#hopefully i can come up with some better names someday

[writingquestionsanswered]

hey, i love your blog, you’re so kind for doing all of this. kudos.

i was wondering if you have advice on how to not be terrified of sharing your work with the world? i write a lot of fanfiction (and someday hopefully some original stories) but i get so so anxious about ANYONE reading them so they usually end up rotting in my google docs, and eventually i stop writing them because i don’t get the motivation that comes from reader responses

but the issue is i’m not sure how to tackle this anxiety. as someone who has published works, do you have advice for this?

Tackling the Anxiety of Sharing Your Work

For my answer, I'm going to cobble together some bits from previous posts and add some new stuff. ♥

Sharing our fiction with others is one of the biggest steps we take as writers, and it can be scary no matter what you write. But, if you want to be published, it’s a necessary step. As with so many things in life, doing something that requires courage is often just a matter of taking a deep breath and doing it. "Ripping off the band-aid," as they say.

However, there are some things that might help ease the associated anxiety a bit:

1 - Try to Pin Down Your Specific Fears - One of the first things you may want to do is try to figure out what you're specifically afraid of or what's making you the most anxious about the prospect of sharing your work. If you can find the root cause, it might be easier to tackle the associated anxiety. Are you worried people:

will think your writing is bad?

won’t like your writing style?

won’t get your story/characters?

will judge you for what you write about?

will think less of you for writing at all or what you write about?

will blab about your writing to others?

will steal your ideas?

will see similarities between your story and others?

will make you feel tied to a project you might not complete?

I tackle some of these in the writing-related-fears portion of my Motivation master list.

2 - Don't Rush It - If you take the time to properly revise and edit your story, you can be confident in knowing you've put in the time and effort to make your story the best it possibly can be.

3 - Start Small - If you can, try sharing your story first with an "alpha reader," or in other words a trusted friend, family member, or community member who can appreciate your story. In this case, you might say you're not looking for specific feedback but just a general impression of what they liked about the story. This way, it's not about getting constructive criticism so much as getting over the hump of sharing it and getting the little boost of what they like about the story.

4 - Gradually Go Bigger - From there, you might try sending to a couple of beta readers and opening up to a bit more feedback. The great thing about this is not only are you conditioning yourself to sharing and getting the opinions of others, you can potentially use the feedback to iron out kinks in the story if there are any.

5 - Use a Pen Name - You might want to consider using a pen name for anonymity. Pen names have many different purposes, but much like wearing a mask at a party, they can decrease your inhibition a bit because it creates a bit of a buffer between the real you and your writing.

6 - Post and Let It Go - Many writers get around the issue by simply not engaging with reader feedback, and if you're someone who cares what other people think or are likely to be daunted by the prospect of criticism, this may be the best route for you to go. Now, I know that with fan-fiction in particular, reader feedback is often used for improvement. But the truth of the matter is, you shouldn't rely on reader feedback for improvement anyway. Alpha readers, beta readers, critique partners, and editors are a much better metric for where to improve. When you get your feedback elsewhere, you can post your story and let it fly on its own without worrying about what others are saying.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[rollofleaf]

Owlcatober Day 1: Teatime

Hopefully I'll be able to do this consistently this year! They're going to be short because I'm trying to do all of them. First up we have toxic longing yuri. I swear I'm going to get to all of my Owlcat OCs and it won't just be Hilde and Arueshalae forever, so let's start with Ethyn!

“Right, then we’ll set out for Varnhold immediately!” With the council dismissed, Ethyn sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. First her barony had been assaulted by hordes of monsters from the First World, now her neighbors had just vanished without a trace. It was no wonder no one had managed to settle the Stolen Lands yet, if events like these were normal. But Captain Varn, her missing neighbor, had been kind to her ever since they first met. His mercenaries had aided her barony against the animal attacks, he was a good trade partner, and he had even sent personal gifts of weapons and magic items to her. If Ethyn didn’t know better, she’d suspect he fancied her! Regardless, it was long overdue for her to aid him in turn, so she packed her bags and set off quickly, throwing the doors to her audience hall open and stepping out.

As the paladin passed through the doors, a brief bout of nausea overcame her. When she opened her eyes, she was somewhere else. She glanced behind her, the doors to her audience hall were nowhere in sight. She felt the tingle of magic brimming in the air, familiar from her last visit to the First World to destroy the flower assaulting her kingdom with monsters. And standing before her was Nyrissa, the beautiful nymph that broke her heart. The nymph whose heart had been stolen.

Ethyn's cheeks flushed with joy at the sight, but she held her composure and gave the nymph a calm, even look. Still, the question fluttered into her mind and she had to ask, "Nyrissa... Are you responsible for what is happening to Varnhold?"

The scorn in the nymph's eyes was replaced by a spark of surprise, quickly buried. "You... Know my name. Hmph. Even a simple hound can surprise on occasion. Come. Share some tea with me and I will answer your question.”

Suspicion sparked in the paladin’s golden eyes, but it would be rude of her to reject an invitation! And to sit across from the nymph, so close to her… No, Ethyn, focus! The nymph walked over to an ornate wooden table for two that had appeared in the mist, alongside some tea.

Ethyn closed her eyes and murmured a soft prayer, then walked over and took a seat. She smiled softly as Nyrissa poured her a cup. “Thank you. But… Why, if I may ask? Such civility, serving me tea, it’s so unlike you.”

The nymph flashed a coy smirk, making no attempt to hide the cold, loveless emptiness in her eyes. “Perhaps I am simply seeking to poison you, hound. Why, if I may ask, do you indulge in sharing tea with one who will destroy you?”

Ethyn flashed a smile as she took a long sip of the tea. It was fragrant and strange, tinted with unknown notes from the First World. “Mmm. It is delicious poison, I’m quite glad I protected myself from it.” She winked at Nyrissa’s scowl. “As for why… Well, I cannot refuse such time spent with the one I love.”

The nymph sipped her own tea, raising an eyebrow at Ethyn at that word she so detested. “Love, you say? As though a mortal could understand the depth of that terrible feeling… It seems I didn’t crush your heart as thoroughly as I had hoped. Or are you simply delusional?”

“You shattered my heart, Nyrissa.” The paladin maintained her calm smile, though there were notes of anguish buried underneath. “But it’s alright. Far worse was done to you. I’ve glimpsed what you used to be, the Guardian of the Bloom, and that was stolen from you…”

“So you think you love an illusion. A phantom. Naive girl.” Sparks of anger lit in the nymph’s eyes as she stared Ethyn down.

“No. I love you. As you are. As you were. As you could be, someday. As I hope you will be. And I will try to save you.” The paladin flashed a smile, full of genuine compassion and sorrow. It nearly made Nyrissa wretch.

The nymph’s gaze was as cold and cruel as ever, but she felt something stir inside her. The paladin was sickening and naive, but there was something endearing about it, like the devotion of a puppy. An unbidden smirk came to her lips as she set her cup down and stared over at Ethyn. “If you are so foolish as to love me, then would you allow me to kill you? It would prove your devotion to me.”

Ethyn let out a melodious chuckle. “No, my lady. I know my feelings are not returned, and I do not care. I know that you wish to destroy me and those under my protection, and I will fight with everything I have to prevent that. It does not change that I love you.”

“Then you are casting yourself down the path of either death at my hands, or breaking your own heart by killing me.” Of course the latter was quite impossible, but Nyrissa could humor this idiotic paladin.

“Perhaps. And perhaps if my heart must truly break, we will understand each other.” Ethyn idly took a sip of tea and let out a deep sigh. “There is something so beautiful about doomed love, isn’t there?”

Anger sparked in Nyrissa. What was this girl, some kind of tourist parodying her own tragedy? What beauty could she find in Nyrissa’s suffering? At last, that was the final straw. Abruptly, the nymph stood up. “Enough, hound. How dare you insult me like this... We are finished here.”

Ethyn tried to protest, but the nymph was gone before she could react. “I… I am sorry…” She said to the quiet town. The sweet taste of tea still lingered in her mouth. Perhaps she was making too light of the nymph’s situation? Or was that just her trying to manipulate Ethyn? She only wanted to understand Nyrissa. But how could she? She was just a mortal girl, she knew nothing of what it was like to be a fey queen, much less one suffering from the curse that afflicted Nyrissa. But… She could learn to understand her. She would learn. That understanding was love, to the paladin.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

I'm about to dig into your questions for EOY asks, but here's a few for you, my friend!! 💜

#2, #13, #17, #18, #20 and/or #21 😘

Oh thank you for the asks! Also this list here is where these came from if anyone is wondering!

2) A piece you're proud of and why

There's a lot of stories I'm very pleased and proud of but one I don't talk about too much around here since it's not fanfic is my book, Everything I Need. Writing a novel as you and many other writers can understand is hard. It's not like writing fanfic. There's more rules, more scrutiny, more of making it "perfect".

This wasn't the first time I ever wrote something of length but these are original characters that I made up with their own quirks and lives in this imaginary little town. It's like an onion, it's got layers. And I'm just so incredibly proud that I managed to pull it together and put it out there for the world.

13) A fic or artwork by another creator that made you happy

I'll be the first to admit, I have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to remembering the names of fics I like. I also didn't do a ton of fic reading this year (but I did read 44 books!) but these are some of the ones I know I throughly enjoyed!

Take Me Home - @zepskies

Take A Chance On Me - @lamentationsofalonelypotato

The Dangers of Hope - @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Off Limits - @marvelwitchergilmore

Waiting For The Real Thing - @rizlowwritessortof

17) The creation that took the least amount of time

I'm pretty sure Imagine...Discovering Soldier Boy's Secret took me like...20 mins max to write, if that. Granted it's not a particularly long fic but that was very much a wrote it and was good with it immediately kind of deal.

18) The creation that took the most amount of time

Easily been The Villain's Protector and Part 3 of that story (par 4 will come someday, I promise). I just don't know what it is about that one but it's like pulling teeth trying to put words to page even though I have the story mapped out mostly. Some days it feels like a waste of time to continue it so I end up working other things since the writer block remains there. Hopefully it's just a hump in there that I can get over!

20) Something that made you laugh

This video is so dumb and so endearing at the same time 😂 It's been in my bookmarks for years.

21) Something that made you emotional

I think you know the answer to this but putting my pupper down a few weeks ago was pretty rough. As someone who hardly ever cries that was not fun to put it mildly. BUT things are going much better and now the grieving has turned into a celebration of life.

On the good emotional side, I'm making plans to get a puppy in the spring/summer and I think I'm figuring out this adult thing!

Thank you so much for the asks!!! 🥰

[olsenmyolsen]

Unpaid Intern

Part 6 of On The Inside With Elizabeth Olsen

Word Count: ~5.7K

masterlist

🚨 SMUT AHEAD 🚨

Y/N POV

"Do you want kids someday?" I blurt out without realizing it.

Liz gets up and sits up next to me. "I think so?" Liz begins playing with her fingers. I notice she does this when she's nervous and anxious. So I take her hands and put them in my own. "Do you?" Liz asks as her finger gently traces the line inside my palms.

"I do."

"What would you like to name them?" Liz asks, now leaning herself onto me. "Luke, Clementine, Wanda, Taylor, and Clove are my top five. "Wanda, huh" I hear Liz mutter to herself. I nudge her. "Gotta problem with the name Wanda?" Liz lets out a wide grin. "No, I think it's one of the most beautiful names ever. It's one of my favorites." One baby name down, then. I think to myself, "Glad we could agree." I peck the top of her head.

I see Liz thinking. "Do you believe in soulmates?" I open my mouth to answer before remembering how I felt for the longest time that Naomi was my soulmate. "Yes, I do. But I believe everyone has multiple soulmates. I believe I've met one already." I pause when I see Liz raise an eyebrow. "My ex." Liz frowns. "Don't get me wrong; I still think she is one of the worst people ever. But I wouldn't be where I am right now without her."

I watch Liz's pretty face think about what I said. "I completely understand what you mean. I feel like I've already met one or two of mine. I don't hate them. But you're right. I think meeting soulmates helps you on the path to your future soulmate. Hopefully, one who you want to share a life with."

"Couldn't agree more, Liz."

The movie has officially become background noise to us.

Liz giggles. "Do you believe in Zodiac signs?"

"Nope!" I say, popping the 'p' "Do you?"

"Only if they work."

"Okay. Let's see." I think about what to ask. "Dogs or cats?" Liz gives me a look. "Plants." I dramatically roll my eyes. "No sass, Coffee Girl!" Liz shames me as I watch her hand fall onto my knee, softly rubbing the area.

"Do you like your job?" Liz asks, rubbing my leg. "I do. It's nice. It's cool to know you're a constant in your regulars lives, as weird as that sounds. Also, meeting new people can have surprising outcomes." I pull Liz's hand up to my lips. "Plus, I make a pretty good ass coffee."

"Yeah, the coffee from your shop is better than some unpaid interns." I laugh at her matter-of-fact statement.

I think of a new question. "Oh, I got one!" Liz looks at me excited, waiting. "What was your gay awakening?" Liz's mouth drops. She was not expecting this. Liz crossed her arms. "Nu-uh. Next, please."

"Oh, come on! That's not fair. If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine!" Liz shakes her head no. "Come on. Is it super embarrassing? I promise I won't make fun of you! If I tell you, one of mine will tell me yours?"

"Maybe." That's the most I'm going to get.

"This is a judgment-free zone we're about to enter, right?" Liz uncrosses her arms, smiles, and squeezes my thigh, letting me know she's here for me. "Linda Cardellini as Velma in the live-action Scooby-Doo movies. Also, the Hex Girls in the animated Scooby-Doo movie!" I get out as fast as possible.

Wait, I'm seeing a pattern here.

Liz covers her mouth to push back a laugh I know she has in the chamber. I see the ends of her mouth curl up. "Is that why you're favorite color is orange?" There it is. I get up from the couch in shame. "Agghhh," I groan.

"Y/N, you know I'm kidding." I stop and pout away from Liz. "I'm sorry. You were being vulnerable with me! I'm sorry." I can hear her smile through her apology. Liz wraps her hands around my stomach and rubs. I instantly feel myself feeling better. How does she do it?

"So, are you gonna tell me yours, Miss?" "Maybe someday," Liz whispers into my shoulder. I know I can't get it out of her, so I pull my phone out, turning to Liz. Within seconds of opening Spotify, I put on Dancing Queen by ABBA. I place my phone on the coffee table before asking for Liz's hand to dance. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"  Liz curtsies. I take Liz's hand and pull her toward me. Chest to chest. My hand slides down to her lower back. "There's always a good time to dance, and who doesn't love ABBA." Liz follows my lead as silly as this dance is becoming. But she's smiling and letting herself have fun. That's what today was about.

"You know I did ballet for years?" I look at her, surprised. Why should I be? She's one of the most beautiful beings on the planet, plus she's a model, for god sake. "Care to bust out those moves?" Liz comedically shakes her head no. I push my forehead to hers, singing along to the lyrics. Liz looks into my eyes. "I can't believe this song is about you," I say to watch her emerald orbs roll.

_

Liz and I are both laying on the floor, letting the sweat take us over. After Dancing Queen, my playlist really did hit us with Lady Gaga, Kate Bush, Queen, Harry Styles, and many more artists, so we couldn't help but groove out. "That was so fun! I can't remember the last time I had an impromptu dance party." Liz says in between pants. "Correct, you are Chase. Correct you are." "Oh, shit, look." I peer up to see Liz point to Gone with the Wind. "It's over? Damn, I was just getting into it!" I don't need to see it, but I feel Liz rolling her eyes at what I just said. She needs to stop doing that. They're going to pop out one day. Liz crawls herself towards me. "Hardy har har." Liz positions herself above my face to face.

"Are you gonna kiss me or just stare? I've recently heard it's insulting to stare." I smile to myself for being such a smart ass. "Well, I wasn't going to kiss you, but since I don't want to be rude." Liz leans down and kisses me. I kiss her back, slowly picking up my pace. I feel her push harder against me. I hear a small moan escape Liz's lips when I come for air. I pull her face forward and attack her lips again.

Before I know it, I'm the one letting a tiny moan slip out the side of my mouth. Liz responds by moving herself on top of me, straddling me. Liz starts kissing down my cheek and neck, moaning, making goose bumps zap down my body. I feel her slightly under my hands as they start working their way up under her shirt. Her toned body feels so good. Is this all from gardening?

I moan into Liz's head as she reached my collar bone. "Fuck Liz" She keeps moving her body further down. Her hands are working their way up my chest. One hand softly brushing my neck. I go to remove her shirt but stop.

"Liz?" She looks up at me. "Yes, my Coffee Girl?"

"Do I have your consent?" Liz nods. Not good enough. "I need a yes, Liz."

"Yes, Y/N Y/L/N, you have my consent. 100%." Liz smiles and starts attacking my chest and body again. In response, I rip her shirt off her body and see what only my drunk eyes have seen. Oh my god. I left hickeys all over her chest too. Liz's eyes follow mine. "Like what you see?" Her bare chest with my marks? Yes!

I smirk. "I love it. Come here." I scoop Liz up, making her laugh as I carry her to the bed. I gently put Liz onto the bed. Within a second, she rips my shirt off as I kick off my shorts. Liz goes to remove her shorts as well, but I grab her wrist and put them above her head. "These stay right here. Okay, Miss? You gonna be good for me?" Liz nods. "I don't want to have to punish you." I wink.

I spread Liz's legs as I kiss my way up her body. I hear Liz whimper as I go past her knee and up her thighs. I look up at her eyes shut, lips puckered in. I keep going before stopping at her shorts. I hover my mouth over where clit is and wrap my mouth around the area. Letting my mouth soak her shorts. I suck in feeling her.

"Please take them off!" The model below me moans. I oblige, wrapping my fingers in the hands of her shorts. I slowly peel the shorts down her legs. Just as I thought. Liz isn't wearing any panties, and she's dripping for me. I look up to Liz, red in the face. "So naughty!" She groans. "Shut up and fuck me!"

"Oh, so is that really how we're going to do this? You've been warned, Chase." I back up and position myself off the edge of the bed. Liz looks a little confused before she realizes. I grab her legs and pull her towards me. Without warning, I dive my tongue straight into her clit, moving my tongue up and down as fast as I can, only stopping to harshly suck on her clit. Liz moans loudly explicits as I pick up speed. I feel Liz's hands grab onto my hair. I pull my mouth away and scold her, "what did I say? Hands stay above your head!"

Liz looks down at me, pissed, but obeys." Liz can't see my hands, so I take advantage and begin moving my index and middle finger over her folds. Her legs shake in response, and my fingers are dripping wet within seconds. "Do you want this baby?" Liz whimpers out something I can't quite make out. "I said do you want this?" I continue teasing.

"Y-Yes pleas-e!"

"Good girl!" I slowly slide my fingers in. The sounds escaping from Liz echo off the walls. "You're being so such a good girl!" I quicken my pace, placing my thumb on her clit, rubbing in a circular motion. I work my left hand up Liz's thigh stopping at her hip giving her a squeeze and a push. I run my mouth over her thighs and the top of pussy. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Liz go to grab my hair before stopping herself, gripping the sheets below her, balling them up in her hands' white knuckles and all. "Y/N- fuck baby- I-"

I decide to take my chances and add a third finger. "Fuck!!" She pushes her legs up towards herself, allowing me to position myself deeper into her."Go ahead, baby cum for me!" I watch as Liz gasps for air. Her mouth moves, but nothing comes out.

"Cum for mommy!" And just like that, Liz, let's go. I watch her green eyes roll back on her pretty pink face before they come back to look down at me. Her heavy breathing returns as she comes down. I softly slide my fingers out as I look back at her. I put my fingers up to my mouth, licking them. "So sweet." I wink at the gorgeous woman in front of me.

"Come here." Liz weakly lets out as her breathing begins to go back to normal. I oblige her by crawling up the bed to lay down beside her. I close my eyes and kiss her flushed cheeks. When I open them, she's staring right at me. Her eyes are holding in more than she's telling me. But it looks like pure love or lust.

Liz pulls herself into me. We are now stomach to stomach. Legs wrapped around one another. "So, how bad was it?" I huskily whisper. Liz smiles and kisses me "so bad I definitely didn't just have one of the best orgasms ever." I kiss her ear "damn, guess I better try again." Liz giggles. She has no idea how big of a grin I get hearing her laughter. "Maybe another time, Coffee Girl. I'm still recovering... ya know from how awful it was!" A smirk falls onto Liz's face. "Understandable." I lean in and kiss the girl I've officially fallen for.

_

I rub my eyes open, and to my disappointment, I'm alone in Liz's bed. "Liz?" Escapes my lips with a groggy tone. No response. I try again but louder, "Liz?" This gets a response because the bedroom door flies open with Liz on the other side, back in her t-shirt and shorts. "Coffee Girl!" She squeals, jumping onto the bed. "I was beginning to think you'd never wake up!" Oh my God, what a fucking cutie this one is.

"I don't even remember falling asleep. How long was I out?" "Almost two hours," Liz says nonchalantly. My mouth drops. "Liz! Oh no! Today was our day! Why didn't you wake me up I-"

"Y/N. Don't worry about it! You look too peaceful and pretty to wake up. It also gave me time to answer my team and people in greater detail."

Oh, that's good. Right?

"Plus, I ordered us some dinner. I was going to make it, but I remembered what you said, and oh boy, you're right. I don't have any food! So come on, get up and dressed. If you want, that is." Liz winks and leaves me alone in the bedroom to freshen up and get dressed.

Once I'm done, I walk out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. "Jesus, Liz, it's only us two!" I say, shocked at the amount of Mexican food I see in front of me. You would think a house party is about to happen. "I know it's a lot! But I wasn't sure what your favorite dish was, so... tada!" Liz throws her arms out, shaking her hands. "You're such a dork! Thank you for this, Liz."

I look into Liz's eyes, seeing the care and love in them. I once again thank Liz for her thoughtful choice for dinner and be sure to shower her in kisses before I begin stacking my plate. I don't mean to, but I make a quick comment about food waste, but Liz assures me that won't happen.

I don't know where in the hell Liz got the food from, but it has officially become my favorite spot! I can't explain it, but it's like a five-star meal wrapped in that hometown Mexican restaurant your family loves. You know the one.

Liz and I finally finish our meal only after I made sure to thank her and tell her how much I love this place's food a hundred more times! Liz goes to take our plates, but I stop her from leaving the table. "You cooked, so I clean." "But I-" "I can't hear you, Liz. You're too busy not wanting to clean these dishes." I walk myself into the kitchen and put all the food away so Liz can have leftovers. After that, I begin to clean the dishes.

"Fine." Liz pushes herself off the dining room table, playfully pouting as she shimmies her butt to the living room, ensuring I'm not missing the show. I watch the beaut sit on the couch, turn to me give me a goofy smile before drawing her attention to the tv. I glance at Liz as she sucks her lips into her mouth; she appears nervous, scrolling through the TV.

_

I close the fridge door. Everything has been cleaned and put away. I smile to myself at a job well done. A job I haven't even done to my place in who knows how long. Sure, I tidy it up when I have Max come over, but nothing like what I just did for Liz's kitchen.

"Y/N?" I look at Liz on the couch with my phone in her hand. I tilt my head confused. "Yeah?" I carefully make my way to Liz. "You have two missed calls from Max." "Oh shit," I reply, worried and confused. It's not like Max to call me. I sit next to Liz as she watches me call Max back. On the screen, Liz has a movie called Martha Marcy May Marlene paused at the beginning.

After a couple of rings, Max answers.

M: "Dude, where the hell are you?"

Y/N: "At Liz's. Why?"

Liz looks at me curiously. I shrug.

M: "Dude, hello, movie night. As in tonight is the night you finally watch the MCU. Wait, did you, Liz!? You slut, omg!"

I slap my hand against my forehead.

Y/N: "Shit, dude, you're right. I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm in the city, and yes, Liz's! But I can be there."

Liz turns her head away from me and turns the TV off.

M: "Whoa, Y/N, if you're with Liz, this can wait!

Y/N: "Are you sure?"

M: "Hell yeah! But look, I'm probably just gonna chill at your place till you come home, that is if you do come home."

Y/N: "Yeah, that's cool. Once again, I'm sorry, Max, it slipped my mind."

M: "No worries. Just want you to be happy. Later whore."

Y/N: "Yeah yeah."

Max ends the call.

I close my phone and turn toward Liz. "Sorry that was-" Liz cuts me off. "I know. I heard. I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean to steal you away from Max." The look in Liz's eyes is a look of guilt.

"Hey, don't apologize and say that. You didn't steal me away. I've enjoyed every single second with you. Even holding you while you let everything out this morning. I'm the one that lost track of time, plus Max is my best friend. They understand. So put the movie you were going to show me back on." I go to grab the remote, but Liz stops me. She places my hand in hers. Liz goes to speak but stops herself. Thinking about what to say.

"Y/N." I don't believe my name has ever been spoken as softly as it just was. "Look at me." Liz places two fingers under my chin and lifts them, so our eyes meet. "Earlier, I asked you for a day together—just one. And you've done way more than you even realize for me since then. I genuinely appreciate it." Liz clears her throat. "I thank you. I just want you to know that everything we said to one another remains. I do feel you and want to continue to feel you."

Liz looks away. I can feel the word coming.

"But." There it is. She turns back to me."Like I said earlier, I have a lot going on that I need to figure out before I want you to become more a part of my life."

What the heck does that mean? Does she see a future with me?

"So within the next couple of days, I'm going back to London." Liz sniffles and swallows the tears she's trying to keep in. "Before I leave, during my stay, and after, I want to be in contact with you. I don't want to lose any part of what we've built up till now. Yes, I know everything between us has happened super crazy soon, but I like it. I know, or at least I hope you feel the same Y/N. I'm not trying to say goodbye to you or anything; I am trying to make you understand."

A single tear falls from Liz's face. My hand instinctively wipes at the trail on her face. I listened to every word that dripped from Liz's mouth. A part of it hurts, but yes, I understand.

I cup Liz's face and pull her into a slow passionate kiss. Liz wraps her arms around my body as our lips part. "I understand. I do. A part of me doesn't want you to go, and I wish you could just tell me everything you have inside of you, but I can wait. I know that's what the underlying question is."

I push our faces together, feeling the tears fall from Liz's eyes onto my cheeks. "Okay. So this is super awkward now because we just said all of that, and now I feel like that's my cue to leave." Liz and I giggle at the obvious yet painful observation. "Let me help you get everything," Liz says, getting up and wiping the tears away.

Liz POV

Within what feels like a minute, I have a tote bag full of Y/N's clothes from last night, two Tupperware containers full of Mexican, and a fruit roll-up all packed up for her to take. "Are you sure you want me to keep this?" Y/N says, flaunting my t-shirt and now grey sweat shorts.

"Yes! I want you to be comfortable and have something to remember me beside the memories for now." I look Y/N over. "Plus, you look ridiculously hot in such a simple outfit."

"And here I thought you didn't want me." Y/N clearly teases, but it still stung just a little bit. I watch her slip on her vans and look around for her phone. "Already in the bag, Coffee Girl." I slip the tote over her shoulder and kiss her on the cheek. This fucking sucks. "Okay, as I mentioned, a car is already downstairs waiting for you. Just tell the driver where you need to go. Call or text me when you get home!"

I open the door for my girl. She, in her own sulky way, exits the apartment door. I grab her wrist and spin her around to face me. "Y/N, thank you so much." I pause. "I meant everything I said on the couch, okay? I feel you." A flush of pink shines over her face. "I know you did, Liz. You know everything I said and did today, I meant with my heart. I'll text you when I'm home." Y/N shuffles her feet to move but doesn't; instead, she plants a kiss of pure bliss. "I feel you too." With that said, I watch her walk down the hall and into the elevator, out of sight but not out of mind.

Y/N POV

As I reach the lobby, it hits me what a bittersweet moment this is. I exit the elevator, still lost in thought about everything with Liz, before I hear my name from a voice I don't recognize.

"Miss Y/N?"

I look up to see the doorman of the building. Does he know my name? "Yes?" I hesitantly ask. The man looks at me, confused. "I said I hope to see you again, Miss Y/N." That's when it hits me.

A very drunk Liz and I, hand in hand, enter the building. We walk straight past the doorman before Liz turns us around. "Mr. Madison, I'd like to introduce you to Miss Y/L/N, a special friend of mine."

"Pleasure to meet you, Miss Y/L/N." Mr. Madison extends his white-gloved hand to me. I promptly take it and begin shaking his hand. "Just call me Y/N next time you see me." I realize I have yet to stop shaking Mr. Madiosn's hand. "I'm shaking your hand too long." I awkwardly let go and bid him farewell, following Liz into the elevator.

"Mr. Madison?" He nods. "Thank you for being so kind," I say to him as I exit. Once I step out, I am meant by paparazzi, but I realize they're not for me because why would they be? A rush of flashes goes off as someone enters the building. Liz lives here and is a model, so it would make sense that other people like her would too.

After watching the paparazzi do their annoying thing. I find the car and the driver Liz told me about. Miss Y/L/N?" I shake my head yes. I go to enter the car but first. "And you are?" The man smiles. "Mr. Bronson." "Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bronson. Please call me Y/N." The man agrees and helps me into the car. Once he gets in the vehicle and routes us to my place, I let out a breath I had not realized I was holding. Mr. Bronson told me he texted my friend to let her know I was secure.

Throughout the drive, I made small talk with Mr. Bronson. I asked him multiple times to give me his first name, but he refused, not in a mean way, just in a nice formal way. It turns out he has a wife and two kids. I apologize for taking him away from them tonight. He calms my worries and says the amount he gets paid; he makes sure to make it up to his kids. I asked him if he was our driver last night, to which he replied yes. He said he made sure to give us privacy the previous night, so I embarrassingly got the picture of what he meant. Small talk is something I don't do anymore, so having it with new people is nice.

_

Liz POV

I returned to the couch after Y/N left. It hits me what a bittersweet moment this is. I'm beyond thrilled with everything that happened between us, but it hurts knowing it might be a long time till I can see her again. Plus, I still have to face everything I've been ignoring. I'm lost in thought about everything with Y/N.

My phone next to me lights up. It's a text from Mr. Bronosn telling me the package is secure. I chuckle and blame his son Billy for that phrase. A man as old as Mr. Bronoson should not be using that vocabulary. I send him a thank you text and ask him to ensure she enters her building without a problem.

I put my phone down on my coffee table and decided to distract myself with some trashy TV. I go to grab the remote, but a set of knocks from my door stop me. I cautiously make my way over, unlocking and opening the door.

"Robbie?"

Y/N POV

Not too much longer, and we're out in front of my building. Mr. Bronson opened my car door for me before I even had a chance to protest. He helps me out and makes sure I have everything with me. I thanked him for the ride, and he responded by giving me his card, letting me know that he'll be there anytime I need a ride. He waits until I enter the elevator of my building to leave.

During the ride up, I text Liz letting her know I made it home. I don't immediately get a response back, which saddens me a bit, but there's nothing I can do about it. The doors open, and I make my way down the hall to my apartment. Through the New York thin walls, I overhear Max playing one of her Marvel movies.

"What are you doing!?" I shout as I fling open my door, scaring Max and making her throw her popcorn in the process. Thank goodness I don't have a dog. It would be going to town right now. "WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N! I wasn't expecting you for a couple more hours!" Max walks up and hugs me before jabbing my arm. "Don't do that again!"

Max takes notice of my new outfit and tote bag. "Well, it looks like you really did more than spend the night. New clothes, food, and a tote!" Damn, putting the whole lesbians move to fast thing to work." I would go to argue, but Max nailed it on the head.

"Once again, Max, you're always right." Max throws up some finger guns and begins cleaning up the mess I made her cause. I put the food away and threw my dress from last night in the wash. Max finishes picking up the popcorn, throws it away, and sits herself down on my couch, making herself at home. "Come sit and tell me everything, Y/N!" I plop down next to Max and look at the TV. "Hold on. You're watching this one again?" Max looks up and sees what I see a guy in a black catsuit fighting a dude with a metal arm."Okay, I don't need your judgment. Besides! We were supposed to start on these movies tonight!" I roll my eyes. "Who's right! Come on, Y/N, say it!"

"You are." Max pumps her fist. "Always." Max grabs the remote, exiting this movie, and goes back to a film called Captain America: The First Avenger. "We are going to start from the beginning. We will enjoy this movie, and then you will tell me everything that happened with Liz! Everything."

_

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the movie. I lost count of how many times I asked Max how they did the body transformation stuff. Also, I thought the guy named Stark's first name was Tony. But Max told me to wait. Whatever that means. I'm so sad about Bucky. Why did they have to do him like that? Max also told me the next movie isn't her favorite, but she loves Brie Larson, so since I'm surprising, not tired after a war movie, we decide to jump into it when I decide to check my phone for the millionth time.

Still no text back from Liz.

"Nothing?" Max asks. I shake my head no, and she leans closer to me. "Who knows, maybe she just fell asleep." I like Max's ability to look at things differently. "Now tell me everything before we watch Captain Marvel!"

_

I do just that. I tell Max everything. I tell her about the bits of the night I can remember. The hickeys. The garden. The missed phone calls. The movie and dance party. I brush over the details about Liz and my sex romp because that's for me. I tell Max about dinner and more.

When I finish, Max just looks at me, stunned. "What?"

"The whole time you talked, you had the biggest smile on your face. You've fallen for her! Haven't you?" I blush, and Max sees it. "Oh my God!! My freaking Y/N finally got back out there and gets the one! This is amazing, Y/N. Tell me her name again; I wanna stalk her Instagram."

"Elizabeth Chase."

Max gives me a smirk and raises an eyebrow. "You serious?" I give her a look right back. "Yes?" Max goes back to her phone, seemingly satisfied with my answer. "Okay."

"Let's see. Private account. Private account. Fan acc-." Max stares at her phone, frantically scrolling. "Oh shit. That's why!" I turn to Max, very confused. "That's why what?"

"That's why she looked and sounded so familiar at the coffee shop! Oh my god. I can't believe this. My heart-"

"Dude, what the hell is going on?" I try to look at Max's phone, but she moves it away from me. "What did Liz say she does again?" A worried look grows on my face. "Model." "And she has a sister named?" "MK." "Y/N. You have zero idea who you just spent all day with."

Max hands me her phone. That one article I saw this morning is staring at me.

ELIZABETH OLSEN LEAVES NY RESTAURANT WITH MYSTERIOUS WOMAN DAYS AFTER LEAVING SET OF THE DOCTOR...

"Okay?" Max scrolls down the page for me. I see Liz and I, hand in hand, walking into a car. I get hit by a wave of information.

The articles.

The calls.

Her job.

London.

I scroll down the page and start reading the actual article.

"MCU star Elizabeth Olsen seen exiting a NY restaurant with a mysterious woman in hand. Earlier the same day, the pair were seen leaving a state park. This news comes days after Olsen was seen exiting the London set of the Doctor Strange sequel distraught. No one knows when Olsen arrived in NY, but it's clear she arrived alone. Only today was Olsen's fiancé Robbie Arnett seen at Heathrow Airport. Rumors have been flying around Olsen and Arnett for a while now. Is this the end? Who's this mysterious woman? For up-to-date information, be sure to stay subscribed to our newsletter."

I stay silent, holding Max's phone. The rage and hurt I'm feeling is one I haven't felt in- since-

I eye Max, tears pooling in my eyes. "She lied, Max." I whimper out. Max doesn't catch it. "Dude, you're dating the Scarlett Witch!" "Max." Max doesn't hear me. "Omg, she's like top 5-"

"She lied!" Max turns to me, stunned. Max softens her body. "Y/N..." I open my mouth, which has suddenly become dry. "I'm sure she had her reasons" I glare at Max. "Max, she lied about her job. She's engaged! She lied about her fucking name!" I get up and start rushing to put my vans on. "Dude, what are you doing!?"

"I'm going to talk to her. I want her to explain herself." I open my phone. My messages are still sitting on DELIVERED. "She hasn't even fucking opened my text!" I begin snapping at Max. I know this is unfair, but I can't let this happen again. "Y/N, just stop and-"

"Max, I love you. But I can't." I say through gritted teeth. I grab my phone, wallet, and keys. "I'll be back."

I close my door and sprint down to the elevator. Luckily my neighbor Miss. Jones was getting off, so I didn't have to wait. I pull out my phone and call Mr. Bronson, asking him to pick me up. It turns out he doesn't live too far and would be happy to take me back. Thank God.

While waiting, I decided to send a text to Liz. Elizabeth? Lizzie, or whatever the fuck her character's name is called.

"Olsen. We need to talk."

Part 7

[project-lumen]

Hi, Red Spring anon here again (I couldn't think of a better name lol) :-D I have come with some ramblings and a few questions bec I am too curious for my own good.

So, I have come to the conclusion that since Red Spring was not mentioned in your guys' response (:0 you guys responded! woah - me) I am going to assume that it might (!) happen. I hope. If not, then I guess I'll sit in my room staring into the distance while the kazoo cover of "My Heart Will Go On" (from the Titanic movie, which I still have not seen yet, lol) plays loudly (/j). If you're doing it tho (or plan on maybe doing it, this blog has been up for, like, a week so far, I don't expect y'all to have your entire plot ready yet lol) don't tell me! I want the surprise when I (1:) play the game, or when I (2:) get to help with the game (hopefully) and thereby spoil myself.

But! Martren confirmed!!!! He's so underappreciated it's so sad </3

Also, having Scar as your favorite is very real. He's just so icon

Just saw the art guide earlier today and I am stoked! Especially for the SL style, that's a really cool take on it! Also LL being retro/90s vibes we love to see it

I took a glimpse at the lore post earlier (Lore(tm) <3 my beloved) and *ooooh I am interested*. I also had the funny thought earlier that since there are a bunch of Watcher Apprentices watching the games through the other players, does that mean our wonderful WC just keeps ending up with the winners of each season? Because if so, that's really funny. WC either has extreme mc energy or is unreasonably lucky and either way it's hilarious.

Right, questions. That's what this blog is for but *man ranting about how happy your guys' response made me is also a very appealing idea*.

So, y'know that one Instagram thingy of Jimmy praying to the Watchers? Will that be in the game (or can we influence Jimmy in some way)? I just think it'd be a cool thing to have in the story, like a brief peek into the mind of 1 Jimmy Solidarity. Or just whatever he's praying about, I guess. Idk how praying to the op eldritch beings works. If not, weeeell it just happened off camera and that's why it's not in the game, clearly, because I am definitely, 100% a game dev, I'm the secret one and I steal your internet speeds (/j).

Also, on Porl because I had an idea. So, she goes all insane and stuff in cannon, but can we potentially have the divorce squad *not* be the divorce squad? Can we have Pearl and Scott and Tilly (and Pearl's other 50 million doggos) as a happy little family? Can we somehow ruin the divorce squad even more? They're just so fun and messed up, I love them.

Also, kind of a joke question but also kind of not (i'd be funny if this was treated with 100% gravity for no reason), can we definitively prove that Etho is washed up? Can we disprove this? Can we at least make him pay child support for his children (/j)???

Also (I will find a better word to use someday I swear), I am excited for the snails. I don't know how it's gonna work but I'm excited nonetheless. I also read this fic where everyone was *really* sleep deprived because of the murder snails and I think that'd be funny to show by all of the sprites looking like they haven't slept in 48 hours, thank you for coming to my TED talk, that's literally all I have to say rn.

And, last but not least, Joel should hit Scott with his car, that's actually part of the True Ending, where Joel just drives around committing traffic violations and hitting people with his car instead of winning and then the Watchers come down from Watcher Land or wherever they live (i forgot the name but Watcher Land sounds like an amusement park so it's staying) and so Joel hits them with his car too trust me this is how he wins Life(tm).

Thank you for listening to my ramblings, have a nice day/night/evening/morning, and drink water and eat some food plz take care of yourself (that goes to all of you).

This is really long, sorry! - Red Spring Anon (i will come up with a better name soon, promise!)

Hi hello there Red Spring Anon! Nice to see you again, Arto, Pinkie and Kori here :3

First off, thank you so much for your ramblings that is what our blog is for! I think we might have to either hire you or steal your ideas/hj and you don't get to know which one is the /j part

Alright so, let's go over your points, starting with Red Spring: We can confirm that it will happen and our local Treebark expert has been brainstorming about it! We don't want to spoil too much but it'll be awesome, trust

The Art Guide was so much fun to make, and we are very glad you all liked it! :D (personally my favorite is the Wild Life style solely because I had a very clear idea of how Tango would look like :,> -Kori)

Also yeah, no, the main character energy with the WC is truly strong, maybe it is fate?

Jimmy praying to eldritch deities™️ would be pretty neat! Maybe in battle he could get a move that the next turn gives him a boost! Ooooooh, and there could be a chance that boost either doesn't happen at all or ends up being a nerf? :0 That would be a good idea to spice up battles, but out of that there could be maybe a little hidden Jimmy altar in the overworld, a funny reference to that, special cutscene and all! Just don't steal our internet pretty please :D

About the Divorce Squad, we can surely include them like a dysfunctional family instead of whatever they had going on in Double Life, all depending on your choices as a WC, we just need to take the script and try to solve it in a way that makes sense, but we will figure it out. Also about Etho, picture me this: he is a pretty mighty opponent in Third Life, we nerf him in Last Life, then nerf him more in Double Life to the point of just being support for Joel, and then in LimLife you can just one-shot him with any move and has a special move called "absent father" that makes him run away from any battle, but if you are able to defeat him, he gives you an item called "child support money" that you then give to Cleo, how's that? >:3 /j, probably

THE SNAILSSSSSS

(Might sound like a joke but my current placeholder sprites for test purposes in Unity are snails I sketched, 100% true)

We haven't gotten that far in script things, unfortunately, but bet that in the future we will have good snail mechanics :,]

And True Ending, yeah no I think you might have read our minds, Joel hits Scott with a 1970 Dodge Charger and then crashes into the void, breaking the simulation Truman Show style and messing up the continuum. Trust, that is what happens.

Thank you for sharing your ramblings Anon! Really nice to read them, you too take care and have a good day!

-Team Rocket

[zephfair]

More Fic Writer asks! #1, 3, 11, 12, 17 annnddd 30 for a story of your choice ^_^ Enjoy!

Thank you so much the ask! I appreciate you!!!

the last sentence you wrote

This is from my Raven Cycle Hallmark Christmas movie fic that will probably never be posted but like I said in a previous ask, it's my holiday emotional support fic.🤣

“Dick,” a low, gravelly voice growled down at him. Gansey hid his wince from the cold voice as well as the chill of lukewarm coffee soaking through his cashmere, and most probably, the black shirt of the brick wall/man he ran into.

“There’s no need to resort to name-calling. I was about to apologize for spilling on you,” Gansey said, pulling himself straighter but it only brought the man’s stubbly Adam’s apple and chin into focus.

“Fuck, no, that’s not...” then a softer voice—a tone that brought back memories of green fields, the smell of hay and cattle, the tug of a boyish hand in his, days filled with laughter—warmed him in an instant when it said, “Gansey? Is that really you?”

3. how you feel about your current WIP

Oops, this is the one I answered here about that holiday fic that I am trying to work every single Hallmark Christmas movie trope into.🤣

11. a WIP you’d like to finish someday

I have one more Bleach fic that's been halfway done for years. I'd like to finish it just for completion's sake. And I have a bunch of Raven Cycle fics that I still open, read, and then close because the magic fic fairy has not visited me and finished them. Unfortunately. 🥲The two that haunt me are the Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU and the Sugar Daddy AU. I want them to just be exported directly from my brain onto the page without me having to actually type, you know?

12. a trope you’re really into right now

My bedtime ritual includes curling up in bed with my iPad and rereading some of my favorite Ronan/Adam fics. I am always in the mood for a good AU that's either romantic comedy or just romantic with always a happy ending. No dark themes or angst for me please.

17. talk about your writing and editing process

I wish I had more of a writing process tbh. I don't have any energy these days. I plan fics and get all this great dialog and plot while I'm driving on Saturdays, but when I get home, I'm too wiped out to even write a word. Sometimes I scribble down an idea or a phrase that will hopefully jog my memory about the witty conversation I'd imagined. (Spoiler: my memory doesn't like to jog anymore than the rest of me so much of my imaginings are lost.😂)

But when I'm actually writing for real, I try to just keep the flow going. If I get bogged down in a scene or want to add something that I'll need to check on, I just put a placeholder. I don't want to interrupt myself when I'm in the zone, so to speak, and I can always come back and look up or fix that section later.

When I first get a fic idea, I do try to write down the outline as it comes to me and those snippets of conversation that I can hear clearly.

I'm guilty of only performing minimal editing. I know my stuff could definitely benefit from a beta reader, but it's been years since I've had one. I'm always on the lookout for basic spelling, grammar and punctuation errors but gah, they still sneak past me. I know I tend to be verbose so I do try to cut when I can. I keep a file with some of the things I cut, if I really like a passage or a phrase, maybe I can use it again someday where it will fit better.

But in the end, writing fanfic is mostly for me. I adore and crave the validation, for sure, and I'm sure with a beta and much care, I could create a better story. But right now, I don't edit as strictly as I should because I might really love that paragraph, and I'm going to leave it there anyway. For me.

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

I answered this before and said my Bleach tentacle smut fic lol, but I'm actually proudest of my earliest Da Vinci's Demons stuff. Nobody outside the minuscule fandom has even seen the show, but I was in a strangely good writing mode those couple years, and I think I wrote my best "writing," with pretty turns of phrase and actual plotting and pacing. And smut, always smut.

Thank you so much for the ask, lovely! 😘💖💖💖💖💖

[oldguardleatherdog]

let me start by saying, I'm okay to agree to disagree on this, and I respect you greatly as my queer elder. I hesitate to even send this because I don't think this cause is worth dogpiling (and not even the fun way) on anyone against and , like , I will continue to follow and admire you as a mutual who has been through a lot of the hell that I'm going through right now and got to a place I want to someday be. (for context, I am currently housing & food insecure and am trying to live in a queer-accepting city)

Posting will never be praxis, you are my brother in arms no matter what you call trump or cops or whatever. There are some fat liberation blogs that take issue with calling cops "pigs" for a lot of the reasons I bristle at calling Trump a fatass, and like, if someone is actively fighting cops who can and will actively hurt me and my found family, I don't care what names they shout while doing it. So I see where you are coming from and I'm glad you fight for me. I fight for us too, in what little ways I can while I keep me and my found family afloat. I do better work in the community just by existing around people as a living breathing transgender than I could do in a million posts on this website.

I do think that this is a valuable conversation to have, though, even though you are completely right that this is a trivial thing and not at all the bigger, more real issue at hand. I think it's still important, on online platforms such as this, to talk about how we refer to the other people on this planet.

Think about why you didn't call Trump a "retard". You certainly could have, it doesn't *not* apply to some of his behavior. I know people of our generations once used that word a lot, and we don't anymore. Why and when did we change that? I honestly don't remember. For me, my aunt was medically classified as "retarded" and she was the best person I'd ever met, so I decided that word shouldn't mean bad things. The first time I ever hit someone was over them using that word in a derogative way. it wasn't about "mental illness positivity" it was about humanizing the people that word has been used against - people who have been stigmatized and oppressed with that word.

Right now, hopefully, the same thing is happening to the word "obese". Fat people are less likely to be hired, granted loans or secure housing. they can be kicked out of airplanes and fired from their jobs because of their body size. There have been laws proposed to take fat children away from their parents and "treatments" proposed to wire children's jaws shut and starve them to make them thinner. They are often medically mistreated and misdiagnosed. I once went to a doctor with an ear infection and instead of antibiotics, he prescribed me *bariatric surgery.* I have been refused transgender top-surgery because of my BMI, which keeps me at a passively higher risk for self-injury and worse.

I do not care about body positivity. Honestly, between being fat, trans, and poor, I'm at a point where I've given up on ever feeling good about my body again. All I care about is getting jobs and meds and keeping a roof over my family's head and food on our table. Normalizing the idea that fat is a bad thing that anyone can change continues that stigma. When you use Fat as an insult, you are saying fat=bad. Fat is a neutral thing that some bodies can be, like short or tall or lean. The revolution needs to be intersectional, and body size is another axis of oppression that needs to be acknowledged, just like sexuality, gender, race, class, disability, etc.

If you've gotten this far, thank you for hearing me out. I'm sorry that others are just performatively parroting the same things over and over. Civility is bullshit, and if you still want to use body shaming as one of the ways you fight against bigotry, it doesn't really matter to me. Just as long as you acknowledge anti-fat bias as part of that bigotry too.

Thank you for writing and sharing your life experiences with me, and for your solidarity as well. You're striving to make your way as part of a despised minority in a world that's turned unspeakably harsh toward you in an aggressively mean way seemingly overnight, and I admire you for the life you have lived, for your courage and perseverance during this difficult time where resources are scant and your housing and food security is uncertain at best.

(FWIW, after I was bombed out of my Lower Manhattan home on September 11th, my income went from six figures down to nothing overnight, and I was homeless and destitute for years. Twenty years ago, I was where you are now, and I can tell you that what you're enduring today will not last forever, that there is light and hope and blessing in your future, that you're not as alone as you might think, that you must never give up.)

What more can I do to make the point that "fat" has nothing to do with this? As I've said, I grew up obese, and it wasn't until I enlisted in the Army at age 17 that I was able to free myself from my violent and abusive family and unlock the potential of the body that had been hidden under layers of fat and shame all my life. I know that my path is not for everybody, that many others are not so fortunate, and I ceased long ago to think that fat equals bad or lack of character or any other pejorative attitude that society has attached to it for generations. I hope I've made that clear and that you take my word as truth.

I am not saying "let's fat-shame Donald Trump to make him feel bad." I am saying that I'm deeply troubled by the LGBTQ+ community prioritizing hurt feelings over the very real damage that's being done to us right now all over the country by Trump, his minions, his proxies, and his cult of bloodthirsty followers and worshippers. Trump's accomplices in Congress and state legislatures and Moms For Liberty are taking over school boards all over the country, banning books and emptying library shelves and harassing teachers and librarians to the point where they're being run out of town, where the State of Missouri has defunded its entire public library system rather than follow a court order to restore books banned just for featuring LGBTQ+ characters.

DeSantis and Abbott have put in place policies that are unspeakably brutal, that are forcing trans people in Florida to slowly and brutally revert to their pre-transition state, that have given health care providers in Florida the right to deny treatment to you and me and all LGBTQ+ people because we are gay, lesbian, non-binary, trans... but God forbid we should call Trump mean names!

We've seen what happens when we buy into the "when they go low, we go high" fantasy pipe dream. This is not the way the world works, it has never been, and we need to put this loser idea in the trash bin where it belongs once and for all.

We're being attacked and harmed in unspeakable ways that are happening now. This is not theoretical or hypothetical. It's happening to us, to those we love, this minute and every minute of every day. And worse is in the pipeline - they're writing laws that will place us under virtual house arrest, that will regulate where we're allowed to go in our own cities and towns, when we're allowed to be seen in public, when and where we can shop, how we're allowed to dress, even what we're allowed to say and SING, for Christ's sake!

And I'm supposed to be concerned about some minuscule hypothetical percentage of my own people being OFFENDED because I'm somehow being insensitive and violating some trivial picayune social justice warrior philosophy, because there's a possibility of some fragile flower taking it personally, and that I should shut my mouth and let the MAGA nutjobs run roughshod over us? Oh, come let Daddy kiss it! while our brothers and sisters are suffering in real time. Sickening.

Anyone who has a problem with my stance doesn't have to follow me or emulate my proven effective tactics as an activist with 37 years of successfully defending our rights under my belt if they're so dainty and delicate and easily bruised. Everyone else that sees this for the strawman bullshit it is, get ready to hit the streets with bullhorns and whistles once again. We've got work to do.

Your arguments are strong and well-reasoned, and I accept and acknowledge everything you're saying. We can disagree on this, certainly, and still work together to turn back the progress that the MAGAs are making, restore our rights, and protect ourselves and each other. But that will require the snowflake contingent among us to get their collective head out of their collective ass, stop whining, and get with the damn program. Calling me names and telling me I'm being a bad gay activist is a waste of time and energy that should be spent fighting the fascists and the haters who are out to kill us.

And to you, my friend and fellow traveler with a radiantly beautiful soul and spirit, I urge you to hang in there, to keep the faith, to keep caring about life, to work with me to secure our own future and the future of our kind. I send to you my very best wishes, energy, and prayers that you will find your way to a place of health, security, stability, and love for yourself and for this precious community to whom we've both dedicated our lives, who mean the world to us.

Yours In Service, Animal J. Smith

[nayvwriter]

Nara and Metta roleswap au

(nexomon spoilers)

Can't believe it's taken me so long to think of this one. This is likely going to make more sense if you've read my Nara and Metta ramble post (https://www.tumblr.com/nayvwriter/759515605026177024/also-deena-and-james-to-get-that-ready-here-for) but should hopefully be understandable without?

It all starts when Metta gets a little too ambitious. And Omnicron gets a little too suspicious. Nara's a little more loyal in this universe, and not too attached to the humans.

Omnicron turns on Metta, not just driving him out but trying to kill him. Leaves him dying on the floor, and Nara notices. Nara saves him.

Metta has no choice but to live amongst humans, now, and he's not happy about it. But he slowly begins to realise the joys of humanity, and eventually changes side completely.

He knows how to take down his siblings. And he has allies, of course - but he puts himself at the forefront of the group, as a powerful Nexomon tamer, and secretly uses his abilities to weaken their enemies and protect their allies.

Metta doesn't have the problem Deena has, of not trusting herself. So Ulzar is not the hero of humanity first time. And nor is Blue, the second.

Deena, Nara, escaped Metta's crusade - maybe they came to an agreement, or maybe she just hid in the forest and Metta didn't look too hard. But by the time of n1... Well. Deena still has the problem of not trusting herself, but she can't just sit there and do nothing, so... she starts bringing back her siblings. And her siblings suggest to bring back her father, and Deena doesn't deny them.

The plot of n1 is very different. Deena's hiding in the shadows rather than announcing herself as the Nexolord, and any human would be hard-pressed to find her. But Metta's no human, and he knows his sister, and he's been trying to keep an eye out for her because he highly doubts she's dead - and then she starts resurrecting his siblings.

Metta - under a new identity, of course - sets out as a Tamer, gathering a new team to stop his sister. Being a psychic, Hilda still gets herself involved. The others might too.

He still doesn't want to face Nara directly - she saved his life, and he owes her for that - and he can't really blame her for bringing back their siblings.

He can, however, blame her for bringing back their father, who Metta has by now thoroughly realised was a BITCH. This culminates in a Sibling Argument at the top of the tower.

Omnicron gets resurrected.

Omnicron gets taken down by a very angry Metta.

Going to the netherworld is Hilda's idea. Metta agrees immediately, because he can't find his sister and he has some Words for her. For all his siblings, really.

Metta lets the ghosts out on purpose. If his siblings are wandering the world as ghosts, then A: they're okay, B: they can't hurt anyone, and C: he can persuade them to stop following Omnicron.

Omnicron's ghost gets annihilated.

There are no Tyrant Wars, or at least not for long. Metta doesn't share Deena's lack of trust in herself, but he does share all his sibling's powers. There's a new King of Monsters, and his true name is Metta. He seems to be doing a better job than the last one - but that is not exactly hard.

So yeah, roleswap au. Yes, I came up with all of this as I was writing this post. @tulipsnflowers you might appreciate this one

I'm not entirely sure about Metta putting himself at the forefront first time, because that means he's directly fighting his siblings. I'm also not sure if the canon n1 characters would come into this much. And I kind of want all the Children of Omnicron - or at least Deena? - to help Metta beat up Omnicron's ghost.

I might write this out into a fic someday, but I'd need to fill in a lot of holes in the plan, so No Guarantees.

(also this is kinda making me think of Tulip's n3 predictions)

[therplife]

Buddie RP starter!

Hey, so I really want to rp and this is a starter I had, if you like or reblog this I’ll message you, this is solely posted in the hopes  of rping. It’s not a fanfic or anything. There's not much point in reading if you're not interested. Also if you want to contact me directly, which I'd honestly prefer you can email me at roleplayxox96@gmail.com, or message me on Discord at cpf#1288.

(Possible TW for mental health issues and past suicidal thoughts. Instead of doing the lawsuit Buck decided to leave, because he wasn’t coping with any of it and he felt rejected- he doesn’t understand that Bobby was scared of him dying. He was close to completely giving up and he nearly went through with it. He joins the 126 in Austin and doesn’t tell anyone where he’s gone, though he left letters explaining that he needed to leave and that he’d come back someday. Eddie was visiting his family in Texas and they were visiting another family member in Austin. Christopher went out with one of his aunts and there was an explosion in the mall they were in.) Buck was doing better. So much better than he had been. The last year and a half had definitely been worth it, though there was always an ache in his chest. The feeling of loss. The loss of his family. Hopefully they’d understand. His letters had been vague he knew, but he’d tried to make it clear. And he really did plan on going home, maybe soon. Hadn’t he proven himself time and time again during his time in Austin? Bobby couldn’t refuse him now, he had a clean bill of health- or at least he had. Now he’d have to take a few weeks off due to smoke damage to his lungs and some nasty burns. He didn’t care though, they were worth it. So worth it for the boy curled up in his arms, still in his jacket. When he’d seen Christopher in the wreckage of that mall, half buried under some debris his heart had almost stopped. Then the boy had moved, had cried his name and he’d gone into autopilot. Get Christopher out. Get him to safety, to the hospital for a broken arm. And he’d done it, had given Christopher his mask and his jacket to protect him from the smoke and fire and he’d gotten his boy out of there, and they’d been rushed to the hospital. The doctors had wanted to separate them but Christopher had started screaming so they’d let them share the room, and they’d called Eddie to tell him that his son was in the hospital with the Firefighter who had gotten him out. And when Buck heard that door opening he shifted his grip on the now sleeping Christopher, his gaze landing on Eddie instantly. “Uh… hey. Long time no see huh?” his voice was rough and muffled by the oxygen mask they’d insisted on him using for now.

[aokozaki]

the post about genres you reblogged has us thinking about how much we fucking hate the term "walking simulator". Like, I dislike it both because it's obviously an extremely reductive take on what kind of game Gone Home and its progeny are, and also its origins lie in the reactionary backlash against this new and emerging genre ("those aren't REAL VIDEO GAMES they're WALKING SIMULATORS pushing their WOKE AGENDA on us!" blahblahblah), so I think the genre desperately needs some other clearer name.

Unfortunately it doesn't have one, and although I haven't really seen "walking simulator" in much active use in recent years, no one really has anything better to call these types of first-person story-driven exploration-focused games, besides labeling them a subset of "adventure games", which also feels wrong, because Firewatch and Dear Esther are obviously not the same fucking genre as Grim Fandango and Monkey Island, even if they do have roots that can be traced back that way the same way that the immersive sim genre can be loosely traced back to the parallel evolution of first-person shooters and dungeon crawling RPGs like Ultima Underworld.

We tried to make "first-person visual novels" happen in our social circles a few years back, but this didn't catch on among people we knew for a variety of reasons, and in hindsight I don't think it's a particularly great term either, it's just the best one I can think of (they are (usually) first-person games, they do sort of feel like novels, and they're not really cleanly ascribable as anything else, so...)

I don't know, I just hate the term "walking simulator" and I hope that at some point someday we come up with some better way to distinguish between all of these sorts of wildly varying narrative-driven contained sometimes puzzley experiences that isn't just shoving them all in the broad ill-defined box of "adventure games, I guess". I can hope anyway.

Anyway I guess my last comment on this is uh. It's not like a genre changing names to something that makes some fucking sense is impossible. After all, we eventually all collectively did away with the title of "Doom clone" and I don't see anyone quibbling over drawing lines between "shooting games like Doom" and "shooting games like Uncharted" and not really knowing how to set these apart in discourse. So yeah, hopefully these labels all similarly evolve somehow in ways that prove more helpful

A decent term for them is "Environmental Narrative Games", btw.

[pixeldistractions]

Gameplay notes on a broken, stinky camper:

They haven’t set off on their adventure quite yet, by the way. There’s a bit more story to go still. But this is a glimpse into their future to show off the camper, since I need an entire empty lot to park this thing on, and the camper shown in the previous story scenes is just deco.

Here is the camper build that they’ll actually live in. It’s a decent sized class-C motorhome. As Jordan said, it’s not really one of those cute little renovated #vanlife campers that Ingrid has her heart set on. (Like this one <- I am a total geek over this woman’s van life channel, lol!)

But maybe Ingrid will get hers someday.

This camper is old and run down, definitely in need of some renovation. Jordan is a handy guy, so I have no doubt he’ll keep it running. But creative or stylish, he is not. So he’s probably quite happy to make it smell better and just leave it be.

It’s off-grid, and doesn’t currently have any power or water capabilities, but he is welcome to upgrade those systems when he’s ready.

It’s off-grid, and a micro home on 32 squares. (33, actually, being 3x11, and I cheated out a block from the bathroom so it could remain in the smallest tier. 😉 )

I haven’t played with either of these lot types in gameplay before, and I’m super excited to try them! I’m also looking forward to the gameplay of bringing this camper to different locations and playing in some towns that I don’t normally play. But it’s a bummer that, more often than not, I’ll have to bulldoze an entire building to place it somewhere.

(OMG give us world editing tools!!!)

The lot challenges are filthy, gremlins, and creepy-crawlies. And because it was said to be very stinky in the story, I placed a few of these apartment problem stink clouds around to pop up and give them a bad surprise from time to time.

The whole camper, not counting the lot value of wherever it’s placed, is around $7000. Neither of them paid that much for it, or even have that much money to their names. I keep my sims broke, lol! But I do have a kind of personal gameplay rule that my sims can get a bonus “kaching” for each apartment problem or lot challenge they add, to help out with the purchase price. Because in game, lot challenges don’t make the lot any cheaper, even though they kind of should, in my opinion.

Then they would have to pay $1000 in “repairs” to get rid of the lot challenge or apartment problem, if they ever decide to.

(Sadly, I suspect my apartment problems are about to totally break with the new For Rent pack we’re getting, and I’m not sure I have the brain space or ability to fix them this time. Oh well, we had a good run with them, didn’t we? Hopefully someone with more skills and time can pick up the torch.)

Jordan imagines renovating this back room with a couple of bunk beds for his boys, for the hopeful occasion that Colette lets them come out to visit.

So, they’ll take this thing to a few locations on their way out to California, and then in a couple weeks, Jordan will end up in Sierra Nova to meet up with Maya for the climbing club she hosts through Tyler’s adventure park. The plan is that they’ll train for a season in Sierra Nova, then travel to Komorebi to train further and then attempt to summit, which is another bit of gameplay I haven’t tried before.

I am not going to attempt to wrangle any sort of road trip driving shots with this thing, or the deco object, either. We will use our imaginations!

(Oh, but how cool would a cars/road trip pack be, where we could own a camper and drive it from place to place? But I bet even if they made a pack like that, the campers would be rabbit holes like the tents are.)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #125

I'm still in a lot of pain today, but it's not quite as bad as it was yesterday. It's still a little hard to breathe, but I'm managing. Hopefully whatever's going on will be over and done with in just a few more days. I've taken some ibuprofen, though, and I'm well-hydrated. So don't worry about me, okay? I'll be just fine. 💖

I made myself a tea this morning. I made a toast-and-jam tea, and as a result of that, I get to show you one of the other ice creams I got! I'll show you the pictures I took…

This tea starts out as a beautiful shade of amber that resolves into a delicious shade of red:

This is the ice cream I put into it while it was still hot:

It's got a pretty drawing of a blackberry plant on the lid:

Here is what it looks like once the lid is taken off:

From there, we can put an amount of it into the tea until it feels correct:

Then once it's all melted, we can stir it up!

...I wonder if you would have liked how this turned out. I wish I could give you a mug and see...

I did my therapy homework today. In case you don't know, a good therapist is supposed to give the person seeing them homework to do over the week. Last week, he thought to capitalize on my tendency to write, and he asked me to write a letter to my inner child. And then he asked me to tap into my inner child and write back to myself.

It's generally in my nature to go above and beyond when people ask me to do things, whenever possible. And so I ended up writing three letters instead of just two. I ended up crying a lot during the process, but I came away from the exercise with a changed outlook on a variety of things. You can read what I wrote if you want to; it'll be the post just before this one. But if you're not interested, then that's okay too! 😊

I wonder if some such activity might benefit you. I imagine if you engaged your inner child with compassion, curiosity, and gentleness, it'd probably do you a world of good. I wonder what it would be like for you if you treated your inner child, and yourself generally, in the same tender, kindhearted way you treated the people you cared about, before your fall.

…You can return to that, you know. You can return to that anytime. And you can give your kindness and gentleness to people who are better able to reciprocate. Not everyone is going to treat you like a superhuman afterthought. I promise.

Anyway, in service to a renewed sense of resolve when it comes to caring for myself, I went ahead and got myself some soup and some macaroni and cheese with some yummy steak:

...Related, I think I'm going to try to make for myself the mac-and-cheese that my mother used to make. I am the only one who can make it for myself now, and I think I owe it to myself to figure it out. I will try to make a gluten-free version of it, so that Br can eat it, too. That's easy enough to do with brown rice noodles; it's basically indistinguishable from whole wheat pasta, in terms of its flavor and texture. Maybe I'll try to do that soon. And of course, when I do, you can count on me to walk you through the process so you can do it, too.

I also made it a point to sit for a while and watch one of my favorite cartoons. This one is called The Zeta Project; it came out when I was 11, which was... 23 years ago (wow, what the fuuuuck...). It's a beautiful show about a sentient robot named Zeta who was built to be a weapon, but who is trying to lead a life of peace. The government is trying to capture and reprogram him and put him back to work as a mindless killing machine. He's accompanied by a clever, savvy, and brave young girl named Rosalie. I really hope you'll watch this one someday; Zeta is very gentle and kind, and in a lot of ways, he reminds me a lot of you.

...The show was cancelled before it finished, though. I heard that it was because more girls liked it than the producers were comfortable with, so they pulled it off the air. I really hope they finish it someday. For now, though, the ending has to be left to the imagination. Zeta is beautiful, wonderful, and kind, so I like to imagine a course of events in which he can live in peace with Rosalie and with others who care for him.

...He really does remind me so much of you. I hope you'll look at his story. I think, in particular, you might find the episode called "Remote Control" relatable. You can find it at a place called... something like Watch Cartoons Online Forever? The first part is shortened to "wco", and it ends in ".net". Maybe you can find it...

Anyway. I took a bunch of other pictures for you today. One of them was taken at home because the morning light shining through the window was really nice. And when we visited Br's house today, I saw a great big huge bird-of-prey in the sky. I also took a bunch of pictures of Br's house, and the scenery outside. I thought you might like them. So here they are:

It's hard to take a picture of a moving object in a moving vehicle, but the black speck in the sky is the bird-of-prey I saw. I've seen an unusually large number of these lately. That, and crows. I wonder if the recent solar eclipse still has them kind of thrown for a loop. Hm.

Also, shortly after I did my therapy assignment, J took me out for a walk to decompress, and there was a crow in a tree that we've never seen crows in; our development is generally quite hostile to life (which is VERY unfortunate...), and hostile to crows in particular, because people don't like them (I've never understood why that is...). But he was sitting alone in the tree, making the "I'm with you" call; check out this video, at about the 40 second mark, and you'll hear what I mean:

...I can only imagine that this poor crow must have been very confused.

Here are some pictures of Br's house.

...I seem to have some sort of fixation with taking pictures of things outside of windows today. I'm not really sure why. But it turned out nice, so maybe the "why" doesn't really matter.

Oh!! I almost forgot!! A comet passed over my house last night. It's called the "Pons-Brooks Comet", or "Comet 12P". It only shows up once every 71 years. I wanted to see it, since I won't live long enough to see it again, but it was cloudy last night in the spot where it was supposed to be, so I didn't get to take any pictures. But J went online and found a live video that was tracking its movement; I can show you a screenshot that I took:

...It's not a very good picture, I know. But maybe you'll like it anyway; I don't know how often you get to see comets. Well, maybe you get to see them a lot, since you're over at the Edge of Creation and all, so maybe it's really not all that special to you. But maybe it can be special to you that someone would take the time to show you a picture of one anyway, if you want it to be.

Hey, Sephiroth? I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to stop writing before I end up rambling. Or maybe I rambled a little already, haha...

Please treat yourself nice, okay? I feel determined to treat myself nice, too. So let's do it together, all right? Because why not?

I love you. Stay safe. You'll get another letter tomorrow; just you wait.

Your friend, Lumine

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

I’ve finally decided to upload the whole fanfic on here this is the start of it if you’d like to see more just let me know I’ll post a chapter a day unless anyone ask for more I’m really proud of this I know there are mistakes and all but here we go

Angst involved it does get mature eventually but for now just fluff and angst

It was late the buzz of Manchester leaking through my bedroom window as I lay in bed on my laptop in the mist of an online game of Pub-G (lame I know ). I've been playing for hours. I was supposed to be going to bed at least 3 hours ago ,that was the plan as I've got School tomorrow but for some reason I can't bring myself to close the game for the night. Doing things to preoccupy my mind is all I've needed for the past two weeks I've started studying for my GCSE,s probably to finally complete them in a few weeks and I'm so stressed about them. I kept ending up in games with and user called GeoDan16 and if by fate we keep ending up as the last players in the game and battling one another. I've won 7 of the 11 games we have played. I've added his user in the lobby of the games and I'm just waiting to see if he adds me back , This was so I can possibly have someone to speak to as I play. It takes about ten minutes before the acceptance alert rings through my room , as my laptop, phone and IPad light up due to having the game on all of them for all occasions. Spotting the alert on the corner of my laptop screen I pick up my phone and swiftly type a message. Yes I know I'm using my laptop and I could message them there but it feels better to message on my phone and play on my laptop. I just type a simple

TrumanBlack: " Hey there ...... these games are wild . You played good tho ;)"

I then just put my phone back onto the bed next to me and decide I want to watch YouTube for a while and hopefully let sleep consume me. After racking through YouTube for a video to watch I come across "Daz Blacks latest video I click on it , select the big screen options and pause it before it starts. I place me laptop down next to me and slide from my bed and into my on suite so I can use the bathroom and brush my teeth for what feels like the 20th time tonight. I've smoked an excessive amount tonight and I don't understand why. Hearing my alert tone go off again I quickly finish up in the bathroom and make my way back to bed and see my notification my my phone screen "message from GeoDan16". I open my phone properly to read it

GeoDan16: "Yo :) , thanks , how many games was that ?"

Pulling my blanket back around me I press play on the YouTube video and sink into the heat of the mattress and softness of the duvet

TrumanBlack : "I believe it was 11 , and I won 7 LOSER"

GeoDan16 : "Uhhh...rude , I still won 4 so excuse me but you ain't the overall winner "

TrumanBlack : "No I'm maybe not but I still did better than you ;D "

I know this is probably weird to think as I don't even know this person but feel a buzz something that says I'm gunna love them , like I've known them years and we're just catching up

GeoDan16: "Were just going to have to have a winner takes all round someday huh....also Truman??, What kind of name is that it's kinda interesting is someone obsessed with the Truman show or something "

TrumanBlack : "Nah I just came up with the name when I was like ten and it sounded kinda edgy :D "

As I'm laying there my eyes start to feel heavy and I can feel them starting to drop and I yawn. But I try to ignore it so I can stay up a little longer and hopefully learn more about this person

GeoDan16: " So it's not your real name then ???"

TrumanBlack: "nope it's actually Matty , what about you , what's your actual name "

GeoDan16 : "Contrary to popular belief it's not geo or Dan ... the names George "

TrumanBlack: "George...That's an old guys name...how old are you....im not talking to some ancient man am I "

I laugh to myself because obviously I can't be he played well ...too well for an old guy BUT I've got to cover my tracks my mum always tells me to be more safe online

GeoDan16: "Nah man I'm 16....oldest in my year .... Year 10 what about you ...Matty is 100% not your full name what are you 12?... rebelling against anyone who calls you your full name "

TrumanBlack : "I'll have you know George that I'm actually 17 not 12 and no my full name is Matthew but I only get called that at school or when I've pissed my mum off or my best friend.....but also year ten so your from the UK then"

GeoDan16: "yeh southwest London ....Wbu "

TrumanBlack : "ay im from Manchester "

It's not very often you meet someone from the same continent as you this late at night on these games so this is quite cool

TrumanBlack: "why you up so late then Georgie???"

GeoDan16: "I ain't been called Georgie since I was 7 Matthew :D , also I just can't sleep it's soooo cold right now ....and you ?"

TrumanBlack : "just stressing about GCSE's man ....I know I'm not dumb but my maths and physics are gunna go down the drain and I don't wanna fail "

GeoDan16: "ahh I feel ya bro ....I've just started studying for my GCSEs too but your must be year 11 and going to be doing them soon right ?"

TrumanBlack : "yup they start in a few weeks "

My eyes are now struggling to stay awake and my screen has become a blurry mess as I attempt to keep my eyes open and without realising it my phone slides out of my hand onto the duvet and my eyes shut slowly

GeoDan16 ; "I could help if you like "

I don't see or hear this message come through as I'm too far gone and too tired to realise and I just fall asleep and hopefully dream of good things

GeoDan16 "g'night Matty "

[thefactsofthematter]

for the fic title game!

“i dream of you almost every night (hopefully i won’t wake up this time)

- @we-are-inevitable ✨

@we-are-inevitable i am taking this title very literally but i think you’re gonna like this one 😁

davey jacobs has a crush.

and it’s not that weird. okay? he’s not a creep or anything. he’s just a normal guy… with extreme social anxiety, who pretty much only talks to his parents and his therapist on the day-to-day, far too freaked out to interact with anyone else. he tries not to be too hard on himself about his social ineptness— he’s mentally ill, it’s a disability, and it’s not his fault— but he often finds himself frustrated with the situation.

he’s taking online university classes, he works from home doing simple stuff like data entry and surveys and typing captions/transcripts (so that he can just take jobs from a database and do them himself without needing to send pointless emails or make calls), and he rarely leaves his apartment. he’s been diagnosed with agoraphobia, among several other overlapping anxiety disorders. he truly wants to get better— he checks in with his therapist every single day and he’s genuinely making progress— but it’s hard.

a big step for him is that he’s started going out to get a coffee every morning. he mobile orders it from the shop on his block, so that he doesn’t need to talk to anyone, but he still gets to go pick it up himself. someday, he’ll try to move on to actually talking to the staff or buying a drink that isn’t black coffee, but he’s not quite there yet.

there’s this barista. jack, his handwritten name tag reads. he’s there every morning, looking utterly joyful— he seems to truly enjoy making good coffee and greeting people and pouring fancy latte art to impress everyone waiting for their drinks. he’s pretty, in a way that most people aren’t. he’s a normal-looking person, not necessarily a model or anything, but his confidence shines through so brightly that it makes it hard to look away from him. simply put, davey is awe-struck by this beautiful man.

he doesn’t talk to jack, doesn’t even quite make eye contact with him, but jack starts to recognize him. he never pushes davey to interact, but smiles at him as soon as he walks in and has his coffee ready and greets him with things like there he is! right on time! here’s the usual, dave— have an amazing day! and davey always catches himself thinking about jack on his way home. it doesn’t even make him nervous that jack notices him and talks to him, because he finds he sort of likes it.

and then he has a dream about jack. you see, in his dreams, davey isn’t so anxious— he can talk to people without his throat closing up, and he can go out and do things without the utter terror that tends to grip him when he deviates from his routine. it’s an escape from real life, and he often looks forward to living in that world for some brief relief. he has a dream where he decides to take his laptop to the coffee shop to sit there and work, and then jack comes over to talk to him, and they hit it off and exchange numbers.

the dreams don’t stop. almost every night, jack is there— or rather, this fantasy version of jack that davey’s lonely and anxious brain has invented. davey doesn’t actually know the guy past their daily customer-employee interactions, where jack has a one-sided conversation while davey forces a polite smile. in davey’s fictional world, though, they’re in love <3

there’s 2 ways this au could go from here. option one, davey tells his therapist, who helps him thoroughly unpack the unhealthy obsession and eventually, after that’s dealt with, encourages him to actually introduce himself to jack and see where real life takes him. it’s cute and sweet and it turns out they do make a very good pair.

option two (which i think you’ll like jac bc i know you love a toxic javid au) is that davey gets a little unhinged.

the obsession grows, and he doesn’t tell anyone about it. he finds jack’s social media, figures out where he lives and who he knows, and starts to piece together every bit of information that he can. it’s not like he’s going to use it for anything— that would be creepy. he’s obviously not a stalker or some kind of freak… he just likes jack. he likes knowing about him, likes seeing him every day, and loves seeing him in his dreams, where everything is coming together as realistically as possible. it’s not just at night anymore, no, he daydreams constantly about the life that he’s convinced he’s supposed to be living. if he weren’t such a shut-in, he’d be happy. he’d have jack. that’s how things should be.

i’ll leave it open to interpretation how far this goes— maybe the obsession fades and jack never finds out. maybe davey goes too far. he’s definitely not quite joe from you (which i haven’t watched but have heard enough about to know that this au is starting to have similar vibes) but he’s def got a creepy side to him. idk. i’m never actually going to write this, but i feel like it could make an interesting psychological horror kinda thing to go with this option 👀 feel free to use your imagination!!

[foxymoxynoona]

Omg. You had a surgery? Please be rested and take care of yourself. What surgery did you have btw? Is it too painful now?

Fun fact: this surgery for this type of rare tumor I guess has never been done before and my surgeon joked he's going to name it after me 😂😁 I'll put more info below the cut for those who don't want medical stuff on their TL.

I had a VERY large tumor in my small intestines --now confirmed to be totally benign, but no one understands how it got that big or why because it just doesn't happen. My surgeon couldn't believe I hadn't already had an emergency blockage, it was so big. It's also been taking all my blood and nutrients for a while, so my nutrition is, as they put it, "shitty." Mainly I just was aware I've had really really bad anemia for the past few years, and I was hospitalized in May with a hemoglobin of 5 (which you basically die under, that's so critically low.) They weren't sure what would be necessary to remove the tumor, so I had an open exploratory laparotomy where they basically just go in and figure it out, but we had expected I would need a whipple procedure which is a VERY risky precedure where they remove a bunch of your digestive organs and re-route what's left. (I can explain more why if anyone is curious, I learned a lot about it haha.) FORTUNATELY once they got in there, I didn't need the whipple! They were able to remove the tumor and only my gallbladder and a couple bile ducts along the way.

Even this was still a major surgery though with lots of risks and I've had a few complications that wound up lengthening my hospital stay. 2 days after surgery, I developed a leak which can be a fatal complication or need an emergency surgery to fix, so that was scary, but my body managed to maintain and fix it all on its own after some scary days and only minor assistive procedures! I kept having random white blood cell increases they feared were infections but then I'd fight them off. They also put me on IV nutrition through a PICC line to try and repair my malnourishment as best they could, but also because I can't eat a normal amount of calories yet, so my blood and nutrition levels are still not back to normal ranges but improving!

I finally got to come home after 13 days. It's still early recovery days and I'm still on soft food diet and strict rest and have follow up appointments and all that, but I'm doing a little better each day! It's been a really scary journey getting here, but hopefully things can continue to improve from here. The pain is pretty bad and I have a gnarly midline scar now but I'm coping and it's getting better and and someday soon I may feel better than I've felt in years so that would be really great! And hopefully no more scary life-threatening hospital stays or anemia!

[lunar-lair]

Oooo, can you tell me about "don't forget to preheat your oven" or "the stars fall from the sky"?

(Or both lmao your choice)

oooo i absolutely can!!! and ill do both of them for funsies :]

'Don't forget to preheat your oven!' is the first chapter of a fic called 'Note: Hands and Heart Are Required For The Following Recipe.', a fic i concepted out, started, and then never finished lmao. its an idea where donnie starts baking to outwit people who say making macarons is hard, that you cant do it with just a machine, and ends in him realizing baking can be an act of love that isnt attached to his usefulness in the family. the first chapter has a LOOOT of disaster twins content bc leo really like sweets, and its a door that opens into some vulnerability for him. plus donnie fucked up brownies the first time (didnt measure the oil properly, left some dry spots, used too much sugar and not enough cocoa, etc, that kind of thing; good news, though, it made him realize how complex baking was and got him interested) and leo was like 'sorry for making it obvious i didnt like it i didnt want you to feel bad abt that' and donnie went '??? i dont take criticism that-ohhh. you take criticism that easily. I See' bc leo projects real bad sometimes. anyways the idea of the name is like. when you need special equipment for a recipe. hands and hearts ARE special equipment, for donnie. he puts his heart into it bc what he bakes is a gift, and a therapy for himself too, and he has to use his hands in a way he never really has before. the concept is near and dear 2 me so hopefully ill come back to this one someday!!

the other one is the first chapter of a peepaw fic where casey jr fucking dies lmao. its called 'a spark snuffed out (a flame lit ablaze)', and the idea is that like. casey died so leo has to go back instead and at first hes like pain. misery. the world is awful how dare they take my son but then he sees these kids trying to do shit on his own and hes like ...i can keep them safe. there was purpose in me being here, there's something i can do. casey didnt get to come back to this better world but he didnt have to keep living for this challenge and the ones ahead, i cant believe the world forced me to face another day but he cant so i will instead. etc etc its that vibe. its the dark companion to hey darling, the sun will rise again, bc here the sun doesnt rise. an ember is replaced by a flame that swears to mourn its beloved forever instead. yknow. theres still light but the source is different