i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.
i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.
anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)
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A note from “Getting real with Timothée Mathon”
“About Artstation, I see that like it’s Instagram for art. Like, you see on Instagram the body shapes and the lifestyle that you see on the front page of Instagram? It’s not the norm–it’s not even what is recommended, for a lot of people. It’s just what a lot of people like to consume. And it’s the same for Artstation: what you see on the front page of Artstation, even when you log off and just have the Artstation–not the thing curated to you–the Artstation selection, it’s not what the industry needs, it’s not what the industry has done, even when there’s a logo from a game because it’s just a curated version of that, they never show the crappy sketches.
Because on(sic) an investment standpoint, an investor (who) will see the sketches will not have the eye, and will be like ‘ok, you(r) artists are garbage, what the hell is happening righ there?’.
So, they want to show the sexy stuff, and this is just what people like to consume and press like on, and the algorithm wanting you to stay for as long as possible, just like any other social media, rewards that.
And what you see on the front page you might think it’s good, it’s the norm. For some people, it’s very good, of course.
But this is not what the industry needs.”
I put this interview on during my study of Kapitzki’s “Programmiertes Gestalten”, which I am glad to say I now have two in my possession, temporarily, and the thought kept crossing my mind, that what I am currently doing, is taking a workation to work on the things which are the junior level designer tasks: the things which Feng Zhu calls people out for calling them “easy”.
The quote above can be found at around https://youtu.be/jzJodyjVlls?si=tdMePvTb4hPMHt95&t=2423 but I would listen to it in context if I were you. Also, as a bonus, here is the video Mathon and Neill talk about, from Zhu:
As someone who is interested in freelance work, I am especially interested in everything which backs me up in my need to rebuild and cement my design foundation from my graphic design study, well above passing grades.
Because it is not about passing. It is about becoming so good, that all of the work becomes play again.
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I quit my 'job' (I don't think you can even call it that.) I was doing character concepts for a little mobile game, and it became increasingly clear that I was the weakest contributing member.
I'm not really sure what to do. I have been so afraid for so long that I'm not even really living my life. I don't push myself or try harder. I get scared and avoid things, and now I am a shit artist and a shitty person.
With ai and the entry level work so polished, I don't think I'll ever get anywhere. I should probably quit and get a real job, but it hurts my heart. I think I could probably put in the effort and improve, but I'm too much of a loser and a coward. And I guess that's ok with me because I'm not doing anything about it. I wish I was a different person, but I choose to be a failure, and this is the consequence. Idk what to do. I could choose to improve and move forward, but it feels like there's no point.
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