#hopefully this finds the right people
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don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it— do u think that this is how everyone in lmanburg felt when schlatt was elected president? like especially considering bc it was up to the viewers and not them at the end of the day… kinda like how the presidential election was up to the electoral college and not the people at the end of the day
#dsmpblr#dream smp#dsmp#election 2024#us elections#hopefully this finds the right people#because otherwise#i am so sorry
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every time there's a superwholock poll doctor who wins by a mile by virtue of being the only survivor and also the only one that isn't horrible but it does make me wonder
#i honestly dont knowwwwww I'd been watching dr who for years by the time i watched sherlock in 2016#but i was way more insane abt sherlock coz i fully believed in endgame johnlock/secret good 4th sherlock ep etc#i didnt like the dr who seasons that were airing at the time but i was going to school w a tardis backpack and my#uniform was covered in dr who pins. god knows honestly I'll have to think about it#polls#my polls#superwholock#doctor who#supernatural#spn#not tagging sherlock sorry. hopefully it finds the right people anyway
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I've had a scenario in mind for a while now about what it would take for Sonic to finally own up to his feelings about Amy. And I think what it would take is...
Shadow.
Well, just plain jealousy and a fear of losing Amy before he even has her. But Shadow would be the best one to instigate it.
First, some headcanons about how they behave romantically:
Amy's maturing and spreading her wings. She's not moving on from Sonic, not really, but it's possible that she's starting to notice other guys. There's some hints in the Twitter takeovers that she may be developing some small interest in Shadow.
Sonic is clearly interested in Amy, and if you pay attention, he has been for a long time. What he's not interested in is marriage- at least, not yet. And Amy is clearly wifey material- she cooks, she takes care of people, she has a caring nature, she's protective, and she's extremely loyal. She's not someone you can use for a one-night stand, you take all of her or you risk shattering her into pieces. She's Sonic's friend, no matter what else he may feel about her, so he avoids any romantic interaction because he doesn't want to hurt his friend.
Meanwhile, Shadow is... not aro-ace, per se, I don't know what you'd call him. He can see that Amy is attractive, but so is Rouge, and Shadow has no interest in Rouge. He just isn't interested in the physical side of romance.
What I think it would take to get Shadow's attention is something deeper, an emotional or spiritual connection.
So here's the Sonamy/Shadamy love triangle scenario that I came up with:
As Amy ages, she feels her desire for male companionship growing stronger. Sonic takes little notice of it, but it doesn't escape Shadow's attention.
Somehow or other, Shadow and Amy end up alone together, probably on a mission or something. I haven't figured out the exact circumstances, but they're together for quite a while. Amy loves to talk to people and get to know them, and Shadow has a soft spot for her, so she's able to get him to talk to her about things that he's probably never told anyone before. And he knows she won't tell anyone about them, either, so he feels safe telling her.
At some point, Shadow realizes, she's done it. She's broken through his barriers, and at the same time, she's calmed the storm of emotions that he's had swirling inside him for 50-odd years. He hasn't felt such peace since... no, not even then. This is something else. He's never felt this way before, and he doesn't have the words to describe it, but he's fallen head over heels for her.
This is why he never lets his guard down, even around the people he trusts most. Because if he lets them in, even a little bit, he might let them in too far. ("Can you see all of me, walk into my mystery, step inside and hold on for dear life.")
He loses control of himself and kisses Amy.
And when he lets go, he instantly hates himself, he starts throwing his barriers back up, because... she's crying. She's crying because she liked it, and she wants more of it, but she's still so desperately in love with Sonic, and she's starting to think she'll never get it from him, so she'll accept affection from just about any man, and it's not like Shadow's unattractive, and, and, and...
So Shadow's raw and open and hurting, he knew before he said or did anything that he was going down a dangerous path, but talking to Amy felt so good he didn't want to stop. And he wants to erase what just happened like it never did. But now he has to be the one to comfort Amy, because this was his fault, Amy was just being the kind and compassionate person she always was and Shadow was an idiot for letting it get to him and making more of it than what it was and losing control. So he has to keep his barriers down for just a moment longer, just long enough to hold Amy and tell her it's not her fault, until her tears finally stop.
It leaves Shadow burning with rage, and as soon as he can, he forcefully confronts Sonic (I imagine Shadow slamming Sonic against a wall or a tree and shouting in his face 😝) and basically tells him, "Amy needs attention from a man, she wants that man to be you, but if you can't grow up and do what it takes, then I'll be more than glad to take your place."
Which scares Sonic good and proper. It's bad enough to think that he could lose Amy, anyway, but to lose her to that faker??? And it finally makes him go to Amy and (very, very awkwardly) ask her to be his girlfriend. And... I'll let y'all imagine the rest.
As for Shadow... he, quite understandably, becomes somewhat aloof towards both Sonic and Amy for a long time after that.
But Shadow's immortal, right? And there's other Amy's in the world. He doesn't have to be alone forever.
Oh, and as for why Shadow would confront Sonic instead of just taking Amy for himself: because he respects both Amy and, especially, himself far too much to do that. He knows good and well she will never be able to fully commit to anyone else as long as Sonic is still an option. If Shadow was to start dating her, she'd go along with it, but it would become a power play between him and Sonic to try to "win" Amy's affections. Shadow has no issues with fighting Sonic over just about anything, but when it comes to his own feelings, he won't stoop that low, and he's not about to hurt himself by playing such a game. I also don't think he would view Amy as "a prize to be won."
#my headcanon#romantic headcanons#sonamy#shadamy#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#shadow the hedgehog#bittersweet#unhappy ending#sorry if y'all hate me for doing this to shadow#but it felt true to his character#people will probably disagree with just about everything and idc#if he ever fell in love it would be on a deep emotional level#and i think he would have difficulty controlling himself#sonic's completely out of touch with his feelings but shadow is not#shadow just can't pin down his emotions because so many of them are terrible and painful#at least this is what i think anyway#and to clarify: neither sonic nor amy would do this to shadow on purpose#it just kinda happened#in truth i don't think shadow ever would allow himself to open up like that in the first place#but i don't think he'll be alone forever#he just has to find the right person#someone who is selflessly caring and compassionate... but also unattached to anyone else#i may have projected some of my own personal fantasies into this as well XP#i never liked the idea of men fighting over me like a trophy#but the idea of someone respecting me enough to be willing to let go of me for my sake...#now THAT is a turn-on#and hopefully if i ever found someone like that...#i would be smart enough to hold onto him instead of running away
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Hospitals had never been the favorite location of either of the Dead Boy Detectives, and they usually refrained from even approaching the premises when at all possible. In the early days of the agency, it was too risky— too many dying or newly dead individuals meant Death was nearly impossible to escape, after all. Even now, with an expanded agency under the influence of the Night Nurse, and as such without immediate risk of hell if they strayed too close to Death, they still tried to avoid hospitals out of habit and for the comfort of all involved—the boys never knew when someone might see them (and it never stopped stinging when someone suddenly did) and it wasn’t exactly easy for the girls to just walk into a hospital without rousing suspicion. It was easier in some ways, these years later, now that the girls were adults and less likely to be seen as truants, but that newfound freedom did not bring with it any sudden desire to see what they were missing behind hospital doors.
All this caution and hesitation was ignored when Charles tapped on the mirror to check on his parents and was met with an unexpected chaos. A heart attack, from what the paramedics were saying as they wheeled the old man out on a stretcher, Charles’s mother and their neighbor following behind in her car. Charles didn’t witness the incident itself, pure luck on the timing, but the aftermath was a flurry of commotion that left him reeling.
He wandered back to the main space of their headquarters (a bigger place than what it once was, courtesy of the girls’ tiring of the boys being unreachable during a crisis or two and deciding to go all in on a shared flat) in a daze. Charles didn’t hide his checking in on his parents anymore, but still preferred to do it alone. Thankfully, his friends were kind, wonderful people who were happy to leave him to it. Said wonderful friends, however, were also quick to notice something wrong.
“Charles?” Edwin, naturally, was the first to notice Charles’s return and immediately put his book aside.
The girls, engrossed in a new show on the other side of their living room, snapped up in their own ways.
“What’s wrong?”
“What happened?”
Charles swallowed down the mixture of emotions threatening to drown him, “It’s my dad, he’s had a heart attack.” He screwed his face up in an attempt to stop the tears that threatened to spill out. Why was he crying? The bastard made his life miserable—
“Good.” Crystal was the first to comment. Niko slapped at her arm. Crystal put her hands up, “What? He was awful!”
“It’s still his dad!” Niko protested, “You can’t just say that!”
Charles tuned out their bickering. Everything felt a little tuned out, actually. And then Edwin was in front of him, hands on his shoulders.
“-love? Charles?”
“Hmm?” Charles tried to silence his whirring emotions.
“Are you alright?”
The Charles of even several years ago would have been quick to brush it all off with a smile. But he’d grown since then.
“Honestly? Not sure. Is that bad? Crystal’s right, he was a dick.”
“And Niko makes a very good point as well. He’s still your father.”
The tears were back again. Edwin pulled him in for a hug before Charles could say another word.
The girls had also quieted, alternating between watching the exchange and speaking through meaningful glances.
Niko was the one to break it, “Did you want to see him?”
The very idea shocked Charles, going rigid in Edwin’s arms.
“He might not even be dying, and going to a hospital is recipe for trouble—“ Charles responded slowly, as if waiting for someone to agree with him and take the weight of the decision off of him.
“I mean, a heart attack is probably close enough to death even if it doesn’t get him.” Crystal contributed.
“And our avoidance of hospitals doesn’t matter if you’d like to go see him. The Night Nurse’s lone positive trait is her protection from Death’s clutches, after all.” Edwin said into Charles’s curls.
“I-“ Charles gave himself a breath, “I wouldn’t even know what to say.”
“We don’t have to.” Crystal said softly.
“Yeah, we can just have our movie night and distract you, or if you want to talk to us but not go see him…” Niko backed her girlfriend up, trailing off into the silence.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Edwin echoed, sighing, “But I don’t want you to regret anything, either.”
“That’s true, it might be good for closure…” Niko chimes in once again, positive in the face of it all and determined to see Charles cheered up as well.
“Fuck that. You don’t owe him closure. If you don’t want to go, then don’t go.” Crystal’s anger was not what it once was, but she had her moments, particularly when abusers were the topic of discussion. Thankfully she seemed determined to keep her composure.
“Your call, Charles.” Edwin said, pulling away from the embrace but not letting Charles go just yet. He obviously had more to say, if the turn of his mouth was any indication, but he was all softness regardless.
“Could be my last chance, innit?” Charles said lowly, obviously not thrilled at the prospect, “If the bastard goes…”
Edwin’s face shifted, and Charles knew he’d guessed Edwin’s unspoken comment correctly. Still, Edwin’s tone and posture were the same, “No one expects it of you. And we’ll support you regardless of what you decide.”
Charles had a distant feeling of pride that Edwin had gotten better at this sort of thing. He’d tell him that another time. Once this was all over and the world made sense again.
After a moment of reflection, Charles sighed, “I think I’d like to go. Might help me heal or closure or whatever, yeah?”
The girls were up, pulling on their coats and shoes without a second thought. Charles felt monumentally lucky to have them.
Including the boy who held him still, voice low and meeting his eyes, “Do you want all of us with you? We can stay behind if you’d rather do this alone.”
Charles shook his head with his same sad smile, “I don’t want to think what might happen if I do all this alone, mate. Though you’ll have to forgive me if I lose my cool.”
Edwin clearly saw through the attempt at a joking diversion but smiled regardless, “Very well. Do you know which hospital we’re visiting?”
“I’m not sure, but it’s probably closest to their place, yeah?” Charles guessed, scrambling his thoughts trying to remember which hospital he’d been taken to when he’d broken his arm as a kid. It was so long ago, and so much had happened since…
Edwin once again shook him out of his thoughts, “Some investigation is in order, then. Niko? Crystal?”
“On it!” Niko chirped, already deep into her phone, Crystal close behind.
After some internet sleuthing, the girls had acquired the address of the nearest hospital to the Rowland family home and were taking the long way there while the boys readied themselves in front of the mirror.
“Are you ready?” Edwin double checked, hand outstretched.
Charles shook himself, “Not sure I’d ever be, love, but let’s get on with it.”
Edwin pulled him in for a quick kiss on the cheek, a sincere smile, and then through the mirror they went.
—-
They stepped out of a mirror in one of the many bathrooms in the hospital complex, disoriented by the amount of beings (alive and dead alike) as they tried to navigate the halls. The A&E department was the worst, with traumatic deaths creating a perpetual plethora of ghosts. Of course, this was also the first place they needed to check.
The boys held hands tightly as they went, both wound tight by the noise and the blood and the general atmosphere of the place. It was far from the most dangerous place they’d been in their decades together, but that brought little comfort in the face of it all.
Phasing through the various doors and curtains, it was ultimately clear that if Charles’s father was in this hospital, he’d been moved elsewhere. They split momentarily, with Edwin going to find a map of the hospital while Charles waited at the nurse’s station to see if he could get any leads on his family.
It soon became clear that there was simply too much going on for Charles to glean any real information, and he was ready to give up and find Edwin when the next phone call to the desk came from a familiar phone number and gave way to a familiar voice. Niko’s voice was clear on the other end, and just loud enough for Charles to overhear. The nurse gave the information with little questioning, informing all involved that Mr. Rowland had just been moved to a private room on a different floor. Charles didn’t stick around to listen to what exact department the man was in, or what the prognosis was—as soon as he knew the number he was off to find Edwin.
It was quieter in this department. Less urgent. Which meant something significant that Charles was pointedly not thinking about, less that send him into another tailspin. Thankfully Edwin’s presence was grounding beside him.
A nurse left the room as they found it, giving a glimpse through the doorway. Charles’s mother sat at his father’s bedside, accompanying neighbor at her side. They couldn’t see his father (or his father’s ghost for that matter) from their vantage point.
Edwin gave one last squeeze of Charles’s hand to get his attention, “I can give you a moment alone if you’d like.”
“Don’t you dare.” Charles tried to joke, but his voice didn’t seem to cooperate. Edwin’s eyes saddened, but he gave a firm nod and gestured for Charles to take the lead.
The man of the hour looked frail against the white sheets. He was awake, but by the look of his eyes he was definitely on his way out. There was a bulky mask over his nose and mouth, IV in his arm, heart monitor dragging along beside him. Charles's mother sat quietly, holding his hand between two frail ones of her own.
Charles didn't think his emotions could get any more complicated, and then his father's eyes found him. Then Edwin. Then back to him. He rasped behind the mask, Charles's mother shushing him gently.
"Hi dad." Charles sighed more than said, standing awkwardly at the foot of his bed and gripping Edwin's hand so hard he wouldn't be surprised if he managed to hurt him despite all the ghost technicalities.
Another rasp, this time accompanied by a frail hand gesturing towards the boys. Charles nearly slumped in relief when his mother glanced their way but returned to murmuring to her husband rather than reel back in shock. She had some time left, at least. His father, however, continued to try to speak.
Seeing his mother's distress, Charles felt himself snap into his protective mindset without thought, snarking, "Just give it up, mate. They can't see us—you're the only one dying here, so only you get the honour. Trust me, I'd rather talk to mum than you any day, but I cant say I'm too torn up about you going first. Maybe she'll get to have some happy years without you."
The man thankfully stopped his rasping, but his eyes emoted enough that Charles knew he heard him. It gave him the confidence to keep going, never quite sure what his next word was going to be but glad to say it anyway.
"Not that you asked, but I've been having a great time these last thirty, forty years. Yeah my death was awful, don't get me wrong. Kinda wish you got even a taste of that, for all the shit you put me through… Actually, do heart attacks hurt?" He turned his question towards Edwin, who had such a complicated expression that Charles immediately decided that the question wasn't that important, "Doesn't matter now, I guess. But yeah, my afterlife has honestly been better than my life ever was. Not only do I not have to deal with your bullshit, but I've also found people who actually care about me.
"Like this, right here, is Edwin," Charles swung their held hands upwards in an attempt at a wave, earning a slightly hysterical chuckle from Edwin, "He found me dying in that attic, showed me kindness as I died, and I've been by his side ever since. He's the best thing that ever happened to me—"
Charles took a breath as his voice cracked, Edwin's hand squeezing his in silent support. Charles didn't look over to try and keep it together a bit longer.
"He's the love of my—well, love of my afterlife. And I know you’d hate that, or at least hated all that when I was alive. I remember your rants about how all those people dying deserved it. Shouting at the telly like they personally offended you just by existing. Do you still think like that, all these years later? Hell, now here you are, dying on a hospital bed while your queer son laughs at you. What a twist!" Charles laughs, but it doesn't sound right even to himself. He, once again, pointedly doesn't look at Edwin. Looking at Edwin means dropping the brave face, and he's got a few more things to say first.
“You know, you’ll think this is weak or whatever, but I checked in on you and mum over the years. Neither of you could see me, and I never stuck around long, but I wanted—no, I needed to see. If I was the only one you beat, if you’d turn to mum now that I was gone. If you felt any remorse when I died. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I’d seen you raise your hand to her. Probably taken up Edwin here’s offer to haunt the shit out of you.”
“I never—“
“Not in those words, love, I know, I know. But you meant it like that and you know it. Anyway, thankfully I never saw it. And she didn’t cower like I did, or hide any bruises, so I figured you were safe there. As for remorse, well, never really saw that either. I was bitter and angry those first few years over that. Thankfully Edwin here kept me busy. And now I can’t really be arsed, especially now that you’re dying and I can’t find much remorse either. Angry it took you so long, maybe.”
Charles once again looked at his mother, at the tears on her cheeks and her face turned in silent prayer.
“Even if you never beat her, I still wish you’d given her more time without you. Did you ever visit her family? You shot it down every time she even hinted at it when I was alive. And she’d smile and move on like it didn’t hurt her to hear that the man she married hated her family that much. You know, I used to promise her that I would take her to see them again. I’d tell her that once I was grown up we’d run away and live in India where you wouldn’t care enough to chase after us. She’d swat me for that. Disrespecting you. It always came back to you. Which is just how you wanted it, right? The whole world revolving around you? So fucking glad I got out of there. I shouldn’t have had to die for that, but whatever. It let me live free of you. And soon enough I won’t have to worry about you at all.”
Shoes squeaked obnoxiously right outside the door. Charles glanced up just in time to see Niko giving him a thumbs up as Crystal pulled her away from the glass. Turning back, he was glad to see his mother hadn’t turned away from her husband. No need to confuse her or get the girls in trouble.
Charles sighed and turned back to his father, “Not really sure what else to say here. Edwin? Any ideas?”
Edwin thankfully took the playful question as seriously as Charles meant it, “Hmm. You could tell him about hell if you’d like to be especially vindictive. Or take the moral high ground and forgive him for all he did to you. Crystal and I would also be happy to curse him for all he did if you’d like. Literally or figuratively.”
Charles genuinely laughed at how his father’s eyes widened, “While that sounds tempting, he’s already on his way out. All we’d do is freak out my mum.”
Edwin gave him a soft smile, “Of course. Just a suggestion.”
He returned the smile and squeezed his hand in thanks before turning back to his father, “Right. Well dad, I’m glad I caught you before Death did. I won’t speak to hell or anything, don’t want to jinx it, but I hope you get what you deserve. I’m not going to stick around to find out. And I won’t forgive you, either. You were a right bastard and I still struggle with getting you out of my head even after literally dying. So you don’t deserve my forgiveness, honestly. I’ll keep an eye on mum, but that’s for her and my sake, not for yours. Probably won’t go to your funeral or any of that, either. I’ll be a little mad if they bury you next to me, but those are just bones by now so I guess it doesn’t really matter. Yeah. I think that’s it. No forgiveness, no love, just hope you get what you deserve and that I never have to see you again. That about sums it up.”
Edwin squeezed his hand again, drawing his attention, and speaking softly, “Does that mean you’d like to go? We can wait if you want to be sure.”
Charles once again felt overwhelmed with it all, particularly with how lucky he was to have Edwin. He didn’t want to start crying here, so he just nodded and pulled Edwin with him out of the room.
“How’d it go?” Crystal asked from her seat in the hall chair, Niko nodding next to her.
“He’s dying alright. Gave him a piece of my mind. But I’m ready to never think about him again, honestly.” Charles tried to make light of it, but it was clear none of them bought it. He blinked up towards the ceiling to keep the tears away just a bit longer.
“Once we get back to the apartment, expect plenty of hugs from us.” Niko informed him, eyes glancing down the hall at the others down the way.
Charles smiled, “Noted. Sorry to make you come all the way out here, guys.”
“Nope, none of that—“ Crystal started, but was cut off by nurses suddenly rushing towards the room, obvious some alarm or something had been pulled. The girls stood in a rush to get out of the way.
“We’ll see you back at the apartment!” Niko called back to the boys as they took their leave.
Edwin held his arm out, the way he did when he wanted Charles to feel especially cherished, “Shall we?”
Charles turned very purposefully away from the door and took the offered arm with a thankful smile. He would need to have a proper cry and rant and rave about all of this later, he was sure. He’d come to learn that all those complicated emotions don’t just go away when you ignore them. But, for now, he was happy to hold onto his partner and get the bloody hell out of this hospital.
~
EDIT: now with part 2 !!
#dbda fanfic#dbda ficlet#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#charles rowland#Charles rowland centric#Charles rowland’s parents#edwin payne#edwin paine#crystal palace#crystal palace surname von hoverkraft#Niko sasaki#payneland#paineland#palasaki#everyone lives#several years post show#I would usually cw death but like#the whole show is about ghosts#so#cw canonical discussions of abuse#Charles’s father is a dick#which is also canon#not sure how else to tag this but hopefully it finds the right people#I may write a part two with his mother’s passing#that’s actually what I wanted to write today but then this happened#I’m a big proponent of women outliving their shitty husbands#so Charles’s mom gets some of that#dbda
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4456428a2c2608f7e0c381c85dc34946/765fd8bde664e944-47/s540x810/35a6c3e1c246a866e1224a44f72ff9d9ae38eba5.jpg)
Guess who lost their apple pen and can no longer draw ::’) this bug ( I cried a lot )
#hopefully I can find it#I’m so overwhelmed right now#I’m not built for large groups of people#if not ig cancel rhe magma?#):#drawn with my finger#evil btw I don’t like the texture of my screen protector#talkin
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design for a techno lanyard keychain i was working on
#i hope it turns out right#im especially worried about the pig accompanying him#i want to make a philza one too but#the problem is the minimum quantity amount so im left with a few extras#im thinking of selling the rest but im not comfortable making profit off of techno? if that makes sense?#maybe like 50% going to the sacroma foundation#i wouldnt mind making it 100% if it was only for the first two but buying custom charms esp lanyard ones really tank my wallet#h we'll see#im sure finding like 2-4 people interested in buying wont be too difficult? hopefully?#thats if i didnt mess anything up and they turn out alright. lmao..#mcyt#dsmp#technoblade#my art
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(so... uh... how far into dai do you have to get before it starts being good?)
#i thought da2 was worse than dao in almost every way#repetitive undetailed environments boring combat less player influence over the story less customization of the player character etc.#but it had one shining redeeming quality#and that was the characters#who i actually cared about more than the characters in dao#and lucky for da2 characters are the most important aspect of a game (for me at least)#and good characters can carry an otherwise mediocre game pretty damn far#but i have yet to find the redeeming quality of dai#i mean... it's pretty i guess? though i still needed mods to make a character that looks decent bc the character creator was lacking#but the environment is pretty and detailed i will give it that#but i've been at this eight hours and almost every quest is just go get an item and then go bring it to someone?#there's really minimal story to these quests#and the characters seem interesting but i've barely had opportunities to talk to them#even the ambient party dialogue seems significantly rarer than it was in either dao or da2#why should i care about people i'm not getting to know?#also do they really just go with 'templars and mages are both equally evil & crazy and we're gonna need to just kill all of them you see'#surely that can't be the whole conclusion to the templar-mage war?? there has to be more right??#i'll keep playing bc hopefully it gets better#to be fair i didn't actually like da2 until act 2#i liked dao right away but it still took a bit to get really good#so i think there's still potential here#we will see i suppose#dragon age#dai#dragon age critical
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CIRCLE SQUARE TRIANGLE CONE CYLINDER PYRAMID CUBE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#destiny 2#my posts#this encounter is so much for so many people to learn at once aaaaaa#we are taking a break right now just waiting for it to click for us#like i'm sure once i've done the raid a couple times i'll look back at this and laugh#but right now i am not laughing#we are so close though hopefully the break will set us right#just trying to find what works best for this particular group i'm playing with#while also learning the encounter in the first place#oof#we are at the stage of practice makes perfect#and working on our comms#i can see why this encounter took the longest to figure out though
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Don't know how to answer people when they ask you a question? Get quiet or stressed because you kind of don't want to answer but you also can't explain why, lest you start to answer? Getting called secretive because you Just Don't Respond??
Might I introduce you... To The Cards!!!!
#Sheldon Cooper#tagging him for the normal tagging reasons but also bc I know he's Not Super Liked in the autism community#also no I don't have autism so I'm not gonna tag that i just got Other Stuff going on#Sheldon is a big kin for me / used(????? I GUESS???) to be an alter. so like. its fine.#not that i need to explain myself but also this is the vent blog so I can do what I want lmao#communication cards#idrk what to tag this bc i want people to see but idk who would benifit#bc this isn't really a DID thing either#shrug emoji#hopefully this will find the right people through sheer force of will
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She would’ve expected the softness to have been beaten out of him by everything that had happened. She knew it would have been beaten out of her, if she were in his shoes. In some ways, he had hardened up. He was harsher, colder, more pragmatic. It fit him, made him seem more mature as a sect leader. And yet, by some strange miracle, she was allowed to see beyond the facade of Jiang Wanyin, sect leader. Hidden beneath those hard layers was a boy that still cared with such an intensity it would someday tear him apart. For reasons she could not fathom, he shed that shell around her, and trusted her with the soft interior. She did not feel like she should be trusted with this vulnerable core of his person, but to explain why would be to change everything, so she took the vulnerability he handed her and did her best not to shake.
I've finally finished the Golden Core reveal part of my chengqing fake marriage au! this fic ended up way longer than I planned because I enjoyed writing Wen Qing's POV too much. oops.
#the untamed#mdzs#wen qing#jiang cheng#chengqing#my writing#featuring appearances from wei wuxian jiang yanli and wen ning#siblings gang.#had to walk the delicate balance between sharp and sweet throughout a lot of this#because jc and wq are both deeply caring people who hide it behind a sharp exterior#and it's especially complicated with chengqing stuff#bc jiang cheng softens a lot around her#so it's hard to find the exact balance between him being prickly and angry#and him being kind and polite around her#bc she brings out that side of him#but his first instinct when encountering an Emotion is usually to be Angry about it#it's tricky! hopefully I got it right
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i might end up regretting this but reblog for a bigger sample size?
#kai rambles#i just find it real weird like ive never refered to a pm as prime minister cameron or prime minister sunak#i refer to them either by their full name if speaking more formally#but normally i call them by their first names lile dave or rishi or boris#donald trump#usamerica#polls#tumblr polls#i am shaking a monkeys paw right now and im very aware of that fact#hopefully this one is seen by at most 100 people and not over 100000 people like my last poll
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help somebody who is more well-versed in fiction podcasts than me: i listened to the first episode of this podcast a couple months ago and i'm trying to find it because it's too obscure to google and i forgot the name. it was about this teenage girl who was running a gossip column in like a school newspaper i think? and then it got shut down so she made it into a radio show. the podcast is like her doing the radio show and talking about gossip and just random things in the town
#tagging this with podcasts that i know so that hopefully the right people will find it#camp here and there#chnt#smile grove#midnight burger#wtnv#tma#i'm sorry for putting this in those tags but i need this podcast back so bad.#you understand
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i unraveled half a dishcloth about 3 times because i was having a toxic man-refusing-to-ask-for-directions moment and kept telling myself "nah you've knit stacks of these and it's literally the easiest pattern" and ignoring the fact that i've been crocheting for 3-4 years and could really spare 5 seconds to google a pattern as a refresher
#pickle pontificates#i was overthinking it and doing like. stockinette stitch. like hm this is probably fine#and you know it is fine but not for the pattern i was trying to do#which is why it took me so long to realize anything was wrong#and the conclusion of the story was that yeah. it did take about five seconds to look at the pattern#and NOW i can go back to knitting without thinking about it#would have been nice if I'd done that in the first place#the other thing I should really be doing is manifesting beano... found some leftover fabric so I could totally start that now#also I started midnight burger this morning. i've listened to 4 episodes and it's really fun so far#seems up my alley!#some of the acting is a teeeny bit stilted but totally enjoyable still#definitely within quality podcast range#i'm also right at the beginning#and i'm also acknowledging that I'm coming off of improv to a scripted thing so it probably stands out more#although the last two before zyxx were scripted and i was raised on audio dramas with slightly awkward voice acting so#who knows how my calibration compares to other people's#those radio characters are freakin funny and probably the most instant favorites#''married couple who's super into it'' is one of my favorite bits that i don't see enough#hopefully that doesn't age poorly for any reason. we'll see in a few days#and i'm interested in finding out more about all the characters and exploring the world. promising start!
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10am
me: oh boy i sure hope i can start gigging this holiday season, but i don't know very many people so i don't know how!
2pm
my violinist friend's teacher: hey iris are you available to do a gig in my church this weekend?
me: oh fuck yeah
#hopefully this will lead to More Stuff#idk i need to Get Networking but i also need to fix whatever problem i have w facebook (my account got blocked#for 'violating guidelines' approximately two seconds after i made it and then i appealed and IT DENIED ME????)#idk my friends said facebook is where you get all the 'old people gigs' (their words) but fuck that until i fix this ig#i guess i could do more stuff on instagram but i haven't done much at all yet and dont have many#if any videos of performances i feel comfortable and confident sharing / using to advertise myself...#im taking music business next semester idk how much that will help but its three fucking hour class so hopefully at least#a bit lol#and now doing this that's people who will Know me right so hopefully they will call me back at some point#i just am not sure how to find people who need violists!!!!!!!!#i should my TA for help tbh. why didn't that occur to me sooner she's literally like the most wonderful and helpful person#on the planet#i will email her in the morning ☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼#bluebird.txt
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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Every grudge that wasn't resolved is hurting at once like scars reacting to a bad weather no matter how much I try to just get distracted with irl activities or something positive, and I don't have anyone to talk about it because people I trust with it are only available when I need to sleep or am at work. I wonder how much longer I can hold it inside before I erupt like a volcano and severity of my negativity leaves everyone within reach with permanent fear of approaching me with ten yards distance 🤔
#/vent#personal#hopefully one of two things prevents this either:#1) a more 'serious' problem forces me to swim out from the depts of my depression and struggle or#2) I find someone to talk to in the RIGHT moment#curse of bad timezone and literally every irl friend changing cities if not countries#I am all alone...#not knowing how to make it stop#I have strong negative breakdowns only once in a while#I wish I could vent more 'harmonically' or forgive people even if they haven't payed or apologized#instead of the 'volcano' thing#well if it really gets bad I'll get into urgent hiatus again#I also hate how because of personality fracture it is another alter that absorbs every positive-#-stimul like a parasite right now#usually I sprout and lose alters like malenia but some stick around for a bit#maybe Im also about to fall out I don't know#right now it is just too much gravity to get out of my own head no matter what I do#all I can think about is my million bad memories until it just stops already
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