#how rude of my brain to do this to me
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I had a dream last night that Sleep Token posted a teaser for a new single on their social media pages. It was literally gust a plain black background with the typical white Sleep Token lettering in the middle with the song name. I can't remember if it was titled "Rune" or "Ruin." They didn't post the song or the snippet but somehow we knew it was gonna be 3 minutes and 46 seconds long, and it was gonna be released on the 17th of this month🥲
You have no idea how devastated I was to wake up from that dream.
#sleep token#sleepanon rant#dreaming of a new single version#how rude of my brain to do this to me#its completely ruined my day tbh#(i am overreacting)
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My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!
Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#there comes a point where your concerns about if you are an Appropriative Cultural Appropriator hinders your jewish journey#i think a comforting thing is knowing that my incessant fear about this is confirmation that i love judaism#i love it with my heart and soul and (i feel) i'd be a less realized person without it#and i think people who genuinely engage in cultural appropriation just Do Not Care about the cultures they appropriate from#they don't love the culture enough to respect it and that is a big reason that it even IS appropriation#especially when jewish people are INVITING you to do things... it's not appropriation#i dunno last night i was feeling very anxious about lighting the chanukiah candles because i'm alone#but i've also lit shabbos candles. and it's just like... why would i choose not to engage in this when one day i will have to?#this time next year i will have to light candles. as a jew. and if i have no clue how to do it myself then i'll just avoid it#plus... i love my chanukiah and i want to use it. it is currently decorating my room because i love it#i hope they'll let me take pictures of all the chanukiah that'll be at the party#i'm sure they will because they're very open and they are very accommodating. in fact i'm bringing my clarinet too#i haven't touched that thing in well over four years 😭#but jewish music without a clarinet is like a body with no soul. it's impossible. it is not what g-d wants i think.#i just hope my ability to play by ear hasn't been affected by my lack of playing. i don't have perfect pitch tbc#but i fully believe you can know your instrument so well that you develop an ear for perfect pitch#in fact... i refused to memorize my marching band music because i DID develop that 'perfect pitch' ear. that's my dirty secret#i didn't practice in part because i can't have a space where noone could hear me practice and it's embarrassing and private to me#literally EVERY jew in my life has been almost TOO ecstatic about my jewish journey. i'm very thankful for it#i guess i just didn't think i deserved to have people as happy about me being in judaism as i am#so to be clear this is my brain being rude and dumb. this anxiety has NEVER been reinforced by anyone but myself#so i take full responsibility for it. but i think that anxiety is something many/most converts/jews-in-progress feel
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imagine being so bereft of joy that you cannot stop yourself from leaving this comment on a benign "look at this fun fandom mug my spouse bought me, enjoy this funny personal anecdote to go with it" post
sorry for existing i guess???
#the hoops this person must have had to jump through to see my post#since i imagine they are one of the users whose main accounts i have blocked#did they create a burner account just for this purpose#do i take up that much real estate in their brain#how flattering#salty peak sect 🧂#edited to add these incidents make me laugh because i am so routinely called a fandom bully for#/checks my notes#politely but not timidly confronting people in the general tags when they tag their character hate#and matching the tone of the person i'm talking to if they decide to get cunty with me#look i'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable when someone tells you you're doing a rude and assholish thing#but that does not make the person who is confronting you into an asshole or a bully#someone being firm with you when you're making other people uncomfortable is not bullying#but literally all i have to do is exist in proximity to these pissbabies and suddenly they just cannot stop themselves#from regurgitating their feelings onto my posts#or vagueblogging about me and dropping it in the general fandom tags#like damn if i bother you that much then block me for god's sake
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her face body language and general demeanor in this scene make me feel such intensely sapphic emotions i want to bite off my own hand about it
#this scene lives in my brain RENT! FREE!#'nothing ever changes or gets better and i'm tired' name a sentence that summarizes her more succinctly i'll wait#the cigarette. her unfiltered disdain for hughie. the whole 'how /dare/ you ask more of me' of it all i'm gonna pass out#queen maeve#the boys#i love you maeve being incredibly rude and antagonistic to people for zero apparent reason. i love you maeve pulling no punches#this woman has done nothing wrong ever in her entire life your honor#the empty cig pack and the pill bottle on the table... the mood is so potent and it's mentally ill#i'm normal about her why do you ask
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the thing my headache needs to understand is that i wanna do other things. i have literally drank water and taken my stupid silly meds and eaten a nourishment. cure yourself already????? please?????
#me@me#HATE HAVING RANDOM BURSTS OF ENERGY BUT BEING WEIGHED DOWN BY THE HEAD PAIN SIR I WANNA DO STUFF AND THE ENERGY IS LIMITED EDITION#you're literally my brain you should now how much of a Rare Event this is. can you go away pls.#can you not make me faint if i move more than a singular centimeter pls pls pls#im asking so nicely And politely and this is what i get#how rude#dispicable#hate it here!!#chewing at bars of enclosure!!! as usual!!!!!!!! i fucking guess!!!!#ew screen is evil light evil someone should've warned me about the lightbulbs man#maiora bla bla blas#gonna go lie down in the dark AGAIN bluhhhhhhh#would love to draw that'd be so fun why must the nausea insist on murdering me that's so mean#owchie.#hope someone else has a nice day this is a threat to you specifically <3
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The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄
#my art stuff#digital art#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion ancunin#this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle”#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style#but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism#cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever#constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal#you know how it is 😔#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it#which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance#I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead#it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong”#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards#man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether#either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something#being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff#don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes#tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me#i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure
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You’re new to the Princess-Rescuing business, aren’t you? (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#The Captain#DAX#My brain presented me with a punchline and then stepped back to let me figure out how to get there#And then had the audacity to feel silly for making the path!#How rude#Lol#Well I did it anyway! And it was in fact silly but in a good and fun way! So there brain! Lol#It was admittedly a bit touch-and-go for a while - I love silliness so much! But it kept turning out in a way I wasn't satisfied with#And then I'd draw the next thing and be like ''No actually that's funny/cute'' and everything was fine - and then it'd repeat! Pfft#But I'm happy with it by the end so it's fine >:3c Trust the process!#Anyway - the the Actual Thing lol#Considering the various SCII/adjacent vibes lately it might not surprise you to hear that alt outfits have come back into my crosshairs#Cough cough Pirate Fic cough - but those aren't the only vibes! Make something similar but not the same! Why not fantasy!#It is a classic go-to lol#It was fun thinking how the Captain's uniform could be translated into a more Princely aesthetic haha#I didn't do the same for DAX but that's mostly 'cause I just wanted to put him in human clothes lol#Plus I'm sure you can imagine who else will feature :3c And they couldn't just match! Part of the comedy is appearance-based!#Which is part of why it's funny for DAX to answer in the first place haha ♪ That's no dragon!#The Captain always bursting onto the scene without thinking things over first haha - what were you expecting Captain!#Also hey rude don't look so relieved that DAX wasn't the princess! What if it was a test and he /was/ the princess!#He'd be in so much troubleeeee ♪ Well he still might be hehehe
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okay i need to know if anyone else has been devastated by a creature having different defining features in dungeon meshi than like childhood stories
bc i adore this series (i am showing So Much restraint not reading the manga and watching it with my family as it comes out) but the kelpie my beloved
her hooves were not backwards and its killing me (kelpies were the closest i got to being a horse girl as a kid)
the seaweed is very nice and accurate (i say this as if ive seen a kelpie (not the dog) in real life) relating to the stories where the kelpie is made of seaweed or the shifter stories where it becomes a handsome young man with an unsettling amount of seaweed or sand in his hair
and the tail is a very cool nod towards it being a sea (limnistic? is that a word? relating to rivers and lakes) creature but the defining traits are that shes got backwards hooves and shes probably sticky when you pat her
like ik itd probably be hard to animate backwards hooves but aaaaa (expression of misapplied and disproportionate injustice and disappointment)
look at how fancy they are (((right picture from ben-the-hyena here on tumblr they did a whole series of drawings of mythological horses as carousels and its so pretty))) (image on the left is described as a nykur which to my knowledge is a similar icelandic water spirit )
((also vaguely disappointed she didnt try to get the others on her back to show off her cool elongation abilities for maximum snack collection but thats not the point i was trying to focus on here))
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#please i wanna yell but no one i care about cares about this show the same way i do#and especially not about the kelpie#sorry also for the wall of text#but literally if you google search “backwards hooves” the first thing that pops up is how its a defining trait of kelpies#how do i get people to see this so theyll talk to me#kelpie#delicious in dungeon#<< wild who calls it that#anne the kelpie#< not a tag anyone will use but its fine we're fine#i could tag characters but that feels rude#this isnt about them#maybe senshi bc they were fishing buddies#oh well#at least the thoughts should be sufficiently out of my brain now
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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#vent post alert vent post alert!#you can skip ahead this is 100% me being dramatic but ohhh my god#why the fuck do people feel the need to comment on every single tiny thing that i do that literally doesn’t affect anybody#except for making my life that little bit easier??#a list of Very Rude things that i apparently do that don't sit well with people:#working with my overhead lights off when i'm alone in the office (one day a month)#greeting people with a general good morning and not going into every single room to announce my presence when i get into work#working with headphones on#(not bc it's against workplace policies just bc i don't make myself constantly available for chats with my coworkers)#worthy to note i'm not even the only one who does any of these things apparently it's just a problem when i do it go figure#rn it was keeping the pantry door closed bc the noise the electronics in the room make is particularly grating#(pantry door needs to be open at all times for ???? reasons)#i could go on#as you can tell these are all Very Serious and Bothersome Offenses#like i'm sorry very unobtrusively accommodating my autistic brain is such a bother for you#please how can i make YOUR experience even more comfortable at the expense of mine#fuck this shit honestly
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Have you posted any other writings online before? Hungry for more PMD angst :)
I haven't, actually! This is the first time I've ever put any of my writing out into the public, other than a brief (and very unsuccessful) venture into posting original fiction on Wattpad. You can imagine my shock and awe at discovering such a lovely audience upon migrating to Tumblr and fanfic.
I've been fighting hard to cook up some oneshots as a way to keep myself writing now that TPiaG's all through with the editing process, but I'm having a bit of a creative funk when it comes to generating with ideas. I've only managed to write a single Ark/Twig oneshot that features light angst towards the middle and end, but it's not really the focus of the fic, and I also have yet to upload it anywhere. It's still a bit nerve-wracking for me to post anything featuring an OC x Canon ship, hehe ^^;
If anyone has any scenes or anything they'd like to see written (or drawn--- comics are also a medium I work in, y'know), I'm all ears! Put 'em in the replies, reblogs, messages--- anything! I'd love to see what bonus scenes people would like to read :> Plus, it'd help circumvent my struggle to come up with what sorts of scenarios to stick the cast in!
#Y'all I'm begging you#I am foaming at the mouth with the need to write more PMD stuff#my hands are itching to tap away at a keyboard#my very soul is vibrating with readiness#and yet#this TRAITOROUS BRAIN of mine refuses to come up with any ideas#How rude of it >:(#If you have an idea and think it's dumb#you can still send it as an anonymous ask!!!!#I am begging you!!#do not starve me!!!#GIMME THE IDEAS. GIMME THEM.#sofie answers asks#pmd fanfic#pmd fanfiction#pmd fic
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having PTSD is hard enough on it's own without also being such an incredibly embarrassing awkward and demeaning thing to publicly acknowledge
#like hey sorry man but actually I can't be around you because the way you form sentences makes my brain feel like I'm 12 again#and of course that makes me at minimum rude and teary eyed like a child or at maximum three steps away from attempting suicide#and that's already a massive improvement on how I was a few years ago I used to get full blown panic attacks when strangers were nice to me#and good intensive therapy is prohibitively expensive and I can't do free counseling because counsellors are my biggest trigger#another thing I only very recently taught myself to do was talk to any doctors about my mental health without having a panic attack!#I loveeee my life my life is so awesome
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just started watching disventure camp today (finally) and I’m already on ep 6. I have (out loud) made the “you a baby quit cussing” joke like. Every single episode at least once. I have SO MUCH to talk about..
more in tags..like spoilers and stuff..
#disventure camp#spoilers..#i love love love lill. idk that much about her and it’s honestly kind of suspicious she’s not appreciated more like.#what did she do. did she do something malicious??? is that why I don’t ever see posts abt her??#also I have mixed feelings on fiore. Bc on one hand I love evil characters BUT. She got my girls (lill and ashley) out.#I miss them so much.#how dare you fiore. whyd you do that to them#also love the dynamic between gabby and Ellie. love them separately as well.#ellie only voting with fiore bc it gets her further in the game. real.#gabby having trouble trusting people on BOTH TEAMS#bc her first team voted her off and her second team betrayed her#also. love drew he shouldve been there longer. grett whyd you do that to him..#SPEAKING OF GRETT. she’s so complicated I have mixed feelings on her as well. Bc on one hand.#She’s very manipulative and is so so rude to gabby but on the other hand#It’s clear that she doesn’t get much attention prior to the show and she likely wants to win the million to finally impress her mother#also I’m not kidding when I say the bond between miriam and Jake in ep 5 made me cry. I was in SHOCK. how could u do this to me..#Also found it really funny how in ep 5 all of them got devastating phone calls and Dan was just standing there like “:)”#There’s not a thought in that head. There’s not a brain behind those eyes.
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Hey this just in? Ptsd sucks balls
#Oversharing on the internet times#Ptsd#-10/10 don't recommend#Ugh#Need my brain scrubbed and shaken out#I would like a new one please and thank you#I promise I won't let this new one be tortured I'll be extra careful#Love how my subconscious has decided that I'm just the worst person on earth all my dreams lately are like#Hey what if you were monstrous? What I'd you personally committed horrific acts against other human beings?#Let's explore that reality in hd#These aren't even the fun nightmares where I can convince myself I'm not seconds from throwing up they were so bad and can decode them#And do dream work with them#Those nightmares always end up having really cool symbolism and are helpful in deeply deeply meaningful ways#I am willing to suffer those nightmares I have made my peace with them it's like a game almost#These ones just shake me up for fucking days and become a never ending spiraling cycle ugh ugh ugh#It's like my intrusive thoughts were made I to a TV show fuck#Me: slightly rude to my gf#My brain: what if you were the same level as evil as rapist#Me: great I'm going to throw up and claw my skin off and have a panic attack thank you brain that was super fucking helpful#The way that my brain is convinced that I'm evil actually is sure is....#Well. It. It seems like my brain learned to abuse myself that it's doing the work of my torturer for her ten years down the line#Mm. Hate that thought a lot actually going#....I was actually going to keep these tags fairly short I wanted this post to be a vague haha ptsd sure is something post and not#Spill my guts in the tags again but what else is new have done this for years so whatever
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i think a lot of people irl think i might be a lesbian just because i am so picky about men. cause most of the time im like eh he’s okay. oh he’s not my type. no i dont think that guy is hot. so they just assume i dont like men at all. which is. fair
#like if you asked me if i think a girl is pretty it doesn’t matter who it is or what they look like im going to say yes because women omg#women..wow#but if you asked me i think a boy is cute there is a 80/20 chance i say no. and a 50/50 i say#actually i think he’s really ugly#..i feel like i need to add a disclaimer even tho i know no one cares#but im not trying to imply that like. how ‘attractive’ someone dictates their value as a person#like if i call someone ugly it isn’t necessarily an insult in my mind i just don’t think they’re attractive#but someone else probably does! and that’s great! i don’t!#sometimes i get myself in trouble talking like that…i don’t *mean* it as an insult it’s just a fact in my brain#like. the fact is i think this person is ugly. maybe they’re a wonderful person! great! other people probably fine them cute! but i don’t.#and that’s just objectively true information. i forget not everyone’s on the same train of thought as i am :’)#anyways. idk what point im trying to make.#oh. i also have my guard up around men a lot more than i do around women#i don’t go out of my way to be rude but i’m more likely to get myself out of talking g to a man#than i am to a woman. not that anyone does talk to me#but if a girl compliments me im like wow! i feel so special and wonderful uwu#if a boy compliments me im like….the fuck do you want from me#ppl see this and are like wow she must just not like boys#idk#snow.txt
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type of "content" that probably drives me the craziest is when women, just regular, every day, non influencer women who haven't had plastic surgery or fillers/botox mention their age and all the weirdos have to file into their comments to be like "you're 35??? I'M 35 and i look soooo much younger than you!!! you look OLD and UGLY!!!!!" like. first of all, what makes you think that's ever an acceptable thing to say to anyone? but second of all, you do not look 18. i don't know who told you that, but they were lying. you look 35. she looks 35. there's nothing wrong with that. walk outside and look at what actual human beings look like without filters. you have lines on your face, too.
#and it's always the women who never post anything w/o filters or facetune like we can't tell lol....#if you think every single 35 year old looks like the crypt keeper that's YOUUUU#get off tiktok because your brain is ROTTED#you don't know what women look like without filters and it's SCARY#it's also so funny when someone will be like OMG I LOOK SOOO YOUNG FOR MY AGE#and then look around expectantly waiting for everyone to agree and people are too nice so they do lmfaoooo#which just further fuels their delusions. so now they're like omg everyone tells me i look like a teenager!!!#(because i specifically asked them to!!!)#i know a lot of 25-40 year olds and it's crazy how i know a lot of people who think they look young for their age that just look. normal.#anyways i no longer feed into this shit to be 'polite' bc i think it's actually very rude of other people to even say shit like that#so now i'm like 'oh weird. i think you look your age.'#or when people say i look young as a 'compliment' i don't thank them. because it's not a compliment. and it's rude!#it's like telling a fat person they look skinny. ok. first it's not true#and second the value judgment that you place on skinny/young is gross!#like we both have eyeballs. don't say shit that isn't true. just say you like my outfit and go.
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