#how do i find people who share the same views? everyone i meet and interact with has different views from me

[autisticlee]

no one I know or meet seems to sees things the way i do. others either see everything as a competition or a thing they're bad at and/or too embarrassed to try....

i see it as an opportunity to have fun with friends, laugh together and at ourselves, and form good memories. working together, not against each other by making everything competitive. despite being bad at something or looking silly. and in spite of what other people might think about that!

I honestly can't stand trying to hang out with people who want to make everything a competition. I do not want to compete with you or anyone else! that is not fun for me at all. stop it. you don't need to win at something all the time. learn how to relax for once.

I also can't stand people who spend more time thinking about what other people around us might think about them and refuse to do things and miss fun opportunities because of those thoughts. they won't try new things or things they aren't perfect at because they're afraid to look silly or weird or whatever. so they hold back and miss out on things. or refuse to do them at all and miss out on everything. and that make me miss out on them too, because it's not fun or possible to do it alone and defeats the whole purpose!

[shmowder]

Greetings! It’s been a while since I wrote something to you. I missed the feeling, honestly. Hope you’re doing just fine!

So my request is small and humble. Where do Patho characters like to kiss their partners? Especially the old coots because I would die for their senile sentiments. Also, is there any chance to hear your view on Simon Kain? As character, as a love interest for writing? His figure is quite intriguing to me!

Yours, 🧡.

Writing something always feels nice, doesn't it? Articulating your thoughts through words, especially when they're words meant to be sent to someone else. I missed the feeling of answering asks as well. Part of me still doesn't fathom that people actually enjoy listening to my ramblings... it's a warm feeling.

Finally, another old coots request! I was wondering if anyone would dare to request them again or if they were fated to be a one-time thing, reduced to a haha joke. I did write them with sincerity, old people are hot. Especially Georgiy Kain—Anyway, I'll do the request in a separate post and write my Simon Kain thoughts in here.

General thoughts on Simon Kain

But ah, I haven't visited Pathologic source material in a while... I might be a little rusty when it comes to recounting facts and events.

Simon Kain haunts the Pathologic narrative in each route with the intensity of a thousand suns, he's the elephant in any given room, traces of his ghost embedded within each line of dialogue.

He's this massive great mountian which the whole town is constructed upon, you can remove a good portion of pathologic's cast and still have a semi-good story, it'd still be recognisable for what it is, a plague utopia.

But not Simon, never Simon. Without Simon Kain, there is no pathologic. He's that imperative to the narrative. To us the players, to the writers, even amidst the game protagonists. They have to share spots, there are three protagonist, you could remove two and still have a functional game, but you can't remove Simon Kain without the entire structure collapsing. Forget being a critical piece in a tower of jenga, Simon Kain is the table which the tower is set upon.

Poetically enough, the townfolks share the same sentiment as the players. To them, Simon Kain was a given fact of life, fire is hot, snow is cold, and Simon Kain is. Simply is a being that exists, as empirical as the air we breathe. They'd sooner question the existence of god before the existence of Simon Kain.

And then he dies, on the very first day of the game, off screen.

To the people living there, it must have been the equivalent of the sky falling down. Do you know how much it takes for an entire town to be convinced that you're immortal? Impenetrable? Solid steel? Only to succumb to no mortal wound or manmade weapon, but to sickness, a pest, the plague.

No wonder many of them immediately turn around to believing that the changeling is his living incarnation. It's the only feasible explanation. The only logic left when a man who defied all logic was killed.

Keep in mind, we—the player—are the only ones to never meet the man. Well, inquisitor and army general as well. Yet everyone in the town has, in some way, seen the living legend, interacted with him in some form. To us, he is a ghost. To them, he was a breathing talking walking person, to many, he still is.

We hear so much about him. Everyone is so opinionated about what Simon Kain has done, who he helped, where he spent his time. And despite it all, we hadn't the slightest clue on what his personality was like. You can deduce many things from the tens of account witnesses and lines in-game concerning Simon, but you won't find anything personal much. No accounta of how he liked his tea, how many pillows he preferred on his bed, of the inner workings of his mind, of the love, pain, despair and wont every human is plagued with since birth.

Everyone who has failed to mention these trivial yet undeniably human facts about Simon Kain has unknowingly contributed to pushing him into tipping over the edge, which separates a man from a cryptid. Much like the Changeling's powers require others—most important herself—to believe in her, it's not far fetched for the townfolks overactive imagination and blatant cult-like worship of a single man to have invoked the legend of Simon Kain, it's how most eldritch beings come to be.

It's why he isn't that renowned in the fandom despite his intergal constant suffocating presence in the game. He is more of a concept to us. Even the personification of the plague is easier done than that of Simon Kain.

To me, personally, he represents a conundrum. Simon is the parasite dormant in the judge's mind, his physical death merely woke it up, and now it's already started consuming his memories, taking over his being in order to birth another Simon Kain in the most vile way possible.

And I have the misfortune of liking Georgiy Kain... quite a lot.

It's like falling in love with the sacrificial lamb's reflection against the blade that you yourself stabbed down. Our arrival triggers the meta narrative events that kill Simon Kain, which in turn is responsible for the slow death of Georgiy Kain.

A game needs a player, and the player needs to be in the town, and if a player is in the town then a chain of events is triggered, and the very first link is the death of Simon Kain. We might as well have his blood on our hands, not the Bachelor, not the Haruspex, and not the Changeling—but us, me and you. The player that started the game.

Now is Clara actually a reincarnation of Simon Kain?

The answer is obviously no... well, for the most part.

She is not human, a Shabnak-adyr, came from the earth, a thing of clay—but also everyone here is a cloth doll stuffed with straws, so what difference does it make that hers happens to be moulded out of clay?—whatever Aspity is made out of, Clara and her are the same.

Now, to say Clara is the incarnation of Simon Kain, is to say that Aspity is also one. Shabnak-adyrs are vessels cut from the earth and made a separate being in times of plague, the first wave gave the town Aspity, the second Clara.

But then there is the argument that Clara's powers are not that different from Simon Kain. To cure people, in P1 at least, she transfuses her own blood into them.

And who else was said to have the golden ticket blood other than Simon Kain himself?

Aspity's powers are unclear... we can't exactly count her defying death in the Marbles Nest since the devs said it was a whole separate story. Simply put, it's the same theatre set, the same puppets, but a different script.

So Clara is most likely not Simon... but Simon's powers are hinted to be slightly related to Boddho and the earth... which Clara comes from.

It depends on your personal interpretation of reincarnation. On the most broad and forgiving of interpretation, yes, Clara is the first in line when it comes to the most likely person to be his incarnation.

But based on my interpretation, Clara merely inherited some of his power, maybe personality even; the two of them have a habit of starting cults. She clearly took something before his soul was sucked back into the focus, but they stay separate beings with no further connections.

It's like I walked up to you while you're tying your shoes, slipped a 5$ bill from your wallet, then heard you tell a joke to your friend, and I immediately stole it and wrote it in a tweet before posting it on my account with 3 followers, two of which are porn bots. Do I get to claim that I'm your incarnation because of that? Neither could Clara.

Either way, the man is a goddamn freak is what he is. A fucking anomaly. A concept, a demi-god, a pathetic lie, an all powerful sorcerer, a conman, a shared delusion created by a whole town. I don't know what the fuck he is!

Is he even real?

We don't find his clothes, none of his belongings.

How come we don't see his room in P1 crucible. You can even find Khan's abandoned childhood bedroom but not the literal previous owner of the building?

DID HE EVER EXIST?

Did anyone actually meet him? How is it possible that every single person in this town knows him? Even the kids? Did a single soul ever interact with him or did it start as a white lie by a rando to impress his date? And with no way to prove the alternative, suddenly everyone can claim to have been chummy buddies with Simon Kain since with plausible deniability.

THERE NEVER WAS A FUNERAL!

Was that body in Rubin's warehouse even his? WE DON'T KNOW! We've never seen Simon before! That body could've been a random npc Stakh threw on the table and we would've been none the wiser. We have no concrete proof of his existence besides words and claims.

I take back what I said, there is nothing empirical about Simon Kain, he's a mirage, a cloud of smoke, simply mist.

I'm not crazy! YOU'RE CRAZY!

I can't even begin to properly contextualise the entity that is Simon Kain... I don't even have the beginning of the beginning of an answer to what he is... how am I supposed to write x reader about him.

...

We supposedly meet him, talk to him even, at the end of the Bachelor route.

Georgiy has no incentive to lie and be a troll now, it could've possibly been the "real" ghost of Simon Kain. A newborn, a larva wiggling about in his mind, munching on memories and eating him from the inside out until it wears his skin, adorns his face and controls all of his limbs, yet the only thing that remains inside is Simon Kain.

But... delusion can take you far. How do we agree on what colour red is? If your friends, family, and everyone in your town start referring to blue as red suddenly, always correcting you when you refer to it as blue, looking at you like an idiot when you argue back, and with no wifi, or internet, in a school-less town with swarms of illiterate children, how could you feasibly not cave under the pressure and start refering to blue as red, as well?

In fact, even blue itself, would start believing it was red. Stand as red, eat as red, conduct business as red. Take on Red's responsibility, walk and talk as Red.

And speak to the Bachelor Daniil Dankovsky at the end of the plague, too, as Red.

We didn't kill Georgiy Kain, we killed Simon, and Georgiy took his own life shortly afterwards, in everything but the word itself.

One could attribute it to many things, and sheer grief is a valid possibility. Simon Kain was everything to everyone, but especially to his twin.

It's mirrored in the Stamatins, how if one of them dies, the other's spirits follows soon after. Such is the case in the Marbles nest, Peter is dead, and Andrey is still alive physically, but the game tells you that without his twin, he might as well be counted dead. Only the body remains, an empty shell.

And who could've known Simon Kain better than his own twin brother?

...

that or the whole game is a very long and elaborate "Simon says" joke that overstayed it's welcome

[characteranalysiscentral]

Inside the mind of a genius; an analysis of Inanimate Insanity's Test Tube

Abstract:

Test Tube, the resident brainiac of her seasons. Immediately showing up and showing off in her first episode of season 2, this scientist is much more than meets the eye - with the creation of Bot to her infamous line “everyone sees me as a brainiac, but it looks like I still have a lot to learn,” Test Tube could very well be one of the most dynamic characters of Inanimate Insanity!

Who is this character?

At her core, Test Tube is a scientist. She devotes everything to her field, and has been constantly shown to mix science with real-world situations, giving her the title of ‘The Nerd.’ Her first interaction with anyone on-screen was a sentence only the stereotypical scientist character can say: “Well, this seems rather peculiar. I’ve never been on a competition before!” (S2E1: Breaking The Ice). The very next time she speaks, it's to share a definition of ‘ice breakers’ - “Guys, ice breakers is a relative term for a way of bonding for two people that have never met.” (S2E1: Breaking The Ice). This gives her the ideal role in the competition, someone people can rely on for a definition and a potential helping hand. This, of course, doesn't last long, as her enthusiasm in her field isn't exactly infectious. She's called annoying by her fellow contestants, and some have gone as far as to downright ignore her if she starts talking. Her prominent social anxiety makes itself known when talking to people that don’t share her interests; she adapts to this and consequently calls her own social inability her ‘specialty’. Beyond that, she's shown on many occasions to get annoyed or even reach a literal breaking point if she's wrong or if something doesn't go as planned, making her not only a nerd, but a perfectionist. (Is it obvious why she's my first? We're basically the same!)

What is this character’s role?

To many of her fellow contestants, Test Tube is viewed as obnoxious and irritating due to her strange behaviours - muttering to herself, edging away from situations she finds undesirable, and even slipping away at random times to her “secret” lab under a Dr. Fizz machine. However, her role in season 2 specifically goes farther than it seems. In “Marsh on Mars,” she's able to construct a usable rocket in a matter of minutes, and in “Hatching the Plan,” she builds another one with the help of the other contestants. While she was shown to be helpful here, it's clear that with her other creations, she's quite secretive and possessive. (Hence the very secret lab.)

In “Alternate Reality Show,” Test Tube’s personality is more dynamic and shown more than other episodes. Her perfectionist behaviours specifically are almost amplified around Lightbulb, as she often takes out anger and frustration on the other throughout the episode. Even near the very beginning, there's annoyance shown when she scribbles out the ‘secret’ in her sign. Her mood quickly changes, though, when Microphone puts down her time machine. Once again showing her dynamic expressions, once Lightbulb enters, she rips up her board and glares frustratedly at the rest of the people in the room. (Sidenote, very unrelated: Lightbulb coughing up Baxter. That is all.) Once Test Tube, Lightbulb and Baxter are on the other side of the portal, Test Tube immediately seems fascinated by her own doing; her creation worked exactly how it was meant to, and her excitement is very obvious. Throughout the episode, she's shown to be excited about different things in between her spontaneous bursts of anger. At a point in the episode, as Test Tube is being cornered by Salt and Pepper in II Infinity, what was at one point anger seemed to dissolve into a fear when she spoke, saying that “when I hear that phrase, it's almost like I'm home! ...Which I'm not. This isn't my home.” (S2E12 Alternate Reality Show).

After that episode, she's shown to be more open about her interests and talking with others, expressing in the Invitationals that “there's only so many problems that have simple equations, but there's so many more that have impossible, unspeakable solutions. But... I want to solve them anyway.” (S3E7 Best Served Cold). Over the course of her seasons, Test Tube is shown to not only have a large development, but new bonds and an enthusiasm not only in her field but her friends as well. (How nice!)

What are these characters’ principles?

Test Tube's principles show often through her actions and how she interacts with people, a main one being that (especially after S2E12 Alternate Reality Show) she believes every person is an individual. She's admitted to her own faults within this, especially with the creation of Bot. This is another one of her moments that's shown in S3E7, when she explains to Cabby that it isn't right to expect people to act how she writes them to be, to then apologise to Bot for expecting them to act like Bow.

Along with that, she also has a strong conviction in decisions that she believes are right, almost to a fault. In her elimination episode, S3E10 I Am Chocolate, she's dead set on eliminating Cabby no matter what, even going as far as to comment on her ego where it doesn't make much sense; “She can’t be serious over there, giving up her immunity to SILVER? The EGO on that one! Ugh…she’s gone next” (S3E10). After Balloon argues with her over it, she shuts down, merely saying that it's “her fault.”

Overall, as a character, Test Tube is intelligent beyond comparison. Not only that, but she's analytical, strong in her beliefs, and loyal to what and who she knows to be right. Her bonds with her fellow contestants left an ever-present mark on the competition, and the way she changed during it is unforgettable.

(check out our playlist based on this analysis and follow the blog for more!)

[madneurologist]

What’s your take on the family dynamic of Hugo meeting Varian’s aunt, uncles, his pseudo-adopted sister and her husband.

I apologize for every single typo you're going to find on this post

in regards of his family on the earth kingdom,

his heart would ache with pure envy wishing he had the same. varian has a huge extensive family while he has nothing, he doesn't even have a proper home nor family, he was abandoned in an orphanage and later he was left out to wander in the streets until donella found him, and even though he knows she loves him she still exploits him for her own advantage but he's too scared of being abandoned again so he never calls her out for it

at that point i don't think hugo knows about varian's past yet, therefore he still has this "wealthy spoiled boy" narrow view of him, so he grows resentful towards varian around that time. because, varian's so lucky in life, he has the tremendous advantage of growing up in a much more loving environment, advantage hugo did not recieve. he'd wonder that if he had grown up in better conditions he would now be doing great things, maybe he could've grown to be the royal engenieer from ingvarr, maybe doing great inventions to help other people instead of being an awful person to everyone

it goes like that for the first days they're staying with varian's family, he is more distant than usual and has been isolating himself due to the shame he feels for being envious over that. varian really doesn't notice it until much later because he hasn't been paying attention to hugo rather than his family members for the most part, so hugo can't help but feel left out, because everyone else in the team is having fun with varian's family but him

at some point varian tries to talk with him once he feels something is off- but hugo just pushes him away until varian gets rightfully frustated and gives up. it's not the first time hugo has done this with him to avoid showing vulnerability, but it still makes varian upset

now, hugo meeting eugene and rapunzel!

as for eugene, i'm one of those people who think it would be hilarious when they see each other at the castle, because of the criminal history they share with one another, like the whole deal about hugo dropping a piano on eugene years ago and eugene still being pissed about it?? that never gets old.

HOWEVER, i think their relationship goes deeper than that, not only because they met when hugo was still a kid but also because now that hugo has started to live with varian it's obvious this is new for him. finally having a home, proper food, and in general luxuries he always dreamed about as a kid, is overwhelming for hugo, and eugene gets it because he's been there too.

even if he's VERY skeptical, he can't help but feel empathy, specially when he sees hugo is really trying to make up for varian, so he shows his care in very subtle ways, sometimes more direct-like even if hugo maks fun of him or gets snappy thinking eugene is trying to ridiculize him when he says certain things that speak through his soul, making him feel vulnerable as ever-

as slowly as he realizes eugene is genuinely trying to be nice, he starts being nice too (in his own way)

finally as for raps *panting for breath*,

i have doubts about my take on this one, i'll just say whatever comes to my mind, sincere apologies

his first interaction with rapunzel gives him a bad feeling because of how kind she's being the whole time, even though he became good friends with princess nuru, he still couldn't help not distrusting royalty as a whole. and with rapunzel being queen, he feels a bit intimidated because of this, *yes* he does loosen up eventually when he gets to know her better, however even if he were to throw a snarky comment or two towards her, he's surprisingly respectful, not out of fear, but out of pure admiration

apart from this i believe that at the beggining he would get kind of spooked when realizing how good she is at reading people and being a positive influence on them, he finds it as annoying as it is amazing, esp when they have mushy talks about not having emotional barriers and opening your heart to the affection of others— in which he just wants to curl up and die

[quohotos]

Thoughts about bonds/bonding

This was something I was already planning to write up but then the latest return to regalia episode opened the flood gates and filled in some missing pieces for me. What follows is my own educated guesses and headcannon, very little of this is explicitly in the text of the books. Understand that much of this is my own headcannon, though I'll try my best to justify it with the text.

(also note that since I was an audio book kid I don't actually know if it's spelled flyer or flier and I'm going to get it wrong more than once and you're just going to have to live with that)

Luxa says that it wasn't normal for her to bond with Aurora so early, but that an exception was made as almost a form of therapy after the death of her parents. The same exception was made for Hazard and Thalia. We aren't explicitly told how old Henry was when he bonded with Ares, but I'm assuming it was before adulthood given how all four of them (Luxa, Henry, Ares, and Arora) have a storied history before the events of the first book. Henry had to be younger than 16 when they bonded (16 being the age of legal maturity in the underland, will amend if I'm misremembering), which isn't surprising given that he's Henry and he's never played by the rules. This raises the question of the bats' ages... we aren't ever told that. I would assume that the bats are of similar ages to their bonds, but I have no evidence to back that up.

In the Marks of Secret Ripred explains that rats grow up incredibly fast and reach full maturity in about a year, and that humans are uncommon in how long they take to grow up. It's not clear how long the bats take to grow up. Would Thalia have become an adult while Hazard was still a little kid, or would they have grown up concurrently? I can't say either way. One thing I can say with more confidence is that regardless of their ages, Aurora and Ares probably see their respective bonds like younger siblings. Obviously, being bonded to someone is a completely different relationship that we can't exactly map onto what we have in the overland, but I think that's a close approximation.

So Why and How do regular people get bonded?

The most surefire way to get bonded would be to join the military (something you can do from a very young age... I mean they have armor on hand for 12 year olds and we see seven year olds doing military drills in the Prophecy of Bane... yaaaaay). In the military you will be assigned to mixed species units and it's just sort of assumed that they'll all end up pairing up and bonding.

For civilians there are likely special yearly festivals that the two kingdoms share with the express purpose of giving people a chance to find bonds. My guess would be right around the time of the harvest when there's plentiful food to go around. After a hard year a bunch of flyers come to regalia and everyone has a big party to celebrate. There are probably specially organized games of whatever sport Gregor walked in on back in the first book. While specific flyers are probably scouted for sports and more importantly the military there's still plenty of opportunities for common Regalian and flyers to interact and meet.

What does bonding do for a flyer?

We see so much of the Underland Chronicles from the point of view of royal humans. To them, the benefits are obvious. Humans can't fly, bonding gives them access to someone who can. But why would a flier seek out a human bond? That just sounds like an obligation, right?

The Regalians have incredibly advanced medical technology. I've roasted them before for their metalworking, but their chemistry/biotech is unparalleled. They're able to produce antibiotics, as well as synthesize plagues and their cures. They have ways of treating illnesses that the overland doctors (allegedly) cannot. We also see that they have incredibly reliable and safe oral administered sedatives. Anesthesiology is such and advanced and risky field, and they seem to have cracked it to the point where people can safely be sedated for trivial maters without anyone batting an eye.

The arrival of humans (as permanent residents, native people made limited journeys to there before the arrival of Sandwich) in the Underland definitely raised everyone's average life expectancy by decades... before lowering it immediately afterwards through endless wars. In Curse of the Warmbloods someone steals the pain killers and Gregor realizes that the rats couldn't even use it if they wanted to because they don't have hands to open the bottle. Much of the Regalian's medical technology still requires a human to administer it. You need humans to carve splints and set them, you need humans to administer injections, you need humans to cut hair and perform surgery. Spinners can do some things to stop bleeding, but any significantly complex medical procedure is going to need human hands involved. Think about things like glasses and prosthetics, things we don't normally associate as medicine but would still kinda are. Humans probably manufacture and prescribe bat-glasses.

For a flyer, traveling long distances without a human bond is incredibly risky. If something bad happens, even if you have other flyers with you, you could die from what would otherwise be preventable causes. Bitten by mites? Who's going to apply the the ointment? Wing dislocated, who's going to pop it back into place (this one literally happened to Aurora). There are also probably some foods that can't safely be eaten raw, but a human could prepare. Heck, a human can boil water to purify it, or place traps that catch pray that otherwise wouldn't be hunt-able. Humans can catch fish that live too deep in the water for a flyer to peruse. Humans are adaptable. Your bond is your Swiss army knife, adaptable and versatile even if sometimes fragile.

Any flier trying to pursue and education needs to be bonded. You wanna go to bat-college? You gotta bring a human. You'll need one to transcribe all your essays and help you read books. The fliers definitely have a rich oral history that they all maintain, but there are some things that you just need a human to access. The average flier probably doesn't have a bond, but the higher in status definitely do for the educational purposes alone. While the queen herself doesn't have a bond, in fact it seems almost frowned upon in the royal family (Nike doesn't have one despite getting very close to a human who would like to bond with her in the later books), you bet your ass that every middle manager and local bat official has a bond who takes care of paperwork and accounting.

It's a funny parallel how flyers of low status like Ares can suddenly be whisked into royalty by being bonded to Henry, the same thing probably happens to humans. You could be Joe Shmo nobody (or I guess this is the underland so Joeth Shmavetus) who would probably live out their whole life carving stone jars, but you do numbers good so the bat-secretary of bat-state bonds with you and now you're really important.

That means that there are probably lots of places within the flyers lands that are built specifically to house humans long term. We see a little bit of that in the first book, but there's probably a lot more out of sight. Special areas where an important fliers' bonds can live and do their taxes and whatnot.

Bonding is usually an egalitarian process. It seems like both sides and both factions have to consent to it. When Gregor insinuates that one side owns the other he gets massive push-back. With that being said, I'm almost certain that Ares had little control in the matter over bonding with Henry. I think there's kind of an unstated rule that the royal families are going to bond with whoever they please, and that turning down a bond of high status would be a massive faux pas. Ares probably didn't feel like saying no was even on the table.

What about non-flyer bonds?

Oh yeah, code of claw spoilers beyond this point. Now that everyone's doing the reread and we're probably bringing a few first time readers into the fold I'm going to spoiler mark this part just in case since I'll be discussing things that happen in the last installment

Luxa and Ripred bond to usher in peace. This is treated as something that has never happened before but that the rules don't explicitly forbid. Henry jokes about people bonding to the crawlers, but in a way that portrays it as stupid and pathetic rather than impossible. In doing so she also symbolically brings the Gnawer into the spiritual fold that the flyers and humans already share.

Humans and Gnawers would then be allowed to bond with each-other. It might take generations for that to happen in earnest, sicne both sides have so much trauma and resentment built up, but maybe decades in the future the younger generations will find it in themselves to do so.

The fact that Luxa bonding with Ripred doesn't break her bond with Aurora sets the precident that you can bond with as many people as you want so long as you never have two of one species. I do not think Aurora is that happy about that, and I doubt she sees Ripred as her own bond. It's possible though, that in the future you could have big groups of underlanders who are all united by one bond. A whole bad batch rogues gallery of a flyer, a gnawer, a human, and a nibbler who each bring something special to the group.

Though never explicitly stated, I think it probably goes without saying that Hamnet and Frill were bonds. It definitely wasn't done the proper way, probably just informally in the jungle with nobody else observing, but still. A bond is a bond.

[starrook]

PLOTTER / SHIPPER

taken from: my claude and lukas blogs :) which were taken from a jcink pokemon rp’s shipper section

tagging: the person reading this

1. CONNECTIONS

write about how our muses could connect with each other! ex. what does your muse like to do that other people would be involved in? do they have interests that other people might share?

He is a Knight of Seiros and doesn’t advertise his prince-status, he wants to be treated like a normal person that doesn't need any special treatment.

It might be a surprise to other muses that he is a prince of Brodia and Diamant’s brother. Not sure if it's enough for a full thread but might be fun for a short interaction. I mean Alcryst won't have fun but it's okay.

Consistently tries to push himself to try new things, willing to go out of his comfort zone and do something he’s never done before. In between Engage’s end and arrival in Fódlan, he finished his formal education, but still takes seminars on topics that he's interested in.

The problem is that he doesn’t have much in the way of hobbies. Trying to fish more but it’s not usually something he does by himself. He's the kind of guy that will want to try something new but only if there's a friend by his side.

Loves learning about new places! I think if the school had cultural festivals he’d be all in. 

2. PLATONIC

Write about your muse and their concept of friendship. Ex. how is your muse like with friends? Do they make friends easily or do they find it difficult to connect with others?

Alcryst's biggest barrier to making friends is, unfortunately, himself. He's pretty shy and awkward due to low self-esteem, so it's rare for him to make a good first impression with people. In spite of that, "other people" are specifically listed as one of his likes and he wants to make meaningful connections with everyone.

So here is my bold take: Alcryst is a (shy) extrovert. He's uncomfortable being in the center of attention, he struggles at intense parties... but at the same time he enjoys the company of others, he goes out of his way to meet new people and wants to connect with them. Yes he calls himself a bit of an introvert in his Seadall support but I've decided that he's wrong so there ����

It takes a while for Alcryst to get comfortable with a new person, but once he is, he's really a different person from how he usually is. He's a lot more relaxed and comfortable, and he's less prone to self-deprecation if he's shooting the shit with his friends. Mainly because Alcryst tends to keep the focus more on others than himself. He's the kind of guy that goes out of his way for the people he cares about, observant of their emotions and desires and always trying to lift their spirits, make them happy. For better or worse, he's a people pleaser and cares about what other people think.

3. ANTAGONISTIC

Write about your muse and the conflicts they have with other people. Ex: who are they on bad terms with, what kind of people do they not get along well with, how do they act around people they don’t like

Alcryst is NOT conflict-averse and very much willing to start fights if he believes the other person is in the wrong. See: him about to throw hands with Ivy post Chapter 10, still being hostile in her C support like "you know what you've done", treating Alear and Hortensia as enemies when he believes them to be a threat (to the point of almost shooting the Divine Dragon's head off, whoopsies!). It comes from a place of wanting to protect the people he cares about, the kingdom of Brodia as well as his family. From his Camilla Bond A convo:

Camilla: I feel like we’re quite similar. Like how we’re both kind, but can be cruel on the battlefield… Alcryst: Me? Similar to you?! I’m completely unworthy! Though…we do work well together in battle. Alcryst: Perhaps because we give our all to defend our allies and show no mercy to the enemy.

I think Alcryst starts out as having a black-and-white view of things, like a very Us-vs-Them mentality that he grew up with. Elusians are a threat because they worship the Fell Dragon (bad), and Brodia keeps them in check by conquering their territory and undermining the kingdom (good!). If you're not with us, will that make you a threat in the future? That sort of thing. I imagine he'd still be wary of people who are unable to commit to a cause or switch sides as it pleases them. They would be considered unpredictable, not someone to trust. It's absolutely not something Alcryst is proud of, he gives himself a lot of grief about it and is trying to "be more like Diamant" in that regard.

4. ROMANTIC

Write about your muse and their relationship with romance. Ex. are they searching for love or not interested in it in the slightest, what’s their dating history like, how do they act around crushes, how would they treat their partner if they were in a relationship.

As Citrinne puts it, he's not that clever 😂😂😂

Alcryst is kind of oblivious. He doesn't think anyone would like him, so if someone tried to flirt with him he would think that they're either joking or he's misunderstanding the situation. Unfortunately you'd need to drop very loud and obvious hint for him to get it, and even then he'll second-guess himself and wonder if he's reading too much into it. "Diamant, xyz said that I'm hot, that they would date me given the chance, they give me lots of gifts and say that they love every part of me. I'm not sure if this means that they're actually interested in me, help."

His dating history is nonexistent: when your brother is the most eligible bachelor in Brodia you don't tend to get a bunch of marriage proposals your way. Why aim for silver when you can potentially win gold?

As a prince of Brodia, Alcryst has pretty much accepted that he's likely going to get married for political purposes rather than "true love". However he still has reservations about it, as he does not want some poor girl to end up miserable with him just to make a power move. Whether there is romantic attraction in the marriage or not, Alcryst would still prioritize having a happy and harmonious relationship with his partner. If Diamant ordered him to marry someone he did not choose, Alcryst would do so: duty commands it, and it's expected of him to follow through.

Because of that, Alcryst tries not to act upon his crushes. I like to think that he's the kind of guy that gets all kind of crushes easily, mainly because he wants to get to know them better. He'll just as easily try to talk himself out of them and convince himself that it'll never happen, though. Alcryst is much of the same around his crushes, maybe more nervous (but he's always nervous).

While I was writing this, I ended up asking myself this fun question question: Does Alcryst think he deserves love and romance?

I don’t play him as thinking himself as abominable scum of the earth that deserves nothing, ever, he has some self-respect. Maybe doesn’t see fairy-tale romance as something that would ever happen for him. 

Is he worthy of being loved? Struggling with that. Maybe that’s why he’s not totally opposed to political marriage, he doesn’t think he deserves love so he tries not to yearn for it? Or really place that much focus on finding it. His existence in the Brodian royal family is a mistake so it’s fine if they use him as a political pawn.

Doesn’t need to be in love with them, but doesn’t want to be miserable with them either. He puts his all into what he does, wants to be committed.

[notanotherinfjblog]

Bias ramblings

I think it’s fascinating how we all have biases for or against certain cognitive functions in other people that we are not even aware of. When I take a look at my bookshelves, about 80% of the books in there were written by ESTPs and ENTPs, while only two(!!) books in there were written by FPs. The rest were written by ESFJs, some TJs and INTPs, but the INTP stories always feel like there’s something missing. I love how I can always very quickly tell if a story was written by an FP just by the way that the characters interact because viewing them through the lens of Fi feels so foreign that the story might as well have been created by aliens. And it’s interesting how that correlates with the disconnect I experience between me and most FPs, especially ISFPs, in real life. It’s nothing personal, it’s not like we dislike each other. We are just aliens to one another. I love a lot of FP musicians, but the ones that can make me cry are the ESTP ones, when yet another one of them writes a song that is created from Se and Fe and they sing about how this life was meant to be experienced together and that we are all one and that whenever something’s wrong, we are all going to be there for you, you are always going to find a home in us. This is love, this is safety. I’m a sucker for the word “we”, I’m an FJ after all. And my ESFJ mother has this same bias. Every FP she meets, there’s going to be a clash. I remember a time, when we were in a group of an ESFJ, ISTP, INTJ, ENFP and me as an INFJ, but it didn’t feel like a group because ENFP kept pulling someone aside to talk to them privately, thus creating a boundary between her and the rest of us, making us all feel like individuals surrounded by people. And my ESFJ mother lost it, and the only ones who could understand it were ISTP and me, the two other Fe users. This same ISTP is one of the chillest people you can imagine, but whenever he meets a TJ, he wants nothing to do with them, preferably never see them again. But this is his personal bias. I also know an ISTP who is married to an ESTJ. Likewise, my ISFP stepmother has a great dislike against FJs, meanwhile my ISFP and ESFJ friends are the most perfect couple you could meet. So these biases are not the same for everyone sharing the same MBTI type. We form these biases on our own, though I don’t really know how. My bias against Fi makes no sense when you consider that my best and oldest friend is an ESFP and I’ve known her for as long as I can remember, though I do remember us mutually hating each other when we met when we were three. One of my other closest friends is an INFP, yet 90% of FPs I meet feel like aliens that drain my energy, while the other 10% (typically ENFPs) are the ones that decide to adopt me 0.5 seconds after meeting me. Why are we always drawn to the same group of MBTI types and why is it not always mutual? NFPs gravitate much more toward me than I to them. I’ve been asked out by a couple of ENTPs, but in the end they always tell me that we are too different people, even when I don’t think so. TJs like me and I like them, but a proper mutual fondness only develops with the NTJs. When I first met my ENTJ friend, we were in a group with an ESFP and an ISFP, and the only one that got on fine with each of us was ESFP, but it was ENTJ and I that stared at each other and both of us immediately went “oh! I choose this one, this one is friend-shaped.” A lot of ESTPs tend to be quite fond of me and I like them, but the fondness usually isn’t mutual. ESFJs and I are never a problem, but somehow we never end up being close friends, despite getting on very well. Which reminds me of my ESFP friend who is very attracted to Se in other people and frequently crushes on other SFPs, but it never amounts to anything more than one or two dates. There’s simply not enough of a difference between them. Being too similar to each other doesn’t work for relationships. Humans need diversity, which is why you will never find the same MBTI type within the same nuclear family, not even in identical twins. Literally all STJs I know absolutely hate meeting other STJs. It’s a blind hatred toward one another from the very beginning for absolutely no reason other than recognising a piece of them selves in the other. And even in movies, where a couple of (casting) directors artificially orchestrate family/friend/relationship dynamics, it’s incredibly rare to find a movie couple that’s played by two actors of the same type. But there are biases in casting choices, too. There are so many ENTP writers/showrunners/directors that will almost always cast ENTPs as their lead actors. Some tv shows are completely overrun by FJ actors or SP actors etc. that it simply cannot be a coincidence. Whenever there’s more than two intuitives on a cast, the project is usually run by an intuitive themselves. 

What I’m trying to say is: we are all biased in our relationships with other people in a very systematic way, and I personally believe that we tend to be drawn to those types and cognitive functions that provide a good balance to us. Why has my ESFJ mother married two Ti-doms? Because her own Ti is garbage and she needs someone to talk sense into her when she’s jumping to conclusions again. Why has my ESTJ friend befriended at least 8 intuitives that I know of (which is crazy)? Because she likes using Ne and they unlock the more fun part of her. Why does my ESTP friend have a whole collection of FJ friends? Because all these typical Fe behaviours, as she once said, make her feel warm and safe. Why do I get on so well with TJs? Because I’m an absolute loser at navigating the real world and don’t know how any of this works. It’s about balance. 

[sasquapossum]

This is a large part of why I'm here. When I was working, especially at my last job, I interacted a lot with people young enough to be my children. Then I retired. Other than my daughter's boyfriend, the only people I meet under 30 now are on social media. Even then, it would be few and not much under 30 ... except for here. This is by far the best place for me to stay in touch with younger folks, and it really does seem to help.

Yes, I do still have plenty of "get off my lawn" moments. Sometimes "young people" music or slang just really grates on my nerves. Every so often a young person makes an ignorant comment about history I've lived through, in a way that's so nasty toward people of my age or circumstance, that I can't help but bite back. But mostly I remind myself that young people in every generation have done the same things. Even my own. I personally was worse than most, and remembering that helps me avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict.

But on the important things - issues of bodily autonomy, self determination, inequality and injustice, climate, health, how society should structure itself - I'm far more aligned with young folks than with people my own age (or older). I find myself constantly weighing whether it's worth it to push back when my peers express outdated views - not particularly bad ones, which are rare in my circle, but ones which fail to account for decades of change in both the reality or our understanding of things like economics, mental health, climate, urban design, etc. These small differences have even caused some strain in my marriage, because my wife doesn't really talk to anyone on a regular basis and gets most of her information from older talking heads on NPR or NPR-adjacent podcasts.

There's an old joke about how only the things that existed when you were 18-25 will ever seem cool to you. Everything else is old-people crap or young-people garbage, and the same for ideas as for entertainment or fashion. It's a joke, but there's more than a grain of truth to it. We do form most of our ideas about how the world works at (approximately) that age. It is harder to replace an existing idea than to form a new one. It's important to keep up, to continually update ourselves, but it does get more difficult because of both changes in ourselves and changes (or often lack of changes) in who we interact with. I've been lucky in that regard, but not everyone my age is.

I know I've rambled on a bit, so here's where I circle back to the original point. "Make an extremely conscious effort not to repeat the fucking pattern"? Yeah, sure, as long we also recognize that aging is a form of neurodivergence. Many older people's discomfort with doing new things, or doing old things in new ways, should be familiar to anyone with executive dysfunction or on the autism spectrum. "If you’re close to [30], make a conscious effort to be open to and accepting of younger people"? Yes again, but it also goes the other way. Make a conscious effort to be open to and accepting of older people and their differences too. If you want to think of yourself as a person who celebrates diversity, there can't be one innocent (and inevitable) difference that draws condemnation instead of acceptance. Old people are still people, and not just when they're your own grandparents. The responsibility for maintaining connection between the generations is shared.

the whole “i used to be a teen who hated authority only to grow up to become the authority that hates teens” is a bad bad thing that practically every other generation has fallen into and we all need to make an extremely conscious effort not to repeat the fucking pattern

[gatormyst]

Genshiken (Part 1)

Genshiken was an interesting anime and it was my first time watching it. This anime is definitely not my cup of tea of what anime I consume. I weirdly found myself relating to the themes of it after the fact. I never would’ve thought that mostly because I don’t like slice of life anime (which I think this is) Anyway, the themes of fandom for both manga and anime is prevalent throughout and I’ll be discussing that today.

First, we’re introduced to our first character Kanji Sasahara. He’s a freshman in college and wants to join some clubs. He’s a kind of nerdy guy who likes anime and manga. As he’s wandering around he finds the “The Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture.” Sasahara notices that no one else is visiting the table and that there are two guys just talking about the anime that Sasahara just happens to love except he has a hard time going up to the table because he’s embarrassed about his interests. Makoto Kosaka, who we later learn is a hardcore otaku, is the next character we’re introduced to. He is not at all embarrassed about what he likes and cuts off Sasahara as he is about to approach the table. Even after this Sasahara still wants to fit in somewhere and so he goes to a meeting. For some reason everyone has to suspiciously leave and leave him all alone in the room. So he wanders around and does his own thing. Eventually, they all barge back in the room and say that he’s one of them, he's an Otaku! 

This all presents a concept that shows up in Fiske’s The Cultural Economy of Fandom called shadow culture capital which can be "earned" from the shadow culture economy. Shadow culture is the culture that lies outside the official culture. While it is different it does share many similarities with official culture. It is a culture where people don’t like to share with others unless they know the other person also has an interest in it because of the stark contrast between official culture and shadow culture. The knowledge from these two cultural economies just don't mesh well. So, what ends up happening is that people tend to keep it to themselves embarrassed of what others will think of their interest. The people who don’t share their interests often feel alienated from the official culture. This can be seen in the anime with Sasahara at first. He’s embarrassed by his interests and keeps to himself until he realizes they have the same interests and starts to open up. This is very common in Japan and globally as well. The other place it occurs is mainly in the U.S. where an interest in manga, anime, and Japanese culture can be viewed as weird or nerdy.

Something Fiske also talks about in the reading is not just consumption but also talks about how fans interact with the anime or media they have consumed, talking about it and reinterpreting it in their own way. This type of interaction is called enunciative productivity. It’s not just limited to anime and Japan, it’s a global phenomenon. Enunciative productivity is really where fans just interact or express their fandom through speech or appearance. So this could be cosplay for anime fans, or putting on facepaint and wearing a jersey for sports fans. 

I can relate to this anime, because I have hidden my interest in anime and manga so as to not seem “weird” to my friends and I still do it to this day but to a lesser degree. Now I’m more open about my interests in anime and love talking to people about it. Overall, I don’t know if I would recommend this anime to anyone because I found it weird (mostly because of the doujinshi). If you can get over that fact I’d say you should watch it. 

[reniselfcarejourney]

Blog Entry #8: About Self Care

𝑵𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝑪𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒈𝒆 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆

Do you want to make new friends in college? Do you want to maintain this friendship in college? Do you want to build connections while not ruining your boundaries or someone else boundaries?

College marks the beginning of an exciting new chapter, especially for those fresh out of high school. As a freshman, you might find yourself with only a few or no friends, which can make getting to know your surroundings and meeting new people feel daunting. However, forming connections in college is incredibly important. Friends can offer invaluable guidance and support, and you'll be able to do the same for them.

But let's face it—approaching new people can be really tough, especially if you're feeling shy and anxious. In this blog, we're going to talk about how to build friendships and connections in college, and how to maintain those relationships while respecting each other's boundaries. If you're a freshman, this topic is perfect for you!

Be open and Approachable – As you start your college journey, you will meet and interact with different students and professors. So be open and approachable, show your best smile and friendly tone. Show that you are interested in talking to people so that you can form a friendly attitude towards them.

Be Yourself – Show your authentic you, be real because authenticity is the key to friendship. Being true to yourself attracts people who appreciate who you are leads to meaningful connections

Balance your time - Finding the right balance between your social life and academic responsibilities is crucial. Make sure you set aside dedicated time for studying, hanging out with friends, and taking care of yourself. This way, you can maintain a healthy lifestyle and enjoy all aspects of college life.

Handle Conflicts Maturely - Conflicts are bound to happen in any relationship. When they do, try to address the issues calmly and respectfully. Focus on finding solutions together rather than blaming each other. This approach helps to strengthen your relationships and ensures that everyone feels heard and valued.

Communications Skills for Healthy Interactions

Active Listening - Really paying attention to someone when they’re speaking makes a huge difference. Avoid interrupting and show empathy to understand their perspective better. This way, you can respond in a way that truly addresses their feelings and concerns.

Expressing Yourself Clearly - When sharing your feelings, use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, say, "I feel upset when..." instead of "You always make me...". This helps communicate your feelings without putting the other person on the defensive.

Conflict Resolution - When conflicts arise, tackle them with a problem-solving attitude. Listen to the other person’s point of view, acknowledge their feelings, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you. This approach helps maintain respect and harmony in the relationship.

Setting Boundaries and Respecting Others' Boundaries

Know Your Limits - It's important to understand what you’re comfortable with and what makes you uncomfortable, whether it’s about your time, personal space, or emotional investment. Knowing your limits helps you maintain your well-being.

Communicate Clearly - Make sure to clearly express your boundaries to others. For example, let your friends know if you need time alone to study or if there are certain topics you’d prefer not to discuss. Clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings.

Respect Others Boundaries - Just as you set your own boundaries, it's important to respect those of others. If someone shares a boundary with you, honor it without pushing or questioning it. Respect fosters trust and mutual respect in relationships.

Be Assertive - Stand firm on your boundaries while being respectful to others. If someone crosses a boundary, calmly remind them of it and explain why it’s important to you. Being assertive helps ensure that your needs are met while maintaining healthy relationships.

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.” - Muhammad Ali

[socialmediapsych]

Social Media Risks

Think, Explore, Meet

As we discussed last week, social media can be a great place for us to connect with other individuals who share the same interests. This can be searching for a love connection, great recipes, support groups, or inspiration, everyone uses social media in some aspect. Please see last week's post on social media where I expanded on this topic as well as the idea of homophily in social media. 

Algorithms and Cognitive Biases

In the discussion from last week, we talked about the algorithms in social media and how they work. The purpose of the algorithm is to pinpoint our individual interests and send us ads on more things we like, and to make suggestions towards things we may like. The more you interact, the more the algorithm learns about you. On the surface, this seems great. Not one person wants to continue scrolling down to something they may never have an interest in, just to find the ONE topic they like. There are a ton of racism, homophobia, and religious and political views out there right now that others do not care to see. Once you click on one ad, multiples will continue to keep popping up for you. And now we have it as getting out of this algorithm we have created for ourselves. Your negative bias has taken over, leaving little to no room for critical thinking.

Steps to Prevent Risks

With social media and its algorithms, it’s easy to get sucked into this dark web of lies, deceit and sorrow at times. To avoid this, it is important that we consume content outside of our beliefs. How can you unbiasedly look at a situation if you are only viewing one side of the argument? For tons of people, it is impossible for us to look at something from a different perspective or point of view. Critical thinking is very important when on social media or the internet in general. Always confirm this information and see where the resources are coming from. We should always be open to other viewpoints and perceptions, as this is how we learn and grow as an individual. 

Close, S. A. (Ed.). (2017). The dark side of social media : A consumer psychology perspective. Taylor & Francis Group.

[uncloseted]

why don't people like me? why do people lose interest in me? i try really hard to make friends, be a good friend, invite people, and everything you're supposed to do? but nothing works, ive tried to have friends all my life.

Anonymous asked:

that makes me very sad but yeah i guess i will prepare for the end, and focus on forming other relationships with other people. it makes me sad bc im bad at finding people i click with and we were pretty close, i always lose close friends at the year mark unless we are very casual. my heart hurts a lot :( our last phone call i talked a bit about politics which i guess she didn't like but the call ended happily so i guess she changed her mind.

Anonymous asked:

when i meet people or call them they just don't like me anymore and stop wanting to be my friends.

Anonymous asked:

she told me i was her good friend and told me a lot of deep stuff and we were close and talked a lot and then last time i told her about my redheaded friend who wasnt friends anymore and everytime i tell someone about this they leave and this time we were close so idk why and i dont know what when wrong everyone leaves me at 1 year. i can never make friends and i can never make friends last unless i tell them im bad at socializing and then they just pity friend me

Anonymous asked:

no one wants to be my friend i try really hard now and ppl just dont like me very much and i try so hard and i am nice and polite and itnerested and no one liekd in school high school no one liked me why no one wants to be my friend

Anonymous asked:

Im having a hard time when I socialize with people, whenever it ends and I go home I always think "did I fail at that social interaction and make them like.me less?" Like I will keep track of how often they laugh or if they seem to have less energy than usual and I always assume they might like me less and not want to hang out with me again if I'm too quiet or unsure what to say. I feel like I'm not stimulating enough and it makes me worried I will lose people in my life because of it.

I think all of these are the same person. My apologies if I've grouped in some that aren't, but they're all kind of talking about a similar topic, so I wanted to answer them together.

Making and maintaining friendships can be really hard, and I think it's gotten even harder in the past few years since people were so isolated for so long. Without knowing any of you, I can't really guess as to why these friendships aren't working out. Sometimes, it's just that the people a person is trying to be friends with aren't the right people for them, whether that's because they don't share common interests or values, whether that's because they have trouble communicating, or whether that's just because they don't "click". That's not the problem of either party- it's just something that happens sometimes. Other times, people grow apart from one another or become closer to other people. That really sucks, too, but again, it's not something that any one person did wrong. It's just what happens sometimes.

Sometimes, a person makes the people around them feel awkward or uncomfortable, usually because they have trouble "reading the room". They might violate the expectations other people had for how a social interaction would go, accidentally cross personal boundaries, fixate on a specific topic of conversation, ask questions that are too personal for the relationship they have with the person they're talking to, have trouble empathizing with other people's points of view, have difficulty reading nonverbal social cues, just have trouble maintaining a conversation, or a thousand other things. That doesn't mean that that person will never have friends or that they can't have positive social interactions with other people. But it does mean that sometimes, those skills need to be learned or practiced, or that the person does best with friends who don't mind those quirks.

Other times, people have patterns in their friendships and relationships that they don't recognize, but that push people away from them. Needing constant reassurance about social interactions, being too clingy or smothering (in the context of whatever that means for the person), ignoring boundaries, being critical, controlling, dishonest, or selfish, gossiping or spreading rumors about a person, being inconsistent or flaky, making insensitive remarks, or a thousand other things can contribute to a person feeling like a friendship isn't for them, even if it seemed like it would be a great match at the start. Again, this doesn't mean that someone who struggles with these patterns will never have friends or that they can't have lasting friendships with other people. But it does mean that they may need to become aware of these patterns and work to change them so that the friendship can continue to grow.

It's also important to remember that it's okay not to be everyone's cup of tea. Our self-worth isn't dependent on the number of friends we have or what other people think of us; it's dependent on how much we like ourselves and can recognize our good qualities. And, somewhat paradoxically, I think that liking ourselves makes other people like us more, too. It sounds cliche, but one of the best things you can to do make friends is to be a friend to yourself first. And as long as you can find a few good friends who like you for who you are and care about you, it's not so important what other people think.

I hope this is at least a little bit helpful. Without knowing you or what your friendships are like, it's hard to guess at what's going wrong or what could be going better. But those are some common factors in why people may have difficulty making and maintaining friendships, even when they are really great people.

[seooptimizacija]

SEO basics

What having a website really means

SEO basics - web developers and SEO consultants work with many existing website owners who want to modify or improve their website. They also deal with many people who want to start their web presence with a new website. There is often a common theme throughout both of these interactions; misunderstanding or attitude. I call this a false perception of reality. Because often the reality of what the Internet can actually do for people's businesses and what they think it can do are vastly different. It is often assumed that thousands of people will magically find a website, visit it and buy their products. And that by simply owning a domain and a website built and published on the Internet. "If you build it, they will come" should be removed from the vocabulary as soon as possible if you want to adapt attitudes to underlying search technology. As a real-world businessman, it's obvious that this wouldn't happen outside of the internet ether. So what's so different online? Perhaps the technology boom years ago caused a rift in understanding. Or maybe the noise caused a meteoric rise in the share prices of technology companies. I can hear the thoughts of the small business owner, "surely this can be applied to my business" – in response I would say, "well, unlikely, but you should get some results over time".Website optimization for search engines The most important thing when taking on a project like website search engine optimization is to know that it's important to be committed for the long haul. It is not a small job and it is necessary to allocate enough funds for the project. Delivery times must be correctly distributed according to the necessary changes, in order to meet the expectations of the clients. The key points of responsibility for an SEO project are knowing that there are big changes near the beginning and during setup. But the changes don't stop after deployment. There are continuous improvements to the design and system over time. In this regard, I consider it important to manage expectations and set realistic long-term goals. About what the website can be expected to achieve and in what timeframes we hope these goals will be met. So what should your goal be when doing SEO for your website? Well, everyone's goal is exactly the same; improve page ranking, improve page views and visits and finally increase website sales. "White hat" principles When it comes to SEO and achieving these goals, you have to have principles, and my main principle is, "Good sites get good ratings, and bad sites get bad or no ratings at all." As time goes on with the improvement of search engine technology and the refinement of search engine results, this statement becomes truer and truer. I believe in results through "white hat" (read; "gray hat") principles and methodology. What are "white hat" principles? I guess I would liken it to doing things the honest way and the right way without risk. So develop a good website, promote good linking, have good informative content and keep working on it. And then you are on your way to a good ranking through "White Hat" principles. So why should you do things the "white hat" way? Well, search engines do have some kind of understanding, artificial intelligence. They quickly catch sites that send spam or link to irrelevant sites or have poor cross-linking. It's about being smart, looking long term and wanting your business to grow organically, naturally. So how do I improve my website and make it naturally search engine optimized? Well, that's why you're here! So let's go through a few things you should be doing on your websites from a basic level.Domain names - SEO basics When choosing a domain name, choose one that is relevant to the product or service you will be offering and that is as simple as possible. There are considerations about the brand and the product/service provided that should go into this choice. Involvement of marketing, personal and product understanding is required, but consulting with your SEO expert is also an advantage. At this step I would say take your time and choose wisely. Keep it simple and easy to remember, saying it out loud often will tell if it can be understood by the common man. Many SEO professionals firmly believe that buying a domain that is older and has been around for a while means that Google will not shut it down. What is the sandbox effect? Well, it refers to what Google does with a website or domain that is new or relatively unknown to Google. In many cases, Google's Sandbox effect delegates the new domain to suboptimal inclusion in search results. Regardless of website optimization, it reduces the relevance and ranking of the website for the search term. If you can use your old business domain name, consider it very important. However, if you are buying a new domain name, make it relevant to the product or service being sold or offered on the website. Keep it close, relevant and simple. Relevance is primary. A location-specific domain or an international domain (.com or com.hr)? Personally, I think dot coms are better, mainly because they have international appeal. But if you want it to be specific to your location and region, then consider buying all similar top-level domains, yourdomain.com and yourdomain.com.hr, if you can.Choosing a host - SEO basics Fast, reliable and provides you with everything you need and want. When choosing your host, ensure that the plan you are on is scalable so that any new traffic increases can be adjusted accordingly.Site design - SEO basics There are a few fundamental things to consider when modifying or designing a website.Layout of pages According to research, Googlebot searches websites from left to right and top to bottom. So, given this bit of information, it's clear that you should put our most valuable keywords and information on the left and near the top. Of course, this is a general statement and does not take into account the principles of design and beautification. Keep this in mind when designing the page layout. Place relevant keywords on the left and at the top of the page.Overall page size and loading The overall size of the page is an important factor. The page should load quickly and be easy to browse - SEO basics.Colors and themes One important aspect of marketing - selling - is the use of colors. Meanings are attached to colors in the same way that meanings are attached to words. - Gold is the color of wealth and prosperity. - White is the color of pure innocence and purity. - Pink is the color of femininity and tenderness. - Green is the color of natural things and freshness. - Red is the color of danger and stress. - Blue is the color of calm, intelligence. Most of the world chooses blue as their favorite color. Often represents "trust" The use of color to establish an image or brand is common in the marketing community, but when you visit the websites of many search engine optimization experts, it is obvious that the significance of color plays no part in their web optimization. Although color selection is not an SEO topic, I would consider it a very important factor in what SEO is trying to achieve. Ultimately, for your website – selling more products, building loyalty to your brand and influencing customers. Color research is something you should seriously consider. In the summary of color choices, I suggest you study and learn more about your clients. Explore color choices and their relevance to your core products. If in doubt, I suggest sticking with safe and reliable colors within a safe eye-pleasing design.Browser It is vital to ensure that your website works in all major browsers: Google, Firefox, Opera, Safari, Microsoft Edge. Testing other browsers is also an advantage, but these are the main ones used today. I think providing browser parsing statistics is irrelevant as it needs to work in all browsers.There are many things to consider when designing a website or modifying a website to make it more SEO friendly. These SEO basics will help you do just that. Read the full article

[crazybigredlove]

10th November 2013

Dear Pete, 

Coffee. Because Saturday coffee is only beaten by one thing: Sunday coffee. 

Holly and I met at that cute little cafe down the river - the one your mother loves and that you and I like to make fun of. All those people whose lives are shinier than ours like to meet there to discuss how fabulous they all are. They pull-up in their expensive cars; they walk like the world is their oyster; tossing immaculately groomed hair and laughing loudly because society never views them as an inconvenience. Life works out for those people. Made a concerted effort to blend in and it paid off because Holly greeted me rather enthusiastically. 

"Liv! You look amazing! Look at you with your hair all done!" Nearby latte drinkers looked amused; likely noticing that I was still a touch below their standard and probably garnering from Holly's excitement that my sub-par aesthetic was actually an improvement. 

"Well, no need to fuss. Shall we sit down?" As we sat it was hard not to admire the view. It was even harder to ignore the overly animated way in which Holly was enquiring about my love-life. Or lack thereof. "So who is the latest guy?" "Holly..." My eyes rolled so far back that for a second I wondered if they would get stuck there, or worse do a full lap. Wait, is that possible? "Oh you know I don't mean anything by it, but you're husband- ready and I want you to find someone." 

"Well, there was someone for half a second, but it seems he's happy to leave it at friendship and honestly, so am I." It felt good to admit it. "What? Who? Spill!" Leaning in so close parts of our body were almost touching, it was the first chance I'd had to really talk to Holly in months so with excruciating attention to detail I relayed every second of the history I'd shared with Big Red, Will, and Dylan. For the most part she stayed silent and let me speak. As you can imagine, it should've been a short tale but I managed to drag it out for close to an hour. "So what's his deal?" She said as my account of our interactions drew to a close. "Which one?" "The Czech. Forget Big Red. Whether you like him or whether he likes you is completely irrelevant. He has a girlfriend. You don't want a man that would do that to his girlfriend. You want a man who knows what he wants. That isn't Big Red. He's a mess. Leave him. They'll fall apart soon enough and then hopefully he'll sort himself. Then once he has his act together you can decide whether or not he would be worth the stress and heartache. Tell me about Will though. What's his game?" "I guess he wants to be friends. With benefits," I hurriedly add. "But only friends." "It's still early days." "It's been two years." "It's early days for you realising you like him." "He hasn't called." "You keep telling him not to." "Still..." Holly softened. "Liv, give the man a chance. Tell him how you feel. Find out if he does feel the same or not. He hung in there for a long while." "Holly." The empathy in her eyes was too much and I found myself blinking back tears. "Don't give me that look." "Can I give you some advice? Liv, you don't need the uncertainty crap. You need a man who is ready to commit. You surround yourself with all these guys who only want friendship or who don't know what they want. I mean, I love Christopher, you know that, but even he was trouble till you set some ground rules. How are you supposed to know what it looks like when someone comes along who wants the real thing when you have so many people doing it by halves or faking it? Maybe Will only wants friendship, and maybe that's because he's not looking for more, or maybe it's because all anyone knows about you is that you're the girl with all the guy friends. When we worked together your phone would go off constantly with all these men ringing who weren't yours. You let yourself be everyone’s girlfriend and no ones commitment. Where did that get you? You ended up alone. You deserve more. You need to demand more." 

The words hung as their full weight rested on us. All those guy friends... 

"I know. Big Red is done though and at the moment there is really only two guy friends. Christopher and Dylan. I'm happy with friendship from both of them. With Will... I don't even know what I want there. I like him, but I don't know what that means. That's the only thing I know beyond a doubt." 

"That's okay," she said, reaching out and patting my hand. "It's okay to be at a different point in time to someone so long as you aren't making excuses for them, or trying desperately to hang onto something that isn't there, or drag them to where you are." "But I'm always at the wrong point in time." This was where I struggled to contain it and I hadn't even known that it was building inside me. 

All those months of back-to-back disappointments had piled up and now it felt there was no more room inside me to contain it. The sadness wanted to explode out from within me and spill itself all over the table; coating it black and thick like tar it would cover it in a hot, sticky mess. 

Ruining Holly's dress and staining the furniture wasn't he most productive way to cheer myself up though, so it seemed best to compress it and push it down like all feelings that needed to remain hidden. 

"It doesn't matter. There will be another one, right?" I faked a smile. "Liv, don't get disheartened. You know what will happen once you find him? You won't have as much time for things like this. 

For travel, for you time, and for making the most of every second because your priorities will change and coffee dates will move down the list to somewhere below attending swimming carnivals and sports days." I must've grimaced because she laughed. "It won't be that bad, but make the most of this. Find out what it is you want. Who it is you want. If you and Will or you and Big Red are meant to be, then give whichever one it is time to get to you. He might not be all that far away. It's not completely unheard of for it to take a man more than a week to get his shit together. They don't all fall in an instant. If they did, you would hate that. You wouldn't want to hand over your independence in an instant, would you?" "Of course not." "Anyway, would it really be fair for someone to fall in love with you when everyone knows you're still hoping that Will or the Big Red guy will come back and declare their undying love for you?" 

And I thought I hid it so well. 

Holly talked some more: the inspirational spiel of proud singles everywhere (despite her being engaged. WTF?!), reminding me that with so many men hanging around there was no chance I could give my all to one guy anyway. When I finally left I had a renewed motivation and positivity. There was almost a spring in my step. Almost. Optimism that had escaped me since well before PT Patrick was rediscovered and I strutted from that snooty cafe ready to tackle the world, and as a first step, to cook myself dinner. 

It is now 8pm on a Sunday night. Dinner was delicious and the dishes are washed, dried and put away. Joshua Radin is playing on my iPod. I'm writing you a letter. 

This life really isn't so bad. 

Liv x 

[marvelouspeterparker]

teacher!tom

pairing: teacher!tom x teacher!reader

summary: your colleague is insufferable, really. the way he’s so cocky, so lenient with his students, so nonchalant, so attractive with no effort whatsoever––you hate him, really.  

warnings: smut near the end + this is really long fyi 

notes: this literally came out of nowhere, i thought about it before i fell asleep last night and luckily i remembered it today. i was kinda hesitant to write it out and post it but here we are! 

leave feedback :)

so you and tom get your jobs as high school teachers at the same time

you first meet during the training sessions during the summer before the semester started

and you immediately can’t stand him

he just––

he’s too much

with his charming accent

and his smile

and his perfect hair

how does someone look good with both gelled hair and messy hair?

when you had to spend too much time making sure you looked good every morning

it was unfair

some days he shows up in fancy clothes

a button down and pants

maybe even a trench coat

some days a leather jacket and oh how you hate that leather jacket and hoodie combo

it’s not professional in the slightest yet he still manages to pull it off

he even shows up to school in sweats

how? you have no idea

he manages to charm literally everyone 

from the students (including yours, thank you very much), the lunch ladies, even the principal for christ’s sake

all the girls love him, they swoon over him every day

you see how your girls brighten up whenever he strolls into your class to bother you 

he lets his classes watch movies way too often

he hasn’t even done some of the reading for his assignments he’s handed out

he constantly shows up to your classroom for the sole purpose of teasing you

‘looking as beautiful as ever, y/n’

you turn to look at him, a deadpan expression on your face, ‘some of us have actual work to do thomas, so if you would please leave––’

he interrupts you with a gasp, bringing his hand to his chest and he gapes at you, ‘how rude’ but you can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s not actually offended

you constantly have to physically shove him out of the class

and every time he just laughs, obviously enjoying himself, only pissing you off even more

he takes every opportunity he can to bother you

like when he interrupts your class, a cheeky smile on his face as he opens the door

‘sorry to bother you, ms. y/l/n’

you both know he absolutely is not

he turns to the students and waves like he’s a goddamn celebrity and they all swoon, and you roll your eyes

‘mr. holland,’ you see his eyes,, darken? at the sound of you saying his last name but you brush it off, ‘to what do i owe this displeasure?’

his usual smirk is plastered back on his face, ‘well i just needed to borrow a marker, love.’ 

you try not to let the nickname have an effect on you, especially when you hear your students perk up at the name as well

‘you know you could have just asked a student to come over here, right.’

he turns to your class playfully, ‘does she treat you lot like a bunch of servants?’ 

they laugh and you sigh, exasperated but somewhat amused, making him turn back to you

‘you don’t even use the white board in your class.’

he shrugs easily, ‘well today i am.’

and your students are loving the banter between you two

they all ship you and they’ve told you multiple times

tom’s students have done the same to him as well

you roll your eyes for what feels like the fifteenth time and nod your head to the tray under the board where all the markers are and he doesn’t move a muscle, he even dares to lean against the doorframe

‘well how am i supposed to know which one you don’t mind me taking?’

you glare at him and walk over to the board, picking up a random marker and throwing it his way

he catches it easily and slides out of the classroom and you can hear the grin in his voice as he walks off, ‘cheers, love.’

you just go back to teaching your class, ignoring some of the knowing stares your students are throwing your way

after class you go over to his class to see what was so important that he needed to get one of your markers 

you walk right in because of course his door is wide open

...he wrote the date

that’s it.

he looks up from his phone to see you standing there and he straightens up, his eyes widening slightly as he sets his phone down

‘uh’ he scratches the back of his head, ‘i erased it all, obviously’

you narrow your eyes at him, obviously not buying it

‘i can assure you we took the most intensive notes you’ve ever seen’ 

you laugh and walk out of the class, ‘yeah and i’m the pope.’

he smiles, shaking his head slightly as he watches you walk away

sometimes when you’re walking in the hallway, he somehow finds you, easily sliding up next to you

‘you following me?’

‘tom you came up to me.’

‘nonsense, really.’

sometimes during lunch, he’ll stop by your classroom if you’re not in the cafeteria

and you’re too bothered and hungry to kick him out

so you both just eat and “enjoy” each other’s company

he’ll make small talk with you and it’s actually not that bad

you share an office with him and the other teachers in your department 

your desks are right next to each other, because apparently whoever’s in charge of your life just isn’t on your side

he tends to look over at whatever you’re doing

‘geez darling, you really are a harsh grader...’

you look up at him, and back to the sheet, offended

‘no i am not! i’m checking the answer sheet and this is simply not correct––’

you plan on defending yourself further but then you see him trying to hold in his laughter and realize he’s just teasing you

you look back to your paper, hiding your smile, ‘ha ha. very funny tom.’

sometimes he’ll even roll his chair over and lean on your desk

you look over at him hesitantly, ‘do you need something?’

he just smiles lazily, ‘oh don’t mind me, just enjoying the view.’

you brush him off and try to ignore the fluttering feeling you get in your stomach

you’re with your other colleagues one day on lunch break, 

luckily tom hasn’t decided to torture you that day

and they ask

‘so you and holland gone on a date yet?’

and you choke on your food

and the other one goes ‘or have you at least fucked––’

and you properly choke on your drink this time

when you finally calm down, they don’t even try to hide their smiles

‘what are you talking about?’

‘oh come on’

‘you can’t be serious’

when you look at them like they’re crazy their smiles drop

‘oh so you’re either stupid or oblivious’

‘hey!’

‘i mean come on, the way he looks at you––’

‘his teasing’

‘his comments’

‘we don’t like each other, he’s insufferable...’ you say but it really sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself

‘you know we don’t even have any policies on that stuff, sooo...you could if you wanted to.’

when you don’t reply, they go on,

‘so you don’t think he’s attractive at least?’

you roll your eyes, ‘don’t be stupid, i’ve seen him before, and he knows he’s attractive which is the worst part––’

and you get interrupted by a very annoyingly familiar british voice

‘who’s attractive, darling?’ he slides in and takes a seat next to you and your friends can’t help but smile knowingly at each other

you send them warning glares and they ignore you

he sends them a charming smile, ‘hello ladies’

their soft, completely charmed responses make you gag

and tom can’t help but shove your arm playfully, ‘play nice, darling.’

‘can i help you with anything?’

‘just wanted to say hello to my favorite colleague,’ he turns to your friends, ‘and her lovely friends, of course.’ 

you roll your eyes, ‘isn’t harrison your favorite?’ you ask, bringing up the pe teacher he’s always with

he was a nice guy really, you’d talked with him a few times, he was always making jokes

he brings a finger up to his lips, ‘shh’ he winks, ‘don’t tell him.’

eventually he leaves you alone with a promise to stop by your class again before the day’s over  

you respond with a ‘there’s really no need!’ 

and he turns back to face you as walks out, ‘sorry! can’t hear you anymore!’

you look back at your friends and they’re giving you a ‘really, bitch.’ look and you can’t help but shrink in your seat a little bit, lost in thought

‘does he really like me?’

‘do i really like him?’

you try to push it aside and focus on your work for the time being after that––you are at work, after all

when parent teacher conferences come around tom obviously finds a way to sneak into your classroom before they start

you hate to say it but your breath hitches and your gaze lingers a little too long on the way his arms strain in his tight shirt, the part of his collarbone you can see peeking past his slightly unbuttoned top, the shiny watch on his wrist, his hands––

‘well you somehow managed to look even more beautiful than you always do, love. can’t say i’m surprised.’

you look down at the dress and heels you’d changed into after class ended, suddenly feeling undressed under his gaze

‘um thank you. you look good too.’

he seems taken aback for a second, and is he blushing?

‘thanks, love.’ 

he puts his hands in his pockets, a casual smile on his face, ‘so are you ready for the next five hours of forced social interaction?’

‘no but i have to be,’ you sighed. ‘i’m sure you’re fine though, you’re a people person.’

‘what can i say, people love me.’

‘alright,’ you say getting up, you don’t know what comes over you but you place your hands on his chest gently, ‘we have like’ you glance at the clock ‘two minutes so,’ you look up at him and the look in his eyes knocks you breathless

‘off you go...’ you trail of softly

his hands come up to hold you wrists gently, his thumbs caressing the skin, a soft look in his eyes,

‘if you say so, darling.’

it feels like time stopped but a knock on your door reminds you where you are and what you have to do

your hands hesitantly slide down his chest and back to your side and he sighs at the feeling, unwillingly letting you go

‘looks like my first parent is here.’

he backs away slowly, blinking out of the daze you both seemed to be in, ‘right, i––good luck, love.’

you reply quietly, ‘same to you.’ 

and so you introduce yourself to the first parent and go about your night

when you have a small ten minute window, you go to the bathroom and when you come back you find a small cup of coffee on your desk, just the way you like

there’s a sticky note next to it and you can’t help but smile when you read it

‘thought you might need this. knock em dead, darling. you’ve got this. :)’

when you’ve finally said goodbye to your last pair of parents, many long hours later, you prop your door open and take a seat again

it’s not long before you hear a knock at the door, you turn to see tom strolling in, two bottles of water in his hand

yes one hand, you tried very hard not to think about it too much, especially not about the way his fingers wrapped around the––

‘here you go, love.’ he hands you a bottle and you thank him as he sits down in the seat across from you where the parents were sitting all night

‘so how was that for you? first parent teacher conference done.’ he sips his water and you try not to focus on the way his throat bobs when he swallows the sips

‘i think it went well, they were all really nice, honestly. how was it for you?’

‘great, i mean it was honestly kind of fun, but now i’m exhausted’

you nodded in agreement, ‘oh! thank you for the coffee by the way, i––i really appreciated it.’ you give him a small smile

he returns one back to you, ‘of course, love.’

you can’t help but ask, ‘so do you just do this for everyone?’

he furrows his brows in confusion and you continue, totally disregarding the fact that he looks really cute when he’s confused

‘the coffee, the water, the nicknames...’ you trail off

he lets out a small chuckle, ‘i will admit i am a charmer––’ he looks into your eyes, ‘but i promise it’s just you. you’re...’ he trails off for a bit, ‘different.’ 

he can see you’re unsure about how to take that, ‘in a good way,’ he clarifies, ‘a really good way.’ he smiles

you lick your lips nervously, ‘well that’s...good. i––yeah that’s nice.’

you mentally curse at yourself, really? nice? my god––

luckily he lets it slide and soon enough the both of you get dressed and he’s walking you outside to your car

you both say goodnight and once you’ve driven off, tom gets in his car and heads home too

when the winter formal comes along, everyone is very excited, people are asking each other out, and all that fun stuff

being a teacher, you get to hear all the gossip in your class and in the halls and it’s honestly quite entertaining

‘now you didn’t hear this from me,’ you pause for dramatic effect while tom tries his best but fails to hide his endeared smile. he leans in over his lunch, ‘but apparently sarah lewis, the blonde girl in my class?’ you pause to make sure tom knows who you’re talking about

when he nods you go on 

‘thought that david––’

‘is that the bloke on the football team?’

‘yes, him. she thought he was going to ask her to the formal, right?’

‘yeah i mean i’ve seen them flirting in the hallways, only makes sense.’

you shake your head in sympathy for the poor girl and his mouth drops, ‘no––’

‘yes... he asked her best friend instead.’

tom sits back in his seat, ‘that fucker––’

‘tom!’ you laugh, though you really shouldn’t, these were students for christ’s sake.

‘what? come on, he deserves it, the player.’

you nod, ‘yeah i guess he does.’

you both laugh and when it dies down, he speaks up again,

‘speaking of the formal,’ you perk up and try your best to seem nonchalant as you look up at him.

he’s looking down at his food nervously, as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world. 

he clears his throat and looks up at you, his eyes vulnerable, ‘will you be uh, chaperoning?’

you swallow, weirdly nervous all of a sudden, ‘yeah,’ you tilt your head slightly and tom almost combusts at how cute you look, ‘will you?’

he snaps out of his reverie, ‘yeah! yeah i will.’ god he felt like he was back in high school again, this was ridiculous––

‘i guess i’ll see you there, then.’ you smile shyly.

he smiles back ‘yeah i guess i’ll see you too.’

tom shows up early to the dance, because he’s a nerd––he’d even put on his nice shoes, his extra shiny watch and gelled his hair for an extra ten minutes to make sure he looked good

he was hoping to catch you before everyone started piling in, but unfortunately you were nowhere to be found

nonetheless he helped with last minute decorations and such and stood in the corner when the dance started, to make sure nobody died or anything on the dance floor

he was sipping his punch, totally not judging the students dance moves when he noticed you walk into the gym, a look of awe on your face as you looked at all the decorations and lights

and you––

you looked like a princess 

your dress was long and flowy and there was a slit (a perfectly appropriate one) on the side and when tom noticed that he just about choked on his drink 

you made your way around the room, saying hi to the other chaperones and some of your students as well

a lot of people wanted to talk to you, tom found out rather impatiently

but soon enough, you made your way towards him, near the punch

‘funny seeing you here, holland.’

he smiles, ‘likewise, love.’

you both go off near the side and start small talking

soon enough you’re making jokes, enjoying your time

‘i have to say i really am impressed with how this turned out, it looks great,’ you say, your eyes exploring the room

he hums, ‘not as good as the ones in london though.’

you turn to him, amused and intrigued, ‘oh yeah, why’s that?’

he leans in to whisper in your ear over the music, ‘cause we’re allowed to drink booze at our dances.’

you snort and roll your eyes

and he can’t help but feel his heart flutter in his chest at the way you laugh at him

he wanted you to be his so badly

after a few moments of scanning the crowd and doing your job, tom speaks up again

he holds his hand out and you look at it and back to him ‘may i have this dance?’

you can’t help the smile that makes it’s way to your lips, ‘aren’t we supposed to be working?’

‘we can watch and dance at the same time’ he responds, even though he knows once he has you in his arms he won’t be able to focus on anything else but you

you say fuck it and grab his hand

he grins and leads you to a spot on the dance floor after discarding your cups

his hands gingerly find their way to your waist and it’s cliché, truly

but you feel all tingly when he touches you and honestly it seems like he does too

you slide your hands up to his shoulders and he takes a deep breath

you start swaying slightly to the song

and now that you listen to it, it sounds a bit too sensual for a high school, dance. but anyway––

tom’s eyes are entranced by the way you’re glowing in the light and the way you’re looking up at him

your lips looks so soft and inviting

your eyes are shining

and that dress

meanwhile, he looks dashing as ever

his jawline, his hair looks so perfect––you really wanna pull on it and mess it up...

you slowly inch your way towards each other and soon enough, you’re so close that if you just tilted your head and pushed forward, you’d be kissing

realizing where you are, you both snap out of it slowly

and as a slow song comes on, you lean your head on his chest and he holds you close

you can hear and feel his heartbeat and it makes you smile

you sway together and you can tell there are some students and even staff members who are staring at you two

when the song is over you look up at each other and the tension is unbearable, and oh so thick

‘do you wanna––’

‘let’s––’

you both laugh, still holding each other

‘let’s go, darling’ he grabs your hand and leads you to grab your coats and your purse and then out to his car

before he opens the door he catches a glimpse of the way you’re looking at him with your bottom lip caught between your teeth, your eyes looking him up and he just loses it

he practically lunges towards you and you yelp when he attaches his lips to yours, immediately melting in his touch

one of his hands is cradling your cheek, while the other reclaims it’s spot on your waist, gripping you softly but firmly

without detaching his lips from yours, he turns you around and presses you against the door to his car and you gasp slightly into the kiss, making him smirk

you raise your leg up slowly, trailing your heel up the back of his leg and he groans as he presses himself into you 

you hear a group of teenagers shouting and laughing as they step out for a breath of fresh air and the two of you pull away from each other reluctantly, panting as you stare at each other as if you want to devour the other

and honestly––you do

he opens the door for you and tries to calm himself down when he shuts the door for you before walking over to his side and getting settled in his seat

he looks over at you and notices the way your clenching your thighs together, how your breaths are still heavy and he bites his lip, unable to look away from you

you break the silence

‘are we really about to fuck in your car?’

‘of course not,’ he looks offended, ‘for our first time together? absolutely not, i have more manners than that love.’ he pauses, ‘unless you want that?’

you can’t help but laugh, ‘take me home, tom’

your eyes widen slightly, realizing how domestic that sounded and you go to take it back but he interrupts you, placing his hand on your thigh

‘let’s go home’ a smile on his face as he pulls out of the parking lot

the whole drive to his place, his hand is gripping your thigh teasingly and you’re surprised you didn’t leave a wet spot on his seat when you got up

he opens the door for you and takes you up to his apartment, using all his self control not to take you right there in the elevator

when you get to his door, it takes him way too much effort to put the key through the hole

though he’s not drunk, it feels like he is when he’s around you

you’re absolutely intoxicating

your hands are rubbing all over his body as you hold him from behind, your face nuzzling into his back and he can barely focus

‘christ––’

as soon as you step inside his apartment, he locks the door and his lips are back on yours as you take your shoes off and hastily throw your jackets on the couch as you walk past the living room

once you get into his bedroom, he turns the bedside lamp on the lowest since he doesn’t want you to trip and fall over anything

you both quickly undress and tom stops you before you can take off your undergarments

‘let me,’ a cheeky look in his eyes as he does so

he turns you around and grazes his hands up and down your sides before bringing them behind you and unhooking your bra

he slides it down your arms teasingly slow and the silence in the room is deafening as you hear it drop to the floor

he steps closer to you, pressing his bare chest against your back and you hear him take in a breath as looks at your breasts

he brings his hands to your waist in a silent question

and you lean back in response

he takes the invitation and glides his hands up to grasp your breasts and your back arches, a soft sigh escaping your lips and he basks in the sound, wanting to hear it again

‘so pretty, darling’ he plays with your nipples and you whine, wanting to feel him already

‘tom––’

‘alright,’ you hear the smile in his voice before he turns you around

then he bends down all while keeping eye contact with you, kissing your skin as he makes his way down

then, this cheeky bastard, places his hands on your thighs, while he looks up at you with those innocent eyes and grasps the waistband of your panties with. his. teeth.

he drags them down oh so slowly down your legs and once they reach the bottom you kick them aside

he stands back up and you waste no time, smirking at him before you bend down, ‘my turn’ 

you get on your knees and drag your fingertips down his abs while you do so, relishing in the shivers he tries to contain

you hook your fingers into his briefs and pull them down, biting your lip at the way his cock is standing up proudly

you lick your lips as he steps out of his underwear, ‘is that all for me?’

he bites his lip, bringing a hand down to hold your cheek and you turn your head to kiss his palm

and how you managed to make that hot? he has no idea

‘of course it is, darling. it’s all yours’ he grabs his cock and starts stroking it slowly, hissing at the feeling

you quickly take control and he moans out loud when you lick along his base and put the tip in your mouth

you swirl your tongue around him and he swears he sees stars

‘you’re––christ, you’re making me forget my manners, love. i’m supposed to take care of you first.’

you roll your eyes, taking him out of your mouth while you keep stroking him with one hand and play with his balls in the other

‘you wanna make me happy right tommy?’ you bat your eyelashes and he twitches in your hand at the sight and the nickname

‘y–yeah’

‘then let me do this please? wanna make you feel good’

he nods entranced and you continue, putting your mouth back on him

sucking and bobbing your head as his eyes flutter shut and his head falls back

he gets lost in the pleasure and honestly almost blows his load unwillingly but he pulls you away and leads you to the bed

you climb on and get settled in the middle, enjoying the look in his eyes as he climbs after you like a predator eyeing its prey

his eyes lock in on his target and you close your legs teasingly as you look up at him

he shakes his head slightly at your antics, ‘ah ah, open up, pretty girl. i wanna see you.’ he nudges your thighs open with his hands and the feeling of his fingertips pressing into your skin send tingles all through your body, making your pussy clench around nothing

he looks between your thighs and back at you, ‘can i?’

you nod before he can even finish his sentence and he’s too eager to please you to make a joke about it

he lies down between your legs and wraps his arms around your thighs as he holds you in place and dives in

his tongue is slow and teasing as he licks through your folds

he’s making eye contact because of course he is

and you can’t look away, and neither can he 

you can tell he’s enjoying this and it makes it all the more enjoyable for you

he’s taking his time and savoring you, coaxing you to the edge 

your hands grip his curls, ‘i’ve been wanting to mess these up all night’ you admit

and he growls into your heat, speeding up his movements

he shakes his head and lets you grind into his face as he focuses on your clit

and soon enough your back is arching, your eyes shutting closed and your body tenses around him, your thighs holding him close

he licks you up through your high and when your thighs loosen around him, he kisses your clit and sits up, rubbing your thighs soothingly

you sit up and kiss him slowly, passionately, letting your tongues taste each other as you feel each other up

‘come here,’ he mumbles between kisses while he moves around

he lies down on the bed and you go to straddle him when he stops you

‘just a little bit higher, love.’

your eyes widen, ‘you want me to sit on your face––’

‘been dreaming about it for a while now actually. please darling?’ he gives you those puppy dog eyes of his 

and though you didn’t know if he meant metaphorically or literally, you decided to climb up, you’d figure it out later 

you settle down on top of his mouth and he pulls you down, immediately getting to work as he watches you through hooded eyes

you’re still sensitive from your previous orgasm so you feel yourself get close quickly as he sucks on your clit

you mewl and he hums into your heat, loving the reactions your giving him

when he feels you about to tip over the edge he grabs your ass and helps you grind on his face as he flattens out his tongue

your thighs close around his head for the second time that night and his cock throbs at the sight of you and the feel of you pulsing on his tongue

he licks you clean and leaves soft kisses on your thighs as you come to your senses again

you get off of him and switch places

he licks his lips as he reaches over for a condom and puts it on

he watches you breath deeply, the light coating of sweat on your chest glistening under the soft light, your wet pussy 

he strokes himself and lines up at your entrance, rubbing himself through your folds and teasing your clit

you can’t help but shiver and jolt at the feeling and he bites his lip, hiding his smile

‘you ready, darling?’ he asks, wanting to make sure you still want this

you nod, looking up at him and he slides in, bottoming out slowly

‘god you’re so wet for me––’

you can feel every inch as he enters you and your walls are so tight he’s sure he won’t last––just seeing you come already made him want to

he starts thrusting into you slowly, holding your thighs up as he moves his hips and the both of you let out a string of moans and curses

he hits the right spot inside of you and your eyes roll back as you whimper, your hands gripping his as they hold you open

‘always wanted to see how you roll your eyes while my cock’s inside you––’ he teases

you can’t even be bothered to reply with a witty comeback, he just feels too good

you wrap your arms and legs around him pushing him deeper inside you and he groans, his hands sliding down your body to rest on either side of you as he pounds you harder

‘god you feel so good angel’

your heart properly bursts at the new nickname, your limbs tightening around him as you turn and kiss his neck

he couldn’t help it, just watching you tonight at the dance and just now underneath him, it was the only name that seemed fitting

‘fuck, i’m close––’ he pants 

you perk up and clench around him, wanting to make him feel good

he curses into your neck and keeps pounding you, sliding a hand down to rub at your clit

you jolt underneath him, moaning breathlessly at the feeling of his soft fingers in comparison to his hard thrusts

he reaches his high first, his hand and his hips not stopping until he feels you convulse around him

‘fuck––’

‘oh god tommy––’

he crashes his lips against yours and grinds his hips into you as you settle down from your orgasms

after a few moments of you giving each other soft kisses here and there, tom pulls out of you

he goes to discard the condom and leads you to the bathroom to pee, giving you a kiss on your forehead as he leaves you to do your business

it all feels very mundane and home-like and just warm

when you’re done, tom has a glass of water for the both of you and you take a sip before getting into bed and under the covers with him

he opens his arms and lets you slide in next to him, resting your head on his chest, wrapping your arm around him as he holds you close

after a while of comfortable silence, he speaks up

‘i’ve been wanting to do this for a really long time, you know’ he says absentmindedly as his fingers trace patterns on your waist

you nuzzle into him, ‘yeah?’

he hums, ‘always found you beautiful’

you’re glad he can’t see how flustered his words make you, ‘mm i always found you insufferably hot’

he laughs and his chest vibrates under you

‘insufferably?’

‘you know how you are’ a teasing tone to your voice as you answer

‘fair enough’

after a small pause you speak up hesitantly, ‘so...what now?’

you can hear and feel him take a sharp inhale before he responds, ‘well i was hoping i could take you out soon? i know we’re doing this all backwards but––i’d love to call you mine if that’s alright?’

you smile, delighted by his response, ‘i’d like that a lot.’

you can hear the smile in his voice, ‘yeah?’

you laugh, ‘yeah’ you kiss his chest and he squeezes your waist in response

the two of you talk for a little bit more and soon enough you drift off to sleep

tom drives you back to school on saturday to pick up your car after he made you breakfast, of course

and honestly he wasn’t a bad chef, he’d apparently learned from his younger brother

and if that didn’t make you fall for him more, you don’t know what would

he leaves you with a kiss and makes sure to wait until you’ve pulled off safely to make his way back home

when you come back to school the next week, your friends quickly bombard you in your office and practically drag you into the hallway

‘so we noticed you left with mr. charming on saturday...’

‘and left your car here’ they wiggle their eyebrows suggestively and you can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh

just before you answer tom walks in and winks at you, a grin on his face, before stepping into the office

oh he so knew what you guys were talking about

your friends turn to each other immediately, 

‘oh they totally fucked’

‘definitely’

your eyes widen and you shush them aggressively

‘this is still a school you know??’ but you all fail to hide your laughter

‘so how was it?’ they ask

you turn to make sure no one’s listening and look back at them, biting your lip 

‘pretty fucking amazing’

they shout and cheer and you slap them playfully telling them to calm down

‘i’ll tell you more about it later, now shoo.’

you make your way back into the office, a playful and slightly embarrassed smile on your face as you feel tom’s eyes watching your every move

he scoots over next to you when you’ve settled in your seat and you can feel his minty, tea flavored breath tickling your neck ‘so did you tell them about how you sat on my––’

‘shut up!’ 

he cackles and slides his way back to his desk

you’re walking down the hallway later on when you bump into a familiar face

‘oh hi harrison’

he lights up when he sees you ‘haven’t spoken to you in ages, y/n how are you? heard you and tom finally got together, about time––he’s been moaning about you for months now’ 

you can’t help but smile knowingly at the fact that he’d told his friend all about it just like you did 

and speak of the devil, tom comes strolling in out of nowhere, and walks up to you and haz in the hallway

you can’t help the smirk on your face when you see him and he immediately knows something is up

‘what did this div tell you?’

and your smirk turns into a grin, ‘oh nothing, just how you’ve been obsessing over me for months now,’ the glint in your eyes brightens and tom turns to glare at his friend

‘right,’ harrison speaks up, laughing, ‘well i’ve got things to do, you know sports to coach or whatever so i’ll leave you to it!’ before running off

you get tom’s attention again, a teasing sing-song tone to your voice, ‘you’ve had a crush on me’

he smirks down at you, his hands sliding down to your waist, ‘don’t act like i didn’t see the way you would look at me, darling.’ he grabs your ass subtly, and you gasp as he presses you closer to him ‘we both had it bad.’

‘now be a good girl and get to class.’ he walks off leaving you there gaping like a fish, your cheeks heating up as students start crowding in 

‘thomas!’ 

[aceshigh10987666]

You are the one who is adding the pathologization. In my opinion, pathology often isn't implied when an autistic says that someone seems to be autistic. To be clear, autism is a disability. It is also a label for a community and a label for a person with a very particular communication style.

Your view is a medicalized view. This assumes that allistics are the default, 'normal' kind of person. This implies that autistics should share that view that allistics are the default. This doesn't make sense to me.

We initially assume that everyone is like us. Through trial and error we finally recognize that there is a group of people who consistantly deeply misunderstand us and put social expectations on us that seem reasonable to them but that feel completely unreasonable to us. We eventually identify these people as allistic by spotting those unreasonable expectations. We assume that someone is autistic until we see evidence otherwise.

Why is this wrong? Simply because autistics are rarer than allistics? I don't think that makes sense. Many of us have autistic siblings and even autistic parents and extended family. As adults, many of us choose friend groups that are full of autistics. In our personal interactions we might not be a minority. And the fact that we're a minority on TV doesn't necessarily mean that much. Every minority is underrepresented.

If I am considering a character to be autistic it is because they, unlike all of their fellow characters, didn't behave in ways that tell me they're allistic. I diagnose characters as allistic and exclude them from the population that is like me. The ones who aren't excluded are the ones I call autistic.

This is not like finding other people with one of the mental health diagnoses. This isn't about shared traits of disability, though that is an important side effect. This isn't about declaring that someone meets the criteria in the DSM or ICD. It's about spotting the kind of person who you would feel comfortable inviting into your autistic-majority or autistic-only spaces.

Everyone knows that autistics struggle with social rules and communication. We don't pick up on all of the nonverbal signals, implied meanings, and understood norms. No matter how hard we try to fit in and follow the rules and guess what is expected of us we still make huge mistakes in interacting with others.

This is damaging. It destroys our sense of who we are. It's inevitable and unavoidable because it's not just a matter of bullying. It happens with people who want to have good interactions with us. We don't use words the same way but it sure sounds like we do and that causes misunderstandings.

Those troubles with communication and social expectations aren't an issue between autistics. We don't have that struggle with each other. Sometimes we're incompatible with each other, especially when our sensitivites and habits mismatch, but the communication problems aren't an issue, not any more than it's an issue for a bunch of allistics to communicate with each other.

Autistics have an inherent understanding of autistic social norms. We share the preference for clearly stated guidelines. We don't expect one another to give eye contact to signal attention. Some of us don't mind telling white lies to protect others' feelings but it doesn't come naturally to us. We don't find it strange when someone doesn't display their emotions through facial expressions. We spot ambiguous language and try to clarify it for each other. The list goes on and on of expectations we share. That's an unbelievable relief because those expectations are not the ones that allistics have of us.

This means that it is so, so important for us to find each other in a way that isn't important between people with the same mental illness. This isn't just about shared experience. It's about finding other people who have the same ways of communicating. When we suppose that the character is autistic it doesn't mean that we're deciding they have this complicated syndrome. More likely it just means that they seem like the type of person we wouldn't need to mask around. We imagine that it would be safe to let our autistic traits show around them. We imagine that they would feel free displaying autistic traits around us.

Allistics don't reach fluency in the autistic communication style, not even when they're lifelong partners or loved ones of an autistic. If a character seems fluent in the autistic communication style then I think it is perfectly reasonable for me to assume that they are autistic. They appear to belong to our community.

Our community is called the autistic community because that is the label that most of us have been given. Unless and until we choose a different word for ourselves, we will continue to label them with the word that was provided in the DSM. That doesn't mean we're diagnosing anyone. It means they're not allistic. It means that they're not that other type of person that we don't relate to.

There is an issue with people obsessively pathologizing people and characters in various media.

With the spread of more language that's commonly used in psychology, so much of it is diluted and becomes a trend, to where the original meaning is lost.

Pathologizing can happen in a perceivably positive or negative way depending on the person's intentions: they suggest a diagnosis because it makes them feel more represented or makes a character more relatable to them or adds sympathy. Negatively, it's to enhance villainous traits, to make someone seem like an irredeemable monster, etc.

I don't engage with fandom culture because it is full of menial petty drama that I don't see the point in caring about. Not to mention the constant diagnosing of characters that show anything slightly different from "normal". And it is so often something like autism or ADHD, either as a self projection or a manifestation of stereotypes.

This spreads to real people. This behavior becomes so acceptable with characters that people begin to think they understand how to recognize diagnosable traits in people and armchair diagnosis friends or strangers. Not to mention characters often don't have the same complexity or depth as real people, so pathologizing their behavior is pointless.

People will misinterpret behavior and storytelling choices to better fit their perception. To preach about empathy but never approach this from a different perspective—almost always choosing autism—it's antithetical.

This is based on a discussion I had with a friend of mine. It's such a pattern in fandom spaces which just reinforces my decision to not engage with them.