#how am I doing Sigmund

[mikeo56]

Your -"Dad"-, was a male and dominant; you recognized yourself as female and submissive, so you identified unthreatened with your sister and mother, but not so much with me. As the only other male in the home, the only male you weren't dominated by and completely cowed down, I was one male you could blame and I was just your sole reminder of what your father did to you. You could hate me but you lacked the strength and the courage to hate your abuser.

Does it anger you

that for a moment someone might

entertain the fleeting thought that

I'm not crazy?

Let me tell you what I think is crazy.

Parents and grandparents, drunks and druggies who have a history of neglect and abuse of their children who assert that someone else is a danger to their children, and their accusation must be true simply because they say so, even while they are abusing the children and their children are literally running to the person that they claim is abusing them. And all this, simply because they say so, for no other reason than because they say so, unsupported by fact. But the accusation does fit beautifully with a criminal landlord, a lowlife property management company, a piece of shit attorney and an abjectly owned and shit-eating cowardly judge.

Really, Kind of Magical

[whatudottu]

Regarding your cerebrocrustacean headcanons mentioned in the previous ask: they very well could be somewhat canon given how, when asked if Albedo and Dr. Psychobos would be willing to work together, Derrick J. Wyatt responded with "Psychobos seems like a total team up slut, he'll team up with any villain any time" (his words, not mine).

Which he likely meant in the sense of "Psychobos is so power-hungry he'll team up with anyone in order to get ahead", but with your headcanons and the fact he never talks much about his personal life in mind, you could alternatively interpret it as "Psychobos is so desperately lonely he'll accept anyone he has even the slightest similarity with into his clique, even members of a species he's violently xenophobic towards" (probably to cope with/serve as a rebound for his mancrush Azmuth friendzoning him /lh /hj).

Now all of this is making me realize that it was a massive missed opportunity in Omniverse to not have Psychobos' demeanor do a complete 180 around the people he works with compared to everyone else (whether sincere or a thinly-veiled manipulation tactic) if not solely for a few jokes. Especially him acting like an affectionate father figure towards Malware (whether he likes it or not) solely so he can rub it in Azmuth's face that "I'm a FAR more attentive and caring parental figure towards your creation than YOU ever were, and I use the term loosely".

WHAT DO YOU MEAN DJW SAID 'TEAM UP SLUT' HAHAH WHAT!? dear god it's true it's on the wiki what the fuck what the fuck assdfjhghsdlfkgfkl-!

I mean, look at his already canon group; Khyber, allegedly the greatest huntsman in the galaxy, teaming up with Dr Psychobos to make a little watch that can sample (specifically predatory) animals; and Malware, a technology absorbing mutant mechamorph, working with the cybernetically enhanced (also listed as a mutant???) cerebrocrustacean in order to make said watch- if liking the concept of animals and incorporating machines as part of oneself is enough to get into Dr Psychobos' clique well, he's certainly stretched what that means far enough to at least snag two others into his initial team up. Same can't be said for Attea and the incurseans which seems to be more of a sponsor type relationship, and Maltruant commissioned him to repair his body but violated the trade agreement so whether or not Psychobos would do business with the incurseans again, he's already squarely sequestered Maltruant in the outest of out-groups :P

Hah, the 'Dr Psychobos adopting Malware specifically to stick it to Azmuth' bit reminded me of a signing-the-adoption-papers version of the 'I throw my used car batteries in the ocean' thing- something along the lines of; [psychobos voice] "You are the most calamitous individual I have had the pleasure of meeting, and I use the term loosely." [malware voice, threateningly] "I have devoured and absorbed the specs of the Omnitrix." [psychobos signing adoption papers] [malware, experiencing the affects of cerebrocrustacean in-grouping and having no frame of reference on how to deal with it] "What the fuck is happening-"

[camellia-thea]

i made the mistake of opening the jellycat website.

they have a jack russell now. it has one black spot across its back like jazzy.

[pathologicalreid]

for the fear of falling apart | part three

when it seems like a return to normalcy is impossible, you decide that something has to give, but will it bend or will it break?

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | epilogue

series masterlist

who? spencer reid x jareau!reader category: angst content warnings: fear of drowning, therapy, mommy and daddy issues, sigmund freud, nightmares and ptsd, sleep deprivation, takes place during 15x4 "saturday" (max does not exist in this au), stalkers, yelling, police, domestic disturbance, broken dishes, severe self image issues, crying, implies that jj is sometimes not the greatest friend, marriage and marriage counseling, mentions the death of grace lynch, the chameleon arc, reader and spencer are both broken people sry. things get resolved (or do they?) word count: 5.13k a/n: i'm trying to come to terms with the fact that people will not like how this part goes, but i do think it's important to remember that this is not where it ends. it's probably easy to guess what episode I'm rewriting next. lol. let me know your thoughts and feelings because i am dying to know.

“Are you glad to be back at work?” Your therapist asked you, writing down your personal information on the form on her clipboard before she met your stare.

Chewing impatiently on the inside of your lip, you glanced over to the clock that was hung above the door, dooming you to another forty-five minutes with Dr. Harmon. “Yes, I love desk duty,” you told her, flashing a fake smile in her direction.

The older woman looked at you doubtfully, and you silently begged for her to sign your return to duty forms. “I thought we spoke about using sarcasm as a coping mechanism,” she responded in a way that made you feel chastised.

You raised your eyebrows at her, gray hair neatly combed into a tight bun, you had spent more time with your therapist for the past two months than you had any of your family – the rest of your time was spent retraining your body, usually within the limitations of your doctor’s orders. “And I thought we talked about there being worse coping mechanisms that I could be using,” you countered, leaning back in her chair.

She shrugged helplessly, “Well, I’m not sure about signing your release forms. You could be a liability in the field.”

Eyes widening, you tilted your head to the side, “No, no, no, I’ve grown a new appreciation for the desk workers in the BAU. I even stopped laughing when people refer to Agent Anderson as Grunt Anderson,” you informed her, nodding as if that would help convince her of your honesty.

Checking off a box on your form, she set the clipboard on her side table, just out of your view. Taking a deep breath, Dr. Harmon leaned forward and folded her hands over her knee, “Have you spoken to your sister since the last time I saw you?”

You leaned your head back, staring at the tiles of the ceiling as any hope of returning to the field left your body.

One of your very first dates with Spencer had been at the Academy’s shooting range, you had a lucky spot there, it was where you had aced your qualification as a cadet, and it was pure luck that it had been available when you arrived.

As your paper target was brought forward, you slipped off your headphones and set your weapon down, studying the results as you chewed on your bottom lip nervously.

“Hey,” Spencer said from behind you, casually leaning against the wall behind you.

You jumped slightly as the sound of his voice took you away from your anxiety, “Hey,” you echoed, holstering your weapon as you sent your target back for someone to change it out.

“I thought you were going to come to the BAU after therapy,” he explained, arms crossed in front of his chest in his charcoal suit, camouflaging himself with the steely gray of the shooting range.

Pursing your lips, you made sure you had your phone in your pocket before grabbing your bag, “I wanted to get some practice in before my requalification test.”

He looked surprised for a moment, “Did your therapist sign your return to duty?”

“No,” you muttered, knowing that you wouldn’t be eligible to take your firearms requalification until after you had been cleared by a psychiatrist.

Any surprise quickly left his face, “What did she say, then?”

You rolled your eyes, “She told me that it’s possible that my strained relationship with my parents is negatively affecting my performance in my sessions. Then she threw a Freud biography at my head.”

“Did you talk to her about the nightmares?” He asked, following you as you checked out of the shooting range, waving to a gaggle of cadets as they noticed the BAU agents in their general vicinity.

Faltering as you opened the door, you flung the glass door open and trudged out of it, “I have it under control,” you lied through your teeth, continuing your way to the elevator.

The tapping of Spencer’s shoes signified that he was following you, holding his hand over the sensor while you stepped in and using his knuckle to press the parking garage button, “You were up all night last night,” he retorted, “She could help you develop a coping mechanism that works for you so that you can get some rest, angel.”

You were getting tired of those words, “Well, maybe we’ll reach a breakthrough next week. You never know.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being so unamenable,” he accused.

Shaking your head as you stepped out of the elevator, you hoisted your bag back over your shoulder, “Is unamenable genius-speak for pain in the ass?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is,” he retorted, swiping the keys out of your hands before unlocking the car and getting in the driver’s seat. You had been cleared to drive weeks ago, but Spencer still insisted on driving you.

You groaned, “My recent brush with death has made it difficult for me to let bygones be bygones.”

Pulling out of the parking spot, he carefully placed both of his hands on the steering wheel, “And here I thought we were actually going to move on with our lives.”

“No one holds a grudge like a youngest child,” you informed him, leaning your head against the window and wishing you had driven separately.

Being at home wasn’t much better than being at Quantico. You quickly changed and settled yourself on the couch while Spencer sat across from you, legs crossed in the wingback chair as he finished filling in a crossword book that you had started that morning.

You watched the clock tick, the diffused orange light of the sunset beamed through the curtains, and you felt yourself settle. Stiff joints and aching muscles unwound on the supple leather of the couch, and as you let your eyes fall shut, you felt the breeze of someone walking by before Spencer stopped in front of you.

Gently, he draped a knit blanket over you, tucking you in before crouching and dropping a gentle kiss to your temple.

Y/N is down, she’s been hit. We need an ambulance now.

I know, I’m sorry, I know it hurts.

It’s okay. I’ve got you.

“Honey, wake up.”

You startled awake on the couch, wadding up the blanket in your fists as your eyes adjusted to the dim environment of the apartment. The sun had set, dipping below the skyline as you stared ahead.

Concerned brown eyes bore into you as you caught your breath, Spencer reached over and flicked on the table lamp next to you, “You’re alright,” he cooed, gently enough to make you want to cry. “It was just a bad dream,” he told you, cupping your cheek and studying your expression.

Nodding absently, you pulled yourself into a sitting position, the familiar knit blanket falling in a puddle around your waist. “I was in the parking garage again,” you preemptively answered his next question. You were usually in the parking garage, sometimes you were on the beach, and once you had been fully underwater.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

You shook your head and ignored the defeated look on Spencer’s face, instead burying your face in your hands and taking a few deep breaths.

He waited for a moment before speaking again, reaching out and adjusting the bunched-up fabric of your t-shirt, “Are you hungry? I made soup.”

“Yeah,” you breathed, crossing your arms in front of your stomach, afraid it would start growling at the mention of food.

As you watched Spencer get up and walk over to the kitchen, you let yourself feel like everything was alright for the slightest moment. You wanted your apartment to be your safe space where there were no serial killers or sisters or hospitals, but there was a classified file on the kitchen table, photos of you and your sister littered the walls, and there was an entire drawer in the home office dedicated to your hospital stay.

Melding into the couch cushions, you ignored the stiffness in your side, the scars that marred your skin were healed over, but the memory would stick with you for a lifetime. It felt like a phantom pain, irritating your skin whenever you thought too much about it, or whenever your therapist asked you about Grace Lynch.

It didn’t bring you a lot of comfort to know that she was dead, murdered by her own father after conning her ex-girlfriend into giving her money. Everett Lynch was the threat now, and you were stuck on the bench.

Pulling your knees to your chest, you rested your cheek on your knee as Spencer ladled soup into a bowl and presented it to you, complete with a few ice cubes to cool it down. He waltzed back into the kitchen to clean up when his phone rang.

You ignored his conversation while you stirred the ice cubes around in your bowl, the soft clinking of them mesmerizing your tired brain. You ate while he spoke on the phone, mentioning something about a case. Pushing any thoughts of serial killers away, you just ate your soup.

Sipping at the broth, you grew curious about what was going on over the phone, but you tried to mind your business, scooping at the last noodles in the bowl before setting it down on the coffee table.

“Who was that?” You asked, eyes following Spencer as he walked back over to the living room, slipping his phone in his pocket as he sat next to you on the couch.

He paused for a moment, and you immediately regretted asking, “Uh, it was JJ.”

You supposed it had to mean something that he elected to tell you the truth instead of lying to you, but you were no longer feeling optimistic, “Ah.”

“Don’t start,” he said immediately.

You turned to him, raising your eyebrows curiously and pushing yourself into the corner of the couch – away from him, “Start what, Spencer?”

Spencer put his hands up, “Picking a fight with me over JJ’s feelings. JJ, Tara, Luke, and Penelope are working on a stalker case, it’s nothing that we need to worry about.”

“I’m not going to pick a fight with you, I already told you that I forgive you,” you told him, wrapping your arms around yourself.

He groaned in frustration, “You can say it all you want, but you haven’t. You haven’t forgiven me.”

As he usually was, Spencer was right, you hadn’t forgiven him for lying to you about what had happened between him and JJ. You wanted to. You wanted to find it in yourself to be the bigger person and just tell him it was fine. All you wanted was to move on, but you were crashing into roadblock after roadblock. “Are you going to work that case?”

“No, it’s a classic stalking case, they’ll make it without me,” he said, turning on the couch to face you.

You swallowed thickly, “You can go if you’d rather be there,” you reassured him, wondering if he’d be happier at work than at home with you. Someone needed to make a decision, someone needed to decide whether or not the two of you were going to keep going or if you were going to call it off. You didn’t want it to be you, you were afraid of which option you might choose.

Spencer frowned, “Why are you trying to get rid of me?”

“I’m not,” you answered.

“Yes, yes you are,” he challenged, leaning forward to get a better look at you.

Shaking your head, you threw your hands up in surrender, “You don’t have to go. You can stay here. You live here. Who the fuck am I to tell you to leave?”

“And now you’re escalating the situation,” he observed, straightening up and watching you carefully.

You didn’t consider yourself an angry person. The two of you didn’t fight often, but as you considered your options, you wondered if it could help. Maybe you could replicate the feeling of a good cry. Maybe all you need is a good fight. Just talk it out – loudly. “I’m not escalating anything. I’m not starting anything. In case you haven’t noticed, this has been going on for months.”

He had noticed, he could probably give you an exact date and time to point out when everything fell apart. Was it inside the pawn shop? Was it in the courtyard outside of Rossi’s wedding? “I thought we had made some real progress at the hospital,” he challenged.

Getting up from the couch, you took a deep breath and tossed the blanket over the back, “You cannot seriously think that. You’re too smart to believe that, Spencer. The idea that we fixed everything while I was hopped up on Xanax and painkillers. It’s… it’s…” you stumbled over your words for a moment. It’s crazy. You wanted to tell him, but you couldn’t do that to him. Spencer had spent his whole life having that word thrown at his mother, and he spent adulthood fearing he’d have a schizophrenic break. “It’s outlandish,” you finally finished.

Spencer looked up at you from the couch, “Is it outlandish to think that the history we have together would help mend our relationship?”

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t know, Spencer, let’s take a look at your history with my sister,” you snapped.

“Oh, come on,” he protested.

“No,” you commanded, “Sit down and shut up. I’ve spent months waiting for you to get it, but apparently, I need to spell it out for you.”

To your surprise, he listened, watching you in silence as you took a deep breath, picked up your soup bowl, and brought it into the kitchen. Your heartbeat pounded like thunder in your ears.

Standing in front of him, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “I want you to empathize with me.” You calculated every word you said, “We’ve known each other for nine years. We’ve been together for seven, and I- I had the rug pulled out from under me. God, you went on a date with my sister. You took her to a football game as a hater of organized sports. My beautiful, prom queen, soccer star, gem of the family older sister.”

“It wasn’t a date, Penelope went with us,” Spencer added patiently.

You peered down at him, “When you asked her to go with you, did you do it with the intention that you would be taking her on a date?”

His shoulders slackened, “Yeah,” he answered softly.

“And you know that she loves you. If you went to her right now and told her you wanted to be with her, that there’s a chance she’d consider it. She’d at least have to think about it,” you told him, confidence dissipating as your hands started to tremble and you silently begged yourself not to cry.

Spencer watched you suspiciously, “What gave you the impression that I want to be with her instead of you?”

You faltered, just for a moment, “Why wouldn’t you want to be with her?” You asked exasperatedly, letting your arms fall limply at your sides.

Pinching his eyebrows together, your boyfriend looked at you like you had grown a third eye, “She’s married? Her kids are my godchildren?”

Shaking your head in disbelief, you cursed yourself as tears stung your eyes, “Are those seriously the only reasons you can think of?” With all the brain power you knew he had, you couldn’t help but be disappointed.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Spencer groaned, “Putting aside the fact that I’d be destroying a marriage, not because it doesn’t matter, but because being with your sister isn’t even something I’d consider. This might not have occurred to you, but I have absolutely no interest in being with someone other than you!”

You huffed, “Please, she’s beautiful and athletic and older and you’ve known her for fifteen years!” You shouted over your shoulder, making your way back to the kitchen. There wasn’t anything you needed from in there, you just needed to keep moving.

“But she’s not you!” He yelled from the couch, finally getting up and following you to the kitchen.

Spinning around on your heel, you threw your arms in the air, “God, I know!” You swung your arms down, accidentally sending the bowl you had set on the counter down to the floor, breaking on impact. “Shit,” you muttered, immediately dropping to a crouch and starting to pick up the ceramic shards.

“Hey, wait, let me get it,” Spencer insisted, grabbing a kitchen towel from the drawer before laying it on the floor. He carefully picked up the larger shards, waving your hands away.

You clenched your hands and glared at him with bleary eyes, “Why? Why am I not allowed to clean up the mess that I made?”

Spencer sighed, “You’re crying. I don’t want you to get hurt because you can’t see well,” he told you, prompting you to sit back on the tile and watch him continue to pick up.

You crisscrossed your legs and watched him, “I’m sorry for yelling,” you whispered, so quietly that you weren’t even sure he had heard you.

Nodding in acknowledgment, Spencer gathered up the kitchen towel and set it on the counter, setting his hands on the counter and taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry for raising my voice,” he echoed your sentiments. He moved to the hall closet to get out the broom, interrupted by a knock on the door.

Confused, you poked your head over the counter and watched as Spencer opened the front door.

“Good evening, officer,” he greeted, casting a sidelong glance over at you.

Fuck.

You scrambled to your feet, careful not to step on any pieces of the bowl that remained on the floor and wiping beneath your eyes as you made your way to the door, peeking around the corner to find two DC Metro officers. “Agent Jareau?” One of the officers said curiously.

“Hi,” you waved timidly, looking between the two of them with your tail between your legs.

He looked surprised at the revelation of who lived here, recognizing you from a case you had consulted on months ago. “We were called here on a report of a domestic disturbance, your neighbor in said she heard ‘a lot of yelling before there was a crash and then everything went quiet’.”

The summation of events did nothing to slow your racing heart, “We had uh… we were having a disagreement, and I knocked over a bowl. It was an accident,” you reassured the officer, reaching out and taking Spencer’s hand as a sign of good faith.

“Are you sure?” He asked, looking at you expectantly.

You nodded in confirmation, “I’m really sorry about any inconvenience, but I promise there’s nothing to worry about.”

The DC Metro officers studied Spencer suspiciously, and you protectively moved in front of him. They were trained to see the worst-case scenario, but there was nothing happening here, “Well then, just uh… try to keep it down, I suppose.”

The two of you waved as they walked away, once the door was closed, you turned to face Spencer, “Are you alright?”

He looked a little pale, “I’m alright,” he nodded, gathering himself before going back to the hall closet. “That was weird,” he added.

Spencer’s interaction with police officers was limited to work with the bureau and his time in prison. He never had to explain an underage drunk person in the car or run when a party got too rowdy, but he wasn’t concerned with the confrontation, he was concerned that, for a moment, before you got there, those officers saw Spencer as a violent person. You stayed put, watching him sweep up the last of the bowl and take care of the sharp pieces with a keen eye.

“I’d never hurt you,” Spencer said softly, unnecessarily explaining to you.

You nodded, “I know. You’re not like that, baby. You’re not a violent person.” In fact, you had only seen Spencer aggressively violent one time in your life, and that was when his mother’s life was on the line. Stepping over to him, you lifted yourself so that you were sitting on the kitchen counter, meeting his eyes.

“She is not you,” he murmured, reaching out and taking both of your hands in his.

Chewing on the inside of your lip, your shoulders slumped ever so slightly, “I am well aware,” you offered.

He took a deep breath, “JJ would never ask me to recite Henry James to her or offer to go to the planetarium with me even after we spent all day on a case or sit through one of my lectures just to hear me talk about something I’m passionate about,” he began. "I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation about something I’m passionate about with your sister. Not one where she didn’t interrupt me or pawn me off on somebody else,” he told you, disconnecting one of your hands to wipe new tears from your cheeks.

“I- I’m not…” you breathed, overwhelmed as he sang your praises.

“I know you compare yourself to her,” he cut you off, “it’s normal for you to compare yourself to your older sister. I just didn’t know how lowly you thought of yourself until all of this was dug up.”

Frowning, you cocked your head to the side, “I do not compare myself to her,” you remarked.

He hummed in response, “It wasn’t up for debate. I’m not interested in your sister. I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone except for you. I am sorry that I never told you about the football game, but by the time you joined the team, six years had passed, and I didn’t think it was pertinent to tell you that your sister had rejected me. That is entirely on me, and I can’t change it. I can, however, spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

Your breathing hitched, and the ghost of a potential proposal once again floated through the air, it made your heart ache. “One of these days you’re going to have to actually ask me to marry you,” you whispered, not sure how much longer you’d be able to sit and wait while he neglected to act upon his words.

“What do you want right now?” Spencer asked, studying your facial expression.

You have spent three months being mad at him, and you had to believe it all came down to tonight. Neither of you could keep going with things the way they were. “I’m not sure,” you answered.

Patiently, Spencer inquired, “Do you want to break up?”

If you told him you hadn’t thought about it, you’d be lying. It broke your heart to think about ending things with him, to think that six years together didn’t mean something to the both of you. Spencer had never given any inclination that he was interested in anyone else, so maybe he should’ve told you about the football game, but you shouldn't have let your insecurities block any attempt at reconciliation. “No,” you responded truthfully.

He had tried, too. The one-sided conversations he had with floral bouquets, taking time off of work to help you while you recovered, and he had even limited his contact with your sister. “Do you want to go to couple’s therapy?”

You had heard through the grapevine that your sister was trying marriage counseling with Will, something about working on their communication skills. With that in mind, you nodded, “We can try it out.”

“Do you know what you want?” He asked, settling a hand on your thigh.

Through the sheer curtains, you looked outside, “I want to go,” you informed him, hopping off of the kitchen counter and to your shared bedroom, pulling on a pair of socks.

Confused, Spencer followed you around the apartment, “Wait. Where are we going?”

“I’m going,” you said simply.

He looked surprised at this, “It’s the middle of the night in the twenty-second largest city in the country, you’re not going out alone.”

You paused for a moment at his concern, watching the defeated look on his face morph into one of relief when you responded, “Then put your shoes on,” you encouraged.

As you waited by the door, mindful to not walk through the apartment with your shoes on, he stopped in your bedroom for a moment before coming back out and slipping his sneakers on. “Where are we going?”

Grabbing your keys off of the hook, you opened the door and held it for Spencer as he followed your lead. “You know at the start of Moby Dick when Ishmael says when he finds himself growing grim about the mouth and wanting to knock people’s hats off, he takes to the sea?”

He nods, taking the keys from your hand and locking the door behind him, glancing briefly at your neighbor’s door before handing your keys back to you, “I’m familiar,” he confirmed.

“Well, I’m feeling rather grim about the mouth,” you told him assuredly, slipping your keys into your pockets and slowly making your way down the hold staircase of your apartment building, listening for Spencer’s footsteps right behind you.

Even with your back turned, you knew his expression would be one of confusion, “So, you want to take to the sea?”

You quickly shook your head, the very last place you wanted to be was near a body of water in the middle of the night, “Not particularly, but maybe the park and some fresh air would do me some good.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” he confirmed, stepping around you to hold the front door open so that you could walk outside, the cool night air stinging your face as you did.

Taking a deep breath, you looked at the night sky, the stars hidden through the city’s light pollution.

Upon reaching the park, which was just a small green space down the street from your apartment, Spencer led you to a cement bench, the two of you sitting down and sitting in silence. You welcomed the cold air filling your lungs, watching the fountain from a distance and admiring the way the headlights of a few passing cars reflected off of the water.

He kept a hand on your back, gently moving his hand up and down your spine as the two of you reveled in the startling nighttime peace. “I haven’t been fair to you,” you murmured nervously, looking over at him.

“None of this has been fair to anyone,” he reminded you.

You sighed, “JJ confessed her feelings, not the other way around, and I- I shouldn’t have held that against you for so long.” The admission came to you easily, holding your breath as you waited for him to agree.

Spencer’s silence worried you, but then he finally responded, “I probably would have done the same thing, but I don’t think it’s right for me to speculate how I would or wouldn’t have acted in your shoes.”

“I just… she’s always been perfect. The perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect agent, and I’m… I’m just me,” you said helplessly, staring ahead at the fountain.

He took a deep breath, “You’re perfect to me.”

“Stop,” you chastised halfheartedly.

Chuckling, he placed his hand over yours, “I mean it. Sometimes perfection is about the final concoction and not about getting all of the steps right. You don’t need the perfect journey, and, to me, nothing proves that more than you.”

You hummed, “You’re sweet.”

 “For what it’s worth, I think, given the opportunity, you could be a perfect wife,” he said, nudging your leg with his knee, getting your head to snap to the side.

Jumping up from the bench, you smacked your hand over your mouth at the small black box that he had set on the stone surface. “What are you… what?” You asked breathlessly, looking behind you in the way people usually did when they were surprised, waiting to see if you were being pranked.

“It doesn’t have to be an engagement ring,” he reached down and snapped the box open, showing you the glimmering ring inside. “It can just be a promise because I am promising you right now, this is it for me. You are the only person I can see myself with, and I’m ready to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

Gaping at him, you looked between him and the ring before closing your mouth, “That sounds an awful lot like an engagement ring,” you told him, out of breath.

He nodded, “That’s because I want it to be.”

“Okay,” you answered.

“What?”

You giggled, he evidently hadn’t expected that answer, “Yes, Spencer.”

He stood up, tackling you in an embrace, “Thank goodness.” He said, relaxing into you as you returned his hug.

Over the past few months, you had been almost afraid of him asking you, worried that it would feel like an excuse. A band-aid over a bullet hole. But as you held each other tightly, all you felt was an overwhelming sense of right. This was where you were always meant to be. “Will you put it on me?”

He nodded slowly, sniffling as he pulled away from you, the warmth of his body leaving you as he nimbly took your left hand, slipping the ring on your fourth finger. The metal felt foreign on your skin, but you welcomed it nonetheless. “That has been sitting in my sock drawer for a year,” he admitted, placing both of his hands on your waist and meeting your eyes.

You beamed up at him, at both the revelation that he bought you a ring well before any of the trials and tribulations of the last few months and that he hid the ring in the one place you never touched – the seemingly bottomless abyss of unmated socks that Spencer called his sock drawer. “Thank you,” you breathed.

Spencer leaned his head down, hovering his lips just above your own, “For what, love?”

Blinking small tears out of your eyes, you answered, “For not giving up on us.”

He smiled, “Never,” he whispered before dropping his lips to yours, the intimacy of something as small as a kiss enough to bring butterflies to your stomach. “Do you want to go home? Or are you still feeling grim about the mouth?”

“Let’s go home, Spence,” you told him, pressing one last kiss to his lips before the two of you began the trek home, hand in hand.

taglist: @football1921 @thedancingnerdmermaid @dollarstore-lydia-deetz @cillsnostalgia @alivesarcastically

@hellsingalucard18 @poetoflawed @lillysfrogsandbogs @mega-kittyglitter-1 @sndixz

@k-corbett @nott-my-riddle @guiltyyassin @starkeyellow @rainydayathogwarts

@roblino @awildfirestarting @getawaycarsficrecs @syd-maximoff @melodyflowersblog

@stargirlls-world @ovando13

[amourdivine]

୨ ♡ ୧ WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE THEY?   ઉ   PAC

Hello, angels! I hope you're well. I'm bringing in another nosy type of reading. We'll look into who this person really is and if any advice comes up. If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com via paypal! xo ♡

›    none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise. ›    personal readings are closed as of march 2024 ›    navigation ♡ masterlist ♡ payhip (extended readings)

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PILE.  take a few deep breaths and look at each picture separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

amourdivine 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content!

୨୧ PILE ONE

who is this person, deep down? two of cups ✧ the hermit ✧ judgement

This is someone who values meaningful, deep, soulful relationships. They do not crave the buzz of parties or endless chatting with strangers. They don't like small talk. Others may describe this person as an old soul, someone introspective and wise. Their friends turn to them for honest and sensible advice; they may be an older sibling, or someone who's seen as a role model in some type of way.

Unfortunately, this wisdom came at a cost. They have endured a thousand inner deaths in life. This person had to start over many, many times, but they always got back up. As strong as they are also loyal, they're mature and still believe in the magic of being surrounded by good people. Strong Virgo and Scorpio energy, given the cards you got.

It's likely they came from poverty or are enduring a financial loss at this moment in time. Since this person is hardworking and independent, I don't think you have anything to worry about - sadly or not, they're more than used to the weight of their shoulders.

Although they're not expressive with their emotions or thoughts, you can count on this person to be sincere. They seem heavily protected by something greater, something bigger. For most of you, this person is spiritual, but not religious. They're very private and you may have a hard time understanding them or figuring them out.

channeled words & songs: black and white, heavy as led, test of time, a drop of water, night of the soul, life path 7, seek solitude, "i'm always okay", read my mind by the killers, runaway horses, small towns.

quotes that remind me of this person

Tell me, Atlas. What is heavier: The world or its people's hearts? — Darshana Suresh.

I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses. — Friedrich Nietzsche.

Everywhere I go I find a poet has been there before me. — Sigmund Freud.

୨୧ PILE TWO

who is this person, deep down? five of swords ✧ the world ✧ the moon

Accomplished, but lonely. It's how this person feels as I shuffled. They have seen and known so much, but it came at the cost of their morals. This person holds many secrets - even from themselves. Nothing dark, but they do regret their ways at times. With how competitive and aggressive they can be, it's difficult for them to hold onto anything but their success.

They may be famous or well-known in some way. Renowned. A lawyer, a judge. Someone with a fair share of experience and authority in a certain field. But my God, how their words can hurt. Have you ever heard that the pen is mightier than the sword? Yeah, that's this person.

Even when they bask in the glory of being so accomplished, no one really knows this person. Not even themselves, as I said. They're scared of vulnerability, emotions and intimacy. They're scared of the things the Moon tries to show them: their deepest fears, the nightmares and past traumas they've tried to bury deep down.

Interestingly, despite the cards, I get heavy Aries energy. This person may be an Aries Moon, quite a complex placement to have. They're good at being logical and practical, good at the doing, at the speaking, but they don't have the time for people, for emotions... for friendship or family. Given their history, it's likely they shut themselves off from connections out of fear.

I don't think they're happy. They look happy, they look so beautiful, so otherworldly, but inside of them there's this urge for something else. Something more meaningful.

channeled words & songs: ambitchous, aries, sagittarius, "i want it i got it", "let my money talk", chest pains, life path 8 or 9, neon pink, overprotective, oh no! by marina, terrible love by the national, bank account.

quotes that remind me of this person

I live to succeed, not to please you or anyone else. — Marilyn Monroe.

My worst fear - that's anyone's worst fear - is to lose myself and become an empty person. And that happens a lot when you're very ambitious. — Marina Diamandis.

୨୧ PILE THREE

who is this person, deep down? two of pentacles ✧ the sun ✧ four of pentacles

What an interesting contradiction, it seems. The person on your mind is generous, extroverted and.. quite the busy bee. Their outer persona remind me of J-Hope from BTS, very caring and extroverted - someone who's got an infectious laugh, but despite his bubbly appearance, he's actually very caring and protective.

Although they may seen foolish, this person is anything but. They're quite careful and at times, intense. However, I don't think many people get to see this more serious and protective side of them. They seem guarded for the right reasons, because they know their heart is quite precious and too much of a good thing to be given away so easily.

It's possible they come off as brain-scattered or high maintenance to you, but they're genuine and one of their main purposes in life - whether they know it or not - is to bring joy to others. They're so good at it. It's not a party without this person, with or without alcohol, they know how to lighten up the mood and are an amazing team player.

It feels cheeky too. I think they like the dad jokes, the lighthearted atmosphere, but they know when to be serious. If I am to be honest, this person is an amazing partner (in case you're asking about a romantic interest) and an even more amazing friend. Someone who'll cheer you up and stick by your side through thick and thin. A very dear friend.

channeled words & songs: heart-shaped, light up a joint, weed, recreational drugs, easy breezy, life of the party by shawn mendes, 9 to 5, bisexual, lgbt+, rainbow, friend-shaped, dogs, cats, energetic, rap.

quotes that remind me of this person

The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.— Bob Marley.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. — Robin Williams.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. — Unknown.

୨୧ PILE FOUR

who is this person, deep down? ace of cups ✧ ten of swords ✧ seven of cups ✧ the lovers

I feel like whoever you're asking about is in a brand new mode. They seem to be someone who was previously overburdened by their past. This person is in a major transformative phase, both physically and internally. They have endured so much, it's heartbreaking just thinking about it. I don't think they're very open about it though, at least, they weren't before.

Honestly, this person may have suffered from addiction, major losses or betrayal. They're getting back up after a period of darkness. Spirit's referencing their current phase more so than they actually are, because I believe they haven't yet fully come to really be who they are. They're shedding the person they had become, in order to be who they were meant to be.

They seek a new beginning, new friendships, good, better choices. It seems this path they're on has just begun, so they're a bit.. amazed at the options being offered. Still, this person wants to choose well for themselves and the people they love. They've regained a great love for the world. I feel filled with wonder, with enthusiasm for what's to come. Like anything and everything is possible.

Although they may seem immature, they've seen a lot. They've had to fight to survive through their worst and now, they're learning to let joy and love in. They've come to realize their power, the magic in who they are and learning to accept that this too shall pass. However, this person feels peaceful yet determined, broken yet healing, quite balanced in their aspects. A thinker and a feeler.

channeled words & songs: ego, healing, therapy, six of cups, innocence, yet to come by bts, mbti types, dancing in the dark by bruce springsteen, "a do-over", "maybe", shufflemancy, spiritual, 777, 333, psychedelics, hippie, hologram, offline, nature.

quotes that remind me of this person

I go to seek a Great Perhaps. That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps. — John Green.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. — Steve Jobs.

I’ll rewrite this whole life and this time there’ll be so much love, you won’t be able to see beyond it. — Warsan Shire.

୨୧ PILE FIVE

who is this person, deep down? two of wands ✧ six of wands ✧ page of cups

A courageous, successful individual. This person has a lot of wanderlust. They are in love with life, in love with themselves, in love with the world. They like to be on the move, to party and be around other people they also admire.

However, they have an impulsive, non-committal side to them that is expressed mainly in the way they approach relationships, especially romantic wise. They have a fear of settling, so they're always on the go, on the search for the next best thing in every way. They may move a lot or have a different crush everyday. Although it isn't inherently bad, I think this person may come off as hard to pin down.

In reality, they're enthusiastic and ready to take on the world. They like the spotlight, they have big dreams too. It gives me Leo energy, in the way they love to be praised, to be adored. Depending on who you're asking, this may be polyamorous or they just enjoy being single and free. Many people describe this person as free-spirited and bold.

At times, their words and behaviors get the best of them. They're not good at keeping secrets and may have quite a temper when angered. They mean well, but there's a diva-like side to this person that can be egocentric or immature, since they've got a bit of a one track mind when it comes to their dreams. They're also very beautiful and they know it. It's also quite the ego boost to be around them - they love to give out compliments and flirt.

channeled words & songs: bisexual, "himbo", bucketlist, pinterest, clean girl era, "i want everything", poetry, interlude: shadow by bts, parallel universe, edm, party girl, wild, erratic, center of attention, instagram, social media influencer, blogger, barbie movie, hungry heart by bruce springsteen, rumors by ross lynch (this song started playing after i finished the section above! very relevant).

quotes that remind me of this person

If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days. — Sylvia Plath.

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. — Audrey Hepburn.

amourdivine 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content!

DISCLAIMER. tarot is a divination tool, it’s not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i don’t take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. be mindful ♡

[shiro-s2e2-erukinzu]

Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 93... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

IT HAPPENED...! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!! 😵

Honestly, words cannot describe how crazy this chapter was, but we're gonna talk about it anyway...!! 👀 LET'S GO!!! 😆

The chapter begins with everyone checking how well they did on finals, and Anya did a whole lot better than last time...!! 😆

I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!! 👏😄

Anya went from 213th to 168th place!! 🎉 Let's hope that Anya continues to improve in the future...!! 😊👍

Then, we finally got to see how well she did in Classical Language and...:

She got second place...!

But, she will still receive a Stella for it!! 👏😆Then, we find out that she got 24 points in math, which is just below the cut off point... Which means...:

So, not only did Anya get a Stella, she ALSO received A TONITRUS BOLT!!? 😵😂🤣😌

GODDAMNIT ANYA!! 😂 That means the score is still tied, but now it's 5 and 5 until she either becomes an Imperial Scholar or gets expelled...!! 😌

Then, we got probably my new favorite Loid expression...:

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 I'M SO SORRY LOID!!🤣

This poor man can't catch a break, but at he's quite proud of Anya for doing well on the test...!! 😊

After that, we cut to Authens praising Anya as well, but Sigmund says something that intrigues me...:

"...One day you'll experience the frustration of realizing that hard work is not always rewarded..."

Hmm... What could this mean...? Personally, if Sigmund does have something to do with the experiments that were conducted on Anya, then this could be his way of saying that not many know of his scientific experiments... But, that's just a guess at this point and I could very well just be reading too much into this single sentence... 🤔

Moving on, before Anya goes to bed that night Loid asks her a question...:

I was surprised that Twilight asked this!! 😲 But his question turned out to be for naught because Anya doesn't really remember... 😔 So, Twilight just tells her to forget about what he asked and now I'm wondering if this will lead Twilight finding out the truth about Anya's past and that she's a telepath... 🤔

Well anyway, we cut to Anya and Damian receiving Stellas for doing well on the test, and then it's the middle school students turn... AND GUESS WHO SHOWS UP...?! 👀

DEMETRIUS MOTHER F---ING DESMOND!!!😵

AFTER ALL THIS TIME, HE HAS FINALLY APPEARED...!! 👀

I can't believe that I was ACTUALLY RIGHT that he was gonna look more like his dad...! (Check out this post where I drew what I thought he might look like!! 👍)

But to continue, Demetrius is also as strange as his mother and father... ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THIS...!!:

After finally getting to meet him and seeing that Anya can't read his mind, my original theory that he might be working with his father, just got thrown out the window...!! Because now, I think that Demetrius has been experimented on... 😥 I hope that I'm wrong, but I just don't know this point...

AND THINK THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT THIS CHAPTER FOR TODAY!

Today's chapter was excellent, but now that Demetrius has finally shown up, my mind is going crazy about what this ALL MEANS!😫

Anyway, I think I'll stop for today and possibly regroup with myself to figure out WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE DESMONDS!! (Except for Damain, who is the only normal one there..! 🥲) So until the next Mission or if I try attempt to figure out what is up with the Desmonds; take care, be safe out there and be kind to one another...!! Later!! 👍

[ithinkdogshouldvote2]

Scary, Normal, and Taylor: *arguing*

Taylor: "no! I cant be sexist!"

Scary, eyeing the choices on the "top ten anime must watch!" List in Taylor's room: "really."

Taylor: "my mom is a woman!"

Normal: "???...Yeah???"

Taylor: "Yeah, so that makes me like half girl."

Scary: "..."

Normal: "..."

Scary: "what the actual fuck are you talking about?"

Normal: "Taylor that... that's not how that works. By that logic, linc is the only one here who can be sexist."

Taylor: "yeah! Linc agrees, right linc?"

Lincoln, who had been watching FIFA matches on his phone and not listening: "what?"

Taylor: "You're sexist."

Lincoln (distressed): "what???"

Normal: "so you just think that anyone who has a mom can't be sexist???"

Taylor: "I mean, OBVIOUSLY there are exceptions."

Scary: "oh, PLEASE enlighten us."

Taylor: "uhhhh... I mean that one guy who wanted to fuck his mom. Definitely him."

Scary: "you mean SIGMUND FREUD?"

Taylor: "yeah. Him for sure."

Lincoln: "you guys I'm not sexist."

Normal: "Lincoln, it's OK, we were jus-"

Scary: "I dunno. Taylor says you are."

Normal: "oh for fucks sake-"

Scary: "Frankly, I'm not sure who to believe."

Lincoln: "Taylor what the FUCK???"

Taylor: "all I'm saying is, you're not half mom like I am."

Normal: "Ok, Taylor, that's- that's kinda-"

Lincoln: "-cause I have TWO DADS."

Normal: "yup! So Taylor jus-"

Taylor: "Well, who's fault is that?"

Normal: "OKAY! TAYLOR! STOP TALKING!"

Scary: "You guys, my stomach hurts from the sexism."

Normal: "SHUT THE FUCK UP SCARY!"

Lincoln: "... :0!!!"

Taylor: "... :0!!!"

Scary: "... :\"

Taylor: "NORMAL. Did you just try to SILENCE a WOMAN?"

Normal: "I... I d- I jus-"

Taylor: "What would your MOTHER SAY? and your sister? GOD DAMNIT NORMAL I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU!!!"

Normal: "I- you- she- but-"

Lincoln, putting a hand on normals shoulder: "Normal. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. You obviously have a lot of growing to do, buddy... I really, from you of all people, I'd expected better."

Normal: *stunned silence*

Lincoln: "come on guys. I think normal needs some time to reflect."

Taylor, walking out: "You DISGUST me."

Lincoln, Taylor, and Scary: *leave*

Normal: "..."

Normal: "..."

Normal: "what the fuck?!?!"

[exchangell]

points of authority (am/reader) - ch. 4

.. / …. .- - . / -.-- --- ..- / … --- / -- ..- -.-. …. / - …. .- - / .. / -.-- . .- .-. -. / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- / .- - / -. .. --. …. - .-.-.- - i hate you so much that i yearn for you at night.

NOTES:

hello, i am SO SORRY for how long this one took- i've been badly unwell the past 2 days, so i've been really slow with writing. i hope it's not visible from the quality of this chapter :( ellen's back tho WHO CHEERED

i've got 2 things to say: firstly, i PROMISE you all his human form will show up soon... like SOON. the absolute shitshow that happens to benny midway through this chapter will be explained in due time- am's been doing some crazy stuff in the background of this entire chapter 🫡

secondly: i thought it would be fun to make a little playlist for you guys based on this fic!! you can find it here

TAGS: codependency, science experiments, abusive relationships, mommy issues, references to sigmund freud, biblical allusions, mild ellen/reader, crying, dacryphilia, jealousy, sexual tension, major character death, psychological warfare, power dynamics, men crying, symbiotic relationship, mutual pining, unrequited lust, religious imagery, computer programming, sadism, religious imagery, sexism, electrocution, references to frankenstein, praising, god complex, snakes, loss of virginity, possessive behaviour, major character undeath, cannibalism, animal sacrifice, phantom of the opera references, other tags to be added

WORD COUNT: 11,590

CHAPTERS: 4/7

CW: major character death, descriptions of gore, sexism

[dearfandomdiary]

Mornings with your husband

sherlock holmes x wife!reader Warnings: idk. ooc!sherlock ?? lmao word count: 810 word

Author's note: Hey! this is part two of Waiting on your husband ! There is a Sigmund Freud reference just for funsies bc you're into psychology and just read his paper; is it accurate to the time period? idk. is this for funsies? absolutely. SO ENJOY!!

You awoke due to the sun streaks coming through the curtains. You had forgotten to close them completely. Like instinct, your hand reached out to your right where Sherlock slept but all you felt was emptiness; the bed made and cold. You groaned at the memory. He had slept on the couch after coming home drunk.

You sighed before getting up. That will be interesting, you thought with a chuckle as you made the bed. Wrapping your morning robe around your body, you walked out of your shared bedroom.

Silence welcomed you which came to a surprise. It was already 8 am. On any other day, he would be up and about already. Making tea, working on his cases; some kind of noise always happened.

Sherlock was still asleep, you noticed and you chuckled quietly. His body was turned towards the backrest as best as he could, almost curled into himself like a fetus. Seeing him sleep, you decided to make coffee and breakfast first. He would definitely need that. You also grabbed his newspaper from outside.

After preparing everything on the dining table, as quiet as you could, you walked over to the chaise lounge and sat on the small corner. A hand on his thigh, you began: “Sherlock? It’s time to wake up.” Your hand brushed over his thigh. “Sherlock. Come on, love.”

Then, finally. He groaned, his hand reaching out to cover your own. “Lay with me.” he mumbled, his hand grabbing yours to tug you close.

But you held your ground. A chuckle left your lips. “Maybe later. I made coffee and breakfast. Porridge with applesauce and toast with jam.”

This caused Sherlock to open an eye and twisting to look at you. His eyes squinted against the brightness from the kitchen windows. “Black coffee with a splash of milk?”

You nodded. “Of course. Up you go. Your sister is arriving soon.” you reminded him with a smile. His antics really were adorable sometimes.

He hummed, another attempt to tug at your hand. “Soon isn’t now. Come on, let's cuddle for a bit.”

For a moment, it felt it was working. You weighed your options. You loved spending time with him, his hugs felt like home and comfort but then again. Enola was coming soon and you needed to get dressed and Sherlock needed to get ready for the day no matter how hungover he was.

With a huff, you removed your slippers. “Fine. But only for a few minutes, alright? I have so much to do today even if you never notice it.” you argued as you watched him; his hand never releasing yours. He sat back against the back of the chaise lounge, his legs spread slightly so you could get settled in his arms, leaning against his chest. Your head fell back against his shoulder and a low hum left your lips.

“Good?”

“Perfect.”

He chuckled at your response and kissed the top of your head. “Did you get my newspaper?” he asked and you nodded.

“It’s on the dining table. Do you want it? I can get it for you.”

Sherlock let out a laugh. “What I want, is for my woman to stay in my arms right now. I can read it later.” he said, his arms tightening around your waist.

You chuckled. “Well maybe your woman likes being on her feet and not just sitting around all day.” you replied while your hand came down to Sherlock’s, your index finger running up and down his fingers.

Goosebumps were forming, you could see it and it made you grin.

Sherlock groaned in response, his face resting in the crook of your neck. “You never even met my mother and you’re starting to sound like her.”

You couldn’t resist laughing. “Careful or people might think you have an Oedipus Complex.” you teased as her hand reached up to stroke through his curly hair.

His eyes opened almost immediately. “Mh? Did you read his paper?” Sherlock lifted his head. “I do not have an Oedipus Complex, (Y/N).” he argued.

“I know, love. I was joking. I’ve been with a few men before you who fit those criteria a lot better.” you said, your eyebrows furrowed slightly; you were almost cringing at the image. “Anyhow— let’s not speak of that. What were you doing yesterday that required you to get drunk?”

You felt him stiffen behind you and could feel the change in topic before it happened.

“Oh, look at the time. Enola should arrive sson. Let me get changed! I’ll eat after!” he said as he gently pushed you back to get up. He practically vanished into thin air.

You pouted a little. He rarely kept such tight hold on his cases. What could possibly be going on?

You were ripped out of your thought when you heard a knock on your door.

[seekers-who-are-lovers]

Some thoughts about things on Bang Bravern… (bit long, sorry)

Why do I clock the German major general Heidemarie as a lesbian?

So what if “ga-ga-pi” is some kind of a code, similar to Morse code or the binary code? Lulu has her “ga-ga-pi.” The other Deathdrive has its “ga-ga-ga. Pi-ga-ga-ga-pi. Pi-ga-ga-pi-ga.” The sequence is different in order to convey another meaning. The only solution is how to interpret it. Or perhaps, I am just overthinking.

So what are the Death Drives?

From the series’s glossary:

Death Drives : A mysterious mechanical life form that suddenly attacked the earth. Their goal is to achieve the best "death" that each of them wants. They came to this earth around all the galaxies in search of an existence that will fulfil their wishes.

Those drives sound like a part of Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis’ theory, the theory of pleasure principle (Lustprinzip).

Did Masami Obari, the director, turn to the Austrian psychoanalyst to gather the blueprint for his latest work?

(I know that Freud doesn’t have many fans among the Tumblr folks. But he “is” my neighbour. After having seen “Freud’s Vanished Neighbors” and read an article that the Viennese didn’t accept him as part of the community because he was not born in Austria and had Jewish family, and was still referred to as “Zugeraster,” a derogatory term for an outsider, he earned my respect and like everyone who was born centuries ago had other mentality that was not at all fitting in the modern era.)

Deathdrives, or death drives, in Freudian psychoanalytical universe, mean Thanatos, Todestrieb in German, is a term that describes: the drive toward death and destruction, often expressed through behaviors such as aggression, repetition compulsion, and self-destructiveness.

From Freud’s book, “Beyond the Pleasure Principle” :

Our departure point was the great antithesis of life drives and death drives. Object-love itself shows us a second such polarity – that of love (affection) and hate (aggression). What if we succeeded in connecting these two polarities, what if we succeeded in tracing one back to the other! We have always acknowledged a sadistic component in the sexual drive; as we know, this component can develop a life of its own and turn into a perversion that dominates a person's entire sexual life. It also occurs as a dominant partial drive in one of those forms of organization of sexual life that I have termed ‘pre-genital’. But how could we possibly suppose that the sadistic drive, which aims to harm its object, derives from Eros, the preserver of life? Isn't it altogether plausible to suppose that this sadism is actually a death drive that has been ousted from the ego at the instance of the narcissistic libido, and as a result only becomes apparent in conjunction with the object?

So you have the enemies, the Death Drives, ready to destroy the humans, and Bravern on the other with the quality of being the Eros. The sentient robot’s ethos is to save the humanity first. All the while obsessing with his pilot, Ao Isami. Obsession and kindness overlapping.

@whypolar analysed their names, then doing some googling of the meanings of both Isami and Lewis’ names, it seems the two share the same description. Yours truly is not at all a Japanese language expert, this website suggests that Isami has 21 variations in kanji.

勇 means "bravery, courage."

Brave - Showing courage and strength in the face of danger or difficulty.

Daring - Willing to take risks and try new things.

Strong - Having great physical or mental power.

Courageous - Having or showing courage in the face of danger or difficulty.

Resolute - Firmly determined to do something.

Soldier - A person who serves in an army.

It describes Isami’s personality perfectly!

Lewis, on the other hand…

From the celebrated author of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll, to lauded actor Daniel-Day Lewis, a boy called Lewis is in good company! Lewis is of German origin and means "Renowned warrior." It has many variations in Latin, French, and Gaelic languages that all point to the same sentiment of “strength” and “courage”. With the name Lewis, you can hope to instill your baby boy with a fearless optimism for life.

All three of them—Bravern, Isami and Lewis—are “strong and courageous.”

[connoisseursdecomfort]

Theory on the Authens - Barbara

[Manga spoiler alert]

Inspired by this post. This post uses several names to demonstrate examples of what Polish diminutives of names would be like. The examples given were Olka (for obvious reasons) and Basia (for Barbara). NOW we do have a Barbara in this story.

I was thinking, so why is Anya Ania but Barbara not Basia? (The answer can be very simple - they are not from the same place. I'm not actually trying to go against the original post - I'm just happy to learn more about different languages and am very thankful that someone made a post about it.) So I went to check the meaning and diminutives for Barbara.

According to A Dictionary of First Names (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2019):

Or mom.com (lol):

In my other posts, I talked about whom Sigmund Freud Authen might be based on and how mysteriously skilful the old couple is. I've mentioned what Anya calls Sigmund and Barbara: Ji-jiji and Ba-baba. Bar-bar-bar, exactly why the ancient Greeks (and the ancient Romans) called foreigners or strangers Barbara in the first place.

The other thing(s) about Barbara's husband is:

We know Sigmund Authen teaches in a university

We know who Sigmund Freud is

According to OED, Barbara also means:

So Barbara is:

A stranger

The patron of architects, stonemasons, and fortifications, and of firework makers, artillerymen, and gunpowder magazines (According to Sigmund, she could set traps and shoot people)

A term in logic

It is an interesting idea how something that is originally used to mock others can be turned into a term of endearment. A name. Or an affectionate nickname for Granny Barbara. (Obaasan, or the shortened forms, Baasan or Ba-ba, means Grandma in Japanese.) It is also quite a sxf thing to do to group a bunch of strangers who are all rejected by the society together, and turn them into family.

Just food for thoughts.

[anjels001]

Secrets of Devildom: Envy Demons (Part 1)

Those who have read the theory of the 7 Og and the cycle of life (thank you @sparkbeast20 for the cooperation) know that there are many gaps in the annon, and many of the events that occurred in the annon are not explained, and/or left implicit without any context.

For those following these moments of theory, you may notice that I have been talking a lot about the demonic classes, their "history," and culture before, during, and after the fall of the brothers, focusing most of these moments on philosophical/mythological debates, pointing out plot points that few would see and understand.

Well, we have already talked about 5 of the seven sin classes, namely Greed, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, and Wrath.

Today we will talk about the most common emotion, Common in all human relationships present at all times even if we do not realize its existence......

….(insert supernatural intro)…

...We will talk about Envy.

But before starting this theory moment, I ask you, dear reader, to keep an open mind for this moment, and if you want to point out any flaws, or if I am forgetting something, remember that this is just a theoretical post. I won't be upset if you want to add something to this conversation, I just ask that you reblog and tag me so that we can exchange theories on the subject.

Like all theories about demonic classes, I will begin with the famous question: what do we know about envy?

For Aristotle, envy is like a wound that arises when we see another person's good fortune, a feeling stimulated by "those who have what we desire." The English philosopher Bertrand Russell described it as a powerful cause of unhappiness, indicating that the unhappy person is not only affected by envy but also bothers or at least desires the life of others. Russell, however, saw envy as a driving force behind economies, as well as an element that helps maintain democracy.

In Psychology, envy is defined as a displacement of energy, where the individual's focus shifts to the satisfaction and pleasure of others, to the detriment of their potential. It is a psychological pain that arises when we compare ourselves to others and feel that our values, self-esteem, and respect are diminished. Envy is the painful perception of what we lack, aroused when someone possesses characteristics superior to ours.

Sigmund Freud, the renowned Austrian psychoanalyst, saw envy as a result of unconscious hatred, rooted in childhood and intimately linked to anger and depression.

In the spiritual context, envy is related to the emptiness of the soul, indicating a serious problem in how the individual deals with the world. It is a sign of an inability to grow, resulting in a desire to hold others back. Envy originates in covetousness and, when uncontrolled, can lead to destructive attitudes, such as attacking others' achievements instead of seeking one's development.

With that in mind, we can conclude that Leviathan, once a celestial general, saw his life turned upside down after experiencing incredibly traumatic events: war, revolt, loss of his sister, the fall followed by the event of Species Change, and exile from the place he considered his home. 

[A/n: Man, doesn't that open another can of worms? Just thinking about it makes you understand how screwed the brothers are.]

We can then analyze that these events triggered an identity crisis, leaving Leviathan feeling lost and purposeless. He saw himself as a useless opportunist in a world where he no longer had a defined role. His proximity to Lucifer and Lilith during the Great Celestial War reflects his loyalty and sense of justice and his family. However, upon becoming a demon, Leviathan found himself trapped in a cycle of jealousy and self-pity. Feeling inferior and unjustly treated, he withdrew from the outside world, opting for a life of seclusion and escapism through his passions: anime, manga, and video games.

Leviathan's behavior is a manifestation of the trauma he carries with him. His jealousy and self-deprecation are symptoms of his internal struggle to find his place in the world. He often lashes out in anger when he feels threatened or unjustly treated, and his ability to summon Lotan reflects his need to protect himself from his fears and insecurities.

However, it is in his interactions with other characters that we see a nuance in his personality. His relationship with MC is a turning point in his journey, as he finds in MC a true friend and confidant. Through MC, Leviathan learns to face his fears and accept himself, regardless of his flaws and imperfections.

His relationship with Lucifer, Mammon, and other demon brothers is marked by conflicts and rivalries, reflecting his internal struggle to find his place in the hierarchy of Devildom. However, it is in moments of vulnerability that we see a more human facet of Leviathan, where he seeks connection and acceptance.

Considering these aspects, when we compare the characteristics of Leviathan and his relationship with the other avatars, we can assume that the Third Circle of Hell, the Circle of Envy, is a competitive environment, full of envious people who constantly seek high status and boast about their superiority.

In this competitive environment, there is immense development in various sectors, with a strong focus on technology and entertainment.

We can infer that, compared to other circles of hell, the Third Circle is more dependent on the others, mainly on the First (Circle of Pride) and the Second (Circle of Greed), which significantly support it.

Based on that card with a futuristic background, we can imagine the Third Circle would be a mix of the equivalent of Japan, Tokyo, and Atlantis in the human world. I believe it's more like a blend of the Tron universe and Naboo from Star Wars, or even Kamino, with a futuristic and technological setting, perhaps even located at the bottom of the ocean.

Thus, considering that in the Circle of Wrath, the inhabitants are scholars with explosive temperaments, we can conjecture that the inhabitants of Leviathan's Circle would be nerds, geeks, and otakus with inferiority complexes and tendencies to let their imagination run wild, unchecked.

We can also think that, due to its dependence on neighboring Circles, many of the technologies and developments of the Third Circle are controlled or contained to prevent them from falling into the hands of the chaotic public of the other realms. I'm sure more than half of the paperwork Luci does is aimed at containing and controlling the technological flow developed in the Third Circle.

But what do you think of this theory? Do you think I described Levi well? Or did I psychograph him a lot? And about the kingdom of envy, can you imagine something like that? If so, comment and/or send us your perception of this theory, I would love to cover this subject.

For those who want to know more about this specific series in this theoretical series, just search my page #Secrets of Devildom or go to Obey-me masterlist

[counttwinkula]

hi i have been obsessed with your “the monster’s body is a cultural body etc” post since i saw it like a month ago. do you have any book recs where i can read more about this, like, forever. (I’m aware of your podcast I’m checking it out too) <3

i'm glad you liked it, it's an honor to introduce the people of tumblr to cohen's seven theses

first and foremost i would recommend The Monster Theory Reader, ed. Jeffrey Andrew Weinstock, which includes several seminal essays including:

"The Uncanny" by Sigmund Freud

"The Uncanny Valley" by Masahiro Mori

"Approaching Abjection" by Julia Kristeva

"Horror and the Monstrous-Feminine: An Imaginary Abjection" by Barbara Creed

"The Monster and the Homosexual" by Harry M. Benshoff

i would also recommend the book in which Cohen first published his seven theses, Monster Theory: Reading Culture, ed. Jeffrey Jerome Cohen

(i must admit that i haven't gotten around to reading either of these books in full yet)

aside from the essays mentioned above, here are some foundational texts for monster theory but not specifically about monster theory:

The Uses of Enchantment by Bruno Bettelheim

Mythography: The Study of Myths and Rituals by William Doty

Vested Interests: Cross-Dressing and Cultural Anxiety by Marjorie Garber

monster theory/horror criticism texts i've read:

Monsters in the Closet by Harry M. Benshoff

Skin Shows by Jack Halberstam

Murder Most Queer by Jordan Schildcrout

It Came from the Closet, ed. Joe Vallese

Horror by Brigid Cherry

Men, Women, and Chain Saws by Carol Clover

Dark Places by Barry Curtis

The Dread of Difference, ed. Barry Keith Grant

The Monster Show by David J. Skal (SEE NOTE BELOW)

Darkly: Black History and America's Gothic Soul by Leila Taylor

The Ghost: A Cultural History by Susan Owens

and some others i own but haven't read yet:

Dark Carnivals by W. Scott Poole

Phantom Past, Indigenous Presence: Native Ghosts in North American Culture and History by Colleen E. Boyd and Coll Thrush

Queer for Fear: Horror Film and the Queer Spectator by Heather O. Petrocelli

Pretend We're Dead: Capitalist Monsters in American Pop Culture by Annalee Newitz (just started this, already love it)

Theatre and the Macabre, ed. Meredith Conti and Kevin J. Wetmore, Jr.

and i can't neglect to mention The Monster in Theatre History: This Thing of Darkness by Michael Chemers

before i say anything further i want to give one warning. my particular interest is on monstrosity and queerness (probably evident based on some of my recommendations). monster theory and horror criticism have generally been rooted in psychoanalytic theory, particularly as it has been interpreted through a feminist lens. unfortunately, this leads to a lot of arguments and interpretations that are sex essentialist and fail to address gender with the necessary nuance. this is particularly true in Men, Women, and Chain Saws and The Dread of Difference.

(Vested Interests is… complicated. it's not monster theory exactly but cohen cites it. garber is generally better than the others mentioned here in her consideration of trans people but her work can still be uncomfortable.)

i have a lot of reservations about recommending The Monster Show. i loved reading it and i think skal has great analysis. somehow, however, in the middle of his discussion of how marginalized people have been historically monsterized in american culture, he has the audacity to cite The Transsexual Empire by Janice Raymond, the ur-text of TERF ideology, and skal uses this text to monsterize trans women. it's disgusting and reprehensible, and if the rest of the book wasn't so strong i wouldn't recommend it

the best medicine i have are texts by trans people. It Came from the Closet is an anthology with several essays by trans people, i adore it. i am forever obsessed with Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein, which isn't exactly monster theory, but i would say it's monster theory adjacent and i wish everyone would read it

and if you haven't, you must read "My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamounix: Performing Transgender Rage" by Susan Stryker. (see i even put a link to that one. drop everything and read it now)

alright if you're still with me i have a couple other things to put out there:

the docuseries Queer for Fear, available on Shudder, is incredible and i'm obsessed with it

she seems to be inactive these days but @draculasdaughter has a lot of posts quoting texts and articles on monster theory/horror criticism that i highly recommend

i've only seen the jacob geller videos on this list but i mean to watch this youtube playlist of video essays about horror, fear, and dread

and i also keep a #monster theory tag on my blog that has various posts on the subject, some funny and some earnest

[christophfanalways]

INTERVIEW from Dec. 2, 2023

Actor Christoph Waltz: “Anti-Semitism is a very deep disease in a society. But it's not a fact that you just have to accept."

In an exclusive interview with “NZZ am Sonntag”, the Austrian talks about opera, anti-Semitism in his childhood and neuroses as a family legacy.

Christoph Waltz, do you find films boring?

Christoph Waltz: How did you come up with the idea?

Because you started directing operas after over 120 films and two Oscars.

But not out of boredom! I have always found opera, a story embedded in music, to be extremely interesting. Of course I could pursue this medium at home on the couch with a textbook. But I'm always interested in the activity, the doing. That's why I'm not yet an opera director. There are plenty of great ones out there.

So why do you stage operas?

You always talk about intention and approach, but you also have to be given the chance to implement it. And Aviel Cahn, the director of the Grand Théâtre de Genève, was looking for someone who could tell a compelling story. He didn't ask me because he expected an incredibly innovative concept that would revolutionize opera.

In a conversation with Daniel Barenboim you described yourself as a “conservative fart”. Is this a good starting point for staging an opera in 2023?

I said that because I am following with some interest how a new convention has become established in the cultural world. Look, the iconoclasm has long since been done. All texts are deconstructed. In principle, almost all theoretical approaches have been exhausted. What are you doing now?

Tell us.

Anyone who claims to be iconoclastic or unconventional is simply conforming to this new convention. And as a viewer I'm disappointed because I already suspected that.

That doesn't sound conservative. By conservative I would imagine that you keep something as it is.

May I be very rude: That's just how you imagine it. Words are filled with meanings and we are attached to them.

How do you imagine it?

For me, a work does not have to be new in its form. It's about the viewer. The work is intended to enable him to find a small gap in his beautifully crafted imagination and to let a little light shine through there. I prefer to sit back and be served in the “Kronenhalle”, it costs just as much and takes just as long.

Christoph Waltz

The most elegant of all villains

Born in Vienna in 1956, Waltz grew up in a family of theater makers and psychoanalysts; he has the same stepfather as the director Michael Haneke. Waltz studied singing and acting. He won an Oscar each for “Inglourious Basterds” and “Django Unchained” by Quentin Tarantino. Since then he has been known as a cool, elegant villain.

Richard Strauss' “Rosenkavalier” moves in a time-schizophrenia. A past is imagined, but with waltz sounds that didn't exist back then, and it's about topics that are relevant today, such as #MeToo. What are you after?

I don't have to follow what's already in the story, it's there. And I wouldn't like to claim that I'm so much smarter than Hugo von Hofmannsthal or Richard Strauss that I have to help things along. Although when it comes to Hofmannsthal, I'm not what you would call a fan. The year in which “Rosenkavalier” was performed was the year in which Schönberg’s “Pierrot Lunaire” was written. Hofmannsthal indulged in Kakanien for a bit.

Christoph Waltz rehearsing “Rosenkavalier” at the Grand Théâtre de Genève.

Dougados Magali

In the k.-u.-k. During the monarchy, Vienna's cultural identity was very Jewish. It was the time of Sigmund Freud, Karl Kraus, Oskar Kokoschka, Joseph Roth. Did this mean there was less anti-Semitism in Vienna?

I'm not sure about this. I experienced anti-Semitic things myself as a school child in Vienna. But they weren't problematized in the 1960s. I had a teacher who told my best friend in geography class to stop making stupid Jewish jokes. Nobody was outraged back then. The teacher was just an old Nazi and an idiot, we knew that. My boyfriend didn't mind at all either. I was more itchy than him.

Because your own father's mother was Jewish?

No. Nobody has tied their identity to humiliation. It wasn't scratched.

How is identity determined? At the family? Your grandfather, Rudolf Urbantschitsch, was a psychoanalyst, your grandmother an actress.

A psyche, especially a child's psyche, is occupied with concepts that this brain did not produce on its own. This is inevitable. This is how we shape our personality and our identity. But this is different than one that is consciously and intentionally accepted due to external circumstances.

You need to explain this in a little more detail.

I mean, this identity politics today isn't really about identity. It is identity. I haven't thought this through carefully, but I'll say it anyway: it's more about an agenda than an identity.

Since the outbreak of the Middle East conflict on October 7th, the German cultural scene has been forced to position itself.

This compulsion is akin to the formation of a new convention that we spoke about earlier. Nobody asks exactly, and nobody is interested in the facts. But everyone wants to represent something. Because they don't know exactly what, they just represent themselves. And since they don't have much to do with it, it's made all the more loud and extreme. This is a tragic development that can definitely be attributed to the decline in educational standards.

That's why you're worried about the state of our culture?

The viewer's judgment is hindered. We can only make progress through the judgment of the observer.

Her grandfather coined the phrase: “Neurosis is the emblem of culture.” Was he right?

I think this is a “sound bite” that was already used for marketing back then. This opinion puts me at odds with my siblings, who view the matter with more reverence. My grandfather sometimes formulated something cryptically, not least because he wanted to cover up his less-than-scientific approach.

Why do you view him critically?

That was his conflict with Freud. That Freud said he wasn't scientific. They were together in the Vienna Psychoanalytic Association. My grandfather was, in a sense, a student of Freud. But who wasn't in psychoanalysis at that time?

Was it and was it considered good manners in Vienna to be somewhat neurotic?

Can I say: There are more psychotherapists and psychoanalysts in Zurich than in Vienna. And significantly more.

But any amateur Freudian would be delighted with you because you first married a psychoanalyst and then a costume designer - which was your mother's job.

Yes. Of course all of this influenced me. That would have been the case if my grandfather had been a locksmith and my mother had been a physicist. Everything that has happened to you shapes you. So we all need to be a little more careful about what we do with it.

What do you mean?

Because we are not simply the victims of our conditioning. If we are interested in a particular matter, we must handle the matter responsibly. You have options for action. This also applies to anti-Semitism. Anti-Semitism is a very deep disease in a society. But that doesn't mean it's a fact that you just have to accept. Even if you are an anti-Semite yourself. You could also leave it be. This is available to you.

Don't you overestimate us humans?

The question would be: How can I, on my own initiative, decide that it would be much more beneficial not only for myself, but for the general public to let it go?

And how is that supposed to succeed?

No idea. It is the task of those who have already recognized this to show others these possibilities. And not as a moral obligation, but as a practical possibility. This is how cognitive behavioral therapy works. You don't say: You're bad. Because that is – speaking of childhood – the best way to create opposition and neuroses.

Art has to play a role here. The mass medium of film in particular has a very significant impact on young people. But when the threshold of shame falls and the level of education falls, what can art do?

I'm afraid art can't change much. And I fear something even worse: that's not what art is intended for.

Rather?

Art is a way into a dimension that we cannot reach any other way.

But something could happen to me there that reminds me: Be the individual you believe you are. And act accordingly instead of what a group tells you to do.

Of course, you are right. Art can open up a perspective on problematic topics. But she cannot agitate, i.e. reverse the dynamic and intervene didactically.

She could, but she shouldn't.

It can create nothing but vehement opposition if someone throws this thing in my face. Art can only invite me, as a viewer or listener, into this dimension, and I must also be able to venture into it. The change is up to the viewer. But the artist cannot force this on me.

As an actor, you have to trust that the finished film will open doors like that. It is, so to speak, beyond your responsibility how your role affects the audience.

But it is my responsibility to give you a response. Your own and not something I would ask of you. It is a great responsibility not to stand in front of the role and the story and say that you think I, Christoph, are great. But to make room – ultimately for you. But this is one thing that is currently not being taken care of.

So, is your defining characteristic as an actor and director is humility?

I almost said arrogance. But that's not it either. But it is by no means modest.

What then?

It's a completely different consideration: how I open the content. And how I invite you into the content.

You actually want to be repelled by the Bond villain Blofeld, who you played, but you can't. That's one such reaction.

Wondering why you can't manage to dislike the villain? I can't get any higher praise. Because you're asking yourself that, but not me.

They wouldn't even be able to answer it.

No, I don't know what brings you to this.

Why do you like playing these elegant, chilly villains so much?

I don't live out evil. If I played a murderer and wanted to live that out, I would have to go kill someone now. As an actor, I synchronize myself with a story, like you do when you read a novel, for example.

Christoph Waltz as a 20-year-old in the children's show “Amdamdes”

youtube

You studied singing, you can play the cello, piano, saxophone and guitar and you almost became a musician. Is the emotional, romantic opera your balance to your villain roles?

Already. But maybe not for the reasons you mentioned.

Then why?

Because of the music. What is inside her alone. It gives what is being told an additional dimension. Although in the case of “Rosenkavaliers” Strauss may not be at the top of his craft in terms of craftsmanship. The fans had condemned him for this work after his “Elektra”. It's too banal. Not that I have a bad conscience - but I ask myself: Can I really allow myself to talk about Strauss like that?

Why not? As a director, Strauss is your work material.

No, not material, but leadership.

This is too humble an attitude.

Well, I'll allow that, please. Thanks. I'll take advantage of that. This may pose a risk if I don't question the source. But I believe that just as I hinder your viewing when I stand in front of a role as an actor, I hinder your reception when I stand in front of a work as a director.

Are you against interpretation?

If I wanted to put a context on this that I claim I am the only one to recognize, and compel you to share that view, it would be for me as an old practitioner developing a worldview as if the horse was being bridled from the tail.

The music also provides a reading.

There are directors like Michael Haneke who reject music in their films because they say it is a rule for the viewer, a misdirection into emotionality. A film without music is still a film. If you take the music away from the opera, it's no longer opera.

In “Rosenkavalier” Baron Ochs is a terrible philanderer, but he sings very sweetly and naively.

Assuming that you are in a relationship, if you could sometimes smack your partner against the wall, would that mean you love them less at that moment? Definitely not. Conversely, it could be that you can't stand him right now, but in moments you are carried away by a reaction, a behavior. No person who wants to claim to be human consists of only one characteristic.

And you also find that in “Rosenkavalier”?

“Rosenkavalier” is such an incredibly psychologically nuanced piece that the whole Mozartkugel packaging in which we are always fobbed at it doesn’t come close to capturing the dimension of its humanity.

[the-mercurial-star-o-vesper]

I AM THE SHADOW, THE TRUE SELF - Gravity Falls and the Collective Unconsciousness

Time to make some observations, based on in-show material, for Gravity Falls.

The Portal supposedly opened to the Multiverse, but more specifically, it was meant for Bill and his cronies to walk through. Which means it opened to the Nightmare Realm.

Which, according to this, is something that is directly connected to the mindscape.

So the Nightmare Realm is conceptual space, directly connected to the collective unconsciousness, that seemingly lies between "dimensions".

( Hello Wonderland. )

In such sense, we can make the assumption that places that directly connect to the Nightmare Realm, that do not in fact have a world shattering portal, are actually less physically real. The most direct, "safe" connection is through the mindscape.

Its not meant to be a physical space, that's why its so dangerous when it touches physical space.

In fact, the idea of a nightmare realm-mindscape connection seems to correlate to the Jungian Shadow, and the fact that its inhabitants simply want to do whatever they desire when they desire it, suggests the idea of the "Id".

( The Id is part of a Freudian psychoanalytical theory, and because its Sigmund Freud, that means its popular enough to inspire art pieces akin to Gravity Falls. So I will be using it, and Jungian theory, for this.)

The Id deals in emotional instincts, desires and cravings. It is considered part of the dark aspect of one's mind. This partners with the Ego, the aspect of the self that interacts with reality and rationality, and the Super Ego, the aspect of self that internalizes social rules and ideals.

In Jungian theory, the idea of the Shadow is the unconscious aspect of the mind that is found to be distasteful, it is repression of aspects of one's self that they find undesirable, pushed to the subconsciousness. This partners with the ideas of Persona, the aspects of one's self shown to the world depending on the situation and environment.

So.

If there is a collective space for minds to inhabit, the Mindscape and its various micro-scapes, which are environments where conscious willpower can shift the world, and enviroments which are manifest of a person's conscious and subconscious being...

... What kind of Shadow does such a collective unconsciousness have?

That Shadow is the Nightmare Realm. Its inhabitants manifestations of a collective unconscious series of Id's, who not only seek to embibe in all their desires, but also seek to destroy the equivalencies of the Ego and Super Ego in such realms--the mindscape and physical reality.

ADDNEDUM 1: FORD

From evidence in show... what if Ford wasn't traveling the Multiverse? Its implied in show (and "confirmed" in Journal 3 published) that he outright entered the Nightmare Realm.

He supposedly traveled to dimensions easily without fears of portal activity destabilizing them...

... probably because those weren't Real.

He was a physical, real entity with individual mindscape and consciousness, lost in the representation of a collective unconsciouness's shadow. All worlds he visited weren't merely dimensions, but simply dreams of a multiverse. Which is how he ran into such strange places like an M dimension, which in physical reality, isn't possible.

Alice in Wonderland, for 30 years.

He was effective visiting different kinds of collective mindscapes, only just real enough to be tangible. Real enough to have artifacts and real enough to be dangerous, but not so real as to not have a direct connection to nightmares.

( Ford, running through the collective human unconsciousness. He probably popped up in dreams at times. )

ADDENDUM 2: Weirdness

The reason weird shit kept coming through inspite of no portal, is similar to how the Shadow works in theory.

Things that are repressed, then to get expressed through other things.

The shadow of the collective unconsciousness of the world, slips through in minor ways as weirdness. Gravity Falls is just one of those major slips.

( In fact, given how Time tends to get treated, Gravity Falls probably retroactively became one of those slips thanks to Weirdmaggedon. Good ol'e Gravity Falls basically homestucked it. )

ADDENDUM 3: The Dimensions of Reality and You

There are 10 theorized dimensions of Spacetime.

Dimension 1 is the Line. This is the X-axis, and Only the X-Axis. There is only one object in reality that is one dimensional, and that is the Rainbow. Light is one dimensional.

Dimension 2 is Shape. X-Y axises. A 2D plane.

DImension 3 is where we live. X-Y-X axises, with length, width, depth and volume.

Dimension 4 is where we hit Time. More specifically, Events that corrospond one event at a time, going forward. We of 3D perceive 4D ( and probably 5D).

5D and 6D is where we get tricky. Dimension 5 is Time Travel, going back and forth in time, and Dimension 6 is how we somehow go up and down in time (No idea how that works.)

7D is where conditions shift. Rather than having a set of conditions to follow by, as per the last dimensions, this is where new conditions are set instead.

8D is where Possibility comes into play. If 7D is new conditions, 8D is all possible condition branches.

9D is where the very laws of physics starts changing.

10D, the final, is All Possibility at Once. You could almost say that 10D circles to 0D, the Point, where 1D starts, and we begin again.

In terms of Gravity Falls, if we take the book Flatland into consideration (As per a AMA Reddit Bill Cipher posting), there is life or a kind of life, on all level of spacetime dimensions.

2D has flat life. 3D and 4D has us. 5D has Time Giants (like Time Baby) and so on. The collective unconsciousness shadow realm, the Nightmare Realm, supposedly has access to everything beyond 6D (except by the show's own nature, it doesn't actually--it has access to dream possibilities that become semi (and probably temporarily) real through Ford's interaction with them, as a physical being).

One could be lead to thinking that this children's cartoon show indirectly says that dimensions only really exist based on perception mixing with reality, and you as an individual being are indirection connect to all life through unconscious perception of self and the world.

... but that might be over thinking it.

Hell though, its a fun overthinking.

LAST ADDENDUM:

Small bits of consideration.

It wasn't just one, one-off dream reality that got destroyed--but the entire Second Dimension is just Gone. A fundamental piece of reality has been burnt to nearly nothing, if not fragmented into pieces. That would explain why bits of the collective unconscious shadow realm and all sorts of weirdness keeps coming through to 3D Earth (and definitely beyond)--there's a gap underneath 3-Dimensional Space. Oh its obvious that the collective unconscious reality dreamed up other 2D spaces, but a bandaid doesn't staunch a missing limb.

Bill Cipher had been physically real at one point (if 2D and Flat), but now he isn't. Good chance that by trying to bring 2D to 3D, he did burn himself up in the process as well... but he was the only one who survived it.

If the Nightmare Realm is the "Space between Dimensions", how come Cipher could only see 3D space from 2D space and not the nightmare realm first? Its because the nightmare realm only exists in the mind of the universe as the collective unconsciousness darkness. What exists between dimensions is the Mind perceiving those dimensions. Meaning Bill Cipher's Mind was the Only Thing that survived the destruction of his realm of reality. Not even his physical body survived. And he was like that, for trillions of years.

Ford had been the only physically real entity in the Nightmare Realm, when he got lost through the portal. If he had died on the other side, good chance he would've ended up as Bill--surviving only as a mind-soul entity, and probably, would've gone insane (and mad with power) as well.

The Nightmare Realm being the embodiment of the collective unconsciousness, as a shadow realm of minds across possibility, also explains how come 30 years can pass in it in conjunction to Earth. Earth is one of the projectors of that shadow realm, it has to align or it wouldn't be apart of the collective unconsciousness.

[emchant3d]

This is the perfume anon from yesterday - I’m so glad I got the right vibes from Tommy in this au, I just imagined him as Sigmund Freud’s idealized son lol. Mrs. Hagan was definitely a weird boy mom who put her son in the place of her husband because Mr. Hagan wasn’t giving her the attention she wanted/needed. So Tommy’s view on women is very skewed towards how always perfectly put together his mom is, where I feel like Stevie is more, “I am a woman, therefore anything I do is ladylike/womanly” and Tommy hates it. He hates seeing characteristics that Stevie has had her whole life, even before she came out.

I just love this little fic

"Sigmund Freud's idealized son" is the funniest sentence I've heard all week and it's also absolutely true. Mrs. Hagan is SUCH a hashtag boy mom - Tommy can do no wrong in her eyes. I also have some fun thoughts about her and Stevie's interactions - I think she's just WASP-y enough to have played along with Stevie, to have accepted her into the family, but with similar caveats to Tommy. She needs to be the right kind of feminine for Mrs. Hagan's angel boy.

Tommy's issues run DEEP in this au - there are a lot of allowances he's made for himself about being with Stevie because hey, she's a woman now - so the fooling around they did in school before she transitioned wasn't gay, he's not queer, and he will NOT be looking any deeper into that. He's not a man with any nuanced thoughts about his relationships or his actions, he's a man who believes he's correct and will try to change the world around him - and change Stevie - until they align with what he wants and what he thinks is correct and true.

Stevie meanwhile has always been very secure in her womanhood in that she doesn't feel it needs a direct definition or label or explanation, and Tommy's pressures to put them onto her are what ultimately causes her to snap and run in the end. She wants to be loved, and she tried to convince herself that she was, but at the last minute her self-preservation won out and she got the fuck out. Does she know what she's doing now? Absolutely not - but at least she's not got Tommy whispering to her about how deep her laugh is or how she shouldn't stand a certain way.

Sorry for the rambling but thank you so much it means the world that people are enjoying this little au!!