#however if you have thoughts on the new animation��…..well. that is a different story

[tow-bees]

Also as a side but related thought, while I will always champion the idea that new ideas should be given more of a shot rather than purely relying ip and reboots and what have you, I also don't think there is NO place for adaptations of a story to a new medium. Like, the animated HTTYD itself was based on a book series, and all those disney films that got live action remakes were based on fairytales.

but the key difference is that the animated versions used the original stories they were based on as INSPIRATION, and then went ahead to make something basically original.

Admittedly I haven't read the books but people I know who have seem to all say that the HTTYD books are wayyyyy different from the films! And that's a good thing! The HTTYD films are wonderful and are a perfect story for animation! It's also my understanding that the books are well beloved as well. An animated film that directly copied the books, however, sounds like it would've been a complete mess.

I'm not against live action filmmakers seeing an animated film and getting inspired by it and then making something new that could only work in a live action film medium (in fact I think it would be quite wonderful to hear more live action filmmakers citing animated works as inspiration for how they approach their craft!)

Some kind of live action film about vikings training dragons COULD be cool if a live action filmmaker found some spark of an idea in that concept to tell a new story. I'm not a live action filmmaker, so I couldn't begin to tell you what that would be like, but maybe something could be done with that which could be awesome in it's own right!

But this "it's the same exact thing but live action now" is completely and utterly pointless!

Ngl I think live action remakes are just as much of an insult to live action filmmakers as it is to animators,,, because like

In addition to basically saying animation as a craft isn’t taken seriously and isn’t a good enough medium to tell a good story…

Live action remakes also imply that live action filmmakers aren’t good enough storytellers on their own and need to use animated works as a jumping point to make anything iconic…which just…sucks bro

I’m an animator and I’m super out of the loop on iconic live action films, but live action film is a really cool medium! And forcing it to just be a soulless copy of animated films is quite frankly insulting to live action filmmakers, who could probably make new and something super interesting that would utilize the medium better.

And like I know that as a whole live action film is taken more seriously than animation, and that to some extent live action filmmakers might be allowed more freedom than animators yadda yadda but like

My point is

Filmmakers, animated and live action, are super awesome and shouldn’t have to live in each others shadow, live action remakes are an insult to both mediums (as well as a waste of resources and talent), and all filmmakers should get to be the little freaks they are and make whatever weird shit their little heart desires

[bugsandboos]

reading everyone’s thoughts on the london special and marinette’s actions have given me a serious case of deja vu in relation to the s5 finale, here’s why

a very very VERY common reaction from the fandom i saw to the finale was “why are the writers letting gabriel get away with being a hero why isn’t he being held accountable horrible finale horrible writing i hate this show etc etc etc”

before i share my thoughts on this for like the thousandth time i just wanna mention i DID cry during the finale, partly because i was in shock and also because i HATED it. but now i genuinely believe it was one of if not the smartest thing the ml writers have ever conjured up and i just. fucking love it. (point is: i understand disliking it. that was me at some point, until i began to consider the implications of the “ending”)

similarly, a reaction i’ve seen to the london special (mainly from ml salters) is “why would the writers let marinette lie to the world when it’s so clearly morally wrong she’s such a horrible person she needs to be held accountable blah blah blah”

something both the s5 finale and the london special share is that THE ACTIONS THAT TAKE PLACE IN BOTH. ARE NOT MEANT. TO SIT WELL WITH THE AUDIENCE

NO writer on ml is trying to convince a fan that “gabriel was actually a hero because he made one selfless decision (that wasn’t even that selfless?????)”. NO writer on ml is trying to convince a fan that “marinette is completely right for hiding the truth about gabriel from not only adrien but also the whole world!!!!!! no one should ever find out!!!”

the entire point of the finale and special is to make the viewer uncomfortable, as we watch marinette sit with her questionable choices, watch adrien refer to his father as a hero and watch their class throw a party. none of this is supposed to make us feel at peace with the way this arc has concluded.

what people seem to be missing is that even if the s1-s5 arc has ended, the s6 arc is just beginning, CENTERED AROUND THE CHOICES THAT HAVE MADE US AS THE AUDIENCE FEEL SO UNCOMFORTABLE!! you’re completely ignoring the way the plot is set up if you think the writers are going to neglect gabriel’s storyline, because it is far from over.

i think it’s also important to mention that neither marinette nor adrien are at peace with what’s happened (even if that was implied during the s5 finale—the london special has provided us with this new information on their emotional statuses). marinette is clearly being eaten alive by guilt, seeking confirmation throughout the entire special that protecting adrien from the truth was the morally correct decision. adrien was obviously affected by his father’s death (contrasting the idea that he just “threw a party” without any emotional backlash), and will undoubtedly learn to grapple with his conflicting feelings on gabriel’s character throughout s6 (he sacrificed himself??? but he abused me??? but he saved ladybug and nathalie????? but he apparently assisted monarch?????)

POINT IS

no one is meant to be satisfied with the way things are in the miraculous universe at the moment. you aren’t supposed to want the truth about what really went down during recreation to stay hidden. if you feel uncomfortable with the current situation our main characters are in, GOOD! please stop the discrediting the writers, because your discomfort means they have done their job well.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Slippery Rendezvous

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Warnings: none

Summary: Natasha doesn’t approve of your feelings for Bucky despite your many attempts to convince her that he is the man for you. What else can you do when she forbids you to date any of her friends?

Squares Filled: natasha romanoff / black widow (2021) for @buckybarnesbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are greatly appreciated <3

x

You wake up to an empty bed. What did you expect? That he’d stay? Bucky isn’t known to spend the night after fucking you but you keep wishing he would. You run your hand down his side of the bed and feel the cool sheets. He must have left early in the morning so that your sister wouldn’t see him.

It’s not like she hates him but she hates the idea of you being with any one of her “coworkers”. Natasha isn’t shy when it comes to relationships and often encourages you to go out and have fun with different men. She loves dating even if she doesn’t show it, and you love telling her about all the dates you get to go on. The issue is that she doesn’t want you dating anyone she knows. She knows the baggage that comes with the men she knows and doesn’t want you mixed up with it.

You went to University to get a degree as a voice actor. You’ve gotten gigs across the country but ultimately settled in New York where you got a job working on a popular animated television series. You’re already in your third season and have no plans of stopping anytime soon. Natasha loves to tell you how normal you are and how different you are compared to the shit she goes through every day.

You’re not a spy and you have no desire to be a spy. You’re not Natasha’s biological sister because you came into her life well after she got done with the Red Room training. She was on a mission to kill your father for all the bad shit he has been doing. You hated the man and had always wanted to leave. However, your mother died at birth and you were a minor at the time. He always hid his shady shit which is why he didn’t get convicted for anything.

She saved you and she adopted you a couple of years later. You don’t blame her for your father’s death even if she did pull the trigger. He’s a bad man who is rotting in Hell and you’re better off for it. Now, you have a successful job and are in love with the infamous Winter Soldier. Only he doesn’t know it and if he does, he doesn’t do anything about it.

You two met when Natasha was having a party at the Avengers Compound. She didn’t want you to go but you insisted that with her by your side, you’ll be fine. It’s not like the Avengers are going to pick a fight with you or anything. Even Bruce had his alter ego under control, so she relented and let you come.

Her world is and was much different than yours. She told stories of how she went to space, how she kicked someone’s ass, and how she infiltrated an organization. All you have to show for is the work you’ve done for entertainment. You’re not nearly as special as any of them but Bucky makes you feel like you are.

He kept to himself in the corner of the room drinking something that wasn’t alcohol when you approached him.

“Hi. Do you mind if I join you?”

“No, go ahead,” he clears his throat.

“I’m Y/N. I’m Natasha’s sister. Adopted sister, actually, but she feels like a real one to me. What’s your name?”

“You seriously don’t know who I am?” he chuckles.

“I know who you are but I’d thought I’d be polite and let you introduce yourself instead of assuming I know everything about you.”

“Right,” he nods. “I’m Bucky.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Bucky.”

You two fell into conversation that lasted well past the party. Natasha had a secret thing for Steve and didn’t mind staying over as long as you were safe and okay with staying. You left that night with thoughts of Bucky and when the next time you were going to see him, but Natasha didn’t share your enthusiasm.

“Listen, I don’t want to tell you what to do but I don’t want you seeing Bucky.”

“Funny. That sounds exactly like you telling me what to do,” you scoff.

“I mean it, Y/N. Bucky is a good guy now but he wasn’t always like this. He’s not all the way back yet and I don’t want you getting hurt. With any of them. They have too much baggage and you don’t need something like that in your life.”

You look out the window in annoyance.

“I just spent the last two hours talking to a guy who made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. I’m not saying I want to marry the guy but I felt something that I haven’t felt with any of the guys I’ve dated.”

“I knew bringing you to that party was a bad idea,” she scoffs. “You’re not seeing Bucky. End of story.”

“I am an adult, Nat. Let me make my own decisions. Let me decide if he’s worth the heartbreak.”

“He will do more than break your heart. He will break you. He didn’t get his name for nothing. His body count is well into the hundreds if not thousands. I am not worried about him breaking your heart. I’m worried about him killing you. I mean it, Y/N. Stay away from that one.”

You tried, God knows you tried, but there is something about Bucky that you couldn’t stay away from. You formed friendships with Wanda and Thor which gave you an excuse of going to the compound where you knew Bucky was living. Wanda caught on pretty quickly at what you were trying to do since she can read minds and all that, and she agreed to keep your affair with Bucky from your sister.

You’re not trying to hurt Natasha but you fell for Bucky and fell for him hard. He just never stays the night like you hope he does.

You get out of bed and walk to the bathroom where you hear the shower going. Natasha must be in there. You slip in and knock on the door to let her know that you’re inside the bathroom with her.

“Hey, Nat, I’m just going to brush my teeth. I’ll be out shortly.”

You slip in, close the door behind you, and walk over to the sink.

“I’m not Nat.”

You tense when you hear Bucky’s deep voice but then smile when you realize he slept the night in your bed. The curtain slides to the side just enough for him to peek his head out of it, and you turn to face him.

“I thought you left last night.”

“Nope. I wanted to stay the night with you. Is that okay?”

“It’s more than okay.”

He closes the curtain again and resumes cleaning himself.

“Got any plans today?”

You’re about to answer when you hear the front door slam open and shut. Natasha is the only one who has a key so she must be back. If she found out Bucky has not only been dating you but secretly fucking you, she’d have a heart attack and probably kill him.

“Y/N? Are you in there?” The bathroom door shakes and you do the first thing that comes to mind. You quickly hop in the shower, fully clothed, and look at Bucky who smirks. The door opens and Nat walks in. “Y/N?”

“I’m in the shower!” Bucky’s mouth opens so you place your hand over it so he understands he needs to be quiet. “What do you want?”

“Listen, Steve and some of the guys are having a cookout at Clint’s farm. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”

“Really? You’ll let me go?”

“I feel bad and I shouldn’t keep you away from your friends.”

“Is Bucky going to be there?”

Bucky nods and looks at you with mischievous eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll go.”

“I invited you because Wanda and Thor will be there. They’re your friends.”

“I know.”

“Y/N…”

“It’s fine, Nat. I’ll hang with them.”

“Okay. We leave in an hour.”

She leaves the bathroom and you remove your hand from Bucky’s mouth knowing you didn’t need it to be there. He knows Natasha’s opinion of him and how she wouldn’t approve of you two dating. He just wanted to feel your hands on him if he’s being honest.

“Great, now I’m all wet. Look what you did.”

“I like it when you’re wet,” he smirks.

You shove his shoulder and scoff playfully but he grabs you and pulls you into him. He slides his hands into your hair and kisses you. He must forget the situation you’re in because you can feel his growing arousal on your stomach.

“No, Bucky, we should stop. I will not be tempted into shower sex again. Remember what happened last time?”

“Damn, my arm malfunctions one time and you’re triggered.”

“Can I trust you to keep your hands to yourself at this cookout?”

“No,” he chuckles. “It’s gonna be hard not to. Now I’m picturing you wet.”

“Hurry up and leave before she finds you in here. I’d rather not know what a fight between Black Widow and the Winter Soldier looks like.”

You slip out of the shower and back to your room without your sister noticing. While you’d like your relationship to be out in the open, sneaking around is just too much damn fun.

x

Want to be tagged? Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[project-sekai-facts]

Project SEKAI 4th anniversary: Brand New Your World - recap post

Much like last year, I thought it would be useful to make one long post recapping all of the information about the 4th anniversary updates. Even if there won't be as many major updates and changes as last year, we still will be receiving news about other related projects like the movie during the anniversary thanksgiving festival, so I'll be recapping that too.

Note that all of this applies to the JP server only.

Official site link

Before we start, the next Broadcast Station episode will be held on the 27th, featuring Isobe-san, Jiena, Imai-san, and Daichan. It will be broadcast live from the Thanksgiving Festival. Related event speculation will be done in a separate post, and the stream itself can be found here.

Section 1 - Game Updates

Most game updates will be announced during the aforementioned Broadcast Station stream, but some things have already been announced, such as:

Virtual lives (after lives/holiday lives) will now be held every hour, cutting the long wait times between some showings.

You will now be able to collect character rank XP for an entire unit in one go, rather than going to each member's page individually.

Calendars for songs and events will be released in advance, so we finally will actually know in advance what days songs are being added and what days events will run (though by the sounds of things, event lineups will be kept a secret outside of the unit).

Broadcast Station News

A new game mode has been added, called MYSEKAI. It's an Animal Crossing-esque side game that will be available through the main app. More details on this will be in section 6.

A story completion progress tracker will be added. You can earn crystals and gacha tickets based on your progress

You can now earn gacha tickets through Clearing and Full Comboing songs on different difficulty levels. These can only be claimed on the first time you clear/FC a song of each difficulty from 15 to 37. Autoplay doesn't count and you can earn up to 140 tickets.

All Kizuna ranks will be added! All of them! However, the new ones will not have specific titles or unlockables for levelling up the rank. Instead you will be given a title that says "X & Y Fan". The unlockables will be implemented when relevant.

You can now autoplay during Challenge Show. You will also be able to get CH show rewards up to a score of 2.5 million, as well as increase CH rank up to level 150

Project SEKAI is opening a store on their official website. You will be able to buy gems and get some freebies by using it. You will have to use your apple/google account to sign in. By the sounds of things this will replace the in-game crystal shop

Max character rank has been increased to 160, and as always new titles for max player rank and daily login will be added

As per the norm, character rank missions will be increased

Live bonus has been reworked. You will now be able to recover up to 15 bonus energy naturally (the limit is currently 10), and you will be able to overfill the meter to 999 instead of 99. Bonus energy's effect on event pts will also be reworked, refer to the chart below for the new bonuses

It will now be easier to obtain another vocal tickets. Their cost has been reduced in the event exchange and wish piece exchange, and two tickets will be given out from character rank and birthday lives. However, to balance this, the cost of a solo alt vocal has been changed to two tickets. The amount of another vocal tickets you own will be adjusted accordingly in the update.

Fes cards will now count as event bonus towards the event they were released alongside. E.g, the Rui and Rin Bloom Fes cards will count as event bonus for the upcoming Nene event.

The rewards earned from completing the tutorial will be increased. Existing users will be compensated accordingly.

You will now be able to exchange limited gacha tickets for wish pieces

All stories will now be fully voiced, even for faceless NPCs. Currently unconfirmed if this will apply retroactively

Starting from October, the number of random rerun limited gachas will decrease to one. This is because they ran out of gachas to rerun.

Birthday gacha reruns have been reworked. Rather than rerunning all past birthday cards separately, they will now be lumped into one gacha.

Kizuna rank for Honami/Mafuyu, Saki/Mizuki, and Haruka/Len implemented

Section 2 - Campaigns

Here's a list of all the campaigns and gachas that will be running over the next few weeks.

Fortune Flower Parade

This campaign will be held from September 30th for one month

You will be able to collect Fortune Flowers and Petals from event exchange, live missions, and stamp missions.

You will be able to exchange those items for some other special items, such as costumes, skill up scores that will instantly max out your skill, Character Rank XP vials, and some special wish jewels (i'm not exactly sure of their purpose but they have a unique design)

There are six different colours of petals and each can be obtained through different methods and be exchanged for different items. Refer to the chart below

Present 4 You

To celebrate the fourth anniversary, four presents will be given out to players

Present 1: Five 4* guaranteed gacha tickets will be given out to all players. These will also replace the 3* tickets for any new players.

Present 2: All another vocals will be released on youtube for two weeks. You will also receive two another vocal tickets for every character.

Present 3: There will be an in-game survey asking players to pick their three most wanted prizes from a list for the next couple days. The three most picked prizes will be awarded at a later date.

Present 4: There will be a prize giveaway on twitter. For following their twitter and retweeting the campaign post, there's a chance to win some prizes (they're really random like a gopro and a coffee machine lol).

Other campaigns and gachas

Login campaign: Earn up to 5000 gems and 7 10-pull tickets from logging in for a week after the anniversary.

Operation Welcome to SEKAI will run again

Special Prize gacha: a gacha where you can earn prizes the more you pull in it. This will run between the 28th and 30th of September. It will also have doubled 4* rates.

Stamp missions and paid costume gachas as per the usual

Happiness Package gacha

Limited edition select list and memorial select list (same as last year)

Section 3 - Songs

Anniversary Song

The fourth anniversary song has been announced! The title is Neppu and it was produced by kemu! Below is kemu’s comment on the song (via @/pjsekai_eng on Twitter).

Song Campaign

The song campaign hint sheet has been revealed, and actually has hints again for the first time in a while. The answers will be revealed during broadcast station on the 27th.

Note: blank tiles include special characters

Answers

Mozaik Role -Reloaded- by DECO*27 (L/n cover + 3DMV)

Mesmerizer by 32ki

Kisaragi Attention by JIN (MMJ cover)

Main Character by *Luna

Call Boy by syudou (BAD DOGS cover)

Kimi to Boku no Resonance by nanameueP

Tensei Ringo by PinocchioP (WxS cover)

Blackjack by YuchaP

Shadow Shadow by Azari (N25 cover + 3DMV)

Outside of the campaign, we also have Cat Food by doriko covered by MMJ + Miku.

This year's high-difficulty commission has also been announced. The song is called Seimeisei Syndrome and was produced by Camellia. It will have a master difficulty of 33 and an append difficulty of 36. A preview can be viewed in the livestream archive (for some reason it was not uploaded to Twitter).

Section 3 - Lives

4th live

Project SEKAI's 4th live was announced last month, titled Unison!! The live will be held in two locations: Osaka on December 13th-15th, and Tokyo on January 24th-26th!

A PV can be found here!

The official account for all information about the live is, as always, @/pjsekai_live on Twitter.

Here are some close-ups of the group artwork above, as well as some chibi artworks. The costumes used as the ones that will be available from the Fortune Flower exchange.

A video teaching player the glowstick movements and chants for I'm Mine has also been posted to Youtube!

Connect live

A connect live to celebrate the fourth anniversary has been announced. It is titled Brilliant Stage and will be held on the 6th of October! There will also be a "meet and greet" session after the two performances of the live, similar to Resonance Beats. A short login story to commemorate the live will be available on October 5th & 6th.

A medley of previously unperformed songs will be performed during this connect live. The songs were given as Aioi, Hug, Hitsuji ga Ippiki, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, and I nandesu.

Section 4 - Event and gacha

The next event will be Carry These Feelings! Dream Stage, a Nene-focused event. Shiho, Airi, and Toya will be the other rateups! The 3* is Ena based on the event logo. Rui and Rin will be featured as the Bloom Fes cards.

The bfes gacha will be Dream Pick, utilising the same system as last year (you get two extra slots to fill). You will also be able to get Fortune Flowers as a reward for pulling on this gacha.

As mentioned earlier, there will also be paid costume gachas. You will be able to earn Fortune Flowers from pulling in these gachas. Here's a preview of the costumes.

Section 5 - Project SEKAI: The Movie

A Project SEKAI movie animated by P.A.WORKS was announced back in July. More information on that can be found here. A new trailer was shown during Broadcast Station, which can be found linked above. Some new character visuals will be posted below, but aside from that, please refer to the linked post which will go into the new information in further detail.

Section 6 - MY SEKAI

MY SEKAI is a new gameplay feature that will be added during the 4th anniversary. It's an Animal Crossing-esque farming/life sim game that you can play using your Virtual Live avatar. You can build you own SEKAI and house and decorate it however you like! You will also be able to talk to chibi versions of the main characters and interact with them, as well as visit your friends' SEKAIs!

Your MY SEKAI will also have a new feature called the transformation machine! This is where you can exchange some of your excess resources into things that are more useful to you (that's right they finally made the materials exchange).

I do not know how much storage or power this will take to run. I am very sorry for your devices.

Section 7 - Misc News

A livestream leading up to the 4th anniversary has been scheduled for 29th September at 11:30pm JST (2:30pm UTC). The stream will feature Chiruriin, Honchan, Akina, Daichan, and Ruirui.

A digest video of the previous Colorful Lives will be shown on Youtube on the 5th of October at 6pm JST (9am UTC). This stream will not be archived, so make sure to catch it!

[badkitty3000]

Weak

Even Five Hargreeves is no stranger to temptation. He tries so hard to stay away. He wants to do the right thing for once in his life. If not for himself, then for her. But every man has his breaking point.

Five Hargreeves x Reader Smut

This one shot is an accompaniment to my other work "Addicted". This can be read on its own, but is a different side of the story, as told from Five's point of view.

My Master List Of Number Five Fanfiction

Weak:

I never meant to take it this far. I never meant to be cruel. That’s not who I am, or at least I didn’t think I was. I also thought I was strong and had will power. But I guess I was wrong about that, too. Because as much as I try to stay away, I don’t.

I know who I am and what I’m made of. The terrible things I’ve done. That’s not a secret and I’ve never lied to myself about that. My morals can’t even be called a gray area anymore; they’re more like an indistinct blur. But in this one tiny part of my soul, I was trying to be better. For her, at least.

I have failed miserably.

She knows what I am. When things got too comfortable and too familiar, I told her as a way to push her away and to scare her. It didn’t work, though. In fact, it had the opposite effect. She fucking loved it…and I didn’t know how to say no to that.

How could I say no when she was tearing at my clothes, practically panting with desire, and shoving her hand down my pants? All over a bloody stain on a shirt collar and the feel of my Glock against her skin. I’m sure there’s a way to resist that, but fuck if I know what it is. I’m not smart enough or strong enough to figure that one out.

I don’t particularly like all of the killing. But I’m pretty fucking good at it and someone has to do it, I suppose. I certainly never considered it sexy in any way. Then, after that first time, when she begged me to tell her all of the gruesome details, and I watched her skin start to flush and her pupils dilate…well, fuck, that put a new spin on everything.

I still don’t like it, that part hasn’t changed. I get no pleasure from pulling that trigger and watching their skull break open like a fucking pinata, spraying the contents of their brains all over the floor like the world’s worst party game. Now, however, there is a sick little spark that will ignite in me after it’s done. Because I know how it will turn her on.

And, fuck, I am weak.

That’s what this all boils down to. Weakness. For most people that meet me or know me in any way, weak is probably the last word they would use to describe me. Cold; bitter; sarcastic; asshole. Those adjectives are much more likely to be used. But weak? Doubtful.

I know the truth, though. Deep down, that is what I am. Because when you continue to break someone’s heart time and time again, just because you can’t control your own basic urges…that’s weakness. Pure and simple.

She has told me how much I’ve hurt her, and how much I am ruining her life. She has screamed and cried and told me all of the things I know I deserve to hear. She has called me an asshole more times than I can remember, and I have never disputed it. So, I stay away, like I know I should. Until she inevitably calls again. And I slip right back into it without another thought. Like the absolute fucking bastard that I am.

Weak.

Because even though I know it’s wrong and I’m slowly poisoning her with my selfishness, each time I think maybe it will be different. Maybe this time will be the time when I stay. When I will finally be the person I should be and really want to be.

All the way up until the early morning, I will convince myself that this is it. I’ve finally seen the light and I can be the man she deserves; it will be so easy. Because when it’s just the two of us, in our own little cocoon, hidden away from the outside world, the idea is magical. I would give anything to stay there, tucked away, fucking like animals until we’re both too exhausted to talk anymore. I want to stay there and listen to her voice, and her laugh, and feel her hands on my touch-starved body. And I think, yes, this is it. This is what I want.

Then morning comes and the spell is broken.

Once that first peek of dawn starts to light up the sky, all of my anxieties come rushing back, and I remember why I can’t stay. Morning brings back the real world, and with it all of its problems.

I will freeze up, practically paralyzed with fear, as she sleeps next to me, an arm draped over my chest. I will remember what kind of person I really am, and how that just doesn’t translate to boyfriend material. And it’s not just the little fact that I am a hired assassin, although that does put a slight snag in any future meetings with parents and the like.

It’s the mixing bowl of fucked up thoughts and feelings and history that lives inside my brain. Guilt. Regret. Sadness. Rage. Take your pick, none of them are great. And I can mask them for a night or two, while I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. But they will come back again, and that’s just not something anyone needs. Especially someone you care about.

So, I do the worst, shittiest thing in the world, and leave while she’s asleep. No kiss goodbye. No note. Not even a quick morning fuck. I grab my shit and leave in a flash of blue light, like the weak coward I am. Can’t even bother to use the god damn door.

I will stay away after that. At least for a while. I will ignore the incoming texts and voice mails that sometimes will follow, and sometimes don’t. I’ll pretend I don’t care about the lectures and pleas and rightly-deserved insults. But I do care. And that’s why I won’t answer.

A month might go past, maybe more. Just enough time for me to start thinking she really is done with me. Then the call will come through, late at night, and I won’t ignore it. Because, as we’ve determined…I am weak.

She is the only one, although I’ve never told her that and I bet she thinks she’s not. I’m not interested in anyone else. I don’t need anyone else. And when she stops calling for good, which one day I know will happen, that will be it. It’s either her or nobody. And it’s barely even her.

Our paths almost never cross outside of our little midnight meetings. After that first night when all of this started, I’ve never seen her anywhere else besides her apartment. I assume it’s because the types of bars and clubs I frequent are not anywhere a normal, sane person would want to spend their free evenings. But tonight, as fate would have it, I do see her. After I grab my drink off the cracked and peeling bar top and turn to look at the room behind me, I see her. And she’s not alone.

With my glass half way to my mouth, our eyes meet, and for a second neither of us move. It’s not a big place, so we aren’t that far away from one another. But it’s loud and crowded, and the guy is leaning in close to her ear, talking loudly to be heard over the constant bass thumping through the shitty speakers on the walls. Who the fuck is this guy?

It’s not fair, I know that. Believe me, I know that. And I try to give myself a stern talking-to inside my head. She is not yours. Not even remotely. You are an asshole and she deserves better. Leave her the fuck alone.

I take a drink. And then I see his hand disappear under the table, and I can see everything from where I’m standing. He’s squeezing her thigh, leaving his hand there to rest on her leg, rubbing his thumb across the bare skin that isn’t covered by her short skirt. A skirt I know I’ve had my face under before.

Fuck. I hate this guy.

In the thirty seconds that it takes for all of this to happen, she is watching me. Reading me. A faint smile plays on her lips and I know I’m caught. My thoughts must be written all over my face like a fucking billboard, and it’s too late to pretend I haven’t seen or that I don’t care. She’s got me.

If I were stronger, or a better person, I would leave. Pay my tab, collect my coat, and get the fuck out of there without another glance in her direction. Leave her be. Let her live her fucking life. But I am not. And I’m pissed.

My first instinct is to reach behind me, grab the Glock that’s hidden in the waistband of my pants and covered up by my suit jacket, and take care of this asshole right then and there. That would probably be the nicer thing to do, honestly. Then she’d finally see what a fucking psycho I am and that would end things once and for all. But I’m also not that stupid. Or that nice.

Instead, I stay and watch. I let her see me watching, too. I lean with my back against the bar, casually sipping my drink, and my eyes never leave her. I want her to know, even if it makes me more of a giant dick than I already am. I want her to know I am not pleased.

I have no idea who this guy is, and I don’t care. Maybe it’s their first date; maybe it’s their tenth. It doesn’t matter, I want him dead. And now that she knows that, because it’s pretty fucking obvious by the way I’m coiled like a cobra ready to strike right now, it’s quickly become a game. If she had feelings for him before, that seems to have been forgotten now. Because everything she is doing is for me.

Her eyes leave mine and she returns to what I can only imagine is a very dull conversation with the Neanderthal sitting next to her. She smiles and laughs, and moves her leg closer to his so that they are touching. She reaches up and fixes his hair, tucking a stray piece of it over his ear. She rests her chin on her hand and stares at him like he’s the most interesting person she’s ever encountered. And he’s eating this shit up; kicking his game up a notch with even more inane talk and rubbing her thigh up and down with his whole hand. He thinks she’s into him. Fucking dumbass.

That’s the only thing keeping me slightly calm at the moment. Knowing it’s all a play. She is a really good actress, I’ll give her that, but I’ve paid more attention to her than she realizes. I know her tells. I know the difference between her fake laugh and her real one. I can tell when she’s actively engaged in the conversation or she is just waiting for you to shut up. I know how she touches her face when she’s nervous and I know what she looks like when she wants to fuck you.

And, buddy…I got bad news for you.

The corner of my mouth lifts in an arrogant smirk as I take another drink. I shouldn’t be proud of this; I should be appalled. How dare I think I have any right to any of her little traits and quirks? I haven’t earned that. That kind of thing is reserved for boyfriends and husbands and people that can stand to stick around for more than a few hours.

When she runs her tongue over her lips in an obvious gesture meant only for me, I actually laugh out loud. Fuck, she knows what she’s doing. And it’s one hundred percent working.

As I order my second drink, feeling the calming buzz of the booze fill my brain, I start to care less and less. I don’t care if this is not fair. I don’t care that I’m being a complete and utter shit head. I don’t care if I’m weak. I’ll deal with all of that later.

I take out my phone and type out a quick text.

Enjoying yourself?

I watch as she glances to her phone on the table as it lights up. She picks it up, angling it away from Caveman Cliff, and reads it. It’s subtle, but I saw it. A brief twitch of her mouth and a quick flit of her eyes in my direction. I see her type out a quick reply and then she is back to him, completely enrapt in his droning.

Immensely, thank you

Not able to resist, I counter with:

Even I can tell from way over here that your panties are as dry as the desert

She holds in a smile as she responds back.

Too bad you’re not going to find out

Honey, if that pussy of yours is even slightly wet, it’s only because you’re thinking of me bending you over that table you’re sitting at right now

I see her legs shift and she crosses one over the other, squeezing them together as a faint blush covers her cheeks.

And why would I be thinking that?

Because that dipshit you’re with isn’t going to give you what I know you want

I watch as she swallows and then glances at the idiot to her left that is oblivious to all of this, the poor bastard. Her response is short.

Fuck you

She puts her phone away to end this exchange, but I see the small smile she is trying to hide and the way she touches her hand to her face. I can see her chest expand as she sucks in a deep breath, biting at the inside of her cheek.

I give a short snort of satisfaction and put my phone back in my inside jacket pocket. I got what I wanted. I throw back the rest of my drink, leave a few dollars for a tip, and head for the door without another look in her direction. But I know she saw me leave.

As I wait there in the dark, I think about how awful I’m being; what a shit bag move this is. I’m using her, that’s what it boils down to. Using her for her warmth and her openness, and to temporarily calm my mind. Also, for her body and her touch. She sees something in me that isn’t there; or at least something I can’t see. But I can’t or won’t give her what she needs, and I’m also not letting her move on.

Fuck, I’m an asshole.

I hear their voices coming down the hall, the rattle of keys in her hand. As they near the door, I can hear her made up excuses. She’s tired; she had too much to drink; she has a headache. Maybe next time. She’ll call him tomorrow. Then she slips inside her darkened apartment and the door closes behind her.

I’m on her before she has a chance to turn the light on, pressing her against the door as she drops her keys on the floor. Since I’ve been waiting, the anticipation has already made me fully hard and I push my groin into her while I circle my hand lightly around her neck.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart? No love connection tonight?” I growl next to her ear.

She never even screams or fights back. She knew I would be there. But her hands grab my forearm and I hear her suck in a loud breath.

“I never knew you were the jealous type,” she smarts back.

 “Only when I see someone try to take what’s mine,” I hiss hotly against her neck, drawing my lips and then my tongue across her skin.

“I’m not your fucking property,” she snarls, but I can hear the break in her voice and she swallows hard against my hand.

I laugh cynically. “Well, then I can go and you can let him fuck you instead. Is that what you want?”

There’s a long pause and it’s just our loud breathing in the dark of the room. Then I feel her head move slowly from side to side.

“No,” she whispers.

As I crash my mouth onto hers, my hands in her hair and on her face, and down to her tits, she is reaching for the front of my pants. I had already removed my jacket and belt when I got there, as well as the pistol that I always carry with me. Our little act back at the bar was already enough foreplay and our bodies are screaming for each other.

Our hands can’t work fast enough as she is shoving my pants down my legs and tearing my shirt open while I rip her top off and yank her skirt up. My fingers are already pushing her panties to the side and entering her, sliding right in with no resistance.

I smile proudly against her neck. “I knew you were wet for me.”

As she moans and throws her head back, she is reaching down to stroke my cock, her warm hand tight and firm as she drags it slowly over my shaft.

My hips are already jerking into her and I want to be inside of her so badly I can’t think straight.

“Get these panties off so I can fuck you,” I snarl.

I pull my fingers out, pushing her underwear down roughly and she quickly steps out of them. With one pull of her hips into me, her arms clutching tightly to my shoulders, I lift her up and start fucking her against the door.

I tip my head back and groan loudly as she whines and pulls her legs tighter around my waist.

“Can he make you feel this good?” I ask between clenched teeth as I ram into her harder and the door rattles in its frame.

“No!” she cries out.

“Do you think about him when you’re alone and fingering yourself?”

Her moans are punctuated by the slamming of my body against hers and her fingers press deeper into my skin.

“No,” she breathes out. “No.”

“You think about me, don’t you?” I say with a sneer. When she doesn’t answer fast enough, I ask again, louder. “Don’t you?”

“Yes,” she whimpers pitifully, her nails digging sharply into my shoulder blades.

I can’t believe what I’m saying and what I’m doing. But she’s loving it and so I continue.

“I’m going to fuck you until you forget all about him, and then I’m going to fuck you some more. And if I ever see you with him again, I will kill him.”

“You wanted to kill him, didn’t you?” she asks, and that knowing smile starts to form as she closes her eyes and bites her lip. “When you saw him with me?”

“Fuck yes I did,” I groan loudly into her neck.

She’s almost there, I can tell. So am I, but I’m going to make her finish first. I pick up the pace, thrusting into her as hard as I can, her back and head slamming against the door, my fingers digging deeper into the flesh of her thighs and ass. I’m practically ripping into the side of her neck, latching on with my mouth and teeth, desperate to mark her as my own.

I listen as she repeats my name over and over in gasps and moans and I can’t hold back anymore.

“That’s it, sweetheart. You are all mine.”

She is falling apart in my arms, violently shaking against me as I penetrate her one last time, letting out a loud, guttural moan. I’m as deep inside of her as I can be, and I fill her up with so much cum, I know it will start sliding out; dripping down her legs and onto the floor. Somewhere deep inside, in the primordial part of my brain, I take satisfaction in knowing that it’s my seed, and only mine, that is coating her insides.

Once the last spasm has left my body, I let her down and she falls back against the door, breathing hard. Her bra is still on, but the straps have fallen down, and her skirt is bunched up around her waist. I look at the painful looking purple bruise I left on her neck, which is large enough and obvious enough that she won’t be able to cover it. Her eye makeup is smeared and her lips are swollen and red. She looks completely ravished. And then she starts to cry.

It’s because of me, I know it is. Because of the things I said and the things I did, and the way I needed her so desperately. She had been trying to break away from me and I reeled her back in. And I did it knowingly and deliberately, just to feed my ego and maybe not feel so alone. I could have found anyone for that. But, like the prick I am, I only wanted her.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, my lungs still working hard to get air in and out.

She just nods silently, wiping her face with her hand, and pulls down her skirt. She picks her shirt and underwear off the floor and heads to the bathroom without a word. I’m left standing there with a softening dick and my pants around my ankles.

Fuck.

I could leave now, while she’s in there, and maybe I should. That feels wrong, though. But then again, so does staying. I feel like shit and I’m so full of shame that I want to punch my fist through the wall. Instead, I zip my pants back up and walk over to her couch to wait. I turn on the table lamp and even though it’s dim, it feels blaringly bright and I have to squint my eyes.

When she comes out, she has changed into some soft shorts and a t-shirt. Her face is cleaned up and I assume her thighs and the area between them are too. She is no longer crying, but I can still see the tell-tale signs of red-rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks. I’m surprised when she comes and sits down next to me, laying her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I say again, because I can’t think of anything better to say.

“I know. Me too,” she says and she leans her body against mine.

She has nothing to be sorry for and I’m not sure what to do, so I put my arm around her and hug her to me. I kiss her forehead and she closes her eyes. I don’t know why she’s letting me do this, but it feels good and I like it. Just like every other time, I tell myself that maybe this time will be different. I can do this; I can be that person. I don’t want to be that other jealous, callous, hurtful person. I don’t want to be the asshole.

“Just don’t go yet, ok?” she says quietly with her cheek resting against my chest.

I smooth her hair and run my hand down her back. I don’t want to go. She feels good and warm and soft against my tension-filled body. She feels right. I want to tell her all of that, too. I want to say I’m sorry a million times over and beg for her forgiveness. I want to wake up with her next to me every day.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” I murmur into her hair as I brush my chin across the top of her head.

“Don’t do that,” she pleads, her voice soft. “Please.”

I decide I’m going to tell her how I really feel. Before the night is over, I’ll come clean. And then I’ll stay. If she’ll still have me.

“You are, though. I mean it.”

She doesn’t respond, but sighs and nestles in, holding me around my waist. Fuck, I have craved this. More than the dirty talk and the biting and the ferocious fucking. I want this. I want her. And I’m going to tell her.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur. It’s there, on the tip of my tongue the whole time. All I have to do is say it. But I don’t.

We fuck again, rough and hard, on the couch and on the floor. I leave more marks on her chest, branding her as my own. I tell her she’s mine, and I make her scream my name again, but I don’t say what I really mean.

We fuck in her bed, while we’re both tired and slightly drunk. I pump lazily into her while she lies underneath me and moans softly. I kiss her lips and tell her how gorgeous she is, and it’s not a lie because she is. I worship her body, running my tongue over every part of it, tasting her skin and her delicious arousal. I can taste my own cum as I lick into her soft folds and inside her pussy that’s been stretched and abused by my cock several times over.

There are so many opportunities and I don’t take any of them. I let her fold her body into mine as I hold her in the dark and I can say it right now. It would be easy and it would be the truth.

I want to be with you.

I want to be yours.

I want you to be mine and mine alone.

I want to stay.

But I am weak, and so I don’t.

She sleeps against me and I listen to her rhythmic breathing while I lie there wide awake. I think about all of the things I should have said. Everything I should have done and should not have done. I hate myself for all of it.

When the sun creeps in, and the faintest light is leaking through the curtains and cutting through the safety of the darkness, it all comes crashing back. I remember why I can’t stay and why those words just wouldn’t come out. The reality of the real world is glaringly obvious in the light of day and I remember all of it.

The real world is filled with everyday things like jobs and homes and bills to pay. Coworkers and families that want to meet you. Graduation and birthday parties. Movie and dinner dates, holidays and vacations. Marriage. Children. Normalcy.

There’s just no way any of that would work. I can’t fit into that life, even though I want to. I think of all of the things holding me back and they keep piling up until they are crushing me and I feel like I can’t breathe.

I am an assassin. A killer. A murderer. I have seen the end of the world and survived the most horrific things. I have PTSD and crippling anxiety. There are nightmares and paranoia and episodes of manic rage. I am old and I am tired. There is nothing left of me and nothing left to give. I am not meant for normalcy.

As I slowly remove her arm from across my chest, she stirs but she doesn’t wake. I take a moment to look at her. Her mind isn’t betraying her with vivid dreams of the world collapsing around her in a fiery blaze or sprays of bullets piercing her body. She is at peace and I am envious of that.

I am not good for her, I know that. I need to go and stay gone. She deserves stability and happiness and a million other things I cannot give her. So, I will be the asshole that leaves in the morning before she wakes, just like I always do. She will hate me and curse me and cry for me. And I will stay away this time. I have to.

I chance it by leaning in and brushing my lips across her forehead. Her face wrinkles up and then relaxes again, but she doesn’t wake. I slip out of the bed and out of the room, following the trail of discarded clothes and put them back on one by one. Then I am gone in the same flash of light that allowed me to enter there in the first place. A convenient exit that I have misused way too many times.

Outside, the sun is bright and the world is waking up. I can feel my resolve growing stronger as the new day builds. That was it, I am done. It was awful and I shouldn’t have done it, but it’s over now and I will not be repeating it. I am a pillar of inner strength. That was the last time and she is finally free of me. I am doing the right thing.

My strength is impressive, both inside and out. But it is not impenetrable, especially when darkness falls and the world around me grows quiet. When I am alone with nothing but my thoughts, and I just need to feel something good again.

Everyone has a weakness.   

[allfortheslay25]

In an au where milo has siblings that aren't Maya and Ollie, what would they be like and how would it affect the canon lore in miloverse?

Finally, I can answer this ask✨

Sorry for the long wait, I ended up pretty busy with my job and was backed up with loads of asks (I don’t like mixing my doodles unless it’s just one or two but I had HUNDREDS of asks about All for the fish and decided to just pick through and answer as many as I dared)

Anyways! For Other Kids AU (aka separate ‘what if’ AUs where the Foxes have other or more kids)

Ofc I thought of more andreil kids. What do you take me for? The aftg brainrot is my disease✋😔

⚠️ this is not canon to We’ll Both Be Fine or Milo’s main story in general. This is a what if situation ⚠️

Admittedly, they could have been canon but andreil didn’t care about having more children. Milo was enough for them.

The first kid is Connie (Conner David) born 2011. Andrew and Neil decide not to deletus the fetus and so Connie is born. It is actually Nicky who gets to name him :)

Milo is very happy and emotional about having a little brother and tries to involve himself in every second of his life. They grow up very close, Connie looking up to Milo a bit.

Connie likes writing, cookies with jam, and spring

Dislikes conflict, chewing gum, and his freckled eyes (has eye nevus)

Second are the twins, Honey (Miela Marie) and Niko (Nicholas Nolan) both born 2014. Very simple decision from andreil that since Connie went well, why not test fate? And then they had twins who tried to make their lives hell. Andreil let the Foxes brainstorm names and send their best picks for andreil to choose through before narrowing it down to six (three if it’s a girl and three if it’s a boy) (they didn’t know it’d be twins) and let the foxes make a unanimous decision. The foxes decided on Nolan for a boy and Miela for a girl. Andrew and Neil ended up naming the boy Nicholas (Nicky cried about it for days) and gave Miela the middle name Marie after Abby.

Although Milo loves his new siblings, the twins are very hard to deal with and whine to him about every thing instead of andreil. The kids are also a bit air headed and tend to be hurtful without meaning to. When Milo goes to college, he finds out that they replace him with Connie who takes care of them as if they were his kids. (Admittedly, they love Connie more and it hurts Milo’s feelings)

Honey likes apiculture, traveling, food

Dislikes sitting still, sharing her things, being told what to do

Niko likes sports, napping, living life to the fullest

Dislikes being active (when it’s not sports), alcohol, explaining himself (he can’t)

Old concept designs when I was first making them

Some facts:

- Honey and Niko don’t consider Milo their brother but not in a malicious way. In their weird minds, he’s too old and different (however, they consider him family the same way Nicky, Aaron, Kevin, and Robin are)

- Honey lives with Nicky and Erik in Germany. She goes to school there

- Connie briefly lived with Stuart in the UK for two years, studying literature and journalism

- Niko doesn’t like playing exy but he goes pro as a hockey player since it’s similar

- they all call Milo something different. Connie calls him Brother or Milo, Honey calls him Mywo (Me - Woah), Niko calls him Lio or Em

- Milo used to take the kids to school (either walking or driving) since the twins were in daycare

- each kid is represented by one of the many animals that represent Milo. The rabbit (Connie), the bird (Honey) and the cat (Niko). With them, Milo is the dog. (Each animal makes up a part of Milo’s personality)

-⬆️ specific animals: White bunny (Connie) summer tanager (Honey) orange tabby (Niko) Wolf or Fox (Milo). However if they were Milo; New Zealand rabbit, Crow, and Red Siberian cat

- Maya would not be born in this au because at that point, they’d have their hands full with the twins and there’s no reason to have another. Ollie would have not been adopted either

[nyxyxx]

Godly Desires - Part 1

So yeah this is what I've been working on recently. It's quite short actually but I wanted to post it right now cause I'll be too busy later. It's not fully edited yet but I'll get to that sometime. I. II. III. IV.

As usual this story will contain yandere themes and religious themes so please proceed with caution. (This part itself is fine though.)

"A new place"

-

You wake up in an unfamiliar surrounding, as you try to collect your thoughts. You see very tall trees - taller than ones you've ever seen before. You can faintly hear the sound of rushing water nearby, as well as birds chirping from all around. All of this leads you to believe that you are currently in a forest, though you have no idea how you got here.

You slowly rise from the ground, brushing the dirt off of your person, and as you do, you take notice of the strange shiny object on the ground by your feet. Upon further inspection, it appears to be some fancy mirror-like object, though it could definitely use a cleaning. You put it in your pocket and decided you'd deal with it later.

Looking back up, you see two paths stretch ahead of you. One going forward, and one going backwards. The one going forwards and the one going backwards had no drastic difference, something that would tell you that going one way would be more dangerous than the other. However, the path going backwards was going uphill, and you figured you might as well go forwards then, if just out of laziness.

The more you walked down the path, you noticed the sun was beginning to go down. This wasn't good. You most certainly didn't want to have to spend the night out in this forest, where you had no idea what could happen. So you hurried along the path quicker. If you could get to the water, then you could probably find your way out of the forest.

However, as you got closer to the sound of the water, you noticed other... strange sounds around you. It was hard to explain if what you were hearing was a language being spoken, or just the sound of animals. You hid behind a tree and crept closer, peeking ahead.

There you found...hilichurls...? You were so confused. Were you dreaming, or were there actually hilichurls in front of you? They didn't seem to notice you, as they kept staring towards the beach. Regardless if this was real or not, you realized you had to find a way around them. Should you try and fight them? Well that idea was quickly dismissed, as you had nothing on your person you could use as a weapon, unless you wanted to try attacking them with a stray branch on the ground.

Or you could try to sneak past them? You contemplated what you should do for a while. In the end, you decided the most logical thing to do was to try and sneak past them. You carefully hid behind the hill they were standing on top of, while you crawled on your hands and knees around them. Everything was going well... until you got to the other side of the hill, where you were greeted unexpectedly by a mitachurl.

You stood there in fear. It was huge. Much taller than you, and it held a giant axe in its hands. You stood there in shock for a while, until you noticed that it had spotted you. In fact, it had been staring at you since the beginning. You had the urge to run, to flee, to scream and yell for help - but you didn't move. You found you couldn't get your feet to listen to you. It began to approach closer, and you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest. Your palms were sweaty, your body was shaking. It stepped closer once more, now directly in front of you.

And then with its giant hand, it reached towards you...and your eyes snapped shut. Oh no, this was it. You were going to die. Fear took over you, but there was something else as well. Something you couldn't decipher. Well, it didn't matter anyway, because you were going to die right now.

That is what you thought until you opened your eyes. In front of you, the mitachurl did not attack you, but instead held out its hand, and offered you...an apple?

-

Part two is in the works and will probably be up maybe tomorrow at earliest.

[deedeeznoots]

Let Us Do Your Hair, Brother

➺ Characters: Choso Kamo, Kechizu Kamo, Eso Kamo

➺ Word Count: 650+

➺ Genre: Fluff, Angst

➺ Content: Slight JJK Anime Spoilers

➺ A/N: A short prequel to this story I made of Choso!

➺ Synopsis: Choso’s brothers help him with his hair.

Choso had all the time in the world to think about what to do with his hair. 

Well…maybe not all the time in the world, but 500 years should be enough time to at least have a decent idea of how you’d want your hair to look. Despite this, the now fully incarnated Choso stood still in front of a dirty mirror with his hair down, completely stumped on what he should do. 

“Let me help you, brother. I see humans seem to do this hairstyle often” Choso looks at his younger brother Kechizu holding up a magazine photo of a young woman in pigtails…a strong emphasis on young woman. 

“While I trust your judgment, brother…that’s a little girl” Choso’s tone was monotonous, but he had trouble holding down a laugh as his brother stands offended. “Who says children can’t have style? It’ll look great on you, trust me” he pleads with Choso to give the hair style a chance. “I agree” Choso’s other younger brother Eso, steps in. “If we’re going to battle jujutsu sorcerers for those cursed spirits, we should look good while we do it, no?” He stands next to Kechizu, both pleading for Choso to let them do their hair…

“Yes, of course brothers”. 

“Uhh… how do we do this?” Kechizu says as he fiddles with the hair tie. Eso looks at him confused “How should I know? I’ve never done this before”. Choso feels both his brothers pull his hair in different directions as he sits down by the mirror with his eyes closed in order to be surprised by the new style when he opens them. 

There was something so human about this, and while the three of them had decided to live as cursed spirits for the rest of their lives, it felt good to feel human… even if it was just for today.

Choso heard his two brothers argue the entire time they did his hair, but eventually they were able to get it right “Here… you take these two bands and… there! It’s done!” one of his brothers exclaimed as Choso slowly opened his eyes. 

Choso looked at himself in the mirror and saw his hair parted and tied up into two small pigtails. “What do you think, brother?” Kechizu asked, hoping it’s up to Choso’s standards as he felt his hands burning from how difficult it was to put his brother’s hair up. He couldn’t believe humans did something so inconvenient as a choice. 

Choso suddenly stood up from where he sat, abruptly turning around to face his brothers. His face is still unreadable, and if it weren’t for the words he spoke one would think that he wasn’t happy with how his hair turned out. However, the next words that spilled out of Choso’s mouth said otherwise.

“Please do my hair every day”, it was now Choso’s turn to plead with his brothers as they looked at him in shock. “Uh– every day?” Eso stuttered, his own hands also feeling the slight burns of the hair ties. “Yes. I…enjoyed having the two of you help me out. Only if you want to”. 

“Of course we’d do it brother!” Eso’s heart filled with glee at his older brother’s approval. Kechizu seemed to agree as well as he flipped through one of the human magazines they found once again “Are we sure there are enough human hair styles for every day, though?” he scratched his head as he looked through the booklet.

Choso’s heart filled with glee at the thought, one thing that he’d be able to look forward to for the day. He began to exit the room and turned to his brothers one last time, “Those cursed spirits are probably looking for us. I’ll be with them. Go and fight the jujutsu sorcerers, I’ll see you soon”.

His brothers nodded and as Choso opened the door to leave, he heard one last thing. 

“I’ll see you soon, brother. When we do, let’s do your hair again, alright?”

A/N: Enjoyed the story? This story also features Choso! (Be warned, it’s 18+!) 

Taglist: @emmyrosee

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hey have you seen the latest Mufasa trailer? It shows us Scar or Taka as he is called in the film in a positive light. He saves Mufasa, who is an orphan, and accepts him as his true brother even though the other lions in the pride reject Mufasa. I wonder if this is the history that is taught in Twisted Wonderland because the King of Beasts is also seen as a noble figure.

[Referencing this trailer!]

Yes, I took a look at it! I believe D23 happened like… yesterday? That’s the annual convention where Disney drops a ton of news about upcoming projects, and the new Mufasa trailer was one of the announcements made.

I was really skeptical about Mufasa when I first heard about it, and that snowballed into dread when I saw the previous trailer. The wording of that one basically yells us that Mufasa is an orphan with no real claim to the throne, which only serves to justify Scar’s outrage when he was overlooked for the position of king. Not only that, but it nullifies Simba’s claim to the throne since the implication is that blood apparently doesn’t guarantee that you’re next in line. The new trailer makes this issue all the more apparent, because now it seems to be completely redeeming Scar…? I think they’re trying to explain his downfall and his turn to “evil”, but from the looks of it, it instead feels like unintentionally give grounds for Scar’s hurt and rage in The Lion King. It’s definitely… a choice… and I’m not sure how much I like them adding that to the animated TLK lore.

Thar being said, I do think this poses considerations for Twisted Wonderland. I had very similar thoughts as you did, Anon! It has already been suggested that the version of history being told in their universe is “twisted” or altered from the versions Yuu/we, the audience, are familiar with. So… what we see in the new Mufasa trailer (up to a certain point) could very well be the “real” version of what is taught in Trein’s Magic History class. It fits SO well with the canon narrative we already have on hand. The King of Beasts is described as a hard worker and someone who accepted animals of all kinds, including hyenas that had once been excluded from the Pridelands. What better way to exemplify that virtue than a story of the King of Beasts himself accepting a no-name orphan cub as his own brother when all the other lions claimed the cub would never be accepted as part of the royal family???

I wonder how the story of Mufasa (if incorporated into TWST in the future) is interpreted by the characters too?? For example, Leona doesn’t think too highly about the concept of the great kings of the past in the sky, nor does he like “Hakuna Matata” (deeming it self-serving rather than as something positive). These are both things introduced in the original TLK. However, I’d imagine that Leona would actually admire the King of Beasts for his act of selflessness. (“He didn’t just talk the talk, he walked the talk too. They weren’t just pretty words, the King of Beasts lived by his ideals. The world he envisioned is one where beasts of all kinds could come together in harmony. Heh, what a guy.”) BUT AT THE SAME TIME Leona might be cynical about himself living to the legacy of the King of Beasts. He still bears resentment toward Falena and he refuses to cooperate with his older brother (despite Falena, their dad, and Kifaji all asking him) to govern Sunset Savanna. The King of Beasts wasn’t nearly so narrow-minded—he accepted a peasant and orphan as his equal. Leona in this hypothetical is, of course, tunnel visioning on his shortcomings and not paying attention to what he has accomplished: many younger students who look up to him, a dorm of students (many of which are beastmen of different varieties) that unite under his rule, and his own acceptance of “lowly” beastmen like Ruggie. I would love to see how he grapples and deals with these kinds of stories and how he reflects on his own life through them.

Anyway, the new Mufasa trailer sure sucks for Scar’s character but this has so much interesting potential for TWST 😭

[findmeinthefallair]

Hunter's Experiences After Belos's Death

Oops, this got long. Aw well, it was really fun to write.

Special thanks to @ashanimus!

This is speculative at the end of the day, but since:

1. This is my fave animated show of all time

2. I grew up with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) like Hunter

3. I work as a therapist,

I thought to list down some things I can visualize happening in the duration of the finale's timeskip, before that beautiful epilogue we saw. And I want to dive in using whatever clues, leads and parallels I can find in canon: to analyze and see how he went from the Bad But Sad Boy to that peaceful-looking palisman carver in the epilogue.

A small reference I had for this meta is Cinema Therapy's episode on the Hunger Games movies (link), since the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, from the book and also movie trilogy would have the same diagnosis as Hunter. Those books and movies explored how Katniss coped with the frightening and dramatically different landscape that was the calmness of her world post-victory.

Part 1: His Possible Experiences Leading Up to Seeking a Therapist

His disposition could possibly become like Luz's from early Season 3: a state of emotionally shutting down and numbing out. He appeared to nearly head in this direction right after he was revived by Flapjack, as he began to cry. There was that small window where he could have expressed more tears than he did, and have his body shut down under the weight of bereavement.

But the immediate physical threat, Belos, was still on the run. He got up, sprang into action and didn't catch a break from the time he followed Belos through the portal until he stood in The Collector's palace after Belos died (had he even received the news of his 'Uncle' dying yet??!).

Now that Belos isn't around anymore, the Isles will have a completely different feel and rebuilding the land would've taken grueling work after the dismantling of a damaging Coven System.

I was looking at Luz's behavior and gestures in Thanks to Them, which were indicative of her sinking into depression after 1. the horrible revelation in Hollow Mind that she unintentionally helped Philip. 2. witnessing Flapjack's death. I'm putting screenshots of her below in parallel with Hunter's own emotions in For the Future:

They have different mental health conditions if you talk symptoms, e.g. Luz doesn't show signs of CPTSD hypervigilance, while Hunter doesn't have that slowing down in his physical and mental activity which points to depression. But both have suffered from moral injury thanks to Belos's violence and manipulation.

However, a major comparison is that Hunter has had much more repressed emotion over a long period compared to Luz. The column with Hunter screencaps above, is what he may feel with a much higher intensity in the weeks and months after he first hears that his abuser has passed on.

Shown below, the few seconds of Hunter's big smile drooping when it was all over, was a big hint for me:

A hint that there is a deep undercurrent of emotions he'd much rather not feel, that he'd probably rather hide from himself. Even while smiling, we know how his heart-wrenching story has played out and the light in his eyes here doesn't match the brightness we see in his expressions in the epilogue, post-timeskip.

That is the face of a kid who has not cried out massive amounts of tears yet. He doesn't look like he's carrying a light load yet, compared to what we see in his future self. And it's certainly a heavier smile than the jollier one he makes here right after King's Tide when Flapjack was still around:

I can't imagine the amount of grief that his body has yet to dredge up and release, once he finally doesn't have to worry about his 'uncle' threatening his life anymore. Too many times to count, I've been in the situation where I cry intensely after being retraumatized and think "Huh? More tears? Where did it come from?? I thought I had cried it all out from my whole being the last time!". It kind of convinced me that anyone with CPTSD has so much grief stored up in their body that the number of times needed to have a good cry feels like a really endless expanse.

However: because I had 7 years of being in and out of therapy, what matters is that the durations between these episodes of mine, the durations of the episodes themselves, plus their intensity have reduced a lot. It was around a 4-year timeskip in the finale, so for Hunter to get as far as he did to heal, his own therapy sessions would've probably been rigorous and very consistent.

Anyway, he might now cycle through his own version of what Luz cycled through when she gradually shuts down from failing to build a new portal door in Thanks to Them, continually believes she's as bad as Belos, and when she alludes to her suicidal ideation in the classroom:

whereby there is a likely parallel between Luz wrestling with guilt from her own moral injury, and Hunter's own guilt from what he wished he could've done to prevent being possessed, to prevent Flapjack from dying. Both their situations are that of moral injuries.

The adrenaline rush would be over for everyone on the Isles.

I'm quite sure the therapists on the Isles will operate pretty soon after the news about Belos's death was out. They would conduct whatever version of mental health triage they have, that involves risk assessments and crisis counselling. Both of these based on what I've learnt are shorter in duration (30 minutes) and are one-off sessions, compared to regular talk therapy which is an hour minimum.

The therapists would be redirecting people to necessary resources e.g. where to find food or loved ones, and managing distress only related to people's immediate needs instead of forming a longer term plan for several weekly sessions.

I believe things are simpler when you are running away from an external threat, like the two Hunter scenarios below. In Hollow Mind there is no emotion on his face because in peak C-PTSD mode he has shut down his emotions to pour that energy into escaping Belos. In Thanks to Them, he appears quite obviously scared with widened eyes because he got comfortable with safety for months and Belos's return was a surprise attack (thanks ashanimus for pointing out to me how his expressions are animated!):

But what is there to run from now? Not an external threat for sure. The war zone is now the one in his mind, heart and soul and it would become front and center. I believe both these screenshots are two notches on a dial, and the missing third image - which would show him finding it difficult to stuff down the grief any longer, might look like a more exasperated version of when he told Willow "Please don't call yourself [a Half-a-Witch] ever again" in For the Future, and eventually a more depressed version of his vanishing smile in The Collector's Palace.

When can he really run from himself? Only while asleep, if he's spared nightmares on any given night, or while distracting himself with the main mission of rebuilding the Isles or continuing to bond with his friends and other people.

His anger in For the Future was a telling sign for me that he made sure his focus was still on an external threat: he still had the opportunity to do so back then, because Belos was still alive. But when we see him in The Collector's palace sending Willow off to her dads, there has realistically been a shift in what will threaten the more fragile shreds of inner peace he's still clinging on to. There are those scary trauma-related emotions to worry about, which wouldn't have just evaporated into thin air. They would be looking for a new outlet, and they'll find their way into flashbacks, nightmares, tension still stored in the body, an exaggerated startle response, etc.

We have seen a range of reactions he has to danger, triggers and emotional pain: some involve moving his body more, and fewer involve a short of shutting down:

Flinching during Belos's tantrums, being able to fight Kikimora calmly, freezing up in the throne room (Hunting Palismen)

Suicidal ideation and even a sort of suicide plan (Eclipse Lake)

Freezing up and expecting punishment from Darius (Any Sport in a Storm)

Being able to stay almost entirely calm as he learnt more and more of the truth about Belos, though his hand was shaking briefly, then a panic attack later on (Hollow Mind)

Lots of avoidance symptoms like numbing, combined with hypervigilance e.g. shivering and another panic attack (Labyrinth Runners)

Feeling fear with underlying shame and subconsciously expecting punishment, when he failed to save Luz (Clouds on the Horizon)

Freezing and recoiling, though he fought against this by asserting a boundary with Belos (King's Tide)

Panic attack when looking into the mirror and having an emotional flashback, hypervigilance e.g. stamping his foot and shivering (Thanks to Them)

Anger and rage to cope with bereavement, later being tearful (For the Future)

Most likely a sense of bereavement, deep exhaustion and possibly loneliness, during that briefly shown moment in The Collector's Palace (Watching and Dreaming)

The serious work he has to put in to heal from his trauma would begin once his whole body gives in to the exhaustion, catching up with the bereavement-related emotions that have also begun to settle in. It could be a massive emotional and physical collapse that he can't fight off, where his physical energy levels become tanked seemingly out of nowhere. And I think it would look like a worse version of him lying in his makeshift grave, where he is barely able to move around the house or anywhere for some time.

This happened to Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, and while the portrayal was done differently in the books and movies, both were good explorations of what it's like to shift from the default high alert (and long-term) mode of CPTSD to coping with the scary unknown world of newfound safety. Katniss spent her childhood in poverty and being constantly on edge that she might be chosen for the Hunger Games, being parentified, to provide for her family.

While participating in the games, she had to utilize battle skills and kill others to survive and sustained many injuries, still constantly on high alert whereby any respite would last for incredibly short durations. Towards the end of the story, after she loses the one she loved most (her sister Prim, who I think can be a parallel of Flapjack in this meta), Katniss shifts from peak physical activity into mostly sleeping and being actively suicidal for months, hardly moving and not leaving the house, until the shock of traumatic grief began to wear off. She absolutely crashed and went from one extreme to the other. In the movie Mockingjay Part 2, they added a non-book scene where her grief comes out in an outburst when she sees their pet cat hanging around on the kitchen counter. She flings an object in the cat's direction, then screams "[Prim] is gone!!" repeatedly before collapsing into heavy sobs, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest to soothe herself.

This kind of major collapse might happen very soon to Hunter after he leaves The Collector's Palace or only after some weeks. The timing of this, I can't predict. The reason why he didn't appear to have this issue in the early months being in the human realm is because there was still something external to concentrate on: help his friends get back to the Human Realm, help Luz reunite with Eda and King, while him and Flapjack hoped to go home too.

You could argue that even now, he still has something external to focus on i.e. helping the others rebuild the Isles. However I keep imagining that the people who love him are going to be quite adamant in getting him, Luz and the other kids to please rest. Since we saw Steve recommend his therapist to Lilith in O Titan Where Art Thou, I can picture the adults in particular monitoring how Hunter is doing without Flapjack.

But if this collapse I'm speculating about doesn't happen so soon, he would be pouring himself into helping others, referencing his character-centric line all the way back in Hunting Palismen about wanting to offer help, which he utters twice in that episode. There is an overlap between this expectation he has of himself and the old habit he's at risk of falling back into periodically: overworking.

Once his desire to help others is clearly comes across as an avoidance tactic on the outside - a maladaptive coping mechanism to run from the very difficult emotions that he should be processing - people around him are definitely going to set boundaries and say "No" to any attempts he makes to assist them. Someone is probably going to tell him that whatever desperation he is showing in wanting to help other people, needs to be redirected at himself. Making time and space for himself, taking time off to rest.

Him suffering from a major emotional and physical collapse is pretty likely because things are more complicated (though, physically much much safer) for him now than at the beginning of Thanks to Them when he had just fled from Belos to the human realm, and had Flapjack as his closest company. Fast forward to the victory won in Watching and Dreaming: both Flapjack and Belos are gone now.

It's telling that different thoughts are occupying Hunter's mind now, from how his expressions are drawn during his first days in the human realm vs. when peace is restored in the Isles.

1. See the sense of calmer urgency in his expression, putting the mission of building the portal door first, while experiencing a strong sense of togetherness with his friends, and learning to trust Camila who is treating him well:

compared to

2. the sheer exhaustion and feeling of "What now...?" (see his upper eyelids below?) that set in, once he helped Willow find her parents and there was no more task at hand that didn't involve himself. His bright smile from a split-second ago has drooped and disappeared:

I know that right after the above frame, Darius and Eberwolf reunited with him, but his emotions are going to cycle up and down in the hours, weeks and months ahead. The elation from seeing Darius and Eber - people who were there to greet him when he expected nobody to turn up - is not going to last, though it will certainly come and go, because high-running positive emotions like that don't last as long, especially in the context of the life he's had as a child soldier. It's totally possible that on the same night, hours after this reunion with their loved ones, their emotions will shift drastically.

The tired look in his eyes above and the sad face he then makes, is in between two moments of him having something external to focus on (Willow and then Darius). I'm inclined to think that the above depressed look reflects a lot of the complexity that is going on underneath the surface. What is his state of mind when alone with his thoughts, when he has zero tasks to perform? How is he handling those thoughts?

There will be a deep, sometimes mind-numbing sense of bereavement over two significant figures in his life. First Flapjack, now this:

He used to love Belos. But I'm really not sure he can just uproot that love from deep within and discard it. Hunter carries memories like the following ones around which will be confusing to navigate on tougher days, despite being able to tell Luz "That's what Belos does, he tricks people". Because these were his formative years:

and something tells me that Philip was cunning enough to strike a delicate balance between being 'nice' to Hunter like above, versus unleashing his violent temper to terrify and harm him. Making sure that balance was so close to 50/50 that it would leave a child very confused. So confused he would rather believe he's never good enough rather than the more frightening prospect that his so-called family does not actually love him at all.

Hunter will have a moment now and then of still missing the 'niceness' that his 'uncle' showed towards him (felt in his heart and subconscious), while still knowing (in his head, rationally) that Philip was not genuine when treating him that way.

To note though, he did not witness Belos's death which reduces the severity of intrusive images that the poor kid would see in his mind.

What I'm worried about is how he'll handle the news about the grimwalker graveyard, since I'm sure that location is going to be scoured and Darius would want to give his mentor a proper sending off. They'd want to give all the Golden Guards and Caleb a sending off and pay their respects. This might add to what I suspect will be the messed up depression he'll fall into.

It will be very confusing and emotionally disorienting, literally not needing to worry about anyone killing him anymore. He has had no point of reference for this in his life at all. It might possibly the furthest he ever goes from that primal survival instinct he had while living in the Castle for so long, which took up the majority of his life so far:

There will also be the added layer of how he feels about those first emotions. This is literally a concept called Feelings About Feelings and it's a key part of my work since I use the Satir Model in my style of counselling. We don't just feel emotions, we also tack on our own judgments and evaluations about them. E.g. shame about feeling anger, guilt about feeling sad because of burdening others, or even a combination like fear about feeling joy which can show up in healing from bereavement.

Depending on how we feel about whichever emotions got there first, it makes a difference because we could be adding or subtracting unnecessary suffering from the first emotion, especially if the first emotion is an already unpleasant one.

I have a feeling that we'd see Hunter look very very tired, till he makes breakthroughs in therapy. A tiredness that sleep, a healthy diet and exercise alone simply cannot fix. Because there's an entire upbringing in the Emperor's Coven to sort through in his head, this time not combined with the avoidance of having fled to the human realm and living under one roof with his friends.

The Hexsquad are not living under the same roof anymore, they are reunited with their own families with much to emotionally talk out, and the group no longer has a very urgent single collective mission. Sure, Hunter has an active role to play in rebuilding the Isles, but what about rebuilding his very self? He has the steepest climb, because we have seen the symptoms he exhibits.

Most of all, referencing a section of my Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1) meta (link), a memory as horrible as this:

will likely be the most intrusive image is going to be replaying again and again over the months to come, and it may flood his thoughts during moments of being triggered or even out of nowhere during quiet moments for no apparent reason. It will be just like a broken record, where the same small excerpt of a song loops endlessly until the needle of the gramophone is repositioned.

It was remarkably poignant that his final words to Belos were "And most of all, I'm going to make sure you never hurt anyone again", and I'm happy with the story keeping it this way and understand why the writers likely made this decision - not just because the season was shortened. Hunter did not need to directly see or hear more from Belos in close quarters, not after his abuser minimized his needs for years, gaslit him, possessed him and got him to murder his best friend with his own hands.

It's more straightforward to make sure someone else isn't hurting anyone. It's easier to think of what plans to implement, when it comes to him protecting others: which he has had plenty of practice with. Because those are practical methods that we can see in action on the outside.

But here's the kicker: what about applying that last grand statement from his TTT speech to himself, emotionally: making sure he isn't psychologically hurting himself with harmful unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, after Belos's death? "I'll make sure I don't hurt myself (and by extension, my loved ones) again".

This will be very new to him, and it is a theme that I handle in pretty much every client case in my therapy work. The client's self-dialogue, the self-compassion or lack thereof. Which, in real life, is often not a concept that our own families and schools introduce to us to be familiar with.

For Hunter, this may translate into him making the decision to get help and truly accepting the gift of life that Flapjack gave him.

Basically this on a much bigger scale:

whereby in Flapjack's absence, he can truly believe in this new and positive fundamental belief about himself. The evidence that he managed to make it to that heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful place is pretty strong:

But before his happy ending, the pressure on himself to be useful to others via helping and working is likely going to come back and be used as his way of coping, and there's a chance it will cross the line into becoming a form of self-harm that he's relying on to avoid the frightening, deeper emotional pain. People around him know him well enough that they'll be able to spot his behavioral changes and then sense he is not going in a helpful direction. They'll see that it's hurting him even though it's the most familiar territory for his mind to be in, and someone is going to tell him to change that.

He's going to be seeing his friends with their palismen. How will it be like being among them, even if they are pretty good at supporting him? How would he attempt to make sense of the void that is the absence of the incredible love he experienced from that first friend, the absence of that mental link between witch and palisman?

What emotions could be lurking beneath the surface? Believe it or not, there are some signs from Luz's nightmare even though yes, Hunter was being controlled by The Collector. I wouldn't quickly dismiss this dark Flapjack-related scene as 100% being about The Collector's goal to scare Luz in the nightmare.

I think there was a smaller subplot going on as well.

The Collector needed material to work with in the first place, to perform the puppet acts: the material was whatever fears and whatever pain was already there in their targets.

The Collector didn't create Hunter's emotions from scratch for the puppet act; instead he manipulated and redirected what existed at the base level. All this wouldn't work as analogies of mental illness vs. mental health if The Collector could just engineer emotions on their own and simply replace whatever his puppet targets were already feeling. Emotions never vanish and always take up space somewhere, they are redirected, transformed or channeled into outlets even if it means they become repressed or locked away. But they never stop existing.

I have a feeling that despite the nightmare being Luz's, despite Hunter being used as an instrument for The Collector to achieve their goals...the pre-existing emotions that Hunter himself felt in his body, not puppet!Hunter's verbal responses towards Luz, were true. He is a haunted boi.

This face he makes above might be a hint at the worst of his pain. It might be the furthest he has felt from when he said "I like who I am right now" to Flapjack. In the place of that confidence from before, there might now be his own version of Luz's "I'm as bad as Belos". I cannot be entirely certain, but the negative belief that may have taken root in him could be "I am not deserving of the life Flapjack gave me".

Interestingly, if this is the case, it could easily parallel his line from all the way back in Any Sport in A Storm: "I'm unfit to wear the sigil of the Golden Guard." It's definitely a possibility, since Hunter is now faced with having a lot of time and space now, and less urgency than he's ever had in his life, to think back on all those times he helped to further Belos's cause. Especially when it came to sending many palismen to their deaths.

With his own palisman now dead, the engraving we would eventually see on Flapjack's grave: "Thank you for finding me", would be the destination. But the journey needed to reach that destination of amazing gratitude in the first place...must have been a harrowing one. In the early months of the acute grief, it would've been more like "Why did you have to find me?! You shouldn't have. Then none of this would've happened". Not forgetting the number of times Hunter has replayed in his head what he could've done differently, trying so desperately to rewind the clock and make that better alternate timeline a reality.

If you remove The Collector and even Luz from the equation in the Luz nightmare scene, Hunter may well be having such responses - the ones that puppet!Hunter directed at Luz to blame Luz - as a dialogue with himself. He might direct those negative emotions towards himself since he's so careful about hurting others and has taken on unfair punishment for so much of his life.

Even when he was temporarily himself, smiling, expressing a positive emotion to encourage Luz with "What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a bad dream?", that was him conversing with another person, someone external. Not his own self. I am willing to bet he wasn't at a point in his arc where he would smile at himself like that and easily encourage himself in the same way.

While we can be certain he had already reached his breakthroughs by the time we saw him post-timeskip, he has not experienced them yet in the frame above. He has not felt (yet) what Luz felt onscreen when she had breakthroughs in relation to her moral injury:

Taking a leap of faith to accept the Titan's gift, to trust that he chose her because she has a good heart and will never be Belos.

Then later, being able to stand firm, believing she truly is good ("I am the Good Witch Luz!"), and not uttering a word to Belos as he died - which was post-traumatic growth beyond how she broke down under his threats and manipulation towards the end of Hollow Mind and later in King's Tide.

Recap time. In the (quite likely) long period that passes by before we meet his new palismen, he's likely going to want to jump into action and attend meetings with Darius, Eberwolf and co, help to physically rebuild things and organize people with his own Coven Head experience. Leaning back on the ingrained and familiar lifestyle of pouring himself into work and gearing towards burnout is certainly a risk to watch out for.

The Hexsquad, CATTs and the Clawthorne sisters are going to notice his behavior and likely urge him to get appropriate rest and seek help.

However, there is the other extreme: Belos isn't around anymore to torment him, and Hunter would know this in the rational sense (head knowledge). Which leads to the possibility that he may swing towards shutting down as opposed to overworking tendencies. He would feel allowed to do whatever he wants, in this new Boiling Isles, and he had months of opportunities to do that in the early part of Thanks to Them before Belos's return.

What I'm getting at is, if he didn't sleep enough before, he might swing towards sleeping too much after finally collapsing from the familiarity of survival mode into unknown but genuinely safe territory. If he cared too much about helping others before, he might swing towards a depressive state of apathy (the closest canon reference point would be him digging his grave: he was very disarmed in that scene to even think much about helping anyone including Belos). This is why the screenshot I used of his smile drooping in The Collector's Palace, feels like a big clue to me. This would be where Darius, Camila and other adults have to seriously keep watch over him.

In the Cinema Therapy episode I had as a small reference for this post, the licensed therapist who hosts the series mentions that "It takes a lot longer to put oneself back together than it took to fall apart." In Hunter's case, the "falling apart" period here refers to that collapsing I mentioned. It would be the time between:

1. the grief hitting him in full force: when he subconsciously understands and acknowledges that Flapjack isn't coming back (which...will involve hell of a lot of wailing and sobbing. Him having a full version cry of those first few tears he shed at the end of TTT),

and

2. the time when the painful shock from feeling the full force of the grief has decreased enough that it plateaus.

This falling apart stage may need to pass before he seeks therapy. If he tries going for sessions while still going through that shock and pain, it might be too much for him.

As terrible and sad as it sounds, a deep dark spiral like this might be necessary. It would be his body and mind wanting to compensate for several years' worth of unnatural hypervigilance which wasn't serving him in a advantageous way (i.e. surviving) any longer. His body and mind begging for rest at last, to try and make sense of everything that happened. This big collapse into depression would empty out the old and free up much room in him for new stories, beliefs and perspectives to take root. Depression is, after all, the body's attempt to (maladaptively) try and protect us by numbing us, or else we would be overwhelmed.

As someone whom we know keeps himself very busy, this could be the period where he is the furthest he has ever been from that old simpler life. Because his CPTSD-ridden body would be demanding more than ever that he compensates for a childhood and teen years' lack of general rest, he may not even have the strength to cope the way he did before. The only way he might possibly cope in this period is to go with the flow of that raging current and do exactly what his body is asking of him: getting real rest.

Like what happened with Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, this early grieving stage would emotionally be difficult and terrifying, like walking along a tightrope, finding balance between left and right to angle yourself as straightly as possible and walk forward. (the tightrope metaphor is what I use with some of my clients to explain swinging between extremes of coping mechanisms).

The missing pieces of the puzzle in his arc, in the 4-year duration before the timeskip, might be his own version of these points in Luz's arc:

where she sank lower before she realized her deepest wish and emotionally experienced her worst fear in her Watching and Dreaming nightmare.

For Hunter, these could look like the following:

Like Luz saying it'd be better for everyone that she permanently stays in the human realm, Hunter might say he wants to remove himself from his loved ones in some way, for good. Whether a literal suicide attempt (like Katniss from The Hunger Games) or not, I can't say for sure.

A parental figure trying to reach out to him, saying he is deserving of Flapjack's gift. But he still struggles to believe that. What matters though is this parental figure is present and he's not pushing them away.

Him hearing some confirmation of his deepest negative belief about himself, in his own nightmares. Like Luz hearing the most terrifying things she could ever hear - Amity's "You've been the real villain this whole time" and "But for the sake of everyone you hurt, I challenge you to a witch's [duel]".

Him being able to reach an emotional space where he can begin to question that unhelpful belief: "Am I really deserving of Flapjack's gift?", or something similar.

The big moment when he finally tells someone how he really feels about the possession, Belos's death, Flapjack's absence in this new supposed peace and quiet....this would be the important invitation for the other person to connect and meet his emotional needs, and is a lot like how support groups for addiction work: a client needs to acknowledge that they are struggling with a problem, not avoiding it with distractions any longer, and then seek help and express their need for said help.

I suppose the question is how soon Hunter might decide to accept professional help and give it a go: or whether he'd have the genuine need for space first and say "I need some time". Because one's rational mind can be ready to go for therapy, but their subconscious and body would find it too unpleasant if it's too soon. Every part of him would have to be ready to begin putting himself back together after the falling apart stage occurs.

The messed up experience of CPTSD is that you stay shockingly calm during real danger, but on the flip side have big, disproportionate freakouts during actually safe times. Compare how calm Hunter was when he smiled at Luz in her nightmare while he was tied up with puppet strings vs. his fear and shame when he couldn't save Luz in Clouds on the Horizon. 

In a CPTSD memoir I read, the author describes that it was horribly frightening to hear her partner be in a bad mood and wash the dishes more loudly than usual, while during the pandemic, she felt completely calm seeing empty shelves in a supermarket when she struggled to get supplies.

From my own experience, I have experienced being pretty damn calm when bleeding out and needing hospitalization. But in a different year before that, I recall one afternoon alone in my house right before a vacation where a strong gust of wind very loudly slammed an open door shut next to where I happened to be standing, and I broke down sobbing from a retraumatization via an emotional flashback. Because it felt extremely real as if my abusive parent was lashing out to physically hurt me. 

After a 5-year period of mostly being in talk therapy, and then a 2-year period of regularly scheduled EMDR therapy, my response if I have a door loudly slam shut near me now would maybe be a smaller-scale flinch and a flash of anger that would last about maybe a minute. Which is miles better than sobbing for half an hour and being dissociated and frozen in a memory for hours before I thaw out of that flashback.

Since the show's writing is just that good, I could look at Luz's depressive symptoms manifesting in Thanks to Them and see a likely parallel in Hunter's story moving forward, since we know how much this show also digs neat and tidy parallels. These are characters written for TV after all, so they'd have to fit a formula to an extent, to have compelling arcs and reach high and low points along said arcs.

Part 2: Therapy Itself

Part 1 was the setup to give a good amount of context: now for the technicalities of the therapy sessions themselves:

Like Adrian Graye said in Labyrinth Runners, Illusion Magic can sort through memories. We have seen from Gus's own powerful Illusion abilities that he could do so with Belos. It makes sense that a therapist does this in sessions to have a magnified version of how in our world, therapists exercise empathy by imagining what it is like to be their clients:

I would monitor whether his mood (what he is feeling within) and affect (how the emotions appear on the outside e.g. tone of voice, face expressions) are congruent. Congruence usually means a client is in less distress. Incongruence might mean they are in so much pain that they can't connect directly with the main emotion: the perfect example of this being Hunter laughing when digging his grave.

We therapists take note of aspects such as affect, mood, the client's motor activity, any indicators of psychosis, even down to things like how untidy their hair looks in case we get clues about the severity of their issues (this is called a Mental Status Exam, and we write what we see in our case notes per session).

Because CPTSD is so relationship-centric, I'd discuss how he's getting along with new parental figures (the Belos replacements who will heal him so much and change his life forever!) and friends.

If the Boiling Isles therapists use their own equivalent of EMDR therapy, which is theorized to be like a waking version of how REM sleep and REM-related dreams help our brains to sort through memories, it sounds like a great fit for his case. This intervention involves subconscious work and could help him reshape how he experiences memories of Flapjack and Belos. EMDR clients are expected to see vivid images popping up without control in their mind during the sessions, and they are quite symbolic e.g. seeing a grey sky often indicates grief, seeing lighter colors indicates more calm. This technique helps a client's subconscious rewrite their story the way they'd like it to be, and install new positive beliefs and emotions over time.

My own example of EMDR experiences from the second half of 2019 as a client, is it majorly changed how I related to my own abuser, got me to finally feel allowed to emotionally break away from her, even though she is still alive and even lives in the same building.

In the early sessions, I saw an image of my 5-year-old self being forced to wear an ugly grey apron that my abuser used for baking. The apron is a real object, not fictional, and the emotions I felt showing up were matching with the image: feeling very uncomfortable seeing a visual representation of my abuser's hold over me.

But in a later session after a few months, guided by my therapist, I saw a vivid image of my abuser receiving a sea burial. She was lying peacefully on the water surface and sank down until she was gone. That was me subconsciously burying any expectation that she could ever provide what I needed. This was so powerful that I could go home after that session and permanently (so far) be significantly calmer around my abuser.

Therefore if Hunter goes through something like this, he'd potentially be able to put Belos to rest and have it feel very real and true: and have significantly reduced distress about Belos-related memories. There is the potential for powerful breakthroughs for him here, especially also related to Flapjack's death and how challenging it might be to carve palismen in the beginning. Especially since in the worst case scenario, even touching palistrom wood might be enough to badly trigger him. I cover this particular point a bit more in my other meta, Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1).

We would also be discussing what he's implementing into his routine and what may benefit him. I would be seeing if he is able to laugh about things, be motivated enough to be outdoors and among people, experience pleasure when creating new things, and form closer bonds with parental figures (what I just listed is to do with neurotransmitters in the brain that increase mental health: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin).

If I were his therapist I might suggest that whatever volunteering tasks he does, he carries those out with his friends, and time should be allocated to managing and taking care of a specific demographic: children. Because I think it'd be a safe, low stakes form of unfamiliarity for him to have enough emotional distance from his traumatic memories. Early months of acute grief usually require such emotional distance.

Having a good dose of an environment like that alongside the other tasks where he's working alongside Darius etc, could help him because kids' emotions are less complex, and their infectious laughter and fun-loving nature may play a role in helping him be more open with his own inner child. His therapist would be seeking to draw out that inner child in their sessions, and that little child would need to feel safe enough to emerge.

Importantly, his future palisman: it would've been interesting if he did what Luz did with Stringbean and allowed the palisman to be whoever they wanted to be...that would've been a nicely organic process. But even if he had a good idea to incorporate a Flapjack-like design but change details like the color, I'm sure he thought it through very well. I'm certain that this was a major topic of discussion at some stage of his therapy. Discussing the guilt he'd feel about replacing Flapjack vs. still taking Flapjack with him in a new way.

Coming from a strengths-based angle: paying attention to which of his individual strengths he is shows and recounts in the session. If he needs reminding, I could give him a simple worksheet listing various positive qualities and ask him to circle/colour in which ones he feels he has, which then prompts further discussion and questions. Lastly, a powerful tool called reframing e.g. if he says he's worried about being a nuisance to his friends, I'll point out how much he cares about their comfort and affirm that place of kindness.

Work on inviting self-compassion into how he sees himself. Is he able to view himself the way he views his friends? If he remembers the encouragement he gave to Luz about "turning on the light", I would ask him what that would look like in his own life, symbolically.

Hunter's own life has been a really really bad dream for a very long time. He himself has to reach for that light switch and choose to heal by embracing Flapjack's ultimate gift to him.

And we can rest assured that Hunter did that.

Because this post-traumatic growth right here?

This looks like multiple breakthroughs have taken place while he's been receiving consistent care from an excellent community. And there's no way it was an easily won victory. It has been very much hard-won, after how dark the story became in Hollow Mind and Thanks to Them, and it looks like whatever breakthroughs he had left him pleasantly surprised.

It doesn't seem like his heart and soul can contain this much joy and hope, without a very painful dismantling to have taken place first, to make room for the most unexpected treasures to fill his life back up.

The joy becomes even greater if you never would've expected it in your wildest dreams.

[phantobats]

Hi! Hi! Hi! I was wondering if I could get some comic recs? I'm particularly into Batman but more of him actually working alone- as much as llove the batfam, my mind can't keep up when there's too many characters, you know? I can just barely finish any Justice League comic.

A lot of comics are poorly characterized. I still shiver at the thought of All Star Batman and Robin. Seeing how your views match a lot with mine, l'd appreciate some recs!

Hi, sweetheart! Of course I can.

I get that sometimes comics with a huge cast of characters can be very overwhelming, so no worries, I've got you.

Here are my own personal favorite comics focused on Bruce/Batman:

Batman: Ego (2000)

Batman: Ego dives deep into Bruce Wayne's psyche, exploring his inner conflict between being Batman and his more compassionate, human side. This introspective one-shot is about Bruce trying to reconcile his mission with the toll it takes on his mental health. It's not overly dark, focusing instead on the emotional and psychological weight of being Batman.

A series that fully focuses on Batman is the Batman: The Legends of the Dark Knight comic series. I totally recommend reading through it, but here are my favorite storylines within the series:

Prey ( Issues #11-15 )

Prey is an underrated psychological thriller featuring Hugo Strange as the villain. The story emphasizes Batman's tactics, his psychology, and his early struggles in Gotham. It's well-paced, focusing entirely on Batman and his developing relationship with the GCPD.

Gothic ( Issues #6-10 )

Batman: Gothic is filled with symbolism and metaphysical elements that explore Bruce Wayne’s traumatic past and his drive as Batman. It’s very much a story about Batman’s mind, his motivations, and the weight of his mission, with a heavy focus on the noir aspect of the character.

Batman: Ghosts (1995)

Batman: Ghosts is a retelling of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol with Batman as Scrooge. It features Bruce Wayne being visited by three spirits who force him to reflect on his life choices and mission as Batman. This is a more introspective story that emphasizes Bruce's inner struggle, not unlike Batman: Ego. It explores his guilt and the cost of his crusade against crime, though with a more optimistic tone.

Batman: Blind Justice (1989)

Written by the screenwriter of Tim Burton’s Batman, Blind Justice is a detective story with strong psychological elements. It focuses on Bruce Wayne more than his alter ego and explores his sense of guilt, responsibility, and the price of being Batman

However, if you do feel like reading more light-hearted series/comics, here are two I've recently finished and had so much fun reading:

Batman: Gotham Adventures (1998-2003)

Batman: Gotham Adventures is a comic series that spun out of Batman: The Animated Series and continued the tone, character designs, and storytelling style of the show. It is a more all-ages-friendly series, with self-contained issues that often focus on Batman solving crimes, battling his iconic rogues' gallery, and protecting Gotham City. The series mixes action with the detective work that defined the animated series, showcasing Batman as a sharp investigator and a moral force in a crime-ridden city.

Joker: One Operation Joker ( 2021– )

Joker: One Operation Joker is a humorous and highly unconventional take on the Batman-Joker dynamic. The premise is wildly different from typical Batman stories: after an accident during one of their confrontations, Batman is transformed into a baby. The Joker, of all people, takes on the role of caregiver, with his new goal being to raise baby Bruce Wayne back into adulthood—while maintaining his usual chaotic nature.

Don't hesitate to DM/ask for more! And if you'd like to ramble together over some of them, since you did mention having similar views, definitely don't shy back from sending me a text!

[meelkiewee]

Hello!

As a first post i wanted to share my favourite bubbies and since tumblr seems more text oriented than the other socials I have, I'd like to explain what was going on in my head while doing their character redesigns~ [BOOKS SPOILERS MENTIONED]

INTRODUCTION

These character designs were made back in winter 2022 for a sort of animation thesis. Many things didn't go according to plan in that school year so for lack of time and motivation I've never really finished the animatic but I will include a wip at the end of this post. The animatic was about my interpretation of their story, finding a person to call home while in a crude and terrible world.

XIE LIAN

Xie Lian is the first of the two I made, his character design was very clear in my mind since the start. It's not largely distant from your official usual XL but I thought it already fitted very well.

The three main colors for XL are white, black and golden yellow. The prevalence of black and white colors was inspired by two main factors:

I personally see XL as a heavily dichotomy based character, not only in the association to the White Clothed Calamity but also in the way he's described as pretty as a flower but skillful with the sword, following a chaste path but mingling with a ghost king, all kind smiles to others but struggling with his own hope, etcetera, etcetera. He is in a constant struggle to find a third option that is better than simply bad or good, mostly in his early God's days, and also later on with ‘not knowing whether to laugh or cry’. So in here, black and white represent the reality of human nature, where you have bad and good qualities alike, a concept I think XL struggled with a lot since he was brought up as the perfect and pure prince that can do no wrong.

According to my research of the meaning behind colors in the chinese culture I discovered black and white can symbolize many things, some of which I found quite fitting for where I wanted to go with my character design. Black can stand for sadness and bad luck. White represents brightness, purity and innocence. In some instances, however, white is also associated with death and is a color commonly worn at funerals. Moreover in my own culture black and white, along with deep blue, are very elegant colors to wear. Simple and elegant is what my XL wants to look like.

Another important part of my XL character design is his bamboo hat.

Following some good old christian imagery I used his hat as an halo. Most of the time I even ignored perspective to make sure his head is always framed in this golden saintly circle In my animatic storyline specifically it represents XL perfection. Soon the hat is lost in the mud and brought back later on by HC with a new meaning of finding yourself in a safe environment with safe people. 

For most of the other design choices I took decisions based on pure aesthetics such as giving him a very elegant mole under the eye, very long and lucious hair and a very very long hanfu with some very very long sleeves. Yes, I wanted him to be very very everything because I very very love him!

Here are some other very very outfits i drew him in for fun and didn’t need for the animatic:

_____________________________________

HUA CHENG

As a premise to my HC character design I want to say I am very amused at people’s different reactions to it. They are usually neatly split in two: either they hate it with a passion or just fall head over heels in love with it, no in between. I personally am in the ‘love it’ side (duh of course I am, I designed it lol) but I also understand if your first thought is “WHO TF IS THAT?”, so let me explain my thought process here.

Firstly, hot take: official HC character is made to be your perfect cool-hot-mysterious-boyfriend™ that has it more together than you do and we don’t like that in this household, at least not always. Yes he is XL’s most devoted believer, yes he is a very powerful supreme, yes he’s always there for his Gege but in the end he’s also a very traumatized person that has had a crush for a guy for 800+ years.

What I’m saying is I wanted him to be a little more relatable and goofy than what books show us so I integrated some of his personality hidden away in E’Ming. From here I got the puffy messy hair, the big round eye and the doubtful expression.

Next up let’s talk about the palette. He also has, like XL, three main colors:

Blue. Mostly of the time he spends around XL he does it in his true form, wich is the form of a dead person (even dead more than once;;). This is pretty self explanatory, when someone dies the hue of their skin goes to blue and also ghosts in general are frequently represented pale blue or white in color. As a little side note to this, I really enjoyed the blue demons HuaLian episode in donghua S2, it made me feel less alone in my smurf choice lol.

Red. This is canonically HC’s color and rightfully so! Red is widely recognized as China's color of good fortune, and in my culture, it is frequently used as a symbol of passion and the color of blood. There is really nothing better than red for Mr. Crimson Rain!

Lilac. Although I'm not sure about my research on this color in Chinese culture, I've read that it modernly represents love or romance. However, growing up in my hometown, purple (and all its shades) was always associated with ugliness and was thought to be a bad omen if worn. Whoever had the nerve to wear it was regarded as a distasteful and ominous weirdo. I think it fitted perfectly with how every other Heaven Official other than XL sees HC; someone who makes blood rain for fun and a potential and actual threat to the Heavenly Court.

As for XL, other choices I made serve a mostly aesthetic purpose. HC’s boxy build, pointy ears and the opened robe to see tiddies(🤩) are some of the notable ones.

HC would not be complete without E’Ming, obviously. After comparing some different blades and trying to integrate a butterfly in the design, I opted for keeping it simple and I ended up with this wobbly shaped hilt made to resemble HC’s bang. The fact that now E’Ming looks like it has a big nose is just an added charm honestly.

CONCLUSION

Thanks for reading until this point I hope you enjoyed my yap and make sure to have a nice day/night! <33

I'll leave the link to my animatic wip here, please note once again that it is not finished in the slightes and there are also some funky expressions that don't really fit the mood lol enjoyyy!

-Sole

[arc-misadventures]

So for vtuber AU, several of the girls and/or boys from the academy have already made their debut in your entries. So I thought what if "Errantry" reacted to the recent re-debut of one of the members of the cabal, which is a short anime

the jepella rebelion

The VTuber: Maiden of the Cabal

Errant: Well, well, well. Look who’s back.

Errant smiled at the camera as he finished the video. He hadn’t expected an old acquaintance from his past to reemerge, it was certainly unexpected, but a welcome surprise nonetheless.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

GoodDoggo: Who is she?

FallenDesire: You know her?

Lucious: She’s pretty.

QueensGuard: Sounds like you know her.

~~~~~~

Errant: That everyone is, FallenEmbers. No wait, Fall4Me, she goes by that now, that’s right. I knew her back when I used to play, The World of Remnant: Hunter’s and Monsters. It was this massive mmorpg that I played back in the day, it’s where I got the name, and design for my, VTuber avatar, The ErrantryPaladin. Fall4Me was, FallenEmbers back then. Hence my confusion.

Errant: It’s nice to see her coming back to the VTubing scene. I heard she was on before, but something happened. Oh, well I’m just happy she’s back, and hope she does well.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

GrimmKitty: So you do know her.

HellJumper1337: Were you friends?

~~~~~~

Errant’s body fell back in his chair as a deep breath of air escaped trough his nose. He looked heavenlyward as he wistfully remembered the old days.

Errant: I did know her, we were friends… of sorts. I met her back when the, World of Remnant: Hunters, and Monsters mmorpg was at its peak. I was still my lonely, Huntsman self while she was a, Huntress in the service of the, Cabal, the in game version. I never knew this when we first met, we just stumbled across one another, and did some missions together. Just because I played alone doesn’t mean I didn’t occasionally team up with other players. Little did I know she was trying to recruit me into the, Cabal.

Errant: Now, you have to understand something about how the, Acadimies, and the Cabal’s organizational structures work before I continue. You see to join a, Academy you as a player had to reach a minimum level of level ten to join an academy. This was to ensure that all new members were relatively skilled, no greenhorns, and the like. Basically, they wanted the new players to know the basic understanding of the game.

Errant: So once you joined a, Academy your characters bio gets the tag of: ‘Student of academy ‘X.’ And, once you reached level fifty you graduate from the academy, and become: ‘Hunter of ‘X’ academy.’ This was basic stuff to tell where people were from. You get different stats bonuses, and equipment based upon which academy you graduated from, not to mention players with certain individual characteristics tended to gravitate towards certain guilds. Giving each their own unique flavour to them all. The Cabal however, didn’t operate like that.

Errant: The Cabal recruited its members. Whether they be from, Atlas, or Shade Academy, it didn’t matter, their members would find you, scout you, and if you passed their tests they would offer up an invitation for you to join. While a graduated Hunter from, Mistral Academy would be said in their character profile, It wouldn’t say you were a member of the, Cabal. So its members could be anyone. This added a rather unique feature to the games overall gameplay. But, as I said; to join the, Cabal you had to display certain characteristics that the, Cabal would find desirable, and then they would invite you to join them. That’s how they did it to me, when FallenEmbers tried to recruit me.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

QuitenDown: Sounds like the beginning of a love story.

HellJunper1337: Yeah, a tragic one.

~~~~~~

Errant: So, whilst on a mission to find some rare metals to upgrade my gear I stumbled upon, Ember. Ahh, I liked to call her that, because it was quicker to say, and I’m lazy.

Errant: So, it turned out she was also looking for the same minerals that I was. And, since the area we were in is an a royal bitch to fight in we decided to team up, and we made a deal: She gets the first ore we find, then I get the next. Simple as that. We made off with a lot of ore that day… Anyway, after that we parted ways, but stayed in contact, we would occasionally join up on missions together, and generally had a blast. And, then she told me the truth, she was a member of the, Cabal, and wanted me to join.

Errant: Honestly I always had my suspicions about her. She always felt distant, and overly cautious around people. Anyway, I… I don’t remember what I said, but I remember arriving at the, Cabal’s headquarters in the, Grimm Lands, where she gave me a tour of the place. I learned how their operatives operated… ha… That sounds weird doesn’t it? ‘Operatives operated.’ Sounds like improper english, but no, it’s correct.

Errant: Uhhh… where was I…? Oh yeah! So, I learned the ins, and outs of how their operations worked, met some of their members… And, then I betrayed them by luring a, Titan Class Grimm into their base…

And, with those few words his chat exploded into a shower of startled, confused, and dare say, aroused comments.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

UWU_Knight: You did what?!

Lucious: Titan Class?!

RighteousPotato: Why would you do that?!

LRDirection: You betrayed them?

KinSlayer: Betraying an evil organization is one thing, but YOU betraying anyone is another thing entirely!

HellJunper1337: Evil, Errant confirmed!

RunnerDowner: Why?!

LouderDesires: Cue the sexy art!

PokéGirl69: Sexy evil smile~!

LitteDragon: You betrayed someone?

~~~~~~

Errant looked at the last comments before he rolled his eyes, and continued on with his tale.

Errant: Now, before I go on about how I did it, first you must learn why I did it. So, the Cabal was mostly jokesters; nothing overly evil, evil, just general bullies who raided supply lines, and caused the occasional, Grimm attacks on an innocent village. It annoyed people, but they added spice to the game. However, that commonly held opinion changed when the, Apprentice Massacre happened…

Errant: For context, we called players who were below level ten apprentices; They’re not at a high enough level to become academy students since they’re still in training so we called them apprentices. So, the Apprentice Massacre was an infamous incident where a bunch of, Cabal members got together, and started hunting down, and killing apprentices for the hell of it. Now this may not sound that bad, but there was a game mechanic where every time you die you’d lose one level. It happens every ten levels; say you’re level twenty seven; and you die eight times, you won’t go down to level nineteen, you’ll stay at level twenty. So, need I explain what happened, when a bunch of, Cabal members started killing a whole lot of apprentices?

~~~Stream Chat~~~

RunnerDowner: No way?

SumPenny: They dropped them to level one?!

KinSlayer: That’s mean!

RighteousPotato: What did they do spawn-camp them?

LunarFlower: I heard about this!

HeadHunter: I was there when it happened, it was brutal.

~~~~~~

Errant: Yeah, over a dozen, Cabal members who ranged from level thirty to forty started basically spawn camping, and killing apprentices in the starting area. There was about… seventy apprentices there, and they were completely outclassed by even the weakest members. So it was a slaughter, they tried to put up a fight, but what could they do?

Errant: However, fortunately for the apprentices, and unfortunately for the, Cabal members, I was there.

He smiled a wicked smile as he remembered that day, and more importantly what he did that day. It was the day that legends were born, and he was the start of them all.

Errant: I was in the area walking to the next area to do some quests I picked up, when I came across the, Massacre. I made a quick message to the Academies, and several, Hunter’s I was acquitted with for back up, and after that I went on a bloody slaughter. The Cabal members didn’t know what hit them! I mean, I was a solo player in my seventies, and it didn’t matter how many of them there were, I had soloed plenty of, Grimm hordes before so this was a cake walk for me.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

QuitenDown: I bet you looked really cool when you did that

Dragondeeznutz: Bet he looked hot too

VulpineRanger: He’s always hot.

GrimmKitty: But he can be hotter!

HolyNevil: True.

GermanLeopard: Good point

~~~~~~

Errant: I looked cool, least that’s what people said I looked like, chat. Back to the story, it was much easier when other players came in, and started protecting the apprentices with me. But, to make a long story short we managed to beat them off, and save the apprentices. A whole lot of things changed in the community after that happened.

Errant: Mostly codes of conduct, recently Graduated Hunter’s now had to mentor, and protect apprentices until they become students. A right of passage if you will. And, people’s general hatred towards the, Cabal, and what they did. People went inquisition on their asses. Specifically the, Atlas Academy, they really went after them.

Errant: …

Errant: Which now that I think about it actually makes sense since it’s, Atlas. If you know the lore, you’d understand.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

HellJumper1337: What did they do?

RangerFang: We went ham on them

BunnyDownUnder: Witch hunt baby!

LunaFlower: They hold grudges.

WinterBitch: Yeah, they’re a spiteful bunch.

~~~~~~

Errant: Yeah, they’re a spiteful bunch. I’m not spiteful, no I’m not spiteful at all chat.

Errant: I am however… very, very… Vindictive~! Ah~hahaha~!

Errant gave off a roguish smile that as he chuckled as he remembered all the incidents he scored his revenge against those that wronged him. His dark chuckle, and devilish smile brought an explosion of heart emojis throughout his chat feed.

Errant: Ahhhh… Good times.

Errant: Anyway, so I had a grudge against the, Cabal because I thought that what they did was cruel. People may tease, or prank apprentices , but what they did pushed the line. So, when FallenEmbers showed me to the, Cabal base I knew what I wanted to do. You see, the Cabal headquarters was located in the, Grimm Lands. And, there is a whole mess of, Grimm there: From Beowulf, Apathy, Beringals, Chimera Grimm. Delta to Alpha Class. And lastly, Titan Class.

Errant: Now, you may be asking: How does the, Cabal operate in the Grimm lands without getting attacked? Simple: They get covered in a Grimm repellent that prevents, Grimm from attacking you. The Grimm will attack you if you don’t attack them. So… I went over to one the nesting, Titan Grimm’s, and I… woke it up.

Errant: Titan Class Grimm tend to… incubate until they reach a certain… No, no that doesn’t really make sense… How do I explain this…?

~~~Stream Chat~~~

Corgimorgi: Waiting for the butterfly to hatch from its cocoon?

~~~~~~

Errant: Yeah, that’s works, thanks, Corgimorgi. It slowly grows in its cocoon until it hatches, and marches off to one of the kingdoms, and unleashes all hell upon them. If rumours arise that one of these were sighted, and, all available, Hunter’s is tasked to go out, and confirm if there is one. Everyone is terrified of these things, the first one that was ever encountered levelled, Shade Academy. It took them months irl to rebuild the academy, and it took them a year to reclaim all the land, Vacuo lost to a surge of, Grimm attacks.

Errant: At the time of the attack, Vacuo had a strength over nearly seven hundred members, and they barely, barely manage to defeat it. They had to call for help from other academies to kill the damn thing! So… How do you think the, Cabal managed to deal with a, Titan Class Grimm with barely two hundred members?

~~~Stream Chat~~~

GoodDoggo: A bloody slaughter.

Gundam#UWU: They most likely got curb stomped!

HellJumper1337: I almost feel sorry for them.

KinSlayer: Did you stay to fight it?

~~~~~~

Errant: Nope! I got the hell out of there after it started attacking their headquarters. I let them burn! It took them days, like a week to kill it too. I know because I poked the bear, and I got Exp from when it died! Went up three levels because of that. I basically crippled the, Cabal for months after this! They couldn’t do a damn thing to anyone, they were so busy trying to rebuild they couldn’t be bothered with messing with anyone else.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

Likelyaghost: So you destroyed the, Cabal all on your own?

~~~~~~

Errant: No… I crippled the, Cabal all on my own. The Scorpion Incident… That, that killed the, Cabal…

Errant went quiet as he remembered a rather uncomfortable event that had transpired years ago. He took a deep sigh to calm his nerves before he continued to tell his tale of years gone bye.

Errant: So that’s how I met, Fall4Me. You know… I never told anyone that I was the reason the, Titan Grimm attacked the, Cabal. Fall4Me never contacted me again after the attack… I wonder why; Did she know I was the cause of the attack? Maybe that’s why she never contacted me… Probably called me a traitor for betraying her trust, and our friendship…

He stared off into the distance as he pondered these questions in his mind. He sighed another deep sigh before he shook his head, and readdressed his stream.

Errant: It matters not… What’s done is done. For that was then, this is now. So chat, to welcome back an old… acquaintance. We’re gonna raid her! Send her my well wishes, and welcome her into the fold chat!

Errant pressed the button, and sent his chat onward towards, Fall4Me’s stream with a smile on his face, and a roguish smile on his face. Thinking of all the good times they had together, and he couldn’t help but wonder, where did is long lost friend disappear to? But, most important of all:

Why is her model wearing an eyepatch?

~~~~~~

Fall4Me’s Stream

~~~~~~

Fall4Me: Hello everyone, I am Fall4Me, and welcome to my stream.

Fall4Me: I am a, Huntress in the service of the, Grimm Cabal. And, I hope you enjoy watching me as we plunge the, World of Remnant into absolute chaos~!

Fall4Me: Here we will have discussions about very things: Music, video games, and various other things that… Hmm? What the?

The howl of a Beowulf echoed throughout the stream to signal a notification. One that she had not expected on her debut stream.

Fall4Me: I’m being raided? By who…?

~~~Stream Chat~~~

HellJumper1337: Hi, Ember!

GrimmKitty: She’s pretty

BunnyDownUnder: Love the eye

FallenDersires: Errant sends his regards!

Dragondeeznutz: Whoo raiding!

~~~~~~

Fall4Me: Ember? Wait, how do you know that na… Wait… Errant? ErranrtyPaladin! H-He sent you?

~~~Stream Chat~~~

HellJumper1337: Yeah, he told us all about you

Corgimorgi: It was a cool story

SummerDaysNightmare: Were you friends, he didn’t sound certain about it?

~~~~~~

Fall4Me: We are… were friends of sorts. But, tell me chat, what did he say about me?

There was an eagerness, and an honest desire to know about how her long lost friend felt about her, and she hoped her new found audience could answer her questions.

~~~Stream Chat~~~

DungeonSiver18: Why listen to us when you can watch him talk about you?

QueensGuard: Yeah, watch his vod!

~~~~~~

Fall4Me: Hmmm~? Now doesn’t that sound like a novel idea~! Alright chat, let us see what our beloved, ErrantryPaladin thinks of us~!

~~~

Fall4Me: Ahh, I remember that day, I was looking for, Gundrite. It’s a rare metal used for upgrading a, Hunters gear. I was looking for the ore to upgrade my weapons; I had a pair of twin swords that I could stick together to use as a bow. I wanted to increase my damage output, and then I stumbled across, Errant doing the same thing. Just as we found our first piece of, Gundrite.

Fall4Me: I thought we were about to have a fight over who got the ore. But, he said I found it first, and it was mine to take. It was… surprising really. I often tend to get into fights against players while looking for rare resources. It surprised me more so that he recommended that we team up to gather more resources together. And, it worked very well. I got more then enough ore. It’s not a surprise really, a level thirty, Huntress, and a level forty, Huntsmen such as ourselves is a very powerful duo to face against.

~~~

Errant: ‘And, then I betrayed them by luring a, Titan Class Grimm into their base…’

Fall4Me: HE WHAT?! He sent that damn, Grimm after us?!

Her eye ignited in flames as she looked on his smiling face as he unapologetically admitted his crime.

Fall4Me: It took the entire, Cabal nearly two weeks to kill the damned thing!

Fall4Me: It levelled our training grounds, obliterated the landing pads, decimated the hospital, and spawn camped the entire, Cabal for weeks! Seriously it’s aoe attacks were so strong that a player would die, then respawn, and then be killed by its next aoe attack! There wasn’t a single one of us whose level wasn’t reduced to a tenth!

Fall4Me: Then we all got branded as, Titan slayers, and everyone knew that a Titan awoke in the, Grimm lands meaning we were easily marked out as cabal members because of that! We couldn’t go into the field because of that!

Fall4Me: We were crippled for months, and we never made it back to half of our original strength. It was hell!

Fall4Me: But, why?! Why would my sweet, noble, Wolf do this to us? Why…?

~~~Stream Chat~~~

BunnyDownUnder: She said ‘my wolf’

FallenDesire: Another one?

LRDirection: But why is he a wolf?

Lixxen: Guy knows what the ladies like

QueensBeedom: It’s his roguish charm

~~~~~~

Fall4Me: Lets continue the video, perhaps he’ll explain why he did this…

~~~

Fall4Me: Oh…

Fall4Me: The Apprentice Massacre. That most certainly explains things…

~~~Stream Chat~~~

Gundam#UWU: Were you a part of it?

Dippernipper: We know you’re evil, but are you that evil?

Beowulf#38k: She’s evil, but will she stay hot evil?

~~~~~~

She laughed a whimsical laugh as she read her chat feed. Relishing in delight at their innocence.

Fall4Me: Oh chat, I am always hot; More often than not its metaphorically, but often at times its quite… Literal~!

Fall4Me gave the camera a sultry gaze before holding up her hand as she flexed her fingers as it was enveloped in flames. She held a blazing fist before setting it out, and resuming with his vod.

Fall4Me: But, no I wasn’t involved in the, Apprentice Massacre. Yes I was a member of the, Cabal, but I was off doing other things irl when it happened. Even then I wouldn’t have partaken in such an action. Because the headache they caused us because of that was an ungodly amount of work to fix.

Fall4Me: Well, we mostly went into hiding, and laid low for a while. I eventually went again to see if I could recruit, Errant to our side. He was a loner, and outcast I thought he would easily join the group. I thought he was genuinely interested in joining us. But, he appears more interested in how to destroy us. And, good gods did he ever manage to do so…

~~~

Errant: ‘So that’s how I met, Fall4Me. You know… I never told anyone that I was the reason the, Titan Grimm attacked the, Cabal. Fall4Me never contacted me again after the attack… I wonder why…’

She looked away nervously for a moment before readdressing her chat as she saw them flood her chat with the similar question of why she talk to her precious wolf after the attack.

And, why did she call him, ‘Her Wolf?’

Fall4Me: Oh… I was just too busy rebuilding the, Cabal to contact, Errant. Besides, I thought he would be upset if I tried to wrangle him into helping fix the mess the, Titan Class Grimm caused. Or, asking him to fix his mess as it were.

Fall4Me: Then the whole, ‘Scorpion Incident’ happened, and the, Cabal was done for. There was no chance of rebuilding the guild since members left; they all left, right, left, and centre. To the point it was only a, Cabal of one. No big battle, no final stand, it just slowly burned out, and poof! It was gone.

Fall4Me: I need to talk to, Errant again, explain some things, ask him how things are going. Reconnect with my friend for old times sake. Would you like to see that, chat?

~~~Stream Chat~~~

GrimmKitty: Yeah! That sounds cool!

HellJumper1337: Friends reunite!

BunnyDownUnder: Lets see where she stands

Beowulf#38k: Idk these two seem like a good pair

Lixxen: Old war stories sounds fun.

Helsreach: I bet he’d like to talk to you too.

RunnerDowner: Do eeet!

~~~~~~

Fall4Me: Alright then chat. Let’s go see what my noble, Wolf is there~!

///

Ahhh… This took days to finish… I just couldn’t finish it. But, it’s done!

I like doing these lore posts, it’s fun to let the mind make stories like these.

Do you guys enjoy these kind of posts, or are they just a bore to you? That’s just something I’ve been curious about.

Till later then.

[nieshiren]

Eywa has decided

Recom Quaritch x Na’vi fem reader

Synopsis: After Quaritch and his team were sent on their first mission, they haven’t found anything. Besides Quaritch’s remains, he and his blue team decided to spend the night in the forest. While his team is asleep Quaritch wanders deeper into the forest, where he finds Y/N in heat

Warnings: Strong language, mature themes, smut, oral, loss of virginity, pet names, kind of ABO?

Words: 3962

Part 2

‘Alright guys, lets camp out here for tonight.’ Said Quaritch.

After being send on their first mission and not finding anything. Besides Quaritch’s remains, he and his blue team decided to spend the night in the forest. Quaritch felt like shit, he wasn’t the man whose skull he had crushed. He had his memories yes, but he was not him. He felt so different, it was like the forest was calling to him. And this mission? It didn’t sit right with him, the more he thought about it the more he understood Sully and his decision to fight for pandora. After setting his foot in the forest in his new avatar body something felt different. He felt at home, he never really felt like that before. At least that is what he remembered form old Quaritch, that man was bitter, nothing but hate fuelled his body.

‘I will take the first watch.’ He said, as the rest got ready to sleep. He walked around, the ground lighting up underneath his bear feet. Wearing hit combat boots felt unnatural to him, he wanted to feel the forest floor on his bare feet. To his team, he told some stupid story of how they must become like na’vi in order to succeed on this mission and they believed him. And even if they didn’t, he was their colonel, so they didn’t dare to say anything.

Something filled his nose. The smell, it made hie ears twitch and his tail to swish around. He has been smelling it the whole time since they got the forest. But it was getting stronger by the minute, making his body itch. He wanted to go look for the source. But he had to wait until his blue team was asleep.  

…

‘Y/N, catch!’ Spider shouted, she turned to him just in time to catch the fish he threw her way.

‘Look at you go! just like a proper Na’vi!’ she smiled at him. She has taken a few children into the forest, to pick some fruits and catch fish, while their parents were out on a mission with Olo'eyktan. Y/N wasn’t a warrior like Neytiri, sure she could hunt, all na’vi knew how to hunt, but fighting battles against sky people just wasn’t for her. Eywa had other plans for her, she was plumper then some other Na’vi women, she was a teacher and a second mother to many na’vi children. She adored children; however, she didn’t have any of her own yet because she wasn’t mated. Most of her time was spend teaching children how to fish, when to pick certain fruit, which animals were friendly, all the basics they needed to survive on pandora.

There was one child in particular she loved very much. Spider. The monkey boy, that had no parents, left behind on Pandora, always running after Sully’s kids. Spider loved her as well, he genuinely saw her as a mother figure. She took him in when he was 8, the scientists couldn’t keep up with him, he always ran away, and they had important jobs to do. Not just run around the forest looking for a child. He would always find a way to escape the lab, and so she decided to be his caretaker.  

‘Tinut, not the green ones, those are not ripe yet.’ Y/N said as she walked past Ninat’s child. Tinut smiled at her and reached for a purple one instead. ‘Yes, that’s better.’ Y/N smiled. She was feeling restless today. Waking up early, before everyone else. He skin felt too tight for an own body.

‘Y/N, why don’t you have a mate?’ Asked Tuk. Tuk loved asking question and Y/N loved answering them. Tuk was just as curious as her dad.

‘I haven’t found one yet my dear.’ She said, petting her head. Most Na’vi Y/N’s age were already mated, starting families and living happy lives. Y/N was a little unlucky, but she never doubted Eywa and her plans for her. She knew that somewhere there was a prefect mate waiting just for her, and she would know when she smelled them.  

‘Maybe your nose is broken.’ Chuckled Tuk. ‘Maybe.’ Nodded Y/N.`

…

‘Spider, baby, go to bed.’ Y/N said, stroking his head. He looked up at her and smiled, eyes full of love.

‘Can you tell me another story, mama?’ she smiled, he only called her that when they were alone, not wanting other Na’vi to hear.

‘Not tonight darling. I’m going out to fly with Ra’i.’ She spoke.

‘But Jake said we are not supposed to leave after the eclipse, especially not alone.’ He said, worry in his eyes.

‘I know darling, but Eywa is calling me, I can feel it. I need to fly. You know I know the forest like the back of my hand.’ She said, convincing him.

‘Alright, be careful.’

‘I will. Just don’t tell anyone okay?’ he nodded, while she got up.

‘Good night baby.’ Se hugged him and left their tent. Quickly getting to her Ikran and leaving their hideout in the hallelujah mountains.

As she flew through the sky her nose was filled with a delicious scent. It felt so familiar, if felt like home. And yet it was a very exiting smell, making shivers run down her spine, her ears twitching. Her heart was beating fast as she flew on Ra’i’s back. She followed her nose down to the frost, the scent was getting stronger and stronger. Soon she got of Ra’i, leaving her sitting on a thick branch in a tree. She slowly jumped down, landing on the soft forest floor. Everything she touched lit up, she smiled, her tail swishing behind her. She was absolutely in love with the forest.

While she walked deeper into the forest, her face was getting hot. She stopped, confused, touching her forehead. Feeling how hot she was getting. Her skin was covered is sweat, hands shaking, the scent filler her nose once more, she could almost taste is. It was sweet but spicy, prickling on her tongue. Her whole body shook, he eyes widening.

‘Mate!’ she gasped. Could it really be? Was she really smelling her mate? Did Eywa finally find her the right one? Her breath quickened even more; the sound of her heart filled her ears. She couldn’t keep walking. Was she in heat already? Just by smelling her mate. She wasn’t entirely sure, as she warped her tail around her own thigh. She felt the slick that started dripping from her core. Whimpering, she sat down by a tree. Pressing her back against the cool bark.

‘Mate...’ she called softly. Hoping he would find her as her state was getting worse. She felt like her whole body was on fire, limbs shaking uncontrollably.

…

As Quaritch walked deeper and deeper into the frost, his body was getting hotter. Soon he got rid of his vest with all his grudges and his gun. Not even for a second did he think he would need them. He continued walking, breathing hard, he discarded of his tank top as well. He felt like his skin was on fire, even when the temperature dropped during the evening. Suddenly he heard a whimper, his ears twitched as he jumped over a branch, walking faster.

‘who’s there?’ he called out in English. Franticly looking around, trying the find the source of distress.

‘Mate!’ he heard a female voice cry in Na’vi. He had no clue what she said, but hearing her cries made him worry. His natural instinct to protect took over his body. And that’s when he spotted her. She was leaning against a tree, head back, panting.

His ears fell back, he felt an electric wave ripple through his body. She looked ethereal to him, like a goddess, waiting to devourer his soul. Her chest was rising rapidly, only a few neckless covered her round breasts. He slowed down, not wanting to scare her. Even though his body was screaming at him, to move, to get to her, to make her his, to protect her. He bit his lower lip to silence the deep breaths he was taking.

‘Are you okay? Princess?’ he spoke, just 3 meters away from her. Quickly her head whipped towards him, her yellow gaze piercing through him. For a second, she was surprised he didn’t speak Na’vi. He slowly took a step closer. She didn’t flinch, she wasn’t trying to get away from him. Her eyes didn’t leave his for a second, it was as if she was trying to read his mind, learn who he was just through his eyes. The air around them was intoxicating, Quaritch couldn’t stay away from her, it seemed like her body was calling him. So, he took one more step, getting on his knees in front of her.

‘Mate.’ She repeated in English now. She knew how to speak English, Grace thought her well. Quaritch felt his heart in his throat upon hearing her calling him mate. He wasn’t sure what it meant yet, but he definitely wanted to find out.  She stared at him, noticing his clipped ears, she frowned. Who would do that to him? She didn’t dwell on in for too long since her heat has clouded her mind. She knew he was an avatar, his shoulders wider then any na’vi men. Her eyes followed the curve of his arms, his giant biceps, down to his hands. Five fingers. She bit her lip. She didn’t care that he wasn’t Na’vi, he was her mate. He was the one Eywa chose, and she will love him with every bit of her being no matter what. And so will he even if he had no idea yet.

‘I won’t hurt you.’ he said softly, lifting his hands into the air to show he was not holding a weapon. He wasn’t sure what took over him, all his training was forgotten. All he wanted was to get as close to her as she would let him. Nothing else matter to him. She smiled, she new he wouldn’t hurt her. Eywa decided their fait and brought them together. She trusted her wholeheartedly.

‘I know.’ She said voice shaky, she lifted her back, inching closer to him. Her heat was raging through her body, she wanted him desperately. But she knew she couldn’t rush their first meeting. There will be enough time to mate. He cocked his head, confused his ears stood up.

‘How do you know?’ He asked, frozen in place. The fire in his chest was growing by the minute. He never felt like this before, it was as If his own skin was too tight for his body. And only she could somehow safe him. She was so close to him; he couldn’t practically taste her. Her scent was floral and crisp, clinging to his body.  

‘Because you are my mate.’ She explained, taking his hand and placing it on her heart. He could feel how fast it was beating, her skin was hot. He wanted to feel every inch of her body underneath his fingers.

‘I felt it here, that you were close. I could smell you.’ she said, he nodded. He as well has been following his nose, and this weird pull in his chest that led him to her. She smiled brightly at the fact that he felt the same. She put her own hand on his heart. Four fingers touching his shiny skin. His chest swelled with pride; this was his mate? This beautiful goddess, with wavy black hair that fell on her shoulders. Big bright eyes, and the most beautiful smile he has ever seen? It brought him extreme joy. He longed for her, he wanted to explore every little dot on her body, every freckle, every stripe of dark blue.

‘I’m Y/N L/N.’ she spoke, her hand still on his chest, feeling his hard muscles. She felt his heartbeat pick up even more. Y/N that name will be forever engraved into his soul.

‘I’m…’ he looked away, as if he was scared to tell her. She frowned, putting her other hand on his chin, lifting his gaze back up to her.

‘Miles…. Miles Quaritch.’ He breath heavily. His eyes filled with fear, pain and regret. She was shocked, but seeing all those emotions behind his eyes, she knew there was much more to his story then just the bad things she has heard. She knew that once they form a Tsaheylu she will understand everything.

‘Don’t worry.’ She smiled, ‘Eywa has decided.’ Her hands slid around his neck, and she pulled him into a kiss. He wasn’t strong enough to resist her. He felt every bit of his doubt leave his body, at least for now.

His body pressed against hers, as he pushed her against the tree. He deepened the kiss, parting his lips and slowly pushing his tongue in. She was moaning already, desperate for more. She waited so long for the prefect mate, and now that he was here, she couldn’t hold back.

‘Queue, give me…’ she said between kisses. He held her face in his hands, packing her lips lightly. He couldn’t believe what he has found deep in the forest. His whole body was filled with love, and hope and everything good. Not a drop of worry was left in him, he knew that with her by his side he could be finally happy.

‘Your braid.’ She repeated. He reached back a gave it to her. At the same time, she reached for hers.

‘Now we will from a bond, Tsaheylu.’ She explained, he just nodded. Waiting for what was to come. He knew na’vi used their braids for bonding with animals, but her wasn’t sure what would happened once they bond together.

‘We will be mated for life.’ She looked into his eyes, searching for hesitation of uncertainty. There was non, he was ready to give up everything for her, and so she held the ends of their Queues together. Slowly they tangled together, and both were hit with an electric shock. They hugged tightly, feeling every emotion, every memory that has ever passed through their bodies. They were one, Y/N felt everything Quaritch was experienced, she understood how he came back. She learned everything about him in just a matter of seconds. And so did he about her, he saw all the love she had, for him, for the kids of her tribe. All the longing and loneliness she felt all those years waiting for her mate.

‘I love you.’ he said, pulling her into another heated kiss. He was extremely overwhelmed, all he needed was her. Her heat and the bond were making his lose his mind.

‘Oel ngati kameie.’ She spoke. Quaritch kissed her neck, where her scent was the strongest. He licked and nipped at his skin. Pressing his face into it, he repeated ‘Oel ngati kameie.’ She smiled, tears filling her eyes. She wished for this moment to last forever.

‘Take me.’ she whimpered as he whipped away her happy tears. His hands slid down to her hips, he pulled her down. Lowering her into the soft grass slowly. Soon he was pushing her necklaces up, he uncovered her beautiful breasts. He just looked at them for a second, they were round, the nipples were slightly darker blue. He couldn’t help but touch them, swiping his thumbs over them both. Y/N whimpered, trembling.

‘Miles...’ She bit her lip, showing her cute fangs. His mouth was watering at the sight of her, almost naked, moaning his name. He took one nipple into his mouth, rolling his tongue over it. Y/N gripped his shoulders.

‘Fuck baby girl. You are so gorgeous.’ He whispered, licking over a nipple once more, before moving to the other one. He was kneeling between her legs; her hips were moving looking for friction while he sucked on her breasts.

‘I need you...’ she cried; head tipped back. He pressed his knee against her core. She gasped, digging her nails into her shoulders. He loved it, every little reaction she was giving him. She was falling apart in his hands, and she couldn’t be happier. He could feel how aroused she was, the bond revealed all her secrets to him.

‘Such a needy girl.’ He almost purred, pushing his thigh against her core. She was so wet, soaking through her loincloth and his cargo pants.

‘Please.’ She whimpered once more, grinding her hips faster. It felt like torture, she needed him to fill her up. To end the ache, she was feeling in her belly. To fill the void, she felt since she was old enough to mate. Oh, but how he loved seeing her fall apart underneath him.

Quickly he took off her loincloth. Revelling her wet pussy, it was blue like the rest of her skin. Slowly his fingers slid over her lips, pushing them open. Her core was more purple them blue, dripping wet waiting just for him. Her legs were shaking with anticipation, she looked down at him.

With eyes full of lust, he asked, ‘all this just for me?’ she nodded, her cheeks getting even hotter. If that was even possible at this point. He couldn’t wait any longer.

First, he kissed her soft belly, she held her breath. Gripping her thighs with both of his large hands, he pushed them apart even more. Slowly kissing lower and lower. Finally giving her clit a soft kiss. Y/N gasped; words stuck in her throat. She wanted to tell him how much she needed him, how much she ached for him. But she also wanted to saviour every second spent with him. He dipped his tongue between her folds, teasing her sweet nectar. His pupils widened, never in his life has he tasted something this good.

‘Miles.’ She cried, gripping his hair. He pushed her leg over his shoulder, allowing him more excess into her throbbing opening. It was leaking so much slick, her heat made her so ready for him. He clouding stop lapping up all her juices. All she could do was moan and take it.

‘Mine…’ he growled; this animalistic urge was taking over his body. He pushed his tongued deep inside of her, swirling is around.  Then he went back up to her clit, swirling his tongue around it first. Then sucking on it lightly. His long fingers found her opening, slowly he pushed two of his fingers inside. He felt her walls tightening around him, he knew she was close. He started moving his fingers, curling them up. his tongue never leaving her clit, he licked it steadily. Just like that first of many orgasms rippled through her body, making her scream.

‘Ahhh…yesss….’ She closed her legs around his head, trembling. He kept licking long, slow stripes over her throbbing pussy. He could stay between her legs for hours, making her scream his name over and over again. But right now, his pants were extremely tight.

‘I need you, my mate.’ Said Y/N after coming back to her senses.

‘We must seal the bond!’ she breath hard, pulling him up to yet another passionate kiss. And who was he to not grant her, her wish? She kissed him hungerly, tasting her nectar on his tongue. She pushed his pants down while he kept sucking on her bottom lip. His fangs lightly pinching her skin, making her sign into the kiss. As his cock sprang free, he pulled away. He discarded of his cargo pants entirely, now kneeling completely naked in front of her. Her eyes twinkled as she looked at him, taking in all the hard muscled of his body. Her eyes ended on his leaking cock. She bit her lip, trying not to smile. He was extremely attractive; all hard muscle and he was hers only hers.

‘Like what you see, princess?’ He asked, smug at how longingly she stared at him. ‘Yes.’ She said, suddenly feeling adventures.

‘Come here baby.’ He said, and she did, on all fours she crawled to him until his cock was right in front of her face. She licked her lips as her eyes followed the tick blue vain.

‘Fuck baby the way you look at me.’ he gripped her hair pulling her face even closed, her breath fanning over his cock. She stuck out her tongue, licking the precum off his cock. He hummed, looking at her the whole time. She looked up at him, taking his tip into her mouth, sucking lightly.

‘Who is my dirty girl.’ He moaned, as she swirled her tongue around. She gripped the base of his thick cock, pumping is slowly.

‘I am.’ She smiled, licking a long strip from the base to the top. That’s when he lost all control. He pulled away, pushing her down again. She laid back as he towered over her. He pushed her legs open, inching closer. He rubbed his cock around her drenched pussy.

‘Fuck baby, can I?’ he asked, searching for her eyes, she smiled at him. Surprised that even after they connected their Queues, he asked her for permission. He knew she wanted him, but he had to hear it. To know for sure that someone really wanted him.

‘Yes! Make me yours, Miles.’ She said, placing her hands around his neck. He kissed her again, slowly pushing his cock into her. He was going so slow, too slow for her liking, but he didn’t want to hurt her. And since she was unmated, he assumed this was her first time. He could never hurt her. Y/N was in ecstasy, whimpering, as Miles pushed his cock deeper and deeper. Filling her up just how she needed. Her body screamed for him, for more.

‘More.’ She moaned, quickly getting used to his girth, thanks to all the slick provided by her heat. Miles started moving slowly, holding Y/N’s hips tight. While his old human self has slept with quit a few women, nothing compared to what he was feeling right now, with his mate. Burrow deep inside her, wet, hot, throbbing core. The bond between them grew stronger and Miles picked up his speed.

‘Feel so good! My mate! My Miles! Feel so full!’ Y/N was a babbling mess, completely lost in the pleasure and all the emotions she felt through the bond. He ran his hands over her whole body, hips snapping faster and faster. He wanted to engrave this moment into his mind. The way her back arched, how she closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the pleasure.

‘Cum for me princess, cum on my cock.’ He groaned as he felt her pussy tighten around him. And she did, his words brought her over the edge. Her pussy leaking around his cock, he picked her legs up. Changing the angle, so he could fuck deeper into her. Just like that his cock hit the right spot, making her cry out louder. They couldn’t care if they woke the whole forest, this was about them. He kept hitting her sweet spot, he legs shook uncontrollably. She was going to cum soon again and this time, he wouldn’t hold back.

‘Fell me up!’ she sobbed, feeling yet another orgasm rip thought her body. That was all it took for him. He tipped over the edge, emptying his load deep inside of her. For a split second he thought of her with a round belly, full with his baby. He smiled, kissing her glistening face. Slowly he scooted her up, his cock still deep inside of her. He laid down, holding her close to his chest.

‘I see you. Y/N.’ he breathed, running his hand through her damp hair.

‘I see you, Miles Quaritch.’ She said, smiling, her life was finally complete.

[cheegu3]

Enhypen - the glory (PT.3)

summary; after rejecting one of the most popular boys at your new school, you soon realised that you'd done the gravest mistake of your life; these weren't ordinary boys, and now they were set on making your life a living hell - heavily based on the kdrama with the same name

warnings; yandere themes, slut-shaming, name calling, mentions of dissecting animals, torture, bullying, burn wounds

genre; yandere

wc; 6k

pairing; enha x f.m reader

note; I know the poll wanted soobin & yeonjun's character backstory but I changed it last minute bc I didn't realise how much planning and build-up writing a series needs to have ;-; anyways, plz be patient there are a lot of members and a lot of stories to be covered !!

masterlist

‘’ Are you serious? ‘’

Your eyes widened the longer you stared at the boy from school in front of you, slowly coming to the realization that he was looking at you completely humorlessly. The fact that he had known you for only a day and now suddenly wanted to put himself in danger for you seemed fishy, making alarm bells ring inside your head.

Did he somehow know them and was scheming with them behind your back? It was possible, seeing as Soobin was also from a rich family; and if you remembered correctly, the others didn’t live far from his house.

Soobin however, looked at you innocently, a look of confusion on his face as if he had no idea why you’d feel weirded out or even be the slightest suspicious of his irrational suggestions.

‘’ I don’t…think that’s a good idea. ‘’ you finally said.

Yeonjun nodded.

‘’ That’s what I said. ‘’ he added.

‘’ But why? ‘’

‘’ I barely know you, why would I want you to get involved in this? Besides, even if you wanted to, there’s no way I could win against them. They have nothing of importance to lose.’’

Silence followed your words. You were sure Soobin hadn’t really thought that far, you got the feeling that he could be someone who acted on impulses and feelings - immediately wanting to jump into situations without thinking twice.

But you were different from that. That’s why you were determined to put down your foot and stand your ground regarding anything that revolved around your life and the decisions to be made in it.

‘’ But…’’ Soobin started.

You caught the way his eyes traveled down to your sleeves, hiding the ugly scars underneath. It made you flinch and hide them behind your back by instinct.

‘’ I’ll sleep on it. ‘’ you finalized sternly, making Soobin look like a kicked puppy, and knowing very well you’d already made up your mind.

Before he could stop you or try to persuade you, you were already halfway out the door.

‘’ See you at school. ‘’

Soobin didn’t answer, and you didn’t stop in your tracks to wait for it either. Rainfall greeted you when you opened the door, becoming the new obstacle in your path. Sighing you looked back for a moment, contemplating if you should ask him for an umbrella.

‘’ Here. ‘’

The tall figure that had crept up behind the door startled you. It was Yeonjun, who handed you a crumbled-up black umbrella before turning on his heel again. His expression was unchanged despite you taking a few steps back in shock, the usual poker face adorning his face.

‘’ Thank you! ‘’ you shouted after him.

He came to a halt and turned around slowly, looking like he had something on his mind but wasn’t quite sure yet if he wanted to say it.

‘’ Can I help you? ‘’

His gaze fixated on the umbrella that you were starting to unwrap. You were both immersed in a long and uncomfortable silence before you finally turned around with a frown on your face, getting ready to leave since he hadn’t spoken up.

‘’ Don’t mind him. ‘’

You looked over your shoulder. ‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ He’s always been like that. ‘’

‘’ Like what? ‘’

‘’ Too eager to be somebody’s hero. ‘’ the corners of his mouth turned upwards, but the half-smile didn’t reach his eyes. It had a bitter feeling to it.

‘’ Why’s that? ‘’

He let himself fully smile when he heard your tone sounded a lot softer than the one you had used in Yeonjun’s room. 

‘’ He couldn’t…save me. I guess that’s why. ‘’ 

You were about to keep pushing but had a feeling that he didn’t want to continue talking. He raised his eyebrows and nodded, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

You got the message and started walking towards the door. ‘’ Well, uh- thanks. ‘’ you hold the umbrella up in the air and press the door-handle down.

The last thing you hear before closing the door is, ‘’ You should stay away from him. I don’t want my brother to get hurt. ‘’

You’re stunned and don’t have time to turn around and question him, a second too early the door locked with a click.

You shrugged and stepped out, smiling at the calming sound of the heavy raindrops pattering against the fabric of the umbrella above. You’d always loved it, the feeling reminded you of getting soothing rubs on your back from a loving mother.

The wide and tall black gate stood halfway open when you approached it. Muffled voices came from the other side. Cautiously you pressed through the small crack and grimaced at the sound of the gate creating a horrendous screech. Although it was barely audible over the sound of the rain, the voices died down immediately.

‘’ Who’s there? ‘’ a gruff voice barked out.

‘’ Sorry, just- ‘’ you stepped out fully and turned your head to the left where two men were standing.

They were both in suits and had two men holding umbrellas over their own heads, immediately letting you know they were upperclassmen.

‘’ I’m a friend of Soobin’s. ‘’ 

‘’ That would be my son. ‘’ one of them said, the taller and older male.

He took a few steps towards you and extended a hand. You hesitantly took it but shook it politely, smiling when seeing some resemblance to Soobin.

‘’ A girlfriend? ‘’ the other one teased.

You craned your neck to look at him. He was very handsome with sharp features, piercing eyes, and a prominent jawline. The smirk he was wearing on his familiar looking face reminded you of someone a little too much.

Before you could ask him his name or shake his hand, the car door of the car right next to where he was standing suddenly popped open. Out came a younger man who was an almost complete copy of the man in the suit. When he turned his head and you recognized him the smirk made a lot of sense, of course - it was Jay.

Staring you down confidently while standing next to his dad who smiled fondly at him.

‘’ Have you met my son yet, Mr. Choi? ‘’

What a nightmare.

‘’ I have not, Mr. Park. ‘’

Not only did Soobin’s dad know Jay’s dad, but they seemed to be close and Jay of all places, had to be here witnessing you leaving another man’s house.

Worrying about how they’d punish you tomorrow however, was the last thing you were thinking about as you slowly came to the realization that this only made you more suspicious of Soobin. If their dads worked together or at the very least were pretty close, couldn’t that mean that there’s a possibility their kids had known each other way before Soobin transferred?

Although nothing was confirmed yet, your head started to spin with a handful of theories you couldn’t quite comprehend just yet. But with everyone’s eyes on you, and especially the hawk-like ones of Jay; you had to be careful and not draw attention to yourself.

You regained your composure just in time for Jay to step in front of Soobin’s dad. They shook hands and exchanged some small talk, all the while you could almost sense how badly your bully wanted to let his eyes settle on you instead.

‘’ I think I have to go now, my dad is waiting for me. It was nice meeting you all. ‘’ you quickly blurted out, as the thought of that made you paranoid that if he were to take one look at your face, he could read you.

Which in fairness, he probably could. He like the others, was obsessed with you after all.

‘’ Wait! ‘’

You bit the inside of your cheek and have to take a deep breath before turning around, that fake smile plastered on your face again.

Jay walked over, his hand slipping into yours so comfortably that to the two men watching, you might as well have been a couple. They can’t sense the apparent tension between you two though, as you stared at him to explain himself while trying to free your hand at the same time.

‘’ It’s friday so Jungwon’s having a party. Let’s go. ‘’

‘’ No, I don’t think…’’ you trailed off, looking anywhere but on him now as you feel the pressure to be polite and say yes due to his dad being present.

‘’ Have fun! ‘’ his dad said, smirking at the two of you as if he was just teasing his son about his girlfriend.

You don’t seem to get a choice. After saying that he turned to Soobin’s dad again and they engage in a conversation. Jay took the opportunity and dragged you towards the car, purposefully putting you on the side closest to his dad in case you’d try anything.

He entered on the other side and made you feel humiliated by trying to put on your seatbelt for you.

‘’ I can do it myself. ‘’ you snapped.

He shrugged, unbothered by your attitude. 

You tried to look out of the window once the car started, but the houses you keep passing by almost immediately made you feel horrible. They’re not just rich, but grand houses, stretching further than your eyes could follow before you passed it. 

It left a bitter feeling in the mouth. They had all previously made fun of you for not having as much money as them. You often felt embarrassed of your dad; the fact that he was so unorganized, messy and a mere officer worker. When they had teased about coming over to see how you lived, you had always narrowingly escaped it, but you suspected they knew it wouldn’t be anything fancy.

It was always filled with dumped boxed all over the small space and you had one bedroom which you slept in while your dad slept on the couch. Although you weren’t the poorest at your school it still stung to be reminded that you’d never be on their level, not in a world that valued money anyway.

‘’ We’re here. ‘’

You looked up and almost groaned audibly upon seeing the car having come to a stop outside a house. Clearly you were starting to feel a little tired, seeing as you had zoned out the whole ride and not even noticed the arrival.

Jay tried to hurry to your side again but you quickly kicked the door open before he even reached it. He shook his head, a teasing smile appearing on his face before taking you by the hand again.

‘’ Why are you holding my hand? People are gonna think we’re a couple. ‘’ 

‘’ I wish we were. ‘’ he smirked.

You rolled your eyes but let him lead you inside anyway. This, like the other houses on the way was huge and easily looked like it could be one of the most expensive houses in Korea. It had several floors and you had a feeling it was too big, to the point where you’d get lost. 

Surrounding it was a gate with fencing very similar to the one at Soobin’s house; tall, spikey and black. It gave it an eerie feeling, almost like a prison. Whoever would be unfortunate enough to end up locked in there couldn’t escape due to the several meters high fence, and if they did they’d likely be impaled or injured at the very least.

You spotted Jungwon approaching the gate. He had a red cup in one of his hands and a girl by his side. She unlocked the gate, her cat-eyes never leaving you while doing so, causing chills to run down your spine.

‘’ Why is it locked? ‘’ Jay asked his friend when greeting him with a hug.

Jungwon pulled away and they looked at each other for some time, something unspoken being said that you couldn’t quite decipher. 

He then turned to you, but didn't smile, it was quite unusual for him to do so. In the rare instances when it happened, you were never the reason why. He actually seemed to get even gloomier any time you were around; lips thinning and eyebrows furrowing to match the angry scowl on his face.

‘’ You brought y/n. ‘’ 

‘’ Yeah. I thought you guys might like it. ‘’

He didn’t say anything.

‘’ This is my sister. ‘’

She reached out her hand so fast you almost jumped back, being unfamiliar with people touching you politely.

‘’ Yang Yena. ‘’ is all she said.

You had to bite back a grin. The resemblance was almost uncanny, and you now realized why you felt so unsettled under her gaze. She didn’t like smiling either and they had the same menacing, resting bitch face - maybe it ran in the family.

Jay and Jungwon looked at each other and then started heading towards the house, leaving Yena to walk alongside you due to the path’s narrowness. 

‘’ Has he…told you about me? ‘’ 

You thought you saw the small outline of a smile but it was gone before you could fully register it.

‘’ A little. He’s always been a horrible person, I’m not surprised he’s found a girl to terrorize. ‘’

That caught you off guard. Immediately you thought to slow down your steps so to be absolutely sure you weren’t within the guys’ earshot. 

‘’ You don’t like Jungwon? ‘’ you half-whispered, ‘’ He’s your brother!‘’

‘’ So? ‘’ she scoffed.

You couldn't really think of anything to respond due to still feeling stunned by the surprising confession. If anything, they were like twins so shouldn’t they be super close? You could almost picture them dissecting animals for fun in their spare-time.

‘’ He’s an ass, I feel bad for you actually. On behalf of him, I’m sorry. ‘’ her lips curved up slightly now into a half-smile.

‘’ It’s fine. ‘’

You awkwardly stumbled into the house when you reached it at last, trying not to look weird when you saw Jay and Jungwon were waiting by a pool table that was placed near the entrance. Yena left to go off somewhere with a couple of other girls and you inevitably arrived in front of them.

‘’ Let’s go. ‘’

The first room was a big living-room, a wide TV of likeness you could only dream of having and it had people surrounding it on several different couches. Quickly you scurried behind Jay to make them move faster and get out of their line of sight in case they would acknowledge you.

The next room was the kitchen, it had less people in it but you didn’t get a good look at their faces. The room had a side door which they lead you out of and then stopped in the garden.

Even in the dark, you could see the five heads turning to your direction and knew who it was before they called you over.

You mentally prepared before walking there, taking a deep shaky breath just before suddenly being pushed into Jake’s lap. He laughed and you could smell the alcohol on his breath. Hands started roaming your body like they always did when he was near you, as if you were just as intoxicating to Jake as the bottles he downed on weekends.

The others turned a blind-eye to what was happening. After chuckling they started talking about something that soon became background noise to you and the boy whose lap you were situated in.

He gave you a sleazy smile and delivered a few drunken kisses to your neck and jaw, all the while his other hand traveled higher and higher up your thigh.

‘’ Please, Jake. Stop. ‘’ you pleaded quietly.

He looked at you with his puppy-eyes, looking a bit sad. ‘’ Why? ‘’

You’re taken aback the second time in the same night. There was no way he was actually asking why, right?

‘’ Because…you bully me, with them. ‘’ you nodded your head to the others.

He thought for a moment. A hand appeared in your hair at the same time and started playing with it.

‘’ Do you know why we hurt you, sweetheart? ‘’

‘’ You’ve told me. ‘’

‘’ Say it. ‘’

‘’ You’re all in love with me. ‘’

‘’ So how do you stop the hurting? ‘’

You knew what Jake was hinting at and immediately your hands started to form into fists. He was completely oblivious to your anger at his ignorant tone and suggestions to something so sensitive. 

‘’ I date you? ‘’

He nodded.

‘’ All…of you? ‘’

Something flashed behind his eyes and he looked a bit uncomfortable, the cocky smile plastered on his lips faded for a few seconds.

‘’ How would that even work anyway? ‘’ 

‘’ I don’t know, that’s for future us to figure out. ‘’ he solemnly responded.

You tried to get out of his lap again and this time he surprisingly didn’t try to stop you. Turning to Heeseung who was sitting next to Jake, you asked if you could go home.

‘’ You only just got here. ‘’ 

He was drunk as well, way more than Jake judging by his slurred speech, lack of focus and disinterest in you. You stood up and snuck away before any of them became too sober to notice. Jake watched you as you leave, but he didn’t say anything - much like the physical abuse at school, he just let it happen.

*******

You arrived a bit later than usual to school the next day. The idea to suddenly stay up and stick a bunch of post-it notes on your wall didn’t seem worth it when you were feeling it now. 

After running into Jay and seeing the dads being connected, you decided that writing details down and being able to take a step back would’ve given you some clarification, or an eureka moment. But nothing came to mind as you’d finished putting it all up and stared at it as if the post-its would magically grow a mouth and tell you itself.

To be fair, you didn’t have a lot of information yet. The more you gathered, the more the wall would hopefully make sense. One thing you knew for certain though was that you’d be a bit more distant with Soobin, or rather on guard.

Ignoring him completely would be suspicious, asking him directly could go either way; if he’s innocent, he might try to persuade you why you can trust him, and well if he’s not, then he’ll tell the others and you’d be fucked. At the same time, you couldn’t be exactly as friendly and willing to get close to him as the day before. Because if he worked with them there’s a chance you’d accidentally give him information he could use against you.

Soobin and Yeonjun may not be helping you however the meeting the three of you had, convinced you that you could get revenge all on your own. How hard could it really be? 

Everyone keeps everything important in their phones, that was the place to look. Problem was, you hadn’t come up with a plan on how to do it yet without getting caught and time was running out. It wouldn’t be long before they’d ask to see you today and you weren’t the best liar, they’d probably easily sniff out that you were doing something suspicious. 

A knock on your desk made you raise your head.

‘’ Slept well, babe? ‘’

You met eyes with the owner of the voice, it was Jay who was leaning over your desk like he owned it.

‘’ What do you want? ‘’

You saw the look on his face change, and even heard the awkward and shocked laughs of the rest of them behind him. It slipped out before you could even stop yourself. Them treating you differently yesterday must’ve made you get overly confident, daring to say whatever since you didn’t think they’d actually do something.

Looking at his jaw clenching, you could tell you definitely shouldn’t have done that.

You didn’t get to say anything before you were dragged up on your feet and once again being forced to walk with them in the halls. The teacher walked by just as you exited, carrying a pile of books.

Your eyes lit up in hope. ‘’ Mrs. Kim! ‘’

But it quickly went out as your cry for help was ignored. She went inside the classroom, taking one last look back with a face of disapproval to Ni-ki who was closest before slamming the door shut.

Your legs almost gave in when they forced you to keep going again, the one last hope being taken out so quickly felt depressing.

‘’ Do you not have legs? Move. ‘’ Sunghoon shouted.

You picked up your feet, following their speed that seemed to have some urgency to it. They didn’t bother dragging out the walk to the gym like they usually did; which usually occurred because after the first few times they realised that it made you get more terrified if they taunted you by walking excruciatingly slow.

When you reached your destination, they didn’t care to put on a show of passing the key to the ones in the front either. Jake pushed through and unlocked it, pushing it open unbotheredly. 

You were taken to the plinth that had almost become your designated seat in this premise. Not fighting back meant they didn’t have to use much strength to get you up on it and after doing so, the two usual guys who held you down didn’t come to either sides of you - somehow making it feel a lot more threatening when you had to face all of them.

It was as if they were confident, almost certain that if you would try to make a run for it, they would catch you in no time.

‘’ Someone was being a little slut yesterday, huh? ‘’

Your mouth hung open at the unexpected attack. ‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ Soobin? ‘’ you scoffed and rolled your eyes.

Of course they’d be jealous over such a small thing. Even if Soobin was helping you, the seven of them would’ve been so blinded by jealousy and posessiveness that they would’ve missed something that was right in front of them.

‘’ Jay saw you leave his house. ‘’

‘’ We didn’t do anything. ‘’ you sceamed, feeling panic flare up when you saw what looked like the curling iron in the corner of your eye.

Jungwon ticked his tongue in annoyance, giving you a look to shut you up.

‘’ You barely want to kiss us but you’re happy to spread your legs for the newcomer on the first day? ‘’ Jake muttered, looking the angriest you’d ever seen him before.

You clenched your teeth, biting down any insults you wanted to throw at them. They were clearly just adding more fuel to the fire, knowing how hard it was for you to stay quiet. But then, they also did look genuinely angry and jealous so you’d get punished even if you didn’t say a word back.

‘’ Do you have proof? ‘’

‘’ Proof? ‘’ Ni-ki sneered, sounding like he couldn’t believe his ears. ‘’ Did you expect us to creep or something? ‘’

‘’ She’d probably like that kind of stuff. ‘’ Heeseung joked, earning a few chuckles from the others.

When you glared at him he smirked and winked at you.

‘’ What other reason could you have for going to his house? ‘’ Jungwon said, not the slightest amused by the others joking around.

He looked serious and observed you while waiting for the answer.

‘’ Studying? ‘’

‘’ On the first day of meeting him? ‘’

You closed your mouth, realising they had a point. Whatever fake story you’d come up with, it didn’t sound convincing at all.

‘’ Yeah…he wanted to hang out and stuff, we clicked really well. ‘’ your attempt to shrug it off and try to lie casually made Jay snicker.

He stepped closer and you avoided his accusative look.

‘’ Why did you look so flustered when you saw me then? ‘’

‘’ I- just didn’t expect to see you there. ‘’

He hummed.

‘’ Your cheeks weren’t red from something else? ‘’ 

‘’ Jay! ‘’

You stared at him, looking very offended and feeling embarrassed as just as he mentioned; your cheeks heated up in this moment too.

‘’ Ah, Jay. You’ve made our princess flustered. ‘’ Heeseung fake-pouted.

Jake stepped forward next, in between your two dangling legs. Leaning into your ear, he whispered. ‘’ You know it’s coming, so if you kiss me without fighting back, they’ll be a bit more lenient on you. ‘’

You sighed and hesitantly nodded, feeling happy it wasn’t Sunghoon or Heeseung at least. His breath ghosted over your neck as he leaned in and you mentally prepared for the kiss.

Without warning he suddenly dived straight for your lips. He seemed very eager, like he’d been holding himself back from passionately kissing you or touching you like this for a very long time.

You let him take the lead, but his aggressiveness quickly made you out of breath. Your hand that was resting on his shoulder clenched around the fabric of his jacket.

He felt it and pulled away, a sly smile on his face but looking quite unapologetic. Moving to join the rest of the group, he left space for Ni-ki to step forward.

You blinked in confusion. ‘’ Ni-ki? ‘’

He had never hurt you before. Although they tried and had made Sunoo do it twice, counting the one that left you with permanent burn marks; Ni-ki never seemed to have an interest in it. 

Like Heeseung, he mostly hung around the basketball hoop but never kissed you like the older male occasionally did either. You often times wondered if he was just there out of loyalty to his friends, and not because he shared the same feelings for you.

The youngest didn’t say anything but he looked slightly amused at your reaction. You hadn’t even been this close to him before, he was even more terrifying up close with him towering over you despite you sitting on the plinth.

Jungwon gave him something, a cylinder of some sort. You weren’t sure what it was since it was impossible to read the label. Whatever it was caused Sunghoon to laugh expectantly behind him. His dilated pupils grew even larger in size with sadistic excitement.

Ni-ki twisted the top of the cylinder, and just then Jake and Jay came to either sides of you like they were used to doing. That made you get very nervous, so you attempted to lift your hips to squirm out of their grasp. It had no effect whatsoever except for making you skirt ride up; which was quickly pulled down by the perverted hands of Jake.

‘’ What is that? ‘’ you said, breathlessly.

He answered by suddenly grabbing your wrist and pouring the contents on it. A burning sensation immediately washed over your body, making you scream out in agony. 

It felt like it was never stopping. You didn’t even notice when Ni-ki pulled away, because it kept feeling like the skin was still on fire. Slowly your hiccuped, panicked breaths slowed down.

The tears on your face were wiped away by someone, you weren’t sure who; the shock from the pain had worn you out completely, so now your body had slumped against Jay who was holding you up.

Even so, you managed to see through your bleary vision that Sunoo approached next. Immediately the fighting spirit came back to your body and Jake seemed to know by your widened eyes that you would try to thrash around again.

‘’ It’s just water. ‘’ he assured you.

Sunoo could barely look at you. His face was twisted like he himself was in pain, or like he felt disgusted by the wound - he barely looked at it either, quickly dumping a towel into a bucket of water and holding it over your burns while only glancing at you occasionally.

You grit your teeth at the sensation, holding in the urge to groan. It didn’t burn like before, but still stung very unpleasantly. 

Sunoo lifted the towel and checked, retreating when he had quickly scanned it and decided it was good enough. The salt probably wasn’t all removed though and you felt bitter thinking about how it would continue to hurt, serving as a reminder of this meeting.

‘’ Let’s go back now. ‘’ Sunghoon said.

The hands around you let go. Jake and Jay jumped down and joined the rest, who turned their back on you. It made you feel even more miserable. They didn’t even look back to see if you had moved from your spot. Maybe they’d even try to kill you one day and do the same, continue walking without caring about your well-being enough to look back and check.

You sighed and raised your head, almost jumping when you were face to face with someone who had stayed behind. ‘’ Sunoo? ‘’

‘’ Sorry- I just felt bad. ‘’

He extended a hand, silently pleading for you to take it and relaxing when you let him help you down. He was very gentle, careful not to touch your wounds which you appreciated.

‘’ I think you can ask the school nurse for pain relief. ‘’

You hummed. ‘’ Maybe. ‘’

He tried to put his arm around your shoulder to support you walking but you shrugged him off. ‘’ I can walk on my own, thanks. ‘’

Your tone seemed to have hurt his feelings, he stared at the ground like he just got slapped.

‘’ I’m not like them, I promise…’’ he silently murmured, so quiet it was almost inaudible. 

‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ Me and Ni-ki don’t like hurting you. ‘’

You scoffed. Was he trying to make you feel bad for him? As if he wasn’t their friend by choice and enjoyed kissing you even when you didn’t want to.

‘’ So you’re a fucking pushover. ‘’ you spat out sourly. 

 ‘’ No! Not like that. ‘’ Sunoo cried out, ‘’ It’s a lot more complicated. ‘’

‘’ Then help me understand. ‘’

You two started to walk but you can sense that he kept glancing in front to see if the rest of them would turn back, or were listening in on your conversation.

‘’ I don’t think they would like it very much if I told you. ‘’

‘’ Why? ‘’

‘’ I…don’t know. They don’t think I can be trusted to handle you. ‘’ 

You watched him for a few seconds in silence, a smile tugged at your lips as a thought popped into your mind - maybe Sunoo was the key in.

‘’ That’s not very nice. ‘’ you started, softening your tone to sound more compassionate.

‘’ I think your heart is just a bit bigger than theirs. Not everyone acts on logic, not everyone can be the same. ‘’

He smiled slightly, but didn't look too convinced. You had exited the gym hall now and a sense of urgency hit you as you were starting to walk down the hall.

‘’ I’m the same. Maybe…you and I are just a bit different. ‘’ you rounded the first corner. ‘’ But there’s nothing wrong with that. ‘’

You looked to him for confirmation and smiled when you saw that he didn’t look as tense anymore. He seemed to be taking in what you were saying and processing it quietly.

‘’ How did you meet them? ‘’

Sunoo hesitated.

‘’ Me and Ni-ki met at an orphanage. He was adopted by a Korean couple in Japan after his parents died, but they got into a car-accident almost immediately upon returning. So he went back, to the orphanage. ‘’

You shoved down the real sympathy you felt now, reminding yourself of their true character by glancing down at your arms. 

‘’ And what happened next? ‘’

Your unexpectedly sweet voice took him by surprise, his cheeks heated up and he almost rambled the next information. 

‘’ Well, when we turned eighteen the orphanage weren’t responsible for us anymore. We became homeless but promised to stick together. ‘’

He grimaced. ‘’ We had no choice but to do some street-fighting for money. ‘’

Your eyes widened.

‘’ That’s illegal. ‘’

‘’ I know. ‘’ he sighed, sounding ashamed.

You rounded the second corner together, voices echoing down the abandoned hall.

‘’ Ni-ki trained so he did the fighting while I dealt with the money. We met at one of the fights, he was there with his dad who likes to gamble. Ever since, they’ve let us stay at their houses and taken really good care of us. They’re like the family we never had, I guess. ‘’ he shrugged.

You took in what he said, eyebrows furrowing.

‘’ Who- ‘’

You rounded the third corner.

Sunoo suddenly gasped and came to a halt, his shoes screeching. You looked up and almost felt the blood in your veins freeze. It was Sunghoon. Leaning against the wall with his arms and looking relaxed like he had expected you two. His stoic face changed into a smirk upon seeing your reactions that very much screamed, 

‘ we’re guilty ‘

Quickly the boy beside you scrambled to join his elder’s side. The million apologies and excuses that spilled out of his mouth go ignored.

‘’ What were you guys talking about? ‘’

You relaxed a bit. It seemed like he hadn’t heard enough to draw a conclusion, unless of course he was only pretending. 

‘’ Nothing really. ‘’ 

He nodded his head sarcastically. ‘’ Oh, right. ‘’

‘’ I just told her me and Ni-ki lived at an orphanage. ‘’

Sunghoon finally trained his eyes on the stressed Sunoo beside him, eyes narrowing at his words. ‘’ Why would you do that? ‘’

‘’ I just felt bad and- ‘’

‘’ We have an agreement. ‘’ he interrupted. ‘’ Do you think the others will be happy with you? ‘’

‘’ No. ‘’ Sunoo’s head fell.

‘’ Let’s go. ‘’

Sungoon cast one last annoyed look at you before wrapping his arm around Sunoo’s shoulder protectively, leading him towards the classroom.

You followed some time after and entered quietly. A hand tapped at your desk and you had almost forgotten about Soobin until you turned over and saw his worried face.

‘’ Where were you? ‘’

‘’ Where was I? Where were you? ‘’ you hit back, suddenly feeling unexplainably angry at seeing him.

If he was in the classroom when class started, he might’ve been able to stop you from being dragged away. You couldn’t help but direct your anger and frustration from what you had just gone through to the poor newcomer.

He blinked at you. ‘’ I woke up late. ‘’

His eyes traveled down to your sleeves again, which you had pulled down just before reaching the classroom. He was quiet as he chewed on his lips, seemingly trying to analyze your sudden behavior. Then he glanced at your bullies, who stared right back at him, looking very smug.

‘’ Did they hurt you? ‘’

‘’ Please…’’ you sighed in annoyance, exhaustion overtaking you so you return to laying your head down on the cold bench. ‘’ Leave me alone. ‘’

You were sure it hurt his heart to hear that but you couldn’t care in that moment. All you wanted to do was lay there on the bench; until the voices of others faded as they all left. Maybe one could lay there for all eternity, forever only listening to the world through the vibrations of the wood. Your head turned away from Soobin just as the first hot tears streamed down your face.

You were thinking of going to the rooftop again.

-

[sweetspidergirl]

A Tangled Web (Spider HRT Story)

Chapter 1

“This is stupid. Why am I doing this?”

This question echoed in my head as I sat in the sterile waiting room of the doctor's office, accompanied by the sound of the clock ticking away in the background. Besides me and the receptionist behind the counter, there was no one else in the room. That made sense. With it being a few days before Christmas, who would willingly want to spend any amount of that time in such a depressing location?

A twenty-five year old woman dissatisfied with her life and seeking a new one, apparently.

As I sat there waiting for permission to see the doctor, my mind drifted back to how I got here. It was half a year ago where I first vented frustration over my life to my best friend Elisa, and she mentioned how I might be going through species dysphoria. She then sent me some articles and links and suggested I look into humanity removal therapy, or HRT.

I had been vaguely aware of humanity removal therapy, often referred to as therian HRT, for a few months by that point. It functioned mostly like hormone replacement therapy, only it would gradually change the patient into a human/animal hybrid, or therian. It was a recent development, only having been available to the public for a little over five years, and still had quite a bit of controversy associated with it from various political groups. Despite that, based on the testimonials I read and the various pictures I saw, the people who have gone through therian HRT seemed to be happier now than they ever had as humans. Maybe it would be worth it if I gave the whole thing a shot. Maybe being in another body might help me be happy again.

I glanced down at the blank screen of my phone, looking over myself in annoyance. I noted the long, messy brown hair that I barely made look presentable. I noted the pale skin caused by a lack of social interaction and preferring the light of a screen over the sun. I noted the oval-shaped glasses and casual hoodie and sweatpants that hid as much of me as possible. I was another drop of water in the ocean that was humanity. Even my blue eyes, once bright and full of hope, had started to appear dim and non-descript as of late.

“Taylor Thompson?”

I snapped out of my thoughts as the doctor called my name. Turning my head in his direction, I got a good look at the man who would be deciding my future. He was an older gentleman, probably in his 50s or 60s, with a grey receding hairline and mustache. His thick, round glasses made it hard for me to see his eyes. Grabbing my belongings, I quietly followed the doctor as he guided me to his office. The office was what I expected to see: a small, plain white room with a desk, degrees on the wall, and bookshelves full of books that I would be too dumb to properly understand. On the desk was a small nameplate that read “Dr. T. H. Erian, Species Dysphoria Specialist” in large, clean letters. I set my bag beside me and took my seat, my heart beating like a drum in my chest. I swallowed the lump of anxiety that was forming in my throat. There was no turning back now.

“So, Miss Thompson, what brings you here today?” Dr. Erian asked in a stern voice. One sentence in and I was already having flashbacks to my high school principal. The main difference here, however, was that my answers actually mattered for more than avoiding detention.

“I, um, was hoping to be prescribed therian HRT. Specifically spider HRT.” I answered, trying to remain calm and collected.

“I see… and why a spider, if I may ask?” The doctor questioned as he began writing something on a piece of paper in front of him.

“Well, I think spiders are a lot like me. Most people are scared of them, but in reality they’re mostly just nervous, adorable little beans.” I explained with a bit of blush on my face.

“Any preferred species of spiders?”

“I was hoping to be a tarantula. They're cute and fluffy, and I think I'd look just as good as one.”

“May I ask why you wish to undergo humanity removal therapy?”

I took a deep breath and exhaled. “I've been unhappy with myself lately. My diet's been awful, I rarely go outside and interact, and in general I just hate everything about myself. My best friend, Elisa Andrews, thinks I might be going through species dysphoria. She works with therians and otherkin daily, so I assume she's right.” I explained to Dr. Erian. I then handed him a folder that contained the paperwork Elisa told me I'd need before being prescribed therian HRT: a medical examination, two psychological evaluations, written support from her and my father. I even spiced the folder up with doodles of webs and cartoon spiders in hopes that it would help my case.

Dr. Erian looked through the paperwork I gave him. I was unable to get a good idea of what he was thinking. His flat, emotionless voice was hard to read, and thanks to those glasses I couldn't tell whether he was impressed by work or annoyed at me wasting his time. I was hoping it was the former.

“Miss Thompson, before we continue, I'd like to ask an important question.” Dr. Erian spoke as he set the folder down in front of him on the desk. “How much do you know about therians?”

“How much do I know?” I asked curiously. “I mean, my best friend’s a physical therapist that works with therians, and I'm kinda aware of some of the legislature that's been passed recently-”

“That's not what I am referring to.” Dr. Erian interrupted. “I want to know if you understand what therians go through, what the process of going through humanity removal therapy is like and how you'll have to adapt. You are aware that I recommend patients spend some time living as their desired species before I prescribe them HRT, correct?”

“I-I mean… if it helps I have a few spider plushies.” I said sheepishly. I could already feel my luck running out.

Dr. Erian sighed and gently rubbed at his forehead before speaking again. “Miss Thompson, this is a serious life-changing procedure. Once you start therian HRT, your DNA will be rewritten to match your chosen species. You'll never be human again, even if you stop early into your therapy. I cannot prescribe it to just anyone who steps foot into my office.”

I sunk into my seat slightly, bringing my knees just under my chin as I almost curled up to feel safe and protected. “B-but… I was told you can help people with this kind of stuff.”

“I can, and I do. However, not everyone needs HRT. What you may think is species dysphoria could very well just be depression, and what you may need is something far simpler than a complete genetic rewrite.” The doctor explained.

I sat there in silence, barely listening to the doctor's words. He was saying so much when it all boiled down to one word: “no.” No, I couldn't get humanity removal treatment. No, I couldn't have happiness. No, I was doomed to hate myself for the rest of my miserable life. Tears started to creep their way out of my eyes, stinging slightly as they worked their way down my cheeks.

Just as I was about ready to give up and head home, I glanced up and noticed Dr. Erian looking through my papers once more. I was expecting him to scold me again. I hid my face against my knees and closed my eyes, bracing myself for his harsh words to wound my heart further.

“...are you sure becoming a tarantula will make you happy?”

I slowly brought my eyes up to look at Dr. Erian, not fully emerging from my self-made cocoon as I processed his question. What was making him change his mind? Did he believe that I'm suffering from species dysphoria after all, or was he simply taking pity on me? Regardless of the answer, I couldn't let this opportunity slip by my fingers.

“Y-yes… yes it will, doctor.” I responded, almost forcing myself to do so. A tense silence hung in the air for what felt like hours as Dr. Erian stared at me, almost examining me. I gripped the sides of my legs, waiting anxiously for either him to continue lecturing me or for me to have the courage to speak again.

“Well, if that is your answer, then I will approve you for tarantula HRT.” Dr. Erian said, writing on the piece of paper some more. “Considering it's the holiday season, it's likely your pharmacy won't receive your first dosage until after the new year, though.”

My heart almost skipped a beat at the news. I was… actually going to be a tarantula?! “Wait, really? You're… approving me for the HRT?” I asked, nearly jumping out of my seat. “Oh thank you Doc! Thank you very, very much!”

Dr. Erian sighed, writing some more information down on the paper. “As I explained, transitioning to a different species won't be easy. There will be some side effects to expect as your body changes.” He explained, making sure I had calmed down a bit before he continued. “Not all therians will experience the same side effects. Not all side effects will be present at once. Some will show up at different stages of your transition. At the earliest stages of spider HRT, I would primarily expect to see itchy skin as your hair grows in, as well as weight gain to provide material for your additional body parts to develop. Beyond that, you may experience headaches, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and possible body pain.”

After making sure I understood the side effects I might encounter during my transition, Dr. Erian started digging through a drawer in his desk, and from there pulled out two items. The first was a pamphlet that had “Welcome to your Humanity Removal Therapy” written on the cover, alongside “Species: Spider” and a minimalist illustration of him. “This pamphlet will help guide you through your transition, Miss Thompson. It provides details on a recommended meal plan, the type of environment you should live in, a rough timeline of what changes you should expect and when you should expect them, a full list of potential side effects, and more.” The doctor explained. “I would make sure to give this a thorough read if I were you. I'll also be sending you a digital copy after our meeting. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me and I will provide an answer at the earliest convenience.”

I took the pamphlet in my hands, almost crushing it in excitement. “Of course Doc. I'll definitely give it a read once I get home.”

Just as I was about to get up and leave, Dr. Erian cleared his throat. “There is one other thing I must discuss with you before we conclude here, Miss Thompson.” He said, causing me to sit back down in my seat. “I still disapprove of you not doing any research on therian culture prior to our meeting. So… I'd like for you to interact with other therians while you're taking HRT. It's not mandatory, but I do feel it will not only help you learn about your new lifestyle but also potentially help with your mood.”

As Dr. Erian said that, he handed another item. I took it in my hands and looked it over. Instead of another pamphlet, it was a flyer detailing a therian support group that was close to where I lived. It detailed that it was bi-weekly, and that it was open to those on HRT, regardless of stage, as well as those questioning.

“I'll keep that all in mind. Thank you so much for all of this, Doc.” I said, stuffing the papers in my bag. After discussing insurance and other important information to get my prescription set in stone, I left the office and gave a heavy exhale as soon as I was outside. That was probably the most stressful talk I've ever had, but it was done and over with. While I stood outside and caught my breath, my phone started buzzing. Pulling it out, I saw that I was getting a call from Elisa.

“So, how'd it go?” Elisa asked, sounding exceedingly curious. Looking at the time on my phone, I hadn't realized she had just finished with work by the time I finished my meeting.

“Well, I managed to get the prescription, so that's good. You didn't tell me he was gonna be so scary though.” I answered back with a tiny bit of irritation in my voice.

“Hey I never met the guy personally. Besides, you still got the HRT in the end, so it all worked out.” Elisa answered back. “So how long before you start spinning webs and crawling up walls?”

“Well, my first dosage won't arrive until after the new year. Beyond that, well…” I trailed off a bit, glancing back at my bag and the papers inside of it. “I have some homework to do.”

---

NEXT:

Welcome everyone! This is the start of a (hopefully) long-term project I intend to work on. This is the story of Taylor Thompson, a 25-year-old woman seeking a change in life through humanity removal therapy. In the process of transitioning from human to spider, she'll learn more about the world of therians, as well as learn more about herself and what she wants out of life.

I want to thank @ayviedoesthings, @welldrawnfish, @entroart, @bubbleverseart, @nyxisart, @prettiestplatypus, @deadeyedfae, @kaylasartwork, and anyone else I may have forgotten (there's a lot of people I'm so sorry ><) for creating the world of therian HRT and creating such a community, as well as my fiancé for showing them to me and for inspiring me to give my own version a try. I can't say when the second chapter will be done, so just keep your eyes open, and I hope you all will join me on this long, wild ride.

Thank you so much in advance.