#how it affects the emotional and psychological aspects

[umberandmochaagate]

We're starting to really talk about how oppression affects people on an epigenetic level for those victimized

We need to also look at how epigenetics are affected in oppressors and white supremacy

Because how in the hell you're gonna go to a South Asian country as a refugee from Europe and start tryna throw a fucking "white only" party and hating on the native people like what the fuck

[lassieposting]

Been thinking a lot lately about romanced Astarion post-spawn ending.

Because like. The Funnest™ thing about cptsd is how much of it gets delayed. When you're trapped in a lengthy, ongoing traumatic situation, you do not have the ability to process and start healing your mental wounds. Your brain and body go into survival mode, and all that matters in the moment is that you somehow cope with the horrors. He wouldn't have been able to even begin dealing with the physical, mental and emotional toll of two hundred years of torture, brutalization and dehumanization while he was under Cazador's control; he is in constant danger, surrounded by sharks in the water, and survival means not letting them smell blood. He can't afford to fall apart, to show weakness. He is shockingly functional and competent in-game, partly because he has to be to work as a game character, but also partly because...it do be like that, to some degree. When death, for whatever reason, is not an option, you just have to shut down and keep going. People adapt in order to survive, and when we learn that showing an "injury" (physical or psychological) only gets us punished, we learn to hide it.

Early-game Astarion is terrified - of Cazador, of Godey, of being hunted down by his siblings, of being staked or sold off at the first opportunity by Tav and the other companions, of turning into a mindflayer, of another painful transformation, of losing himself when he's only just regained his autonomy after two centuries, of what Cazador will do to him if he ever finds him - the man is overwhelmed by fear. He's on thin ice as a vampire, and he's not going to give them any more reason to want him gone. Survival instinct is still in control, and in this new situation, crafting some fragile safety for himself means not only selling his body for protection, but also being useful. Clear-headed. Good in a fight.

Endgame Astarion finds himself in a completely different situation. The time-sensitive overarching threats - Cazador and impending ceremorphosis - have been dealt with. He has a loving, supportive partner he's really starting to feel safe with - Tav/Durge has proved that they're on his side, that their affection is genuine, that they don't just want him for the one thing he's been told he's good for. They've told him they're going to help him find a workaround for his sun allergy. He's getting fed regularly. He has time to stop, and breathe, and just. Recuperate.

For the first time in 200 years, he is safe.

And it will probably take a while to catch up, during which time he will seem to be coping really well, but at some point, his brain is going to realise that he's safe, and it's going to finally start processing the sheer fucking horror he's been through. Since I haven't seen anyone talking about this particular fun aspect of cptsd, allow me to offer u some thoughts on issues Astarion and Tav might end up dealing with in the months/years postgame, during the

✨ Delayed Trauma Response ✨

Memory Gaps: Astarion realising, as he opens up to Tav, that there are entire years or decades of his life from which he has only a handful of memories. Great big blank stretches where he has no idea where he was, who he was with, what was happening to him. Some of the gaps cover years at a time where he was so dissociated and shut down that he just didn't retain any memories of what was going on around him. Some are shorter periods of particularly horrific torture that his brain has deliberately blocked out to protect him.

Recovered Memories: At some point, years into the future when he's done A Lot of healing, he might find that every now and then, a fragment of those lost memories will unexpectedly come back to him. He'll catch a particular scent on the breeze, or overhear a specific phrase in the street, or cross paths with someone whose face is oddly familiar, and he'll get a glimpse of an acute horror he'd filed neatly away where it couldn't hurt him anymore. He very rarely remembers all the context to those flashes of his past. He might recall that he was punished, but not what he was punished for, or he might remember words spoken by a greedy conquest, but be unable to recall the man's face.

Dissociation: Tav knows going into this relationship that Astarion has basically made an art out of dissociating during sex. They also know, from their shared encounter with the drow twins, that he's not great at enforcing his own boundaries - he'll always say he'll speak up and back out if he stops having fun, but in practice he rarely does; he's not used to having the option of saying no to his partner, and being punished if he tries. So they know there's going to be some practice and experimentation and negotiation necessary there, to figure out the rough limits of his comfort zone. But once he starts really processing, there may be days where he just checks out completely. Tav will touch his shoulder, and he'll startle and apologise - "Terribly sorry, darling, I was miles away for a moment there." And Tav will gently point out that he's been sat in the same spot vacantly staring into the middle distance for hours. They've been checking in on him occasionally and this is the first time he's responded. It's unsettling, to say the least.

Lost Time: Astarion was very young when he was turned, physically mature but emotionally juvenile. He was basically an overgrown teenager, in the phase of life where elves are just starting to learn who they are and what they want, and figure out their place in the world. But he never got to do that, because he spent his formative young adult years in a world where everyone became an abuser, where his only means of surviving was to smile and charm and obey while even his basic human dignity was stripped away. He learned that communication is based on manipulation. He learned that the powerful can do whatever they like to the weak. He learned an incredibly toxic, abusive way of life, and that was his family dynamic, his everyday life, for as long as he can remember. Now that he's free and safe, he's realising that the world doesn't actually work that way and that he's now far behind even shorter-lived races in social/emotional development. He's grieving for the person he could've been. He's grieving for the life he could've lived. He's grieving for all the years he already lost, and the ones he'll lose in the future as he flounders to catch up. A decent chunk of his life was stolen from him, and that's time he will never get back.

Flashbacks & Night Terrors: Specifically the kind where your brain convinces you that an injury you had a long time ago is actually an injury you have (or are receiving) right now. There are nights where he'll wake Tav in a panic, because his back feels like it's on fire, he can feel every freshly-carved wound dripping blood and he's in so much pain he doesn't know what else to do. If Tav looks, they see nothing out of the ordinary - old, long-healed scars, same as always. But the pain and the fear and the distress are all very real to him, and all they can do is try to comfort him, cover his back with cool damp cloths or healing salves, remind him he's safe now and they're not leaving him.

Boundary Shifting: Sometimes, Tav can come up and hug him from behind, and he'll melt into them a little bit and go all soft and happy. Other times, he might flinch away or go rigid at the same gesture. A lot of the time, it really depends on how he's feeling on the day, but at least a little bit of it is deliberate - he's pushing to find the limit of just how much autonomy Tav is willing to give him. He wants to know at what point they'll stop respecting his "no". Will they accept it if he doesn't want a hug? If he wants to sleep in his own room tonight? At what point will understanding turn to anger at being rejected? From the drow twins four/fivesome, we also know he's got a tendency to push his own boundaries, and jump into things he's actually not ready for, and Tav would be the one holding his hand through the fallout as he tries to figure out what his own boundaries even are.

Frustration! So, so much frustration. He wants to be Over It already. He wants to move past everything that ever happened to him and never think about it again. He hates that Cazador still has a grip on him, even in death - he doesn't want to give the bastard the satisfaction of dwelling on all his punishments, his cruelties. Sometimes, that frustration is going to explode outwards at Tav - he'll get angry at them for coddling him, or find something small to start a fight over, or he'll set an unreasonable boundary and try to defend it because he's still learning what healthy boundaries look like. Sometimes, it will implode inwards, and that won't be about Tav at all, but they'll get the brunt of it all the same - it might come out as self-loathing or self-punishment, and he'll react by doing something stupid, like trying to drive them away, because having a secure, relatively healthy relationship is terrifying and the instinct is to destroy it before Tav can. There will be yelling and angry tears and deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms, and they'd have to work through that. Trauma is ugly, and Astarion is right at the beginning of a very long journey towards healing.

Abandonment Issues: Astarion wants the relationship to be one between equals, but he's kind of got Tav on a pedestal all the same. They saved him. They helped him get rid of Cazador for good. They chose him and love him despite a wealth of better (in his eyes) options, and all his baggage. They stayed with him even when he has very little to offer them. We know his vanity and obnoxious self-absorption is a fragile attempt to obscure the fact that his self-esteem is in the dirt and he has virtually no self-worth, and there are a couple of occasions in-game where it becomes clear that he's afraid of losing the one person who somehow considers him lovable. After seeing Sebastian and all the other conquests, he begs Tav not to hate him, saying that he did what he had to. If he has a rival for Tav's affections, and Tav informs him that they broke up with the rival to be with Astarion, he's shocked and the first thing out of his mouth is, "You ended things with them for me? Why?" And if Durge tries to break up with him for his own safety, his facade drops and he immediately asks if he did something wrong. So while he's not afraid to argue with Tav, if something happens - like an angry outburst - that upsets or angers them, and he thinks he's at risk of losing that one steady, stable person in his life, he might well cling and overcompensate to try and repair what he thinks is a fracture in their relationship. He'll fawn or beg or crawl into Tav's bed to "apologise" and "make it up to them" because, well, very occasionally it worked on Cazador. With patience and good communication and lots of repeatedly driving the lesson home to overcome 200 years of education to the contrary, he will eventually start to believe that "I'm really pissed off at you right now," does not equate to, "You are the worst mistake I've ever made and I am leaving you."

Panic Attacks: I feel like honestly he'd get some symptoms of these on a fairly regular basis, but he's never been given any option other than just trying to power through them. He's used to realising he's shaking, he's used to feeling like he's watching himself from outside his body, or like he can't breathe even though he doesn't need to. He's very familiar with the sickening fear in his gut, so intense it makes his head spin. He's not used to being comforted or reassured about them - he thinks they're normal. Tav disagrees.

Anyway, cptsd is messy and complicated and often looks very different from person to person so these will not represent everyone's but these are just some ideas for what the ongoing recovery process might make them work through, based on the aspects I'm most familiar with.

Projecting? Who's projecting? I'm not projecting. Shut up.

[mstase]

— ; ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS

mercury-venus people usually possess nicely shaped, plump, and rosy lips. their voices are soothing and pleasant to listen to, and they have a charming and articulate way of expressing themselves. 🤌🗣️

people with moon-neptune aspects feel emotions more intensely and get easily hurt by the slightest things. their emotions are like sponges, soaking up feelings from around them because their emotional boundaries are not as clear. it’s crucial for them to develop healthy ways to handle emotions and set boundaries to navigate their feelings.

i have never met someone with mars-pluto who isn’t deeply committed to their pursuits. these people exhibit a fervent and determined approach to their hobbies, goals, and preferences. very intense when passionate about something. 👺

people with venus in 4th house are so sentimental, which they express by taking photos and collecting things that hold significance to them. these individuals find joy in revisiting cherished memories, often feeling a strong sense of nostalgia and fondness when reminiscing about the past.

aries risings are so easy to spot, imo. their goal-oriented and driven personalities are so noticeable. they always effortlessly carry themselves with a sense of confidence, even if they aren’t feeling that way. also, they have the body goals and can seem to be everyone’s type. 👠

i feel like people with venus in 10th house are more inclined to keep their romantic relationships private and not show off their partners in a flamboyant or public manner. there could be a preference for a more reserved and discreet expression of affection, aligning with the conservative traits associated with capricorn.

also, they value their reputation highly, and as a result, they may be sensitive to criticism. the fear of negative judgment or criticism can affect them emotionally, leading them to be cautious and selective in how much they disclose about their personal life in public settings.

jupiter in 11th house natives are so lucky when it comes to friends. they have a natural ability to gain favor and support from others, especially within their social circles. their optimistic and generous nature can attract friends who are willing to help them in their personal and intellectual growth

natives with saturn-ascendant may naturally have a serious or contemplative facial expression, which can lead others to assume they are upset or mad even when they may not be. 🤷🏻‍♀️

pluto in 7th house people have *major* trust issues, often stemming from deep-seated experiences of being used or witnessing toxic relationships, particularly within their family or home environment. this placement can make them psychologically inclined to analyze and understand someone on a profound level before forming close connections.

mars in taurus individuals tend to exhibit a slower pace in their movements, including walking. these individuals may find comfort in taking their time, preferring a measured and persistent stride over hurried or impulsive actions.

this is really short but i hope you enjoyed reading it <3 @mstase

[mercurianchild]

hey love! what does a Plutonian chart look like? i'm not sure if I have one. how would that affect me?

Strong influence of Pluto…

What a strong Plutonian influence of Pluto in the chart could look like:

Pluto in the 1st, 4th, 7th and 10th house

Pluto aspecting inner planets (Mercury, Venus and Mars)

Pluto strongly aspecting the moon and ascendant, especially tight orbs

TW: mentions of s*x and death!!

Being Pluto dominant or having a strong influence of Pluto means that transformations, ego deaths, feelings of death and rebirth will accompany you for a life time. From my experience, this will be especially harsh in the childhood, youth and maybe in your early adult years. As time passes and as you get older, you might develop self care habits and safety mechanisms to protect yourself and your inner peace. Practising self love, meditation and mindfulness could be important to these individuals, as they could underestimate their beauty and their outstanding personality.

I’ve also seen that most traumatic events happen in the childhood, youth or early adulthood. But that’s just my observation.

Feelings of being deeply misunderstood rise while you are young and this feeling might follow you for years. Constantly searching for someone to understand your complex mind and depth of emotions. These people could benefit from searching for a valve to turn pain, bad experiences and any form of built up emotion into art. Be it writing, drawing, making music…

A reoccurring theme for Plutonians is sexuality. There may be blockages in regards of the own sexuality or experiencing it, but once they overcome this, they literally start to bloom in that area. This could turn into being hungry for power in general (or simply being turned on by overpowering the partner) or in being lascivious. They can be pretty much extreme and freaky in bed, actually. Being intimate never gets boring with them.

I know, this is what you read everywhere, but plutonic people are deeply magnetic and will catch your eye with their intense aura. Even if they are not seen as traditionally beautiful, these natives exude attractiveness and charisma. You just can’t ignore them and they will even stand out in a crowd. BUT! A lot of them don’t have the sex appeal like (for example) Megan Fox has. A lot of them have such an innocence to their appearance, but if you take a closer look you’ll see that they’re like fallen angels.

From my experience, plutonic people will have a deep connection to spirituality or the occult and a profound interest in psychology (for good and bad). They usually get into these things after really hard times in their life. They will attract jealousy and hate like flies, unfortunately and this could take a toll in their self esteem. Even strangers tend to be very competitive and mean to them in some way, because most people simply feel challenged by their presence.

Dear plutonic people,

you ALL are wonderful and you deserve so much more. I feel for every single one of you and I hope you will find true happiness and self acceptance. You’ve been through so much and you deserve the world for all that. I’m sending you all the love you might need right now or later! 🩶

[aeth-eris]

★ indicators of an abusive household ★

★ moon in hard aspect to saturn often points to an emotionally distant or restrictive household. this could look like a lack of warmth, affection, or support, usually from one or both parents. criticism or high expectations might’ve created feelings of inadequacy or a belief that love must be “earned.”

★ moon opposite saturn tends to reflect a push-pull dynamic in emotional needs, where support and boundaries are inconsistent. this might mean experiencing emotional neglect, being pushed to “grow up” too soon, or taking on responsibilities early. the mother figure may have seemed distant or emotionally unavailable.

★ moon conjunct saturn feels like a heavy emotional weight. it’s often a home where vulnerability wasn’t encouraged, creating an atmosphere where emotions had to be controlled or hidden. affection could feel conditional, and nurturing was often linked with obligation rather than warmth.

★ moon in hard aspect to pluto points to an intense emotional environment marked by power struggles and manipulation, often with the mother or primary caregiver. control may be exerted through fear, and the atmosphere could feel stifling, creating deep-rooted mistrust or secrecy.

★ moon opposite pluto sets up a tug-of-war between emotional security and control. family members may use intimidation or emotional dominance, leading to a household where fear or anxiety was often present.

★ moon conjunct pluto adds a layer of emotional entrapment, with a caregiver’s influence that might feel overwhelming, making it difficult for the person to establish their own boundaries or independence.

★ mars in the 4th house/aries ic can bring aggression directly into the home environment, often manifesting as arguments, explosive temperaments, or even physical aggression. people with this placement may feel like they’re always on edge, as if the home is a “battle zone,” and they may develop strong defenses as a means of protection. if mars has difficult aspects to saturn or pluto, this can suggest a highly toxic or abusive environment where boundaries are frequently violated, either emotionally or physically.

★ pluto in the 4th house/scorpio ic can create a family environment steeped in secrecy, control, or even hidden trauma. it often indicates a home life with intense power struggles, where manipulation or coercion might be common. this placement may hint at family secrets or a history of trauma, resulting in a household that feels heavy with unspoken issues. if pluto has challenging aspects to personal planets like the moon or mars, this could make the home environment feel more oppressive, adding themes of emotional or psychological control.

★ saturn in the 4th house/capricorn ic usually signals a restrictive, often cold household, where there might be a strong emphasis on discipline or duty over emotional support. people with this placement may have experienced an authoritarian parent or a home life that felt more like a set of obligations than a space of warmth and acceptance. if saturn has hard aspects with mars or pluto, it can intensify feelings of neglect or suppression, sometimes indicating harsh discipline or an emotionally closed-off environment.

★ venus in hard aspect to pluto reflects complicated family relationships, where love and acceptance might be tangled with control or possessiveness. this aspect often brings a theme of conditional love, where the individual may feel they need to earn affection, leading to issues with self-worth. when venus and pluto are in conflict, family relationships can feel like a power struggle, with themes of jealousy, control, or manipulation affecting how the person relates to love.

★ moon conjunct, square, or opposite neptune can reflect a confusing or unstable home life, often where boundaries are blurred or reality is avoided. this is common in households where denial, addiction, or mental health issues create an atmosphere of uncertainty or instability. with this aspect, the person may feel that their emotions are invalidated or overlooked, leading to confusion and a struggle to distinguish between fantasy and reality within family relationships.

★ the ruler of the 4th house in hard aspect to mars can bring conflict, aggression, or volatility into the family dynamic. this may manifest as frequent arguments, an unpredictable atmosphere, or even physical aggression. when the 4th house ruler is in hard aspect to pluto, there might be hidden power struggles or control issues that color the home environment, sometimes leading to feelings of being trapped or dominated. with hard aspects to saturn, the home environment could feel cold, strict, or devoid of emotional warmth, where rules and expectations overshadow affection.

★ chiron in the 4th house often represents emotional wounds connected to family and home. this can mean feeling “unwanted” or “unaccepted,” as if the individual didn’t fit within their family. chiron here might signal a caregiver who was emotionally unavailable or critical, leading to long-lasting feelings of inadequacy or shame. people with this placement may also feel a strong sense of responsibility for family issues, as though they’re meant to “heal” or “fix” familial wounds, even at their own emotional expense.

★ moon in hard aspect to uranus often suggests a highly unpredictable family environment. with this aspect, the person may have experienced sudden changes, separations, or erratic behaviors from family members. this setup can create emotional insecurity and make it difficult to form a stable sense of trust or attachment.

[niniiko]

Astrology Observations

*not a profesional astrologer these are just my personal observations

🎀 Leo risings with Saturn in Cancer individuals tend to not like being the center of attention and actually dislike being in the spotlight, they also tend to be shy individuals (all depends on the different placements!!!)

🎀 You tend to enjoy doing daily activities such as cooking, taking a walk, going grocery shopping etc... with the sign that falls in your 6th house, the 6th house is all about daily activities and collegues so if you have an Aquarius 6th house you might enjoy doing daily activities with Aquarius placements

🎀 People who have a LOT of 5th house synastry might have a very intense yet short relationship and if the south node or moon is also aspecting it they could still miss or remember each other for a very long time

🎀 Scorpio moons always have this darkness in their face, they are very intimidating if they are not speaking or smiling, these individuals also tend to have very dark or bushy eyebrows

🎀 If you have an 11th house stellium you could either be very detached from your friends to the point of ghosting them or very close to your friends to the point of thinking of them as your family, these people usually need companionship to be stable and can get lonely and sad if they don't have friends

🎀 Gemini mercuries always have this high-pitched tone of voice, whenever they talk it seems as if they are smiling while talking and i think it's very very cute

🎀 Taurus placements usually show affection through actions not words

🎀 Mars conjunction pluto individuals have a lot of stamina if they are tired they are quick to recharge energies (depending on the sign and its aspects)

🎀 Pisces placements and their eyes or lips . . . they have the prettiest eyes ever and their lips are either very plump or small but they always have something beautiful to them that may be shape, color . . . (could also apply to people who have pisces degrees 12° 24° in their big three, sun moon or rising)

🎀 Virgo placements (Sun, moon, rising and even virgo degrees 6° & 18°) like to do things correct and perfectly or they rather not do it all, they are extremely perfectionist and if something doesn't turn out they way they wanted they can get pretty frustrated with themselves, this is a reminder to be patient with yourself ♥️

🎀 Capricorn over the 3rd house and the way they are so passionate about their goals and studies??? They are always so hard working and they want to be the best in their class, typical bookworm that nobody talks to and everyone thinks they are stupid but they are actually a smartass

🎀 Unevolved Aries placements find it hard to own up to their mistakes and say sorry

🎀 Air moons are always analyzing every single emotion until they become numb, you are not a robot, you are allowed to feel emotions, they are teachers, pay attention to them

🎀 Libra moon over the 11th house might evade conflict with their friends, they despise having fights with friends

🎀 Cancer mercuries most of the time have such femenine and cute voices

🎀 Scorpio moon with an Aquarius MC (midheaven) could be interested in psychology, this is because Scorpio wants to know everything thats hidden, they want to know the unseen and Aquarius is a very humanitarian sign, they want to help society for the better and with the help of Scorpio they make a very great combination for psychologists or someone whos interested in psychology

🎀 Virgo risings love to look put together and even if they didnt put any effort into their appearance they always seem to manage how to look good

🎀 Earth mars women tend to like doing a natural makeup type of look or they don't wear makeup at all

🎀 If someones rising sign is your venus sign there could be some form of jealousy from the venus person towards the rising sign person, but it could go both ways

🎀 Nobody will understand you better than someone who has the same moon sign as you, you will always feel safe and at home with them, it's like you've known them for forever, people who share this placement usually have a one in a billion type of connection

🎀 You might disagree a lot of times with someone who has their mercury in opposition to yours, you might not share the same views in a topic and it's hard to get along with them

🎀 You look up to someone who has their moon in the sign of your 10th house

[anobsessedwriter]

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑪𝒚𝒄𝒍𝒆ִֶָ࣪☾.

Rafe Cameron × reader (ANGST)

Warning: toxic relationships, manipulation, gaslight, just rafe being toxic.

๋࣭ ⭑✮˙⭑

˖⋆࿐໋

Rafe Cameron had a way of drawing people in with his magnetic charm and effortless charisma, not to mention his good looks. When you first met him at a summer party, the way he smiled and looked at you, made you feel like the most special person in the room. you were easily captivated by his charm.

In the early stages of your relationship, Rafe was the perfect boyfriend. He showered you with affection and gifts, constantly surprising you with dinners and weekend getaways. “You deserve the world,” he’d say, making you feel over the moon, These moments created a deep bond between the both of you, but they were also a smokescreen for the darker aspects of his personality.

As their relationship progressed, the cracks began to show. Rafe’s controlling tendencies started subtly. When you went out with friends, Rafe would text you frequently, questioning where you were and who you were with. “I just want to know you’re safe,” , "Can't you see that i'm worried",his frequent messages felt suffocating, as you couldn't enjoy a moment without him making you feel guilty for leaving him alone so you'd quickly return.

whenever you decide to attend a party with your friends, Rafe’s demeanor would immediately shift from affectionate to cold as soon as you mention your plans to him. he'd always say “Again with the parties?” or “I thought we had plans tonight.”, "they're more important than your own boyfriend?" you always try to explain that you need a bit of space, but Rafe’s disapproval was palpable. you were left with feeling guilty and ashamed for wanting to enjoy a night out.

During the next few months together, Rafe’s outbursts became more frequent and intense. He would criticize your appearance, and say things like “ why are you trying too hard” or "isnt that way too revealing?",One afternoon, as you were getting ready for a casual lunch date, Rafe snidely remarked, “Are you really going out in that? looking like a damn hooker.” The comment left you feeling self-conscious and hurt, despite your attempts to brush it off.

he'd constantly accuse you of cheating, whenever you don't text him instantly, when you don't pick up immediately or when you come home a bit late, he'd yell and break things, making you cry and flinch then he'd try to comfort you saying he's sorry and he just love you.

Rafe’s manipulation was psychological as much as emotional. When you tried to discuss your feelings, he would deflect or twist the conversation. “You’re too sensitive,” he’d say when you expressed how you felt by his actions and words. “I’m just being honest. If you can’t handle the truth, maybe this isn’t going to work.” you felt like you were walking on eggshells, afraid to express your emotions in for of making him upset or starting another argument.

The relationship became more toxic as Rafe started to slowly isolate you from your friends and family. Whenever you spent time with them, Rafe would accuse you of neglecting him. “You’re always with them,” “Don’t you care about us anymore?” The guilt he built in you led you to eventually distance yourself from those you loved, making you more reliant and dependent on Rafe.

you still remember the time when your friend kiara noticed the change in you, you never were this distant or this quite. When She talked to you about it,Rafe blew up with anger. “She’s just trying to control you,” “She is probably jealous of us, i dont want you talking to her okay?”, you just couldn't say no or disagree with him.

Rafe’s apologies were frequent trying to manipulate you into forgiving him, he would show up at your apartment with flowers and a box of your favourite chocolates. “I’m sorry for what happened,” ,“I love you more than anything. I’ll change, I promise.”

and if that doesn't work? he'll switch it up on you balming you for it all, "it's all your fault", "maybe this wouldn't happen if you just listened to me", you would forgive him, hoping that these sweet and caring gestures were a sign of change.

Despite these moments of sweetness, the cycle of toxicity continued. On one occasion, you discovered that Rafe had been secretly reading your messages, When you confronted him, Rafe’s reaction was defensive. “I just wanted to check, whats wron with reading my girlfriend's messges” he said. “why are you upset? are you hiding something?.”

The last straw was when Rafe had taken you to a dinner with his family and friends where he criticized you in front of everyone When you tried to defend yourself, Rafe would get angry “You’re embarrassing me you know?" , “Why can’t you just behave".

That night, as you laid in bed, you realized that the person you once were had been overshadowed by Rafe’s demands and criticisms. The realization was painful, but it needed to be acknowledged. you knew you needed to leave for your own well-being.

you got up and started packing things to leave. Rafe’s pleas for you were too hard for you to ignore. “im just trying to protect you,” he said, “We can work this out. I promise, I love you.” and you couldn't say no to him,you couldn't just ignore him and leave you were too far in love.

would he really change....probably not but you still had hope.

[darielivalyen]

Eldritch Tales: Inheritance [WIP]

Eldritch Tales: Inheritance is a game that blends elements of psychological, supernatural, and cosmic horror with a good dose of drama, investigation, and romance. You and your high school friends are reunited after five years by a mysterious letter, and through this letter, you inherit an old Gothic manor and a substantial fortune.

There is only one condition: you must live in the manor together.

As you arrive at Blackthorn Manor, strange, unsettling events begin to unfold. Shadows move on their own, nights are unnaturally dark, and the atmosphere grows increasingly tense. The manor is full of secrets, and the more you learn, the less you seem to understand.

Play as male, female, or nonbinary.

Customize your appearance, personality, and sexuality.

Romance or befriend a wealthy and carefree playboy, a no-nonsense scientist, a disciplined and protective ex-soldier, or a sweet and free-spirited artist.

Manage your relationships, or face unforeseen consequences.

Pay attention to your sanity and health, or…don’t.

Search for clues, solve puzzles, and learn the truth behind your inheritance.

Discover hidden rooms, secret passages, and eldritch artifacts.

Confront moral dilemmas, and be careful as they may have far-reaching consequences.

Face randomized events that will keep each playthrough unique.

Experience multiple endings based on your choices and actions.

What darkness does Blackthorn Manor conceal, and how will it affect your fate? Can you uncover the truth and survive, or will the manor’s sinister influence consume you all?

TYLER REYNOLDS

Background: Born into wealth, Tyler has always enjoyed privilege and opulence. While his party-going ways have quieted recently, he still likes to boast about his family’s status.

Personality: Tyler has a confident, carefree spirit that can be both alluring and unnerving. He enjoys living in the now and isn’t too concerned with the future.

Physical description: Tyler is tall and lean with an athletic build. He has dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a preppy yet sophisticated style. He is fond of loafers and owns over two hundred pairs.

Smell: Blend of citrus and sage.

CALEB MITCHELL

Background: A former soldier, Caleb has spent the last couple of years doing different security jobs. He’s very protective of his younger sister Julia, with whom he shares a close bond.

Personality: Caleb is disciplined and protective, with a dry sense of humor shaped by his military background. Despite his rugged exterior, he dreams of a peaceful life.

Physical description: Caleb is tall and muscular, and has an overall rugged appearance. He has a dark brown undercut, deep brown eyes, and a bit of stubble. His style is mostly casual.

Smell: Cedarwood with hints of amber.

JULIA MITCHELL

Background: Julia has a deep passion for science; she excels in engineering and physics. Her career and research define most of what her life is about.

Personality: Julia is a no-nonsense individual who values efficiency and clarity. She’s methodical in her approach to problems but can get puzzled in overly emotional moments.

Physical description: Julia is of medium height with a lean physique. She has neck-long black hair, deep brown eyes, and wears stylish glasses. Her style is Parisian chic.

Smell: Paper and ink, with hints of lavender.

LUNA HARPER

Background: An artist first and foremost, Luna’s whole world revolves around her paintbrush and palette. She embraces all forms and aspects of spirituality and loves crystals.

Personality: Luna is a free spirit, and her vibrant personality is reflected in her artwork. Her optimism is infectious, her humor innocent, and her soul seems to be untouched by cynicism.

Physical description: Luna is petite and has an ethereal presence. She has long platinum-blonde hair with pink highlights, green eyes, and loves the bohemian style.

Smell: Patchouli and sandalwood.

FORUM | DEMO | PATREON | PINTEREST | TUMBLR

[vivmaek]

Hi! I hope you’re doing good! Do all aspects and placements in someone’s chart make up their appearance? I’ve heard that it does, and I’ve heard that it doesn’t. Just curious to know :)

THE NATAL CHARTS RELATION TO PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Hi, I love this question! I can see arguments for both sides, but in my opinion I think all placements within someones chart make up appearance. I say this because our emotions and inner psychology directly affect physical appearance. And the same can be said for our physical environments. Here are some examples:

Gemini Saturn in the 12th House - Prone to getting bags under the eyes due to poor sleep. Struggles with anxiety and poor appetite.

Venus in the 2nd House - Having the resources to maintain ones appearance. Having access to high quality food, clothing, makeup, and skincare.

Neptune in the 8th House - Prone to drug usage, and is especially susceptible to the negative side effects. These types look spaced out and detached even if they have never used substances. They've probably been asked, "Are you high?" even if dead sober.

12th house stellium - Looks mysterious, even when you get to know them. No one ever truly knows a 12th house stellium. My life long friend constantly reveals details about her life that change the way I view her. And I never really know what she is up to, even when we were in each others daily lives. She travels more than any young person I know, yet remains humble and wise. 12th house stelliums are the ultimate mystiques, and this is an incredibly attractive quality.

1st House stellium - Their distinct personality overpowers whatever their physical appearance may be. Usually people attach traits onto others based on their physical appearance, but the reverse happens for 1st house stelliums. It is almost like they're cartoon characters, its like their personality and sense of character was developed before their physical form even came into existence. Their physical appearance suits who they are so well, I don't know how else to describe it.

Pluto in the 6th house - There are periods in which people with this placement will be overworked.

Scorpio Uranus in the 12th House - The wild card. Their subconscious state shifts drastically and changes unexpectedly, and this most definitely affects the ways in which they present themselves to the world.

Scorpio Mars in the 5th House - People with this placement are baddies. Cool af and might partake in some dangerous hobbies.

Chart ruler in the 4th House - Nostalgia frames the ways in which these people present themselves. Might have a timeless look about them.

Virgo Mercury in the 8th House - Could partake in hygienic practices that are diligent and maybe strange.

Cancer Saturn in the 5th House - Handyman vibes. Down to earth in their self expression.

Sun in the 3rd House - Seemingly youthful, the eternal student.

Strong 11th House placements - Their appearance is somehow associated with whatever group they belong to. This could be church, clubs, sports teams, humanitarian efforts. (For instance, Tom Cruise has his Jupiter in the 11th house and you can't look at him without thinking about Scientology.)

Strong 7th House placements - Tend to take on traits adapted from their relationships. They mirror people.

Uranus in the 9th House - Might end up living amongst a culture that differs from the one they grew up in. This will affect the ways in which people perceive their appearance.

Saturn Square Pluto - 😐 <- this face

Mercury Trine Pluto - 🤨 <- this face

Mars aspecting Uranus - Prone to accidents, bodily injury, scars.

[veronika-tserber]

3rd House Ruler Through the Houses

The 3rd House in the Birth Chart Tells Us About:

How important communication is to us

How we express ourselves through spoken/written word

Our learning style and high-school education

Our relationship with siblings & the immediate environment

Our driving skills, as well as why we take short trips

We analyze the sign, the ruling planet of the sign, the degree, and any planets in the house (and their aspects). For this post, I am only asking you to look at the sign on the cusp and where its ruling planet is placed. This area of life is where your communicative abilities can shine the most.

E.g., if you have an Aries 3rd house, look at the house where Mars (also check out the modern ruler, Pluto) is placed, and read the explanation below.)

Some signs have TWO rulers, so read about both:

♈ Aries: Mars & Pluto

♏ Scorpio: Pluto & Mars

♐ Sagittarius: Jupiter & Neptune

♒ Aquarius: Uranus & Saturn

♓ Pisces: Neptune & Jupiter

3H Ruler in the 1H Your communication is closely tied to your self-image and self-expression. Others notice your manner of speech right away, and this could mean different things depending on the ruling planet. You express yourself best when you are able to freely speak up, and share your humor and opinions. You might learn best when you are physically involved in your learning. You can have a great sense of orientation and driving skills. Close relationships with siblings. Great communication is vital to you and your self-confidence. You could be a great writer/journalist/comedian or be involved in business and marketing. Short trips by yourself or for personal reasons.

3H Ruler in the 2H You probably like to think and talk about practical topics such as money, work, health, etc. You could also be skilled at crafting things and working with your hands. Similarly to the 1H people, you can have a "hands-on" approach to learning, and probably like to put any theory to the test. "Does it ACTUALLY work?" You might like to invest money into technology, education, cars/vehicles, and books. You could be interested in financial education, economics, real estate, or the arts. The financial state of your family affected your education and early environment. Your siblings ask you for financial support. Short trips for practical reasons.

3H Ruler in the 3H Communication and mental health are extremely important to you in this lifetime. Your immediate environment, education, and relationship with siblings play an important role in your life. You can be great at expressing yourself in verbal or written form and have the ability to sell goods, advertise, and be driven to learn things. You could be highly involved in your day-to-day life and love to find new and better ways to deal with everyday reality. You can be naturally skilled at solving everyday problems and fixing things. You could be quite fond of social media or the news - you like to stay in touch with everything that's going on in the world right now. Short trips with your siblings or acquaintances/schoolmates.

3H Ruler in the 4H You communicate best when you feel emotionally safe. You might be shy around strangers or people you don't "vibe" with. You could be interested in psychology and the themes of deconditioning, trauma, inner child healing, and family. You could've been homeschooled or you like the idea of homeschooling your children one day. A sibling of yours might've played the role of a mother/nurturer to you or vice-versa. You think deeply and love to see people open up to you and reveal their emotions and vulnerabilities. You could be interested in real estate, creative writing, and working from home. Your upbringing affects your communication and thinking patterns. You learn best in a safe environment that feels cozy and protective. You also might be a visual learner with strong emotional memory. You might be prone to thinking about the past a lot. You can be a skilled cook or good at fixing things around the house when they break. Short trips with the whole family.

3H Ruler in the 5H Your style of communication might be emotionally expressive, theatrical, and lively. You might love to draw people's attention by voicing your opinions or using your communicative abilities to entertain. You could be naturally skilled in the arts or want to go through formal art education. You might also have siblings that are artists. You love to talk about fun stuff, discuss art, movies, and flirt. You learn best when you are having fun! Communication with your own children is important to you, as well. You could have a "gambler" mindset or might like to take risks. You might like to buy or sell beauty/luxury items. Short trips for the purpose of having fun and enjoyment.

3H Ruler in the 6H This is double Mercury energy, so the importance of communication and service is amplified in your life. You can use your intellect and communicative abilities in your work or as a way to serve others in a practical way. In your education, you are punctual, responsible, and efficient. You love to learn! Especially about things that improve your day-to-day reality such as how to fix things around the house, how to improve your health, be better at your job, etc. You are probably a cautious driver, as well, and you can take short trips for work or for the sake of fulfilling other responsibilities. You could be interested in medical education/naturopathy but it really depends on the planet.

3H Ruler in the 7H Communication is crucial for you in your close personal relationships. If the planetary ruler isn't afflicted, you likely express yourself freely in front of others, and can easily forge new connections and partnerships. You can be a huge flirt! If the ruler is afflicted, you can struggle with self-expression. Nonetheless, people pay a lot of attention to how you think and communicate. You could potentially meet your future marriage partner during a short trip or thanks to your siblings/neighbors. You could also meet them while you are out riding your bicycle around the neighborhood, or buying coffee from your local coffee shop. Potential "high school sweethearts" placement, as well. You could have an education or a strong interest in relationship dynamics, and depending on the planet, that could be the placement of a counselor or a lawyer. Short trips with your partners, people close to your heart, or for business.

3H Ruler in the 8H In your communication, you like to go DEEP. You aren't satisfied with superficial information and you likely avoid social media, gossip, and small talk. You can keep a secret. You could potentially be challenged in your communication, and appear asocial or closed-off. It all depends on the ruling planet and its aspects. Nonetheless, you have an interest in the occult, psychology, sex, death, and other "taboo" topics. You could also come off as critical and sharp with your words. You could study and be interested in financial topics, and investments, or run advertising for a funeral agency. (I'm only halfway joking lol, and this is my placement, too 🤣) If the ruling planet is afflicted, you can be prone to accidents with vehicles or in your close environment. There could be issues in early education or perhaps strong bonds with some of the people you went to high school with. Possibly love-hate relationships with siblings, too. You like to take short trips with your intimate partners or by yourself.

3H Ruler in the 9H Your long-term goals and philosophy in life can be formed through your early education and experience of the early close environment. In your communication, you could be quite philosophical and might love to think about existential questions and the "big perspective" in life. You communicate and express yourself best in an academic environment of like-minded people/colleagues or with your professors. Alternatively, you could have issues there, depending on the ruling planet. You could be interested in foreign cultures, be multi-lingual, or skilled in literature or history. You could be the local tour guide for foreigners. You could pursue higher education in journalism, science, and writing, or decide to become a teacher, yourself. A lot of it depends on the ruling planet. Short trips for educational purposes and for the sake of adventure.

3H Ruler in the 10H Your communication abilities play a role in your career. Your education is the foundation of your profession and social status. Learning more languages, improving your practical skillset, communication, staying informed, and using social media constructively can help you advance career-wise. You could work in the field of trading, marketing, writing, teaching, and other Mercurial fields. It largely depends on the ruling planet. You could benefit (or suffer) from your ability to relate to authority figures and those "above you" on the social ladder. You probably like to feel in charge of your learning and education, but also love structure and measuring your achievements. You could have been ambitious and competitive at school. Taking short business trips.

3H Ruler in the 11H You communicate with pleasure among friends and like-minded individuals. This includes internet friends and communities. You love sharing your thoughts, visions, and interests with others, and engaging in inspiring conversations. You probably enjoy discussing social issues and topics and talking about your dreams and aspirations. You could also be prone to changing your interests a lot, and you could join many groups and communities over the years - especially in high school. You love to learn more about progressive ideas, technology, astrology, astronomy, science, etc. You might have a friendly relationship with your siblings. Regarding your learning style, you could be more fond of learning through the internet or working in a collaborative environment than sitting at a desk and having to "memorize" stuff. You could take short trips with friends.

3H Ruler in the 12H You could be really private with your thoughts. You could speak in a compassionate and gentle way that draws people in. Alternatively, you could be closed off and avoid communication or have some sort of a speech impediment/disability. You could be interested in learning more about spirituality, healing, art, mental health, etc. You could find that you tend to daydream a lot and your imagination is really vivid. It could be the placement for a painter, dancer, or creative writer, but it depends on other factors. Your education can involve the things above, plus psychology, energy healing, or the more traditional medical field. You could struggle in a traditional school environment. Your learning style is highly intuitive and may involve storytelling, metaphors, and visualization. You could definitely study better in solitude. Strong emotional memory. Great listener. You can take short trips to be by yourself and jam along to your favorite music.

The Ask Box is open for specific questions, folks! 😊

- Foxbörn

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ 1

ᴄʜᴀʀᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢꜱ

ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴜʏ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏꜰꜰᴇᴇ?

[hollowed-theory-hall]

this is probably stupid to ask, but do you like snape? or the marauders? there's always fanwars happening between marauders stans and snape stans. tbh i'm just curious where you stand (i like both, and prefer their canon selves rather than the fanon which is btw really stupid. they feminized sirius so much its not even sirius anymore.) what made you like snape? if you do, or are you neutral with him? just for a change of question since i always ask about harry.

Thanks for the ask! I don't think it's stupid.

I prefer their canon counterparts as well, the Marauders fanon has so little to do with canon I can hardly call the characters by the same name. They just aren't the same characters. Anyway, I'm gonna try and summarise my highly subjective opinions about them here.

1. Sirius Black

He's my second most favorite character and my favorite among the characters you mentioned. I wrote about him a lot on this blog, so I don't really feel the need to write more.

But, he's smart, resilient, and goofy on occasion. His love for Harry is one of my favorite aspects of his character because he loves Harry so much. And he has his flaws. He can be cruel, cold, and arrogant and I wouldn't like him as much if he wasn't visibly a member of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black regardless of how much he tried to get away from his legacy. I love how messy his feelings about his family are. He left Regulus' room as it was, even though the rest of the house got cleaned by the Order. He stayed in his mother's bedroom even when all the conversations he had with her portrait were in screams. I love his distrust in Dumbledore after everything he's been through and how he chooses to remain for Harry's sake — he's willing to do anything for Harry's sake.

I just truly love Sirius.

2. Severus Snape

He's the next on this list because I do like Snape, he's not a character I'm passionate about, but I like him. I think he shouldn't be a teacher (I think he hates being a teacher more than his students hate him teaching them) but he's a talented potion maker and wizard. And he is a very entertaining character, even without knowing everything about him.

But what really makes me like Snape is that I find him interesting. I think his psychology is interesting, as is his dynamic with Lily, Dumbledore, and Voldemort. Snape is a fascinating character to study from a lot of angles, and even as a reader, there is quite a bit that's up in the air about him because he's that good at being a spy and not giving us anything.

The other major thing I like about him is his competence as a spy and wizard. If there's one thing I love in my fictional characters — it's competence (and intelligence). I often joke with my irl friends that Snape is the only competent Death Eater and the only competent member of the Order of the Phoenix. We then joke that if we were in his shoes, surrounded by a lot of people who don't actually do anything and we're the only ones affecting this war from both sides, we'd probably be bitter too.

A little note that seems overlooked about Snape often in the fandom, in general, is how we think, "Oh, he's so great at Occlumancy and not being emotional" — that's not strictly true. When it comes to Lily or the Marauders all his well-crafted Occlumancy kinda goes out the window. In books 3 and 5 he throws actual temper tantrums about Sirius Black. Like, I feel Snape, deep down is actually super not well adjusted and is an emotionally unstable mess, but he learned to pretend otherwise. Basically, all the cold facade is just that — a facade. He isn't really that stoic.

3. James Potter

I'm weird about James. Like, he's almost a nonentity and what we do hear about him is either negative or comes from biased sources.

I do tend to give him more of the benefit of the doubt than a lot of other fans who prefer canon James do. He was awful when he was younger, he was a bully and he assaulted Snape and there is no excuse for his actions. That being said, I can believe he changed. War changes you and you'd be hard-pressed to find a 21-year-old who isn't ashamed of a lot of what they did or said when they were 15. And yes, some of what James did is definitely more extreme than that of the average person, but it isn't that extreme compared to the environment he grew up in. Remus tells Harry everyone was casting Levicorpous on each other in the halls. I'm not saying any of the bullying is okay, I'm just saying it probably seemed normal to him and this is important context. Same as I don't think Snape is abusive towards students when put in the context of their culture and environment where, until recently, they caned students (Snape actually seems very averse to corporeal punishment. He also likely treats Harry very different than he does literally any other student, but this is the James section).

I just, like the idea of James changing for the better. I'd like to think he did. That life and war and loss taught him something.

4. Peter Pettigrew

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I like Pettigrew more than Lupin. He's awful, he's pathetic, he's a cowardly rat man and I find his sniveling funny. Whenever I try to think of a what-if scenario in my head, Pettigrew is somehow the key to it. Because he's a character that affects so much of the plot in some incredibly crucial moments — he betrayed James and Lily, he resurrected the Dark Lord, and later, he allows Harry's survival. Idk, I just find his situation and just how pathetic he could get fascinating. It's, like, there is no rock bottom for this guy, he keeps digging. Like, you can't get more pathetic than living as a rat for 12 years when you could've moved to Argentina or something.

And at the same time, he clearly has some residual care for Harry for his father's friendship. He has so many opportunities to kill Harry or kidnap him when he runs away to join Voldemort — but he doesn't. Even after Sirius escapes and he knows his time is up, he still leaves Harry alive. When he is supposed to kill him in book 7, he doesn't, he again lets him go and pays with his own life for it. Like, again, idk, it's just how I feel.

5. Remus Lupin

I know I placed Lupin last, and it's because I don't personally like him that much. Pretty sure this is a little controversial, but I don't really like book Lupin, he does not vibe with me, at all. (Though I'd choose book Lupin over Marauders fandom Lupin every time)

Like, it bothers me that he doesn't actually care about Harry (the only one on the list who willingly physically harmed Harry, in a moment of anger, but still). It was Harry who asked to be taught the Patronus, if it was up to Remus, he wouldn't be involved in Harry's life at all. He tried to run on his wife when she got pregnant because he was scared. Like, Petttigrew is given shit for being a cowardly Gryffindor, but, look, you need some guts to betray your friends, so I'd argue Remus is the most cowardly Marauder (it's easy to be brave when you don't care for your own life).

But, all of this is part of his character and the story wouldn't be what it is if Remus bothered to get his head out of his own ass and check up on Harry. How he behaves makes him my personal least favorite Marauder, but I want Lupin to be a cowardly guy who runs away from attachment and responsibility because he doesn't trust himself with anything (especially not anything good). He's not cool, or suave, and he's desperate for people to like him but without actually knowing him because he thinks that if they do they'd run away screaming like he wants to run from himself. Honestly, I don't get why the Mauraders fandom made James the people-pleaser when Remus Lupin is right there always telling people what they want to hear so they'd like him.

Again, these are all my own personal subjective opinions, but yeah.

[suchawrathfullamb]

Sacred Submission - Hannibal, Will, and the Theology of Surrender

This essay delves into the spiritual, philosophical, and psychological aspects of Will and Hannibal's relationship, focusing on how their mutual surrender reflects the process of shadow integration. It connects this dynamic to the erotic devotion seen in Hindu philosophies, suggesting that their bond represents a sacred, almost divine merging of light and dark, self and other, in a journey toward wholeness.

Is the true nature of love found not in fulfillment but in the longing, the reaching beyond oneself toward something ineffable?

Lacan, the French psychoanalyst and psychiatrist, famously posited that desire is always about something that is unattainable, what he called the objet petit a —the elusive object of desire that is forever out of reach.

In Lacan’s view, our desires are structured around a fundamental lack, a gap that can never be fully closed. This gap is not a deficiency but a defining feature of human experience.

Could passionate love, in its truest form, be not about possession or attainment, but rather about the continuous desire and yearning for something that remains elusive, mysterious, and beyond complete comprehension or ownership?

Hannibal becomes fascinated by Will Graham because he is unlike anyone Hannibal has ever encountered, possessing a unique gift of uncontrolled empathy. This gift, in a way, threatens Hannibal's carefully constructed facade, as it allows Will to see deeper into him than anyone else ever has. For Hannibal, who never believed anyone could truly see or understand him, this connection stirs something profound within him.

But Hannibal's interest goes beyond this; it is not just that Will can see through his masks—something that both intrigues and unnerves Hannibal—but also that Will remains, in many ways, unpredictable. Unlike everyone else, who appears obvious and predictable to Hannibal, Will is a mystery, a puzzle that he cannot fully solve.

For those with a more profound sense of emptiness—whether due to their upbringing, their inherently deeper nature, or their tendency to be easily bored and difficult to satisfy— Will represents something irresistibly compelling. In this context, Hannibal represents all individuals who, like everyone, harbor an inherent lack, yet theirs is more acute. It takes far more than money, romance, or superficial pursuits to satisfy them.

In Lacanian terms, Will represents the eternal search, the elusive objet petit a that drives desire. For Hannibal, Will embodies this endless pursuit—he is both the mirror in which Hannibal sees himself more clearly and the enigma that keeps Hannibal engaged, edged, excited, and longing. Without this sense of mystery and unpredictability, there would be no excitement, no longing—no desire. Will, therefore, becomes the focal point of Hannibal's emotional landscape, representing both the possibility of fulfillment and the perpetuation of the eternal lack that defines Hannibal's existence.

In loving someone, we are not merely seeking to possess them but to connect with something within them that we can never fully grasp—a deeper essence or truth that always lies just beyond our reach.

"Love is the pursuit of the whole."

- Plato

This elusive "something" is what drives us to long for union, but it also raises questions: What is this thing we are truly seeking? Does desire end if we actually manage to grasp it? Or does desire die when our illusions and expectations about the other person shatter, revealing that what we perceived in them—the source of our longing—was never really there?

In the relationship between Will and Hannibal, this conundrum is particularly poignant because Will continually defies and exceeds Hannibal's expectations. Unlike the typical experience where desire might fade upon realizing the object of affection was merely a projection of our own fantasies, Will consistently surprises Hannibal, challenging and deepening their connection. Even in the end, when Will acknowledges what Hannibal always saw in him, the dynamic remains complex. Hannibal's final words, "what I wanted for you...for both of us," reveal that his desire was not merely about Will's becoming, but about what that transformation could mean for both of them—a union that transcends their individual identities.

Hannibal's desire for Will's acceptance goes beyond mere fascination or control. It speaks to a deeper need within Hannibal to be fully seen, understood, and accepted by someone who can truly match him. For Hannibal, Will represents not just a partner in his dark endeavors, but someone who could potentially complete him, fulfilling that elusive desire for connection that he has been chasing all his life. The union with Will, in Hannibal's mind, would be the culmination of both of their journeys—a merging of selves that transcends their individual limitations. But why did Hannibal need Will to accept him? Perhaps it is because, despite his self-assured exterior, Hannibal is searching for validation, for someone who could see the darkness within him and still choose to embrace it.

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

-Jung

Throughout the series, Will's empathy seems to be selectively engaged—he truly connects only with other killers or individuals he perceives as sharing his own psychological struggles, such as Peter or Georgia. This selective empathy suggests that Will is not necessarily empathizing in the traditional sense but rather recognizing in others the deeply repressed feelings and impulses that he harbors within himself. It is as if he sees in them a reflection of his own darkness, something he struggles to acknowledge in himself. This dynamic raises the question of whether Will’s empathy is genuine or simply a recognition of his own suppressed desires in others who express them more overtly.

What is undeniable, however, is that Will is profoundly lonely. He admits this to Hannibal, saying, "I'm as alone as you are, and we are alone without the other." Both Will and Hannibal crave the connection that the other represents, yet Will cannot fully accept this part of himself. His discomfort with his own nature leads him to run from his feelings, resulting in convoluted and often contradictory behavior. Will’s reluctance to embrace his darker impulses and his connection with Hannibal mirrors his struggle with self-acceptance—he is drawn to Hannibal and what he represents but is equally repelled by what this connection reveals about his own identity. This internal conflict drives much of the tension in their relationship, as Will oscillates between rejection and longing, unable to fully reconcile the two.

And this unfulfilled desire that they chase after is not a flaw or failure in love, but its very essence. Love, rather than a state of being, becomes a process of endless becoming.

In the show, "Becoming" refers to the process of transformation, where an individual sheds old aspects of themselves and embraces new, often darker, parts of their psyche. And can be correlated to the concept of spiritual enlightenment. For Will Graham, this process is catalyzed by his interactions with Hannibal, who serves both as a mentor and as a mirror, reflecting back the potential for darkness that exists within Will.

Despite his attempts to run from or destroy this aspect of himself, it becomes evident that Will derives pleasure from it. His identity is constantly shifting between the poles of desire and repression. This instability is both the source of his inner turmoil and the key to understanding his complex relationship with Hannibal.

The way identity can be shifted, dissolved, challenged, or redefined can be viewed in light of Advaita Vedanta’s dissolution of the self.

Advaita Vedanta , a hindu philosophy, posits that the ultimate goal of life is the realization of the unity between the self (Atman) and the universal reality (Brahman). This realization involves the dissolution of the ego and personal identity, transcending the individual self to experience oneness with the universal consciousness. Moksha, or spiritual liberation, in Tantric philosophy is achieved through the realization of non-duality. When the individual self (jiva) recognizes its unity with the universal consciousness, the cycle of birth and death (samsara) is transcended. The union with the sacred lover is a microcosmic reflection of this cosmic truth.

Throughout the series, Will is confronted with the darker aspects of his psyche. Hannibal, recognizing this darkness in Will, seeks to draw it out, to bring Will into what he perceives as a more authentic existence.

Will's "Becoming" is a psychological journey of confronting and integrating his shadow—the unconscious part of the psyche that contains repressed weaknesses, desires, and instincts.

Although many viewers may interpret Will's journey and Hannibal's intentions as inherently evil, a deeper understanding reveals that the show's narrative is framed from Hannibal's perspective. Hannibal views the integration of the shadow self as a positive and liberating experience. Unbound by societal or moral expectations, Hannibal operates according to his own rules, striving to embody a god-like figure. From his viewpoint, Will embracing his darker self represents progress and growth. This transformation is not merely about a desire to kill; it signifies Will's acceptance of Hannibal and their potential union. Hannibal sees this as a spiritual experience, one that involves the complete destruction of limitations, such as shame and restraint.

Will’s journey can be seen as a struggle for self-actualization, a battle between his desire to maintain his moral compass and the pull toward the power and freedom that comes with embracing his darker instincts. Hannibal represents the temptation of absolute freedom and power, unbounded by conventional morality. Of surrender.

In Bhakti , another hindu philosophy, surrender is seen as a personal dissolution, where the devotee gives up their ego and identity in total devotion to a deity. This kind of devotional surrender can be understood in mundane situations where individuals are overwhelmed or transcended by powerful, often erotic forces that erase the boundaries of the self.

Violent scenes where Will experiences pain, often carry a sexual undertone. In these, he exhibits a profound release, hinting at the deeper, ultimate moment of bliss he experiences on the final episode. These moments reflect his journey toward surrendering to Hannibal, demonstrating that when this surrender occurs willingly, driven by love and devotion, it culminates in a state of bliss. This contrasts with experiences where surrender is compelled or forced, where pleasure is invariably accompanied by pain. The erotic and violent elements in these scenes symbolize a transcendence of self-boundaries, suggesting that genuine, voluntary surrender to powerful forces, whether in love or otherwise, can lead to a profound and pure sense of fulfillment.

When Will and Hannibal willingly surrender to each other—Will by joining Hannibal in the fight with the Dragon and Hannibal by allowing Will to pull them off the cliff—this act can be seen as a profound destruction that leads to a new creation and a new life, free of fear. True spiritual surrender means transcending the fear of divine will or whims, and realizing that one is, in essence, a part of that divine force. This realization dispels the illusion of separation, eliminating fear because one understands that they themselves are god, and that god is love.

In this context, love is not merely an emotion but a force—a force of union that compels opposing parties to unite and annihilate illusion, thereby destroying duality. All other rules and restrictions are illusory and lack a true foundation in reality. They are temporary barriers against the irresistible current of this powerful force. Love, as understood in this spiritual sense, transcends the limited scope of human emotions. It is the uniting of opposites and contradictory elements, which then causes their annihilation. This mysterious aspect of love defies the rational mind and human personality, actively seeking to challenge and overcome these elements.

When Hannibal expressed the desire to be alone with Will, in the "Achilles and Patroclus" scene, where he admits wanting everyone to die so that he could be with Will, reveals a profound element of his psyche. Mads Mikkelsen's once said that Hannibal wants it "to be Will and himself and that's it", and it further confirms that Hannibal's fixation on Will eclipses all other human connections, reducing others to mere obstacles in their potential union. This desire to eliminate all others signifies more than just romantic or obsessive love; it symbolizes Hannibal’s yearning to obliterate any trace of duality or separation. In wanting to be alone with Will, Hannibal seeks a form of spiritual and psychological merging where individuality dissolves, and they become a singular, integrated self. This merging, in Hannibal’s view, would lead to total bliss and liberation, echoing mystical concepts of unity and the dissolution of ego. For Hannibal, this merging represents the ultimate fulfillment, the obliteration of all external distractions that keep him from his true desire.

However, for Will, this same merging represents a loss of self, an annihilation of his individuality, leading to the opposite—a terrifying loss of autonomy and the potential descent into madness. This difference in perception underscores the tension between their characters: what Hannibal views as the ultimate union, Will sees as an existential threat, a conflict that drives much of the psychological drama between them.

In Tantric philosophy, the act of love is seen as a profound form of surrender. The surrender here is not just emotional or psychological but total—it involves the mind, body, and spirit. The surrender to the sacred lover is symbolic of the surrender to the divine. When one gives oneself fully in love, without holding back, it mirrors the surrender to the divine will. This act of surrender is seen as a way to transcend the ego, which is often the source of suffering and separation from the divine.

In this context, the lover becomes a gateway through which one can encounter the divine. Through the practice of Tantric rituals the practitioners aim to dissolve the boundaries of the individual self and experience a state of unity with the cosmos.

And although Hannibal is more aware and accepting of his feelings toward Will, he takes considerable time to fully surrender to them. For Hannibal, surrender represented a form of annihilation, a total merging with the beloved or with a divine entity. In his view, surrender to God—or to Will—entails yielding to a force that might be capricious and destructive. This perception renders the act of surrender profoundly dangerous and destabilizing. Hannibal’s attempt to kill and consume Will echoes his desire to dominate and conquer, similar to his act of consuming his sister Mischa. By doing so, Hannibal seeks to assert control over the vulnerabilities that Will represents.

For Will, surrendering to Hannibal symbolizes a profound threat to his own sense of self, as he fears that Hannibal’s overwhelming presence could overshadow and annihilate his own identity. This interplay of fear and desire underscores the complex dynamics of their relationship, where surrendering to each other reflects a deeper existential struggle.

Advaita Vedanta 's teaching that the self is ultimately one with Brahman can be seen as a radical redefinition of identity, where individual distinctions dissolve in the face of a greater, unified reality.

The culmination of Will's "Becoming" is most vividly portrayed in the series finale, where he finally confronts the totality of his relationship with Hannibal and his own identity. By the end of the series, Will has integrated his shadow, understanding that the darkness within him is not something separate from who he is but a fundamental part of his identity. This integration is symbolized in the final act of violence they commit together against the Red Dragon, an act that unites them in a way that transcends both of their previous identities.

Spiritual progress does not require denying one's desires or affections. On the contrary, in many occult traditions surrendering to what we love most brings us closer to God through the destruction of the ego via love.

"God" is not cruel, in this perspective, and there is a genuine spiritual reason for finding certain physical or sexual characteristics arousing. This is not sinful but indicates the vibration one is meant to merge with in a religious sense.

Mystics describe the joy of fully immersing oneself in the object of one's affection, merging with it forever in their writings to encourage others to seek it. They even suggest that God "seduces" one into liberation through passions and temptations. Mirroring the show's entire arc between Will and Hannibal.

Love, from this perspective, can be seen as a formidable force that shatters the illusion of individuality. It appears as a terrifying monster seeking to devour the self to those immersed in ego-based consciousness, as Hannibal and Will were for most of the story. The more one resists this total submission, the more love seems to pursue and compel this yielding.

Pouring one's life force into a divine partner out of love is the most rewarding activity, according to these teachings, as it contributes to creating our own paradise and reality, where we can be with them and enjoy the true purpose of the universe—pleasure, games, and loveplay without shame or guilt, which is exactly Hannibal's desire and so much of what he believes and who he is at the core of his character.

From his perspective we could venture that Jesus' command to "love your enemies" was not about allowing them to harm you but about dissolving their ego and assimilating them into one's own being. This is the true nature of love, which is not evil but a misunderstood concept of self-realization. To achieve wholeness, one must assimilate all disparate parts of the inner self. External enemies represent parts of ourselves that we have not yet integrated. Conquering internal weaknesses also leads to overcoming external adversaries.

Viewing something equal as an enemy reflects a dualistic consciousness, typical of those entrenched in material illusions and distant from unified consciousness. Which reflects Will's position for most of the series. True marriage between equal but opposite (yin and yang) partners embodies the Vajra or Thunderbolt power, as seen in Greek and Hindu myths. By uniting opposing forces—yin and yang —we generate something immune to time and decay.

Muhammad, the founder of Islam, famously stated that "Marriage is half of religion". Similarly, the Catholic Church regards marriage as a sacrament, reflecting its sacred importance. The New Testament quotes Jesus, saying, "And the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh". At its core, the purpose of all religion is to achieve Union with God, and marriage, in many traditions, serves as a sacred path toward this ultimate union, mirroring the spiritual unity between the divine and the human.

The doctrine of "twin souls," central to Jyotish astrology and other esoteric teachings, posits that a single human soul incarnates into two individuals. In a world defined by duality and division, each person has a true "other half," a soulmate who embodies the other half of their soul. According to this belief, true wholeness can only be achieved by reconnecting with this twin soul, as the union of these two halves is the only path to complete spiritual and emotional fulfillment.

According to western occultism, the Yin partner goes on nightly astral huntings, whether unconscious or conscious, and they stalk and pursue any yang they choose, having perceived them in the light of day as an interesting target to master. Once the yin has set their mark, one of three outcomes ensues: the yang allows themself to be consumed, falling under the yin's spell and being engulfed by the powerful void energy they generate; they find protection from their own spouse, who shields them from the attack; or they recognizes the yin as their soulmate, willingly allowing them to consume their ego and embracing the protection they offer. This dynamic reflects the yin's potent influence, where the yang's response determines whether he is devoured, defended, or transformed through the union, mirrored by Will and Hannibal's dynamic throughout the series, with Hannibal seducing him, and Will resisting it until he awakens to that love and surrenders to it, which grants him freedom and transformation, seeing that it is confirmed canon by the creator that they survived, and the alternative ending shows Will in a peaceful state, sharing his sacred spiritual space with his soulmate.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

-Lao Tzu

The actual final scene that shows both of them explicitly, where Will and Hannibal embrace as they fall off the cliff, can be seen as the ultimate act of transformation—an acceptance of their intertwined fates and a literal leap into the unknown. This moment symbolizes the death of their previous selves and the potential for a new form of existence, one that is free from the constraints of their former identities.

If successful, this dynamic of twin souls, or soulmates, creates a marriage where the yang's individuality is shrouded and consumed within the safety provided by the yin. On this path, the yin partner understands that true satisfaction comes from the total absorption of and energetic fulfillment through their partner. Consequently, they initiate a process of deep connection by channeling their naturally devouring tendencies, drawing their partner into a profound, consuming union.

Interestingly enough, season's four concept seemed to mirror this, according to Bryan Fuller, the creator, and Hugh Dancy, who hinted at the plot being about Hannibal taking Will away and them building their shared mind palace together, engaging in intimacy and shared interests.

Through Will and Hannibal’s relationship, we are invited to explore the terrifying possibilities of surrendering to one’s darkest impulses, questioning the very nature of self and the boundaries of human experience. The series challenges us to consider whether true liberation lies in the integration of the shadow self or if such a path leads to the ultimate destruction. And is destruction negative? As Hannibal himself inquired at one point. Or can it be used to destroy the ego, the limitations, the illusion of separation that permeates all of us when we think about God?

Perhaps their relationship could reveal that God, in all of His mysteries, can be found within the love we surrender ourselves to. In the giving up of a fixed identity in order to consume the beloved. Not as an act of compliance or oppression, but out of an uncontrollable desire for union. A desire to empty ourselves out, just to be filled up with our perfect opposite.

In this way, surrender to God is not an abandonment of the self. It is purification of the self through the destructive fires of Love, in which a new, unified self is born out of. In this way, surrender to the beloved is really the surrender to the part of ourselves that resists the vulnerability of love. It is the surrender to death itself, as this resistance originates from the fear of destruction. Therefore, in this case, there is nothing more powerful than surrendering to love. Embracing death, welcoming destruction as a means of transformation, and loving fearlessly.

*****

Refs:

"Sexual Aggression: Issues in Etiology, Assessment, and Treatment." by Neil Malamuth and Nancy M. Koss

"The Dark Side of Love: Positive and Negative Aspects of Intimate Relationships" by Debra L. Davis, William J. Ickes, and Sheila A. Knowles

"The Psychology of Sexual Aggression" by Terry A. Wilson and David Richard

Hugh Dancy said at a Comic Con that he was really excited about the plot of season four, and at a recent convention he said he'd like to explore the specific part of the last book which is about Hannibal taking Clarice away and them enjoying their alone time, having sex and building their mind palaces. Clarice was replaced by Will on the show, and they do not have the rights for that character which means Hugh meant Hannibal and Will, not literally Clarice. And I specifically said he hinted at it because he seems to always go with answers that are closer to what Fuller told him about what would actually happen in season four, he never truly gives answers that seem personal or too creative in regards to his wishes for season four, as well as Fuller saying at an online interview that season four can be described as "lurid erotic intimacy".

Feel free to ask me if you want more references to anything mentioned in this essay.

[hellomystraightlacedfriend]

The Osborns' 'Weird' Relationship: An Analysis

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #146 - Gerry Conway/Sal Buscema ◇

Okay, so I know it was awhile ago that I said I might write an analysis of some of the emotional dysfunctional aspects of 616 Norman and Harry Osborn’s relationship, but I really struggled with the format and how I was going to present this.

One thing that I ended up having to do was throw out any speculation on the writers' intent. With comics, you have so many different writers - especially with a long ongoing, popular series like Spider-Man - that I decided to focus a lot more on the patterns I was picking up when I was reading.

But before I go any further:

CW: discussions of child abuse, mental illness, and suicidal ideation

Disclaimer: In this analysis, I am trying to provide an explanation for why Norman might behave the way he does. However, this explanation of Norman’s abuse is not meant to be a justification of his behaviour.

Also, before we start, you are absolutely allowed to disagree with this analysis! Every reader sees/interprets things a little differently, but I've seen other people pick up on the Osborns' relationship being well, strange, so I decided to examine that a little closer.

There were certain things I kept noticing in Norman and Harry's relationship that I found abnormal (you know, apart from Norman's extensive verbal abuse). Things like: Harry's really intense and misplaced loyalty to his father (that interfers with his other relationships.) The way in which Harry feels responsible for his father. The way Harry doesn’t have a strong identity outside of his father, and how his father doesn't allow (or think Harry needs) any emotional privacy. Also, just some of the ways Norman talks to his son don’t make it feel like a normal parent-child relationship.

In particular in this analysis, I did want to talk about emotional incest and enmeshment, which I am going to define now.

The psychological definition of emotional (or covert) incest is when a parent relies on their child for emotional support that they should be getting from another adult. They treat their child like a friend or partner, instead of well, a child.

And

An enmeshed family is one where there is a lack of boundaries, and often, the child isn't allowed to have an individual identity.

I think we see a lot of the after affects of this kind of emotional abuse in Harry as an adult, and while we don't see a whole lot of Harry and Norman's relationship dynamic when Harry is growing up, I do want to start from there, using what flash backs and other information we have.

Actually to give some background on why this kind of abuse occurred, I will go back a bit further than that and talk briefly about Norman’s childhood and his relationship with Harry’s mother.

Norman definitely didn't have a great childhood. His father was a bitter and abusive alcoholic who blamed all of his problems on other people, including his son. And while Norman's mother wasn't abusive towards him, she did fail to protect him. This betrayal from an early age from both his parents would have been a huge contributer to Norman's extensive trust issues (and his drive to be in control so he's not hurt again.)

Norman didn't get the emotional support and attention he needed while growing up, so that's really what he was seeking as a young adult, and he found it in Emily Lyman aka Harry's mother.

Now while I don’t think that Norman and Emily's relationship was perfect like he presents it to be, I do think from his point-of-view this was a great time in his life. He was finally out from under his father's thumb. This beautiful woman believed in him. They had their whole lives ahead of them. The possibilities were endless, and then - she died.

Or faked her death and left him because he was so controlling.

Either way, she was gone, and he still a young man was left to go on as a single father.

Interestingly, Norman both blames Harry for Emily's death and compares him to her. Much later in his life, when talking to Harry's grave, Norman says that he tried to be fair to Harry 'even though you were so much like your mother in so many ways.' In this scene, Norman is angry at Harry for dying and thus 'abandoning' him to be alone. And I think that's what Norman felt when Emily died too, this deep sense of abandonment.

◇ Spider-Man: Revenge of the Green Goblin #1 - Roger Stern/Ron Frenz | Peter Parker: Spider-Man #44 - Paul Jenkins/Humberto Ramos ◇

(Later, it's revealed that Harry is not dead. Or maybe he is. I am NOT getting into the whole post-OMD-Harry-is-a-clone mess. For the sake of this analysis, they are the same person. They would have the same memories anyway.)

Now I am going to be piecing some things together and doing a bit of speculating. One thing that always stuck with me is that Harry keeps saying that his and Norman's relationship used to be different, that they used to be 'pals,' and then something changed. While I know a lot of people dismiss this, become Harry is delusional about his father at other points, I do think when Norman became the Green Goblin, there was a shift in their relationship dynamic, and Norman stopped opening up as much to his son.

I still absolutely think Norman was a neglectful and preoccupied father, but I also think that Norman was an emotionally needy person, and once Emily died, Norman (who was most likely extremely depressed and lacking a support system) tried to have Harry meet some of those needs. I say tried to, because Harry was just a little kid, a baby, and he wouldn’t be capable of doing that.

I think a lot about a panel from Spectacular Spider-Man #178 where Harry is talking to his own son Normie Osborn. Normie is a very young child/toddler. While Harry is talking to Normie, and Normie is watching TV, Harry starts hallucinating that his father is in the room. (Both Harry and his father have had psychotic episodes.)

Norman tells Harry that Normie should be listening to Harry, and when Harry says that Normie is just 'a little guy' and 'doesn't really understand all this,' the Norman Sr. hallucination becomes angry and says that Harry was just the same. That Harry was lost in his own head when he was young, and couldn’t hear when Norman talked to him.

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #178 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema ◇

It's interesting the way Norman and Harry differ here. Harry wants his son Normie to be able to enjoy these early years and have this chance to be carefree. Whereas Norman doesn't seem to really understand the concept of childhood and childhood innocence.

I also find it interesting (because I'm obsessed with word choice) that both Norman and Harry use 'pals' to describe their relationship.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #39 & #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. ◇

And just in general, Norman and Harry's relationship doesn't seem to fall into the typical parent-child relationship - where the parent takes care of the child and meets the child's emotional needs. Instead, it's more complicated and codependent.

Norman and Harry both view Norman as Harry’s provider and protector. Norman is abusive towards Harry, but he does show deep concern about Harry's safety and worries about what would happen if he (Norman) suddenly died - because he's afraid Harry wouldn't be able to fend for himself.

On the other hand, Norman really doesn't give Harry any tools to become independent or encourage a separate identity, and I think part of that is because subconsciously - as much as he keeps saying he wants Harry to be strong - Norman actually wants Harry to be dependent on him.

Like on one level Norman does want Harry to be strong and be able to think for himself, so that he can take over the company and continue the Osborn legacy (and he is angry at Harry and verbally punishes him for not living up to this). But on a more personal - and like I said before subconscious - level, I do think that Norman wants Harry to have to rely on him. Because Norman doesn't want Harry to be able to leave him. Because he doesn't want to be alone.

And that's the thing, I do think that Norman is also dependent on Harry.

Harry is the nurturer to his father's protector and provider. He cares for and worries about his father a lot, and as much as Norman does not like to be seen as weak, there are quite a few moments where we do see Norman be vulnerable around his son.

Why this happened is probably largely circumstantial. Norman is a very paranoid man, who constantly fears betrayal from those around him. Even with the other adults in Norman's life who he is 'close' to - like J Jonah Jameson and George Stacy, he is not open. He does not trust them. He thinks that people are conspiring against him. However, he doesn't see his young son as a threat, as someone who could turn against him and hurt him. And he pulls Harry into this emotional isolation with him by telling his son not to trust anyone but his family (anyone but Norman.)

◇Amazing Spider-Man #62 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #47 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #67 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Spectacular Spider-Man #200 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema◇

That puts Harry in a very difficult position, because he has deal with these adult concerns at such a young age, and he also can't fully open up to anyone else. This strain, along with Norman's exacting standards and scathing criticism, puts a lot of pressure of Harry.

However, Harry is used to being his father's confidant, and he becomes extremely anxious if his father shuts him out - or worse if he doesn't know where his father is. In a way, as much as Harry says that his father is strong and great, I think (at some level) Harry must also see his father as (emotionally) fragile.

This is especially noticeable in Amazing Spider-Man #121, where Harry is supposed to be resting because he has just overdosed, but he can't because he's so worried about how his father will react to possible financial ruin. He goes to him, tells his father that he doesn't need to worry about him, that he can take care of himself, that he's just worried about his father. He then proceeds to collapse in Norman's arms because he is not well.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #61 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr., Don Heck || Amazing Spider-Man #63 - Stan Lee/Don Heck, John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane ◇

This collapse leads Norman to want to rid Peter Parker/Spider-Man from his life (by killing Peter), because he falsely blames Peter for Harry's drug overdose and also the collapse of Osborn Indistries.

Now Peter’s involvement in the Osborns' personal lives is interesting. Peter is the first person that Harry really opens up to outside of his father - when Harry breaks down and complains that his father had been very distant in the last few years. When Peter responds with the emotional support Harry had never gotten from Norman, Harry draws Peter further into his life by asking him to be his roommate. Harry’s demeanour toward Peter also becomes similar to his attitude towards his father, submissive and eager to please. (He even calls Peter 'sir' at one point when he's trying to get his attention - an address he uses towards his father.)

Peter, however, is so caught up in being Spider-Man that, like Norman, Peter often neglects his relationship with Harry. This leads Harry to be rather passive-aggressive. At one point, Harry offers to make Peter breakfast, but when he hears Peter locking his stuff up, he becomes insulted that Peter would think he would steal from him and storms off to see Norman instead.

This becomes an ongoing element, Harry being torn between Norman and Peter, and seeking love/support from both of them, but seemingly unable to get it.

Now I want to make it quite clear that Norman and Peter are not equally responsible here. Peter is Harry’s age and has troubles of his own. Norman should be acting as Harry’s father, but he really isn't, not emotionally anyway. He is meeting his son's material needs (to an excess), but he is emotionally neglecting his son while also emotionally burdening him with his own troubles. Plus Norman is constantly verbally berating Harry for failing to live up to his impossible expectations - leaving Harry feeling worthless and extremely depressed.

Harry takes drugs to cope with these negative feelings - first abusing prescription medication and then moving on to street drugs. There is even already a note of passive suicidal ideation here, as when Peter asks him how many pills he's taking, Harry's response is 'What’s the difference? Who counts?' (Amazing Spider-Man #97 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane.)

Now I refuse to believe that Harry doesn't understand that there's a possibility of overdose here: he's a chemistry (and business) major with a father who sells drugs for a living. He knows that it is a possibility. So, while he's not actively seeking to end his life, he also doesn't really seem to care if he lives or dies - as long as he can escape from his pain.

Harry does eventually overdose - and it's an overdose that leads Norman to go after Peter & also Peter’s girlfriend (and Harry's friend) Gwen. Norman blames all of Harry’s friends for his condition, but especially Peter. And Norman blames himself for failing to protect his son from them. He threatens to kill Gwen if Peter doesn't end his own life, and when Peter doesn't comply, Norman goes ahead with his threat - throwing Gwen Stacy off the George Washington Bridge. (Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane.)

Peter (as Spider-Man) goes after Norman in revenge, and Norman ends up dying (albeit by his own glider and not Peter’s hand.) Harry eventually figures out that Peter is Spider-Man, and this leads him to think that his and Peter’s friendship wasn't real, that it was entirely a ruse on Peter’s part. That Peter was just getting close to Harry to close in on his father.

Harry ends up forgetting about Peter Parker’s secret identity after his first attack on Peter though, and so for years the threat of Harry's revenge remains dormant. However, even from 'beyond the grave' (Norman, um, kind of faked his death, but Harry didn’t know that) Norman still had a hold on Harry’s psyche.

One early warning sign of the return of Green Goblin might have been that Harry names his child both after his father and himself (Norman Harold Osborn), keeping their names (and identies) close together. Harry also tells young Normie how special a man his grandfather Norman Osborn was. Then Harry begins to hear his father's voice telling him to revenge his death, to kill Spider-Man/Peter Parker.

Harry goes back and forth on how he sees his father. At times, he is able to see his father as who he really was/is, a dangerous criminal who ruined his own life. However, at other points, he calls Norman 'wonderful' and 'the greatest man this world has ever known.' He claims that his father's spirit is in him fuelling all his efforts, and blames Peter for both Norman's and Gwen's deaths.

Of course, it would be hard for anyone to admit that their father killed one of their closest friends, however, I think with Harry it goes even beyond that. Because Harry doesn't have a solid identity outside of his father, he is unable to fully see himself and his father as two separate people. So, in his head, Harry can't admit that his father killed Gwen, because then he would also have to think that he killed Gwen - something I don't think that Harry can wrap his head around doing. It's easier then to blame someone else - Peter/Spider-Man.

When Harry does finally admit that Norman killed Gwen, he still absolutely thinks (pretty understandibly) that it was Peter who ended Norman's life. Because of this, Harry decides that both he and Peter would be better off dead - and that their deaths would protect their loved ones from further harm.

It is only an outpouring of unconditional love from Peter (something Harry had never really felt before) that sways Harry from ending Peter’s life. He carries Peter out of the building where he had set up a timed bomb, but then seemingly dies himself (from side effects of the serum he'd taken to make himself stronger.)

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Break!

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Okay, this is here because this is getting long, but I don’t want to make it a two-parter, but also sometimes people need to take a break and breathe, you know?

I will also be concentrating more on post One More Day Harry in this section, though referring back to earlier comics as well. I will also be talking more about sex and romantic relationships, and how Harry's focus on his father (and Norman seeing himself as the most important person in Harry’s life) complicates things.

The Dan Slott and Joe Kelly runs leading up to and during Dark Reign were the first Spider-Man comics I read, and these were the issues where I first got to see the Osborns' relationship on page. What really struck me then about the relationship was how Norman talks to Harry more like a separated spouse than his grown child: 'I need you,' 'the world could be ours,' 'come home,' 'your place is here, by my side.'

During this period, Harry is pulling away from his father and trying to be independent, and Norman does not like this at all. He mocks Harry’s business ventures, then bombs Harry’s place of business - almost killing Harry’s then girlfriend Lily Hollister in the process. When Harry goes to confront him, Norman says that girlfriends are replaceable and tries to win Harry back. This, however, does not work, and shortly following this, Harry goes no contact.

Norman will not accept this boundary, however, or any boundary really. He admitted earlier to recording and listening to all of Harry’s therapy sessions, and when Harry won't answer his calls or letters, Norman has people spy on his son and report to him on everything Harry is doing. He then gets himself invited to a wedding that Harry is attending.

This is when he tells Harry that he needs him, something that does visibly affect Harry. Peter steps in between Harry and Norman, and tells Norman 'and that's what therapy's for.'

This scene is interesting because Norman does not like admitting that he needs other people, but also because Peter doesn't consider this (entirely) as a ploy on Norman’s part. He does think that Norman is being honest about 'needing' Harry. He just thinks that the way Norman seeks support from his son is unhealthy.

There is also an 'us'-ness in the Norman-Harry relationship, that is more typical of couples. This along with how Harry is thrust into this nurturing role with Norman, makes him (at times) seem more like his father’s spouse than his son.

And when Harry and Norman do end up cutting ties, Harry even says: 'I was never your son.'

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #573 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr. || Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man #598 || Writer: Joe Kelly/Artists: Paulo Siqueira & Marco Checchetto || Amazing Spider-Man #599 - Joe Kelly/Stephen Segovia, Marco Checchetto, Paulo Siqueira ◇

This relationship with his father - before the eventual break up - does also lead to problems in Harry’s romantic relationships.

Because Norman basically sees himself as the centre of the universe and because he is very possessive of the people around him, Harry grew up internalising this idea that he belongs to his father and that he should prioritise Norman above everything else.

And because of this, Harry does tend to elevate and choose his father over his other relationships. Like how when he was seeing Mary Jane Watson, that relationship ended because Harry wouldn’t unlock the door for her - choosing to be alone with his dead father's costume over being with her. His marriage with Liz also deteriorates as Harry obsesses over avenging his father's death and continuing the Osborn legacy.

Of note, in these moments Harry isn't exactly thinking clearly - there are definitely signs of psychic breaks, with Harry having delusions and hallucinations. Still, a huge part of Harry's psyche is consumed by his father - to the detriment of other aspects of his life.

Even after Harry sees Norman as a bad person (acknowledging that his father was Gwen's killer and knowing for sure that Norman has committed countless other heinous crime), Norman still has a hold over his son. Harry still holds out hope for winning his father's love and approval - and completely dismisses his then girlfriend Lily Hollister's encouragement and support. Instead focusing entirely on his father's criticisms.

◇Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man Family #4 - J.M. DeMatteis/Val Semeiks || Amazing Spider-Man #390 - J.M. DeMatteis/Mark Bagley◇

◇Amazing Spider-Man #126 - Gerry Conway/Ross Andru || Spectacular Spider-Man #189 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema || Amazing Spider-Man #569 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr.◇

Another thing involving Lily Hollister - a rather controversial decision - was to have her be in sexual relationships with both Harry and Norman Osborn (with the timing being so close together that the paternity of her child was called into question.)

I actually don't think it's so surprising that Norman would go after someone his son was seeing. He is very self-centred and delusion enough to think that he could somehow get away with it.

Also, back in Amazing Spider-Man #96, there was this whole thing about Harry bringing along Norman to watch the girl he was then seeing - Mary Jane Watson - dance. It kind of comes across like Harry is trying to impress his father with how hot his 'girlfriend' is, and Norman is quite publicly enchanted by her.

There is something similar in the Raimi adaption where Harry Osborn wants Mary Jane Watson to dress in black (like Harry’s mother/Norman’s wife used to do) because he wants Norman to be impressed by her/find her attractive. Which people have pointed out is kind of weird/creepy.

Also kind of weird is just how much empathy Harry has towards Lily Hollister after she ditches him for his dad. Like yes, I think it's a coercive relationship, and Norman is much more to blame, but I still think most people would be a little more angry in this situation. And what Harry does say to Lily at the start of her and Norman's relationship is very interesting to me:

'He's an amazing man, Lily...I know, and he takes very special care of his "nice things"...until he doesn't.

I hope you see him for what he is before that happens...

Because when Norman Osborn is through with you, no one gets to have you.'

One) because it's really quite strange to call the father you suspect is sleeping with your ex-girlfriend 'an amazing man'

Two) because the way Harry is saying this makes it seems like it applies to both her and him. The 'I know' in particular stands out, because what he seems to be saying is 'I know exactly what you are feeling/going through right now.'

Which given that she is in 'romantic' relationship with his father certainly raises questions.

◇Amazing Spider-Man: Extra! #3 - Joe Kelly/Dale Eaglesham || Amazing Spider-Man #96 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane◇

In any case, I could probably write more, but this post is already more than long enough. I just find the dynamic between Norman & Harry Osborn fascinating because I don’t think it's one we see as often in fiction, and I love reading about dysfunctional families/relationships.

I also find post-OMD Harry really interesting, because I think it's even rarer to see a person, who was in a relationship like this, have to move on, fully cut ties, and figure out how to build a life for themselves without this person (who they had such codendency with.)

[reverieparacosm]

May I request Yandere! Varré x GN! Tarnished general headcanons, thank you!

Yandere!Varré x GN!Tarnished general headcanons

Yandere!Varré (Elden Ring) x GN!Tarnished

Warnings: this text contains themes of emotional manipulation, jealousy, possessivenes, sadism, surveillance, stalking, and potential harm

Note: I am 100% sure that Varré is in a relationship with Mogh. Mogh should finally stop being creepy with his half-brother Miquella and get together with his true servant, Varré. (Edit: I played the dlc... I'm sorry Mogh. I take it back)

Varré is deeply devoted to you and would go to great lengths to ensure that you never feel lonely

He constantly seeks your company and showers you with affection and attention, making sure you are always surrounded by his presence

Due to his intense love for you, Varré believes that the best way to protect you and keep you close is by having you join the Mohgwyn Dynasty. He sees it as a way to solidify your bond and ensure your safety

"Our love of Lord Mohg will forever bind us together, in a dynasty of eternal love."

As a former war surgeon, Varré possesses extensive knowledge about medicine and healing

After battles, he takes great care in cleaning your wounds, applying the necessary treatments, and ensuring that you are not hurt or in pain. His skills and expertise make him incredibly efficient at nursing you back to health

Varré has strong reservations about the Roundtable and its potential dangers. He believes that it poses a threat to your safety and well-being, and as such, he becomes determined to convince you to leave it. He will employ various methods, ranging from persuasion to manipulation, in an effort to ensure your departure

"You have the sweetest screams."

Varré exhibits sadistic tendencies in his yandere nature

While he deeply cares for you, he also finds pleasure in exerting control and dominance over you, often through means of pain or psychological manipulation. This sadistic side of his personality can manifest during intimate moments or when he deems it necessary to discipline or protect you

He definitely has a Blood Kink

Varré watches you diligently to ensure your safety at all times. He keeps a close eye on your activities and surroundings, always vigilant for any potential threats or dangers that might come your way

 "Our love will bloom like a rose in full bloom, my sweet lambkin."

Varré has a deep fascination with roses and sees them as a symbol of his love for you

He frequently presents you with bouquets or single roses, carefully chosen and arranged

Varré is intensely possessive and becomes easily jealous when you interact with others

Whether it's a friendly conversation or a casual encounter, he perceives any attention you give to someone else as a threat to his connection with you

He loves to humiliate you

"You are but a pawn, to be used to serve my own selfish needs. You are nothing to me but a tool to further my own goals. So, shut up and do my bidding."

Varré is a master at manipulating your emotions to keep you deeply attached to him. He knows how to exploit your vulnerabilities and insecurities, using them to his advantage

He deeply values and treasures your body, and he desires for you to perceive yourself with the same admiration that he holds for you

His surroundings turn dull whenever he finds himself longing for your presence

You serve as a source of inspiration for him in a certain sense

He becomes excessively focused on you, desiring to uncover every aspect of your being as if he were delving beneath your surface and merging with you

He might even experience instability and express his affection for you through gestures such as sending love notes, creating artwork depicting you, and including the hearts of his rivals accompanied by a message suggesting they wished to give you their heart, which he facilitated

[majokkid]

Basics of Servitor Creation and Implementation

For those new to chaos magic, or who are unfamiliar with the terminology, a servitor is an entity created by a magician to perform certain tasks autonomous from its creator.

Phil Hine writes in Condensed Chaos: Adventures in Chaos Magic that servitors are essentially a kind of psychological complex created "by deliberately budding off portions of our psyche and identifying them by means of a name, trait, symbol", after which "we can come to work with them (and understand how they affect us) at a conscious level.”

Servitors can be created to perform a wide range of tasks, from the specific to the general, and may be considered as expert systems which are able to modify themselves to take into account new factors that are likely to arise whilst they are performing their tasks. They can be programmed to work within specific circumstances, or to be operating continually.

Phil Hine, Condensed Chaos: An Introduction to Chaos Magic (New Falcon Publications, 1995)

Note: While some purport that servitors are a part of a ‘thoughtform continuum’, starting with ‘unintelligent’ sigils and eventually getting to the complexity of egregores and godforms, I think it would be prudent to mention that I don’t think I agree with the distinctions people tend to make between servitors and thoughtforms, namely that servitors are simpler and have less agency than thoughtforms. I can see why it may be helpful for some to keep them disparate but I find the separation unnecessary especially since there are certainly instances where servitors can be sophisticated enough to harbor agency and even intellect.

Generally, I’ve seen magicians follow a model similar to Austin Osman Spare’s sigil creation technique to encode a particular intention for a servitor to operate within. Alternatively, a magician may choose to create servitors from negative aspects of their psyche so they can interact with those traits as personal ‘demons’ and eradicate them. This is to say there are probably limitless ways you can program a servitor to aid you in your magical and mundane life.

When creating a servitor, I begin with a similar mindset as creating any other magical tool by first determining my intentions. What do I need help with? What am I seeking? Try to take note of the thoughts and emotions that are influencing your intentions and even try to imagine what things will be like after the task is complete; by collecting and holding all of this mental data during servitor creation, you can strengthen the complex it is born from.

Note: This is why I find there can be varying degrees of success when trying to use a servitor that someone else has created. While someone could have had great success with their servitor and enthusiastically shared the steps for its creation, you do not have the same psychological and magical ties to that entity and therefore may not really be tapping into what makes it tick.

During this inception process, also consider the level of sophistication you want your servitor to have. Ask yourself questions like:

Is your servitor made for one specific task and then it is banished or does it work in perpetuity (or until you stop it)?

Do you have to summon it each time you need it to perform a certain task? If so, how?

Is your servitor like a magical automaton, doing a set action like a machine, or can it learn from its experiences and adapt how it operates?

Does your servitor have a lifespan? Are you able to resummon the same entity if needed again or would you create a new version of itself?

Does your servitor have agency?

Does your servitor communicate? If so, how? Can it interact with other beings besides yourself?

Does your servitor require energy or sustenance? What does it require and how often?

By having set rules or constraints baked into the creation of your servitor, you can ensure it operates the way you want it to.

As you are thinking of all of this, picture what your servitor looks like, how it moves, if it has a sound or a voice—the more detail, the better.

Give your servitor a name and a sigil. You can create the sigil based on the servitor’s name or task using something like Austin Osman Spare’s sigilization technique or something more abstract. (My personal divination deck, much like Sakura Kinomoto’s cards in Cardcaptor Sakura, also houses an entity in each of the cards and the art on the card is essentially the entity’s sigil.)

Before launching your servitor, determine a ‘kill switch’ for the entity if anything goes sideways or you need it to cease working immediately for any reason. This can be a phrase or an action but make sure it is something you cannot accidentally do. If you connect your servitor to an object, simply destroying that object would also work.

Finally, with all of this information at hand, you can launch your servitor. You can do this as you would fire off any other sigil or you can choose to do something more ceremonial. (The defunct account @trollkunnig outlines a method of essentially ‘contracting’ a servitor in this post.) At this point, you can tether your servitor to an object, if you choose to do so. I have also connected a servitor to an additional object after its programmed task was completed with a renewed intention and a course of action should its original services be needed again.

This post is part of my Magi Praxis series. If you have any suggestions for future topics, or you have attempted anything I have shared and want you share your experiences, please send me a message! I am always happy to go back and provide further explanation as well. ☆

[madelee]

How I like to imagine the ZaDr dynamic. How they sift from enemies to something more. And what I fucking love about ZaDr.

Some thoughts.

Zim and Dib, two emotionally neglected kids. Having little to no friends or any emotional support system… They became the primary attachment figures for each other: Based on them being enemies this relationship/development… it’s bound to be very complicated and messy.

There are various emotions mixed up in their dynamic. The initial hatred, frustration, and antagonism because they literally are enemies… but also the feelings of bonding, caring, appreciation, respect, and understanding. Then when getting older, also attraction, passion, and all those fuzzy feelings get mixed in.

But essentially, all the positive emotions that one develops and gets to experience with a close person like love, adoration, connection, tenderness, compassion, or simply joy… all those also get mixed up with the ‘negative’ ones.

The brain quite literally connects feelings of affection and connection with violence, aggression, cruelty, abuse, and brutality. This is trauma bonding, reward-based learning, and positive conditioning.

Them being obsessive and excessive as a fundamental part of their core personality only adds as a multiplier.

When this happens in a critical life phase (being young and in adolescence), having nearly no other positive influences in life and being neglected (emotionally especially), this connection the brain made will get so deeply internalized and won’t ever truly go away.

It could also connect to your sexuality and all that.

(There are real-life equivalencies)

What I’m getting at is, all this makes just so much sense!

This dynamic and their relationship is super complex and nuanced because of this.

Their relationship is incredibly intense and yes totally toxic but also compassionate.

Them fluctuating between high psychological distress/tension (hating, fighting, obsessing, loving, being in denial about your existence, generally trauma responses e.g., through neglect, loneliness, abandonment) and then them experiencing the sweet release through the aspects of their dynamic (connection, closeness, intimacy) as mentioned.

This stuff becomes quite simply addictive to someone.

This is why they can get crazy shit feral/hardcore with each other and also feel pleasure while doing so.

Like cutting each other up (or open), taunting, fighting, beating each other...

But because I’m a sucker for ambivalence and stark contrast, I like to imagine them being very, very cute with each other as well (occasionally even without showing the bad stuff while being cute), still toxic, still abusing and batshit crazy but absolutely meaning everything to each other and deeply caring.

Fluffy but in an obsessive and excessive way.

They will always somewhat be mean to each other and never shy to argue, even if just in a teasing and more lighthearted manner.

This is their love language after all.

This is how they show they care, and it’s what they know.

Also, this is just how they are personality-wise: thick-headed, intense people with strong opinions and even stronger egos.

And let’s not forget about stupidness, dorkyness, and comedy sprinkled in.

ZaDr is a fantastic way to deep dive into complex inner psychological human workings and I love exploring this.

(I love love love intense emotions.)

It’s even comforting in a way, if you ask me.

Hate and love are so close for a reason.

It’s the most intense we can feel.

And I mean, I guess we all (or many of us) can somehow relate to not liking or even hating a close one (even if only sometimes). But when a real deep bond is established with someone and when affection is also part of your connection (even if only sometimes), this stuff just doesn’t go away. Toxic relationships are messy and certainly not easy nor black and white. You just understand this emotion… of how complicated you can feel about someone, and what complexity this can bring with it.

Note that, this is how I like to imagine it. One can have a totally different perspective on it and this is valid as well!

Also this is romanticized, fiction and reality operate differently. Cognitive dissonance baby.