#im especially worried about the pig accompanying him

[the-snowfall]

design for a techno lanyard keychain i was working on

[moonlitmessages]

Reasons I think Saeyoung has ADHD

- Messy house. Hard to keep it clean. Everything just kinda piles up and he relies on Vanderwood to not live in a pig sty.

- He says early in his route (day five first story mode I think. When Vanderwood is first introduced) he says that Dr. Pepper helps him focus. He drinks it and gets super focused, but then the mess piles up even more because of the soda cans.

- Super smart, especially about very specific niches. I mean he's smart in general but also has his Thing™ (this can be applied to both ADHD and the autistic spectrum. )

- Insomnia. This is part of his work obviously as well but he's clear about the fact that his sleep schedule is hecking out of whack.

- Can't focus?? Let's do everything besides the thing we need to do. Even though it will do nothing to help the situation at hand.

- Cars. Going nyoom down the road could help with stimulation and sensory issues that come with ADHD. Something about the speed just makes it make sense.

- Hyperfocus. "Don't bother me I'm trying to work". Being so focused on work that he doesn't take the time to really even order a hot meal. Forgets to eat and sleep sometimes because of it. (a lot of instances it's simply that he CAN'T or he won't meet deadlines too so that also has to be kept in mind). Building robots out of thin air too is an example.

- Inattentive. When not super focused its almost like a disinterest in anything. His focus is on MC? Well gotta do something for MC. She'll like a flamethrower pup. That will keep her safe. Wait no it wont...I thought it would tho. Gotta work!! No but MC isn't safe. (Inattentive to his work cause super focused on MC)

Symptoms of ADHD include:

Disorganization 

     - This goes along with the messy house. There’s a picture where he’s shown surrounded by chip crumbs. Vanderwood claims that his couch smells like soda. There are likely aspects in which he can actually be quite organized, but those would likely be in reference to his job, and computer/automotive repair.

Lack of focus 

    - This happens a little bit through different routes, where he complains about not being able to focus and doing some procrastinating, but for the most part the biggest example is the very beginning of his route where his focus is faltered because his mind is on MC. While that is a normal reaction to have for anyone regarding what was going on, it can’t be ignored that 1.) He WAS unfocused to the point he couldn’t do anything besides worry, or work on things that ‘Could help protect MC” regardless of if they were useful or not. and 2.) Dr. Pepper is part of the reason he is able to focus on things when he DOES focus. He says this himself in the first story-mode for his route. That he drinks it, then gets super focused. Caffeine has been proven to actually help the ADHD brain focus.

Act or speak without thinking 

    - “Im leaving the RFA”, breaking the RoboCat, and some of his procrastinating during his route could be considered put into this category. Also, I know he is by all technicalities saying things with thought in regard to MC when he’s saying hurtful stuff, however I still think it could be put in here because while it was said with the thought “I want to make sure MC stays away from me so she will be safe,” it’s without thinking about how he feels/what he wants and he ends up regretting it down the road.

Restlessness 

    - Lets see, he has trouble focusing and when he can’t focus he ends up doing other stuff to keep his hands and mind busy. He has sleep troubles. I doubt he can sit still very easily if he isn’t super-focused on something life-or-death and/or a special interest. A good example could once again be the robo-animals he built. His focus was somewhere else, there’s little he can do to remedy the situation, he gets restless and tries to occupy himself with something he CAN focus on.

Difficulty coping with stress 

    - Source: His Whole Route

Mood Swings 

    - What I’m seeing as mood swings could also just easily be his stress and anxiety in the situation during his route causing him to bounce back and forth/ the mask he tries to put up to protect MC from getting involved with him being thrown up when he feels like he’s letting her to close. But nonetheless there are points where he will just seem sad and melancholy then get angry. 

Anxiety 

   - I mean idrk how to explain this one for him, I don’t necessarily think that he has social anxiety, but maybe general anxiety (tho I’m not really sure how to explain how I see that in him) but regardless when he does experience pressure, he seems to have heightened anxiety levels. It just makes sense in my head so take this one a little lighter than the others. 

Low self esteem 

    - ‘I’m not a good person” “Why do you like me?” I would say that when it comes to his looks he’s fairly confident. But when it comes to his personality (I mean he has a whole identity crisis) and actions, it’s a whole other story. He puts himself down a lot because he genuinely thinks that he doesn’t deserve MC and that she should be with someone better than him.

Impulsiveness 

    - Again, breaking Robocat. Felt impulsive and done without thought. His car rides could also be considered impulsive depending on how risky and speedy they may be. I recall at one point he texts MC while driving. 

Trouble controlling anger 

    - Source: His Whole Route

Procrastination 

   - I feel like I keep bringing up the robo animals a lot, but they were also a form of procrastinating his work. (I suppose there are a lot of things that could be tied to those animals then, or maybe I’m just reading to deep into things). Uhm, idk I can’t think of anymore examples atm, and I know he tries not to procrastinate super important stuff. I feel like if I were to play the game again (it’s been a couple weeks) I would be able to find more examples for this even on a minor scale. Sometimes him teasing Yoosung could be seen as both him trying to relieve some stress and put off doing his work.

~•⭐ D e p r e s s i o n ⭐•~ 

- Yes I know his depression comes from trauma and abuse. However ADHD overlaps with different disorders quite commonly. A lot of his ADHD symptoms overlap with depression as well, such as the disorganization, mood swings, and insomnia. And depression can very often accompany ADHD too just simply due to the fact that mental illnesses do tend to come in multiples, and also the ADHD itself can be a contributor to depression.

Those are 12 different signs that he might have ADHD...and of course I’m no doctor. Everything that I listed were things that I found through an attempt to analyze him and his route, and online research regarding ADHD. I’m sure there are things I might have over-analyzed and taken some things out of context as it has been a couple weeks since I finished his route...So feel free to add your own thoughts/opinions, regardless of if you think I’m right or wrong. This has been in my drafts for a while and I finally got it finished and will likely go through editing later but I want to post it now. If anything is hard to understand let me know and it will get fixed to the best of my ability.

[markleetrashh]

Woke Up Alone;Haechan

Genre: huge angst (im ready to make some people cry im sorry)

Request: @hqleetaeyong my babe requested this a month back for an angst haechan scenario so here it is skdmdn

A/N: i spent so much time on this omg dont kill me after yall read this please

*Warnings: de*th/depression

Word Count: 2,481

——

Nothing seemed to be going your way anymore-you were flunking all your class assignments and tests despite your constant efforts to revise and study, and all because of a small misunderstanding, your friends had turned their back on you.

The people you once could lean on and gain support from, were now gone.

The digits on the weighing scale added more salt to the wound, constantly reminding you of how you weren’t as slim as the people around you, and that you had lost many you once thought were worthy because of this small matter.

Nobody seemed to understand you. Once you thought everything was going well, it all fell apart again, leaving you at your most vulnerable.

You needed someone to hold you in their arms, remind you that you were loved and appreciated. And most importantly, you wanted someone who could give you love and comfort.

But you didn’t have anyone.

You couldn’t even trust yourself anymore.

You hated yourself more than anyone could ever.

You blamed yourself for everything that had happened.

You were completely alone.

But yet at the end of every day you found yourself lying on your bed, all curled up in the warmth of your own arms, thoughts running deeply in your mind. All you could do to make everything better was to assure yourself that it’ll get better.

At the end of the day, you could depend on no one else but yourself-

-as much as you hated it.

——

His face was etched vividly at the back of your mind, and you couldn’t help but think about him for the fifth time that day. His small and shy smile and laughter replayed in your head as you remembered how he reached out his hand excitedly to shake yours, then slightly bowing as he flashed you his bright smile again, his eyes forming into the shape of crescent moons.

Just this itself could make you smile, the first time you ever did genuinely in a few weeks.

“My name’s Haechan! I’m looking forward to working with you all hehe”

You remembered how he said that sentence in an excited tone, and behind his voice it was as though you could feel a small boy jumping inside of him, ready to fill your days with laughter and joy.

You found yourself smiling once again, before you snapped out of your trance as you catched a glimpse of yourself in the mirror seating by the bedside.

How long has it been since you last smiled like that?

How could a boy you just met today make you feel so happy and contented?

—

The next morning, you were more than excited to head of to the cafe for work- for the first time ever.

The lady dressed in full black, your boss, looked at you shock as soon as she saw you enter the cafe, then squinting her eyes, “Why are you here so early today, Miss Y/N, i thought you dreaded work? Is something up?”

You let out a small laugh before shaking your head, placing your bag in the usual spot in the staff room, “No, i just.. felt good today”

Your boss gave you a comforting smile, then pat your back, “I was joking. I’m glad that you are, i told you working in a cafe could help clear your mind hm?”

You smiled back at her. You were thankful and grateful for her care and concern towards you, and you only had her to thank for making you feel much better than you were a few weeks back.

She had noticed you completing blanking out in a bookshop near your house, and immediately asked if you were okay. Finally having someone to even worry over you, you couldn’t help but break down in front of her, a complete stranger at that time, and letting everything out that you had been holding in forever.

She completely understood, and promised to help you out. Which was why you were currently able to work as a barista in her small cafe, after she offered that it may help you get your mind off things a little.

And it did.

You put on your apron swiftly, then started to set everything up, preparing the cups and ingredients needed.

Not long after the door to the cafe opened once again, and you were met with the eyes of the one you had been thinking of the whole night.

His soft brown hair was slightly covering his eyes, and his dark brown skin seemed to glow under the sun. He caught eye contact with you and bowed slightly, the sides of his cheeks raising up, his eyes turning into thin lines again.

You returned a shy smile, eyes unable to leave him.

Your eyes followed him as he made his way to the staff room, then to the empty spot right beside you.

“Y/N? Good morning!” he waved his hands in front of your face, followed by a small giggle.

You stuttered a little, “H-Hi, good morning” before giving a small awkward wave back, causing him to laugh.

He shook his head then smiled to himself, “You’re so cute”

His words hit you all of a sudden, and you felt a tingling feeling throughout your whole body. Your cheeks started to burn as you tried quickly looked away from him, “o-oh.. am i?”

You closed your eyes and mentally slapped yourself for the words that just came out from your mouth.

Surprisingly, Haechan nodded his head, then held out a thumbs up in front of you, saying even louder to you, “Yes you are”

Naturally, your lips started to curl up as his words replayed in your mind over and over again, your heart quickening its pace every single time.

He was special, how could someone you only just met made you this happy?

——

“Y/N!!!!! I got us some chicken, open your door and stop sleeping you pig” Haechan’s loud voice rang through your whole apartment, as his fingers repeated pressed the doorbell.

You peered your head out of your room, eyes squinting at the bright light from the door, then letting out a groan and laying back in bed, “Just open it, it’s not locked”

You heard shuffling from the outside as you closed your eyes again, hoping that you could get back some of the sleep you lost due to Haechan’s shouting.

However, his voice rang loudly again, “Do you not know how dangerous it is to not lock your door i cant believe you did that, what if something happened to you?”

Haechan nagged at you as he shook your legs lightly, trying to wake you up.

But seeing that you had no reaction at all to his doings, he jumped right on the bed beside you, then attacking you with tickles, causing you to scream and laugh out loud.

After a few minutes of the ‘wrestling’, Haechan hit your arm lightly, slightly out of breath, then nagging at you once again with his now obvious irritated voice, “Wake up now please”

You turned to face him abrutly at his words, your smile slowly fading away into an expression of admiration as he was only an inch away from you.

5 months of friendship but you all had never been this close.

It made your heart race.

And there was a moment of silence

You saw Haechan gasped a little, his eyes falling from your eyes to your lips, his cheeks turning into a light pink as he got up quickly.

His voice softened as soon as his eyes met your gaze.

“C-Come out, let’s eat the chicken before it gets cold.”

You shook your head and covered your face to forget everything that had happened, but your heart wasn’t cooperating.

It was beating really quickly, and loudly.

Does he know i like him?

Does he like me too?

——

His arms were around your shoulders, your head on his chest. His soft and warm voice acting as a lullaby as he sang you a short tune. He was caressing your hair lightly, both of your breathings together as one.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry” Haechan said those words to you for the third time that night, attempting to make you feel better after you started breaking down suddenly after being not able to sleep.

And you blame overthinking for it-your thoughts got the better of you again and you just started thinking of every single negative thing that had ever occurred to you.

Next thing you know, Haechan has rushed right over to your house immediately after getting your call, despite it being at a late 2AM.

You nodded your head at his words, wiping your tears once more, snuggling deeper into his chest as you wrapped your arms around his torso.

Someone was finally there for you when you needed it.

He made you feel appreciated and cared for, and you couldn’t thank him enough for that.

You felt comfortable in his arms, against his body.

His arms never left you once that night and you felt secure, and safe.

Only he could make you have that feeling.

You were deeply in love with him.

——

Just like any other day, you found yourself waiting patiently for him to walk into the cafe, face full of smiles and happiness, pulling the strings of your heart and making your day full.

Especially today, you wanted to see him the most, mainly because you had wanted to tell him something important-your feelings.

Your eyes would lit up in excitement whenever you saw the door to the cafe open, but would droop into disappoint when you weren’t met with the person you wanted to see most everyday.

Two hours later and he was still not here, and you were worried sick.

Is he not feeling well? Did something happen? He hasn’t been replying since yesterday.

Your eyes would quiver as you’d blank out occasionally, as your mind would drift off to think about where Haechan was and where he went.

He never skipped work once, even when he was sick, it was unlike him.

You tried calling him, but there no answer.

You went back that day feeling devastated, as though you had lost everything. One day without seeing him and you were back to the old you, how could you live without him?

The next day you went to work enthusiastic again, hoping that he’d appear. But he still hasn’t returned to any of your calls or messages.

After a long and tiring day of being disappointed countless times, you sighed and made your way back home, alone, unlike the usual days where Haechan would accompany you and fill you with his jokes and funny stories, turning you into an endless fit of laughter.

The third day, still no replies or his appearance. It was as if he disappeared into thin air.

Day of day you’d make your way to the cafe, holding on to the small strand of hope that he was going to come back, but none of it happened.

You were getting less and less and motivated, and you did everything with almost no emotion. You didn’t feel happy anymore, that is, without Haechan right by your side.

Your boss had noticed and she knew the reason why, and she knew she had to tell you sooner or later.

“Y/N, could you come here for a talk? We’ll stop work after this,” she called out to you softly, motioning you to seat beside her at one of the small tables.

You nodded without saying a word, then sat beside her emotionlessly, mind filled with thoughts of that one person.

The lady beside you took in a deep breath before placing her hand on your thigh, “I know you’ve been feeling upset lately.. and it’s because Haechan’s gone suddenly, right?”

You turned your head to her immediately at the mention of his name, then raised your eyebrows at her, “Yes, do you know why? Did he tell you?”

She sighed again, then closed her eyes, a look of remorse on her face, “You see… Y/N, Haechan.. he’s… gone”

You were confused at her words, as you furrowed your eyebrows together, your hand holding tightly onto hers, “What do you mean.. gone? Did he move to another country? Where did he go”

She frowned, as you could see her trying to hold her tears back, “You see, Y/N. Haechan, you thought he was that one kid that’s always happy right? Truth is he’s gone through much more than you and he’s actually really really sad inside. But he told me not to tell you so you wouldn’t worry, and i took him in here because he heard of you and wanted to cheer you up, because he didn’t want you to feel like him. He, was overwhelmed by a lot of things too these past months but he kept it from you. He couldn’t take it anymore and he.. went to a better place, at least he’s happy there. Y/N, please i know you love him a lot and he’s always so happy telling me about you and-”

You ran out of the door and onto the road after hearing all those words, your tears rolling down your cheeks endlessly as you didn’t want to believe what you just heard. You heard shouts calling out for you, but before you knew it, a huge blow threw you onto the floor and you were met with pitch darkness.

——

The wind from the air conditioning’s blowing strongly in your direction, making you hide even deeper under your sheets, trying to find warmth.

But nothing was the same anymore.

Outside your room were people talking and walking around, holding flowers or basket of fruits to visit their loved ones, each of their rooms filled with care, love and warmth.

But for you, your hospital room was filled with utter silence, other than the constant beeping from the heart rate machine standing beside you.

It seemed to be your only friend.

You room was cold, dark and empty.

No one was there for you, again.

His face was the only thing you could think of, as the memories that you two had spent over the past 9 months replayed in your head, remembering even the smallest detail.

Because he meant that much to you.

And he still does, but does it even matter now?

You wiped the tear falling from your swollen eyes roughly as you hid your face in your arms,

you were used to this

after all, you still ended up waking up alone.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Matchup Request

Hi! May I have a ship for Game of Thrones, lovely? If you’re not okay with that, Black Butler is fine too. Im a 5'2" bisexual girl (male preference) with a wild, honey tipped afro and curvacious figure who rarely wears pants. I love vintage dresses, green tea, napping for 18 hours a day, astrology, biology, anatomy, reading, history, and writing short stories. I dislike outside, crowds, and have an unhealthy hatred for celery. My foremost talent is my hard work ethic. I get so wrapped up in my passions that I often forget to eat in favor of continuation, though, which has made me fairly frail. Im also talented at communicating with people. Im on the Debate team and adore Model UN. Politics and law are so intriguing! I love food, too. Cooking/baking is always fun. Im constantly bringing my SO brownies and cakes. When I remember to eat, I pig out.

Personality wise, I’m friendly and intelligent. My mom left when I was young and I had to pick up the slack. This caused me to mature quickly. Unfortunately, I’m also afraid of being abandoned again and have problems with self worth. If the person put on this earth to love me didn’t, who could? I push myself to perfectionism in turn. I want to validate my existence. When I fail, which is inevitable, I punish myself way too harshly to the point of suicidal tendencies.

In romantic relationships, Im the clingy sort. I try to spend time with my SO whenever feasible and shower them with gifts and attention. Im also a fan of PDA. Im always touching them to some regard and adore cuddles and kisses. I even sleep with my current BF’s T-shirt while he’s on the phone . Im pathetic in this regard. Im also direct and open. I couldnt be with someone who can’t communicate. I have a high sex drive which surprises everyone.

Currently I’m an 18 year old university honors student majoring in Nursing. I intend on becoming a Forensic Nurse Practitioner. Justice is important to me, but I also want to save lives; lives that can go forth to change the world in more ways than I think possible. I intend on publishing a few books until then (I already have essays published!). I also dream of someday seeing my mother again, and showing her how successful the child she abandoned has become. I’ll work my damndest.

That’s about all! Im sorry about how much I wrote. I figure the more, the better. Id also like to return the favor to you! Would you like a matchup? You’re doing such a great job here, and I’d like to treat you. I could also try my hand at an imagine or drabble. Thank you in advance, darling, and have a wonderous day! You deserve it.

I know exactly who to match you with! Oh yeah, the more I get the better and more detailed your matchup will be! Oh wow, my goodness thank you so very much! If you wouldn’t mind, I’d love a matchup - it’d be nice to receive one [not that I’m complaining, I love writing matchups!] Shall I DM you? You’re so very welcome, and thank you once again. I hope you enjoy your matchup.

Robb Stark

- I think one of your most admirable traits in Robb’s eyes is just how hard you work. Your skills in debating, holding your own against others’ viewpoints and your communication skills would make you a valuable asset to Robb’s small council team, and he invites you along to each meeting. He greatly values everything you have to say and often takes any advice you have with more weight than he does other peoples’. Not because he favours you in that sense, but because he trusts you implicitly. Funnily enough, your advice often works fabulously. He would take it upon himself to instruct one or two of his men to bring you green tea and food every two to three hours - something small, but substantial and eough to keep you ticking over. If you don’t eat it, fair enough, you chose not to. But he’d definitely remind you often to take care of yourself and eat. Your love of reading and history greatly amuses him and he sometimes calls for people to bring you new parchments, and quills to write with. He gets you books from Winterfell’s library and lets you read them as and when you want, at your leisure. When you pig out, he brings you a ton of food that he’s ‘stolen’ from the kitchens and simply watches you, concerned by hoe you forget but happy that you’re eating. Robb’s also known for stealing any celery or other hated foods off your plate - to ‘rescue’ you from that which you dislike.

- Robb would listen to your story about your mum with a stony face. He’s non-judgemental and very understanding. He’d tell you that he has no desire to abandon you and that to do so would be an injustice to the both of you. He admires your intellect and is one of your greatest supporters in everything you set out to do. He would always, always tell you that failure is only failure if you refuse to get back up and try again - you haven’t failed because you still tried, you still did whatever it is that you set out to do. These words would be accompanied by Dire Wolf cuddles and a lot of love. Robb is very loyal, loyal to a fault, so through time he would hope that you come to be secure in your relationship with him. He’d be patient and caring the whole time and wouldn’t take anything out of you, even when his strategies aren’t playing out on the battlefield. Robb’s the eldest of many siblings so he’s almost a natural at comforting you now, and he does it without asking or thinking... He sees you’re anxious, worried or scared and he’s there with open arms and listening ears.

- Robb isn’t clingy, as such, but he does appreciate the unwavering presence of his s/o, especially when they make the effort to be with him as often as they can be. He would acccept each gift with an affectionate smile and a hug. If you’re into the NSFW side of things, then he’d show his appreciation that way, too. He doesn’t get much free time from planning a war, so every second he can grab with you is highly valued, appreciated and certainly not wasted. PDA is definitely something that he enjoys, though his kisses are really heated in private. When he’s away and you’re sleeping in one of his shirts, he comes back with a grin and an almost possessive wave comes over him, though he pushes it to the side because you’re sleeping and he’s loathe to wake you. Again, there is room for NSFW stuff here if you’re into that. Robb is quite straightforward in what he says - if he doesn’t like something, he’ll tell you. If he does, he’ll tell you. He doesn’t play games - just open and honest. 

- He completely admires, respects and trusts you. He wants to see you succeed and he’ll succeed alongside you. He’s always so proud of you and he tells you this without hesitation. Your relationship would be filled with love, hugs, cuddles, kisses, PDA, quiet and candid conversations that bleed into the early hours of the morning. He showers you with gifts, tea, food, affection and books. If we’re to translate your Nursing degree into Westeros terms, you’d likely be training to be a Maester, a very rewarding but arduous career. On the days that your dreams become truth - he’s right beside you, teary-eyed with pride.