#however I do have 2 assignments due pretty soon so I could do that all day.

[alpacinogirlfriendofficial]

I really hate being in my accommodation I don't click w anyone in here at least on my floor like the people on other floors seem more well adjusted 😭 plus my friends from my course go home like every weekend or dont live in student halls so like what is there to do

[binniesbooks]

• SANDWICH

TXT 019 .F05 2024

wc 6.8k

pairings Nickjudyz!TXT x fem!reader

warnings reader was described as poor, Yeonjun and Soobin being loaded, growing alone, self relieving, oral sex (Soobin receiving), slight cum eating, squint to see some fingering, unprotected sex, breeding kink if you squint once more, pet names, degradation, boob kink for Soobin if you squint again lol, bigcock!Soobin, bigcock!Yeonjun, virgin!reader, threesome, double vaginal penetration (hit me up if I forgot something)

faye's note took me not only a week to finish this! Omg! Nevertheless, HAPPY 100 FOLLOWERS! Thank you so much guys, I love you all! 😭❤️ Please continue on supporting me and my fics. I promise to hold an event soon if we reach another milestone :> Cheers🥂!

Growing up alone, you've done everything to survive. Even when you were still a child, you worked for yourself. Doing laundry for the neighbors, helping the market vendors, walking pets—doing anything just so that you could earn a small profit.

Now that you're a college student, you've been hired by the school cafeteria due to the dean's empathy. You have a small space in the cafeteria for your small business, selling sandwiches. Every break time, lunch, and when you were vacant, you would quickly make your way to the school cafeteria to sell your products. You've been selling other foods too, like juice drinks and chips, but mainly sandwiches.

You would always wake up early in the morning to prepare everything you needed for your products.

"How much for a sandwich?" A tall, handsome man stood in front of your stall while you were busy cleaning your table.

"2 500 won, each," you smiled at the guy before you.

"I'll get two, please," he said as he pulled out his wallet.

"I'll just wrap it!" You cheerfully answered, not wanting to show how tired you are.

You're basically tired, not just today. But just tired of your whole life. Many times you tried ending it, but you always chickened out. And nothing changed. You struggle with your daily life. You can barely pay rent and your other bills. If it wasn't for the financial assistance given by the school dean and your side hustles, you surely wouldn't have been able to manage.

"Thank you! Enjoy your snack!" You cheerfully thanked the guy as you bowed down.

"Hyung! Come get your snack!" You heard the tall male call for someone over the other side of the cafeteria. Your gaze moved towards the other male. He's a little shorter than the first one. But he has a quite pretty face: pouty lips and captivating eyes. Handsome, yes.

"Yup! They're our seniors. They're also known as the Nickjudyz." You later found out from your friend that they were your seniors; they are a year older than you, and they were both scheduled to run for the presidential position on the student council for the upcoming election. Not that they wanted it, but actually, the campus dean had assigned both of them to different party lists at that. So basically, they didn't have a choice at all.

"Nickjudyz? What does that mean?" you questioned.

"You haven't heard of the animation movie Zootopia? They were the epitome of Nick the Red Fox and Judy the Rabbit," your friend explained. "Yeonjun's features were like those of a fox, and Soobin's a rabbit. Aren't they cute?" she added, giggling.

So the taller one was Soobin, and the one with sharper looks was Yeonjun, you understood now. "Nickjudyz..." you mumbled.

That night, you watched Zootopia, taking notes on the characters. And the next day, your sandwiches were Zootopia-themed. You were really waiting for the two of them to come and buy from you again.

However, luck was not on your side. When you weren't able to see them around, you felt sad. They were the reason you made your sandwiches Zootopia-themed.

You were about to close your stall when the shorter guy, Yeonjun, was running towards you. "Sandwich! Two!" he shouted with a wide grin. "Uhm, do you still have some?" He scratched the back of his head, realizing you were about to close your stall.

"I, uh, kept two pieces, actually. I thought you might come again." You hesitated at first.

"Nice! We just came out of the dean's office, and we hadn't managed to eat anything, you're a lifesaver," Yeonjun sighed in relief, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket.

After those times, you always got to sell your sandwiches to them. You even grew closer to them thanks to the short interaction you get to share with them every day. Sometimes, Soobin would be the only one to come, sometimes, it's just Yeonjun, sometimes they are both standing in front of your stall, buying themselves a sandwich. They became your regular customers.

"How about I recruit you to be my secretary on my party list? I still haven't recruited my secretary yet," Yeonjun suggests when he buys from you again one time.

You didn't know why you answered, though. It's not like you actually wanted to be a part of the student council. Maybe it was because of his pretty eyes and his cute pout. "I-i'll think about it."

He smiled and went away, skipping.

The next day, Soobin also suggested the same. "I already recruited her, Soob." Yeonjun wrapped his arms around the taller guy.

"Hyung, that's unfair!" Soobin pouted, only for Yeonjun to chuckle. "Oh! I have an idea!" he exclaimed.

"And that is?" Yeonjun looked at him, confusion written on his face.

"Why don't we let her choose from the two of us, instead?" Soobin chimed.

You froze from wiping the glass cabinet for your sandwich. "Wait, you're actually letting me choose between your party lists?" you asked, stunned at Soobin's suggestion. The two males just nodded at you.

Yes, you had built some connections with them. You can even consider it friendship, well, that's what they've said to you too. But to choose between the two of them to support, you think it's unfair. Especially since they were both good friends to you.

"Gosh, how can I? It's unfair," you groaned, Yeonjun chuckled.

"You can just think about it, but remember that if you don't choose me, you'll tear my heart apart," he pouted.

"See? That's what I'm saying! I don't want anyone of you to feel bad," you sighed, spraying Yeonjun with water from your bottle sprayer.

Soobin hummed, sipping on the canned soda in his hand. "Maybe you can choose if you got help from the both of us," he suggested.

"Come to think of it. Lately, I've been too busy with my business that I wasn't able to catch up again on some of my activities." You sat down on your chair, removing your apron. "Since you're both my seniors, how about you teach me?" you added.

"Like, tutor you or something?" Soobin said, turning over to you. You quickly nodded. "I might consider your request if you do so," you grinned.

Long story short, Soobin and Yeonjun both agreed on giving you a tutoring session.

It's been almost a week. The session went well. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just them teaching and assisting you.

You always do your sessions at the school's library or the town's public library. Anywhere but your house. You know the three of you won't fit in that small studio. Considering they are tall towers, you often tease them with this, in which they often rebut you that you're just short.

"Should we end it here today? I mean, I still have a part-time job to go for at 6," you glanced at your phone secretly—the screen broke and an old model—you don't want them to see that, at least.

Actually, they were far out of your league, even just as friends. Sometimes, you would even think about not showing up near them anymore, but guilt would always eat you up. They've been so good to you, they like to help you out at your stall sometimes when they are free.

"Say, how many side hustles do you have? I don't mean to offend you, but why do you need so many jobs?" Yeonjun, showing his little curious side, tilts his head a bit. Is he confused? Maybe. Is he mocking you? No, his eyes doesn't tell you that.

You sighed, not wanting to hide your situation anymore, not with how his curious eyes were boring holes in your face. "For weekdays, I go to school, and work at the cafeteria for some time," you paused, looking at Soobin, who was staring at you too for a while now. "At 7, I work at a convenience store down my street, and clock out at 12."

Soobin's eyes were full of concern. "Do you even have time for yourself? Time to study? Time to rest?" he shoots.

You shook your head and continued to speak, "I study for a bit, and I sleep before 2, then wake up at 6 again to prepare for my business, given that our class starts at 8 in the morning."

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Yeonjun frowns after knowing you could barely rest.

"It does not end there yet," you chuckled. "On Saturdays and Sundays, I work at a cafe from 6–12 in the morning, work at the laundry shop from 1-4 in the afternoon, head straight here for our sessions, and catch a night of restaurant work from 6–11."

You could pick their jaws off the floor. You chuckled at their reaction. "Are you still alive? Tell me if I'm talking to a ghost..." Yeonjun hugs himself dramatically. "Hyung, don't be like that." Soobin slaps his shoulder, emitting a whine from the older man.

"I should get going now, see you on Monday!" You quickly got up to your feet and waved at them as you ran outside.

That Monday, you saw yourself working with the two males at your stall. They were the ones selling your sandwich. And since they've got the face, the reputation, and all, your sales suddenly skyrocketed. You needed to run to the nearest store near your school to buy what you needed to restock.

"Achoo!"

"That's your 99th time sneezing today, little angel," Yeonjun said, without turning to face you, still busy cleaning the glass cabinet.

"I'm okay, don't worry - Achoo!"

The next day, you were nowhere to be found. The sandwich stall was not open and no sneezes could be heard.

"Bin, I just realized... We actually have no way to contact her," Yeonjun was tapping his fingers on the cool steel table of your stall.

"I wonder what happened to her," Soobin sighed, rummaging through your stall, foolishly hoping to find some way to contact you.

"Let's go to the faculty, I have an idea," Yeonjun suggested.

"What? No, we can't disclose any information about students to other students, so no," the school administrator declined his request.

"Pleeeasseee, sir," Yeonjun begs, only to be declined again.

"Uhm, she's... She's my secretary for the election, so I need to have her information, at least," Soobin butts in.

"Your name?" The admin asked Soobin.

"Soobin. Choi Soobin, sir."

The two of them quickly ran out of the faculty as soon as they got what they needed. Quickly excusing themselves from their respective classes, claiming they have some emergency to tend to.

You woke up to the irritating ringing of your doorbell. You were not expecting any visitors today.

"Goodness, who could it be..." You stood up only to fall back down on your bed again because of dizziness. You felt the drilling pain on your head again that you had felt since last night. You shiver, pulling your jacket to yourself, yet you can feel yourself so sticky because of sweat.

"Who is--" Your eyes widened the moment you were met with two tall guys standing in front of your studio. You quickly slammed your door and leaned against it.

'What the hell are they doing here?! How did they find me? Oh my god!' You panicked, screaming inside your head.

"Angel," you heard Yeonjun whisper, "Can we come in?"

"H-how did you find where I live?" you asked. Dumb question. They could just ask around the faculty. "Dummy," you whispered to yourself, facepalming yourself.

You opened the door and peeked at them. "Hi, hehe," you awkwardly smiled at them.

"C-come in..." You opened the door wide, welcoming them to your small studio.

"We're gonna let ourselves in," Soobin mumbled, removing his shoes from the doorstep.

Their eyes were welcomed by a small bed that could barely fit two people in the corner. A small study table is beside it, stacked with books and a broken phone on top, and with a small dresser near the bed.

A single-seater dining table on the other side with some instant foods and a portable stove.

Their eyes roamed a little more. A closed door, they assumed, was the rest room, just sat near the doorstep.

"I... I don't think my place is enough to fit the three of us..." you fidgeted, sitting on your bed as your head spun again, making you shut your eyes tightly.

"You were sick after all," Soobin commented. "I'll just go out, I'll come back quickly," he said as he carefully stepped out of your place.

"So... This is where you live?" Yeonjun sat on the chair at your dining table. You meekly nodded. "All of those side hustles for this place?" he added.

You know he does not mean to offend you once again, yet you felt yourself getting embarrassed. "I barely survive... Even from those multiple part-time jobs. N-not to mention that—cough, excuse me.. I am paying loans too," you explained as you lay down on your bed, feeling your body burn up again.

Your gaze returned to Yeonjun when you heard him talk.

"Buy cough medication as well, Bin. And, oh, a few fruits too if you don't mind."

"Why are you looking for me, by the way?" you asked, pulling the blanket to cover yourself.

"We were worried, of course. How can we not? Plus, we weren't able to eat a sandwich today," he smiled, even though he knows you're not looking at him.

Yeonjun stood up. "Towels," he said.

You looked at him confused. "Huh?"

"Where are your towels?" he asked himself.

You pointed at the dresser, "Lowest part."

"I can't believe my tongue didn't taste any of your sandwiches today, angel. Do you know how much I crave for it every day?" You heard the water running in your restroom for a moment.

Yeonjun gently pats the wet towel on your forehead, wiping your face as well. He even hesitated at first to wipe your neck, shaking his head in the process.

"Don't you have any classes?"

"We do, but we excused ourselves. What can we do? We have an emergency at home," he smiled at you.

"Dummy, this ain't your home, Mr. Pouty Lips," you chuckled.

"Why not? Look, I even have a patient here at home," he says, tucking your straying hair behind your ear. His hand gently grazed your face, and you unconsciously leaned on his cool hand.

"Your hand feels cool..." you mumbled, squirming under the blanket. He then cupped your face, gently rubbing your cheek. Your eyes flutter closed as you feel relaxed beneath his touch.

"Pretty little angel." His voice was faint, even lower than a whisper.

"I'm back." Yeonjun snapped his head towards the door as Soobin closed it behind him. "How is she, hyung?"

"She fell asleep, she's burning hot, though." Yeonjun placed the towel on your forehead. "Hey Bin, you know how to make porridge, right? We should at least make her something warm."

You woke up again, but this time it was because of resounding murmurs filling up the small room.

"Hey angel, you're up?"

"You're still here?" you grunted as you tried your best to get up, receiving a helping hand from Yeonjun.

"You have to eat," Soobin says as he walks towards you with a plate with porridge in a bowl. "It's still warm, you'll feel better," he adds.

Soobin sat on the side of your bed, still holding the plate. Yeonjun stacking your pillows for you to lean on, as he ordered you to scoot back.

"Open your mouth y/n," Soobin scooped a spoonful of porridge.

"I can do it, you know," you chuckled.

"Please let me."

Soobin fed you the porridge he cooked. Yeonjun was at your table, peeling and slicing some fruits. "You should've taken care of yourself more," Yeonjun nags.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Pouty Lips," you said as you flashed a smile at him. "I don't have any choice but to work."

You have been sick many times, but no one has ever been there to take care of you. No one cooked for you but yourself. You buy medicines alone, even when you are burning up. You needed to do your chores even when you got too dizzy to stand up. "I'm grateful to you two, this is the first time I have experienced being cared for."

And that's when they realized they needed to take care of you. That's when it registered in their minds that they needed to stay beside you. You're their precious little angel, whom they needed to take care of. A fragile person who still needs someone to be their companion.

"We're heading home for now, okay? We'll be back tomorrow, please rest a lot." His once captivating eyes were now full of worry, and his pouty lips became more pouty as he talks to you.

"Go now." Your smile wasn't forced at all. It was genuine. Your heart thumps as you recall how they took care of you. You were floating on cloud nine.

Yeonjun walked outside first, and Soobin stopped midway, turning back as he quickly tracked back towards you. "If anything happens, call me... please," he handed you a small note in which you assumed was his number.

Yeonjun came back the next day early in the morning just to see Soobin cooking breakfast while you were sitting on your bed like you'd've been awake for the past few hours.

"Is this why you weren't answering your phone?" he asked.

"Sorry, hyung, y/n called me in the middle of the night. Her temperature went up," the taller man sighed.

Yeonjun sat beside you, placing his hand on your forehead. "Do you feel okay now?" he asked as he cupped your face, his face merely an inch away from yours. You nodded, but you didn't even pull back. Maybe it's because his cool hands were on your cheeks, or maybe you were just feeling too hot. You actually don't know. All you knew was that you were feeling butterflies from his touch.

You watched how his pretty lips parted, how his tongue glossed his lips.

Which is to blame? You, who maybe, have a tiny crush on him that makes you wanna kiss him? Or Yeonjun, that may or may not be, doing this on purpose while his face was way too close to yours?

You tightly shut your eyes. Were you assuming a kiss?

"Angel, food is ready," he announced, standing up from your bed.

You opened your eyes, and you watched him look at Soobin, as they seemed to talk with their eyes.

"I'm glad it's Saturday today. There's nothing else to do." Soobin stretches his feet, plopping down on your bed after eating. "I feel so sleepy," he muttered, his eyes fluttering close.

Yeonjun lay beside him, closing his eyes with a smile plastered on his face. You, on the other hand, just came out of the bathroom.

You placed your hands on both of your waists. "How am I supposed to rest now? You're hogging my bed."

Soobin pretended to snore as he let Yeonjun hide on his back, trying to hold back his snickers.

Maybe you could let them rest. It won't hurt to let them rest after receiving a lot of favors.

"I have a test this coming Thursday, I don't know if I would be able to pass the test," you sighed, poking at the watermelon slices Yeonjun placed in front of you.

It's been more than a week since you were sick. You were now invited over to their place for your tutoring session. It only occurred to you that they're not just friends, they were roommates too.

"You can do it, I know you can, you've been studying a lot," Soobin cheered, stopping for a while from writing in your notebook.

Yeonjun picked up a piece of watermelon barehanded, making it touch your lips. "How about a little gift if you pass the exam, little angel?" he suggested, "Aahh," and asked you to open your mouth at the same time to feed you.

His fingers grazed your lips a little more than expected, and he proceeded to lick his fingers with the left-over juice of the watermelon. "What do you say?" Yeonjun leans forward to you, his hands propped on the table in their living room.

You meekly nodded. No noise, just a simple nod and a lip bite that didn't escape Soobin's and Yeonjun's sight. "W-what gift though?" you asked, trying to straighten your posture.

"Soob, any suggestions?" He peered towards the taller male, only for Soobin to answer with a "Shhh, secret," and a smile.

Yeonjun chuckled, ruffling your hair. "Surprise, little angel, it's a surprise."

You were aware of their subtle advances, actually. Especially how clingy and touchy Yeonjun was. But you were just letting it slide. You don't give it plenty of attention.

But you have already admitted it to yourself. You're swooning over them. They're your good friends, though, and that's why you kept on pushing your lingering feelings back.

The session went well that day too. Not to mention that you're no longer rushing because they already asked you to drop some of your side hustles. You were hesitant at first because how are you going to pay your bills now? But you ended up listening to them and their pouty request. How could you say no? Why would you dare say no, rather?

Thursday came quickly, and taking the biology test first thing in the morning felt like walking on fire and broken glasses barefoot. You could feel the sweat dripping down your forehead and your heart thumping. You even called all the saints, gods, and goddesses you knew to help you answer the test. If looks could kill, flies would be all over your teacher's body.

The following day, your test papers were given back to you. You were too scared to open the folded piece of paper. That's why you kept it like that between the pages of your notebook. You even brought the notebook with you when you went back to your stall to sell your sandwiches.

In the midst of the crowd at lunch, you saw the two tall guys walking towards you once again. As if on cue, they waved at you the moment they met your eyes. You could clearly picture bunny ears and a foxtail over their figures as you chuckled to yourself. "Silly guys," you whispered to yourself.

Soobin was the one who noticed the notebook on the side. He was trying to fan himself with your notebook when your biology test results came flying out from your notebook.

"What's that?" Yeonjun asked as he saw Soobin opening the folded paper.

"Woah! I knew you'd ace the test y/n," he exclaimed, making you snap your head towards them with a confused look.

"Did our surprise gift make you motivated?" Yeonjun taunts, a sly smirk playing on his lips.

"T-that... I..." You were out of words. From what Yeonjun had said and from knowing you actually got a perfect score from your biology class, which you dearly hated from the start.

"It looks like we need to give here our prize, hyung," Soobin smiled. They look at each other knowingly. They know what you deserve. "Shall we head out first?"

Yeonjun and Soobin head home first, ahead of you. They said they wanted to take a stroll at the mall to buy something as your prize, and they just told you to head straight to their place tomorrow afternoon.

You were able to sleep soundly that night. Knowing that you can ace tests only if you focus on your studies. You felt proud of your achievement, given that you don't usually do well in your biology class. You even planned on making the two guys a special-made sandwich to thank them for their work. However, you were actually planning on turning down their request. You couldn't stand choosing between the two of them. You would rather back down than choose.

You were actually expecting something more of a material gift. Maybe a book, a chair, or something you could use inside your small studio. And the gift you were about to receive was the last on your list.

"Fuck princess, why are you so good," Soobin hummed while guiding your head.

"You should be more gentle, Bin. Remember, she still needs to choose who she wants to serve under," Yeonjun chuckled while caressing your dainty finger as he placed your hand on his tenting bulge.

You glanced at your hand on his bulge, and your gaze went up to his eyes. Yeonjun tilted his head, "What is it, pretty angel?"

You swore, and your stomach swirled. Little did they know, whenever they called you these names, you felt a little weaker in your knees.

How did it happen that a visit to their place would end up with you in their bedroom?

You rang the doorbell at their apartment's door, clutching onto the paper bag of the special sandwich with a wide smile on your face. Yeonjun opened the door, rubbing his eyes. He looks like he just woke up from an afternoon nap. Until you realize he's not wearing a shirt. His bare and toned body is displayed in front of you.

"Hi angel, sorry, we were asleep. A friend visited earlier and got us drunk," he apologizes. "Come in."

"Fuck, my head is spinning," he muttered to himself.

"Uhm, should I just come back next week? Do you want to rest for now?" worry and nervousness were visible on your face.

"No, please come in. You don't mind taking care of us too, right?" he smiled, picking up the bottles and cans on the table.

"Where's Soobin?"

"The room over there, do you mind waking him up? I'll just clean this." Some takeout boxes were scattered around the floor, and spilled drinks and sauces were also around.

"Soo-"

"Ahh fuck, y/n... More... You feel so good... Ahh.." You were stunned when you pushed the door open. Soobin was sitting down on the side of his bed, clutching the hem of his t-shirt up to his chest, while he gently stroked his shaft.

"C-come on pretty... I n-need more..." Soobin lolled his head back, letting go of his shirt to use his other arm to support his body as he tightly gripped the bedsheet.

"D-do you need h-help?" You actually don't know why you asked it. You should've just closed the door and pretended that you saw nothing.

Soobin peers over you, "Fuck, didn't know you're already here... Shit sorry, I need you y/n." His lower lip caught between his teeth, sweat forming on his forehead as his fringe sticks.

Like clockwork, you slowly managed to get near him.

"But... But I think you're drunk... I don't think this is right..." you chirped, trying to fight your desires with reality.

"I'm sober. I swear, fuck.. How can I not be when all I can think about was how you," he paused, pressing down on his slit, "Fuck!" He looks up at you once again, "All I can think about was h-how you m-moaned my name when you c-called me that night." He was once again reminded of how you moaned and chanted his name, calling for help, your pants, and heavy breaths when you called the night when your temperature went up.

A pinkish tint washed your face as you thought about how you did your best to call him.

You slowly knelt down between his legs, not breaking eye contact. Your hand slowly wraps around his cock as he draws back his hand.

"You're so p-pretty. I'm sorry I'm m-making you d-do this." You shook your head and flashed him a smile.

"Y-you want this?" Soobin raised your hand to stop you for a while.

"I.. that.. probably..." You weren't able to form any coherent words about how scared you are to admit you have a little crush on them.

"Please. Please tell me you w-want this t-too, If you-"

"I do. I-I do want this. No, I want you, actually... You... And Yeonjun too. Just.."

"Just?"

"It's just that, I can't admit it. You're both good friends of mine. I can't afford to lose our small friendship just because I like the both of you," you bit your lower lip as you retract your hand and place them both on your knees, preparing yourself to receive some hate comments.

"How am I supposed to hold back after knowing you want me? Oh god, you'll be the death of me..."Soobin caressed your cheeks, pulling your face closer to his length.

You look up at him, your eyes full of innocence made him curse all the non-liviing things from hell.

"W-wanna fuck your throat so bad, princess," Soobin muttered, rubbing his shaft on your cheek.

"She's so pretty, I want to ruin her." Your gaze flits toward the voice, it was Yeonjun. He was leaning on the doorframe, watching the two of you exchange a little talk.

"Fucking pretty, hyung. And smart too. She deserves a gift, right?" Yeonjun nodded with a smirk playing on his pretty face.

"She's a good and honest little angel, she deserves a good gift."

Yeonjun marched his way towards the bed. The bed dipped under his weight when he sat beside Soobin.

And this was when you found yourself in that position, between Soobin's legs and reaching for Yeonjun. The sandwich on the paper bag, long forgotten, was splayed on the floor.

You lightly rubbed your hand on Yeonjun's pants, making him hiss under his breath. Your eyes flitted to Soobin, you watched him alternate between biting his lower lip and gaping his mouth.

"I-i'm gonna... y/n, 'm close-- Fuck!" Soobin's hips stutter, stilling for a while inside your mouth. Hot liquid sliding through your tongue.

"C'mere," Soobin quickly pulled you up, crashing his lips on yours.

"Let him taste himself, pretty," Yeonjun taunts.

You lightly open your mouth, letting some of his essence slip through your lips, swallowing the remaining on your tongue. Soobin moaned in your mouth, teeth almost clashing at each other, lips swollen from biting.

Soobin pulled away, his forehead on yours, chasing his breath. "God, it tastes weird," he mumbles.

You felt a hand on your waist, it was Yeonjun's. He was guiding you to sit on his lap.

"Make me cum."

You left a peck at Soobin's lips once more before straddling Yeonjun. Not wanting to be left behind, Soobin tugged at the hem of your shirt. "Can you remove this?" he asked, eyes begging.

You quickly slip out of your shirt. A red hue paints his cheeks as he tries to reach out for the strap of your bra, snapping it open.

Yeonjun then pushed your hips down on him to feel you, making you startled. "Mmhh, feels good, fuck," he sighs. His pouty lips look so delectable as you see him gape his mouth.

Your eyes don't want to leave Soobin, giving him a few glances as he strokes himself languidly while watching you.

"Pretty, never thought you could do something like this, you're not as innocent as you look, yeah?" Yeonjun's eyes were flying towards Soobin, as if asking for some approval, as he continued to guide your hips to grind above him.

"She's dirty, hyung," Soobin chuckles.

"I-i'm not, ahh-" you tried to retaliate, only for Yeonjun to buck his hips up.

"If you're not, then why are your nipples so perky?" Yeonjun smirks, rolling your nipples between his fingers, emitting soft whines from you that made Soobin leak out once again. Of course, he was reminded once more about that night.

"Look at her grinding above you even if when you're not holding her waist, hyung," Only then did you realize that Yeonjun's hands were no longer on you. You're moving on your own accord. No guidance at all.

You felt shy as you stilled your hips, hiding behind Yeonjun's neck. Were you this desperate? Were you this dirty? Just like what they've said?

Yeonjun lifted your skirt, landing a soft spank on your ass, making you yelp at his neck. "Why'd you stop?" He then squeezed your ass as he landed another spank.

Yeonjun raised your body for a bit, only to see how wet his sweats were. It's not from him, of course. You watch the ends of his lips curl up.

"Baby, look at the mess you've made," Yeonjun coos. Soobin reaches for your skirt to unzip it. Your baby pink underwear has now turned dark because of how wet you are.

You bit your lower lip as you look at Soobin, eyes glossy, seeking help, and cheeks beet red. You wanted to cry out of embarrassment.

"Oh, look at my pretty angel, Bin, she's about to cry."

Soobin chuckles, "Don't make her cry, hyung. You're such a menace."

"Continue moving then, save your tears for later," Yeonjun remarked, letting you drop down on his lap once again.

"No, baby, I'm not guiding you. Move on your own," he added as he shook his head when you still didn't move. Oh god, the embarrassment you've been feeling ever since you've stepped inside Soobin's room.

You grab both of his shoulders as you dance above his lap.

"Fuck w-wait, that's --" Yeonjun's hand flew over his mouth to clutch on it, his head lolling back with only a single arm supporting his body.

If there's something Yeonjun considers a weakness, it's when a girl moves in a circular motion on his lap. And you hit the jackpot on your first try.

A few more moves, and he found himself convulsing underneath you. His eyes were blown up when you looked at him. He looked so fucked out. Quickly moving to his side, he also looks down at his lap. You both witnessed how the wetness of his cum stained his sweats. The gray color slowly darkened as the liquid spread out.

You were the one who initiated the kiss this time, giving his pouty lips wet kisses, to which he responded back with a weak hum while he held your face.

Soobin pulled you back over him. "Sorry y/n, can't just stay still and watch you with him." Soobin discarded his shirt on the floor.

"Stop hogging her to yourself, Bin," Yeonjun chuckled at the younger's action and words.

Soobin carefully laid you down on his bed, latching his mouth on your boob, while he gently massaged the other one.

"Move over a bit, baby, need to feel you," Yeonjun lays down on his side beside you, flipping you to turn sideways. Soobin was still sucking on your chest while he moans out his hunger for you.

The pouty guy hugs your waist, littering love bites on your neck. Leaving splotchy red marks all over your nape and shoulder.

You never thought about having an active sexual life, given that you're too busy and focused on making ends meet. Let alone having two guys at the same time.

The tall guy in front of you leaves the same thing around your cleavage while he humps on your thigh. His shaft feels heavy on your skin.

Yeonjun's hand trails down your waist to your clitoral area, rubbing in a circular motion to hear you whimper his name.

"Y-yeonjun," you whimpered under your breath.

"I'm here, focus," your hips jerked when he slowly slid his finger inside your pussy only to pull it out again.

"Bin, wanna stretch her out? I want to feel her already," he grunts. The taller male complied, he scooted up and raised your leg.

"So wet, damn," he dipped his fingers inside you, and just like Yeonjun, he quickly drew it back, giving his fingers a lick to taste you.

"She's sweet, hyung, holy shit. But as much as I want to taste you, I also want to feel you around me, y/n."

The first stretch felt like your body was being torn apart. You quickly lean your head toward Yeonjun, and your hand reaches back. Fingers tangled on his blonde hair as you give it a pull, mouth agape at how big Soobin feels inside.

"So wet 'n tight," Soobin grunts as he keeps on pushing inside you.

"H-hurts! S-soob, it h-hurts!" you cried out as you reached for him, clawing his chest.

"I'm only h-halfway inside, mmpp!" Soobin winces at the pain from your scratches and how your pussy snuggled his thick cock. He holds your face to drown your moans and cries in his mouth as he quickly pushes inside you.

He pulled away as both of you pants as if you had run a hundred miles.

"Y-you're choking me," Soobin moves a little, making you whimper once more.

"B-bin you're t-too big," you pout.

You felt something poking your entrance once, making you peer over to your back. You were met with Yeonjun's fucked-out gaze.

"Need to feel you," Yeonjun shuts his eyes as he pushes slowly.

"W-wait! I can't! Ahh! Hurts!" You thrashed around, making Soobin moan with the pressure.

"S-stay still, y/n!" Soobin hugs you closer to him, "We will all get hurt, stay still, fuck," his abs clenched with how stimulated he was. He signaled Yeonjun to continue pushing in.

Your mouth latches on Soobin's shoulder, biting on his open skin.

"Fuck!" They shouted in unison. Soobin felt the sting of your teeth sinking into his skin, but he tried to endure it. Yeonjun, on the other hand, felt how tight it was inside you.

The two males stilled for a while. Letting you get used to their sizes. Their shafts aren't a joke. Girthy. Long. Thick. Something that would definitely stretch out a tiny pussy like yours.

"'m sorry, angel, sorry..." Yeonjun whispers while he caresses your waist. Soobin planted kisses on the top of your head, your teeth are no longer sunken in his shoulder. But you felt weak between them. Your small and frail body looks like a paper stuck between two big books.

"B-bin, move. S-slowly please," you pleaded as you looked up at him.

His gaze softens as he looks at you. "Why do you have to beg so prettily? I might cum just looking at you," he says, catching his lower lip between his teeth. He then raised your leg once again and started to move slowly. His grunts, your whimpers, and the squelching sound resonate inside his room.

"Angel, who thought that selling a mere sandwich would end up with you being sandwiched between me and Soobin, hm? So fucking good," Yeonjun grunts as he starts to thrust from behind. "You're so tight, baby, fuck."

Soobin tried his very best to stay as quiet as possible, just letting small yet slutty moans, whines, and whimpers. The friction he felt from your wet pussy and Yeonjun's length at the same time was too much for him. He knows he won't last long, but he silently challenged himself not to cum yet.

"You're so greedy, princess. Look at you taking two cocks at the same time. Greedy and dirty."

"My angel is such a whore. A cock slut," Yeonjun snickers, grunting afterwards when he thrusts again.

"Tight virgin pussy."

Their words made you dizzy. Dizzy enough to unconsciously chant their names alternately. Your hands are flying everywhere, clawing and clutching anything within reach as they litter your body with a lot of red marks.

"Please please please wanna cum, please I wanna cum!"

"Oh, you're asking for permission?" Soobin questioned.

"Fuck, are you into begging, pretty?" Yeonjun grunts behind.

"P-please let me cum, I'm gonna-- please!"

You yelped when you end up squirting because of how they simultaneously thrust inside, making you feel stimulated.

"What a dirty girl, for real," Yeonjun sighs, kissing your shoulder.

"Wanna cum inside her, hyung," Soobin was gripping the plush of your thigh as he continuously thrust.

"N-no! Please! I'm not taking a p-pill!"

"Please baby, we'll take care of you, we promise," Yeonjun's hand wrapped around your neck, his thrusts becoming more sloppy.

"Please, wanna fill you. Wanna fill you so bad with my cum," Soobin's nails dug on your skin as he held your thigh tightly.

Yeonjun's grip on your neck made your mind cloudy, and you nodded at whatever they were saying. Not sure about what you were agreeing to.

"H-hold it, Bin, i-i'm close too."

You were a moaning mess. Dizzy, mind hazy, eyes cloudy. Your body was limping as you felt hot liquid spurting inside you, along with guttural moans and deep grunts coming from the two males.

"Sorry," you heard them apologize and slowly pull out before your eyes flutter.

Maybe this gift could be the best thing you ever receive in your entire life.

And a cleanly wrapped small box was sitting on the edge of Soobin's table.

@binniesbooks 2024

taglist: @babymochibeargyu @beomiracles @lizibizi @inkigayocamman @izzyy-stuff (tagging sum of my fave moots and friends 😖💞)

[being-addie]

How to have a productive study session.

When your finals are in 2 days, and you've definitely NOT studied enough, it's normal to panic. You sit down to study and get a solid 30 minutes of calculus done, then jump down the rabbit hole called YouTube. Soon enough the dread creeps up because you're still not done.

As a girl who doesn't attend school regularly due to coaching classes I go to (I'll expand on this later), it's pretty easy to forget to study for exams and projects.

But there's nothing better than getting 98% on that exam. So I'm writing this as someone who's been scoring straight As all my life. Here's how to have a productive study session:

Note: This isn't a guide for romanticising studies. This is meant for a serious, productive session. I will, however, be making a guide to help romanticise studies because I've found it helps a lot.

Before you study

Identify what your distractions are: Let's be real, almost everyone has their phone on hand during study sessions. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb and keep it in a corner of the room. Add a few selected contacts that can reach you while your phone is on DND. If you can turn off notifications entirely, do that.

Taking measures: After I keep my phone away, my brain turns to the next thing it could be distracted by. My laptop and tablet. Put those devices in focus mode, so you won't be tempted to use any other apps and use a Chrome extension like StayFocused or WasteNoTime to not get sidetracked.

Resources: Make sure you have all your material on hand. Video lectures, notes, guides, your formula sheet, and flash cards. Keep everything on hand so you won't have to rifle through papers to find that reference sheet.

Your space: Clean your desk. Keep only the things you need. Your pens and pencils, chargers, annotation material and water bottle. If you want, light a candle. Do not clutter it unnecessarily. Your desk is a sacred space. Treat it that way.

When you sit down

The checklist: Do you have all the material required? Electronics, chargers, a snack and a drink? Water bottle? Extra pen? If you have everything beforehand, you'll be less likely to lose focus because you forgot to charge your headphones.

Make a plan: I cannot stress this enough. You'll sit down and just start studying, and next thing you know, it's 7pm and all you've done is watch videos on celebrity drama. Make a goddamn plan. Write down a realistic number of chapters you can complete and then STICK TO IT.

Begin: Reread and review your notes. I usually like to rewrite my notes in neater handwriting, because my handwriting in class is appalling. To really solidify information, I recommend the 'Blurting' method. Read a paragraph, then close the book and say what you understood out loud. Reread to see what you missed and take note. I did this for my history exam and got a 100%. This shit works for a reason. Use the Pomodoro technique to maximise productivity. Set an alarm for 25 minutes, and do intensive study. Once that's done, take a 5-minute break. Return and repeat.

IMPORTANT

Take a break: Ah yes, if you don't get up every 40 minutes or so for a break, eventually whatever you're studying will start looking like garbage and you'll be back to square one. GET UP. Walk around. STRETCH. You've been looking like a croissant🥐. Eat something. Rehydrate.

Forgive yourself: If you couldn't hit your target, don't be harsh on yourself. Find out the cause: Were you distracted? Did something unavoidable come up? Then try to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Study buddy: This is a double-edged sword. Studying with a friend can either increase your productivity by a massive amount, or it can help you get absolutely zero work done. When revising with a friend, make sure you study with someone who has the same goals as you and won't get distracted by things.

It's 2023, procrastination is cancelled. Go drink some water, eat a granola bar and finish that assignment you've been delaying. Be the person who finishes all their work, on time and perfectly. You can do it.

<3

[the-fluff-piece]

A heart for a heart

Trafalgar Law x fem!reader fluff story

Part 2!

...where Law decides to take you with him, but he cannot bring himself to actually spend time with you. Instead, he lurks behind corners and gets very lovesick. What's life on the polar tang like if you're a fresh pirate? Let's find out!

Here's part 1 if you missed it

Here's part 3

Themes: law is gonna talk really mean to himself over being a little cowardly creep

You

The first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was his face: Trafalgar Law, the surgeon of death, the pirate, the samurai of the seas. His blue eyes were fixated on you. The dark circles under his eyes told you of his exhaustion. You recognised him from his wanted poster - he had an extremely high bounty for a newcomer.

He had told you how he had saved your life by giving you a new heart with his strange power. You could finally take deep breaths, think clearly with a quick mind - things that you thought you had lost forever. Thanks to him. "I am not doing this for free, mind you", he had told you eventually, after you were finished expressing your gratitude. He had a wonderful deep velvet voice, it was almost hypnotic to listen to him. "Your village offered beri and provisions as payment for your treatment, but I think it's only fair that you earn your life for yourself, don't you think?", he told you and you just nodded, even though you weren't sure what he meant. "It is decided than. You will work on my ship until you have cleared your debt to me. You have until noon to pack your belongings. We will leave for the next island, soon" He didn't wait for your reaction, he just left you in the hospital bed you woke up in, inside his strange, dark ship.

When you returned to the island, everyone in the village was so happy, and you and your brother celebrated your new life. When he heard what the price was, however, the cheers stopped. Your brother begged the pirate to take him instead, he was stronger than you after all and far more useful on a ship. But strangely, the captain persisted that you come on board. Everyone, pirates and villagers alike, where not thrilled by this idea. But, as he pointed out, he did save your life. And a deal was deal - any price would be payed.

So you packed your few belongings to earn your second life. He told you he would release you from his service in due time. This was only temporary, and you got to see the grand line. This wasn't all bad, you thought. Surely, he would realise that you where pretty much useless in a fight, that you weren't strong or skilled enough to navigate or repair the ship. You already saw lots of cleaning and cooking in your future.

They assigned you hammock in the crew quarters where everyone of the crew slept except the captain. It was a strange gathering: a giant, a bear, some weird guys with masks or hats that conceiled their faces - but you quickly got to know them as kind people, even if they were an odd bunch. Ikakku, the only other girl on the crew, took you under her wing to show you everything. Trafalgar Law however was rarely seen.

As expected, your duties consisted of mostly cleaning and cooking, since you where unfamiliar with the complicated mechanics of the submarine and fighting was not on your list of skills. The captain sometimes called you in for follow-up examinations when he would check your heart and general health. He didn't seem especially happy about your presence, even though it had been him who insisted on having you on the ship.

You thought the crew might come to loathe you as dead weight - but in fact they were happy to have help around the ship, especially since your cooking was far better than Bepos.

They even began showing you basic skills to survive in a battle, even if it was just evading hits so you wouldn't get hurt. Shachi and Penguin showed you a few moves with the sword, while the giant Jean Bart taught you about basic battle tactics. You got to help Ikakku fix up the machinery and learn about what a technical masterpiece the submarine really was. Evenings were spent talking and laughin around the table with the others, playing cards or drinking. The first weeks went by in a blurr and you learned and experienced so much, it seemed like half a lifetime has gone by.

It was disappointing that Law basically lived in his room the entire time, you had expected that he would take more of an interest in you, since it was him who wanted you on board. After another evening with your new crewmates, you felt invigorated and brave enough to just ask him on your own. It was widely known that Law didn't really sleep early, so you were confident that he was still up. You gave the door a knock.

you heard a shuffling noise and soft swearing behind the iron door before it was yanked open and you stood in front of an exhaustet and ungroomed, shirtless man. The tattoos on his hands were known to you - but not the giant jolly roger on his chest. You stared at his chest. The two of you needed a few moments to realize what you were seeing. You regained your composure first, trying to hide your surprise with a little cough.

"If this is a bad time I can always come back later? I just wanted to talk to you about something..." you explained to his shocked face. "Uhm...not at all. What do you need?" he asked suddenly casually leaning in his doorframe. Behind him was a pure mess of books, clothes and other scattered things.

"Well, I just asked myself...why did you want me here? I am not a very good pirate" you whispered, increasingly insecure about your idea as you saw his eyes draw together and his mouth forming into a pout.

"What, you want to leave?" he grunts.

"Uhm, I mean, I am grateful that you saved my life, but I feel that I cannot really help here." Your voice was a high pitched whisper just about now. His stare was brutal, his blue eyes cold as ice. His mouth twitched a few times as he tried to form words.

Pinching his nose, he finally answered: "You are right, you don't seem useful right now. I'll think about it."

Without waiting for your answer, he slammed his door shut.

That was a big pile of nothing, you thought.

What an ass.

Law

Idiot, what have you been thinking?, Law asked himself as he studied his exhausted face in the mirror. Taking an innocent civilian onto your ship because you can't handle your feelings. What kind of pathetic coward have you become? Lurking around the girl on your own ship, like a creep, Law thought.

He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he was hyper aware of where she was at any given time on the ship, watching her from afar. His obsession was frightening to him. Whenever he caught a glimpse of her, his heart would jump into overdrive; when she wasn't there, it was hard for him to concentrate on anything else.

When he decided to finally approach her and talk to her like a normal person, his courage vanished. As soon as he heard her voice an saw her smile, all the lines he had thought of seemed to fall out of his slacked jaw. In the end, he ordered her to an examination that she didn't need - it was just drtving his need to see and touch her. Her recovery was going great, she put on a healthy weight, her strength came back, her skin was practically glowing with life and beauty.

When he let his hands glide over her, her soft skin was like a drug to him. When he told her to remove her boiler suit and her top, her very own scent intoxicated him. And it drove him insane, knowing he couldn't have her. He executed every kind of tactile examination he could possibly think of to postpone her leaving, and prolong his shameless ogling and caressing. She patiently endured all of it. So innocent and trusting. Did she see him as a saviour or a monster? His heart was beating so hard he was sure that she could hear it. Did she suspect something? She didn't seem aware. When he was out of body parts to check he begrudgingly told her that she was in excellent health and could go about her day. She thanked him, got dressed and left the examination room, leaving behind a desperate man. His knees gave out and he sank to the floor. A pile of misery.

His strange behavior even went so far that he stole one of her used shirts, just to have her scent with him when he tried to sleep. He grasped the shirt in front of his chest and buried his nose deep in the fabric, imagining that she was lying beside him. It was a bad substitute, but better than nothing.

His angry eyes stared back at him from the mirror. He was unkempt and unshaven, his face pale and dark rings hung under his eyes. He looked like he was now the one who needed a new heart.

And how would he keep her safe? She was just a girl, he couldn't have her in a fight like at sabaody, or what if she got kidnapped? He didn't think about any of that when he had the glorious idea to just take her along. Shit.

He splashed cold water into his face to calm down. He had to get her back home. Had to turn around, find the island again. He would have-

Bepo stood in his door, silently staring, Law jumped: "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE?!", he screamed.

"Long enough to see that you look like shit", the bear stated.

"Don't just say that to your captain!", Law reprimanded him. "Sorry", Bepo let his head hang down. Law buried his face in his hands out of frustration. "What do you want, Bepo, don't you have anything to do?" he asked in an unnerved voice. "You know Law, as your friend I have to tell you that you look really unhappy since we got our new crew mate. What's the matter?" he inquired.

"He's love sick is what's happening" Shachis voice came from the hallway behind the large mink. "My two beri to this are: talk to her and resolve this or leave her on the next island. You're putting us all at risk if you're miserable all day. This is the grand line, we are wanted men. If you're not at your best, someone will get us" he reminded Law of his duties as captain.

Law was painfully aware of all of that. He knew his crew needed his protection. He had a plan to execute, a man to avenge. His face burned with anger - at himself, at this situation. His stupid heart. He knew what he had to do.

"On the next save island, we leave her. Give her enough beri to take transport back to her home." he said.

Bepo and Shachi looked at each other and nodded. "Aye, aye captain!", they said and turned to go. Bepo hesitated. "Are you sure that's what you want?", he asked. "It's what needs to be done" Law said, adding: "And close the door behind you". He didn't need his men to see his tears.

______________________________

Next chapter preview (I do that now because I *checks notes* did some actual planning on this):

And now is your chance to tell me what to do better next time, what is a motif you like to see? Let me know in the comments or write a dm!

Law tries to get you back home the safest way he can think of: by dumping you on an island with a handful of beri - but keeping an eye on you anyways. Finding out your little secret? And some bounty hunters are also in the mix. I hope you'll enjoy it!

Part 3 out now, continue reading right away

[igotanidea]

Here we go again : Matt Murdock x reader x Dick Grayson

A/N: I think I got myself into an unhealthy addiction of writing stories based on the songs stuck in my head, but well, it fits, so why not.

A/N 2 : This is just something to make you grasp the idea behind the story. The next chapters are going to go back in time to properly deal with the timeline and events.

inspired by : That's hilarious by Charlie Puth.

PROLOGUE

That's hilarious

Hahahaha.....

haha

Yeah, if you haven't already guessed I'm laughing because at this point nothing seems real anymore and if I wasn't laughing at the irony I would probably start crying, screaming and then jump our of the window.

Let me give you a quick introduction into my life, so you could understand me better.

Hi,

my name is Y/N and I'm a citizen developer. Which means I pretty much do everything that has to do with IT, Artificial Inteligence, programming, computers and programming. I loved my job to the point where I was spending hours and hours in front of the screen to be the very best. And truly, finally I got to the top. At the age of 21 I was a most-known in my profession.

And that got me some attention.

Did I mention I was born and living in Gotham?

So, perhaps you guessed who was the guy that gave me my first job?

No?

Well, it was Bruce Wayne. Yes, Wayne as in Wayne Enterprises.

Oh, god, I was on cloud nine being able to put my hands on all that technology, give my ideas and finally having someone to listen and apreciate them. I upgraded it, gave a bit of personal touch to the systems and god, it was amazing., I felt like I was where I belonged.

Bruce, however reserved and distant he was soon started to treat me like his own daughter. I mean, what else can you expect from a relationship between a CEO who spend most of his time with the youngest IT who also happened to be a half-orphan?

So, soon, he let me into the Wayne Manor, where I met his adopted son, Dick. Quite different than his parential figure, but pretty much the same with distant and pushing away. I didn't force him. It took us half a year to become some sort of friends and another half a year to fall truly, madly, deeply in love. No irony here. We spend a lot of time together. Or at least as much as our busy schedules allowed us to. Dick was a detective with crazy work hours, both night and day so when I get the chance I worked from the Manor, even when Bruce was not content with it.

Now that I think about it, i wonder how love-blinded I was.

That's when the story starts to go downhill.

When I was 23, Wayne Enterprises' tech department, with me leading it, introduced some new prototype. The whole project was on the highest security level, full NDA and confidentiality, so from some point the only people involved in the details were me and Bruce. I was literally sunsine and rainbows I get to be involved, hell! be the head of the assignment.

Until I got myself in trouble walking home from work at late night.

Remember, it was Gotham City and I was overwhelmed with our success.

So, due to my absent-mindedness some assaulters came right at me, grabbing both of my arms and dragging me into the dark alley. Of course I was figthing back, screaming and squirming, but what can one girl do in confrontation with 3 pretty beefy men?

Yes, three points for the right answer. NOTHING.

I was pretty much saying goodbye to my life (or at least my sexual health and good memories in that aspect - thank you, Dick Grayson for giving me them) when Gotham's heroes - Batman and Robin decided to show up, blowing everything and beating the assaulters to shit. Maybe they exaggareted a bit, after all those men were not criminals, and there was no need to knock them unconscious and that made me wonder. Still a bit overwhelmed I looked around and then I spotted Batman's new gear. Based on the technology I created.

So there were two, maybe three options:

Batman stole the technology from Wayne, and therefore he was not a hero everyone believed him to

Batman got the techonology from Wayne and therefore Bruce knew Batman's identity (Bruce would never let anyone, even the hero got it without checking all the details)

Bruce was Batman.......

"Bruce......?"

"Y/N."

"What is going on here?" I took a step back and bumped into wall

"Let me explain it to you....."

"Y/N!" another voice came from my right and before I realised what was happening, another caped vigilante was holding me close to his chest, his warm embrace being oddly famliiar. "Are you alright?" Robin's hands started caressing my back, his breaht ticking my face.

Holy fuck!

If Bruce was Batman than .....

"Dick?" my eyes went wide. Stupid, stupid girl! You should have known!

"Are you all right?" he asked again, a mix of desperation and remorse in his voice.

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I don't know. What is this? some sort of Surprise Sur Price?"

"Let us explain...." Dick took a quick glance at Batman Bruce who nodded

"Not here. It's not safe."

NOT SAFE!?

"Y/N." Dick took my hand squizing it gently, but lovingly "come on, baby, let's get you out of here."

"Um, well, okey...."

They got me to the Manor and then, since the secret was out and in their own words, they trusted me, I got a quick tour around the batcave. Yeah, they trusted me so much they kept their second life in secret for two fucking years! How is that trust?! I felt betrayed, played with, used, you name it. All that anger made me cry and clench my fist at the same time, my face going red and my heart at the edge of literally breaking.

"Talk to her." apparently that was too much for Bruce, since he decided to let my boyfriend deal with the damage. "You're off the patrol tonigh. Just make sure she'll be fine."

Oh, quite a conversation it was. However, at first not many words were used..... Anger, or rather fury, found another way out......But, when we both calmed down enough to use our mouths to actually echange full sentences it was all painfully clear.

The problem about heroes comes down to the fact that when being torn between their mission and the person they love ,they always choose the duty. And Dick did exactly that when he decided to sweet talk all my worries and cover up the truth for two whole years. That was sad. But, trying to be rational, I didn't scream or blame him. To some point I understood his motives, I mean, as a gotham citizen. As his girlfiriend I could not. I stayed in the manor until he felt asleep in his serene belief we were fine now.

We weren't.

I left Gotham that nigh, leaving him a letter explaing why I had to do this and kindly asking him not to look for me. The thought of the heartbreak he had to go through must have been soul-piercing. At least that's how it was for me when I found myself in Hell's kitchen trying to put my life together and move on.

I found a new job, but it was not the same without him.

And then Matt Murdock came into my life. He was such a nice guy, With an opinion amongst girls, as his best friend Foggy told me. Well, I was not going to fall for him. I had my walls high. Matt and Foggy were both lawyers and a bit of tech was kind of useful in this profession so soon we were working together. As friends. But clearly it was not enough for Matt. We were working late in his aparment, foggy has already left and I was picking my stuff to go home as well, already halfway to the door when Murdock yanked me back by my hand and kissed me with the most knee-buckling, hot, passionate kiss. You know, the one when you just reciprocate in an instant, no need to process what the hell is going on, while the other person's hand sneak around you pulling you closer. At first, i just let him caress my body, but quickly fall on the concrete.

"Stay with me...." he whispered against my lips

"Matt...." I pushed him away and he backed out immidiately

"I'm sorry Y/N. I didn't mean to push you, but I just... I have so many feeligns for you."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just..... not ready. Yet."

"Yet?" damn lawyers

"Yet" I smiled lightly to defuse the tension

"Well then, I'm not giving up on you".

***

You know the saying "the history repeats itself?" Well it really does. I learned that in a painfull way, when a month later it turned out Matt Murdock was the devil of hell's kitchen. DAREDEVIL for fuck's sake. What was wrong with me and why the hell was I attracting vigilantes from the whole damn country?!

At least I didn't have to get myself in trouble to get to know his secret identity.

Oh no.

This was much worse when he stumbled into my apartment at 3 a.m. waking me up, in not so pleasant way, al bloody and on the verge of life. Yeah, we.... well, we had an argument. But somehow, he convinced me to stay. Something Dick couldn't do in the past. He never asked me to stay.

So I give in to the hope that this time it would be diffent. And I stayed, ready to fight for whatever was blooming between us.

And I was happy-ish to work through it with him.

And I was slowly moving on.

Until one evening, half a year after I left Gotham the past came knocking at my door.

Literally.

I was at my apartment, working and cuddling with Matt when the noice from outside made me get up and open.

"Y/N...... I found you...."

Dick fucking Grayson was at my door.

"Y/N...." he whispered tenderly "I need you back. I want you back with me...."

"Y/N? who is that?" in a blink of an eye Matt was by my side and at this point I was just turning my gaze from one guy to another in shock.

"Who the fuck are you?" Dick hissed

"Well I could ask you the same question" Matt retorted coldly

"I'm her boyfriend" ok, now it was Robin talking

"Funny thing, because that is who I am." hello, Daredevil, nice to see you woke up as well. I guess it was automatic - when Dick went into vigilante mode, Matt responded with exact the same.

"Guys....." I tried to stop them, but they did not let me.

"So you must be the ex?" Matt smirked

"You know about me? Does she moan my name when you two....."

"Ok! Ok! That is enough!" ultimately I got their attention, pretty sure I was red as an apple due to Dick's words.

Now.

I was the only thing standing between two vigilantes in their full-on fighting mode, ready to kill each other .

Oh, boy......

@somest1

@pinksirensong

@everything2134

[comfort-writing]

Crayons and Cassettes

Chapter 6: Party at Harrington’s

You are a kindergarten teacher. Eddie’s daughter, Sage, is in your class. Eddie helps you relax after a couple grueling months.

warnings: smoking and drinking. mental health- anxiety- is depicted. this fic will be 18+ in later chapters- minors DNI!! no use of y/n. (please let me know if I missed anything)

a/n: I feel much better about this chapter. btw I totally wanted to get it out last night but I fell asleep after work oops. let me know in the comments or my asks if you want to be added to the tag list! requests are open!

word count: 2.9k

Chapter 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 || 11 || 12 || 13 || 14 (coming soon!)

Once school was back in full swing, you were busy, to put it lightly. Spring semester was always filled with setting up IEP and 504 recommendations for your students to be analyzed for in the first grade, as well as trying to have every student achieve mastery of all of the state standards. You had to make sure all of your students could write their name without mistakes, tie their shoes, know numbers one through fifty and the alphabet, knew a lot of sight words, and most, if not all, should be able to read basic books.

You were working hard to try and make sure that all of your students achieved. But that didn’t come without sacrifice. You and Eddie still called, but the calls were usually less than twenty minutes, as you needed to grade assignments and lesson plan for the days ahead. You still saw him at pickup line, but instead of those days where you were stressed being few and far between, they were growing more frequent.

You could tell he was getting worried about you. He’d even said it on your last phone call.

“Are you doing okay? You seem really stressed lately.” He cautioned, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Oh, I’m fine. The spring semester is always like this. I’m just not used to having such a large class size is all. They said that next year won’t be so bad. Apparently everyone decided to have babies at the same time that you did.” You joked, trying to downplay your anxiety.

“Is there anything I can do to help you out?”

“I’m not sure… just- being able to talk sometimes is nice. Allows me decompress a little. But if I think of anything else, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Okay..” He said warily, still not quite sure about where your head was really at.

You didn’t want to burden him with anything. You’d always had pretty bad anxiety, but you had learned to manage it pretty well on your own over the years. However, when life got stressful, it was more difficult to deal with, especially due to the fact that you didn’t have much time for yourself.

He’d invited you out to a little get together with his friends the other night. You said you weren’t sure, mainly because you felt like you had a pile of work that needed to get done and taking one night off might put you back. But he mentioned that you didn’t have to stay if you didn’t want to. He just wanted you to meet his friends- it was a casual hang out, nothing serious. You hesitantly agreed, thinking that maybe this might help you chill out a little bit.

It was tonight. Eddie said he’d drive you, which you appreciated, as despite you living in Hawkins since the summer, you still didn’t know your way around town outside of the main roads. You were standing in your closet, trying to decide what to wear.

Casual. Cute. Nothing too sexy or serious. Just- regular clothes. You should have something like that, right? You dug through your closet. It didn’t help that the majority of your wardrobe consisted of colorful dresses you wore to your kindergarten class. Honestly, dressing for five year olds was easier than dressing for adults, in your opinion. You decided on a pair of jeans and a light, comfortable sweater. It was nearing March, so it wasn’t snowing anymore, but it was still cold out. You put on your everyday makeup that you wore to school and tied back your hair, pulling out a few strands to frame your face. Earrings, bracelets, watch. Easy. Cute, comfortable, casual. You grabbed a pair of white sneakers and threw them on. Just as you were finishing tying your left shoelace, you heard a knock at the front door.

You answered the door, “Hey, Eds, come on in. I just have to grab my purse.” You said, letting him into the entryway.

“You look nice.” He smiled genuinely.

You were in a bit of a rush, the anxiety still having a hold on you, “Ah- thanks.” You said quickly, rushing to the living room to grab your bag. You walked back to Eddie, eyes looking a little worried, “Ready to go?” You asked, almost walking past him to head out the door.

He stopped you, placing both hands on your shoulders, “Hey.. Take a breath. Relax.” He said, taking a deep breath, eyeing you to follow suit. You did, relaxing your shoulders a bit. “This is supposed to be fun. You deserve a break. You’ve been wearing yourself out. One night off isn’t going to cause your kids to fail.” He reassured you.

You took another deep breath, “I know… I know. It’s just been a bit much is all. I want my students to succeed.”

“And they will.” He insisted. “But they can’t do that without your help. And how can you really help them if you’re so stressed all the time? You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of them.”

You sighed, “Yeah.. you’re right.” His words were reassuring enough for now.

“Okay. Let’s go have fun, yeah? And remember, if it’s too much, we can just leave. There’s no pressure for you to stay. I’ll drive you home and you can work or relax.” He said, squeezing your shoulders gently before letting go. You nodded, and he opened the front door for you, locking it behind you guys before walking you to his van.

Before you had the chance to open your own door, Eddie jogged over and opened it for you, taking a grandiose bow. You laughed, for what felt like the first time in at least a week. Ever the gentleman. He walked over to the drivers side after shutting your door, and the two of you pulled off to drive to Steve’s.

The moment you arrived at the cute little corner lot house, Eddie jumped out and opened the car door for you, taking your hand and helping you out of the car. He gave it a quick squeeze before letting it go.

You guys walked up to the door, and Eddie just waltzed right on through the door. You felt bad just walking into a strangers house, so you stood in the doorway for a moment. “Sup Harrington, you big lug.” Eddie laughed, wrapping an arm around Steve’s shoulder and bending him to ruffle his hair. Steve laughed and shoved him off, then noticed you in the doorway.

“Hey, come on in, don’t be shy.” He smiled warmly.

You stepped further into the entry way and shut the door behind you. Steve walked over to you and stuck his hand out, shaking yours politely, “Steve. Nice to meet you.” You told him your name and once you’d been introduced, Steve and Eddie walked you to the living room to meet the rest of the group. Everyone seemed warm and welcoming enough.

The younger bunch were back for spring break, so everyone had a lot to catch up on. You mainly listened to the conversation, just taking everything in. You sat at the end of the sofa, with Robin next to you and Eddie squatted on the arm rest. You’d been chatting with her, finding out the two of you had a lot in common.

“You want a drink?” Robin offered, getting up to go grab one for herself.

“Uh, sure. What do you have?” You asked.

She reached her hand out, you took it, and she helped you off of the couch, “We’ve got a lot, and I’m not even sure what all there is.” She chuckled as you followed her to the kitchen. She swung open the fridge like she lived there and reached in the back, grabbing a beer before leaning on the freezer and allowing you to scan the contents. You grabbed some premade cocktail in a can before shutting the door.

“So.. you and Eddie, huh?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows at you.

You couldn’t fight the red tint that flooded your cheeks, “Ah- well.. not really?” You said, shrugging your shoulders.

Robin frowned and cracked open her beer, taking a swig, “What’s the holdup? He’s like, toootally into you. And if I could bet on it, I’d put down money and say that you’re into him.”

You sighed, “That’s already been established.”

She gave you a confused look, “So.. why aren’t you two a thing?”

“My job. Unfortunately, it’s like, illegal for me to date a parent. Plus, in this town, it’s not like we can be secretive about it- gossip runs rampant.”

“Ah- yeah, I guess that makes sense. Don’t worry., my lips are sealed”

“Thanks. But it still kinda sucks though.” You chuckled, bumping her shoulder

“I feel that. When I was in college, my girlfriend and I had to be like, mega-cautious around everyone. I know it’s not the same, but I know what it’s like to have to hide how ya feel.” She reassured.

“Thanks Robin.” You smiled, taking a sip of your drink.

She nodded and the two of you walked back to the couch, finding Eddie laid out where the two of you previously sat. Robin groaned and shoved him, trying to get him to move off of the couch. He rolled off, hitting the ground with a thud, and you and Robin quickly scrambled over him and into your seats, giggling. Eddie laughed and pointed an accusatory finger, “I knew I shouldn’t have introduced the two of you.”

You and Robin shared a knowing look and laughed, watching as he got up off of the ground and moved to sit on the armrest once again, leaning against the back of the couch and resting his arm on the cushion above your shoulder.

After a while of sitting and listening to his buddies laugh and tell old stories, with you chiming in at certain points, Eddie leaned down to whisper in your ear, “I’m gonna go out back for a smoke. Want to come with?” He asked.

You nodded and followed him through the house and onto the back patio. You sighed into the cold March air, seeing your own breath. He took a cigarette and a lighter out of his jacket pocket. He offered you one, to which you politely declined, before lighting it and taking a drag.

“You having a good time?” He asked, leaning over the patio’s railing and looking into the backyard.

You matched his position, “Yeah. Your friends are really nice.” You smiled.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. You deserve to.” He told you, leaning over and bumping your shoulder with his own.

You hummed and looked up, seeing the starry sky. It made you feel small, but not in a bad way.

“Just think, only two more months and you’re home free.” He mused.

You giggled, “You mean we’re home free.”

He smiled, “Well yeah, but I was mainly talking about you. You’ve been so stressed lately with all the hard work you’ve been doing.” He paused, looking over to you, “I’ve been worried about you. I mean, I haven’t known you that long, but I can tell that all of it has had an effect on you.”

You sighed, turning around to face the house. You placed your hands on your face and dragged them down, “I know.” You grumbled, your voice muffled by your hands. You let them fall and rested your elbows on the railing, leaning back. “I just feel like I haven’t had a moment to breathe since January. Spring semester is normally stressful, but it’s usually not this bad.”

Eddie nodded, taking another drag of his cigarette, letting you continue.

“I just- anxiety is a bitch, you know?”

Eddie laughed at that, coughing through it as the smoke spilled from his lungs. “Boy do I know it.” He said, once he’d gained his bearings. “But like I said, only two more months. You’re almost there. And really, I know I’ve already said this, but if you need any help with anything, you let me know, okay?”

You nodded and leaned your head on his shoulder, “Thank you, Eddie.” You whispered. He smiled and kissed the top of your head before laying his own on top of yours. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying each others silent company as Eddie finished his cigarette, making sure to blow the smoke away from you.

He snubbed out the end of his smoke in the little ashtray on the railing before looking down at you, “Ready to go back in?” He asked quietly.

“Do we have to? This is so nice.” You pleaded.

“You’re shivering. You’re going to freeze to death.”

“Ugh, fine. If we have to.” You groaned dramatically.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your arms quickly to warm you up, “Come on, cutie.” He said, walking you back inside.

You laughed as you two walked back into the house, feeling yourself begin to defrost as you walked back to the living room together. You plopped back down next to Robin and she gave you a silent wink, to which you rolled your eyes and smiled.

Around ten, everyone was heading out, so you and Eddie followed suit. You said goodbye to everyone, you and Robin exchanging numbers, and Steve giving you a big bear hug. Eddie walked you out to his van, opening the door for you before climbing in himself. The two of you drove home, laughing and recalling funny things that people had said that night, listening to the radio on a low volume.

Once he pulled up to your house, he walked you to your door. “Hey, thank you for tonight. I had fun.” You smiled, leaning against your door frame.

“Me too. I’m glad you came along.” He had one hand in his jacket pocket as he used his thumb to fiddle with the rings on his other hand.

You looked up at him. He looked so handsome in the moonlight. You looked around for a moment, taking in that nobody was on the street and the neighbors’ lights were off.

“Are they planning anything like this again soon?” You asked.

“Not that I know of, but I’ll let you know when we do.”

You nodded, taking a step closer to him. “Really.. thank you.” You said sincerely as you wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He was a little surprised, but he hugged you back, wrapping one arm around your waist and using the other to rub your back.

To an outsider, the hug may have look like it lasted too long, but neither of you cared. You just enjoyed each others warmth and physical contact in that moment. You could have been there forever and neither of you would have noticed.

You pulled away slightly, looking up at him. He smiled softly down at you. You glanced around one last time before looking back up at him. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

After a moment, Eddie bent down and whispered in your ear, “You’re making it very hard not to kiss you right now.”

You squeezed him closer, taking a steady breath before whispering back, “I never said you couldn’t.”

He pulled back and looked around like you had already done, making sure nobody was around. Your porch light was off, so nobody could really see you guys anyways. He looked back at you for confirmation that this was okay. You nodded.

He didn’t waste another moment before leaning down and capturing your lips in his own, moving one hand to hold your cheek as he did so. His lips were warm and soft and he tasted faintly of cigarettes, but you didn’t mind. You felt like you were surrounded by him: his lips, his hair, his tall and lean figure. He smelled like smoke and some sort of warm and spicy cologne.

He kissed you gently, not looking for anything more than this. You melted into it, your arms wrapping around his shoulders lazily. Neither of you knew how long it lasted, it could have been a second or it could have been an eternity. But when he pulled back, the both of you feeling a little breathless, it felt too soon.

The two of you shared a look before smiling at each other. He leaned down and kissed your temple sweetly before he pulled away, your arms falling to your sides and feeling empty. “I’ll see you tomorrow at pickup?” He whispered.

You nodded dumbly, and watched him step off of your front porch. “Good night, beautiful.” He said with a wink, heading back to his car. You wanted to say good night as well, but you felt as though your voice would betray you in that moment, so you silently unlocked your door and walked inside your house, locking it behind you.

You leaned against your front door, taking a moment to let it all sink in.

Man, you felt like a teenager again.

Tag list: @mcueveryday @bebe0701 @emma77645 @edsforehead @manda-panda-monium @nina211544

[lightlycareless]

First, it hurts— Chapter XXIII [part 2]

(Part 1)

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: fluff, a bit of yelling, slight mention of adultery, implications of sexual favors. And I think that's about it. It's pretty chill I guess lol

A/N: Heya once more! Due to Tumblrs limitations on blocks, I'll be posting longer chapters into two! or three, how many as needed. The link to the previous chapter will be on the top! :) Thank you for your understanding!

Also, if you want to read the whole thing in one post, ao3 is the way to go ❤

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 24

Ao3 link.

Noting that your courteous thank you wasn’t enough to show how grateful you were of Junko’s actions, you’ve decided to do something for her, as a token of your appreciation.

However, the woman would always deny your advances, whether they be making breakfast for her and her daughters, so she could start the morning with ease, or even taking her duties so she could relax for the rest of the day. All attempts that Junko would immediately shut down, for she believed you were trying to bribe her.

Ah, always the defensive one.

Well, you’d soon come to the realization that continuously pushing your luck would do you or the twins no good, so instead, decided to let it rest for the moment, that is, until Junko finally finds it in herself to lower her guard.

Then , you’d be able to attack once more.

And that moment seemed to be today.

You don’t know how you did it, but you did it anyway. You actually managed to wake up way earlier than your staff, and Junko subsequently.

Making haste to start your day, you fetched a kimono from the nearby closet—a dark gray kimono with a beige obi; the usual palette that remained on theme with the rest of your attires.

Once ready, you silently make your way to the kitchen. 

Just because you were awake, didn’t mean the others were as well. And if you had to bring it up… well, you had more than enough unsavory encounters with the staff to wish to remain undetected.

Luckily, there weren’t many people awake during this early hour, aside from those assigned to work the graveyard shift, who honestly… couldn’t really care less about you—not when they were hoping that their shift would end soon (for it was the most uneventful one to work in) and get some well deserved rest.

As you continued your way to the kitchen, you wondered how Junko managed to wake up this early every single day—after all, it often seemed that she went to sleep pretty late at night, presumably after her daughters and husband were in bed first and she’d prepared what she could for tomorrow, and only then, she’ll be able to rest as well.

Naoaki seemed to be the same kind of person—waking up early to try and make the most of the day. Although that seemed to not be the norm for him, only doing so more recently because he had a family issue to resolve with the government, and government institutes were famed to be heavily frequented, even from very early hours. Thus, it made sense why he’d have to leave the estate at dawn, just to ensure that he’ll be assisted.

Well, if there was one thing you had to be grateful of your current arrangement, was that you weren’t demanded to wake up early. Any other day, you’d still be sleeping underneath your warm covers at this hour—something you were sure was about to change as soon as Naoya returned home. 

The notion of serving him is enough to make you sharply exhale out of frustration—you haven’t even done anything and you were already irritated by it, just the power Naoya held over you.

However, those heinous thoughts vanish as quickly as they arrive once you’re standing before the kitchen entrance, finally returning you to Junko and the breakfast you were to prepare for her.

You slide the doors open, and just as you’ve experienced in the past, prepare yourself to be received by the frigid eyes of the workers inside.

Knowing well how to drive yourself in these kind of situations, you take a deep breath and walk across the room (not bothering to greet good mornings, for they often went unanswered) and onto your regular working space, doing as much as you could to avoid glancing at them or coming in between their path. They remained relatively silent, an unusual thing to happen whenever present, but you decided not to comment on it any further.

Getting down to business, you begin to envision the meal Junko would usually prepare for herself: rice, fruits, a few vegetables and most importantly, no fish , for you eventually discovered that her dislike wasn’t because of her personal choice, but rather, because her family were vegetarians.

Once the picture becomes clear in your mind's eye, you decide to start by reaching out for the appropriate cooking supplies.

You’d look into the nearest cabinet, intending to find a pan. When your search proved fruitless, you’d move onto another cupboard, and another, and another, until you eventually realized it was shockingly nowhere to be found.

Its absence makes you wonder if anyone else was using it and forgot to return to its rightful place, a conclusion that makes you tense with anxiety at the prospect of having to interact with the apathetic staff around you.

Well, if that were to be the case, then you’d have to improvise. Maybe if you could get your hands on a pot, you’ll be—

“Lady Y/N” A voice calls from behind. You blink slowly, trying to decipher if you’d actually heard someone call you or it it was a fragment of your imagination “Lady Y/N”

It was not . Hesitantly, you begin to turn around to face the one behind the call. 

It’s a cook, one that you faintly recognize as usually working in the morning shift. She seems… nervous, uncertain even, almost as if she were too afraid to speak to you. 

«Because of me?» you wonder as the woman continues fidgeting with her fingers 

“Are you… looking for something?”

“A pan” you answer, uncertain where this conversation could go from here.

“Oh, it’s here” She says, walking over to an overlooked cabinet, pulling the doors open and getting the pan out of its storage. “The other one broke and we had to get a new one… I hope it’s good enough”

“...Yeah” you say, squinting your eyes as you take the item from her hands “Thank you…?” 

“If you need anything else, just tell me” she says with a nod before retreating to her previous position.

And that wasn’t even the strangest thing yet. 

When you started cooking, the servants would occasionally slide to you the ingredients they assumed you would be needing next. Sometimes they were right, sometimes they were not. However, that wasn’t what bothered you. 

The thing that made you feel uneasy was this following question:

Why, out of nowhere, they’ve decided to be helpful towards you?

Well… you only had to look back a few days to understand their reasonings.

After you essentially stood up for someone of their ranks, the servants were left to discover a new side of you, one they never thought you’d be able to harbor, due to being influenced by the preconceived notions of their masters. 

While many of the masters, wives included, often sided to simply follow the tyrannical order of Meiko’s rules, you decided to break the mold and put a stop to her actions. Even going as far as taking on the punishment that pertained to the perpetrator in question, showing them that titles were, well, just that. Titles .

Seeing this kind of uprising coming from someone they considered to be a detached superior quickly humbled them, presenting them a whole new point of view to ruminate on. 

And although there were still a few servants that weren’t amused by your actions, thinking that you were stepping out of line, there were few others that were starting to… come to terms with their assumptions of you, and wanted to compensate for their past actions.

Such as what they did today.

However, this was an explanation that you wouldn’t be able to know about, at least not for the moment. Ignorant to the cause, and not wanting to get distracted by them out of the necessary, you decide to continue doing your thing.

Now that you were done, and the servants had given you a few unexpected compliments here and there regarding it’s consistency, smell, and even presentation , all that was left for you to do is prepare to set the table—chopsticks, napkins, and a few cups alongside the tea you managed to do whilst preparing the food—and wait for their arrival.

You hoped that your anticipation would disappear once Junko and her daughters arrived at the dining table, and it did. But only to be replaced by fear of their disappointment, after all, it was the first time Mai and Maki would get to taste your food, and children were known to be very blunt when it came to voicing their opinions. 

An emotion that only heightened upon seeing Junko’s eyes land on your work, seemingly evaluating your effort with a squint of her own.

But if you were to read her mind, you would’ve known that far from judging your efforts, she thought that the food laid before her pertained to an upcoming meeting she had the misfortune of forgetting! 

A small slip up that sparked her into action by ordering her daughters to wait in the adjacent room as they walked towards the kitchen, requesting you to help her finish the rightful preparations as soon as possible.

Something that she would’ve continued to do, that is, until you stepped in.

“It’s fine, Junko-san” you reassure her, following her around the kitchen “There’s nothing to worry about”

“What do you mean? Surely all this food is for something important”

“Yes” you nod “For you”

“Then why are you standing around? Get yourself together and—wait. What ?” Junko freezes.

“I said, it’s for you” you repeat with a smile. “Come, let’s get you to the table”

“What’s the meaning of this?” She wastes no second to start interrogating you, much to your amusement, as she follows you to the dinning hall.

“I… wanted to do something for you, as to show my gratitude for allowing me to be friends with your daughters” You start to explain “I know you didn’t want me to do anything, but I really thought it necessary. I hope I did everything to your liking, we haven't really spoken about the food we like so please don’t be too harsh on me” you chuckle nervously.

Junko stands there as she’s effectively rendered speechless.

For the first time in her life, she doesn’t know what to say.

She… she doesn’t remember the last time she was ever appreciated for the things she’s done for the house. Outside of her daughters, of course. But outside of that… no one. 

Besides, she was indoctrinated from the very moment she was born to never expect gratitude for completing what was her job, thus, she grew up to believe that she hasn’t done anything outstanding to receive such treatment.

But then, you came along, and everything around her started to change. 

You acted in such a way that it was impossible for her to ignore; but… she has to admit that it wasn’t entirely bad. Different from the people that surrounded her, of course, putting so much attention to the smallest, unnecessary details…

But it's the reason that pushed you to think it was necessary to thank her. 

Well, in some way, she did expect you to do something like that, since Junko thinks that she’s doing you a favor, however, what she thought (which pertained to you getting down on your knees and beg ), to what happened…

She can easily recognize that what she got was something so much better.

Your efforts were genuine, caring, as if her opinion mattered to you.

For the first time in seemingly forever, she felt herself being appreciated.

Perhaps she could indulge you just this one time.

“Mom!” Mai calls as she rushes towards them, with her older sister just behind them.

She and Maki have heard everything from the other side of the room, since the curiosity behind your actions naturally forced them to do so.

When the good hearted nature of your intentions were finally revealed, put somewhat still pushed away by their mother, they soon understood it was necessary for them to step in and help you further convince her to be pampered for once in her life, thus, the following ensued.

“Let’s eat!! I’m starting and Y/N-chan made us food!” she whines, grabbing her mother’s right sleeve as to emphasize her words.

“Yeah, mom!” Maki pouts, crossing her arms “Besides, you rarely get to eat with us anyways, might as well take it! —Wait, will you eat with us too, Y/N-chan?”

“Oh” you faltered. Guess you haven’t thought about that. “I… depends if your mom wants me to”

The girls waste no second to swirl their heads towards their mother, puppy eyes in place, as they begin to plead.

“Pleeeeaaaase” they cry in unison, pulling and tugging on her sleeves “please let her eat with us, please, please, pleeeeaaaaassseeeeeeeeeeee”

“Fine, alright!” Junko sharply interrupts “But let’s make it quick, I still have your father’s breakfast to prepare”

You had prepared food though, just not intended to be eaten with them. However, this was a nice twist of events you couldn’t deny. It felt nice to actually eat with the company of someone else.

Not that you were alone during dinner, since you now had Naoaki to share it with, but back before he entered your life, it was just you… and your staff, limiting themselves to observe you and ask you from time to time if you needed anything else—making you feel like some kind of caged animal observed by it’s visitors.

It felt nice to indulge in these types of domesticity, giving you the impression of being part of a family.

A moment you wished would last forever.

Once everyone was done eating their breakfast, you went ahead and started picking up everyone's plates—promptly stopping Junko from doing so under the pretense that you were the one that roped her into this in the first place, and that she deserved it to take it easy, thus, your responsibility to look after your guests.

The mother of two would begrudgingly accept your offer, but not without insisting that she’d be allowed to at least wash the plates. You deny her request once more, attacking her from another angle by reminding her that she has yet to prepare her husband’s breakfast. That seemed to do the work, because after that, she no longer offered to help anywhere else.

The twins thank you for the meal and tell you that they will be on their way to class , but not before reminding you that they intended to play with you once they were done with school—a sentence you couldn’t stop laughing at upon realizing how accommodating you’ve become to their will. 

Junko would attempt to sway them back on track, warning them that they have to complete their homework first before doing anything else with you, which they promised to do as they bid their farewells.

Falling back into the routine, you take this moment to chat with Junko and maybe… get her to confess her opinion regarding your efforts—because throughout the whole time she was eating, she never commented on your skill.

“So…” you start, discreetly peeking over to Junko’s side “did you like the food?” 

A few seconds pass, receiving nothing but silence from her as she diligently disinfects the vegetables she was to use.

“It was… acceptable” She eventually responds upon deliberating that her lack of acknowledgement wouldn’t be courteous for the one that fed her, all while reached out for a nearby knife and began cutting the same vegetables she was preparing “Although you have much to improve if you want to start making appropriate meals for Naoya-sama”

«I thought she would say that» you muse as you continue cleaning the plates on the sink  «But it’s not a bad response»

“…thank you” Junko murmurs and you gasp.

“Don’t mention it” a smile appears on your lips as you proceed to bask in the warmth this closeness brought between the two. To hear her admit she liked your food, and was grateful for it—it was pure ecstasy!

“Do not think this will change anything between us” She’s quick to raise her guard upon realizing she’s allowed herself to be vulnerable for far too long, and hopefully, right before you got the wrong idea. 

However, it was too late. Before she was able to do anything else, your eyes began to twinkle with a mischievous gleam that implied you’ve already begun to see her differently  

“I’m still your mentor!’

“Of course!” You chuckled “My friend of a mentor”

“No. Stop it immediately” Junko fumes as she continues to dive into her work while you continue laughing.

Nonetheless, even if Junko somewhat indulged in this nonsensical banter, you still felt that she hasn’t completely allowed herself to be honest with you. There’s still so much that she’s holding onto, perhaps out of fear of vulnerability or her own family, making you wonder what it would take for her to finally open up to you.

Well, you wouldn’t force her. 

For now, this fleeting moment of happiness is all you could ask for.

Having Mai and Maki back in your life was certainly something you took great enjoyment in, but as much as you were basking in their prosperity… you were starting to feel… tired.

Yes, you liked being with them and would do anything to never lose them again, but that didn’t mean you had to spend every waking hour with them. And not only because you were starting to have trouble keeping up to their hyperactive behavior, which dragged you from one corner of the estate to the other, but rather, because you’ve begun to disregard your other relationships:

Naoaki .

The poor man had remained quiet about this whole ordeal, presumably as to not make you feel bad, but you knew the truth.

Another thing that kept you agitated throughout the days was the link that he represented between you and your sister.

Of course, you didn’t want to say that this is the only reason you’ve been trying to reach out to him. No, obviously not—there was a healthy relationship at stake that you intended to preserve, as well as overall missing spending time with him and hearing his stories whenever he left the estate: You wished to know if he’d managed to save the wrongly-named property an opportunistic man thought capable of stealing, as well as his jujutsu endeavors.

And above all… to know if your sister finally responded to your letter.

You assume that enough time has passed already for her to write a missive of her own, and for it to subsequently arrive at the P.O. box solely designated for your correspondence; if that was the case, it was only a matter of having Naoaki go fetch it and bring it to you. 

But just as if it’s written in the human genome, intrusive thoughts are quick to make way to your mind and plague them with all kinds of horrible outcomes, starting with the one that  perhaps your letter was never sent, because it was intercepted by the Zen’in!

Something that didn’t make sense once you thought about it. If that had been the case, you probably wouldn’t be alive to talk about it. You discard it quickly.

However, you didn’t stop there. If that wasn’t the reason why you haven’t learned about your sister, it was because she hasn’t responded to it! Because she no longer cares about you!

That’s idiotic . You knew Hinata very well, and after promising to get you out of there, there was no way she would leave you stranded. 

But

You do knew her to be a very busy person. Her valuable technique, alongside the notion that the jujutsu community wasn’t known for being very… just to it’s sorcerers necessities, still stuck in an outdated system the elders have refused to consider changing (the same one that put you in this situation) it was only reasonable that Hinata wouldn’t have gotten the chance to answer your message just yet.

Well, there’s still the positive side to look after.

The worst of the best scenarios, the mail service was simply late. It’s something that can definitely happen, more now that it is nearing the highest season of the year—the holidays.

And in the best of the worst, assuming your sister did indeed write back, Naoaki has simply not been able to go to the post office—you also had to consider that he was a busy man on his own, doing you a favor . The least you could do is not be demanding with him, especially after the two haven’t been able to spend time together. 

Well, whatever the case, you already had something to look forward to, and that was spending time with him.

You managed to set some time aside from your busy schedule, fortunately matching with his, to catch up on all the things you missed. 

You also made sure to let the twins know that you’d be a bit occupied, so whatever it was that they wanted to do today, it would have to be postponed for another time. Something they begrudgingly accepted, but soon overcame once Junko told them she was to go to the nearby village.

Moving on from that moment, you start making your way to the assigned rendezvous point, the same lily garden you’ve always frequented with him and had become somewhat of a symbol of your friendship with him.

You sit down, getting yourself comfortable on the engawa and begin to wait.

“Y/N”

Right on cue. 

With a smile parting your lips, you proceed to greet the man with a tinkling call of his name, a gesture that he takes at heart and responds with a grin on his own.

Eager to take his rightful place by your side, he wastes no second to approach you and sit down, but before he’s able to do so, he’s halted by the sight of a tray essentially filled to the brim with all kinds of snacks and drinks—something he’s never seen your staff do so before, at least not to this extent, and rightfully assumes it wasn’t them.

“What’s with all this?” Naoaki says as he begins to look through its contents. There’s at least 3 packages of cookies, 2 bowls of fruit, a glass of orange juice and a cup of tea. Many options to choose from if one of them wasn’t to your liking. Were you perhaps… starving?

“Oh, the servants brought it” you say, eyeing down the items beside you, before patting the area next to you, as if to incite him to sit down.

“The servants? Like Mariya?” He accepts your suggestion and sits down.

“No” you shake your head “The rest of the servants. They’ve been acting like this for days now, I don’t know what’s gotten into them”

“Well, can’t say I don’t like seeing you getting some kind of appreciation, just like you deserve, but it’s quite odd”

“Oh, stop it” you roll your eyes, reaching out for a grape. “You can take whatever you want, it’s too much for me anyways—but yeah, you’re right. It’s a bit weird”

“Ah, well, don’t mind me. I’m starving” he says, proceeding to take you up on your offer and grab a cookie. “Well, it’s been a while Y/N”

“It has!” you gasp “It’s been too long! What have you been up to?”

“Not much, the usual that you already know—paperwork and jujutsu” he says, leaning back on his arms “And you?”

“Spending my time with the twins” you reminisce.

“The, oh so generous ones, that finally permitted you to spend time with me?” he smirks.

“It seems so” you chuckle back “But that makes them sound like they have me against my will, which I must confess, they do”

He laughs “Well, I’m glad you’re getting along with them. More so that Junko-san allowed it as well. She can be very overprotective of her daughters when it comes to it, but we already knew that”

“Yeah… it seems like we’ve worked out differences for now, that is, until I do something to infuriate her” you giggle.

“I guess we should give her a break. I can’t imagine being married to my uncle is a nice thing to live with”

“Oh, poor woman” you lament, although your interaction with Ogi has been short, you can imagine the nightmare it must’ve been to be related to him. In a way, you understood her. 

Guess the only good thing that has ever come from him were his daughters. “And here I am, bothering her”

“I don’t think you’re bothering her, she’s simply worried that she can’t keep an eye on her daughters all the time… but at the same time, she deserves a break. Not that you’re they’re nanny of course, but… I think she’s starting to see that you’re a good person”

“You think so?” A part of you knows this to be a truth, specially after the interaction you two held back in the kitchen. You just liked being reassured, you presume.

“I know so” he doubles down “You’re a beautiful person, inside and out”

Embarrassed by his smooth compliment, you immediately glance away. 

“...Thank you” you whisper as heat begins to take place on your cheeks. Just how long was he intending to keep this up?

“You’re welcome” he winks.

“Whatever” you pout at his silly expression before finally regaining the courage to drive the conversation back to its origin and onto a subject you were in deep urge to clarify.  “...there’s something that I wanted to ask you”

The sudden shift in your tone is all that he needs to know.

“I think I know where you’re going.” Naoaki responds, showing that he was on the same page as you. “It’s about your sister, isn’t it?”

“Yeah” you nod “Has she… sent anything?”

For a few seconds, Naoaki seems to be considering whether to tell you the truth or design a lie to avoid your sadness. But if he were to do this… it’ll be disrespecting your trust, and you’ve grown to be someone so important to him to ever think of doing something like that.

Thus, coming to the appropriate decision, he takes a breath as he mentally prepares to start his report, and speak.

“I went today” Naoki begins. You perk your ears almost immediately after, as if physically trying to place all of your attention in his words and avoiding any of them to slip under your attention “And I think you’re not going to like it”

“What? What is it?” you urge frantically, the worst outcomes are already crossing your mind. “Please tell me Naoaki, did… Did my letter not go through? Did someone find out what we did?!”

“No, of course not. I took extra care to ensure no one will find out”

“Then… what is it?”

“I… checked the P.O. box and there was nothing—not a single letter. Empty ” he confides “I thought that maybe she hadn’t received the letter yet, but the system marks it as delivered, so… it all points to her not having sent anything yet”

You seem to be tackled by two emotions at the same time: relief, and anguish.

Relief, because it meant that your letter was sent as proposed. Received and signed by her, or so you assume. So at least that’s secured.

And anguish because… well, she hasn’t responded, and the secrecy behind her reasons has you uneasy. 

You’d like to think that it wasn’t because she didn’t care, and more like she was simply busy with her life: her responsibility to the clan, the jujutsu community… and now, you.

Still, even if you foresaw this possibility… It didn't ease the pain. 

You tried to reassure yourself that only the best, the good reasons were the ones behind her reasoning, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed, desperate even, that you hopefully held on… for nothing.

You were looking forward to this moment for the longest, and you wished you could’ve gotten some kind of closure at least… if you only knew why your sister had not responded, well, you think you would’ve been able to distance yourself from this harrowing twinge in your heart.

Seeing the way your face contorts into sadness, it doesn’t take long before Naoaki begins regretting telling you all this in the first place, proceeding to put his hand behind your back as if to root you back to the present, and offer the comfort of his words.

“I’m sorry” Naoaki says, rubbing your back. He’s very tempted to hug you, but he doesn’t want his gesture to be misinterpreted. Besides, they’re in the open, and if someone saw the two of you like that… 

Yeah, he’d rather not risk it then. 

“I asked them to double check if there wasn’t anything in the back, something they might have overseen… but nothing”

“It was a risk” you finally speak up “We knew what we were getting into”

“Are you… ok, Y/N?”

“Not really” you sigh, and this breaks his heart.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Well… we already knew this was a possibility so… I guess all that’s left for me to do is continue writing to her” you respond, giving him a mirthless smile “at least for her to not worry that much about me”

Naoaki knows your smile is not genuine, but it doesn’t stop him from admiring you any less. Even in the harshness of this reality, you still find it in yourself to move forward.

It baffles him that your husband isn’t appreciative of your nature.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to help you” He promises “Send as many letters as you need. Who knows? We might even fund the whole postal service by ourselves”

“I’m not planning to abuse your help that way” you squinted your eyes at his joke, although you had to admit, it was amusing. “Not if it’s your money we’re talking about”

“The postage is cheap, so don’t worry about it”

“Well, if that’s what we’re going to do… I guess I could do with more paper. Last time, I almost ran out of sheets because of my indecisiveness, and if that’s going to happen again, I want to be sure to ha—”

“Y/N-Chan! Y/N-chaaaan! ”

A squeamish voice calls in the distance. Soft, like a wind dancing with the breeze, but loud for neither to ignore.

A voice you’d recognize everywhere, but when it once brought you contentment, now gave you uneasiness due to its bad timing.

“Mai?” you gasp upon seeing the familiar figure of the girl coming right around the corner. Did you… not tell them you’d be busy today?

Well, it seems so. Because the oblivious girl continued to rush towards you, surprisingly unaccompanied by her twin sister, all whilst holding a colorful book in one hand, and a white rectangular box on the other.

“Look what mom got me today!” Mai says as she eagerly waves the items before you: a coloring book and a box of crayons. “She got it at the village because of my good grades, and I thought we could use it before Maki gets here! She paints horrible and always breaks my colors, so I don’t want her to use—”

Silence.

The unexpected quietness of her voice causes you to grow apprehensive as you suddenly see the color drain from her face. 

Her gaze is intently fixed on a spot beside you, appalling enough to keep her rooted in the spot as something seems to flash on across her eyes. The contrasting difference from her enthusiastic behavior to her frightened facade causes you to determinedly follow her gaze towards the mysterious reasons that enacted such a change, and get to the bottom of it.

The answer behind her actions causes you to be further unsettled.

Naoaki .

You remember the girls telling you that they didn’t like him, or the rest of his siblings, when you suggested inviting over to use them as more players for their game.

Their response was one that somewhat disappointed you, but you didn’t think much about it. After all, their dislike for Naoya probably branched out to the rest of his brothers, and you weren’t about to force them to do something they didn’t want to.

Adding his tragic backstory, how the family forced one another to basically refute him whenever possible, it only made sense that Mai was struggling to accept the fact that he was there with you.

Yes, that must’ve been it. There was no other explanation. After all, if you were to reconsider Mariya’s words… Naoaki would be the one to understand them the most.

Hoping to snap Mai back into reality, you decide to step in.

“Mai” you call softly, but she doesn’t snap out of her trance “ Mai ” the girl suddenly returns, snapping her eyes onto yours “I’m sure Maki would love to color with you. Just tell her to be more careful, but if you want, how about we color tomorrow? So to make it—”

“N-no” she shakes her head, voice trembling with a whisper “It’s ok… maybe another time”

And with that, the young girl sharply turns on her heels and disappears back into the estate. 

But not without leaving behind the aftermath of her odd behavior, which was now plaguing your mind.

Worrying that her actions could’ve also affected Naoaki, perhaps even more than you, for you do not believe that being rejected by his family members is something nice to experience, you decide to go back to him and comfort him, only to find that he wasn’t as… well, saddened as you expected.

No, in fact, his gaze seemed to be… well, distant . Mysterious. 

You don’t know if he’s worried for her after her reaction—after all, he doesn’t have the same type of relationship you had with them, so he wouldn’t be able to relate as much as you did—or annoyed, because he wasn’t appreciative that his short time with you was interrupted by the same girls that hoarded all of your attention the other days.

Whatever his reason was, only Naoaki held the truth. And to him, the demonstration of his younger cousin’s dislike for him wasn’t anything new, but hurt the same.

But until he told you that, you knew there was something you had to do.

“I’m sorry about that” you start, believing that his reaction must’ve pertained to annoyance by her interruption “I thought I told them I wouldn’t be able to be with them today”

“Don’t worry about it” he says, eyes softening once he glances back at you “I was just… thinking”

“About what?” you tilt your head, curious.

“Well, about how they didn’t like me” he sighs “And how attached they seem to be to you, which makes me wonder… How did you meet in the first place?”

Well, that’s a story you haven’t looked back to in a long time.

It had to be the first time you traveled around the house after you somewhat managed to pull yourself together after receiving that… shocking sentence (which you still haven’t told Naoaki about) from Naobito.

But if you were to get into technicalities, it’ll have to be when Junko guided you through your first tour of the house.

It was almost comical now.

It started when you felt as if you were being targeted by a cursed enemy, specifically after you walked past the cursed basement and the little… incident you had subsequently. 

The things you began to hear after that, the steps against the wooden door, the thuds, the whispers, the pale hand opening the nearby door…

All evidence that pointed to you being attacked, that is, until it was all revealed that it was them following you.

You couldn’t believe they’ve actually managed to pull that off, however, during one conversation that you had with them regarding this situation, it became clear that they never intended to make you feel that way: they simply wanted to get a look at you and that’s all.

You soon came to the conclusion that your wrong state of mind made it easier for you to be fooled; but now that it has all cleared up, you can look back at this story and have a laugh.

“I feel like my answer was a bit disappointing” you say upon noticing Naoaki sharing a somewhat forced chuckle. Way different from the genuine ones he’s shared with you in the past.

“No, it’s not that” he responds, shaking his head “It’s just… well, different to what I expected”

“What did you expect?”

“I… guess they haven’t told you, have they?”

Oh . You don’t like where this is going.

“Tell me… what?” you frown.

“Ah, don’t give me that look. I already feel like I’m not the best person to tell you this” he looks away.

“ Naoaki , you can’t say that and not tell me” you condemn “Are the girls ok?”

“As ok as they can be” Naoaki sighs, accepting his fate “If you must really know… Mai and Maki are set to become Naoya’s servants once they turn 15. It was decided as soon as they were born, apparently unwort—”

“Wait, hold up. What ?” you feel like you’ve skipped a few crucial steps before getting to this point of the conversation.

“The twins are currently being trained to become part of your husband’s staff” Naoaki repeats, internally wincing at the way your eyes begin to darken. “I… thought Junko-san had told you”

“No, she did not” you seethe, but the anger forming inside you wasn’t directed to her. 

You were intelligent enough that this was a decision she held no power to influence, but rather… your insignificant husband.

Oh, you could see it now. The kick he must’ve gotten when Ogi, or whatever bastard was the one responsible for this, set the order in motion.

“No one told me about this” you admit..

“I imagined” Naoaki reveals in disappointment “Naoya isn’t one to speak about these things”

“And he’s fine with that?” you groan “he’s fine with children being stripped for their future, his own cousins , simply because they’re women?”

You felt so disgusted, just when you thought you couldn’t do so any more.

“It was decided when he wasn’t yet heir of the clan… but he now has the power to change that and has decided not to”

“That’s—that’s disgusting” you exclaim, beginning to see red.

“But there’s nothing you can do about it. Believe me, I tried” Naoaki sighs. “I don't even think you, his wife, could do so. I mean, you could try … you know, getting the idea out of him, but that’s all you can—”

“ Excuse me ?” you cringe. Has your hearing decided to fail today, or did Naoaki really suggest that?

“I obviously didn’t mean to offend you, Y/N. I would never see you like that, you know that. But… Well, we have to be honest too. To my brother, you’re nothing more than a piece of meat for him to use whenever he wants” he explains “But that can be to your benefit as well, maybe if you convince—”

“Wait” you scoff “Are you being serious right now?” He remains quiet.

“Look, Naoaki” you continue on, unable to remain silent while your shock remains unattended “I don’t know what's gotten into you. But just because that’s the reality of my marriage, doesn’t mean I want it openly discussed like this, less actually do what you’re implying ”

“I only intended to be assertive about it. Maybe we can use this to help the—”

“Naoaki!” You yell, deep in disbelief. You just told him you wanted to stop, and he didn’t care! “Surely you’re not serious about this?!”

“I mean, it’s all hypothetical, but we have to take advantage of what you represent if you want to do something!” he exclaims back, hoping that you’d understand his reasoning, but you had enough.

“You’re unbelievable” You breathe. holding back the tears that had begun to pool in your eyes after the repetitive stabs Naoaki inflicted in your heart with the shape of those suggestions.

Have you… miscalculated your friendship with him?

You hated to admit that… perhaps .

Deciding to avoid entertaining this situation any longer, you decided to stand up and retreat away from him.

“Wait, Y/N”! Naoaki cries, wasting no second to stand up himself and stop you with his hand on your shoulder, one that you crudely pull away from him as you continue walking away. “Y/N, I didn’t mean—”

“I know how Naoya sees me.” you, looking back at him. The sight of your sorrowful face is one he’d hoped to never see again, and yet, here it was. And because of his own damn fault.

“Y/N” he calls once more “I’m sorry, I shouldn't ha—”

“I just wished you , of all people, hadn’t reminded me of it”

Maybe you were exaggerating. Maybe you were not. Maybe he intended all this to be nothing more than a nasty joke, but the reality was that he’d stung a nerve.

In fact, it wasn't the first time you’ve confronted something like this in the past. When Naohiko jokingly called you an adulterer, you weren’t… well, thrilled about it. And you thought that by Naoaki’s reaction, he thought the same

However, to hear him mutter a similar word,  coming from the one you’ve considered to be a safe haven of sorts, shocked you. 

But it only got worse when you called him out on it, and he simply proceeded to justify himself…

God… you felt so stupid.

And yet, your mind was telling you to not follow down the path of generalization and group him with the likes of his family… because you couldn’t reject the things that he’s done for you in the past.

However the sense of betrayal you were currently undergoing forbids you from doing otherwise, and you now begin to sourly lament the ill decision of placing him on a pedestal.

Wanting to keep some distance from him and your emotions, you began to wander aimlessly across the many rooms of the estate, at least until you calmed down.

This decision eventually leads you to an empty room found deep in the south wing, past the laundry rooms, one you decided to use to seclude yourself from the rest of the world and diminish your spiraling sentiments, until you deemed yourself capable of moving on with your duties.

… Or so, that’s what would’ve happened, if the room wasn’t already in use.

Once you slid the door open and stepped inside, your eyes were quick to make the figure of not one, but two people at the end of the chamber.

But they weren’t just standing there, no. To begin, they were tightly wrapped in each other's embrace, impossibly closed to one another as if they were trying to melt together.

After that, the other thing that you noticed was the placement of their lips: on top of each other and swaying against them, a gesture of affection to profess their love.

Completely unaware of your presence, one of the figures, a man , proceeds to tighten up their grasp against their partner and pull them even closer , as if they were afraid that by the smallest of mistakes they would slip from their fingers and disappear forever.

The other, a woman , moaned into his mouth, basking in the affection the other was showering her with as she pushed her figure against him, leading her to slam him against the wall. 

A… well, moving moment, you suppose, between two definitely intimate partners. And they seemed intent on continuing on, that is, until the sensation of being observed begins to creep from their spine, causing them to temporarily halt their contact and swirl towards the entrance.

You could say that having to watch them do that wasn’t the most… shocking detail to acknowledge.

No.

What shocked you the most is the realization that the woman involved… was none other than Mariya herself.

The awareness of those present is enough to drain the color of their skin, eyes widening to its fullest as they all stand speechless, attempting to muster a response, an explanation, or perhaps for them to be swallowed whole by the earth and disappear.

“I—I shouldn’t be here” You squeak, sharply turning on your heels and preparing to exit the room “Sorry!”

Your prime lady-in-waiting, understanding the weight of her actions, is quick to peel herself from her lover and attempt to reach out to you. However, you’ve proven to be much faster than her desperation, and just as she peeks through the door to catch a lead of your whereabouts, you are already gone.

“Lady Y/N!” Mariya cries, hoping to receive a response from you, but fails miserably.

Well, that’s one way to stop thinking about Naoaki.

It’s not like you were ignorant to the notion that other people had relationships, and were entitled to share affections with one another. No, of course not. They could do whatever they want.

The thing that shocked you the most is that you were exposed to a sight of Mariya… well, that you didn’t want to see?

You mean, who wants to see their close ones engaging in affections, like, willingly?? You’re not that weird! 

Sure, it was an accident, one that you were more than eager to move on from and act as if it never happened. But you weren’t able to, because… well, she’s your main lady-in-waiting, the one that oversees all matters regarding you!

You were bound to see her one time or the other, and that’s exactly what happened. When it was time to continue on with her duties to you, neither of you could even look at the other’s eyes without you flinching away almost immediately, clearly embarrassed for having been experiencing this… moment.

Something that continued to upset you even when the sun had finally retreated for the day, and now, it was time to rest.

However, you miscalculated how affected Mariya was about this whole ordeal as well. 

When she started to get you ready for bed, you noted her movements to grow… clumsy, hesitant. What usually took her one try, she was now doing up to 3. 

Luckily, Haruko and Hitomi seemed to be a bit… unaware of this situation. And if they were, they simply assumed it must’ve been due to the tumultuous relationship you held with her. It’s at this point that you can’t help but wonder if they knew of Mariya’s relationship.

Oh no, did you uncover a secret you weren’t supposed to?!

Well, once their duties were completed, the sisters bid their farewells by wishing you a good night’s sleep, just as they always did. They proceed to leave the room first, and now… you and Mariya are left alone.

If you had luck, and she played her cards right, Mariya deemed it necessary to leave the room as well and call this awkward moment over.

But instead, she remains silent, almost as if she were deep in thought. Prompting you to hurry her departure with a:

“Goodnight”

She fidgets with her fingers, chewing on her bottom lip as she just… stands there, entertaining something in her mind. It’s only when she finally decides to speak that you realize… Well, this night wasn’t about to end just yet.

“Lady Y/N” she finally speaks up, and your uneasiness grows. “I… was wondering if I… could have a moment with you?”

You swallow. This is just what you needed.

But if this his how you’ll get this over with… might as well.

You nod, and Mariya takes your response as her cue to walk closer, stopping just by the edge of the futon and sitting down onto her lap. 

She takes a deep breath, mentally hyping herself up to discuss the evident issue between the two. Something she’s never needed, for she was always direct when it comes to dealing with problems.

Guess there’s always a first time for everything.

“I want to talk… about what happened earlier”

“I didn’t see anything” you blurt out almost immediately, but far from achieving the desired results, the ones that would give her the understanding that this is a matter she can put down to rest and get out of your room, simply convinces her that this is an urgent matter to discuss.

“What you saw” she treads carefully “Or rather, who you saw me with was my partner, Tatsuro”

As much as you declared this as something you didn’t want to talk about, the introduction to her partner was quick to revoke that sentiment and replace it with curiosity, wondering what the intentions behind her telling you this were.

A doubt that Mariya notices, but knows to be revealed when she lays her foundations down.

“We’ve been together for a few years” she continues “He was already here before I started, but I didn’t meet him until a month after. 6 months later, we started dating”

Still, you don’t get why she was telling you this. If anything, shouldn’t you be the one to use this occurrence as blackmail?

“Against out contractual agreement” 

“Contractual… agreement?” you blink.

Mariya nods “We’re not allowed to date within the staff. The masters of this house think of it as a… distraction of sorts, and a possible liability if a pregnancy comes from the relationship. Thus, a matter to report”

Wait.

Report?

“You shouldn’t have seen that, because it was something that wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place” She continues to justify “Whatever punishment you deem fit for this misbehavior, I’ll take it without objection” she finalices by leaning forward, hands sliding down to her sides and onto the floor as her heads lowers as low as she can go, ending just a few inches away from the ground. 

Without a doubt, she’s pleading you to do as she requested.

It was no secret that your relationship with Mariya wasn’t exactly at its best presentation, and that you both held vastly contrasting opinions, but even with all that taken into consideration, you wouldn’t actually go ahead and get her into trouble by snitching on her for having a boyfriend, of all things! 

In fact, she knew you were ignorant about this small detail written in her contract, and if she wanted to leave unscathed from this whole situation, she could’ve easily done so by avoiding bringing up the subject completely.

And yet… she’s come to you, tail between her legs, begging you to report her to the respective authorities.

Thus, you’re left without words.

“I’m… not going to do that” you finally state; regardless of your situation with her, you were still capable of understanding that this was a condition that the Zen’in had no business restricting. Why do they have to control the personal life of their staff? If anything, they should be offering better working conditions for them!

Well, you’re expecting too much of nothing.

“But… I need to know” You continue on now that Mariya has pulled herself away from the matter floor and set her gaze directly onto yours, evidently confused by your diverted course of actions.  “Why did you tell me this?”

“Because it’s my duty” she responds, and you can’t help but take her answer as evading the question, out of protocol if you must. “My duty to you ”

“To sabotage yourself?” you egg on dubiously “You know this could only be detrimental for you, and your partner”

She lowers her gaze.

“We already spoke of the consequences, and it’s something we’re willing to face”

You sigh; perhaps you were expecting too much from her as well.

Or so… you believed.

“And to… make my intentions clear with you”

“Intentions?” you queried; her words make you tense, anxious , was her long awaited admittance of her ulterior motives about to become true?

Will you permanently set her as your enemy, one that you’d have to consider as a threat from this point forward?

Not quite.

For Mariya held nothing but a pure heart.

“From the moment I was assigned to be under your care, I knew I had achieved a good reputation amongst my superiors” Mariya starts, recounting the day Meiko had come to her to inform her of what many in the work field would call a raise “And that I had to continue performing my duties with the same metrics that got me there on the first place, if not more, because being assigned as part of the personal staff of a woman of your rank, the team leader in another words, was no easy task, but I was excited to do so anyways.

With this new position in my hands, I was given the opportunity to also suggest who else I would like to have in my crew. Haruko and Hitomi were the first ones that came to mind, due to being the rising stars amongst the staff for their consistent positive feedback at the end of each season, as well as my personal fondness for them; it didn’t take me much to understand they were the ones I needed to have in my team, thus, they were also assigned to be under your care.

Then, the day finally came. The day you were to arrive at the estate. We’ve heard some rumors about you, but we paid no mind to them. It was always better to make an opinion out of our own experiences. 

In fact, I don’t think either of the girls could sleep, each one of them dreadfully worrying that they would mess up their job on the first day. However, I knew they wouldn’t. Their job was something they were exceptionally good at, and it was simply the nerves talking for them.

When we finally saw you for the first time, we were… were, astonished. 

You were far prettier than we imagined, and definitely more amicable compared to the rumors your in-laws were already spreading about you. However… we did notice that there was something… different when it came to you and the rest of the women we’ve served in the past. 

There was something in your eyes , the way they glimmered, or perhaps they way they didn’t that soon made us understand this wasn’t what you wanted. The other’s at least acted like they were agreeable to their new arrangement, but your tired face proved us otherwise.

And when you finally confessed to wanting to rest, an excuse used to obtain a moment alone from your husband… we knew you were forced to be here.

Wanting to give you that space, I asked Haruko and Hitomi to prepare something extra for you, against your wishes, in hopes to alleviate that homesickness I knew you were going through. After all, I wanted to give you the best impression, to serve my new mistress the best way I could, as well as earning your trust.

And because I was so eager to serve you appropriately… I naively thought I held power against Naoya’s will when it came to your health; I failed to recognize that not even you, the wife we heard he’d desperately sought after, was enough to change his behavior.

I wasn’t ignorant to the way the men would treat their own kind, but I guess my inexperience on witnessing their methods to obtain these results was what stopped me from being able to protect you from your husband’s domineering ways”

A sharp memory flashes inside your head.

The loud noise you heard outside the room that fateful day, the same one that abruptly woke you up into panic. A thundering like resonance against the floor…

It all made sense now.

It had been Mariya literally falling victim to the atrocious demands of your husband—moments before he barged into the room and took you by force.

And you still had the nerve to blame her for allowing him inside.

“You don’t know how much I regretted allowing you to be a victim of my inaction” Mariya continues on, a tremble now clear in her voice “I wished I could’ve done more, stood up against him and demanded to leave you alone. But I couldn’t. All that I did was hear your cries as I stood there, doing nothing , because I began to fear that he’d also do the same to me”

Your eyes start to burn.

“But what hurts me the most is that I’ve lost the trust I never even had the chance to win. I made you think I was against you, cornering you to believe that you were alone in this prison of a house. 

Haruko and Hitomi continued to torment themselves for not being able to do much that day, but I did my best to reassure them that it wasn’t their responsibility. After all, I was the one in charge of your health. Besides, they had their family to look after, I just have me to care for. 

And yet… that didn’t matter to them when they decided to beg me to stop Naoya’s inexorable rampage once you came back from the doctor. They were more than willing to throw their job away if it meant protecting you from the cruel games of your husband.

I eventually acted, but not because of my own volition. I was ashamed that I had even doubted if I should help you or not. 

I feel ashamed that I failed you once more”

You don’t like this.

You don’t like listening to this, to her, to her voice, her reason, to the fact that you’ve cruelly misjudged Mariya and her intentions, the sisters intentions, the reason they had to hold back and limit themselves to follow their masters orders, believing that they didn’t help you because they were selfish, and not because they were entitled to look after themselves as well!

How could you demand their absolute loyalty, when they’re constantly facing the threat of losing their job, the income their families depend on, as well as the stability of having a roof to sleep under and food to eat every day? For someone they didn’t even know?!

If anything, you should’ve been the person that understood them the most! You knew what it was to live with the daily fear of having to watch your actions, or face the consequences of not doing so.

But you didn’t.

And yet… she continued to serve you. To help you. To comfort you—as if she were the one that wronged you.

And you?

You only judged her.

“It was never my intention to make you believe I was working against you” Mariya declares as she clenches her first against her lap, a tear falling down to her skirt “And if this is something that will help you understand I never meant  to hurt you, then I’ll do it”

“No—please” you finally break the limits of your silence with a whimper, raising your hands to cover your eyes, a futile attempt to run away from the shame your actions have brought to you. “Please, don’t do this. You don’t have to—I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you, more than what I’ve already done to you”

“I don’t resent you for doing what you did” Mariya genuinely understood how afraid you’ve become thanks to the unceasing torments of your new family. Even then, she is empathetic to you. “I’m just… sorry that my inexperience facing these kind of situations affected you”

“Mariya, please—! I—” you sob, voice breaking “I’m so—sorry”

“Oh, Y/N” she coos, rushing to your figure and taking you in her arms, feeling guilty that her words seemingly hurt you once more. “I never wanted you to cry, I just… I just wanted to tell you this”

“I feel… horrible , disgusted with myself for treating you the way I did” you bewailed, leaning into her touch “The things I told you, the way I reacted towards you—how could I be so blind to all the things you’ve done for me? And then to compare you to Naoya and his family!”

“We’ve both done things we regret” She says, hugging you tighter to her and placing her head above yours. The woman had long understood that you were simply reacting out of your desperation, but you were still kind. She’s seen it with Mai, and Maki, with Haruko, and Hitomi… 

“I’m sorry for pushing you away”

“I had to take some time.” Mariya explained “It hurt me to leave you, but I needed space to think about me, about us .”

“I should’ve have done that” you sniffle “But I’m… glad you’re here now”

“I guess I have Tatsuro to thank for pulling me into that room so out of nowhere” Mariya jests in hopes of earning a chuckle from you, smiling earnestly once she hears your quiet laughter. “I would’ve have gotten the courage to speak to you if it weren’t for him”

“I’m sorry” you whisper, now referring to your small… interruption.

“I should’ve been more careful” she sighs “It’s not your fault—If anything, I should be sorry for exposing you for something you didn’t ask to see”

Silence eventually grows between the two as your cries come to a halt. Staying close together for a few more instances as you mentally rehash the successions of tonight’s talk. 

Now that both opened up to one another and acknowledged each other’s mistakes… you and Mariya were more than ready to leave everything behind and move onto the future: one that would have you placing your trust on her, and vice versa.

“Can we… start again?”

Mariya chuckles, and this makes you blush out of embarrassment, seemingly believing to have said something incorrectly “...What?”

“Nothing” she shakes her head, grinning “It’s exactly what I was thinking—I guess great minds think alike”

“I guess they do” You laugh “Thank you… Mariya. For not giving up on me”

“Thank you for accepting me” She sighs, and with this, the long strenuous chapter you had with Mariya ends the best possible way:

With you now having the fortune of calling her your friend .

Knock, knock .

There’s a sound coming from outside your bedroom. A noise loud and clear, yet, so distant. And your body reacts accordingly to it by scrunching your face and groaning in protest at the interference.

Your mind remains somewhat conscious, as if testing the waters and hoping to see if this succession was to happen once more—maybe it was directed at you, you have still yet to figure it out. 

But when a few seconds pass and the night continues on with its usual silence, you begin to relax once more into the soft pillows below you, diving into deep slum—

Knock, knock .

It was at your door, you had no doubt about it now. 

And whoever was behind those noises seemed unable to wait until the morning to deal with whatever it was that they wanted to deal with as they continued to knock again —much to your annoyance.

Now wide awake, you shuffle underneath the covers placed on your futon bed, moving your arms to your sides and prompting your body upwards.

A yawn escapes your lip as your vision begins to get accustomed to the profound darkness engulfing your room—signaling it was either very late at night, or early in the morning. Nonetheless, hours that no one is supposed to be waiting outside your room.

You intently stare as you continue to debate whether to tell the person off and demand them to come back later, in a more appropriate time, or deal with this situation assertively and directly. Now , in other words.

Well, even if you wanted to push them away, it was more than probable that they already heard you getting out of your bed, and as you reach out for the nearby lamp to turn it on, the adrenaline behind uncovering the mysterious caller prompts you to speak.

“Who is it?” you ask, voice confident and direct… or so you thought, because you unwillingly dragged the last few words of your sentence thanks to your drowsiness.

Your question would be hastily acknowledged in a matter of seconds, so you didn’t even bother theorizing who it was. 

However, you can admit that it was not who you expected.

“It’s me”

“ Naoaki? ” you frown, and the displeasure you felt for him thanks to early events (temporarily calmed by Mariya’s conversation) came back to you at full speed. “What do you want? Are you here to make fun of me while I’m asleep?”

“What? No, of course not” he whispers, hoping to calm down your rising voice with his soft tone and avoid waking up the others. Visiting you at this hour was a risk on its own.

Well, if it was so dangerous, why didn’t he consider doing that another time?

“I’d never do that”

“Yeah, whatever” you responded dismissively as you rubbed your eyes, a yawn escaping your lips soon after “What do you want then?”

“I… wanted to talk” he eventually confesses “If you allow me”

“At this hour?” you counter “Have you gone crazy? Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“I tried contacting you throughout the day, but it seems you were never available” He says, referencing the many times you’ve turned away from him as soon as you realized he was amongst your premises. Even if it wasn’t him, you wouldn’t take the risk and you’d just leave.

Well, now that he brought it up… you had to admit that you were planning on doing the same tomorrow, if you were still feeling the same of course. Guess it was only fair to give him the chance to explain himself if he truly wanted it.

“Fine” you sigh, defeated. “You’re already here”

“Can I come in?”

“Might as well” you murmur while rubbing your eyes, and Naoaki slides the door open, carefully enough to not make a single noise. And yet… strangely, for you see him trying to avoid showing his back to you, almost as if he were hiding something behind it.

Well, your theory only became more concrete upon noticing the adamancy of keeping his left arm behind his back.

What an odd way to approach you, if it wasn’t weird enough that he was doing so at night.

Once the door is closed, Naoaki glances up at you. And the sight that receives him is enough to take his breath away.

You look… well, sleepy, of course. But outside that… wow. The shock he gets for seeing you with your hair down for the first time is… well, indescribable. You look so… soft, cute in a way. A vision that he attempts to imprint in his mind as he walks towards you. 

“What is it?” you say upon noticing the… well, dumb look on his face.

“Nothing” he blinks back to reality “I just… thought I saw something”

“Let’s hurry” you say, crossing your arms “What do you want to talk about?”

“About earlier” his words give you some kind of déjà vu “About the mistake I committed against you”

“There’s nothing to talk about, you know what you did”

“I want you to know that I didn’t mean to any of it, less to hurt you”

“But you didn’t stop”

“No. I didn’t” he replicates, a contrasting reaction from the way you were expecting him to respond. You could say that you were waiting for him to go ahead and justify himself, but he didn’t. “And it was wrong”

Amused by his words, you decide to finally engage with a reasonable conversation with him.

“... then why did you do it?” your murmur. It was intended to solely be a question to keep the conversation going, however, your voice softens at the end. You might’ve not consciously done it, but something inside you pushed your true emotions to appear through your voice, demonstrating how truly damaged you were for his actions.

“Because I misjudged our friendship” he says, using the same words you used back then as to make his point across. “...I guess I felt comfortable enough with you to the point I thought I could share everything with you. Without thinking that… I could still hurt you. I mean, I guess I already knew that when I told you about my upbringing, but… this was different. This was towards you and I failed to filter my words because I thought… I didn’t have to”

“...you always have to filter your words, even with your friends”

“That’s the thing” Naoaki smiles “This time away….and the other as well, made me realize something”

You blink “What… thing?”

“How special you’ve become to me, more so than just a simple… friend.” he confesses “How much I love hearing your voice, keeping your company, talking to you, and have you listen to my missions I know to be boring, but the way you react to them, makes me think they’re the most amazing ones. I can’t help but feel a bit jealous when I see you with others… but that’s only natural, after all, why wouldn’t they be attracted to you and your kindness?”

Your heart seems to skip a bit as your eyes widen in shock. 

There was not a single trade of deceivement, a hidden motive to get you to lower down your guard and accept his words. But… it wasn’t. No, the time you’ve spent with Naoaki, the one you used to get to know him, gave you the basic understanding of his mannerisms, revealing that everything that he said until now was genuine, honest and with nothing more than good intentions.

And, if you dared to wander a bit further… you could even interpret his words as some kind of confession .

“I do have to say that being on the receiving end of your anger was… well, unpleasant” Naoaki remarked nervously “But even then, it only reaffirmed what I already held for you… and how much it meant to swallow my pride and do what was right—As well as realizing that your pout was much cuter than your smile, although they’re beautiful on their own”

“You don’t have to be cheesy about it” you scoff, blush in your cheeks as you look away “A simple compliment would’ve been enough”

“Where’s the fun in that?” he says “...but, on a more serious note. I’m sorry. I’m never been good with my words, or their timing, specially when it comes to expressing my feelings”

«I would’ve never guessed» you think «You always seem so smooth when you speak…» Did he really think you weren’t affected by the way he treated you from time to time? How you’d turn red whenever he gave you a compliment, one that went beyond being courteous, or the attention he placed on you just to ensure your comfortability?

“I think I’m straying away from what I want to say” Naoaki circles back “What I wanted to say is… I never wanted to hurt you, and it would make me incredibly happy if I continued having you in my life. But if you don’t see it in yourself to forgive me, I’ll understand”

He then proceeds to reveal the reason he had an arm placed behind him, setting it down onto the matter floor and just a few inches away from your reach.

“This isn’t some kind of bribe or extortion tactic. I… intended to give you these earlier, but I wasn’t able to do so because of… well, what happened—I still want you to have them though”

“What is it?” you ask, looking down onto the light purple plastic bag and the box inside it.

“Open it up”

You take the pastel pink rectangular box out of the bag, the first thing you notice was the label of the store imprinted on the top; judging by the small description underneath the logo, it seems to be something about sweets .

You then proceed to place the box on your lap as you carefully break the seal holding down the edges, efforts ending in finally revealing its contents.

An image that brings forth a sharp gasp from your mouth.

Mochi .

“I wanted to buy you some from the moment you told me these were your favorite”

You recall the exact moment it happened—back at the stable when the two were discussing suitable names for horses, inspired by your mother’s decision to name her beloved stallion ume , while Naoaki chose cupcake .

And you… well, you’d choose mochi .

“But finding the best ones was a task I never thought could be as difficult as it was” he admits “There were so many options to choose from—not that I’m complaining. I just… worry that I might’ve not gotten the ones you like”

There’s different colors, pink, yellow, green, blue , and purple. Hinting all kinds of flavors and fillings, ones that you were all too eager to try.

Yet, what shocked you wasn’t the fact that he’d brought you a wide selection of sweets to indulge in, implying that he must’ve spent a reasonable amount of money to get them as well as time putting them together.

But rather… that he remembered these were your favorite, and in such a casual conversation you assumed he would’ve already forgotten by now.

A gesture… you knew your husband would never bother to do so, because you weren’t of his interest.

But not to Naoaki, his brother. Your brother-in-law. The person that held no legal responsibility towards you, outside of getting along for the sake of politics.

He could’ve done so much to hurt you… and yet, he hasn’t. Instead, he decided to step up and do what his brother, his family… never thought appropriate to do.

Even if he’s made mistakes, because no one is perfect in this world, he’s capable enough of recognizing what he’s wronged, and not just blaming you for them. To have him opening his heart to you out of fear of losing you, like you were someone worthy of his time… made you feel—

And as you continue to stare at the box on your lap, you come to the blissful acceptance of something you’ve only entertained during whimsical moments with him, but now… believed to be the beginning of something true.

“Do you not like them?” he asks, oh, poor Naoaki. He probably thinks you were still angry at him, but that was long forgotten. “I can take them back and get you something else, if you’d like.”

How could you? After he voiced and showed you how important you were to him? His willingness to accept his mistakes and make you happy…

“That’s not it” you giggle, closing the box before you and finally looking up to him. The adoring way your eyes looked at him, your lips turned into a smile…

You were sure of it now.

“I was just… thinking how…”

I wished I had married you.

[spynorth]

WILLIAM BLAKE.

I’ve said my piece on the idea that Lucas is obsessed with William Blake. Both the question of why and the answer itself are both given to the viewer through what can easily be considered an unreliable narrator. However, there is an obvious truth to the fact that Lucas does gain some inspiration from Blake’s various works. They are as follows:

- THE ANCIENT OF DAYS:

               The Ancient of Days is a design by William Blake that was associated with one of his works called Europe A Prophecy. It depicts Urizen (who in the mythology of Blake is considered the God figure. He embodies conventional reason and law) crouched in a circle. There are always clouds in the background and in his hand he holds a compass over the blackness below. There are a lot of things I could say about this artwork, a lot of opinions and translations that have been bickered about over the years, but I’m going to try to stick to the bare minimum that I need or else we’ll be here all day .. but I encourage you to look into William Blake more if you’re ever curious. He is so fun! One of my favorite research assignments from university days haha. The design itself seems unremarkable, just a tattoo on an imprisoned man - but Lucas’ tattoos all have a purpose and this one is no different. In Europe A Prophecy it is believed that Blake used the vision within his poem to depict suffering in the world brought on by the politics of 1790’s Britain. In this particular poem, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are tied to the universal man instead of the biblical tie to God The Father… an image mirrored in Milton’s Paradise Lost (which we’ll get to later. God its such a favorite). So now the question remains, why did Lucas choose this tattoo? What is its meaning? Its worth? There are many Blake works he could have chosen to depict. Why this one? Perhaps its chosen simply because he likes it, or because it seemed different and unsettling .. but I think the answer can be found in a pretty straightforward way. Lucas is imprisoned in Russia while on an espionage mission for MI5. I believe maybe he felt a little frustration ebb and ease with each prick of ink onto his skin. Much like the world in the mythology of Urien, he is suffering due to British politics. Outside of this, he also, by murdering his friend who was joining MI5, consigned himself to a prison of his own choice. A life. coincidentally,  driven by British politics. As he tells Elizabeta in series 7, episode 2:

"If you don't let me do this, they will take everything away from you. This life, this happiness, it will all be gone. I know what that's like. And there are no words to describe how terrible it is."

 He will never fully be able to live the way he wants. He has to follow a pattern initially created by the original, and real, Lucas North. I believe the quote above sums up much of what he must be feeling as the house of cards falls around him during series 9.

THE GREAT RED DRAGON AND THE WOMAN CLOTHED WITH THE SUN

              This watercolor is a depiction of the story in the book of revelation where a great dragon is said to wait to devour a pregnant woman’s soon to be delivered child. This is by far the MOST important reference to Blake in regards to my belief of Lucas’ choice to lie each and every day. There’s a lot going on in this painting, a lot of detail that add to the overall aesthetic and tension of the scene.. but I’ve always believed there to be a beautiful duality in the way that light reaches out to dark, almost touching, both part of the same dance. If you look at the image above, you can see the dragon’s limbs raised and the golden woman’s arms arcing as well, as if reaching for the sun or the dragon itself. There is duality in this as I said. Light meets dark, Good reaches for evil. Two ideas that both meld easily within the philosophy that Blake held where the two sides of man could be explained as the light and dark side of something as celestial as the moon. In A Vision of the Last Judgement, Blake states:

                                         “ … I do not consider either the just, or the wicked, to be in a supreme state, but to be, every one of them, states of the sleep which the soul may fall into in its deadly dreams of good and evil, when it leaves Paradise following the serpent. “

               The above quote strikes a huge chord within me when it comes to my beliefs over the dichotomy of John Bateman vs Lucas North and the theme of my blog in regards to a man wrestling with a guilty conscience, and a choice he is both a slave to and responsible for making with every day that he wakes up. The story of John Bateman isn’t a story of was this man good or was this man bad .. it’s just the tale of a man, lost and broken like all of us, who made a decision. Who, for a single second in time, that quiet sound of an indrawn breath, chose a path that led to the death of 17 people. After that path, he chose again. He chose to murder his best friend, to take his identity and escape to a life where he could not be held accountable for the things he did. Of course he doesn’t want to believe himself capable of such a thing. Who of us would? Who of us wouldn’t do what he proceeds to do and bury it six feet below the ground? Wouldn’t we practice a new name, a new history, a new life every time we stood in front of a mirror or while we wait at the corner for the next bus or cab, or standing in the queue waiting to check out our groceries? There is a thing I’ve learned over the years about lying… it gets easier every single time you do it. You start to grasp at images in your head, ideas. Things that were real start to fade, memories you were certain of weeks before suddenly look like you’re replaying them with your face pressed against a foggy glass window and things you memorized, made up details meant to solidify your falsehoods and half truths, are suddenly as real as if you lived them. It begins with a story, a funny anecdote meant to fall in beside the lie that your family lived by the beach. The first time it’s glossed over, just a funny bit of dialogue that has everyone laughing. I need to remember this now, you think. The memory is in their heads. They won’t forget it. You can’t either. It grows. At the next dinner party, details are added. The smell of the air, the way the saltwater burned against the scrape on your knee, that silly seagull that pecked curiously at everyone’s belongings, not afraid of any threats as long as it saw the possibility to stealing a biscuit or three. Soon you can see the seagull, can hear his cries as you kick sand and wave your arms, can hear the baby crying down the beach. There’s that taste of the lunch that came before. The cake your mum had baked especially for - wait. That’s not right. That didn’t happen? Did it? It is a truth backed by science that a person who lies frequently and eloquently and finds success with it, will not be able to withstand absorbing the lies themselves eventually. HOWEVER. You know there is a lie there. You just can no longer differentiate the two yourself.

[therunawaykind]

Lightning Crashes Part 1 - The angel opens her eyes

Pairing: Zooey Kern x Reader

Word Count: 2.0k

Warnings: swear words, angsty?

Authors note: This was a request sent to me by @xxxtwilightaxelxxx technically was meant to be a one-shot.... with the way I was writing it.... it has slowly progressed into a story that will have multiple parts. How many parts? I haven't a clue. Also, I have written this being extremely tired due to work and college so if there are any mistakes I deeply apologise it's just my tired little brain couldn't find them or see anything to fix.

| Masterlist | GET NOTIFIED OF MY STORIES | Series Masterlist |

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 |

The relationship between you and Zooey was a weird one. You had both become friends in college doing the same course in college doing nursing and by some coincidence, you both ended up roommates which you were both happy with since you both could help each other with assignments. That was short-lived due to your parents calling you constantly complaining how nursing wasn’t going to be a sustainable job for you in the future. That was said constantly due to the fact they owned a fair few retail shops across the country and in your hometown, not one of your friends knew well besides Zooey.

So they pretty much forced you to change courses to business, finances and whatnot to basically aid you when you ended up taking over from them. Needless to say, you weren’t ecstatic about it. However, you did have the saviour of your newfound friend Zooey Kern to help you through all the stress of changing courses even if you didn’t want to. You were both pretty devastated you had to switch but on the plus side, you both were still roommates...if that counts for anything.

You and Zooey were both there for each other through every little milestone, event and mishap. Through new relationships, breakups, passing a year in college anything that could end in the celebration you both did. There were some things that happened between the both of you that did have you question your friendship at times….the rather constant flings that happened. They started off as drunk flings that would happen frequently if you both were single, which slowly transformed into flings when you both were sober and just stressed from college to blow off some steam.

But that’s exactly what they were just flings. You two never discussed if there ever were feelings between the two of you considering Zooey got into a relationship with a guy called Jordan and you started talking to a girl called Natalie soon after.

Of course, after you both graduated you were still with Natalie and Zooey had gotten engaged… which you were ecstatic about yet you felt slightly uneasy about the whole situation. Nevertheless, you helped Zooey with all her wedding planning when you were needed and obliged her by being her maid of honour. Very shortly after the wedding, Natalie broke up with you because she was expecting you to propose due to Zooey getting married both you and Zooey were shocked, to say the least. A few years into Zooey’s marriage it finally hit you that you may have had some feelings for Zooey it really was an oh shit moment. It didn’t help that Zooey and Jordan hung out with you every chance they could get.

You slowly started to worry about Zooey when you started seeing her hang out with you alone again. You didn’t wanna pry cause you knew Zooey if she wanted to talk to you about her problems she would. Then you got a call from her one morning at 6 am asking you to pick her up from a random address, so you being her best friend obliged her obviously.

You pulled up to the address and she basically jumped into your car. You glanced over at her “Zooey why am I picking you up from a random house.” She stayed silent as you drove off you looked over at her once you were at a red light and saw tears silently streaming down her face. You closed your eyes and sighed then heard her whisper “we’ve been fighting I realised something and we’ve...well no I’ve been drifting away from Jordan. And what you are picking me up from right now is me after cheating on him.” You drove to your place and muttered a “fucking hell Zooey.” when Zooey had told you about her cheating you couldn’t lie the first thing that came into your head was the flings you both had back in the past and well thank god it wasn’t me she cheated with. Throughout her whole divorce, she stayed with you and when everything was finalised she basically moved in with you again. She thought it was only fair to let him have the house since well...she kind of fucked everything up.

It wasn’t till months later you found out the thing she realised that was the cause for most of the fights was her realisation of the feelings she had for you. When she said that to Jordan he lost it, he thought it all made sense why Zooey would always want to meet up and hang out with you so much, he thought how could he be so stupid. He knew about your past flings yet still let her hang around you as much as she wanted.

Which lead to you and Zooey having a fling again…..which slowly turned into more than a fling.

Now here you both were 4 years nearly 5 years into a relationship.

You were slowly stirring awake hearing soft murmurings of your name when all of a sudden something...well someone jumped on top of you. “Christ Zooey I’m awake what’s happening? What’s wrong?” She starts running her finger along your jawline “nothing really I just have something to ask of you, ‘cause you know you’re such an amazing partner to me.” You opened one of your eyes and looked at her “Zooey Kern you only compliment me this straightforward when something has come up or you have a bright idea.” she pats your chest with her hand and placing kisses around your face “well since it is your birthday soon...like next week soon and you know our anniversary is also kinda close we could maybe take a week to ourselves and relax. You’re stressed, overworked and a workaholic and to my knowledge, I have no patients I need tending to….yet.” You move yourself to sit against the headboard as you place your hands on her back “Zooey...Zooey you out of everyone knows how strict my parents are with getting time off.” She rolls her eyes “I know but like it is your birthday and you need time off with your super caring and rather hot girlfriend who tends to some very fucking picky and stubborn patients on the regular.”

You look into her eyes as you start tapping your fingers on her back “how long would I have to try bargain for love?” Zooey scrambles to sit up on your lap “I was thinking maybe about a week.” You look at her wide-eyed “Zooey! A WEEK?” She looks at you and nods as if it was obvious. You throw your head back against the headboard “I’ll try my best and if they don’t listen to me I’m gonna need you to sweet talk them into letting me get time off.” She smirks as she subtly bites her lip “If I’m needed I’ll put on my best Zooey Kern nurse voice, my voice will be so sweet and kind they won’t be able to say no to me because I work so goddamn hard. And the only way I can destress and relax is if my lovely partner is with me who also happens to be their child.”

You were procrastinating calling your parents, you knew it and Zooey knew it. She didn’t blame you or force you to call them because she knew from hearing you talk about them how difficult they were. Were they like that whenever Zooey was around though, never they were the most caring and attentive parents ever, though Zooey would hear how they really acted if she left a room for a split second to get something. You finally decided to call your parents feeling nauseous over that stupid dial tone.

You started pacing up and down the back yard then you heard “hi sweetie, what’s up?” you swallowed dryly “hey mom, eh well as you know… I hope that my birthday is coming up and Zooey, you know Zooey my girlfriend wants me to take some time off to celebrate” You heard them hum in thought through the phone, your eyes started glancing around the house inside to try to see where Zooey was but you couldn’t see her. You mumbled a quiet fuck to yourself. You jumped when you heard them say “how long?” You stammered that they’re so willing “uhhh well Zooey said a week?” they both hummed in agreement “alright you can take a week off, however.” You clenched your eyes there was always a, however...there was always a fucking catch “however you’ll have to make it up to us once you’re back.” “yea sure of course you know I will.” Then they abruptly hung up the phone and muttered “not like you pay me any different from the other employees there anyway and I’m your bloody child.”

As you walked back into the house Zooey appeared from the room in the back looking nervous and fidgeting like crazy. “Zooey? Why are you freaking out externally and internally right now?” Zooey starts to chuckle “well you remember me begging you to take that week off?” You nod hesitantly “well I just got a call from my boss about a patient that needs my care. He has cancer and doesn’t have long left, his a photographer and he wants to go on a road trip to Kansas to print his photos in Kodachrome film and after next week they aren’t doing it anymore. So they need me there to administer all his medication and whatnot.” you laugh humourlessly “Zooey babe sweetie I literally just got off the phone with my parents who surprisingly willingly gave me the week off without any fight. What am I supposed to do ring them back up and be like hey scratch that Zooey is working give me my shifts back.” As you’re talking you miss the slight change in expression when she hears your parents gave you the week off so easily but she cuts in “no no no listen to me Y/n. I agreed of course because well I have to but I rang up the patient I’ll be caring for his name is Benjamin Asher Ryder but I have to go and try to convince his son Matt to come with us because Ben wants him to drive.” You butt in “Zooey what does this have to do with me?” She raises her eyebrows “I rang Ben and asked could my girlfriend whose birthday happens to be next week come with us and he agreed. So you’re still getting that week off and spending time with me.”

You wet your lips as you stare at her “I don’t know if this is a good idea you’re gonna be busy, I’ll be in the way. I can just chill here and relax.” Zooey exclaims out of nowhere “NO…. YOU CANT” she clears her throat “uh… I mean no I was the one who told you to get time off it’s only fair I bring you with me.” You tilt your head “I mean this is utterly one of your terrible and worst ideas ever Zooey. She nods and mumbles “I know”

You both had packed rather quickly and the next thing you knew, you were waiting outside the record company where this patients son Matt worked for him and Zooey to come out. You look up as you see the doors open and see Zooey walking out alone. She gets in the car with a huff she puts her head back against the headrest “just drive to Ben’s house.” You lean over and kiss her temple as you leave your hand on her thigh. As you pull up and park outside his house, you stare at it then look at Zooey “This...this is gonna be a very interesting week babe.” She nods slowly “yup but we got each other so we’re all good.” She leans over and gives you a long kiss.

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Taglist: @cristin-rjd @raven-ss @royalityofmultifandom @supuesto @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

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[lovelykhaleesiii]

Newcomer: Chapter 2

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x fem!Reader

Words: 2.3k 

Summary: The Outer Banks was a place you’d only heard of until recently. The unfolding changes in your life had led you to this very moment, and it appears you still have much to learn... 

Warnings: swearing, (***) minor time jumps 

A/N - sorry for the delay, had a huge assignment due and work <3 I know this is a slow ass start to the series, but trust I’m trying to build momentum LMAO 

It had been just over a week, and seemingly still trying to settle in. Majority of your belongings, clothes and other sentiments have now been unpacked and neatly placed away in their new space, although you felt the hardest part wasn’t over just yet. Yourself, Caleb and Anya still struggled to find your way around town, mostly succumbing to the help of Topper, who despite initially being ever so welcoming, had grown slightly agitated from the coercion of having to always help. He’d be dragged out of whatever event or plans he had made, just to help out, especially during the grueling days of the unpacking stages of moving. Not to mention the not so discrete argument you’d overheard, just a few days ago, that he had with his mother, complaining about not being able to enjoy his own summer break. 

You couldn’t deny that your presence did somewhat impede on his break, therefore, the guilt was there. You knew you’d have to start taking on some accountability, with or without Topper’s help. 

“Y/N, can we just run to the store real quick, I need to grab a few things and you know how hopeless I am with directions…Please, come with, or else I’ll have to get Topper and we both know how much he loves-”

“Yeah, yeah-”

With a reluctant sigh, you tagged the page you’d just turned over in your book and propped yourself off the bed, adjusting your midi skirt before nodding in agreement. 

One of the most convenient things about the Outer Banks was that nearly everything was within walking distance. It gave you a chance to explore the scenic landscape and water front, and perhaps even chat with a few of the locals you hadn’t yet properly met. 

“So, how are things looking with that JJ guy? He seems pretty cute,” You intrigued, nudging your sister’s shoulder into conversation. 

“Yeah he’s great actually, he's a really funny guy. He, uhm, he wants to meet but-” 

“But what, Anya? That’s exciting! We sure could do with someone else’s company that isn’t Topper.” 

“Yeah, I know but, I, well we, don’t really know him that well. Who’s to say he isn’t some sociopath, Y/N.”

“I highly doubt anyone around here is a psychopath, Anya. Look around, this is a place people come around to relax or retire.”

“Don’t speak too soon, Y/N…”

For some odd reason, you hesitated in a response. Anya was right, you had no familiarity with the people of Outer Banks, although it just seemed like an outrageous place for crime. Ever since arriving, you felt some unexplainable ease here. 

“But I mean yeah sure. I’ll probably meet up with JJ some time… In public though, and you need to promise me that you’ll be on the lookout. Not like you’re busy with any plans at the moment, huh,” Anya remarks, as you appeasingly roll your eyes: God she could be so paranoid. 

“Yeah, yeah. I promise. Think we turn right up ahead-”

Continuing right on the pathway, you could just faintly decipher the movement of people bustling in and out of the stores, and with that a wave of relief settled over you. Seemed like you knew your way around after all, having doubts along each turn of the walk.  

“Make this quick, Anya, the sun’s starting to set, okay.”

“Whatever, Mum!” Anya quips, before rushing off into the convenience store, leaving your lonesome self outside waiting. 

You watched the crowd across the street at the diner, enjoying their dinner, as you observed the locals in action, contemplating who was who, as you heard Evelyn exchange many names with your father over endless dinner conversations. 

One name that stuck by you was “Cameron.” 

Evelyn mentioned it countless of times, although you’d simply assumed they were one of the many well-known families that had established themselves in town. There wasn’t much else you knew, or wanted to know. You hardly met anyone else outside of the house, nor were you in any rush to. 

“Hey!-”

Instantly snapping from your extensive thoughts, the familiar voice dragged you back to reality, as you turned your sight to its direction. 

“It’s Y/N, right? Anya’s sister! It’s me, JJ, the waiter-”

“Yeah, of course, I remember you-”

As formal and proper as your manners from childhood were, just as you’d gone in for a handshake, JJ wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in warmly for a friendly embrace, before letting you go. 

It had caught you off-guard, although not at all in a distasteful way. 

“How are you? How’s Anya?” He asked, folding his arms as he leant against the wooden post of the front deck. 

“Yeah we’re good! I’m sure Anya’s kept you posted, we’ve pretty much moved in now. How about you? I haven't seen you around.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty good! Oh that’s great to hear, that would mean you guys are free to come to the Boneyard tonight!” 

“The what?”

“The Boneyard? Where we have this party with a kegger, Topper didn’t tell you?” 

By the puzzled expression reeked across your face, JJ knew to take that as an immediate no, not questioning it any further. 

“Well if you’d like, I could meet with you guys later and escort you there myself. There’s a few friends of mine I’d like to introduce you guys to.” 

“Yeah, sure. That would be lovely, JJ-” 

And as perfect as the timing could get, Anya returned from her little store run, stunned by JJ’s unexpected presence. 

“Anya- I was just telling Y/N, I’d love to take you guys out tonight to the Boneyard, I was going to text you about it before, but something with my Dad-” 

“That’s fine, but we just don’t know where exactly the Boneyard is.”

“That’s okay, JJ’s got us covered,” You exclaimed, before exchanging a friendly wink to JJ who just managed to catch it.

***

“You texted JJ our address right?” You persisted, growing anxious by the thought that perhaps JJ might’ve forgotten about you two. 

“Yes, for the last time Y/N could you just relax. He should be here any minute now!” 

And just on cue, in the close distance, the roaring sound of an old engine with dull headlights belonging to one of those old, retro “hippie” vans had pulled up through your drive-way. JJ’s head popped out excitedly by the window, waving for you guys to join, and immediately you both walked over. 

It was difficult to convince your father of going out tonight, in fact, he’d been pestering you both to get out and mingle. As soon as you’d both approached him with the idea of heading out to some party, he leaped with relief, and encouraged you both to take up the offer. He was easy going like that, trusted you both knowing how well he’d raised you both. Of course, he covered some basic ground-rules: no drinking, no drugs, no smoking. 

By the time you’d both arrived to the van, you could just make out the silhouettes of some figures inside the van through the grimey windows. JJ was out of the van, as the courteous man that he was, pulling the side door right open. 

“John B-” Pointing to the boy on the driver’s seat, who gave you a friendly wave, made himself known. 

“Kie-” A lovely, young girl, exchanged a gracious smile and nod to both Anya and yourself, before JJ finally introduced “And this is Pope-”, a young, pleasant man sat beside Kie. 

“Guys this is Anya, and her older sister Y/N. They just moved here like a week ago.” 

“Nice to meet you all, thanks for letting us join you guys tonight-” You warmly proclaimed, before gesturing Anya into the van with you following her behind. 

As JJ was carefully closing the door behind you, John B mentioned how JJ spoke of you two, confessing you to be the “mystery newcomers” before kindly welcoming you to the Outer Banks. 

You felt Kie’s over gaze fall between yourself and Anya, and felt somewhat intimidated, although it there was no threatening intent to it, however more of a protective sentiment. 

“So you guys are Kooks, huh?” Kie blatantly questioned, before Pope nudged his elbow into her, as though to signal her to stop whatever interrogation she had planned. 

“Sorry, what?”- Anya questioned in response, frowning as she looked around the van, back to you.

“Kie, stop. They don’t know about any of that stuff. Just drop it, okay!” JJ insisted, as he ran his fingers through his blonde locks, almost in frustration. 

“We really have no idea what this whole Pogue-Kook business is, but perhaps you could enlighten us one day, Kie-” You suggested, as amiable as possible, not wanting to already cross the line with the few locals you’d just met. 

“I sure will, I just can’t believe you guys live with Topper. He’s such an-”

“Ass?-” Anya intervened, finishing off Kie’s sentence precisely the way she intended, making Kie smile in agreement. 

“Yeah, I don’t think he likes us very much,” Anya confessed, and as much as you hated “gossiping”, you couldn’t deny this one. 

“Well Kie, you’re on to talk… What about your Kook year?” John B laughingly mocked, as Kie infuriatingly shoved his shoulder. 

“S-So what exactly is the difference between a Pogue and a Kook?” You intriguingly questioned, shifting your gaze from Kie to Pope. 

“Well, to put it short, Pogues live on the Cut, which I assume Topper would rather die than enter. Whereas yourselves and our Kie here, live on Figure 8,” Pope answered.

“So it’s just a social class thing?” You quipped, being reminded again of how very unprogressive things were around the Outer Banks. 

“Exactly!-” Kie shouted, a hint of relief, as though finally finding someone who’d shared mutual understanding with her cause. 

“I mean there’s more to it-” JJ added.

“But it’s best if you guys don’t get as involved, your only just new here-” He calmly reassured.

“Just keep an eye out for the Kooks, they usually come to these sort of events anyways for the booze they can’t afford-” Kie ridiculed. 

“Yeah, especially Rafe-” Pope uttered, his tone reeking of bitterness to the name. 

“Wait-Who exactly is that? The name just sounds familiar-” You brush off, not wanting to vex Pope any further. 

“Good God, he’s the worst of the worst-” Pope scorned. 

“An asshole-” Kie provoked. 

“He’s the older brother of Sarah Cameron, I’m sure you’ve met her. She’s Topper’s girlfriend,” John B confessed.

“HA! Topper has a girlfriend, since when?!” Anya broke out mockingly laughing: as Kie and JJ chuckled to her comedic outburst. 

“He must be that bad, huh?” You uttered, as the rest began to settle themselves. 

“He’s a terrible person, Y/N. If I was you guys, I’d avoid him at all costs,-” Pope insisted, although by the seriousness of his voice, it seemed more of a warning than anything. 

***

The Boneyard was a secluded location of the island, where the ashy white trunks of dead logs were arranged in a way to accompany large crowds, and rowdy parties far from the complaints of the adults. As you’d all arrived, kegs ready at the hand, the party had already commenced, as people from which John B described had consisted of Pogues, Kook and tourists. Regardless, all strangers to you. 

As you finally eased yourself into that party mood, you found yourself enjoying the company of the Pogues, they were quite the friendly bunch. And it seemed ANya was letting loose as well, no thanks to her new-found companions: it always seemed like an impossible mission for Anya to enjoy herself, although witnessing her from the standpoint of a bystander, you felt comforted. 

“I’m just going to go grab myself a drink-” You assured John B, as he nodded in agreement. 

As you crammed yourself through the crowd, you felt a tight grip pulling on your elbow, making you topple in the direction of whomever it was that grabbed you. 

“Topper, what the fuck?”

“How the hell did you get here, let alone find out about this?” He exclaimed, by the faint smell of the beer oozing with each breath, you could tell he was slowly becoming intoxicated.

“No thanks to you-” You snapped, before jolting your arm out of his strained grip. 

“Seriously, Y/N. Does your Dad even know you’re here?”

Before you could even respond, some sort of internal sixth sense, felt an intense pair of eyes on you. As you shifted your gaze, to a bunch of people standing behind Topper, you’d immediately recognised his face. 

For some odd reason you felt a shiver crawl down your spine, as though in fright of seeing some ghostly figure. His intense, blue eyes just fixated on you and only you, as he took sips of his drink, with one hand snugged away in a front pocket. It seemed he was in conversation with a bunch of other guys, all dressed quite similarly to one another in their polo shirts and summer shorts, and yet he was not at all engaged... Only to you.  

“Earth to Y/N!” Topper loudly interjected, stirring you to snap back, as you fixed your view on him. 

“Y-Yes, yes he does. Now could you just let me be?” 

And before you knew it, you instinctively stormed off, before Topper had the chance to drunkenly question you any longer. As you disappeared into the crowd, heading for the kegger, your mind persisted in contemplation. 

That was Rafe, surely. You vividly remembered the whole, minor incident during your first encounter with him. 

After what the Pogues had confessed about him, and by his looming nature, you’d never felt so unnerved by someone, you’d in fact, never even met.

But why?

TAGLIST - @juliep7654 @foggybanditgardenprune​

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 8

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 8

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language.

Words: ~2000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7

Part 8

Billy read through the file on his desk for the third time that day. After the night of the gala he’d hired an investigator to gather info on you, and now all the major events in your life were neatly encompassed in a red folder, ready for his perusal. Despite your refusal to share anything, he’d managed to learn a lot about you reading your file. Except instead of giving him clarity on you, the documents triggered an avalanche of questions and emotions that left him rattled.

You grew up in the projects, in a poor neighbourhood in Chicago, but had managed to wrangle your way into a state university. He knew how expensive those were, and even with the scholarships you’d earned it was almost impossible for someone in your socio-economic background to be able to attend college – but you had, and judging by your relatively low student loans it wasn’t simply due to luck. Billy had learned a long time ago that when opportunities presented themselves, he had to make quick and tough decisions to get ahead. Rawlins had presented such an opportunity, which had given Billy the cashflow he needed to start Anvil. Who was your Rawlins, he wondered.

Throughout college you interned at a moderately-sized company in Chicago and they hired you immediately upon graduation. You never looked back after that, moving from firm to firm while going up the corporate ladder. There were so many things about your life you didn’t share with Billy but you had been honest about one thing – Anvil couldn’t afford you. If he’d hired you, your salary would be on par with his.  

Billy still remembered when he’d signed his first lucrative contract. He’d been eyeing the Wraith for months prior to that, and as soon as he could justify the purchase he did. The penthouse in a luxury high-rise building came next. You, however, were the complete opposite of him. You owned your condo, and while it was nice and in a decent neighbourhood, it certainly wasn’t a luxury purchase. You were careful with your money, except when it came to shoes. Based on your credit card records, you bought a lot but the ridiculously expensive purchases weren’t as numerous. He guessed those were the ones you bought when you were especially troubled, like Davina had said.

Billy had pored over your life starting from where you were now all the way back to your childhood. The first time he read the child abuse investigation report in your file was two days ago, and it had taken him hours to finish because of the sheer rage it provoked in him. It was an incident reported by one of your teachers after you’d shown up to school with bruises and burn marks. Of course the child protective services had done nothing, you’d been returned to your parents. There were no other reports filed after that but abuse that vicious didn’t stop just because the cops came around. Your parents probably just learned not to leave visible bruises.  Billy was all too familiar with that kind of violence and realizing you went through the same made him want to destroy every fucking person in your life that ever hurt you.

“I fought like hell to make something of myself, to be safe and happy.”

Your words still rung in his ears. They had haunted him for a week now. He could still remember the strange look of apathy on your face even though your words were obviously coming from a place of hurt and anger. At the time he didn’t know what you meant, but now he understood and it both sickened and infuriated him that you felt threatened by him. What could he have possibly done to conjure the same fear in you as your goddamn family? How could you compare him to them?

“You will not destroy me.”

Your voice had been steady and calm when you said the words, a complete contrast to the confusion he’d been feeling. Fine, he may not have recognized your worth sooner before but that didn’t mean he wanted to hurt you. Yet you’d accused him of doing just that and it pissed the fuck out of him. Yeah he’d bragged about Anvil to Roger but that was to get you actual protection and keep you safe – something your precious fucking Roger should have done from day one. Corporations didn’t give a fuck about their employees until their bottom lines were threatened and knowing a competitor had access to that kind of info meant bad PR for Valiant. You were smart, you should have realized exactly why Billy had played that card but instead you chose to be willfully blind and accuse him of jeopardizing your job. It made him so angry that it had taken every bit of willpower he had not to shake the stupidity out of you.

The phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. Upon seeing who it was, he picked it up immediately. “Yeah?”

“Hey, boss. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Looks like she’s lost her tail. Didn’t even take her that long. The guy’s an idiot.”

Frustrated, Billy ran his fingers through his hair. The little talk with Roger had worked and Valiant had assigned a bodyguard to you, but like everything else about the company, the guard was ineffective. Fortunately Billy had already anticipated Valiant’s ineptitude so he’d made arrangements for one of his best trackers to keep an eye on you. “Think she knows about you?”

Andy snorted. “This ain’t my first gig.”

Even though Billy knew Andy was great at what he did - he was one of Anvil’s best - it still didn’t assuage his anxieties about you. “Where is she right now?”

“Driving out of town. I’m on her tail.”

“Headed for?”

“Not sure yet. Connecticut, I think.”

Billy exhaled an agitated sigh. “Okay, let me know if there’s trouble.”

“Will do.”

After hanging up with Andy, he called your number. As expected, it went to your voicemail automatically. Just like it had every time this past week. Obviously you’d blocked him, which irritated the fuck out of him, but he realized it was something you needed to do for yourself. And if you didn’t have some unhinged lunatic after you, Billy would have given you the space you needed - but now was not the time to respect your goddamn boundaries.

“Hey, it’s me. I get it. You’re pissed but we need to talk. Call me.” He paused, breathing. A part of him wanted to add a ‘please’ but he didn’t like the thought of pleading with another person, even you. Because if he begged and you still didn’t call back… he didn’t want to think about what that meant.

Reluctantly, he put your file down and returned to reviewing the contracts in front of him.

***

It was almost two in the morning. He’d gone out for dinner with some potential clients and schmoozed the hell out of them. After a lot of booze and ass-kissing, they finally shook on the deal. All in all, it was a pretty great night except he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

Every time his phone rang he hoped it was you; it never was. And now he was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking of you like some lovesick fool. It was pathetic. He should have gone home with the waitress that had slipped him her number. She’d been hot, fun, and more than happy to fuck him but some stupid part of him felt guilty – actually guilty even though you’d been ignoring him for a week – of sleeping with someone who wasn’t you. What the hell was wrong with him?

Yeah, sure, he’s been in some relationships before but they never lasted long. When things were bad, they were terribly, horribly bad and the good times just weren’t worth it. And so, in the past few years, he’d decided to keep things casual with everyone until you fucking came along and dropped a bomb and now he was right back in the middle of a hurricane. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you for making him feel like this. For making him feel desperate and clingy and pathetic. For making him worry about you. For making him care.

He grabbed his phone and called you. There was your fucking voicemail greeting again and the dreaded beep.

“I make you feel worthless?” A bitter laugh escaped his throat. “What the fuck did I do to make you feel that way? Tell me. Because you actually haven’t given me any reasons. You just spouted some bullshit about having feelings for me before you walked away. Now you’ve blocked my number and I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the fuck I did wrong.” He scooted off the bed and began pacing the floor. “Eleven fucking months we’ve been sleeping together and you tell me nothing about yourself. Nothing. You were a glorified sex doll. A fucking fleshlight who spoke and only told me things I wanted to hear. Yes, Billy. No, Billy. Fuck me, Billy. You kept everything bottled up! Not once did we have a real conversation. And then all of a sudden you come alive and I find out there’s more to you and I want to get to know you better but then you tell me you have feelings for me, that you might actually love me and instead of giving me a chance to process any of this shit you dump my ass and block me? Fuck you, Y/N!”  

He hung up the phone, feeling much better, but within seconds that feeling of euphoric release turned to anxiety. What if you misinterpreted what he meant? What if something he said inadvertently hurt you again? This time when he called you, his voice was calmer.

“This isn’t me, Y/N. I’m not the guy who calls a woman over and over again, especially when she wants nothing to do with me. But you’re in my head. You’re everywhere I look. I don’t want to think about you, I don’t want to give a fuck about you, but I do…” He took a deep breath. “You said you might love me but I think you’re full of shit. Because when you care about someone, you don’t leave them behind. Shutting someone out, abandoning them, that’s not love. That’s being a fucking coward.”

After putting his phone back on the nightstand table, he lay back in bed with his arm propped up behind his head. He pondered the message he left, realizing the truth. As hard as he’d fought it, as much as he didn’t want to, he had fallen for you. You. Not the woman he’d been fucking for eleven months who didn’t have any personality but the real you, the woman who challenged him, who made him laugh, who was brilliant and incredibly smart and so fucking beautiful he’d get a hard-on practically every time he looked at you. There was so much about you he didn’t know, but he wanted to spend the rest of his life discovering you, fucking you, making you his.

He didn’t believe in destiny or any of that romantic nonsense. The universe had fucked him over too many times for him to accept sentimental bullshit like that. But what he did believe in was himself. Everything he had he fought for and he destroyed anyone who got in his way. Something told him you were the same as him. You two were connected.

He reached for his phone again and dialed your number. His voice was strong, calm, and resolute as he left you a final message.

“I like you. I want you. I’m not walking away.”

He hung up, smirking.

Part 9

A/N - I’m back from lovely St Maarten, all tanned and relaxed :) I hope you guys had a wonderful week, and that you enjoyed this new chapter. I know it wasn’t plot-heavy, just thought-heavy but that was on purpose. I really wanted a chapter just for Billy to process his feelings about “You”. Hope the lack of plot wasn’t a disappointment. As always, thank you for the lovely feedback on the last chapter.  I’m sorry I didn’t respond in a timely manner while I was away!  Please know that I truly appreciate the likes, the reblogs, the wonderful feedback and the asks you guys left me.

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[volturiwolf]

The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 1)

A/N: This is the first Volturi- and Twilight-related story I ever started writing and it is quite long and elaborated/complex, as I tend to overanalyze in many parts. I have wrote a few parts until now and I'll be uploading them in the future. I have been quite emotional throughout writing it, trying to understand the reader's point of view.

A/N 2: I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense. English is not my first language. I also include Italian through the story, with translation, but I'm not a native or a speaker, so I'd like to apologize in advance to those who speak Italian. Enjoy :)

A/N 3: According to "The Amagi" on Youtube, Felix was born in 250 BC (their thumbnail), so I used that in my story.

No of Words: about 5347

Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft

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My heart felt heavy. I may have just escaped the cruelest vampire of all, but I also ran away from the love of my life, my mate, the only person who could fully understand me in this world. I asked him to run away with me, but, although our bond was strong, he felt obliged to stay loyal to his master, his creator. I drove as fast as I could, away from the sunny Volterra, and away from him.

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(Y/N) grew up quite privileged, in Vampire terms. Being born into the Volturi coven was something many vampires could only dream about. (Y/N) was abandoned by her parents when she was a baby, but Aro, one of the three Volturi leaders, took her under his protection, and offered her more things than she could ever have imagined. After all, she was his only biological granddaughter, the “Volturi princess”, an heiress to the throne; her mother lost that “privilege” when she met and fell in love with a wizard.

(Y/N)’s mother soon got pregnant with her, and then later turned her husband into a vampire to help her with her pregnancy, and stay together forever. However, (Y/N)’s parents couldn’t raise her because they wanted to run free and careless, not commit to anything permanent, so Aro took over and raised his granddaughter with the highest honors and privileges, “as a princess should be raised”.

(Y/N) was a mix of Vampire, Witch and Human, due to the grandmother, Sulpicia, being human when Aro found her; Sulpicia later fell pregnant with (Y/N)’s mother, and Aro transformed her to vampire, as he had planned all along. Aro raised (Y/N) according to his own rules and morals, teaching her how to kill humans to feed from, how to attack and slip away from her opponents, how to lead other vampires, and most importantly, how to keep her identity and existence a secret, not only to humans, but other non-Volturi vampires as well. No one could know that there was a possibility of a vampire having a child with a human, and that the child could be effectively controlled and raised as a regular vampire.

As (Y/N) grew older and older, reaching the human age of 25 within 7 years of her birth, Aro would spend more and more time with her, examining and studying her possibilities and her potential powers’ development. (Y/N) grew up to be extremely strong and fast, an excellent tracker with great intelligence and understanding of the world around her. However, Aro could not risk sending her to “Volturi duties”. She was his hope for a stronger coven; with (Y/N) in the throne, Aro felt like he could conquer the vampire world with ease.

That’s why he was always searching for the best guards he could find, to protect the coven and do his work instead of himself, Caius, or (Y/N). He couldn’t rely on Marcus, as he proved to be too emotional since Didyme died, but was still valuable for his plan. Caius, on the other hand, although powerless, was far more sadistic and “diligent” in following vampire rules, and (Y/N)... (Y/N) was just too obedient, following every order Aro gave her - a strong asset for the Volturi.

Aro was changing guards and trackers quite easily, disposing them when they were no longer needed or when he found better ones. He needed talented and strong vampires to serve the coven and do their work.

Chelsea was the very first vampire Aro created solely to serve the Volturi, after recognizing her potential when she was human. Chelsea’s gift of relationship manipulation was truly useful in bringing new vampires into the coven and was used thousands of times during Volturi's reign. It could also easily dispose of them, making their bonds with other vampires break at will; those vampires were isolated by the other vampires and then killed - Aro couldn’t risk letting them get away knowing the Volturi’s secrets and life.

About 100 years later, Corin joined the Volturi, just a couple decades after (Y/N)’s birth. Corin’s gift of addictive contentment was the one which kept Marcus in the Volturi after Didyme’s death - along with Chelsea’s to make him committed to Aro’s greater plans, and was also used on Sulpicia, Athenadora and any other vampire in the Volturi guard to keep them satisfied being in the Volturi. Under Aro’s instructions, Corin was keeping Chelsea content with being in the Volturi, and Chelsea was keeping Corin loyal to them, each of them using their gifts against each other, without their knowledge.

Sometime between 230 and 220 BC, while travelling in Rome, searching for additional vampires to add to the coven, Aro supposedly met a young, strong and ambitious fighter, who wished to become a gladiator one day, named Felix. Felix did not only look, but also was physically capable of fighting even with beasts, during his short time as a fighter, way before the Colosseum was built. Born into a poor family, his strength was his only way of making money, and becoming a gladiator was his only way out of poverty, a way to provide for both his family and himself.

When his family was almost imprisoned by Roman army officers for outstanding debts, Felix was forced to make a deal with them to fight, in whatever they ordered him to. Fighting turned out to be the only way for Felix to deal with his emotions and rage towards people in power. When Aro approached Felix, he was promised a good life, where he wouldn’t have to worry about surviving another day. Felix did not seem willing enough, not being fond of the idea of serving people in power, who he so despised.

Luckily for Aro, Chelsea was the one who “convinced” Felix to join the Volturi guard, with Aro changing him afterwards. Unlike previous guards, Felix showed impeccable strength, speed and talent towards both dodging and initiating attacks, eventually making him a permanent member in the Volturi Guard, along with Chelsea and Corin.

Felix was assigned as the leading guard for the three kings’ protection, this role extending to the protection of their two wives and (Y/N); though Aro knew that, if it came to anyone attacking his granddaughter, she would be able to handle it by herself. However, he still wanted to make sure that she was safe and that Aro would do anything to protect her.

For about a couple millennias, (Y/N) was content with her situation, being the “Volturi princess” and all that. Besides, having Felix in the Volturi was another reason to stay in the coven, apart from staying loyal and true to Aro for taking her in, when she was abandoned.

Every time Felix looked into her eyes, she felt her whole body burn - though, it wasn’t a feeling of suffering, rather a feeling of longing, waiting for something to happen so badly that her body couldn’t control itself. Although she was partially a vampire, (Y/N) would feel like she couldn’t breathe, like her legs were ready to give up on her, like she wanted to grab Felix and never let go.

Felix, although not admitting it even to himself, would feel the same way, but he knew that his position would not allow him to approach (Y/N) in such a way. He was just a guard - although he was the strongest of them all, and she was the Volturi princess, one of his masters, whom he was only allowed to approach in order to protect. He didn’t want Aro to know he saw his granddaughter like that; it could cost him his position in the guard, or even his life. So, he kept these feelings deep within him, not allowing them to resurface, or act upon them.

However, every time these two existed at the same place, the invisible sparks between them would fly left and right. And only one vampire was able to see them. One who hadn’t felt these sparks in centuries.

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(Y/N)’s POV:

I yawned loudly as I woke from a long, much needed sleep. I was the only vampire around who was able to sleep, mostly due to my non-vampire natures. I didn't really need to sleep on a regular basis, but when I did, I could literally sleep 3 days straight and nobody would be able to wake me up. “For my own protection”, as Aro said, I would always have at least two guards outside of my room’s door, in case anything happened while I was sleeping. Like what could even happen? My room was at the furthest side of this huge castle. I’m pretty sure that if there ever was an attack against the Volturi, it would most probably have been dealt with immediately, and the attacker wouldn’t make it anywhere near my room.

I felt the warm sun on my skin, slightly glowing and sparkling beautifully. My eyes, mostly (Y/E/C) with a golden ring around the pupil, could easily adjust to the light. Unlike the other vampires, I could easily live among humans; I could sleep, eat human food, my skin not being as sparkly as others, and I could control my thirst far better than others.

Since Jane and Alec joined the coven, Aro would show an immense interest in them and their skills, helping them train daily and develop their powers further, eventually forgetting about me. I would spend more and more days away from the castle, “protected” by my anonymity, getting to know humans more and more. The longer I was observing them, the more they would trigger my interest in them. They could feel true emotions, real pain, real hurt, real love. They had their families, they received an unconditional love that I could never have.

Unbeknownst to Aro or anyone else for that matter, I have started developing new powers, similar to the other vampires in the Volturi coven or anyone else outside of it. I have also started noticing that I may have an immunity towards others’ talents, feeling that neither Corin’s addictive contentment made me satisfied with being in the Volturi, nor Chelsea’s relationship manipulation could keep me loyal to Aro anymore. If it weren’t for Felix, or Demetri and the Twins, who have all become my best friends by now, I would have probably left.

A vampire named Carlisle Cullen had visited the Volturi and stayed with us for a while, about 100 years ago. He saw the way the Volturi treated humans like they were nothing, and how they were as cruel as to kill other vampires, with the excuse that they were exposing our kind with the way they lived. Entire covens had been wiped out due to such excuses, a way to eliminate potential enemies from becoming too powerful and find as many talented vampires as possible and force them to join the Volturi.

Carlisle was talking about a new way of life, where vampires wouldn’t have to kill humans to survive, a life where vampires and humans could live in peace, without harming each other. He was insisting that vampires could survive on animal blood just as efficiently as with human blood; that animal blood would not make them weaker, and that it would be a much more ethical and sustainable way to feed.

Of course, Aro and Caius were the first ones to mock his proposition, clearly not caring about humans’ feelings and pain. Marcus did not budge at all, his heartache making him indifferent to anything around him. But I was growing more and more interested in this alternative way of life; I was, after all, feeding on human food already, so that I was feeding on human blood as little as I could.

It was a few years after Carlisle left Volterra that Eleazar joined the Volturi. Aro forced him to join after finding out he could detect if someone had any special ability. Aro considered his gift useful in identifying if any of his enemies had any special power when in battles, or when he sent Eleazar around the world to recruit talented vampires.

Eleazar was clearly not liking the way the Volturi forced their ways and wants on others, and how they could take advantage of others for their own benefit. I could just sense that he was displeased and was forcing himself to stay in the coven, one, due to Corin’s and Chelsea’s gifts, and two, out of fear of what could happen to him and his mate, Carmen.

Carmen, a vampire from Spain, like Eleazar, met with Eleazar while he was a guard here, they fell in love, and eventually, Eleazar decided to leave the Volturi and run away with Carmen. Aro decided that he did not care about him and his gift as much as others’, so he let him go unharmed, “blessing” them for safe travels.

Just a few days before he left, I consulted him on my own powers. Though a lower member of the guard, Eleazar had his own room, a decent place to stay, and spend his endless hours in. I knocked slightly on the door.

“Come in”, a calm voice was heard. I opened the door and came into his room. Carmen was sitting on the edge of their bed and Eleazar was reading a book on his desk. They both smiled sweetly. I just felt and knew they were too nice to fit anywhere in here, among the cruel and strict Volturi.

“(Y/N)! So nice to see you!”Carmen exclaimed and stood to hug me. The second we hugged I started seeing parts of her life in Spain, the calm waters of Catalunya, the vast vineyards where she would spend the early years of her life… I quickly detached myself from her embrace. I just couldn’t invade her privacy like that. She and Eleazar both looked at me worried, as if I had offended them.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t let you “show” me your whole life like that!” I looked at Carmen apologetically.

“(Y/N), you saw Carmen’s life?” Eleazar continued, intrigued by my words.

“That’s why I came to talk to you. I..I feel like I’ve been developing a gift, or a few gifts, to be completely honest. And I feel like.. like I have a specific power one day, and another power the next!” I stated frantically.

It was the first time I have openly talked about my powers to anyone, and I was shaking just by the words that came out of my mouth. Eleazar did not say anything, he just stood there for a few minutes, I supposed “examining” me, as if a doctor checking on a patient.

“Remarkable.” He said calmly. He looked at his mate with excitement, as if he just discovered a lost treasure. “(Y/N) has one of the most remarkable gifts I have ever seen.” He then turned to me. “You, (Y/N), are able to copy anyone else’s gifts and keep them as your own. You don’t even have to be in contact with them. Just by meeting someone, you can obtain their powers. I have never met anyone like that. You also seem to have obtained immunity to others’ powers, kind of like a shield. I have met such vampires before. From the stories Aro has been telling, your mother was like that. It is likely that you copied that gift for her. Such vampires are extremely useful to themselves or even others, in battles. Like themselves, you can use your gift to protect others from others’ powers, beside yourself.”

That came too sudden to my ears. I have assumed that I may have at least one power, but I didn’t realise I could copy others’ powers. That is why I was showing signs of Aro’s power!

“How can I train my powers? Eleazar! Carmen! You have to help me!”

“As you know, we will be leaving soon. I don’t know if there will be enough time to train you.”

“It’s okay. We will train as much as you want. Please, Eleazar! Please, Carmen!” I started begging them. As if they were hypnotized, they quickly looked at each other and agreed to help me.

The next few days, before Eleazar and Carmen’s departure, included intense training, far away from Volterra, deep in the woods, where no human could interrupt us. I couldn’t say the same for vampires, but I hoped nobody would cross paths with us. Eleazar and Carmen helped me develop my self-control and self-awareness, concentrating through the deepest parts of my mind, resurfacing my shield and expanding it beyond my existence. I started to have control over it, as if it was an actual solid substance, a veil floating around me towards any direction I ordered it to go.

After Eleazar and Carmen left, I started travelling the world more, trying to copy as many powers as I could come across with, while also training my shield. My excitement for the endless possibilities was what kept me going - kind of when Aro would add another talented vampire to his Guard. His Guard. Felix. I wonder how he was. I hadn’t seen him in a while. I wondered if he thought of me like I thought of him.

After travelling pretty much anywhere I could reach, I eventually went back to where it all started: I went to Greece. Aro met Sulpicia here, apparently my mom met my dad here. Maybe I could find out, understand why they left me. I have never met them, but I felt as if my tracking skills could detect them through my own existence.

I started travelling through the country, hoping that they stayed here or, at least, that they’re alive. I spent about 2 or 3 years in Greece, trying to take in every different place, while also avoiding the battles that seemed to take place in every other corner. I was feeding off animals mainly, mostly when I couldn’t find any other human food. I was washing myself in rivers, streams, whatever I could find.

I was stopping by any village that seemed to be still standing, asking about the current situation. The Greek Revolution, which started a few years ago, seemed to still be going on. The Ottomans, who had been occupying Greece for almost 400 years, could not allow Greeks to turn against them and start claiming their rights within the Ottoman Empire.

Many Greeks I met and talked to, admitted that some of the Ottomans were actually being nice to them; it was only the Ottoman government ordering their armies to execute massive massacres against Greeks, and after all this time, a few Greeks started gathering up and planning a revolution, away from Greece, in fear of being caught. They started getting organized and finding possible allies to help them with the Revolution; they just couldn’t risk getting caught within the country that they were hoping the independent Greece could become. The battles were becoming more and more intense, both on the mainland, as well as on the islands.

I started looking for answers, anything that could suggest that my parents were still alive and somewhere in Greece. To my surprise, I crossed paths with many Greek nomad vampires all over the country. They were also fighting against either Ottoman vampires or each other for territorial claims; however, they all talked me out of travelling north, towards Macedonia. The region had started being reclaimed back by Greek humans, but vampires were also seeing the potential for the area and they fought against each other for the land.

All of the nomads I encountered were talking about some of the most vicious vampires claiming the land, their enemies being literally slaughtered and burned to set an example for other vampires to back off their territory. I was intrigued, and I knew that, most probably, I would be able to deal with them or flee before they got to me.

So, I started travelling north, through the woods and mountains, in order to avoid any possible battle between humans, though many of them seemed to hide in the mountains, preparing for their battles. Macedonia was a quite big and vast region, so I had to travel quite a few days and search every possible corner.

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I was feeling exhausted from all the searching. I haven’t fed in quite some time, and my throat was burning by the familiar need for blood. I haven’t seen any animals all these days, and I was wondering if they were gone or hiding.

Sadly, I came across a human. He seemed to be wounded, probably during a battle, his blood gushing out of his body. I couldn’t help myself, when I breathed in the smell, the burning sensation becoming unbearable. I thought of approaching him slowly, so as not to scare him, offering to help him, but deep down I just wanted to feed off of him.

“Γειά! Συγνώμη αν σε τρόμαξα. Σε είδα από μακριά. Μπορώ να σε βοηθήσω με κάποιο τρόπο; (Hey! Sorry if I scared you. I saw you from afar. Can I help you in any way?)” I offered calmly.

The man was trying to suppress his growls. I could sense his pain. I tried to help him stand on his feet, and then I saw all of his memories. He was in the army, fighting alongside Greeks against the Ottomans, in Macedonia, just outside of Thessaloniki. I didn’t even know I was so close to a city, let alone Thessaloniki.

He was trying to pass through the woods, when he came across what seemed to be two red-eyed vampires, one male and one female. They tried to attack him, but someone else managed to shoot him first, forcing the two vampires to run away. I don’t know how or why, these two felt familiar to me, I could feel that through his memories.

“Γειά! Μπορείς.. Μπορείς να πας στο κοντινότερο χωριό; Νομίζω.. Νομίζω ότι είδα κάτι στο δάσος, δε νομίζω ότι ήταν κάτι φυσιολογικό! Πρέπει.. Πρέπει να προειδοποιήσω τους άλλους! (Hey! Can.. Can you get me to the nearest village? I think.. I think I saw something in the woods, I don’t think it was something normal! I have.. I have to warn the others!)” He mumbled in between sharp shoots of pain.

“Με συγχωρείς πολύ! (I’m really sorry!)” I plead with guilty eyes. I put my hand in his wound, searching for the bullet, while he was consumed by pain. I took the bullet out of the wound, and quickly attached my lips on his skin, sucking the blood as fast as I could, biting deeply unintentionally. His screams were becoming louder and louder, so I covered his mouth with my hand, while trying to shut him up or break his jaw. A few seconds later, he stopped screaming, and I let his lifeless body fall, completely numb and drained out of blood.

I felt renewed, his blood travelling to every part of my body and giving me a new kind of strength that I haven’t felt in a while. I still felt guilty for killing him, but he was already wounded and I couldn’t risk him exposing our kind to others. I assumed that whoever found him - if anyone found him - would also assume that he died of blood loss, so I tried to position him in a realistic pose for that purpose, as best as I could. I left him there, and continued the search for my parents.

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I was running through the woods, trying to locate the two vampires from the guy’s memories. My mind was chaotic, I wasn’t thinking about something specific. I stopped in my tracks. What Aro taught me, and what I understood from Demetri’s tracking skills, is that you have to stop, take a breath and realize your position in the world. Then, you would be able to realize everything around you and find your targets. I have successfully found other vampires like that before, vampires who I have either met in person or smelled their scent, but I didn’t know if I could find someone through someone else’s memories of them.

I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate as best as I could, focusing on the smaller details of the guy’s memories of these vampires. I felt two vampires running on my west, about 10 kilometers away, and I ran after them. They were running fast, but I was way faster. Within a minute or two, I was running right behind their tracks. They must have realized that a stranger was following them, but, instead of running, they suddenly stopped. I stopped as well, and we were now facing each other.

The female had long, brunette, curly hair, and the male short, dark brown, straight hair; both of their hair looked shiny, healthy, and rich. They were of average height and their eyes were piercing red, as if they also fed quite recently. The female was exceptionally beautiful and enchanting; I could only compare her to Heidi’s exceptional beauty. The male looked quite stoic and austere, though still beautiful.

Both of them on defensive positions, waiting for me to attack. I wasn’t planning to move any further from my position; I was only waiting for their own reactions. I felt that kind of a burning sensation within me again, like a feeling buried deep inside me, trying to find an escape.

Suddenly, the male growled at me, flames springing out of his hands, and being thrown at me. I felt my heart fall out of my chest, fearing that this would be my end. As if my body reacted on its own, I felt my own shield extending out of my body, building a wall around me and protecting me from the male’s attack. My hands started burning and flames came out, ready to counterattack the male. The male looked at the female, dumbfounded by what he witnessed, still in a defensive position, but ready to attack again.

“I’M NOT HERE TO FIGHT YOU!” I shouted at both of them. “I’M JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE!”

The male shrinked back, the female following close by. “Who are you looking for? We haven’t seen you around. Who are you? Why are you here?” The male requested. His voice serious, but smooth at the same time; a voice I could only describe as the warm earth below their bare feet.

“No, I’m not. I come from Italy, though I think I was born around here. My name is (Y/N), I’m looking for my parents. I don’t quite remember what they look like, but I’m pretty sure that they lived around here. They abandoned me when I was a baby.”

“This has been our territory for almost 3 millennials! We would have known if any humans abandoned their offspring around here!” The female exclaimed, as if she didn’t believe a word I said. I didn’t want to tell them the whole story, but I had to show them that I didn’t mean to fight in any way.

“I never said they were humans. My mother was actually sort of a vampire, like you.”

The female started letting her guards down. “What do you mean sort of? I’ve never heard of a “sort of vampire” before!” She continued doubtfully.

“Believe me or don’t, my mother was born half vampire, half human. My dad wasn’t even a vampire before she met him. He wasn’t even human to be honest.” My eyes started stinging slightly. I could have had a good, happy life if they didn’t abandon me. I wouldn’t have to grow up with Aro.

“You said you were from Italy.” I nodded at the male, as he continued. “You never said where exactly.”

I wasn’t sure if I should tell them my real origin; I wouldn’t like them to know I was a Volturi, but I knew I needed help to find my parents. If they were actually here as long as they say, they might have known or met my parents at some point.

“Volterra. I was born here, in Greece, like my mother, but grew up in Volterra with my grandparents.” I looked down, kind of scared, kind of anxious, waiting for their next move.

The female gasped. “Are you a Volturi?!” I looked at her, straight in the eyes, swallowed, and nodded. “I know the Volturi. Who are your grandparents?”

“Aro and Sulpicia.” I answered so quietly that, if they weren’t vampires, they wouldn’t have heard me, my voice trembling slightly.

The female suddenly fell on her knees, the male wrapping his arms around her, comforting her. I didn’t know what was going on. Did I say something wrong? Were they scared? The sheer mention of the Volturi would scare a lot of vampires, but I thought that maybe these two seemed strong enough to deal with them.

The female started sobbing, no tears coming out of her red eyes, her body shaking. I felt something within me break. I felt that I didn’t want to upset them, that’s why I was hesitant in telling them who I really was. The male looked at me, pain in his eyes. I saw a familiar look. I saw me in his eyes, what I looked at in my mirror anytime I was thinking about my parents, or, sometimes, when I thought of Felix.

“Are you a half witch?” The male asked quietly. Something snapped in me. How would he know that?

“I swear, I didn’t do anything to your mate! I DIDN’T!” I shouted at the male. I didn’t want him to think that I would hurt his mate, or himself.

“I know you wouldn’t. It’s just..” He looked at his mate who had stopped sobbing, but was still down on her knees, unable to stand up. “..my mate is Aro and Sulpicia Volturi’s only daughter.”

My body tensed and shivered. If that woman is the only daughter Aro and Sulpicia ever had...could that mean..?

I took a few steps back. “AM I YOUR DAUGHTER? ARE YOU MY PARENTS?” I looked at them in disbelief.

Those were the people who abandoned me! That let me grow parentless, under Aro’s rules and directions! I was breathing heavily, in between sobs. I didn’t even realize that I set my whole body ablaze, until both vampires looked at me shocked. I didn’t feel any pain, but I couldn’t stop the flames licking my body, and in my frantic state, I started panicking even more.

The male started approaching me slowly, trying to not scare me away. “Shush, shush. You’re okay. You’re doing okay. I know how it feels at first. You’re experiencing some aspects of the life as a witch. It’s okay. Close your eyes and picture the flames in your head.” I closed my eyes and tried concentrating on the flames. “Now, imagine them burning out, becoming smaller and weaker.” I focused on the flames, imagining them weakening. After a few minutes, I felt them getting smaller and smaller, and finally disappearing. I opened my eyes slowly.

The female was standing next to the male, watching me carefully. In a quick motion, she pulled me and embraced me, stroking my hair lightly. I breathed in her scent, a mix of mountain flowers and the saltiness of the sea. Her touch was soft, and filled me up with what felt like a thousand different emotions.

But, I mostly felt safe. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt this safe. And whole. I felt like I actually belonged somewhere. I hugged her back. Tears started spilling from my eyes. That was my mom! That was actually my mom! After all this time, we were finally together. I felt the male, my dad, hugging both of us, and in that moment, I felt my legs giving up on me, and I finally fell into a long sleep.

[agirldying]

upon anon request i'll share some updates with me:

idk if i mentioned this b4 but i'm getting an apartment with my boyfriend in august and i'm more excited than i can explain! it's a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment about 10 minutes from our campus and the place is super clean and modern! we're both excited to not only get away from stressful/noisy roommates but to live together. I'm also glad that we have our own bedrooms because I think having the opportunity for privacy will be super useful, especially since we're both on the spectrum on some level. it is a little soon admittedly (we will be together for 10 months when we move in together), and move-in will be the first time our families fully meet, but I wouldn't do this if I wasn't confident that my boyfriend is a perfect match and has consistently proven that to me.

i also made a poetry chapbook last semester and it just came in the mail today from my professor! i want to find some way to make copies of it (I taped my art to it after it was officially printed) so I can maybe sell some or just make it publicly accessible. It was really cool to learn how to make my own book, formatting book folds through word and being mindful about how pages will print (first paper will be pages 1 and 29, then 2 and 28, etc) as well as looking into cover paper like cardstock. I decided to call the chapbook A Girl, Dying, and my author bio mentions this blog!

i'm currently taking journalism 101 which is kinda interesting but asynchronous makes it really hard to feel motivated to complete assignments. Thankfully all assignments are due friday nights so I just do my hw on friday mornings if not thursdays. i'm doing alright so far, I have like an 86 so I'm not mad about that as a B student.

umm what else... it's still mentally difficult to be home now that i've processed all the trauma i experienced at home when i was away in college, and it's especially difficult to sleep in the same bed where, you know, some things happened. so i'm just trying to stay occupied or dissociated or a combination of the two. therapy starts sometime this week for me but it's unclear when yet, i'm waiting for the counseling services to clarify a date and time. i really feel like i need it asap especially because my existential ocd is just getting progressively worse and I had a scary panic attack for the first time a few days ago. the existential ocd is also feeding into my dpdr so i'm honestly struggling to stay on earth mentally.

i think something that could not only help ground me but heal my cptsd is dance therapy, and i pitched it to my parents the other night and they were both in enthusiastic support so hopefully that'll be arranged soon. i'm in no way a dancer but ofc that's not the point. i just want a safe space where im encouraged to move however feels most liberating, surrounded by others with similar difficult backgrounds doing the same thing. i think that could make me feel way more confident in my body (my abuser was the only person in my life to tell me my body was nothing to be proud of, whereas literally everyone else who has seen my body essentially tells me i could be a model lmao).

in lighter news i have been playing wizard101 lately and reached karamelle yesterday (i'm stuck on gobbsmacked tho) but my necromancer reached lvl 150. my diviner reached level 50 something and is in celestia, and i have a life wiz in krok named mary jade leaf in homage to that good kush.

I've also been getting into strawberry hospital and dltzk since 100 gecs turned me onto that whole genre. Click previous hyperlink to see what I've been listening to non-stop.

I think that's pretty much it. i guess i'll keep this up since i've posted updates in the past. thanks for reading :3

[ronnie-azumane]

Haikyuu guys as stuff my dad did

This idea has been in my brain for a while, so I'm writing it out. Hope y'all enjoy :)

CW: idn, its pretty wholesome

Daichi answers your frantic phone call home expressing that you forgot your backpack and laptop for college when you went home over the weekend. Expressing that all of your notes are in the backpack, he decides to wake-up extra early Monday morning and make the 2 1/2 hour drive to your university, then drive all the way back to your hometown to go to work.

Sugawara came up with the best hiding spot for you while playing hide and seek at your 7th birthday party. He squeezed you in-between the back of the couch and the back couch cushions. Then, he sat in front of it to conceal the awkward lump it made in the couch. It took the others 30 minutes before giving up and telling you to come out.

Asahi asks you to style his hair for a zoom meeting he has later that day. After some deliberation, you both decide to do a mohawk style. He braces himself as you run off to get the brush, hairspray, hair gel, and hairdryer.

Nishinoya still wears the Annoying Orange shirt you got him when you were in 3rd grade. It's faded and has a giant picture of Annoying Orange on it, which faded from popularity in 2010, but he still wears it. In public.

Tanaka makes the dumbest jokes while in the audience of your colorguard/dance competitions. For example, he asked your mom if he should shout "Go get 'em George" to the group of girls performing to confuse everyone. Another favorite joke o his is to chant "the worm, the worm,, we worship the worm" while the previous team is carrying out their floor.

Ennoshida talks with you as you make one of the biggest changes in your life. Midway through your second semester at university, you determine that business is not for you, however, you do not have a backup plan. Talking with him, you end up changing your major to Geography, and now you love every second of it.

Kageyama drinks the milk out of you cereal. You hate the taste of milk by itself, but you don't want to eat dry cereal. To not waste milk, he drinks it after you finish eating your cereal.

Hinata fails miserably when your mom tells him to reapply the medical glue on your forehead. The day before, your sister threw a wooden block at you, causing a major tear in your head. Your mom took you to the emergency room, but they were busy and it was a school night, so they told her to just take some liquid band aid (which we called glue) and close the wound. Your mom told him to replace the glue, and he took ELMERS GLUE and placed it on the open wound. It hurt like a bitch.

Tsukishima takes you to go see the museum of natural history once a month. He knows you're the odd girl out of your class that would rather play with dinosaurs than dolls, so he takes you to see the dinosaur fossils. He also gets a discount because his place of work donated a significant amount of money and resources to one of the exhibits.

Yamaguchi helped set up your setup once you moved to zoom university. He attached your laptop to a monitor his job had extra, so now you feel like a badass whenever you use the two screens.

Oikawa out of nowhere invites all his high school friends over to stay the week at your house. A trip that probably should have been planned in weeks, even months, is planned in just a weekend. Everyone ends up sleeping on air mattresses and blankets on the floor due to your mom just finishing up replacing the floors in the house (she was not too happy with the sudden trip, but was welcoming anyway)

Iwaizumi makes you watch Godzilla with him whenever it's on TV. Some of his fondest memories include receiving Godzilla themed ornaments from his mom ever Christmas. He also unironically watches those cheesy fan-made Godzilla fights on YouTube for hours on end. Man just likes Godzilla.

Hanamaki and you wear funny hats to a volunteer cookout. The organizers told every one to wear a hat so that their hair didn't get in the food, but you two take it a step further. You wear a banana hat while he wears a hotdog hat.

Matsukawa taught you how to make all kinds of breakfast food at a young age. Whether it was a simple as a fried egg or as complex as French toast, he worked with you until the recipe came out perfect.

Kyotani scares the other parents off when it comes to the silent auction selling the class are projects. Now the shelf you and your kindergarten classmates fingerprinted flowers and bugs on sits proudly in your closet holding crafting supplies.

Ushijima scolds you for leaving the lights on. Most parents do that already, but he takes it to a new extreme. Your mom explains that he would never turn the lights on in his apartment when he was in college and would simply get his homework done before dark. Sometimes, if he had something to do, he would light a candle to finish something up.

Tendou recalls a story in which he stole a bus battery with his buddies to power an air conditioned tent at boy scout camp. He also recalls the year he and his friends tried to build a pool in the wilderness at the same count, only to get caught and reprimanded for it before filling it with water which totally had nothing to do with a camp counselor finding it and having a Vietnam flashback

Goshiki watches anime with you. He always acts like he is uninterested in whatever show is on, but he soon gets super into it and it will be the only thing he talks about for a week.

Kuroo sits at the table with you until 2am working on that math assignment you have been struggling with. You've definitely run out of tears to cry, and had to redo the assignment twice, but he is guiding you through the answers

Yaku isn't a fan of all the pets you and your mom have collected over the years. I mean, in his defense, at one point we had 8 cats an 3 dogs. However, he is also super cuddly with them, always giving them nose boops and belly rubs.

Kenma plays Xbox, Wii, and the ds with you. He doesn't find the bulk of the games you play with him entertaining, but he is willing to run through LEGO Star Wars with you. His personal favorite to play is Mario Kart and he doesn't let you win >:(

Lev is trying to convince the family to let him take the position in Alaska with higher pay. When mom raised the concern that the long winters wouldn't do well for your mental health, his counter argument was, "Yeah, and that sucks, but hear me out. We could have a pet Polar Bear." We didn't move to Alaska

Bokuto was definitely the most enthusiastic dad at the girl scout father daughter dance. He twirled you around in your pretty little JC Penney dress and made sure you two were the center of the dance floor. At one point, he lifted you above his head with each foot in a hand like a cheerleader. Truly terrifying.

Akaashi drives out to the 24-hour pharmacy to pick up some cold medicine when you couldn't sleep due to a stuffy nose. He also checks up on you every hour when you are coughing with some mysterious disease (due to the lack of tests and priority of the high-risk, I will never know if I had Covid when I got sick in late March)

Aone gives you the biggest hug after you get released from the graduation ceremony. He isn't the best with words, so this hug speaks so much to you.

Terushima has been taking you to Mardi Gras in New Orleans since you were a baby. He doesn't care that it's mostly an adult party, he believes that everyone in the family should enjoy a good ol' Mardi Gras

Atsumu carries you on his shoulders all the time when you're small. He just thinks it's the cutest thing.

Osamu makes sure to host a crawfish boil every year. Whether its the neighbors, family, both, or just the household, you can expect some good, spicy crawfish with corn and potatoes whenever he cooks.

Kita teaches you how to drive a stick shift. He's frustrated that you cant move three feet before stalling, but then realizes that the issue was that you were in third gear, not first. He is now impressed that you were even able to start moving at third gear.

Sakusa takes you along with him to work. His job is full of tough men, so when they see him with you in a little blue dress-up tutu and a plastic tiara on your head, their hearts just melt.

[hopeless-ro-simptic]

Sweet Poison - Yandere Alpha! Tamaki Amajiki x Omega! Reader - Pt 2

Warnings: forced/unknown drug-use, this one is pretty safe for work I guess? Idk maybe there should be a warning that this is all over the place. I felt like we needed some background, a go-between from part 1 to the next part. 

Word Count: 1.8 k 

This part I feel like kinda downplays the whole yandere thing... i’m not sure i’m getting it to come across right but just wait till next part. This is more kind of backstory and explanation. 

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The first time that Tamaki’s eyes landed on you, he knew that you were the one. The sun that out-shown even Mirio. The sun that had him squinting, unable to look your way. You were a third year, like him, studying in the support course. You had been assigned to work with him on updating his costume, perfecting every minor detail until it was all completely perfect. You had wanted to be a designer, and your work was … flawless to Tamaki’s eyes. One look at his recently upgraded costume had him convinced you could easily make it big in the costume fashion industry.

It wasn’t until he smelled you, truly smelled you, however, did he truly lose his mind. To him your scent was absolute perfection, warm and inviting, making him feel like he was basking in the sunshine that you emitted. He was enamored when he first met you… his alpha was obsessed.

Any chance he got, any excuse, he would make his way over to the support workshop that you spent majority of your time in, always dragging either Mirio or Nejire along, never getting out more than a stutter to you about any changes if any that he wanted to make to his costume, most of the time not even asking you for anything and just watching from afar as his classmates handled their business in the workshop with the students that had been assigned to their respective costumes, pretending he hadn’t come just to watch you.

You had approached him first, struck up the first conversation that lasted more than three words. Making him practically jump out of his skin when one moment he had you in the corner of his eye as he listened to Nejire prattle off about how she wanted a way to better stabilize her in midair, the next you were lightly tugging on his uniform jacket, your omega scent enveloping him completely.

Before he could even react you had whisked him away from his safety net of his friend, off towards your workstation where you had launched into a long-winded explanation about a dream that you had had, one where you had seen a different version of his costume clear as day and how you just had to run the idea by him and see if he liked it.

His brain was too focused on the fact that you had straight out said you had dreamed about him.

It had taken you several moments of him openly staring at you, the first time that he had actually made eye contact, his face as red as a tomato to realize what you had said. You hadn’t meant to let that small detail slip out, only wanted to show him the drawings you had come up with, and within seconds you were redder than he was, your scent turning sour with panic. Would the alpha freak out? Would he insist that some other support student, one that didn’t have creepy dreams about an alpha they didn’t know, an alpha that probably was already courting someone else, work on his costume? You were devastated at the thought, the thought that you wouldn’t get to work on the Suneater’s costume. At the thought that he would find you creepy and an annoying needy omega. At the thought that he could reject you before you had even had a chance.

After all, he hadn’t been the only one that had taken notice of the other. You had clocked him the very first time he had stepped into the workshop several weeks ago already knowing who he was, noticed the way that his scent immediately had you calming down, your omega yearning to reach out and find safety in his arms as soon as you saw him.  Not to mention you had thought he was ridiculously cute, and had already had a smidge of a crush after watching him at the sports festival the previous year. You had found it beyond endearing the first time he had been dragged over to your station by his blue haired friend, barely getting out a stutter before his friend took over explaining what he had wanted updated in his costume.

As soon as his brain registered the absolute panicked sour scent wafting off of you he was moving into action, his fingers softly brushing your own before they slipped around your palm, holding your hand so gently as his thumb rubbed your hand reassuringly. His alpha pumping out it’s best calming scent, the one that was supposed to biologically tell omega’s that they were safe. The one that had you practically melting into his arms. He was a stuttering mess as he reassured you that it was fine, that he found it cute that you were so excited to work with him on his costume, and to please relax, that you were okay, everything was okay.

Once he had gotten you to calm down, the two of you had immediately separated upon noticing just how close you had gotten, faces remaining red throughout the rest of your conversation. He had been content to listen to you as you explained in great detail just all the changes that you had envisioned, and you had been beyond ecstatic that you had him sitting at your work bench, his attention solely on you. You don’t even think he noticed he was making eye contact with you the whole time, intensity in his eyes that had you running out of air.

Just a few short weeks later and the two of you had started courting. Your relationship feeling like a whirlwind once it started, the closer the two of you got, the more confident the shy alpha grew, living up to his secondary sex. Within two months you had already moved your nest into his room, being practically inseparable.

You were completely and immeasurably in love with your alpha. Knowing without a doubt that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. The high that you got when you were with him, touching him, kissing him, tasting him, nothing could ever come close to feeling as good. You never wanted it to end.

Unbeknownst to you, Tamaki was clouding your mind.

--

“Bunny…” Soft kisses were scattered across your face, fingers weaving into your hair and brushing it out of your sleepy face as you groaned softly at being woken up at such an early hour. You tried to cuddle further into the warm side of your alpha, but he was already whispering into your ear, an apology thick in his voice.

Your eyes shot open, pure panic in them that Tamaki immediately kissed your nose to dispel, his pouted lips mirroring your own.

“I know bunny, I want to stay to, but I have to go.” He was already completely dressed in his costume, ready to go. The costume that you had designed, not that the label had stated that, all costumes having to be signed off on and therefor claimed by one of the several designers that the school worked with.

The soft whimper that left your lips had him sighing softly, pressing his lips against yours, you relaxing within second against his touch, enjoying the way your brain went fuzzy, feeling warm inside. Still you pouted when he pulled away, desperate for more.

“Can’t you say you’re sick?” You sounded needy, like an annoying omega in one of the novels you had read, but you couldn’t help it, you felt physically sick with anxiety the longer he was away, last time he had only been gone for six hours and you had been cold and shaking when he returned desperate for his touch and the relief that came with it.

“I’m sorry, you know I can’t. I have to go catch the bad guys, to keep you safe.” That was what he had told himself over and over, that he was doing all of this to keep you safe. That he was going to be the strongest hero and get rid of as many scum off the streets as possible, just so he could have some piece of mind on the rare occasion that you went out with your friends. Not that he didn’t follow you every time. Still, even as he hid in the shadows, watching you and making sure you were safe, he felt restless.

Glancing at his clock he felt his heart break, he had to go now. Leaning down once more he rubbed his nose side to side against yours, pressing one last soft kiss to the tip of it making sure to coat his lips with the poison seeping through his skin before he forced himself out of bed, and out the door.

He had felt guilty, every time that he used the toxic drug that he could produce from eating certain mushrooms on you, but it didn’t stop him from continuing to do it. He knew the affect that it had on people, in small doses, the way that it made them high, made them feel like they were flying. The best feeling they had ever had, and he couldn’t help but want to make you feel that way. To be the only one who could make you feel that way, the way that you had made him feel every time he saw you.

He had found out one day while testing different foods with his quirk, deciding to test a poisonous mushroom just to see what would happen, knowing due to the special lining in his stomach it wouldn’t affect him.  Seen the way that it affected his sparring partner, even though he had given them the smallest dose he could under strict supervision from their teacher who hadn’t been completely okay with the idea but saw the benefits it could have. After they had come down from it they had given him a detailed description and he immediately felt hooked on the idea of giving it to you.

He had come back to his room that night, planning on asking you if you wanted to try it, only to find you distraught and upset from a negative comment you had received from one of your teachers on a costume piece you had worked on for months. He had just wanted to make you feel better, and no matter what his alpha did it wasn’t working, you were devastated. He was livid that they had made you feel like this, that they didn’t like the creation that to him was beyond perfection. Those idiots clearly had no taste, but he couldn’t fix that. The only thing he could do was make his pretty bunny feel better, and he knew just how to do it.

He didn’t think that months later he would still be doing it, but the way that you reacted, the way that you clung to him, begged to be near him at all times, the way that you were completely and absolutely obsessed with him had him swallowing mushroom after mushroom.

He would do anything to keep you happy, to keep you by his side.

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Want to show your support? Buy me a coffee!

[rngknsk]

The Aftermath

Chapter 2: Dinner

Sanemi Shinazugawa/Reader (F)

Three months have passed since you woke up at the Butterfly Estate beside your good friend Sanemi Shinazugawa. You have healed physically, but not emotionally. You take up an offer to spend some time by yourself at the Shinazugawa residence, hoping to finally find peace with yourself.

**THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE DEMON SLAYER MANGA. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED THE MANGA.**

Tags/warnings: Shared trauma, angst, survivors guilt, slight tw, comfort, slight fluff, reader is a Hashira

Chapter 1 can be read here.

You can also read Chapter 2 here on Ao3. 

Enjoy! :)

A little over three months had passed since defeating Muzan Kibutsuji and the remaining Upper Moons. Your injuries, along with the others who had survived the fight, were just about fully healed. One week prior to today, the demon slayer corps had been disbanded. Sanemi Shinazugawa, Giyuu Tomioka, and yourself had attended the final meeting called by the late Kagaya Ubuyashiki’s only son and successor, Kiriya Ubuyashiki. The remaining Ubuyashiki children were very grateful to you three. As the only remaining Hashira, they were only able to verbally express their appreciation for your support, to that you three slayers returned as well. If it wasn’t for the Ubuyashiki family, Muzan would have never been defeated in the first place. It was due to their clever organizational skills that any of you were even alive.

Concluding the meeting, Kiriya went on to inform the three of you now-retired Hashira that they had planned for a glorious celebration dedicated to the demon slayers to celebrate humanity’s victory. The celebration would be held at the Ubuyashiki estate since the grounds were substantial enough to hold all sorts of people and activities. Crows were sent to villages and towns across the land to inform of the festival, welcoming those who wished to show their appreciation to the remaining retired demon slayers for risking their lives for such a noble cause, and to pay their respects to those who committed the ultimate sacrifice. Every single village that was visited by a crow had accepted the invitation, many planning to bring dishes, drinks, and desserts of all kinds. Another large town had offered to bring fireworks to light up the skies at dusk.

After you were released from the Butterfly Estate’s infirmary, Sanemi had allowed you to stay at his residence while he remained. You had grown up living at the Rengoku residence after Shinjuro Rengoku saved you after your family perished at the hands of demons. Even after you became a Hashira, you would return to their home after long missions; however, part of you wanted time to yourself after losing so many people in such a short time. You loved Shinjuro and Senjuro Rengoku like family, but a feeling deep down in your heart persuaded you to accept Sanemi’s kind offer. After spending three whole months at the Butterfly Estate, constantly being woken by the voices of others you shared your hospital room with, you thought this would be a perfect opportunity to allow yourself to mourn in a healthy fashion. You spent a week at the Shinazugawa residence, taking time to heal your mental state in solitude. Sanemi Shinazugawa was a very secluded man and claimed he did not need the aid of the Kakushi throughout his time as a Hashira, so his residence remained empty until you arrived. There, you took time strolling through his gardens, tending to his flowers and various plants he owned and raised. You were surprised he didn’t show you his gardens after spending so much time training with him in his courtyard. The idea of Sanemi watering flowers made you laugh to yourself; this tough, vicious man taking the time out of his violent days of slaying demons to water some plants. Through the garden ran a small creek surrounded by neatly placed stones on either side, depositing into a pond with koi fish which seemed to be rather well behaved. At the center of his garden was a great, majestic weeping willow tree. The leaves of the tree draped down magnificently, just several feet from the ground. Most of your week was spent meditating underneath this tree. You felt safe underneath it, almost as if it was protecting you from anything outside of its weeping branches. The faint running water of the stream aided your meditation, allowing yourself to find peace at last. You also made sure to frequently check on his rhinoceros beetle that he kept in a quaint tank. You had seen him once or twice when you had visited Sanemi in the past, the memory of his name resting at the tip of your tongue. Taichi? That sounded right. You had to admit though, he was pretty adorable for a bug, and quiet too. You didn’t exactly know what to feed him, so you tried giving him a mix of greens and fruit you had harvested from the garden outside. He seemed pretty happy with what you gave him because he just about finished whatever you gave him.

It was evening when Sanemi had returned to his home, as promised by the nurses of the Butterfly Estate. In honesty, Sanemi had recovered almost two weeks ago, however the nurses insisted he remain in their care until they knew for sure his injuries wouldn’t reopen. To your surprise, Sanemi didn’t argue like he typically would. Instead, he simply agreed to stay, while on the other hand, you were able to leave just a week later. He had sent his crow the day before, informing you of his anticipated arrival, so that morning you were sure to stop in a town nearby to purchase some ingredients for a hearty meal that you figured you two could share. He wasn’t a picky eater by no means. You picked out many ingredients, green onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, napa cabbage, fresh beef, and wheat flour for the noodles you planned to knead and cook yourself. You also made sure to purchase the ingredients you needed to make his favorite sweet, ohagi. The villagers had recognized you as one of the former Hashira, insisting that you did not need to pay them for your pickings, however you persuaded them to accept your money regardless of your status. It was a strange feeling; you didn’t like being treated as someone of such importance. After all, you weren’t a Hashira anymore since the demons were defeated.

Once you returned back to the Shinazugawa residence, you spent the entirety of the day preparing your dough for the sukiyaki dish that you planned to make and bounced back and forth between making that and the ohagi as well. You imagined how Sanemi would react to making such a large meal, although you were sure he would enjoy it just as much as he enjoyed the meals prepared at the Butterfly Estate. Admittedly, the Kakushi who prepared your meals were very talented with cooking, and you were pleased that they provided such a wide range of dishes during your stay. It was a nice change to be provided with a warm meal that you didn’t have to make yourself. While living with the Rengoku family, you were typically the one to cook the meals during your days off from slayer assignments, and while on the clock, you were the one to provide for yourself. However, out of all the years you knew Sanemi, you never cooked for him before, and that made you anxious. What if he didn’t like your cooking? What if the noodles were too tough, or the vegetables were undercooked? You took a deep inhale in through your nose for a moment, then exhaled through your mouth. There was no time for worrying. If you wanted to make these dishes perfect, then you needed complete concentration.

Just a few hours before the sun set, Sanemi arrived at home. You had finished setting the table, just gathering up the leftover dishes that you used to cook. The door slid open and you jumped at the sound, reflexively whipping your frame around to face where he stood. He no longer was covered in bandages; only extra scars added to the previous ones littered his exposed skin. His face held an expression of disbelief at the sight of the prepared table; he certainly wasn’t expecting a home cooked meal.

“Welcome home, Shinazugawa-san,” you chirped. “I made dinner for us, so I hope you’re hungry.”

“You made all of this?” He questioned, taking a few steps inside before sliding the door close behind him. “I smelled it a mile away, of course I’m hungry. It smells great, L/N-san.”

You let out a quiet sigh of relief. That was a good sign, he thought it smelled good! You removed your apron and neatly folded it, setting it down on the ground beside the table. Sanemi made his way towards the table, kneeling down in front of it before scooting himself forward. You followed, clapping your hands together in thanks.

“Thank you for the meal!” You said, drool practically leaking from the corners of your mouth as you hovered over the hot, steaming bowl of sukiyaki. Sanemi smiled at your gesture, putting his hands together as well.

“Yeah, thanks for the meal,” he agreed. “I really appreciate it.”

You only gawked at the man sitting across from you. Was this really the same guy you’ve spent the last few years training with? He’s always been so brash, even towards you. The Sanemi you know would have scoffed at you without even voicing any thanks and dug right into his meal. You didn’t really know how to feel about his recent alter in personality. To be honest, you started to notice the drastic change as soon as you woke up in the Butterfly Estate just a few months prior to today. Sure, he’s always has his moments when he was tired, or even for an hour or so on a day off that you both shared sparring, but ever since the day you woke up, ever since you saw him cry, he’s been incredibly passive and compliant towards everyone. You told yourself that it was most likely due to the defeat of Kibutsuji and all demons. He didn’t have to hold such an aggressive persona anymore now that humanity’s biggest threat was eliminated. He could let his guard down a bit and try to enjoy the new chance of life that he was given. You couldn’t complain though, as amusing as it was whenever he would yell at you or call you names while you two trained or were assigned on missions together, it was nice to be friends with somebody who treated you as their equal rather than their inferior. Somewhere deep down, you thought, Sanemi never meant the things he said that might have hurt your feelings in the past.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you going to start eating?” he mumbled through a mouth full of noodles and meat. His pale lavender eyes darted downwards toward the faintly steaming ohagi resting on a dish in the center of the table. “I see you also made ohagi. Hopefully you made it right.”

Your cheeks puffed up in a pout, swiping the chopsticks from beside your sukiyaki dish. “Of course I made it right, red bean, just how you like them!”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sanemi chuckled after he swallowed.

After you both finished your sukiyaki, you sat and chatted for a little bit while munching on your ohagi. He told you about how he was one of the last patients to leave the Butterfly Estate, and how annoying he thought this one Kakushi worker was.

“She would check up on me almost every thirty minutes, always asking if I was hungry or thirsty, or if I was in any pain,” Sanemi groaned, visibly becoming more irritated as he explained. He was certainly picky when it came to people. That certainly did sound annoying, however you knew that the Kakushi girl was most likely only doing her job to make sure Sanemi was as comfortable as possible. “It got to the point where I had to start telling her to screw off, but she never got the hint. It was almost like she kept bothering me on purpose.”

“It seems to me that she was just doing what she was told,” you reasoned as you picked up your tan ceramic mug of warm green tea, taking a sip before continuing. “I’m sure she wasn’t doing it on purpose, she probably had orders to keep an eye on you.”

“Well, I’m sure she didn’t have orders to check in on me that often, nobody else was checked on that much at the Estate, not even you or Giyuu. I bet if I had been more aggressive towards her then maybe she would have left me alone.”

You rolled your eyes at his last comment. That sounded more like the Sanemi you knew, trying to scare people away, especially people who tried to help him. You knew that all too well. He was the same way towards you when you both met for the first time. You became a Hashira after he did, so he initially saw you as his inferior. He tried to intimidate you before every Hashira meeting began, to which you will admit, you did end up becoming nervous around him during those gatherings.

A few years ago, shortly after you were just promoted to a Hashira, you both were assigned on a mission together. It was a several day-long mission, most of it consisting of travel time. He was very hostile towards you in the beginning of your journey, snapping at you over any small question you asked. You had always made the first move to question what he wanted for dinners, but it ended up becoming a chore to agree on meals with him. Whenever you suggested something, he would always shoot down your proposal before eventually insisting on what his tastebuds craved. You imagined that you both could have saved so much time on that mission if he had just answered you appropriately the first time. After several days of sticking together, you could tell he was starting to calm down around you. Sanemi could never be perfectly calm, so when you say he “calmed down,” he was just slightly less hostile towards you whenever you spoke to him. Regardless, you tried your best to stand your ground and remain friendly towards him after contemplating if this was just the way he was always going to be. Sanemi was your partner on this mission after all, so to make sure the mission was completed correctly you figured you’d at least stay on good terms until then.

Following the completion of that mission, Sanemi’s taunting seemed to die down during Hashira meetings, and you found yourself having neutral conversations with him from time to time. It wasn’t until after Kyojuro Rengoku’s untimely death that you found him approaching you outside of Hashira meetings.

You were truly heartbroken over the death of your closest friend, and you took it very hard. Admittedly, you were on the verge of giving up as a Hashira because of it. You stopped showing up to Hashira meetings and received many letters from the other Hashira and even Kagaya Ubuyashiki himself, but you ignored them all. The first person to approach you was Sanemi, who had traveled to the Rengoku residence where you lived. He had come to offer you a meal and some company, which was quite astonishing to you. The last time you had seen him was during Kyojuro’s funeral, but he had not interacted with you at all; none of the Hashira did, except Mitsuri Kanroji for a brief moment of mutual comfort.

Sanemi apologized that he didn’t offer his sympathies earlier. He also informed you that everyone was worried over your lack of participation, to which you scoffed.

“If they’re so worried, then maybe they should check up on me themselves,” you said.

“That’s why I came instead.”

You were taken aback by his quick response. That was the first day that you recalled his change in personality, at least towards you. He was easily able to persuade you to begin attending meetings again, and even went as far as to invite you to train with him at his residence. Slowly, you started to notice yourself becoming more and more comfortable around him, enjoying the time that you spent in his company. There were certainly still times that he insulted you for not being able to knock him down in a spar, but he didn’t come off as purposefully aggressive like he used to. Kagaya Ubuyashiki recognized how well you two regarded each other and sent you on many missions together. You eventually became confused over how you truly felt towards Sanemi.

You never wanted to admit it, but it was certain that you deeply admired your fellow Hashira. In any other case, you would have believed that you were in love with him, but there was no way that you would ever admit to something so ridiculous. Sanemi was the complete opposite of you, so self-assured and violent, he was discourteous to everyone he met, which would frankly only harm your reputation if you were to commit to him. But the biggest reason of all was that you were both demon slayers, Hashira particularly. Neither of you had time to devote to such a thing as a relationship, because any mission you could take on may well possibly be your last. Being a Hashira was a considerable obligation, to which you were entrusted to protecting the lives of those weaker than you.

For the time being, you pushed away your feelings for Sanemi. You figured that he was too focused on his work and didn’t have time for a romantic relationship anyway. That was, until you woke up after defeating the demons.

“L/N-san? What are you looking at? You’ve been staring at my shoulder for a while. Is there a bug or something?” You were pulled out of your reminiscing, focusing on the silver-haired man you were recalling from your memories once again. He dorkily brushed his shoulder with his hand. “Nothing’s there,” he murmured.

“Sorry, Shinazugawa-san, I guess I zoned out for a second there,” you stammered.

He raised a faint eyebrow towards you, almost as if in question. You tapped your fingernails on your cup of tea that was now room temperature before quickly pulling it up to your mouth to chug the rest of the herbal liquid in hopes to break this awkward tension. When you returned the cup to the table in front of you, Sanemi spoke up to change the subject.

“I received a letter from the Ubuyashiki family’s crow yesterday, it was a reminder about the celebration tomorrow night.”

You softly gasped, remembering the same letter you received the previous day as well. You were so focused on seeing Sanemi again today that you totally forgot that tomorrow was the celebration that was dedicated to the former demon slayers.

“Oh, yeah,” you began. “It is tomorrow, isn’t it? How time flies,” you chuckled to hide your uneasiness. It was no matter, Sanemi effortlessly picked up on the way your body tensed up.

“Did you have something in mind that you were going to wear?”

You pondered for a moment, trying to imagine the inside of your closet back at the Rengoku residence. You owned a few pretty kimonos, however you received them as gifts when you were still an early teenager. Now that you were almost a decade older, you had no doubt that they didn’t fit you anymore.

“Well, not exactly,” you started off. “I have some kimonos, but I don’t think they really fit me anymore. After I became a demon slayer, I typically only wore my uniforms while I outgrew the other clothes I had.”

Sanemi hummed at your response. He leaned forward onto the table, propping himself up with a forearm while grinning strangely at you. His gesture sent a chill up your spine, and you noticed your face feeling rather warm. “Huh, is that so? I guess that means that we’ll have to go to town tomorrow to find you something nice to wear. I’m not letting you go to the festival looking like a fool.”

You gaped at him, unable to articulate a response right away. Your heart fluttered at his words, feeling flattered, almost honored, to be his concern. He wanted you to look nice tomorrow is what he was trying to convey. Such a trivial thing to be concerned about, you thought, but he did have a point. You would be meeting many people the least you could do was try to look presentable. After all, this was a celebration in honor of your victory.

“You’ll go with me, Shinazugawa-san?” you questioned with wide eyes, just to be sure you heard him correctly.

“Of course I’m gonna go with you, did you even hear what I just said? You can spend the night here and we can leave at dawn, I have an extra futon you can use. We’ll have a while before the festival starts tomorrow afternoon, so maybe we can stop for lunch when we get there. My treat, since you made such a good dinner tonight,” Sanemi avoided eye contact when he complimented your cooking skills, almost as if he was too shy to actually admit it to your face.

Your face broke out in a wide smile, a wave of encouragement washing over you. He actually liked your cooking! After worrying all day over it, you actually succeeded in making a meal that Sanemi would enjoy! Not one bit of his meal was left you noticed, and he even finished two or three cups of the tea you brewed. That was a huge accomplishment in your book.

“That sounds like a great idea, thank you for coming along with me!” You bowed your head in appreciation. “I suppose it’s smart to have a second opinion on whatever I decide to wear.”

Sanemi scoffed, standing from the table and gathering your empty dishes and cups and walking away with both hands full. “I’m sure you’ll look fine in whatever you put on,” he mumbled as he strode off to the kitchen.

You were left alone at the table, looking down as you twiddled your fingers nervously. It was one thing after another that made your heart rate speed up, it seemed. You didn’t exactly know how to handle this new Sanemi, you figured he wouldn’t care what you intended to wear, or to even go as far to take you out to find a nice outfit. Typically, he would mock anything you wore that wasn’t your corps uniform, so that final compliment was what threw you off the most. You exhaled loudly and clapped your palms against your reddened cheeks, hoping to scare away the tingles that ran throughout your body. The only thing you could focus on right now was figuring out what Sanemi’s intentions were with you. Sure, they were harmless compliments and kind gestures, but it was a whole other level for this man. He didn’t regularly give out compliments. In fact, he didn’t give them out at all. But now…? No, you thought. He’s just your friend, he just has a funny way of showing it. There was no way that he felt anything romantic for you. Even if he did, you would know it by now. Sanemi was a very blunt person, and he was always honest with you… sometimes a little too honest. You bit your nail as scenarios raced through your mind. Being Sanemi’s friend was like being on a rollercoaster, sometimes you didn’t know what to expect. Sometimes it was disappointing, while other times it was a thrill.

Footsteps approached you again, tearing you from your ruminations. “It’s getting pretty late now; we’ve been talking for almost two hours. If we’re gonna be up early then we should at least get some decent sleep.”

Sanemi showed you to his room where he laid an extra futon just a few feet away from his own. You had been using his futon since you arrived at his residence a week ago and made sure to wash it before you first used it and after you last used it. He fluffed his extra futon up, asking you how you preferred to sleep, to which you insisted that you were pleased with any way your futon felt. You were just grateful that he even offered to have you spend another night.

He blew out the candle that sat between your futons that he originally lit to illuminate the room until you were both situated in your mattresses. You turned to your side to face away from his direction, taking a bundle of your heavy blanket into your embrace. You wondered to yourself if you should tell him good night or not. Would that be weird? You always said good night to Kyojuro and Senjuro. After a minute, you took in a deep breath and worked up the courage to speak, but were alas disrupted by a deep snore. Sanemi must be one of those people who fall asleep easily, you thought. It wasn’t very long before you followed, feeling an unfamiliar sense of comfort just before you fell into the unconscious world of sleep.