#housekeeping with adhd

[janglingargot]

Looking, with great ADHD weariness, at efficiency tips for neurotypical moms again.

Like, sure, folding the laundry while dinner simmers sounds like it would be a big time saver! But unfortunately I've learned by trial and error that, if I leave the kitchen while something is cooking and start another task, I will keep doing that task until the thing on the stove regains my attention by setting off the fire alarm?? If I try to squeeze in a little bathroom cleaning between my kids' school pickups, I will inevitably get on a roll, my time blindness and task switching issues will kick in, and I'll clean the whole bathroom and be late for the school pickups??? Etc etc, ad infinitum.

It almost makes me feel better, like, no wonder the NTs are better at this stuff, how many plates can they even keep spinning at once? I can spin one plate with incredible style and grace if I'm in the zone, but dang if I don't tend to drop 'em all as soon as we add more.

[sanjerina]

Just realized that it’s been 15 years since my ADHD diagnosis, 25 years since my mom (z”l) died, and 15-20 years since everyone had caller ID on their phone and a texting app in their pocket … and I still am paralyzed with guilt about the disorganized state of the entryway to my house, and generally don’t live in my living room because WHAT IF SOMEONE CAME OVER UNANNOUNCED???!?

Like the “hide the couches, we can’t tell people we sit!” thing is so real in my head? It’s a fossilized fear that has absolutely nothing to do with reality.

(Also, I have a murderous attack cat, so no one wants to come to my house anyway? And he’s twelve, so that’s not new either.)

But noooooo my brain is still stuck in the mid-1980s when my mom would just “drop in” on her sister or stepmother for a cup of coffee, and God forbid if they were engaged in housework or not dressed and ready for visitors. Back when people still just randomly knocked on your door and tried to sell you stuff!

Back when I would come home from school, and my mom — brilliant, bored, and almost certainly exhibiting symptoms of OCD — would have rearranged the furniture in my bedroom and be sitting by a pile of crap on my bed that needed to be sorted and organized RIGHT NOW.

Nowadays, even my best friends — the ones I trust to talk me through a panic attack — still text me and knock on the door. Absolutely no one is going to barge into my home on zero notice and judge my housekeeping and/or dishabille. I broke up with the girlfriend who said my housekeeping made me “unfuckable” (and we’ve both had a lot of therapy since then).

But my nervous system apparently still considers this boundary violation to be a terrifying and constantly credible threat. Nice one, brain. Let’s fix this, yeah?

[wanderingmind867]

I do have dependency issues. I should probably discuss this with my therapist at some point, but for now I'll make a vent post on here (and hope not to get judged too strongly):

I'm 19, and I'm very dependent on my dad. One could argue this is both our faults. I'm very lazy and dependent, while he doesn't really give significant pushback. I know I probably need to learn to do more things for myself, but then I have to acknowledge I'm growing up and that sooner than later I could end up alone. And I don't want to think about that. There's a reason my ideal life would be having a personal nurse or housekeeper or maid/butler to do all this stuff for me. And just so you know what I can't do:

• I can't cook. I've never tried, and I'm too scared to try.

• I can't run my own baths or showers. I can wash myself on my own and turn the water off on my own (I'm not that bad), but I can't start it on my own.

• I can't get my own water. Or maybe I can, but I'm too lazy to and never really learned to. But I probably could do it if I really had to.

• I can't shave on my own. I need help with that one too, especially with my ridiculously low pain tolerance.

This is just some of it. I could try and keep going, but this post is getting too long (and it's also getting kind of rough to keep thinking about it).

[muninnhuginn]

Twilight's perception of Sylvia vs. how she actually is intrigues me more after the latest chapter tbh.

We already knew he only found out about her daughter in the Bond intro arc, and given he had known her since she started training him (which would have been several years prior) that's quite a while to not know this sort of information. Of course, they're spies and so the private type. Twilight has deliberately shed his own history and so would have nothing to share with Sylvia if she did ever open up. So it makes sense they remain as colleagues only.

In the latest chapter though, we as the audience have a few more things confirmed. Firstly, she's indeed kept the german shepherd from the Bond intro arc and has even named him. She intends to keep this dog. And when Twilight finds that out he's lowkey surprised himself.

Secondly, the manga has confirmed probably as clearly as it's going to that she's been depressed since she lost her family. She hasn't been keeping up with housekeeping since she lost them (and we can see in the flashback that this didn't use to be the case). She's also continually late and a mess. And it's at the point where people who see her regularly have picked up on it.

The reason why Twilight (and we as an audience) haven't picked up on this is because he's out on mission most of the time. He isn't privy to what those who work more closely with her see. Though even for him there have been hints (see: when she left the label on her clothes during that bonus chapter).

The other part of the latest chapter I liked was how it used the depression aspects to tie together parallels between Sylvia and Twilight. I don't know if I'd say Twilight is depressed at present, but he is someone who had very little joy in his life prior to the start of the series. And what's been changing that for him is his new family. In the same way, Sylvia losing her family has put her into this spiral. Sylvia adopting Aaron is what has the potential to change this. She heads home after the chapter, having seen Bond and Anya and thinking that she wants to try for Aaron.

In both cases it's about having someone/something to care for. It's not a magic cure, but it is motivation and as they're people who work for their wider good to the neglect of themselves, it's nice to see them find some personal joy.

[jowzii]

DISABILITY TIP: MAKING A BED

THIS IS PURELY FROM MY EXPERIENCE AS A HOUSEKEEPER WHO SUFFERED FROM hEDS AND MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE IMMENSE HATRED OF MAKING BEDS:

One of the most annoying parts of making a bed, I found, was actually finding what corners to put on the mattress. You'd think you'd get it right by putting one corner on first, but then the sheet couldn't stretch over to the other corner because it was actually the width of the bed - WHATEVER.

I noticed (in my two years of being the sole housekeeper for a 40+ room motel) that THE TAG ALWAYS GOES ON THE BOTTOM RIGHT CORNER.

It doesn't matter if you got a king bed, a twin bed, a cot, a queen bed, whatever; if your fitted sheet/flat sheet has a tag on it, 99% of the time whatever corner that tag is closest to (or on) is the BOTTOM RIGHT CORNER.

Meaning: if you were to hold that tag in your right hand and stand at the foot of your bed, the corner of the bed closest to you, on your right, belongs to the corner that you're holding (with the tag in your right hand!!!)

PRO TIP: if for some reason that doesn't work, pass the tagged corner over to your left hand, and your problem will be solved inshallah. I found all of this to be true with hotel linens and my own mismatched linens at home.

(I'm putting a bunch of tags because as a disabled and mentally ill/neurodivergent person, I remember absolutely having a meltdown because I couldn't find the correct corner before I was a housekeeper.)

[gillianthecat]

Love a power outage the afternoon I finally start doing all those chores I've been putting off.

[zialinart]

Okay good stuff today I got a seriously good job offer in tech, that probably everyone is gonna tell me I'd be crazy not to take

It's like way much money than my current job, with 2 to 3 days remote and a lot of advantages

The cons are it's one hour away so I would have to hire a pet sitter, and see less of my dog and cats. Also that would mean real work 9 to 5, no stopping to do shit during the day like for instance draw. So I would stop searching for a tattoo apprenticeship since I wouldn't have time for that. But that search is really taking a toll on my mental health so that's probably a good thing ? I wouldn't be doing important, meaningful things, which is what I wanted in life, but I'd be working on interesting problems for shitty compagnies, and see people every day and make friends and have money to do shit. On the other hand, more money means more pressure to perform good which I haven't done in 3 years.

I have one week to consider it. I'm pretty lost with everything these days and I see a new therapist on tuesday so we probably won't have time to talk about it since she doesn't know me yet. Oh yeah I know I'm gonna do a poll for the people who still read shits about my life

[beskindtoyourself]

Welcome! 💕

I'm Mia, 22, she/her, and I've been dealing with skin picking for almost half of my life - and it took me years to figure out that I wasn't the only one!! Being a member of the neurodivergent community as well, I've found that having a space online to share your experiences with other people can be such a relief, and since I couldn't really find one specifically for this topic, I decided to create a blog on my own!

I'll be sharing links to resources I've found helpful, share texposts and memes which are relatable and make sure to add the much needed dose of self care ideas and reminders to be gentle with yourself as well!

I've never had a blog quite like this (apart from fandom blog cause let's be honest, this is still Tumblr :))) so I hope that this will be helpful for at least one person because that would honestly mean the world to me!

Feel very free to send in asks or submissions - whether you want to share a resource or tip you've found particularly helpful, or if you'd just like to vent and share your story to feel less alone, everything is welcome!

Just remember to be kind - to everyone but especially yourself 💕

[not-poignant]

Our online writing group is meeting up today! (Our very ungodly tongue-in-cheek name is 'The Creationists' because we create stuff e.e)

But that means I should be able to smash out at least one (and maybe more) Underline the Black chapter.

I just want to do co-op on 4TheWords but they released new quests and now, alas, I cannot co-op, lmao. (This will only make sense for people who play 4TW dsalkjfdsa)

[bookwyrmshoard]

How to Keep House While Drowning, by KC Davis

KC Davis's approach to housekeeping is one of gentle, compassionate, nonjudgmental kindness and understanding — an attitude she both displays to her readers and recommends they take towards themselves. This is housekeeping as self-care, with a deep appreciation of the physical, mental, emotional, and circumstantial barriers that can stand in the way.* Rather than prescribe rigid routines or impose strict standards that many of us find it impossible to meet, Davis offers both encouragement and permission to design a home, organizational systems, and rhythms/routines that fit your needs and abilities.

I came away from the book with several insights into why I struggle with what some of what Davis calls "care tasks." I also identified several practical and attitudinal steps I can take to make things easier, and to be kinder to myself in the process (rather than shaming and berating myself for not being "perfect.")

*Disabilities, chronic illness, ADHD, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, and challenging life circumstances are just a few examples of things that can make it difficult to maintain a functional home. Davis’s approach is very focused on making your home, and your housekeeping, function for you, where you are.

NOTE:  The author speaks from personal experience as well as her expertise as a therapist. She has ADHD and has suffered from severe postpartum depression. She is on TikTock (@domesticblisters) and Instagram and Facebook (@strugglecare), and started the Struggle Care podcast in 2022.

[sarcastic-salem]

I seriously just……I was cleaning out my coffee maker and dumped the cold coffee in the trash bin🤦‍♀️ That’s gonna be fun to clean up.

Loki help….

[lifeofachaoticmom]

Is there a better feeling than the very first time you unload your very first dishwasher?

[5-htagonist]

bro i remember being young and my grandma telling me if i dont learn to clean my room then i wont do it when im older. while there is some truth there what she did not account for was the audhd

[shippersoftheseventhdawn]

To the requests in my inbox, I'm so sorry I've been gone so long, I'm working on stuff now and I hope those that asked on anon are able to see their requests when they're posted!

[gillianthecat]

okay, time to begin the slow, incredibly uncomfortable process of becoming human again.

let's go!

[labelleizzy]

Time for another batch of

Entropy management

Hear me out:

Try calling house cleaning,

Entropy management.

Heh? Eh? It gets me past the IDONWANNAS

System maintenance 🏋🏻‍♀️

Is remembering to eat and bathe, exercise and take my meds 💊, sleep, doctor 🩺 and dentist 🦷 appointments, etc.

Welcome to my ADHD brain where I gotta do irregular end-runs around my executive dysfunction...