#hope that helps you understand!!
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wuntrum · 10 months ago
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happy tdov!! since i'm visible today, i wanted to let you know that i have a new comic and stickers available to help me raise money to get top surgery this year :')
read the comic digitally here (for as low as $1)
get a physical copy, some stickers, or all the above here
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inklore · 8 months ago
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i’ll just be having a normal night and then i remember how the first time colin kissed pen you can hear him panting into her mouth and then i’ll remember how every time he’s near her after that he can barely breathe or you can hear his heart pounding and then i’ll remember how he couldn’t even tell her his feelings during the ball because he literally could not breathe with her right there in front of him like she was stealing all his air again and the way he looks down at her mouth was like he so desperately wanted her to make his head stop spinning and fill his lungs with her because she’s consumed him and then i’ll remember–
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ellestray · 8 months ago
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elle's favorite ateez fics. f = fluff ; s = smut ; sg = suggestive ; a = angst. ✧ = absolute favorites, must read. (only adding notes for these few fics to ensure readability for the overall list!) word count in brackets. last updated: may 2nd, 2024
authors; if you wish to be untagged, please let me know!
currently no individual fic for hongjoong, yeosang & jongho. please refer to the OT8 section, or come back for future updates!
성화 SEONGHWA
✧ [11,1k] plastic flowers — @bobateastay ( f ; s ; a ) ↪ note: this fic revolves around abortion, so please keep this in mind before reading. i read this on a flight— and i don't know if it was the altitude, but it broke me. the author beautifully wrote this, in a way where unconditional love, hope and pain are intertwined. one of the most pleasantly surprising and touching reads i've had on this platform by far.
✧ [2,3k] essence — @hwaightme ( f ) ↪ note: this one is for the poetic, hopelessly romantic fics lovers. everything i've read from this author was beautiful so far! the poetry in this fic was so pretty that i felt the need to share it to my friends... although i usually never share fics out of tumblr. i'm excited to read through more of your writings, bai!
[1,2k] the first snow and being in love — @i-luvsang ( f )
[884] 02:36 — @hwapetals ( f )
[642] adoration — @kisshwa ( f ; sg )
[8,6k] both — @hwaightme ( s ; f )
[200] 10:24pm — @hotteoki ( f )
[986] anguish — @kisshwa ( a )
[n/a] bf texts — @hotteoki ( f )
[79] 9:22pm — @cozykpopblurbs ( f )
[1,6k] i'll be with you — @cheollipop ( f )
[519] lazy make out sessions — @crazyforhwa ( s )
[1,2k] realistic sex — @byuntrash101 ( s ; f )
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윤호 YUNHO
✧ [13k + 18,2k] unprofessional attraction ; pt.1 , pt.2 , [tbc] — @jk97 ( f ; s ; a ) ↪ note: i was so engulfed into this fic that i skipped a lecture to continue reading. fics that are heavier nsfw-wise usually aren't my thing, but here, every single line pulled me in. hell, i felt even more insane about yunho after reading this. saying i'm excited about the next chapters would be an understatement.
✧ [14k] closer, face down — @ncteez ( s ; f ) ↪ note: again, although i usually prefer fluff over smut, i absolutely loved this fic... the build up made it so enticing! i don't know if a re-edit still is in the works, but i'd absolutely re-read it regardless!
✧ [84,5k] project: make you love me (series) — @hwaslayer ( f ; a ; s ) ↪ note: pulled an all nighter to read the entire series in one go... it was that fun to read! the relationship was built up at a nice, natural pace, while still keeping the reader on their toes. (this made me very excited about the seonghwa series in progress..!)
[1,1k] bedfellows — @sungbeam ( f )
[1,3k] he knows he loves you — @honeyhotteoks ( f )
[2,5k] convenience store chances — @ohmyamor ( f )
[n/a] boyfriend texts — @koizekomi ( f )
[300] nothing sweeter — @i-luvsang ( f )
[1,1k] nsfw alphabet — @yunhobug ( s )
[425] 3:52am — @edenesth ( f ; sg? )
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산 SAN
✧ [3,7k] leave the window open — @sungbeam ( f ) ↪ note: so sweet. so comforting. the kind of heartwarming fic that feels like hot cocoa on a cold winter day. (also made me feel insane about san... but let's not talk about that.)
[1k] always available — @everyonewooeverywhere ( f )
✧ [1,6k] capturing us — @03jyh23 ( f ) ↪ note: another sweet, poetic, hopelessly romantic fic— my favorite kind! finding fics like these always feels like discovering a little treasure. looking forward to all the wips!
[n/a] boyfriend texts — @koizekomi ( f )
[2,6k] take a break - @cheollipop ( f ; s )
[249] 21:23 — @petitemingi ( f )
[350] boyfriend headcanons — @i-luvsang ( f )
[600] one more minute — @seonghwaddict ( f )
[1,3k] no strings, no expectations — @seonghwaddict ( a ; sg ; f? )
[468] stretch marks — @beenbaanbuun ( f )
[475] valentine's series : movies — @whimsicalwritingsandmore ( f )
[n/a] instagram stories with bf san — @lwtqts ( f )
[371] hold me — @cheeseceli ( f )
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민기 MINGI
[800] untitled — @cheollipop ( a ; f )
[2,8k] mind over matter — @mingisaddctn ( s )
[256] 23:22 — @petitemingi ( f )
[1k] 23:46 — @seonghwaddict ( f )
[447] princess treatment — @cheeseceli ( f )
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우영 WOOYOUNG
✧ [1,2k] broke you heart, i'll put it back together — @dairyminki ( a ; f ) ↪ note: loved this so much that i had to read it twice. something about wooyoung hopelessly in love wanting to fix this... name twin, if you're reading this, hi- i'd be seated for a part 2 if you ever have the time to write it!
[2,2k] vacation — @bobateastay ( f ; s )
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OT8
[700] when you don't say i love you back — @jjunberry ( f )
[2,4k] romance tropes — @beenbaanbuun ( f )
[n/a] situationships (texts) ; pt.1 , pt.2 — @yunhoszn ( f )
[2,9k + 3k] as boyfriends ; hyung line , maknae line — @honeyhotteoks ( f : s )
[n/a] sex ban (texts) — @kisshwa ( sg ; f )
[n/a] sending you a pic of themselves (texts) — @bombuni ( f )
[1,3k] outfit turn-ons — @starillusion13 ( sg )
[1,2k] make-up sex — @nateezfics ( f ; a ; s )
[944] showering — @seonghwaddict ( f ; sg )
[1,6k] as boyfriends — @atiny-moon ( f ; sg )
[2,5k] that one specific habit they do that highlights their love language — @sanhwaism ( f )
[1,1k] top 3 kinks — @seonghwaddict ( s )
[2,8k] making out — @sxcret-garden ( sg ; f )
[n/a] asking them to draw a flower (texts) — @eightmakesonebraincell ( f )
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if any link is broken, or if i made any mistake when tagging fics— please kindly let me know!
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jiraisupportgroup · 8 days ago
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I’ve seen a lot of comparing of trauma in the community lately
If you get a cut on your finger you still need to clean and bandage it. You wouldn’t sit there looking at it and say “well it isn’t a gunshot wound so I can just ignore it”.
Maybe you do ignore it and it goes away on its own after a while, but it takes much longer to heal. Maybe you do ignore it and it gets infected and begins to cause other issues.
Sure, it’s not a gunshot wound and it won’t need surgery like a gunshot wound would, but it still needs to be cleaned and bandaged, and it will still leave a scar.
Even if it’s not as bad as it could be, it’s still not good; it’s still going to affect your life, and it still deserves to be acknowledged and taken seriously.
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shalom-iamcominghome · 4 months ago
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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letsplaythermalnuclearwar · 2 months ago
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tbh I think Calypso views herself as Odysseus's rest and reward. like, she's the comfort in a hurt/comfort fic. she's the therapy saga. and honestly, a lot of her actions make sense when you look at it like that.
Odysseus is traumatised and scared and hurting. and she understands that. she's so understanding that she doesn't take it personally when he yells or screams or begs -- trauma makes it hard to regulate emotions, after all. he'll calm down in a little bit.
she's so understanding that she's not even hurt when he rejects her advances. he's been alone for so long that he's scared of intimacy now. but she doesn't let that discourage her. he'll get used to the idea eventually.
she's so understanding that she doesn't give up on him, even when he talks and talks and talks about his wife and son. obviously he wants to go back to them, but what he wants isn't what's good for him. that's fine, he doesn't need to know what's good for him yet. that's what she's for.
she's so understanding that she doesn't even let it upset her too much when Ody stands too close to the edge and stares out at sea below like its calling to him. it's okay. she can catch him if he falls.
sure, they're relationship isn't what she's dreamed about for centuries -- real relationships never are that perfect. her Ody has a lot of healing to do. and she'll make sure she's with him through it all.
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bruciemilf · 2 months ago
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Re: your most recent ask YESSS SAY UT LOUDER!!!!!!!! BRUCE LITERALLY STOOD BY HIS PARENTS MURDERER'S BEDSIDE WHILE HE DIED BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE WHO WOULD!!!!! BATMANS COMPASSION AND EMPATHY IS SUPPOSED TO DEFY BELIEF, ITS SUPPOSED TO BE BEYOND COMPREHENSION!!!!! HE IS THE LODESTONE FOR EVERY ROBIN, THEIR GROUNDING FORCE, THEIR MORAL TRUE NORTH!!!!!
Yeah!!! To me, Bruce is not moral creature. He’s a virtuous creature
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fudgelling-away · 1 year ago
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Let's get straight to the point. Some of my posts have been reblogged with demeaning tags. And yes, I can tell if it's playful bickering or plain nastiness just fine.
I like playful. I do not like angry and condescending.
Now, I wouldn't care if those were sent to me as a private message, but tags are read. by. other. people.
Do not dare to use my art to shame other people.
And if you think I am or anybody is oversensitive (I hate that term) - people look into entertainment for a reason. Life is hard. Everybody suffers one way or another. Many people are hanging by a thread. You never know what will make somebody snap. Life is not safe, so we go and try to find a little safe spot for ourselves with some nice people. When you get attacked there, it hurts.
I remember how it feels to be vulnerable and have the thing you enjoy soiled. I remember the exact moment I left one of my previous fandoms as a child and how ashamed it made me feel. It was like 10 years ago, but I remember what was said and who said it. Nobody was speaking up. There were friends, yes, but silent when something was happening, because they were afraid to be shamed as well.
Years later I have my voice now and I'm going to speak, be it through text or art. And if my work makes at least one single person smile and feel validated, then all the hours I have spent on it have been worth it. It's always worth it.
That's why I do not tolerate pointless cruel mean comments, no matter how small or mild. Get your negativity elsewhere and fix your issues so you don't keep spreading it.
And that is the only rant I am going to post on this blog.
Only more fluff from now on ♡
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little-pondhead · 11 months ago
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The Curse Of Hope
_
Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.
The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.
“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”
That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.
Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.
“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.
The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.
“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”
Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.
The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”
Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.
-Or-
Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.
Luckily, Danny can provide that help.
But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.
#dpxdc#pondhead blurbs#Gotham is very lanky and tall and had dozens of necklaces around their neck#the necklaces are just cords filled with lost things the citizens have lost over the years#like bits of glass or wedding rings or hag stones made from a destroyed gargoyle#actually I have a weird picture of Gotham in my head I might draw it#it’s giving Bloodborne to me but idgaf#basically Danny meets Gotham and is trying to convince them to go with him for medical help because what the fuck#those curses are the equivalent of leaving hundreds of leeches stuck to your body for ten years#Danny is BEGGING Gotham to come with him#there’s potential for angst but if you want crack then Danny probably replaces Gotham#I think there’s already a similar fic where he becomes the new spirit of Gotham but I haven’t read all of that#anyways the Batfam are like#invasive animals that are actually helping the ecosystem recover from an even WORSE invasive species#but they aren’t supernatural heroes and they don’t understand that the issue is deeper#I’m calling this the Curse of Hope because Danny is offering hope to Gotham#but Gotham is just so tired and sick and hurt that they don’t want to risk it#they think Danny is another curse come to plague them#should he just straight up adopt the city at this point?#idk it probably depends on how it’s written#sad course is to let Gotham die. happy ending is where they are treated and returned#crack ending probably has Danny adopting the city and introducing them to his own city spirit Amity Park#oh shit is that a new ship#guys please I can’t keep doing this#Gotham City x Amity Park#how the fuck do you come up with a name for that#Burger Joints?#Wet Pavement?#bro idk I’m putting this down before I make something I might regret#low key wanna write this but like. I have so much to do
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moongothic · 6 months ago
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Madoka is the promise you won't turn from a child, full of hopes and dreams and the wish to save the world, into a bitter adult who just wants to hurt others and ruin people's lives
Madoka promised to be there for you to remind you of the person you wanted to be and to stop you from becoming what you sought to destroy
Madoka made that promise and became the very embodiment of it
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mayasaura · 2 years ago
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It's not missing Harrowhark that makes Kiriona the saddest girl in the world. Or at least, it's not just the lack of Harrow.
She fought all her life to escape the Ninth, fueled by the conviction that there was a better world waiting for her if she could just get out. As a kid, that was the fantasy of a super cool and important parent who could rescue her and punish the people who hurt her. Later, it was believing that as soon as she rescued herself, she would prove to everyone how awesome she was. She would make herself a hero, and she would be so valued and useful even Harrow would have to admit it.
Now she has every status symbol she ever yearned for, and none of it means anything. None of it feels good. She's escaped, and it turns out there was no better world waiting for her. Kindness is rare, and the people who show it die meaningless violent deaths. The rest of the universe has proved itself to be almost as cold and dark and isolating as the Ninth, filled with horrors she'd never imagined.
Kiriona Gaia is the saddest girl in the world because she's lost hope. She has everything she ever wanted, and it all sucks. So what is there left to want? What is there left to fight for? What is there left to live for?
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h20milk · 8 months ago
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wtfrick!
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to-be-a-dreamer · 8 months ago
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I just think that Kristen "I was my God's chosen one and I met him and he adored me but he wasn't what I needed and I didn't like the kind of divinity my church had turned him into so I left and created a pantheon dedicated to the lost and the confused and the hurt because no one should have to feel the way I did" Applebees and Ostentatia "My God barely knew my name and I met him and he was dismissive of me but he loved me and always provided what I needed and when I looked at him I only saw my father so I helped him because no one should be left to drown under their burden when all they need is a little help" Wallace should meet and be friends and maybe kiss on the mouth
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does-it-introject · 2 months ago
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QUEUE CHECKLIST
[pt: Queue Checklist /end pt]
... will get updated every once in a while! Also hidden below the cut due to the amount of requests!
In the queue waiting is:
Spider Gang (Music Collective)
Silent Hill (Universe)
Helldivers 2
The Magnus Archives
Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU)
DC Cinematic Universe
My Demon (Kdrama)
Needy Streamer Overload
Stardew Valley
Honkai Star Rail
Hellpoint
Alien vs. Predators
Cookie Run (Franchise)
OneShot
Critical Role
Castlevania
Markiplier Cinematic Universe
Gravity Falls
Palworld
Stray Kids (Kpop)
Soul Eater
Bendy And The Ink Machine (Universe)
Shakespeare
Ace Attorney
Kid Icarus
Slimecicle Cinematic Universe
Signalis
LGBTQ+
Kancolle
Loop SMP
Parkour Civilization
Warframe
Jacksepticeye Cinematic Universe
Sherlock BBC
Dimension 20
Friends (/factives, not the show)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)
Tiger X Bunny
Just Shapes And Beats
Puyo Puyo
Tale Of The Nine Tailed
Wuthering Waves
Alter Ego (Mobile Game)
Warhammer
What Remains Of Edith Finch
My Little Pony
Rabbit And Steel
GrayStillPlays
Magic The Gathering
Epic The Musical
Azur Lane
Magical Girl Raising Project
Nevermore (Webtoon)
Destiny 2
Numbers
Remnant II
Vermintide I and II
Mr. Robot
Severance
Sailor Moon
Eddsworld
Kingdom Hearts
Dead By Daylight
Arknights
Kamen Rider
Ni No Kuni
Arrow (TV Show)
Nimona
RWBY
I'm The Grim Reaper (Webtoon)
Welcome To Demon School Iruma-kun! (Mairimashita Iruma-kun)
Call Of Duty
Plants Vs Zombies (Original Game)
#Actually Plural (The Tag)
The Concept Of Math
The Evillious Chronicles
Cry Of Fear
Kingdom Hearts
Family Members
Resident Evil (Franchise)
Lego Ninjago
Five Nights At Freddys (Rerun)
Umbrella Academy
Professor Layton
Helluva Boss
I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream
Zenless Zone Zero
JoJos Bizarre Adventure
Steven Universe
Warrior Cats
Fight Club (Rerun)
Bojack Horseman
Battle For Dream Island
Spongebob Squarepants
House MD (Show)
Team Fortress 2
RanFren
Colors
Land Of The Lustrous
NomNomNami Games (Collectively)
Pressure (Roblox)
The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC)
The Coffin Of Andy And Leyley (TCOAAL)
Ic3speak (Band)
Baldurs Gate 3
Ensemble Stars / Enstars
Star Wars (Franchise)
Kirby (Franchise)
The Batfam
Tokyo Mew Mew
The Beatles
Osomatsu-san
Undertale AUs (generally)
Apps (like, on the phone)
Welcome Home
Dead Poets Society
Zero Day
Voices Of The World
ContentSMP (by DoctorR4t)
BigTop Burger (Show)
The Hunger Games
Doors (Roblox)
Percy Jackson
Shin Megami Tensei
Lucifer (Show)
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varyathevillain · 2 years ago
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no joke but what I really want for Buddy Daddies as a fandom is to make fanart and fanfic post present time ep12 where Rei wears an arm orthosis when working.
I think varied disability aids being represented would be fantastic, and personally would write Rei as someone being deeply proud of something he's done for his family, but also understanding with time that using an orthosis also helps him at work and in raising Miri. with a giant portion of mobility/motorics aids being represented by prosthetics, seeing more variety and exploring it in fiction would also help making a step in normalising disability treatments.
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viperwhispered · 9 months ago
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Too Hard
Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.
The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.
What a stupid thought to have because of you.
Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.
So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.
“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.
Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.
On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.
Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?
“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”
Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.
His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.
Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.
After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.
If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.
The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!
For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.
After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.
Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.
Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?
Could you possibly-
Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.
He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-
Jamil froze in his tracks.
The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.
Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.
Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.
Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.
Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?
Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.
What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?
Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.
He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.
Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.
“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.
“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.
As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.
And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.
Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.
All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.
“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.
Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.
Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?
Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.
Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.
“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.
Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.
“Hmm. Maybe he will.”
Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?
Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.
How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?
“You know-”
“So-”
You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.
Even your surprised look was so-
“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.
“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.
“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”
He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.
“No. It is not.”
You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.
Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?
“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.
“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.
Wait.
Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?
The thought twisted his stomach into knots.
Eta: you can find part 3 here, part 4 here, and finally part 5 here. Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)
#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#twisted wonderland x reader#jamil viper x reader#ner writes#jamil definitely knows how to deal with his feels#also writing this is making me wonder how aware jamil is of his inner versus outer life#like he’s very aware of how he comes across because that’s what he’s been told to watch out for#but how well has he truly learned to understand himself and his own feelings wants etc?#(I mean as you can tell I’m assuming not very well)#originally this went to more of a “jamil hears just the wrong part of the conversation” route but#a) I kinda hate that trope especially when it’s dragged on beyond belief and#b) Kalim maybe doesn’t want to spill anyone’s secrets but he really is such an open book especially with Jamil so#also it’s not like jamil needs the extra help to catastrophize he already does that well enough on his own 🙃#tho then I went a little too far in the other direction and had to pull back#but let's just hope I didn't edit this to death by now#also also: since I seem to have a bit of a naming theme going on for this series#if I were to be the sort to go for the angst route what part would definitely be titled Too Late or something along those lines#also x3 but loved folks commenting on that part about reader being inoffensive in the first part#I certainly had fun writing that line#(and in general extra love to everyone who leaves comments on tags replies wherever always great to read those)#(and in general chat with y'all)
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