it will be David with his fanboy knowledge to point out that the “survivor’s guilt” secret that Min “received” was actually Xander’s, and reveal by process of elimination (since it’s likely going to be revealed in the trial that Hu has Veronika’s secret and Veronika has Hu’s, assuming those theories are true) that Min has the poison secret. It’s a bit of a wild prediction, but I think it’s a reasonable possibility to how the series would go about confirming the secrets of the dead)

That, combined with the fact that Xander followed a note that told him to kill Teruko, would certainly be enough for David to decide that Teruko’s gotta die. And killing everyone in the class trial is probably the best way to ensure that happens, since David probably doesn’t hunk attacking her directly is a good idea. If Xander, physically the strongest student in the cast, couldn’t get past Teruko’s luck, what the hell is David supposed to do? Especially now that she carries a knife, though I’m not sure David knows that.

It’s not even that out of nowhere; in the LGI video, Teruko’s numeral XIII appears next to a quote regarding the child of Omelas among other things. Very long story (skip to 1:22:22 in this video for the full explanation), but the child of Omelas is someone who must suffer so everyone else can live in a perfect world. It’s possible David thinks of Teruko, for one reason or another, as the Omelas child; she’s gotta die so everyone can be happy. She is someone “deeply unloved” after all.

Now, is this a stretch? Certainly. But I don’t think David’s telling the truth about his motivations, and I think this is one of the more likely options as to what exactly he was cooking here. I’m sure there’s better explanations out there, I just haven’t seen them :v

David VS Whit

I kinda skipped over the “Red Herring pun to David Freakout” line at first, but I think it’s pretty interesting that David gets so mad at Whit’s behavior. They are Recap Foils, so it makes sense they’d have strong emotions towards each other.

In particular, I’d like to point out how David gets mad at Whit for something similar to what he does as a motivational speaker.

I mentioned it in the previously mentioned section of my LGI analysis, but I believe part of the reason David hates Teruko is that he sees himself in her (pessimistic, thinks the world won’t change, etc), and this would be the other side of that. David constantly says things he doesn’t believe to make people happy, and he considers that to be pretty stupid, so it makes sense for him to get frustrated when seeing Whit doing something similar, trying to raise spirits by telling jokes. Looking at Whit is sorta like looking in a mirror, and David hates that. The mirror in LGI is labeled “reflection is due” for a reason.

I’m not fully sure this works 100%, but I think it’s at least worth considering.

Updates on Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice

In case you’re new here, here’s a link to my post detailing the Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice theory, which I came up with alongside some other theorists, and is what I currently believe the murder to be. My thoughts on possible character motivation and the such have shifted a bit since then, but the important part is the physical evidence. In particular, the combination of Lockdown Logic to determine Eden most likely took the tape from the gym and the Fish Timeline to determine someone else must have helped her get the fish, combined with the overly complicated murder method which I describe in detail, leads me to believe Eden is the blackened, and Levi helped her kill Arei.

I’m not going to talk about other theories, I’ll let the dedicated theorists perfect them with the new evidence in their own time. But, how does this theory change?

On the surface, uh, not much. We haven’t talked method much, after all.

(Side note, I know some people are bothered by how long that’s taking, and while I kinda get it, I’m not bothered by it. We’re in no rush; I prefer it if all the character conflict is addressed at some point, even if it delays talking about the actual method. Better than it going unaddressed, after all)

The only change is adding that they splashed Arei with water to hide her body temperature, but as discussed, that’s a minor change.

The big wrench thrown into this theory is the end, because… I’ll be honest, dear audience, I have no clue what Levi’s cooking here. Like, at all. Zero read on why he’s revealing his secret. I could try to speculate, but I can’t find any fully satisfactory answer even outside the Levi!Accomplice theory. Nothing makes sense to me, so I’ll just wait for the next episode before trying to read into it.

There is one unrelated thing I want to bring up, though, and it’s related to Levi’s possible motivation. I know this is one of the biggest sticking points in the theory (obviously), so I’d like to talk about it.

As a refresher: although alternate ideas have been offered, my current guess is that it has to do with his desire to be a good person, and the fact he considers Eden a good person. Cue the whole “A Good Person” hidden title behind “All That Glitters.”

Levi: Perhaps I messed up yesterday. But I want to move on. I want to keep trying to become ‘a good person,’ like you, Eden.

The idea goes like this. Levi thinks Eden is good, and so he wants to do good by her. Based on the secret quote in the code of his character page, we can tell he prefers to speak through actions. He’s a bold action man, and that can cause him to come off as heartless.

Levi: I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.

My personal theory (again, other Levi motives are possible) assumes that Levi believes someone will win the killing game eventually (and this is an assumption, I won’t deny it), and if only one persona can escape, he’d rather it be Eden than anyone else. Again, “good person.” Levi will die, sure, but unless he becomes a blackened himself, he’s going to die regardless whenever someone gets away with murder.

Now, this isn’t anything drastically different than what I said in the theory post, so why am I bringing it up?

Well, the thing is… Doing something horrible, throwing away your own life and those of most of your peers, all for the sake of the one you’ve deemed to be “a good person”…

Now where have I heard that before?

David: But doing “good” things requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice is being seen as a good person.

Even if doing something makes you hated, if that action is for a greater good, then it’s an action you have to take.

Xander is a good person. He’s the only good person I’ve ever known. I swear, I’ll follow in his footsteps and—

Huh. Funny how that works.

My point is that not only is “doing good by the only good person here” now a pre-established line of reasoning these characters can have, Levi doing such a thing for Eden would be a very interesting parallel to what David tried to do for Xander.

This isn’t evidence, to be clear. Just because one guy does it, doesn’t mean a completely unrelated dude is gonna do it too. But I’m calling it now as a potentially interesting parallel to explore, either in canon if I’m right or, like, an AU if I’m wrong :v

That said, I will point out that Hu’s capital G Girlboss Moment is directly after this, the one where she chews David out for deciding what’s best for all of them without consultation. And a little bit afterwards, Levi starts acting weird, apologizing for being useless, revealing his secret, etc. These two things could be connected, if Levi is, like, having second thoughts after that.

I could see a world where Levi’s trying to bring the conversation towards the right answer without fully committing to it, only for something or someone to somehow convince him back to accomplice-hood middway through it. I find that immensely unlikely, to be clear, but again, I genuinely have no idea what Levi’s trying to do right now, so.

All in all, a pretty neutral episode for this theory. Next one could completely break it, though, so I’m excited. I might have to come up with new theories! >:D

God I missed DRDT. And the only drawback of coming back is re-opening LGI trauma :D /silly

Anyways, thanks for reading! See you on the flipside!

[bizlybebo]

spoiler warning for pd finale/ep40 beep beep beep it’s a long post but bear with me and hear me out

okay so a lot of people (me included) absolutely believe that it was xavier in ep40 who killed atlas right. and it got me thinking more about A: his motivations and B: does this mean that he’s out to get william/pd now? does it mean that he knows? and i feel like this is actually really in plain sight now that i’m thinking about it a little harder.

why atlas of all people? atlas was a victim of a chaos demon and thus caused a significant amount of damage, but he did not mean to and it wasn’t truly him who did it. if this was xavier, why would xavier go for him?

well xavier’s already known for “flashier” methods of getting his message across, and has little disregard for anyone who violates his beliefs. despite a lot of his morals being in the right place (ex: price gouging sick people for their medicine is Bad actually) he takes them to an extreme where he doesn’t care about people getting caught in the crossfire if he’s convinced that they were bad people too, or at least a means to an end for the bad people that they work under (belltech employees who may have been unaware/not taking part of said price gouging or any of the other nefarious shit david was getting into).

it’s implied pretty heavily that xavier has little to no care for heroes, but jade actively disliked them given “what they did to our parents” when talking about her and her sister in ep15 of s2. so when jade is gone and xavier wakes up in the base again, there’s two ways things could’ve gone: either he remembered or he didn’t. and if he remembered, it’s obvious why that’s a problem, but: if he didn’t remember, it still makes a lot of sense why he’d do what he did, and it’s actually super fucking smart on bizly’s behalf if it really was xavier who killed atlas.

it’s likely that xavier still knows that he was planning to break into belltech with the others, or at least maintained earlier memories of that debacle since it’s unclear how long they were kept down there for. so think about it: you break into the building of a multi-billion dollar corporation that has already done shitty things to you and others before and has gotten away with it too (iirc belltech’s charges were cleared, according to will’s mom). then, suddenly, it’s however many days later and you’re waking up in your base with a mangled leg, a sore body, and a lingering terror that you can’t place.

and your best friend is missing.

maybe you have a terrible, sinking gut feeling that something happened to her. maybe you’re furious that the prime defenders never answered your distress calls. maybe you blame them, because if they had just come to save you, she wouldn’t be missing.

belltech is your enemy, but david bell is an untouchable man. you don’t know where he is and there’s no way you’re going to find him and exact revenge in your current state, especially because of the safety protocols that are probably rapidly increasing by the day with that corporation.

but william wisp is david bell’s brother, and you can reach william, and william is part of the prime defenders. they’re part of the hero system, the same hero system that has hurt and betrayed you and others. it’s probably a final straw of yours to not only lose your best friend, but to feel abandoned by the people who call themselves heroes.

but you can’t just go directly for william. you need to send him a message, and hope that it may also reach belltech— so who do you go for? who is the person that not only represents rockfall city, where belltech hq is, but also your ex-allyship with pd? somebody who seems larger than life but who you can kill in merely seconds just to prove that this entire system is all bullshit?

atlas’ possession was the first case where pd and xavier/alan/cantrip actually teamed up, and it kickstarted their allyship that took place for the most part during eps 3-18. pd seemed to know more about the chaos demons than anybody else did, and they managed to take down atlas and free him, but only with the help of xavier and the others (granted will and vyncent actually went down and dakota going feral was the thing that saved them but YKNOW).

killing atlas and marking him with the “X” would be a really smart move on xavier’s behalf, because it’s just innocuous enough for it to be written off as a particularly fucked up way of killing a guy, but people who know him closely as either allies or enemies would clock it instantly.

xavier doesn’t know too much about chaos demons, and he also doesn’t understand what took place there entirely, but if atlas was a great hero and yet fell so easily to the whims of chaos demons, who’s to say that the entire hero system can’t fall to something— somebody else? if atlas is a weak spot for WATCH and he tries to return to heroism, then if xavier snuffs that out not only does he send an important message to pd that severs all ties, but he also emphasizes that nobody is untouchable, not forever. he may not remember what went down at belltech entirely but he knows something happened to jade and he’s going to get back at david bell specifically for it. if he can reach atlas, then he can reach pd. if he can reach pd, he can reach william, and if he can reach william, he can reach his family. and so he can reach david.

also, sowing more public distrust in the hero system would be beneficial in xavier’s eyes, since he probably has a very strong revenge complex built up against WATCH and prime’s general system now. he’s got a very specific yet compelling and somewhat understandable motivation that could lead to him becoming s serious main antagonist in season 3, and so if it was xavier who killed atlas? then bizly has a great understanding of character nuance/motivation, cause and effect, and the worldbuilding of prime and it’s insanely fucking impressive that he managed to tie so much of xavier’s character arc together without even saying his name, bringing certain aspects of his story to a close while opening up new doors that could establish him as yet another ominous presence to loom over the characters in season 3. or maybe i’m reading way too far into that fucking white boy’s ttrpg campaign again

[pollymorgan]

Ex-husband Negan Part 5

Warnings: An asshole named Negan and a woman who can't get over him.

Luckily, nothing serious happened to David, except maybe the scare of his life. Negan really pulled himself together. Maybe he has finally become sensible. I had actually given up hope.

When my daughters miraculously went to school on time and Negan left the house with them, I took a deep breath.

What had happened in the last few hours?

I really feel that as soon as my ex-husband is near me for longer than five minutes, he throws my whole life into absolute chaos.

Inevitably, I had to think about the last night and my pulse immediately accelerated. It was just madness. This man still knows my body better than I do. No one can touch me the way he does. Instantly, I felt that tingling in my stomach again. That damn feeling that has often led me into misery.

19 years ago

Even though I had left my old home eight years ago to build my own life in New York, I kept in touch with my best friend Harper. Harper and I spent our entire school years together, and our connection never broke despite the distance. We used to be a trio, but Scarlet unfortunately became one of the main reasons why I had moved away so hastily.

God, I was so stupid back then not to recognize the signs and always make excuses for Negan and her. But sometimes you are so blinded that you only realize it when you see it with your own eyes.

The fact that Harper has been dating Negan's best friend Simon for a few years was, admittedly, really strange for me at first. After all, I tried with all my might to erase Negan from my life, but by now we had been separated for ages and the anger had subsided over the years. The anger, yes, but unfortunately not all the other feelings I felt towards him. If I was honest with myself, I immediately compared every new man in my life to him. Even though I didn't want to, I thought so often about our time together. Everything reminded me of him, even though I lived in a completely different city, but you can't run away from feelings.

Whenever Harper happened to mention something about Simon and Negan during our hours-long phone calls, I immediately became quiet and absorbed every piece of information. Of course, I never asked directly, my pride was too great for that, but it seemed that this guy would remain my weakness forever.

This is also how it came about that Harper invited me to her birthday. I was very excited for the house party at her place and took a few days off to fly to my old city.

After we were both incredibly excited on the phone that I would be able to follow her invitation, Harper suddenly became quite serious at the other end.

"Negan will be there too..." she said calmly.

Immediately I was speechless. Why would he show up there? After all, it's my best friend's birthday, not Simon's. I cleared my throat briefly, but then I absolutely did not want to spoil their, or my, mood.

"Yes, of course... it's totally okay! I'm looking forward to seeing him again after so long... Oh man, we were teenagers and now you're already 28, you old hag..." I joked, even though I didn't feel like joking at all, thinking about my ex-boyfriend who had broken my heart in such a brutal way.

"Yes, yes ..first get to my age! At 27, you still talk so easily." Harper countered.

Until the day of the party, I managed to push the thought of seeing Negan again out of my mind. However, when I rang her doorbell, the nervousness crept up on me. Is he already there? How will he react to me? And how will I react to him? Does he still think about me sometimes? Does he even miss me occasionally?

When Harper greeted me with the words that I was the first guest, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Of course, postponed is not canceled, but in that moment I felt a strange relief.

We embraced joyfully and I congratulated her from the bottom of my heart. Then I handed her a bottle of her favorite Prosecco and a self-made voucher for a weekend in New York. She had wanted to visit me so many times, but the plans always failed and in the end, I was always the one who visited.

The greeting with Simon was a strange mix of a handshake and a hug, so I was glad when Harper asked me if I could help her in the kitchen.

It was my first visit to the two of them since they had moved into a shared apartment. The whole thing was really strange for me, everything seemed so adult, almost bourgeois. Not at all like I knew her. Okay, we had grown up, but somehow time seemed to have stood still for me. Since I went to New York at the age of 19, not much had changed in my lifestyle. Except that I had a steady job and earned my own money.

Harper's kitchen was full of modern appliances, while at home, I was happy if I could find a sharp knife.

But before we started preparing the rest of the food, Harper opened us two beers and within seconds, everything was just like old times. We joked and laughed about the most trivial things, and soon the first guests arrived. The doorbell kept ringing, and then Simon opened the door to let the next ones in. People would then show up in the kitchen after a few seconds, congratulating my friend on her birthday. Some of them I knew from before, while others were new acquaintances, mainly her coworkers. Mentally, I tried to match the names to the stories that Harper had told me during one of our phone conversations.

Superficially, I played it cool, but inside, I was boiling. A thousand times, I played in my mind how I would react if Negan walked in through the door. I kept envisioning that one scene that made me startle every time the doorbell rang.

I opened another beer and then helped Harper set up the buffet. The salads were piling up, she had prepared so much. Everything was planned down to the smallest detail. The color scheme of the decor matched, and the dishes were all from the same brand.

With my arms crossed on my hips, I admired everything. "Wow, I have to say, you've really become the perfect housewife, while I..."

"While you still have the hottest ass in all of America... Damn, just look at her. God bless America!" a very familiar voice interrupted me.

Amidst all the commotion around us, I hadn't even noticed that Negan had entered the kitchen. Being surprised by his presence made it even harder. I took a deep breath and then turned with a smile on my face to face him.

He was already so close to me that there was barely any space between us, and his face put on that typical grin. I hadn't seen him in so long, but his green-brown eyes looked familiar to me. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss on my cheek.

I literally inhaled his scent, a mixture of rugged aftershave, cigarette smoke, and his own unique scent. Instead of letting go immediately, he held me much longer than necessary, and I was frozen in his arms.

"It feels unbelievably great to finally feel you so close again..." he whispered in my ear, and I immediately got goosebumps all over my body.

None of the prepared lines came out of my mouth.

He hadn't forgotten how to charm me, if anything, he seemed to have perfected it.

I stared at him wordlessly until he suddenly leaned in even more. Bewildered, I evaded him, and he grabbed one of the beer bottles that were right behind me.

Amused by my reaction, he winked at me and clinked his bottle against mine. Then he disappeared into the living room. Suddenly, a former classmate approached me and hugged me to greet me. She immediately started talking a mile a minute, but I couldn't follow her words as I kept thinking about the recent situation with Negan.

Some time passed before we all decided to move to the living room. Negan and Simon were standing by the window, smoking a cigarette. I tried my best not to stare at him constantly, but I caught myself doing it repeatedly.

Harper introduced me to Daniel, one of her coworkers. The three of us sat down with a few others at the living room table. The conversation was already in full swing, so it was easy for me to just join in.

I was in the middle of telling the others about the most unique restaurants in New York when I suddenly felt someone sit next to me on the couch. Without looking, I could tell it was Negan. Immediately, my heart rate increased, but I tried not to show it and continued talking.

Negan started a conversation with Daniel, who was still sitting next to me, so I leaned further forward so they could talk better. Negan leaned even closer behind my back to his conversation partner, and suddenly, I felt his hand on my hip. A bolt of electricity shot through my body, but I tried not to show it. As if that wasn't enough, my t-shirt had ridden up slightly in this position, and Negan began gently stroking the bare skin of my back with his thumb. God, how I had missed this feeling. I pushed all doubts aside and just focused on his tender touch and what it was doing to me.

It was only when I heard my name that I was snapped out of my trance.

"What?" I asked, startled, looking at Negan, who straight ened and then smiled knowingly at me.

"The beer at Dawson's is a disaster..." he laughed.

I leaned back against the couch and then looked at Daniel.

"Oh yes, terrible... gave me the hangover of my life," I tried to somehow join the conversation.

"That was probably more about the quantity than the quality..." Negan noted amusedly and reached for my thigh. His hand stayed there for the next while, until I loudly declared that I needed to visit the restroom and disappeared there.

Upon reaching the bathroom, I straightened up in front of the mirror and looked at my reflection questioningly. Where was all of this leading? I didn't have an answer.

As soon as I opened the door to go back, Negan was standing right in front of me. Lost in my thoughts, I bumped into him.

"Hey... not so hasty! Is it already midnight, or why are you in such a hurry, Cinderella?" he said, holding my upper arms.

"Would you search for me if I lost my shoe?" I asked, looking at him inquisitively.

"I may not be a damn prince, but fuck, honey. I would turn the whole world upside down to find you..." he replied.

I'm not sure if I was the one who took a step back, or if he led me back to the bathroom, but suddenly we were there. Negan closed the door behind him and locked it, not taking his eyes off me.

"And what would you do when you find me?" I asked innocently, nervously biting my lower lip.

Negan pulled me towards him abruptly and kissed me just as passionately.

"Exactly this..." he whispered into my open mouth before our tongues touched. In that kiss lay all the desire and the incredible longing that had been dormant in me for the past years. I clutched onto the hair at the back of his head as if I never wanted to let go.

Slowly, my mouth traveled along his jaw, his beard pleasantly scratching my lips, and when I touched his neck, I felt his Adam's apple slightly vibrate.

"I was such a damn idiot..." he now whispered softly.

"Oh yes, you were... I think now would be the right time to make things right..." I said, as I was already undoing the belt of his pants.

Negan grinned at me, "If we stay in here any longer, everyone outside will know what we've been up to in here."

"Very good..." I said with a smile and was about to kneel down, but he stopped me.

"Stop, we don't have time for that now..." as he said that, he turned me around so that my back was to him, then crossed his arms in front of me and pulled me close to him. The feeling of his strong body made me even more unrestrained.

"Baby, believe me, I'll do anything you want, but first, I just need to feel your sweet pussy around my cock... I've missed you so incredibly much..." he growled in a deep voice directly into my ear and pushed me towards the washing machine, until I eventually leaned against it.

The lower arm of his left arm landed on my back and gently pushed my upper body down. While holding me in this position, with his right hand, he pulled down my jeans and underwear, and I excitedly helped him until they were hanging around my knees, presenting Negan with my naked behind. His hand traveled up the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, and I spread my legs as much as I could. Then his flat hand landed directly on my center. Gently, he ran his fingers through my folds, and just the feeling made me moan.

"Please, I need your cock..." I pleaded.

With the hand that had just touched my most intimate area, he gave me a light spank on the behind.

"And let no one say dreams don't come true..." Negan exclaimed enthusiastically.

[irkimatsu]

I hope The con is still going well for you! You can answer this when you get back if that's easiest for you (Go have your fun!!) I'm back with another albeit much less horny request. Maybe it's that I need Keith David to lull me to sleep, maybe it's that I know deep in my heart of hearts that Husk had a Frank Sinatra Vinyl collection in his life, who knows. But I wanna see something cute and fluffy with Husk and music, maybe like Dancing around his room to My Funny Valentine, or Somethin' Stupid. Just cheesy fluff for his❤️

I'm so sorry for how long this took, but I want you to know that this prompt has been consuming my brain ever since I first saw it. I've never heard "Somethin' Stupid" before, so I went and looked it up, and oh my god I love that song for Husk. I just had to write something! Here's some fluff with Husk singing to Reader, there's dancing and confessions and god he's so cute I love him so much~

(If you've never heard the song before, I recommend you listen along once Husk starts singing it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_t2gNCXYbY)

You may not be sure of the specifics of Husk’s feelings for you, but however deep they go, you’re grateful for the time he spends with you.

On this evening, the two of you retreated to his bedroom after dinner, to have a drink and some conversation before it’s time for him to open the bar again. You don’t often join him here, but you’ve never for an instant suspected his intentions whenever he invites you. You’re sure that he simply enjoys having one-on-one time with someone without having to worry about others asking him to serve them drinks, and that’s all.

Would you mind if his intentions ever went further than that? You try not to think about that too hard, for fear that your hopes won’t align with his.

For now, you’re happy to sit and chat with him, sipping the sweetly sour red wine he’s poured and listening to the record he’s chosen to play. He seems to have a story for every song on the record, from concerts he’s attended all over the world, to the inspirations for his own performances, to unrelated memories he just happens to associate with the playing songs for reasons even he’s not sure of.

You love every story he has to tell, but your interest is most piqued whenever he speaks of his days in various bands. You may not know what he looked like when he was alive, but you can still see him so clearly on a brightly lit Vegas stage, fingers gliding over the saxophone that he describes with just as much wistful passion that he would use for a past lover. You can see him lowering the saxophone from his lips to start singing, all irritated gravel drained from his voice as it flows through the air, warm like honey, deep timbre filling an emptiness in your gut that you didn’t realize was there before now.

“I’d love to hear you sing more,” you say as he finishes another story about his life as a performer, clearly fond of the days he spent on a stage. “You’ve got a great voice.”

“More?” he asks with a quirked eyebrow. “When have you ever heard me singing at all?”

“You sing all the time when you’re working behind the bar,” you say. “I don’t even think you notice it.”

Husk coughs slightly on the sip he was taking of his wine, but manages to swallow it down with no further incident. “Shit… you’re right, half the time I don’t notice. Cleaning glasses is just so damn tedious, you know? I gotta pass time somehow, and if I’ve got a song stuck in my head I just-”

“You don’t need to explain,” you interrupt. “With a voice like yours, you can sing any time you want. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to hear it… I know I like hearing it.”

Husk hums thoughtfully as he takes another sip of wine. Is it just you, or are his cheeks faintly flushing from your compliment? Maybe you’re hoping for too much.

After draining his glass and gently setting it back on the table, he lifts himself up from his chair with a grunt. Without explaining himself, he heads to the box of records by the record player and starts flipping through them.

“I could… sing right now, if you want,” he offers, not looking up from the box. “I don’t get to perform much for other people anymore.”

“I’d like that,” you say as you try not to read too much into the gesture. Husk singing to you… for you… you’re sure it doesn’t mean anything and that he’s just showing off, and yet…

“Ah, here we go,” he says as he lifts a sleeve from the box. With great care, he removes the currently playing record and slips it into its own sleeve, then withdraws the new record and settles it in place. After he lowers the needle, gentle guitar strings begin emanating from the player. A few seconds into the song, he begins to sing, and you realize that there are no vocals on the record; the only voice you hear is his.

“I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend the evening with me…”

As he sings, he approaches you, feet stepping and tail swishing in rhythm with the song. He stops in front of you, and as the next line begins, he holds his paw out to you with a small smile.

“And if we go some place to dance, I know that there’s a chance you won’t be leaving with me…”

“Who says that I wouldn’t?” you say as you take his hand. He chuckles softly as he pulls you to your feet and resumes singing.

“Then afterwards, we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two…”

As he sings, he takes your other hand and holds both of them at chest level, his palms pressed against yours, firm claws and silky fur holding your hands in place.

“And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like ‘I love you’...”

Your heart gives a single heavy beat at those words. You can’t read too much into it, shouldn’t read too much into it- it’s not his song, he’s singing it but he didn’t write it-

But then why did he choose this song to sing for you-

Before you can spend too much time worrying about it, his claws begin skimming down your bare arms.

“I can see it in your eyes that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before…”

They trail up to where your shirt sleeves begin, then take their rest on your shoulders.

“And though it’s just a line to you, for me, it’s true, and never seemed so right before…”

Where are you supposed to put your own hands now? You end up settling them on his hips, and his wings lightly flutter in response, his expression glowing at your touch.

“I practice every day to find some clever lines to say, to make the meaning come true…”

Either one of you could pull the other closer and close the agonizing inches-wide gap between you, but you, at least, can’t find the nerve to make that move. You settle for swaying with him, allowing him to set the pace as he sings.

“But then I think I’ll wait until the evening gets late and I’m alone with you…”

Has he always been this handsome? You may have acknowledged your attraction to him months ago, but in that moment, you see him in an even brighter light than you ever have before. His golden irises shimmer as he stares at you with lidded eyes, his pupils blown wide; he hasn’t taken his gaze off you since the moment he took your hand. His mouth is curved into a small smile, and his sharp fangs do nothing to demean just how soft his expression is as he sings to you.

“The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and oh, the night’s so blue…”

He shifts his arms so that they’re under your own, palms rested on your back, and finally takes the chance to pull you closer, your chest flush with his.

“And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like ‘I love you’...”

You slide your hands from his hips to the small of his back so you can pull him closer in turn, your waists now touching.. He gasps slightly, his smile gone in favor of a look of surprise, and he stops singing. Did you distract him?

“Sorry, I-”

“Shh,” he says simply before returning to silence, swaying you in time with the music. Has the room always been this warm? No, it’s not the room- it’s him, now pressed closer to you than you ever thought possible. The smile’s returned to his features now, his gaze boring so deeply into you that no force in Hell could draw it away. He’s wearing the same cologne he always does, a woody scent that blends so right with the scents of whiskey and tobacco that always cling to his fur. You’ve always associated that scent with Husk, and standing here surrounded by that fragrance is where you’ve belonged for such a long time but never had a chance to be before now.

“The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and oh, the night’s so blue…”

He’s finally started singing again, his voice wavering more than it had the last time he sang that line. You probably wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t busy tuning every one of your senses into him to the exclusion of all else.

“And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like ‘I love you’...”

His breathing is slightly heavier, and you could swear you see a tear beginning to form in the corner of his eye.

“I love you… I love you…”

“I love you,” you respond in tandem with him, and before you can think, you’re pressing your mouth to his. The kiss is so fleeting, giving you barely enough time to savor the softness of his lips or the taste of wine on his breath. His eyes are wide open as you withdraw, still unable to pull away from you.

“I love you,” he sings one more time as the music fades, and follows it with a kiss of his own. His mouth is so gentle against yours as he turns his head to slot your lips together. He doesn’t move his mouth, content enough with the simple contact, though his claws do slightly grip at your shirt. His hot breaths ease into your mouth in a steady rhythm, neither of you moving an inch. Another instrumental has begun to play from the gramophone, but Husk shows no interest in singing along to it. You’re okay with that; as much as you love his voice, him continuing to sing would mean him breaking the kiss.

He makes a surprised, cattish noise as you comb your fingers through the fur on his cheeks and pull him in more firmly, but makes no move to break away from you. Warmth, scent, softness, taste; every one of your senses pleads so desperately for this moment to never end, to be permitted to indulge in him for the rest of your afterlife.

But eventually, he finally withdraws, much too soon for your heart’s liking but at a great relief to your lungs. He laughs nervously as he jerks back out of your grasp, lifting his paws off of you and drawing them closer to himself, out of your reach.

“Sorry,” he says, still trying to laugh. “Got carried away-”

You silence him by grabbing his cheeks and kissing him again, this one much more brief.

“Don’t apologize,” you say before kissing him once more. He still keeps his hands to himself, but he allows himself to enjoy the kiss for as long as you’re willing to give it.

“...I picked that song for a reason,” he admits when you finally break the kiss. “I’ve been… wanting to say something for a while.” He lifts a paw and gently caresses your cheek. “It’s just… been so long, you know? Since I’ve been with somebody. And usually when I’m with somebody, it…” He averts his eyes from you, his ears slightly drooped in shame. “...I’m not easy to handle. Never was, and I’m especially not now.” He laughs derisively. “So it really is stupid of me to think I should say I… well…” He trails off, apparently unable to get the words out when he can’t hide them in a performance.

“You should say stupid things more often,” you assure him as you wrap your arms around his neck and peck him on the nose. “I said it back, didn’t I?”

“You sure you know what you’re getting into?” Husk asks.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he laughs. The energy between the two of you is electrifying, you’re so sure he’s about to kiss you again-

Instead, he yelps in pain and jerks away from you.

“Husk?! Are you okay?!”

“It wasn’t you,” he assures you as he gently rubs at his throat. Despite the gentle tone he’s trying to use with you, you can tell by the way his ears have flattened that he’s pissed. “Just time for me to reopen the bar, that’s all.” His volume lowers as he grumbles to himself. “Someone’s gonna throw a fit if he doesn’t get his fuckin’ rye…”

“I wish we could have spent more time together,” you say. “You could have sang more… and we never finished the wine…”

“How about we pick this up later, after the bar’s closed for the night?” he says. “I wouldn’t mind having you up here more often.” He’s smiling again; it’s not a large one, but it seems you’re able to get his mind off his stressors, if only for a moment.

“It’s a date,” you say, returning his smile. You share a final kiss, much too short for your liking, and let him get back to his work.

You wonder what other “stupid” things he’ll have to tell you later.

[crowleysgirl56]

Concerning the reactions to the comment David made to a young woman about the ending of Good Omens season 3 (including mine).

Firstly let me start by saying that most of my posts are to be taken a jokes. They are written to be mostly tongue in cheek, sarcastic and (what I think) are hilarious. So even though my previous post about freaking out about what David said might seem like I was legitimately panicking I just want to say that it was a joke and please don’t take it too seriously. Honestly I hope it just made you laugh, and you continued scrolling. If my post caused anyone to further their own anxiety or freak out, I apologise. If my post contributed to the fandom as a whole slightly losing their minds, I also apologise.

For those of you who took your reactions to David’s comment a step further and threatened that poor girl, insulted her, or were just generally mean to her, stop it! Don’t do that! Don’t be awful. Please be kind. Go and apologise!

With that out of the way, I did want to do a quick* analysis of the comment and perhaps address why people (and to a little extend myself) are feeling nervous.

To begin with, Neil has previously said (and this is a really good point), David was speaking directly to a fan, and was unaware he was being filmed. So when he says “maybe it’s not the ending you want”, he’s speaking directly to the person who asked him. We don’t know the context of their interaction beforehand and maybe she (or anyone else) had already expressed what their desire for the ending is, so this was his response. However taken out of context, the fandom has put themselves in the shoes of the person asking the question and therefore inserted themselves into the you part. The ending might not be want we want or expect. And considering the number of discussions the fandom participates in, the number of headcanons the fandom throw around, and the number of fanfics being written and read, whatever ending Neil has written is not going to satisfy everyone. It’s impossible to. But that is the same of any fandom really.

Speaking of fandoms, yes we are collectively nervous for a few reasons. One, for a good month there, we were convinced that the ending of season 2 was what the end of that story was going to be. Then when it was announced there’s still one more story to tell, there was another four months before it was finally confirmed that we were going to get that story. Two, case in point Game of Thrones. I don’t think I need to explain anymore than that. We have been burned before and now we’re worried it could happen again (though I will point out here, Neil has a better handle of storytelling and the love, devotion, and desire to finish a story that is beloved to him and is effectively a love letter to his best friend, compared to two TV producers who got bored and wanted to move onto other projects…). Three, filming is still 6 months away, and the premiere likely another year after that. A lot can happen in that time. So after these experiences, I can appreciate why people get nervous and a little in their heads about things.

In terms of the immediate reaction to what this could mean for the ending itself, I honestly cannot fathom how some people have managed to draw a straight line from “It might not be the ending you want” to “Terry would absolutely hate it”. Like, that just boggles my mind. HOW do you extrapolate that? David then immediately said “It’s a good ending”. So I think it’s safe to say that it will be good.

So let’s talk about endings and what people are mostly worried about.

1) Crowley and Aziraphale become human. This isn’t going to happen. Mainly because Neil has joked multiple times that this is the ending. Therefore if he says “this is what will happen” I’m pretty confident that this is what definitely won’t happen. You know after season 2, I ended up writing my own little fan fiction about them becoming human. I thought it was sweet and cute. Then I saw a lot of people absolutely hate that idea, so I never published it anywhere. Oh well.

2) Either one or both of them will die. Also not going to happen. Something tells me that Neil would not participate in the “bury your gays” trope. I do think that maybe there might be a non-permanent death or near death in the climax. But both will live, I’m positive of this.

3) Sex. I’ve spoken about this before. We’re not getting hardcore sexual activity. This is not the show for that. Neil has said before he’s not into writing that kind of thing. Do I think we’ll get more kissing? Yes. Do I think there will be implied sex? Maybe, hopefully, I’m wishing for it. But there is not going to be actual sex folks. Please make your way to AO3 for your reading pleasure.

4) The South Downs. And now we get to what I’m most worried about. That we won’t get what everyone assumes the ending will actually be. Crowley and Aziraphale retired and living in the South Downs. Will I be disappointed if this doesn’t happen? Absolutely. Will I lament here about it? Sure, probably. Will I send Neil abusive messages about how he destroyed and ruined the ending? NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! AND DON’T ANYONE ELSE DO THAT EITHER!

So, will the ending be what we want? There is every chance that it will be, but always a possibility that it won’t be. This is the nature of storytelling. You will never satisfy everyone. Will the ending be good? I have no doubt in my mind that it will be. David says it’s a good. I trust him. Neil says it will be good. I very much trust him.

This is a comedy, first and foremost. Comedies have happy endings. Let’s just take a collective breath and believe it to be so.

*by “quick” I actually meant “really long”. Sorry about that.

[britany1997]

Could I make a request? It's my birthday tomorrow and I'd love to know how the boys (maybe both individually and poly) would treat their S/O on their birthday. Love your fics and HCs, so glad I found your blog!

Absolutely you can! And Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day!

I’m gonna do headcannons because I think they would work best for this request:)

Celebrating your Birthday with the Lost Boys

David:

•He’s grumpy, but he adores you

•He gives, ‘I hate everyone but you’ energy with his S/O

•He likes to seem indifferent a lot of the time, since he’s got this ‘super cool leader of a biker gang’ reputation he needs to protect

•But he cares for you very deeply

•He listens to everything you say. Everything.

•And he’s incredibly observant and always keeping a close eye on you

•So if there was something you told him you wanted but it was too expensive, or something you liked at a store but talked yourself out of buying

•He got it for you

•The craziest most extravagant things you might never have gotten for yourself

•A Cartier bracelet? It’s yours. A PS5? All wrapped up for you. A signed first edition of your favorite book? Yep. Don’t ask how he got it.

•Seriously. Don’t ask.

•He shows his love by spoiling you and he wants you to feel loved on your special day🥹

Dwayne:

•Dwayne is the romantic of the group

•He writes you the sweetest birthday card you’ve ever gotten

•It’s like a love letter to you and you can feel his adoration coming off the page

•You can see how he started out with normal sized letters, but he had so much to say that they get smaller and smaller towards the end

•He writes over and over again how much he loves you and cares for you

•He writes about how happy he is that you were born and how lucky he is to be with you

•He tells you how you’re incredibly smart, ridiculously attractive, and overwhelmingly kind

•He includes a little poem about you as well, taking the time to detail your features and compare you to an Angel or some other worldly creature

•He writes about how he genuinely can’t believe a treasure like you could love a “literal monster” like him, but he’ll spend the rest of his eternal life trying to return the love he thinks you’re worthy of

•He thinks the world of you and wants you to feel appreciated and loved, not just on your birthday, but everyday

•He signs it ‘xxxxxxx <- my kisses’

•Just to make sure you know

•He asks Laddie to sign the card too and Laddie writes about how special you are and how grateful he is for you too

Paul:

•Listen

•He is his gift to you

•He shows up to your nest with a bow on his chest and winks at you

•I said on anon to another TLB account once that I think Paul’s the type of guy to give you a cast of his dick as a present and I stand by it

•If you’re not into that though he totally respects it and he’ll get you something else

•He’ll give you tons of cuddles and hugs

•He just likes to hold you, and he knows you like to be held🥹

•He tapes a birthday hat he cut out of a magazine on to fishy’s bowl for you too

•He would also want to give you a kiss for every year you’ve been alive

•He’s like, “you want em all at once or throughout the day?”

•Every time he gives you a kiss he’ll tell you something he loves about you

•Man has no filter and is always ready to tell you all the reasons you’re special to him

•He also makes you a little coupon book with sweet little things like “good for one bear hug,” “redeem for one boardwalk adventure,” and “turn into Paul for one quiet night together at the beach.”

•There are also some..um….spicy coupons in there too (if you want them of course)

•He says those you can reuse;)

Marko:

•Marko bakes you a cake:)

•Now this can go one of two ways

•Marko makes Panettone and Pandoro for the boys around Christmastime

•When he lived in Italy, his mom taught him how to make it and he still uses her recipe

•If that’s what he does, it turns out really great and it’s super yummy!

•However, if Marko makes you ANY other cake…good luck

•Aside from beloved family recipes intertwined with childhood memories, Marko does not believe in recipes.

•He is an agent of chaos and his cooking skills reflect this for the most part.

•He also really doesn’t get baking soda/powder and how much you should add (but he’ll never admit that and look at a recipe, that’s for quitters)

•But whichever he does he makes it with love🥹

•He frosts it, writes a sweet happy birthday message in colored icing on it, puts candles on it and lights them for you

•Once you blow out the candles he’ll take a little bit of it and shove it in Paul’s face (like wedding style)

•He wouldn’t do it to you of course because it’s your birthday (but Paul is fair game😈)

•He watches you eat it with heart eyes because food is such a big part of the culture in Italy, and it means a lot to him when you eat what he makes and enjoy it

Poly:

•If you’re more extroverted and don’t mind attention, they throw you a party in the cave!

•They invite all your friends and family so you’re surrounded by all the people you love

•Marko buys all your favorite snacks and drinks

•David makes a playlist of all your favorite songs for dancing and vibing

•Dwayne and Paul are in charge of decorations

• “We need a theme”

• “Not all parties have themes Paul”

• “All the good parties do! Don’t you want the best for the love of our life???”

•They make it an 80s theme party

•And not like tacky 80s themed, actual, very authentic 80s themed party

•All the guest come in 80s themed outfits (they don’t need to change) and they put something aside for you to wear too when you arrive at the party

•They do the whole ‘make everyone hide until you come in and then jump out and yell surprise’ thing

•Then you dance the night away celebrating with your favorite people!

•But if you don’t like parties, and you prefer not to be the center of attention, they have a plan for that too!

•They steal get a projector and screen and they set it up in the center of the cave

•They pull the mattress from your nest out into the main area too and throw tons of blankets and pillows on it

•They make popcorn and grab tons of candy and soda

•When you get to the cave they surprise you with a movie night in!

•You spend the night cuddled up next to them watching your favorite movie

•If you fall asleep, they carry the mattress back to your nest (with you on it of course) and all fall asleep in your nest with you

•They love you so much and want you to have the best birthday ever:)

I hope you liked this:)

Taglist:

@ghoulgeousimmaculate @altierirose @solobagginses

[my-mt-heart]

TBOC Showrunner

I wanted to wait to address the showrunner issue until I got confirmation either way. I still don't have that. I'm fearful of getting anyone's hopes up only to be disappointed for the millionth time in the last two years and I'm dreading the bullying I'll invite without attaching "proof" again (last time, a few people provoked someone to send me multiple threats demanding my personal information). But I'll deal with it if it happens again. Seeing the comments on another fan's post earlier, I thought maybe a brief update would help clarify a few things.

Zabel is showrunning the version of S3 that's in pre-production right now. Hence, what you see on the WGA. That's been true this whole time. However. What's also true is that AMC reopened negotiations with a female showrunner a few weeks ago for S3. I was told she is very experienced, pro Caryl, and has Melissa's stamp of approval. So basically, we'd be hitting the showrunner jackpot. They're still negotiating. I have no idea where it will land or when. If that deal closes, she'll replace Zabel and write her own Spain edition of S3, which IMO will be worth the wait. I think I'd be the most excited I've ever been for TWD/Caryl content and I think every Daryl and Carol fan would be too. Good content beats fast content by miles and miles.

That's the hope I'm hanging onto by a thread. If the deal doesn't happen for S3, I have to walk away and I will do so knowing I'm not hurting Melissa or Carol. I can't support David Zabel. His writing is appalling. The imagery he uses is inappropriate and tone deaf. He does not understand who Daryl and Carol are. I will not watch him ruin them (further?) in S3. I don't know how AMC can claim to celebrate strong female characters like Carol when the title leaves her out and the showrunner doesn't respect the incredible actress who plays her.

Melissa didn't get to weigh in when Zabel became showrunner. She deserves to have someone she trusts to write Carol's story in ways that honor her. Someone who will lift her up, not try to keep her "in her place." Fans never get to weigh in on these decisions. I shared the info about the female showrunner several months ago because I thought, why not give them a chance? Your voices have more power than a lot of you realize.

We were able to bring Carol/Melissa back to the spinoff because we were passionate about how we felt about her. It brought us a step closer to giving ourselves and Melissa the spinoff we were all promised. Genuinely, that's been my only angle all along. Again, there's no guarantee of anything, but for now there's at least a glimmer of hope. That hope gets stronger when we speak up about how Zabel makes us feel, how the marketing makes us feel, and how the possibility of a good showrunner, good writing, and good marketing strategies makes us feel differently i.e. more eager to watch the next part of Caryl's story, plus however many "next parts" come afterward.

[marie-swriting]

Baking Therapy - Emily Prentiss

Masterlist

Summary : Emily has a lot of things in mind but she can always count on you to notice it and make her feel better.

Warnings : set in season 12 so mention of Reid in prison, hurt/comfort, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 1.8k

French version

Song inspiration : Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift

Still in her office at the BAU, Emily finishes the paperwork about the last case with tiredness in her eyes. She fights the sleep off as best as she can to have the strength to go through Reid’s case once she’ll be over with this one. However, the fatigue takes over her body a bit more when she yawns loudly. Emily stops writing and closes her eyes while stretching, hoping to feel more awake. As soon as she thinks she is better, Emily takes her pen and resumes writing her sentence. When she finishes it, someone knocks on her door. Without looking up, she lets the person come in. Hearing Rossi’s voice, she draws her attention to her colleague. 

“You’re done ?”

“Almost. I just need to complete some passages.” she informs, pointing at the file.

“You’ll go home soon then.”

“No, I want to take a look at Reid’s file.”

Upon hearing Emily saying this, Rossi sighs before getting closer to her desk.

“Emily, it’s 9 P.M. I thought you were supposed to spend the night with Y/N.”

“I told her I’d come home late.” Emily specifies and Rossi gives her a look. “What ?”

“You should go home.”

“And I will. I just want to find something to help Reid first.”

“Look, I want the kid out of prison as much as you do but you won’t be of any help if you pass out on his file. Go home to your wife and get some rest. Like this, you’ll be able to work better.” David orders, putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Sure but-”

“No ‘but’. Trust me on that. Finish this file and go home.” he insists.

“I will.” Emily concedes, sighing.

“Have a good night Prentiss.”

“You too, Rossi.”

Once Rossi is gone, Emily doesn’t waste a second and gets back on her file. The last period on the paper, she glances at Reid’s file on her desk then at the picture of you two. She wants to listen to Rossi’s advice yet she wants to take advantage of every second to help her friend. However, when she yawns until her jaw drops, she has to accept the fact she needs to rest. Reluctantly, she turns off her lamp desk, takes her bags and leaves the building.

On the way home, Emily pays more attention to her driving, aware of her level of tiredness. Upon arriving at your place, Emily sighs in relief. In the elevator, she stretches her neck while checking her phone. As soon as she opens the door of your apartment, a smile makes its way on her face whilst she puts her bags on the ground. You’re in the kitchen humming the refrain of Eternal Flame by The Bangles, Emily goes to join you and as she gets closer to you, she finds you making fresh pasta. Emily wraps her arms around your waist and puts her chin on your shoulder. As soon as you feel her, you’re slightly startled then you turn your head towards her. You peck her lips and focus back to your pasta.

“You’re home early.”

“Rossi convinced me to leave.”

“Remind me to send him a text to thank him and to reprimand him, too. I wanted everything to be ready when you come home.” you explain, smiling.

“It’s okay. What is it that you’re making ?”

“Pasta alla carbonara alla Rossi.” you exclaim, trying to say it with an Italian accent. “I know, I mispronounced everything.” you add while Emily holds back a laughter.

“It was cute.” she affirms, kissing your cheek. “You need help ?”

“No, thanks, I love my kitchen too much.”

“Hey ! I’m not that bad.” Emily says, offended and she tickles you.

“You’ve improved, I have to admit.” you tell her whilst continuing to cut the pasta. “You have time to take a bath and put on some comfy clothes. Go !” you order and you push her toward the bathroom.

You’ve just finished cooking, when she reappears in the kitchen. Emily’s hair is in a bun and she wears leggings with one of your tee-shirts. She sits at the table and you put the food on the plates. At the same time you set the plates on the table, Emily pours you a glass of wine then another one for her.

Whilst you’re eating, Emily asks you about your day. You tell her about your class and some funny sentences your six-year-old pupils told you, she laughs at some of them. As you keep talking, you notice she does everything to avoid talking about her day, but you don’t say anything about it. You know Emily needs some time before explaining the horror she sees in the field. Guessing it was a pretty tough case, you distract her until the end of your meal.

Once you’ve cleared the table, you see on Emily’s face she won’t be sleeping, despite how tired she is. Her brain is working too much to allow her to rest. You give her a compassionate smile before taking her hand in yours. Emily smiles at this contact.

“You want to bake some muffins ?”

With your sentence, Emily understands what you’re insinuating : “you want to bake while we talk about what’s on your mind ?”

It’s a habit you’ve naturally picked on. The first time you did ‘baking therapy’, as Emily calls it, it was at the beginning of your relationship ; you had been dating for a month and that night, the case had been hard emotionally speaking. When she came home, she found you baking a strawberry charlotte. She helped you with it as much as she could while she was explaining what she was feeling. The baking moment ended up in tears though, Emily felt better afterwards. Therefore, it quickly became your tradition and currently, Emily needs a lot of ‘baking therapy’.

After taking all the ingredients, you start baking the muffins whilst Emily weighs what there is to weigh and hands them to you when you need it. At first, Emily stays silent, lost in her thoughts. You notice it right away because she doesn’t hear you the first time you ask her to give you the flour. You give her a few more minutes before asking the fateful question.

“You want to tell me what’s going on in your mind ?”

“I’d need more than some muffins to tell you everything that worries me.”

“Fortunately, we have a whole day off in common tomorrow. For once. It’s your last case, isn’t it ?”

“It was a tough one, yes. Everytime I think I’ve seen it all, a new UnSub proves me wrong. You know you’d think I’m used to it by now but it’s not the case. No matter how much I try to be emotionally distant, sometimes it’s complicated.” she admits with sad eyes while handing you the sugar and the baking powder.

“It’s not the only thing.” you add and Emily avoids your gaze for a second.

“I can’t stop thinking about Reid. We’ve been searching and still, we can’t find proof Scratch is behind all of it. If Spencer could remember what happened in that motel, it could probably help us. Besides, I can’t help but imagine Spencer in prison and how it must be complicated and it breaks my heart. He needs to get out of it and I have to admit I’ve been wondering if we’ll be able to do it this year.”

“You’ll find what you need to help him, Emily.” you affirm, putting your hand on the top of hers.

“I hope. Either way, I won’t be resting until he is with us again.”

“Em’, don’t forget to not overwork yourself.”

“He needs my help.” she steadfastly contradicts. “I should be doing more, I feel like I’m not doing enough.”

“It’s not true and deep down you know it. You’ve done everything you could and you and your team are still helping him. But Emily, you have to rest. You won’t be able to efficiently help him if you’re exhausted. I know you go through his file when you can’t sleep at night.” you confess and she looks at you, frowning. “The parquet floor creaks when you get out of bed.” you add, laughing lightly before mixing together your preparation. “Emily, I’m sure you’ll find a solution for Spencer. You’re the best BAU team, I don’t care if I’m not objective for saying this. The fact is, you will clear his name. I have faith in you guys. I have faith in you. And stop doubting your skills, you are a good Unit Chief.” you state looking her straight in the eyes. 

“You’ve known for too long.” Emily falsely complains while you beat the egg whites until stiff. 

“And knowing so many profilers helps too. I’m serious though, Em’. It’s true you have a lot of things to handle, the cases, the new responsibilities as Chief, Reid’s case with Scratch, it’s a lot of pressure and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed but do not think you don’t have the skills to deal with all of it. I know you and if there’s one person who can handle it, it’s you.”

“You always have the perfect words. Thank God, you’re here.” she smiles and she gives you the chocolates chips. “Without you I wouldn’t be able to feed myself properly.”

“Am I only useful for this ?” you question, faking being offended whilst you mix again.

“No, I couldn’t have dreamed of a better wife. With you, I can be vulnerable without feeling bad about it so thank you.” she says softly and kisses you.

Emily butters the tins then you fill them with the mix. You put the muffins in the oven while Emily sets the timer, not without stealing the rest of the preparation at the bottom of the bowl. You put the dishes in the dishwasher before sitting on the couch. Emily’s back is against your torso and your arms are around her body. You stay like this in silence, enjoying each other’s presence. Sometimes you whisper sweet nothings, wanting to make sure her mind is free from all the stress before falling asleep.

Once the timer rings, you tell Emily to go to bed whilst you take the muffins out of the oven. You let them cool down and go change in your pyjamas. As soon as you’re ready, you go to your room to ask Emily if she wants one muffin or two and when you see her fast asleep, you smile. You make sure every light is off and the main door is locked before making a detour to the kitchen. You take a small plate and put a muffin on it then you go find your wife in your bedroom. You set the plate on her night stand and lay next to her. As soon as you’re laying down, Emily’s arms find their way to your waist. You get closer to her, kiss the crown of her hair before closing your eyes, Emily’s regular breaths, lulling you to sleep. 

Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[randomfoggytiger]

Since you are so detailed in your analysis and you approach things unbiasedly, I thought I would go to you.

With all the gifs posted of Mulder and Scully it's hard not to take notice of their features and how distinct yet "everyday" they are. One thing that I have started noticing is that they have similar hooded eyes, but different eye shapes. I think everyone knows Gillian's slower blinking eye or the one that seems to have a mind of its own. And then, I started noticing their ears and foreheads. Do they both have detached earlobes? Or, are they considered "attached"? Now I am looking at everybody's ears and noticing, wow, some ears are weird and flat while others hang low and some just seem to be so attached that they don't move at the bottom.

Then, I started noticing their foreheads. Gillian's forehead seems big compared to her size and overall face. There are times when I think she has a "fivehead". That's a joke:) her forehead just seems big, but maybe that could be because of her hairline. Then, I started noticing that some people have flat forehead while others have rounder or squarish foreheads. I swear I need to stop looking at the gifs on tumbler because it's just a vacuum that will suck me until endless hours of analyzing faces.

No matter what, they are still photogenic and pleasant to look at. How lucky it must be to be able to take pictures and not look like a goblin.

Thank you

Foto Goblin

Eyyyyyy, hello fellow Foto Goblin! XDDDD

Never thought to check earlobes, huh. Took a peak: Gillian's are unattached, and David's are attached. (**Correction!**: David's are detached, as well.) Interesting.

I'm going to do an analysis on GA's features sometime in future; but your ask got me cuuuuuurious, so I popped over to give her a look.

Gillian actually has equal thirds facial proportions! Meaning, her top third (forehead to eyebrows) are equal to her middle (eyebrows to nose tip) and lower (nose tip to chin) thirds! I know, I was kind of surprised, too. (Believe it or not, there are equal 31s-- whatever that measurement means-- between each line shown below:)

On a cursory glance, she has close-set, hooded, round eyes. They appear down-turned because their highest point slopes downward and her lower eyelids open lower, showing more whites; but if you draw a line from the inner to the outer corner of her eye, you'll see it's a straight line. (What does this mean in the minutiae? Nothing really: you'd still apply makeup techniques the same as down-turned eyes.) These naturally draw her features down, and could make her appear more tired except she keeps the tail of her eyebrows arched up, which draws our eyes visually upward. Hence, it provides balance.

Y'know how David has an ideal (I'm pretty certain) philtrum? That just means the distance above and below his lip are at ideal ratios, and don't draw too much attention to his lips/nose/chin. Gillian, however, has a short philtrum: meaning, the distance above her lip is shorter and the distance below her lip (to her chin) longer than "ideal"; which, in effect, makes her chin appear longer and more "protruding." And that's at all a bad thing! It just adds to the distinct tapering in her jaw.

She has an irregular hairline-- meaning, it doesn't really have a "pattern" to it, and can appear patchy or etc. in random places (which doesn't mean she's losing hair: just another visual trick.) And she has a low cranial top, meaning the beginning of her hairline to the top of her crown is a short distance. A low cranial top is always recommended to have height to help "elevate" its appearance-- hence, why even her ponytails (usually) have volume at the roots.

That's all I've got for now, anon-- still ingesting information for a future post. But hoped this helped~.

And yeah, I get lost down rabbit holes, too: I have to know what my eye is picking up on. XDDDD

[sheenashifts1217]

i'm not sure if you're still doing readings but

hii! my name is Priscilla butttt my dr name is David (i wasn't sure which 1 you wanted 😭)

but i want to know about my dr s/o rozz! and if he has a message for me or anything :")

thank you for doing these, you're very kind! take all the time you need <3

Hiii

Lyrics that stand out:

“When I hear your name

Too young too dumb to realize

Take you to every party

My selfish ways

Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life

Clean up the mess I made (did I just see you all at a masquerade ball?)

Close my eyes

Now my baby’s dancing

I was wrong

I remember how much you love to dance

Do all the things I should’ve done”

It seems like you and Rozz have recently went through something in your relationship where he messed up. He wants you to know that he absolutely can’t get you out of his head, but he thinks you we’re both in the wrong. He feels horrible for what he did and he wants to make it up to you. He’s hates the thought of losing you and seeing you live life with someone else. Everything reminds him of you and he’s saying he’s truly sorry and thank you for taking him back. He says, “I’m gonna get it right this time”.

Lyrics standing out:

“It’s wrong what I’m feeling

It’s so hard to make it

I don’t know what I’m doing

1 in a million

Never gonna change my mind

A child, baby

I’m ready

Are you ready for it

Gonna get there someday”

You all have finally mended your wounds and now you have scar tissue. Scar tissue is stronger than regular skin. You’re relationship is stronger than ever. He greatly appreciates how you all talk through your problems now and work together on things. I can feel the energy of how healthy your relationship is. He’s telling you that you’re it for him. He possibly wants to start a family with you one day if that’s what you’re open to.

At first, when this shuffled I was very confused tbh, then I thought that it may be that there is some sort of generational trauma or some kind of family image he or you feel like you need to uphold. However, since I read the song before this and what he had to say, I feel again that this is him saying you are his family and he wants to have a family with you, even if it’s hard. You’re his forever and he loves you so much. He will do anything for you.

Like I said, when I first shuffled Impersiones Del Encanto, I was confused. So I asked Rozz if he could send me a confirmation song if the past song was for you and about either some kind of family thing or some kind of image to uphold. What really stood out to me about this was mainly just the line “written in these walls are the stories that I can’t explain”. You and Rozz share a history that he loves and cherishes, be it the good, the bad and the ugly. He can’t explain his feelings for you, they simply just are. He feels almost like it’s fate. Maybe there was some family thing before. Maybe your families were rivals? Im not entirely sure on that, but no matter what societal thing that tried to get in between you, you all overcame it and he’s wanting to give you reassurance of that so you’re relationship can grow. You are each other’s family. I heard “we won’t be like them”.

I hope you like it, my love 🫶

Please leave a review and any other thoughts and comments you may have :)

[hrtbrkwthrs]

Empty

Steve Harrington x gn!reader

Summary: Reader is at their limit but Steve interrupts their plans for the end. (hurt/comfort fic)

Notes: Reader is Dustin's older sibling - you can interpret that however best fits for you. Biological, adopted, half, etc. Any works for this fic! Reader uses they/them pronouns. NO use of y/n. I can't even tell you how long this has been in my drafts bro

Trigger Warnings: no specific mental illness is mentioned but in a general sense, SEVERE depression is heavily implied. Detailed depictions of depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, almost attempted suicide using pills (all from reader).

This fic has a fairly detailed moment where reader is cutting themselves. I wrote this originally only for myself as a form of comfort. Please THINK before you decide to read this. The most important thing here is for you to stay safe. The sole purpose of me posting this fic is for readers who are similar to myself that might find comfort in this, but not everybody will get the same thing out of this fic, so please please please do NOT read if this will trigger you in any way.

Empty. The room feels empty. Your heart feels empty. Your hope feels empty. The emptiness pierced through your chest like an arrow, cold and sharp and leaving you breathless. Your tears fall from your face like a flood as you sit on the ever-so-slightly scratchy carpet underneath you, one hand brushing over the fabric, the other playing with the necklace you wore around your neck. The necklace with the guitar pick. Eddie's guitar pick.

Eddie Munson was your best friend since the first grade. He meant the world to you. He helped you through your darkest times, the times when depression would hit too hard, the times you'd feel like you were wasted space in the world around you, the times you got too sick to function, the times you relapsed. He stayed there with you until his last dying breath, a breath that shouldn't have come. It wasn't at all fair that he died saving a town that only ever judged him, outcast him, berated him. It wasn't at all fair that he was gone.

He took that last dying breath only days after he witnessed the gruesome death of Chrissy Cunningham, framed for murder, and tragically stuck in the middle of the most cursed parts of Hawkins, Indiana. You'd been there before. Three times. Starting when your little brother's best friend, Will, disappeared. Dustin snuck around in secret at first, but you knew him well. You knew him better than anyone did, aside from maybe himself, so you figured it all out pretty quickly. And that's the thing about the trust between you two - it made it easy for him to tell you everything when you asked. To trust you to hold him in your arms on the most difficult nights, softly singing the lyrics to Heroes by David Bowie to help soothe him as he would slowly but surely fall asleep. Just like you did when you were younger.

Those three times had left you to mourn the loss of your friend, Barb, your little cat, Mews, and the man that made Joyce Byers smile for the first time in over a year, Bob. And as much as you hated Billy Hargrove - the man that abused his sister, Max Mayfield, made racist remarks about Lucas Sinclair, verbally spat in the faces of anybody he spoke to, and beat Steve Harrington to a pulp - even he had died tragically. Though you were sure it wouldn't have effected you near as much if it weren't for the shattered heart of Max Mayfield - a heart that you and your friends desperately tried to help piece back together - it still left your own heart heavy.

The fourth time around was different, though. As your best friend, you had done everything in your power to protect Eddie from the things you've had the misfortune of witnessing before, even if it created a barrier in the middle of your relationship. But the Upside Down had other plans when a monster named Vecna gave Eddie the burden of witnessing Chrissy shake in a trance, eyes rolling to the back of her head, floating, limbs folding and crunching, eyes sucked into her body. He had no choice but to be a part of it all. Vecna gave him no choice.

The monster got into the minds of anybody who was suffering. He fed off of defeat, distress, heartache... it made him stronger. He tried taking Max, and he almost got her, but Eleven brought her heart back. That didn't change the fact that she did die, though, even if only for a moment. It still gave Vecna that little ounce of power that he needed. The power to open up the rift to the Upside Down, a rift that split Hawkins into quarters... the great "earthquake" of Hawkins, Indiana.

You grieved the loss of Eddie Munson, Chrissy Cunningham, and even basketball player Jason Carver, all while praying desperately to anybody above who would listen that Max would wake up from a coma, miraculously escaping death. You all visited her every single day, none of you dared to leave her alone. Her hospital room, despite being arid and lifeless, was unofficially deemed the spot, all of you gathered there to hang out almost every day as she recovered. You covered the room in posters and knickknacks, left behind toys and board games that you could have simply brought back the next time you came, just to mask the bleak atmosphere. It took half a year, but your prayers were answered, and she did miraculously escape death.

Two years later and her body grows closer and closer to fully healing everyday. Her sight came back faster than her smiles, but eventually, she got those back too.

But the reason for your tears as you sit on the floor in a dark, empty room at this very moment, gripping onto the pick that hung around your neck, wasn't to mourn your best friend Eddie Munson. The pick only helped to nudge a few breaths back into you, reminding you about all of the times Eddie held you in his arms and begged you to keep going, to stay alive, trying desperately to convince you of the truth - that everyone around you loved and needed you here, that you couldn't die, not even if it was at your own hand.

The reason was your mind. The way your thoughts were able to make your heart ache, your body shake, your lungs desperately scratch for air. You felt like you were drowning, and to make things worse, you had no one reason why. It was a mix of everything. Everybody you had mourned in your life, every intrusive thought that had you second guessing reality, every time your mind would flash back to every trauma you've experienced.

You turned on music, started watching tv, writing, dancing, anything to help you to slow your thoughts, make them more bearable. But it didn't work. They just wouldn't stop.

You've coped with this burden for as long as you can remember, Eddie, Dustin and your mother being there for you every step of the way as you were in and out of hospitals, therapy, relapses. When everything with the Upside Down kick-started, you thanked whatever higher being out there that your meds were working like they needed to be. It helped to grow close to the new people around you - Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, Steve, Joyce... Hell, even the little ones, Will, Lucas, Mike, Eleven, and Max. Your support system was strong. You weren't alone. And while it undeniably helped, nothing was cured.

You made it through every time, and you thought that should have helped, that it should have put everything into perspective. You're alive, most of your loved ones are alive, you've got a long list of people surrounding you who understand exactly what you've been through... yet it only made your stomach churn with guilt. Guilt that you had no right to be depressed over anything, not when things like the Upside Down existed, not when there were worse things out there. But you couldn't help it. You didn't understand how you couldn't even bring yourself to get out of bed a lot of times, but your friends were getting out of bed, getting dressed, showering, existing every single day...

You wondered why you couldn't do that. You wondered why your mind worked so hard against you every second you were awake. You wondered why you were still alive and not Eddie. Not Barb. Not Bob. If you can barely exist, so weak, so cowardly, so ungrateful, but they were giving their all every single day, then why were you the one who made it out alive?

It was eating you from the inside out. The guilt. The survivors guilt. The guilt of just simply feeling. The fleeting guilt of hurting your loved ones if you were to die, though it was quickly washed away by the knowledge that it wouldn't matter, that they would be better off without you, that you didn't matter enough for anybody to be effected by your death.

You hadn't talked about how you were feeling in two years. Since Max almost died, that guilt had gotten so severe that you just couldn't bring yourself to let anything out anymore. So you held it in. You held it in until you were about to burst at the seams. And even then, you couldn't seem to allow yourself to let it out.

But now here you were, alone in the empty room you sat in, the spare bedroom of your house. The only room that had a lock on the door. Usually, your mom, Dustin, and you were respectful of knocking, respectful of each other's privacy... but you couldn't risk it. Not right now. On the floor beside you was a Coke can - the classic, not the new kind - next to a bottle of pills, a note you had carefully hand-written, and your pocket knife. You had this planned for weeks now, and you finally reached your limit. It was time to set the plan into action.

Your grip on Eddie's guitar pick tightened, if that were even possible. Your forearm wiped away at your tears, which deemed to be useless when the tears fell far too quickly. The emptiness you had once felt moments ago was suddenly gone, replaced with the weight of a burden much too heavy for you to bear. A burden of existing with a mind so relentless. Reluctantly, you let go of the pick around your neck and grabbed your knife, popping the blade out and sucking in as much of a breath as you could take.

Without thinking, you pushed down. The cold sting on your wrist made you shudder, eyes closing in relief. Feeling the blood trickling down your wrist had urged you to open your eyes, to take in the sight of every emotion you endured being put on display. The breath you held finally escaped your lungs, and for the first time in days, you noticed your breathing begin to even out. As if you weren't drowning anymore, yet simply floating at the surface of the water you were once drowning in only moments ago.

You continue your actions, the crushing heaviness you felt in your lungs lessening with each cut. When you felt satisfied with your work, you let the blood trickle down and make a mess. That was the most satisfying part of it all. The visible mess and what it represented; hey, this pain is real, it's not all in your head.

You sighed, your tears lessened just a bit as your breathing evened out and you felt more at ease. Your shakey hands slowly but surely untwisted the cap of the bottle of pills, fumbling a bit more than you should have - damned safety cap. Nevertheless, you popped it open and poured about a dozen pills into your hand, but before you could wrap your other hand around the coke can next to you, you heard the front door open. Fuck.

"I just need to grab my bag! It has all the walkie talkies."

Dustin.

"Dude is that really necessary?"

Mike.

"Can you two shut up and hurry? We've got places to be!"

Steve, ending his sentence with a clap. He must have been the last to enter because you heard the front door shut shortly after.

You winced at the sound. The sound of your little brother talking, not knowing you were about to end your life in the next room. The sound of your friends, Mike and Steve, mostly unaware of your mental struggles and completely clueless to your current state.

You heard shuffling footsteps and indistinctive murmuring between the three boys. Dustin shut his door and you let out a short breath knowing they were finally about to leave - except they didn't.

"Wait, Dustin, where's your sibling?"

Your breath caught in your throat as you tried to hold back from sobbing at the mention of you. The tears were hard enough to control as it was.

"I don't know, probably with Robin," Dustin shrugged it off and you hoped it'd end with that, but it didn't.

"But their car is still in the driveway," Steve speculated, "plus, Robin's working."

You heard the footsteps growing closer to you, and the door to your room opened. "They're not in here," Dustin said with worry. He called out your name, but of course he didn't get a response. He knew you were at an all time low right now, he saw it every day, so of course his first response would be to worry.

The door knob on the spare room that you were in wiggled. "The spare bedroom is locked!" Dustin called out, frantically fumbling with it.

Little did you know, Dustin had been updating everyone of your struggles. He couldn't bear the weight of it all alone. Plus, they all cared for you. They wanted you to be okay. They missed you. They loved you. So they tried to help in every way possible.

"You don't think they're... like, cut-"

Steve cut Mike's words short, "I got a paper clip. Let me open it," he got closer to the door, "step back with Mike, okay Dustin?"

"Okay," you heard your little brother's voice crack and you could tell he was on the verge of tears. You, however, were way past tears. Your sobs had you almost gasping for air as you tried desperately to hold them back, but you know they'd heard them. Quickly, you reached for the bottle of pills before the door swung open.

"Shit," you whispered when the bottle of pills tumbled over.

Steve was quick to hide you from the kid's line of sight with his body. He looked at you with sad eyes, talking in a breath as you frowned at him with guilt.

He turned around, "wait out here," he instructed the boys and turned to face you. He slowly walked closer before sitting next to you on the ground.

He wrapped his arms around you gently as you finally let yourself cry. Sobs ripped from your chest as the tears flooded, and you knew his shirt was already tear-stained. Steve held you long enough for you to finally catch a breath before he pulled away to assess the current situation.

He gently wrapped his hand around your wrist, maneuvering your arm so that he could see the cuts. "How many did you take?" His eyes scanned the still bleeding cuts as he asked about the pills.

"None," you told him, "the bottle tipped over," you frowned, "I made a mess..."

"My love..." His eyes glossed as tears threatened to fall from the corners of his eyes. "You're okay, don't worry about the mess. Let's just get you cleaned up, alright?"

You shook, more than you were before, as your sobs evened out slowly. Steve stood up, helping you slowly get on your feet, and he guided you to the bathroom.

He helped to pick you up and you sat on the counter, but the movement made you realize just how groggy you were starting to feel. You felt tired - exhausted, even - and almost fell over, but Steve held you up. "I got you, baby. You're okay. Stay awake for me, alright?"

He grabbed a wash cloth and wet it before guiding your arm under the water. He did his best to be gentle with you as he helped to clean your cuts. Finally, he wrapped a towel around your arm, instructing you to hold it there as he searched the medicine cabinet for some bandages.

"Aha," he pronounced when he found the bandage wrap that he was looking for. He got some antibiotic cream and covered your now-clean wounds, wrapping the bandage just tight enough around your wrist to help the bleeding slow down and protect the cuts from worsening.

"There. All clean," he smiled at you as he held your wrist in his hand while his other hand covered yours. You were much too tired to try and fake a weak smile for him.

"Now, do you want to talk? Or would you rather watch some movies or something?" Steve gave you options, and none of them included leaving you alone. "Dustin and Mike are here, too. I can call Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, Max... Anybody you want around. We all talk if you want, or we can order a bunch of pizza and binge your favorite show on Netflix."

He rambled more and more options for you to choose from, proving that he would really do pretty much anything to comfort you in this moment. You sighed, but a real smile actually seemed to form on your lips - albeit small, but it was there.

"I think... I'm really tired, Steve..." you confessed, really only wanting to sleep. Steve frowned a little.

"Let's get you to bed, then," he rubbed circles on the back of your hand soothingly. "I'll let the boys know. They won't mind playing some video games or something while we take a nap."

"We...?" you questioned hesitantly, suddenly feeling a bit nervous, but too tired to care enough.

"If that's alright with you? I'm a little sleepy too," he smiled gently.

You only nodded in response.

He'd assumed you didn't really want to talk to Dustin or Mike right now, and that assumption was correct, so he went to update them on the situation and they both understood.

When Steve returned to the bathroom, he helped you down from the counter and lead you to your room, practically tucking you in. He climbed into the bed next to you and the two of you faced each other.

"I think you're fantastic," he said to you, "and you mean a lot to me. You mean a lot to all of us. Especially Dustin," he smiled. "That boy would die for you in a heartbeat."

You frowned slightly, taking in his words as much as possible as your eyes got heavier. "I'm sorry," you apologized.

"No, love, don't apologize. You've got nothing to be sorry for. Pinky promise."

It was a joke between the two of you. The first time you really spoke to each other, you made him pinky promise to keep his end of a bargain - you buy the drinks and he doesn't talk about his hair for the rest of the week. It was funny, and neither of you expected it to mean anything, but it stuck.

"Okay," you smiled at him.

"There's that beautiful smile," Steve tucked your hair behind your ear, careful not to startle you.

"We need you here," he finally began, "you light up the room every time. You're our light. You're funny and kind. You're amazing. You've gone through so so much. You're allowed to be sad. To cry. But please, talk to us when you need to. Please stay."

Steve's words resonated with you, so much so that a small tear escaped from the corner of your eye. "Okay," you repeated from the last time.

And before he could say anything else, your eyes closed and you were asleep.

With him there, you finally got a genuinely good sleep for the first time in a long while.

When you finally woke up from your nap, Steve wasn't in the bed anymore. You frowned slightly, until you heard his voice bantering with Mike and Dustin's in the living room. A sigh escaped your lips as you rolled out of the bed and headed into the living room.

Dustin was the first to notice, not bothering to pause whatever video game was on the TV as he dashed towards you. His arms wrapped around you immediately, "you're awake!!"

A small smile formed on your lips as you pat his head and hugged him back, "I'm awake."

"I love you so much," Dustin mumbled against your shoulder, tightening his grip on you. "Please stay."

Your hug tightened around him this time before you pulled away and looked into his eyes, "I'm not going anywhere, Dustin."

Mike stared from afar, his attention on you and making sure you were okay had occupied his mind, any attention towards the video game he was playing with Dustin was lost.

Steve made his way over to you, Dustin going back to the couch to let the two of you speak. "How are you feeling?" Steve questioned.

"I don't know," you admitted, "but I finally got some actual sleep for the first time in a while." A weak chuckle escaped your lips.

"That's good..." Steve ran his fingers through his hair, "you know, uh... well, Dustin isn't the only one who really needs you here. I mean, Mike was lost trying to process what had happened... he was terrified. And, well, I..." he stopped himself there, inhaling deeply and averting his eyes from yours to the ground.

His hand rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, his eyes meeting yours again as he continued, "I can't lose you."

Your breath caught in your throat as you studied his eyes and took the time to process what Steve had just told you.

Before you could say anything, he continued his words in a frantic effort to explain himself, "I, uh, I know we weren't ever very close.. I mean, before I started hanging out with your brother, I was... kinda a shitty dude," he let out a breathy chuckle, "and you were so shy, you hung out with Eddie, who didn't exactly get along with my clique, and..." he paused, letting out a deep sigh before continuing his ramble, "what I mean to say is, letting Dustin drag me to your house that night to help him explain all of this upside down shit to you... Well, it led me to you, so..."

You raised an eyebrow at him, the corner of your lips curved upwards, fully understanding what he was saying, but teased him anyways. "So....?" You pushed for him to finish what he was saying.

"So, I guess maybe I should thank the little shit," a breathy laugh escaped his lips as he joked with you.

You giggled quietly and put both of your hands on either side of his face, locking eye contact with him. Judging by the way your cheeks burned, the blush on your face was prevalent, you were sure. His left hand went to your waist, pulling you in a little closer as his right hand gently curved around the back of your neck.

"Can I kiss you?"

You nodded in response, "Yes," you whispered.

He leaned down and brought his lips to yours, kissing you slowly. He had to force himself to break the kiss before he was in too deep to stop, the closed-lip, dopey smile on his face as he looked at you would have made you think that he was in love with you, if you didn't know better.

Or maybe, you were on the right track. Either way, you knew you had a friend in him, and everybody that you cared about truly did care about you, too. You finally felt safe for the first time in a very long time.

divider credits: @cafekitsune @silkholland

[dreamweaversfavsandthoughs]

Rick and Morty S7 Ep. 3: Air Force Wong

(We’ve come a long way since Pickle Rick)

Spoiler Alert. Can’t say I didn’t warn you.

My Favs

Unity!

Really wasn’t expecting to ever see them again so it was a pleasant surprise! Bringing back Unity could have crossed the line into being too fan service-y but I think they were incorporated into the ongoing story of the Rick/Rick Prime saga nicely.

“Don’t be a Space Mormon!”:

But immediately being apologetic about making fun of the SS agent’s religion.

“I volunteer to do acid to prove I’m not a cop!”:

Me too. Me too

President’s cellphone wallpaper:

Rick and the President posing with a recently caught Nessie cracked me up more than it should have.

“Call in a chopper. I’m being cockblocked!”

Rick almost died trying to defeat Rick Prime?!:

I need the details! I NEED THEM!

Summer and Rick’s interaction:

We haven’t gotten a lot of Summer this season so it’s nice to see her trying to reach out to her grandfather. Summer is probably the second smartest member of the Smith/Sanchez and made the connection pretty quickly that Unity was back and that Rick would be deep in his feels. I love seeing Summer’s empathetic side but it was also sad to see Rick shut her out in the guise of creating “boundaries.” He still has a long way to go.

The President becoming a hive mind in order to achieve an 100% approval rating:

Honestly, a politician enslaving the minds of his constituents in order to get unanimous approval is something that would happen in real life if they could. Absolutely realistic.

*traumatic flashback of the last 7-8 years*

David Miscavage voicemail:

Unless you are familiar with the history of Scientology, you’re probably not going to get that joke. That was written for nerds like me. (Real talk though, I believe Scientology is a dangerous cult. The actress, Leah Remini has done some great work exposing this cult for what it is and some of their abusive practices.)

My Not Favs

Has anyone seen Morty? He’s gone missing and we’re so worried about him:

I have it on good authority that he’s going to be more prominent in the season going forward. Hope my sources are correct…

Mr. Stabby:

The bit didn’t really do it for me.

The romantic arc between the President and Dr. Wong:

Fortunately it was ditched as quickly as it started.

My Thoughts:

A couple of things come to mind:

First, I want to discuss my biggest problem with Auto Erotic Assimilation as an episode. The episode ends with a pretty moving scene of Rick attempting suicide after Unity breaks up with him. Iconic scene no doubt, but a scene I felt had poor justification. The reasoning being is that the only thing we ever really learn during that episode is that Rick and Unity like to fuck…a lot. And abuse substance…a lot. Frankly, the relationship struck me as being awfully shallow. This most recent episode, however, added some much needed substance that was previously lacking. We find out that Rick has confided in them about Rick Prime and possibly Diane and Beth. They were around for the disastrous aftermath of his previous attempt to hunt Rick Prime and when they find out Rick is going to attempt to go after him again goes to extreme lengths to get Rick’s attention and dissuade him from going through with it.

Now, I don’t really want to see Unity and Rick get back together and I do see this episode as a sort of resolution to this relationship. Two people may not be able to make a romantic relationship work but sometimes that can pave the way to something better. Maybe a friendship can form from this that is much more meaningful than a romance, when they’re ready. They both still care about each other that’s for sure, but Rick still has some work.

Secondly, I’ve seen some conversation that Dr. Wong was in the wrong to side with Unity and tell Rick he was squarely in the wrong. Rewatching the episode, in the scene before Dr. Wong and Rick confront Unity the two of them discuss how they are going to convince Unity to take over the President’s hivemind in order to restore everyone. In this discussion they say,

Rick: “So you need to convince [Unity] I’m worth it.”

Dr. Wong: “You aren’t”.

Rick: “So lie”.

A possible interpretation is that Dr. Wong took his advice and said what she thought would be necessary to bring order back to earth which meant placing the blame on Rick. It’s a thought. I don’t know if if clears anything up but that’s kinda how I see it.

Overall, I enjoyed this episode. It wasn’t nearly the fun romp we had with the second episode, but I appreciate a fresh insight into Rick and Unity’s relationship and I like to see Rick gradually warming up to therapy to the point that he values his relationship with Dr. Wong. She’s one of the few people not intimidated by him or afraid to call him out on his BS. Sometimes, finding a therapist that really clicks with you can be a monumental task so Rick got pretty lucky finding the perfect therapist on the first try.

[ingravinoveritas]

Hi Amy, I'm the cursed anon who asked Neil lol (and I guess I'll stay anon for all my life after what happened today). I just wanted to thank you for what you wrote. I was sure my ask would have reached your blog somehow, alas. I don't know what to say, I'm mortified, it's been a rather hard day for me, since I felt completely misunderstood and belittled by someone I looked up to. I'm sorry because I must have phrased my ask in a weird way, an even "creepy" one, it seems.. By the way, I'm so glad you didn't find anything creepy in that, because I don't know for the life of me what I said that was perceived that way. I spent the entire day thinking about it and, at the same time, I tried to distract myself from shame. I don't know how to describe it, but this answer made me question so many things, about my mental health too, and I definitely didn't need that. He could have just said that he didn't quite understand what I meant, instead he only made me feel stupid and fed me to the lions. I mean, of course I know that season 2 is wrapped for example, I just wanted to tell him that maybe this sort of casting might be a future problem for season 3, and that I hope it won't be an issue for season 2, even though I saw many people turning up their nose already. (As I also bloody know that David Tennant and Michael Sheen are actors playing a part, evidently this is not what my concerns were!) I really don't know how to better explain it, English is a hard language to convey things sometimes. Neil doesn't speak any other language than it, and it shows honestly, because he doesn't know how hard it is for someone who is not native; me asking that might have been an impulsive decision, but I really tried to do my best with the language, it was hard, and it's like he pretended he didn't understand nevertheless. I don't know, I'm so disappointed by such a response. I thought it was more likely that he just read and didn't answer, but that condescending response? I didn't expect that. I'm sorry that I made him so sour/sharp/harsh (I don't know which adjective is the more appropriate in this case, and it drives me crazy that it can take so little to be misinterpreted, that's what I was referring to) because evidently I must have offended him or hit a nerve, which was not my intention. I might have been stupid to ask that, but if the ask was so annoying to him, it's not like he was obliged to answer it and being so cruel at the point to completely distort its meaning. Do I regret it? I do, but maybe without all of this, I wouldn't have ever seen this side of him, and I'm for the truth, even if it always tastes bittersweet, so.. Good to know, I guess. 

Sorry for ranting! Oh my god, I didn't realise, it's just that it's still an open wound to me. Coming back to you, I wanted to tell you that even if you might not agree with me (you have all the right not to), your response is actually the kind I expected from a man of power who is twice my age (just saying). Thank you for always being so considerate and tactful, you really did made me feel a little better. I wish there were more people like you in the world, I mean it.

(Sorry for the disappeared ask, I deleted the account after sending it, thinking that it would have stayed in your inbox once it was there.. Well, I was wrong haha. I'm going to delete it after you answer then, I had reactivated it just because you turned the anons off and I wanted to thank you instantly <3)

Hi, Anon. Oh, I am so sorry for what you went through yesterday. I'm also floored to have you reach out to me, as I didn't even realize you were aware of my blog, but I thank you for doing so and sharing your thoughts/feelings with me.

It saddens me so greatly to know how much Neil's response has hurt you, and how it has affected your mental health. If the comments on my post about what happened are indication, however, you are definitely not the only one who felt that his response was not okay. What you said about feeding you to the lions was something one of my followers also mentioned, and whether Neil intended it or not, I would have to agree with that assessment.

The fact is, Neil is a writer. He knows how powerful words can be, and how suggestive. So by calling your question "creepy" in that first sentence, he is creating the lens through which the reader is going to view your question. And so what I would say is that two things can be true here, which is that 1) You have every right to feel the concerns you do, but trying to engage Neil about it was probably not the best idea; and 2) Neil has the right to feel/say what he wants, but deciding to answer your question the way he did instead of simply ignoring it was also probably not the best idea.

I don't know if you've been on his blog at all today, but Neil actually went into a bit more detail about his rationale, re: the use of the word "creepy" in the comments on this post, as part of a back-and-forth exchange with another fan who again brought up the issue of nepotism. I thought I would highlight these two comments in particular:

What I was struck by in the comment on the left was two specific things: 1) Neil's mention of the "undertones" to your question. Going by what you wrote, Anon, as well as the message that you've written here, I do not think there were any undertones to your Ask--with the possible exception of calling Neil's character into question (which, if he was hoping to squash that, it is now beyond ironic that his response to you has achieved the exact opposite); and 2) That someone who has been described as "so Tumblr" and "Neil gets it" would somehow be oblivious to how venomous people can be on social media, especially when encouraged by the creators of their favorite works, and why someone would therefore not want to make themselves a potential target. In just the first sentence of his response to you, however, Neil proved exactly why you were right to use a burner account.

In terms of the comment on the right, we see Neil draw a false equivalence between your question and people criticizing him for casting POC actors in Sandman. This was (in my opinion) Neil doing this fan what he did to you, which is twist around what they were saying as a means of deflection and avoiding answering the question that was actually being asked, which was about nepotism. The other irony for me is him talking about people accusing him of having a secret agenda, while he was the one doing the same thing to you. The only difference is that his assumption ended up having serious consequences, as we are now seeing.

I think you did hit a nerve, Anon, but--as strange as it may sound--I don't think it had anything to do with you. My feeling is that there is something going on with Neil and he is using Tumblr as an outlet--much in the same way that Michael used Twitter as an outlet in 2019/2020. So I do not think you are "cursed" or "made" Neil be salty/harsh--I think he was already this way and took whatever is happening with him out on you. Because if everything was absolutely fine--if what you were mentioning in your question was totally ridiculous and Neil was entirely unbothered by it--I do not think he would have answered it, nor would he still have been engaging this fan about it for hours afterward.

I know this probably won't be of much comfort, and I am sorry. English is not my second language, but I am autistic, and I relate very deeply to what you described about searching so hard for the right words (which is probably why it takes me forever to answer my Anons) because of not wanting to be misunderstood. And I know very well what it's like to have someone you so greatly admired turn out to be not at all what you expected, especially when everyone else's perception of that person is so wildly different.

It is for that reason that I can understand fans on here and Twitter rushing to defend Neil, not wanting to feel that someone they love could possibly do anything wrong. "Neil is a human being" is a comment I've seen frequently...but if we are going to say that Neil is human, then that means he is imperfect. It means he makes mistakes. And it should not be controversial to say this. I've also seen people in the aftermath of this saying how kind Neil is to the fans...but his response to you was unkind. Setting someone up to be a target is not kind. Neil has so many people who write into him who are dealing with mental health issues and concerns, and at best his response to you was thoughtless...but at worst, it sends a message to other fans that they, too, could become targets for absolutely no reason. And while I do not believe that Neil owes the fans anything, having an awareness of the power he wields and a sense of basic human decency does not seem like much to ask.

You do not ever have to apologize for ranting to me, Anon. I'm so glad that what I wrote in my other post helped you to feel better, even if just a little. I am by no means perfect--far from it--but I've been in enough fandoms and had enough heartaches to know that I would want to do anything I could to spare someone else from going through the things I went through. The shame here is not yours for asking a question that yielded a disproportionate overreaction from Neil--the shame belongs to the people who piled onto you because of it.

I want you to know that I was truly touched by your compliments, and that you felt comfortable enough to be so vulnerable with me here. I'm sending you lots of love, as well as the hope that we can continue to have honest discussions about these subjects. A lot of people are with you, and believe me when I again tell you that you are not alone. xx

[lionlena]

This is just a nightmare... (The Last of Us ff/ Joel/Ellie)

When Joel hears Ellie crying for the first time after Silver Lake, he's prepared for another fight. He bursts into the run-down room, gun ready, and... He freezes.

There's no danger there. There's only Ellie curled up on a makeshift bed. He needs a moment to understand the whole situation. His little girl cries in her sleep.

He's still a little rusty in his fatherly reactions. The last time he heard a cry like that was over 20 years ago. He remembers Sarah curled up in bed after some little asshole brutally broke his little girl's heart. But Ellie's crying is different. More pitiful... Maybe even scared. Joel would be the last person in the world who would want to scare her even more. So he carefully leans the gun against the wall and approaches the girl.

He gets down on one knee and gently strokes her.

" Ellie... Wake up..."

He tries to keep his voice soft. Though it's hard after so many years of using a gruff asshole voice.

Ellie opens her eyes sharply. She's ready to jump up and throw herself to fight or run.

Joel takes a step back and holds up his hands.

" Relax, it's just me. You're safe."

She needs a moment. She looks around nervously. Her breathing is quick and shallow.

" I..."

" You had a bad dream."

Ellie nods her head in embarrassment.

" Sorry. I didn't want to bother you."

" No, it's fine. Nothing happened. After all... After..." His voice trails off and he nervously rubs his temple. "You have the right to have nightmares."

 An awkward silence falls between them. Joel doesn't know what to do. Ellie hadn't told him exactly what David wanted do to her. But he guesses.

He's been in this fucked up world for almost 50 years. Even before the infected, there were people who Joel would have castrated with a dull knife.

People who made him shudder thinking about Sarah alone in the wrong neighborhood.

Or about Sarah being home alone at night and forgetting to lock the damn door.

Joel wanted to assure Ellie that he would never hurt her in that way (in any way, actually), but more so than that.

He knows, however, that words won't change anything, and he secretly hopes that she already knows that.

He also knows he shouldn't initiate any touch unless she does it herself.

However, he desperately wants to provide her with a minimum of comfort.

" Go to sleep, it's still early. If you want, I'll sit with you."

Her nod is almost imperceptible, but he doesn't miss it.

He sits next to her, leaving a few inches between them. It's Ellie moving in. She rests her forehead against his thigh and falls asleep. When her breathing is calm enough, Joel adjusts the blanket over her and strokes her head. Looking at her sleeping face, he feels his heart expand painfully. He would like to hide her in that heart, so that nothing and no one can reach her anymore. Instead, he makes a tacit promise to himself that he won't let anyone else hurt her.

 The next day, Ellie seems to be better. She jokes a few times and asks him questions he has no idea how to answer. Joel, however, notices subtle changes in her. Like she sticks close to him. So his hand is still touching her shoulder.

A few months earlier he would have been irritable about it. He would move away from her, maybe even growl at her to keep her from getting under his feet.

But everything has changed, and he's forcing himself not to put his arm around her again. Like when he found her in the snow and saw her face covered in blood.

However, he knows that it would be too much for her. She needs him, she still trusts him and feels safe with him, but she is the one who sets the boundaries.

 That's why Joel strictly adheres to these boundaries. Whenever Ellie has a nightmare, he tries to wake her up with his voice. Each time he asks her if he should sit next to her or lie down next to her. Ellie never refuses but he never stops asking.

 However, a few weeks later, when they happen to be camping in the woods, her nightmare becomes stronger. Ellie not only cries but also screams "leave me" and throws herself after bed. Joel needs to stop it. Not just because it breaks his heart, but also because someone might hear them.

 However, his voice doesn't work on her this time. Joel finally breaks down and grabs her hands.

" Ellie, wake up... You're safe. It's me Joel..."

When she finally wakes up, her eyes are open with terror. It breaks his heart.

Ellie looks at his hands tightening around her wrists and Joel quickly pulls away.

" Sorry. I had to wake you up."

He expects the worst. A scream, a push, or that Ellie hating him.

However, only one broken word comes out of her mouth:

" Joel..."

All her pain, fear and plea are contained in that one word. Her request that he take it all away. A request that he take this whole nightmare away. But that's one thing Joel can't do. It doesn't matter how hard he tries.

He decides to take a risk and trust his fatherly instinct. He opens his arms ready for a hug and says:

" I'm so sorry babygirl."

Ellie jumps into his arms. She wraps her hands tightly around his neck and cries. And Joel is holding her and rocking her.

They are still in the woods. There is still a risk of someone hearing them but her cries are now muffled by his arms. And he's not going to let her go.

He will hold her as long as she needs it.

Because she's his daughter now.

His babygirl.

*Polish version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46126210

[darklydeliciousdesires]

The Dream - Chapter Nine.

Apologies the update is late, guys. I had one of my dearest friends home from America come and visit today, and I haven’t seen her for about ten years so it was good to sit and have a lovely long catch up with her! Thanks to those of you who are showing continued interest, even though I feel it has waned a little. In light of such, I’m going to lower the note count to 30 per chapter. Kinda don’t really know what else to do. 

I just hope people still love it and aren’t getting fed up. Maybe it’s too slow burn, I dunno, but at least this chapter brings them together in reality, so there’s that. I’ll just muddle along being an insecure mess, haha! 

Previous chapters - Prologue  One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed (note: those not engaging will be automatically removed from the tag list, FYI)

Words - 2,611

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

“So, why Utah, mano?” Bishop asked, getting a few more details from Angel over his impending mini-break for three and a half days a few hundred miles north.  

“Thought I’d embarrass myself on a snowboard again. I ain’t all that on actual snow, even though I do well on a dry slope.”  

“Ahh,” Bishop sounded, seeming surprised. “You still at that, even after breaking up with Lucy? I kinda thought it was only for her benefit, you actually moving other than to lift heavy things.” True, Angel had only taken up the sport because of his ex and her passion for it, however, he’d stuck at it upon realising he was actually reasonably decent.

“Ahem, aren’t you forgetting something?” He immediately side eyed the person who he knew would betray his reply, one Sharise Reyes who had piped up, and who did not disappoint. “That isn’t the only reason! He’s going to meet a fine little honey up there, aren’t you, Cassanova?”  

Coco couldn’t help himself. “Pfft, Cassanova. Our boy is more...” he paused, snapping his fingers. “What was that beat up, shitty little British import car was got in the other day?”  

Bishop began to hiss with laughter immediately. “A Vauxhall Nova!”  

“Yeah,” Coco grinned. “He that.”

“Fuck all of y’all,” Angel spat, sinking a shot of tequila as his friends roared laughing. “And you, with your big yap!” he then added to Sharise, who just grinned with mirth.  

“So, who’s the chula, homes?” Coco asked, ready to fire out a little more razzing.

“Just a girl I got talking to on Insta initially, so yeah, gonna go up and meet her.” Only his brother and Sharise knew the truth, and as far as he was concerned, that was the way it would stay.  

Coco’s eyebrows rose. “Yeah? Lemme get a peep at her.”  

Angel took out his phone, finding a picture she’d sent him the other day of her new hair, having it chopped just above her shoulders and highlighted with blonde tones. Turning the screen to him, he smirked at witnessing Coco’s eyes practically fall out of his skull.  

“Damn, she fine as hell. What the fuck does she see in your crusty ass?” He received a raised middle finger for that comment, laughing hard as he handed Angel his phone back. Not even the razzing he received from everyone assembled at the table could dent him, though. He couldn’t wait to meet Keri in the flesh.  

As for the girl herself, she was utterly fizzing with excited nerves, looking forward to spending just over three days with him, which would have been just two, had she not had a study day on Friday, and only one lecture to get to on Monday afternoon. Her idea of a study day would be to take him snowboarding with Frankie and Rachel, Keri loving that it was something they had in common.

Every so often, though, a little flare of anxiety would streak through her, wondering if he, at thirty-six, would be content with hanging out with a bunch of twenty-two-year-olds, in the times where it wasn’t just them. Also, what if he didn’t like her in the flesh? What if the ease they felt towards one another only existed in their dreams?  

“Hey, can I get an answer here?”  

David’s words roused her from her thoughts, looking over to see him holding up two boxes of cereal.  

“Those, please,” she replied, pointing at the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. He placed them in the cart, locating Meryl’s chocolate and coconut granola and tossing the bag in, turning back to Keri. He’d finished early from work, collecting his stepdaughter at college and heading to the store so Meryl didn’t have to once she was done with her long day.  

“You seem a little distant this evening.”  

“Sorry,” she smiled, turning the corner of the aisle, picking up their regular brand of olive oil. “I’m just anxious about Angel coming up.”  

He made a silent ‘ah’ face, nodding in understanding. “You know, little, I’m glad you at least confided in me about him visiting, so I know where you’ll have disappeared to all weekend. Good plan too, having him stay at Frankie and Jaime’s with you. I know you have your unique time with him, but still, you don’t know him. Much safer, having your buddies close by. Frankie sure is efficient with that baseball bat, from all the home runs I remember her scoring on the high school team.”  

“Let’s hope he doesn’t turn out to be someone who needs to be Lucille’d, minus the barbed wire, huh?” she laughed, referencing one of the favourite TV shows, The Walking Dead.  

“No!” he exclaimed, picking up crackers. “Cheese or seeded?”

“Both, toss ‘em in!” She spied the brand of dried strawberry cookies she loved, placing those in as well, looking back up at David. “You’re not gonna tell her, are you?”

“Psht! Of course, I’m not! I’ll let you get your first meet with him over, decide if you feel like you’re gonna see him again, and then you can tell her. Yeah, she’ll likely be pissed that I didn’t share it with her, but we know how she is. She worries; she’s your mom, she loves you to death. Just make sure you check in with me a couple of times, though, so I know you’re alright.”

“Of course, I will.” She promised, continuing down the aisle. Looking at her watch, she despaired of herself, counting the hours. Fifty and a half to go, and he’d be landing in Provo at 6:30pm on Thursday. Seven hundred and eighty miles south, and someone else was feeling a few trepidations about that time, too.  

“You're nervous, aren't you? C'mon you can tell me, I won't say anything to EZ,” said Sharise, she and Angel sitting outside of the clubhouse together, enjoying the last of the warmth before the temperature dipped.

“I don’t know if nervous is the right word. Like, I’m not nervous about meeting her because she’s a girl I’m into, and I wanna see if there could be something there, but I am about what it’s all stemmed from. I dunno if that makes any sense to anyone else, but it does to me.”  

His revelation landed well with her, Sharise taking the blunt she had rested behind her ear and lighting it up. “I hear you, Angel. It’ll further cement her existence in reality, or more pertinently, your reality. I can imagine it’s s prospect that’s making your head spin, despite the fact you’re chatting to her regularly. Meeting her makes it a hundred percent real, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly it, Bob.” He hesitated for a minute, Sharise side eyeing him as she passed the blunt.  

“What else, Angel?”

He took a long drag, holding the smoke tightly in his chest, steadily exhaling it again in a thick plume down his nose. “I kinda don’t know how to play it. We say we’re just friends and shit, but it’s obvious that there’s a little more there. Attraction at the very least. She’s shy, though, and I don’t know how to be around shy women. I ain’t being arrogant, but I’m not used to that.”  

“That’s not arrogant, I mean you’re right, they do usually throw themselves at you and you have to do very little to instigate that. Just let Keri take the lead, hold back, add about a half pound of subtlety to your flirting. Be charming without being like a sexual A bomb going off.” Her hand gripped his shoulder, stroking his arm. “I have faith in you. See where it all goes, and if she seems comfortable, then there you go. I know you’re not always the best at picking up on subtleties...”  

He was immediately affronted, interrupting to voice such. “Hey, I can read cues!”

She scoffed softly, taking the blunt back from him. “A skill that’s entirely dependent on your alcohol intake, so just keep that to a minimum and you’ll be fine. Like I said, I have faith in you.”

“I’m glad someone does.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, resting his head to hers. If he had a best friend in the world, they came as a pair. His brother and Sharise. That night, he arrived home at 1am, crawling into bed and falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, finding himself in a dream.  

He walked a sunny beach, the wet sand warm and squidgy beneath his bare feet, seeing a figure standing further along the shoreline.  

“Nice ocean, huh?” Keri turned to him, smiling, reaching to give him a hug.  

“Yeah, it is.” She looked out over the crystal blue sea, her eyes finding the waves, the sunlight making the green hues in her hazel eyes sparkle like pale emeralds. “So, we meet up for real tomorrow. Not gonna lie, I’m kinda shitting myself.”

He laughed softly, a little grunt through his nose. “Why? It’s only me, and you do sort of know me a little bit already.”

She shrugged within his embrace. “I guess that’s true, but still.”

“You’ll be fine, we both will. It’ll be weird though, won’t it? Weird but good.”  

She was about to reply, but the dream changed suddenly, a large wave appearing out of nowhere and breaking onto the beach, pulling her beneath the water. Angel looked all around for her, running to the ocean and diving in, searching beneath the water for her to no avail. He then felt a pull within his abdomen, opening his eyes to see himself back in the white bedroom.  

Turning to his side, he saw her there, curled up asleep. He reached over, stroking her head with the back of his knuckle, Keri not stirring. He felt calm settle over him, slipping from the dream into undisturbed sleep.  

By the time the day of his departure came, he was a picture of chilled, merely experiencing little ripples of excitement rushing through him every time he thought about it throughout the morning. Keri, however...

“Beets! You're gonna have the college billing you for the groove you’re wearing in the carpet. Come sit, fuck! You’re exhausting me just witnessing the pacing!”

Up and down the study suite Keri paced, nerves twisting through her, little pulses of energy she had no idea how to get rid of or redirect making her feel nauseous. “I’m nervous, alright?”

Frankie tilted her head back, amusement playing her features. “Oh, really? I could never tell.”

“This is not the time for sarcasm,” she pouted, her wrist being caught as she was promptly steered into a seat.

“No, but it is the time for calming you down a little,” she spoke, grasping her hands, her thumbs stroking her knuckles. “So, what’s the plan? You gonna meet us at The Lounge later, or just head back to ours and bang the pull out into a brand-new shape?”

“Frances!”

She snort laughed immediately. “Oh god, you called me by my actual name. Must be bad!”

“What if he doesn’t like me?”

Frankie was even further entertained by that. “Sure, he’s flying over seven hundred miles to meet a girl he doesn’t like.”

“You know what I mean!” Keri pulled herself back then, taking a breath. “Sorry, that was a little sharp.”

She received a shrug, Frankie knowing well how wound up she could get. “S’okay.”

“You know what I mean though, right? What if he thinks I’m a total calamity?”

“You are a total calamity, beets. This is why we love you, though. I’m sure Angel will find that endearing. Just try not to spill anything on him.”

Her eyes widened instantly. “Oh god, don’t jinx me!”

Frankie clapped as she threw her head back, laughing hard. “You’re adorable, I swear. For real, though, try to calm down a little, save you making yourself all jittery. I would say let’s go for a few drinks, but you’re driving. I dunno, maybe do some deep breathing exercises?”  

“I think taking my mind off it might work, either that or I need to go and jog around the campus, rid myself of this nervous energy.”

“Nope, you’ll get all sweaty.” Ahhh, she made a good point. “Okay, I’m choosing Instagram funnies.” Frankie was glad to get a few laughs out of her, but she saw it clearly, the fact that beneath the cheerful veneer, she was still panicking. That mood lasted long into the early evening, too.

“What if he only wants to meet up so he can bang me?” she put to her friends, sitting with them in The Lounge, waiting for the time she had to leave. Twenty-two minutes and sixteen seconds. Yes, she was down to counting the seconds tick by.  

“Then is he really any great loss?” Jaime put to her.

“Alright, I guess that’s sensible.” Silence passed, Frankie and Jaime waiting on it, for they knew there’d be further musings added. “What if he takes one look at me, turns and walks away?”

Frankie snorted. “Now you’re just being ridiculous! You have that man all over your Insta, telling you how pretty you are, and all over you in your dreams, for crying out loud! Look, I know it’s early, but why don’t you leave now, get there nice and early, have a coffee, try not to spill it on yourself, and just woosah for a little while?”  

Woosah? She’d require about ten shots of tequila all sunk one after the other to achieve such a state of relaxed ambience, but agreed that Frankie’s idea was a good one, giving them both a hug before departing. Keri was glad to have taken that advice, the traffic absolutely hellish, since a burst pipe had meant the usual route she’d have taken to the airport now incurred a detour, one which crawled slowly, such was the volume of rerouted traffic.  

“Calm and easy, calm and easy.” she repeated to herself, trying not to think he’d be wondering if she’d stood him up, since the traffic meant she’d be arriving ten minutes after he’d landed. After parking, she hurried through the airport over to the correct terminal, finding it and seeing the gate had been shut, meaning all passengers had alighted. He was there, somewhere.  

“Hey, pretty girl.” Right behind her. That was where he was.

“Don't sneak up on me like that!” she cried, turning and then feeling her heart practically catapult out of her chest, witnessing him in the flesh for the first time. God, he was even more attractive in person. It made her feel weak inside, like it was finally confirmed to her. He was real, right there in front of her.  

“You walked past me, I was coming back from fetching my bag. Anyway, there's something more important here. I haven't been hugged yet.” Placing his bag down on the floor, he smiled down at her, opening his arms. It felt beyond strange to have her sink into them in reality, the whole situation hitting him in the chest, but god, it was wonderful.  

She fitted perfectly against him, just tall enough in her boots for him to be able to rest his chin atop her head as he held her, thinking to himself how tiny and cute she was, even more so than her pictures had shown.

As they stood there, content in each other's embrace, they didn’t speak, both a little spooked out at the craziness of it. After everything, there they were, the utterly inconceivable had drawn them together in reality, and for that moment, time stood perfectly still. They were more than happy to let it, too.