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tgmsunmontue · 6 months ago

Text

From the top 1/? (WIP)

IceMav, (eventual) Explicit, (background Hangster who are already established). Set post-TGM. (No dead Ice obviously).

Featuring not-mistaken identities (where they (Ice and Mav) pretend to be in the dark for REASONS), Ice is Jake's Uncle Tom, Mav is Bradley's Dad, everyone knows everyone, (un)requited love, coming out as an older person, and a little bit of a circus-vibe where Ice has a horrible realization that this is indeed his circus and these are also his monkeys.

An AU where Mav married Carole and adopted Bradley to make things easier legally. A USNA Bradley who has been very careful to separate Dad/Pete from godfather/Maverick. They had an argument prior to TGM, but it was around Maverick being careless with his life (RE: Darkstar because Bradley got the call that Maverick was missing, presumed dead). So it was about risk taking and thinking while flying, so that was happening and Bradley admits to the Dagger Squadron that Maverick is his godfather and they have a ‘complicated relationship’ which isn’t a lie per se, however it’s… complicated.

He and Bradley haven’t reached the stage yet where they’ve met any of each other’s family. They haven’t even introduced each other to their friends as boyfriends yet, and their circle of friends overlap. And he’s okay with that. More than okay actually. Doesn’t quite know how he’d broach the whole by the way I’m sort of related to the COMPACFLT through my mom conversation. He’s close with Tom now, closer than he is to any of his mom’s other cousins that’s for sure. Idolized him when he was young, and now also holds a deep-rooted respect and affection for the man. It had also helped knowing he had someone to look to as a role model, someone who was gay in the Navy and got so high up no-one could do anything to him now. Jake wanted that. Badly.

But he also kind of wants his Uncle Tom to be happy. Although, hell, for all he knew he could have had a secret lover all these years. If anyone could keep it hidden it’s Uncle Tom, face quiet and impassive, unmoving and unflinching. He’d really hoped for a callsign half as cool as Iceman, and even if Uncle Tom jokes that he does have a literal half with man, he wishes he didn’t have the connotations of Hangman, even if it’s because of fucking song lyrics he was forever quoting and now twisted into something that make people assume things before they even know him.

Not that he really has that problem now, with the Dagger Squadron being made a permanent detachment and with them all knowing each other so well now. They know he’s got their backs when it actually comes down to it. And he likes being based where his Uncle Tom is, because while he’s meant to be based in Hawaii they’ve made some concessions due to his cancer treatment. He knows their entire family is grateful, not least his Aunty Sarah. God, he knows it’s the high of surviving a literal suicide mission but life feels so good right now. He’s expecting Bradley to turn up any minute, they’ve got plans for dinner and a movie and then sex, not necessarily in that order.

When he opens his door and Rooster is there, he can’t help the little happy swoop his insides do and he lets Bradley kiss him hello.

“Hi.”

“Hi. How are you?”

“Good. Little annoyed… my dad is talking about getting back together with an ex…”

“Is this the ex you like, or don’t like?”

“You can safely bet money that it’s nearly always an ex I don’t like. I don’t think he’s ever had a relationship with anyone I’ve actually liked… shit that’s depressing.”

“Maybe you just have really high standards for him?”

“You mean unlike for myself, where my standards are really low?”

“Hey!”

They end up play-wrestling which quickly morphs into not-play making-out and yeah, the sex comes before dinner but he was sort of banking on that, making food that would be perfectly fine just staying warm in the oven. They end up curled around each other on the sofa, queuing up a movie and Jake asks about his day. Listens as Bradley talks about going out to Maverick’s hangar to work on the plane, having lunch with his dad and he wonders if Maverick has met Bradley’s step-dad. Obviously he must have, he’s been around even longer, although it must be weird to have two people called Pete wandering around, he guesses that’s why Bradley calls Maverick Maverick, and his step-dad dad. Stops the confusion.

He knows Maverick and Bradley had a falling out of some sort, they’d been very angry with each other. He figured out that Maverick flew with Bradley’s dad, was the pilot when his dad died, and he’d thought it had been that. But then Bradley had dropped the bombshell that Maverick was his godfather and they’d had a fight over something he can’t talk about, but they would be fine. So Jake hasn’t pushed wanting to also hang out with Maverick, because when Bradley talks about the P-51 and the hangar his fingers itch but he gets Bradley wanting to mend bridges with his godfather.

More than that though he wants to meet Bradley’s step-dad, doesn’t understand Bradley’s reticence about introducing them. It’s not like he’s going to care. But they’ve only been doing this, whatever it is, for a couple of weeks, which he guesses is early days, but with everything they’ve gone through in the last couple of months it also feels like several lifetimes. Then again, he’s in no rush to introduce Bradley to Uncle Tom, so maybe it’s for the best they wait a few weeks. Or months.

“You still thinking about your dad?”

“Yeah. I just need to get him seeing someone else. Anyone to take his mind off getting back with Georgia. Or any of his exes for that matter. Georgia especially is… well. I have no idea what she gets out of sleeping with Dad. She’s anti military for a start.”

“The fact that she gets to sleep with him?”

“Ew, gross…”

“Maybe she thinks she can convert him to a non-military life one blowjob at a time…”

“You could try that on me you know, see if you can convince me to do something with a blowjob…”

“Don’t think I need the promise of a bj to convince you to do anything,” Jake says with a grin. “You know, my uncle Tom is gay, maybe we could set them up? Well, assuming your dad swings both ways?”

“Huh. Yeah… He does. Keeps that pretty much on the down-low, very much on a need to know basis. Pretty sure I only know because I saw him trying to sneak a guy out when I was seventeen. Did make me feel safer about coming out to him myself though.”

… … …

“Jake, I am not installing Grindr on my phone, work, personal or otherwise.”

“Thought you might say that, so I bought you a burner. Well, please don’t actually burn it, but you know what I mean.”

“Jake…” Tom lets out an exasperated sigh. “I wouldn’t burn it. I know what a burner is. I’m not an idiot. I just don’t want to go on a date…”

“Okay, so you don’t actually have to go on a date. All my cards on the table. I’m using the app to introduce you to the step-dad of my… uh, a friend.”

“A friend huh? Is this the same friend you won’t introduce to the family?”

“Yes. The exact one. Anyway, I just want you to send him a couple of messages. Let’s say ten messages. After that you can go back to ignoring it, remove the battery from the phone and pretend it never happened. Okay?”

“Will you let it go if I do this?”

“I mean… yeah. I hope you make a friend or something, but he’s military as well, so you guys have something in common at least…”

“Fine. But I want the name of your friend.”

“No! You’ll just look him up.”

“He’s Navy?”

“No!”

“He is! Good job.”

… … …

“Bradley! Why is Grindr amongst my recently installed apps!”

“I’m setting you up!” Bradley calls out, grabbing two beers to go with their takeout Chinese.

“I don’t need setting up. I can find my own dates. I don’t need an app!”

“Yes, you do. You can’t get back with Georgia just because you’re lonely. Look, I’m not going to make you swipe through dick-pics…”

“Maybe I want to swipe through dick-pics!”

“Mav, be serious! You just said you didn’t want the app!”

“Seriously? You’re the one that installed Grindr on my phone.”

“God, maybe this was an awful idea.”

“Yeah, you think?”

“Okay, give me a second,” Bradley mutters, rolling his eyes and pulling his own from his pocket and thumbing into his contacts.

“Hi… how’s it going?” Jake asks, voice quiet, and he must still be at his Uncle’s house.

“Not well. You think we can maybe just set them up with an app that blocks their numbers and then just let them talk that way?”

“Can’t hurt to try… your dad resisting the Grindr approach too huh?”

“So much. And I get it, HE’S REALLY OLD,” Bradley says, raising his voice while looking Mav dead in the eye.

“Hey! I heard that!”

“You were meant to!”

He ignores the glare Mav shoots him and pokes his tongue out at the back of his head as he walks away.

“Okay, let’s see what we can find. I’ll message you and let you know.”

“Sure thing.”

Fifteen minutes later Jake has sent him the information, an end-to-end encrypted messaging app, one which hides the number of the phone sending the message. It’s silent and has to be manually opened to check for notifications, which is very old-school but means there’s no potential odd sounding pings. The icon is a mundane looking tower symbol and he guesses that could mean anything.

“Okay Mav – you need to give this guy a chance okay? Please?”

“What’s in it for me?”

“I will stop bothering you about… uh… your love life for six months?”

“No deal. I want to meet the guy you just rang. Who’s he in all this?”

“Uh… I guess he’s my boyfriend.”

“Ooohhh… it’s new huh? You’re in that new loved-up stage where you want everyone around you to be in the same stage.”

“Uh, I mean we’ve known each other for years, but we’ve recently… come to an arrangement.”

“Is it boyfriends or friends with benefits?”

“Well, we weren’t exactly friends before, so definitely closer to boyfriends I guess,” Bradley says, carefully skirting the fact that Mav actually already knows Jake quite well.

“Great. I’ll send what, ten messages to this guy and then I get to meet your guy in two weeks.”

“No! Three months. And twenty messages.”

“You realize you can’t force me to do anything right? You have no bargaining power here?”

“I know, but… for me?”

“Ugh… sad cow eyes. Fine fine, put them away. I’ll message the guy. But I do want to meet your guy when you feel the timing is right.”

“Yeah, of course.”

God he hopes this works because he has no idea if Mav will like the fact he’s with Jake or not.

… … …

They meet up every week when they’re both in the same place, and it’s been a treat these last few months, but also a trial. Usually the distance has been a unintended blessing, making his unfortunate case of unrequited love easier to ignore. When he was younger he’d thought it was just a crush, that it would just… fade away. Instead the opposite has happened, time and distance have hardened and solidified similar to how pressure and temperature turn limestone into marble his love for Maverick is a solid and unmoving object that is ever present. Every time Mav walks through his front door he has to fight the urge to enfold him in his arms and just hold him. Every time.

“Did you ever want kids of your own?” Pete asks and Tom startles, looks across at him.

“No. I have nieces and nephews and cousin’s kids coming out my ears. They’re enough trouble to be getting on with, without adding my own genes to the mix. Wasn’t ever going to happen anyway,” he tacks on, and he wonders if this, today, this moment, will be the time it twigs and Mav will ask what he means.

“Too much trouble by half. Do you know what Bradley did the other day? Installed a dating app on my phone.”

“What? Why would he do that?”

“He thought I was considering getting back with Georgia for some reason.”

“And you’re not?”

“No. Anyway, he’s trying to set me up with someone. At least you don’t have to worry about that.”

“You’d be surprised. My cousins kid bought me a phone, a burner phone, with a dating app installed on it.”

“Oh yeah? Which one?”

Tom swallows.

Okay.

No more subtle hints.

It’s now or never.

“Grindr.”

He didn’t purposely wait for Mav to have a sip of his drink, but he still sprays it out across the coffee table, eyes bugging out and he can’t seem to look Tom in the eye and he feels his stomach start to sink.

“You… ah… you know that app is for gay guys right?”

“I’m aware.”

Pete just stares at him and he wonders if this is it. The moment his best friend just gets up and walks out of his life.

“You never told me.”

“You never asked.”

“Yeah well, there was a whole thing about not asking and not telling until about ten years ago so… sorry if I thought you’d have maybe mentioned it. Or at least… alluded to it.”

“I did Pete. With something called subtlety. I know it’s not your strong suit, but I tried to leave it there in the open for you to pick up on. I’m only just… getting to the grips with the idea of being more out.”

“Okay. Uh. Does anyone else know?”

Tom snorts.

“Yeah, my whole family for a start. Had to get them to stop trying to marry me off. Slider of course.”

“Why of course? Why Slider?”

“He’s known me for a very long time.”

“I’ve known you for a long time.”

He doesn’t want to mention that Slider figured it out, because he’s had to learn to be subtle, and his weak point has and will always be the man in front of him. And he can never let him know. Still, Mav sounds annoyed.

“Slider figured it out. He’s too perceptive for his own good,” Tom mutters, because he’s also the one person who knows about his lifelong torch bearing.

“Huh. Okay.”

… … …

Tom locks the house up, Mav having left to go home after Tom had soundly beaten him at chess. He knows it isn’t one of Mav’s favorite games, that he really only plays to humor Tom and give them something to do while they talk… his brain is catching on something and it’s going to bother him until he figures it out. Pete. Playing chess simply to spend more time with him...

He stops.

Blinks.

Pete had said Bradley had installed a dating app on his phone.

Within a day of Jake giving him a phone with Grindr installed, which quickly morphed to a simple encrypted messaging service.

He’s learnt to not ignore his gut and this is deeply suspicious with the coincidence.

He wonders if Jake and Bradley are dating. The idea of that makes him smile, even if it’ll cause an administrative nightmare. He knows they know each other, they’re part of the same squadron and there are rules, however it wouldn’t surprise him at all if both Bradley and Jake decided that that particular rule was for other people.

Wait.

He suddenly needs to know which app it is exactly that Bradley installed and he has his phone in his hand ringing him before he even considers the time of night, or where Bradley might be right now.

“Hey Uncle Ice… Everything okay?”

“Hey Bradley. Sorry for the late call, Just, uh, Mav mentioned you installed a dating app on his phone. You mind telling me which one it was?”

“Uh… Grindr. Why?”

“Oh. No reason. Just curious Thanks. Have a good night.”

Why would Bradley install Grindr.

Maverick’s not gay.

To his knowledge Maverick isn’t even bisexual. Or anything else that might imply he’s anything other than overwhelmingly heterosexual.

Maverick didn’t say anything tonight when he learnt about Tom’s own sexuality.

Maybe Bradley knows something Tom doesn’t.

Scratch that.

Bradley definitely knows something Tom doesn’t.

CHAPTER TWO

#IceMav #From The Top #tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #Top Gun fanfic

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lutewife · 9 months ago

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luci with a short ma le reader the uses as an arm rest please?

Shorter!reader, male!reader, reader has anger issues, Lucifer is a smug mf, mutual pining

Warnings: Silliness all the way

Notes: I gotchu darlin'. My first ever male reader request, finally!! Sorry if it's too short (get it? short haha...), I have writer's block rn, so it's hard for me to even get to work 🥹🥹 But I cannot leave my requests hangin', so have it, nevertheless! Enjoy.

First of all, damn how come you're shorter than Lucifer?

Well, at least you're taller than Niffty, that's something. I'm sorry

The demon wonders that too when he first meets you. Considering that the first thing you do is...

Laugh at him.

"Damn, who would've thought that the king of hell would be this..." You gesticulate with your hand. "...Small."

You have the nerve to behave like that towards him, I'll give you that.

But the sight of Lucifer standing next to Alastor, who's a freaking giant compared to him is just too funny.

Until the irritated monarch comes up to you.

Everything would be fine, if it weren't for that you are MUCH shorter than him.

Damn it, genes!

The sight from above would be even funnier; an angry duckling, just looking up.

But he wasn't looking up, he was looking down. And he was fucking terrifying.

But hot.

You were just about to say "Sorry, daddy", but bit your tongue.

That would be kinda gay.

And a death wish to the boot.

But to your surprise, you weren't dead — yet. Instead, you felt something resting on your head.

Which was his arm.

How the tables have turned...

"Sooorry, couldn't hear you from down there, what were you saying?" He exaggerates smugly and leans into you even more, causing you to bend under the weight.

Oh, come on! You're not even that short! (You are.)

You try to free yourself from the fallen angel's strength, but fail miserably, as his smile widens even more.

So this is your life now...

From now on, whenever Lucifer visited the hotel, he bullied you, mercilessly.

Although the demon wouldn't admit it himself, it was only because he took a liking to you and your snarky behaviour.

That's why he loved turning it against you.

You were drinking with Husk? Lucifer sat next to you and used your head as an arm rest, causing you to slouch in your seat, comically.

You were trying to decorate the hotel with everyone and couldn't reach somewhere?

"Hey, dumbasses! I can't reach the place you made me 'decorate'!" You yelled with irritation. Why was the world always against you? After Angel told you to chill and Charlie apologized a little too much, Lucifer appeared. "Dad?! What're you..." "Don't worry sweetie, I got this." After saying this, he immediately scoops you up and using his wings, he flies up to the place (or rather much higher than it was needed). You blush furiously and swear him out in every language you know, just to hide the fact, that you like being bridal carried by him a little too much. Gay. "Y-You! You dumbass king! You, you, you...! You dumbo! Dumb bitch!" "Stop struggling! Is dumb the only word you know?!"

Anyway, you try to break free, and it ends with you falling on Lucifer and him falling face flat on the floor. Ouch.

Well, to put it mildly, your relationship was... Funny. One day, you were vibing in the library, as usual. But you couldn't reach the book on the last shelve, even after standing on a stool. Great. (Un)fortunely for you, Lucifer was just looking for you. Seeing you struggle as always put a smile on his face. "Need some help with getting that?" "Shut the fuck up. I can get this myself." You jumped up on the stool, but with no result. You tried to do it more times, but it was the same. "Sooooo?" God, you wanted to wipe his stupid, smug grin off his face. But you didn't have a choice. Bearing yourself, you groaned. "Get that for me." "Couldn't hear you from down there, what did you say?" "I'm... I'm literally higher than you, now." He ignored his obvious slip up and you sighed. "Can you..." You groaned again. "... Please, get that for me?" When you still didn't receive a reaction, you asked, as if on the verge of irritation. "...Seriously?" "Yes." He straightened out. You facepalmed, cringing, but said it either way, in monotone voice. "Oh, the all mighty and incredibly hot king of hell, please, for fuck's sake, GET ME THE BOOK!" Wow. You really had stroked his ego with that. Apart from the last part. "Gladly." In a blink of an eye, he flies up and, as if teasingly, leans on you to reach the shelf. Unfortunately, the stool you were standing on wasn't a very stable thing. So naturally, you fell down. And it looked painful. Lucifer hadn't expected that in the slightest, probably forgetting his strength. So when you let out a pained groan, he starts to panic. Blabbering incoherently, he fails to notice that you are okay and have literally stood up a while ago. Your irritation has now reached its peak. Who gave him the right to be this fucking cute while being so annoying at the same time?! You pull the literal king of hell by his bow tie to reach your level. Your noses were basically touching at this point. You definitely were intruding his personal space, but your anger was stronger than your common sense. "Shut. The. Fuck. Up." You whispered harshly. And as if subconsciously, without even feeling the movement of your body, you pulled him into a kiss, in which you expressed all of your pent-up frustration. Utterly flustered Lucifer didn't even know how to react, so he just gave into your heated frustration. After a while though, you move away and look into his confused eyes, slowly realising what you did. You turn around, not to show your undoubtedly too red face. "You are so fucking annoying, dumbass." You just say, trying not to voice break while doing so. You quickly run away from the situation, leaving the profusely blushing Lucifer completely flabbergasted. And then... "LET'S FUCKING GOOO!" You just cheered, being able to be finally honest.

End notes: Maybe it's not any good, but I tried to cook up something a little different! I hope you've enjoyed this lil' drabble and stay tuned for new posts!

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #lucifer x reader #lucifer hazbin x reader

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akookminsupporter · 5 months ago

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As someone who's been in this fandom for a long time, I 100% agree that majority of tkkers are into the fetishization fantasy. They find tae and jk attractive, so the two of them together are twice as attractive (and wards off any female partners that might feed jealousy, see them writing off j3nnie for example). Its not unusual even to look at tkker accounts and find that they are actually homophobic/transphobic/conservative outside of shipping tk. They'll call jm homophobic slurs for example when he acts in a way they don't like or I saw a horrid tweet today about a tkker hoping jm gets outed or SA'ed in the military. In my experience, just comparing jkkers vs. tkkers, jkkers tend to have waaaaaay more actual fans from the lgbt community, tkkers have a lot less (and then you have ones who pretend to be once they get called out for fetishization). Its also kind of obvious in the way they talk about lgbt relationships/closeting/etc., its just very un-nuanced and like they watched brokeback mountain once. They've created this torture-porn fantastical closeted gay romance that doesn't really make sense a lot of the time (closeting a gay relationship with another gay relationship?) and usually takes autonomy away from the two people involved and rewrites their specific characters (refusing to acknowledge jk and tae's "I live how I want" attitudes) and waters them down to just closeted gay men to fit their narrative. Jk gets a lot of the hate for not living up to their boyfriend ideals for a relationship he's not in, but I also feel so bad for tae, who is genuinely courageous in his attitude towards calling fans out who overstep and then having a somewhat public relationship despite the pushback it gets in kpop. He's a bad bitch, willing to go against the grain and its completely lost on them because it doesn't fit the victim narrative.

I do think there are also unfortunately some very very young tkkers who simply fell into the tk-lives trap and believed the delusions like any cult.

Anon, this is the most detailed and accurate explanation and description of what a tkkr is. Thank you, I could never have put it better myself.

#anon #ask #the subgroup #the vecinas #Preg 303

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physalian · 5 months ago

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#Writer Problems

Meet the 15th character in this series with a name that starts with A! No one will notice hahaha

Going back and deleting the sighs to shake things up a bit because there’s 120 in the manuscript

*checks notes* whoops you died already, Side Character, my bad

*one paragraph* Perfect. Amazing. Poetic. Profound. *the next paragraph* what is words do?

Knocking out a 6k word chapter in an hour/Spending a week on a single transition

*slaps down a shiny new character with zero plan* You don’t know anything about them and neither do I, let’s discover them together

Realistically, there’s gotta be at least one casualty from this fantasy battle so…. *rolls dice* no not you. *rolls dice again* yep. That’ll do. Sorry, pal.

Is this badass or stupid?

Is this hot or cringey?

*checks notes* damn it, plot hole.

Upon this most recent round of edits, you, Cool Side Character, no longer made the cut. Mayhaps you’ll be recycled later.

*checks notes* damn it, I fixed that plot hole by opening another plot hole.

Jesus christ I wrote ‘just’ 308 times across 120k words?

That is definitely not how you spell that

*dreams about my characters in full HD technicolor* awwww yeah, where’s the popcorn? *cannot replicate how cool it was in actual words*

Unes- Unnecs- Unessis- Unnessessarily- Unnecessarily fuck

Do I go with the British grey or the American gray?

*cries* this epic was supposed to be a novella

Well these two were supposed to be having an argument here. But making out is fine. I’d like to see where this goes.

Oops I forgot the straights, here that nameless dude over there isn't confirmed gay, so you can headcanon that he's straight if you want

Oops I forgot that marriage exists uhhh yeah their other parents are all dead or deadbeats

Fuck love triangles here’s a double-helix dodecahedron.

One day my fandom will write so much smut about this guy and I am here for it cause I sure ain’t doing it myself

Oops I forgot people with green eyes exist but brown eyes? I got 20

*describing the writing process* It was the best of times, it was the worst of times it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.

I. Hate. Chapter. Titles.

Is this profound or pretentious?

*crafts an absolutely banger metaphor* I hope someone notices this. I put a lot of work into it

I didn’t spend 6 months perfecting this masterpiece for you to sass that the curtains are just blue. I’ll write the goddamn essay myself about all the depth behind my color choices, sir.

Picture that Spongebob dehydrated in Sandy’s treehouse meme ‘cause that’s me on round 12 of edits

I gotta be up for work in 4 hours but this monologue is more important

*distills 30 pages of worldbuilding notes into 2 paragraphs of a fluff scene* somebody will appreciate this, won’t they?

*listening to my book playlist* one day when this is adapted I hope this artist is still alive to compose the main theme cause this shit fucks

*cries* this trilogy was supposed to be just one book

If I turn this plot hole into a character flaw, they become the problem while I remain god

*looting themes, monologues, character names, and archetypes off the corpses of my dead WIPs* You won’t miss them anyway.

While it also immortalizes this person’s dickish behavior, yes, I will, in fact, write a whole character’s backstory as a middle-finger to this one bitch from 10 years ago.

*steps back to gaze at all the suffering done unto my deuteragonist* but it was worth it, wasn’t it?

*staring down yet another loathsome action set piece* whyyyyy do I do this to myself?

Nobody’ll notice my author insert if I dice them up and divvy them out in bits to my entire cast, right? Right? It’s like a shell game of what’s author and what’s fiction

These two are going to be a problematic ship one day and I will burn that bridge when I get there

*2am and I am scouring the internet for that one piece of a fort’s defenses because not remembering is the current root of my insomnia*

*Nudging my favorite character who isn’t the protagonist out onto stage* golly I hope the readers like him

Waiting. For. Editors. Takes. So. Long.

Holy butts accidental motif and deep symbolism fucks. I am so pretending I did that on purpose.

To subtext or not to subtext? Nah, to subtext. *laughs maniacally*

Trying to ride that line between so obvious it’s painful but also juuust enough foreshadowing so you slap yourself for not seeing it sooner

TIL that I have been using that word completely wrong for years. How quaint.

No you’re derivative schlock. I’m crowd surfing the books that came before and loving every second of it.

Damn I wasted a really good name on this throwaway character

*checks notes* wait, who's taller? Where does your hair part? Are you left or right-handed?

*musing over a character slated for death* damn, I really like you. Since I am in fact god, you shall live another day. *rewerites the entire finale*

God I hope people like this story

#100th post babyyy #writing #writing advice #writing resources #writing a book #writeblr #writer problems #author problems

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twopoppies · 4 months ago

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"Let me tell you right now, if HS and OD rumours are true I will be a v v happy girl" - some random gf harrie in that DailyFail article.

Let H´s actual sexuality aside, I am truly wondering some days why is it so important for gf harries who is he dating? Like how and why those girls need to project their fantasies into his supposed beard gf? Like me, person who came to the point I find myself fangirling over out gay men, I am f. e. truly happy for Tom Daley and his husband and their family. I am melting every time I see them together, see them with their kids. But apart from being happy for them (and wishing to see this with HL in the future when there will be nothing holding them back)...I don´t feel anything else. But when I had crush on my favourite straight singers, I was always lowkey sad when I found out they have a gfs because the only thing what I was doing was spending days comparing myself to them and feeling like I am not good enough with the way I look, that I am not skinny/attractive enough. Because if those men who I had crush on dated only particular types of women, I was just depressed that I will never be like them (eventho I knew I will never date those men in the first place). And so when I finally un-crushed most men and fell in love with H, Louis or other out gays, I found a peace because I can drool over them while knowing there will be no girlfriend aka woman who will make me depressed that I am not looking like her. Hope it doesn´t sound stupid but....yes, having a crush on someone and seeing who he is dating, I was sad rather projecting my wet dream fantasies onto her.

No, that actually completely makes sense. I never really thought about it like that. When I was crushing on celebrities in the 80s and 90s we really didn’t have the access to them that people do these days, and their public images were more tightly controlled because of that. I probably didn’t know anything about their personal lives that wasn’t shared in a magazine or TV interview.

I can totally see why fans would “hate” or be jealous of a partner because they’re actually negatively comparing themselves to that person. Parasocial relationships are so complex and can be so damaging.

#parasocial relationships

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nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx · 7 months ago

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Helpless part 43, however much we fear the truth we must face it

Hi, I guess I'm doing this now...? Will gave it to me with the second Heartstopper book, I don't really know what I'm doing but I guess I'm meant to write down my thoughts sooooo..... I hate myself, I wish I was dead, I'm a freak, I can't even fucking eat for fucks sake what the fuck is wrong with me, the only good part if my life right now is Will an he's bound to leave soon enough. Fuck I wish I had a fag on me but I already know I won't get away with that in the infirmary, it's not that bad but it makes me feel so fucking useless, maybe if I shadow travelled back to my cabin I could get some, Will would fucking murder me but I might do it.

Here is a list of reasons I hate myself because that seems fucking productive:

1. I'm a fag that deserves to burn in Hell

2. I'm dependent on drugs before I can drive (legally)

3. I can't fucking eat like a normal fucking person

4. I hurt everyone I touch

5. I'm a fucking twig

6. I can't even use my fucking powers now that's how pathetic I've gotten

7. I'm a freak

8. I nearly betrayed everyone

9. I'm a shit brother to Hazel

10. I managed to make my own sister hate me

11. I'm a demigod

12. I can't just be fucking happy for once

13. I over think every fucking thing

14. I need my fucking mouth washed out with soap

15. The Catholic Church

I could say more but I don't think I have time for that, I'm gonna go and think about how I can kill myself while locked up in this place

Fuck is my only thought right now, kill me (PLEASE)

Bianca, mi dispiace, mi dispiace di essere quella di cui hai sempre dovuto prenderti cura, quella che hai praticamente cresciuto solo per riaverla. Vorrei essere morto al posto di te, ogni singolo giorno lo vorrei, vorrei poter essere buono come un fratello maggiore che eri per me per Hazel. Vorrei non essere una fottuta delusione, vorrei che tu non dovessi unirti alla Caccia per allontanarti da me. Spero che ti sia piaciuto essere rinato. Mi dispiace tanto per tutto.

Putain, je n’ai pas écrit en français depuis un certain temps, alors voyons si je me souviens encore comment le faire, si mon orthographe est décente, c’est seulement parce que j’ai passé environ une heure à écrire ces conneries, donc vous devriez toujours être déçu. Qu’est-ce que j’écris ? Aucune putain d’idée, mais j’ai déjà lu Heartstopper trois fois aujourd’hui et je pense que c’est trop gay, même pour moi, de le lire plus que cela en moins de cinq heures. Kayla est venue avec de la nourriture plus tôt, aucune idée de l’endroit où se trouve Will et je n’ai toujours pas mangé de merde parce que c’est à quel point je suis inutile.

I really wish I had a smoke right now, but I know I can't, I feel so fucking stressed for too many fucking reasons and my heads been pounding for hours, Kayla gave me a panadol a few hours ago but that did fucking nothing so yeah struggling to not hit my head repeatedly on a wall out of pain. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about those nights when I was what, twelve? Probably because of the nightmares, I'm fucking useless aren't I? I couldn't even stop it from happening to Hazel, I'm fucking pathetic. Gods I can't wait to get out of this place, I love Will but I don't know how much longer I can take of this place. The bright lights shining into your eyes so much it gives you a headache, the scent of rubbing alcohol filling the room, the plain white walls that feel trapping, everything feels wrong. I know why I'm here, no one trust's me alone, the part they forgot to mention is that I'd be better off dead. I already know Leo, Piper and Jason talked shit about me on the Argo II, I know they all wanted to leave me in that jar, I know that to Percy and Annabeth I'm nothing more than a burden, I fucking hate myself and so do they so why can't they just let me fucking die?

***

_______

Guys the bold means it’s written, was gonna do underline but that doesn’t work in tumblr xx

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shredsandpatches · 11 months ago

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The Devil Has All the Best Tunes: Ranking the Mephistopheles Arias

Since getting myself properly acquainted with Arrigo Boito's Mefistofele, I've been thinking about how much the character of Mephistopheles brings out the best in opera composers, although that's only fitting, since he also did for Goethe. And the idea of this listicle suggested itself to me pretty quickly as something to think about while I was having a slow day at work on Friday. Thus! My completely idiosyncratic ranking of the eight arias sung by Mephistopheles over the three classic Faust operas:

La Damnation de Faust (1846), Hector Berlioz

Faust (1859, later revised), Charles Gounod

Mefistofele (1868/75), Arrigo Boito

All three operas are considered in their best-known forms—like, I know there's a recent recording of the 1859 version of Faust but I haven't heard it and it doesn't even have "Le veau d'or." I'm also not rating the specific performances I used for the audio/video illustrations—all of these are of course extremely well-represented in recordings and have many, many, many versions on Youtube (the playlist I made while prepping this post has like 56 and it's only a small fraction of them all). I just picked ones that a) I like and b) allowed me to use eight different singers for the eight arias.

Finally, in case you're wondering: all of these are actually fantastic. There's only one that I don't absolutely love and I still really like it. This is just a straight-up array of bangers from beginning to end.

Behind the cut: the bangers. Join us, won't you?

8. "Vous qui faites l'endormie" (Gounod) (Text/translation)

So, here's the one I just like instead of being generally feral about. If this is your last-place entry in a ranking of arias you're doing fine. And it's basically right from Goethe! But while the evil laughter is fun, the melody just doesn't stick with me, and while comparisons are odious (pfft, right, I love comparisons) I think Berlioz did a much better job with this text.

That said, one way to make me love it is to have Bryn Terfel sing it while pawing at a strung-out (in-universe!) Roberto Alagna. What can I say, I'm a slut for Faustopheles content. (And I do love me some Bryn Terfel)

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7. "Une puce gentille" (Berlioz) (Text)

We now arrive, basically immediately, at the portion of the list where I unqualifiedly adore everything on it even without the benefit of particularly gay stagings. In general I feel that my rankings here don't quite reflect how much I love La Damnation de Faust (although longtime readers of this blog will have noticed), but I think the strength of the piece is not as much in the arias (although I love the arias) but in the duet and ensemble scenes. In any case this is a delightful number (again, directly from Goethe, also set to music by Beethoven and, later, Mussorgsky) which is also not even the strongest bass aria in the scene. I think we can all agree Brander comes out on top in the Auerbachs Keller bass throwdown, right?

As far as video choices go I always have mixed feelings at best about fully staged versions of La Damnation to begin with—performing it with onstage action belies the extent to which the most important action is psychological, and conversely there are some truly epic moments that are almost impossible to stage in a way that does justice to the music. That said: here's Ruggero Raimondi camping it up.

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6. "Devant la maison" (Berlioz) (Text)

Up above I mentioned that Berlioz does a better job with Mephistopheles' serenade than Gounod does—this is just a fun, snarky little trifle with a mock hurdy-gurdy accompaniment* and a collective evil laugh for the chorus. What's not to love?

Berlioz wrote some alternative readings into the Damnation score so that the role of Mephistopheles could be played either by a true bass or a baritone. I prefer the former (as do I think most contemporary conductors, as I haven't seen many other recordings that cast a baritone**) but Jules Bastin's lighter timbre suits the intricacy of this melody and his suavity contrasts well with the rough edges of the chorus.

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*The libretto specifies that the singer of Mephistopheles should pantomime playing one, although this seems not to have been followed by most performers. **There is one with Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau as Mephistopheles and Placido Domingo as Faust and, bafflingly, it sucks. Go figure.

5. "Ave Signor" (Boito) (Text)

We aren't even quite into the top half of the list yet (I know! Like I said: THEY ARE ALL SO GOOD) and we're already getting to the real heavy hitters. This aria wins the special recognition for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Cuntiness. Like, sure, you're leading your best demonic life, why NOT have a casual chat with the old man (il vecchio, lol) upstairs, pout about how humans suck so much it's no fun to even tempt them these days, and then make a little bet about that weirdo Faust, all to a jaunty little flute accompaniment? Magnificent. *chef's kiss*

Erwin Schrott never fails to bring the sass and that suits this aria perfectly. The leather jacket is an excellent touch as well. I want one. (I actually own a giant leather jacket but the collar doesn't do that. I want one where the collar does that)

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4. "Voici des roses" (Berlioz) (Text)

Okay, I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret which is that STRICTLY SPEAKING, from a musical standpoint, I probably should switch around this aria and the previous. But this one gets a generous helping of sentimental favorite points for two reasons:

a) I am, as discussed, a slut for Faustopheles content and this is the single most homoerotic Mephistopheles aria in the operatic Faust corpus. He calls Faust "beloved" (bien-aimé) and sings about how he's going to be covered with "crimson kisses" and it's amazing. And very, very gay.

b) I've been onstage while John Relyea sang this and I was part of the ensuing chorus, an extended, complex seduction/dream sequence which I am pretty sure took up about half the rehearsal period all on its own. When Mephistopheles sings his recitative at the very end of it ("c'est bien, c'est bien, jeunes esprits, je suis content de vous") it always made me so happy because yeah, we EARNED THAT. But the moment before the chorus section, hearing such a commanding singer perform such a beautiful and sexy aria and then coming into that and not breaking the mood—God, it was just pure fucking magic.

So here, of course, is John Relyea singing it. Not the production I was in, for the record. I probably don't need to clarify that I have never been in the chorus at the Met. (The video cuts off before the chorus anyway but does include "Une puce gentille" and the following recitatives, and I'm not sure YouTube lets you timestamp your links anymore so if you want to skip to "Voici des roses," start around 3:15. Or you could also listen to "Une puce gentille" again because John Relyea just crushes this role)

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3. "Ecco il mondo" (Boito) (Text)

Of the three great Faust operas, Mefistofele has its finger most firmly on the pulse of the sheer chaos muppet energy exuded by its title character. This aria reprises some of the motifs introduced in "Ave, Signor" (the jaunty flute line contrasting with the grandiose intervals of the vocal line) and revolves around some really fun stagecraft. In performance, during this aria Mephistopheles displays and then smashes a model of the world—the original libretto calls for a glass globe, while the most iconic modern production uses an ordinary latex balloon. Sometimes you'll see grouchy opera purists grumble online about the latter, and they are silly: it's a perfect reflection of Mephistopheles' disdain for the "filthy and mad" (sozza e matta) human race—and his perhaps more complex feelings about one particular representative thereof. I haven't seen enough versions of this opera to cite any performances where the second half of the aria is addressed directly to Faust, but there's some pretty fabulous potential there.

Going old school for the recording here, with Cesare Siepi. Found this one in a blog post that was mostly devoted to pearl-clutching about the Carsen/Levine staging (in its most recent revival) and the sight of Christian Van Horn in tights: the reviewer found Van Horn to be a second-rate version of Siepi (on vocal grounds, not shirtlessness grounds). Harsh, man, and I'm not even that into Christian Van Horn, at least not in this role. But this is a great recording all on its own. I'm not sure why they put Emil Jannings on the cover though.

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2. "Le veau d'or" (Gounod) (Text/translation)

What can I say? This one needs no introduction, really. It's one of the great operatic bangers of all time (and one of the most persistent earworms). It was in Hannibal (I think)! Its reputation precedes it and the only reason it's in second place here is because there's one more aria that's even more awesome.

I've always loved the way Rene Pape sings this—obviously you could eat the vocals with a spoon and his physicality lends a sort of Orson Welles-y* gangster energy to the role, but also there's something about his approach to it that gives you the sense that, as @skeleton-richard once put it, "he's been both the calf and the idiots in the mud." I also love that he gets to do a little dance in this version. LET MEPHISTOPHELES TWERK.

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*And wouldn't late-period Welles have been PERFECT as Goethe!Mephistopheles? I weep for the lost opportunity.

1. "Son lo spirito che nega" (Boito) (Text)

And here we are. This aria is just an absolute masterpiece, the greatest of a truly impressive array of bangers. It just captures everything we love about the character of Mephistopheles: the chaos and terrifying cynicism, the subterranean low notes, the compelling derision and mockery. The whistling! How can you not love it? The whole thing just makes my toes curl. It really sums up why this opera should be better known and loved, because fuck. Brain chemistry forcibly altered.

AND SPEAKING OF TOE CURLING. For this bravura composition, a bravura performance by the great Samuel Ramey. He absolutely owns this role and that's perhaps nowhere most evident than right here. Even if he doesn't do his own whistling.

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#opera #faust #gounod faust #mefistofele #la damnation de faust #mephistopheles #mephistopheles monday #this was a lot of fun to make #should i tag all the individual singers?#or does tumblr still cut you off after five tags? idk

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rawbin-hsr · 2 months ago

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can I ask why you're "not fond of Ratiorine"?? no hate just curious since it's a really popular ship. Also I couldn't tell if that meant you disliked it or just personally just didn't ship it/had no opinions, judging by tone I'm assuming it's former? and do you ship aven w/ anyone?

Hi ! Ofc I can explain, thanks for asking so respectfully !!! :-)

Your assumption was right, I do dislike it </3 I used hate it a lot more before but I don’t hold AS strong opinions about it anymore. Sometimes I even really enjoy Ratiorine content now !

The main reasons come down to “it’s just not my cup of tea”. I don’t like their dynamic, I don’t like the way the fans handle it. I’m really tired of the whole “big buff man” x “small feminine guy” trope, it really just feels like a repackaged heteronormative relationship to me, like you're just getting as close to heterosexual as you can while still being gay 😭😭

(Note: not saying it IS a repackaged heterosexual relationship, I know this dynamic is normal and not weird, I am not trying to say that. Especially in-game, I don't feel like it's really an issue. It's mostly the way both Ratio and Aventurine are treated by the fandom that bothers me. I just mean that I’ve seen this trope so much, and seen the effeminate man be like, feminised so much it really feels to me like some people are trying to… idk un-queer a queer ship? It just doesn’t sit right with me because of how often this happens.)

I know, I know, “don’t let fans destroy something you love”, but I didn’t like Ratiorine to begin with. It’s more a case of “letting fans amplify my already existing dislike” 💀 I just didn’t really find their dynamic interesting. I didn’t even really interpret their interactions as romantic, except maybe that one note Ratio left for Aven when he encountered “death”.

It also does sort of also boil down to the fact that I rarely like any ships at all. The only ships I’m truly passionate about are the ships that involve my self-insert hhdjhdjdjxoskdjdjj 💀💀💀💀💀💀

I just don’t know why I’d prefer to draw / read about two characters kissing each other… when I could draw / read about two characters kissing ME ??? There is no more fun way to interact with the characters I like than by getting hands-on myself 😇

Since Aventurine is my favourite character, I admittedly get a little more….. idk if jealous is the right word but I’ll use it anyways. I get more jealous. So the only ship I like in regards to him is Aventurine x me 😭😭😭

Sorry this response was so messy I don’t know how to shut up or organise my thoughts <3

#[RAWBIN]#[AVENTURINE]#[BY ME]#[ASK]

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near-dareis-mai · 1 year ago

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Hi, so I was wondering if you've read twot books or spoilers and can tell me what happens with Siuan and Moiraine in the books? Like, I know they don't end up together and each of them has a man but they were friends so what happened to that? Did it end? How? I tried to look for the spoilers myself but I couldn't find anything specific about them and I know they're barely in the books but I'm really curious about how their relationship ends in canon or if at least they end up on good terms or what and I don't know who can I ask and you seem really nice so maybe you can help me? Or point me in the right direction to where I can find the answer?

Spoilers for the entire Wheel of Time book series

Anon, I’m very surprised you haven’t been able to find anything about these two because I’ve seen many posts about it, especially on tumblr, but I tried my best to summarize everything you asked for. It got a bit long, because we’re talking about a story that spans 15 books, but uh, enjoy. (You will not enjoy this.)

The short version is:

Moiraine and Siuan start their quest for the Dragon Reborn when they are 22/23 years old. They are Accepted (studying to be Aes Sedai) in the White Tower when they both hear the prophecy of the Dragon being Reborn. They become Aes Sedai very soon after this, and kickstart their quest to find the Dragon Reborn by Moiraine riding out of the Tower to physically search for him and Siuan staying in the Tower and learning to be a spymaster so she can do information gathering for the search. At this point in time, there’s no real doubt - unless you’re reading the text with blinders on - that Moiraine and Siuan love each other and are romantically/sexually involved with each other. These bitches gay. -

The main book series starts 20 years after the above happens. By this time, Moiraine has searched all over the Westlands for the Dragon Reborn, before finally finding viable candidates at Emond’s Field. By this time, Siuan is the Amyrlin Seat. At this point, there’s no real hint in the text that they’re still romantically involved. However, the text makes it very clear that they’re each other’s closest friend, they’re still very much devoted to their joint cause, and to each other through the difficulties arising from that cause. -

Strictly in the book series, it’s never really gone into detail what happens to the relationship in the ~20 years when Moiraine is (mostly) out of the Tower searching and Siuan is (mostly) in the Tower spymastering. I think you are led to infer that while they remained devoted to their cause and to how they are tied to each other by their cause, their actual romantic relationship supposedly either ended soon after Moiraine first left the Tower to search or gradually fizzled out. Also of interest here is that it seems to be a belief held in-world by the Aes Sedai and out-world by the author of the books, that these kind of "youthful" relationships between Accepted, while definitely being sexual and affectionate, shouldn't be considered "real relationships" and were merely stepping stones to a "real" relationship when they mature, usually with a man (issa yikes, chief). Even disregarding that, a truly satisfying explanation is never given of just what happened. -

By the end of the main series, Moiraine has been massively depowered due to a term of imprisonment in a magical other-realm where it’s explicitly stated that she went through severe mental torture. After her rescue from said realm, she gets comparatively sidelined by the narrative, and gets married to Thom, a man she has very little on-text interaction with before that. -

By the end of the main book series, Siuan is, uh, dead. But not before she is deposed from the Amyrlin Seat, stilled, then un-stilled but depowered, made an unpaid servant (hey there’s a word for that, isn’t there) to a lord on a technicality over an oath, gets spanked by said lord for misbehaving, falls in love with that lord in a very Stockholm-ish romantic progression, agrees to marry said lord, mentors Egwene as the new Amyrlin Seat, does a bunch of daes dae’mar-ing to ensure Egwene stays in power, and then dies at the last battle in a throwaway death.

The much longer TL;DR version is below the cut:

The Wheel of Time series consists of 14 books in the main series, with each chapter in the book written from varying third-person points of View. Moiraine and Siuan both have some chapters in their point of view through the series, but only four chapters in the entire main book series where they actually interact with each other, all of them in The Great Hunt (Book 2).

(However, Robert Jordan also wrote a Moiraine-centric prequel novel called New Spring, which takes place 20 years before the main book series, which is gloriously gay and gloriously Siuanraine, and I will get to it at the very end of this post, because it deserves its own section.)

Back to the main book series:

The two chapters in which Moiraine and Siuan first interact are Chapter 4 and 5 of The Great Hunt (Book 2). They are from Moiraine's PoV, and the essential gist of them is a) Moiraine is at Fal Dara following the events of The Eye of the World (Book 1) b) Siuan comes to Fal Dara for a state visit as the Amyrlin Seat c) Moiraine is summoned to see Siuan privately and all the other Aes Sedai who came along with Siuan thinks Moiraine is being chastised for her waywardness in the meeting, but in private they actually embrace warmly, and Siuan mentions that Moiraine is the only person with whom she can remember who she used to be when she was younger and not the Amyrlin seat. They also discuss that their conspiracy to find the Dragon together will have both of them stilled if the other Aes Sedai find out. Then they discuss Rand and various other matters of political importance, and then at the end of the second chapter they hug again before Moiraine leaves, and Moiraine thinks of Siuan as “my dearest friend”. Also, it’s mentioned that Moiraine and Siuan feel a tingle when each other channels, which is something only two female channelers very close to each other feel and even then it’s supposed to be temporary, whereas Moiraine and Siuan’s had lasted for over 20 years and counting.

So at this point, while it’s not explicitly stated that these two were gay for each other, at least when younger, just the way they were written already set a lot of gaydars pinging. To set further context, the two chapters described above (which are from the second book in the series) are the first substantial Moiraine PoV chapters we get in the entire series, and Siuan wasn’t even in the first book (though she was mentioned in passing, but only as the Amyrlin Seat, not as Siuan). We got a tiny peek into Moiraine’s PoV at the very end of the first book, but for most of the first book (The Eye of the World) she’s very much shrouded in mystery, a figure of awe and mystique, with even some hints alluding that she might actually be a Darkfriend that might secretly be working against everything she said she was working for. So the two chapters described above from The Great Hunt (Book 2) are the first time we actually get a look into who Moiraine is internally, what drives her, what her foibles and truest feelings are, the very intense feelings that lie behind her emotionless mask, and it’s very interesting to me that Robert Jordan thought that it was necessary for Siuan to be there for these chapters, that she was the person who could wrangle a show of true emotions and sentiment from Moiraine, who is so tied up in not showing any part of herself to the world that can be used against her.

The next (and final) two chapters where they interact are in Chapter 7 and 8 of The Great Hunt (Book 2). A lot happens in these two chapters, including Moiraine and Siuan’s find-the-Dragon-Reborn plot being found out by an Aes Sedai who used to teach them, but crucially to the Siuanraine dynamic is at one point the Aes Sedai deduces “Moiraine could not do this alone, and who better to help than her girlhood friend who used to sneak down with her to snitch sweetcakes.” Again the important things to note here that is already established by Book 2 that a) Moiraine and Siuan were the closest of friends when they were younger and studying at the Tower to be Aes Sedai and b) This closeness is intrinsically tied into why they have taken this quest together, their trust in each other throughout the years despite so many lengths of time apart when mistrust could have fostered between them, and how they can be truly equal with each other despite Siuan’s title as the most powerful woman in the world and despite Moiraine hailing from a powerful and wealthy noble house that once used to rule Cairhien.

After this, Moiraine and Siuan do not meet each other again in the main book series.

Moiraine’s story in the main book series after this: For the next 12 books in the main series, Moiraine PoVs are few and far in between (not enough) and mainly concerned with Rand and with the events of the main plot, until the Fires of Heaven (Book 5). Near the end of Fires of Heaven, Moiraine seems to “die” when tackling Lanfear (a Very Bad Girlboss) into a timey-wimey-wibbly-wobbly magic doorway. At this point, we are given to think Moiraine is dead dead, and we have to wait six books later until The Knife of Dreams (Book 11), where we learn that Moiraine is not dead but is imprisoned in another realm (the realm of the Aelfinn and the Ellfinn) and there’s still a chance (but not a surefire chance) of bringing her back alive). In Towers of Midnight (Book 13), the rescue actually happens, Moiraine comes back. Moiraine has 9 PoV chapters in the entire main series before her "death", and two very small PoV snippets in Book 14 after her rescue, which IMO is woefully small given her importance in the narrative.

A few things to note about Moiraine’s story before her rescue/return from the other realm:

1. When Moiraine seems to “die” near the end of The Fires of Heaven (Book 5), she passes Lan’s bond to an Aes Sedai friend of hers, Myrelle, in a hail-mary gambit to save Lan’s life from the heavily depressive urge a Warder would get after their Aes Sedai dies. Myrelle does questionable things to keep Lan from giving in to this urge, and because of this as well as because of the passing of the bond itself, Moiraine and Lan’s relationship fractures in a way that is never repaired on page even after she is rescued, partly because the narrative in the last three books didn’t seem to think their relationship deserved the page time to even have a talk with each other that could be a step forward in that recovery.

2. Moiraine is aware of her fate before she tackles Lanfear through the magic doorway, because she’d seen (admittedly hazy) visions of multiple versions of the future due to plots reasons that’ll take too long to explain, and therefore knew that she had to tackle Lanfear in the doorway and be presumed dead, for future events to pass in a way that would lead to the Light’s victory.

3. Moiraine jumps into the magic doorway in Book 5, and it’s interesting that her decision to do this comes after Siuan’s deposal and reported “death” in Book 4. She really said death is not getting you out of this relationship mfer. (I’m kidding, bookcloaks.)

4. Moiraine thinks Siuan is likely dead when she jumps into the doorway, as Siuan is reported dead after being deposed from the Amyrlin seat. An interesting part here is Moiraine’s response when Egwene tells her of the news of Siuan’s deposal, stilling and presumed death:

“There is a saying in Cairhien, though I have heard it as far away as Tarabon and Saldaea. ‘Take what you want, and pay for it.’ Siuan and I took the path we wanted, and we knew we would have to pay for it eventually.” (The Fires of Heaven, Chapter 15)

The interesting part is Egwene is bemused by Moiraine’s seemingly callous reply to the demise of her oldest friend. To me, this ties back to a certain scene in New Spring where Lan thinks Moiraine is utterly callous and cold when she doesn’t openly react to the betrayal and death of an Aes Sedai she had once respected/cared for, but once he bonds her as her Warder and gets access to her emotions, he realizes that despite her emotionless facade she’s actually hurting very badly inside. (New Spring, Epilogue Chapter)

A few things to note about Moiraine’s story during and after her rescue/return from the other realm:

1. When Moiraine comes back after the rescue, she has one big moment where she reconciles the Dragon (Rand) and the now-Amyrlin (Egwene) during a major disagreement, and this reconciliation is crucial in bringing all the forces of the Light together into a unified Coalition to fight the dark. But aside from this, Moiraine is unfortunately... benched. It’s like the narrative post-rescue didn’t know what to do with her aside from “Yay, mom’s back!” She’s basically benched to being a cheerleader from the sidelines, which is... a choice.

2. Moiraine comes back from Sindhol (the magical timey-wimey realm of the Finn) significantly lower in power than she used to be. However she has a bracelet angreal that will allow her to channel a lot more, to an extent even greater than she used to be able to at her full power, but it’s still annoying that she had to be depowered like that for no real plot reason, especially when the plot immediately scrambles to point out the angreal as if to say “See! She’s not really depowered!” Just... narratively useless and annoying.

3. Moiraine never gets to reunite in the books with Siuan, the person she started this whole quest off with. Not a single conversation. It seems an odd narrative oversight to not have a bookend scene near the end of the series where the two people who started the quest together have a discussion about how everything panned out twenty years later.

4. Immediately upon rescue from Sindhol, Moiraine professes herself to be in love with Thom and marries him right away. This is regarded by many readers to be the most egregious pair-the-spares relationship out of the whole series. Before this, Thom and Moiraine shared one major scene alone, which consisted of them speaking in subtle daes dae’mar terms about their individual histories (The Shadow Rising, Chapter 17), as well as a couple of blink-and-you’ll miss it interactions here and there. Moiraine does know from a vision by Min that she’ll marry Thom, so there’s the added weight of Moiraine - a woman whose entire life is shaped by prophecy - marrying a man that prophecy said she’d marry. Overall, while the hints are there from early books of a Moiraine-Thom endgame, and the more astute readers definitely picked up on them while reading, narrative hints are not the same as relationship development. There isn’t really any scene of Thom and Moiraine actually enjoying each other’s company, other than an aside comment from Thom that she laughed at his gleeman jokes at one point, and the scene mentioned above of them daes dae’mar-ing around each other in The Shadow Rising, where Moiraine sounds “distinctly amused” when they were verbally sparring (which could be read as her being amused by how far out of his depth he is trying to play the Game of Houses against her, but YMMV.) Juxtaposed against this is Thom’s (justified) wariness against Aes Sedai and his various attempts to undermine Moiraine’s authority with the boys during the early books due to this wariness, which was what personally made me uninvested in their romance, because while his wariness may be justified, his actions don’t exactly bode for a lasting relationship with a woman who is Aes Sedai personified. (Also, when Moiraine marries him, Thom mentions his dislike for Aes Sedai, and Moiraine says that for him she’d throw away the bracelet angreal and give up the Power, which... why is a powerful woman throwing her power away for love always seen as romantic. Why is it almost always a woman who gets a romance arc like this. Why.)

5. Upon rescue from Sindhol, it’s very explicitly said that Moiraine suffered very severe mental torture while in Sindhol, but then the narrative refuses to give her the narrative space to talk about it. In the same scene, the male PoV character muses of her state post-imprisonment and post-mental-torture as “Humbled, cast down. That made her seem stronger to him for some reason.” (Towers of Midnight, Chapter 57) which just... plays into this tediously recurring idea in fiction of suffering being good/necessary and being depowered being a good/necessary thing, but it’s especially glaring here with the gender/power dynamics in play.

Siuan’s story in the main book series:

Siuan’s story arc is too extensive to go fully into so I’ll try to summarize key points:

1. The first couple of Siuan PoV’s we get are mainly ramp-up chapters showing her side of the search for the Dragon Reborn, and of awaiting news from Moiraine on how shepherding Rand is going. It’s noted that Siuan was born a fisherman’s daughter in Tear, and because they fear and revile all channelers in Tear, she was bundled off to Tar Valon on the very day it was discovered she could channel, and she has lingering bitterness from being forced to leave her home this way. It’s noted that she’s quite proud of where she comes from, and keeps her furnishings simple as Amyrlin.

“Oh, they do hate it, child. Hate it, and fear it. When they find a Tairen girl who can channel, they bundle her onto a ship for Tar Valon before the day is done, with hardly time to speak goodbyes to her family.” The Amyrlin’s murmur was bitter with memory. (The Dragon Reborn, Chapter 29)

(Also, she fucking hates horses, which is amusing because Tear is known for its horses. And also amusing because Moiraine loves horses.)

2. Siuan was made Amyrlin at 30 years old, the youngest Amyrlin ever until Egwene comes along in the main book series. At the point when the book series starts, Siuan has been Amyrlin for about 10 years. She has a Warder named Alric. While it's not stated in the books, Robert Jordan (the original author of the book series) stated in his notes that Siuan met and took Alric as Warder when she went traveling for a brief period of time outside the Tower after she was raised to Aes Sedai.

2. Siuan’s story takes a major turn in The Shadow Rising (Book 4), where she’s deposed as Amyrlin Seat in a coup by Elaida, stilled in a sham trial held by Elaida, and left for soon-to-be-dead along with her keeper Leane. Siuan and Leane are rescued by Min. Siuan’s Warder Alric is murdered during the coup trying to defend her. After hearing that all of the Blue Ajah, most of the Green Ajah, and substantial members from all other Ajahs except the Red had fled the Tower in protest of the illegal coup, Siuan resolves that instead of dying (owing to the severe depression that stilling comes with) she’ll find where they’ve fled to instead, which she eventually puzzles out is Salidar, a small village in a country called Altara.

3. Upon being stilled, Siuan’s appearance turns very youthful, making her look like she’s about 18 years old, despite her being ~42 years old. This means she’s unrecognizable. Here’s something she says about her new face:

Moiraine herself wouldn't recognize me with this face. (The Gathering Storm, Chapter 41)

(It says a lot to me that this is from Book 12, seven books after Moiraine has been presumed dead, at a point in time when Siuan and Moiraine’s romantic relationship is supposedly definitely over for decades now, and yet it’s still Moiraine whom Siuan defaults to as the person who she should count on to recognize even when she’s unrecognizable. It’s like even when the narrative doesn’t want to linger on their closeness, it can’t help but have them set each other up as the standard for intimacy/closeness.)

4. While escaping with Leane, Min and Logain, Siuan runs afoul of Lord Gareth Bryne, an Andoran nobleman and general. She ends up giving an oath of servitude to him to escape imprisonment and then running away to find Salidar, with the understanding that she’d complete the term of servitude after she was done with her Dragon Reborn cause. He ends up being infatuated with her (when he’s 60 years old and he thinks she’s 18 years old, mind you), and chasing her all the way to Salidar, where he makes Siuan his unpaid servant as the fulfillment of the oath. There begins a tedious arc where Siuan falls in Stockholm-love with this man, and ends up turning into a teenager personality-wise, literally running away if he so much as looks at her, or alternately throwing tantrums at him, which is a very weird narrative U-Turn compared to the 22-year old Siuan from New Spring - a prequel book set 20 years before the main series - who spoke rather maturely and realistically about relationships, and who Moiraine specifically said was very good at controlling her temper.

5. Siuan’s personality in general takes a very weird narrative U-Turn after Gareth Bryne hunts her down in Salidar. The woman we meet in The Great Hunt, who spoke with elegant pathos about Fal Dara being built for war in the midst of all that beauty, turns into a prudish and immature teenager whenever she comes into proximity with Bryne in the latter half of the books. It's as if the narrative is trying to change her into some imagined ideal of what a love interest for Bryne should be - virginal, prudish, inexperienced - except it's like fitting a square peg into a round hole because Siuan was already established as none of those things. It’s just... very weird, and very jarring because it’s like there’s two Siuans, the normal one who’s mentoring Egwene and taking care of business around Salidar and the teenager who comes out when Bryne is around or being discussed.

6. In Lord of Chaos (Book 6), Nynaeve heals Siuan of the stilling, even though stilling was previously thought to be un-healable. However, Siuan is restored to much lower strength in the Power than she used to be and given that the Aes Sedai work on a strength-based power structure, she’s very low in the totem pole even after being healed from stilling. Also, she’s still Lord Gareth Bryne’s unpaid servant. Also, the narrative makes sure to mention that she had to beg on her knees to be accepted back into the Blue Ajah.

7. Siuan never has a reunion with Moiraine in the books. But Siuan does think this in Book 12:

She didn’t regret her life. Yet, at this moment, passing army tents—holes and broken ruts in the path shaking the cart, making it rattle like dried fishbones in a kettle—she envied Moiraine. How often had Siuan bothered to look out of her window toward the beautiful green landscape, before it all had started going sickly? She and Moiraine had fought so hard to save this world, but they had left themselves without anything to enjoy in it. (The Gathering Storm, Chapter 12)

(Crucial to mention that at this point here, Siuan thinks Moiraine is dead. That is to say, she thinks Moiraine is not in this world. The world in which there is nothing left for Siuan to enjoy. The poison for Kuzco. Kuzco’s poison.)

(Also crucial to mention, it’s after this moment of stock-tacking that Siuan makes the decision to actually pursue an “entanglement” aka a relationship. Again, very amusing how even as the narrative actively avoids having Moiraine and Siuan meet again, it cannot help but hold them up as the standard for each other that needs to be stepped over to move on to something else.)

8. By the end of Book 12, Siuan has accepted to marry Gareth Bryne, and made him her Warder (in a situation where he basically corners her into it in a high-stakes moment where Siuan can't really refuse.)

9. In Book 14, the final book in the series, during the Last Battle, Siuan says how proud she is of Egwene as her legacy, and then dies in a farcically throwaway death by saving Mat from a burning building. If that seems abrupt to you, it is even more abrupt in the narrative.

So, that’s how Moiraine and Siuan’s stories end in canon. Moiraine depowered, married to a man who can’t help but speak of his distaste for Aes Sedai even as he’s marrying one, and estranged from her Warder who she was closest to aside from Siuan for 20 years. Siuan depowered, dethroned, Stockholm-ed into love with a man who spanked her like a child for misbehaving, and then dead in a throwaway scene.

New Spring (NEW MF-ING SPRING)

Robert Jordan wrote a Moiraine-centric (and Lan-centric) prequel novel called New Spring, which is chronologically situated roughly 20 years before the main book series, when Moiraine and Siuan are roughly 22-ish years old and Lan is roughly 26-ish years old. New Spring has 22 chapter chunks from Moiraine’s PoV, 8 chunks from Lan’s PoV, and 1 small chunk of Siuan PoV. New Spring covers Moiraine and Siuan hearing Gitara’s prophecy, being raised to Aes Sedai, starting their search for the Dragon together, Moiraine escaping the Tower to search for the Dragon on the road when the Aes Sedai show plans of putting her on Cairhien’s throne, and meeting Lan on the way, who is returning home from fighting the Aiel War, Moiraine and Lan having misadventures together, and the book culminates with Moiraine and Siuan deciding that Moiraine will continue the search on the road while Siuan will use her newfound position in the Tower as the mentee of the Blue Ajah spymaster to facilitate Moiraine’s search from the Tower. In the final scene of the book, Moiraine seeks out Lan again, reveals to him the truth about her search and the prophecy of the Dragon being Reborn, and asks Lan to become her Warder, which he accepts.

New Spring has its flaws and there are some (non-Siuanraine-related) moments that make my skin crawl, but if you are a fan of the Siuanraine ship or Lan/Moiraine brotp from the show, this is the book you want to read. The main book series has flashes of both these dynamics here and there, but New Spring is where you really delve into just how strong Moiraine’s feelings for Siuan used to be when they were younger, and also into how she meets Lan and decides to make him her Warder.

New Spring is... a jewel, the book of my heart. It’s a delight to see all three of these characters when they were young. It’s interesting to read about Moiraine’s social fauxpas/mishaps and her temper and how she chastises herself for the mishaps even when others don’t even notice, and how you can already see how this tendency is going to develop into the Moiraine we see twenty years later in the book series, who is so closed off that she seems stone-hearted to others, when it fact she’s feeling things very deeply. It’s a delight to see Lan grousing about Tairens and various other soldiers not showing the proper courtesy needed, not following proper form. It’s a delight to see Siuan coming up with various zany ballsy plots ranging from secretly keeping a notebook of potential Dragon Reborn candidate names right under the Aes Sedai’s nose to buying a bunch of mice from a stableboy right after she’s passed her Aes Sedai test, to put into Elaida’s bed, under the reasoning that it wouldn’t be dignified to do this after she’s officially raised Aes Sedai so this is her last chance.

But most of all, New Spring is... super gay. Maybe it’s not explict explicit about it, but it’s impossible to read New Spring and not come out realizing just how terribly in love Moiraine and Siuan used to be, twenty years ago. The entire book is like a Siuanraine fanfic. If you read no other book in the series, if you’re a Siuanraine fan, anon, please read this book.

(In a book-only sense, it’s also utterly heartbreaking to read New Spring, because you get the sense that this is what Moiraine and Siuan truly gave up: the closeness they had to each other. That, even though they didn’t want to, in the twenty years to come they’d both turn to other people for affection, and get closer to other people, and that this change would creep up on them so slowly over twenty years that it’d have happened before they even noticed that it had happened, or had space to mourn it.)

In New Spring, you learn that Moiraine and Siuan arrived at the Tower on the same day, and that they’re within a year of age, with Siuan being slightly younger. They were entered into the Novice enrolment book on the same day. They graduated from Novice to Accepted on the same day, in three years time, which was the fastest anyone had done it (a record shared by Elaida who came a few years before them) until Nynaeve/Egwene/Elayne all break it twenty years later. They were also raised from Accepted to full Aes Sedai on the same day, in three years time, which was again a record matched only by Elaida and broken by Nynaeve/Egwene/Elayne twenty years later. Siuan and Moiraine remained in lockstep in their strength in the Power as well, and were in their prime two of the most powerful Aes Sedai in the White Tower, matched by very few others until the events of the main book series.

I can quote so many passages from New Spring to show how gay it is, but I’ll restrain myself to four:

She had never been as close to anyone as she was to Siuan. Or loved anyone as much. - New Spring, Chapter 6, Moiraine PoV

The sight of Moiraine always made her smile. Cetalia had been wrong in one particular. She was not a pretty little porcelain doll; she was a beautiful little porcelain doll. - New Spring, Chapter 12, Siuan PoV

Siuan could have kissed her. In fact, she did. - New Spring, Chapter 12, Siuan PoV

“Novice and Accepted, she was sent to my study more often than any three other girls. Except for her pillow-friend Siuan. Of course, pillow-friends frequently get into tangles together, but with those two, one was never sent to me without the other. The last time the very night after passing for the shawl.” Moiraine kept her face smooth, kept her hands from knotting into fists, but she could do nothing about burning cheeks (...) And spreading out all these intimacies! (...) How close she and Siuan had been was no one’s business but theirs. - New Spring, Chapter 17, Moiraine PoV

(The last one especially is important because they’re specifically mentioned as being pillow-friends and pillow-friends was confirmed both in text and out-of-text-by-the-author as being a term used for a sexual relationship, so at that point this goes from simply “Is anyone else getting a gay vibe...” to “This is 100% canon.”)

Anyways, a lot obviously happened in the 20 years between New Spring and the main book series, but I thought it’d be nice to end on a high note.

I hope that answered your question, anon!

#wot book spoilers #wot books spoilers #wot spoilers #wheel of time book spoilers #moiraine damodred #siuan sanche #moiraine x siuan #siuanraine #the wheel of time

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