#however fomo is so real

[echinocereus]

the thing about me is that if enough of my mutuals incessantly talk about a singular piece of media its only a matter of time that i check it out

hate to say it but peer pressure absolutely works on me

[urmomsfavelesbian]

🥹 shoutout to my euro bestie moot lina @snowflakenali for easing my genuinely debilitating fomo by not only getting me uk dragcon merch, but also mentioning me to daya who 😭 remembered me by name and Lit Up upon talking about me 😭, AND got a video of willow talking to me and saying my name and saying she’ll see me in april 😭 some public appreciation was necessary for dealing with paypal and crazy lines and for the soon to be hell of international shipping 🥹 and shoutout to my self proclaimed accountant jess @polychromeedge for Also helping me deal with the hell of paypal and always counseling me through my fomo and ridiculous levels of daya induced mental illness and getting excited for me to wake up and see images 🥰 and shoutout to my big sister ashie @dayabot for freaking out about dayasco with me 24/7 for days now and writing endless winding concepts about the vamp wives and coordinating posts with me and letting me send willow n boscy performance videos and endlessly enabling my terminal levels of boscobrain. and an overall shoutout to the gay community and dayasluts working together 😌

[meazalykov]

one shot with one heart

lena oberdorf x uswnt!reader

summary: what if germany and the united states made it to the semi-finals of the 2023 world cup? how would the two lovers handle it?

disclaimer/warnings: guilt, longer fic, i took real life events from the uswnt vs sweden match, and mallory never got injured before the world cup in this fic.

to you, the stadium could’ve stretched for miles filled with red, white, and blue colors– also white, red, orange, and black colors. 

one of the semi-finals of the 2023 women's world cup came down to germany and the united states. the other game involves australia and spain. 

you didn’t care so much about the oceania country and spanish country going head-to-head. at least for now. the world cup has taken over your mind for the last few months.

back in your home in munich, you pushed yourself during your games in the bundesliga. you’ve been with bayern munich since 2021, after a transfer from manchester city. at first, it took some months for you to settle in a new place. you’ve been away from your hometown of washington dc for many years, so readjusting wasn’t new to you. 

then, you’ve made friends with your entire team. your closest friends being lea, sydney, and giulia– until georgia and sam tagged along in the later seasons. 

lea schuller, your bestest friend, threw a small gathering at her apartment on a winter night in 2022. at first, you didn’t want to go. you had many chores that needed to be finished in your apartment– laundry, dishes, vacuuming– you name it. however, you suffered from a tiny case of FOMO. you decided to go at the last minute. 

as you were walking into lea’s apartment, you saw two girls that you knew from wolfsburg. being the only non-german in the room you were surprised. lea introduced you to jule and lena– since you’ve never talked to them before. except for clashes during the rivalry games. 

lena and you hit it off right away. everyone noticed how neither of you could leave the other alone. a month after talking- which happened to be a week after your birthday– lena came to visit you from wolfsburg and asked you to be her girlfriend. you said yes– and you guys have been happy since. 

the long-distance between wolfsburg and munich hasn’t been as hard as you guys have suspected. you both hoped that you will be closer together someday. 

now the game between germany and the united states ended in a 3-3. lea scoring a brace and alex popp with a goal for germany— sophia smith, lynn williams, and you scoring one goal for the united states. 

the semi-finals needed a winner. so after no goals for both sides in extra time, the game came down to penalty kicks.

andi sullivan, number 17, takes the first shot in the penalty match. you look ahead, not wanting to blink in case you missed something big. 

she scores! you let your arms wrapped behind mallory and sophia go as you clapped in support. you didn’t want to celebrate too much, since this penalty match can go either way. 

you turn your head to see your bayern teammate, giulia, stand at the penalty spot. you swallow in nervousness as you hated to wish that she missed. 

giulia scores! you hear all of the german girls, just 20 feet to your left– support your club teammate as she runs back to her line with a light smile. 

you look down at the grass before seeing your national team captain, lindsey, go up to kick. 

in your heart, you knew that lindsey wouldn’t miss. after her swift kick, you clapped in support knowing that you were right. 

alexandra popp took a shot and didn’t miss, which caused your breathing to slow a tiny bit. you were nervous. even though you won the world cup at the age of 18 in 2019– you are ambitious and want your second by 22.

as kristie stepped up, you had a faint smile. the mewis sisters were the older sisters you wished you had as the older sibling of your own family. a small amount of hope shined through your fears as you saw the back of kristies head look forward at berger. 

kristie scores! you pump your fists into the air as she runs back to the run with you. this time, she high-fives your hands before falling back into line. now, she is beside you on your right– with mallory to your left side. 

you were distracted at the thought of kristies penalty kick– so your eyes widened when you saw your bestfriend at bayern– sydney– go and take the penalty shot next. again, you felt guilty about wanting her to miss the goal.

and then she did. sydney’s foot launched the ball far into the crowd which made you relieved. the germans in the crowd sigh as the americans cheered. in your heart, you wanted to comfort her– in your mind, you were relieved that she missed. 

mallory’s right arm slowly leaves your waist as she heads towards the penalty spot. she was next. 

“you got this swanson!” you yelled, hoping that she heard you over the loud crowd. she is one of your best friends on the national team and you knew a goal would lift her nervous spirit. 

she didn’t get it, she missed. your heart dropped to your stomach as mallory walked back into line beside you. the ball she kicked was successfully blocked by berger on the right corner.

klara, one of your bayern teammates you love, goes to take a penalty kick. she missed which caused the german crowd to sigh in disappointment. 

all of your fans, friends, and family knew that you weren't enjoying this. in fact, you would’ve preferred a 90 minute game with a clear winner over this climactic scene. 

lena’s parents saw you briefly before the semi-final game and wished you luck. they’ve looked and loved you like one of their own. obi’s mother saw the nervous look in your eyes and reminded you that they would still love you even if you beat germany. 

you have the same nervous eyes looking ahead at sophia smith going to take the penalty. your stomach turns and your eyes widen at the realization of her kick. 

if sophia scores, the uswnt goes to the world cup finals. the entire country is looking at sophia on their tv screens. you can’t imagine how that would feel on the girl who's months older than you. 

when the ball goes above the goalpost, you frown as sophia covers her face with her hands. at first, you thought she started crying. you weren’t too far off. sophia tried to cover her sad looks with a poker face that wasn’t working. 

after she got back in line– on the opposite side of mallory from you– you reached your arm from behind and patted on sophia’s back. you wished you could’ve done more in that moment. 

your heart beats hard as you look ahead at your lover jog to take the kick for germany. you find yourself glued to your spot, a knot of nervousness tightening in your stomach. 

you want to cheer for your girlfriend, to hope she scores, but the conflict within you is undeniable. a small part of your mind, the part driven by the fierce desire and competitiveness to see your team advance, wishes for her to miss. 

the guilt that accompanies that thought is overwhelming, making it hard to breathe. some of your teammates tilt their heads through the line to try and look at you– seeing a nervous and guilty look plastered on your face. 

kristie and mallory, standing beside you on both sides, notice your inner turmoil through your clenched jaw. 

kristie glances at you, her eyes filled with understanding. she knew the feeling after facing australia in the olympics against sam. however, she couldn’t imagine a scenario where penalty kicks were involved.  

she already had her arm wrapped around your back, so she takes her hand and squeezes your shoulder gently, a silent gesture of support that steadies you momentarily. you’re reminded that your teammates do acknowledge you and the significance of lena being on the opposite team from you. 

lena is your rival on the club level, but that is nothing compared to a world cup semi-final.

on the other side of your body, mallory does the same thing kristie did, her hand resting reassuringly on your lower back.

you stare at lena’s body the entire time, refusing to blink. lena takes a deep breath, and you do the same, feeling the tension grow tighter within you. 

obi steps forward, striking the ball cleanly. for a fleeting moment, you hope, and you fear— you feel everything all at once.

when the ball passes alyssa’s fingers, going into the back of the net– lena jumps and yells in celebration as she jogs back to her teammates. you look at her the entire time with a straight face, but your eyes showed your small happiness for her. 

you love her so much. seeing her happy makes you happy, even with these circumstances. 

alyssa removes herself from the goal-post line and goes to the penalty spot. the older woman told you about her love for taking penalties before. the woman in green gave you a sense of confidence. 

“come on alyssa!” you yell as your teammates yell in encouragement for her. 

as her shot sprints past ann’s fingers, going into the net, you pump your fists into the air knowing that you trusted your goalkeeper to score.

now the penalties are 4-3. this terrified you. 

on the lineup, you were the penalty kicker that went after alyssa. as an attacking midfielder, you were good at penalty kicks. if the next kicker, which looks to be svenja huth walking to the penalty spot, misses— the fate of the uswnt going to the world cup final depends on you. 

you silently curse at the scriptwriters who could make this shit up. y/n, the american girl who plays in a german club and has a bunch of friends on the german national team along with the love of her life, might have to crush their dreams of being in a world cup final.

svenja’s shot was blocked by alyssa. the ball slammed right into alyssa’s gloved fingers. your heart sunk to your stomach and suddenly, your legs felt like lead that could snap in one wrong move. 

the weight of the semi-final settles on your shoulders. it's your turn, and the realization hits you— if you score, the uswnt will advance to the world cup finals, possibly leading to their fifth win ever. 

your entire team on the pitch yells words of encouragement at you. 

“you got this, y/l/n!!!” you hear julie ertz’s voice. 

“we love you!” naomi gave you reassurance. 

all of your german teammates felt fear in their bodies as they saw you walk up to position the ball on the penalty spot. out of anyone that could take the deciding shot, they were shocked that it was you. you can handle pressure, but not as much as others can. 

lena swallowed on nothing as she stared at you, the same way you stared at her taking the shot. instead, she knows that you will win the game if you make the goal. 

she knows what's at stake, both for her team and for yours. the wolfsburg midfielder is questioning how you’re handling the pressure. the tension in the stadium is suffocating, and she can feel every heartbeat echoing in her chest. 

her teammates notice her tension, offering silent pats on the back the same way the uswnt did for you with her kick, but lena barely registers them.

she bites her lip, her hands clenched tightly together, her gaze fixed solely on you as if you were the only one in the stadium. 

the stadium is a cauldron of noise. the german supporters are trying to distract y/n while the american supports hold their breaths due to the intensity of the situation. 

you managed to block it all out, focusing on ann-katrin berger, germany's goalkeeper. her eyes lock onto yours as she gives you an intimidating look, a silent challenge passing between you.

"this could be it, folks. it all comes down to y/n l/n. one goal to send the united states to the world cup finals for the fifth time." a male commentator speaks to the tv audience, where millions of people have their eyes watching your every move.

"y/n has been phenomenal this tournament. her goal from outside the box earlier could be nominated for goal of the tournament, but can she handle this pressure? this is the moment where the legends are made." the female commentator speaks up alongside the man. 

“she was just 18 years old when she assisted rose lavelle’s goal in the last world cup final against the netherlands, she has the quality that can send the united states to another win.” the male commentator defends you. 

"that's true– but we know that ann-katrin berger has been solid for germany. will she rise to the occasion or will y/n find a way through?" the woman responds. 

the world seems to slow down as you take your steps back, your mind focused solely on the goal ahead. the stadium seems to stop as you begin your run-up, each step is measured, and your heart pounds in your chest.

“y/l/nnn!” the commentator drags your last name as your foot strikes the ball cleanly, watching as it sails toward the goal. 

ann dives, her fingers brushing the ball as it was stopped over the goal-line. from your eyes, it looks like the ball went over the line. however, you know you’re biased. 

your heart stops for a quick second—did she save it? the ball did hit the ground just behind the line, and the stadium erupts in a series of shock.

your shaky hands cover your dropped jaw as you stare at the ball that lays behind the net. 

ann and you run to the assistant ref who stands closeby, ready to protest your sides. 

"was it in? did it cross the line?" you begged through for shaky hands. your lungs force itself to take deep breaths as you felt tortured, 

"the referee is checking var now, wait!"

you stand frozen as your eyes couldn’t even blink, your heart in your throat. 

the referee waits for confirmation as her fingers hold onto her ear-piece, the seconds stretching into what feels like an eternity. 

the first thing you do is turn to look at your coach, who nods his head in support. he knew you made it, but the refs made the final call. 

suddenly, you look back to see the ref staring at you. at the same second she blows the whistle and points to the center circle—- FINAL GOAL! 

all of the nervousness in your body was replaced with an overwhelming rush of relief. your teammates on the pitch and benches sprint towards you in excitement after hearing the whistle. 

some of them tackle you to the ground and they all start a pile in excitement. their cheers echoing in your ears as they embrace you. all you could do was giggle and tear up in excitement, the nerves overwhelming your tired body.

on the other side of the pitch, the germans stand in shock–. their faces are a mix of shock and sorrow, the dream of reaching the world cup final snatched away in that single moment by their bestfriend and girlfriend for lena. 

your closest national teammates, trinity, tierna, and mallory, are the first to reach you after, their faces alight with joy. this is ten minutes after the VAR call, so you calmed down from the excitement that took over your body. 

they embrace you tightly in a group hug, shouting praises, songs and congratulations. 

as they pull back from your warm body, they notice the fake smile on your face. through your eyes they can see the guilt and sadness etched on your face. also, they reflected the inner turmoil you’re struggling to hide throughout this happy moment.

"y/n, we're going to the fuckinggggg final thanks to you!" trinity exclaims, hoping that she misunderstood the look on your face. her smile fades slightly as she sees your smile come and go in the same moment.

tierna places a comforting arm around your shoulder. "are you okay? you don't look happy for someone who just sent us to the world cup finals."

mallory, always perceptive, follows your gaze to the german benches, where lena sits in denial– beside laura freigang who has tears in her eyes. 

“you're sad about lena?"

you nod, your heart felt heavy. your national teammates knew how in love you were with lena. they’ve heard about her throughout your international breaks. there is never a day where you aren’t on facetime with lena when you’re back in the states for camp. they’ve met lena once and love how much you both care for each other. 

"i– i just know how much this meant to her— i feel like i just snatched something important from her." you say as your eyes wander around the german benches. you see many of your bayern teammates sad, you hope they didn’t hate you. 

 

“i’m scared too– you guys might be my teammates here but most of the girls over there are my club teammates in germany. I don't know what to do.” you confess.

the washington spirit forward pulls you into a side hug. "awhh sweetie it's okay to feel that way. your feelings are valid but thi is just the nature of the game. they all know that– lena understands that, even if it's hard for them right now."

you bite your nails out of bad habit as you stare at tierna’s cleats unintentionally, “i might give obi space for a few days– i don’t want to poke into the wound.” you mumble. 

"no no no! you need to go to her. lena needs you right now more than ever even if you think that she doesn’t. she loves you."

mallory nods her head in agreement after taking a sip from her water bottle. 

"obviously it's going to be tough for her to move on from this loss, but she knows you're not her enemy. she knows that you might feel guilty as much as she feels hurt. she needs her love right now, not her american opponent."

after a few more minutes of girl talk, your heart pounds as your feet carries you to the german benches, fear taking over your insides. 

what if she resents you for this? what if the loss drives a wedge between you?

you gripped onto your black windbreaker jacket as you step closer to the benches. before you could reach lena, you feel a tap on your shoulder. 

“good goal, y/n.” alexandra says. you pull her into a hug as you breathe deeply. she wasn’t your teammate at bayern, but she knows you due to lena. she is the captain so she knows how much importance you have in lena’s life– just as much as lena has in yours.

“thank you– i’m so sorry.” you mumble as you pull away from your body. 

“don’t apologize. you deserve the win.” alex gives you a faint smile and pats your back.  

“yeah but–” you cut yourself off as you turn your head to look at lena, who had her head in her hands. 

“obi needs you– go talk to her.” alex says before stepping away from you. 

you play with the zipper on your windbreaker as you approach your girlfriend. she sits on the bench and can’t see you with her hands on her eyes, so you kneel down to be eye-level with her. 

“obi baby..." you place your hands on her shoulders, rubbing them back and forth as you pull her attention.

in a quick motion, she reaches out and pulls you into a tight embrace, her body shaking with disappointment. she wasn’t crying with tears, but you know she would’ve if she wasn’t in public. lena didn’t want another euros 2022 aftermath to happen to her.

"lena, you don’t understand how much i hated doing that to you, i’m sorry" you whisper, your own tears starting to fall. 

"i know. I know. it just... it hurts so much right now." lena clings to you, her grip firm yet trembling. she hasn’t felt this way since the EURO 2022 finals. you give mini kisses on the side of her head, hoping to comfort her in some way after taking away her chance to go into the world cup finals.

“i'm here for you baby, always. i’ll stay with your for a few weeks once we are back in germany before the pre-season– i am so sorry." you mumbled the last part a few times.

as the minutes pass, neither of you broke away from the hug. the noise of the stadium fades into the background. 

all of the german and american players give you both space, understanding the delicate situation between you both.

trinity, tierna, mallory, savannah, sophia  watch from a distance, their support unwavering. they didn’t know lena much, but everyone knows that lena would never hate you over this.

“you played so good y/n. i am so happy for you, please don’t believe otherwise. it's just... hard to accept the loss right now."

you nod, understanding her pain. you place your hands on the side of her face as you gave her a hopeful smile.

“i love you obi baby, i’m sorry.” 

“stop apologizing— and i love you more liebe.” 

<3

[etherealsworldvision]

How Can You Form New Connections?

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about Native Hope. They’re a non-profit organization that addresses the injustice done to Native communities in the U.S. and Canada. They share Native stories, provide educational resources, and assist Native communities. If you’d like to make a donation you can click; link.

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings!

Pile 1

Your current energy towards making new connections

[ Messages: Honesty without compassion is cruelty and kindness without honesty is manipulation. Don’t waste a second of your time convincing other people your worth ]

Cards: Queen of Cups; 4 of Cups (Rx); the Magician. Queen of Spades; 7 of Clubs

You feel ready to form new connections but feel wary about people which might hold you back. For some of you; you may have dealt with someone who was mean to you during this connection. This feels like that old connection is recent but like a little long ago so I’d say within six months or so (I could be wrong though). However it seems like it’s not a huge concern any more but it does linger from time to time. I get the sense that the thought and your experience with them contributes to your fomo (fear of missing out). In general though, this feels like you freshly stepped or going into a more confident energy. Like you’re comfortable with meeting people as well as letting people meet you. You’re also approaching new connections slowly and with boundaries. I feel called to say this to someone: “boundaries are not about control, it’s about taking the action to keep ourselves healthy and safe”.

How can you make/new connections

[ Messages: Don’t waste a second of your time convincing other people your worth. You have been hidden for far too long; meet new people, discover new places, learn new things — it’s time to explore and expand your mind. May you honor all that you receive. May you let it be. ]

[ Additional Messages: Dylan’s Place by Hockey Dad, Hell and Back by Bakar, Art, Asking what you want and need in a connection]

Cards: Ten of Swords; Ten of Pentacles; Ace of Wands. 7 of Clubs; King of Spades. Gratitude; Forgive

Okay Pile 1, I get the sense there is an all or nothing trait. I have a feeling some of you are tired of that mentality only because a tiktok popped in mine. There’s this woman who said “I’m done being a ride or die because every time I ride, I’m bleh! Every time I ride it’s bleh, I ride I bleh, I’m tired of ‘dying’.” This mindset is also contributing to ‘I need to know’ about the outcomes. Which hinders you from forming new connections and it turns into quicksand. Your guides are saying “it’s time to trust yourself. Let yourself be free and experience this connection. Whatever you feel, feel and process it; let your emotions help you determine your action in order to tend to the needs of this connection.”

[ Disclaimer: if you are displaying serious mental health issues please seek professional help. ]

I get the sense you may watch ‘their intention’ which is not helping you. If anything it may cause you to be extra cautious. I feel like we get too caught up about other people’s intentions that we have a tendency to forget how we can contribute to our own sufferings. For a second I felt a bit of defensiveness which is okay. Let’s take a breath real quick and get a little comfy again. This isn’t to attack you at all.

It’s okay to be wary because it reminds us to set our boundaries. However if we let that wariness become our impossible, doorless wall then it will only make us more lonely.

Your guides are asking you to trust yourself and to be more open about the possibilities. They also want you to ask yourself ‘why do I want a new connection, is it a transactional or genuine connection?’ I also heard ‘take out: are they serving/benefiting me/them and replace it with: are they/am I being genuine? How do we/I feel about this?’. There’s also articles about transactional vs genuine connection. Remember connections involve two people.

Lastly, another big thing is the sky high expectations you put on yourself. You are not a skyscraper sweetie — you can only take so much you can handle, you’re literally just a human being. There’s also this tendency of being super hard on yourself (especially with a past connection). Your guides are asking you to accept and forgive yourself. To hold yourself with compassion. So that means no more bullying yourself! It’s easier said than done but those self deprecating jokes are hurting yourself. Instead your guides are asking you to explore why you have this high expectation, why do you feel the need to bully yourself when it comes to failure? Why haven't you pat yourself on the back for acknowledging and taking action to better a situation — for leaving?

It takes a strong person to leave an unhealthy connection. Congratulate yourself for taking the first step for putting yourself first. And don’t stop there. Congratulate yourself for taking the initiative for wanting better and more in your life. Congratulate yourself for the person you were, are, and will become. Give yourself the gratitude you give others.

To recap: forgive and congratulate yourself. All of nothing, needing to know the outcome is what’s hindering you from forming new connections.

Pile 2

Your current energy towards making new connections

[Messages: If I am worth everything later I am worth something now; for wheat is wheat even if people think it’s grass in the beginning. It did not kill me and it did not make me stronger, it simply and always will be scorching my heart. It takes time…this blooming, this coming back to your own self. May you express all that you are, may you feel deeply and treasured.

Additional Messages: 333, 22, clown, big d energy, warm tones especially yellows, comedic, beach, skeptical, Australia, (trail)blazers, sponsorship, business savvy, small talks, “More” by 5 seconds of summer, ‘If walls could talk’ by 5 SOS, Colognes, Perfume, trendy, mask, masc (presenting), talkative, flirty, charmer. ]

Cards : The Hermit (Rx); 2 of Cups; Sun. 9 of Diamonds; 10 of Clubs; 2 of Clubs. Wild (Rx), Bliss (Rx)

Your energy is hella funny and big. Like idk how to explain it — you have a celebrity interviewee vibe to you. It’s as if you are an important guest on a talk show. Like you’re ready to go out, have fun, do your thing. Do the next big things because if you’re going to go out why not go out with a bang, right? You might have Leo/Libra/Jupiter placements — especially Leo/Sagittarius mars. It feels like you have been hiding in plain sight. I don’t think you have trouble making new connections; it’s about having trouble forming sentimental connections and (up)keeping them. You may have a tendency to only have interesting small talks and that’s because you’re a damn good conversationalist. Yet there’s this need to have deep talks, it tickles the back of your mind but you quickly dismiss it — shove that box to the ocean but that wave brings it back. You may have a fear of intimacy and commitment issues which lead to internal isolation and loneliness. This might have been recently brought up or you probably stumbled on this reading and thought “well fuuuccckk now that you said it I can’t ignore it.” If you’re going to scroll, that’s fine. It’s a tough convo but when you’re ready to give it a read just know I’m super proud of you.

How can you make/new connections

[ Messages: May you settle gently, even as the wave breaks above. May you be exactly as you are. Keep your heart warm no matter how cold they have been to you. To be loved is to be changed; let yourself enjoy this process.

Additional Messages: Skipping vulnerable talks, speeding through connections, CBT Therapy, The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest, Outer Banks, needing patience, speedy, overindulgence with instant gratification, wanting more out of connection, toxic, singing, 1010, making decisions you’re capable of, 2, gentle, cooperative, harmonious connections, stalling, ‘This Charming Man’ by The Smiths, Steve Lacy. ]

Cards: The Hanged Man (Rx); Ace of Swords (Rx); 10 of Swords (Rx). Jack of Spades; 10 of Hearts. Soothed; Enough.

Okay, so I think you view yourself as the waves on a beach. People love the beach waves and only the beach waves, so that’s the form you’re comfortable taking. Except you’re not just the waves but the entire ocean. You have depth but you’re so used to people enjoying the waves and even if they sail the seas, you’re okay if they just stay afloat. You’re so used to seeing beach viewers, surfers, and cruisers; the ones who are there for a fun time and to admire. They’re the people who you’re so used to seeing and have this belief that they are all you know. You forgot about the scuba divers, marine biologists, and submarines; the ones who are willing to go to the depths and understand who you are. I don’t know why I had to form it this way — but I think this visual may help you think, ‘hey there are more people out there’. You may think of yourself as the ocean or have a huge connection to it.

You have a habit of avoiding confrontation via shutting down, dissociating, downplaying it by using jokes, flat out ignoring them, or being defensive about it. To you, you believe “if I cannot see the problem then they can’t see me”. Meaning: if there is no problem there is no hurt.

There’s this stalling, avoidant habit you had ever since childhood or a very old relationship and I think it’s due to how people overly reacted or ignored you when it came to your needs. So now this habit follows you around out of protection. Your energy kind of reminds me of Trevor from Ghosts (US version) in terms of being a ‘chill’ person but secretly wanting something intimate and sentimental. You may even think intimacy only comes in the form of sex. You might have even thought “why isn’t this working?” That’s a start…but using sex as an act of intimacy is not enough.

I know it’s difficult to hear but intimacy can come in the form of sharing hobbies together, having deep talks, or being in a room just to enjoy each other’s presence. Intimacy comes in many forms. So that leads to the question: what is the value of intimacy and sentimentality to you? What do you find intimate and sentimental? What is your relationship toward intimacy and sentimentality?

I also think the issue is not just about running away from yourself/self-sabotaging, but also the people you surround yourself with. Are your friends/lovers there for only the good/celebratory times? Are your friends/lover only there for the sad/gloomy times? Are they enabling this side of you? You need to ask how they make you truly feel about yourself.

Deep down you know you’re capable of making better decisions — you just need a gentle push. Let this be it. Be a scuba diver and a marine biologist, get to befriend and understand the deepest part of you. Also let other marine biologists/scuba divers understand you. Sure it isn’t perfect; yeah the ocean can cause a tsunami and there are huge storming waves in the midst of the ocean but there are people willing to dive deep.

Let yourself open up and to be understood, it’ll help with the hurt you’re carrying. If you make your walls too high then the hurt will only pile up. Honestly intimacy doesn’t always have to apply with hurt — it’s just basking in each other’s company.

Okay so another thing I recommend is to read articles about Transactional vs Genuine, it’s a good start. I know it’s a process but opening up is a step by step process. Also, let yourself slow down in a connection, there’s no need to rush through it. Let yourself enjoy the person’s company. I’ll leave the reading here, if you made it this far just know that I’m proud of you.

Pile 3

Your current energy towards making new connections

[ Messages: May you dive deep into your passions; May you navigate with purpose. When we are at our lowest, that is when we are ready for change. The essence of community, it’s heart and soul, is the non-monetary exchange of value; things we do share because we care for others and for the good of the place.

Additional Messages: luck, opportunities, clover, 11, 1, 33, 3, 2, 123, calm, gem, hobbies, exposure. expressing your authenticity, hating loud noises, not a fan of loud music, outside limitations ]

Cards: Ace of Pentacles; Ace of Wands; 2 of Cups (Rx). 3 of Spades; 3 of Hearts. Love; Decide

Alrighty Pile 3! I think some of you are from pile 2 so if you are — welcome back lol. The first thing I do notice is: you may be finding new hobbies or rediscovering hobbies. Like there is an investment towards your hobbies and feeling this reconnection to yourself. Another thing you may be going through is making a decision within a connection. I don’t think it’s necessarily romantic but it can be. You may feel conflicted about ending or ‘saving’ it. Or you just feel out of the loop — like you’ve outgrown a connection. Now this doesn’t have to be romantic, a connection can be anything. I think this is my younger pile lol, like I’m getting mid-late teen vibes from some of you. If not, you're just very youthful in terms of energy. There’s also this nostalgia/reminisce of wanting to go back to your fun years. Like think about those posts about “remember 2016 summer?” Yeah…that’s basically it. Okay not to be rude: I feel like this pile is wondering how much they held their self expression back for the sake of having a connection and to feel loved/accepted. I just feel this heavy sense that you weren’t expressing your true self for friendship. I honestly don’t think you communicated these feelings to anyone else either. I think the way you have probably been cooping is by reconnecting with yourself, alone. Which leads you to wonder “how can I meet like minded people?”

How can you make new connections

[ Messages: May it be effortless, May you tend to the sufferings, Don’t waste a second of your time convincing people of your worth, It takes time this blooming, this coming back to your own self.

Additional messages: mellow, tired, sleepy, low noise, low voice, jumpy, not into ruckus, Kim Possible, trapped, sleepless nights, calculating, restlessness, listlessness]

Cards: 4 of Swords (Rx); The Tower (Rx); 8 of Pentacles (Rx). 7 of Clubs; 2 of Clubs. Ease; Compassion.

This is honestly pretty funny because I was so energetic prior to this reading but now I feel low energy. So I think pile 3 is just tired, maybe even drained. I also feel like wanting to take things slow, to process everything. So maybe this is your energy?

I want to start with this restlessness. So you may be thinking about how to gain new friendships/connections. I feel like you join a lot of activities — even ones you hope to like but you know it’s not for you but you just have this hope you’ll grow into it. Sometimes you may also be the wallflower/ghost at the corner in these events, even online.

I think you put so much pressure on yourself to fit in with the crowd. To the point you’re willing to throw yourself into random spaces in hopes of getting along. Which, in turn, eats at your energy. It’s like an introvert pretending to be an extravert. I don’t mean that in a bad way — I just have to be straightforward. You’re aware this isn’t for you but you still try to go along with it, for other people.

Like there’s nothing wrong with who you are — what your interests and hobbies are, what you do in your spare time, whatever the case. You are just a person living your life. You like what you like, that’s fine.

Honestly you really don’t need to do so much. Let the crowd come to you by freely expressing yourself. Your guides are saying to hold compassion for yourself and to be the one who has a say in your connections. There is no need for an elaborate plan, a friendship doesn’t need to start on that. It’s going to feel effortless, fun, exciting! Like one of those friendships where both are like “when were we friends?” And they have the best friendship that’s going strong.

Yes there is commitment and maintenance in connection, however, it shouldn’t be so calculating and draining. I feel that this group’s main thing that can help you out is to be yourself and to let yourself be seen. I know it sounds contradictory. What I mean is: you’re just being you and you happen to post it or someone walks by. They notice and boom you two are talking a lot about that interest. Also don’t forget about what you need in a connection. You have needs and requirements too so don’t be afraid of talking to someone about these things. That’s honestly all I’m getting.

If you liked this reading please like, comment, reblog, and share. And if you want to further support me then tips are appreciated on: Ko-Fi ; PayPal ; Venmo ; Cashapp

[thearchercore]

I totally agree with you that it feels like a weird mockumentary/very meta because they're filming during actual races with the actual drivers there whose terrible race weekends are being immortalized in a movie.

However, my additional two cents: If they completely made the movie from scratch and everything was a re-creation - no real F1 drivers or cars, etc. they'd have to have multiple fake F1 cars made to race each other, multiple actors cast for other driver roles, and honestly? I wouldn't trust them to make it good LOL. It would probably be full of super fake looking cars and completely wrong racing lines and actors who don't look like they could fit in an F1 car. At least currently it looks very real, even though it's almost too real.

Also, sadly, I know we're all criticizing this so far, but ultimately this movie isn't made for us. It's again made for people who know nothing or very little about F1. Brad uttering the words 'build it for combat' told me everything I needed to know. For viewers who aren't into F1, I'm sure it will seem like a very impressive and accurate looking movie.

All we will get out of the movie is pointing out everything they got wrong, and being in the know of easter eggs when real F1 drivers/information is shown.

As F1 fans I think we unfortunately have to lower our expectations.

i never had expectations to begin with but are we sure non f1 fans would tune in? like yes, brad pitt is an appealing factor for the middle aged audiences but if a movie has no clear plot, no extensive marketing, and no clear word of mouth recommendation effect, the title could get easily lost once released.

what's being proven now is that movies that do well in the box office need to build a momentum, a FOMO effect in the viewer that makes the screening of the movie an event they cannot miss.

if the f1 movie does not step up its game in that sense, i dont see it doing well enough to break even. especially when the drivers themselves (that could be a big marketing force if used well), dont seem too onboard with the movie lol

[mikuustuff]

☆°.DABI HEADCANONS.°☆

[Song 4 the mood] --- some silly hcs of my bbg to start off my blog<33

_They get more intresting as you continue to read lmao

_Warnings- swearing, blood tears

☆Doesn't like spicy food, burns his throat and sour stuff is 10x more horrible, he has a raging sweet tooth tho!

☆LOVES peppermint (+flavoured stuff) it soothes his throats internal burns

☆Likes to sleep butt naked, absolutely no tops and his trousers are like a trap for his legs, he's laying in bed with shorts/boxers only

☆VERY picky eater (doesn't eat fruit hates citrus stuff but likes vegetables, Enji prolly ate them alot to keep fit which influenced Touya to follow thru)

☆Doesn't laugh at other ppls jokes, maybe a snort or gruff with a smirk

-defo snickers a lot tho when it comes to insults from him or hearing ppl give someone else a good insult

-BUT especially after his reveal and feeling less constipated of his personal life and identity he HOLLERS

-he's finally being loud and clear and WANTS to be heard

-If he hears smth funny he will bellow a loud ass laugh especially if he's the one making a joke, he's rolling all over the ground giggling and will give ppl dirty looks for not laughing along with him

-Girliest giggles while scrolling thru Enji hate twitter meme posts at like 4am

☆horrible sleep schedule, NEVER knows what time it is

☆Really doesn't give a shit abt anyth (thats not apart of his 'scheme' anyway)

-but sometimes if he's interested enuff he'll become all competitive and try to open up on you getting all cocky

-SUPER salty when he loses he's a silent sulker and will most likely berate u for it (sore ahh loser)

-SOOO SMUG IF HE WINS THO will all of a sudden mention a bet u two never made so now ur in debt to him for smth, its usually rly tame tho like if he's too lazy to get himself a drink he's been craving so now ur his little errand runner

☆100% watched those "real or fake?!" Cake videos with his siblings when they were younger

-Would throw massive hissy fits if shoto gets one right and he doesn't

-shoto is like a baby so bro is probably drooling and pointing at the screen cooing happily that he's copying his big bro touya while his role model is actually fucking seething

☆Because of this shoto prolly tried to copy touya a lot as a baby, saw big bro as a role model and made all the same decisions as him especially since touya is the only other kid with a fire quirk

☆BIG CRYBABY (after revealed identity) he's finally free he's no longer emotionally constipated, happy sad angry doesn't matter there is blood spilling from his scars but its always with a smile cause that's how he always was as a kid too, he doesn't know why he does that himself but it's actually because he can't cry, his body doesn't allow him to express his emotions properly however he can still smile

☆doesn't feel pain anywhere, uses that to his advantage a lot...

☆However he's still a whiny baby, gets stomach aches a lot prolly, his burns always itch and always has a migraine, will let EVERYONE know as an excuse for them to stfu or do shit for him, however if he's feeling especially vulnerable when feeling rly sick he's quiet and fidgety cause as a kid it was probably seen as a weakness that he would want to hide from Enji so he could train

☆Has travel/motion sickness (js like me fr), will vomit after watching a 3D Movie he's that pathetic, roller coasters r a big nono makes him dizzy js looking at them

☆ALWAYS stays up thru every movie, never once falls asleep on the couch even as a kid he gets stupid fomo over anyth (prolly bcs of Enji and shoto training)

☆He stims a lot when he gets excited/overstimulated/annoyed (kinda canon?)  Mostly his feet

☆HE DID NOT PLAN HIS DANCE, he was so into the moment and was so excited and full of emotion he just busted out moves and started dancing from sheer joy to finally be recognised once again (he stimmed lmao)

☆Bcs of his feet stims he defo was a random tiptoe walker as a kid and sometimes randomly does it as an adult

☆HUGE SENSORY ISSUE WITH SOCKS I've never seen bro wear any anyways?? Everyone in the LoV saw his feet when he wore his church shoes in s2 so wearing his big fancy boots is a great way to hide his free grippers

☆Bac to food he prolly rly likes plain food, pass him mac n cheese or any plain/tomato sauce pasta and he's happily chomping away with that big ass mouth, loves potatoes dishes he likes the mushy stuff, because of his big jaw eventho he hates fish he LOVES his chicken and beef and bites at the bone, turns into a rabbid animal sometimes

☆SO shit at shooter games, can't aim and just doesn't have the energy to get competitive over it, low key stresses him out

-however he LOVES anything that was on the Wii that he played as a kid cause he knows what he's doing, him fuyumi and natsuo all have a 3DS and got the same games to play with each other

-few years later he's now an adult with a distaste for ps5 and pcs but tenko gives him a random hacked 3DS extra he had cause dabi was complaining abt being bored when they had to lay low after some risky missions

-and he. went. feral.

-A shooter game on the 3DS? He knows what he's doing

-Defo showed off the cool trick to play as luigi in Mario bros but liked mario more cause ONCE enji said mario was 'cool'

-Always mained bowser (cause...yk Enji parallels) in Mario kart from childhood tho as an adult hes a dry bones guy, he's a nintendo>Sega baby does not know sonic nor gives a fuck

-knows quite a bit abt pokemon because fuyu had a hyperfixation on it and relaxes in animal crossing new leaf since that was natsus fav game cause he was the youngest and sucked at the harder ones, touya played a lot with them both

-but his favourite..is cooking mama 1-3 HES SO GOOD AT IT?? Just enuff chill and competitiveness, however gets weird ass whiplashes if he misses up (rarley) when mama has those fire eyes when shes angry...sounds familiar to a certain someone...

-also has a special memory of Rei trying the game and touya makes fun of his mama cause she sucked and ends up teaching her how to play and she actually gets rly good..as a kid it made him happy and proud...

-absolutely destroyed his dad in any wii sports games tho, 4 sure bowling/that samurai sword thingy is his goat (ifykyk)

-Sure he hates all the other consoles but he thinks the switch is alright, defo thought of natsu when acnh came out and the other pokemon games for fuyu

-SUPER salty no cooking mama games were made tho

☆whole heartedly believe he'd be a mamas boy if they found touya at 16 or if the incident at 13 didn't happen, would have time to mature (and yk don't miss like 3 super important years of actual development then living alone after said missed development) he would learn to see that appeasing enji was something he'd learn to resent and hate

☆Likes spiders, let's them crawl om him before flicking them off with a bored expression but if he finds out someone's scared of them he will start spooking them with the spider or ridicule them abt thier irrational fear to smth so small and inferior

-He was scared of them as a kid but during his ig...runaway Arc? (That we have no canon actual mentions of? Ig apart from the anime laptop scenes?) He found them around the places he'd sleep in for shelter so he kinda grew accustomed to them, so now knowing he overcame a fear so small he kinda likes to flaunt around his conquered fear and make fun of those still scared of them cause he's childish and thinks he's sooo great for getting over smth childish

☆surprisingly cares abt his nails? Doesn't like getting grime in them and screams internally when he sees toga a chronic nail biter chomp away at her nails mindlessly, he hates it it just irks him

☆Ik I said he'd be a picky eater, but I think in his runaway arc and first joining the LoV he became used to eating ANYTHING, raw, burnt, out of date he didn't care anymore food is food, give dude a freshly pink torn chicken wing and he'd silently eat it while watching some endeavour clip

-His obsession was so bad sometimes when he was this age that he'd forget to eat or sleep some days, hence getting him into his habit of eating anything and forcing himself out of his picky eater era

-Fortunately after joining the LoV and the whole liberation fight he went back to being his picky eater princess brat appetite back

☆Reported any endeavour praised videos, would try to dox endeavour fans and harass them, would block anyone that would disagree with him, had MULTIPLE accs cause he's js that extra, 100% used like 1 or 2 acts to back up another acc that got into a fight to look like ppl were on his side cause he's js that much of a petty baby, would be mean to literally any media (cause like let's be fr he watched other shit on that YouTube laptop) and would silently have a guilty pleasure watching creepypasta vids and speedpaints, knows all thier lore and was a victim to the slenderman family trope thing, prolly idolised the edgy teens that turn into psychomurderers ig as he starts to peice his new identity and yk...actually murdering ppl...but who cares??? mention eyeless Jack and his eyes will secretly sparkle in 90s anime style fashion, let bro rant abt it...

☆Speaking of which, if he were to ever doodle he'd so have some sort of low effort chibi 90s anime/scene emo kid art style, dude defo has an emo D carved/flamed on random abandoned buildings, was also a kid obsessed with that one S doodle

☆He's a pretty light sleeper, he never got much sleep as a kid and would prolly try to imitate enjis rly bad hero sleep schedule, after the hospital arc he defo is a sleepy guy but again can't sleep since he's on the streets, however after joining LoV he gets a little better at sleeping, before he was a silent guy but now he's js like his 13 Yr old self snoring LOUDLY but will 100% deny it, still a light sleeper but a little less worse than what it was

MY HC W ME/READER IG HEH😈(self indulgent cause I can)

☆He doesn't care much for music, will remember those old nightcore songs and doesn't mind heavy metal and rock but it kinda gives him a headache so he doesn't rly go out of his way to listen to anyth, u will NOT catch bro jamming to some random pop song, maybe after his reveal ull get a sentence or two from a popular old song from like avril lavene and a foot step to a rhythm but again not much care, however dude wouldn't mind listening to my background animal crossing playlist, he'd defo love the rain sf versions and would prolly help him sleep, the rain is a super big comfort to him it's like his white noise, his favourite is 1AM in acnl cause...idk it js is dont fight me on it

☆WORSE night terrors, is a victim of sleep paralysis, sleeping on the streets defo did a huge number on this dude, if we're talking abt being a potential partner he'd calm down and gently pull u towards him to hold it'll help him feel grounded, makes him feel safe knowing someone is sleeping next to him in general like he slept next to natsuo, when he was a kid natsuo would be too tired and a heavy sleeper to rly know abt touya waking up in sweats which didn't help when he was younger(natsuo is not like his big bro he is a DEEP sleeper) so if ur there with him hugging him whispering a word or two of reassurance(don't start blabbering he'll get annoyed he's prone to headaches especially when ur trying to be some saint) so he'll find comfort in u, best believe he's getting a good rest

Hope u enjoyed!!<33 I love yapping --- DO NOT STEAL/REPOST

[Wait the self-indulgent hcs were low key fun might make more lol]

[spiribia]

been considering trying sky cotl because of your posts- would you recommend it? also how big of a role do microtransactions play since that's a huge influence over whether it's right for me lol

Sky's a very gorgeous and atmospheric game with satisfying movement controls, for the most part a simple and laid-back experience. The gameplay is mostly steering movement and using a universal interaction hotkey from time to time. There is also an unfathomable hell level for enjoyers of unfathomable hell. I don't normally find the idea of games about exploration that compelling, but there is something about Sky's world and the ways you traverse through it that really sells itself to me. There's no chat with few exceptions, ex. unlocking a certain tier of friendship with the other player, and so you will engage with most strangers through non-verbal calls or gestures. NPCs will not communicate with you through dialogue either. It's free to play and is a relatively quick and breezy 3gb download off of Steam (and I assume not much more, if at all, on other platforms), so I do think if the concept seems really interesting to you it could be worth checking out. HOWEVER:

Microtransactions are purely cosmetic, but they do have notable price points, and it's worth noting that for any new content, a significant percentage of the new cosmetics will be paywalled. I'll also disclose that a lot of free-to-earn cosmetics require quite a lot of in-game currency for a newcomer, and / or are timegated to a 'traveling spirits' feature where if you miss out on their few-day window you may have to wait 2+ real years for them to revisit with their unique cosmetics again. There is also I believe a limited amount of currency you can naturally farm a day (20 candles?). This is all relevant considering candle bundles are available as a microtransaction purchase. If a specific intersection of FOMO and cosmetic microtransactions meshes unfavorably with you, it's worth knowing beforehand. The options that are available to you outside of either of those categories can be sparse when you are starting out - I do think with time you will be able to put together cool looks for free. You won't be barred from gameplay content itself, though.

[dgrailwar]

Further Servant details under the cut:

ARCHETYPE EARTH:

A beautiful princess of the Moon who hasn't yet tasted blood. In another world, her Class would be 'Funny Vamp'.

She serves as the soul of the Planet, and therefore possesses immense power and purity, raised as a delicate and well-mannered princess. As a Servant she is theoretically much weaker than she would be in her natural state, bound to a Saint Graph rather than the planet itself. Therefore, rather than being able to augment the Earth's rotation and treat continents like pinballs, she's simply only able to create destructive storms and earthquakes with a flick of her fingers.

A version of 'Archetype: Earth' that has retained her innocence, one that being bound to a world of 'Fate' has not met her own. A natural phenomenon in the shape of a girl, a soul who watches over humanity without understanding, an Archetype of the Planet that exists brilliantly and positively, with only the slightest curiosity of when her life will truly begin.

SESSYOIN KIARA:

A Buddhist monk of the Shingon Tachikawa Eiten School. A woman of calm composure and pure veneer.

She is a master Spiritron Hacker, a type of magus from the future that specializes in Code Casts. She thoroughly believes in the value of 'desire', and sees that as her own personal path to truth, making her an entity of unrelenting faith. However, as pure as she may seem, there are no truly perfect souls in the world, and those with seemingly no secrets to hide may hold the most sinister ones of all.

A precise woman, who can see those for who they truly are, while leaving herself an enigma. Like a hungry beast, she stalks her prey, slowly peeling away their layers and exposing their vices before going for the killing strike. While her style of battle is patient, it is exceptionally brutal-- but that's just how matters of the heart are, yes? Reaching that secret flower garden in order to sully it and claim it for yourself.

B.B.:

“Everyone’s favorite kouhai and little devil, B.B.! The beautiful black blossom of the Moon makes her debut, and she has a real nasty cheat skill in order to commemorate! What? There’s something dark and obviously evil mixed into my Spirit Origin? First off, I was already devilish enough, so it was really just a power boost, and also… do you really care that much? I mean, watching our enemies struggle will make any sort of mods worth it, right?”

"Anyways, do I really need to sell myself? Oh, well maybe there are a few people who aren't in the loop, and I'd hate for any potential fans to get FOMO! What do you want to know? My three sizes? My greatest fear? My one true love? Well, that's a big 'nope' to all three! I'm what some people may deem a 'rogue (and powerful) A.I', a scourge on the Moon. A 'Moon Cancer' (obviously), and any sort of digital, quasi-digital, pseudo-digital, or conceptually-digital space is basically my domain! So, you know, if you're looking for winners…"

"Anyways, you know the right choice (It's me, if you didn't realize). I'll ~ be ~ in ~ your ~ care ~! ♡"

GANESHA:

The Great Statue God. The God of Prosperity and Fortune. The Elephant-headed God of Overcoming Obstacles, Ganesha. A mighty Divine Spirit, distilled into a vessel that Ganesha himself thought was suitable- a woman who had her very fate changed on the surface of the Moon.

Vessels are chosen, and often don't volunteer, so this particular soul was rather surprised to end up a Divine Spirit. However, she's willing to step out into the world and give it 110% to represent Lord Ganesha! Do your best~!

"…eh? Seriously?!"

…This Ganesha greatly enjoys living the slow life, not having to worry about combat, danger, or fighting-- however, as a vessel for a god that also represents forward progress and overcoming obstacles, she can’t sit and bide her time forever (despite REALLY wanting to). Finding out when to rest and when to strike… perhaps that’s a lesson that both you and this god’s vessel can learn together.

[stingandsnoutbindery]

Advent Anthology by @pacific-rimbaud

A Compilation of PR's one-shot entries for DHr Advent, years 2020-2022.

Fandom: Harry Potter

Relationship: Draco Malfoy x Hermione Granger

Art by the wonderful @chestercompany

My binderary baby and second fanbinding project.

read below the cut for the process and other binding deets.

Quick Specs

20,015 words | 179 pages | Quarto (1/4 of Letter)

Technique: Flatback bradel Title & Body Font: Libre Baskerville (in various style emphasis)

Fics included:

Les Pelerins (10k; 2020 entry)

I'm Never Lonely When I'm With You (5k; 2021 entry)

On The Virtues of Inexhaustible Burning (5k; 2022 entry)

Pac is the type I could trust to write anything and I know I'll absolutely love. Her advent fics, in particular, I especially adore. The writing is very visceral and I will not admit how many times I've reread these.

On The Book

I had not intended to bind any book/s for @renegadepublishing's binderary because of my hectic schedule, however FOMO won over and this book was born. It was a relatively quick design and typeset (I really do better under pressure lol). I wish I could say the same for when I started the actual binding though. This is the 8th book I’ve bound and I had expected it to go relatively smoothly, but this book fought me every step of the way and I'll indulge in expressing my distress on this post.

First, the print place I go to messed up my typeset, thus me having to travel back home to use our old crappy inkjet (that took 3 hours to print). And because said printer is crappy, I had to use 100gsm short grain to minimize show-through, and well, you can imagine how stick straight the pages are. Second, I made the case too small (I worked on the book after a toxic 12 hour lab day and was not in the right state) and instead of redoing the covers, I re-trimmed and repainted the fore edge (at cost of my lovely margins ..wails). Third & last, the vinyl refused! to stick to the cover and I proper burnt the HTV as well as my finger on my iron. In the book's defense, it was my first time using leather paper and I forgot to test their chemistry.

On The Bind

Everything else went swimmingly, aforementioned shit aside. I tried not to make this book scream Christmas and leaned into a more subtle theme through color choices. I finally got to use this lovely red leather paper from Itoya, which my parents bought me during their trip in Japan. Many thanks to @celestial-sphere-press for helping me out with the shops to visit!

The design cover was made on Illustrator. The words are actually the fic prompts which I arranged in concentric circles, inspired by the arrangement of the advent candles in our local church from years back. I have no idea what paper my print place used, but it has some nice pulp to it.

As I said, I melted the HTV and certain parts refused to stick, so I peeled all of it off, except for the spine title (which miraculously stuck) and used my foil quill pen instead. I used an off-brand one and it's really good!

I also did this sort of strip across the edge which I learned is called a "river" as Nic @bindsbymunchkin called it. The side near the spine though, looked asymmetrically empty, so I added the foiling. And as this is an anthology, the punctuations was a design choice to convey the start and end and pauses in-between stories (and mostly because they just look fancy lol).

Like my last bind, the edges are gold which is comprised of an undercoat of diluted dark gray Sakura acrylic paint and many layers of Liquitex iridescent gold acrylic ink.

Endbands are made with alternating colors of cream, gray, and gold DMC cotton threads, however I'm learning I don't very much like how sewn endbands look on small flatbacks.

The endpapers are my fave. I had already tipped in plain cream cardstock but then I was like: this book needs MARBLED PAPER! so I ripped off the one I had stuck and replaced it. It's actually not real marbled paper HAHA. I sourced it from this site, printed it on some heavy paper, and oh my god I believe the universe really meant for me to find this pattern because it coincidentally matched the colors of the endbands!!

On The Typeset

I wanted to keep things cohesive but also give each story its own character. Libre Baskerville was a lovely typeface to do that on.

From left to right: Les Pelerins, I'm Never Lonely When I'm With You, On The Virtues of Inexhaustible Burning

For Les Pelerins, I wanted to mimic the silhouette of the establishments in Montmartre, hence the varying heights of the letters. If I wasn’t on a time crunch, I would’ve spent more time editing the headers but alas this is what we get. INLWIWY is more straightforward– a pinecone, which was a recurring theme in the story. And I think OTVOIB is my favorite. I drew tiny gold cracks onto the coal rock which is a significant element in the story. It still gives me that stomach flip whenever I reread it (iykyk).

[purpurussy]

literally haven't eaten anything all day (it's gone 7pm) or been outside in several days or slept more than 4 hours/night in the last week so im probably just being insane for no reason atm but

i feel like I'm at a weird sort of crossroads with this blog?

when i made this account i saw it as kind of an experiment in vulnerability and positivity. i said i'm gonna try my best to post what's in my heart and not care whether it does numbers or not. if people like it they like it, if not that's okay because i like it and i'm having fun. and i'm gonna practise some kind of general radical positivity/acceptance towards others too. like i promised myself i would not allow this to be anything other than a positive experience, a nice opportunity to express myself in a way that's disconnected from how people see me irl and maybe connect with likeminded people along the way

and once i started writing fic i literally couldn't stop, like the idea of being able to share my writing and have other people enjoy it too is so exciting and motivating to me. there is so much happening in my google docs atm and it feels so good to be writing again after years of feeling too depressed to create anything

however unfortunately i am the grumpiest most insecure person on earth and i have never let go of anything in my life. i've already been unable to stop myself from wading into discourse™ and the general social media fomo/insecurity is starting to get to me. like when did i go from just gleefully shouting into the void, to constantly checking my activity, trying to figure out the best times to post, literally crying when my stuff doesn't do as well as i wanted it to??? taking note of which posts flopped and which ones did well, so i can post more of the popular content instead of just posting what i want. none of this is even real, yet it's been bothering me in a very real way. most of which is just my brain turning it into a negative experience for fully self-imposed reasons

i do think social media is poison in general. and i know it does not work at all for someone who is very prone to having a complete menty b at the first sign of any kind of rejection. and i know a big part of the problem is that i'm attaching too much value to this blog and how people respond to my posts (I have been connecting with my friends irl more lately, but social media is literally designed to prey on the part of your brain that perceives social rejection as a threat to your existence so unfortunately it feels like this matters to me a lot more than it should. also my irls do not want to hear about dan and phil lmao)

idk if i should just accept that this is not good for me and delete, or if it's possible to once again achieve the carefree fun i was having at first. maybe if i can work on my irl issues i'll start to feel a bit better and then it won't bother me as much?

i'm also sort of wondering how much i should reveal about myself? like i want to feel completely free to post as much cringe/insanity/weird smut as I want. and if i was posting in a way that would be easily traceable back to my actual identity then i'd definitely be a lot more careful with what i say. but on the other hand i wanna get to know people better! it would be fun to hop into a discord and actually have a conversation with people rather than just rambling in the tags on their posts. so i'm not really sure what to do with that either. it's kinda fun to truly exist as a completely formless entity in a way, like im literally just tumblr dot com slash purpurussy and there's something freeing about that, even if it does make me feel like i'm missing out on a chance to connect with people properly sometimes

also that idea scares me! everyone on here is genuinely so cool and wonderful and it gives me such a huge dopamime hit when someone i admire likes my stuff. so it's just scary to interact with people more because it feels like oh no they're gonna realize im actually a cantankerous little troll that lives under a bridge and is a nightmare to talk to lmfao

this makes no sense and i'll probably delete it in a bit i just had to get it off my chest

[csmeanerr]

It’s so funny cause I see people say to spend money on non-digital things rather than CS and I just can’t take that as a good suggestion. One of my aunts, my dad, and his mom all have pretty bad hoarding tendencies, and when I buy real things I just hold onto them and don’t use them. I tried Pokémon cards (I have thousands), I was in the squishmallow craze (I have at least 20), and I buy legos (over $2k I’m sure) but they just take up space and that’s it. You could argue the same for my CS or really any OCs but at least that’s digital storage that does not affect my real life. Could I save? Yeah but I don’t have anything else in my life to distract me from the heap of useless money. No friends to hang out with, no hobbies, nowhere to go, nothing to do, it’s all an event of spending money either way. If I have to spend my money, I’d rather it be to support creators and on things that won’t fill up my house.

If it works for others good on them though fr

want to give this one a proper response because it's a good perspective to see through and understand. empathy and all that, and if i were in the same position yeah i'd prefer the stuff that doesn't take up space too

at the same time it's not all black and white and i can tell this is being typed from a pretty dark place and hope the best for you going forward. i've been in a pretty similar position, especially the pokemon cards. CS gives an easy entry to a community, especially if you have something others want. they are basically an art community centered around a common theme, the species itself

and while im all about supporting creators and making the most of your life, i want to add in some counterpoints to your words because i don't want others to fall into that defeatist attitude. shit might get personal but i do appreciate your message

cs is already a hobby. idk what you do in them but from how it's worded it seems you use your money to help pass the time with, be it buying an adopt or legos to do something with. spend your money however you want but i'll just say it doesn't need to be spent on material goods. just treating yourself to a yummy meal can still be worth its weight and not leave behind any 'waste' beyond the physical clean up

if you want to support creators too then support the other people in the CS community beyond the owner or staff. im all about creators getting compensated for their work while also understanding CS owners artificially inflate their work's value by arbitrary rules such as limited traits or artificial scarcity. if you want to support that then it's not like i can change your mind about it, all i'm saying is you can also use your money to commission the other artists who often have to sell their work for fake in-game currency or pennies in comparison

ngl you sound defeatist and bitter and are only rallying behind cs practices because you have a parasocial relationship and cope hard with it. im not gonna discredit that, i did the same exact stuff and put thousands into buying adopts be it because of FOMO, because I did like the owner, because i liked the design, or even just having something to do by checking market channels, talking in the chat, or designing their backstories. it's easy to stick with that or latch on, because if you have the money (and even if you don't) it's just the same as any other anchor to the shitshow of life

do i have a solution? not really it's not a fix-all and i'm not a therapist, i'm just going to say i can't abide by your explanation nor can i recommend it to others because that is the exact same mindset that people with addictive personalities have and makes them so susceptible to CS's terrible practices. hopefully you can find another way to cope and i do wish you the best

[leopardom]

Don’t you think it’s a little unfair you got tickets for all three shows when you could do just one and still be fine? Especially since some people (finnish people even) didn’t get the chance to at least buy one ticket for one of the shows?

i didn’t want to answer this ask immediately when i got it two days ago because i was so excited to let something like this ruin it for me. however i still feel weird reading it

anyway it sure feels and is unfair for people who didn’t manage to get tickets because Friday morning on both tiketti and lippu.fi was hell. and i can’t stress this enough, the servers were lagging/crushing from the first few seconds of the sale. so going through that stress and not managing to get something out of it is Bad. also the venues are pretty small, like the venue in Turku is a 350 cap one. and considering the demand jo have in Finland rn, it was meant for all three dates to sell out and for people to be left without a ticket whether i got tickets for myself or not

now to answer your questions: no one has control over my money, my time and my wishes except for me and only me. the tickets were released to the whole public and there was no disclaimer that you had to prove your finnish residency or something to get them. so i had every right to aim for them

i paid ~80€ from my savings for those tickets because i had the chance to do so and because i wanted to. i’m gonna spend at least 3 times that amount of money to fly to Finland and back because i have the chance and i want to do so. plus i was planning to visit Helsinki and my friends there again around August/September anyway, so at least now i kinda have the dates set

but you know what? one gig would be fine for me but it also wouldn’t. it’s not about the fomo or because i wanna look cool for going to so many gigs (there’s no reason to flex about that in the first place). it’s about gigs being my only source of serotonin for at least the past 6 years and about the fact that i want to have fun. and if i have chances to have fun, i’m gonna try and grab them. i’ve been postponing things in my life for so long that i just can’t do this anymore or else the feeling of life slipping through my fingers will grow stronger and that’s something that’s killing me (this is not therapy so i’ll shut up here). and also let’s be real, those tickets were a matter of luck at the end of the day with the way the servers were overloaded

me and my friends decided to give it a shot for all three of the finnish dates. and we were lucky enough and secured our tickets

i sure feel bad for those who didn’t get tickets because heh, been there. but how about you let people be happy and excited about such stuff instead of bringing them down and make them feel guilty if something good happens to them?

[star-derailed]

okay so the thing about Dr Veritas Ratio is that the thing about the Genius Society in his character bio feels like an obvious red herring. like the person talking about him is clearly missing the point and we're meant to pick up on this. he's not upset about not being chosen, he's upset because despite his apparent sense of morals and ethics he has designed a fucking anti-planetary weapon for a clearly corrupt and very powerful organization. so I'm inclined to be a little disinterested in readings of the character that focus on his Genius Society FOMO even though objectively it is very funny.

HOWEVER. I think there is still potential to do something interesting with it. like I don't believe he is nearly as upset about it as some of his fictional (or real, for that matter) fans seem to think, but it never feels good to be snubbed. And he clearly fits the bill as someone who is established to be incredibly intelligent in the specific way that the Genius Society caters to. so why didn't he get the invitation?

1. he's not actually enough of a genius. this explanation is less interesting to me though it's very plausible — considering how many people there are to choose from within an entire populated galaxy, one has to be a very singular genius to stand out from the crowd. you could get into some entitlement/gifted kid angst here: when you are expected to be brilliant and your whole life is rearranged to center on this apparent constant, discovering you're not enough to achieve this goal that was expected of you and that you believed was your due (especially with that religious aspect to the Aeons) has got to be frustrating and disconcerting. and Ratio is pretty arrogant! I do think this would bug him a lot, and he would be so mad that it bugged him.

2. he IS enough of a genius, but he hasn't done anything interesting or impactful enough to get noticed. Aeons are certainly beyond human comprehension but they don't seem to be omniscient, and again there is a very populated galaxy of people to choose from. this option is even less interesting to me because there's a clear path to solving the problem, though I would absolutely read fic about Dr Ratio making a big uncharacteristic move in order to get noticed, especially if he loses more than he gains by joining the Genius Society.

3. he is enough of a genius, but some other quality of his puts Nous off. this is by far my favorite option because it puts him in conflict with himself. I find it really interesting that he has clear principles and in the broad sense tends toward benevolence; he believes in spreading knowledge despite looking down on people for lacking it, and he's clearly not happy about his colleague risking life and limb for the benefit of the IPC. and yet he's working with the IPC, designing weapons for them, and participating in hostile takeovers of sovereign planets (regardless of how fucked up the current system of government there is, remember it was a penal colony — hence the name!! — of the IPC before). he's a complicated dude! clearly the Aeon Nous has different principles than many humans considering the standing members of the Genius Society, but there's a lot going on with Dr Veritas Ratio that could conflict with the principles of Erudition. Maybe even his proximity to Preservation! so many possibilities

to be fair I have not caught up with all quests, I just finished penacony and am now working through side quests. it is difficult though because I do not have very many built characters and I have been busy with things like an international move and full time employment. so perhaps I am missing something that directly contradicts some of this.

[unpluggedfinancial]

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[todayisafridaynight]

THEY TURNED OUT AMAZING I'M JUST SAD TO HAVE MISSED OUT </3 I knew I'd miss a stream sooner or later but still... owwie... However, that meant I got to be pleasantly surprised (<- understatement) by the pose you chose for Jo CHRIST ☠️ Unbuttoning his shirt does pass for a Slut Moment when it comes to him though I can't lie...

And OBVIOUSLY. AS YOU CAN SEE. I love the Arakawa <33 the red background fucks soooo hard with the blood... definitely my new favorite screenshot as well... SO EXCITED to see Mellow Sawashiro and Sicko Arakawa... they saw us saying he was too wholesome to be menacing and this was their answer... hope you don't mind me using it as my icon btw I know you used to say in your about it was fine to do whatever with credit... but you don't anymore... so I'll get rid of it if you want, sorry for not asking in advance!

Anyway crying at this recreation of The Last Supper I can't claim to know the significance of any of it but Jo and Kiryu (Joryu... if you will...) look so fucking GOOFY not to mention ANY OF THE REST

fomo is real and it's out there.. can't attend EVERY stream- truly is funny that tihis instance i actually got stuff done LMAO oops. BUT there's always next time :) where hopefully ill finish something again <:) OH BUT YEAH LMAO i was going to be boring at first and just do a headshot but i wanted to try and explore the like. .2% more Not Clinically Depressed energy he was givin so... skank behavior 😔

IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE ARAKAWA THO i actually ended up redoing the lineart after stream... i was so particular bout how i wanted it to look and even now im still scratchin my chin on how i coulda done some things BUT IT'S COOL I'MA LEAVE IT. rgg found me talkin shit and wanted to retaliate with murderous arakawa but little did they know thats all i wanted !!!!!!! FOOLS. im so excited... finally got the chance to draw arakawa murderous after a year of wanting to do so..

OH AND OFC id be more than honored to let you use it as a pfp ♪(´▽｀) !! i coulda sworn i DID have that in my bio but i guess i deleted it by accident: time to add it again lol

the last supper recreation's SUUCH a cute pic, and even if kiryu's Presumably tellin sawashiro to cool it, it's nice seein jo in a Vaguely Casual setting for once (❁´◡`❁) he's not healing i think he's getting worse but for now i'll believe he's healing (❁´◡`❁)

[fairymint]

🖼 dash events👀 dash commentary

This'll count as a technically unpopular opinion, but I actually find that most dash events are just kinda stressful. Mostly in a very personal. 'not for me' kind of way. It's not a moral judgement, I just personally have difficulty with it.

time constraints depend, but in a general sense, most vague stretches of time don't guarantee creativity from me; I'm chronically ill, am a bit overworked (whether it's my employer or simply myself chugging the workohol), and sometimes the mood just doesn't hit right.

Exact schedule depends too; I already kinda work 2nd shift, and so am awake for a 3rd shift/graveyard deal; you might miss when the mun/blog organizing the thing is on. So, even if you participate in general day long things, you can fomo for the high stakes/starring/determining events. But also, it is possible for an event to be very specific and catered around the host+friends' schedule/whims; sometimes it just doesn't work out for me.

complexity, tbh. depends on the event itself, but things often have to be some level of serious, fair, balanced, etc., and they might have their own idea of that, which needs to be respected. sometimes I'm not in the mood for that (wanna write easy, specific, or nonsensical things), or I don't feel like doing the actual 'work' especially with competitions; some days I couldn't give less a shit what I 'place' or what a judge likes. Some time periods I'm just too anarchic/chaotic/cooperative for that.

That being said, events are immensely fun and bonding if you can do them, so I suggest that you try them if you can! It can at the very least give you a feel for things, and how you want to interact with any one community!

As for dash commentary, I find it infectiously fun if you can get over the nerves about it; obviously that stuff is generally meant to be casual, but at the same time isn't required to stay that way... i think it helps to treat it like a toy, the way a toddler does it;

pick it up if you like it. (you don't have to justify why you like it.)

chew on it the way you want. (dash full of sex comments but your muse is ace? in a real life conversation, my buddy will just dunk us. make everything about bees if that's your hyperfixation. you don't have to stay scripted IC if you're being polite ooc.)

skim if you need to, drop it if you still can't. plenty of dash commentaries have me going 'what the fuck are you two talking about?' you can find out. if you can't, oh well. you can make a new post if you want.

be as specific or vague as you wish. don't be afraid to mention names/urls, or expand/tweak the topic. you don't have to argue w/ inspiration.

however, try not to metagame unless it's crack; there are people who don't wanna share certain lore casually, but it should be pretty clear when they do so (public/private knowledge memes, bio sections, etc.)

however i am bad with names/urls so bear with me when it comes to casual asks/etc. confusing 2 muses wouldn't be the end of the world, but lmfao-

it's tempting to stay on topic. you don't gotta. late commentary is better than never.