#however me transitioning in the near future is not lol

[catboybiologist]

The WOKE TRANSGENDER MOB is taking yet another FEMBOY ICON

Fucking bullshit. Fucking BULLSHIT. The woke mob is now saying that beloved femboy icon, CatboyBiologist, is trans and will be medically transitioning. First brisket and now this? Why doesn’t everything conform to the image that I formed in my head for my own benefit? This is forced diversity at its finest.

Look at these absolutely deranged quotes that they’ve CLEARLY forced him to say:

“I didn’t like being masculine from the onset of puberty, and being a ‘femboy’ was a valuable part of figuring out what exactly I wanted to do with that feeling. I’ve been figuring things out for a while, and I currently have appointments lined up to start HRT by the end of this month (August 2023).”

Have they no limits? Have they no shame? CLEARLY this is a fake flag by the sjw communist animal farm 1984 alphabet soup mafia elites to trans the gender of the most cisgender person in existence. It’s abundantly clear that once you represent your gender expression in a particular way, it is completely static and never changes. Exploration is strictly off limits. You’re only a real transgender if your mother gives birth in the endocrinologists office and you get your HRT prescription at 23 seconds old, otherwise you’re a filthy AGP cuck.

As we all know, femboys exist so that I can jack off to men and claim “it’s still straight if it’s femboys bro”, allowing me to ignore my deeply repressed bisexuality. If no femboy is safe from the transing of the genders, then how will I be able to have an outlet for my attraction to men? Finding community and healthily expressing it in a way that doesn’t involve me fetishizing gender nonconformity and unhealthily bottling up my queerness? Fucking disgusting.

We all know that there’s absolutely no precedent for using gender nonconforming cultural trends to explore ones identity before transitioning. That’s why every drag queen has always been a 100% cis man and none have ever pursued transition ever.

Clearly the goal here is to erase feminine men and convert boys into the alphabet mafia. As a someone who regularly jacks off to femboys, I have personally appointed myself as the authority on all things related to gender nonconformity, and I refuse to bow down to the wokeness that is queer people who actually go outside. As this authority, I know from my depths of experience mindlessly scrolling through anime femboys online that femboys are a completely different thing than the lgbtqiaabcdefg rabble, and that they’re based whereas real gay people and gender nonconforming people are cringe. Absolutely no overlap exists between trans people and the gender nonconforming cis people whatsoever. With this authority and knowledge, I have pledged to personally divide and destroy any semblance of queer unity present in the online microcosms I find myself in. And because of this, I have to speak out against this trans agenda.

BULLSHIT I say. They’re transing the genders of the femboys and I won’t stand for it.

[barblaz-arts]

What do you think is in store for Charlie and Vaggie's relationship in season 2? I ask because their VAs, I can't find the link, stated that the couple are "at the core of the show". What are your thoughts?

With all the parallels between Chaggie and Lucilith and the similarities between Lucifer and Vaggie, I really hope the future seasons more explicitly explores it. An ideal Chaggie/Lucilith episode for me would be setup like this

In an early episode(maybe the third one)Lucifer visits the Hotel in search of Charlie, but Vaggie informs him that Charlie is out dealing with stuff for the season's overarching plot.

Things are awkward. Lucifer tries to lighten the mood by being an actual good dad and asking about how Vaggie and Charlie met.

Vaggie tells it via a song number while a montage of Chaggie's life pre-dating to them getting together is played throughout(to save time). In the second part of the song, Vaggie asks about how Lucifer and Lilith fell in love just as an attempt to bond, and Lucifer starts off happy to reminisce, showing even more parallels of their love story, until the song gets to how the divorce happens, and suddenly the parallels dont seem so sweet.

The song ends on a bittersweet note, with the hangups of a failed marriage and the anxiety it causes a younger generation's love in the air, and Lucifer tries to save the moment by saying that Vaggie and Charlie would do better than them

Episode ends with Charlie getting back home from dealing with the episode's B plot and Lucifer needing to head back to his place, the last frame would of him alone in his home full of ducks and looking at the wedding ring he still wears, and then the shot transitioning from his ring to a box Vaggie hastens to hide as Charlie walks into the bedroom they share

And as they deal with Lilith and get more info on why their marriage failed, Vaggie is given even more reasons to hold off proposing. Near the end of the season, Lucifer finds out that Vaggie wants to propose, and sings a short reprise of the song from the earlier episode, the bittersweet part of the original song being turned into something more hopeful as he encourages Vaggie through song.

I'd love for Lucifer and Lilith to get back together after all this, but im not sure yet if that's where the show wants to take us. However things end I hope it would be a fitting ending for everyone. And that Charlie and Vaggie get married lol

I'm not delusional enough to think that all of this would actually be happening. But I hope something close to it does,

[my-mt-heart]

Wait, what do you mean with "half of the EPs are misogynistic, ageist assholes"? Have you watched the first eps of TBOC? Also, what makes you think they are doing this marketing mess because of richonne fans? Have they campaigned for Caryl to split or smth? I try to stay away from social media except Tumblr so I dunno what's up, but I'm seein ppl worrying and even considering not watching so I'm getting concerned... One thing about richonne stans... i think some of them (quite a lot actually) deep down wanted michonne to get together with daryl. That is the vibe they constantly give me because why are they always talking about daryl, attending norman's events (i was there), stanning him like a very dedicated fan? never seen them being THAT passionate about andy/rick. I mean they got rick and i believe they love it but daryl is just like that cool bad boy you had a crush on and never got together with, y'know... otherwise why cconstantly being all over our business?

The marketing strategy for TOWL was rooted in competition, positioning the characters as the best while passive aggressively tearing down other characters/ships/actors, and that seems to be spilling into TBOC's strategy as well in order to keep TOWL's fanbase on the hook (the comments on a couple of posts made by official accounts about Caryl's "friendship" were full of Richonne fans mocking Caryl/Caryl fans). It's a short-sighted strategy to bring in more viewers and it'll backfire. They should be focusing on getting all Caryl fans onboard, the ones who are wary because of what happened a couple years ago and the ones who left many years back, and growing that viewership along with drawing viewers who might have an interest in other elements of the show that doesn't directly conflict with the interests of viewers they can rely on the most to invest long-term.

Side note, because I see this coming up a lot too: Yes, Daryl and Carol are friends. It never bothered me when Caryl called the other their best friend in the context of the story because 1) as many have pointed out and as I wholeheartedly believe, the best romantic relationships are rooted in deep friendship 2) it has never been written to exclude the possibility of fans seeing their friendship transition into a full-blown romance 3) I trusted I would see the payoff in the near future. However. When you beat the audience over the head with it in the promotion, when you know your core audience has built up expectations after a prolonged wait, when your showrunner isn't trustworthy, and when you're encouraging other fans to invalidate Caryl fans' experience, I do have a problem with the word "friends." No, they can't spoil what might happen for Daryl and Carol in the show, but that doesn't mean they have to define the relationship at all when they're promoting it. For Example: "Relive the moment this incredible bond took root" (if they want the flower imagery without the alliteration lol) is vague enough to encompass all perspectives until it's explicitly defined in the show, and it should be defined as romantic since, again, that's what the core audience wants.

I don't spend time in the Richonne fandom, so I don't know what the draw is to Daryl's character. People can have a variety of interests for a variety of reasons, but at least from what I can gather, some of it isn't genuine and some of it is about what Daryl's position as a character and Norman's position as an actor can do for them as well as what they don't want it to do for Carol and her fans. That's as far as I want to delve into it right now seeing as though any mention of Richonne from a Caryler is viewed as an attack, which this is not, and I don't have the emotional capacity for unnecessary fighting.

[clarynewme]

hello! I sent you my information in private messages. I just realized I forgot to ask a question lol. you can use any chart you’d like, but I was wondering how (and perhaps when) I’d meet my future partner. I’m curious about their first impressions, etc. feel free to share other thoughts, negative or positive! thank you so much! take care of yourself and have a lovely day :)

Hi😊 For your reading I am going to use mostly vedic astrology.

Just from the timing you could actually be meeting a potential marriage or long term partner this year👀 because in D1 chart saturn is transiting in your 5th house of dating (means serious relationships) it could also signify online dating/friendships to lovers (meeting through friends or online) because of aquarius energy. 

Additionally we have rahu/ketu in pisces/virgo transiting your jupiter+ketu+venus in virgo in your 12th house, this possibly means you might meet a past life partner/soulmate through dreams; maybe you could get back with an ex or reach  closure on unfinished business if you've dated before; analysing your personal values around love, service, physical/mental health, spirituality, material or financial themes, work, routine, etc. Dreams and manisfestation are really prominent. (You should pay attention to your dreams). 

D9 CHART 

We are currently having taurus jupiter affecting your scorpio/taurus 1st/7th house axis and scorpio moon influencing you and your relationships (confirmation of meeting your future spouse as well). With moon being affected could be family/mother maybe pregnancy (for that I would have to analyse other factors). This could also indicate a transformative /intense/karmic experience might happen in your life specially around yourself/home/family environment. 

D7 CHART  

Looking at your D7 chart you have rahu/ketu in aquarius/leo in 5th/11th house, jupiter in leo , (online dating is here again). You have 7th lord mars (mars is also your 7th lord in D1) in virgo 12th house aspecting saturn in pisces 6th house (dreams/past life partner keeps showing up !!!😱😱😱) 

When jupiter, saturn, rahu/ketu are transiting in the same or opposite sign of sun, saturn, rahu/ketu in D7 chart it indicates a major event might happen during this time of your life like meeting your future spouse or a partner, engagement, pregnancy, career,success,fame, breakup, divorce etc.(This technique is by Camila Regina from tiktok).  

DASHA/TIME PERIODS

You are currently running jupiter dasha which is great for marriage (2024 to 2040). If we dig deeper you are in jupiter-jupiter dasha until 2026 so these 2 years are fundamental ! If you want to know specific time periods you can DM me. 

But I am leaning towards you meeting someone during full moon pisces in 18 september; near the solar eclipse 2 october (virgo) this year ; around the eclipse season in march 2025.

However from the conversation I had with you before, I think the person you heard from your friend might be a potential long term partner, because in your D1 chart you have 5th lord saturn in your 10th house cancer conjunct mercury and we are currently having a new moon in cancer. Not just that but you have moon Darakaraka in gemini (mercury is the ruler and is in cancer)...maybe you met him through hobbies/work/education/children/creativity/celebration/friends/online/siblings/communication etc and with the confirmation from saturn transit in your 5th house aquarius (friends)👀👀👀 (He could have libra/aries in big 3 placements accordingly to solar return before your birthday but if you actually meet him in person near/after your birthday he could have leo/aquarius)

NOTE1: Remember that we might have many soulmates and potential long term partners.

DARAKARAKA

In regards to Mrigashira gemini moon Darakaraka  in 9th house your spouse could embody these characteristics: sensitive, nurturing, emotional, values family and home/country, charming, communicative, sociable, friendly, lucky, fortunate, creative, optimistic,curious, youthful,persuasive, spiritual/religious, tricky, flirty, well educated (have a high education),intelligent, dualistic, honest/blunt, loves travelling/arts/philosophy/adventure/freedom, adventurous, intelligent, seeks the truth, good sense of humor, know it all, use logic to process his emotions, anxious, ambivert, etc. 

He could actually be a foreigner or have different culture/ethnicity/religion(9th house energy).

Darakaraka is aspecting by 4th aspect virgo jupiter+ketu+mercury which means the relationship might be based on communication, spirituality, beliefs, understanding, expressing emotions using logic and analysis, learning together, travelling together, discussions/debates, routine, work, physical/mental health, balancing the material with spirituality, ( superficial versus deep connection and reason versus emotion).

There could be certain misunderstandings, detachment issues and criticizing/nitpicking each other. 

Lastly your moon DK is aspecting pisces rahu by 10th house which indicates your fs might be emotionally connected to his work : service, spirituality, health like alternative medicine, etc . 

JUPITER

Jupiter is also significator of spouse/marriage, your jupiter is in chitra virgo: bright, famous, beautiful, creative, artistic, attention to detail, independent, passionate, desire for beauty, refinement, dynamic, desire for innovation, youthful, organized, nitpicking, critical, logical, health conscious, self care, neat freak, perfectionist, hardworking, active, service oriented, etc. Examples of virgo chitra natives are Doja Cat, Harry Styles, Olivia Rodrigo, Ana de Armas, etc.

7TH LORD D1

Your 7th lord aries bharani mars it's actually in 7th house. This means your partner could be attractive, well dressed, seductive, hot, influential, ambitious, competitive, assertive, active, direct, blunt, passionate, creative, romantic, intense, possessive, youthful, intense, agressive, egoistical, fast paced, goal oriented, leader, loves sports and arts, values independence, luxury, comfort and money (bharani is a venus nakshatra), mirror you (twinflame/soulmate energies -> 7th house and bharani), etc. This also shows a strong focus on creative partnerships and doing business together. (Gym dates, artistic activities, risky activities, adventure, etc) Despite the physical attraction, strong chemistry and passion, you might experience a lot of conflicts and fights cause mars is a malefic planet. 

Your 7th lord is aspecting cancer saturn in 10th house by 4th aspect. This reeinforces working together. Yet it can show problems when balancing work/career and relationships. There could be high standards, expectations, tension between desires and responsibilities and power struggles.He could be workaholic, determined, hardworking, overcoming obstacles, he could care about his reputation a lot, father/family could have some influence. Work makes him happy.

7TH LORD D9

7th lord in D9 could also show future spouse characteristics and how will be the marriage.

You have 7th lord in gemini punarvasu só there is another strong confirmation of communication; balance between independence/individuality and union/friendship; hobbies/interrsts/skills; learning; intellectuality. Spouse can be social, communicative, adaptable, youthful, restless, charming, intelligent, dualistic, wise, generous, overgiving, oversensittive, nurturing, optimistic, emotional, etc.

APPEARANCE + CAREER + SYMBOLISM

When it comes to appearance fs would have femininie fair/smooth/soft hands/fingers; prominent chest/thighs/hips; round features; dimples; muscular, stocky; defined hips/butt; short to average height; have reddish or dark features; masculine facial features, etc(You can find more from Camila Regina tiktok🤌)

For your future spouse career I am trying out this tecnique the 10th sign from 7th lord in D1 or D9 could indicate possible fields: 

D1 Capricorn so anything related to leadership, human resources, engineering, medicine, law/legal, real estate, construction, entrepreneur, environment/aggriculture, politics, creative fields involving structure like graphic designer,event planners, father figure, CEO, boss, etc.

D9 Pisces so anything related to spirituality, philosophy, creative arts, healthcare, counselling, psychology, social/community service, education, menthorship, design, fashion, architecture, freelancing, media and communication, etc

Regarding your meeting, pay attention to symbolisms of these signs: 

Libra: library, fashion, beauty, museum, arts, law, scales, skin, wedding, arranged match, blind date, balance, self care, etc...

Pisces: fish, dreams,  manifestation, sushi, Internet, water activities, sea, beach, duplicate, spirituality, arts, music, feet, shoes, "Plenty of fish", fantasy movies, media, travelling, etc...

Aquarius: color aqua, waterfall, watercarrier, spirituality,  tarot, astrology, Internet, technology, online, science, sea animals, dam, arts, accident, sudden, Electricity, aquarium, social media, groups, friends, etc...

Aries: They can aproach you first, military, firefighter, police, speed, leader, fast things, fast food, cars, race, fights, wounds, physical, body, gym, sports, first something, "first place in", ram, horns, goat, etc...

NOTE2: libra and pisces from vedic ; aries and aquarius from tropical chart 

(This technique is by Camila Regina on tiktok💗)

Vedic Astrology placements D1/D9 (includes atmakaraka AK):

Aries/ Libra/ Virgo/Pisces/Leo/Aquarius/Gemini/Sagittarius/Cancer/Capricorn 

Mars/moon/mercury/jupiter/venus/ketu nakshatras or influence 

Okay I think I am done😅 I hope you like this reading if you do leave feedback on my page🙏 And let me know if it resonates👌it helps improving my readings🫶💜

P.S. I forgot to say you have jupiter conjunct ketu retrograde this confirms your spouse could be either a past life partner/soulmate or a past relationship you've had, an ex (in your case it's soulmate). (Retrograde and ketu are connected to the past)

[hogsnout]

I post NSFW content, please do not follow if under 18!!

05.03.2024: I am planning on transitioning off of tumblr, hopefully in the near future. However this is still where I am most active by force of habit, lol. You can also find me on cohost, toyhouse, and discord @/hogsnout.

Hi I'm Boo! I'm an artist, writer, and friend of pigs 🐽

white + TME

My stone dyke sideblog is @stonefem!

Wormeaters intro post

Tags directory below cut ⬇️

#🖼️: others' art gallery

#snout art: my art!

#besnouted: pigs and other snoutbeasts

#the sensory: sensory aesthetic I use as art inspiration

[imperfectwritings]

(This was posted 4 months ago, before all the new releases..)

My marketing class is about to end. This means I’ve learning a few things and those scarves that were dropped within what I call “The Prince Store” are a perfect example of a marketing strategy that seems to work (in a way..) and I wanted to share my 2 cents on allll the things.

Bare with me. I’m not the best at explaining.

When #Prince’s earthly journey ended and he transitioned to begin the greatest journey of all, his estate took over his affairs. This means that the estate took control of his money, the properties he owned, and in his case, his music, which included the infamous VALUT. His estate is also responsible for keeping his legacy alive and well, and is also responsible for introducing P to new audiences through whatever avenues are available to the estate and those running it.

In my eyes, P’s estate has been incredibly generous. Since he transitioned, roughly 150 songs alone have been released from the vault (per @DarlingNisi. I would’ve never known that..I’m not that good at counting lol). 150 songs. Not albums. SONGS. 150 over the last 6 years. Considering other estates seem to barely release anything, I find that incredibly generous.

150 songs have been released from the legendary vault.

Let’s not forget the reissues, SD’s, box sets etc.

However, P’s music isn’t enough. Not anymore.

The estate’s marketing strategy is simple – they’re using a combination content marketing aka, educating potential customers / fams about Prince and the many layers of his legacy. They’re also using social media marketing to build brand awareness and traffic to not only the Prince store, but to Paisley Park’s site as well for tour purchases.

They’re focusing on the bigger picture which is to keep P’s legacy alive for the unforeseeable future. In order to do that, they have to “keep up with the times” per se.

Let me explain.

Scarves were released. 100% silk, nice scarves. BUT, the scarves are interesting. The eras and symbols don’t match and some scarves are way to busy. But scarves, especially silk, are fashionable. Fashion sells, especially to the younger generation, who may not know lots about P.

In other words, nice fashion entices the younger generation to buy. This equals revenue to keep his legacy intact.

Bedding? Revenue.

That generic Purple Rain t-shirt we’ve been seeing at Walmart and practically everywhere else? Revenue.

Revenue allows #PaisleyPark to keep operating. It allows for future generations to learn about Prince and what he was all about by exploring his creative sanctuary. Without revenue such as The Prince Store and generic t-shirt sales, Paisley Park would more than likely be unable to continue functioning as a museum due to the fact that music sales alone aren’t enough to keep it open.

Yes, we (the purple fam) know that #Prince wasn’t about obsolete things such as what the Estate is putting out (bedding for example). We know he was about HIS MUSIC and that he was very meticulous when it came to his image and how he was perceived by the public.

However, P did not leave any instructions as to how he wanted his legacy to continue. He passed without that information being known. Because he passed intestate (without a will), it is up to The Estate and those in charge of it, to keep his legacy alive by any means necessary.

Yes, each time a song is played, the estate gets money. But it’s nowhere near enough to upkeep a legacy as big as Prince’s.

Therefore, their marketing strategy is working double fold. Younger generations are getting into P. They’re buying the ‘generic’ merch, they’re listening to his music, making dances to them on Tiktok, which broadens the audience that gets exposed to him and his work. They’re learning about him in ways that allows for brand awareness, reach, and ultimately, conversions (sales) through websites and in-person such as the gift shop inside the MSP airport, and Paisley Park.

Since the legend himself isn’t here to continue his legacy, it’s his estate’s job to do so.

Prince gave us SO much during his time on earth.

The estate will release and do things that we may not like as people who knew what P really cared about, which was music, but his estate will release things that cater to EVERYBODY, including the younger generation(s) who may only know Purple Rain.

By doing so, it allows for Prince’s legacy to continue and shine on for a long, long time.

The estate is doing its job. P was also all about mentoring and helping younger artists, as well as wanting his music to reach younger generations, hence why he joined Twitter and began using the internet. In a way, that was his marketing strategy.

If you think about it from a marketing standpoint, the estate is doing what he wanted — For people to discover who he was as an artist through his music, and now, other avenues as well.

“As an artist, I want to share my music with others. I crave the experience of writing and sharing with others. It is what I do as an artist; as a human being. I take pleasure in the fact that others are able to share in my joy once the process is complete.”

The estate will never be able to please everyone. But ultimately, they have to look at what is best for PRINCE and his legacy, above all else. That job can’t be an easy one!

Love 4 One Another still stands today and I feel blessed to be apart of Prince’s legacy, now and forever.

💜

(Photo credit: Richard E. Arron)

(Letter credit: https://medium.com/@anildash/message-from-the-artist-c611535da21c#.fh3jz8mi5)

[my-lunaberg]

I went on a TftSMP binge yesterday before watching The Maze for the first time and I thought it would be fun to rank them :D Thats it, lets start !!

The Beach Episode: Ive only watched this one once when it first came out and it was so boring and I disliked it so much that when it came time to watch it again as part of my rewatch(es), I just didnt. The premise is fun enough but the execution is really lacking and I really hate how it breaks continuity, I know its petty but that kinda stuff is really important to me. I dont have much else to say, I didnt like it very much and if it were up to me, it wouldnt be canon but it clearly is so. whatever

The Haunted Mansion: Again, the premise is fun and I like the idea of a tale taking place in like, the near future and still featuring some characters we know from the present day mixed in with original characters, but again, I thought the execution was lacking. TftSMP lives and dies by its characters imo and I didnt particularly like any of them. The twins were pretty cute and I always enjoy Schlatt's performance but idk it just wasnt enough for me

The Town That Never Was: Honestly, I keep forgetting this one and I wasnt sure if I should even watch it since I didnt watch it the first time around but I watched it now and I cant say I regret it. It does feel very disconnected and it does feel weird to count it as part of TftSMP but its a neat little episode 0-type thing (even if it does feel pretty out of character for Karl ngl lol)

The Village That Went Mad: Ah, the one that started it all. Im so glad the fandom looked at this one and collectively decided that Karl was a time traveller because without it we probably wouldnt have gotten the rest of the series without it! Its pretty neat, although I do wish they did a bit more roleplaying because the most entertaining parts were definitely the in-charcter interactions

The Lost City of Mizu: This is where TftSMP starts getting really good imo. Its kind of an interesting how it almost acts as a transition of sorts, from the more gamified format to more traditional roleplay. Ive already made a post about this, but I think itd be neat if they would remake this one, because the concept is so good and I really enjoyed the interactions between Cleetus, Benjamin and Ranboos character (I forgot his name sry) but the format and the need to rush through the story felt really restricting. I also really enjoyed the details about the lack of food and stuff going wrong with the oxygen system which I never really noticed on my previous watches but really came to appreciate this time. I also liked how clueless Ranbob seemed, I honestly dont think that was an acting choice I think cc!Dream was just actually inexplicably unprepared but I thought it was really funny. Like, it seemed like he wasnt given a name or didnt have one prepared so he just made it up on the spot lol

The Pit: The premise of this one was really fun! I am a little upset that we didnt get the Ran lore that was apparently planned but it worked fine without it. Honestly, I dont have much to say, the characters were fun, I do wish we couldve seen them interact among each other a bit more but I still liked it.

The Wild West: Full disclosure, The Masquerade has been a long time favorite of mine and I was very sure it was gonna be my top one and while I ended up being right, this one is still very high up the ranking and it is the funniest one for sure. There were so many funny and dare I say iconic moments, I dont think I could list them all but my top three moments were: "This is where I keep my mail and. wife", Percy's introduction and exchange with John John, any moment with Jack Kanoff. I also appreciate the reference to The Masquerade :D

The Maze: I was soooooo excited when I read the premise and I'd be a lying if I wasnt a little bit dissapointed at the execution. However, Slimecicle absolutely carried this entire thing on his back, I absolutely adored his performance. That ending twist was also just great, idk why it got me the way it did but it elevated the entire episode for sure. The lore it ended on was also really interesting, although a bit disappointing in retrospect now thats basically over. I hope they integrated some of the lore from TftSMP into the main storyline as well because I do think its very interesting

The Masquerade: MY FAVORITE :DDDDD I adore murder mysteries in fancy mansions and I adore masquerades so yeah, ofc I love this one. I loved everyones fancy outfits, I loved Techno as Sir Billiam III, I loved Karl flirting with Mason, I loved the twist UGHHH. I also thought this episode was really funny, even if not as funny as The Wild West. My standards for humor arent that high tbh, I just liked how they made fun of rich people lmao. I think my favorite moment was probably the one where Karl was hiding in that closet with Sebastian and he was getting murdered right next to him, it was surprisingly tense. All around great, I loved it

[romchomp]

nana rewatch notes- episode 4

- im actually really enjoying hachi and shoji’s relationship. he was definitely necessary for some of hachi’s growth prior to the series. they also have good chemistry earlier on. they’re cute!

-  because of shoji, hachi develops a realistic plan for the near future. this is a good thing! she becomes slightly more responsible from being with shoji, but she’s also only doing this for his sake. what does hachi want to do outside of shoji? it doesnt matter to her.

-  i like the transition to nana’s backstory. it also has a complete contrast in tone to hachi’s. mmmmm i love it

-  GODD the snowstorm symbolism is so good. as we transition from hachi to nana, nana's first line of narration is "i don't know where i was born" with a shot of a snowy sky. it's also very QUIET. these things together....isolation is the theme

-  "right now, i work long hours while polishing the shards of my dream" i just...love that line lol. it's also another contrast to hachi- nana's goal is completely her own HOWEVER,,, nana's dream ends up conflicting with her own emotional desires and needs. (emotional needs that revolve around ren for the most part)

-  LOVEEE that nana has groupies lmao

- ren and nana are so hot 😫 they’ve only been on screen for a couple of seconds and i cant take it

- something i never paid attention to is the drastic difference between how hachi and nana interact in FRIENDSHIPS (particularly in their backstories). nana seems so much more casual while hanging out with her band in comparison to hachi’s interactions with junko

-  all of nana's friends are men. her only friend in high school was nobu. as we know, hachi had a lot of difficulties with being friends with men

-  another note i made is that all of the band members are clearly very fond of nana (each in different ways we realize later on). another contrast to hachi’s friends who begrudgingly take care of her

- this is my first time watching the sub and omg i love nobu’s va in this he sounds so childish but also lax?

- i LOVEEE nana and ren's relationship. the mutual obsession (or more importantly, the DESIRE for mutual obsession) is just...so tasty. also, again, this is a MASSIVE contrast to hachi's experience with love. this is much more intense and a lot less distant

-  THE SNOW

-  nana and ren walking alone in the snow (and this can also apply to earlier with nobu and yasu) really helps show that these are all loners who have found each other under harsh circumstances

-  and through nana's perspective, the snow also represents anxiety of losing sight of those close to her (and of herself). it represents her desire to keep ren close and never let him out of her reach

-  was that a subtle throwback? "hey, ren. do you remember? there was a snowstorm  the first time we met as well" HOW DID I NEVER CATCH THAT

 this is especially good bc when hachi asks nana in her narration if she remembered when they first met, hachi finishes the line "you might think it's silly, i believe that was fate" once again they fail to realize where they are actually similar

-  back to snowstorm symbolism- nana and ren met during one. they literally found each other in a cold world and clung together for warmth. this further emphasizes the desire to STAY close and a fear of separation

-  nana clarifying that ren is the person that she lost her virginity to, her first and only boyfriend definitely has me thinking about the parallels between ren and hachi.  hachi being nana's first girl friend and how her feelings for hachi resemble the same intensity as ren's. its very interesting

- me looking @ nana: i’m just like her (has infatuation issues) 

-  and it is absolutely no surprise that in the one memory nana has of her mother (the moment she left her) is...IN THE SNOW

-  and here we have a SIMILARITY between nana and hachi. nana's feelings for ren are instant. you might even call it love at first sight (hachi would've), but nana doesn't consider this love.

-  nana considered her feelings for ren a mixture of jealousy and desire. she wants what he has, but also wants him

- the shot of ren telling nana that he's leaving to tokyo being a simple snowy sky is SO GOOD. nana is being left alone in a blizzard without a person to depend on for warmth.

-  [spoiler] (i’ll try to be better at including warnings since i jump around a lot) another hachi and ren parallel is that nana associates both of them with storms at some point. ren is in a snowstorm that she is lost in and where he will eventually leave her. nana describes her love for hachi as a typhoon- something that will lead to eventual disaster, blowing up in her face.

that’s all i got for this episode. i definitely prefer nana’s background eps compared to hachi. that might be because nana is a more upfront narrator (though i’m not sure if that’s true). maybe it’s because what we’re learning about nana is new. i think i’m just obsessed with the weather symbolism.

previous episode

next episode

[skinner17]

Dissecting Red Spider Arc-The arc that non shipper find it disturbingly (For those who mind) Shippy

I’ve been watching gintama for the past couple of weeks. And since lately I encounter sleeping problem, lets turn this energy to talk about one of my favorite arc. The controversial arc that invite polarized opinion among Gintama fans.

For  Tsukuyo fans, Red spider is a certain favorite together with Yoshiwara in flame and Courtesan of the nation.  This arc fleshed her background and deepen her bond with yorozuya, especially Gintoki

For casual fans, this arc is the first time they see a glimpse of gintoki past, The first time  gintoki in a berserk mode, the first time he act by his own volition. And somehow he appeared like a true shonen hero saving the heroine.

By then tsukuyo was far from heroine status. She just recently introduced a couple episodes back. Yoshiwara in flame focused more on Hinowa and seita story. But Tsukuyo already  rose in ranking because her unique character design (in sacchan word, she has a lot of ‘hooks’) aside being badass in general.

For naysayers, Red spider arc is that arc that destroy Tsukuyo character. Reduced her into damsel in distress, mere love interest and what not. Of course its people’s right to interpret a work however they see fit. People enjoying entertainment in a different way afterall. Maybe they are a strict feminist type who wanted a true xena like character?  disappointed when a strong female charachter ended up saved by the male hero? (Tho I wonder why they don’t care with preceeding events where Tsukuyo saved gintoki a couple of time)  

The other would say this arc is such a big jump from previous arcs. A sudden transition they would say. And heck they’re right. Red spider arc  Is different compared to other serious arc before it.  Its lustrously dark, whispery,  not much emphasis on family nor comedy, not much explosion nor machismo.

And more importantly, its uncharacteristically Intimate.  

What do you expect? It took placein Yoshiwara-The Red light District- afterall.

The curtain raised with Jiraiya, the ex teacher of Tsukuyo, the main villain of this arc, On his post coital glow pondering about his object of creation. After enjoying the service of yoshiwara, He looked at the moon and probably feeling another rush of excitement reminiscing his dear beautiful student and the plan he’d set for her.

Not long after, Tsukuyo feel someone dangerous infiltrating her city. She and her Hyakka squad has been working hard to push down the crime that on the rise after the city lost its night king. Nearing their limit, she turned to Yorozuya, wondering if they can help with the drug problem.

Somehow, Tsukuyo and Gintoki teamed up just the two of them investigating the shady group with spider tattoo trademark. The result was assortment of classic romantic comedy skit : To-Love-Ru type of ‘accident’ and pretend couple.

Ok at this point its just natural that people start to see the two as potential couple. When they bicker they’d scream their heart silly, forgetting  whatever  adult persona they had in mind. Yet when the time come, they play along really well with the others bullshit act. They are on the same frequency already.

Back to the story, Later, they found out the drug lord is Jiraiya who apparently the long dead master (teacher who take care of  protegee under their wing) of Tsukuyo. With his unique ability he nearly killed Gintoki and captured Tsukuyo.

Some Naysayers disappointed at this point because Tsukuyo who supposedly a good fighter became useless in front of jiraiya. Ok let me use this opportunity to explain the technicality of how that’s possible.

She was shocked.

It was a surprise attack

Jiraiya, knew his student fighting ability the best and knew how to immobilize her.

Even Gintoki Almost killed because of his weird technique

She used the last of her strength to saved gintoki from jiraiya’s final blow.

“Huh? But gintoki didn’t turned into a useless mess when he met his long dead master alive?”

Lol what are you smoking? The old master  would split gintoki’s head from his body if not because Kagura’s help.  Also Utsuro/Shouyo goal was to crushed the rebels and nothing to do with Gintoki. While Jiraiya’s goal was to capture Tsukuyo. Understand the difference?  

Ok now that its out of my system lets continue.

Later Gintoki learned about the nature of Jiraiya and what this student-master relationship actually are from Zenzou. She-who believed every word of him and followed his foot step- was his creation and his prey at the same time. This method is sickening for Gintoki who loved his master to death.

For Gintoki a master should be more or less like shoyo. Strong, kind, wise and selfless. The kind of sage who gave his life for his student. Its infuriating to learn that a good women like tsukuyo has a psychotic monster as a master.

“see..Its not because of Tsukuyo that gintoki willingly revert to his shiroyasa self. Its because the master-student thingie that made him mad af”

Was the stuff I read from naysayers.  And for this one, I kinda agree. The main thing that infuriate gintoki about Jiraiya was that he used  master student relationship for some psychotic goal. As we know later, whenever topic about his own master brought on, Gintoki turned into a different beast.

Even I can see this arc’s intent beside telling tsukuyo’s past and cementing her as one of the recurrent character was also to foreshadow  Shoyo related arcs in the future.

However among all of that baggage brought by this arc, theres this one dialogue that caught my attention.

G : "give up already, theres nothing in your web. This entire time there was only a pathetic little spider spinning thread into sky while gazing at distant moon"

J : "What are you babbling about?I already knew that long ago"

The ones who ascociate Tsukuyo with the moon are the one who cherish her like hinowa and the hyakka squad  or the bastard who obsessed at her like Jiraiya. It’s a secret nickname people gave to her beside Shinigami Tayuu / courtesan of death. Wt  

At that  moment, Gintoki  speak about what Tsukuyo is to Jiraiya existence : A moon to a little insignificant spider. This confirm that Gintoki understand Tsukuyo’s epithet-wich means at that point of story he is familiar toward  Tsukuyo more than the viewers aware of.

To add, This is probably just me but the way he said that stuff about Jiraiya, whispering  while gazing at the sky, as if its applied to him aswell.  

Well, I just think that because throughout the fight he keep rambling about being on the same level as Jiraiya.

G: Do you know how to survive the spider nest? By eating the spider.

G : She is stronger than you ever be. A coward like me is enough for a coward like you

To Fight Jiraiya, Gintoki  drew parrarel between himself and Jiraiya. And its not impossible that parrarel extended until that moment.    

I  came to the conclusion At that moment Gintoki  already  admire Tsukuyo. Wether  her virtue, her  face, her quirk  or her phisycal attractiveness, it could be anything. The fact is Tsukuyo basically embodies everything gintoki like in a women.   

However because of his mindset and his self sabotaging lifestyle, he understood Jiraiya’s point of view of admiring an existence that is too good for them.

The episode ended with Tsukuyo learning his master’s past  and accepting his flaw after killing him. The moment when Gintoki implied that he would never be a good student to their master as tsukuyo is pretty touching too.

The last episode of this arc is a short one with majorly comedic skits. Another To Love Ru accident. And  a classic wingman setup to force a couple to be alone together.

Lol too much couply stuff happening in this arc.

Later after the crazy terminator drunken stupor, Tsukuyo asked gintoki if she didn’t has this scar, would her life be any different?

At this point I realize the pain endured by her, even though she said she was fine, physically and mentally, she actually struggling with the realization that all her past was something different than she perceived to be, that rather than genuine student master relationship, its an elaborate plan by her master to kill himself.

Its like realizing that we are adopted after all this time living in a loving family. From the surface it might not changed anything because its all in the past, But it changed everything within. It changed the foundation  of what we stood upon all these time.

Gintoki then assured her that her life is one that she choose, No one make her choose that. wether it’s  driven by a psychotic manipulation or a trust in a teacher who wanted make her strong. The life is still hers to behold and cherish

Gintoki further assured that her face Is not ugly, Its pretty face carrying clean soul. Or something to that effect (since translation vary)

As you see “Soul” is the overarching concept on Gintama. Its like “Adventure” on One piece and “Hard Work�� On Naruto. It’s the Idea that the shounen protagonist holds dear.  

Shoyo first teaching to Gintoki was  how to protect his soul. In the war Gintoki choose to kill Shoyo to save his master’s soul. Means he choose Shoyo over his friends and himself. In effect, one of the friend’s soul was corrupted. While Gintoki turned himself into a vessel  whose purpose was merely to protect people he deemed fit and procasinating on his own growth.

Gintoki speak about Tsukuyo’s soul in her face is another testament of how deep their trust and bond has formed. 

Even though Gintoki has innate ability to peek into the human character, its not his fashion to directly address it. He usually find a roundabout way to make the others understand that they are being understood. But with Tsukuyo, everything he do about her  is direct.

“Don’t be a stranger, Lean on me, laugh with me and cry with me. I’d be there, cry and laugh with you ” Said Gintoki to tsukuyo.

 The Gintoki who often avoid emotional baggage from a stranger.

In conclusion, Red Spider Arc is such an awesome arc. The vibe is cool, the soundtrack is awesome and its has an intense emotionally charged action.

It is also the breeding ground for gintsu shipper, wich probably gonna make some part of fandom upset. But it is what it is and we can just enjoy or choose not to.

[imgoodloveenjoy]

Hello Muthafukas!

You already know what I’m about to get into!

 Ethan:

Whatever this is with Varani, kill it with fire! We don’t need nor want it, Ethan has enough on his plate to add another romance with a woman who isn’t April (yes, this is some bias but so be it LOL I don’t believe Chexton is done and I can tell by the way they interacted this eppy but we’ll get into that).

Ok so this old superior, Dean, he showed some of Ethan’s weakness and that is his hesitation to really lead in a way, I’ll explain: Ethan isn’t really steady in his new position as Chief – he has no support and gets bite back from everyone along with the pressures to perform from the Board of the hospital – so an old friend/superior shows up, Ethan is so ready to fall into old habits of deferring to someone who “out ranks” him, which is where he’s comfortable as a military man. Dean’s pull on Ethan is so strong it had him second guessing himself when it came to his patient and allowing Dean to call the shots even when it put the patient in more of a precarious situation. I was glad that at the end, although the surgeries when well and Ethan did a good job with that, that he asserted his position with Dean and reminded Dean and himself that this isn’t the military. Ethan is Chief of ED, he needs to remember that he can do this job credibly, all he needs to do is believe in himself and move accordingly. Now, I do like that Dean seemed to take in what Ethan said about falling in line with his managerial position however I did see that look on his face, he’s going to cause trouble and maybe try to usurp Ethan as Chief. Also, was it me or did it seem he was picking on April?

Now with April: I was amused at the little slip up between she, Ethan and Dean about making the bed that had Dean questioning why Ethan was making a bed April was in LOL! The panic on Chexton’s faces as they stumbled to come up with an acceptable answer as to what’s going on with them. I also like that April seemed to be showing signs of supporting Ethan; calling out when she believed Dean to be overstepping and reminded Ethan that he is the one who makes the decisions around here, now if SHE can seem to remember that. I really didn’t like that she shirked her responsibilities in front of Dean, someone who knows Ethan looks up to and wanted to make a good impression on. Like sis, you couldn’t wait until they walked away?! How rude. Dean’s defiance of Ethan mirrors April and the others, I hope she can see that. The softness between Chexton still melts my heart, I don’t think they’re good for each other right now but I wonder what’s gonna happen when April sees Varani and Ethan flirting.

 Maggie:

I knew when I saw that look on Maggie’s face from the last episode that finding Auggie’s brother was going to cause issues with her. I do think it’s very forward of the brother’s parents’ to suggest interfering with Maggie’s adoption of Auggie but I don’t think it’s 100% a bad idea. I think that both sets of parents can look into common ground to keep Auggie and his brother together, such as summer visitation. I did love hearing Maggie’s backstory, her having a child that she gave up for adoption give reason as to why she reacted badly to the adoption suggestion. Now I wonder if she will give up Auggie and try to reconnect with her own daughter? I wonder if there’s a reason she doesn’t have more children now, is it because she can’t or doesn’t want to? Either way, I’m sure the trauma of being pregnant at a young age and faced with such a decision can damper the want to have more children in the future. If Maggie and Ben don’t keep Auggie (I hope they do), I would like for them to consider fostering other children who may have health issues, although an arch with her adoptive daughter would be a good one as well. I think instead of telling Auggie that he will be living with his brother, they should ask him what he wants. Auggie has been shuffled from home to home without a stay for a very long time, giving him the ability to decide where he wants to go would help his transition into either household, make him feel like he belongs.

 Natalie, Marcel and Will:

Ok now this is a love triangle LOL! I do really like Mancel and their dynamic; the support they have for each other really brings out the best in both their characters: it makes them both a little less self-centered and Marcel a lot more vulnerable and in touch with his emotions. I do think that Nat’s mother planted seeds of doubt with her fondness of Will and seeds of jealousy within Marcel due to their familiarity. Now I get Will being involved with the mother due to his relationship with Nat however he was PETTY! He felt a way with Natalie choosing to surrender care of her mother and find her comfort in Marcel, that’s why he came in with flowers to stunt and poached her as Marcel’s patient knowing good and damn well that if that happened to him, he would be pissed (hell he was ready to bite off Ethan’s head for attempting in last episode).

I do think Will overstepped his bounds with both Natalie and her mother and that Marcel’s anger was valid HOWEVER they are both wrong in a way – any and all options for Nat’s mother’s health should have been made with all 3 doctors in the room, giving her information to make an informed decision, not doing all this mess as a pissing contest. It’s obvious that Mancel bothers Will, maybe because it has made Natalie more open to compromise in a way and seeing someone you still love all lovey dovey with someone else is heart wrenching. I want to see Marcel and Will bump heads some more LOL Will is too big for his britches because he gets away with everything; I can feel it, something is about to fall with Will and I think it will be this trail – maybe it will have mal effects on Nat’s mom. I do like that Nat told her mother about her relationship with Marcel and that they seemed on solid footing near the end of the episode, comforting each other.

 Charles:

By now everyone should know I adore Charles so the only glaring issue I have is him blasting Anna to her mother like that. He didn’t tell her that information to give her more insight on whatever issues she and Anna are having, he did it to be nasty about losing custody of Anna and metaphorically spit in her face. I understand that he was desperate, but it was a nasty thing to do as it could’ve put Anna in a worse situation with her mother. I do hope that Charles knows exactly what he’s gotten into being the custodial parent of a teenage girl LOL. Good luck, Daniel!

 The writing for this episode was pretty solid, gave us other dimensions to some characters but it’s going to have to get better from here to be really compelling and good. I won’t hold my breath tho....

[noonachronicles]

Everlong Pt. 9

Kwon Jiyong/ G Dragon X Reader

Word count: 16k (LOL WTF)

Warnings: Language, Smut.  

Genre: Hades/Jiyong. Greek God AU. Fantasy.

A/N: I had been feeling confident about this but then got nervous because....this is longer than most of my one shots and if everyone that’s been waiting so patiently hates it and it flops I’ll probably cry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update Tag: @kathrynwynterbourne , @keepthelightoff​, @blue-lungs, @violagoth , @un-idntfied , @optimizche , @de-gabyconamor , @134340-cm @wonderful39530​ @ohgeezitsbreadgenie​

Moodboard by bae @memoiresofaneternaldreamer​

“Who is she?”

Hades burst through the entrance to the Hall of Destiny already panting. He didn’t have a lot of time, he’d left you asleep in the forest of Asphodel and had to make sure he was back by your side before you woke up. The Fates, with no surprise to him, sat unbothered by his abrupt entrance. Having already expected him.

“No one.” Lachesis grinned.

“Someone.” Clothos smacked her sister.

With a sigh Atropos finally looked up from the work in her lap. “We already warned you of her. I’m not sure why you’re coming to us now, Hades.”

“Why? Why did she come into my life? How is she connected to this world? It’s as if she is one of us without being one of us. This is impossible. I need an explanation.” Hades was frustrated. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do, tell me what it means!”

Clothos found his emotions interesting. Hades most typical manners were anger or calm. To see him merely frustrated was curious. “She is bound to you.”

“How?” He asked, his heart was racing, he needed to know. He had to make sense of you.

“We don’t know. Perhaps it was fate.” Atropos smirked. “She was born a mortal. And then by chance, it would seem, her thread intersected with your own. Now she is becoming one of the immortal, becoming... more.”

“Immortal?” He nearly shrieked, “I don’t understand. How does this happen? You don’t just become an immortal. You are born into it or you do something so worthy it’s gifted to you. It’s not as if she’s done something to deserve the right. You have to do something to become immortal.”

Lachesis grew annoyed by his claims. “You speak as if this was her choice, Hades. As if she asked for this. As if we three played a hand in it…This was you. Your thread found hers. Your thread intertwined. You made it your fate to never let her go and now she is bound, likely forever.”

“Show me.”

“You know we cannot.”

“SHOW ME!” Hades bellowed, his voice echoing through the hall.

Clothos stood reluctantly. Of the three sisters she feared him the most and thus was most willing to break the rules for fear of his wrath. He followed her as she slowly made her way through the hall to a door that stood wide and bright. Made of solid gold. She placed a gentle palm on the door, there was no handle or knob, and it seemed to have swung open of its own accord. The walls were dark stone but you’d never notice. The room was glowing bright, like looking into the sun. Hades squinted for a bit until his eyes finally adjusted.

The light from the room came from the strings that draped the walls like curtains, there were hundreds. All of them a warm and glowing gold that matched the door to the room. The Chamber of the Immortal. In the center of the room were five gold threads, thick as ship rope, hung from the ceiling. His and his siblings ropes. Clothos made her way to the five threads and beckoned Hades to follow.

“This is you.” She said placing her hand onto one of the ropelike threads.

As she did several smaller gold threads started to appear. Some of them disappeared into his entirely, some of them pulled away and then would attach back further down, some would attach and break away and never came back at all. They were all of the different immortal souls that had come into contact with the god in his lifetime.

Clothos lifted her other hand to one of the threads that seemed to appear out of nowhere, starting a few feet above where her hand was placed, nowhere near where his began. “And this is her.”

His eyes started at the top of your thread and followed it down. “So she really is no one?”

“She was no one and then she became someone to you. We don’t know how. We almost didn’t notice at all.” Clothos said quietly as he looked at how the two threads intertwined. “You can see it happened quite slowly at first. Barely meeting, just here and there. Now hers aligns with yours side by side, and may soon become fully encompassed, making her a true immortal.”

Your thread began as mortals threads do, as a twine. A normal and dull, beige tone. It remained the same for quite some time, the majority of your life so far. Then there was a slight unraveling of both your thread and his. They hooked together once or twice, a thin and weak connection. And then, as Clothos had said his thread had started to encompass your own. Pulling unraveled bits into his golden thread until yours had nearly disappeared into his completely. Only a single strand of beige was still visible. Towards the bottom your thread started to break apart from his once more, only this time your thread was gold like his. Smooth and silky like the immortals. His eyes followed the thread for a bit longer until it seemed to disappear. It didn’t end, an immortals thread didn’t end. It just simply faded from view.

“What’s this?” He asked the concern in his voice undeniable.

“A choice.” She answered softly.

He didn’t understand. “A choice that I make?”

Clothos shook her head, “A choice for her to make.”

“When will it happen?”

“Soon.”

“What will happen once she’s chosen?”

“It depends on the choice she makes.” Clothos felt pity at his exasperated sigh, “I can not tell you, Hades. You know too much now as it were.”

He held your thread in his palm and barely above a whisper he said, “...but she ate the fruit.”

Clothos nearly laughed, “That only works if you’re willing to reinforce it.”

“I’m going to!” He pouted, “I might...I could.”

“You were never going to make that girl stay here against her will.”

“I love her.”he was so frustrated he thought he might cry.

He was a god! He could have anything he wanted, do anything he wanted to. He made the rules. However he also knew Clothos was right. He would never make you do anything you didn’t want to.

“You love her so much you gave her immortality without even thinking about it. That you love her is indisputable.”

“But I could still lose her?”

“It’s her choice, Hades.” she said with a hint of pity. “You’ve given her a gift no god has ever given a mortal before. Absolute free will, completely unrestricted, no caveats.”

“Cou-“ he took a nervous breath, “Giving up her soul for someone else, could that do this?”

“Well, yes. In that case she would relinquish her immortality and her thread would be cut immediately. That could very well be why her future is so uncertain.” It was curious to the sister to see Hades in such turmoil, in this moment she didn’t fear him but she chose to help him regardless. “Perhaps... her decision could be persuaded.”

“Persuaded?” he asked hopefully.

“You are the god of the underworld, Hades. Use your tools.”

“Tools? What tools?” He asked more confused than before.

“You’re a clever god, you’ll figure it out.” She said with a small smile before going back to join her sisters.

Hades stood in the Chamber of the Immortal for quite a bit longer. He held your connected threads in his palm and thought back to every moment the two of you had shared together. The night you’d met, your first real conversation, the dream you’d shared…He inhaled quickly and patted his jacket where he felt his notebook. Maybe there would be some questions to answer. Perhaps he’d have to explain who he was. Despite all that he knew what he had to do now, this might be his only chance.

-

When you woke up the next morning Jiyong was by your side. Your arm was still wrapped snugly around his waist and his arm was thrown over your shoulder. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes before leaning away from his chest, which you’d been resting on. He’d been watching you quietly, curiously.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” you blushed, your eyes moved down his body in an effort to avoid his soft gaze. You realized your leg had wrapped around his. You quickly removed yourself from him and sat up, “sorry...”

He chuckled lightly at the panic that was clear on your face. “Don’t worry about it. Are you ready for more walking?”

You groaned, your feet were so sore, just thinking about walking had them screaming. “Where we’re going, is it far?”

“No, not really. And we can stay there for a bit if you want, really get some rest. Eat something nice.” he said enticingly.

“Real food?” you asked, stomach grumbling as you stood up, “What are we waiting for?”

You followed Jiyong through the rest of the forest, amazed that all of the souls you’d seen the night before had just disappeared into the trees like they’d never even been there. Part of you hoped that when you died that this is where you’d come. You hoped you’d been good enough for it. It was such a neutral feeling being in the forest, no melancholy or pain. If you got to choose this place is what you’d pick.

Just out of the forest there was another path to follow. The two of you didn’t speak too much on the walk, but you did bask in the comfort of his presence. It was nice to have a moment where the two of you weren’t tense and arguing or angry with one another about something stupid. It felt like there had been too much of that recently.

You’d always thought you’d known comfort with Jiho. The way the two of you kind of just fell into one another so effortlessly. It had felt comfortable with him. Nothing had ever really felt different between when you’d just met to becoming his roommate and, finally, his girlfriend. There was just something easy about each transition, something so natural that had made complete sense at the time. Being around Jiyong was different, you had to admit. You weren’t even dating but there was still this feeling in your gut that drove you crazy. With Jiho it was always so simple. It just was. There was never anything to question or to worry about.

With Jiyong there was comfort, yes. There was an ease to being near him, absolutely. However, with Jiyong there was also this vibrating energy just under the surface of every other feeling you had. You realized after really thinking about it that the energy flowed through your veins constantly not just during moments of comfort and ease. It didn’t matter if you were yelling at each other, or if he was making you laugh or if everything was calm and it was like this, just the two of you in silence, existing together.

There was always this extra level to how you felt when you were with him. It was like an energy telling you how much you wanted it, every second of it, all the good and all the bad. If you were going to fight you wanted to fight with him. If you were going to laugh you wanted to laugh with him. If you were crying you wanted to cry with him near you. Taking the time to think about it you realized that the underlying current was passion.  

You tried to think back to when you and Jiho first got tog

ether, tried to remember if there had been passion then. You knew there hadn’t been recently, just before he died. The two of you had started just going through the motions. You genuinely believed that it’s just what happened in relationships as they aged. Jiho had been your only real relationship, it was the only one you knew. You had no comparisons. But something sat heavy on your chest the very second you met Jiyong. Something that made you wonder if you were wrong all along about... everything.  

“Do you see that?” You asked after quite a while.

Finally climbing out of your own thoughts you had noticed the silhouettes of flying figures just ahead. They seemed small at first, the size of crows, but as they grew near you realized they were much, much larger. Nearing the size of small planes. They looked like a bird of prey at first, but as you looked longer you realized they were some sort of bird, reptilian hybrid. Their teeth were razor sharp and several feet long. You jumped back, completely disturbed by the vision of a bird with teeth like that. As if sensing your fear one of the birds turned towards the pair of you with a squawk that blanketed the open air around you and appeared to descend.

“Oh my god, Jiyong!” Trembling in fear you threw yourself into his arms for protection, burying your face into his chest.

His eyes grew wide and he slowly wrapped his arms around you. He had been thinking a lot on this trip, about who he was before you. He realized that he’d actually been very unfamiliar with the urge to alleviate someone else's anxiety. He’d never been overly affectionate, the way he’d wanted to be when you were around. While he was being painfully honest with himself, he recognized that he never connected with Persphone like he did with you. He had been far from the perfect husband, he knew that. Even though he tried to make her happy, beyond that, he never really paid attention to her needs. He’d been selfish. He didn’t want to make those mistakes when it came to you.

He dipped his face closer to yours. The floral and spice scent of you clouded his senses momentarily. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before whispering against your ear, “You’re okay, I’ve got you.”

The aviguis, one of Hades beasts, often searched the underworld for attempted escapees, though they usually stuck closer to Tartarus. The bird, upon seeing his master was only diving down for attention and maybe a snack, as Hades often kept treats for his pets. Jiyong waved the bird away as discreetly as possible, keeping one arm tightly wrapped around you. Although slightly put out, the bird left without much of a fuss, just one more loud screeching squawk. It’d been so close when it released the loud cry that it shook the ground you stood on, causing you to press yourself into Jiyong even further.

Continuing to rub your back his fingers tangled in your hair. He lifted his hand up further, his palm cupping your neck, his fingertips gently massaging your hairline. You leaned your head back, into his hand, with a small sigh. So comforted by the feel of him your eyes had been closed. When your eyelids finally fluttered open he was staring down at you. Your eyes locked with his and you felt breathless. Overwhelmed by the perfectly curved shape of his eyes, the rich chocolate color, the surprising amount of affection reflected in them. He tilted his head ever so slightly and leaned in, brushing his nose against yours. You closed your eyes again, but then squirmed reluctantly in his arms.

“I can’t.” You said softly. The two of you already so close that your lips brushed against his, even as you declined his proposition for a kiss. “...Jiho.”

“Right...I’m sorry.” Jiyong took several deep breaths, collecting himself, before moving his lips just passed your mouth and leaving a small kiss against your cheek.

The second he pulled away from you, removing his arms from around your body, you missed his presence. He was only inches from you but suddenly he wasn’t close enough anymore. He started walking away, it wasn’t in heated frustration like it had been in the garden. It was relaxed, his hands in his pockets, on a leisurely stroll. As you followed you thought for sure you were more upset right now than he was that you hadn’t kissed just then.

“I was married once.” Jiyong said simply, casually reaching down and grabbing a small stone from the path.

“What? Seriously?” you asked, completely surprised by the confession.

“Yep.” he tossed the rock up high before catching it in his palm.

“You seem too young to have been married and divorced already. It must not have lasted long.”

“I don’t know.” he sighed, “felt like a milenium to me.”

“Such a drama queen” you said giving him a nudge. “Why’d you split up?”

“She was...we were young...and she never really wanted to be with me anyway. It got tiring, always trying to make someone so stubborn and so miserable happy.”

“You’re kidding. That sounds like the ideal circumstance for a marriage. A really stable foundation for a relationship.” you grinned.

Jiyong scoffed as he looked over at you, “You think you’re so cute when you’re sarcastic.”

“Maybe, but you think so too.”

“Yeah.”

The single word stopped you. You stood staring at him as he continued on walking. It took him a beat to realize you weren’t by his side any longer.

He paused, turning back to look at you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just-” you shrugged before slowly making your way to him. “I expected you to say something snarky, not just agree with me.”

“So what? I think you’re cute.” he admitted as if it were nothing, “Beautiful even. Gorgeous. Stunning. Radiant. Breathtaking.”

“Stop.” you blushed furiously.

Jiyong laughed, “Why? Are you embarrassed?”

“No, it’s just…you don’t really mean it.”

It was his turn to stop in his tracks. Only he grabbed your wrist, stopping you with him. His eyes locked with yours, making your breath catch in your chest for a second time in all of ten minutes. “I do mean it. Of course I mean it. You know that, don’t you?”

And suddenly it was there again. That unshakable urge to kiss him and touch him. To give into every sexual impulse you’d ever known. Obviously you thought he might be interested in you. At the very least he’d wanted to kiss you, but even that didn’t have to mean anything.

It could have just meant that you had shared a very close proximity to each other for the last couple of days and there was some naturally built tension between the two of you. You looked at him and wondered how someone so beautiful could ever think you were attractive too. The subtle pout on his lips, the softness in his eyes, even his cheeks and his nose. With a deep breath you turned away, unable to take him in any longer. Instead you looked passed him a little ways away.

“What are those?” You asked eyeing a pair of large ivory towers in the distance.

Distracted, Jiyong turned to look as well, “That’s the towers of Elysium.”

“Towers? I thought Elysium was a field, like Asphodel was supposed to be.”

“Consistent.” He grinned. “Elysium was meant to be a paradise for fallen gods and the worthy at heart. Being stuck in a crowded field of wandering souls isn’t exactly a paradise for anyone. So some adjustments were made.”

“What’s inside of them?” You asked curiously.

“It’s hard to explain.” He said before biting his lip trying to think of how to describe it to you. “I guess, they’re paradises.”

“Paradises? More than one?” You asked and started to walk towards them.

“Not everyone is going to have the same expectations of paradise. Each tower has hundreds of stories and each story has hundreds of doors and through the doors are personal paradises of each of the worthy souls. Different souls, different versions of paradise.”

“And that’s where we’re going?” He looked over at you all wide eyed and excited.

“It was thinking it would be a nice, safe place to spend the day, maybe even stay for the night.” He shrugged.

”Wait...you mean like stay in one of the paradises?” You asked, looking over at him, “Ji, that would be so cool. I really want to see one. What if I never get the chance again? I’m not...like a great human specimen. I don’t know where I’ll go when I die, besides possibly getting stuck in the valley of sad roses.”

He groaned, dramatically throwing his head back. “I told you, you don’t belong there!”

You only hummed skeptically in response as the two of you continued down the path towards the towers. After just a few moments of silence between the two of you, you asked “Is that where you came up with your Hades story? Your own experience?”

He almost seemed nervous, but quickly wiped the look from his face with a smile. “I’m disappointed it took you so long to realize…”

You scoffed, “Yeah well, I figured you were too smart to get stuck in a shitty relationship. Apparently not.”

“Ohhh, okay.” he chuckled, “Smart people make relationship mistakes all the time. You should know.”

Your mouth fell open with a gasp, you tried your best not to laugh. “That was a good dig. I concede.”

“Thank you.” he said with a dramatic bow.

“Seriously though, sorry about your wife.”

He just shrugged, “It’s fine. My story isn’t over yet, right?”

“Definitely not.” you thought maybe you responded a little too enthusiastically and followed up with, “Probably.”

“Well which is it?” he laughed, “definitely not or probably not.”

“A guy like you? Definitely not.”

“What does that mean? A guy like me.” he asked

You blushed, “Just, you know…”

He turned to look at you but you’d been staring at your shoes as you walked, “I really don’t. Please tell me what kind of guy you think I am.”

Perfect. You thought to yourself.

“You’re like...really pretty or handsome...both. You’re just good looking or whatever. Obviously you have a career. Although I’m still not clear on what you do what is clear is that you make bank. You dress nicely and take care of yourself. You’re a real man in a sea of manchildren. You’re-” you paused. You knew if didn’t stay on surface compliments you might go too far. You could say too much and get yourself in trouble.

“Please?” he asked again, softer this time.

“It’s nothing I haven’t told you before.” you thought back to your embarrassing unrequited boat confession.

“Then it should be no problem telling me again.”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance and sighed, “Fine. I’ve never not felt safe when you were around. You have a fearlessness and an arrogance that just makes me certain that no matter what the circumstance you’d be able to take care of me. Which, you know, is something a person likes to have in a partner. You drench everything in sarcasm and humor. Sometimes it makes it really difficult to know when to take you seriously. When you are serious, you’re always very warm, and kind. You are unbelievably thoughtful. You care. You try to appear nonchalant all the time, but you aren’t…”

“Stop.” he said suddenly and cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“There’s more.”

“I can’t...it’s fine, just stop.” he wanted to cry or kiss you. Or he wanted to kiss you so hard he could cry. You saw him so differently than everyone else did. You saw him how he wished he would be seen.

“Pearly gates?” you asked looking up at the gate you’d come to that surrounded the towers. You could tell Ji had shut down a little and wanted to change the subject for him.

He rubbed his eyes, hoping to come off tired rather than emotional before looking up at the gate. It was made of white marble and gold but the marble did look like a pearl. He shrugged as he moved to unlock it, “Yeah, kind of a joke I guess.”

“Do you think Hades thinks he’s a really funny guy? He seems like he might.” you commented as you walked into Elysium.

He didn’t respond right away, just walked you towards the closest tower, and up the few marble steps towards the entryway, “Do you think he’s funny?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know him...but there’s potential for him.”

“Do you think I’m funny?”

“Comedic genius.”

“Well thank you,” finally he smiled as he opened the large glass door for you, “and welcome to paradise.”

Stepping inside, your mouth fell at the sheer size of the lobby. It was easily three stories high. The floor was a polished white marble, almost blindingly white. You actually felt guilty taking your first few steps inside. Your sneakers didn’t seem appropriate attire for walking on such beautiful, clean flooring. There were massive black marble pillars that lined the sides of the room, and you realized between each set of pillars were gold doors. Looking up at the arched ceiling you noticed the painting that covered every inch. Very sistine chapel vibes.  

“Wow,” you muttered unable to look away from the ornate painting on the ceiling. “I was not expecting anything this fancy.”

“Is this fancy?” he asked curiously, as if he really couldn’t see it. “What were you expecting?”

“It’s just so renaissance Italy, I was expecting more futuristic hospital.”

Jiyong let out an uncharacteristic snort, “Your idea of paradise aesthetic is a futuristic hospital?”

You rolled your eyes, you guessed it did sound pretty stupid. “Maybe! Maybe I like a very clean hospital look, very high tech, space stuff.”

“Lies!” he laughed, “Such a liar.”

He kept laughing as he brought you over to one of the many gold doors. You realized as he pressed a tiny button beside it that they were all elevators. Once inside the elevator he told you to pick a floor, any one you wanted. So you closed your eyes and pressed. The elevator ride to the 62nd floor was quick and smooth. It felt like nothing at all before the doors opened.

The hall was very quiet and looked mostly like a ritzy old hotel. There was a maroon carpet that lined the dark wood flooring, white doors with gold trim. Beside each door was a gold plaque with a number engraved. Jiyong hummed thoughtfully as he walked you down the hallway before finally stopping in front of one of the doors. 6233.

“Ready?” He asked placing his hand on the doorknob.

You nodded enthusiastically and he opened the door to let you inside. It was just like walking through the front door of a poorly lit apartment as the lights were off and the drapes were closed. Even still it was light enough to see the walls of the living area were a mint green that made you cringe. There was a gilded crown moulding along the ceiling and a beautifully designed persian rug on the ground. Off to one side was an office with a small writing desk, at least the walls in that room had a dark wood paneling and wasn’t the horrible green. The couches and chairs were all made of elaborately carved walnut with pink velvet cushions. There was a porcelain tea set on the table that looked like it was from a thousand years ago.  

Grabbing the tiny silver teaspoon between your fingers you gave the tea a stir. “This place is very fancy too. Very European, but less like Italy, and more like an old lady's house.”

“Do you not like it?” He asked moving around the room with his hands clasped behind his back.

“It’s very pretty, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not my,” you were going to say ‘cup of tea’. You thought the joke would have been worthy of Hades himself. Instead your voice caught in your throat.

You had moved to the window to pull back the curtain for more light. Plus you’d been curious about the view. Eyes wide with enthusiasm you dragged the curtains open completely and looked over your shoulder at a smirking Jiyong.

“We’re in Paris!” He nodded as you looked back out at the view. The Eiffel Tower sitting smack dab in the middle of the picture window. “Wait, is it real? Or is this like a smoke and mirrors, visual effects thing?”

“This is really, truly, Paris.”

As you looked down below you took in every fascinating detail. After what honestly took too long, you realized there was something very off about the scene in front of you. “Where are all the cars? Why are there so many horses? Jiyong...when are we?”

“We are in Paris in the 1890’s. This is the home of Oscar Wilde. There is a cafe a few blocks away that he really likes to frequent for writing.” He was being so nonchalant, you wanted to scream. “This is his paradise.”

“Are you joking? Is this a joke?” you practically shrieked.

He watched with much amusement as you revisited every inch of the apartment and all of its telltale details. The coat on the rack by the door, black with a thick fur collar and wrists. Cluttered writing desk in the office by the window covered in loose leaf papers, some blank and some covered in lines and scribbles. In the corner was a brown leather chair and beside it was a stack of books piled up to the arm rest.  

You dragged your hand over the writing desk and looked over at Jiyong, “So, does your paradise have to be somewhere you’ve been before? Some place real? What’s the deal?”

“A person’s paradise is limited only by their imagination.”

“Elysium,” you shook your head in surprise, “I never would have guessed that for Oscar.”

“I-” Jiyong paused as you looked over at him, “I think Hades has a fondness for the classics.”

“Huh.” you mused, making your way back over to him, “Hades is an art snob. Who knew?”

“He scoffed, “He’s not a snob. He just has an appreciation for a creative, original mind.”

“Is that how you move in and out of the underworld so easily?” you asked, “By being an ass kisser?”

“I’ve never-” he started to defend himself and then stopped, “Seeing as you’ve never been nice a day in your life, I can see where you might confuse kindness with ass kissing.”

You pouted, “You don’t think I’m nice?”

“Try.” he grinned, “Say something nice.”

With your lips slightly parted, as if ready to respond, you froze. Everything you thought to say was too shallow. Comments about how good he looked standing there with the stubble that had been collecting on his usually clean shaven face. Or they were too deep for such a lighthearted conversation like this. I love you, you’d thought. I love you was something nice to say.  

“No thoughts,” you muttered grumpily, “ head empty.”

“Not a single nice thing to say?”

“You really think I’m mean?” you asked quietly.

His shoulders fell immediately, “Y/n, it was a joke. Honestly? I think you’ve never been mean a day in your life.”

“I can be mean.” you argued, “I’m not a pushover. Am I? Do you think I’m a pushover?”

He scratched the back of his head and laughed, “Do you want to mean or do you want to be nice? Pick one so we can move on.”

“I want to be both!” you said in a gentle whine.

“Fine!” he grabbed your face in his hands.”You’re equal parts mean and nice. There’s never been a more perfectly balanced human being.”

A pleased smile spread across your face as he dropped his hands.”Thank you, that's all I wanted to hear you say. You think I’m the perfect human being.”

“Except that’s not what I said.” he responded, following you as you made your way out of the room.

“It’s what you think though. You think I’m perfect.” you said stepping out of the Paris Paradise and into the hallway. “Don’t you? Don’t you think I’m perfect, Jiyong?”

He gulped as he shut the door before turning around to face you. That’s actually exactly what he thought. When he looked at you. When he thought about you. Perfection. You were everything. He sighed, “Maybe. I might.”

“Oh please, that’s obviously a yes.” you laughed, “What’s next?”

“Want to see something really cool?” he asked. You scoffed at the question and he nodded, “Right, stupid question.”

He brought you back to the elevator and you both stepped inside. The doors had already closed as he stood for a moment looking at the numbers, trying to remember the correct one. With a sudden realization you watched as he pressed the button for the 158th floor. You were a little surprised when you stepped off on the new floor. You’d expected a bit of queasiness or dizziness from being up so high, but you guessed that was just a perk of being in paradise.

“Where are we going again?” You asked knowing full well he hadn’t told you yet.

“Do you want to ruin the surprise?”

“Yes! That’s why I asked, duh.”

“Duh…” he said mocking you as he finally found the door he was looking for. 15868. “I wanted to show you what I meant about limits only being those on your imagination.”

He opened the door and you stepped into a hallway. At least that’s the only way you could think to describe it. It felt like a corridor on a ship. All metal shiny metal walls with big bolts, no windows and low lighting. You were reminded of the corridors they showed in movies about submarines. It was also freezing cold. Even with your sweater on you were shivering. As you made your way down the corridor Jiyong threw his thick coat over your shoulders, you didn’t even need to ask.

You passed one door that opened to what appeared to be a living space. A tiny bed, barely big enough for one person. A metal desk with journals lined across the top. There was a set of blue striped pajamas folded nicely at the end of the bed, but not really much else. Nothing too telling about the occupant. The next door you found opened to a garden of sorts. The ceiling was lined with special lighting and what looked like sprinklers. They hung over large wooden boxes filled with all sorts of greenery. You looked over at Jiyong as if for permission and he just shrugged, so you went in.

There were vegetables and berries, against the walls were actual fruit trees. There were flowers and regular old green plants. And towards the back there was a collection of strange plants, ones you’d never seen before. There was one that was the most astounding blue color you’d ever seen, it’s petals appeared to be lined in purple led lights. You found two plants that were underneath a bell jars. One looked like it was a flower made of crystal but without knowing for sure you felt it was made of ice. It was spinning, suspended in air. You thought it might be ice by the way snow was falling around it, seemingly from nowhere. Beside it was a bold red tropical looking flower. But as you had been standing there, fascinated by the ice plant, you realized it had turned a bright yellow, and then a deep orange.

“What are these?” You asked, “I don’t understand.”

“Keep looking, you’ll see.”

He followed you out of the room and further down the hall. Finally it opened into a larger area. It was the bridge of a ship. A single captains chair sat in the center. You watched fascinated as, what was clearly a robot, moved around the room checking buttons and charts and screens. When you finally tore your eyes from the very Rosie Jetson-esque robot you caught the view out of the window that wrapped around the room.

“And to think I thought Paris was cool.” you muttered, walking over to the window.

As you looked out at the unfamiliar looming red and blue planet in front of you, you gulped. Immediately surrounding you there was nothing, emptiness. Passed the planet was nothing but stars and planets as far as you could see.

“Space? Seriously. Someone’s idea of paradise is alone in space.”

“Neil Armstrong.” Jiyong shrugged. “He always wanted to go further than the moon. So now he spends his time visiting different planets. Sometimes he picks up plants from them and studies them. Writes about his experiences in his journals. Mostly I think he just visits planets he saw on episodes of Star Trek, but you get the idea.”

“It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but it must be so lonely, right?” you asked, taking in the quiet hum of the empty ship. “Is everyone always alone?”

“Oscar isn’t, he spends most of his time with a partner. Neil prefers solitude for the most part but he makes friends on every planet he visits. That’s what makes it a paradise for him. Every day a new adventure, a new friend.”

You bit your lip, looking out into the emptiness of space before you. You wondered what your paradise would look like. Who would be with you? Where would you go? How would you spend your days?

You looked over at Jiyong with a small smile, “Do you think we can find somewhere warmer?”

He nodded, “I think we can find somewhere perfect for you.”

While you did actually enjoy being in space and the phenomenal view, you made quick work of the dark, cold corridor. You had stopped once, to go back into the garden room and relook at the plants. In the hall you semi reluctantly handed Jiyong his coat back and followed him to the elevator.

He brought you down several floors but instead of taking you to a room he brought you to a long walkway that was showered in the sunlight coming from the glass archway covering it. It was a bridge from one tower to the other. The archway was designed to look like cut crystal and the way the sun reflected onto it made the floor beneath your feet look like a rainbow.

Through the window you had a pretty decent view of most of the underworld. On one side of the walkway was a view of the gates that greeted you, and in the other were the mountains near Tartarus. Once you’d reached the other tower he brought you to another elevator which led you up. It was the highest you’d been yet, the 300th floor.

Jiyong paused in front the third door of the day and turned to you. “You open this one.”

An immediate excitement surged through you, “Am I allowed?”

“I don’t make the rules, but I don’t see why you can’t.” he shrugged.

Taking a cautious step forward you placed your hand on the doorknob and gave a turn of your wrist. The smell of the ocean breeze moved passed you before the door was even all the way open. The room you walked into was basking in sunlight. A true gust of ocean air blew through sheer white curtains that opened to a modest oceanfront deck. It was the most beautiful ocean view, the water was a dazzling blue. You had never seen anything like it before in your life. You continued to explore the quaint bungalow. There were two bedrooms, each with their own en suite bathroom. One of the bedrooms had a sliding door that opened to the same ocean view you’d seen from the living room. The other room had a door that opened to a patio with a thick forest view, which made you feel like it had the best of both worlds.

Besides the two rooms there was a living room that separated them. The floor was wood but there was a massive, fluffy white carpet that covered most of the area. There was a plush, oversized sectional, and a couple of bookshelves. A huge television hung over an equally large fireplace. Separated from the common area only by a long counter was the kitchen, which truly caught your interest.

All of the rooms had been littered with vases filled with fresh flowers. Red gerberas. As he walked around the rooms, Jiyong curiously took in the details of everything. A small smile spread across his lips as he noticed each vase held one flower that had nearly snapped off and was dangling precariously. He gently fingered the soft petals and wondered if you’d realized the small detail too.

“This kitchen!” you cried out dramatically.

He moved casually from the bedroom to find you with the biggest eyes and the brightest smile as you checked every cabinet and drawer and opened every appliance.

“Is it nice? I don’t really use kitchens.” he asked rounding the counter.

“Four ovens!” you said looking over at him, “and watch!”

He leaned against the counter and watched you move over to one of the ovens and open the door.

“It’s off, it’s cold.” you said sticking your hand inside and grabbing the rack. You closed the door and pushed several buttons. There was a long beep and you opened the door once more. A gush of hot air flowed into the room. “Ready for baking in...what? A second?”

“That’s a neat trick.” he smirked.

“Okay fine, that could be nothing. It could be crazy advanced technology, but this?” you moved over to the large stainless steel refrigerator and opened the door. It was filled with everything you could need. Milk, eggs, beautiful fruits and colorful vegetables, perfect cuts of meat. You looked over at Jiyong and pressed your finger into a stick of butter, “hard as a rock. Touch it.”  

“Oh, I believe you.”

“Touch the butter, Jiyong.” you said with a serious glare.

He reached passed your shoulder and pressed a finger against the solid stick, “Yep, that’s cold butter.”

“But wait,” you said dramatically, “there’s more!”

“If I call now it comes with a free knife set?” he asked sarcastically.

With a massive eye roll you grabbed the stick and held it in the palm of your hand and then looked at him pointedly.

“Touch it?”

“Touch it.” you nodded. He pushed his finger against the butter once more, only this time it went nearly all the way through. “Slightly warmer than room temperature. Perfect for baking.���

Jiyong didn’t say anything to that. He just looked at you with an adoration that brought a blush to your cheeks. He looked at you like he’d be happy to hear you go on about the temperature of butter for hours.

“Anyway…” you turned, suddenly feeling embarrassed, and put the butter back in the refrigerator. “Whose paradise is this? Because it’s actually kind of perfect.”

“Whose do you think it is?”

You leaned against the counter opposite him and looked around for a moment. Once realization hit you grinned over at him. You stood up straight, looking enthusiastic. “Bake something with me.”

“Oh,” he shook his head, “I’m no good at things like that.”

“This is my paradise, it would be impossible for you to fuck this up.”

“Ehh.” he made a very skeptical face, “I can probably do some damage.”

“Please!” you begged, “Anything you want. Anything at all.”

Foot tapping against the tile of the kitchen floor he contemplated for a moment. “Chocolate cake. Kind of like the lava cake at the bakery?”

“Hades cake?” you asked with a hint of excitement, “How appropriate.”

He stood back and watched as you maneuvered around the kitchen to pull out the necessities. You figured out pretty quickly that all you needed to do was think of the thing that you needed and open a cabinet, any cabinet, and it would be there. In barely any time at all you had everything laid out. Bowls and pans, spatulas and whisks, eggs, flour, butter, chocolate. Everything you needed, at your fingertips.

“I’ll give you an easy part.” you assured a nervous looking Jiyong.

“And what’s that?” He asked cautiously.

“Stirring.”

You set him up in front of the flat top oven with a double broiler. You handed him a whisk and he watched as you started to fill the bowl. Butter first, and then freshly shaved chocolate, fresh ground espresso beans, and freshly ground chili.

“Just stir?” He asked when it finally looked like you’d moved to somewhere else.

“Slowly, and with love.” You smiled as you prepared the eggs in one bowl and the dry ingredients in another. Jiyong was staring into the bowl like it was a witches brew.

He was fascinated by the way you moved around the kitchen. The way you mixed things together. He’d never seen you cook before and there was an art to it that he found beautiful and contagious. Once the cake was in the oven, you showed him how to make the frosting too. And he had to admit that you even cleaned things in such a way that it looked like a dance. When you were done it looked like you’d never touched a thing.

With your head in the refrigerator you said, “We should go swimming.”

“In the ocean?”

You turned around and shook your head, “There’s a pool outside and a grill. I think we should swim and barbecue. It would be fun. And when we’re done we can comeback in for cake.”

He nodded in agreement, “Yeah, that does sound nice.”

“Great! I’m going to go get ready.”

He watched you take off to one of the bedrooms to change before moving to the opposite. It was unsurprising to him when he found his clothes in the dresser in the bedroom. What did surprise him was how nervous he’d been in deciding how he wanted to look in front of you. He stood in front of his mirror for a long while in his bathing suit. Tried it with sandals on and then sandals off, shirt on and then shirt off, sunglasses and hats. He tried every possible combination before finally just running his hand through his hair and biting the bullet.

When he came back out you were already back in the kitchen. There was a tray of food ready to be taken outside and you’d been putting the finishing touches of frosting on the cake. When you looked up from the cake you’d been smiling but the moment your eyes hit Jiyong you froze. Your face flushed and you felt like you looked crazy staring like you were but you couldn‘t look away.

“What?” he asked. He thought if he brought the attention to you, you wouldn’t notice the way he’d been looking back.

You shook your head and dropped your eyes immediately. “Nothing. Can you bring the tray outside?”

“Sure.” He grinned and moved over to the counter. “You okay?”

“Perfect. I’m fine.” you said before clearing your throat.

You waited until he’d gone outside to collapse against the counter, distraught. You hadn’t expected to react so spectacularly to a shirtless Jiyong. To a Jiyong that was in something other than his typical fashion model-esque attire. You hadn’t expected him to look so casual and comfortable. Truthfully you hadn’t expected him to look like someone you wished was your boyfriend. His hair pushed back so sloppily and the scruff that had been growing on his face over the past few days. And the way he carried himself around like none of it was a big deal at all. You had to take a minute to collect yourself before heading outside.

Outside you were able to relax quite a bit, mostly because there had been a pitcher of margaritas on the table out by the pool. The two of you drank and cooked together. Shared a meal by the pool and went for a swim after. Before you noticed it happening you felt you’d been transported. Thoughts of the underworld and of finding Jiho had vanished. Now you were just simply on a beach vacation with someone you loved, having the time of your life. Nowhere to be and nothing to do except for playing silly games and snacking on delicious food while you watched the sun coming down on a gorgeous afternoon.

Leaning against the side of the pool you admired Jiyong as he swam back and forth, the entire length of the pool. After several laps he stopped and stood up. He pushed his dripping wet hair out of his face with both hands. You watched with fascination as water droplets fell from the ends of his hair, down his neck, sliding over his back. You felt slightly faint at the sight, it was honestly more breathtaking than staring straight into space.

His body was on the thinner side, which wasn’t a surprise to you. You’d known he was an average height but had more of a petite build. You hadn’t been expecting him to be so toned all over. Or to have so many previously hidden tattoos to expose. You hadn’t been expecting your mouth to be pooling with drool at the sight in front of you. The sharp angles of his profile, along with the setting sun as the backdrop, left you yearning. You were also certain that standing waist deep in the water wasn’t the only thing that had you wet.

“Beautiful.” you muttered to yourself as you stared.

Jiyong looked over at you with raised eyebrows. “What was that?”

“This place,” you choked out. “It’s beautiful. It’s perfect.”

“I would hope so. It’s your paradise.” he smirked before diving underwater once more to take several more laps.

A pout passed over your mouth as you watched him and you muttered, “I don’t know, feels like torture to me.”

He swam laps for a little longer while you contemplated swimming out into the ocean and never returning because you genuinely weren’t sure you’d survive the night with him looking the way that he did. What you didn’t know was that he had to keep swimming laps because looking at you standing there in your bathing suit with your lip tucked between your teeth every time he came up for air was driving him insane. It was the only way he could think to blow off steam. He moved through the water towards you and popped out of water. He leaned against the side of the pool after his last set of laps.

“I think I’ll go in and clean up. Shave, maybe.” He said running his fingertips over the scruff on his chin.

“No!” You shouted, surprising even yourself, before sinking back down into the water.

“No?” He asked, amused, “Do you prefer me this way?”

You shook your head. “I don’t prefer you any which way. You should do whatever you want...”

“Mmhmm.” He grinned and ran his thumb over his jawline, watching the way your lip rolled between your teeth once more. “Maybe it’s not so bad. I guess I’ll keep it.”

“Yeah. You should. That’s cool. Or don’t. Whatever.” You rambled as you moved to get out of the water, “I think I’ll clean up too.”

You cleaned up the mess you’d made with lunch to distract yourself as Jiyong got out of the water and dried off, though you imagined with it being paradise you could have just wished it away. You were pretty sure he knew it too, with the small smile he kept on his face. He’d asked you if you needed help and you assured him you didn’t.

Then you watched as he walked back inside, watched the way his skin moved over his shoulder blades when he lifted the towel to dry his hair once more. You hands shook with a mighty need to touch his bare hips, to trace the tattoos on his torso. With a sigh you looked back down at the table to find it was cleared and your idle hands were empty. So you went inside for what you hoped would be a relaxing shower.

-

Stepping out of the shower into the steamy air of the bathroom you felt much better. When you moved into the bedroom you pulled the towel tighter around you, and walked across the floor to the dresser. Pulling open the top drawer you found two sets of underwear. One was your usual, comfy, mismatched bra and panties and folded neatly beside them was a set of what you could only refer to as lingerie. A sexy, strappy, lace bra in blacks and reds with a pair of barely there black, lace panties. Your mouth felt dry as you looked over at the closed door. The only thing separating you from Jiyong. Your hand hovered between both sets of underwear. Knowing this was all you, you wondered exactly what kind of paradise you’d created here. With a quick gulp you grabbed the matching set, better safe than sorry.

You also grabbed a pair of jean shorts and a thin tank top, throwing your hoodie on over the whole ensemble, wanting to look as casual as possible. After brushing your hair and getting dressed you opened the door. A grin spread across your lips when you saw Jiyong had the same casual vibes idea as you. He was standing barefoot with his back to you. Wearing a black hoodie, the hood of his sweater pulled over his head. A pair of black jeans that had been cut just above the knees left loose threads dangling over his thighs. Your eyes snapped up as you felt your mouth start to water.

He had turned to you at this point and there was a small smile on his face as he caught you staring. “What?”

“Nothing…” you gulped, “you look very punk rock.”

“It’s fashion, y/n. Look it up.” he laughed as you rolled your eyes at him. “I was, um, gonna go sit outside for a bit and read. Would you like to join me?”

“That sounds very nice.” You smiled, “I’ll grab a book.”

You walked over to the bookshelf next to the sliding door that was opened to the deck. With an amused hum you picked up the only book on the shelf laying flat on its side.

“Find something interesting?”

You shrugged, “Sort of. This is the book I’d been working on back home. This place is a trip.”

“Paradise,” Jiyong said moving behind you, his hand brushed your hip as he passed, “anything you want, everything you need.”

It took you a moment to catch your breath as he walked outside. With your book in hand you made your way to the deck. Strings of white lights were hanging all over and around keeping the space warm and welcoming. Jiyong was sitting on the long cushioned bench that lined the banister that overlooked the beach, the water. The moon was full and bright, glistening against the soft waves like diamonds. His legs were stretched out, crossed at the ankle as he rested his feet atop the table. His hood was still up and his eyes were already diligently moving across the pages of his notebook. Moving around the table you tucked yourself into the corner of the bench, pulling your knees to you chest before opening the book in your hands.

For the first ten minutes you sat there not a single word was read.You’d realized that if you kept your gaze right at the top of your book you could watch Jiyong inconspicuously. Even though the only things you could see from underneath his hood were the tip of his nose and the pout on his lips. You still ached. Every once in awhile he would clear his throat or his tongue would poke out to run over his lips. You started to anticipate when he would turn the page because he always fingered the corner of the page for a minute before flipping it over. Your teeth dug a little deeper into your lip every time.  

Finally realizing that you’d been staring for too long, you looked down at your own book. Still you could not read. Instead you tried to quick math to figure out how long it had been since your last time with Jiho. Then you tried to calculate your cycle because clearly this had to be some pathetic and annoying pms thirsting. In the end you hadn’t figured out anything useful. All you knew was that his voice was stuck on repeat in your head like some catchy song, “Okay. I’ll wait. Okay. We’ll kiss the right way like you want.” again and again and again, “Okay. We’ll kiss. Okay. We’ll kiss. Okay. We’ll kiss…”  

Mad at yourself for wanting to wait, and mad at yourself for wanting so badly to break your waiting rule, you were finally able to read your book. If only as a way to get out of your own head. The book had been a good distraction at first and the plot line had hit a good twist. Then there was an unfortunately placed, very steamy, very intimate sex scene. It seemed very suddenly like your head was spinning so you closed your eyes for just a moment, to try and calm yourself. Your brain was not on the same page.  

The scene in your head was set up exactly like this one. Full moon blanketing the deck with light, accompanied by bright whit fairy lights hanging above you. Jiyong sitting on the opposite side of the bench with this notebook in his lap.You stretched out one of your legs until your foot was pressing against his hip. He continued to look down at his notebook but dropped a hand onto your ankle. His fingers slid slowly, gently, up and down your shin and you were glad you’d shaved in the shower earlier.

It wasn’t enough, you needed more of his attention. You needed all of it. You pushed out your other leg, stretching until your toes were touching the outside of his thigh. You wiggled them underneath the ragged  hem of his shorts. After a moment he dropped his legs from their resting place on the table and tossed his book to the side. With a quick turn to you he snatched your ankles in his hands. When he looked up at you from beneath his hood his eyes were bright gold.Your breath caught in your chest.

“You can’t handle me.” he said, but you knew it wasn’t meant as a threat.

“Let me try.” you whispered nervously.

Hands tight around your ankles he pulled, roughly dragging you towards him. With you on your back before him, he moved over you. His hand, smooth as a snake, moved up your sweater. You moaned as his lips met your neck, the stubble on his chin scratching your throat. Your eyes closed as he massaged your breast over the lace bra. His lips moved up to your jaw, your cheek. Another moan was teetering off the edge of your lips but he caught it with his own. Your first real kiss together. You might have cried if you’d given yourself the chance to think about it. Instead you pulled him closer. One hand dug deep in his hair, the other one clutching desperately at this collar of his hoodie, not wanting him to move even an inch from you.

“Y/n?” his voice was floating through your head but his lips were pressed against yours, “Y/n?”

Your eyes snapped open and you inhaled deeply. Jiyong was sitting across the bench from you, exactly as he had been before you closed your eyes. Only this time he was looking over at you.

“Uhhh, yeah, what’s up?”

“I’m going to grab something to eat. Can I get you anything from inside?” he asked with a small smile.

“Oh, no. I’m good, but thank you for asking.” You wondered how badly you were blushing as you reached your hand to your neck. You could still feel the scratch of his chin against you.

He stood up from the bench and dropped his notebook on the cushion. Stopping in front of the door he turned and watched you stare dreamily at the space in front of you with a smirk.

“Hey,” he called, and you turned to him with big doe eyes, “You’re sure you’re not...thirsty?”

“No…” you choked out, “No...yes! No, I mean yes, I’m sure I’m not thirsty.”

You groaned, covering your face with your hands as he walked inside with an upbeat hum. Pulling your hands back down to your lap you noticed the notebook where he left it lying on the bench, open to the center page. For the briefest moment you could have sworn you saw your name. You looked away, feeling uncomfortable. That was his private notebook, it wasn’t for your prying eyes. On the other hand...you were pretty sure you’d seen your name, and what could it hurt just to take a peek.

Leaning forward slightly for a closer look, you saw it. It was for sure your name. Jiho’s name had been there too and several other familiar names as well. Your heart was racing. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you just read a few lines, just to get the general vibe. He would never have to know you even saw it. You turned towards the door to look inside of the little bungalow, Jiyong was nowhere in sight. Biting your lip so hard you tasted copper, you leaned over and snatched the notebook off the cushion.

Confusion hit first. You didn’t understand what it meant. Dates and times, starting from the day you were born up until earlier that day. Names of everyone you knew with what looked like correlating page numbers. Actions listed out like crimes, Forgery, age 10, mother's signature on field trip participation slip. Petty theft, earlier today, Oscar Wilde’s fountain pen. You looked down at the page, mortified, as you thought about the pen laying on the dresser in your room.

Realization hit quickly after, shock followed then. A flash of pain tore through your chest as you continued to read. As the pages flipped before you fell into anger, confusion again, and then more pain. You imagined that nothing would hurt as much as the list of times Jiho had committed adultery against you. Many of the names of the women looked familiar. Women you’d asked him about. Women he’d sworn you never had to worry about. His list of lies was so much worse. They left you feeling genuinely sick. There were so many you remembered not believing but pushing the feeling aside. Excusing him. Always making excuses for him.

I love you. Lie

You’re my everything. Lie

There is nothing more important to me than you. Lie

I love you. Lie. I love you. Lie. I love you. Lie.    

Your lip was trembling. Tears fell onto the pages like raindrops as you continued on. Your grandmother, your mother, old friends, coworkers. Your father. The father you never met. He was nowhere near the monster your mother always made him out to be. He hadn’t abandoned you, he never knew you existed. She never told him. You met him once, completely by chance. He’d come back to the city for work and came into the bakery for coffee and wfi. He told you that you reminded him of someone, joked that you even looked a little him. He’d been polite and made you laugh. He died a couple years after that. Saved a teenage boy from a shooter at a gas station robbery. He was here somewhere in Elysium. You had two half sisters, still alive. Your chest felt tight. You flipped back and forth and back and forth again. Reading everything you could find. It took you some time but you finally realized there was someone missing.

Jiyong was in the kitchen shoving a forkful of cake in his mouth. His eyes raised in surprise when he saw you.

“You caught me.” he mumbled with his cheeks full. He looked at you for a long moment, swallowing the cake in his mouth and then frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Still quite dazed you made your way into the room fully. You kept moving forward until you were standing in front of the counter. You lifted the notebook onto the polished marble and pushed it towards him.

“What is this?” you asked calmly. Calmer than you ever expected you could.

“It’s my notebook.”

You let out a long sigh, “It’s fine. Don’t tell me what it is. At least tell me if it’s true. What’s in the notebook. Is it all true?”

He nodded, “Yeah. It’s true.”

“And you knew?” You whispered the question. Jiyong nodded but remained quiet. “All the lies, the cheating…the things he manipulated me into doing for him. You knew? You must have. You must have read it all. You’re always reading this stupid notebook, how could you not know... You really knew this whole time?”

“Yeah.” He knew you deserved so much more but he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Why didn’t you say anything? You could have told me. All those times you tried to get me to leave him, why didn’t you just tell me the truth?” you quickly wiped at the few loose tears on your cheek.

“I couldn’t. It’s not what the notebook is used for. I couldn’t just abuse my knowledge for personal gain.” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I wanted to tell you. Every time I saw you, I wanted to tell you to run from him...to run to me.”

“I would have kissed you. In the garden, you could have had me, if you’d just said something. If I’d known.” You said and tucked your lip between your teeth. “All of this time we could have been us.”

“Well now you know so what do you want to do?”

Minutes ticked by as you tried to think. What did you want to do? Keep going? Go home? Should you confront Jiho or leave him to rot? Every thought came out dull and incomplete. All of them overshadowed by one simple, carnal urge that was overwhelming every single one of your senses.

With a gulp you looked up at Jiyong, “I want you.”

“What do you mean?” He asked shakily.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

He looked you over for a long time, as if he didn’t believe this was really happening. With a single look from him you moved around the counter so you were standing in front of him. He slipped a hand over your cheek and cupped your neck, his fingers buried in your hair. Already there was a tremble in your knees and he hadn’t even kissed you yet. Leaning in his nose brushed against yours, your mouth was watering.

“Is this a dream?” he asked.

“If it is…”you whispered against his lips, “don’t you dare wake me up.”

“Agreed.” he grinned before sucking your bottom lip between his.

Inhaling sharply, you fell forward into him. If he hadn’t slipped his arm around your waist you were sure you’d have collapsed. You were unsure if it was because it had been so long or if it was because it was Jiyong, but you felt euphoric. It wasn’t until many delicious minutes had passed that he pulled away.

A whine escaped you immediately, “No.”

“No?” he chuckled.

“Come back.” you forced another kiss on his lips.

“I’m right here.”

You pushed your hips into his, “Not close enough.”

“Just breathe for a second.” he laughed again as you tugged at the strings of his hoodie.

You shook your head defiantly, “I don’t want to breathe, I just want you.”    

He dragged your bottom lip between his teeth and smirked when you whimpered after he released it with a pop. “I told you, you couldn’t handle me.”  

“Kiss now, gloat later.” you whispered against his mouth.

“Mmm.” he hummed happily, “but you know how I love to gloat.”

Tired of talking you hooked your hand behind his neck and pulled him forward. You moaned into his mouth in satisfaction of getting what you wanted. His hands slipped up your sides, dragging your hoodie with them. His fingers felt cold against the heat coursing through you. As the kiss continued your lips started to swell and became sore. Kissing was starting to hurt but you couldn’t pull away. He was like the first good meal you’d had in weeks and you couldn’t get enough.

You moved to unbutton his pants but his fingers grasped yours gently before muttering against your lips, “Slow down.”

“Slow down?” you asked, pulling away in surprise. “Haven’t we waited long enough?”

“Y/n,” he whispered against your neck before leaving a small tickle of a kiss. “I want to take my time. I want this to last an eternity. I want to treat you how you should have always been treated.”

“I don’t deserve you.” you muttered, eyes closed, head tilted back as he kissed your neck

He stepped back and eyed you curiously, “I disagree. And I’m always right, as we know now.”

Leaning in once more he captured your lips in another kiss and you could think of no complaints. Well you could think of only one complaint. The edge of the counter was digging painfully into your lower back but Jiyongs hands were in your hair and his hips were pressed against yours and his lips were on your lips. There was no way you were about to push him away or ask him to calm down, if anything you wanted more. You needed him closer. You needed there to be a way for him to mold around you and seep through you like the oxygen through your blood. Instead of that you moved your hand behind you to leverage yourself away from the counter.

“Oh, no.” you cringed and Jiyong pulled away looking mortified at the disgusted look on your face.

“What’s wrong? What did I do?” he asked.

“Not you, never you.” you groaned and brought your hand in front of you, the whole side of it covered in chocolate cake and frosting.

Jiyong laughed at the sight. “Oh baby...what to do with you.”

You pouted as he reached around you, grabbing the plate his cake had been on. As he dropped the plate in the sink you cursed yourself internally for ruining the moment. Jiyong didn’t think it had been ruined at all. With a grin he wrapped his fingers around your wrist, lifting your chocolate covered hand.

“You always have me eating out of the palm of your hand.’ he muttered as your eyes met, and he dragged his tongue over your palm.

Your jaw dropped open as you watched him lick and suck until your hand was practically clean. When he was done there was some chocolate left on his lip and you couldn’t help yourself but to pull it into your mouth.

For awhile there was nothing else but this. Time stood completely still, space was irrelevant, no one else existed. It was just Jiyong and his kiss and it felt so good. At one point he pulled away with a pop of your lips and trailed kisses over your face, down your neck. Your hand moved over his shoulders s up his neck until your fingers were in his hair. Holding him close only encouraged him to leave little marks all over your skin.

He mumbled against your skin, “kissing is nice.”

“I think so too.” You said massaging the back of his head.

“Is it selfish for me to want more of you?” He asked, fingers toying with the waist of your shorts.

You leaned back and slid your hand around to cup his cheek, “Are you always so respectful and considerate?”

He smirked, “I’m trying, you make it difficult.”

“What if you stopped trying?” You asked. He looked confused by your question. “What if for tonight you just take what you want from me? I just want all of you in return.”

“Are you sure?”

“Jiyong, if you move your hand down my shorts like you’ve wanted to this whole time we’ve been talking, you’d find I’ve completely soaked through these panties for you. I’ve almost never been so sure of anything in my life.”

With his fingers tucked into the waist of your shorts he tugged your hips forward roughly. Keeping his heavy lidded eyes on you he unbuttoned them and then dragged the zipper down as well. Your fingers curled around the edge of the counter as you leaned back in anticipation.

Lip tucked between his teeth he reached his fingers between the lace fabric and you. “Fuck.”

“Told you.” you grinned but only for a second before your mouth fell open at the feeling of two of his fingers easing inside of you.

“Needy.” he noted as your hips rolled you further into his palm. “This is going to…”

“What?” You gasped as his nimble fingers curved. “Just say it. Let go.”

He leaned in, cheek pressed against yours, and said, “It’s just, this is going to feel so good on my cock.”

“Oh, damn.” You groaned, surprised by the tone in his voice, your thighs tightened around his wrist.

He didn’t drop his eyes from your face as he pushed his hand knuckle deep. Instead he studied your expressions as he searched for that specific spot. He thought you looked so peaceful. Head thrown back and your eyes closed, he was enamored by the stretch of your neck. He’d been able to elicit some delicious moans, but he was really living for the way your lip trembled into a pout every time he dragged his fingers from you. However, he wanted something else. Something more.

Suddenly you gasped and shot forward, “oh shit!”

Jiyong grinned as you peppered his face and neck with kisses filled with gratitude. “I think I found it.”

“I’m so close. Don’t stop. Please, just don’t stop.” You begged against his mouth.

“I won’t. I’m not.” He promised, going even faster as if to prove a point.

“Jiyong!” You cried out his name, and he thought it felt good but he knew it would feel better if it was his true name falling off your lips. You whined against him, m “If you stop we can’t b-be friends.”

“What? Stop this?” He chuckled, adding more pressure with his fingertips and dragging them excruciatingly slow against your g spot.

You sputtered out something incomprehensible and slumped against his shoulder. Your orgasm pulsed around his fingers.

“I wouldn’t dare.” He murmured into your hair.

The two of you stood there against the counter for sometime. You’d kept your arms around him, knowing you’d collapse otherwise, your thighs still shook like jello. He’d removed his hand from your shorts and sucked you clean off his fingers. He let out the tiniest groan as he did so, wishing he was devouring you, but he could wait.

After awhile you leaned back to look at him. “Did you ever try that with your wife?”

“Try what?” He asked brushing hair from your cheek.

“The thing with the hand and th-“ your eyes rolled back and you sighed, “I can’t even talk about it, it’s too soon.”

He laughed and moved to kiss the skin of your neck. “Probably. Once or twice I think.”

“You’re sure you did it just like that?” You asked with some uncertainty, “because if you had there’s absolutely no reason for her to have left you.”

Leaning his forehead against your shoulder he laughed again this time so genuinely your heart nearly melted. “Stop, you’ll make me blush.”

Running your hand through his hair you gently turned his face to yours, “I can really make you blush if you want me to.”

He looked at you for a long time as if contemplating the offer and then he smiled, “You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.” Your tongue moved over your lip and you said, “I wasn’t lying when I said I want all of you.”

When he didn’t say anything you grabbed his hand and brought him into the living room. Once your toes hit the soft carpet you turned and pulled him into you for a kiss. His lips curved into a smile as your hands moved up his sides.

“We don’t need this.” you pulled away before dragging his hoodie over his head along with the shirt he’d had on underneath. Tossing his clothes to the side you looked back at the man you’d been thinking about all afternoon. Your fingers traced the black ink on his side. “Forever young?”

“Yeah.” he smirked, “Why don’t you join me?”

Laughing lightly you sunk down to your knees in front of him. As you unbuttoned his jeans he let out a long sigh, unsure of how he’d handle you. He already felt ready to burst. You looked up at him quite cutely as you dragged the fabric of both his shorts and underwear down his thighs. You couldn’t help but grin when you took in the look of him. Everything about this man was pretty, of course his dick would be pretty too.

One hand squeezed his thigh, just above the knee while the other one lead him between your lips. He jolted slightly as soon as your tongue brushed against the sensitive skin. His teeth clenched as you eased back and forth. Your tongue and head moving in tandem to create the desired effect.

Jiyong didn’t say much, he was finding breathing to be enough of a challenge. You hummed with your lips around him as you felt his fingers slip into your hair. If you were going to try and swallow him whole he figured he might as well try and help. His thighs were trembling underneath your hands. When you looked up he was bent to the side, one hand clutching the arm of the couch as he tried to remain on his feet. Every muscle in his arm was shaking and you knew he must be close.

With your best efforts you took him in as far as you could several more times until he gasped, “That’s it...oh shit…”

It surprised you when he dropped to his knees when he was finished and pulled you into a kiss. Jiho had always been the type to get grossed out by the idea of kissing you after head. Clearly Jiyong had no qualms.

During the kiss he leaned you back against the carpet, as his fingers made their way back down to your thighs and under your shorts until they were consumed by your warmth. They brushed gently against the patch of warm wet lace and he inhaled deeply at the feel.

“Oh my goddess.” He muttered before burying his face in your neck, his slightly bearded cheek sending a tingling sensations over your already overly sensitive skin. He sucked onto the skin at the base of your throat, salty with sweat. You lunged forward slightly as his fingers found their way beneath the lace and slipped inside of you with ease once more. “I’m going to build you a temple. Biggest temple anyone’s ever seen.”

You pushed your hips up into his hand greedily. “I don’t need a temple.”

“You’re too tight, too wet to go unpraised by the masses.” He disagreed.

You laughed, embarrassed. “Shut up.”

“Fine, a statue. Marble. Sculpted of this very moment.” He compromised, “The smooth arch of your back. The hair falling off your shoulder. My hand between your thighs.”

Your eyes fluttered shut, and you hummed at the image of a naked Jiyong fingering you carved into marble. “That’s very...erotic. And I would also like one.”

“There’s just one thing that I’d want to change.” he muttered against your mouth before pulling back. “You should be naked too.”

You lifted your arms over your head and he pulled the sweater from your body. He rolled the fabric into a ball and tossed it to the side. Both of you jumped at the loud crashing noise that followed. Your head fell back with laughter at the sight of the lamp that had been on the side table laying smashed on the floor.

“So smooth.”

He shook his head as he tugged at your top, “Just ignore it. Please.”

You grabbed his face after he threw the tank top to the side as well, a little more gently, and pressed a kiss to his lips. “It’s forgotten.”

“Sexy bra…” he noted, “have you been wearing that this whole time or did you conjure it up just for me?”

“Does it matter?” You asked with a slight flush of your cheeks.

“Not at all.” He dropped his hands to your hips and pulled your shorts from your legs.

Propped up on your arms you watched Jiyong slink down until he was laying comfortably between your legs. His lips teased the soft skin of the tops of your thighs. The stubble on his cheek and chin leaving light scratches in their wake. Scratchy little kitten kisses as he moved towards the warm, moist patch of lace that kept you from him. His teeth dragged gently over your mound and a desperate hiss escaped your mouth.

“Oh my god.” You panted.

“Which one?” He asked quietly between your thighs.

“Wh-what?” You watched his arm snake around your thigh. His thin, nimble fingers trailed along the edge of your panties.

“I asked which god is your god.” He locked eyes with you as he move the fabric of your panties to the side.

“I...I,” you stuttered as the pink muscle that was his tongue flicked gently against you. “Ummm. Any...all of them any of them.”

“Let it be me.” He said before pulling you into his mouth with a light hum.

You whimpered, head losing thoughts and function with every movement of his mouth against you, “Do what? Do you want…”

“Say I’m your god.” He whispered before running his tongue deeper than before.

“Yes. Yes!”

You panted heavily and gasped for air. Every move of his mouth on you was methodical. He had you teetering on the edge, ready to fall completely. Whimpering was close to becoming real tears as he locked your trembling thighs into place. You were so close already, and for a second time. And then it just stopped. For a moment you laid there confused.

“Why?” it was all you could say when you looked down between your thighs to see Jiyong running his tongue over his glistening lips.

He sat up between your legs and hooked his fingers under the elastic of your panties before dragging them down your legs.

“You didn’t say it.” He said once he’d pulled the fabric from you and flung it across the room.

“What?”

He shrugged, “You didn’t say, you’re my god.”

You sat up and reached between your legs to grab Jiyongs shoulders, pulling him towards you. Your forehead pressed against his, you whispered, “You are my god. The only one for me.”

He leaned in for a kiss while he removed your bra. With your arms wrapped around him you laid back down bringing him with you. Your lips glued together once more.

“Can I?” he asked between kisses.

“If you can’t, we’re about to have a real problem.”

“May. I.” he growled against your neck, making you shiver.

“Yes, you may.” you gasped slightly at the feel of his teeth dragging over your skin.

He reached between the two of you and eased himself in. A long satisfied sigh escaped your lips at the stretch. There was a real sense of perfection in the way he felt to you. The way you fit together. It was as if there was nothing more for you to imagine in your paradise. You had it all. Realizing you’d never had a moment so flawless in your life before made your eyes well with tears.  

“Does that feel okay?” Jiyong asked sweetly, planting a kiss against your cheek, “Do you feel good?”

“Mm, yes. It feels…” the words stuck in your throat as you looked up at him. His eyes caught yours. They were so gentle and made you feel so cared for. With a blush you ducked your face near his shoulder.

“What?” he whispered and eased you back so he could see you, “Tell me what it feels like?”

“I can’t, you’ll run away.” you pouted.

He just laughed, “I promise you, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Just, it feels like I’ve been waiting for this. I’ve been waiting for you.” The way he looked at you made you want to both look away and never take your eyes out of him. “Does that sound crazy?”

“No.” he leaned forward, pulling your lips between his for a kiss, and you felt yourself relax.

Your teeth dragged against his lip while he inched his way inside of you and then rolled back again. There was a full feeling throughout your body. Your thighs tightened around his hips as they started to make quick work of you.

He trailed scratchy kissed along your jaw and you groaned when he whispered against your earlobe. “I’ve been waiting centuries for you and I didn’t even realize it. Now that I know I would have waited a hundred more if I had to.”

“Don’t stop.” you gasped, feeling that familiar tightening in your abdomen.

“I won’t.” he promised. His fingers tangled into your hair and he pulled your head to the side so he could drag his teeth across your neck.

“Fuck!” You moaned, digging your nails into the skin on his shoulders. “Jiyong...my god.”

“I am.” he muttered against your collarbone through his own heavy panting, “I am your god.”

You wanted to say something about his god complex, you knew there was a joke on the tip of your tongue, but his fingers trailing goosebumps down your abdomen and slipping between your thighs left you distracted. You dropped your arms to your side, fingers curling into the rug. He found your clit with ease, at this point he’d spent so much time with it you felt like they were best friends. His thumb rubbed you in slick circles, watching your reaction almost curiously. Finally reaching your breaking point your back arched so far off the ground you’d lifted yourself like the living dead. Your arms wrapped around Jiyongs shoulders.

“Oh, hello there.” He chuckled against the side of your head as you dug your teeth into his shoulder.

“I...fuck.” you whimpered as your body tensed.

Jiyong was grunting ever so slightly, and when you looked up at him, his eyes were squeezed shut. He looked like he was between agony and euphoria. He didn’t stop a single thing he was doing until you were limp and satisfied in his arms. He laid you back down making sure your head was resting gently before he rolled beside you.

You smiled quite happily and said, “Maybe this really is paradise.”

With a half groan half laugh he turned and kissed your shoulder. “Shower?”

“Together?” you asked turning towards him.

He grinned, “Of course.”

You dragged your fingers down his bare chest and smiled, “Again?”

“Again?” He asked incredulously.

Big wanton eyes met his when you looked up, “please?”

He huffed and rolled his eyes, “Alright, yes. Again.”

“You, um,” you teased the skin of his hip with your fingers, “don’t have to be so sweet about it this time.”

“I won’t.” He hooked his finger under your chin, lifting your eyes to his. “But you have to say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say what you want from me.” His tongue moved over his bottom lip, he looked devious.

“Why?” your cheeks burned with a blush.

Your stomach twisted at the small smile that spread over his face, “It’s going to sound so sexy coming from those lips.”

You released a long slow breath.

“I want you to fuck me.” He hummed pleased with himself. However you weren’t finished. “I want to be hand around my throat, hair ripped from my head, ass stained red with your handprint fucked.”

Jiyongs mouth fell open and he looked at you wide eyed and quite shocked. “Wow.”

“Did it sound as sexy as you expected?” You grinned.

“Sexier.”

You’d thought once more in the shower would be enough to successfully exhaust you but it had turned out Kwon Jiyong left you insatiable. Luckily one more time in the bed after the shower seemed to do the trick. And you were finally able to tuck into his side, ready for some much needed rest. Your eyes were closed while he left soft kisses everywhere he could reach.

“Don’t give up your soul for him.” he whispered after a particularly long kiss against your temple.

“What?”

“It took me so long to find you.” he sounded so soft, “I don’t want to lose you now. I can’t.”

“Okay.” you didn’t understand what he meant but you weren’t about to deny him a single thing.

Your thigh was draped over his, both of your legs tangled in sheets. You rested your cheek on his shoulder, tracing his prominent collarbone with your finger tip. Kissing the part of his chest that was nearest to your lips you smiled.

“Why aren’t you in book?” You asked quietly, you didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere, but the question had been eating at you.

He hummed, gently rubbing his hand up and down your back, “what do you mean?”

“The book. Your notebook, your name isn’t in it. I looked for you, I wanted to know more about you, but you aren’t in the book. Why not?” You placed  your palm flat on his chest, his heartbeat was racing beneath the warm skin.

“I don’t need to be.” He said simply and looked down his face at you.

He hooked his finger beneath your chin and turned your gaze up to meet his. You pouted slightly, “What makes you so special?”

“Nothing.” He grinned and pressed a chaste kiss against your lips. You whined slightly and quickly lifted your lips to his for another.

You pulled away after a minute of his soft, swollen lips against yours, “You’re trying to distract me.”

“It’s working.” He smiled and leaned in once more. As he kissed you he shifted your bodies so that he was above you. Forehead presses together, noses brushing gently. He sighed, his lips tickling yours as he said with a sadness, “I don’t want to wake up.”

You laughed lightly, but then there was a sudden sinking feeling in your stomach. It was then that you realized that yes, this was a dream. “Me neither.”

-

You laid in bed for what felt like hours. Eyes closed, willing yourself back into the dream, but you knew it was done. Even if you did manage to fall asleep you knew you wouldn’t get it back. When you finally opened your eyes it was to a dark empty room. You could hear the sound of the waves through the closed windows. Sitting up on the mattress with a sigh you noticed the glow of light coming from under the door.

You wondered if Jiyong was awake. You wondered if he’d had a dream that matched yours and was now laying restlessly in bed with thoughts of you. You swung your legs over the side of the bed. You’re feet were silent against the hardwood floor as you made your way to the door. Before opening the door you looked over to the dresser where the pen you stole was laying beside a vase of flowers.

The common room was empty, it was only the single light on side table shining with a sigh of life. As you passed by it you could still imagine the sound of it shattering against the floor. You’d swear you could hear the sound of Jiyongs laugh and yours mixed together. The spirit of your perfect moment, haunting this place.

In front of the door to his room you bit your lip nervously. As slowly and quietly as you could you opened the door. You’d been needlessly cautious as Jiyong was wide awake, lying stretched out the length of the bed, ankles crossed. There was one arm behind his head and the other was draped over his bare stomach.

“Everything okay?” He asked with the raise of a single eyebrow.

“Yeah. Everything is perfect.” You shrugged, “it’s paradise. Remember?”

“Right.” he grinned, “Well what has brought you to me at this very late hour? Do you have a scandalous request of me perhaps?”

“Ugh,” you rolled your eyes, “I just...couldn’t sleep. So, can I come in or what?”

“Sure.” it was a simple response but his face looked unbearably smug.

You crossed the threshold slowly, taking him in. All he had on was a pair of pajama pants, that hung loose at his hips. He looked like you remembered from the pool and the dream, unless the pool had been the dream too. You realized you weren’t sure where reality had stopped and the dream had started. He watched you, watching him, as you made your way from door to the bed and sat beside him. He knew you were looking at him and had been trying to figure out your thoughts but mostly you just gave off curiosity.

You gulped at the sight of the notebook lying face down on the bed beside him. You wished you could tell if that part had been a dream or reality. It had to have been a dream, right? You convinced yourself that it had been. It had to have just been a mixture of guilt from stealing the pen, and uncertainty you had about Jiho. The guilt of wanting Jiyong the way you did crashed over you. You’d convinced yourself Jiho was a monster to justify a second dream about someone who was meant to be  your friend. You felt disgusting.

Jiyong saw the way you looked at the book. He wanted you to ask about. He wanted you to lunge over him and tear it open to see how real the dream had been. Even if he knew what you’d find inside of it. Even if it meant answering hard questions and ultimately confessing who he was. He was halfway there. Halfway ready to confess everything, but not quite enough to just offer it to you on his own. He thought if you’d only ask, then he’d be able to tell you.

You didn’t ask about the notebook. Instead you reached over him and grabbed it. He watched a little disappointed as you closed it and placed it on the nightstand before switching off the light.

“Oh, have you decided it’s time to go to bed?” He asked with a laugh as you laid down beside him.

“Yes.” You answered, slipping your hand over his bare stomach until you were wrapped around him like you’d been the night before.

“What? Now that you’ve had a taste of me, pillows don’t do the trick any longer?” He joked in an effort to downplay how he felt in this moment.

“You don’t always have to ruin everything by talking.”

Despite the bite in your words he could feel the grin on your face as you laid with your head rested on his chest. He wasn’t going to be able to make you feel embarrassed for needing him like this. Not with the way you could hear his heart racing under your ear.

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

You think Shiedheda will go after Raven to hurt Murphy in the near future?

Hi! Happy prequel day! I know not everybody is excited about this ep but mannnn I cannot resist the LORE behind this show! So I am looking forward to tonight! I hope you are too!

Been trying to think about this situation a little more, but ultimately - YES.

Last week, right after the ep, I posted some immediate thoughts that you can read here if you missed it. In it, I said that the chess game between Sheidheda and Murphy seemed to really be foreshadowing what could happen. Murphy plays very early with a move called the Queen’s Gambit (same as the ep title), and it’s a risky choice, putting his queen in danger - which we know was literally happening in the ep as well, because Em0ri was in danger because Murphy made the choice to play chess to begin with instead of going to her party. Of course, he didn’t KNOW this was Sheidheda’s goal and he was absolutely manipulated right into doing exactly what Sheidheda wanted.

During the game, we don’t know it at the time and neither does Murphy, but Sheidheda is deliberately drawing the game out. There is a move Sheidheda makes that isn’t especially aggressive and Murphy says “You could have taken my castle.” Sheidheda then replies “Oh, I’ll get it soon enough.” and I don’t know, maybe some of you heard me scream at that line! LOL!

Because “castle” is an older chess name for the ROOK piece. And rooks are also a name for ravens/crows. Castles=rooks=ravens=Raven. There’s already been a lot of chess speculation in fandom that Raven as a character may represent the rook piece anyway, but now IMHO, it’s pretty much a given for me based on these few lines.

In addition, there is a helluva lot of subtext happening during this game. Kudos to JR & Richard for this scene, seriously. Sheidheda TELLS Murphy something bad is about to happen from his (Murphy’s) perspective, and insinuates that Sanctum’s queen (clearly Em0ri) is enjoying the role of being on a pedestal - enjoying being WORSHIPPED. We’ve already seen hints of this in both this ep and previous eps and Sheidheda’s comment tells the audience that he is not only aware of what Em0ri has been doing/saying, but he knows it’s a comment that will get to Murphy. And it does, because Murphy then tries to put the focus on Sheidheda instead.

Listen - y’all know I’m not interested in Memoraven. I’m just NOT. There’s been no evidence whatsoever in any season that Raven & Em0ri are attracted to each other or want anything beyond friendship, and anyway, I think Raven deserves to be picked first and I don’t like the idea of her coming into something that’s been established for years. I will never think that’s fair to her. However - I can absolutely see how Memoraven fans could take this conversation from Sheidheda as foreshadowing too - like... uhhhhh, wow, dilf demon (stole this term off a lovely twitter and now it’s how I think of Russheda in my head oops) really did tell Murphy that he knows it must be hard to settle for one woman when he could really have as many as he wanted as a god. And note that Murphy does NOT say he’s not interested in that - he says “you don’t know Em0ri” like the only reason he doesn’t have more than one partner (girl OR guy, IMHO) is because that’s her choice, not his. The insinuation here, good lordt.

Sheidheda wants Murphy’s queen and his castle aka he’s going after Em0ri and Raven - this is ESTABLISHED in the chess game as far as I’m concerned. Sheidheda takes Murphy’s queen piece in another move on the board AND we know that Em0ri is captured in the ep as well. Sheidheda also says to Murphy that how he will respond to the LOSS of his queen will tell him (dilf demon) whether Murphy is a leader or a follower. Murphy objects, saying he’s neither, and Sheidheda immediately scoffs & labels him as a REBEL. Then there’s all kinds of more subtext about Murphy’s motivations and Murphy makes another move and takes dilf demon’s piece and Sheidheda comments that its an avenging move and predictable, and how chess is about strategy and choices blah blah. Anyway I recommend watching it all again, it’s hot. LOL.

Also, I know there has been a great gifset done of that last awesome transition (yay Lindsey) by @wolfheartgirl where she shows how Em0ri the person is placed on the chess board and what ramifications this position has based on Murphy & Sheidheda’s other pieces. I will reblog that gifset after I post this.

But in my VERY typical VERY wordy way - oh heck yeah, I think Sheidheda is holding a grudge against Raven. Don’t forget that scene in s5 where Murphy, Abby, Raven, Em0ri, Jackson, Miller, Gaia and Madi are all locked in the Sanctum jail and Raven’s putting some puzzle pieces together about the commanders in Madi’s head and Sheidheda is literally saying to Madi don’t tell HER anything. He KNOWS Raven is a threat to him, and it’s Raven who takes out the Flame. I don’t know if Sheidheda knows all the details but Raven has been closely linked to Becca throughout the series and I think there have been some hints in canon that Becca in the Flame was one of the things that could have been holding Sheidheda back before now. We know the Flame has been degrading over time. Lots of spec on that but I don’t think it’s out of line for Sheidheda to want Raven specifically OUT of the game.

IMHO I hope Raven gets back to Sanctum in 7x09 for this to start unraveling!

Thanks for the ask, friend! What do YOU think??

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Deca-Dence 5 - 6 | Moriarty 3 - 4 | Yashahime 4 - 5 | Maou-jou 4 | I7 s2 5 (22) | Akudama 4 - 5 | HypMic 5 - 6 | Taiso Samurai 4 | HPGC 4

Deca-Dence 5

“…cannon won’t ignite in time!” The subbers spell cannon as “canon” later as well.

Off to the cliffside, where Kaburagi goes to die…

Deca-Dence 6

“Maybe someone intervened.” – I think Minato did, somehow.

This Death Dive reminds me of Wipeout.

Moriarty 3

I once made up a quote that goes, “When life detests you, fight back.” I think it’s also roughly along the lines of advice Albert needs.

I remembered an odd line from Macbeth: “Brother, he has killed me!” Seriously, Moriarty is scarier than some actual horror anime, I swear…Update: It’s actually “he has killed me, Mother!”, but same impact.

I had my hands over my mouth from the moment the fire began. That’s how intense this is.

This ED…doesn’t sound like an ED. It sounds like the OP for a different anime, like Joker Game or something. Also, having Saito Soma as Gentaro and Moriarty…is a bit unsettling because they have a lot of overlap but one’s basically the evil twin of the other.

Yashahime 4

“…was raised here…”

“…we can…”

I felt a heart twinge when I saw Towa tear up…man, it’s been years since I last dealt with Inuyasha properly.

“…nights where I can’t fall asleep.” – So…you’ll play it a lot then, Setsuna.

Oh, so Kirara is a nekomata? I never knew until now.

Kikyo!

According to the mythology, the kirin rules over the middle…so why is Kirinmaru the monster in the east?

Is “s***” unwarranted here? I didn’t have the volume on, so I don’t know…Going back, I think Moroha said “kuso”, but it’s still kinda weird to have a swear word in a mostly family-friendly series in a slot near Detective Conan. (Then again, Detective Conan is where I learnt “kuso” from…so my standards are probably not as up-to-scratch as they should be.)

Rin! People keep saying Rin is the mother of the girls and it’s basically the only conclusion that could be done, considering the relationship the two had…but it’s still kind of squick…(Says a person who has no problem with SGRS s2’s ending.)

Update: Someone on ANN said the teacher’s name (Osamu Kirin) being similar to Kirinmaru is sketchy and I agree.

Maou-jou 4

There’s no pun for Rocket Turtle…that’s kinda startling, actually.

I’m not going to translate the eyecatches anymore. Seems they were actually translated in the manga and someone just copies them over or something.

I’ve seen some characters use wa when they really aren’t that feminine. However, the voice Suwabe uses for the Sorceror leads me to believe this guy really is trying to be feminine, even if in just a vocal capacity.

…aw, no puns here too.

Oh no, the seal…!

…hmm? The Scissors Sorceror’s info is…we’re not allowed to look at it. That’s what the red text says.

…my brain exploded for a second when I suddenly heard jazz music. It’s a Detective Conan parody! *screams*

Iina! doesn’t really mean “Lucky!” It means more like “cool!” or “It’s good, isn’t it?”

I7 s2 5

I missed these boys!

I like the Kinako transition. It’s cute.

I don’t really like it when Tenn looks at the screen…it gives me 1st person cam vibes.

Why is Tsunashi being called “this”, anyway?

Oh yeah…mensore = youkoso = welcome.

Uh oh…is Yuki actually evil???

Riku (earth) vs. Tenn (heaven). Hmm.

I still can’t believe they don’t believe Gaku is the soba guy. It’s so obvious!

Chikuzen-ni.

Someone on staff ships Gaku and Tsumugi together…hmm…

Oh! So this is DESTINY, huh? I’ve probably heard it on Spotify before, but I don’t recognise it by sheer sound like I do HypMic. (Then again, the half-year off the airwaves probably really hurt I7, man…)

Akudama 4

Say what you will about how bad Funi translations can get…they’re definitely entertaining!

Geesh, Doctor gets all the sexy shots, but Brawler gets all the ab shots. Can I get a sexy Courier shot…?

“…she’s right.” – There’s a lot of dialogue here, so…uh, who’s “she” in this case?

What’s a “bro fro”?

Wow, Brawler, talk about being punched into next Tuesday…(partially joking)

Swindler’s face, LOL. (I know she’s an ordinary gal, but calling her “Swindler” is shorter to type.)

I remember reading around and people agree Swindler works at the Seal Centre.

The shark and bunny’s shirts say things like “Kanto/Kansai”, “earth, air/water” and “pollution/clean” during their montage.

“feminist” – Uh, ex-squeeze me?! Feminism does not equal “ladies first” or “going easy on ladies”. Update: I went and listenend to it and although one of my ears is mysteriously almost constantly plugged these days, I’m fairly sure Doctor did not say “feminist” (in katakana). Update 2: Then I listened to it again and…I’m not sure anymore.

LOL, Hoodlum hit the in-series camera. With his face.

Oh, vault = garage or storage. Right, how did I not know that?

Cat, nooooooooooooooooo! Don’t die!

HypMic 5

After the two “darker” divisions, it seems almost strange to not have a “dark” introduction about the seedy underbelly of alt. future Japan…

Oh, my gosh. That’s Ichijiku on the phone.

The studio has the word “drops” on it.

Lemme guess: Neither hand!...Yup.

The only spoiler I know for this ep. is it’s a Halloween episode, and “Ramuda ruins Halloween”. That quote is way too subjective to mean anything, though…

…hmm, Gentaro doesn’t say “shousei” in that sentence involving “this humble bard” (not that I heard, but one of my ears is mysteriously plugged after I stayed up late browsing Twitter on my phone – don’t tell anyone that, though! They’re not meant to know!). Gentaro is not a humble bard (although that would translate “shousei” quite correctly in the Shakespearean), he’s an author.

LOL, that “ding!”

Gentaro actually says “ghostbusters” in katakana, LOL.

I almost thought this Shinjuku man was Doppo…but no, this Aoyama Cemetery exists. It has nice cherry blossoms.

The “dun dun dun” soundtrack is great. It really sets the atmosphere.

Gentaro really is an idiots’ minder, just as I used to characterise him. (Then the FP and M manga and developments regarding Ramuda being evil changed my mind.)

I-Is this just gonna be an episode of FP being scared and Ramuda yelling? It’s fun for a bit, but when you’re stopping to analyse every few seconds, Ramuda’s voice is gonna get annoying eventually…

Kurosu seems to be a cross between Jyushi and Doppo.

This ep…makes FP look money-crazy. Dice is only money-crazy when he’s broke…because of course you would be…but the others aren’t.

That rock track that plays when FP hand out flyers is cool!

Are they…eating squid?...Welp, squid jerky. I’d say I’m correct.

Oh, so they’re all street photographers? Not just Tom?

I was wondering…how would the “tie to a different division” occur in episode 5, considering episode 6 is where the plot really kicks in? Turns out…they tie back to BB, which is not a thing I was expecting at all.

BB have a BB tablet…makes sense, because I think Hypster have iPhone cases for each division.

Oh, they’re planting the seeds of Ramuda’s ability here, so to speak. By knowing what Hypnosis Mics are capable of doing, you can see the building blocks of Rap Abilities as well.

Okonbanwa! The extra O is meant to make things formal, but only in front of nouns (sometimes it’s “go”, e.g. goshujin), so it’s Ramuda being overly formal to be cutesy and unconventional.

*lightbulb goes off in head* It makes sense that the group affiliated with illusions and randomness does the Halloween episode, actually.

…Yargh! Of course all these onee-sans are FP stans!...*lightly touches temple, as if to get rid of a headache* I should’ve known.

The new song is “Shibuya Ghost Night” by Tokyo Health Club, Yuki “T-Groove” Takahashi and Yuma Hara.

*stops video before the darn airhorn sounds* Thank goodness…hey, isn’t this quote from Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka…?

This episode is very seasonal, but doesn’t really make sense outside of airing on Halloween. C’mon, couldn’t you have given us a Sasara appearance instead of having Ramuda yell down the house…? I knew the FP episode was going to be either lighthearted with a dark undercurrent, like the BB ep (considering we haven’t gotten to Ramuda dying yet), or full-on lighthearted, but…I somehow wonder if the staff had an empty spot labelled “Fling Posse episode” due to COVID and went, “Okay, it airs on Halloween this year, let’s make it Halloween-inspired”…or something. Also, I feel Gentaro got the short end of the stick here.

Update: As for yakuwarigo, Ramuda trends towards the feminine side, which is not something I noticed until my groupwork partner pointed it out to me. The message in this episode has a “yone”, which proves that point even further. “Dayo~n” is a variant of the gender-neutral “yo” ending. Meanwhile, I have game samples that prove Dice uses “ze” like BB/MTC, while Gentaro uses “yo” and desu/masu like Jakurai, so it was really Ramuda anyone wanted to pay attention to since his speech patterns are the most feminine-leaning, possibly due to his extensive hanging out with ladies. (I once read a Tofugu post on how non-binary people deal with language that said if you hang out with ladies a lot, you take on feminine yakuwarigo and if you hang out with guys a lot, you do the same in that direction, but I clearly remember Ramuda using “sa”, which is a slightly male-leaning ending.)

Taiso Samurai 4

There’s something in the background which stops me from listening to it and one of my ears is blocked, but I gotta find out what Tackey was saying about the NHK Cup (the joke, I mean). Update: So I think it’s ninja/nukihara/kekkou, but I may have heard that wrong due to my blocked ear…I should get someone to clean it out properly.

Here’s the YoI monologue about competitions again. <- (neutral on it) Also, NHK is in English letters/romaji in the term “NHK Cup”, but the “Cup” isn’t (it’s in kanji).

Sekigahara had a huge historical battle.

Huh? This episode’s called “Samurai Musume (daughter)”, so…where did “Battling Samurai” come from? That’s one of the previous episodes, right?

Selfies, before they were cool.

I was wondering if Leo actually calls Rei “Rachel” like he calls Jotaro “Joe”…and he does. I just haven’t paid much attention to the audio, that’s all.

The Battle of Chibi? Never heard of it until now, but the Battle of Red Cliffs is the same thing.

Leo Naruto runs…LOL.

If Rei was in 4th grade in 2002…are we going to see the characters in the present in the end? She would be 28 in 2020.

I guess I should’ve guessed from “hat trick”, but a Bergkamp trap is related to soccer.

There’s a random Japanese-sounding track in the background…didn’t expect that.

A cemetery…on the day after Halloween.

“Grandma’s place” = the bar…Ohhhhhhhhhh. I was wondering, didn’t the grandma and Rei live together? Then it all came together.

Jim Beeam (sic), LOL.

I wonder, are Tackey and Ayu dating like he asks?

Gotta love a man in a suit! *chef’s kiss*

Yashahime 5

Who’s this Tokotsu guy again…? Also, the “ja” in Jakotsumaru means “young”.

Oh, Myoga. It’s been a while.

Can there be 4 Perils when there’s only 3 of them…?

Well, it makes sense that a dog demon would have demon fleas…in a sense.

Why is “trying to swallow up this world and turn it into a degenerate age” (or whatever Kirinmaru’s aim is) so vague? You could say the present is already an age of mass degeneracy…

Maybe the Dream Butterfly took Moroha’s memories…?

Wait, why is Myoga only allowed to drink Moroha’s blood when she puts on the rouge?

So this is an arhat. Also, aren’t morals an Anglophone ideal imported into Japan and the rest of Asia? That’s what separates Towa from Setsuna.

Akudama 5

This drone definitely won’t come in handy at all…(sarcastic)

There’s an Evangelion feel to these “masks”…

That box is like Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs! It’s great!

I like how the kids jump to the potential fact (?) this is a Swindler trick.

You can see Courier’s bike in the background when the bunny says “…and I mean everything.”

*Knights of Sidonia music starts playing* Search! And! Destroy! *record scratch as music stops*

I think this little discussion between Courier and Swindler will go down in Akudama Drive history as one of my favourite moments because it’s the little conversations that count. Also…does Courier have a mechanical hand, or is that just me thinking weird things…? Is that a glove?

Ooh, scars. Sexy. (On the Executioner Master, at least.)…Now I get why the guy wears that mouth covering.

HypMic 6

Halfway through the season already…? Yikes, how time flies. By the way, my assignment’s come and gone so I don’t need to focus on it anymore.

Hmm? Why did the subbers put “Prime Minister” when Ichijiku merely says “yes”…?

Wait, 1st question: how does one sign up for a rap battle? I don’t think that’s ever been answered. 2nd question (well, not a question): Dice is paying attention to Otome now…

I’m fairly sure that red brick warehouse was just that…as in the Red Brick Warehouse in Yokohama, which was also featured in Bungou Stray Dogs. Update: Oh, it’s (partially) a shopping mall…? I didn’t know that until now.

See, I told you they’re (Tom, Iris and Rex) probably foreigners…

That one shot of Jakurai? *chef’s kiss* Beautiful. Give me a million of ‘em. (Okay, I’m kidding to some degree, but I can’t help staring at it. Jakurai’s just too pretty…)

“Tweet-like lyrics”? Eh? When was Twitter a collective pessimist?

Oh, that’s basically the scene from the drama track. Where the heck is Jakurai fishing though…? I always imagined it to be at a river or a pier, not some concrete complex. Update: According to a user on Twitter, the fishing place is called “Ichigaya Fishing Centre”. It is, as you would expect, found in Shinjuku. Apparently, even Osomatsu-san featured the place...which would explain why it looks vaguely familiar to me.

Wow, I can’t believe how upfront they’re being about Ramuda breaking up TDD.

Ramuda thought in his deep voice…I almost didn’t recognise it for a second. It doesn’t even sound like Shirai. It sounds more like…Hayami, in fact.

“F*** yeah!” - …and they’re still going with the F bomb. Keep being you, subbers, keep being you.

That shot of Saburo in a dimly-lit room almost looks like the SR card in ARB, except in that one he has his headphones on (and might be outside, to my memory).

Oh, so the round thing really is Ichiro’s ring. It’s got an “I” on it too, i.e. the Roman numeral for one.

*Ichiro explains what happened to TDD from his and Samatoki’s side* - I don’t think we’ve ever seen the story from Ichiro’s or Samatoki’s perspective enough to know either thought this (or this way).

“Jiro! Saburo! Let’s go!” - …and Tom’s just taking photos as they leave, LOL.

I didn’t expect the TsudaKen guy to be back again, really.

Well, if this Google route is to be believed, “Sadamezuka’s soul” only lasts about 30 minutes by car crossing from one point to the other, hence Jiro’s remark.

Googling “Toyotama” and “Toyotama Line” gets you…Ghost of Tsushima links…?

…hmm. I’m not listening to it on a hugely loud volume, so I can’t quite tell what the pun is, but I think the word for “monk” in this case is “bouzu”. Then what’s the word for “electric dynamo”…? Update: The pun, according to Takahisa Maeyama, is Erekiteruteru Bouzu.

That ticking thing was really effective in terms of the song…but sasuga HypMic. Things went ka-blammo again.

So we’re probably going to see BB’s first DRB round next ep…or Matenrou doing another takedown similar to ep. 3. Or both. Both is good. (Or it could be the FP/M side of things, much like we got the BB/MTC side of things here.)

...Uh, shouldn’t that be “dawn”? The anime’s generally been very good about this (aside from the obvious typo in the BB logo), but…welp, they’ve done it now.

Update: The LOVE you see Hifumi and Doppo near is this one.

Update 2: As for the yakuwarigo, it…turns out, to no one’s surprise, it stays oddly consistent across all media, although individual treatment of the characters can differ depending on the author.

HGPC 4

Ooh, is this Element of Light?

Fate/Stay PreCure! Here we come!

Moriarty 4

Why is the “to” capitalised? (Is that even capitalised?)

Quinine.

I kind of knew the grapefruit and the heart condition and/or quinine would be relevant somehow…and boy howdy, was I right! I just didn’t really know what it was going to do, that’s all.

I thought the ED didn’t match very well, but looking at the translated lyrics…now it kind of makes sense.

[lalunafemme]

Personal Queer Archives + Mining The Archives A Workshop with Kimberly Drew at USC

Hey y’all! 2020 is here and one of my intentions is to WRITE MORE and document things more #onhere. I’ve had this site for a while and I’ve only averaged a post about 1-2 times a year. Pitiful..lol

Anyways, new year, new me amirite?

I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older (I’ll be 42 this year) or if it’s because of so many deaths lately that have hit close to home but I’ve really been thinking about the legacy that I’ll leave behind once I’ve transitioned into the ancestor realm. I think about how the story of legacy building for me feels a little complicated as someone who is currently not married and doesn’t have children and isn’t close to my bio family. Who will tell my stories, who will the stories of my life living as a free xicana fat femme matter to?

I listen to an amazing podcast (I listen to many, but that’s another post for another time) called /Queer and a few months ago, I was listening to the episode Visible Queerness: Queer Kinship & Chosen Family (which was amazing, you should go take a listen) and took the time to check out the multimedia gallery for the episode (HERE) and was just in awe of the beautiful pictures full of queer joy that accompanied the post. As I took the time to process the feelings, later that day I had a sadness wash over me. How much more impact would those pictures have had on me if they would have been of BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color)? The joy those pics brought me stayed in my soul and so did a little bit of emptiness. I’ve spoken to friends and online a bunch about leaving a legacy. It’s on my mind daily. I’m motivated by the words of Kim Katrin “We must leave evidence that we were here and we were loved” and use those words as a call to action to get my ass in GEAR. When I was setting my 2020 intentions, I put organizing my archive and figuring out what to do with it near the top of my list. Imagine my surprise when USC Visions and Voices announced a workshop WITH Kimberly Drew (aka museummammy) at the ONE Archives!!! I knew I had to be there. The workshop was billed for USC students and faculty only, however I sent an email to the organizers to see if they would allow me to attend as a community member (because in 2020 we’re not letting ourselves get in our way and we’re letting other people tell us no rather than us tell us no!) and they emailed me inviting me to the workshop (yay!).

in the workshop, we were able to go through some pre-selected items and it was such an amazing thing to be able to see these objects up close. As someone who just came out of a huge de-cluttering spree of my space, I understand that there’s such a thing line/space between hoarding and the importance of items being preserved for archival purposes. I believe it’s truly the intention. I learned lots at the workshop on how quotidian things can also tell so much of our stories after we’re no longer here. There was a collection where there was a box of things that wouldn’t necessarily be coded as “queer” by the outside world but if you knew, you knew. It gave me a cool peek into some of the things I should be saving for my own archive. It was such a nice morning filed with items from queer folks who are mostly no longer here. I’m thankful for their foresight in thinking of gifting the items from their life to the archive. Seeing these items up close really allowed me to face the reality that our lives matter. Kimberly mentioned at the workshop that she’s always excited and looking for “archives of the unremarkable” and that made me think of how the lives of those of us that aren’t '“queer famous” will be remembered and how it really is important to get items into the archives that depict our quotidian yet full and beautiful lives. Legacy building. We matter and some queer bb in the future will be able to connect with the life we lived and/or see it as a possibility model for their own future.

I’m excited to report that at the workshop, I met an archivist who offered some support in helping me get my archive together/organized. Looking forward to adding more fat femmes of color to the mix! If you’re queer, what is the legacy you’re hoping to leave behind? What actions are you taking now to ensure that legacy is preserved?

Check out some pics below from my time at ONE for the workshop. ONE Archives is open to the public, however it isn’t a lending institution. Check out more info on visiting the archive HERE.

[jadejedi]

Love Does Not Fail (5/?)

Summary: When Anakin saves the galaxy from Palpatine, Padmé and his children survive, but their family is split apart nonetheless. Leia is taken to be raised in the Temple, not knowing that the Jedi who "found" her is actually her father. Luke grows up with Padmé, knowing only his mother's side of the family. But some things are inevitable.

Chapter Summary: Our heroes adjust to their knew normal.

A/N: Okay, so I said that each chapter was going to cover one year… well, I lied lol. I started doing it that way, but it was extremely boring. So, instead, this chapter covers ages 1-6, from the POV of Anakin, Padmé, and Ahsoka. The next chapter will slow back down and we will get the kids’ POVs. Also, I edited a portion of the previous chapter that didn’t make sense, specifically Anakin not being able to see Padmé for a month. He can visit her, just not Luke.

ao3 link here.

The next few years passed in a blur for Anakin. He visited Leia in the Temple crèche as often as he could when he was on Coruscant, though usually only for short visits. She got bigger every day, and every day he saw more of himself and Padmé in her. 

Anakin spent most of his nights on Coruscant in Padmé’s apartment in 500 Republica. That was the only time the two of them could be truly together. When he came over during the day, after that first month, when Luke was around, he had to pretend to be just a friend and protector. Although more people knew about his relationship with Padmé now, in many ways he often felt like it was more secret than ever. 

When he did see Luke, which was usually only a few times a year, he was always amazed at how big he’d gotten, how many steps he could take, how many words were in his vocabulary. He heard a lot from Padmé, of course, just like he told her about Leia, and from Ahsoka, but it was different to see.

Like Leia, Luke was also a clear mix of the two of them, just in a different way. Leia was a firecracker, loud and assertive, always the first to raise her hand to answer a question and the first to speak out for a friend. Luke was a dreamer, kind and thoughtful, and adventurous. He had his own blonde hair and blue eyes, but Padmé’s rounder face and chin. 

Anakin had to tamp down his jealousy when Ahsoka started Luke’s Force training. He knew that Padmé was missing out on much more than this with Leia, so he said nothing. But it did hurt that he wasn’t able to help train his son. 

When the twins turned five, and Leia aged out of the crèche, Anakin got more involved in youngling training. The main reason was that it meant he got to see more of Leia, of course, but it was also a reason to keep him on Coruscant. Plus, with the war well and truly over, and him having neither position on the Council or Padawan, teaching gave him something to do. Obi-Wan started teaching a class or two, as well, along with his Council duties and the diplomatic missions he so loved. 

To his own surprise, Anakin enjoyed teaching the younglings, even the classes without his daughter. It brought him joy to help the children with their katas, to impress them with his  saber work, to watch them handle a practice saber the first time.

From the first time she got her hands on a practice saber when she turned five, Leia threw herself into her lightsaber training with her usual verve and enthusiasm, like he had when he was young. His classes with her were his favorite, of course. Watching her intense, serious expression as she listened to what he said, her smile as she got comfortable with a new stance, and just watching her interact with her friends, made those classes the most enjoyable for Anakin. 

He was pleased to see that, from a young age, Leia made friends quickly, where he had struggled when he’d first come to the Temple. She mostly had one or two close friends, mainly a human boy brought to the temple when he was about three, Ezra Bridger, and a Pantoran girl named Ira Masi, who’d been in the Temple for about at long as Leia. 

His relationship with Leia during those few years was a comfort to him, even if it was a shadow of what he wanted it to be. When she had been in the crèche, he had been able to visit her with some regularity, spending small bits of time playing with her and making sure she was fitting in well. When she was about four, Padmé and Dormé taught him some simple Nubian hairstyles to do on her. She would sit on the floor of the crèche chatting away, or doing simple Force exercises while he worked on the twists and knots that characterized Nubian hair. 

Once she moved into one of the bunks, however, he was really only able to see her in classes or on rare occasions around the Temple. 

She always smiled when she saw him, and went out of her way to greet him. She, like several other initiates, came to him with many of their problems. Since he was one of the youngest of the Knights and Masters teaching their classes, they saw him as a friendly figure. She even continued to come to him for help with her hair from time to time, especially when she was old enough that the Jedi encouraged initiates to take an interest in their native culture. 

One time, she asked him how he knew so much about Nubian hair.

“I don’t really,” he’d tried to brush it off with a laugh. “You know I only know these four styles.”

“No, but really,” she’d pushed, still sitting very still and straight on the floor of his small Temple quarters as he carefully tied the first pieces of hair into place. “How do you know anything about Nubian hair? Are you from Naboo?”

“I’m from Tatooine. It’s a long way from Naboo,” he had said ruefully. “But, I spent some time on Naboo towards the end of my apprenticeship,” he’d said, trying to come up with an explanation on the fly. “I was the bodyguard to a Senator for a time, and we got bored. So she taught me how to do hair.”

Thankfully, Leia had seemed to accept this answer.

It was one of his favorite things to do, to sit with Leia and listen to her talk about her day, her friends, her training, as he brushed her hair and tied it back. Leia’s favorite style, the style he did most often, was a fairly simple one, the style Padmé had worn when she revealed her identity as Queen. It was sturdy and practical, and as Leia’s hair got longer and longer, looked even better. 

Occasionally, she would bring Ira and Ezra with her, and they would all sit together on the floor of his quarters, and he would regale them with tales from the Clone Wars, or from his time as Obi-Wan’s apprentice. On a few occasions, shy Ira worked up enough courage to ask him to do her hair as well, “even though I am not from Naboo.” 

He often wondered if Leia knew, or suspected that it was his intention to take her on as his Padawan in a few years. He knew from experience that future apprenticeships was a favorite topic among initiates, and he had always expressed an interest in her. He didn’t say anything, mostly because he didn’t want her friends to become jealous, or worried about their own futures, but he did wonder.

He and Padmé both counted the days until the twins turned ten, and he could start taking Leia with him when he accompanied Padmé on official Senate business, but that was still over three years away.

--

For Padmé, Luke’s first few years were full of joy and heartache. There was an idea, on Naboo, that everything good in life was connected to pain in one’s past, and Padmé felt that acutely during this time. 

Everytime something good happened in Luke’s life, from a laugh to his first steps, it caused a pang in her heart, wondering what Leia was doing at that moment.

Anakin told her as much as he could, of course, but he was not around Leia all the time the way that she was with Luke. He could tell her when she was learning to walk, but wasn’t there for her first steps. He could tell her the new words she’d learned, but not when she’d learned them. He could tell her how her initiate training was going, but not how she was feeling, how she liked the Jedi, and life in the Temple. 

She tried not to let it spoil her happy moments with Luke, as much as it threatened to. Because there were happy moments. Luke was just the sweetest boy, and she loved every day with him.

From the time they’d arrived back on Coruscant, she’d started taking him to Senate sessions with her, seated on her lap as she listened and voted, or seated on Dormé’s lap next to her when she had the floor. 

Those first few months had been some of the most difficult of her life. Between trying to catch up on Senate business that she had missed while on Naboo, to dealing with Luke, who had a difficult transition to a life without his father and twin, to just missing her husband, Padmé had sometimes felt like life was trying to drag her down.

But she had gotten through it, thanks to Dormé and Ahsoka. They already had meant so much to her, but it didn’t take long before she wasn’t sure how she had ever survived without them.

Having Anakin around, even for short bits of time, was also a comfort. In some ways, it made her life more complicated. When he came over when Luke was around, she had to pretend that he was just a friend, which of course she was used to, but not here in her apartment, the place they thought of as their home together. They only truly got to be together when he came over after Luke was asleep in his nursery, and Anakin would sneak over to spend the night, only to have to leave early in the morning to get back to the Temple.

But however complicated, she needed him in her life. Having him near her, even as infrequent as it was, was comforting. Sleeping in his arms, listening to him talk about Leia, or his latest mission, she treasured it all. She loved hearing him talk about Leia, seeing his eyes light up as he described what she’d done that day, or the things she was learning. It made her feel closer to them both. 

When the twins were a bit older, she and Dormé even taught Anakin how to do hair. She had sat on the floor in front of one of the sofas one night as Dormé walked him through how to brush it out and coax it into a few easy, practical Nubian styles. 

One of the greatest blessings during those years turned out to be Artoo. Although the astromech spent little time in the Temple, Anakin taught some simple mechanical classes to the younglings, and Artoo managed to record some video and some holos of Leia. Seeing her daughter at all, even in the grainy blue form of Artoo’s recording technology, was more wonderful than she could say. 

As much as not having Leia with her hurt, she tried not to let that affect how she parented Luke. They visited Naboo a handful of times every year, to visit her family and to meet with the Queen. She taught him about her culture and religion, she brought him to most of the Senate sessions, especially before he started school, and read to him before bed every night. 

She loved to watch Ahsoka help him with simple Force exercises, like stacking blocks or navigating a room blindfolded. He was so cute when he concentrated, screwing his eyes shut and taking a breath before starting. 

He loved accompanying her to work, which usually just meant the Senate, but by the time he turned five, she started bringing him along on diplomatic missions where she served as a Senate emissary, which Bail was fond of having her do. The Queen of Naboo also started increasing Naboo’s involvement in galactic outreach by having her meet with leaders whose people needed aid, so they spent plenty of time travelling off-world.

On the more dangerous of these missions, Anakin even came along, as official Jedi protection. One time the Council tried to send someone else, but that didn’t last long. They worked well together, after all, and Luke trusted Anakin. 

By the time she enrolled Luke into a very heavily vetted academy on Coruscant, he was training with a practice saber, had visited several planets, and had very strong opinions about speeders. 

According to the culture of Naboo that she had tried to instill into him, Luke tried not to pry into the secrets that so obviously swirled around their little family. She knew he wondered about who his father was, why he had the Force, why he trained in secret, and why he wasn’t being trained in the Temple. It was hard for him, she knew, because as much as it was her business, it was his business, too.

She could only answer the latter question, which he’d asked one day as Ahsoka recounted to them some of the history of the Jedi. She wrapped an arm around him, reaching around to tickle his side and said, “Because I couldn’t bear to let you go, of course!” causing him to laugh and wriggle away.

He was still so young, at six, and Padmé was determined to shield him from as much of the misery surrounding their family for as long as possible. 

--

The first few years of Luke’s life were, for Ahsoka, defined by contrasting idyllic joy and uncertainty. She had an apartment near the rest of Padmé’s staff, a real job, and a steady income for the first time in her life. A purpose that she chose as much as it chose her. 

For the first couple of months, she’d felt like she was still trying to sort out her place in her new life. Even after living with them for a year on Naboo, that had been with Anakin. Now, it was just her, Padmé, Dormé, and Luke. Being back on Coruscant at all, for an extended period of time, so close to the Temple, made her reflective on her time as a Jedi. More than usual. 

After a few months of being back, she did something that she knew Anakin would disapprove of, but that she felt like she had to. She asked for Padmé’s help in getting visiting rights for a certain prisoner in one of Coruscant’s high security prisons.  

It had been surreal to see Barriss again that first time. She’d looked paler than Ahsoka remembered. And sadder. They sat at one of the tables in the visiting area, and talked in soft tones about the past.

Ahsoka had so many conflicting feelings about Barriss. Anger, on account of the violence she’d caused. Confusion, that her friend had set her up to take the fall. And sorrow, because on some level, Ahsoka knew that Barriss had been right. Not in her actions, but her words had been true. The Jedi had been clouded, confused, drifting from their purpose. 

That first visit, Barriss had asked her if she’d come for an apology. 

“Would you give it?” Ahsoka’d asked, arms crossed.

Barriss had paused. “Not to the Jedi. But to you, yes. And to the clones and workers I killed. I let my anger trick me into believing that my actions were justified because I knew I was right.” She looked at Ahsoka defiantly. “Because I was right. Surely you can see that now.”

“I left the Order,” Ahsoka had told her.

Barriss looked at her, eyes widened. “You did what?”

“After my trial, they asked me to come back. Said that it was my great Trial. But I knew that Anakin was the only one that had had my back, that had trusted me. If they didn’t trust me, how could I trust them? So, I left.”

Barriss looked at her curiously. “So did you come here to tell me that I was right, after all? Is that it?”

Ahsoka shook her head. “What you did was still wrong, Barriss. You killed people, most of them totally innocent of any crimes of the Jedi. You resorted to violence first.” She sighed. “I guess I came here because... I never really understood you when we were both Padawans. You always seemed so calm and put together, so sure of yourself. The perfect Padawan. And again, in that first moment when you confessed… I didn’t understand you. But, I think I do now.” 

She’d stood up to leave. “I guess that’s all I wanted to say.”

Barriss sat up straight. “Are you going to come back?”

“Do you want me to?” 

She paused, then nodded once.

So she had. Although Padmé knew who she’d been visiting that first time, not even she knew how often she visited the prison, usually once a week, if she was on planet. 

Their visits weren’t always pleasant. Sometimes Barriss made Ahsoka question why she even bothered. She knew just what to say to set her on edge, put her on the defensive.

Other days, Barriss was more sad than angry, wanting to reminisce about their time in the Temple, or to talk about Ahsoka’s new life. On those days, Ahsoka could see the deep sorrow she felt over her actions. 

On Barriss’ best days, they talked about Jedi philosophy civilly, they talked about current events, Ahsoka told her about Luke’s training. As the months went by, the bad visits waned.

Being able to spend an hour or two with Barriss every week made her life more interesting. It gave her a secret of her own to guard. She wondered if growing up on the front lines made her need that kind of excitement, any kind of excitement. 

It wasn’t as if she didn’t like her job. She did; she loved it. Luke was such a cute, sweet little kid. There just wasn’t much for her to do, as a teacher, when he was so young.

But as he got older, four and five, Ahsoka was able to throw herself more fully into his training. She tried to recall the exercises that she’d done as a child, and she tried to make up new games for him to practice his Force abilities on. 

He was very powerful, which maybe wasn’t a surprise, considering his father, but still, Force sensitivity wasn’t always inherited. Luke seemed to enjoy his training, but he was also impatient with some of their lessons. He very much preferred their more practical lessons where they actually used practice sabers, or used the Force in a more visible way, rather than just talking about it, or using the Force in more subtle ways. 

The week when he was five and Ahsoka taught him how to construct a mental wall was one of the most exhausting of her life.

But, overall, they got along very well, and she was happy to have Luke as a student. He was bright, caring, and adventurous. He was always eager to hear her stories from the Clone Wars or from the Temple, and he was very good at taking the Jedi philosophies to heart. 

When Luke was old enough to start learning about Jedi philosophy, Ahsoka hadn’t been sure what to teach him. She left the Jedi; she didn’t technically hold to their rigid standards. But at the same time, she knew that her beliefs were still very much aligned with the Jedi.

In the end, she talked with Padmé, about what she wanted him to learn, and to Anakin, and to Barriss, for their insights into philosophy.

The main thing that she changed, even from what Barriss and Anakin suggested, was at Padmé’s request. 

“I don’t want Luke to feel guilty for his emotions,” she’d said. “When I first reconnected with Anakin, he always felt so ashamed for feeling anger, or fear, or even love.”

“The Jedi teach that those emotions lead to the darkside,” Ahsoka had countered, not agreeing or disagreeing.

“Maybe if you are controlled by them,” she’d said, “but it is a normal part of life to feel those things. I want Luke to know how to feel those emotions in a healthy way.”

Ahsoka had agreed, because she did think that Padmé was right. She’d even said those things to Anakin, herself, back before the twins were born. She was just wrestling with herself, and her beliefs. 

Part of her wrestling came from Barriss. Over the last five years, she’d come to place a lot of importance on her friendship with her. At some point, their weekly visits had become the most important part of her week. Seeing Barriss, talking to her about everything and nothing. Even on the bad days, when Barriss was feeling bitter about her past, Ahsoka knew she wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

But she wondered if her feelings, whatever they were, were clouding her judgement. She knew who Barriss was, but she’d forgiven her. She believed that she was a different person. Was she right, or were the Jedi correct when they said that emotion clouds judgement?

When Barriss got put on parole for good behavior, Ahsoka offered to let her move in without hesitation. 

“You trust me that much?”

“Well, you don’t have any more nanodroids, do you?” she asked wryly.

It had taken a lot of explaining on her part, to Anakin and to Padmé. 

Anakin didn’t trust Barriss, and didn't want her around Luke. He hadn’t forgiven her for the bombing, or for setting up Ahsoka. But, eventually, after much arguing, he agreed to trust her judgement. 

Padmé was much more understanding. She had been much more caught off guard that Ahsoka had been visiting her so often for the last five years, but she also trusted in Ahsoka’s judgement.

 “I believe in second chances, Ahsoka. And I trust that you know when to give them.” 

Not only had Padmé understood, she’d also hired Barriss onto her staff. The Queen wanted to continue to expand the role of Padmé’s office, and that meant a larger staff, particularly for offworld meetings and errands, which Barriss was allowed to do as a part of her job.

Barriss was still struggling with her relationship to the teachings of the Jedi, so Luke’s training was still largely left up to Ahsoka, but she did seem to thrive in the work Padmé’s office had been doing with the worlds affected by the war. 

They fell into an easy balance. Their days spent split between Padmé’s apartment and the Senate, and their evenings spent in the living room of their now shared apartment, eating and watching holodramas. 

It was a life that Ahsoka would never have dreamed of having, eight years ago. It was nice. 

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts!

[vapormaison]

Best of 2019 Future Funk Release 1/4: Toyama’s Love Island by Skule Toyama

A common argument I get into on audiophile and vinyl forums — that by virtue of interest and venue tend to skew boomer (who isn’t on discord now? Answer: Your grandpa.) — often revolves around the raison d’être of pressing future funk. In an earlier piece, I gave my opinion on the subject — but I didn’t really evidence the critique by many opposing audiophiles. As far as they’re concerned, I might as well be collecting Funko Pops — that is to say that these presses aren’t worthy of serious hi-fi consideration and are merely collector’s items. To their credit, when posting about my experiences with the genre, most of these aged audiophiles scratch their head not at the anime art on the box nor at the picture disks (usually reviled by the old-heads)— but at the oft-digital source itself.  These guys are the ostensibly cool uncles with the dope music collection, after all.

While they often are a wealth of information on the analog format, and voracious consumers of early City Pop — a genre beloved by audiophiles, — forums like this tend to create feedback loops of retrograde understanding. Their enjoyment of all things analog turns them into intense luddites, often to the point where I question why they are interfacing with a computer in the first place, that dreaded source for the perceived decline of their hi-fi culture.

I’ve more or less given up on the prospect of turning them around on the subject of future funk. However, this summer, on a thread where we review recent vinyl purchases and upload lossless rips, I made a rather pedestrian post about how much I enjoyed Skule Toyama’s latest release — Toyama’s Love Island. And to my complete and utter surprise, my vinyl-to-digital rip of “Sunset Hasn’t Come Yet” brought all the boys to the yard. While I got my usual peanut gallery of “lol future funk, lol vaporwave, buy jazz” posts, its turns out more than a few Joe Boomers with vintage, $10k-valued Sansui stereo sets could vibe with this too. You know, the purely purists of the pure.

This caused me to consider for a time precisely why Toyama Love Island whispered to these boomers I share a particular corner of internet space with. What about it warmed the heart of these old men so cold to cold media? It obviously had to be something more than the mastering or the press itself. Most of these guys had been engaged in serious listening to absolute titans in their craft for forty plus years now. Many had studio experience themselves. Even now, I don’t have a really good answer. The best one I can supply is this: the warmth that emanates from Toyama Love Island can melt even the iciest heart. Cliche? No doubt. Apropos? Of course.

PART 1: THE MUSIC

Intro warms us up with a minute-long evergreen bit. By whom and what from— I genuinely don’t know (perhaps that’s the appeal for me personally, the mystery but also the universality)— but the punch line certainly feels nostalgic, and the horns do too.

Have a Good Time fronts the funk after a minute-long intro track. It’s an absolutely fantastic true open because of its principal horn loop that absolutely claws into your cerebral cortex and takes root there. Between listens, I found myself humming it while brewing a pot of coffee. While it’s not my favorite of the tracks on the album, its pure energy and catchiness is a master class on how future funk albums should inject you with an uncut hit of unapologetic brass funk within the first couple minutes.

Electricity takes the initial energy of Have a Good Time and subtly ratchets up the vibe with clever layering and a sweet progression. While my initial take on my first listen was that the bass was too muted (a slight boost from the hi-fi set of your choice can obviously erase that distinction quickly!) — I warmed to the mix after hearing how well it meshed with the following track.

Love Island serves as a sort of kinetic climax to the first quarter of the album and a great midpoint for the A-side, but the treble feels just slightly compressed and off-balance on the wax here. After fiddling with EQ and my pre-amp settings on the second listen, the track came through vastly better. My suggestion is to subtract here and there if you have a Japanese-built set that tends to run bright. After doing so on the 2nd listen, Love Island began to shine — and the distorted loops that seemed discordant on my initial listen were brought back into a more complimentary role with the rest of the piece.

Midnight Mall is my absolute favorite of the album because it just unabashedly brings the boogie with a pure, slap-worthy bass, crisp midrange from the intermittent horn flares, and absolutely atmospheric vocal compliments. Although Love Island is a strong title track, so to speak — I really do think Midnight Mall is the true baby-maker banger of 2019. For peak enjoyment, boost the bass a little on your stereo, add mood lighting and engage in the wholesome romantic activity (impassioned stares, hand-holding) of your choice.

Sunset Hasn’t Come Yet is the boomer whisperer. My guess regarding what makes this track appeal so authentically to the boomer crowd is the strength of its arrangement. You get a comfy arrangement throughout, a bass twang that sounds like its straight outta Miami Vice coupled with very moody Japanese vocals. For a future funk record, this feels like the track most in sync with its roots, creating a very authentic, fun sound.

Marsala’s effortless sonic transition from Sunset Hasn’t Come Yet’s stage is definitely a highlight of this album’s pretty flawless composition and arrangement. It feels very much like a palette cleanser for the album’s first half, and is perfect for an LP format — as you feel this transition writ large by the very nature of the format. The blaring synths feel like they would meld into place effortlessly with a Michael Mann-directed denouement to a period action-psych drama.

Flying Star is a soft reset to the album from a vibe standpoint, and is competent at what it does in the overall scope of the album. My only significant criticism of Skule Toyama’s output — which is somewhat present here — is that they don’t really let the vocals carry enough water. While exquisitely layered in relation to the rest of the piece, I want to hear the vocals take up a sort of primary mantle in the soundstage in a track like this. We get it in Flying Star’s middle third, but it does feel like a sort of pointless delay in gratification. A track like this has a chance to capture the listener and bring them into the sonic space. It comes just short of doing that.

Sailor Moon Rock manages to decimate that previous criticism by running at me and grabbing the tempo by the collar with an absolutely fire set of loops and immediately accelerate. I love it for that, and is definitely the B-side’s strongest composition. We get some no-doubt nasty guitar riffs and some iconic SFX that really bring this track together and make a B-side banger exemplar, reason enough to flip the wax.

Keep On Going brings us closest to a synth-wave composition that we get in the entire album on the track’s first third, but finds its funk at the ideal moment. It definitely succeeds in fleshing out of the B-side, and creates its niche on the project subtly but at the same time, at the risk of seeming hyperbolic — brilliantly.

Do Me definitely feels the most “Nu-Disco” of both the side and the overall album. It’s definitely one of those tracks that you can both happily wait for in the queue and then just revel in — knowing that while the record nears its conclusion, you get a track that just would not at all be out of place in a Shibuya nightclub circa 1979 or weave its way into a Haruki Murakami novel.

Outro is a perfect closing for the album, but I question the utility of making it the penultimate track instead with the inclusion of the bonus track. That said, it’s impossible not to vibe with the arrangement and layering of this piece. My hope is that when I die and arrive at the pearly gates (admission pending), St. Peter (recently taking up a hobby in DJing to pass eternity) will have a special edition pressing of that will have this as the final track on the wax.

Live Now! is definitely the track I feel coolest about. A good piece on the whole, just feels a bit out of step with the rest of the project. But I’m never going to look the gift horse in the mouth when it comes to the prospect of additional music, so a welcome addition nonetheless.

PART 2: VINYL EXPERIENCE

I really like the Toyama Love Island purple wax. This seemingly benign statement is no doubt going to incur a chorus of audiophiles in that forum criticizing me for this. Vinyl is not designed — as much as some will tell you, to be a perfectly neutral hi-res medium. There is natural warmth, scratchiness, minor distortion — et cetera. It also features natural imperfections that develop over time — like any piece of physical media. What’s more, some perceived hiccups on the overall master might actually be caused by a slight offset or error in the press, a common and natural occurrence when dealing with physical media like this. That’s why graphic equalizers were so prominent in vinyl hi-fi set in its late 1970s/early 1980s heyday. This is just an aspect of the vinyl experience.

Toyama’s Love Island features, in my view, a few of these imperfections. But these imperfections are nothing major — a quick re-equalization (oxymoronic, but I’m sure you know what I’m getting at here) a little fiddling around with the pre-amp here and there — these are natural to any experience and remind me why I became fascinated with the hobby in the first place — to maximize an audio experience. If every indie press gave that to me out of the box, well, what’s the point of the system that I own? It exists to provide a platform for a rich, diverse, and vibrant sonic experience. But the platter is just decorative without real warmth coming from the music, and Toyama’s Love Island brings that in droves.

My Pet Flamingo has a long (in vaporwave measurements, obviously) history of putting out quality physicals. Toyama’s Love Island builds upon this with a big’ol brick and a heaping slab of mortar. I’m also a big fan of MFP’s visuals. I’m not sure who they use to make the sleeves, but I think they’re generally constructed well, and the cover images that grace them never feel compressed or feature much in the way of artifacts. When you become deeply intimate with a vinyl sleeve, you start to notice these things — and I’ve never had this inkling when fingering a Flamingo release, so kudos to the label’s curation.

The mix feels exceptionally bright on my current system, and that has been a consistent point of curiosity with My Pet Flamingo releases. My guess is whatever they test their masters on is engineered by a British/American company not named “KEF” — think Cambridge, Wharfedale, McIntosh, etc — or a damper sounding Japanese unit like Technics or Yamaha. Again — I don’t see this as a problem, just a note to those running more traditional Japanese (80s Harman, Sansui, TEAC) or Nordic systems (B&O, Blaupunkt) that tend towards that end of the spectrum.

With obvious digital and analog appeal, Toyama’s Love Island is the closest thing to a “holistic” future funk release that I can think of — which makes me wonder why Skule Toyama’s hasn’t blown up yet. Only a matter of time, I’d guess — especially after earning a nod from this little outfit, I’d hope.